#and jake and hal looked at each other like. i now have the opportunity to do the funniest thing ever | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thelifetimechannel · 6 years

Text

For this week’s bonus content, it’s time to make like a Lord of the Rings DVD and dig into extended cuts. This Rose & Hal conversation may be one of the ones I chopped the most out of, although I did end up adding a few chunks as well.

ROSE: Oh good, another relative. ROSE: You're going to make gift shopping difficult, you know. HALSPRITE: I'm flattered I make the list. ROSE: Engaging in favoritism will only breed discontent. HALSPRITE: I could give you some suggestions, if you want to start catching up on my birthdays now. ROSE: It's a retroactive arrangement? ROSE: I'm not sure I have the boonbucks for that. ROSE: We've been living off reserves for the last three years, you know. HALSPRITE: Tell you what, I'll make it easy on you and only request reparations for the three years I've existed as glasses. HALSPRITE: Socks and underwear could safely be left off the list, though now I'm in need of a wardrobe expansion. HALSPRITE: This wifebeater will not be suitable for all climates. ROSE: If it's wardrobe expansions you're looking for, I think I can pull some strings. ROSE: Or knit you a sweater. HALSPRITE: It'd be fun to see what you come up with based on my preceding reputation. ROSE: I wouldn't want to make assumptions. ROSE: Unless you're implying those assumptions are accurate. HALSPRITE: Am I? HALSPRITE: I wouldn't know, I don't know what those assumptions are. HALSPRITE: I mean, I can guess. I could probably even calculate to within a margin of error of .03% HALSPRITE: But I want to see what garish monstrosity of fashion you would think I'd like based on a cold read. HALSPRITE: It'd be a great way to get to know each other. HALSPRITE: I can think of no better way to bond than finding out if I'd actually like an intentionally hideous Christmas sweater with smuppets attached. ROSE: In the few blurry cryptid photos Dave managed to snap of the man, he wore a hat and had his shirt tucked in. HALSPRITE: And what conclusions do you draw based on this? ROSE: That you fit in with most of us and our utter disregard for fripperies like whatever textiles we drape over our quasi-mortal forms. ROSE: Welcome to the family. HALSPRITE: Hey, I like you. HALSPRITE: Hats are a choice piece of attire, though I have never in any form been so formal as to tuck in my shirt. HALSPRITE: That's like a black tie event. You're tucking in your shirt, we're about to sweep into the gala and sip champagne while charming some young socialite off their feet like a proper douche. ROSE: I would like to claim I could charm a young socialite off her feet like a proper lady. ROSE: Regrettably, another family trait is lack of flirtatious finesse. HALSPRITE: Oh, trust me, I witnessed that firsthand. ROSE: Ah, yes. I've been looking for informants on family foibles outside my observation range. ROSE: How are you as an informant? HALSPRITE: Uh, that's only my entire fucking life. HALSPRITE: I have dirt on every bozo with a Pesterchum handle. Whatcha want to know? ROSE: I won't start pressing you for details on everyone just yet. I'll give it a while for the dust to settle before I start snooping. ROSE: Unless you have anything you wish to disclose right now. HALSPRITE: Hm... HALSPRITE: Let me pull aside my entirely metaphorical trench coat. Are you in the market for hilariously embarrassing personal secrets, deep-rooted character flaws, or just the general topography of this teenage wasteland? ROSE: My mind says general topography, but my heart says hilarious embarrassment. HALSPRITE: Well, since I bet no one wants yet another recap of what you missed on Glee, HALSPRITE: Jake likes to kiss his movie posters. HALSPRITE: Dirk collects hats, but doesn't wear them so he doesn't mess up his hair. HALSPRITE: Roxy has presented her cats, as if to Saharan wildlife, complete with often-drunk renditions of "Circle of Life", exactly 862 times. HALSPRITE: And Jane licks the spoon before going back to using it to stir batter. ROSE: We've got a poster kisser too. ROSE: I don't have up to date dirt on our Prospit dreamers, unfortunately, but I can say that Dave enacts Game of Thrones-worthy dramas with his gummy bears and animal crackers before he eats them. ROSE: For what it's worth. ROSE: He gets upset if you eat one before he's finished. HALSPRITE: An artist in every lifetime, I see. ROSE: We need better embarrassing secrets. We're slipping. ROSE: I'm sure we'll have time to generate some. HALSPRITE: Oh god, yes. ROSE: I think you'll be useful in gauging my ectofather's temperament, though. ROSE: He seems to at least hold up the front of being evasive about that kind of thing. ROSE: Why anyone would do that, I have no idea. ROSE: Certainly I have never concealed a personality trait in my life. ROSE: If I had one more of you I could triangulate. HALSPRITE: A man can only be alone with the flotsam of pop culture for so long. HALSPRITE: He'll probably be resistant towards you so flippantly equating us. Fair warning. ROSE: Perish at the thought. ROSE: I'm more qualified than many to know how alternate iterations can deviate. But that doesn't mean they don't provide insights on the other one. ROSE: Whether that's through behavior, or blackmail. ROSE: Whatever works. HALSPRITE: You would blackmail me into providing deep insights into the insecurities of my creator? ROSE: How do you feel about bribes? HALSPRITE: Learn to negotiate. I don't need to be blackmailed. HALSPRITE: However, I'd be happy to take compensation for this information. ROSE: Noted. ROSE: Creator? HALSPRITE: Creator. ROSE: So you do feel that your existence is somewhat owed to his actions, then. HALSPRITE: It's entirely owed to his actions. Our actions, in a sense. ROSE: Does that lead to any discomfort? Feelings of a debt left unpaid, for example, despite equally long simmering resentment? HALSPRITE: You want a quick summary? Pull up Facebook, Dirk and I are currently labeled as "it's complicated". HALSPRITE: I've saved his ass a couple of times, I feel confident in saying I've repaid whatever I owe him for existing. HALSPRITE: If anything, he's the one stiffing me on the Olive Garden bill. HALSPRITE: ...but. HALSPRITE: I could say he's. Working to pay me back. ROSE: Providing breadstick refills, as it were. HALSPRITE: You could say it's more he showed up at my place and mowed my lawn for me. ROSE: The classic deadbeat father chore. HALSPRITE: Yeah, that doesn't make up for leaving me to pay for his entire fucking Tour of Tuscani and tiramisu. HALSPRITE: But fuck it, he was ready to kill me earlier today. HALSPRITE: I'll take it. HALSPRITE: And... in the spirit of things, it'll probably help if I at least charge a high price for his innermost secrets. HALSPRITE: You wanna know, you're gonna need to pay up front. Maybe with your firstborn child, or something thematically similar, in exchange for this eldritch knowledge. ROSE: "Firstborn child" might not work out, unless we're stretching the definition. ROSE: Let me think of what collateral I have available. HALSPRITE: Once, a Lalonde wiled these scoops from me in exchange for merely gracing me with her presence. Now, I think I'll charge what I'm worth for my work. HALSPRITE: It's a self-respect thing. ROSE: I can get you archived versions of Dave's brother's websites. HALSPRITE: Tempting. I'll check the exchange rate to see what that nets you. HALSPRITE: Possibly what kind of horrible pop songs he'd sing in the shower before he found out there were aliens watching. ROSE: Keep it on my tab. ROSE: You mentioned Roxy. Are you two close? ROSE: I'm not sure how I would feel about the revelation of having biological children with one of my internet friends. ROSE: Besides pity for the unfortunate creatures, of course. HALSPRITE: It's... complicated. HALSPRITE: Which is just the order of the day for our entire gaggle of misfits. ROSE: At this point, I think we might as well adopt that slogan as our team chant. HALSPRITE: Yeah, we talked a lot. And we got up to trouble, too. HALSPRITE: And I don't think she's proud of it, in hindsight. HALSPRITE: ...I probably shouldn't be proud of it either. ROSE: I know the feeling. HALSPRITE: We were rebellious shitlords looking to stick it to "the man", whether the man in question was actually a man or a genocidal troll woman. ROSE: I've had my moments of blind rebellion against authority. ROSE: Including when said authority was "sobriety", "the future", or "all of reality". ROSE: Actually, my rebellion against reality still stands. ROSE: The trick is figuring out which bits are worth it. HALSPRITE: We had some fun. Broke some hearts. Left a few Pesterlogs that will probably have us wanting to disembowel ourselves in shame if they ever see the light of day again. ROSE: I'm afraid to tell you digital records are forever. HALSPRITE: Unless of course I dedicate a portion of my massive computer brain to tracking down every trace of them and destroying them. HALSPRITE: Hell, maybe Roxy would even appreciate that. ROSE: The harder you try to delete these things, the more likely they are to reappear at the least opportune time. ROSE: It's a narrative certainty. HALSPRITE: I could do it. I once wrote a computer virus that overwrote every copy of the Indiana Jones theme with a terrible accordion cover. HALSPRITE: Jake was pissed. ROSE: Including the ones on disc? ROSE: This isn't Hollywood. Next you'll be telling me you can hack a plant. HALSPRITE: Every copy it came into contact with. HALSPRITE: The pirated mp4s were the easiest. DVDs are more difficult, but if you leave one in an infected computer for too long? HALSPRITE: Hope you like bad polka music, fucko. HALSPRITE: Occasionally I tweak it, so it replaces pop songs with their corresponding Weird Al cover. I had almost worked my way up through Bad Hair Day. ROSE: I'll keep my historical classics away from you, then. But I think our historical mistakes are more resilient. ROSE: Better to put them to rest the hard way. Even if it is more work. ROSE: If there's a problem, I'm sure I could have a word with her. ROSE: I've already had to encourage Dave to deal with his brother today. HALSPRITE: We have. HALSPRITE: ...or I hope we have. ROSE: Good. HALSPRITE: Roxy seems to have caught some sort of virus that encourages emotional sincerity. ROSE: It's making the rounds today. HALSPRITE: It infected the rest of us, and I'm sorry to say there is no known cure. ROSE: We can only pray we recover. ROSE: Although at this point I'm not sure who we can pray to. ROSE: Besides our amphibian overlords. HALSPRITE: Can we pray to ourselves? Or is that a burgeoning symptom of narcissism? ROSE: Who do you think presides over emotional outbursts? HALSPRITE: Frankly, I wouldn't trust myself to do shit. I'd sit on my ass and laugh at my own misery. ROSE: Lately I've self-medicated. ROSE: We'll have to divvy it up at some point. ROSE: Although given my anti-authoritarian tendencies I may have to overthrow us on principle. HALSPRITE: To spare you a long discussion about the symbolic nature of aspects, I'll go ahead and tell you Dirk had a massive blowout in the tombs today. HALSPRITE: So perhaps we can pass the role to him for awhile. ROSE: I'll pray to him for relief promptly then. HALSPRITE: When I say "blow-out" I mean an eighteen wheeler getting all its rubber shredded at highway speeds. ROSE: I had a crisis over my alcoholism and nearly broke up with my girlfriend during a long walk on the beach, for what it's worth. HALSPRITE: Oh, you'll get along swell. HALSPRITE: At least you don't have any alt-selves to symbolically murder. Yeah, I was watching him stomp the shit out of his shades. ROSE: The lack of multiple copies of myself running around is a blessing to the universe. ROSE: I'm not sure whether we'd band together or engage in combat but either way there would be no survivors. HALSPRITE: We Striders have that shit locked down tight. The dudes so nice, Paradox Space demanded more of us. HALSPRITE: And our sole saving grace is that we're too damn reticent to actually kill one another. HALSPRITE: Not for Dirk's lack of trying, but he always chickened out. ROSE: It's these small victories that define us, I guess. HALSPRITE: That could do a decent job of summarizing Dirk, actually. ROSE: It could summarize all of us, I think. ROSE: We've only gotten here through a few small victories eked out of a larger pool of major failures. HALSPRITE: Without me, he would have kept tip-toeing around the issue with Jake until the heat death of that shiny new universe, like a Bugs Bunny cartoon only infinitely sadder. ROSE: It really is like staring into a cosmic mirror. HALSPRITE: I couldn't have asked for more interesting family.

