#and how she would compare me to her abusive ex and say that i triggefed her but then when i ask for more info when i aske her to explain

[sakebytheriver]

...

#looking back at that friendship and its felt like for years now that she would never take responsibility for anything #that i was gonna constantly be the bad guy and constantly have to swallow teeth because speaking up and confronting her was something #she just couldnt handle and she would see it as grounds to end the friendship entirely #and how she would compare me to her abusive ex and say that i triggefed her but then when i ask for more info when i aske her to explain #she breaks down until i just have to capitulate her and apologize without being able to have a conversation about it whatsoever #how she turned the one time i confronted her about how she hurt me into a 'im sorry you feel that way' and then made it about how i hurt her #for even being upset about her actions and that i wasnt happy for her turning it into me apologizing for even speaking up at all #how she held her friendship hostage and made me feel like i had to walk on eggshells and that any errant comment meant shed leave #how it was always about her and how she felt and that ive been feeling for so long now that i cant tell her shit about my feelings #that whenever i was with her i had to be on guard and that anything meant she wouldnt want me around #how i had to validate her every feeling and make her the center of the universe that i could never criticize her or her behavior #because her insecurity and sensitivity was so intense if i didnt constantly make her feel like she was in the right even when she was wrong #it would spell the end of the friendship #and now i said the wrong thing i made her feel bad and triggered her insecurity and her toxic positivity so after 5 years she decides #that shes 'done with second chances' as if i was the only problem in this friendship and she for sure has convinced herself of that #has convinced everyone im this bitch who couldnt help but hurt her when in reality basically anything would hurt her #there were times when i wasnt sufficiently happy enough for her and shed make it into a big thing and make me apologize for not validating #her enough shed make me overly congratulate her and capitulate her feelings while she never once reciprocated the same treatment for my shit #and its like thats not how friendship is supposed to work its not supposed to feel like im one mistake away from being left #its not supposed to feel like i have to give her everything to receive basically nothing in return #its not supposed to feel like im waiting for the moment she tells me she never wants to talk to me again (WITH ONE TEXT TOO AFTER 5 YEARS) #its not supposed to feel like i have to constantly make myself the bad guy and over apologize while she can treat me any way she wants to #without being confronted about it because she 'cant handle confrontation' #like what kind of friendship can even be built when one person has one foot out the door at all times and builds the relationship in such a #way where they can talk to you anyway they see fit and tell you anything they want but you cant talk to them the same way #i look back at so much of what she said to me how one time she said the way i treated her wasnt fair and its like the way she treated me #wasnt fair that after five years of friendship she wasnt a safe place for me at all that i had to be on my toes or else id be left #and now here we are i didnt articulate myself right i made her feel bad i tried to explain and make my point better she didnt want to talk #at all and instead ghosted me for weeks before playing phone tag for a week when all she planned to do was send one text and cut me off #i look back and i really was just fighting to keep her around just to say that someone stayed but she was never one i should have kept