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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 2 years

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Hi. I have hink this is gonna get long a bit

Tw: parental abuse, Mental health issues.

Plz dont continue if this would harm ur health

I guess i need to vent. Advise. And perhaps reassurance.

Im 13 years old. Basically a minor so i cant leave my parents'. Though even if i wasn't i wouldn't be able to move out, as i live in the middle east, and this thing is unknown to our culture. (There isnt shame in still living with ur parents even at after ur twenties. But shame on u if u leave them even if it was for studying. Though the last rule only applies to girls. And guess how lucky i am?)

Anyways, i have 4 siblings. 3 of them live out bec of college. My two sisters r in college, my brother getting a master, all of them in different countries.

My last sister would be leaving at the end of this school year. To live with my sisters for college. And i support her. I do. She can get out. And shes gonna do whatever she wants in that country (with limits, perhaps, but still.) But, guess what? Im the luckiest, youngest, of all five of us. So i get to be stuck with my parents alone here. Which im very angry about, and terrified of.

Perhaps i should insight u to what my parents are. My mother is the one mainly abusive, she doesn't let anything slip by, emotionally unavailable but questions why we (me, especially) dont care, ask, and worry about her. She basically wants to force her dreams on me. She doesn't fight me on my hobby, writing, but that doesn't mean she supports it. And shes against me going out with any of my friends, other than going to their houses which she usually doesn't even let me bec they live too far? I mean, even the mall thats beside our school (and filled with KIDS) is forbidden.

While dad seems the quiet one, hes actually kinda worse. Because u dont see his abuse. You mainly see mom urging him to punish us and so u would have a grudge against mom, not him. Even though he's the one who delivered. He was my figure when i was little. He wasn't close enough for me to tell him personal stuff, but we were close. I was his favorite. We used to go out on our bikes and race, we used to go buy groceries together a lot. He would take me (and only me) out with him to places that seem really silly now but they meant a lot. I found closure with him. Which might be why i didnt recognize his abuse. Mom's is loud and demanding attention. Dad's is quiet. The type that creeps up on you, slowly eating away ur confidence and self-worth. For years dad made fun of my hair (which is an insecurity, i have a Hermione-ish type of hair, mom made me feel bad about when i stopped brushing it when i was a kid. But his comments were the worst) He went against everything i wanted, and worst of all, he didn't do anything about moms abuse. He was abusive himself. And lately starting physical abuse again. (Im sorry im taking too much but my parents used religion bec there was a text where he said that u can punish a child if they dont pray which doesn't excuse anything bec what they hit us about wasn't about our religion. Even if it was, my religion is way better than let parents ABUSE their children. and they found out a couble of months ago that hitting ur child over three times isnt permited. I had fun watching mom panick bec she knows what shes done. She basically asked us to forgive her. Two of my sisters said yes. Me and my other sister didn't say anything) My point is, just when i felt the bit of stuff getting better. He came in. Now heres the thing, when they hit u, it doesn't leave any marks, and it barely hurts. But its pretty much more of a psychological abuse than physical

I guess what im asking advise in is, how do i deal with this? I have a friend that knows about this already, im working on my confidence, my mental health, but i cant have therapy bec my parents wouldn't agree to it (i meant to ask them about it, but i haven't. They'll just make it a joke.) But i cant build anything if i dont solve the root of it all. And i just never felt so lost and pressured and im having a lot of more breakdowns. (I think i have anxiety, cuz the symptoms often look like anxiety attacks).

I shouldn't have to feel this at 13. Im supposed to be having fun.

Hey there,

That is a lot to be dealing with, especially for a 13 year old. You're absolutely right that you should be having fun, not dealing with abuse and trauma. I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. You deserve so much better. Please know that things won't always be like this.

I'm sure it's really scary and distressing to know that your sister will be leaving soon and you'll be left with your parents. It's hard to know what to expect. It sounds like your mother is emotionally neglectful, but accuses others of not caring. That's hypocritical for sure and I'm sure that's frustrating and upsetting.

It's awful being isolated, I feel for you. You deserve to be able to hang out with your friends and peers. There is nothing wrong with wanting to socialize with people your age.

