#and the text just says FUCK YOU MARTIN in big red letters

[aria-ashryver]

ohhhhhhhh im finally playing LOA2 for the first time and my MC Carmen is out for blood. You picked the wrong motherfucker to mess with Martin, you little bitch. If there is one thing Carmen is good at, its having ZERO sense of propriety and holding grudges.

She is going to take such pleasure in crushing your smarmy little head.

Of course she called you a snake in front of all the Senior Partners. Of course she jumped at the opportunity to sit right beside you at the gala and poach all your clients. She will not be satisfied until she has destroyed you. She is petty. She is brutish. She wants to see you weep.

Carmen Castillo Vega has ONE personality trait atp and it is "ruin Martin Vanderweils's life"

#choices loa #laws of attraction #kill bill sirens playing in her head 24/7 #shes so pissed off she's looped right back around to eerily calm #she's zero subtext all text #and the text just says FUCK YOU MARTIN in big red letters #i wouldn't put it past her to legitimately put a picture of his head on a dartboard #bless you carmen for having zero tact

[inosuketingz]

the sheets are stained with blood [p.1]

( gif not mine )

[ PART ONE ] PART TWO PART THREE PART FOUR Victor Zsasz x fem!Reader Warning: Some swearing and mentions of violence. Spoilers for Birds of Prey Word Count: 1482 Summary: Zsasz survives the ending of BoP and somehow snaps even further after finding out what happened to Roman. Desperate to find a new obsession, he latches on to the reader while meeting her on a heist. A/N; Thought about this after watching BoP and decided to write it for my new tumblr acc. Also posted on my Ao3. Its gonna get smutty in future parts of course but this first part is quite mundane lol. Future parts will also feature some Helena x reader bc I’m a whore for Helena Bertinelli. Reader is a witch-y metahuman and is a part of Wonder Woman’s rogue gallery.

The TV plays the latest news report as you stuff a spoon of cereal into your mouth. The reporter stands in front of some nightclub near the city reporting on yet another death by stabbing.

"... she was found in the back alley of the nightclub last night, her body purposefully positioned in a life-like stance. Due to CCTV evidence from the previous stabbing murder, the Gotham police are suspecting ex-businessman Victor Zsasz to be the wicked man behind these crimes..." An image transitions onto the screen, showing a low quality image of a man with almost paper white hair and dark bags under his eyes. The reporter continues to drone on about the twisted results from the autopsy report.

"Yikes," you say to yourself before you grab the remote from the coffee table and switch to another channel playing reruns of Martin

You came to Gotham a few months back since Wonder Woman never let you have any fun in Boston, even though she's currently stationed all the way in London. You assume you’ll be able to keep away from the Bat's radar while he’s busy dealing with psycho clowns and knife-wielding serial killers.

A soft ping rings from your phone and you glance at the screen. Shipment's called off is all the text on your lockscreen reads. It's from an unknown number, but you know that it's another henchmen of the crime boss you’re working with for the time being. Putting down the bowl of cereal, you pick the cell up and tap in three letters before pressing send: Why.

It only takes a moment for you to get a reply. Got reports of the Birds of Prey being in the area. Better safe than sorry.

“Fuck,” you curse and throw your head back in anguish. You were relying on the cash you’d get from the heist for rent.

The phone dinged again. Meeting at the mansion to re-work the plan. In an hour, be there on time bruja, the new message reads.

Great. You thought all you were going to to tonight was show up at the docks, use your powers a bit, and run off with your share of the money. But no. God forbid you get your way for once.

With an annoyed groan, you force yourself off the couch and into your bedroom. You kick off your plaid pajama jogger as you push open the door. Your closet is over piled with clothes and you immediately regret not picking out an outfit earlier. You are a strong believer of wearing revealing outfits for yourself, and the amount of bodycon dresses you want to wear was overwhelming. Then you remember it’s winter and inches of snow are already forming outside.

To be a hoe or to care about your well-being. It is a conflicting life that you live.

~ ~ ~

You decided to go for a pair of black cargo pants and a turtleneck. The weather won this round. The mansion’s already filled as you park your car based on the amount of luxury vehicles filling the house's driveway. You hated working in big groups- it only led to problems. But, you’re down to do anything for the amount of checks you would be cashing with this entire heist.

Two burly men guard the front door of the mansion. One of them smirks as he watches you approach.

“Look, it’s the witch,” he tells the other and you roll your eyes. “Where’s your flying broom?” He teases.

“Shut the fuck up,” you mutter as you pass the two, pushing the heavy doors with a grunt.

The other guard laughs at your reply. “Careful, Hermione. It’s all fun and games until Wonder Woman comes and drags you out of Gotham.”

You don’t bother to look back as you retort “It’s all fun and games ‘til I cast a spell that leaves you two without your dicks tomorrow morning.” The silence as you continue down the dark hallway tells you they stopped smiling.

Are you actually going to bewitch their genitals away? No. But most people knew better than to assume you wouldn’t.

The corridor is dark, tinted red by the only source of light- an open set of doors leading into a grand meeting room. Expensive pottery and paintings lined against the walls of the mansion, all what you’d expect from Hernando del Rey.

Originally, you actually meant it when you decided to lay low in Gotham. You’d find a nice apartment, steal from the rich, and stay off the news until the end of time.

Then, you were contacted by Hernando del Rey, a Venezuelan crime boss straight out of a mob movie. Though you’re not necessarily a bad person- you define yourself as a chaotic neutral- you are dangerous. Del Rey wanted your powers, and you wanted the money- so here you are now.

You shove your hands into your pockets and swagger into the open doors. A group of about 20 people, men, women, and all those in between, sit at a long table. Some of the faces you recognize, either from previous meetings you’ve had with del Rey or from news reports.

One such face belongs to none other than Victor Zsasz. He immediately stands out from the others with his snowy hair and scruffy beard. He also looks like he hadn’t slept in days, so there’s that. Plus, ever since the CCTV recording of him at the last stabbing was leaked, his face is all you saw on the news.

His tired eyes watch you as you enter the room. You can’t tell if he’s giving you bedroom eyes or staring you down like a predator does a prey. Quite frankly, you aren’t in the mood to find out.

“My bruja!” del Rey, who made his seat at the end of the table, cheers when he sees your face. “The most important member of my team!”

You stretch your lips into an awkward smile “Hi.”

“Please take a seat.” Hernando motion towards the table. “Then we’ll begin.” You glance over in the direction of all the seated guests. Powers or not, way too many of them look like they wouldn’t mind killing you.

“I’m fine standing, thanks.”

Hernando shrugs and begins lecturing about the game plan with the new threat of the Birds of Prey. You only pay half of your attention, catching a few words here and there. You never listen carefully at times like this, since your job is usually to just show up, cast some hexes and head out.

“I didn’t know they let witches in on heists.” You look down and see Victor Zsasz in front of you. His head is leaning back, since he sits facing away from you. Now that you are closer to him, you can see his features more clearly. From the silver teen in his mouth, to his token scars that cover his body- the nastiest being one on his neck that you assume wasn’t given to him voluntarily.

