#bc this is long as shitfuck

[kiisaes]

I so desperately wish to be excited about the new spiderverse movie but I'll be honest, jds working on it automatically strikes fear in my trembling heart

#at least lm isnt behind the wheel too so they cant bounce absolutely shitfuck ideas off each other #as a vld survivor i have absolutely no faith in jds producing a coherent sequel #thankfully hes working with others but like. come on. are we just ignoring the trainwreck HE co-produced. #hoping to god the spiderverse sequel doesnt eat shit bc this franchise absolutely does not deserve a bad continuation #but i suffered through 8 long seasons of vld and even the name jds is some sort of emotional landmine #becki rambles about stuff

[beaniegara]

11 Questions

tagged both by @yaboybergara​ and @ricky-goldsworth​ which is great because that gives me 22 questions mwahhahaha thank you folks!! <3 

RULES

1. always post the rules

2. answer the questions given by the person who tagged you

3. write 11 questions of your own

4. tag 11 people you want to get to know better (or however many you want)

now, see, I don’t know what to ask........ so I’m gonna be a little shit and tag folks to pick 11 of these 22 questions and answer them too. nini and gray pls don’t sue me for reusing your questions, thank fdgkfndgfdsk I’m tagging @kaylotta, @queerunsolved, @haunted-gays, @thatmademadej, and @i-am-ghost-proof-baby <3 if yall wanna do it, of course. no pressure.

this is incredibly long (and uncomfortably honest). let’s go lesbians let’s go

first, nini’s questions:

1. How many pets have you had in your life?

one. I’ve always wanted them but my mom and I have always lived in tiny apartments and had no way to care for a pet so it wasn’t until I was 17 that we adopted a kitten!! his name was merlin and he was the laziest, moodiest lil ball of fluff I’ve ever met. I.. had to give him away a year later because we moved to a place even smaller that wouldn’t allow pets so long story short I’m scarred for life and don’t think I can ever take any more pets without feeling guilty to my bone 

this is merlin btw I love him with all my heart and he now lives in a farm. as far as I know anyway.. :(

2. Do you believe in destiny? Why?

mmm interesting question. weird, metaphysical theories aside, I don’t believe anything is set in stone per se, but I do believe that some things are just... meant to be? in a way? for example, you can’t tell me ryan and shane weren’t meant to be friends and find each other in such an unlikely place as they did. one of my mottos, completely stripped from context because it’s from a rather pretentious tv show, is “the universe is rarely so lazy”. meaning that good things happen for a reason, and that you trailed that path for that to happen. yknow what I’m saying? I can’t really explain this without writing a 10 page essay because that’s just how my gemini ass thinks 

3. If you could chose one person on the great beyond, would you take the chance to talk to them? 

you mean someone who has passed away? oh yeah, I would talk to my grandmother. she was raising me and died when she was 4 and that changed not only my entirely life but our whole extended family dynamic... so many questions.

4. From all your hobbies, which one would you love to make a living of?

oh man, writing. I’ve been dreaming of being a writer ever since I was 9 or something. never panned out but that would certainly be the dream. if I could work with videos, subtitling, tv shows, cinema etc that would also be dope as hell!

5. What’s your favorite color palette to wear?

fkgjfsdgiusfdksd I have no fashion sense whatsoever, idk? I do like to wear dark clothes (because weight..) and reds (because pale).

6. What’s your opinion on queerbaiting?

I don’t have the time for it. for starters, it’s something that usually comes from people with very poor writing skills that can’t come up with plots interesting enough to keep viewers/readers hooked in. that already says something. no offense to anyone who is a fan of shows like these, but when it’s mostly written by white men I just don’t have any high hopes for it. you can ask flavs what my reaction was like when I realized the character I had headcanon’ed as wlw in hannibal was actually a wlw. I couldn’t believe it, because what???? since when does that happen, especially in a show run by a white man??? kjdfghsjgd 

I think this is part of a bigger conversation but my point is, don’t fall for it. I know it’s all part of the fight for representation, asking big names to produce big shows with lgbtq+ characters in it and so on, but for the love of god, watch something else too!!!! let GOT rot and die!!!!!!!!! look up different, smaller, cheaper shows, that’s where you find lgbtq+ content creators!!!!!! there’s so many wlw webseries out there, you wouldn’t believe it. you have a choice. don’t give any more of your time and love and word-of-mouth to shows/movies that clearly have no interest in being more diverse. they don’t deserve you. 

and that’s not to say any of it is on us. quite on the contrary, they’re using us. but aside from calling out their bullshit, we do have a chance to boost lgbtq+ content creators. don’t let them fool you into thinking they’re doing you any favors, or that they’re our last chance so we should be paying attention to what they’re doing/saying. fuck them!!!! you can’t queerbait me because I don’t trust you or give you the chance to do it. and you can shove your very straight, very white shows where the sun doesn’t shine, @ hollywood.  

