#anyway fucking that's over i need to go write 1000 words :DDD

[absolutepokemontrash]

Hi! So, I absolutely love your series where the MC is the kid of Lucifer, and I was wondering if I could request that with Diavolo and Barbatos? •v•

:0 you definitely can! Right now I’m just doing Diavolo, but Barb’s will be up sometime soon!

MC is Half Demon and Oh Shit They’re Diavolo’s Kid-

Diavolo wasn’t exactly what one would expect of the prince of Hell, I mean, he was suppressing the urge to bounce in his seat from pure excitement. I mean, his exchange program was starting! Humans, demons, and angels, all together, his dream was coming true.

All that was left was for the student to arrive, the portal opened, and the human fell flat on their back. Oof, maybe Diavolo should have set up some kind of landing zone filled with pillows. No matter! The human was-

…

What peculiar eyes this human had…

Oh… oh dear…

Dad-volo

The MC was his child, no question about it. This was… very unexpected. Well, the entire assembly hall was completely quiet, and the kid looked like they were getting impatient.

“HEY! Mind telling me what the hell is going on?!”

After that, Diavolo launches into his explanation, also the explanation that he’s definitely this kid’s dad. Kid was not impressed, they tried to square up with Diavolo and Lucifer had never been more confused as to what to do.

Well, the moment MC sprouted wings and launched themselves at Diavolo, Dia caught them with one hand and continued speaking like nothing happened.

MC, please calm down… Diavolo didn’t know they existed, let him make it up to them! They’re going to stay at the Demon Lord’s Castle! Dia’s going to be a good dad!

“This feels like the plot to the world’s most messed up fairytale.” MC jammed their hands into their pockets and grumbled. “I get sucked into hell and find out I’m royalty there. Great.”

Diavolo managed to smile and awkwardly reach out to give them a pat on the head, then retracted his hand after the kid shot him a glare. “Well, it’s not a very traditional fairytale, but I’m sure you’ll enjoy your time here.”

“Mm, sure.” MC mumbled.

Okay, so his child wasn’t that enthusiastic about the exchange program, but Diavolo was sure they’d come around.

Dia tried everything he could possibly think of to get his kid to both like him and enjoy their time as an exchange student. A lot of things had… mixed results.

Also, legally recognizing MC as his child and legitimizing them caused a big stink amongst the nobles who were opposed to the exchange program to begin with. So MC then had to deal with a few assassins. Wonderful. Fantastic. Show stopping. Dia, be a good dad and comfort your angsty murder target- I MEAN preteen.

They do manage to build a good relationship fairly quickly despite their less than stellar first impressions, and Diavolo made them a promise that he knew he wouldn’t ever break: he would let them live as normal a childhood as possible.

This means that MC gets to do all the normal kid stuff that Diavolo wasn’t allowed to do. It honestly works out great for everyone. MC gets to live their life, Diavolo gets the satisfaction of knowing that his kid’s having fun, and Barbatos doesn’t need to worry about MC causing chaos in the castle.

Man… does this kid’s magic potential scare the shit out of everyone though…

Tired Uncle Lucifer

No. This has to be a violation of his worker rights. It cannot be legal for him to be this stressed.

He knew this exchange program was a bad idea. LUCIFER FUCKING KNEW IT. This kid was judging him. Why did he suddenly feel self conscious about every single one of his features? This child was picking him apart and they hadn’t even said anything!

He confiscated Asmo’s phone immediately, this was a matter of national security! Satan’s too! Beel as- oh shit Lucifer may have to give Beel the heimlich maneuver, then take his phone.

When all the brothers eventually got back to the HOL, they were greeted with Mammon getting shaken down by Levi.

“Lucifer! Ya won’t believe this! Levi- what’s wrong with you?” “The exchange student is Diavolo’s child.” “What..?” “*pops the cork off a bottle of Demonus* the exchange student’s Diavolo’s child.”

The worst part about this kid was that they took to the privileges of being royalty like a fish to water. MC went out and did whatever the fuck they wanted, and Lucifer needed to make sure a state of national emergency wasn’t called just because MC picked a fight at RAD.

It didn’t help that MC was just so unimpressed with Lucifer. Anytime Lucifer would tell them not to do something they would just raise their eyebrows and challenge his authority without saying a word.

What the fuck.jpg

The things he does for his prince boyfriend…

Cool Uncle Mammon

Huh, so this little pipsqueak is Lord Diavolo‘s kid? Hm, do ya think they’d let him into the royal treasury? No? Okay… lame.

Mammon then decides this kid would be just perfect for scamming people! Who is going to say no to the Crown Prince’s kid? A suicidal person, that’s who!

And the kid is… up for it? Wow, Mammon didn’t even have to grovel! Awesome!

It’s such a shame that Lucifer came in and promptly removed MC from Mammon’s presence. Tsk, killjoy…

Mammon and MC do get along swimmingly after MC stops angsting. Whenever they hang out it’s pure chaos.

And they would have gotten away with it too- wait, they do get away with it. Because who’s going to question the Crown Prince’s kid? >:)

Reclusive Uncle Leviathan

Levi was in the middle of throttling Mammon for his money back when Lucifer burst through the door looking like he had spent over 1000 Grimm on a gacha game only to not get the card he wanted.

And where was that human he said would be staying with them? Huh? The human’s HUH????!!!!

