#and the coming of age rites that come with them like 'nagiging dalaga na talaga' 'ay nagbibinatilyo na to'

[thewhizzyhead]

you know when you get a friend that was even more "tomboyish" than you were in your teens and then as the both of you grow up and enter college, you see them explore expressing themselves more femininely and absolutely fall in love with it and with the concept of womanhood - while you on the other hand become all the more estranged with "being a woman" because good God you really don't fucking get it and that seeing your once-tomboyish friend find joy and an emotional connection to womanhood makes you really realize that you have no such connection whatsoever, hence making you feel left behind in actually "becoming a woman"? Anyways what I'm trying to say here is I'm definitely not fucking cis-

#when i told my cis girl classmates that i feel nothing but indifference towards the concept of womanhood or girlhood #they felt really fuckin sorry for me #and i'm like my bros my dudes i dont really give that much of a fuck for something i don't really understand in the first place #like of course i know feminist theory and all that and as someone born a woman i know and experience and study gender struggles deeply #be it with double standards or dealing with gross perverted dudes #that being said - i dont know what being a woman is outside of our shared struggle in patriarchal structures #like when u take away all the shit we definitely need to fight for - what else is there left for me to enjoy on a personal level #and the answer to that is nothing because i never really gave a fuck about gender be it now or as a child #perhaps its due to my upbringing as well na like i was more responsibility minded but still #to see once really tomboyish classmates grow to love being a woman makes me feel lonely because how can i love a concept i cant comprehend #so anyways when i told this dilemma to a nonbinary-questioning friend of mine he jumped with joy because BESTIE SOLIDARITY #and my bro here was never female to begin with and yet he fully understood my disconnect to concepts of gender #and the coming of age rites that come with them like 'nagiging dalaga na talaga' 'ay nagbibinatilyo na to' #so um yea #thats my ramvle for today and my update on my gender crisis #i dont mind being called a woman tho like im used to it and it doesnt unnerve me - but id rather not be like trapped in having to be that #so um woo #personal shit