#and they still had us come and still coukdnt believe when we followed through on removing ourselves from thw situation when it got too be

[bisexualadamparrish]

having the worst fucking 24 hours 🤪

#feeling very 🤧🙃😶😞😒🤬🔪 today #was on family vacation yesterday and my parents told me n my sister my brither wasnt coming #only to spring on us last minute that he did in fact get off work and was in fact coming #and even though we said we woukdnt go if he was we went anyways but we drove down a day later #and he is just such a miserable fucking asshole and cant help but pick a fuckig fight and be as demeaning as possible #that he started some shit yesterday and my sister and i pcked up early and drove the eight hours home last night #and like it was the right choice if we had stayed it either would have kept escalating or we would have just hidden in our room at which #point why even fucking be there #but now my parents are guilt tripping us for 'punishing them for his behavior' and are telling us wr need to 'just ignore it and act like #adults for once' but the thing is we're always the ones who have to fucking ignore it and act like adults #and we told them if he was there we didnt want to be bc we knew being stuck.in a house w him for a full week had no way of ending well #and they still had us come and still coukdnt believe when we followed through on removing ourselves from thw situation when it got too be #too much and like. maybe it was dramatic of us but im sorry #there is no one else in my life who could treat me the way he does and speak to me the way he does and demean me the way he does that i #would tolerate being around me and they never would expect me to!!! if i had a friend who acted like he does even one single time they would #tell me to get that person out of my life but suddenly bc we're related im supposed to have no boundaries and just get through by Being The- #Bigger Person??? no fucking way y'all have been telling me to ignore him and to be the bigger person for as long as i can fucking remember #and im sick of it!!!!! why should i have to just grin and bear literal abuse and harassment?? #he has such a horrible temper and multiple times in the pst he has let that temper escalate to him actually putting his hands on me #and threatening to hurt me and my sister #so how tf am i supposed to know when the next time his yelling is going to turn into more? #and even the yelling and ranting and hqrassment why tf would i put up with it??? #aorry for the rant im just so fucking mad #and now im here at home w no plans and my car is broke so i cant even drive over to my partners house which is all i really want to do #and they're going to come get me when they get off of work but thats this evening and rn i just want to cry #anyways if you read this sorry 🤧🤧🤧 i just needed to get it out of my system #my post

[laurnav]

YOU

i have to stop choosing you. i’ve gotta make a decision. i don’t want to fuck up with him. you make me feel like i’m losing my head & idk why. facetimed for 2 nights in a row for hours & compliment me & laugh with me & i still don’t think you want me like i want you. you text me, then don’t really reply. you hang out with me, then don’t really want me. you tell me i’m gorgeous, then don’t really treat me like it. but you do. you’re such a genuine soul. we like each other & you’re just true. but i’d choose you, you wouldn’t choose me. & it sucks because this communication started about a little more than a month ago & suddenly we’re gona hang out on saturday again. idk why you act like you want me & at the same time act like you don’t. how do you manage to do that? how do you manage to want & not want me all at once. with him, it’s really not hard. whether in person, text or facetime, i was able to share & be myself & express & just ... be listened to. but with you, through text we have nothing to conversate about & i feel useless when you don’t respond. if you wanted me, you would have shown it by now, no? there’s no guarantee that after saturday we will talk everyday. there is no guarantee that the more we hang out that you’ll actually want something with me. anything. there is no guarantee that you’ll ever allow me to be yours. i shouldn’t even have to allow it. you should want that & you can’t & won’t. but i know that i’m still going to go this saturday. i’d never bring myself to say no even tho i know i’m not getting what i want, which is you. i want you. i’ve been crushing on you hard for more than a month. i want you out of my head, messages, dms, life... that would be better. if you were to tell me rn that you coukdnt do saturday, that would hurt so much, but i’d be relieved too. everytime i think we’ll stop talking for good, we don’t. & every time i think we may talk & you want me, you don’t. i guess that’s my mistake with you. i crush on you inevitably & i still have no reason or explanation why. i just don’t. my cousin asked me: how come you can’t just not like someone? why can’t you just be single? just be by yourself? i don’t know u single. you’re either always crushing, hurting, dating or in a relationship with someone.... & it’s true. she’s right. but i don’t want to mess it up with him. i want to wait for him. i want to explore with him when he gets back. our bodies like we did the night before he left to massachusetts. i want to explore the city with him. i want to explore whatever is left of us. i really do like him... then u came around again calling me gorgeous & saying you were gona facetime me & just being you. & me, stupid, falls for you all over again. inevitably. i crush on you so hard. but if i do see you saturday, believe me when i say, i won’t fuck up. i’m not going to fuck it up with him because of you. you won’t have my body. if you don’t want me like i want you, i’m done. you can’t touch me the way i let you last time, you can’t fuck me, you can’t be with me in that way again. i won’t allow it. i’ve gotta love myself more now. i think i do. he deserves more from me bc he really does like me & tells me in his own way & tells me he wants me & makes plans with me for when he comes back. you? you just make statements & sometimes don’t follow through. & when you do, i’m left hurt. last time i had hugh expectations. this time i don’t. i’m left hoping, yes, but now with expectations. that’s over with. i’m not messing it up with him. it’s time. i do wish you wanted me, but i think that’s out of the question. goodnight