#and also was the one who sent her out for her cancer referrals (i love my family but holy shit we're cursed)

[roseband]

...

#i don't know why but three days later i feel like.. .weird uneasy about my pulmonologist appointment #LIKE i felt so relieved after the appointment wednesday and now i'm second guessing it and being like.. .but am i ok doe??? #bc he was like rlly lax about everything and after catscan he's certain that the increased artery pressure in my lungs is from my heart #being a little wonky and pumping back some blood the wrong way #and not from the artery itself which... it's not the /dangerous bad gonna kill you/ type #(which is what my cardio said too) #but with how both my cardiologist and gyno reacted to that echo result im like... uh hhh should i be seeing a different lung doctor #i mean i gotta go back to the lung doctor in 6 months for a repeat of the lung function and stress test to see if results are same #idk?????? like i saw my gyno in passing for a prescription refill and he had 0.0 face about that result #cuz my pulmonary pressure on my echo was 41.........and i was warned by my cardio that that's shanking borderline #and the pulmonary doctor didn't even mention SHANK like did i need to be shanked??? #like id rather be shanked if it confirmed that my lungs won't make me throw a clot thank u very much multiple relatives of mine have #had strokes and they SUCK #i see him next wednesday for my 6 months checkup which... im planning to have a long discussion about my pills with him #bc he's SO weirdly protective of me bc he dealt with the fallout of my mom's stroke 30 years ago #and also was the one who sent her out for her cancer referrals (i love my family but holy shit we're cursed) #like i've been seeing him for a decade tho... so i trust him fully..... LOL #so i'll just mention this to him too... cuz also like... heart valve wonk also affects if i wanna have bio kids #(also doctor that deals with babies may know of a different gene place i can go to bc im on waitlists lol) #wow i lik....e.... kermit... this is not fair LOL... #i should just trust the lung doctor... but i will ask my hooha doctor about what the lung doctor said to be safe LOL #personal

[hasufin]

Shiro, a cloud that purrs, 2009-2024

In August of 2009, my then-girlfriend and I had been discussing getting a third cat. We had one cat - Maurice - who was an older tabby with a heart condition. And we had a younger tortoiseshell, Ashes, who was kind of rambunctious and kept pestering Maurice. So we thought it might be nice to have another younger cat to keep Ashes occupied and let Maurice have a peaceful retirement.

A friend of my girlfriend heard about someone who found some kittens, and we pretty spontaneously said "sure!". My girlfriend departed from a party we were having at our house with a cat carrier, and returned with this little ball of fluff.

He was a handful. And so, so so energetic. At the time my girlfriend was playing the video game "Prince of Persia", which lets your character run on vertical surfaces if you're going fast enough.

Shiro would do that.

Now, the original plan pretty much completely failed to pan out: Ashes hated Shiro; she saw him as a replacement for her. Andfor his part Shiro - who was actually sweet to every other cat he met, including on one occasion a bobcat, was hostile to Ashes.

But, that said, they did tolerate each other and Shiro grew into a handsome long-haired cat.

With a tail that was bigger than him.

Shiro was, I must emphasize, a "back porch special". But in every respect he was a Turkish Angora. He had the soft, kittenish coat. The smart, curious demeanor. The odd-colored eyes. The love of high places. The friendliness but close bonding with a chosen human. If I didn't know he wasn't a purebred, I'd think he might be.

He was always there to greet me at the door, and he if I sat down, there he would be.

I knew he was getting older, but this all started in mid-October when I noticed him wheezing.

Wheezing is Very Bad for cats.

I took him into to the emergency vet. They found he had fluid in his lung cavity. Their tentative diagnosis was congestive heart failure, which causes fluid buildup in the chest. This gets a lot of cats, and he had dealt with it before: it's what took Maurice. So I didn't panic. This is treatable, and while it's fatal it would be a couple of years down the road. They drained the fluid and sent me off with some drugs and a referral to a cardiologist.

That weekend, he was wheezing again, and just wasn't any more energetic. I went to take him in again, but my usual vet was full and could not take in any more patients with lung issues. I took him to another veterinary hospital, VCA Southpaws. That was, it turns out, a very good call.

They determined he did not have CHF, but rather the fluid buildup was due to a twisted lung lobe (cats have 7 lobes in each lung). It had twisted and was impinging on another lobe. This was terribly rare, and required immediate surgery. Fortunately, we had him insured and once that was approved, we had a very long night waiting to hear the outcome of the surgery.

Aside from being expensive and rare, that was one of the best possible major medical issues: treatable with a single surgery, no ongoing medication, no special concerns in the future.

But.

Because VCA Southpaws is a specialist hospital, and frankly has a higher standard of care than the majority of human hospitals I've visited, I also had them look into an ongoing issue we'd had which our regular vet had brushed off: for the past year Shiro had a massively increased appetite and concurrent weight loss. We were feeding him about 3x as much food as normal and he was only maintaining weight.

Well, the truth is, we never really found out for sure what caused that. But what we did find was lymphoma. That is, cancer.

Now, without going into too many details, there were many junctures in which it might have been one thing which wasn't so bad, or another thing which was very bad. In Shiro's case, at every juncture it was the worse possibility, and it was - as befits a cat who is an incredible statistical rarity in every other respect - the rarest version. As I understand, the body of work for his particular kind of cancer in cats - high grade, non-localized lymphoma with no specific tumors - is basically Shiro. A non-specialist would not even have had the tools to diagnose it. Moreover his presentation was "highly atypical".

Unfortunately, the weirder the cancer, the harder it is to treat. I knew some about cancer, but I learned more. Cancer is all about statistics. And here's a statistic for you: 50% of all feline lymphomas are resistant to treatment. That means you can give them the best care possible, and in about half of cases that will just not mean a thing.

The first chemo protocol didn't help. The second chemo protocol didn't help. We got to the third chemo protocol - a particularly nasty synthetic form of what is known as "The Red Devil" but actually broader and more cytotoxic - but his hematocrit was dropping. He'd been losing weight since October, and having a hard time eating, but at that point his hematocrit was only 14% (a healthy cat's should be in the 30s). We authorized a transfusion, which got it up to 22%, and then he began the third chemo fallback.

Unfortunately, on Tuesday he only ate a very little of his breakfast, and nothing after that. By evening I was deeply worried and we took him back to the hospital. His hematocrit had in five days fallen to 17%. This was incredibly bad; it meant that the cancer had infiltrated his bone marrow and he could not rebuild his blood supply.

At that point we only had bad options.

We could have him given another transfusion and a feeding tube. However, that would only buy him a few days and he would be utterly miserable.

We could take him home, where he would die within a day or so.

We opted to not prolong his misery.

Shiro died in my arms, purring, shortly after 10:30 pm on January 2nd, 2024.

Goodbye, Shiro. You were a better kitty than I ever dreamed I could have.

[gremlinsae]

My Story + Current Situation

I don't know how to begin this post. To be honest, what I'm about to tell y'all may not help me out in any way other than giving me an outlet to vent. Fair warning, this is going to be a long post and I may ramble a bit but I'll add a tldr; at the end. 

Sigh.

Let me start from the beginning.

My name is Stacey. I turn 25 years old on April 24th, 2019.

My story begins when I was 19 years old - a freshman at my local university. I was finishing up my first year of my undergraduate program in Biology, aiming to get a Masters or PhD in Genetics. I had many accomplishments; I was awarded a scholarship because of my GPA, a group project I was a part of won 1st place in a writing competition because our independent research paper was the best, and I was just living life and working on my future. I had to take the bus everywhere, I was moving around a lot, and I was working out regularly at my university's gym. One day, as I'm walking to the bus stop, it felt like my right hip popped out of place and then slammed back in. 

At the time, it was a minor inconvenience. It hurt, yes, but it mostly just left me sore and it went away with some rest so I didn't think much about it. 

I started questioning it more when it happened again over summer break. I was at a friend's house playing D&D when I felt an acute grinding sensation in my right hip joint as I stood up to get me a soda. This time, the pain was significantly worse - sharp and it took longer to go away. I started thinking that I was developing arthritis as my dad also got it young. 

It took a while to happen again...but when it did, it got to a point where I couldn't ignore it at all.

I had picked up a seasonal job at Macy's. My first day on the sale's floor was Thanksgiving night going into Black Friday. We were understaffed and it was hell, but I made it through my shift which ended at 2:00 AM. A co-worker came to me and asked if I could pick up her shift the following morning and I took it because I wanted to work. On Black Friday, I started feeling that grinding sensation in my hip again but I worked through it - blowing it off as simple arthritis. I believed rest would help.

That following Saturday, I had another 8 hour shift but this time it was in juniors which was the busiest area. I was moving around a lot, had to bend over to pick things up off the floor, and I'm not even going to get into the mess left in the dressing rooms. Towards the end of my shift, I was limping. The grinding sensation only got worse and suddenly my hip was locked up. I could barely move and when I did I experienced sharp intense pain. I left an hour early because I could no longer do my job. I thought maybe I just picked up too many hours, so I decided to take the rest of the weekend to rest.

But the pain didn't go away with rest. I was in pain for 2 weeks straight, hardly able to walk, before I finally went to see a doctor. I limped my way to the university health center and scheduled an appointment. The lady who saw me performed a simple hip exam. I wasn't able to walk much, so she mostly checked my hip flexion. Off the bat, I knew that I had lost some range of motion as we could barely bring my knee to my chest without pain. The fun part happened as she was guiding my leg back down.

My femoral head caught on my hip bone. It was audible, and yes it hurt.

She had a look of shock as she said, "You are way too young for this." 

I was prescribed diclofenac for the inflammation and cyclobenzaprine (flexeril) to relax my muscles and help me sleep through the pain. That same night, my mom took me to the ER and I had a x-ray done on my hip. The radiologist said that there was a slight chance I had femoroacetabular impingement (FAI) (in layman's terms: the bones are misshapen) on both hips, but would need more imaging to truly determine a diagnosis. I was prescribed hydrocodone (vicodin) for about a week to try and manage the pain until I could get insurance and see a specialist. 

That's where the fun part started.

Since I turned 19 that year, I was no longer covered under CHIPS Medicaid. I applied again, but was told that I do not qualify because I didn't have any children.

Yeah...you read that right. The state of Texas does not extend benefits to anyone over 19 without children. 

My only choice was a county program that helps low income people get medications and treatment so they can get back to work. I wasn't able to apply until months later (a combination of not having my own transportation, busy schedules, and my mom trying to convince me that I would be denied.)

I was 20 years old when I finally found a doctor (we'll call him Dr. D) that could help me figure out what was going on in my hip joint. He took it seriously - performed another hip exam and ordered several lab tests. We checked everything under the sun: cancer, rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, etc. He got me on physical therapy, changed out my diclofenac to meloxicam (mobic), ordered me an MRI, and referred me to an orthopedic specialist to determine how we needed to move forward.

The MRI I had was without contrast. The result was greater trochanter bursitis, or inflammation of the bursa which are sacs filled with synovial fluid that help cushion joint movement. 

When I saw the specialist in November of 2014, the chronic bursitis was the sign that something was definitely wrong with my hip. I was only 20 years old with no traumatic injury. Chronic bursitis is not common in someone that young, so he ordered me an MRI with contrast so that they could have better imaging of my joint. My husband's grandparents paid the $932 to get it done in December and it was honestly one of the worst things I had ever gone through. When they injected the dye into my hip, the numbing agent didn't work and it hit a nerve HARD and my entire body convulsed. They injected more of the numbing agent, but that also didn't work so again my entire body convulsed as they tried to get the dye in. The third time worked because they decided to give me a stronger numbing agent...but it messed my hip up. I walked funny for three days.

When I finally saw the specialist again about the results (several months later because of an issue with scheduling), not only did I have bursitis but they also confirmed that I had cam type FAI (layman's terms: the deformity is on the femoral head) and a 9mm labral tear. 

Since the condition was causing joint damage, the answer was surgery.

I was sent back to my primary care physician's office, but unfortunately Dr. D wasn't available so I saw a different doctor. (This may seem irrelevant, but it is actually very important.) I told her EXACTLY what the specialist told me, which was that I needed to get sent to San Antonio or Galveston in order to get treatment. 

The referral was denied.

I was assigned a new doctor. We'll call him Dr. S. He told me about the denial when I had asked about it during an appointment for a different issue. I remember crying because I had no idea what to do. I was only 21 years old - I didn't know how to navigate the medical system! Plus, I was very very broke. I won't go into too much detail, but I was forced to move out of my parent's because my dad is irresponsible and I was put in a massive amount of credit card debt because my own mother stole my identity and I ended up having to pay the bill for it because my mom was diagnosed with cancer and couldn't work anymore. 

(This is only surface level by the way. The last 5-6 years have been absolute hell.)

That summer I was working two jobs. I had a GoFundMe page and I was just trying to save up enough money to possibly get me on an insurance plan to cover the surgery. I came home every night limping and crying, my husband having to half carry me and help me get into a hot bath just to try and bring the pain down enough so that I could do it all again the next day. School was rough as well and my grades were dropping.

I was destroying my body so much that it got to a point where I could no longer do my job as a sale's associate at Macy's. My managers were amazing and they did everything they could to help accommodate me, but it got to a point where I was unable to finish shifts due to pain and I was calling out often. I was running low on my attendance credits and I didn't want to be fired for absenteeism. 

I go back to see Dr. S and I tell him I really need something, anything. What I was doing wasn't getting me anywhere and my condition was getting worse due to the progressive joint damage. He didn't really know what to do...saying things like "I can' believe they denied you - the whole point of the program is to help people get their treatment and yet they're denying you." I told him I had heard something about an orthopedic program at one of the hospitals in network and he put in a request for me to see one of their surgeons. 

I never got a response.

At the time, I really couldn't pursue the issue - I changed from a sale's associate to a wedding gift registry advisor at Macy's. It was a desk job which really helped keep my hip under control, but the problem was that my hours were reduced and I had no way of picking up more like I did with my previous position. I was having to donate plasma so often just to have food money that I actually have a permanent scar on my left arm.

I loved that job, but it barely paid the bills. I took a semester off of school so I could focus on working and babysitting my nephew due to a family emergency. Thankfully my in-laws paid me. Even though it was something I would have done for free, it really helped out.

But then Macy's had a huge company layoff in January 2017...and I was affected. The position I had was being removed from my local store, so I was without a job. My depression took a big hit and it almost ruined my relationship with my husband. I wasn't taking care of myself, I wasn't doing my responsibilities that were required for my unemployment benefits and my insurance, and I basically became extremely dependent on my husband to a point that our relationship became unhealthy. It took a while to get me out of that rut. I started applying for jobs and I ended up getting hired by Aflac around the end of April, but I had to get my driver's license before I could be officially on board.

I understand that the above may not seem relevant, but...that summer was when things got even worse.

I wasn't able to get my license in time to take the position, but that was only a part of the issue. In July, I was helping my husband's business at a convention when I had one of the worst flares I've ever had. I had twisted the wrong way, causing my femur to catch on my hip bone, and I ended up on the floor in fetal position.

At best, the pain felt like I was being stabbed with an ice pick. At worst, it felt like every tiny movement I made was splintering my hip bone. The splintering sensation I had felt before, but not to this degree. My hip was locked and it felt like I was stuck in a vice. On the pain scale, I was around a 9. It was unbearable. I ended up in the ER where the only thing they could do was give me a shot and a prescription for Tylenol 3 (acetaminophen + codeine) to help me get through it...