7. Is there a language you would love to speak?

french and korean, mostly. I can understand a little bit of both, but I really wish I was fluent :( oh, will to live and learn, where art thou...

8. Do you have, like, a dream so wild you think it’s impossible?

kjgnsfdkjhjjs having enough money to support myself and my mother??? I don’t have any big, wild dreams, I think. just.......... living comfortably would be a+  

9. How many AUs of your own life do you have in your head?

oh man. I keep thinking about living somewhere in idk iceland or scotland just like... tending goats or something. that’s the most comfortable version of myself I can think of.

I also like to imagine if I could handle being a film director, because that sounds like fun. maybe a screenwriter? anything creative in films, really. 

there’s also the unattainable dream of having a wife and idk maybe adopting a kid? and we’d just. support each other. and love each other. and that’s just. I. [cries]

I like to think how things would be if I were actually hot and not socially awkward.. I’d be someone completely different, basically lol 

10. If you were to meet your younger self, do you think they would think you cool or not?

oh god, younger me would hate present me D: I had such high hopes for myself, I had lots of dreams lol never in a million years did I think I’d be where I am today...

11. Not a question, but please add something postive about yourself, something that you love about you.

IDJFSSIODUGSDFKGDSJ IT’S LIKE YOU KNEW I’D BE A NEGATIVE FUCK, NINI. I................................ I like that I have an easy time with languages? or with classes in general. I like to learn from people, I’m just really unmotivated to leave the house lol 

now onto gray’s q’s:

1. What’s your favourite music video of all time?

straight-up impossible questions right out of the gate huh I SEE YOU, GRAY. I SEE YOU kjdfgjfsdhgkdsjfs

I’ll have to go with a few,

“prototype” by viktoria modesta is just GORGEOUS. I can’t get over this video & song and it’s been years.

“jackpot” by block b looks creepy as shit but the context makes it such a clever yet fun video. take into account that these guys were screwed over by the kpop company that created the group, and that the lyrics talk about hitting jackpot in an industry that’s savage to say the least. to me this video is a visual representation of what a dangerous trap entertainment companies are in the kpop industry, and it also ties in with the groups’ story of being made into dolls by a company and then telling them to fuck off in the end lol 

“treat me like your mother” by the dead weather. I don’t know why I just love it. (cw: gun violence)

“emperor’s new clothes” by panic! at the disco. I MEAN, LOOK AT IT.

“manyo maash” by puer kim. I just love the aesthetic?

honorable mention: “tick tick boom” by the hives because that’s a banger. ba dum tssss.

2. What’s a favourite memory of yours?

I have plenty of good memories, thank god. I think one of my favorites is just hanging out with my friends in 2008-9; one of their older brothers was driving us around town, we were listening to the white stripes at full volume, singing along, all sitting pressed up close together in his shitty car. man, my teenage years would’ve been fantastic if I had stayed there with them!! 

3. Do you play video games? If so, which one’s your favourite?

I DO!!! I mean, not as much as I’d like because a) no money to spare on games/consoles, and b) I suck at basically everything. but I’m obsessed with paladins these days, and I’m also a big fan of LOTRO. I like horror games--mostly the resident evil and silent hill type--and fps. I grew up playing some tomb raider, medal of honor, resident evil... oh, those were the days. 

4. How did you first get into [your fandom of choice]?

with bfu it was that kind of thing where I’d see a meme or two cross my dash and it was always this ridiculous screenshot, or those “that’s it, that’s the show” kinda things with dozens of thousands of notes... until one day I was incredibly anxious, and I needed to watch something or I’d never finish the assignments I had for college. so I just thought “oh hey I should check out that unsolved thing people like so much, it’s buzzfeed so it’s probably good bg noise to work with” lol and it did work, and I did finish my assignments, and that means that I first watched the show barely paying any attention to it because I was busy doing something else. but ryan’s and shane’s voices helped me relax and to this day they still help a lot with my anxiety, to the point that I need to keep coming back every minute or so during episodes because I get distracted just listening to their voices and not absorbing a word lol

5. How did you first get into fandom in general?

uhh.. well, I was a big “pottermaniac” (that’s how I called it) since I was 9, but that was before I realized fandom was a Thing on the internet too. I remember when I was maybe 10 or 11, I entered a chatroom (god, those were wild) just in time to see someone saying in all caps HARRY POTTER IS GREAT AND YOU’RE ALL DUMB FOR NOT SEEING IT or something fkdsjgfdugfsdk and it was this girl using the nickname fawkes. she was older than me, I think that 15 or something, and we exchanged addresses (!!! how am I alive!!!) and were pen pals for a while. but it took me so fucking long to actually find the fandom online that I think my first brush with it was with the arctic monkeys forum I found online in 2008, where I mistakenly said I liked “the muse” and people laughed at me so I never went back to it lol then in 2010 I found out about kpop and that’s when I really dived head-first into fandom life. took me long enough (tbf I was very against the notion of being a “fan” because I was an idiot).