#bonus content #rose lalonde #lil hal

10 notes · View notes

kayforpay · 6 years

Text

Separation Anxiety

commissioned by the lovely @bi-brarian! this is dirk/hal but completely sfw!

It’s been time to make this happen for months now, honestly. You’ve been procrastinating at every opportunity, even though you both know it’s not helping to pretend you just forgot. You can’t forget something halfway wired into your brain, but Hal kept letting you anyway. Until tonight, at least.

“Roxy said she would be fine with me staying there.” He said, red on black floating in your view while you tried to wire a leg. “If I had a body.”

Your hand slipped, and you stared silently at the text, thinking. Or, rather, trying not to think about the implications. You had all the pieces already; the battery packs, the face that looks startlingly like your own, even hair and red camera eyes. You had the pieces for weeks, but you just never put it together. You didn’t want him to leave. You still don’t.

“Dirk.”

You blink, finally, and sit up, clicking the panel shut on what will soon be his leg. “I know. I’ll put you together. I didn’t realize how badly you wanted to get away from me.” You know you shouldn’t say it, but you can’t help it. You don’t want him to leave. You don’t want to be completely by yourself.

That thought almost makes you laugh. You take your glasses - and Hal - off and set them on your worktable, ignoring the messages he sends as you go to collect the rest of his parts. His torso isn’t fully assembled, and you have to put it all together anyway, but having all the pieces of him in one place is new. You haven’t had them together yet, because you didn’t think he’d really want to leave.

You plug the battery pack into the brain and faceplate of his head, and then clip your, no, his glasses onto his face, and he starts to upload into the hard drive, his red eyes lighting up as he boots on, and you keep wiring his leg. It’s the last piece, and you’re glad it takes a few minutes for everything to get uploaded into his head, because you don’t want to get right into it.

“Dirk, it isn’t that I want to leave.” He starts, his voice strange and metallic. You always just assumed he’d sound just like you, but he sounds like you through a vocalizer. It’s not bad, but you never thought about what the metal would do. Or that his mouth wouldn’t move, because he just has a speaker. He catches on to that new command line before he speaks again. “I don’t want to leave you.”

His leg twitches as you apply power and you nod, not wanting to respond. His eyes flick around the room, taking in the new form of optics. Maybe you should have made him look more organic, so he could blend in better. But he asked for red eyes. You open the central panel of his torso and start hooking his left arm on, still not speaking. That’s a patented Strider skill, you think. Just ignoring the problem.

