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#and idk. its hard using my voice and establishing boundaries when ive let ppl bulldoze over me for almost 20 years.
scattered-winter
·
10 months
Text
horrifying self recognition through the other aside this has been an actually not terrible start to The Family Gathering tbh
#my cousin who i havent really seen in a while came up to me and asked abt my pronouns because i came out to the fam a while ago
#and he didnt really remember what id said (which. fair. its a big family w lots of things to remember)
#and so he asked what my pronouns were and i told him and he promised that if he ever messed up i needed to make him
#do like 5 or 10 pushups lmao
#and ngl. its the sweetest thing anyone in this family has ever said to me abt that
#everyone else has kinda just. moved on. and either forgotten that im not a girl or purposefully ignoring it.
#and idk maybe i should stand up for myself a little more but ive been practically a doormat all my life
#and idk. its hard using my voice and establishing boundaries when ive let ppl bulldoze over me for almost 20 years.
#sigh. anyway.
#im gonna be thinking about that all day tbh it was genuinely so sweet
#and i am also being consumed by The Loneliness again <3
#just. i want someone to just talk to about all this??? someone who isnt in my family because they all have stakes in it too?????
#we're all grieving. i aint special.
#i just want to talk to someone about it in person so they can hold my hand while i cry myself to sleep because ngl
#thats what it looks like we're doing tonight
#im just. tired of feeling alone in this enormous family where it seems like im the only odd man out
#and also ykw the Not Having Any Irl Friends loneliness too. thats also pretty significant.
#not saying my internet friends arent great i love yall so so so much but it has just been .
#a really really long time since ive had a good cry n hug session w someone.
#sigh. im tired i need to go to bed
#winter speaks
#personal
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