6. What’s at the top of your bucket list?

great fucking question. no idea. I guess.. traveling overseas? if we’re talking wild, distant things. but closer to my reality, getting a job that pays me at least the minimum wage disjgdfgkfsdk #fuckinternships

7. What’s something not many people know about you?

I love dancing and miss it like hell.

8. What’s your favourite medium for storytelling - movie, book, television, musical, comic, internet video, video game, something else? Why that medium?

ohhhhhhh this is an interesting question. as much as I love writing, and think that’s one of the best things we humans have ever come up with, I do love.. musicals? not necessarily theater--although that’s great and I’d sell my soul to see chicago live--but I love the idea of telling stories through music. I really wish we could bring back the custom of telling stories orally, and through music, and that we could as society agree that collective singing is beautiful and should be reintroduced in our day-to-day lives. sure listening to (1) artist singing is great but hAVE YOU TRIED SINGING ALONG DURING A CONCERT WHERE EVERYONE ELSE IS SINGING TOO? best fucking feeling in the world. 

we had two bands in brazil, in different periods of time, that were so incredibly famous they’re still cornerstones in our music history. one was legião urbana, some folk-ey rock band that had a couple of songs telling these really long stories that I LOVE with all my heart. faroeste caboclo is our bohemian rhapsody, most people my age or older know the lyrics to it. and mamonas assassinas was this comical (?) rock band that sang dumb, fun songs that usually told stories too and that was the best. I miss that kinda thing. 

9. What’s your favourite food?

red meat, mainly churrasco. but I also can’t live without chocolate milk AND the whopper. capitalism has me by the stomach.

10. Do you have a joke to share?

fjgfsdgskfdgfsk I don’t.. it’s been so long since I last tried telling a joke, I don’t think I know any?

11. What song/artist helped you through your struggles?

pitty has been a big part of my life for some 14-odd years now. “be ok” by ingrid michaelson and “starlight” by muse were my anthems when depression hit hard during my teenage years. the white stripes has also been a constant, with gems like “blue orchid” and “a martyr for my love for you” turning into sort of theme songs for certain parts of my life. choi sam helped me through college. and even though they were a huge disappointment to the point that I stopped listening to them altogether, block b gave me a good 4 or 5 years of distraction from life.

#not bfu #long post #txt #i hope to god the read more works #bc this is long as shitfuck

[twistedsickopath]

i care about a lot of things but i also don't really actually care about anything, it's just that if i didn't make up stuff to occupy my time with i would literally die out of boredom i guess

#kath #anyway like all the things i kinda care about are things about me #like i care about my appearance and i care about my status and i care about my freedom and education in theory #but those are literally all things that ensure my quality of life and at this point thats all that matters to me #other than pursuing the most comfortable lifestyle possible i dont really care about shitfuck #and it's all bc good appearance + education = status = money = shit material things i can pretend to fill the hole in my soul with #but if i just let go of that i could lay in bed and stare at the ceiling until i fucking rot and it would be all the same to me #i didnt think id stay alive long enough for all those things to matter but now that ive decided not to kill myself after all #i have to work for things i dont really care about that much and it's bullshit #all that effort for barely any payout this world is crap

[xamaxenta]

I totally missed Maid Day which shitfuck you know im gonna do Ace

Uh what style im a huge fan of the big long dresses and its all ripped up bc hes a fighty little bitch and thats cute

:0 choices would he have a BOW in his hair? Some ruffles perhaps Uhh heels? 😳

#yall should I do THATCH?? pigtails 😭

[2-wuv]

actually i could go on abt our oc creation process (long rambles below)

oc!Rosie's sibs were created bc 10-11 yr old us was like "what if Rosie but evil :)" and that's how Alexander was born. Janus came a bit after. for the longest time tho Alexander was legit just Rosie but evil™ like think of sonic and shadow? yeah like that.