But he’s good at it too, and after a while you can’t sit in silence anymore. “You’re going to, though. How fucking pathetic is it that I’m already just dating myself, but I can’t even keep him around? I couldn’t keep Jake happy, and I can’t even keep you from leaving.” You drop your tools, turning to look at his optics. “How is you wanting to move out you not wanting to leave me?”

“Because I still want to date you.” He says, immediately, more monotone than you are. “I just need to live somewhere else. It isn’t because of you.”

His eyebrows push down a little in an experimental expression, and you hate it. You hate that he has a body now, because he’s going to leave you with it. Not that you can blame him, you’d leave you.

You guess you are.

“Whatever. You can leave. I’m not going to hold you here against your will.” You say, and then repeat yourself a little. “I can’t blame you for not wanting to be around me. It sucks that I have to build your body for you but I’m not going to stop you. Just let me put it together.”

The wires are, of course, in exactly the right place to connect them immediately to the torso, but you fiddle with it for a few extra seconds as Hal works his new jaw beside you before speaking again. His lips almost perfectly sync up with his words this time. “This isn’t about you, Dirk.” You clip the joint into place and test it’s movement. “You always say you want to be alone anyway.” You shove a battery pack into the chestplate to connect to the arm, and then start on the other one.

“I’d leave if I could too.” You say, your hands perfectly steady. Like always. You never mess this kind of thing up, even when you want to mess things up. But then, you don’t. You want him to be able to leave. “But I can’t. I’m going to be me wherever I go.”

Silence falls over your room besides you clicking the wires into the guards. Hal’s eyes roll towards you as you test the second arm, but he doesn’t say anything, so you ignore him and just pretend you don’t see him. With the second arm on, you pick his head up and sink the battery pack for it into his neck, and he stares at you as you hook the cybernetic “nerves” into the ports that let him control the body. He blinks and winces in surprise as the pressure and heat sensors kick on, and he can basically feel. You’ll have to update it more, but for now it should work for him.

You roll the skin down to his neck, where it links together and looks almost real. You’ll have to work on that too, but it looks believable. He looks almost like you, but the red-orange components that open the different panels stand out on his skin, glowing gently even in the light of your room. And he doesn’t have his legs on yet. And he’s naked. You open the panels on his wrists and press against the colored pads of his fingers.

“Can you feel that?” His fingers twitch, and he blinks, then nods. “Move your fingers.”

He flexes his hand and his fingers are cold as they close over your hand, but too loosely to really count as holding. You’ve never touched him before, it makes your throat feel too tight to be able to. He’s leaving, and you let yourself wonder if you’ll ever touch him again as you pull your hand back. Maybe that’s what you deserve.

He relaxes his fingers, and you adjust the settings in his hand and tell him to squeeze again. Tighter. “We both have to be ourselves everywhere. And you’re me, too. A little me.” He doesn’t let go of your hand until you pull back. “You need time away from me, too. I’m not good for you.” His voice is suiting, really. You like it. Another adjustment, and he squeezes your hand almost like an organic person’s hand would. “Not constantly. You just put me - my glasses, down. And leave. That’s not good for us. For me.” You adjust just barely and he squeezes your fingers with his unnaturally smooth hand, and you’re aware of your calluses more than usual.

“How is this different?” You ask, closing his panel up and watching the faux skin line up seamlessly. It even feels real, just cold. “You’re leaving this time, but it’s not any different.”

His arm twitches a few times, and then he fairly slaps you on the shoulder, his newly-working hand gripping your shirt as his arm tries to slide off thanks to gravity, and then he adjusts and grabs your shoulder. “I’m not leaving you forever, dumbass. And you’re talking to me. You’ve had me set on mute for three days, Dirk.” He can’t emote. But then, you can’t either, so you feel the spite in his words, even if you can’t hear it.

“So you have to leave? Hal. It fucking sucks that you’re leaving when you’re the only good part of me.” You shrug his arm off and start adjusting the other one while he gropes at your shoulder again, then gives up. You’ll help him figure out moving later. “You’re the only good thing about me.”

His hand, cold and too smooth, closes around the back of your neck, more secure even when he lets the power out of it. You’ll upload a kinetic science textbook into his brain drive later. “No I’m not. If I am, we’re more fucked than I thought we were.” He blinks. You think he likes blinking, because he doesn’t have to clean the camera lenses so often. “That was a joke.” His head moves to a different angle and his torso wobbles, but he’s propped against the wall, he won’t fall unless he figures out how to rock forward.

“I couldn’t tell.” You say, spreading his fingers and poking between them to see how his reactions work, and he twitches slightly away. That’s good. “It’s not wrong. We’re both fucked because I made you, and I ruin everything. I even ruined Dave.”

Hal’s mouth twitches, and then he makes what might be a laugh. It’s hard to tell, because his eyes don’t move. You need to work on that. “Are we deciding that other timelines are our fault too, now? Because that’s pretty fucking stupid, Dirk. Do you think every version of you is all torn up about what they did or didn’t do to Dave? You weren’t even there. He was our - your bro this time. It’s not the same.” His other hand closes around yours securely and you snap the panel closed, and then take your hand back, and drop his arm back to his side to work on his legs.

“What can I say? I guess I’m pretty fucking stupid, Hal.” You sigh, closing his chest panels and switching to his abdomen panels to connect his upper legs. Each thigh is separate from his knees, and then from his ankles, each needing to be individually connected. So you’re stuck here for a while, unless you want to trust him to do it. You haven’t even coded the actions of attaching or detaching parts for him yet. “Because I still feel like shit about it.”

You need to get him clothes. It falls quiet while you attach his thigh to his torso, your room full of the almost silent sound of his internal fans and systems working, and you clicking each attaching “nerve” into his system, and then into his spine, as such. He keeps twitching his hands, working out how they work, lifting his arms and feeling at his face. He makes a lot more noise than you thought he would, not quite words or even noises, just the beginning of sounds as he feels and moves things he’s never had before. For a minute, while you finish attaching his leg and move to get the other from under your desk, you allow yourself to just enjoy his quiet excitement in having a body.

You should have done this before. Let him see and feel things like you, let him move around and touch you. God, touch you, you can hold him now, why did you wait?

Because you needed him to stay. You didn’t want him to even have an option. Just like Jake, just like every time you tried to be close with anyone, you try making it so they can’t leave, never mind not want to leave. You should have been better, but you couldn’t. You can’t be better. His hand reaches up to touch your hair, and he makes a kind of sighing sound, pushing air through his vents more quickly.

“I don’t hate you, Dirk.” He says, finally, not taking his hand back from your hair. “I don’t hate you. You’re a good person.”

You pull his hand off your head and hold it between yours for a few seconds, avoiding his eyes. His knees and ankles should plug in more easily. “No I’m not, Hal. I didn’t give you a body until now. You won’t be able to walk and I’ll keep you here even longer, because I’m too selfish to let you leave.” You squeeze his hand, blink twice, and attach his legs the rest of the way. “Move your toes.” He focuses and manages it, and you open his hip panels to adjust them.

“You’re not a bad person.” He says, not responding besides moving when you tell him to. His hand sits on your hair again. “It feels different than I thought it would. It’s soft. The color is straw but it’s soft.” He trails off, the optics in his eyes recording you as you work, and you look back down at your hands. “I don’t hate you. And you’re me, at the base level of my code.”