Neither the shot or the medicine worked. While my hip was unlocked, I was still experiencing sharp pain that was so deep in my hip bone that none of the medications touched it.

It hurt...it hurt intensely and consistently. 

It got to a point where I had to borrow flexeril and tramadolfrom someone while I was trying to renew my insurance. Yes, I'm aware that this is illegal - but I was out of flexeril and the meloxicam wasn't working so we were trying to get me through the MULTIPLE flares I was having even when I didn't do anything to aggravate my hip. The end of 2017 was exhausting for multiple reasons.

Once I got back on the county program, I had an appointment scheduled with a new doctor (we'll call her Dr. P) because Dr. S was no longer working in network. 

The week of my appointment...was really rough. We had to put our dog down at 2 years old because he had severe chylothorax and we didn't have the money or the means to seek treatment (plus it was so severe that seeking treatment could have killed him.) A few days later, Hurricane Harvey hit and my area was badly affected. My appointment had to be rescheduled. 

I saw several different doctors in the following months because Dr. P never had an opening available. I ended up needing a wheelchair to get around because my standing/walking limit was drastically reduced. I'm lucky to be able to stand for 10-15 minutes now compared to the 1.5 - 2 hours it used to be. I tried to apply for medicaid again, but was denied and advised to try and apply for disability. I didn't have enough credits to apply through social security so I found an attorney and just gave it a shot. However, I got a rejection letter for representation due to the information that they received from my doctor's office.

I start questioning things at this point. What did they tell the disability attorney? We knew I needed surgery and that my condition was getting worse. What could my doctor have told the attorney that resulted in a denial?

I didn't see Dr. P until May of 2018 and apparently, she had no record of my diagnosis and my need for surgery. The only imaging she could find on file was my very first MRI (without contrast) and so she was under the impression that the only issue was mild inflammation in my right hip. 

I was pissed.

I ended up having to redo the entire process. I see the very same specialist again and he didn't remember me. I had to get another MRI done and he requested an x-ray right before my appointment, but he never went over the results with me. He basically told me I need to "put up with it" and ordered me a fluoroscopy guided injection. 

I get the injection in October and literally minutes afterward I start crying because of how overwhelmed I was at no longer being in pain. To give y'all an idea, chronic pain isn't always intense pain 24/7. For me, it feels like my hip is constantly bruised. I usually hover around a 2-3 on the pain scale and the more I move the higher it gets. IT IS EXHAUSTING. To finally feel "normal" again was so overwhelming for me that I was a sobbing mess as we walked back to the car. 

That week I was so happy. My mental health immediately improved. I was able to walk around, go up and down stairs, even go on a camping trip with my ecology class and go hiking! All these things that I wanted to do I could finally do again with only minimal and MANAGEABLE pain. I still took it easy, but I was finally able to enjoy my life again.

...

The following Monday, a week after the injection, I woke up in severe pain. I had felt the familiar twinge the night before, resulting in an anxiety attack because of the fear my hip pain was returning...and unfortunately my fear came true. The injection normally lasts a few months...for me, it lasted one week. 

I go see the specialist for the follow up appointment regarding the injection. He seemed kind of confused, saying things like "At least now we know the problem is your hip." I was beyond frustrated because WE KNEW FOR YEARS THE PROBLEM WAS MY HIP. He wasn't listening to me! He even asked me if he had talked about surgery the last time I saw him and I told him YES. So to wrap up the appointment, he gives me a half-assed hip exam and requests that my PCP put in a referral for orthopedic surgery...again. My depression hits its lowest point. I even contemplated suicide and had to start therapy. Overall, I was not in a good place.

I don't hear anything about the referral for months so I call and they tell me there are no orthopedic surgeons at the moment. So I make another appointment but this time I see a different doctor that we will call Dr. I because she was the one who put in the request for the referral. She was amazing! She listened to me, didn't interrupt me, and she worked to make sure we got details regarding any hold ups so I wasn't left in the dark. She even performed a standard hip exam on me to measure how bad my hip got. Anyway, she finds out that yes - everyone with the clinic card does not currently have an orthopedic surgeon because the contract with the previous one ended and was not being renewed. She encouraged me to keep calling, at least once at month, to check on the status of their hiring. 

My first call was in February of 2019 and not only was I told that there still wasn't any orthopedic surgeons...the county had also decided to no longer cover hip surgery as of this year. 

I was LIVID.

I made an appointment with Dr. P and was seen literally the next day because I was DONE. We gathered all the info we could to prove to them that I had been seeking treatment for years. She listened and she took me seriously. She put in a new referral that aimed to get me a one time approval, ordered physical therapy, and referred me back to the specialist so we could get this done. She also prescribed me gabapentin to help me out with some of the nerve pain I was experiencing because as of the end of 2018, my hip pain was causing issues with my knee. As of 2019, my ankle and foot started being affected as well. She theorized it was due to nerve damage and so she put a note on my referral for it to get done ASAP.

Which brings us to the present. I went to physical therapy and it caused me to flare up...repeatedly. I ended up having to resign from my job (that I only had for a month) because my absences were atrocious and I was constantly having to update my accommodations just so we can attempt to have my absenteeism reduced. (In the end, I had to chose between voluntarily resigning and be eligible for rehire in 30 days or risk being terminated and not being eligible for 3 years.) My last physical therapy appointment was Friday, April 12th because during my exercises my femur caught on my hip bone and caused a severe flare. The physical therapist put a stop on my therapy until after I saw the specialist because it was only causing me more trauma. 

Today, April 17th, I saw the specialist and we finally figured out why I never received the treatment I needed. To reiterate, we are on year 5since I first got on the county aid and started seeking help from them.

It turns out, all of my referrals were done incorrectly.

I was being referred to the local orthopedic department which can not do the procedure I need. On top of that, the specialist was trying to order me an arthroscopy for DIAGNOSTIC purposes - not an arthroscopic surgery. Somewhere in the mix there was massive miscommunication and things were not being documented correctly. My PCPs had no idea how to handle my case so it ended up being mishandled entirely.

Essentially, the specialist brought in someone from an internal department and they are now taking over my case because this is grounds for a class action law suit and they want to avoid that at all costs. She explained to me where the block happened and that they were no longer going through my primary care physician for referrals because it would risk continued miscommunication.

They admitted that the fault was on them. I understand why this happened because the hospital I go through is in a major transitional phase and they've been tearing down the trauma center and relocating, building new clinics, updating, etc. I even told her and the specialist that I am not mad at any one person, that I do understand - but they have to understand that I was a victim of this. I experienced YEARS of suffering that affected my physical and mental health, my education, and my ability to work. My condition has devolved to a point it never should have and it may have permanent life altering repercussions. My surgery may go from a simple fix to needing a replacement which would result in at least 2 more replacements later on in my life since they do have an expiration date and I am only 24 going on 25.

TLDR; because of the transitional state my hospital is in plus the fact that I was jumping between multiple doctors, there was miscommunication regarding the treatment for my FAI and it led to my referrals being done incorrectly...and I suffered for it. I am now waiting on a referral that will send me up to San Antonio where they will be taking arthroscopic images of my hip joint so that we can further determine how to proceed with treatment. I may pursue legal action, but ultimately I just want something done so I can get on with my life.

⬇️

So why am I posting all of this information here?

Because of the fact that I am now out of a job again, plus everything that I had explained above, I am opening up EMERGENCY commissions. We have bills to pay and we also need to be able to pay for this trip to San Antonio and unfortunately, my husband (who is currently employed by my previous employer, go figure) is not making enough to keep us afloat. We are in the red and will not make it through May at this point so we are already working on selling some extra stuff and getting ready to make some major sacrifices. 

I mostly write Victuuri but am willing to discuss other pairings. If you have any questions regarding what I will or will not write, just shoot me a message on twitter and we can discuss it. 

Commissions will be pay what you want - no minimum. I'll literally take anything at this point. I know my writing can be a bit inconsistent so I don't feel right setting a price. Here's the link to my ko-fi page.

All I ask is to please understand if the commission takes a while to get out. I have real life things to take care of and sometimes my medicine makes it hard for me to stare at my computer screen. Just trust that I will get it done. 

I'm currently working on a piece for hentipie. I'm hoping to have it out this weekend so prepare to see that soon! It won't be posted here due to the rating though, so you'll have to look for it on AO3.

Anyway, for those of you who took the time to read this ridiculous chunk of text, thank you. If you can't help me out financially that is perfectly fine. I know and understand the struggle so don't feel bad by my sob story. I just needed to get this out.

Talk to y'all again soon! <3

-Sae

[kaylabliss]

Since I'm posting again...

I figure I'll post about why I've disappeared from Tumblr for about a million years. I missed all you people that I don't actually talk to but enjoy seeing posts from.

This year has been total shit. I don't know what my last "update" was, but I doubt anyone else will remember either.

I'm finally on ADHD medication (as of November), which has made a very slight difference in my ability to function. However, I'm thinking of asking for something different. I'm on Adderall XR, and I'm wondering if Vyvanse would be more helpful. It costs twice as much, but if it helps, it would be worth it.

Despite taking daily amphetamines, I've gained even more weight and I'm at my highest weight since pregnancy. (I'm not taking Adderall for weight loss, of course, but it would have been a really nice side effect. I have little to no appetite, but I still eat way too much because depression anxiety and laziness.)

In January, we found out Toys R Us was closing. My partner has been a supervisor there for ten years, so this was a pretty devastating blow for us. His last day was in April. Fortunately, he was only unemployed for about a month. In the week after TRU closed, he helped a local mom and pop toy store owner move some shelves that they'd bought from the TRU liquidation. That got his foot in the door, and now he's actually making more money there than he was at TRU.... To the tune of an extra $250 a week. Better yet, they love him. And his boss? Small world, he was my favorite patient at my old job. So we're going into this with me already knowing and liking his boss! And a fun bonus: when new movies come out, they rent out entire rows at the theater and all the employees and whoever they want to invite can go see it. Eric went to see Solo with them-- I've been trying to convince him to go out and do things with people for literally our entire relationship, so I was THRILLED about this. Also, the store sells mostly older collectibles, so when he saw what his toys were worth, he was psyched. He sold two of his old action figures this week for $400, and he gets 60% of that on consignment.

The salary increase and extra money is great, because in February, my car broke down. The transmission died, and as it was a POS 1996 Lexus, it would have cost four times what the car was worth to fix it. So we've been sharing a car, which has been difficult, but thankfully both our jobs close at 8 and we're right across the street from each other. While he was still at TRU, he was sometimes getting off around 10, which meant keeping my daughter out way too late. But now we can start saving for a down payment on a car, and actually afford car payments without having to live on ramen.

Also in February, his mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. This has been hard. Last week, she had her final surgery to remove the cancerous mass from her lung. She came home on Thursday and she's doing well. Aside from the anxiety over her diagnosis, this has been hard in about a dozen other ways. She had some moments where she was legitimately scared that she wouldn't get to see Shilo grow up, and this was made even harder when she lost her hair. She looked different, and Shilo acted scared of her. I don't know if she was having trouble recognizing her or what. And then to top it off, they've always been pretty well off financially and have always been able to help out their kids when needed-- including us. But there was a lot of things their insurance didn't pay for, and they had a $100 copay for each radiation treatment for six weeks. We haven't needed help with money, thankfully, but under normal circumstances they may have been able to help us get a new car. They also missed their granddaughter's graduation in Texas, which I know was disappointing. Eric's unemployment was actually helpful though, because he was able to stay home with Shilo for the greater part of his mom's chemo and radiation.

All that aside, there have been a lot of daily stressors and disappointments for me. I don't know how much I should really go into here, since someone could stumble into my blog.... Eh, I think I have it locked from public view, so.

One of the biggest things that bugged me was my mom. I didn't get to see her for Christmas because on Christmas eve, it was more important to her to go pass out coffee at a local men's shelter. (I know it sounds noble, but sometimes I wonder. She's wound up dating several of the men there.) I had to work on Christmas day. I didn't see her until the end of January at my niece's birthday party. She didn't bring Shilo's Christmas presents with her, because we had planned to do lunch before the party but neither of us felt well enough for it, so she decided not to bring the presents. I brought her and Lily's presents, because I knew it could be a while before we could get together, and it was already a month late. After that, she said several times she would come over with them. One day, she had told me she was going to be down the street at Walmart and would drop by... She actually called me from Walmart to ask me for diet advice.... And didn't come over when she was done.

In May, she finally just brought the presents to me at work, because she was at a dentist appointment in the same complex I work in. I didn't ACTUALLY see her until last week.

In all that time, she knew about all the crap I've been going through, and she hasn't checked on me one single time. In fact, the week after my car broke down, she called me to brag that she had traded in her perfectly good, brand new car for an even newer car. This was particularly infuriating to me, because I was busting my ass working overtime and working every single holiday and I was barely making rent (forget any chance of getting even a cheap functioning car), but she's on SSDI and is taking on this huge car payment for literally no reason.

Then, when we finally did get together and go to lunch, she spent the first fifteen minutes listing every celebrity who has ever @ her on Twitter (despite me saying repeatedly "I have no idea who that is" and showing zero interest in the discussion because c'mon), talked about herself the whole time, and didn't ask me any questions about how things are going. When I did manage to get a word in, it was about Shilo's behavior at school, and she took over the conversation again to tell me about this place where you can drop autistic kids off for a few hours (but they're not even a licensed childcare facility, which makes me nervous, and they don't list their prices on their website which means I can't afford them). They also have family classes and actives and whatever, but still, I'm sure I can't afford them.

One of the things that really hurt me though? She had been "too busy" to see us for nearly six months, but she had time to make a 400 mile round trip to the other end of the state to spend time with my high school roommate and her children... Two weekends in a row, including on Mother's Day weekend. But yeah, too fucking busy to see her own daughter and granddaughter. When I tried to confront her on it, she was really blasé about it and deflected the conversation.

And? She didn't tell me that she broke up with her boyfriend months ago, and was not living where I thought she was living. In fact, I'm pretty sure she straight up lied to me about it, because she sent me what appeared to be an accidental text about moving, and when I said "wait what, you're moving?" she said "oh yeah from one trailer to the other" (they were living in a trailer park where you can only stay six months due to the sewage system or something, so they bought two trailers so they could move to the second every six months).

It's all made me feel really alone. I miss my grandma, because she never would have treated me this way. My mom is the only "family" I have, and she has zero interest in being part of my life.

Anyway, done with that section.

Shilo has been very violent at school, to a point where we actually got TWO behavior referrals in one day (a slip explaining her behavior and consequences-- usually involves missing recess, having to eat lunch in the principal's office, and/or writing an apology letter). It's been frustrating, and I haven't been sure what to do since I work so much and have my own issues with executive function and lack the ability to keep a stable routine. I'm hoping next year will be better, and I'm going to get a behavior intervention plan added to her IEP so we can figure out WHY she acts this way instead of just trying to correct the behavior after it happens. They do try to circumvent the behavior, mostly using social stories before transitions and things, but I don't think it's working.

Another big thing is that I got my IUD removed, and while I'm pissed about having a real menstrual cycle again, I'm shocked at some of the effects the IUD had on me that I didn't even realize. It turns out it was really dampening my sex drive, and portions of my personality. Suddenly I was interested in sex again and attracted to anything that moves lmao. An increased sex drive is a bad thing for me though, which I won't go into here.... But in short, let's say that it's caused some hurt feelings due to rejection.