… wack. Maybe he shouldn’t have skipped out on that Student Council Meeting…

Either way, ew, new person he needed to talk to. NO THANKS. Well, no thanks until MC started to visit the HOL to hang out with Mammon. Of course those two normies decided to bug him. OF COURSE.

Levi finally snapped when MC loudly proclaimed that they could totally beat Levi in Mario Kart. Haha, NO. Levi challenged the little runt to a 1 v 1 race on Rainbow Road.

Kid lost. Obviously. Rainbow Road is rigged.

Honestly, kid’s alright. Still a total normie, but not completely terrible.

Cat Uncle Satan

Huh, a half human child of the soon to be demon king, how very interesting.

Oh, and just look at Lucifer’s face. :D priceless. Satan wished he was fast enough to get his DDD out to snap a picture, but he wasn’t able to…

But back to MC, oh how very intriguing. How much power do they have in comparison to Diavolo? Will using that power rip their fragile little body apart? Would they learn to control it? Satan was just dying to find out.

His feelings on the child themselves were mixed at best. They were clearly unhappy with the situation and Satan could sympathize, being thrust into a completely new world and then being told you can’t leave and are also royalty? That has to be hard. But this kid was still being an unreasonable little shit.

Satan continued to try and study MC from afar until the kid themselves walked right up to him and half demanded half pleaded for his help in studying for a test.

Not being one to avoid an opportunity to flex how smart he is, Satan agreed to help out. (Nerrrrd)

And honestly, it went well. When the kid wasn’t being a little shit, they were actually quite pleasant to be around.

Overly Affectionate Uncle Asmo

…wut

Listen, when Asmo asked Lucifer to pick a cute human, he didn’t mean cute as in CHILD.

This kid was DIAVOLO’S?! What lucky human had gotten to have the experience of [Jesus Fucking Christ, Asmo I’m not writing what he said for the sake of the nation]

Anyhoo~ little MC just made his heart go “SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE SO CUTE!” They were so cute Asmo could just eat them up!

But they were so mean! That scowl they always had on was going to give them wrinkles and ruin their perfectly cute face!

Sigh, oh well. He can’t manually rearrange people’s expressions. What he can do is take this child shopping. Poor Diavolo was constantly in his RAD uniform, this poor innocent baby shouldn’t have to suffer the same fate.

The kid continued to scowl at everything, but at the same time, their little quips were very entertaining. This little kid spitting verbal venom at anyone who displeased them reminded Asmo of someone… he just couldn’t place who, but they definitely had amazing hair and a cute face :3

Hungry Uncle Beel

Where’s the takeout- I mean human? What’s happening? …are all humans this small? Dang, that’s barely enough for a snack.

So the human’s not going to live with us because they’re not fully human and Diavolo’s kid? Huh. Wild. Anyway, what’s for dinner?

Beel’s not too invested in this drama, he misses Belphie too much to be that interested…

The kid’s weirdly interested in how cool and strong Beel is though. MC tails him to the gym pretty often.

Diavolo and Beel already being gym buddies send tweet-

Since this benevolent little shit likes Beel so much, they decided to take it upon themselves to help with the family drama.

Beel finds that very sweet 🥺

Murder sleepy Uncle Belphie

Oh man… if you thought Belphie was being unfair to L!MC due to their parentage… hoo boy…

When this kid waltzed up the attic steps like they ran the place, Belphie needed to hold himself back from trying to break down the door and throttle this kid.

Pff, of course Diavolo would have a half human kid. Of course.

…kid beat the shit out of him when he tried to kill them. We stan this MC.

After all is said and done, Belphie still isn’t overly fond of MC. They’re brash and rude and only funny 40% of the time. They don’t even like napping 😒

But Beel likes the little runt, so Belphie and MC put up with each other.

Bonus! Your Angelic Uncle Simeon’s Chihuahua

:0 friend!

MC: *speaks*

>:0 not friend! Begone! *throws crucifix*

#obey me #obey me! #obey me! shall we date? #obey me shall we date #obey me mc #Obey me Headcanons #obey me! headcanons #obey me Diavolo #Obey me Lucifer #Obey me Mammon #Obey me Leviathan #Obey me Satan #Obey me Asmodeus #Obey me Beelzebub #Obey me Belphegor

[yourdaddychan]

wow-

literally just wow- i genuinely have nothing to say about this please- i cannot explain how much this means to me- there's 1000 of us- *hugs all of you* [ especially the porn bots ] *turns into formal luna asf*

i remember when i started in may, just a tiny chatbot with only one mutual, only known to you guys as [ answer : admin ]. and now, almost a year later, i have 1k of my chainsaw eating demons who are metal as fuck 💪ive learned so much being on tumblr, as a part of both the skz writers community and the chatbot community. ive made a bunch of friends, lost a bunch of ones, and 1k of you stuck with me. i cannot begin to express my gratitude to all of you, and how much all of you and your interactions with me mean to me. all of the simping, the random stories, everything. i cherish all of it, and i love all of you. aight so letz get to the personal thanking asf

alsoer i kinda wanted to do something sexy so imma do what color they remind me of :D most of them can be found at this link : https://louisem.com/29880/color-thesaurus-infographic