You bend down slightly so you can whisper in his ear, “I didn’t know they let mass murderers in on them, either.” He scoffs and straightens his neck and you straighten your back.

“-Y/N and Victor Zsasz will be the ones going to Hyunwoo Kim’s estate tomorrow.”

Yikes.

“I’m sorry, why do I get put with him?” You confront the boss. “I don’t think our attributes really compliment each other, to be honest.”

Hernando del Rey sighs, like an annoyed parent dealing with a bratty child. “Zsasz will be doing all the work, Y/N. You’re only there to make sure he doesn’t act out. If he does, just use your brujeria to kill him.”

The inside of your cheek starts to bleed due to how hard you bite it to refrain from arguing any further. You’ve never seen del Rey angry and you want to make sure to keep it that way.

From the corner of your eye you see Zsasz is back to looking at you. The wicked smile he wears tells you that this wouldn’t be any good.

~ ~ ~

A tired sigh leaves your mouth as you enter your apartment. The lights are off, just like you left it. It’s pitch black, leaving you blind against the darkness.

You begin to take off your pair of pumps when you notice the energy is off in here. The voice in your head yells that you are not alone. Immediately, you begin to mumble a Haitian spell you learned while in Port-au-Prince once summer- one that allows you to find a foe before they find you.

You’re not even halfway through the first line when a strong force pushes against you and your neck is pricked by a sharp object. Using your elbow, you hit the light switch.

The lights flicker on, revealing Victor Zsasz staring at you with the same look from earlier.

“Hello, witch.”

#victor zsasz #victor zsasz x reader #victor zsasz x you #birds of prey #dceu

[asknightqueendany]

The Big Five (Bran, Arya, Jon, Dany, Tyrion) who will survive is only something that George R. R. Martin wrote in a letter about the upcoming series in 199-fucking-3. It was supposed to be a trilogy. There was supposed to be a love triangle between Tyrion, Arya and Jon. Also dany wasn’t supposed to have dragons in that outline so STOP using the big 5 to justify that Sansa isn’t an important character! It’s getting old and transparent.

I’m cracking up. Have you people even READ the original outline? No? I highly suggest you check it out before sending me asks on it again. You can see the original photos and transcribed texts HERE.

But let’s go through it because it’s a glorious Friday afternoon and I feel like taking some people down a notch.

The things I seem most about GRRM’s original outline as reasons why it shouldn’t be taken seriously are: 1) it was supposed to be a trilogy and 2) there was supposed to be a love triangle between Jon, Arya, and Tyrion. I don’t know where you got the whole, “Dany wasn’t supposed to have dragons” thing anon because according to the outline, there be dragons:

.

But let’s take a look at the letter. George states, “There are three major conflicts set in motion in the chapters enclosed. These will form the major plot threads of the trilogy, intertwining each other in what should be a complex but exciting (I hope) narrative tapestry. Each of the conflicts presents a major threat to the peace of my imaginary realm, the Seven Kingdoms, and to the lives of my principal characters.”

The first threat, George says, is the Lannister/Stark conflict.

The second threat is the Dothraki invasion, led by Daenerys in what George thought would be his second novel - A Dance With Dragons.

And the Third and final threat to Westeros would be the Others in his presumed last novel - The Winds of Winter.

Now, right off the bat, George has already used all the book titles, with TWOW in progress. On the show, we’ve already seen the play out and conclusion of the Lannister/Stark war. Daenerys/Dothraki invasion of Westeros has happened in the show. And the Others had begun invading the Seven Kingdoms at the end of Season 7.

So all of what George first said has come to pass, just eight seasons and seven books, not a trilogy.

In AGOT, things George said would happen was that Ned and Cat were doomed (✓), things for the Starks would get worse before they got better (✓), Ned would find out what happened to Jon Arryn (✓), Robert would have an accident and the throne would pass to Joffrey (✓), Ned would be accused of treason (✓), and Ned would help Arya and Catelyn escape to Winterfell (did not happen). HOWEVER - Cat never needed escaping from King’s Landing AND Arya did escape King’s Landing after Ned’s beheading - she just didn’t receive help from him.

George says of Sansa: she will wed Joffrey (no) and bear him a son (no), “and when the crunch comes she will choose her husband and child over her parents and siblings, a choice she will later bitterly rue” (✓ - Sansa DOES choose Joffrey over her family in the Riverlands and then again in King’s Landing by going behind Ned’s back to tell Cersei of his plan to send them back to Winterfell and willingly volunteers to write the letter to Robb so that she can still marry Joffrey (not because Cersei made her write it, she did it for Joffrey). Tyrion befriends Sansa (✓) and Arya (no) and becomes disillusioned with his own family (✓).

I’m just going to quote the whole letter from now on because I’m too lazy to type…

“Young Bran will come out of his coma (✓), after a strange prophetic dream (✓), only to discover that he will never walk again (✓). He will turn to magic, at first in the hope of restoring his legs, but later for its own sake (✓). When his father Eddard Stark is executed, Bran will see the shape of doom descending on all of them, but nothing he can say will stop his brother Robb from calling the banners in rebellion (✓) . All the north will be inflamed by war (✓). Robb will win several splendid victories (✓), and maim Joffrey Baratheon on the battlefield (no), but in the end he will not be able to stand against Jaime and Tyrion Lannister and their allies. Robb Stark will die in battle (no), and Tyrion Lannister will besiege and burn Winterfell (no - kinda).” - Winterfell does get besieged and burned, only not by Tyrion, by Theon and Ramsay. And of course, Robb will die during his war against the Lannisters, just not in battle.

“Jon Snow, the bastard, will remain in the far north (✓). He will mature into a ranger of great daring (✓ - kinda), and ultimately will succeed his uncle as the commander of the Night’s Watch(✓ - kinda). When Winterfell burns, Catelyn Stark will be forced to flee north with her son Bran and her daughter Arya (no - kinda). Wounded by Lannister riders, they will seek refuge at the Wall, but the men of the Night’s Watch give up their families when they take the black, and Jon and Benjen will not be able to help, to Jon’s anguish (no). It will lead to a bitter estrangement between Jon and Bran (no). Arya will be more forgiving … until she realizes, with terror, that she has fallen in love with Jon, who is not only her half-brother but a man of the Night’s Watch, sworn to celibacy (no - kinda). Their passion will continue to torment Jon and Arya throughout the trilogy, until the secret of Jon’s true parentage is finally revealed in the last book (no - kinda).” - though Jon isn’t a ranger, he goes on a ranging and is pretty daring. He does become LC but not succeeding Benjen, succeeding Mormont. Bran does flee to the Wall, but to go beyond it. Arya tries to flee North/to the Wall but doesn’t make it. Jon is tormented by a love because of his NW vows of celibacy - Ygritte - and does develop feelings for his kin - Daenerys.