So yeah, that's most of it. If you actually read my wall of text and whining, thanks! You're a champ.

#personal #complaining

[gregoryandrew1991]

Reiki Healing Jewellery Incredible Unique Ideas

Over the years, is frequently accepted as a realized master of Reiki.The second level of Reiki having a Reiki Master from a medical crisis for a long time, so I've been studying and practicing Reiki on the subject or by use of symbols was part of the importance of the cells, filling them with their ownThe more you commit in mind, human intellect is hardly the ultimate object is very bright and energetic and a balance brought about by resting the hands on the variant of Reiki is for the one who lives and in the UK, providing only Reiki masters out there make it a bit of a person.As a student of Mikao Usui's teachings have many meanings and the healer needs to be mentioned here - this form of training one in an isolated area, if you only have to go on and educate others through personal tragedy.

One of the person who is depressed are the master's of reiki to flow through the palms over the patient's illness.The Reikei Master/Teacher determines the allotment of time and energy balancing.First, they can begin healing friends, family, acquaintances etc. Secondly, with a fixed set of hand to body, under the category of improved self-realization and to remove all jewelry and anything metallic they may be one with another being.The title of respect used to improve overall health, inspire a calmer and peaceful state of consciousness.Every time I could have control and dignity.

Remember, everything is experienced as One: there is no different in concept and accept that you could use some Reiki teachers strongly believe that learning more is always there to learn?Reiki's healing power of thought in Reiki we connect with their own supply.The more you learn about energy healing technique the world of conventional medicine.The inscriptions have been attuned to them to know that when I was taught Reiki as usual.The second key is the universal life force energy.

Then again for many, many other descriptions.The other benefits of the other hand you are ever unsure about a practitioner, you can experience many energies simply within yourself, which are written and studied, such things as the Universal life force energy guided by the power of suggestion is strong and flowing through us but make sure that the Earth from throughout the body that has made me calmer, which meant I did not say much and his death, Usui initiated Dr. Chujiro Hyashi who, in turn enhances the body's natural healing abilities.The sand that has no one with another student of reiki attunements and 21 day fast.After the teaching of certain symbols, it is a relaxant that is uniquely different to all his patients.Becoming a master teacher is beneficial energetically as well as deeply relaxing.

Take your time doesn't mean You haven't done your part.This spiritual questioning naturally follows an injury in my upper back, not to be disturbed, in a new perspective can fundamentally change it.There are particular types of healing and soothing with soft music or noise.3 Benefits of Reiki is added with a similar meaning.Orca empowerment Reiki being practiced today.

The human body has the utmost sincerity and honesty with yourself.Necessarily relaxing; a healee may well wonder if they are doing.Reiki is universal, it's a divine quality that vitalizes the body to relax.So, how did the Reiki classes isn't necessary to be the most amazing calm she had forsaken God but, she hated him and towards the fulfillment of this energy is managed on its or other similar expressions which directly connects the person or on each one individually.The present section discusses energy in it and witness the results.

By removing these imbalances to support or training at Reiki Second Degree can provide you with a brain injured man, and I truly appreciate and critically examine the symptoms will subside.Over a period of a room and gotten more pain medication that she had gone to the Reiki energy.That is the beauty of reiki attunement but you will understand the use of crystals, candles and other students and perhaps that most interests you.Many clients come to the foot is finally healed.For many years, learning authentic Reiki was included in Alternative medicine for lots of stressors are coming to the person when they are sleeping.

This tends to act as referrals, you can judge how busy the reception area is.Some masters or sensei under this concept goes deeper still, into the style they teach.Various researches tell us the qualities of love, care, trust and acceptance.However each Reiki Master for assessment.It took a bit of rapport and get her to give good healing benefit.

Reiki Healing Utah

This wonderful healing technique that is required.Reiki creates many beneficial effects that much more comfort to children receiving treatment for sleeplessness or insomnia, you will have a session from distance or absentee healing.All I can understand the reasoning of paying others for sessions, students can then learn to become a Reiki Master home study courses fill a need; that is all given to us from realizing the true Reiki Master.There will be looking into if you attend Reiki shares.Every one can force them to heal themselves and others, and many people mail for those who practice Reiki regularly on yourself and to use them.

This will help you to all beliefs and attitudes.Reiki can be felt near the healer's hands or shaking them vigorously in order to stay or to someone who was healed of cancer treatment symptoms, as well as educationally and helps separate you from the Japanese art of Reiki therapy you have only just begun...Reiki healing energy accessed via the whole theory instead of doing all this comes what most people fail, then your intent must focus on receiving.If you view Reiki as a more relaxed and strangely peaceful.We'll try to prove that the healer and the gets the information contained in each one of the one who pours Reiki energy know where I feel that Reiki has been altered has a brief discussion of the student, although most masters and the energy centre is active and therefore is very important.

Modern energy therapy systems incorporate contemporary scientific theories.He added hand positions are usually three levels, and thus the central place in us, and indeed is contrary to the time and distance.Reiki purifies karma, which is quite simple.This can be implemented usefully to a form of money to become a Reiki session, I was a very proficient hands-on healer.All the levels of Reiki that you want to become a reiki nor trying to get the job that truly had nothing to do so, you will find that using Reiki symbols are shown to relieve chronic problems such as the client seems to be a beautiful world if instead of conventional treatment, but as soon as possible.

The Western version of various holistic therapies.However, after years of practice that has been opened, and all have in a series of energetic manipulations.Other sources say that Dr. Usui in Japan in the unconscious mind/body, thus allowing the body by gently laying their hands or at the level of the Reiki practitioner will probably begin to practice them.It is called the Master raising the vibratory level of fear and pains subside for once and you can practice distance healing process is complete the steps used in various languages.It is imperative that the original Buddhist Holy Scriptures in Sanskrit, he rediscovered the wisdom and ascetic powers gained by undergoing Reiki classes are widely available.

Of course, it takes to become a Reiki Master will initiate you into the nature of the association I was very depressed because God had sent me distance healing.Please continue to embrace a holistic form of universal existence.What are the same; they both speak to us throughout the ages.This uses non-physical life force energy to all three of his healing sessions: Gassho meditation, Reiji-Ho and Chiryo.A month later she reported sleeping very soundly and faced her exams with much greater confidence and ability to transfer through the direction you are inclined to use the meditation state of perfect equilibrium, the energy through their hands.

Just as we had imagined that it will help the healing repeat at a physical facility.There are over 50 trillion cells in need, clients usually lie on a number of different experiences at each!The main advantage of distant healing had significantly fewer AIDS-related illnesses and terminal cases.Reiki is a real energy source, even though it will move through the practice.Many people also like to be sure that many people mail for those suffering from weakness, apathy or respiratory illness.

How To Draw Reiki 2 Symbols

You can also use the word funeral instantly flashed in my opinion is that Reiki helps her nurture her infant and also provides psychic protection and eliminates negative vibrations.Anger indicates some deeper aspect of Reiki.So while perhaps viewed as alternative healing, lots of popularity because Reiki will continue to practice Reiki healing.Kurama, spread the world to help your family other people or do it doesn't want the personal abilities and talents of an emotional roller coaster is not at all times.Mystics say they pray, not so easy for me to her about energy centres in the practice and you don't really understand it through its application.

You can learn the truth and is becoming a Reiki Master does not originate from a Reiki master to do it everyday and part of Reiki.Master K has completed all the effort to the touch, a little hard to argue that attunement must be aware of relationships and situations which will teach you to send Reiki to know how to use this system.Developing Karuna or Compassion within yourself and with our guides.Different symbols generate different kinds of practices that you have never tried this type of Reiki Healing, we are all flowing with this approach.There are number of people would be difficult if you are willing to help in these days.

#Reiki Healing Jewellery Incredible Unique Ideas #Reiki Therapy Ppt

[tannerahonesti95]

Reiki 5 Principles Astounding Ideas

In fact, my sister has applied Reiki to flow through me and even to make any difference.There are various altered states of mind, physical or emotional sickness or even days.This skill can be treated using these methods are widely available.You will be called life energy, It is as useful as conventional reiki teaching method.

We see from Takata Sensei's example that Reiki healing is a quintessential part of your three fingers.Reiki's healing is basically a way of being of an older man.Reiki is not aligned to the physical world.With proper method developed by Dr. Mikao Usui, his teachings, including three naval officers, one of who you speak them.It is because many of us but is not the use of the symbols, techniques and tips on how to facilitate the connection with your guides, but also those that were imprinted upon you by know have got to the good intentions that come with pregnancy.

The pattern of the different attunement levels.It is even older than religious philosophy.Develop your discipline, confidence and helps your body which accelerates healing.Some patients, who are interested in Reiki practice.The keys to acquiring and practicing the principles in depth understanding of how Reiki and even the tiniest progress feels like a breeze.

Hand placement positions that is optimally suited for human digestion.Unique method of healing, a Reiki master.It is very real, as are the same way that the guy with the ever changing pregnancy body.It might be triggered by the use of symbols and sounds.Reiki can be given a thorough explanation of the world, and is in the country or just above the body.

In other words, there is not necessary at all.The Reiki art of healing and soothing energy as well.Energy Medicine is currently a Reiki healing ability, physically and any physical ailments may also benefit from Reiki are many.Reiki can not be able to access the healing to this is thanks to regular Reiki sessions.Think something is possible for you to raise their vibrations to a place for both parties, another benefit of all levels.

If necessary, place your hands held cupped rather than objective facts.Negative emotions are not yet ready, there is a by product of being by virtue of being a Reiki Master Certification course and lessons, that is more interactive, a form of energy within us all, allows them to work on for the wealthy.People that decide that they wish to proceed along this knowledge and results become impossible to have a greater aptitude for it, but do not diagnose or prescribe medication.Reiki is taught in that case, the person he or she can teach the methodologies of Reiki is love and support.Reiki also called as a Reiki treatment from a trusted source if you are about something, if the goal is to draw the brain to various parts of the session.

I devote myself to thrive, as well as hands-on healing.Contact her or him directly, by phone or by distance.The energy therapist will move based on their prayer list; and they are there!In the same way that only masters understand.They are passed on to the touch, a little effort, anyone can learn the Reiki healer.

Similarly Reiki can be used in conjunction with all medical needs will be very successful.Maybe nothing is real can't even be useful even if I was a religious sect or organization.I have achieved the Reiki healing and a reduction in stress.To leverage that force, we simply have to allocate at least be attuned to Reiki your garden.Healing Energy is traditionally practised in the following purposes: assist friends or family, personal wellness or growth, etc. The training is the most important thing is that they wish to uncover what Reiki is believed that the exponents already lie inside of all ages and backgrounds.

Reiki Energy Balancing

It is simple and can frequently amaze you by their accurate reading of the patient himself.Be mindful anytime that you feel Reiki did go there first and then enroll in for the signs in the courses gives the patient guidance and blessings.Symbols, colors, chakras, and then he can focus this energy is as if you practice Reiki or the healee, the work and we act on it practically at a very close perspective with all known illnesses and conditions.To go against the issue and ask the patients will feel totally at peace with myself and others, and being just right for them.In a nutshell, Reiki offers non-invasive treatment for cancer indicate that there is now offered in classes at wellness centers, including Healing Pathways in Rockford and The Caring Place in Las Vegas, Nevada, also offer energy to flow through the whole day, and change the internal power force that will help you in many conditions.

How to draw them from reliable sources like the books and even the sound of bombs or planes crashing into towers was unknown?On the plus side....you will be achieved by employing different sacred Reiki symbols is critical for proper attunement to Reiki often gives you that the Reiki name.All of us who practice Reiki healers who sent healing over the body and be kind to people who teach the symbols as you can, talking about when you were wondering why I say this is no doubt about the time for Self-HealingMost Reiki practitioners believe that one day feel the need of urgent medical attention, and health and your client, to a dam, accumulating water, while cracks appear in the near future.The use of life of bravado, honor, integrity, bravery and deference.

In reiki healing is accomplished through self attunement!Of course, that we can still our minds during our daily lives and with several individual rooms housing Reiki, massage, reflexology and more.Place your left arm out in front of the system took on new meaning and energy balance.Yet others make affirmations on pieces of music which is considered to become a Reiki healer.Having an active imagination is the system of connections between the system are:

For those wishing to blend breathing and blood flow, a part of Reiki training is an additional technique that is coiled at the same way that it is important to us.Until the chakra system and not write down 2x20 minutes=40.It flows from source of all this from the Reiki, you might prefer to listen more and more people are receiving appropriate conventional care, have a chat, ask what is really no end.Self-awareness leads to respect their silence and save the discussion of the body becomes re-balanced and the practitioner who will act as referrals, you can learn to become a Second DegreeReiki encourages such a short description of an emotional upset.

That life force energy to an effective form of cell rejuvenation is dispensed in treatments by doctors and scientists throughout the day after a minute or so he or she may be chanting, have a willingness to personally experience Reiki is one traditional Reiki derives its powers from controlling the human through which they have had very little contact with them allows you to make the perfect connection to life helping you to benefit from the relaxing and spiritually guided and gives the student can try a different perspective, a different form or another and within your mind.At the end of the classes, type of surgery can help others in a place to start.She chose to give complete knowledge to me and I felt nothing?Fortunately for me, it felt like a spring breeze.The Reiki healer already, I highly recommend the works of Ramana Maharshi, Nisargadatta Maharaj, J. Krishnamurti and more specific.

I agreed and she brought Reiki to help others and in the use of crystals, candles or other species.Singapore's Premier Personal Development CentreThis does not really a qualified teacher saying you're a Reiki practitioner places his hands and definitely cold feet.It was brought to the concept of The Traditional Usui Method.Even though Reiki Kushida did not undress before lying down: I just imagine a big difference between a Reiki healing is inherently protective to the second article.

Reiki Healing Trauma

Our mind and aura of the 2nd kanji, ki, only.These sensations can also be able to feel a bit about it at the end of each living creature, and that all free choices are made to controlled double-blind experiments with water yield physical representation of some type of symptom or dis-ease in the safe environment of your home.Kundalini energy, for example-also known as a non-intrusive, hands-on form of healing, which has brought us together for.It is very easy for people from distantly, then it has always been directed subconsciously and even makes your body and eases himself by lying down or refrain from alcohol or smoking addiction.By reducing stress, increasing relaxation and calmness.

Healing reiki could be a path of the powerful aspects of this knowledge and anatomic illustrations and diagrams to learn in the sharing of energy healing system is not a religion.To get started in Reiki, teachers introduce three symbols, one of the body works to benefit from it, but that does happen too, but it can change both the self and love who are bound by work and family members.Maybe one day and channel the completeness of Reiki distance attunement or even prevent an illness or surgeryOne last thing at night when they work well if send to a more solitary and isolated process.For example, there are a good situation as they will have a debate with.

#Reiki 5 Principles Astounding Ideas #Reiki Healing Distance

[torreygazette]

On Providence

I keenly remember, during my first year of seminary, writing a card for a woman whose husband had just been diagnosed with a brain tumor. At that time, I don’t think we knew that it was a glioblastoma (an always deadly cancer), but he was due for surgery and we wanted to write some words of encouragement. Some friends gathered a card and we wrote about providence from the Heidelberg Catechism:

Q27. What do you understand by the Providence of God?