@kvinly linn bb 🥺through all the drama we've been through and shit im so glad we ended up becoming friends again cause we're kinda sexy together 😉thank you so much for being my 1000th follower bb you mean so much to me and if anyone hurts you im about to *turns into jennie and kachows them* licherally lets nevah fight again

-> you remind me of the color punch , and not only because of the name- underneath that grr me edgy grr me bully you're just a softie simp and that reminds me of punch :D

@undeadbots steph 🥺lemme be your personal broken chopsticks pls :( KLDSKLD anywayz we've also gone through some sexy drama and thankfully you saw da light 😉and now look at us, with our own band, and our own producing line 🥺brohemian rhapsody for life bro 🥺 *big kithie for da best dad in da world :D*

-> you remind me of the color viridian , because it gives me confident vibes :D you carry yourself proudly and confidently as you should tbh go steph

@binniesthighs oh look its a cutie *pushes you to a mirror* right there :D RORORO YOUR BOAT :DD we havent talked too much, besides my simping for jisung- but you give me very sexy energy so imma propose rq *gets down on one knee* will you be the rororo to my boat 🥺thank you for being my moot :D

-> you remind me of the color espresso , because espresso looks like the color to be pretty chill and laid back, and you're all of those, and calming to be around

@toshis-flower BAYBEE BEBE BEEBEE :D thank you so much for being my moot and making me a wifey asf ‼️ you're literally so much like me whats not to love <3 JKSDJKD JKJK you're really sweet and really just a good person to rant to, i love you so so so much and i think im going to remarry you :D

-> you remind me of the color taffy , because you're sweet, cute, and bright :D *eats you* yummy

@lov3ric seyoung. i love you. so much. MY SOULMATEEEE :DD even though we tell the story over and over like a bunch of grandmas, ill still never forget how we became soulmates and then bonded over boba 🥺im licherally going to marry you one day like ez 💪also i wanna eat you can i eat you youre really cute *eats you*

-> you remind me of the color daffodil , because it reminds me of banana milk which reminds me of you tbh- buuuttt did you know that daffodils are one of the first flowers you see when spring starts? that definitely reminds me of you because through all of the cb drama, you've always been there with me, like literally always- i cannot express how much i love you *kithie*

@simpchimp LIDDLE CHEESE FUCKER THEMBO :DD drink water *spank* i love you so much you cutie 🥺you're also licherally the funniest person ever like stop bae i kinda need to be the funniest but noer its you 😔alsoer i love how random you are KDSKLD so nevah stop that because then *revz up arm* youre going to get luna-ified

-> you remind me of the color jam , because even though you seem kinda scary at first [ yes i was 100% scared of you ] you're really soft :D

@berrywoo the sun themself 💪you are easily the purest person ive met, and im so happy i somehow became moots with you :D you literally hit diff, yk? theres something about your personality and the way you act thats so comforting, and that means i eat you because youre too cute :D you cant just be a wholeass teacher for kids and expect not to get eaten kids are licherally demons whoever deals with them properly and treatz dem nicely gets a nom asf

-> you remind me of the color honey , because you're a sunshiney yellow, and you're sweet like honey :D i think you need to hear that its okay not to be okay bb, and you can come to my dms anytime you want to rant 😎

@yourchungha MS OG CHUNGHA MS IM KINDA SCARED OF THE SHIT YOU DO MS FURREH LOVER 101 MS ANNA BANANA :D yeah youre like really nice- thats all i have to say- like how tf do you deal with [ redacted ] like eggsplain- ALSO YOURE CARRYING OUR CONVERSATIONS BECAUSE IDK HOW TO TALK TO PEOPLE DKSJKD I LOVE YOU FOR THAT AND WE SHOULD HAVE LIKE ACTUAL CONVERSATIONS MORE OFTEN

-> you remind me of the color scarlet , because youre a sexy bitch tf and scarlet gives me 'idc what you think im hot' kinda vibes which is like exactly you

@satosimp WINTER DADDY :DD i lub you asf *insert we dont talk anymore by charlie daddy* ugh the way your personality matches mine is kinda sexy or whatever im also kinda in love with you but lets ignore that part 🙄 💪 *big kithes* *eats your cats casually*

-> you remind me of the color lilac , because it just gives me tsundere vibes, you act like you dont care but really do care :D you liddle sawftie *noms your cheekie*

@nightshade-minho DUCKIE :DD *insert we dont talk anymore by charlie daddy pt 2* licherally bae where the fuck are you i miss you you bettah be doing well in school otherwise im going to smack you with a chappal asf DSJJKSD *eats your cat because hes such a cutie*

-> you remind me of the color marigold , because you're adorable and sunshiney :D

@onigirimeeya MICHIE MICHIE MICHIEIEEIEI MY DAD :DDD i like you mucho much if you didnt know *kithes you* you're like one awf da best listeners ever- which is such a weirdass compliment but its true- you're really good at listening, and just being a comforting presence in general, like when you go to the beach and youre just staring at the waves all edgy mode, and it calms you down a fuck ton

-> you remind me of the color mint , for obvious reasons- mint choco chip cookie michie :DD

@hhjs bae we dont talk a lot but im kinda lurking on all of your posts- JKDSJSKD bae remarry me please youre really fucking hot 😭and the way you have with words is like damn- teach me oppar asf

-> you remind me of the color wine , because you're refined, and carry yourself in a way that makes everyone want to be you. the color wine is rich and deep, which reminds me of the way you write :D