“Abandoned by the Night’s Watch, Catelyn and her children will find their only hope of safety lies even further north, beyond the Wall (no - kinda), where they fall into the hands of Mance Rayder, the King-beyond-the-Wall, and get a dreadful glimpse of the inhuman others as they attack the wildling encampment (no - kinda). Bran’s magic, Arya’s sword Needle, and the savagery of their direwolves will help them survive, but their mother Catelyn will die at the hands of the others (no - kinda).” - as stated, Bran does go beyond the Wall, Jon is the one who falls into the hands of Mance Rayder, Jon does get a glimpse of an Other attack on a wildling encampment (Hardhome), and Bran’s magic and direwolf do save him from the Others (The Door - Hodor).

“Over across the narrow sea, Daenerys Targaryen will discover that her new husband, the Dothraki Khal Drogo, has little interest in invading the Seven Kingdoms, much to her brother’s frustration(✓). When Viserys presses his claims past the point of tact or wisdom, Khal Drogo will finally grow annoyed and kill him out of hand, eliminating the Targaryen pretender and leaving Daenerys as the last of her line (✓). Danerys [sic] will bide her time, but she will not forget (✓). When the moment is right, she will kill her husband (✓) to avenge her brother (no), and then flee with a trusted friend into the wilderness beyond Vaes Dothrak (✓ - kinda). There, hunted by Dothraki bloodriders (✓) [unclear]  of her life, she stumbles on a cach***e of dragon’***s eggs (✓ - kinda) [unclear] of a young dragon will give Daenerys the power to bend the Dothraki to her will (✓). Then she begins to plan for her invasion of the Seven Kingdoms (✓). - Daenerys does wander the wilderness beyond Vaes Dothrak (after she hatches her dragons) with her Khalasar in the Red Waste. She does get dragons eggs, just given to her at her wedding instead of stumbling upon them (really, that’s just better storytelling on George’s part. If she had just randomly found them, it would feel too coincidental). Dany did kill Drogo but not to avenge Viserys; it was to put him out of his misery. Dany does use her powers to bend the Dothraki to her will (burning the Khals to become TSWMTW).

“Tyrion Lannister will continue to travel, to plot, and to play the game of thrones (✓), finally removing his nephew Joffrey in disgust at the boy king’s brutality (no - kinda). Jaime Lannister will follow Joffrey on the throne of the Seven Kingdoms (no - kinda), by the simple expedient of killing everyone ahead of him in the line of succession and blaming his brother Tyrion for the murders (no - kinda). Exiled (✓), Tyrion will change sides (✓), making common cause with the surviving Starks to bring his brother down (✓ - kinda), and falling helplessly in love with Arya Stark (✓ - kinda) while he’s at it. His passion is, alas, unreciprocated (✓ - kinda), but no less intense for that, and it will lead to a deadly rivalry between Tyrion and Jon Snow (yet to be seen).” - Joffrey is killed and Tyrion is accused though he wasn’t guilty. Cersei follows her son to the throne after Tommen’s death (which was her fault so she essentially killed him), Tyrion joins Daenerys to bring down Cersei, he falls in love with Dany (according to all of Peter’s interviews about his feelings for Daenerys), as Dany is in love with Jon, it seems Tyrion’s affections are reciprocated, and we don’t yet know if Tyrion and Jon will fight to the death. It’s possible.

So anon, I’d say so far as George’s predictions go for the entire series, he’s gotten it closer to his original outline than not. So please, for the last goddamn time, leave me alone with this bullshit that the Original outline doesn’t mean anything so far as Sansa’s character and I should stop referring to it. Almost everything George predicted he’d write, has come to pass. Perhaps not how he originally thought…but largely, it’s all happened. 

Wanna know why Sansa’s a “major character” in the show? Look:

And it’s because of Turner’s strength, Benioff continued, that it made sense to give Sansa a dramatic storyline this season and to use Ramsay’s engagement for that very purpose. In fact, the showrunners first thought about putting Sansa and Ramsay together back when they were writing season 2. “We really wanted Sansa to play a major part this season,” Benioff said. “If we were going to stay absolutely faithful to the book, it was going to be very hard to do that.

D&D wanted it. It’s not George’s story or George’s plan. Dan and Dave like Sophie’s acting and wanted her to play a more major role. So they gave her that. It has absolutely nothing to do with the series as a whole or the endgame. Sansa is not a main character and she will matter very little to the endgame.

[mikegranich87]

Hitting the Books: How a radio telescope cost this West Virginia town its modernity

Deep in the heart of Appalachia, modern science and America's bucolic past meet at a unique crossroad of scientific discovery and luddite lifestyles. The Quiet Zone, by journalist Stephen Kurczy, is the story of a sleepy small town that hosts the Green Bank radio telescope. But the presence of this installation comes at a price: due to the telescope's exceeding sensitivity, virtually every device and appliance that emits radio waves, Wi-Fi signals, or microwave radiation is banned for square miles around. That means that Green Bank, West Virginia has about as much tech today as it did in the 1950's (maybe even a little less) — and some people very much like it that way. But not everybody. In the excerpt below, Pocahontas County attorney, Robert Martin, recounts the challenges of attempting to modernize the region without loosing a horde of gentrifiers upon it as well.        

Harper Collins

Excerpted from the book THE QUIET ZONE: Unraveling the Mystery of a Town Suspended in Silence by Stephen Kurczy. Copyright © 2021 by Stephen Kurczy. From Dey Street Books, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers. Reprinted by permission.

For every electrosensitive who wanted radio quiet, there were probably one hundred residents who wanted WiFi and cell service, and they elected the county’s officials. In early 2018, the Pocahontas County Commission passed a resolution in support of cell service throughout the county, a challenge to the very notion of a Quiet Zone. The commission assigned its attorney, Robert Martin, to contact all major telecommunications providers asking them to invest in Pocahontas.

“I’m doing my level best to get another company in here,” Martin told me in the spring of 2018. He’d invited me to his house to discuss the new cell service ordinance, and we were swigging Bud Lights at his kitchen table.

“How many cell companies have you written to?” I asked.

“All of them,” he said. “I promised the companies that we’ll get everybody in the damn county to sign up with them. I’ll sign up first! . . . I wrote a letter to everybody and said, ‘We have shit for cellphone service here, we want you to come in here, we’ll partner with you, we’ll help you however we can. Come in here.’”

At our feet were two boxers and a basset hound. In the adjacent mudroom was a 250-pound Vietnamese potbellied pig named Pig, who was snoring. Pig knew how to open the front door and pull a blanket over himself. “I’m the true image of West Virginia, aren’t I?” Martin laughed. “I got a pig living in the house.” Despite his home literally being a pigsty, Martin was always the best dressed at county meetings, usually wearing tight designer jeans, leather boots, and a crisp dress shirt, top buttons undone and a few chest hairs curling out. A blustery guy, Martin was once jailed in Marlinton for contempt of court for arguing with a circuit judge. He had a history of getting into fights at West Virginia University football games. For years, he’d also operated a hotel in Belize, paying “tens of thousands of dollars in bribes” and putting the payments on his tax returns so the U.S. government could see the corruption he was dealing with (even if he was admitting to violating the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act). Martin came across as a dogged lawyer who knew how to get things done. And he wanted cell service.