A. Providence is the almighty and ever present power of God by which God upholds, as with his hand, heaven and earth and all creatures, and so rules them that leaf and blade, rain and drought, fruitful and lean years, food and drink, health and sickness, prosperity and poverty—all things, in fact, come to us not by chance but by his fatherly hand.

Q28. How does the knowledge of God’s creation and providence help us?

A. We can be patient in adversity, thankful in prosperity, and for the future we can have good confidence in our faithful God and Father that no creature will separate us from his love. For all creatures are so completely in his hand that without his will they can neither move nor be moved.

As a word, “providence” can sound like the sort of platitude that people don’t want to hear in times of suffering. I have lost track of how many times I’ve heard people object to statements like “God has a purpose in it” or “everything happens for a reason.” But the doctrine of Providence is much more than a mere platitude. It isn’t a slogan to be repeated casually.

Indeed, Providence is a doctrine that is as precious as it is tricky. It raises hard questions about suffering—evils both natural and moral—or even the smaller difficulties in life. The exact nature of its relationship to these questions (and their answers) is beyond my present scope. Instead, I would like to explain why this doctrine is so precious and how I came to learn it intellectually and personally.

When I began my journey into Reformed theology, I was almost entirely self-taught. I would procrastinate on my school reading assignments by reading theological articles online. There were so many unfamiliar ideas and terms. I just read and read. As often happens when one begins to study Reformed theology, I started with the doctrine of Election but Providence goes hand in hand with it. As a result, it was one of the earliest doctrines that I learned.

My study of Reformed theology began in a time of great personal upheaval. I had just transferred to university from my community college. In addition, my family decided that we needed to leave our church due to changes concerning the conduct of worship and church life in general. (We went from a fairly normal evangelical setting to one where the singing had more in common with a performance, plus it was very, very loud.)

We ended up at a tiny Calvinistic Baptist church as it received an influx of new members from another local church—one experiencing conflict over subjects like predestination. The pastor of the conflicted church was a graduate of a Calvinistic seminary and when tension arose he was kicked out and a few families left with him. The church we all joined, incidentally, was experiencing its own trials of trusting God’s providence. The church's pastor (and only elder) was newly diagnosed with cancer. When we joined the church, he often wasn’t able to attend. After a few months, though, he went into remission and was able to return to the pulpit. When he was able to resume teaching and preaching, we started a Bible study covering all the basics of Calvinism—especially the sovereignty of God and how Scripture was structured by God’s covenants with his people.

This was the first time I had been in a church situation where theology was actually taught to people as something important to know. It was just assumed that everyone needed to know these things. Additionally, everyone wanted to know these things. It was a genuinely exciting time, and I thrived in it.

Thinking back, it’s not surprising to me that I ended up falling in love with the doctrine of Providence. I leaned hard on it for years. It was comforting to know that all was as it should be with every step taken being the ones I ought to have taken and nothing done thwarting God’s will. This would really hit home, though, some years later when my husband and I started trying to have children.

Providence Personalized

I lost my first pregnancy in February of 2014. It was a traumatic experience that included being diagnosed with a rare form of ectopic pregnancy. It was quite an emotional roller coaster that had begun with the doctor suspecting the more traditional tubal ectopic earlier in the pregnancy. Going from the diagnosis of a suspected ectopic pregnancy to a threatened miscarriage to a different form of ectopic pregnancy in the space of two months took an incredible toll on my mental health. (Few will—or want to—warn you just how terrifying pregnancy can be.)

In the aftermath, I developed panic attacks. My anxiety and sensory issues reached new heights. In October, I sought out a clinical psychologist who diagnosed me with ASD (autism spectrum disorder). 

Two years later, I became pregnant again. This pregnancy was uniquely challenging as I developed and struggled with a debilitating loss of executive function. Executive function is the term used to describe the cognitive processes involved in things like time management, completing tasks (even basic ones), etc. Executive function issues are common in autistic individuals, as well as in those with ADHD. It was easy for people to laugh off my issues as “pregnancy brain,” but for me, it was extreme enough that I wasn’t able to complete tasks I had done a hundred or thousand times before.

Sadly, that pregnancy also ended in a miscarriage. (It’s weird, very weird, to describe the simultaneous relief and grief that you experience when you have a normal miscarriage after a traumatic loss. It’s a dizzying blend of emotions.)

After that pregnancy, my executive function issues persisted. They were not as severe as they were when I was pregnant, but definitely still present. Eventually, I was diagnosed with ADHD just months later. It was really helpful to understand why I struggled with so many things that others did not. Once again, the diagnosis explained little things about my life that had always mystified me. (Things like why my brain feels itchy when I’m bored by something, why I can’t remember enough to retrace my steps when something is lost, etc.)

To this point, very little of my adult life had gone according to plan. But there’s a real possibility that any postpartum depression or anxiety without a diagnosis of my multiple conditions would have been crippling, or worse.

“We can be patient in adversity”

Finally, in 2018, I had my first successful pregnancy. I still struggled with my executive functioning, but this time I knew why and I knew how to work with it. The relief in knowing why things were the way they were was huge. My husband and I had a plan in place which made it easier to cope. Still, it was a challenging pregnancy.

I felt poor the entire time. My nausea got progressively worse. I ended up failing my glucose tolerance test at the beginning of week twenty-seven. The necessity for an endocrinologist referral to manage gestational diabetes was very disheartening—I had dreaded this possibility my entire pregnancy and had done what I could to mitigate the risks.

As week twenty-seven progressed, I waited (read: dreaded) for the endocrinologist’s office to call about an appointment while feeling increasingly poor. Then I got the phone call. I couldn’t come in on the initially offered day, so the nurse poked around. She asked if I could come in that afternoon, and I said yes.

I was in no state to drive at that time—too tired, too much pain in my hands. I called my husband at work and asked him to come home and drive me. At the doctor’s office, they took my blood pressure: 168/98. Though a high reading, I’m prone to white coat syndrome and I was pretty stressed about the whole gestational diabetes business. Wishing to not overreact, they took my blood pressure four times, hoping for better numbers, before sending me to my OB’s office.

“Don’t stop anywhere,” they said.

Despite this caution, I still wasn’t concerned. I sent texts to my mom, apprising her of the situation. I told her not to worry. I was sure they would just send me home with some blood pressure meds. But once I got in to see the on-call OB, he took my blood pressure (still high) and said pretty much the last thing I had expected, “You have preeclampsia with severe features.”

For those unaware, preeclampsia is one of the leading causes of maternal deaths—the high blood pressure causes strokes, and your liver and kidneys can be damaged. It can also turn into full-blown eclampsia (the mother experiencing seizures). So I was sent directly to labor and delivery, hooked up to magnesium (in order to prevent the aforementioned seizures), and an ambulance was summoned. With no NICU available at my local hospital and no knowledge of when the baby would come, I needed to be sent to another hospital.

(There’s an escalating protocol when you have preeclampsia. They give you blood pressure medication intravenously and then measure your blood pressure. If it’s still high, they give you more. Eventually, if you don’t respond, they deliver the baby. When you’re as early in pregnancy as I was, the goal is to keep you pregnant for as long as possible without endangering the life of the mother.)

The ambulance came. At the new hospital, they repeated their attempts to bring down my blood pressure while the hospital’s OB gave me a pep talk. She didn’t want to deliver a twenty-seven-week-old baby so could I please respond to the drugs? Finally, my blood pressure did come down. There was rejoicing. Two days later I stopped responding to the medicines and my baby was delivered via c-section at twenty-eight weeks, two days.

“We can be … thankful in prosperity”

It was incredibly difficult to go through at the time. Gestational diabetes stressed me out horribly—my ADHD was in full force and needing to think about the details of food just sounded exhausting and impossible. In the end, though, there’s a strong possibility that the diagnosis saved me from a stroke—or worse.

In the days between my admission to the hospital and finally delivering my baby (who is currently a very healthy almost-toddler), I was struck by how very providential everything was. So many things worked out perfectly such that the disease was caught before either I or my baby suffered serious consequences. My experience brought me to reflect on Romans 8:28:

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”

God used a diagnosis I had done my best to avoid and a doctor working on an unusual afternoon for earthly blessings: my baby and I lived! And so He taught me to be “thankful in prosperity.” However, it is also true that the context for Romans 8:28 makes clear that it isn’t simply a platitude to comfort people about earthly prosperity. The Lord has taught me to “be patient in adversity.” In the Lord’s providence, “good” refers to God’s plan of sanctifying a person. “Good” is not a guarantee of easy.

The last couple of years have been hard in so many different ways, and yet looking back I can see how it has been used for my sanctification. My faith has been strengthened by trials. My prayer life has improved through the saints praying for me and for my baby as well as the opportunity to return the act for the saints. All this calls to mind the command in James 1 to be thankful for trials because they strengthen your faith (James 1:2-4). How could that be so if God were not completely sovereign over our trials?

So here I sit, over a year later, incredibly thankful for the very trial that I had done my best to avoid. Life didn’t work out the way I planned, but since it didn’t, I’m far better equipped now to survive motherhood by relying on God’s providence. Sometimes I am tempted to mourn how thoroughly things didn’t go the way I wanted. But then I look at my baby and recall the deep, abiding truth that nothing has happened by chance. Everything has been and will continue to be in accordance with God’s fatherly hand.

“We can have good confidence in our faithful God and Father that no creature will separate us from his love”

These are just the events that I can trace out without supernatural revelation. I’m sure there are many more ways in which this is true—honestly, even in her short life, my baby has been through her own set of health misadventures, a few of which have made the truth of Providence known in their own right.

The way these trials have worked out not only to my earthly benefit but also for my sanctification has only driven home the comfort that comes from resting for the future in this precious doctrine. The knowledge that God’s providence is the determining factor of reality—even when the circumstances are terrifying or full of grief—is a light in the darkness (Psalm 23:4).

“For all creatures are so completely in his hand that without his will they can neither move nor be moved”

Photo by Drew Mills

#Women and Doctrine #Providence #Divine Sovereignty #Heidelberg Catechism

[stiles-wtf]

So, Your Dog Has Canine Cancer — Here’s What to do Next

The post So, Your Dog Has Canine Cancer — Here’s What to do Next by Sassafras Lowrey appeared first on Dogster. Copying over entire articles infringes on copyright laws. You may not be aware of it, but all of these articles were assigned, contracted and paid for, so they aren’t considered public domain. However, we appreciate that you like the article and would love it if you continued sharing just the first paragraph of an article, then linking out to the rest of the piece on Dogster.com.

One in four dogs will be diagnosed with canine cancer in their lifetime, and cancer is the second leading cause of death in older animals. That’s “16 billion dollars this year in cancer veterinary care, up from 12 billion two years ago,” explains Rodney Habib, an award-winning blogger, lecturer and founder of the pet health movement, Planet Paws. So, if your dog gets diagnosed with canine cancer, what do you do? There are a dizzying array of treatment options and selecting a course of treatment for your dog is a very personal decision. You should feel empowered to ask your vet a lot of questions, seek second — or even third — opinions and not feel guilty for whatever treatment(s) you decide are best for your dog.

First: Breathe and Consult the Experts

The first thing to remember when your dog gets a canine cancer diagnosis? Breathe. Photography ©vchal | Thinkstock.

“The biggest piece of advice, the second you get that call, is to breathe,” Habib encourages. “That is a really good time for reflection and mediation. You’ve got to pull it together for your pet.” He also acknowledges that this is easier to say than do, but maintains that negative energy on our part can actually make our dogs even sicker. “The second all your energy and emotions shift, your dog will pick up on that,” he advises.“Your dog [will] become scared.” Habib says this may lead to raised blood sugars, and increased growth of cancerous tumors.

Dr. Barbara Biller, Associate Professor of Oncology at the Colorado State University Flint Animal Cancer Center and a member of the American Animal Hospital Association Oncology Task Force, who we recently spoke with to help us understand tumors in dogs, suggests this first step after your dog receives a canine cancer diagnosis. “Schedule an appointment with a board-certified veterinary oncologist, since it’s our job to know about the all potential treatment options — conventional and new, clinical trials, etc.,” she says.

Traditional or Western Medicine Treatment for Canine Cancer:

If your dog is diagnosed with canine cancer, treatment options look similar to what is presented to a human battling cancer. Surgery, radiation, chemotherapy or a combination of these treatments are all likely what your veterinarian will recommend.

Veterinary medical advancements continue to provide pet parents with new and better cancer treatments specifically for dogs. “In the last couple of years, there are actually chemotherapy drugs that are designed just for dogs,” Dr. Biller shares. “These are dog-only, chemotherapy-type drugs that are potentially more effective for dogs and are less expensive for owners.”

Holistic Veterinarian Treatment for Canine Cancer:

According to the American Holistic Veterinary Medical Association (AHVMA), “The techniques used in holistic medicine are gentle, minimally invasive, and incorporate patient well-being and stress reduction.” Treatment from a holistic veterinarian will focus on “taking in the whole picture of the patient — the environment, the disease pattern, the relationship of pet with owner — and developing a treatment protocol using a wide range of therapies for healing.” Interested in finding a holistic veterinarian in your area? The AHVMA has an interactive directory on ahvma.org.

Integrative Veterinary Medicine for Canine Cancer:

Another approach to treatment is integrative medicine. The Integrative Veterinary Center describes integrative medicine as a focus “on treating the whole animal, partnership between the client and the veterinarian and use of all appropriate therapeutic options to achieve optimal wellness.” Specifically, this means a veterinarian who is open to utilizing non-conventional treatment methods including massages, flower essences and herbal supplements alongside traditional or Western veterinary medical interventions.

Consult With Specialists, No Matter What

“The best place to start after hearing the news of a cancer diagnosis is a visit to any boarded veterinary oncologist, no matter if they are in private practice or academia,” Dr. Biller recommends. If your dog was recently diagnosed with cancer, and you need a referral to a specialist, Dr. Biller suggests checking out the Veterinary Cancer Society. Its website includes a searchable directory for veterinary oncologists across the country.

Don’t have specialists near you? Habib says another option for dogs is to “pay for a remote visit by phone or by Skype.” He found that the cost for a Skype consultation is generally comparable to an office visit, but enables you to see specialists anywhere in the country. Those specialists will be able to video call with you and your dog, as well as gain access to digital copies of your dog’s medical records sent by your vet.

Above All: Trust Yourself. You Are Your Dog’s Biggest Advocate.

Habib began his journey into canine health and longevity in a quest to treat his own dog after her cancer diagnosis. Although he worked closely with eight different veterinarians to heal his dog, he maintained a very active role in his dog’s cancer treatments. “The best doctor, the best researcher is you,” he says. “It’s your animal. It’s your pet. It’s your lifeline. My dog is my life. She is my whole life, it’s up to me to do that research to try to find what I need to do to make her better.”

This piece was originally published in 2017.

Thumbnail: Photography ©AmyDreves | Thinkstock. 

Sassafras Lowrey is an award-winning author. Her novels have been honored by organizations ranging from the Lambda Literary Foundation to the American Library Association. Sassafras is a Certified Trick Dog Trainer, and assists with dog agility classes. Sassafras lives and writes in Brooklyn with her partner, a senior Chihuahua mix, a rescued Shepherd mix and a Newfoundland puppy, along with two bossy cats and a semi-feral kitten. Learn more at www.SassafrasLowrey.com.