@nsfw-stay MY LICHERAL BABIE YOUVE BEEN AN ANON FOR SUCH A LONG TIME AND WEVE TALKED ABOUT SO MUCH SHIT TOGETHER [ a lot about seungmin and jisung but shhh ] I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BB AND I WILL NOM YOU >:( BUT SOFTLY AND OUT OF LOVE *nomz yew* :D

-> you remind me of the color cerulean , because its a baby blue and what fits better than a baby blue yk? you're adorable and squishy and i want to nom you 24/7

@secretary-yeji *iz chan ig cause we dont talk admin to admin* oh erm gee is uncle chrith 😉DKLSKLD my liddle koala :D my liddle burgah :D my liddle aussie :D my besth frien :DDD evah since may i think we've been friends, and i think one of the highlights of that day was me marking you as spam twice and on accident too- LKSDKLSD WE DONT TALK ABOUT THAT anywayz thank yew for being uncle chrith's friend *kith*

-> you remind me of the color seafoam , because it's a very soft and light color yk, you're delicate asf which sounds like a bad thing now that im typing it BUT IT ISNT DSKLDSLK YOURE VERY CUTE YOU AND YOUR FLOOFY COWS :D

@ayolistenupp im kinda... in love with you? wtf? KDSDKSL MY DESI DADDY ASF I LOVE YOU SOER MUCH :D our music nights™️ mean so much to me, like theres just something so personal about listening to what the other person likes to hear even though half of your songs are sexy asf KLDSKLD

-> you remind me of the color ocean , because the ocean is loud but calming yk- like you're full of energy but you're also calming :D

@yanderexchungha OH ERM GEE YEW :O YOU PROBABLY WONT SEE THIS IN LIKE 10 MONTHS BESTIE MERRY CHRISTMAS IG KLDSLKD anyway i love you dad your lessons about vape >>> to quote your drunk ass exactly "vape isnt cool" JKSDJ anyway its gonna be sexy if we accidentally run into each other in the hallwayz asf

-> you remind me of grey cause youre a hag- JKJK KDJSD you remind me of the color caramel , because you're sweet, and licherally addictive caramel isnt good for my braces but i keep eating it 😰but youre addictive in a good way :D

@yanderelee literally only doing this because you were moping about not having a simp sunday and im such a good person 🥸you're cool 💪and unfortunately, you're funny too 😥and even though i bully you asf dont take it personally because i dont mean it asf

-> you remind me of the color dijon mustard because you just give those hacker vibes please dont hack me after i said this i like to keep my location private

@kpopswitchbot BESTIE 😏MY FIRST MUTUAL 😏 LICHERALLY DA BEST CUTEST FUNNIEST SMARTEST SEXIEST KEWLEST I CANT EVEN EXPRESS WITH WORDS FISHIE IN DA WORLD :D LICHERALLY STOP OUTDOING ME WITH YOUR GOODNIGHTS LIKE *spankz yew* YOURE LITERALLY TOO GOOD WITH WORDS ITS NOT FAIR- AND THE DAY YOU JUST TALKED TO ME IN SHAKESPEAREAN BECAUSE I FELT DOWN- AND EXPRESSED YOUR LOVE THAT WAY LIKE- PLEASE I ACTUALLY ADORE YOU AND I WILL LITERALLY EAT YOU ONE DAY

-> you remind me of the color coffee , not only because youre addicted to it but also because of the way you act, you're like the definition of an old soul- with the words you use, the drama kid you are asf, etc- you're a talented bitch *mwah* i love you so much you also remind me of those movies where they find an old ass book and they kinda hafta dust it off and it gives you treasure or something cause yeah that reminds me meeting you

AIGHT DAS IT ASF MWAH I LOVE YOU ALL :DDD

#if you wanna know more just drop an ask asf #would be cool if i had 1k for 1k but NOOOOO #i have more btw #*dabz* #THE WAY TUMBLR KEEPS GLITCHING BECAUSE THERES TOO MANY WORDS #NOT SEXY TUMBLR

[actual-lea]

I do need to have Some words, because I have many thoughts and emotions and I need to talk about the ONE THING about this dang game that I need to talk about.

SPOILERS FOR KINGDOM HEARTS 3 ARE BELOW - I WILL TRY TO KEEP IT VAGUE BUT THERE ARE! SPOILERS! HERE!

THE THING ABOUT THIS GAME IS

first of all, I have done nearly a complete 180 on my initial impression of this game. Yesterday I finished San Fransokyo, and was confused as to why I didn’t get automatically dumped back onto the world map, and assumed that it was because some Plot Things were going to happen so the game wanted to let me save (I was VERY RIGHT about THAT). 

Buuuuuuut I really thought there had to be a whole lot more game left to go? I knew that that was the last of the Disney worlds that I knew of that were in this game, and I knew that oddly, at least going by what the game told me with the world logos showing up at the end, that I wouldn’t be going back for a second visit to any of them. But I assumed? That there still had to be a Lot left from there

and to an extent, yes, there was, but goddamn, when that big big Heartless fight, a bigger badder version of the 1000 Heartless battle, that HAD to be the halfway point of the game, right? 