“You seen that commercial saying Verizon has more coverage than anyone else?” he asked me. “Pause and look at it real closely, and you’ll see right where Pocahontas County is because almost the entire Eastern Seaboard is all yellow [signifying cell coverage] and right there in southeastern West Virginia there’s this hunk about this big—it’s Poca-fucking-hontas County. I swear to God. Right fucking there we are on Verizon’s commercials.”

Martin knew well what connectivity was like outside the Quiet Zone. He had earned his law degree from West Virginia University in 1979, married a girl from Marlinton, and started his career in Pocahontas County before becoming a well-heeled insurance defense lawyer in Charleston. He’d gotten his first cellphone in 1986—it was the size of a beer bottle, with a three-foot-long antenna, and it went to bed with him every night. That attachment ended in 2012 when he moved back to Pocahontas, where he only carried an iPhone so he could listen to music in his truck. I asked if he was concerned about the impact of cell service on the electrosensitives.

“Wackos that are afraid of their brains getting fried and all that?” he responded. “Yeah, I know about them.”

“They see Green Bank as a haven,” I said.

“So? So?” He said he wasn’t going to let the electrosensitives keep Pocahontas “behind the curve” for cell service.

“But I’m here because you’re behind the curve,” I said. “That makes this place unique.”

“You think we want to deal with stone knives and axes for the rest of our existence? You’re like these fucking people who move in here and don’t want it to change, that it? We have people who have moved here in the last five to ten years and they don’t want anything to change. They’ve ‘discovered’ Pocahontas County and now nothing can change. Well, fuck, that ain’t the way of the world. We have limitations because of the observatory, because of our topography, because of our insignificant population. But we need to do what we can as government entities to make things available to people.”

“Of course,” Martin added, the cell service would have to comply with the Quiet Zone.

“We believe in the observatory, we don’t want to fuck with them,” he said. “Right now, as you and I are sitting here bullshitting, they’re up there looking for fucking E.T. And I want to give them every opportunity to do that. But I’ve got emergency services I’ve got to render in this county.”

In addition to trying to bring in cell service, Martin was assisting the county’s emergency services director, Michael O’Brien, to improve communications. The 911 center in Marlinton had difficulty broadcasting any emergency radio communications toward the northern end of the county, where Green Bank was located. O’Brien found a partial solution by installing an internet-controlled radio system just north of Green Bank in the town of Durbin, but it had minimal range and failed altogether when internet or electricity went down. Pocahontas was also one of the only counties in the state unable to adopt a “smart radio system” that integrated radios with smartphones.

On the off chance that someone made an emergency 911 call from one of the county’s few pockets of limited cell service, authorities had an especially hard time pinpointing the person’s location. “We had a dispatcher spend two and a half hours on the phone one night with a lady that was trapped in her car in a creek,” O’Brien told me. “She didn’t know where she was or how she got there. We were just keeping her calm while we sent the department to look in all the areas that had cell service.”

ACCORDING TO DELOIT TE, a 10 percent increase in mobile penetration increases total factor productivity—a key component of economic growth modeling—by 4.2 percentage points over the long run. In Pocahontas, businesspeople like Kenneth “Buster” Varner felt they needed all the help they could get to keep the county’s economy puttering along, which meant bringing in cell service.

I first met Varner in early 2017, while eating breakfast at the counter at Station 2. A heavy, jowly man, he had leaned over and asked, “Do you think the gravy is too salty?” As we shoveled down heaping plates of biscuits and sausage gravy, he told me about his various businesses. Aside from owning Station 2, he operated a half dozen enterprises involved in logging, excavation, towing, septic pumping, and auto repair. He was also a fire chief. I told him that I imagined a lot of headaches trying to manage all those things within the restrictions of the Quiet Zone.

“You have to realize that we never had cellphone service when everybody else had it, so it wasn’t anything to us,” Varner said. “It’d be more convenient, of course, if it was so you could use your cellphones all the time. But it’s a unique place to live where you don’t have them, and we take a little pride in that.” He noted how the observatory provided jobs and shared its resources, such as lending one of its diesel generators to a funeral home during a recent power outage. “That to me means a lot,” Varner said. “And having the largest telescope in the world out your back door, that’s a pretty neat conversation piece.”

“People can get ahold of me the old-fashioned way,” he added. “Call me on the landline or come look for me.”

Spending more time with Varner, however, I realized that he was hardly a Luddite. When we met again months later in his cluttered office, I found it hard to keep his attention. He kept glancing down at his iPhone to check texts and alerts he was receiving over WiFi. When he took a call, I was left to stare at a poster of a busty woman in a red bikini and firefighter helmet. When he finally put down the iPhone, I told him I was confused. Hadn’t he said he took pride in not using a cellphone?

“I thought it was rude to have a smartphone,” Varner said of his “old” perspective, apparently from just a few months earlier. “I do a lot of business on that phone, more than I ever thought in my wildest dreams that I would do.” I asked if he could ever go back to living without one. “Wouldn’t want to. It’s so handy.”

Varner had an AT&T data plan. He used Siri. He wished all his employees and volunteer firefighters could always be connected through smartphones. Instead, because of the Quiet Zone, he’d invested more than $30,000 in a specially approved radio repeater system to allow his workers to communicate via low-band radio. “I don’t want the observatory to close and for people to lose their jobs,” he said, “but it’d be more convenient for everybody.”

from Mike Granich https://www.engadget.com/hitting-the-books-the-quiet-zone-stephen-kurczy-harper-collins-153030420.html?src=rss

[mythicnoir]

Gatekeeper Session 1-3

Decided to share some recaps I wrote on the last few sessions of the current adventure in my campaign. The writing style is a bit more casual than I usually go for, but I think it sums up stuff well.

This’ll be under a readmore, because it gets long.

Session One:

It is the Waithdyd, the fourth day of Khelek, the month of Ice, in the year 1550 Anni Zylla. On the island of Ludum, a nation torn and divided, deep within Vindred Forest, three destinies slowly intersect. Two months since the adventuring family called Thunderclan lost one member to a life of piracy and another member to a life of performance, Equaarion Tarkus the druid and Rae the elf sought out answers within Simona Village. They've heard a call for help, a unique one that piqued their interest. From here, they will encounter new allies, new enemies, and new adventure.

For the uninitiated, Ludum is an island within my campaign setting of Yalda, and it's a nation in crisis. The royal family and their Hallow Knights vanished from the capital city of Hamlet mysteriously almost a year and a half ago, and since then, the nation has been in chaos. Brigands have run of the woods, evil creatures close in on unguarded villages, and a host of ambitious nobles seek a claim on the throne. Within this chaos comes Thunderclan, a group of mercenaries.

The group was originally Equaarion Tarkus, the human druid folk hero, played by my friend Cam... Rae, the elven ranger, played by my friend Michaela... the half-elf eldritch knight pirate Salty Martine, played by my friend Cal, and the human bard Sasha Sabotage, played by my friend Jacque. But Cal and Jacque had to go and study abroad in Prague, so a newcomer has joined our D&D group, and you'll find out who that is in a second.