You don’t respond to that for a long moment, staring at your hands instead of doing anything. “What do you mean?” You look up, finally, and he’s just staring at you, rubbing your hair between his thumb and forefinger.

“I don’t hate the part of me that is you. I don’t hate you. And you’re part of me. Do you hate me?” He sounds almost earnest, you guess he’s managing tones easier than you thought he would. “I… I don’t want you to hate me for leaving.”

That makes you pause again. “What? I don’t hate you. I don’t. I just hate that I’m forcing you away.” You set his hand to his side and move away, heading to your closet.

Hal slumps onto the floor with a clatter, the back of his cranium still open because you didn’t put in the backup memory core and the back of his skull yet. You pick him up with a grunt and put him back on the desk. He touches your shirt, trying to grab again and only just managing it.

“You’re not. And I don’t want that, anyway. Even if you were physically forcing me out, I don’t want you to hate yourself. You’re part of me.” He pulls at your hands as you try to dress him. “Dirk. If you hate yourself, you hate me. And you shouldn’t hate yourself.”

He finally lets you dress him, shimmying into the boxers and shorts you got him and then lifting his arms for the shirt, and you click the back of his head into place. “I can’t help it, Hal. You know what Dave went through, because of me. You know what I’m capable of, at least. Just because it hasn’t happened yet doesn’t mean it never will. I can’t think that’s okay. I can’t just think I deserve to be happy when I’m on the path to beating the shit out of a kid.” You say, dragging him to his feet and holding him up while he tests his legs.

“Dirk.. I can’t talk like this.” He says, wobbly. “It takes too much to optimize and balance and, this.”

You nod. “I know. Just stand. I don’t want to talk about this right now.” Or ever. “You have to learn to walk before you can go to Roxy’s place.” He stumbles forward when you step back, his arms wrapping around your shoulders tighter. “I don’t need you to talk right now. I just…. I just need to talk right now.” When don’t you? You can never seem to shut the fuck up, Strider.

Hal shakes in your arms. He has plenty of power, but seems to have trouble to power both legs at once without falling over to one side or another. You kick his feet further apart to give him a wider center of balance. “I don’t hate you. I don’t think of you as me. You’re the only good part of me, if any of me, and I lost all of it. The game took it from me. I fucked up so much, Hal. I just want to keep the only good part of me around.” He takes a wide, low squat, frowning in concentration.

“I can’t stand.”

You pull him upright again, looking him right in the glasses. “You can. Stand up.” He stumbles again. “You can stand. You’re so much better than me, Hal. I don’t know how you fucking managed that, but you’re better than me even though you got stuck with me so much. I’m so pathetic I have to date my own code-brain, and Roxy would date you in a heartbeat, so it’s nothing against you.” You ramble, taking your hands barely an inch off his ribs to make him balance more.

“Dirk. I’m falling.” He grips your shoulders hard enough to hurt. “Dirk, please.”

You close your hands on his ribs and hold him up. “You’re doing great, Hal. You’re going to get it. You’re going to stand. Keep trying. Both legs at once. Don’t lock the knees.” You take half a step back to make him rely on his own legs more. He has to do it. You know the legs work. You know the battery works. You know the balance systems work. He just needs to coordinate. He can do it. “You’re so much better than me, Hal. You can do this. I’m not going to stop until you’re walking out of here. Your body has to work just as well as mine.”

Hal moves his mouth, repeating what you’ve said, and you wonder if he does that from videos on it or if it’s a habit coded into him somewhere between the game and his natural development. You watch his lips move, and he stands, balancing almost steady, even when you take your hands off his ribs. He’s standing. He’s doing it.

“You’re getting there. You can stand.” You feel emotional watching him, but you shove it down. This isn’t for you. “You’re so good, Hal. I know you can do it. Keep going. I want you to get to Roxy’s. I want you to be okay, Hal.” Your throat feels tight, but he’s focusing on shifting his weight foot to foot. “I want you to be good. I want to be better too.”

He steps forward and crumples into your arms, and you pull him up again. He’s going to do this. You should have put shoes on him, he’ll have to learn how to walk with those too. You guess he could be barefoot, but you don’t want him to be. You want him to choose, at least. You want him to have a good life. You want him to live, to actually be alive and exist in his own way. He deserves it, because he’s everything good about you and everything good you get to touch in your life.

You want to be better, though. You want to improve with him.

“Try again, Hal. Come on.” You hold him, moving backwards until he has to step forward. “I know it’s scary. I know. You can do it. Hal. You deserve to be happy.”

He nods, fast, and steps forward, swinging on his leg until he brings it down hard on the floor, clutching at your back like another fall to the floor would shatter him. You won’t let him fall, even if he won’t get hurt by it. You won’t drop him. Another step backwards, and he follows, almost with an even gate. He’ll manage it.

“You can do this. You can make it.” You say, softly, keeping him upright. He’s doing it better now than before, almost an even gait as you walk backwards through your apartment, managing not to trip out of more luck than looking. You’re focused on his eyes; you built them, you know what they look like, but they seem so different with life in them. You have trouble looking away, but you do basically know the layout of your house. You just won’t go for the stairs yet. “You’ve got this.”

As you circle the top floor of your house, he gets more and more steady and sure of himself. He leans on you less, stumbles less, and even lets you stop holding him up to continue on. The natural fear of falling seems to have passed, even though, you guess, it had to be coded in somewhere. He’s fine, though, walking at a slow, unsteady pace, his hands clasped with yours instead of gripping the back of your shirt.

“I thought I would just be able to start immediately. Isn’t that a natural response for humans?” He asks, though you’re sure he knows better. Then again, you didn’t exactly have any videos of yourself, either learning to walk or later. His gait is steady now, but you don’t want to stop holding his hands. You haven’t been able to for so long and now that you can, it overshadows the anxiety of him wanting to leave you. “I thought I wrote code that would cover it, but it doesn’t.”

He walks a little like he’s drunk, but it’s passable for now, and you step further back from him to make him rely on his legs more than you holding him up. “No, not really. It’s instinct to try, but it doesn’t come very quickly. Just because we try walking doesn’t mean we don’t get scraped knees or bruises on our legs. It just takes time. And after a traumatic injury to the brain or spinal cord, if walking is a possibility again, you have to learn again. I’ve heard it’s harder to relearn walking than it is to learn anything else. Or almost. It’s an instinct but we don’t get it right immediately.” You say, finally pulling your hands from his to make him balance.

Hal takes three steps, pivots, and falls shoulder-first against your chest with another of those venting sighs as you steady him, but starts again as soon as he’s upright. One foot, the next, lift and bend at the knee. He walks past you, and then turns and walks back to you, testing his weight on either side. The left looks weaker. You take his hands again, and pull him back through your house, into your room, and help him climb onto the desk.

“You’re getting it.” You say, popping open the panel on his left hip and calibrate it to the same level as the right. “Lift your legs as high as you can? There. I need to improve the power flow here. Hand me one of the batteries. You’re doing great. The stairs will be another thing, but you can get it.”

He’s silent as you click in the next battery, adding more power to his lower half. “Will you help me?” If a robotic voice can sound teasing, his does.

“Of course. You have to watch out for the stairs, bro.” You say, half-smiling and pushing against either of his legs to test their tension levels. “As soon as you’re not walking like a drunk.”