And I think that’s why I came away last night when I finished the game, feeling kind of disappointed. In a very odd way that I couldn’t put my finger on. The game was so much shorter than I was expecting it to be - which, in retrospect, isn’t really all that true - my final playtime on that first file was about 30 hours (granted, that included lots of pausing and staring at the screen in silence and not-silence during many a cutscene (especially one that happens not long after big big Heartless fight (you know the one))), and for comparison, my 100% Jiminy’s Journal file on KH2 is only 35 hours. So it’s not even that it’s a ridiculously short game, although it certainly felt that way and that might be due in a big way to just how much cutscene there is in that game because holy fuck it is A LOT. I am reasonably sure that KH3 is at least 50% cutscene. 

ANYWAY. So the point is, I finished KH3 at around 3am, and cried a whole lot, and then slept. And then I woke up oddly early this morning, and my weird takeaway from the ending was still there - that vague disappointment that I Could Not figure out - but I went ahead and jumped back in because I hadn’t unlocked the secret ending yet, so that’s what I spent my morning doing (AND HOO BOY)

and now, that I’ve been thinking about this game all day, and have had time to let it all sink in, the further I get from that initial takeaway the less disappointed I am. Like, in terms of comparison, I don’t know that anything can beat KH2 - it is essentially a flawless game as far as I’m concerned, so it would be very hard for this to even come close - and I think that’s where that vague disappointment came from, because as much as I tried to convince myself that I had pretty realistic (read: no) expectations for this game, after 13 years it was kind of impossible not to and BOY THIS POST GOT LONGER THAN I THOUGHT AND I’M NOT EVEN TO THE POINT YET

All of that to say, I. Love. This. Game. I have a few issues with it, mostly pacing-related, but overall, it’s a goddamn solid game, and a goddamn solid conclusion to this monster of a saga that we’ve all come to know (sort of) and love (and also today I discovered that there was some Shit I Did Not Know about KH which is WEIRD AS HELL FOR ME but that’s neither here nor there)

So WHY am I typing this goddamn essay of a ramble, why did I feel that my initial opinion of “HEY IT’S GOOD” is worth shouting into this random void (besides well I kinda want to be able to remember my initial impressions word-for-word when I go back and reminisce about this game’s existence)?

IT IS BECAUSE I AM SALTY AS HELL

ABOUT THIS ONE THING

THIS ONE THING

AND THAT THING

IS

Hey.

Square Enix.

Hey. Kingdom Hearts writers? Nomura? Whoever is responsible for these kinds of things? 

What the FUCK is it going to TAKE for you to treat Kairi as more than a GODDAMNED MACGUFFIN

I’m so FRUSTRATED ABOUT THIS

DDD came out in, what, 2012? And I mean even further back than that we got to see her fight with a Keyblade in goddamn 2006 in KH2! We’ve been teased for over 10 years with the possibility that Kairi will actually become one of the fighters, or at the very least, that she’ll at least get to become an ACTUAL CHARACTER rather than just always being the Thing that Sora Has To Save (because I’m not saying! That she has to be able to fight! To be a good character! I’m just so sick! of the way these games treat her!)

Like, I don’t even really have any kind of strong emotional attachment to Kairi. She’s not one of my favorite characters (which is not to say I don’t like her, I definitely do, there are just a lot of characters that I LOVE very much which kind of outshines her). And I can almost forgive that she’s kind of just going to be the damsel in distress at least once a game because that’s just How It Be.

But this fucking game gives her the WORST TREATMENT in any KH game. By fucking far.

So her and Axel/Lea get to have their off-screen training montage, which, is awesome! Hell yeah! You have no idea how FUCKING PUMPED I was when we first got that trailer with those two! The entire time I saw the first cutscene with them, I spent the whole time just excitedly clapping and yelling “BEST FRIENDS”! Granted, I kind of wish that all didn’t take place Entirely off-screen, but I mean I don’t know where it would have fit so it makes sense anyway.

SO WE HAVE THIS SETUP that these two get to be the last of the seven, which, hell yeah! 

AND THEN,

these two prove to be The Most Useless characters in the game.

And I wish I could phrase that better! Because it sounds like I am throwing my ire at the characters, when OH BOY NO

It’s definitely not quite as pronounced with Axel (which, hm, wonder why (”do you have any idea how popular I am”)) but both of them serve essentially no purpose at all - to put it simply and vaguely, they get benched. 

But Kairi gets it Worst of all. THREE SEPARATE TIMES (maybe more? that’s just off the top of my head) an enemy is attacking her, and she just STANDS THERE

she doesn’t even HAVE A KEYBLADE IN HER HAND

and so THREE SEPARATE TIMES a different character jumps in front of her to take the hit/protect her

And I’m so! Befuddled!! By this!!! We were goddamn led to believe that her and Axel had this great training, that like, yeah, they’re still new at this, so they’re gonna screw up, but they’re at least decently competent! At least enough that we feel confident enough to bring them into this Big Ass Battle! 

So WHY, WHY is Kairi the one that has to draw the Cutscene Plot-Convenient Incompetence stick EVERY SINGLE TIME

HEY THERE ARE SLIGHTLY LESS VAGUE SPOILERS BELOW THIS JUST A WARNING

THOUGH HONESTLY I don’t even know if I can call it a fucking spoiler because it’s just so. unsurprising.