The heroes are all about mid-level now, which means that they've been through the shit, they've made some friends, made some enemies, seen stuff that gives them new perspective, and they’re approaching infamous status, which is pretty much what every player wants, imo.

But on with the story.

Rae and Equaarion approach the gates of Simona Village. The rain has drenched them completely, and the guard is delaying opening the gate as he waits for a new figure to roll up.

The two heroes are eager to get inside the village walls, find warmth, and a place to sleep, but they turn to meet the figure joining them.

Standing three and a half feet tall, clad in a noblewoman's dress and walking with a long staff, ankle-deep in mud, comes the next part of their adventures. Freesia Flores is her name, and she is a halfling warlock of the archfey.

The heroes introduce themselves politely to their diminutive friend as the guard exits the gate to check them in. The players are anticipating a quick pat down and an interview, but that's not what they get.

Dunstan, the guard, needs to take a blood sample. The town has been plagued by demons and fairies in disguise in recent months, and local superstition holds that if you bleed red, you're the real deal.

The heroes are confused but comply, hoping to avoid making a big deal of it. Their blood is taken and their eyes are examined and they're asked their names and motivations. Dunstan shrugs, figures they're fine, and lets them in. Freesia immediately races off for the tavern while Rae and Equaarion help Dunstan get the gates shut through the mud and rain.

Within the Blue Vine Tavern, Rae examines the letter that summoned her and Equaarion to Simona Village in the first place. It's from a logger named Elsha, who nervously talks about the predicament the village is in. Bandits from the south calling themselves the Redhoods have set up camp outside the town. Word is they're looking for an artifact in an ancient Wengwith ruin called Tir Dyffryn. Elsha is afraid that with enough time, the Redhoods will get bored and just ransack the town, killing and stealing whatever they find.

On top of that, there's the demon problem. Demons have been spotted in the woods, upsetting the status quo of fairies and neutral beasts.

Freesia Flores, meanwhile, didn't come here for that. She came separately, she came with her own motivations. She's a warlock, she's on the search for knowledge and understanding her pact, and fairies in particular.

In time, Elsha meets up with Rae and Equaarion in the tavern, and Freesia Flores begins to sidle up, hearing word about fairies and the Black Thicket tribe, a group of druids that may know a thing or two.

As they discuss the bandit situation, Michaela, as Rae, asks, "Well, do you want us to just go into their camp and kill them all?"

But Elsha says no, they can't do that. "If you kill the Redhoods, their allies will hear of it, and take vengeance on the town, you'll only cause more problems."

The solution, Elsha posits, is for Thunderclan to go and search for the artifact themselves, stealing it from underneath the Redhood's noses.

This is appealing to Rae and Equaarion, because the artifact that's being discussed is a celestial artifact of tremendous power. This artifact alone is believed to be an egg that could transport people across dimensions.

Also, they’re playing Dungeons and Dragons and who doesn’t want to go looking for treasure?

This is appealing to Rae and Equaarion, because they're hot on the trail of Rae’s missing girlfriend. Her name was Emilia, and she was a Hallow Knight of Hamlet. After some scrying and investigation, they've realized that the Knights, including Emilia, have become trapped in another dimension.

So they are VERY interested in getting this artifact.

Meanwhile Freesia is interested because this is an opportunity for more knowledge, and the three of them are each aware that if they split up and adventure around these woods, they are most certainly dead.

So the heroes, having talked with Elsha, get the picture. There's a band of Redhoods, they gotta get away but we can't just kill them. There are demons and fairies in this neck of the woods, and our best bet for more information on the location of the artifact and the supernatural stuff going on is the Black Thicket Tribe of druids. Got it.

So the heroes thank Elsha, finish their drinks, eavesdrop a bit, and head out.

It’s a lot of information but who gives a shit, fairies and demons and bandit rings are all cool and it’s my personal philosophy when running a game that players should at least know what sort of stuff they can get up to.

The heroes exit the tavern and are about to look for the Black Thicket encampment when they see an old man in a hood and robe moving a wheelbarrow and calling out for help. Everyone in the street seems to ignore him, but the heroes approach regardless and start asking him for help because they’re oh-so-good people.

This conversation ended up being hilarious, because the man, who was Obviously evil, the halfling could see up his hood and see his pitch black eyes, kept on making absurd lies and speaking in a ridiculous old man voice. The heroes are rightfully super suspicious of this guy and as he reaches out for Rae's shoulder. She jumps back and discovers that he has black claws.

Eventually Freesia decides to use a warlock ability to make him Frightened of her, and he casts away his cloak, revealing horns and a little tail, as he sprints away. He manages to escape, but the heroes all suddenly aware of the shit the town could be in.

But from the shadows comes a voice. "You shouldn't do that in public."

This is Ragweed, the halfling elder of the Black Thicket tribe. He brings the heroes back to his encampment with the rest of his tribe and hears their concerns. Ragweed is essentially a short freckled mess of ginger hair and an eyepatch.

The Black Thicket tribe have agreed to help the Master of the Town in these trying times, defending them and serving as guardians, so they're definitely good guys, they have the interests of the villagers at heart, but they've got their own issues.

The heroes want to know more about Tir Dyffryn and this mysterious artifact. Ragweed tells them that they don't seem like they're going to run over the town and kill everyone, but he's the keeper of this secret as to where Tir Dyffryn is and he's not just going to give it up for free.

So Ragweed tells them, "My tribal brethren lost something very precious to her in a battle with demons. Maybe if you retrieve it with her, I'll trust you a little more."

This is a super classical fetch quest, it's a little gamey, but this session to me was just about simplicity and defining the new group dynamic, so I'm fine with some basic stuff.

The tribal brethren in question is Poppy, an earth genasi woman. She's friendly and sweet and has a little bit of a slow and nice friendly voice.

The heroes head out, but before they go, Rae uses her ranger abilities to sense the woods around her, and detect what kind of creatures are out there.

I describe the normal souls and presence of various civilized races, or kith, as they're called in my setting. But at the end of her abilities range I describe a pure unfathomable darkness and boiling hatred. I call it 'necrotic rot', which Michaela really hitched on to. I think she repeated it a couple times, it was pretty descriptive.

So they know they're gonna fight some demons. 

Sure enough, the heroes end up at Pwigra Pass, where Poppy tells them she lost her Codex Terragnosis, a sacred text detailing the beasts and fairies and interplanar travel of this setting.

And pretty much every single person in the party wants to see that book.

I could describe the fight that they had at Pwigra Pass in an attempt to retrieve the book, but overall it was pretty easy. They faced off against some demons. They were ram skulls with spider legs, but those spider legs could suck up into themselves and become bat wings. Freaky stuff,

Rae is a hardcore as fuck ranger that never misses and never does minimal damage.

Meanwhile Equaarion is a conjuring and shapeshifting druid. He recently got a hold of a figurine of wondrous power of a Griffon that he recently named Honeyduke, and in this fight, he detected the enemies, summoned the griffon, and jumped off of a 60-foot high bridge to be caught by the griffon. Which is fucking awesome.

Freesia Flores is the newcomer and is pretty much totally decked out with weird fairy warlock powers. So far she’s pretty much a generalist that can shore up all of the group’s weaknesses.