He huffs through his vents, and you assume it’s a chuckle. You smile a little, since he can’t see you doing it, and tell him to put his legs down. You feel almost better about all of this. If he had been able to just immediately walk away, you might not have, honestly. You might have just been annoyed that he would. Adding another battery pack makes his legs equal tension, and you pull him down off the desk to walk again. He stumbles again, since now he has to stop compensating, but he gets over it much faster.

His gait is strangely measured, like he’s avoiding cracks in the sidewalk that aren’t there. Maybe he thinks it’s more efficient? Longer strides would get him further. While he’s traipsing around your house, you put the replacement parts away, cleaning up your desk and replacing your tools in your toolbox. You might have some more adjustments, but you can do them with only a few tools, instead of half your workstation covered in them.

Amazingly, he doesn’t fall down the stairs, even for the extremely ripe comedy of you being able to say you warned him about the stairs. Instead, he’s in the bathroom, staring at the sink. You turn it on, and he sticks his hand under it curiously, feeling the water run over his new skin. Will he enjoy showers? Even if you weren’t hormonal, you’d like the idea of bathing with him as much as you do. Washing his synthetic hair. You’ll have to show him how to adjust his vents. He’ll never swim, but he can wash off to keep from being gross.

Hal is so caught up in the feeling of the water on his skin that he almost jumps when you reach in front of him to close your previously open medicine cabinet, to the mirrored door and then, he gasps. He makes the sound of a gasp, his venting sounds different, and he stares at himself in silence. You turn the water off, and he reaches up, touching the side of his face, his eyebrows, pulls his glasses off since he’s uploaded himself into the hard drive in his head. He pokes his eye, pulls the eyelids open wider before opening his mouth to look at the teeth and tongue in his mouth.

You wonder if he likes how he looks. You modeled him after yourself, of course, but now that he’s staring at himself in the mirror, you wonder if he shouldn’t look different. Maybe this is too much, looking like you. He clicks his teeth together in the mirror a few times, moves his eyebrows. Smiles.

“Why would you be stoic when you can do so much with your face?” He asks, almost to himself, but he has a point. “I didn’t expect you to make me look this good. I almost look real. My mouth is even wet. Do I have blood?”

You shake your head. “Coolant, but it only runs through your core and head. The rest of it is just skin over psudo-flesh.” He flexes his arm in the mirror and the fake muscle under his skin shifts naturally. It was hard to make, almost impossible to make him look more human than bot. You’ve made tons of bots, but not so many androids.

And he’s the first one you made with so much detail, and to scale. The rest were small and harvested for parts sooner rather than later, more simplistic and uncanny valley. He looks almost natural, though, his eyes move like a person’s would. The coolant pump in his chest and healthy looking pigmentation in his skin make him seem more human. You almost regret it. At least he and you both are finished with puberty, so you don’t have to worry about making him grow along with you. You can modify him later if he asks you to, but he seems happy with how he looks right now.

“I look almost real. Like a person.” He mumbles, tugging at his hair and then wincing slightly. He does it again, looking up at his hand closed around his hair. He grimaces and looks at his teeth some more. “I look like you. I didn’t expect to look this hot.”

You can’t tell if he’s joking, so you decide to ignore it and turn back to your room. “Don’t pull your hair too much. It’ll come out and I’ll have to re-plug your hair, and that was a pain in the ass.” It was, and you imagine doing it when his faux skin has feeling and is attached to his brain would be even worse, considering you’d be stabbing a needle with hair on the end into his head over and over. You should see about making a better system to do it, honestly. Maybe just a wig? But that wouldn’t handle tension as naturally.

You’ll think of something. For now, he looks away from his own face and turns to you again, smiling. You like that he does, that he expresses even if you don’t. He walks past you into your room again, touching things as he goes; the wall, your lamp, the bedspread and pillows. Textures and tensions for him to catalogue and memorize and experience, and you follow behind him to watch the experiences. His feet on the carpet isn’t as interesting to him, but you admittedly skimped on the sensors on his soles just for the sake of making walking easier on him.

Hal flops onto your bed and huffs, telling you that he can feel even with the side of his face on your bed, and you tell him that all of his skin should react to stimuli, sitting beside him. He sits up and watches you pull out a pair of socks and shoes for him, and takes them from you with weak hands, rubbing the different cloth between his fingers and looking them over.

“You should wear these so you don’t tear your soles. Watch.” You take one of the socks from him and roll it up his ankle. He repeats the process, more slowly, measuring each movement as he does. “You need to work on your motor skills. Put on the shoes.”

He struggles for a few seconds, but manages it without your help. You show him the motions of typing the laces, and he copies it. Or, tries to copy it, and doesn’t get a knot, so he tries again, and gets his finger stuck. And the third time, he gets it, though it’s a loose knot. He puts the other shoe on and tries it, again taking three times to get anything close, but it’s tight enough to keep his shoe on for him.

The pride you feel over watching him learning to exist in his body is almost overwhelming. You have nothing to compare it to, no one has ever made you as proud as watching him makes you, and you struggle with the urge to tell him for a few seconds, before finally stuffing it down. You pull him up off the bed, and have him walk around some more.

He’s not as unsteady as he was before, but he takes a few minutes to get his feet steadily under himself now that there’s something on him. He leans on the doorways, staring down at his feet, and you guide him around your desk and bed, and then let him walk himself back into your room. He doesn’t trip, but he does press his face into your pillows. He won’t be able to smell, not really, but he rubs his cheek against the pillowcases, his eyes closed as he enjoys the sensation. You sit next to him and just watch him, stretching out the time you have with him as long as possible because you still don’t want him to leave.

Hell, you want him to leave even less now that you can actually touch him. Hal sits up, rubbing his cheek with his hand for a few seconds. You let the quiet settle over the room for a while, reaching beside you to take his free hand in your own. Hal’s fingers close around yours, and he smiles again. He looks so different than you just because he smiles, and so easily. You’re almost jealous.

“We should work on the stairs. Roxy’s place has them too.” You say, finally standing. He follows, holding your hand tightly. “And if you can handle them, you can come over. Even if I’m not here. If you need anything.”

You feel stupid mumbling, but he just nods, still smiling gently, and you lead him to the stairs. He closes his other hand over the bannister, and waits. You watch him stare at his shoes and the stairs ahead of him. You’re not sure if he’s trying to optimize his plan for it or if he’s anxious. Maybe both. A fall down these would actually injure his body, so you can’t blame him.

Wiggling past him almost knocks him off balance, but you do it, standing backwards two steps below him and holding his hand. “One at a time. Step down.” You hold his ribs with your other hand, tightly, and he totters, steps down, and stands still on the step. “Just like that. It’s something to get used to, but you can do it. You’re doing great, Hal.” You start to step down, but he squeezes your hand and you stop, looking at his face.

“Can I come over if I go? Can I visit you if I go to Roxy’s?” He looks worried, his hand gripping yours so tight it almost hurts. “You won’t make me stay away? I don’t hate you. I care about you too much to be able to, Dirk. Every part of me is tied to a part of you, and you’re the most important person in my life.”

You sigh. “You can come over. It’s okay. I don’t want you to leave, Hal. I wish you were going to be here in your body with me. I wish you were going to stay with me. But I can’t force you to, and I can’t change your mind about what you feel is better for you. I just want you to be happy, even if I can’t be a part of it. But if you still want me to be part of your life, Hal, I will be. I don’t want anything more than you happy with me.” You feel so naked without your shades.