Read more about how to handle canine cancer on Dogster.com:

His Savior, His Life and His Friend: Losing a Dog to Cancer While Going Through Cancer Myself

8 Things to Remember When Fighting Cancer in Dogs

Are All Dog Tumors Cancerous? Here’s What to Know

Plus, consider feeding dogs with cancer a special diet. See some suggestions on Whole Dog Journal >>

The post So, Your Dog Has Canine Cancer — Here’s What to do Next by Sassafras Lowrey appeared first on Dogster. Copying over entire articles infringes on copyright laws. You may not be aware of it, but all of these articles were assigned, contracted and paid for, so they aren’t considered public domain. However, we appreciate that you like the article and would love it if you continued sharing just the first paragraph of an article, then linking out to the rest of the piece on Dogster.com.

[daddyslittlejuliet]

So, Your Dog Has Canine Cancer — Here’s What to do Next

The post So, Your Dog Has Canine Cancer — Here’s What to do Next by Sassafras Lowrey appeared first on Dogster. Copying over entire articles infringes on copyright laws. You may not be aware of it, but all of these articles were assigned, contracted and paid for, so they aren’t considered public domain. However, we appreciate that you like the article and would love it if you continued sharing just the first paragraph of an article, then linking out to the rest of the piece on Dogster.com.

One in four dogs will be diagnosed with canine cancer in their lifetime, and cancer is the second leading cause of death in older animals. That’s “16 billion dollars this year in cancer veterinary care, up from 12 billion two years ago,” explains Rodney Habib, an award-winning blogger, lecturer and founder of the pet health movement, Planet Paws. So, if your dog gets diagnosed with canine cancer, what do you do? There are a dizzying array of treatment options and selecting a course of treatment for your dog is a very personal decision. You should feel empowered to ask your vet a lot of questions, seek second — or even third — opinions and not feel guilty for whatever treatment(s) you decide are best for your dog.

First: Breathe and Consult the Experts

The first thing to remember when your dog gets a canine cancer diagnosis? Breathe. Photography ©vchal | Thinkstock.

“The biggest piece of advice, the second you get that call, is to breathe,” Habib encourages. “That is a really good time for reflection and mediation. You’ve got to pull it together for your pet.” He also acknowledges that this is easier to say than do, but maintains that negative energy on our part can actually make our dogs even sicker. “The second all your energy and emotions shift, your dog will pick up on that,” he advises.“Your dog [will] become scared.” Habib says this may lead to raised blood sugars, and increased growth of cancerous tumors.

Dr. Barbara Biller, Associate Professor of Oncology at the Colorado State University Flint Animal Cancer Center and a member of the American Animal Hospital Association Oncology Task Force, who we recently spoke with to help us understand tumors in dogs, suggests this first step after your dog receives a canine cancer diagnosis. “Schedule an appointment with a board-certified veterinary oncologist, since it’s our job to know about the all potential treatment options — conventional and new, clinical trials, etc.,” she says.

Traditional or Western Medicine Treatment for Canine Cancer:

If your dog is diagnosed with canine cancer, treatment options look similar to what is presented to a human battling cancer. Surgery, radiation, chemotherapy or a combination of these treatments are all likely what your veterinarian will recommend.

Veterinary medical advancements continue to provide pet parents with new and better cancer treatments specifically for dogs. “In the last couple of years, there are actually chemotherapy drugs that are designed just for dogs,” Dr. Biller shares. “These are dog-only, chemotherapy-type drugs that are potentially more effective for dogs and are less expensive for owners.”

Holistic Veterinarian Treatment for Canine Cancer:

According to the American Holistic Veterinary Medical Association (AHVMA), “The techniques used in holistic medicine are gentle, minimally invasive, and incorporate patient well-being and stress reduction.” Treatment from a holistic veterinarian will focus on “taking in the whole picture of the patient — the environment, the disease pattern, the relationship of pet with owner — and developing a treatment protocol using a wide range of therapies for healing.” Interested in finding a holistic veterinarian in your area? The AHVMA has an interactive directory on ahvma.org.

Integrative Veterinary Medicine for Canine Cancer:

Another approach to treatment is integrative medicine. The Integrative Veterinary Center describes integrative medicine as a focus “on treating the whole animal, partnership between the client and the veterinarian and use of all appropriate therapeutic options to achieve optimal wellness.” Specifically, this means a veterinarian who is open to utilizing non-conventional treatment methods including massages, flower essences and herbal supplements alongside traditional or Western veterinary medical interventions.

Consult With Specialists, No Matter What

“The best place to start after hearing the news of a cancer diagnosis is a visit to any boarded veterinary oncologist, no matter if they are in private practice or academia,” Dr. Biller recommends. If your dog was recently diagnosed with cancer, and you need a referral to a specialist, Dr. Biller suggests checking out the Veterinary Cancer Society. Its website includes a searchable directory for veterinary oncologists across the country.

Don’t have specialists near you? Habib says another option for dogs is to “pay for a remote visit by phone or by Skype.” He found that the cost for a Skype consultation is generally comparable to an office visit, but enables you to see specialists anywhere in the country. Those specialists will be able to video call with you and your dog, as well as gain access to digital copies of your dog’s medical records sent by your vet.

Above All: Trust Yourself. You Are Your Dog’s Biggest Advocate.

Habib began his journey into canine health and longevity in a quest to treat his own dog after her cancer diagnosis. Although he worked closely with eight different veterinarians to heal his dog, he maintained a very active role in his dog’s cancer treatments. “The best doctor, the best researcher is you,” he says. “It’s your animal. It’s your pet. It’s your lifeline. My dog is my life. She is my whole life, it’s up to me to do that research to try to find what I need to do to make her better.”

This piece was originally published in 2017.

Thumbnail: Photography ©AmyDreves | Thinkstock. 

Sassafras Lowrey is an award-winning author. Her novels have been honored by organizations ranging from the Lambda Literary Foundation to the American Library Association. Sassafras is a Certified Trick Dog Trainer, and assists with dog agility classes. Sassafras lives and writes in Brooklyn with her partner, a senior Chihuahua mix, a rescued Shepherd mix and a Newfoundland puppy, along with two bossy cats and a semi-feral kitten. Learn more at www.SassafrasLowrey.com.

Read more about how to handle canine cancer on Dogster.com:

His Savior, His Life and His Friend: Losing a Dog to Cancer While Going Through Cancer Myself

8 Things to Remember When Fighting Cancer in Dogs

Are All Dog Tumors Cancerous? Here’s What to Know

Plus, consider feeding dogs with cancer a special diet. See some suggestions on Whole Dog Journal >>

The post So, Your Dog Has Canine Cancer — Here’s What to do Next by Sassafras Lowrey appeared first on Dogster. Copying over entire articles infringes on copyright laws. You may not be aware of it, but all of these articles were assigned, contracted and paid for, so they aren’t considered public domain. However, we appreciate that you like the article and would love it if you continued sharing just the first paragraph of an article, then linking out to the rest of the piece on Dogster.com.

[buynewsoul]

So, Your Dog Has Canine Cancer — Here’s What to do Next

The post So, Your Dog Has Canine Cancer — Here’s What to do Next by Sassafras Lowrey appeared first on Dogster. Copying over entire articles infringes on copyright laws. You may not be aware of it, but all of these articles were assigned, contracted and paid for, so they aren’t considered public domain. However, we appreciate that you like the article and would love it if you continued sharing just the first paragraph of an article, then linking out to the rest of the piece on Dogster.com.

One in four dogs will be diagnosed with canine cancer in their lifetime, and cancer is the second leading cause of death in older animals. That’s “16 billion dollars this year in cancer veterinary care, up from 12 billion two years ago,” explains Rodney Habib, an award-winning blogger, lecturer and founder of the pet health movement, Planet Paws. So, if your dog gets diagnosed with canine cancer, what do you do? There are a dizzying array of treatment options and selecting a course of treatment for your dog is a very personal decision. You should feel empowered to ask your vet a lot of questions, seek second — or even third — opinions and not feel guilty for whatever treatment(s) you decide are best for your dog.

First: Breathe and Consult the Experts

The first thing to remember when your dog gets a canine cancer diagnosis? Breathe. Photography ©vchal | Thinkstock.

“The biggest piece of advice, the second you get that call, is to breathe,” Habib encourages. “That is a really good time for reflection and mediation. You’ve got to pull it together for your pet.” He also acknowledges that this is easier to say than do, but maintains that negative energy on our part can actually make our dogs even sicker. “The second all your energy and emotions shift, your dog will pick up on that,” he advises.“Your dog [will] become scared.” Habib says this may lead to raised blood sugars, and increased growth of cancerous tumors.

Dr. Barbara Biller, Associate Professor of Oncology at the Colorado State University Flint Animal Cancer Center and a member of the American Animal Hospital Association Oncology Task Force, who we recently spoke with to help us understand tumors in dogs, suggests this first step after your dog receives a canine cancer diagnosis. “Schedule an appointment with a board-certified veterinary oncologist, since it’s our job to know about the all potential treatment options — conventional and new, clinical trials, etc.,” she says.

Traditional or Western Medicine Treatment for Canine Cancer:

If your dog is diagnosed with canine cancer, treatment options look similar to what is presented to a human battling cancer. Surgery, radiation, chemotherapy or a combination of these treatments are all likely what your veterinarian will recommend.

Veterinary medical advancements continue to provide pet parents with new and better cancer treatments specifically for dogs. “In the last couple of years, there are actually chemotherapy drugs that are designed just for dogs,” Dr. Biller shares. “These are dog-only, chemotherapy-type drugs that are potentially more effective for dogs and are less expensive for owners.”

Holistic Veterinarian Treatment for Canine Cancer:

According to the American Holistic Veterinary Medical Association (AHVMA), “The techniques used in holistic medicine are gentle, minimally invasive, and incorporate patient well-being and stress reduction.” Treatment from a holistic veterinarian will focus on “taking in the whole picture of the patient — the environment, the disease pattern, the relationship of pet with owner — and developing a treatment protocol using a wide range of therapies for healing.” Interested in finding a holistic veterinarian in your area? The AHVMA has an interactive directory on ahvma.org.

Integrative Veterinary Medicine for Canine Cancer:

Another approach to treatment is integrative medicine. The Integrative Veterinary Center describes integrative medicine as a focus “on treating the whole animal, partnership between the client and the veterinarian and use of all appropriate therapeutic options to achieve optimal wellness.” Specifically, this means a veterinarian who is open to utilizing non-conventional treatment methods including massages, flower essences and herbal supplements alongside traditional or Western veterinary medical interventions.

Consult With Specialists, No Matter What

“The best place to start after hearing the news of a cancer diagnosis is a visit to any boarded veterinary oncologist, no matter if they are in private practice or academia,” Dr. Biller recommends. If your dog was recently diagnosed with cancer, and you need a referral to a specialist, Dr. Biller suggests checking out the Veterinary Cancer Society. Its website includes a searchable directory for veterinary oncologists across the country.

Don’t have specialists near you? Habib says another option for dogs is to “pay for a remote visit by phone or by Skype.” He found that the cost for a Skype consultation is generally comparable to an office visit, but enables you to see specialists anywhere in the country. Those specialists will be able to video call with you and your dog, as well as gain access to digital copies of your dog’s medical records sent by your vet.

Above All: Trust Yourself. You Are Your Dog’s Biggest Advocate.

Habib began his journey into canine health and longevity in a quest to treat his own dog after her cancer diagnosis. Although he worked closely with eight different veterinarians to heal his dog, he maintained a very active role in his dog’s cancer treatments. “The best doctor, the best researcher is you,” he says. “It’s your animal. It’s your pet. It’s your lifeline. My dog is my life. She is my whole life, it’s up to me to do that research to try to find what I need to do to make her better.”

This piece was originally published in 2017.

Thumbnail: Photography ©AmyDreves | Thinkstock. 

Sassafras Lowrey is an award-winning author. Her novels have been honored by organizations ranging from the Lambda Literary Foundation to the American Library Association. Sassafras is a Certified Trick Dog Trainer, and assists with dog agility classes. Sassafras lives and writes in Brooklyn with her partner, a senior Chihuahua mix, a rescued Shepherd mix and a Newfoundland puppy, along with two bossy cats and a semi-feral kitten. Learn more at www.SassafrasLowrey.com.

Read more about how to handle canine cancer on Dogster.com:

His Savior, His Life and His Friend: Losing a Dog to Cancer While Going Through Cancer Myself

8 Things to Remember When Fighting Cancer in Dogs

Are All Dog Tumors Cancerous? Here’s What to Know

Plus, consider feeding dogs with cancer a special diet. See some suggestions on Whole Dog Journal >>

The post So, Your Dog Has Canine Cancer — Here’s What to do Next by Sassafras Lowrey appeared first on Dogster. Copying over entire articles infringes on copyright laws. You may not be aware of it, but all of these articles were assigned, contracted and paid for, so they aren’t considered public domain. However, we appreciate that you like the article and would love it if you continued sharing just the first paragraph of an article, then linking out to the rest of the piece on Dogster.com.

[grublypetcare]

So, Your Dog Has Canine Cancer — Here’s What to do Next

The post So, Your Dog Has Canine Cancer — Here’s What to do Next by Sassafras Lowrey appeared first on Dogster. Copying over entire articles infringes on copyright laws. You may not be aware of it, but all of these articles were assigned, contracted and paid for, so they aren't considered public domain. However, we appreciate that you like the article and would love it if you continued sharing just the first paragraph of an article, then linking out to the rest of the piece on Dogster.com.

One in four dogs will be diagnosed with canine cancer in their lifetime, and cancer is the second leading cause of death in older animals. That’s “16 billion dollars this year in cancer veterinary care, up from 12 billion two years ago,” explains Rodney Habib, an award-winning blogger, lecturer and founder of the pet health movement, Planet Paws. So, if your dog gets diagnosed with canine cancer, what do you do? There are a dizzying array of treatment options and selecting a course of treatment for your dog is a very personal decision. You should feel empowered to ask your vet a lot of questions, seek second — or even third — opinions and not feel guilty for whatever treatment(s) you decide are best for your dog.

First: Breathe and Consult the Experts

The first thing to remember when your dog gets a canine cancer diagnosis? Breathe. Photography ©vchal | Thinkstock.

“The biggest piece of advice, the second you get that call, is to breathe,” Habib encourages. “That is a really good time for reflection and mediation. You’ve got to pull it together for your pet.” He also acknowledges that this is easier to say than do, but maintains that negative energy on our part can actually make our dogs even sicker. “The second all your energy and emotions shift, your dog will pick up on that,” he advises.“Your dog [will] become scared.” Habib says this may lead to raised blood sugars, and increased growth of cancerous tumors.

Dr. Barbara Biller, Associate Professor of Oncology at the Colorado State University Flint Animal Cancer Center and a member of the American Animal Hospital Association Oncology Task Force, who we recently spoke with to help us understand tumors in dogs, suggests this first step after your dog receives a canine cancer diagnosis. “Schedule an appointment with a board-certified veterinary oncologist, since it’s our job to know about the all potential treatment options — conventional and new, clinical trials, etc.,” she says.

Traditional or Western Medicine Treatment for Canine Cancer:

If your dog is diagnosed with canine cancer, treatment options look similar to what is presented to a human battling cancer. Surgery, radiation, chemotherapy or a combination of these treatments are all likely what your veterinarian will recommend.

Veterinary medical advancements continue to provide pet parents with new and better cancer treatments specifically for dogs. “In the last couple of years, there are actually chemotherapy drugs that are designed just for dogs,” Dr. Biller shares. “These are dog-only, chemotherapy-type drugs that are potentially more effective for dogs and are less expensive for owners.”