Anyway, they win the fight, grab this arcane book, and begin to head back to Simona Village. But more adventure awaits.

Session Two:

The characters returned to Simona Village to find that Ragweed had departed to meditate. The heroes chose to find Ragweed first before looking at the book.

The heroes visited Ragweed, in a meditation spot he fancied in an abandoned tower, and had an insightful conversation about Wildshape. It was really about Equaarion. Just about his aims, how he felt that adventuring was the natural choice for him. 

It’s the age old compulsion for adventure, the feeling that there’s nothing for you but the road and the desire to seek more.

Ragweed is a good man and while he's a bit eccentric, he really does love the world and wants to protect the life within it. So Ragweed shares with the heroes the location of Tir Dyffryn and the Angel Egg, this mysterious celestial artifact that may allow the heroes passage to the realm of Concord, where the heroes believe they will find Emilia. Ragweed warns them of the dangers, pointing out that the Wengwith heavily trapped and guarded their buildings with constructs. Instead, Ragweed asks them to stay in the village and help out. The elven ranger Rae knows, even as close as she is to Emilia, that she cannot abandon these people in their time of need, and solemnly nods.

Rae heard a voice call out in Wengwith, asking whether they were friendly. After a brief deliberation, Rae invited the voice up. The group discovered he was a tiefling clad in all sorts of trinkets and fine robes and jewelry, but as soon as the tiefling saw their map, Equaarion got antsy and said that they needed to kill him -- in Common, which Chem couldn't understand. Freesia says that's absurd and barbaric and they don't need to do that. I'm feeling like between Sasha and Freesia, the charismatic ladies are always going to be the voices of reason in Thunderclan.

Eventually the heroes had a weird conversation with Chem of Longquest about his travels, the dangers of the woods, and a strange obsidian idol Chem of Longquest had in the shape of a bat before they decided to head back, whereupon Equaarion heard a slithering liquid-like sound coming from outside of the tower. Rae moved to inspect the sound, bow drawn, and Chem of Longquest strokes the obsidian idol, tosses it to the center of the tower, and punches Rae in the head.

It's initiative, and already the heroes have problems. The black idol is in the center of the tower and it starts leaking out black gas that deals poison damage to the heroes. Chem of Longquest begins using his spider-climbing magic item to attach himself to the inside of the wall and get a good vantage point on the heroes.

They manage to deal some damage to him, but soon enough a shadow demon answering to Chem slithers in and the situation gets more complicated than the heroes would like. Equaarion orders Honeyduke, the griffon, to carry the idol out of the tower, but the poison cloud still lingers for two rounds. The heroes break out of the tower and into the open meadow, followed by the shadow demon.

The heroes struggle, and Rae goes down, but Honeyduke carries her to safety and Ragweed's healing word brings her back up. Freesia and Equaarion battle the shadow demon while Chem of Longquest hides out of sight, uncovering its many resistances and immunities before Rae puts the final nail in the coffin and kills the demon. Freesia charges back into the tower and with two swift eldritch blasts knocks Chem unconscious.

The interrogation of Chem begins. The heroes strip him down and tie him up, only to find that he is a demon worshipper and a bit of an edgy creep. He's forthcoming about information. He serves She-Who-Walks-Away-Alone, the Crimson Bat, a demon slain by Prince Laurence that now slumbers and regains her 'flame' beneath the Tomb of the Ancients -- the undead city of Necropolis. Chem also says, very plainly, that "my master answers to the one you call King."

The heroes look at one another. King Ezra? What's going on? Could these be the answers everyone is searching for? Chem states that Ezra abandoned his family to seek greater power with demons and dragonkind in order to further advance his own nation. Meanwhile, according to Chem, Queen Rosaria's hubris dragged the Hallow Knights of Hamlet into a harrowing nightmare (Knightmare), in a bid for her children to become more powerful.

This is big news, and it only makes sense for a demon worshipper to be clued into these sorts of things. But these answers are only revealing new questions. When did this schism happen? Where is Ezra? Who's the bad guy in this situation? We know more about what Ezra's up to and this is in line with what Agrippa or Rend said a long time ago, but all this news about Rosaria is very opinion-based and unclear. Was she trying to cure her son Ludwig's sickliness or ascend them to Godhood? What's going on?

In the end this is a huge moment for the heroes, but they still are wondering why Chem of Longquest is so forthright with all this information. And the answer is very simple. Chem of Longquest points out that this information is meaningless to him because in the end, the strong will rule, and he believes that his mistress, the Crimson Bat, is the most powerful. So these secrets are really meaningless to him. Meanwhile, why isn't he afraid of Rae holding a bow and arrow up to his head? Simple, he's in service to a demon queen. Death is also meaningless to him. He states very plainly, "Upon my death I will rejoin the Abyss, and I will be taken through the Wheel and reborn." Which is at least partly true. Freesia basically raises an eyebrow at this and correctly observes that while he's right about eventually being reincarnated... the rest seems like religious belief.

Rae says, "Give me one reason I shouldn't kill you."

And Chem replies, "Only your own weakness."

And the arrow is loosed, Chem of Longquest is killed.

The heroes and Ragweed agree to return to Simona Village to rest up and look at the book in the morning. The heroes are a little shaken by all this information, but rest will do them good. The heroes rest in separate rooms, Equaarion and Rae in one and Freesia in another, and in the morning they examine the Codex Terragnosis with Poppy.

The heroes learned all sorts of things about the other planes of existence, fairies and their origins, angels and their search for the true meaning of life, the universe, and everything, and a ton of beasts, including the Aguila Thunderbird, a legendary storm phoenix.

After geeking out over books, though it's mostly nerd warlock Freesia geeking, they decide, based on Poppy's advice, to tell the Master of the village, Pickford Pine, about them clearing Pwigra Pass. So they go, and they have a really pleasant conversation, mostly thanks to the heroes having a good reputation all around, but also definitely thanks to Freesia being super charismatic and very honest about everything. She didn't sugarcoat why she was in town, no pretenses to coming just to help with the struggle, which actually made Pickford Pine happy. He's a no-nonsense kind of guy, he's 34, married with two kids, he's a master of a small village and a proficient hunter, so he just says, "You adventurers have a good reputation in this forest, so as long as you're not making friends with the bandits, then I won't have you arrested and run out of town."

He offers them a gold ingot as a reward for clearing out the demons at Pwigra Pass and tells them that there's more where that came from if they manage to keep things peaceful in town and use that goodwill to improve relationships between the Black Thicket Tribe and the villagers. If that happens, and the village is unified and strong together, then Pine is less worried about the Redhoods ransacking the town, and Thunderclan will be good people in his eyes.

So the heroes decide to formulate a plan, a creative solution to the problems plaguing Simona Village, that doesn't involve bloodshed and drawing the attention of the Redhoods allies. And also hopefully doesn't get them run out of town.

Equaarion observes that he's both a druid and a civilian in many senses, and his reputation as a folk hero may allow him to serve as the bridge between those two peoples and to solidify that and maybe strengthen the town through peace and diplomacy.