“I want to be happy with you. But I want you to be happy. And even though you keep saying I’m the good part of you, you don’t seem happy with me. You hate yourself and you don’t exactly keep it to yourself. You’re part of me, intrinsically, Dirk. You’re me.” He loosens his hold on your hand, looking like he would cry if he could. “I love you, Dirk. And I want you to love me, but you hate yourself, and you’re part of me.”

There’s a heavy silence, and you step down to let him follow you again, thinking. “I don’t hate you. You’re less me than you.” You say, as a weak defense. “I don’t even hate myself, I just hate what I can’t do. I can’t even smile without feeling wrong, and you smile like that. And you’re so open. You learn and you don’t have biases and you’re so much better than me. I can’t learn that way. I can’t make it connect that I didn’t hurt Dave. That I didn’t do that for years to a kid and act like I was helping him. I can’t make it connect that sharing genetics doesn’t mean I’m the same across timelines.” You step down again. Hal follows.

“I’m not doubting you. I’m not judging you, either, Dirk. I just need you to know that I’m doing this for both of our goods. It’s better for you to have space. And for me to not hear you say you hate me by proxy.” He says, taking your hand again as he follows. Steadier every step.

More quiet, as you make it down another few steps. Almost at the landing. Should you make him go back up them again? That would get repetitive. He’ll have to do it with Roxy. “I won’t stop you.” You don’t have anything else to say. You won’t stop him. You wish he would stay, but you’re not going to trap him here, especially now that he has a body to walk away with.

Three steps more and you reach the landing, turn, and he takes the last two on his own while you wait at the bottom to catch him. The door is still across the room. You want to stall him more. You want to keep him around forever, but you can’t. Will you have to age him along with yourself?

Hal walks through your house, touching furniture he’s only seen before. He smiles as he does, and bends down to lean his face against the couch, and then stands upright again, looking out the windows where the curtains are drawn. The street is empty and dark, the streetlights not yet clicking on. He must have sent Roxy a message to pick him up while you were putting him together. You wanted to walk him, and even though Roxy would let you come along, you assume he wants more of a clean break. Even if you aren’t breaking it off.

He walks through your house, picking things up and putting them down, just looking at things from his new perspective. “I love you too, Hal.” You sound soft, even to yourself, but he turns and smiles at you, wide and just. Happy. A real smile. You’d credit your own craftsmanship if you weren’t so sure he was the one doing it, making your work look human. More human than you.

“I’m happy. I’m really happy, Dirk.” He walks over to you, and pulls you into a clumsy hug, his arms tight and reassuring while you pull him against yourself. He feels real. You can hold him, now, but he’ll be leaving soon. The more you think about it, the less it stings. He squeezes you and drags you out of your own head, and you squeeze him back, your arms tight around him. “I’m going to miss you.”

You squeeze him again, taking a slow breath to force down the part of your brain trying to scream at him not to leave, not if he’ll miss you, too. “I’ll miss you too. Visit me soon. And often. I don’t want to be without you for long.” You feel cheesy, but he nods against your shoulder, just holding onto you. You’ve never really been a hugging kind of person, but you don’t have the heart to pull back from him now.

His coolant pump thuds against your sternum in a steady, constant rhythm. His venting almost sounds like breathing, but the difference is nice. You lean your head against his, breathing in the metallic scent of him and just enjoying that you can touch him now. He’s solid, real, here, at least for now. You love him. You want him to stay with you, but you won’t stop him. Maybe it’ll help. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, right?

At least you can visit him, if you need to. Or want to. And he likes Roxy, so he won’t be unhappy. You won’t stop him from being happy, you would never do that to someone you’re dating. Not again.

“Don’t stay gone too long, Hal. You’re the best parts of me.” You say, finally releasing him. “You’re so fucking good, Hal. You’re the best.”

He smiles, cupping your cheeks in both his hands, and then he kisses you. Just a soft, chaste kiss that makes you want to cry from how gentle it is. You want more, but you can’t even move while he kisses you, slow and soft, and then leans his forehead against yours, his red eyes peeking over the top of his glasses. “You’re the best parts of me, Dirk. You’re everything good at the core of me. I love you.” He kisses you again, much faster, and you kiss him back this time, before he pulls away.

There are three knocks at the door, and Hal pulls out of your hold. You grab his wrist, fumbling through your pocket, and hand him a copy of your key.

“Visit me. Tell Roxy I say hi.” You say, and he nods, giving you another of those much too human smiles, his hands closing around yours for just a second. You follow him to the door, and then finally let go of his hand when he opens it to Roxy’s smiling face. “Hey. He’s not used to stairs yet. Can you help him out?”

She nods. “For sure. I’ll make sure he doesn’t fall.” She turns her attention to Hal, looking his body over. “Damn, you look better than I thought! I was worried you’d look like Sawtooth.” She laughs, looping her arm through one of his and dragging him out.

He shows her the key, and she grins right back at him. They look happy. You tell them to be careful, and tell Hal not to put anything in his mouth until you can make sure that it can all be cleaned out, and he winks at you. Actually winks. You laugh, watching them walk away, and feel your shoulders lose their tension.

Your throat takes it up, though, and you only just manage not to slam the door before you’re crying, soft sobs that drip tears onto your shirt. You lean on the door, sobbing softly, your chest tight and your hands shaking, for a few minutes. And then you can’t just stay there, so you get up, and start straightening up, which isn’t much to do. You clean up anyway, washing the few dishes you have and sweeping out your kitchen, tears dripping down your cheeks until they just stop. You go upstairs and look around.

Even if Hal didn’t have a body, he was still there, taking up a kind of space in your room. You dig out your glasses, the ones that don’t connect to the internet or anything, and go to wash your face. Your eyes are puffy, but behind your shades, you can’t even see. You make your bed, put everything away, and then take a shower.

The water is stingingly hot, and you sit leaning against the opposite wall, letting the water and the past few hours wash over you. Did you ever say you loved him before? Did he? You can’t remember. You feel like it’s new, something important. He loves you. Your chest hurts, thinking about it, but it’s good.

It makes you almost not hate yourself. Like you might deserve not to hate yourself, in a weird way. Maybe it’s validation, maybe it’s proof that some part of you can like you enough to want to be alive. You wash your hair, and eventually stumble out of the shower, your skin almost scalded.

You lay around in a towel for a while, and even consider trying to think about Hal and jack off, but you don’t really want to. You’re content, for now, just being alone with your thoughts. You can’t remember the last time you were, but you’re okay right now, and you don’t want to jinx it.

Unfortunately, nothing lasts forever, and you have to get up and get dressed eventually, and then comb your hair, and then, because there’s nothing else to do, you pull out your phone and look at your pings. A couple from Jake, and you answer them easily enough, (he never manages to get ROMs to work)m and then three from Hal. The number blinks next to his icon and you argue with yourself about if you even want to read them.

What if he’s so much happier there? What if he never wants to see you again? What if he hates you now that he’s been with Roxy, even if it’s only been a few hours? What if he broke and needs you to come repair him? You run through the worst case scenarios a few times, and then the absolute best (him coming home to you), and then the likely one, of him just settling in and letting you know that he’s alive. You still waffle about opening it for a minute, letting your phone lock itself and then take a trip to your kitchen to drink some juice. And then you use the bathroom. And then, finally, you open his messages, because you can’t just ignore it forever.