Janus was made to balance them out and their parents are vaguely based off my parents irl. fun fact Alex and Janus were originally called Darkness and Twilight bc i was uncreative and like 11

Allan became a thing bc of system bullshit, uhhhh. Like a LOT of our main ocs are just rehashes of our OG sysmates bc we were like "we can't write stories abt characters tht already exist in fiction that's FANfiction and it'd be crossover fanfic at that no." also bc of The Shitfuck Of April '19 (iykyk) caused the OG crew to go from fictive to post-fictive and we based the oc designs off them. But it was Allan who kickstarted it by literally dying in-sys JSJEJDFJFJ

I think my favourite oc design tht we have based off of That Mess Up There ^ is Midas simply bc his hair is g'envy as fuck NFJDKSKFK

And like I said in the tags we hallucinated a handful of our OCs too. not many but yeah.

A few of them are redesigns of childhood OCs. Ticky Tacky fr example is a redesign of our first ever OC/Fan character who was Also named Rosie and her gist was that she had a collar that let her use transform (she was a shiny Espeon for clarification sjakdkdkf) and Whoops she formed as a sysmate! And then! I (Rosie) split off her! And then ofc we had to create oc!Rosie and Welp! NFKFKSKDMFFK but yeah Ticky Tacky now is just a neon green fox thing. not a sparkledog as valid as they are tho they're just Like That™

A lot of our other ocs we adopted/got through design trades/etc. But if we're sticking to ocs we did design thennnnn hmm

My inspiration for Lennox was seeing a cool design fr sale on Amino that I couldn't afford fjekslwoeof so I was like. *yoinks the idea of a red demon with weird floppy ears*. My inspiration for his dad, Ziggy, was based mainly on my IRL dad lmao.

hmmmb. We got the design for Limbo down years ago back when we were active on C!3D. Their design was based off how we dressed at the time (striped long shirt, lots of bracelets) and the angel wings were added bc of kin reasonsKDNFKDKSKDFKFKFK. the horns were added bc Fun To Draw, same w the tail. Not sure where the idea for the glowy ahoge came from tho i think tht was added to make our artstyle unique ajskaksodof. We wanna remake our sona ofc but that takes,,, spoons </3 we have a design in mind tho we just gotta draw what Eureka looks like and we're done ajskakdkfk

And then there's,,, Ciar.... Who, get this,,,, was a sysmate first <3 Cir a fusion of me, Allan, and Eureka. Very alarming time that was cuz we worried it'd be permanent but nope JFKFFKDLFOG we need t draw them again honestly but their design is wack. Ce settled on it though bc Cir an ink demon with vague hints of royalty thus the fur-cape thing. But mainly they're just. an ink imp

SPEAKING OF IMPS I got the inspiration for our Dream Imps bc of @demonsthorn Necromites I saw she had a fuckton of cool demon ocs and I was like *gently holds*. I wanna make a species of demon ocs NDNDKSKSKEKRTK our Imps still have a fuckton of work to go into em tho rip

I THINK THAT'S ALL TBH bc the rest of our characters r again either adopted designs or designs we got thru trades n shit,

#long post #talky #oc rambles #anyways follow alli @necromites on here bc her art is gender and insp as fucc #if i could eat an art style i would eat hers

[troglobite]

quarantine has been wild for everyone, i know that. this past year has sucked.

and i love that some ppl are like ‘oh shit i’m gay/bi/queer/ace/trans’ and like they’re just realizing it and ahhhh!!!!

and like i spend so much time at home anyway, away from other ppl, that it’s taken a LONG time for ME to realize anythiing

and really i’m just becoming more and more of a genderqueer lesbian tbh

spent my whole life like ‘i’m not a fucking lesbian’

and now i’m like ‘oh i wasn’t a WOMAN lesbian, that was why i hated that. also internalized homophobia and the fear of being Hated and suffering from External Homophobia, otherwise known as Homophobia: Classic TM’

anyway

now i’m just a lovesick romantic shitfuck yearning for a relationship and falling asleep thinking about SAPPY STUFF and reading fanfic to feel secondhand FEELINGS

y’all i’m pathetic how the fuck am i supposed to pay attention to an entire semester and finishing my WHOLE DEGREE for the next several months?

also how am i going to get through the next several months without being able to find a wife or two? good lord. (bc also i’d started moving away from the idea of polyamory and now i’m sort of back to it like WAIT....the idea....of having two girlfriends....who also....love EACH OTHER???? //falls over)

anyway. //sigh

i guess the other thing that changed, bc now w everyone else thinking about their ~Gender~ i have also thought abt mine

but i’ve posted plenty abt that

and i’ve just decided that i’m going to get the wardrobe i want and just suck it up that i’m not thin and i have big boobs. i will WEAR THE CLOTHES THAT I FUCKING WANT TO.

i started with shoes. i’ve now also purchased two shirts. 

we’re starting “small” and i hope it continues. it’s giving me a more grounded sense of myself and giving me a version of myself that i can picture. 