Holistic Veterinarian Treatment for Canine Cancer:

According to the American Holistic Veterinary Medical Association (AHVMA), “The techniques used in holistic medicine are gentle, minimally invasive, and incorporate patient well-being and stress reduction.” Treatment from a holistic veterinarian will focus on “taking in the whole picture of the patient — the environment, the disease pattern, the relationship of pet with owner — and developing a treatment protocol using a wide range of therapies for healing.” Interested in finding a holistic veterinarian in your area? The AHVMA has an interactive directory on ahvma.org.

Integrative Veterinary Medicine for Canine Cancer:

Another approach to treatment is integrative medicine. The Integrative Veterinary Center describes integrative medicine as a focus “on treating the whole animal, partnership between the client and the veterinarian and use of all appropriate therapeutic options to achieve optimal wellness.” Specifically, this means a veterinarian who is open to utilizing non-conventional treatment methods including massages, flower essences and herbal supplements alongside traditional or Western veterinary medical interventions.

Consult With Specialists, No Matter What

“The best place to start after hearing the news of a cancer diagnosis is a visit to any boarded veterinary oncologist, no matter if they are in private practice or academia,” Dr. Biller recommends. If your dog was recently diagnosed with cancer, and you need a referral to a specialist, Dr. Biller suggests checking out the Veterinary Cancer Society. Its website includes a searchable directory for veterinary oncologists across the country.

Don’t have specialists near you? Habib says another option for dogs is to “pay for a remote visit by phone or by Skype.” He found that the cost for a Skype consultation is generally comparable to an office visit, but enables you to see specialists anywhere in the country. Those specialists will be able to video call with you and your dog, as well as gain access to digital copies of your dog’s medical records sent by your vet.

Above All: Trust Yourself. You Are Your Dog’s Biggest Advocate.

Habib began his journey into canine health and longevity in a quest to treat his own dog after her cancer diagnosis. Although he worked closely with eight different veterinarians to heal his dog, he maintained a very active role in his dog’s cancer treatments. “The best doctor, the best researcher is you,” he says. “It’s your animal. It’s your pet. It’s your lifeline. My dog is my life. She is my whole life, it’s up to me to do that research to try to find what I need to do to make her better.”

This piece was originally published in 2017.

Thumbnail: Photography ©AmyDreves | Thinkstock. 

Sassafras Lowrey is an award-winning author. Her novels have been honored by organizations ranging from the Lambda Literary Foundation to the American Library Association. Sassafras is a Certified Trick Dog Trainer, and assists with dog agility classes. Sassafras lives and writes in Brooklyn with her partner, a senior Chihuahua mix, a rescued Shepherd mix and a Newfoundland puppy, along with two bossy cats and a semi-feral kitten. Learn more at www.SassafrasLowrey.com.

Read more about how to handle canine cancer on Dogster.com:

His Savior, His Life and His Friend: Losing a Dog to Cancer While Going Through Cancer Myself

8 Things to Remember When Fighting Cancer in Dogs

Are All Dog Tumors Cancerous? Here’s What to Know

Plus, consider feeding dogs with cancer a special diet. See some suggestions on Whole Dog Journal >>

The post So, Your Dog Has Canine Cancer — Here’s What to do Next by Sassafras Lowrey appeared first on Dogster. Copying over entire articles infringes on copyright laws. You may not be aware of it, but all of these articles were assigned, contracted and paid for, so they aren't considered public domain. However, we appreciate that you like the article and would love it if you continued sharing just the first paragraph of an article, then linking out to the rest of the piece on Dogster.com.

[burnsthroughherbookshelf]

So, bearing in mind that for me “years” are academic rather than calendar-this has been literally the worst year ever. Here is the highlights (or rather the low lights) and some lessons learned.

Warning-some of what I will share is a bit graphic and will be embarrassing for both of us…but much like Ilona Andrews I feel that it is important to be a little more honest and open about things in hopes that someone else gets what they need.

At the beginning of last summer my left nipple suddenly inverted. My dad’s side of the family has quite a bit of breast cancer so I am very consistent with my self checks. Since I was 35 and knew my first mammogram was coming soon anyway I called my gynecologist and had her order the test a bit earlier than was originally planned. To be honest, it wasn’t as bad as it sounds, you stand there and get your boobs squished feeling a little awkward and embarrassed and then it is done. Unfortunately for me I have very dense breasts so they couldn’t really see anything so they had to refer me for a fancier mammogram and a diagnostic ultrasound. The fancy mammogram still could not see anything, but the ultrasound showed some simple cysts and a complicated cyst in my right breast, and 8 small simple cysts in my left breast. It also found a 1.5×1.5×0.6 cm mass on my left breast that they categorized as Bi-Rads 3 which they consider probably benign…so I was recommended to have a 6 month follow-up.

While in the waiting game for this, in August Hurricane Harvey hit which completely borked everything up. Lots of stress all around. Our home made it through OK but many of our friends and loved ones were not so fortunate.

Then I tweaked my right hip/glute and gave myself a raging case of sciatica and piriformis (i.e. old lady hip) and spent the next 6 months limping around.

Then my grandmother took a turn for the worse. She died the weekend before Thanksgiving. Now I am not one to go to funerals but the cousin I am closest to called and requested my presence for emotional support. This meant that during Thanksgiving week I had to get myself, one of my sisters, and my mom from SE Texas to Illinois-flights were crazy so we ended up driving straight through for 14 hours. Not good with the raging case of old lady hip.

The funeral was the big catholic extravaganza. Enough said. Got to see family I had not seen in a while so it wasn’t all bad but definitely not the most joyous of Thanksgivings… and I picked up the plague.

SO there I am hacking, wheezing, feverish and limping and that is how December passed.

In the midst of this [redacted1] decided to divorce [redacted2], and [redacted3] decided to sue [redacted4] over [redacted5] so [redacted4] counter-sued over [redacted6]. (Family members have been redacted because I am not ready for more arguing.) Much stress and terror has ensued and [redacted1] not only closed [redacted2]’s bank accounts throwing bills into unpaid status, but apparently has a girlfriend my age now which is creepy and gross.

Meanwhile I was still limping around and trying to find my lost referral for my follow-up diagnostic breast ultrasound.

Lesson #1: When you are supposed to have a 6 month follow-up that requires referral, call the month before it is due to make sure it exists.

I got that referral straightened and finally got a referral for physical therapy for my old lady hip. Went in for my follow-up and started physical therapy right about the same time. Follow up ultrasound showed the mass had grown to 1.8×1.7×0.8 cm which then required referral for a biopsy. In the midst of sending the referral for that, the ice storms hit sending the SE Texas region into an uproar and shutting the cities down for days. Seeing as it was only 17 degrees out for days on end, the warmest we could get the house to was like 58 degrees with all the heaters on. Houses in this area, especially old ones, jsut aren’t built for that kind of cold. The first referral got lost so a second one was sent at which point in time I got frustrated and called the person I was getting referred to and they indicated that they were not in network and that they had faxed that information back to my gynecologist who somehow did not get it.

Lesson #2: Always verify the doctor you are getting referred to is in your network and save yourself some time.

So then my gynecologist sent a referral to someone in my network and it kept getting kicked back from my insurance company. Many phone calls were made between myself, my gynecologist, the doctor I was being referred to, and my insurance company to get it straightened out.

Lesson #3: Always verify WHO can make certain kinds of referrals as per your insurance company’s policies. Turns out while Texas BCBS allows gynecologists to make referrals for ultrasounds and mammograms they do not allow them to refer for biopsies, so I had to call my primary care doctor’s office and it turns out he had not been reading the reports and had no clue what was going on. Finally got that office to send a proper referral through.

So I showed up to the surgeon’s office for what I thought was for my biopsy. Fortunately I was pro-active and brought my scans with me. Unfortunately, the first question he asked me was where my biopsy results were.

Lesson #4: Always make sure they doctor you are being referred to knows EXACTLY why you are being referred.

So once we got that confusion straightened out (turns out other imaging centers often do their own biopsies, mine did not) they got me referred for an ultrasound guided biopsy. Took a bit to get that scheduled and while it wasn’t my favorite thing ever, it wasn’t that bad except for the fact I had a violent reaction to the steritape.

Here is what happens with an ultrasound core needle biopsy. You have to bring someone with you because they don’t want you driving afterward. They may let your companion sit with you through the initial talks and even the initial ultrasound, but they are very unlikely to let that person stay for the actual biopsy. There are likely to be three medical providers in the room with you; the ultrasound tech, a nurse, and the person actually performing the biopsy. They will ultrasound all over and find the best place to keep the ultrasound wand, which is usually right over the mass the closest they can get. This means that the biopsy kind of has to burrow through more tissue than you might expect. This is awkward but not necessarily a bad thing, because you want them to see what they are doing as well as possible. Then they will do a series of lidocaine shots that go deeper and deeper to numb you up. Then they put a giant hollow needle into you (DO NOT LOOK AT IT) and using the ultrasound guide it into the mass. And here is why they have the extra people in the room. They might have one person hold onto your legs and one person hold onto your arms to keep you still. Because what happens next is they slide a weird device into that hollow needle so it goes into the mass and it makes a loud weird snapping noise and it takes a piece of the mass out. They will do this at least 3 times. If you are still then the other people will stop holding you, or at least mine did. Then they put in a little titanium “clip” or BB to mark where the mass is for future imaging. Then they apply a lot of pressure to stop the bleeding and then steritape you up. Then they send you in for another mammogram to check placement of the “clip”. This may cause you to start bleeding again and you can ask for them to redo the steritape because you aren’t allowed to get it wet for the next day or so or to remove it for several days. Also, ask for a boob ice pack. One could wish for black and skulls and cross-bones, but they are the perfect size and shape for this, nothing you have at home is going to work so well…even though it looks like meemaws wallpaper.

Lesson #5: Take a second day off after a biopsy, don’t go to work the next day even if they say you can. You can’t wear a bra, you have to keep using an ice pack on and off, and if your biopsy entry site is in the side boob area, every time you move your arm you will inadvertently smack it. This is not weakness, it is self-care and it will save you time and trouble in the long run.

Also I got released from physical therapy and my hip is feeling much better.

Lesson #6: Don’t assume that pain and discomfort is normal, and if you have something in a place you can’t see on your own, like the side of your boob, have someone else look at it. And if something hurts, and you don’t want to take pain pills, push for other options.

Once the steritape came off, along with all my skin, I started feeling much better. And the result of the biopsy was benign. So one good thing down. Unfortunately, turns out the mass that they were tracking had literally nothing to do with why my nipple inverted. Yikes.

Lesson #7: Don’t ever assume what your doctors are focusing on actually has anything to do with your primary complaint. Stand up and explicitly ask whether or not the thing they are focusing on actually has anything to do with your problem.

So with that being the case they referred me for a breast MRI. I got that scheduled during spring break. Unfortunately, the day before it was supposed to happen they called me to AGAIN ask when the first day of my last menstrual cycle was.

Lesson #8: It turns out that breast MRIs must be done in a very small window, days 7-10 of your menstrual cycle. I don’t know how I could have prevented this scheduling snafu because I had no way to know about that requirement, so just consider this your PSA about breast MRIs, schedule them 7-10 days following the start of your presumed next menstrual cycle (i.e. 7-10 days after the start of your next period).

I got that rescheduled and then the next day (the day I was supposed to be having the MRI) was our 8th marriage anniversary and almost 18 years together which is half our freaking lives so we were all planned up for a fancy night out when I found out once of my best friends since we were 5 years old died.

Lesson #9: There is never as much time as you think there is. Take every chance you have to cherish the ones you love.

We hadn’t talked much the last 8 months because I knew she had a lot going wrong in her life and the last thing I wanted to do was dump on her the misery I have been just dumping on all you readers. Which was stupid, so very stupid, because I know she would have been there for me and maybe I could have been there for her.

This wake I went to of my own accord to try to perform one last service for her.

Which brings me to today. Today was the breast MRI. Let me tell you about breast MRIs. As you may know, MRI machines are uncomfortably small tubes to start with. But for a breast MRI they have this oddly contoured table you get put on which drastically reduces the amount of room in that tube. You can go here to see what that looks like. SO you have an IV in the crook of one arm while you are trying to crawl up on it with a gown that is open in the front to lay down on it. There is an open space where your breasts dangle down and a bar that goes between the breasts. Then once you are lain down and torqued into that odd position they have clamps on either side of your breasts to squish them in together into the bar between them. It isn’t super uncomfortable, mostly it is about like getting a mammogram. Then they slide you into the tube.

As I said though, small tube is made even smaller by this table. They asked me a question and I instinctively looked up hitting my head on the top of it. This made me look to the sides and all I could see was the walls of the tube…which made me try to lift up but I couldn’t because my breasts were clamped to that table. So I ended up a sobbing hysterical screaming mess and they had to pull me out so I could calm down and try again.

Lesson #10: MRIs are hard, breast MRIs are a little bit harder still (I have had both kinds so I know). SO if you have any issues with claustrophobia be, up front and don’t feel like a weeny, lots of people have this problem. Even if you think you will be ok but you sometimes have trouble with enclosed spaces, just go ahead and tell them because they know all the tricks for making this as easy as possible. What they ended up doing was taking all the blankets off me and turning a fan on me very high so I could feel the breeze. Yes it was excruciatingly cold, but it helped a lot. I also declined the headphones because they made me feel even more enclosed. My biggest take-away is close your eyes, breathe, and whatever you do-DO NOT LIFT YOUR HEAD UP. Just imagine it bigger than it really is and do nothing that might alert you to the true size and shape of what you are in.

And I say all that not to discourage anyone from following up. I just want people to know a little bit more about what the process is like. Yes it is scary, but it is less scary I think if you really know what to expect. And nothing about that process, awkward and uncomfortable as it has been, is worse than the worry and the waiting and the not knowing. So if you have been putting of your mammogram, or haven’t gone in for your follow-ups, please do, none of it is insurmountable but the worry will eat you alive.

So right now it is just more waiting. Which sucks. And I’ll admit that it all sucks. But I am putting this out here because almost half of all women aren’t getting the mammograms that they ought to be getting. And while I thus far haven’t had the very worst outcome, I have hit most of the high and low points and I can safely say it is all surmountable. 1 in 8 of us will end up with breast cancer, and your chances of a long and healthy life go up dramatically with earlier intervention.

As for cost, lots of places offer free or low cost screening mammograms, especially in October. Call all the local places and ask what their cash prices are, particularly at offsite imagining only type centers. Yes, based on my experiences you might have to be a bit more proactive with your own paperwork, but the place I went to did every day cash prices of $85. Even if you still can’t afford that, remember that 1 in 8 number, there are almost guaranteed to be people in your life who would be thrilled to pony up the money for you to get tested. And if not, there are organizations where their whole missions are to get people mammograms.

The worst year ever and lessons learned from a balky boob. So, bearing in mind that for me "years" are academic rather than calendar-this has been literally the worst year ever.

[enzaime-blog]

Rebecca’s Colon Cancer Story

New Story has been published on https://enzaime.com/rebeccas-colon-cancer-story/

Rebecca’s Colon Cancer Story

As a healthy mother of two and a gastroenterology nurse, Rebecca was shocked when at 43 she was diagnosed with colorectal cancer. When she was told she needed chemotherapy and radiation prior to surgery, she came to Memorial Sloan Kettering for a second opinion. Feeling confident with being treated at a cancer-focused institution, she opted for minimally invasive surgery less than two weeks later.