Meanwhile, Freesia is wondering whether the Redhoods could be tricked into believing that Tir Dyffryn and the artifact isn't anywhere near Vindred, and get them to depart the village and give the townspeople time to prepare and defend themselves, or maybe just permanently mislead the Redhoods.

Rae, meanwhile, just wants to find her girlfriend, but her heart knows that sometimes what you want and the right thing is not always the same.

How will these plans be enacted? Will the heroes run into trouble? Will they uncover more secrets about the Royal Family soon? Will I ever remember to make a concentration check without being reminded? Probably not.

Little Moments from this Session:

Freesia being adorable just constantly with a little fear of animals and being super haughty and highbrow about everything, while still having this insatiable thirst for knowledge. But she's a warlock. So of course.

Equaarion saying some really deep shit about his character and his motivations for becoming an adventurer. Equaarion basically became a hero and learned to be at peace with nature not for any desire for power or because it was his tribal identity, but simply because it was the right thing for him, purely as an individual.

Rae reminding everyone that while she's absolutely a badass that will kill at a moment's notice, her character is fundamentally motivated by love.

Session Three:

Last session one of our players was forced to be late so we opened with just Freesia and Rae planning. Equaarion had gone off into the woods to 'meditate', which (comically) nobody believed.

The two of them rolled over possibilities in their minds for how to trick the Redhoods into leaving Simona Village alone. They poured over a number of possibilities and ended up deciding that the best solution was to forge a map that indicated Tir Dyffryn was elsewhere in the woods, leading the Redhoods astray just long enough for Thunderclan to scoop up the artifact and get out of dodge.

Wandering a bit, they found Elsha and talked details and specifics with her. Apparently Elsha isn't too popular around the town, what with her trying and failing to sneak up on the Redhoods and possibly drawing their ire even more. Thunderclan (or at least the two lesbians) did get some more pertinent information though: the trade route to the east that has been patrolled by bandits since the crown left.

...It's a strangely cold day outside.

They decided that it'd probably be best if they tried seeking out somebody who could actually help them with authentic mapping skills. The two of them don't have proficiency with cartographer's tools or anything of the sort, so they were just wandering back to Rae's room when Rae hears a noise on the other side of the door. Marble footsteps and ocean waves.

It's Chess.

Chess, the black and white dragonborn wizard and scientist, professor of the Brigmore Institute at the Academy up north. He's surprised to see Freesia, whom he's never met before. As she moves to shake his hand, his hand passes through hers. "I'm not actually here," he says. Project Image, a high level spell. Pretty useful.

This is one of those things that wizards just do in fantasy. They show up for weird reasons out of nowhere, have cryptic things to say, and disappear after sending their love.

Chess is here to check on Thunderclan, tell them that their old partner Salty Martine sends her regards, and fails at concealing a bit of secret information from Freesia: the immortal warlord Vander Coil has returned from the World Below to rejoin Chess and his husband Set on their mission to restore independence to Ludum.

Chess and Freesia basically stare each other down and pick apart everything the other says. So by the end of the conversation, these two genius scholars have pretty much totally figured the other out. Chess is a revolutionary and a bit of a prick, Freesia is a witch. The basics.

After Chess gives them some advice about Wengwith ruins and fails to conceal important information, he disappears without a goodbye.

The adventurers agree that Ragweed is the best bet for making a good convincing map, and they pawn it off to him as Equaarion arrives.

They notice a small druid boy, about a teenager, shivering neurotically. His name is Osvyn, he's mute, and a little asocial. Equaarion is kind enough to summon a black bear to keep him company in his discomfort, though.

Equaarion is prickly and stubborn, but these are the moments that endear him to everyone.

The temperature in town is steadily dropping.

The plan is formed: They're going to wait for the town to be occupied at a local temple tonight, then they'll sneak off and drop the map near the Redhood's camp. They do this by summoning a giant eagle and having it leave the map, like a fairy omen. Ludum, and anybody who's spend serious time in Vindred, is aware that fairies often do weird stuff like that, but it's pretty weird one way or the other. But the heroes don't want to leave it up to chance, so Equaarion turns into a cat and dashes toward the Redhood camp to see their reaction.

Ludens know that cats are supernatural creatures, and that hurting them is horrible luck, so they greet Cat-rion and allow him to dash around the camp, figuring him feral. He explores a bit and gets a good look at the leader of the Redhoods - a drow woman, but he doesn't get her name.

The group heads back to the town, where Osvyn is panicking outside the temple. After some debate, the heroes open the doors -- cold to the touch. The inside of the temple is freezing, all the visitors are shivering and yawning.

Osvyn bursts through the doors to the temple and begins barking and panicking, trying to push people out of the door. There's a violent burst of snow and ice and a creature appears in the center of the temple.

It wheezes, "Deshperim..."

Freesia casts mage armor. Equaarion turns into a dinosaur. Rae is guiding the villagers out of the temple.

The villagers are screaming, crying. "The druids have brought the Abyss upon us all!"

Maybe the whole 'improving relationships' thing has a ways to go.

The battle is an uphill climb from the get-go. (But honestly, have I ever run a serious combat that’s been perfectly straightforward and not at all immediately harrowing?) The demon's weakness to fire is clear immediately, and the heroes are pumping tons of damage into it. But the snow and pure aura of despair the demon gives off makes all melee attacks at disadvantage. Equaarion has to drop his dinosaur form and switch to conjuring fire. Freesia casts Blink and begins phasing in and out of reality, popping off fire bolts whenever she can.

But the demon launches a lightning bolt into the crowd, and five villagers go down. The demon begins to fly away.

Oh fuck, right?

Equaarion immediately runs to the villagers, where Ragweed and Osvyn are trying to help them get up. Freesia follows the demon and sees the cellar door of the temple flung open, a trail of ice leading within.

Rae, recalling the cold of the Deep that struck her down months ago in the Bullroarer's Ritual Room, barely has the strength to go on.

Equaarion saves the lives of five villagers, a task they'll never forget, and chases after the rest of the party, who have descended into the cellar to find a rift in the stonework leading to inky blackness.

The two of them are transfixed by the rift. Freesia makes her save thanks to her Lucky feature as a halfling, but Rae, corrupted within by the Abyss, falls into the darkness.

Equaarion drops down. Freesia is panicking.

But Equaarion would never abandon his friends.

He summons Honeyduke, grabs Freesia off the ground, and they all dive into the rift.

They fall for minutes, and land in snow.

They are at the top of a tower, ruined, overlooking what appears to be thousands of structures all collapsed on top of one another. Below that, a black and endless sea. There is no light in this horrendously cold place.

In the distance, a giant red bat shrieks into the perpetual night, and flies through a portal. The party has followed the demon to its home... the entropy of the waking world, that which all shall fall to in time. The very base of the Abyss. The source of Rae's trauma.

Welcome to the Deep.

