#and hopefully one day at least I'll have distanced myself away from ppl enough that it wont fuck up other ppl if i off myself fhfkdl

[piplupod]

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#man i was rly hoping this stuff would fix my brain #im trying really hard to just be grateful that i got three days off from feeling constantly suicidal but. it is back to normal now again #and I am just. i was so hopeful! i let myself get my hopes up about it! i thought maybe i would be okay! #im also trying not to be dramatic but do u know how difficult it is to be suicidal 24/7 for several months. and then it lifts for 3 days. #and then u get tossed right back into it? #its uhhhhhhh soul crushing lmao :'] #i am just trying to not think about how im supposed to be alive and just focus on whatever task i have in front of me in the moment #i just keep telling myself that i can kill myself tomorrow. i can kill myself tomorrow. just need to get thru today hour by hour #and hopefully one day at least I'll have distanced myself away from ppl enough that it wont fuck up other ppl if i off myself fhfkdl #or maybe things will work out! extremely unlikely though unfortunately if i look at things from a realistic standpoint #just like. how everything is set up in today's world. i would have to be a fucking charity case and i dont have it in me to be that #im not a good cause to donate to to keep afloat fhdksl i contribute very little to things and itd be best if i politely exited- #-and distributed my assets (savings and belongings etc) back into the world to ppl who do more than me for others fhfkld #unfortunately i am simply not a good enough person for ppl to care for i think fjdkdl i cant do enough to make it worth everyones time #so. anyways. I'll stop talking now sorry fhfkdl I'll be fine for a while longer so no need to worry tbh fhdkl #suicide tw #suicide mention #delete later