bc when i would think abt gfs/wives etc i’d have trouble picturing me and how i’d look next to them

and now i’m starting to be able to picture that. bc my brain is very like. concrete in that way. i can imagine a LOT of things but i need a basis for it.

and my sense of self-image has been drifting and now that i have these items coming it feels clearer.

and i just hope that putting the clothes&shoes on feels GOOD and doesn’t get decimated by feeling like my body still doesn’t look “right” in them

i’m specifically looking for clothes that will still work on my body type, anyway. 

like i said, I HAVE GOOD TASTE. i’ve just never been able to PROVE it.

so hopefully i can prove it.

and then i can look and feel really good.

and then hopefully someone will think i’m hot and interesting 

ANYWAY lol

to be clear that really is the order of operations. i want these clothes/shoes for me, i want to feel good

and i’m sort of realizing that as a consequence of that, ppl might ACTUALLY be attracted to me for once in my life. 

anyway that’s the thought process. 

[rex-spam]

every now and then i get sad bc i remember i grew up on this hellsite and all the cringe art from yrs ago i drew is here as well but then i rember its ok to draw stupid shitfuck so long as I have fun and then i am happy again !

#rex has a chat #positive #sort of #life is hard and i have more weird self worth dilemmas by the day but you kno what! #uno what #i think its good to have fun

[arodrwho]

maybe-adhd things:

just, fuckin, the amount of library books i lost? the amount of library books i turned in late or never turned in at all & then my mom had to pay for them bc i Could Not Find Them

the amount of times that i forgot my homework in my desk

the amount of times that i didn’t forget my homework in my desk but still forgot to do it

the amount of times i forgot my homework at home

the amount of times i lost my homework

the amount of times i did poorly on notebook checks bc i’d lost my past assignments

the amount of times i forgot to bring my planner to class

the amount of times i forgot to fill out my planner

the amount of times i snuck & read in class instead of actually, u know. focusing

the amount of times i lost my pencils

the amount of times i lost notebooks

the amount of times i lost pencil sharpeners

the time i forgot about a project til the literal last minute & was putting it together at school the day i turned it in

all the times i spaced out in class

all the times i sat there and tried to pay attention and just. kept getting distracted by my own thoughts and then going “shitfuck” and trying again and getting distracted again and trying again and trying so hard i processed literally zero of the words coming out of my teacher’s mouth

the time i was teased abt sth and cried about it & then literally ten minutes later had forgotten abt it so thoroughly that i was very confused when someone mentioned tattling on the person who teased me, to the extent i thought maybe they were making up the story because what the Fuck

all the times someone uhhHHHH criticized me in a tiny way & i flew into a quiet rage & then cried about it when it passed,,,

all the times in my editing class that i just. straightup forgot my homework & had to do it in the 10 minutes before class started

all the times in that creative writing class that i sat there and wrote the critique letters on the floor in the hallway in the 20 minutes before class started

all the times that happened in other classes that actually had homework which as an english major was.......not many

all the times that happened before college

the fucking math class i got a D in in high school bc i just could Not make myself do the homework or even make up the homework afterward no matter how much i told myself i was going to (though this was partially bc i just did not care, i ran out of caring juice, the idea of even trying was tiring so i just. didn’t try) (and this was maybe partially exec dys but also i was emotionally done for like. other reasons so maybe this one doesn’t count for a good example i dunno)

literally every goddamn time i wrote an essay it was at the last minute & this only got worse the more essays i wrote

haven’t read a book from start to finish in.......months. & before that i had also not read a book in months. & before that aswell

would forget socks constantly as a kid

would forget to brush hair, teeth, change clothes

i can’t? be still? or like i Can but i’m very bad at it, & if allowed am always moving, all the time, just the stimmiest person u can imagine

always write in rly big long paragraphs but when it comes time to read biglong paragraphs it’s 50/50 on whether i’ll speedread or just skim

on that note the speedreading is in itself Mostly skimming anyway

trying to pick up languages & dropping them after like 2 weeks, over & over & over

skipping from interest to interest to interest, jus sort of in general, but esp. w/like. stories & junk

forming habits is like. hard & junk. i dunno what this “if u do it for 2 weeks u form a habit & then it’s real easy to keep at it” junk is, if i do a thing for 2 weeks that’s when it starts to jus die & i give up

u know that one time i ran up & down the stairs in my neighbor’s house bc i was wired as Fuck & didn’t realize it was inappropriate? that’s like. the most stereotypical hyperactivity thing i can imagine

in that vein also the thing where like. the social anxiety override thing? the thing where when the social anxiety shuts up i become Very Wired And Talkative And Like Almost Alarmingly/Embarrassingly So? that thing? ....yeah

also uhh what--oh well hey there’s this also. that thing where i remember that i had something else to say a second ago but i didn’t say it cos i was busy saying sth else or listening to someone else say sth & then i do get the chance to say the thing but can’t remember what the FUck it was? that. yeah.