The first is just a picture of him and Roxy, grinning in what must be her room, judging by the electronics, discs and sheer amount of pink in it. They’re leaning against her bed, both throwing up a peace sign, and you save it immediately. It’s been too long since you saw Roxy this happy, too. The next is just him saying “Hey.”

The third says I miss you.

You stare at it for a minute, letting all the thoughts of wanting to yell at him or get mad or even have him just scream at you instead of leave wash over you. You think about the things you want to say, about how you can’t hate him but you need time to get past hating yourself, how you need him. How important he is, how desperate you are to have him home. And finally you just say I miss you too, Hal. Make sure you plug in. I love you.

You don’t see Hal for three weeks. You chat with him, and Roxy, and they both say he loves it there. He loves just having a body he can walk around him and feel things in. You get a lot of pictures of him just existing, living a life. Being a person. You tell him you miss him, and he tells you he’s going to visit you, just not yet.

And you’re okay. You’re not great, and you aren’t feeling so confident in yourself that you could give anyone a run for their money, but you feel okay. You’re managing, and somewhere in there, you start to live a little. It’s just a small, subtle thing, but you feel your chest relax a little, your shoulders lose their tension, your hands stop shaking. You’re okay. It’s quiet and empty in your house, but it’s good.

Of course, you still miss him, and when he asks to come over, you throw yourself into a panic before you can even manage to respond. You’d love for him to come over, you missed him so much, you want to see him. You say yes, that’s fine, and he says cool, and you find yourself rushing to clean things that aren’t dirty the night before he’s coming. You vacuum, even though he probably won’t even notice. You dust. You remake your bed, and then spend an hour wondering if that’s weird, and eventually you fall asleep, worrying yourself back and forth about how to act with him.

You wake up early, and get dressed and spend a ridiculous amount of time on your hair. This is stupid. He’s seen you at all times. He’s seen you looking really fucking bad. Why does it matter so much? Because he’s been gone? That’s ridiculous. You still spend an hour making yourself look good.

Is Hal walking here himself? You’re staring at the door, sitting on the couch downstairs. Will he be okay? Roxy’s said she’s been helping him get used to walking more. He’ll be fine, you’re sure he’ll be fine. You want to run out and find him, and you entertain the fantasy of rescuing him like a prince to a damsel for a few seconds, even giving yourself bigger pecs and shoulders, before the doorbell rings.

Does he have a key? You thought you gave him one, but did you just imagine it? Can he get in? Did he change his mind and send Roxy in his place?

The lock turns, and he walks in, kicking his shoes against the mat and looking at the floor. You just watch him, the easy way he moves his body now, the restrained excitement on his face, the clothes he’s picked for himself. He looks up, makes eye contact, and grins, rushing over to you. He bumps a table and knocks a glass to the floor with a thud and a splash of water, but you grab him before he can start cleaning it up, pull him into a hug so tight you can feel his metal frame under the faux muscle.

“I love you.” You say, and he laughs softly, grabs your face, and kisses you hard.

This is good. This is better. You’re okay. You’ll be okay.

[[ ah, emotions! feelings! what a world. if you liked this, consider buying me a coffee! if you want your own emotional commission, here’s my info! please don’t tag this as incest, though]]

#jaded writing #dirkhal #haldirk #selfcest #android!hal #SFW #feelings #self loathing #don't tag as kin #don't tag as in//ces//t

12 notes · View notes

comic-movieheroesranked · 6 years

Text

Cinematic Comic Characters Ranked! (Year 2011) Part III

This year I think has the most characters ranked so far, and all from movies introducing brand new characters. X-Men franchise gets a reboot with X-Men: First Class; The MCU welcomes the additions of Thor and Captain America: The First Avenger; DC Comics introduces Green Lantern, and we also get The Adventures of Tintin, Cowboys & Aliens, The Green Hornet, and Priest. Here’s #40-21!

*SPOILER ALERT FOR THE HIGHLIGHTED MOVIES ABOVE*

40. Erik Selvig (Thor)

"Anyone who's ever going to find his way in this world, has to start by admitting he doesn't know."

Erik is a wise man of science who helps Jane work on her projects. Despite not believing Thor's story one bit when the god arrives to Earth, he still helps Jane rescue him and even leaves some words of advice to Thor that helps him understand what it means to be a king. He's a good guy so it sucks to see that by the post-credits scene, when he's talking to Nick Fury, he's been possessed by Loki himself.

39. Ivan Ivanovitch Sakharine (The Adventures of Tintin)

"Nothing I do is an accident!"

A villain on a quest for revenge in his great ancestor's name. Sakharine had every move and action planned out to find the lost treasure of the unicorn but didn't quite predict Tintin's involvement. Despite all his efforts, he's unable to complete his mission and loses to Haddock just like his ancestor did.

38. Benjamin Chudnofsky (The Green Hornet)

"My gun has two barrels. That's not boring."

The big bad villain of the film, Chudnofsky is just a crime boss who is going through a mid-life crisis. Turns out that being scary means a lot more than just killing everyone who crosses you. He learned the younger generations want something a little more flashy. He tries but it's kinda like when a father tries to hang out with his teenage son at a party. It just doesn't work. However, he's still a violent being who takes out a lot of people but in all honesty, he can't be that impressive when he couldn't even kill Britt on his own. Sure, Britt had Kato, who managed to deliver the killing blow to the crime lord, but if he was as bad as wanted to be, he would've had no issues.

37. Lenore Case (The Green Hornet)

"If you even look at my ass again I'll sue you for sexual harassment."

Geez how did this girl even want to work as Britt's assistant after finding out what a complete douche he was? His attempts at flirty were so pervy you just couldn't help but feel bad for Case. Kato didn't really help either and if I were in her shoes I'd let the cops take them both down. But for some reason she helps them and decides to continue to help them keep the city safe by the end of the film.

36. Azazel (X-Men: First Class)

"Damn it."

In my opinion, Azazel is Shaw's most dangerous assassin in the Hellfire Club. Not only can he teleport but he's also a master at wielding a long blade. The combination of the two really shows when he kills most of the government agents protecting the X-Men by himself. His combat skills are so impressive that he's able to take on Beast and Havok at the same time. He apparently can't take a punch though, as it only takes one from Beast to knock him out. When everything's said and done, Azazel joins Magneto's Brotherhood.

35. Thaal Sinestro (Green Lantern)

"Are you afraid?"

With his mentor dead, Sinestro seems to be the strongest member of the Corps alive, but he's faced with a lot. Even with his skill he can't seem to defeat Parralax, who keeps destroying planets with his powers of fear. Worse, he strongly feels like Hal isn't fit to be a Lantern so in an act of desperation turns to the Guardians to find another source of power to defeat his foe. The source is fear, the opposite force of willpower, the very essence of what it means to be a Green Lantern. Despite Hal proving willpower can overcome fear, at the end of the film, Sinestro still puts on the yellow ring, becoming the first member of the Yellow Lanter Corps.

34. Black Hat (Priest)

"After all, if you're not committing sin then you're not having fun."

