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#and im mad i spent all of my youth with my shitty stupid ex that just had to rape and abuse me like it didnt even matter
needylittlegirl
·
3 months
Text
ahh i feel yucky
#just mad about life again <3
#mad that my doctors told me not to go to college yet
#and now that i probably could if this medicine works
#i dont see the point anymore
#what i wanted to do wouldnt get me anywhere
#i just found that out without even trying it for myself
#like i guess its good cause i dont have loans lol!
#but i wish i wouldve had one shot to try it out
#like. im a kid im supposed to find stuff out the hard way right??
#yeah i got the easy way out financially and time wise but. i didnt even get to try i didnt even get to see what it couldve been like
#and im mad i spent all of my youth with my shitty stupid ex that just had to rape and abuse me like it didnt even matter
#im mad that he gets to ruin any future relationship i have even though he isnt around anymore
#it isnt fair none of its fair
#im gonna be 21 next month and all i know is not even getting the chance to fail and not even knowing what love is supposed to look like
#what do i have to show for any of it?
#i look at people i grew up around and theyre all finding their ways and doing things we talked about when we were kids
#ive always felt like im just watching everyone grow up like a tv. im just sitting infront of it and theyre all going
#and i thought maybe that wouldve changed by now i thought maybe id catch up
#maybe i was naive or stupid to think it would change because it hasnt
#im scared that im just gonna be one of those people that just doesnt really ever do anything
#and it wasnt even up to me! i had such big dreams and then i had to have some stupid pains
#and some stupid doctor had to tell me to hold off for a year
#and its like the drain was pulled in a bathtub and everything just started to go down
#whatever
#im done ill be fine
#tbd
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