It can hurt a lot when your relationship with your parent changes. You and your dad enjoyed your time together before, but now, it seems like he is criticizing you and not building you up. People who physically abuse others use physical acts, even if they aren't that hard, to intimidate and control their victims. You do not deserve to be hit, at all, ever.

You deserve parents who give your love and care. None of their treatment is a reflection of you. You are so worthy of compassion and nurturing.

Coping with abuse when you can't leave home.

Here are some coping skills.

Panic attack help.

Grounding can help calm you down and help you feel connected to your body and the world around you. Here are some links: One, two

Breathing exercises: One, two, three.

Journaling can help when you want to vent or work through your thoughts and feelings. Returning to what you've written when you're feeling okay is great so you can reflect on what you were going through.

Online therapy/counseling/chat. 7 Cups of Tea, BlahTherapy, and HelpfulChat may be worth looking into.

Take care. Remember how important and worthy you are. You have a bright future.

- Mod Misa

#trauma talks #mod misa #tw child abuse #tw abuse #tw misogyny

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his-mochi-cheeks · 3 years

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Hey there, Ari! 😊

watching Jongin dance is just something I could do for hours and hours without ever getting bored *^* and no matter how revealing his outfits are - he makes it never about that when he dances. never. it's just 100% expression and art. and I am so here for that. and YES that dancing/teleporting scene impressed me so much too 😱🤩

I really hope they get solo albums. both of them. I mean, a Kyungsoo album is really overdue but sometimes I feel like our Minseok is kind of underappreciated. I really hope he gets the chance to show us more of his talent now that he's back 💕 or maybe the two of them get a song together for a start? that would be nice too... ahhh so many possibilities. I hope it's at least one of these and not just SM stating the obvious that the two of them will be back very soon. -.-

my favourite solo albums... let me think... ahh this is so hard because each of them is so very unique and suits them very well. I really love the variety of genres they are able to do. Baekhyun and his R'n'B songs are just a match made in heaven - he can really pull off everything and maybe his albums will be my favourites at the end of the day when my hyping of Jongin's album has died down a bit xD (don't get me wrong. I LOVE Nini's album) simply because Baekhyun's voice is my favourite among EXO vocalists and I always feel so bad saying that, as I don't want to say I don't love the other voices with that. I would have to be deaf to say that! It's just that Baekhyun has a very very unique tone in his voice that somehow hits a spot in my brain that makes me go crazy about it a tad more than about the others. (Probably with the exception of Chanyeol, but I am really biased here, lol.) Nini did something very unique, with new, unfamiliar sounds and it's something I always have and always will fully embrace so he definitely gets 2nd place! The thing about Junmyeon's and Jongdae's songs is that I really can't listen to them all the time. I am no ballad-anti and i love calm songs but especially with Jongdae's albums I was a bit disappointed that he basically only got to sing this one type of song. which he did very very beautifully, of course, and which is probably also something many people like, but ...it somehow really wasn't for me. I would love to hear the Jongdae we got with Watch Out again... he can do so many things with his voice, so I'd love to see more a facetted album in the future - but that's just my personal preference. The same goes with Junmyeon, tho Starry Night and the entire concept of the album really blew me away.

But really, this is just my personal opinion and I am usually very careful in how to share it because it's so easy to get something about it wrong or make somebody feel uncomfortable and that's totally not what I want. That's why this part might be a bit long again (I'm so sorry)😅 kpoppies are just really sensitive about their faves sometimes, so I basically overthought this whole topic so many times - just to be prepared for these kind of questions, haha 😅😅 I love all of the boys and I am proud of everything they released by now, I don't have to especially like something to recognize the hard work behind it and its worth. so. monologue end. I hope I didn't weird you out with it 🙈 but what about you? do you have a clear favourite? Or a favourite solo song? I'd really like to hear about it 😊

Haha, I lost my shit when they casted a girl with brown eyes for the part of young Lily. It really wouldn't have been too hard to make the "eyes of his mother" thing add up but oKAY I guess. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ in general, the cast of the marauders were maybe a few years too old... this i think the actors themselves did super well in their parts. Especially Lupin! It was weird at first but for me it was very easy to get used to it because of their fitting acting.