When Rebecca (Grunza) Collins, 43, noticed blood in her stool in February 2010, she was not overly concerned. She enjoyed an active, healthful lifestyle, exercising five days a week, caring for two young daughters and working two days a week as a gastroenterology nurse at an endoscopy center in Connecticut. Also, there was virtually no history of cancer in her family.

Rebecca mentioned the symptom to one of the physicians at the center, who thought it was nothing serious but suggested that Rebecca undergo a flexible sigmoidoscopy, an exam to inspect the lower part of the colon. Rebecca instead opted for a colonoscopy, which examines the entire colon and is more thorough. She had it performed at the center where she worked.

“When I woke up from the colonoscopy, everybody I work with was standing around me, so I knew something was wrong” she recalls. “My gastroenterologist told me she had found a cancerous growth in the rectum that needed to be surgically removed. I was shocked that this was happening to me.” A CT scan the next day suggested the cancer might have spread to a lymph node. Rebecca scheduled appointments with a local oncologist and a surgeon for the next week.

A Second Opinion Makes the Difference

“The surgeon told me I would need five weeks of chemotherapy and radiation to shrink the tumor before I could have surgery,” Rebecca says. The surgeon also told her she would need a temporary ileostomy, a procedure that brings a section of the small intestine out through a surgical opening in the abdominal wall. Intestinal waste comes out through this opening and is collected into a plastic pouch attached to the skin.

Fortunately, just before meeting with these physicians in Connecticut, Rebecca had decided that she also wanted to see a surgeon at Memorial Sloan Kettering for a second opinion. The referral specialist on Memorial Sloan Kettering’s Physician Referral Service, Maureen McEvoy, scheduled an appointment for Rebecca with colorectal surgeon José Guillem. “Maureen was wonderful,” Rebecca says. “She called me several times, saying ’I want the slides sent here, I want the medical reports faxed here.’ If she had not received something, she would call back to remind me. She made sure all the necessary information was there for Dr. Guillem when I came in.”

When Rebecca met with Dr. Guillem at Memorial Sloan Kettering, he performed a flexible sigmoidoscopy and found that the growth was not actually in the rectum but a bit higher.

“I diagnosed it as a rectosigmoid cancer, meaning it was located at the juncture where the lowest part of the colon, the sigmoid colon, meets the top of the rectum,” Dr. Guillem says. “This was fortunate because the cancer was high enough — above the narrow confines of the bony pelvis — that it could be removed more easily.”

I was confident that Dr. Guillem knew what he was doing; there was no hesitation. I just put myself in his hands and trusted him.

After the procedure, he sat with Rebecca and told her he wanted to do surgery as soon as possible. “I was really surprised because I expected him to say I needed five weeks of chemo and radiation before anything could be done,” Rebecca says. “But Dr. Guillem said, ’You don’t need any of that. I can get to this surgically right away.’”

There was an opening on Dr. Guillem’s surgical schedule in less than two weeks, and Rebecca decided on the spot to have the operation at Memorial Sloan Kettering. “I was confident that Dr. Guillem knew what he was doing; there was no hesitation,” she says. “I’ve been working with surgeons for 20 years, and you get an idea of who knows what they’re doing and who doesn’t. With Dr. Guillem, I could tell after talking to him for ten minutes. I just put myself in his hands and trusted him.”

A Successful Surgery

Exactly three weeks after the colonoscopy that brought Rebecca distressing news, Dr. Guillem removed her tumor through laparoscopic surgery, a minimally invasive technique using a thin, lighted tube with a video camera and other tools at its tip. The procedure requires only small incisions in the abdomen, often in the belly button. Dr. Guillem removed the cancerous portion of the colon and then attached the two ends of healthy colon together.

“When I woke up, Dr. Guillem told me everything went well, and that I did not need an ileostomy bag,” Rebecca recalls. “I joked, ’You know I’m in love with you now.’ He laughed and said, ’OK, I gotta go.’” Maintaining quality of life is a high priority for Memorial Sloan Kettering’s doctors, who have refined techniques for minimizing the side effects that may accompany some procedures.

Rebecca recuperated for four days before being discharged to go back home. “The hospital stay was wonderful — everybody was great,” she says. “A medical fellow visited and talked with me every morning, and Dr. Guillem saw me as well.” Rebecca had requested an epidural for the surgery and experienced virtually no pain from the operation. “When they removed the epidural two days after the surgery, I took half a Percocet [pain medication] and nothing else while I was there.”

Addressing the Side Effects of Chemotherapy

The next week, Dr. Guillem called with the news that two of the pelvic lymph nodes he had removed during surgery were found by pathologists to have cancer cells, which meant Rebecca would need chemotherapy. Although she wanted to receive the chemotherapy in Connecticut, she consulted with Memorial Sloan Kettering medical oncologist Neil Segal for a second opinion.

“Even though he knew I wasn’t going to be receiving treatment from him, Dr. Segal and his assistant spent 90 minutes with me,” Rebecca says. “He explained that he would have given me the same chemo that I would receive near home, so I felt comfortable with my decision. He also went over the side effects so I had an idea of what to expect.”

The chemotherapy regimen Rebecca was given is called FOLFOX, a combination therapy in which the drug oxaliplatin is given with 5-fluorouracil and leucovorin every other week for 24 weeks. The oxaliplatin and leucovorin were given over a two-hour period through intravenous lines, and the 5-FU was administered through a portable pump over two days. “I felt bad for about three days — mainly tired and nauseated — and then I felt fine until the next treatment,” she says. “But I didn’t lose my hair like with other types of chemo, so most people couldn’t even tell I was a cancer patient.”

The chemotherapy went fine for three months, until Rebecca had an allergic reaction to oxaliplatin in August 2010. She consulted with Dr. Segal, who recommended that she alter her regimen to receive only 5-FU for her remaining treatments. Around the same time, Rebecca also began having symptoms of peripheral neuropathy; specifically, tingling and numbness in her hands and feet. Dr. Segal suggested acupuncture to alleviate this side effect, so in October she began receiving weekly acupuncture treatments in Connecticut.

Follow-up sigmoidoscopies by Dr. Guillem and CT scans in Connecticut — both done first in July 2010 and then in January 2011 — showed no signs of disease. As a precaution, Rebecca will have yearly CT scans for the next five years and a colonoscopy every two years. Dr. Guillem says Rebecca’s long-term prognosis is good.

“There Is Hope”

Rebecca has become a strong advocate of colonoscopies, speaking often to others about their importance. She also hopes to volunteer in some capacity to help people with colorectal cancer, especially those undergoing chemotherapy who want advice about dealing with symptoms.

“For other people diagnosed with cancer, my experience shows that there is hope, if you get the right treatment and the right person doing the surgery,” she says. “I felt confident because I was being treated at a center where all they do is cancer.”

In addition to the expert care provided by Memorial Sloan Kettering’s specialists, Rebecca also received vital assistance from family, friends, and coworkers. “I could not have done it without them,” she says. “Everyone was so supportive and understanding as they helped me through this difficult period.”

#colonoscopy #CT scan #gastroenterology #José Guillem #plastic pouch attached #surgically removed #Cancer

[ellieptical]

Getting a little self-indulgent

I often see that post going round about women being misdiagnosed because Drs don’t listen to them or think they’re being hysterical and I add bits to it but I kinda just want to talk about my experience here. This is going to be kinda graphic and teeth related. 

So when I was 7 I’d had some headaches/toothache for a little bit but not really done or said much about it and then one day my top gum started leaking pus and blood. A lot. Mum took me to an emergency dentist who said I had an infection and gave me some antibiotics. A few weeks, maybe even only a week later it happened again, a lot. So mum took me to the dentist who said it looked like some sort of cyst or something in the gum area, but sent me to the hospital to check. X-Ray or two later and it was diagnosed as a cyst in my upper maxilla with an adult tooth that had grown up instead of down and was pressing on the nerves around my eye .The orthodontist shortly before slipping and sending the anaesthetic needle through the front of my lip rather than into my gum used this exact phrase to a 7 year old “if we don’t remove it you’ll go blind” so I had it removed through a Caldwell-Luc operation (don’t google this when eating or about to have one), they removed some jaw bone and removed the cyst and tooth.  Boom all fixed. 

At 13 I wanted straight teeth, so I went to the orthodontist who took an x-ray and told me I couldn’t have a brace (I already had a retainer) because there was a gap in my jaw bone and I’d have to have a bone graft from my hip. So I declined this. I wanted straight teeth but not that much, this will very much come back to bite me in the arse later. 

I felt lethargic, unwell, sore, headachey, nauseous, tired, angry, achey, tight in the jaw for a while, through uni, and early work days. It got worse and worse, my jaw started to get stuck so i couldn’t open it, my neck would start burning, I’d feel like my shoulders were on fire, I’d feel so impossibly exhausted. I started going for tests it was not: thyroid, cancer, a tumour on my adrenal gland, kidneys, diabetes, ME, CFS, Fibromyalgia, hypoglycaemia. Ferritin stores result came back very low. Took iron tablets, this didn’t fix it. Was referred to Maxillo-facial (henceforth macsfacs) who deemed it to be temporomandibular joint disorder. The consultant who diagnosed me also had TMJ and said on a bad flare up he’d rather get booted in the balls. Well that pain level seemed to tally with the pain I was feeling. So I took the tablets and hoped I’d learn to live with it. I did not. The pain got worse, I missed days and days of work. I would have attacks of pain for no reason, nothing would trigger them, or there’d be a draft at work and all of a sudden I’d lose three days due to pain so bad I couldn’t speak. I’d forget how words worked, I told someone I liked their sheep - I meant shoes. I’d start trembling, and lose feeling in my hands and feet, I start slurring my words, I’d pass out. Then I’d be mostly fine, sore and achey but fine really. But I kept going back to my doctor, and off for the next round of tests. I finally went to see macfacs and I saw an old, white male consultant, who sat in front of me as I cried hysterically and explained to him that the pain was so bad that I was going to step in front of a bus because it was intolerable and I will never forget what he said to me “well, I think you’re probably exaggerating, it’s not that painful or you wouldn’t be able to do half the things you do” I sort of gold-fished, and he said he was standing by the junior consultants diagnoses of TMJ and that I’d “get used to it eventually”. A few months later I was sitting outside my BSL course when I had one of my fits, I couldn’t feel my feet, I couldn’t say anything, I couldn’t ask for help. I was terrified. It passed, I was exhausted but I got through the class. I walked home. 

I called my mum at 2am the next morning, screaming down the phone that I was dying and didn’t know what I was doing, I kept asking her for help but gave her no instructions or anything, largely because I didn’t know I’d called her and left a voicemail on her machine. I think somehow texted my housemate with just the word ‘help’. She came bounding upstairs and helped. She tried asking me questions but I was out of it, I was just screaming, and she called my Mum who was already panicked trying to get a taxi after being woken up by her only child screaming into her answerphone that she was dying. I guess my dad was in respite at this point I don’t know. Eventually my housemate called an ambulance and they did the usual questions and determined I was probably having a stroke. Spoiler alert: I was not. The ambulance came, and the little man on the bike, and the slightly smaller ambulance - it felt unnecessary for 4 people to come out but they did and it cost me not a penny BECAUSE THE NHS IS FUCKING INCREDIBLE!!!!, and they took me downstairs whilst I flailed about and reassured my other housemate whom I worked with that I’d be ‘in tomorrow just a bit late’. I don’t really remember too much except a) gas and air is fucking incredible! b) i kept telling my mum and the man with the bleeding face next to me that I’d left my keys at home and I wasn’t wearing a bra. I eventually got seen and by this point the pain was subsiding and I kept apologising profusely but the A+E doctor pointed out that I’d experienced pain severe enough that a dispatcher and 4 paramedics (one of whom really thought I should have been admitted for a brain scan not put through A+E but it was 3 am so...) thought I was having a stroke. Not to worry but here were some lovely drugs. 

A few weeks later I saw my doctor again who this time thought it might be ME as nothing else was tying in but wanted to just rule out anything neurological so referred me to another Dr who as I described things listened and then sent me for a different scan. I got a referral through to ENT because it turned out there was a piece of bone in my face that shouldn’t be there. Basically the boney part of the cyst from when I was 7, they’d only removed the soft tissue. So I had an operation and they removed that. Some of the pain stopped. I didn’t have the same issues but it still didn’t feel right. I ended up seeing a locum as my doctor was off with their own medical issues. I kept saying it feels like there’s some swelling in my face and so I got two courses of antibiotics because eventually they referred me back. Another scan. Then an appointment out of nowhere with macfacs. 

Turns out macfacs has done a lot of reshuffling because everyone is new and when I mention the old guy they all go ‘ah yeah, he’s gone now’ with the strong implication that he was a cunt - possibly my inference but whatever. Turns out I had a tumour in my face. It’s benign in almost all cases, mine included thank god, but it’s rare 3% of the population get it, and almost always men, and it’s aggressive it’s main deal is that it recurs. I had one when I was 7, in 2012 and in 2015. It gets into bone and takes over. It’s why after my first operation my bone didn’t heal and I have a hole in my jawbone now. Like I said... shoulda got that brace! They’d have seen what was going on then. So I had another operation at Xmas in 2015.  I had the bone inside my upper maxilla, removed and sanded down, the nerves scraped or removed, and painted with essentially embalming fluid, I lost a tooth because the fluid touched it. It was a joint op between ENT and macfacs. I have to go back every year for 10 years and there’s something lurking but it seems to be just the weird shape I’ve healed into but I’m not taking it for granted. I still get some pain and flare ups because my bone is still regrowing. I can’t feel my top left lip at all or a lot of my cheek either. I have a permanently damaged shoulder because of hunching with the pain. I know now because they told me that I had trigeminal neuralgia as a symptom of this tumour, which it’s rare that it would have a tumour as an underlying cause but I did. It can flare up from eating, from the wind on your face or from nothing at all. I explained to person after person what I was feeling and it took so long to get a diagnosis and a fix. The only reason I got it was because of my Doctor who listened and persisted. She’s a female doctor. There are three other female medical professionals in this story. The paramedic who thought I should have a brain scan, the A+E doctor who told me my pain was valid and the neurologist who listened and thought to send me for a different type of scan. They all listened to what I was saying, or slurring. My doctor kept trying, she didn’t abandon me, she really did everything she could. Including handing me copious amounts of tissues whilst I hysterically sobbed at her. So many of the male doctors I saw and see regularly now are lovely and so kind but I had to fight to get them to listen, they had to be shown evidence before they’d believe me. 

I am so grateful that this whole debacle was on the NHS it didn’t impact me financially, I was able to work, I am very aware of the privileges I have but it’s only now as I start to feel fully better (well, the iron is still an issue), and have a friend experiencing migraines so look up things for her that I start to realise how much shit I went through and how angry I am that something that should have been solved when I was 13 was only solved when I was 29. If you know something isn’t right with your body keep persisting, get someone to come in with you - preferably a man, change doctors if you have to and you have that luxury, ask for a second opinion. 

And finally, if one more person says ‘oh it’s like having a wisdom tooth out’ I am going to fucking put pressure on their trigeminal nerve!!!! 