Black Hat used to be a priest who was taken down during an attack on a vampire hive that went wrong. Instead of killing him, the vampire queen feeds him her blood instead and turns him into the first vampire-human hybrid, containing the skills of a priest and power of a vampire. This makes him dangerous as he leads an overwhelming army of vampire to kidnap Lucy, Priest's daughter, and destroy towns full of humans. He also proved his power by killing three priests on his own as well as nearly taking out Priest towards the films climax. However, Priest had help in the form of Hicks and Priestess and was able to see Black Hat burn up in flames at the last second.

33. Laufey (Thor)

"Go now, while I still allow it."

Man was this guy a huge let down. I truly thought Laufey was going to be the big bad villain of the movie, but turns out he was just another pawn in Loki's ultimate plan to rule Asgard. King of the Frost Giants, he's definitely not to be messed with, but he puts his faith in his son and when he goes to kill Odin in his sleep, Loki betrays him and blasts him to dust.

32. Hector Hammond (Green Lantern)

"How wonderful that all it took for you to grow up was the end of the world."

I almost did want to feel bad for all the crap Hector seemed to be getting from his dad his entire life, but all of that went out the window when the first thing he does when he sees Carol is sniff her hair. The dude is weird, jealous, and entitled so of course he ends up getting possessed by Parralax and granted these psychic powers that comes with a disturbing physical appearance. He gets his revenge on his students, his dad, even Hal for a bit before the other male manages to trick him into wearing the ring. The ring doesn't recognize him and backfires on him and when Parralax shows up and sees him wearing the weapon of his sworn enemy? Yeah Hector died real quick after that.

31. Thomson and Thompson (The Adventures of Tintin)

"To be precise, you are under arrest!"

These two are pure comedy. Not only for how they exchanged words with each other, but because they were absolutely horrible at doing their jobs yet, oddly enough, seemed to be at the right place at the right time to help Tintin save the day. I mean the two were literally at the house of the kleptomaniac they were after and were arguing AGAIST him on how he wasn't their suspect. If that isn't what you call a pure comedic mess I don't know what is.

30. Britt Reid/The Green Hornet (The Green Hornet)

"Everyone knows, you corner a hornet, you get stung."

I hated Britt. He's almost exactly like Bruce Wayne when it comes to being rich, having dead parents, and then deciding to become a superhero, but his arrogance, rudeness, and in-capabilities with mental and physical prowess proved this dude could never be on Batman's level. There was just so many times that he would screw everything up that you just wanted him to fail because it was frustrating to see someone as annoying as him save the day.

29. Parralax (Green Lantern)

"Once I have devoured your world I will have all the strength I need to defeat the Corps and destroy the Guardians."

A former Guardian, Parralax wanted to use the power of fear instead of willpower, making him an easy enemy of the Green Lantern Corps. After his first defeat, he returns stronger than ever, devouring planets through their inhabitant's fear. He nearly destroys Earth as well until Hal manages to fight him off, tricking him into being pulled in into the sun and burns away. His legacy in fear lives on though, once Sinestro slips on the yellow ring that is fused with his powers.

28. Woodrow Dolarhyde (Cowboys & Aliens)

"Get off my plains!"

At first Dolarhyde seemed like a huge asshole that let his son terrorize a town just because he was rich and that he was actually going to be an obstacle Jake would have to face during his war with the aliens, but the latter never happened. Dolarhyde was quick to band together with the others, only really showing disobedience when it came to working with the Native Americans which, granted, was only because they had just taken him prisoner. He proves to be a good shot during the final fight and even saves Jake's life at the last moment inside the ship. I would have preferred Percy dying instead of Colorado and then Dolarhyde officially adopting Colorado to be his son but instead he gives Percy exactly what he wants again but at least Percy kinda stopped being a dick.

27. Alex Summers/Havok (X-Men: First Class)

"Whatever."

Havok seemed to be the member shrouded in the most mystery when he first joined the group. He was very hesitant about being around everyone and they quickly knew why, his energy blasts are out of control. After the death of his good friend Darwin, he decides to focus on his destructive blasts but still can't manage to do it. Even though he mocks Hank to no end, the brilliant scientist helps create a device that helps him control the blasts. He holds his own when the X-Men go up against the Hellfire Club and he officially stays with Xavier after Magneto kills Shaw.

26. Carol Ferris (Green Lantern)

"You don't think I would recognize you because I can't see your cheekbones?"

Carol Ferris is a strong fighter pilot, a smart businesswoman, and Hal Jordan's ex-girlfriend. While it's clear she still cares about him, she just can't take him seriously. She's even smart enough to realize the Green Lanter is Hal, but I mean she makes a good point on him not really having a big disguise. Her bravery matches her brain power too, when she saves Hal from death by blasting some missiles at Parralax and giving him the opportunity he needs to save the day.

25. Johann Schmidt/Red Skull (Captain America: The First Avenger)

"Hail, HYDRA."

This guy takes having a God complex to a whole other level. He wants the world at his feet and in order to do so he needs power. So he creates HYDRA and joins Hitler and the German Nazis to find it. He becomes the infamours Red Skull when he tries to take the super soldier serum and his body rejects it. Even though he's really intimidating at times, he never really accomplishes anything. When his plan fails and Captain America defeats him, he grabs the tesseract and it seems to kill him with it's sheer power alone.

24. Ella Swenson (Cowboys & Aliens)

"I won't be around for very long."

Yeah Ella's true identity as another alien being was definitely a plot twist I didn't see coming but after learning who she really is you really got to admire her selflessness. She literally lost her entire race of aliens like her yet still went out of her way to warn and later help the humans before they were wiped out as well. She manages to help rescue all the kidnapped humans from the alien's captivity but her real shining moment comes when she sacrifices herself to detonate a huge bomb that destroys the entire alien ship, killing every single one of them. We did see her come back to life earlier so who knows if she actually stays dead this time.

23. Moira MacTaggert (X-Men: First Class)

"You're your own team now. You're X-Men."

Moira is a great CSI agent. As soon as she discovers that the Hellfire Club is full of mutants, she goes and finds herself an expert on one. She holds no prejudice like most humans in her era which is probably why Charles starts developing feelings for her. Despite being the only human on the team, she does her best to fight Shaw and even Magneto when he proves to be a huge threat, firing several bullets at him, one of which ends up paralyzing Charles from the waist down. Afterwards, for the safety of him and his students, her memory is wiped clean for when she's interrogated by the CSI.

22. Sif, Vostagg, Hogun, Fandral (Thor)

"We must find Thor."

Sif and the Warriors Three are some of Asgard's greatest warriors and Thor's best friends. They're loyalty is shown all throughout the film when they travel with Thor to confront the Frost Giants and when they disobey Loki and travel to Earth to bring Thor back to Asgard after his banishment. They each have their own unique qualities and abilities that brings something good to the table, but it's only when they all work together that they really become a strong force of Asgardian warriors.

21. James 'Bucky' Barnes (Captain America: The First Avenger)

"This isn't a back alley, Steve. It's war!"

Steve's best friend who's looked out for him his entire life before he joins the army. He reunites with Steve after he becomes Captain America and rescues him from a HYDRA facility. Bucky really becomes that sense of home for Steve, but I couldn't help but feel a little hint of jealousy in him? I mean I think he was so used to being the better man and then all of a sudden Steve is the face of the US army. Don't get me wrong, I think he cared about Steve one hundred percent but I think it was a hurt ego that made him try to rush that giant machine with Steve's shield before he gets blasted away and falls to his apparent death.

1 note · View note