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rattusrattus3 · 4 years

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-pt.3/? I took pride in my long hair because it’s always been very thick and easy to grow out. I bleached my hair two months ago and I already have an inch of roots back. Two years ago my hair was to my jaw but is now at my low to mid back. My hair has always been something people have complimented me for when I identified as my assigned gender. I don’t think I have the confidence in myself yet to let that go. So I’m wondering how you might have worked through that. Thank u for ur time reading

Pt 3/3 hey babe thanks for writing in!

Ok so I think I understand your question? You want to prseent more masc but have long hair atm, and feel that your long hair is holding you back from desired presentation, but also bc of socialization and hair being pretty and nice, its hard to let the long hair go?

Welp! i feel u! this was my experience: i grew up with short hair and then grew it out in high school and cut it off in university, when i first cut off my hair (tho i Identified as a girl at the time) it felt like a huge loss of my femininity (but it was hair was damaged AF cause i used to straighten it every day in high school :)))and i felt really not pretty and it kinda sucked after i chopped it! but after i got used to the “shock” of it (like after a couple days), and also after i dyed it (black, then green, then blue and back and forth between those colours since i was 18) i really liked it. So first, hair color change might help with self confidence? and like some days it still doesn’t feel pretty but i remind myself that my purpose is not to be pretty my purpose is just to exist and do what makes me happy so, whatever, hair. (that’s not to say you’re not entitled to feeling ur feelings about ur dysphoria or body or hair! ur feelings are valid, but maybe you can re frame your thoughts around them!)

also getting a hair cut u like and not giving a shit about what other people would think suits u, like? what have you always wanted but been too scared for? want baby bangs? or v shaped bangs? or a death hawk? or a poofy little mushroom cut? what color? like do your thing ! hair will grow back.

Anyway. i think one thing i would like to just mention gently is that you can have long hair and still be masc, like being gender fluid doesn’t have to mean you cut your hair off, by all means, do it if you like, but its by no means a requirement and you shouldn’t cut it off if you like it and want to keep it? but idk. some dudes have long hair, some ladies have long hair, some enbies have long hair, some dudes/ladies/enbies have no hair and that doesn’t invalidate them so why should it invalidate u? one way i help myself feel more masc is with makeup hehe, you can shade around your eyes and jaw and make a fake beard (here’s some youtube tutorials) (x) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bw8M-wfHC9A (x) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAfbBVqfbN4 (x) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ieSydLI3KTY, you can tuck your hair up into a beanie if you choose not to cut it :) or Why not do some kind of viking braids in your hair? that could make it more masc, and also i think when you braid your hair it gets shorter so? or maybe curl it? why not shave a side? or get an undercut?

if you do want to cut your hair off and it feels important to u, go for it! i 100000% support you. it might be scary but you will be really cute, and it can grow back! but if u cut it, why not buy a couple of cheap wigs for when you want long hair? (or one nice one?) i have a long pastel purple one that i got online for like 16$ and its cute and makes me feel fem on the days i want to!

Anyway when i figured out my gender ID (and yes i am non binary!) it mostly helped me let go of lots of things i felt ashamed of with my body! like, the fact i had short hair or body hair was like “yeah fukc this I’m not a girl so i don’t have to have long hair or shave, cause hair is this thing that grows our of your scalp and body hair is just little hair that grows out your body” and wearing makeup and skirts is like “yeah these are just colours and minerals im sticking on my face and fabric im putting on my body” like these things (hair, makeup, clothes etc) are so artificially gendered by societal norms and i was just eventually fed up with it and like “fuck, hair or lack thereof doesn’t make someone the gender they are,” and just reminding oneself that regardless of body or hair you ARE the gender identity you feel because only you know it and its not a thing that’s gonna be visible necessarily, but u know it and it can fluctuate and u don’t have to prove it to anyone or “look” like it.

anyway, i am so happy and proud of you for experimenting with gender and where you fit! it can be so scary in our heteronormative world, but you living ur life and expressing urself is resistance so keep it up <3 be gentle with yourself, and whatever you do, its going to be really cute so just :) know that!

#ask #asks #advice #mutuals #bad advice #hair #gender #austronaught-icecream

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