So, well, here we are, Kairi gets kidnapped. Again. Wouldn’t be a KH main title if it didn’t happen at least once yeah? That’s, fine. I guess. Whatever, we need to raise the stakes. What pisses me off is HOW it happens! Because it happens in the exact same goddamn way as KH2, where, 

OH NO the villain has grabbed me by the wrist!

The wrist! My weakness zone!

I am completely unable to break free! Of this inescapable grasp! Of my wrist!

Even while I am literally holding a Keyblade in my hand, and also am surrounded by SEVERAL OTHER PEOPLE THAT COULD MAYBE STEP IN AND HELP!

Alas! My wrist! Remember me as I was!

Like. Come on.

KH2, I could kind of write it off, at least a bit, as a limitation of the graphics/animation/whatever. But GODDAMN the animation and EVERYTHING in this game is SO EXPRESSIVE AND IMPRESSIVE and that is in fact one of my favorite things about this game (like DUDE the convo between Vexen and Demyx is pretty much one of my favorite scenes ever) and holy FUCK this post has gotten out of hand

The point of that is that there’s just no excuse for why the Patented Wrist Grab should work again. Especially since it’s leading into something else that happens near the very end that I’m also kind of salty about? But a bit less in that I at least realized on a rewatch Why it happened and it wasn’t the initial reason I thought. My whole thing is, Boy These Villains are Definitely Very Powerful and that Sucks, and if this is just to be a “hey we can render you completely powerless and destroy you at any time” then why does it ALWAYS have to be Kairi that gets shafted. This game did her a terrible terrible disservice and that’s honestly my biggest (and only actual one that I can think of) issue with KH3. 

And I do sound considerably angrier about this than I actually am. Because like, it is a video game, and I know that writing is not going to be perfect or completely match up with what I want it to be, and that’s fine. I just wish I didn’t have to continue being constantly disappointed with how Kairi’s character is treated (re: not a character at all especially the further we get into these plots).

BUT BOY HOWDY WHAT A FUCKING AWESOME GAME

#i #did not intend to write this much #how did this happen #i started this post like 40 minutes ago #i have more Thoughts than anticipated #i am sorry #kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts 3 #kh3 #kh3 spoilers #kingdom hearts 3 spoilers #hey i've been using those tags pretty lightly as in tagging a lot of things that aren't really spoilers but these are ACTUAL SPOILERS

[magnusbane-lightwood]

It's me again :D 1. How seriously amazing is your header? I'm so very in love with it, I've been staring at your tumblr page for 5 minutes :DDD 2. I've started to read your number prompts and they are all so cute

And for the anon who asked: Can I have 17 written?Hi sweetie!

First of all: THANK YOU SO MUCH! Seriously, I tend to go back to this message and just get this incredibly goofy smile on my face. You’re seriously so damn sweet, thank you so much for, well for liking the things I write basically. It seriously means the world.

Second of all: This one got really long and since my day fucked up entirely and I won’t have time to write the last 1000 words right now, I thought I’d post it in chapters (hopefully I’ll be able to post chapter two tomorrow - since it’s almost finished - so you won’t have to wait long at all, please forgive me!)

Anyway, here’s chapter one! I hope it was at least somewhat along the lines of what you wanted (It takes place in the shadow-world still, but in this story Magnus and Alec didn’t meet because of Clary…):

You can read it on AO3 HERE if you’d like to!

17. “Looks like we’ll be trapped for a while…”

Isabelle frowned when she walked into the dark loft. Magnus and her had decided to meet up for lunch two hours prior and when the warlock hadn’t shown up, Isabelle had assumed he’d gotten caught up in work and forgotten about the time again. So she’d gone to his apartment to find him, but seeing the empty space had her instantly worried. It wasn’t all that unusual for Magnus to forget about the time whenever he was caught up in some spell, but he was a gentleman and if he would be out of his apartment for work and risked being late, then he’d always make sure to tell whoever he was meeting up with as much.

She’d met the High Warlock of Brooklyn at a downworlder party she’d gone to for her previous boyfriend, Meliorn, a few months back and their mutual interests in both fashion and science (as Magnus had explained - mixing potions wasn’t all that different from what she was doing in her lab) had the two of them instantly clicking. Despite the night having ended with a breakup for her, after she found Meliorn in bed with two vampires, she’d still considered it a success after Magnus had invited her over to his loft for drinks to “celebrate her getting rid of the trash”, as he’d called it. Although they both knew that the Seelie had never made any promises of exclusivity to the Shadowhunter, Isabelle had still found herself appreciating the supportive sentiment. They’d been best friends ever since.

Which was why she knew something most definitely wasn’t right with the picture before her.

Picking up her phone from her pocket, Isabelle dialed Magnus’ number and waited for the dial-tone, praying to the Angel that he’d pick up - Only to have the call cut off almost immediately. Her heart beating slightly in panic, she started looking around the loft for any indication to where her friend might be. After looking through the entire apartment without any results, she picked up a shirt to try tracking him. The light flared around her hands and an image of Magnus flashed before her eyes. He was in what looked to be a cage, shouting something she couldn’t hear. She tried to focus on getting a location, but before she could get so much as a hint, something slammed into the vision and it blinked out. With a curse, she stuffed the shirt into her bag and ran towards the institute.

She needed a stronger tracking.

***

“Alec, I need your help!”

