#and also that like i dont hold it against them it just hurts in fhe moment and i think it would be better

[bandofchimeras]

don't know how to explain to people I love lots I feel constantly bitterly disappointed with how little care or checking in is done in my direction in the connection while also being hyper aware all these motherfuckers are autistic and I often fail in the same way with no ill intent, only burnout or hyperfocus. double standard bruh

#and also that like i dont hold it against them it just hurts in fhe moment and i think it would be better #if they knew that? #i simply feel my needs are unreasonable and unrealistic especially for other neurodivergent folks so #its a constant negotiation #and also i hate being caretaken or over checked #i just dont feel like many of us learn how to be real ans come into the present moment together #with grace and patience #and i do try my best to practice providing that space #but i get so tired #maybe im being self centered #its just a thing i need to unlearn low self worth #like please show me thru action that i am worth your time #or at least your communication about your availability #idk im trying to just let go of bad fits ans focus on the good people but that process is still painful #cPTSD #sucks! #recovery #PDA #pda autism