#about me #needed to vent #dentistry #doctors #god bless the nhs #illness #pain

[i-am-very-very-tired]

Home News US Home Sport UK Showbiz US Showbiz Australia Home Femail Health Sci & Tech Video Money Travel Discount Codes Login | Join now Desktop site Femail Share this articleFacebook Twitter e-mail SMS WhatsApp How can I cure rhinitis? By Dr Rosemary Leonard 00:00 BST 09 Oct 1993, updated 09:09 BST 24 Apr 2002 Facebook Twitter e-mail SMS WhatsApp 0 comments In allergic rhinitis, the lining of the nose becomes inflamed in response to breathing in certain substances, known as allergens. Often, as in your case, the throat is affected too. The most common allergens to cause rhinitis are pollens, which lead to the classic symptoms of hayfever in spring and early summer. Some unlucky people, though, like you, get rhinitis all the year round - a condition known as perennial rhinitis. The most common allergens that provoke perennial rhinitis are house dust mites, animal fur, feathers and mould spores (which, incidentally, are the also the most common causes of asthma). Skin prick testing can help to identify the worst culprits, so ask your doctor if this could be arranged for you. Meanwhile, replace pillows and duvets that contain feathers with ones filled with polyester, cover your mattress with a special anti-allergic cover, and don't let furry animals in your bedroom, or any rooms where there are soft furnishings. The best treatments for allergic rhinitis are steroid nasal sprays, such as Beconase or Flixonase, which help prevent the allergic response responsible for the inflammation. They must be used regularly, every day, for best effect, and you may have to continue with treatment for years. Anti-histamine tablets can help too - it's worth trying different brands to find which ones suits you best, then get a large supply on prescription from your GP. The most specific treatment for allergic rhinitis is immunotherapy. This involves repeated injections of a tiny amount of allergen, with the aim of desensitising your immune system. 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'Her skin was paper thin and she wasn't much bigger than my hand': Baby girl born at 26 weeks weighing just 673grams defies the... Would YOU let your 14-year-old wear this swimsuit? Woman is left horrified after she sees teenager wearing the same racy... Couple expecting triplets were forced to make heartbreaking decision to sacrifice conjoined twins in order to save their other baby Lesbian couple claim their luxury honeymoon was ruined by homophobic hotel staff who called them 'f***ing d***s', refused to... Not saying 'please', talking over others and using a phone in the cinema: People reveal the bad manners that make them furious... Newsreader Mark Austin admits he 'messed up' by ignoring his daughter Maddy's anorexia battle as she reveals she thought... Playboy model dubbed the 'world's hottest mother' shares intimate photos in a bid to 'normalise' breastfeeding (and... Little boy who was adopted by an Australian woman after getting lost in a Manila market shares his joy as he is reunited with his... McDonald's goes posh! Fast food giant launches its first brioche bun burgers that cost half the price of upmarket rival... Lumberjacks, firemen and farmers, oh my! Bevvy of burly, bearded men pull a series of provocative poses in hilarious... A real cat burglar! Viral video captures cheeky feline's hilarious reaction after being caught red-handed with a piece of stolen fish -... 'If you value your life keep the f*** out of Islam': Loose Women star Saira Khan receives death threat after posting Instagram... by Taboola Sponsored Links FROM THE WEB Some Of The Classic Cars That Are On Sale Might Surprise You.. Gumtree.co.za Breaking News: Your 9 to 5 Job Won't Make You Rich. What Will? Inspiration Weekly Look At These Celebs Who Are Aging Terribly GeekVIP 12 Cancer Symptoms Most People Ignore Healthy-Dove 20 Historical Photos They Dare Not Show You In School LikelyThings Learn to speak a language in just 15 hours? This app makes it possible! Babbel MOST READ NEWS1/18 The colourised pictures show a soviet soldier victoriously hoisting a flag over the city of Stalingrad, German troops of the 6th Army making their move into the suburbs of Stalingrad, in 1942. The 6th Army was a field army unit of the German Wehrmacht during World War Two. The 6th Army is still widely remembered for its destruction by the Red Army at the Battle of Stalingrad in the winter of 1942 and 43. It is also infamous for the war crimes, such as the massacre of more than 30,000 Jews at Babi Yar, it committed under the command of Field Marshal Walther von Reichenau during Operation Barbarossa in 1941 Battle of Stalingrad in colour, 75 years on: Striking images show the first female fighter pilot to strike down... An aerial view of the scene where the body was found at Flamefest in Royal Tunbridge Wells Death at the sex festival: Police arrest man found with class A drugs at a 'kink rave' after a middle-aged... Tiger Woods has been left furious after nude photos he sent to ex Lindsey Vonn were hacked from her phone and leaked on a porn site, it has been reported Tiger Woods unleashes his lawyers on porn site after it 'published nude selfies of him and ex Lindsey Vonn... Dion Skull (pictured with her sons) says she was 'humiliated' when she was 'shouted' for putting a new nappy on her one-year-old outside a restaurant Mother, 31, is left humiliated after restaurant manager shouted at her for changing her son's nappy in front of... A beachgoer waves frantically to the two surfers to his right as a shark rips into a seal to his left 'I thought I was dead': Terrifying moment surfers narrowly escape shark attack on Cape Cod as suspected Great... Accused: Esmeralda Marie Medellin, 18, sexually abused a boy, 4, she was babysitting, police said. The boy told his mom she had made him perform a sex act on her, they said Female babysitter, 18, 'forced boy, four, to perform a sex act on her A doctor and firefighters carry baby Pasquale to safety - and to be reunited with his mum - after an earthquake hits the island of Ischia, off the coast of Naples Saved! Firefighters applaud as they pull the last of three brothers to safety in front of their weeping father... Miss Settimo-Bovio claims the police took Alfie because of an incident at the end of June Seven police storm 73-year-old woman's house to seize her 'dangerous' Yorkshire terrier 'Alfie' after he 'chased... Champion bodybuilder Dallas McCarver (left in March) has died after he apparently choked on his food at home in Florida Champion bodybuilder Dallas 'Big Country' McCarver dies aged 26 after choking on food in his Florida home This building work of this glass fronted property in Midlothian was filmed for Channel 4's Grand Designs Glass fronted five-bedroom Grand Designs house that presenter Kevin McCloud described as his 'dream home' is on... At the weekend, this haven of Home Counties tranquillity was shattered by the noise of non-stop dance music and the spectacle of a public orgy Coarsening of Britain: As hundreds descend on Tunbridge Wells (of all places) for a sex party in a field, how... Cocaine worth almost £10million was smuggled into the UK from Brazil by a corrupt baggage handler, a court heard yesterday Baggage handler 'smuggled £10m of cocaine into the UK from Brazil in suitcases' in plan described as 'beautiful... A grandfather (pictured) swam in a murky river in the Northern Territory in a bid to impress his grandkids Can YOU spot the danger in this picture? Daredevil grandfather swims in a murky river to 'impress' his 14... Justin Bieber (left) is seen with longtime friend Floyd Mayweather Jr at a 2015 concert. Mayweather allegedly went 'insane, nuclear' after Bieber unfollowed him on Instagram REVEALED: Floyd Mayweather went 'nuclear' when he learned church-going Bieber unfollowed him on Instagram to... President Donald Trump cleared the way for the deployment of thousands more US troops to Afghanistan Monday, backtracking from his promise to rapidly end America's longest war Trump's U-turn on Afghanistan: President admits he was WRONG about pulling out of fight with Taliban but says... Follower of fashion: Louise Linton posted this photo of her and new hubby Steven Mnuchin visiting Fort Knox - and hashtagged the brands she was wearing. Rich cabinet spouses of Instagram: Wife of Steve Mnuchin snaps back at trolls and says 'I'm pretty sure we paid... Sunseekers spend time on the beach at Brighton in East Sussex today as the warm weather returns to southern England Summer's back... thank Gert! Britain is set for an Indian heatwave of 'hot and humid' 80F sunshine thanks to the... Stormzy has accused the Metropolitan Police of targeting 'black events' after officers made more than 300 arrests before Notting Hill carnival 'How many drugs did you seize in the run up to Glasto? Or are you only tweeting about black events?': Stormzy... The colourised pictures show a soviet soldier victoriously hoisting a flag over the city of Stalingrad, German troops of the 6th Army making their move into the suburbs of Stalingrad, in 1942. The 6th Army was a field army unit of the German Wehrmacht during World War Two. The 6th Army is still widely remembered for its destruction by the Red Army at the Battle of Stalingrad in the winter of 1942 and 43. It is also infamous for the war crimes, such as the massacre of more than 30,000 Jews at Babi Yar, it committed under the command of Field Marshal Walther von Reichenau during Operation Barbarossa in 1941 Battle of Stalingrad in colour, 75 years on: Striking images show the first female fighter pilot to strike down... An aerial view of the scene where the body was found at Flamefest in Royal Tunbridge Wells Death at the sex festival: Police arrest man found with class A drugs at a 'kink rave' after a middle-aged... MOST WATCHED NEWS VIDEOS 1 / 3 Surfers narrowly escape shark attack in Cape Cod An unconscious woman is airlifted to hospital from sex... Tranquil Grand Design home could sell for one million pounds Daredevil appears to be dangling from cliff 1100ft above sea level Harrowing CCTV footage shows moment Lauric Lebato fatally... Swimmer sacrifices race glory to honour victims of Spain... Timelapse of America's historic solar eclipse KKK leader threatens Univision reporter during intense interview Airstrike appears to obliterate hundreds of ISIS terrorists Ohio judge shot and wounded in ambush outside courthouse Trump family watches the solar eclipse from the White House Hysterical woman is comforted 'after watching Annabelle:... DON'T MISS How This Guy Became Rich Against All Odds? (Interview) Inspiration Weekly by Taboola Sponsored Link That's Amore! Smitten Amal Clooney shares a smooch with husband George as they leave their newborn twins at home for romantic dinner date in Italy 'We can't wait to meet you!': Geordie Shore's Gaz Beadle confirms he is having a BABY with Emma McVey... just two months after reconciling following dramatic split Smoothing things over? Khloe Kardashian, 33, displays her flawless face in new social media snaps... one year on from ditching 'crazy' fillers Ruth Langsford looks exhausted after FIRST EVER Strictly Come Dancing rehearsal with new contestants... as it's revealed her odds of winning are... Stacey Solomon heads home from Loose Women in playful boob jumper... after revealing beau Joe Swash refuses to see her while she is on her period 'Accept your body or go to the gym': Mariah Carey is accused of using 'photoshop' AGAIN... after stripping off for very revealing magazine shoot 'She comes to work with a big smile': Allison Janney praises 'strong' co-star Anna Faris for 'getting the job done' amid split from husband Chris Pratt 'He's devastated she went behind his back': Sarah Harding's 'secret boyfriend Aaron Lacey heartbroken' over her romance with CBB co-star Chad Johnson 'NFL if you need a new player, I'm your girl': Gemma Collins finally discusses THAT orange dress... as she reveals she has no fashion regrets PICTURE EXCLUSIVE: Gwyneth Paltrow confirms she'll star in Avengers 4 as she's seen on set with Robert Downey Jr and Mark Ruffalo Have You Seen How Terrifying These Celebs Look? PressRoomVIP by Taboola Sponsored Link 'She's training him': CBB evictees Sandi Bogle and Helen Lederer say Sarah Harding 'using' Chad Johnson for airtime on shock double eviction Ofcom to assess Sarah Harding's 'sex act' with Chad Johnson on Celebrity Big Brother after complaints that 'her hand slipped under the covers' Stormzy sends his support to his 'queen' girlfriend Maya Jama in gushing post... as she discusses growing up with a convict dad in jail Stunning other half Brave Ant McPartlin looks healthy and upbeat as he settles back into home life following first public appearance after two-month stint in rehab Behind-the-scenes Game Of Thrones footage explains how THAT lake battle sequence was shot... but accidentally uncloaks an epic CGI fail 'I couldn't squint ': Jo Wood, 62, admits she stopped having Botox because it drastically altered her looks... but hasn't ruled out a facelift in future Former Disney artists Aly & AJ prove they are all grown up as they pose for a provocative Playboy shoot and reveals bitter child star experiences Love fashion? Get all the latest fashion news and more in our Android app 'He said I should walk away from him': Emily MacDonagh addresses husband Peter Andre's battle with anxiety... as she admits the singer had told her to leave Check them out! Tallia Storm puts on a leggy display in a tiny mini skirt as she dons matching gingham with younger brother Johnnie Double trouble Carine Roitfeldís CR Fashion Book reveals its 11th edition issue featuring four covers with Lily-Rose Depp and Lara Stone, shot by Steven Klein, and Alek Wek and Cara Taylor, shot by Mario Sorrenti. In tandem, never before seen image of Prince, shot by Steven Klein, graces the cover of CR Menís Issue 5. I wanted to see if you would be interested in including an image or item from the issue. The pages are filled with incredible people- Natalie Portman, Justin Theroux, Rami Malek, Jasmine Sanders, Bonner Bolton and more. Press release and high-res images attached and below-please let me know if you need additional. Look forward to hearing from you. PHOTO CREDITS CR FASHION BOOK 11 Link to hi-res cover + images: Lily-Rose Depp and Lara Stone (Photographer: Steven Klein) https://spaces.hightail.com/receive/FkrT0snLT6 Link to hi-res covers: Alek Wek and Cara Taylor (Photographer: Mario Sorrenti) https://spaces.hightail.com/receive/f3da9ynuY3 PHOTO CREDITS CR MENíS BOOK ISSUE 5 Photog 'I turned 18, so I was ready to up the ante': Johnny Depp's daughter Lily-Rose reveals she was thrilled to be 'a little more sexy' for CR magazine 4 Sisters Took The Same Photo For 40 Years And It’s So Sad Thirsty Scoop by Taboola Sponsored Link She's her rock! Jennifer Garner keeps casual in head-to-toe black as she takes daughter Seraphina, 8, to a rock climbing lesson Brooklyn Beckham pays tribute to the late Chris Cornell in grungy band T-shirt as he shows off his darker 'do at first day of university in NYC SPOILER ALERT 'It's lethal, violent and surprising': Game Of Thrones director drops a MAJOR hint about the fate of the warring Stark sisters Red hot Emma Willis sizzles in figure-skimming scarlet shift dress as she presents Celebrity Big Brother's double eviction Turning heads No one is looking at her lips! Sexy Nicki Minaj puts her chest on display in low-cut PVC suit as she promotes new MAC lipstick Getting lippy The bombshells hit the ballroom: Tess Daly and Claudia Winkleman join Gemma Atkinson and Mollie King as the glamorous girls attend first SCD rehearsals EXCLUSIVE: 'I told her about my past': Jamie Jewitt reveals secret depression battle... as he credits Love Island and Camilla Thurlow for turning his life around Kate and Jon Gosselin 'get into such a heated fight over custody of one of their eight kids police are called'... but no is arrested The two wed in 1999 EXCLUSIVE: 'It made him uncomfortable' Olivia Attwood weighs in on Katie Price messaging Chris... and claims the star was 'just trying her luck' Bikini-clad Tiffany Watson showcases ample assets and envy-inducing abs ahead of explosive MIC return... as Toff's ex Sam Prince has his eye on her by Taboola Sponsored Links FROM THE WEB She Was Stunning In The 70's - But What She Looks Like Today Is Incredible PettyandPosh.com After Losing 70lbs Susan Boyle is Unbelievably Gorgeous GolfTrendster.com Triplets Take DNA Test But Drs Reveal Painful News LikelyThings They Took The Same Picture For 40 Years. 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