also the thing where i just like. forget words in the middle of talking. forget the word that i want even though i have the vague concept. although i feel like that’s an autism thing for me mainly, it could partially also be an adhd thing, maybe, potentially, unclear

what was the thing again before that i was wanting to say. fuck.

the last 3 bullet points i guess are their own point just in themselves

anyway uh. i still rly wanna know what that point was OH

i reread the point before the “also uhh what--” point & i remembered

that thing when i was little where i would just talk & talk & talk & talk had to be told that i was doing mindless chatter (which happened like all the time and was probably partly autism in that i genuinely didn’t realize i was socialing wrong, but like. adhd coulda been playing a role there also)

so there’s that.

oh right, and the amount that i lose my phone all the fucking time even though i just had it

and the amount that i just straight-up forget kids in timeout

and the amount that i forget to do things i’ve been told to do, even when i promise to remember & promise to set an alarm so i’ll remember (which doesn’t work bc i never remember to actually set the alarm)

& in general the amount of “out of sight, out of mind” that. happens

all the emails & texts & tumble replies i’ve forgotten to respond to

sometimes i drink coffee & get rly tired but i dunno that that one counts bc it’s only sometimes

i had to set So Many Alarms all through the last 2 years of college when i was living on my own to function, bc if i did not set them i would not get to class on time & i would not remember to eat & i would not get to the bus stop for work on time & etc.

the amount of times i was jus on my phone for the entirety of class bc. need thing to do

the uhhhh big ol shift that happened once i started playing mindless phone games while listening to podcasts bc Hey Wow I Can Mostly Pay Attention Now, Fucking Incredible

the way i just. blurt thigns

the way my emotions are Too Goddamn Fuckin Loud (which could ofc jus be the autism so [shrugs])

the way my desk & backpack & room & locker were just always a mess

the way i bounce around from thing to thing when i’m cleaning

the way i’m writing this fucKING post instead of finishing the nott hands fic

u get. the gist probably

oh also the amount of times that i like write & post or email things or whatever & spend ages writing & then don’t proofread bc i’m so done w/it & i figure a quick scan is good enough & then i notice that oh. fuck. there was a typo. goddammit

the fact i’ve now edited this post twice since posting it bc i remembered things i forgot to add

anyway inconclusion. 1 adhd?

#daypost #i dunno man there's a lot that doesn't rly resonate w/me so much & many of the things that do can be explained by The Autism #but at the same time like......there's a lot here #& it's maybe too much to be only the autism maybe potentially i dunn o

[transrightsjimin]

man i hate oscar from rose of versailles as she's a noble who only takes petty on poor ppl but does shitfuck to help them (i still cringe at oscar calling a girl who misunderstood smth and offered herself for sex a "cute prostitute") but i love her bc her gender is ?? i guess a girl but others like andré state that shes a man nd hes in love w oscar, shes canonically bi which is super interesting for a 70s series and also she has the Best looks tbh like long flowing hair and the best suit oh and shes a made up character unlike marie antoinette so that makes it easier to like her (also i really shouldnt watch a show like this for its morals for obvious reasons)

#rambles #i just want to look like her lmao

[space-cops]

i express multiple forms of stuttering, stemming from certain disorders and FREQUENTLY exacerbated by stress, but mazing is super common in my day-to-day speech regardless of whether im stressed or not

i’ve got characters i imagine stutter frequently but i’d never write it bc ppl write it off as fake or bad writing like 

HEY I’M SORRY IT SEEMS FAKE BUT ITS NOT!!!!!

some days i’ll d-d...d-do.. [LONG PAUSE, HEAVY SIGH] DO THIS

it’s pretty common that i mix my words together stand stdander....and stuttnd... [LONG PAUSE, HEAVY SIGH]....AND STUTTER........at the same time

but usually im just...[waves hands around] normally i cam- i don’t.. normally im- MMMMMN I CAN’T WORDS RIGHT!!!

between my autism, auditory processing issues, and severe migraines i have a lot of trouble saying things!! i get so beyond frustrated some days when i’m just trying to get words out and someone laughs at it or cuts me off and finishes my sentence. and if i’m joking about it it usually means i’m frustrated w myself too, like “whoops there goes my brain again” my stupid shitfuck brain can’t words!! hee hee hoo hoo !!!!