Alec looked up from where he’d been planning out next week’s patrol-schedule and raised his eyebrows in question to his sister’s abrupt entrance.

“I thought you were having lunch with your friend?” he said, straightening up and looking his sister over. “What’s wrong?”

“I was, but something is wrong. He didn’t show up and he wasn’t at his apartment. I tried tracking him, but I got cut off by something. I need you and Jace to use your parabatai bond to track him”, Izzy explained and Alec knew better than to question his sister’s instincts. So he simply pushed off the table and started walking towards the training-room, where he knew Jace would be - especially since Raj had walked by earlier with a put-upon sigh that told the oldest Lightwood-sibling that his brother had roped the poor guy into training with him again.

“Sorry to interrupt guys”, he announced their presence when they walked in and almost smiled at the sight of Raj throwing Jace down on his back and pinning him with a knife to his throat before they both looked up at them.

“That”, Jace panted, his eyes on Raj’s smug face, “Does not count. Alec distracted me!”

The other man just huffed a laugh, helped him to his feet with a roll of his eyes and turned to Alec with a rise of his eyebrows.

“What’s up?” Jace voiced Raj’s unvoiced question.

“Izzy needs our help to track her friend, she thinks he might be in trouble”, Alec explained and Jace nodded as he started to remove his training-gloves and walked towards them.

“I could use a small break anyway, you want us to go out with you to find him too?” he said and Alec shook his head.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll go with Izzy to check it out, call you if we need backup. You should probably go make sure Clary’s doing okay with her rune-studies anyway, leave Raj alone for once?” He gave Jace a pointed look and Raj mouthed a ‘thank you’ to him from where he was packing away the knives they’d been using.

“I have some work I need to get done anyway. You can try to beat me some other time, Blondie”, he said as he walked past them out of the room, patting Jace on the shoulder. Alec shook his head at Jace’s frown as he watched his retreating form.

“Still beating you, huh?” Alec asked and Jace returned his eyes to his parabatai with an exasperated look that made the corner Alec’s mouth lift, amused.

“I don’t know how he does it, the man is a freaking ninja! I figure out how to block one move and he’s already on to the next. It’s insane!” he answered and Alec just shrugged at him in a ‘what can you do’-manner.

“As much as I enjoy this little fanboy-moment of yours, Jace, we need to hurry up. Magnus is in trouble and I need to get to him”, Izzy spoke up, thrusting the shirt she’d brought towards them and Alec went into mission-mode as he grabbed the shirt along with Jace’s hand and started focusing on tracking the warlock.

The familiar feeling of Jace’s energy surged through him as the light swirled around their joined hands and a blurry picture opened up in his mind. He could make out the siluett of a man sitting cross-legged in a leaf-filled cell, light coming from somewhere above him. Magnus, Alec assumed as there didn’t seem to be anyone else around. He redirected his focus from the image to get a feel of where this cell was when a force slammed into him and both him and Jace grabbed the other tighter as they fought it to stay on the track. A symbol on the side of the cell caught Alec’s eye and as Jace gave his hand a small tug, he knew his parabatai had seen it to. Breathing out slowly, he felt Jace’s energy leave and slowly opened his eyes as he let go of the other’s hand.

“He’s in the Seelie-realm, in a cell of some kind. Doesn’t seem hurt though, but you’re right - we should hurry to get him out”, he answered his sister’s questioning look before walking away to get changed.

***

Magnus Bane was bored out of his freaking mind. Bored and irritated. He’d been stuck in this cage for hours, unable to do anything but wait for someone to notice his absence and come save him. He really hoped Isabelle hadn’t left him a message to cancel their lunch, because unless she noticed that he was gone no one would come for him in the next 24 hours. The prospect of sitting in this muddy room, with his magic drained enough to keep him from breaking out, for an entire day had him letting out another groan and letting his head fall back against the wall.

“If someone could send me a knight in shining armor to save me, that’d be great”, he grumbled towards the man-sized hole in the roof where the light was being let in. It was too high up for him to reach and possibly escape from and Magnus wasn’t too keen on risking a broken ankle in trying either, so he simply stared longingly at it and wished for a grand rescue of some kind.

***

“We should split up, we’ll cover more ground that way”, Alec suggested and with a confirming nod from his sister he broke away to search for her friend. He wished he could say that it was a surprise to hear that the Seelies had thrown the High Warlock of Brooklyn into a cage for some reason, but considering that during Alec’s last meeting with the Seelie Queen, she’d been just about ready to do the same to him for not wanting to sleep with her, he really and truly wasn’t. Honestly, what was a surprise to him was how the rest of the faerie-folk were still accepting her as their leader. If Valentine and his people were what gave the Shadowhunters a bad reputation, then people like the Seelie Queen most definitely was what gave downworlders theirs. He’d discussed the matter of damaging downworlder-leaders with Luke and Raphael a few days prior, and the two of them had suggested they’d bring in the High Warlock to their monthly meetings, since he apparently had the most sway over the downworld as a whole.