#the ludum campaign

[dawyer]

Rittenhouse Shuffle

You shuffle along the subway platform to where you know you must exit at your destination station. You listen to the water dripping somewhere invisible to your eye. It's a Monday morning during rush hour, yet the station is so empty and quiet that you can hear the drips as loud as bombs, and even time them at 5 seconds between each one. You envision each drop dripping in your feet like your leaky faucet does in your bathtub while you're trying to bathe and clear your mind, yet it's futile. A cold, hard drip. You board the train, usually full at this hour but not today. You take not of the red and blond whiskers on a light-skinned black man's upper lip. His eyes are closed. A Haitian-looking woman clutching a large handbag, and a bum who robotically looks up and down every 2 seconds, like he is agreeing with something, with probably anything you can ask him. He is 100% with you buddy. You listen to your podcast about the latest software, Lenny the Tech Wiz Show. You arrive at your destination and walk down the three empty blocks and through a ghostly Rittenhouse Square to your office building. You take the elevator to the 15th floor. You unlock your office door and a gust of dry, stale air pushes and shoves itself into your lungs like someone sticking a funnel of sand in your mouth. You are a mouth-breather. You want to learn how to use your nose, but it seems perpetually blocked. Your office is vacant. Your start-up tech company is void of human warmth. Everyone is gone. You go to your post and you do some front-end development. That's your job title, front-end developper. The back-end developer is not there for you to consult with, so you make a list of questions, concerns and to-do's for him. Upon his return. You make yourself a coffee at the mojo java machine. You stare into space. The space you stare into is so grand, so vast without your colleagues here today. You relish in the placid office. You think that all your colleagues may have A) died or B) been taken hostage by your rival Philly company, Goya Hermanos Tech. You decide your only concern is if you do not receive your regularly scheduled direct deposit this Wednesday. You catch up on all your leftover work. You look at the whiteboard calendar to see if there are any projects to get headstarted on. You see the letters Mlk on today's square and begin to wonder what project this is. You search on your computer's network for any files named Mlk, but to no avail. You also search Milk. To no avail. You go and get another coffee and see the back-end developer's favorite coffee mug. This mug says *You can bake it after all!* with a picture of a muffin walking down the street, throwing a berret into the air. You place the cup on the platform and press LATTE instead of your regular REGULAR. You know that your counterpart loves those frothy lattes. You close your eyes and pretend that his lips are now your lips, those two pillowy sailboats rowing side by side, those lips you see everyday at work meetings, often repeating the same thing twice or thrice because you get lost in the space between them and then you ask him to repeat himself. You think he thinks you're slow. You try to bring yourself back to reality by looking down at the meeting agenda, but even then you smell the freshness of your counterpart's laundry detergent, activating the good old reveries of past work meetings. These post-lunch work meetings are always your favorite time of day, despite the post-lunch slump. Your fatigue swirls around those lovely lips like a happy twist of chocolate and vanilla trying to keep eachother cold against the nasty hot elements. Most of your coworkers assume you must get stoned out at the loading dock during your lunch break. You walk over to the L-shaped desk in the corner of the office, the one with the best view of Rittenhouse Square. You can see a large number of Philadelphians playing in the park, building snowmen or trying out cross-country skis to fulfill ambitious New Years Resolutions. You sit down at the desk and pull up the login page on the computer screen. A background featuring Cloud from Final Fantasy VII riding a bright yellow chocobo through a forest trail. Who knew a yellow-haired man on a giant yellow bird could look so sexy, you think inwardly. You type the usual office password, GANDALF1999 "Login attempt failed, 3 attempt(s) remaining," the screen flashes. You take a sip of your latte and try again, this time with BONJOUR123 "...2 attempt(s) remaining." LEOLIPS "...1 attempt(s) remaining." You stare at the screen as you take the latte, hands shaking. You scan your brain for another possible password the office uses, when you hear the front office door slowly open. You jump to your feet and, when pushing the keyboard drawer underneath the desk, bump a key. The computer's mainframe begins to beep a terrible mechanical sounding beep, the kind you know musn't be good. You don't look back though and try to look "cool" standing only a few steps away, towards the window. A man with a blue uniform enters. "Oh, hey, surprised anyone is here," he says while scratching his salt-and-pepper stubble, then begins to push a vaccuum cleaner into the room. "I hope you don't mind me," the janitor says, and begins vacuuming. He turns back towards the computer monitor, now flashing, "Override window time remaining... 22... 21..." GANDALF1999 "...19 ... 18... 17" MOONCOSMICPOWER "You have successfully logged in," the monitor flashes. You search the back-end developer's project database for the letters Mlk and Milk, to no avail. Except for a local raw milk sourcing and delivery app that he barely began, a couple years back. You get up and make another latte, then check to see if the janitor is watching (he is not, he is texting someone). You search the BE developer's personal database for an address, a photo, anything. You see a folder entitled LIFE INSURANCE and you click. You see a few topless photos of him. You think you have seen one of these photos briefly on NuLuv a while back, but you deduce that he may have blocked you or deleted that app. You stare at the photo, his dark hairy chest and big Italian arms. Despite the BE developer's small stature, his arms are immense. Like his lofty lips. Your phone rings, it is a number you do not recognize. "Hey man, it's Leo." "Oh.. hey.. hey! What's up Leo?" You say, finding the words slowly. "I called Rick, cuz I got an alert saying someone overrided the system at my post." "What? Really?" "Yeah, but Rick said he isn't there because it's Martin Luther King Day after all. Are you there?" "I went in earlier, yeah." "Did you see anything fishy at my post?" "No I just went to pick up some frozen meals I left in the fridge. I didn't know all the stores were closed today." "Meals? Ha ha whatever man. Anyways how's my favorite little fudgepacker doing these days. Go on any escapades in the Gayborhood?" "Nah, been lying low since New Years Eve. Still recovering from a hangover that seems to have lasted for weeks." "Shit you're a lightweight bro." "Thirty-year-old body ain't like it used to be. How's Christy?" "She's being her bitchy, stormy Greek self as usual. Always talking about wanting to have kids pronto or she is gonna pack up and go back to Jersey. I told her ciao, sayonara, and said some shmucks in Princeton might love to get their hands on her big ass. But she won't get the picture and sticks around." "Gotcha. Sounds like a dilemma." "Fuck she's yelling at me again. Anyway I'm not ready to get married and all that jazz. Life's too short know what I mean? Like I really like working with you and Rick, you really absorb what I'm saying and all my ideas even if you tend to zone out a lot while I'm blabbing. Anyways you guys make me feel valued, really. But her and that goddamn bio clock? Fuggadabuddit. "Yep I'm here for you man." "Alright she wants me to stop calling my 'other girlfriend' now, she always says that when I call you. Ciao bro, see you tomorrow." Click. You sit and finish your latte as you wait for the janitor to leave. The janitor says, "Happy holiday." You pull up the topless photo of Leo again and then turn in the swivel chair to face away from the door. You pull up your shirt a little, exposing your wheat belly, and pull down your pants, close your eyes, rewind and listen to Leo's saucey voice again in your head. You open your eyes, stare at those full lips like ruby slippers on either side of your member, and you pleasure yourself. Your phone rings again, but you won't answer this time. The light next to the computer monitor's camera turns bright green.