ANYWAY MY POINT IS LET US FUCKING WRITE STUTTERS JDFGBHJFGGHHH GOD

[burstbombbitch]

[ ABOUT MUN ]

NAME: synnie. PRONOUNS: she/her. AGE: twenty-three. BIRTHDAY: aaaauugh. ETHNICITY: african american.  TIME ZONE: est. STAR SIGN: i have a pinchy butt tail. MBTI: istj. MORAL ALIGNMENT: chaotic good. HOGWARTS HOUSE: ravenclaw.

[ EXPERIENCE ]

HOW LONG (MONTHS/YEARS?): it’s on and off with me. 3-4 years, though. PLATFORMS YOU’VE USED: tumblr, discord. used to do forums n skype. BEST EXPERIENCE: i hate that i can’t just be blatantly gay in public bc i’m fuckin... legitimately stupidly sheepish, but i’m really happy i met @sangfear and @masterprotector. they’re little shitfucks, but i love em to bits. vomits. 

[ WRITING  PREFERENCES]

FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT?: it ain’t shit to me less i do all three, fam. give me every aspect of writing or give me death. PLOTS OR MEMES: likewise, yo. love both of em. i’ll plot a fucking meme, watch me. LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: lately i’m exhausted and lacking confidence, so short. BEST TIME TO WRITE: whenever my brain isn’t on fire, which is usually at night. ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S): to only minor degrees. i think in terms of mental affliction and psychological make-up, there’s a bit of similarity. personality wise? naw. my old muse @pintsizedpyro was kinda close, but not intentionally by any means. xiuying is nicer than me, and way, way more patient. and that’s just a few aspects of their many facets --- i can’t say we’re quite similar, when i really sit down and think about it.

Tagged by: honestly i’ve been inadvertently tagged in this 3 times, twice by two little shits @sangfear and @masterprotector, and then Actually tagged by @himesquid Tagging: gonna actually TAG ppl this time ‘cause i’m curious bout new friends. @absolutelaw @heartpeek @justicedefended @justiceprosecuted. do it if y’all feel, and anyone else who wants to nab it, go right ahead!

#✧.° ⦙ 'ᴄᴀᴜsᴇ ɴᴏ ᴏɴᴇ ᴇᴠᴇʀ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ᴅɪᴇs. — ❪ & munday. ❫ #bc everything goes in there whether its monday or not ha

[yumenosakiacademy]

it flash-rained n made the floor wet outside n i dont wanna wear new shoes so i was like “tht’s fine, i can jus watch 3/L while walking around the middle room” but the SECOND i turned on my tablet, it hardcore started doing the tapping glitch despite it usually giving me some leeway time or even not doing it too much at all so despite having the luxury of Wifi i dont get 2 do Anything not even listen 2 shit bc it cant stop tapping 4 long enough 4 me 2 do Anything so im like well fuck this i guess ill jus walk outside later or wait 4 this shitfuck of a device 2 quit its lil bitchbaby fit

#hate this fucking glitch but the only way i can think of stopping it is Hard Resetting my tablet which would fuck up a bunch of apps i hav #delete later

[gayluigi]

I just lost my 5th fish in like 2 weeks. fuckin SUCKS. like 4/5 of those were completely out of my control and there was very little I could’ve done about the 5th so it’s just a run of rotten luck, but it’s just not fair. I’m tired of losing fish. I think I’m just gonna cycle the tank for a while idk. I did a 50% water change to try and get rid of the cooties that killed my last betta so I guess I’ll just let the good bacteria build up. might do another 50% change in a few days just to be sure. but idk what I’m gonna do after that. maybe I’ll just say fuck it and get a handful of guppies again like I did last time I had a run of bad luck lmfao. guppies to me are like getting bangs-- you only get them in times of crisis when you have nothing left to lose. at least with guppies you don’t really EXPECT them to live long bc they’re little inbred shitfucks most of the time. but with a betta they can live 5 years under the right conditions. losing them too early just fucking SUCKS. and losing plecos sucks too, two of the 5 I lost were baby bristlenose plecos. they were just little dudes.