Alec had never met Magnus Bane, but from what he’d heard about the man he seemed like a good person with a rather wild reputation. The latter was just from what he’d been told by his parents though. Izzy had protested wildly as they’d argued that her new best friend was, in their father’s words: ‘Somewhat of a lothario who is nowhere near fitting for a young shadowhunter woman to be socializing with’, and Alec couldn’t blame her. Especially since his father, who followed Valentine blindly for years, most certainly wasn’t in any position to judge anyone else. Alec sometimes thought back to how he’d viewed downworlders only two years earlier, before befriending Luke and Raphael after Clary had stumbled into their lives and turned it upside down, and felt ashamed of his past self. He hadn’t known better at that time, of course, but that didn’t change the fact that he’d thought of himself as above so many people when he’d had no right to.

Stepping over a few fallen branches, Alec surveyed the area around him, trying to see if anything looked even the slightest familiar to what he’d seen in his tracking-vision. It was no use though, they’d been forced to leave the vision too soon and hadn’t had a chance to see anything above ground from where the warlock was held. Alec heaved a frustrated sigh and continued moving forward at a swift speed.

He didn’t even make it another two yards before something sounded behind him and Alec whirled around, bow drawn and at the ready, only to be immediately blinded by a flash of light so bright he had to shield his eyes. In the shock he took a step backwards, and where he was certain there had been solid ground just a second before, were now nothing but air. With a surprised scream, Alec fell through the gaping hole in the ground.

***

Magnus looked up with a frown at the bright flash above him, just a second before something - or rather someone- fell through the hole in the roof of his cell with a scream and landed right in the middle of the little room. The man looked up towards the hole with a frown, obviously cursing its existence, before rubbing slightly at where he’d landed on his hip, grimacing slightly.

“I’m not at my full power because of the stupid wards on this place, but I’m pretty sure I could heal that for you if you want?”, Magnus spoke, rising and walking towards the man, surveying him calmly as he did so.

He seemed to finally notice that he hadn’t fallen into an empty cell and snapped his eyes up towards Magnus’ voice. The warlock felt his breath catch as the light from the roof-opening hit them, making them appear almost golden, but gathered himself quickly and reached out his hand with a gesture towards the man’s hip.

“So? You want some help with that, then?” he prompted, with a rise of his brows. That appeared to be enough to shake him out of where he’d been outright staring blatantly at Magnus - obviously still surprised that there was someone else in this stupid cell, not that Magnus could blame him all that much for that - and he started rummaging through his pockets until he finally drew a stele from one of them.

Ah, a shadowhunter then, Magnus thought and finally noticed the rune running up the man’s neck as he bent over to activate his Iratze.

“Or you can do that, I guess” he mumbled and dropped his hand before returning to sit against the wall. When the man had finished healing his hip, he returned his gaze to Magnus, cocking his head slightly to the side, and the warlock was once again struck how gorgeous this man truly was. In the shadows, his eyes appeared almost green and Magnus reached his hand out again:

“Well, if we’re going to be stuck down here together, I feel like we should at the very least know each other’s name. I’m..”

The man rose slightly from his seat to grab Magnus’ hand this time as he interrupted.

“Magnus Bane, yeah I know. I’m actually…” he started, before looking around, a frown etched on his face once again.

“Uhm… Well, I’m here to… To rescue you, actually. I came with my sister, she was worried when you didn’t show up for lunch and…” he looked at Magnus again and, to the warlock’s delight, seemed to forget what he was talking about the second their eyes met. Magnus raised his eyebrows in question at the statement and hummed in acknowledgement before he spoke:

“As much as I appreciate the whole ‘handsome knight in a not-so-very-white and shining armor coming to my rescue’, they usually tend to avoid falling into the cage with the princess. Well, prince in this case”, he teased and smiled as a blush rose on the other’s cheeks.

“Yeah, that’s… That wasn’t exactly part of the plan”, the man admitted and Magnus squeezed his hand where he was still holding on to it, dragging him slightly towards him to lean against the wall instead of sitting in the middle of the room. The shadowhunter followed without complaint and Magnus smiled to himself at that.

“Well, since it looks like we’ll be trapped here for a while why don’t you…” he started and then the man’s words from earlier registered with him and he looked up at him with a huge smile blooming freely on his lips.

“Wait, did you say sister? Isabelle sent you? She’s here?” he asked, more than excited about the prospect of the man not being all alone on this rescue-mission.

“Yeah, we split up and she went the other way. I… I’m not entirely sure when she’ll be here though”, the man confirmed and then muttered something about hoping she was smarter than him and didn’t accidentally fall in here with them too. Magnus cocked his head as he regarded this new information. Isabelle had told him she had three brothers and looking at the man before him he registered the physical attributes his friend had used to describe them all with. He hummed slightly to himself before saying:

“Tall, dark hair, gorgeous hazel-eyes and a preference for the bow… You must be Alexander then?” he purred and the blush on the man’s cheeks deepened furiously.

“Alec”, the man - Alec Lightwood apparently - corrected him with a nod.

***A/N: I hope you like it thus far and I’ll try to hurry up and get chapter two up for you by tomorrow! Also: I’m writing some other fluffy malec-things that were supposed to be posted during the day, but since my day just got completely fucked up they might have to wait until the weekend… ugh, life! Sorry!If you have any prompt you’d like to send me (or simply share your thoughts on some matter), my ask-box is always open! If you’d like to give me one of the number-prompts, then you can find the different numbers HERE!

#Malec #Malec fanfic #first meeting #shadowhunters #malecnet #Magnus Bane #alec lightwood #isabelle lightwood #izzy and magnus bff #princess writes