Haha, yeah the dresses can be really cute if they are well made. But I really can't say that about the pants dudes wear 🙊 But bavarian culture throws me off a bit in general. It might be stereotype but when I think about the whole traditional clothing i just see a young girl in that dress with that wide décolleté serving litres of beer to old drunk men in ugly leather pants. Bavaria is probably the most conservative part of Germany and I'm not really a fan of their conservative views and politics. So yeah, maybe I'm very biased here again. But I would never judge somebody for embracing their traditions. as long as they are not harmful, everybody can do what they want, haha. 🙈

2 weddings? that sounds great! Especially catching up with family you haven't seen in a while. 2020 was a wild ride - I'm sure there will be lots to talk about 😁 It always makes me so happy to hear when families get along really well. You hear a lot of horrible stories of disfunctioning families, so it's always a relief to be reminded that people can be nice to each other- even if most families are definitely not picture-perfect.

My family is not too big as my mom is an only child and my dad has only one sister who doesn't have children. When we take a look at the generation of our grandparents then the family tree would get really broad because they have a lot of siblings or cousins but many of them my sister and I simply don't know personally or they are...well, dead. So it's basically just my sister, my parents and my grandparents I'm really close with.

Oh, I don't know what I can look forward to in 2021 yet! Maybe that the Covid situation finally gets better... Then there would be a bunch of concerts I have tickets for that are most likely rescheduled. 2020 kind of made it impossible for me to have specific plans for the next year, so I'll just wait and see what time will bring. I really hope travelling will be possible again soon! Are there any other events than the weddings for you to look forward too?

I hope you're weekend will be a nice one for you 😊

Stay safe!

~ secret santa 💗

Annonie, that was wonderfully put and you are 100% right! His dancing is pure art and when he’s dancing he is like totally and completely invested, it really is beautiful to watch.

A Soo solo album and a Minseok solo album 🥴 idk how I’ll survive that. Tho, as far as I know, Soo has a couple of acting gigs lined up for when he completes his military obligation, like the 3rd AWTG movie and that The Moon one (i believe thats what its called 🤔 can’t remember exactly) so I don’t want to get my hopes up too high. And YES 100% agree that my lil marshmallow Minnie baby IS underappreciated so I also hope he gets a little more limelight now that hes out. (❤ ω ❤) its what he deserves! But again, theres always that slight possibility that SM will let us down... again... lol

Annonie! Listen, with me you don’t have to be political lol you don’t have to worry, please say your opinions bluntly! If you feel something is shitty, please feel free to say so! If you prefer one over the other, say so! Lol trust me, you wont hurt my feelings. Theres a saying that I heard in spanish that translates to “an opinion is like the asshole, everyone has one” lol and I get and respect yours! So later on, if you still want to message me through dm and not these public asks, please feel free to say how you feel 😊 you didnt weird me out at all, I promise. That being said! Which one of Baek’s albums did you like more, City Lights or Delight? To be honest, even tho UN Village is THAT song, I prefer Delight more. I feel like its a more original Baekhyun sound and overall I like the songs that album more than City Lights. Again I normally ALWAYS struggle to pick faves askljfaf but I would say my least favorite of the Exo solos would be Junmyeon’s lol even tho I think the genre suits him perfectly and the MV was aesthetically beautiful! I just, idk, I don’t vibe well with the genre? But among my faves 🤔 Yixing’s recent album is up there. As well as Blooming Days, Delight and What a life. There are a couple of Jongdae’s songs that are always on repeat for me too.

I hadn’t realized that about Bavarian culture! Thats cool to know! In my ignorance I thought that whole look and custom was a German thing in general. Thank you for clarifying that for me! 😊

Yes Annonie! First my cousin gets married in January and then my (younger) brother gets married in March! Considering the ongoing covid situation we really don’t know how many of our scattered family will be able to come but there will still be some coming that I haven’t seen in a while, so I’m excited! Every family has their ups and downs and their white sheep and black sheep but for the most part our big family is pretty close 😊

But yeah, its hard to make plans with all this uncertainty huh? I also hope to start going to concerts next year too >:( but we’ll see what happens!

Annonie! Have you adjusted well to your new home and to school? How is everything going? Have you been able to visit home??

(✿◕‿◕✿)

#secret santa!

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