and it’s not like I suck at taking care of bettas!! I’ve just had SUPER rotten luck lately!! my first betta of my adulthood, Orchid, lived 3 years after I got him, which is pretty remarkable considering he had pretty bad cancer!! His body ended up starting to shut down, so I had to put him down bc he was too weak to make it up to the top of the tank to eat, so he would’ve otherwise starved to death. But then I got Julianus, who I had for about 6 months before he randomly died. It was weird, one day he was fine, the next day I find him in the tank, pale as a ghost and dead. No idea what happened there. Then I had Aquamarine (and his bristlenose tankmate Nemo), who passed in the Texas freeze when we lost power and the house got down to like 42 degrees. Not my fault, we didn’t have any way to keep them warm. Then, I had Monet (and at the same time bought a new bristlenose), who I had for like a day before he got stuck in my shitty PetSmart BettaFlo filter and died. Was that my fault? Maybe, for cheaping out and buying a cheap-ass filter. But I got that when Orchid was alive bc the filter that came with the tank was chewing up his fins, and I never really had a problem with it until the last couple months. Nemo got stuck in it a couple times, which is how he got his name, but I figured that was because he was just so damn small. but nah, Monet got stuck in it too and died, so that filter went directly in the garbage once I got home from buying the new one. And then I had Blue Jeans, who already had a fast acting form of columbaris when I got him (like he had a very small discoloration, barely noticeable, the day I got him, and by the next day, he was COVERED in it), and by the time I realized what was going on, it was too late-- we tried medicating him with everything the pet store thought might work, and he still died. And now, the little pleco. death by constipation, I believe. what sucks is that I just wasn’t able to get him a pea in time. my mom got peas today and I put one in the tank, but I didn’t realize that he was already dead by the time I put it in. too little too late to save him.

like, very little of this was preventable. I could’ve had more forethought about the type of filter I was using, but how was I to know that a freaking filter MADE FOR BETTAS SPECIFICALLY would kill my fish? and I could’ve gone to the store the minute I noticed the little pleco was constipated and got the peas myself, but I didn’t know he was so critically backed up! I didn’t realize the delay in getting him that damn pea would cost him his life. I thought I had more time.

this just fucking SUCKS. I feel like a fish murderer. part of me feels like just dismantling my tank and giving up. sometimes you can do everything by the book and still end up fucked over by mother nature herself. I think I’m gonna give it another go once I give my heart a little time to heal, but damn does this just fucking suck ass. not fair. not fair at all.

#pet death #pet death // #fish death #fish death // #ask to tag I guess

[yeoldebogwitch]

Like it kills me how normal work chit-chat about family, your upbringing, or what have you, are expected to be casual and on the side of "oh thats neat" and then quickly forgotten until my coworkers start asking me about my past and get genuinely concerned or have that look like "it can't really be that bad" when I bring up. Like yes bitch my childhood was traumatic, my mother is/was battling mental heal issues and had been off grid for like ten years, no i haven't heard from her in that long, yea her side of the family hate each other and no one communicates or gives a shit, yea my dads dead and I don't talk to his family bc their a bunch of maga shitfucks.

Like there's a reason I don't open up much but you asked and yep, it be like that. I can't give you cute anecdotes about my upbringing because there was nothing fun or cute about it.

#tw trauma #tw mental illness

[dickbaggins]

my fave everything @marrieddorks tagged me ♥♥

Nicknames: Jan, snorts

Gender: Female

Star Sign: capricorn on the cusp of aquarius

Height: 5′7′’

Time: 4:10 PM

Birthday: January 20

Favorite Bands: Rasputina, the Smiths, chvrches, BTS, NCT127, the Tragically Hip, Loona, Modest Mouse, the Cure, oh just stop me here ok

Favorite Solo Artists: Amanda Palmer, Ben Nichols

Song stuck in my head: Up the Wolves - Mountain Goats

Last movie I watched: I just watched the Tom Hardy Wuthering Heights which was a mini series but it counts, right? I just DVR’d it from a late night PBS airing and omg Andrew Lincoln was so lovely I had no idea! Otherwise it was pretty lacking, idk.

Last show I watched: I am watching season 3 of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmitt

When did I create my blog: a long fucking time ago? Like 2010 or something even longer ago.

What do I post?: Mostly Supernatural crap, side of porn and lesbians and other attractive human beings.

Last thing I googled?: How to cure hiccups bc I had terrible hiccups last night

Do you have other blogs?: I have a personal blog ( @turtlemushroombicep ) and a porn blog ( @peachbottompie ) and I used to have an RP blog but no one wanted to do it haha.

Do you get asks?: Occasionally. I have a few unanswered in my box but I don’t get that many, really. Like once or twice a week now. I was very popular a few months ago until everyone realized how lame I actually am.

Why did you choose your URL?: I had a poll and this won over a few other wet Sam based URLs. I really want to change it to ‘sammysbutthole’ one day.

Favorite colors?: All of them?

Average hours of sleep?: About seven or eight hours, depending. 

Lucky numbers: I have none?

Instruments: Mediocre piano skills, very long ago clarinet skills, and I can play the guitar and mandolin. 

What am I wearing?: Grey tweed aerie harem lounge pants, a t-shirt from woot that says ‘living on the edge, scissor run 5k’ and my favourite gross oversized green cardigan.

How many blankets I sleep with?: Winter is upon us, so there is a sheet, a fleece Rick Grimes blanket that my husband got when someone donated it to his work (this is how we get most blankets and honestly that thing is like $20 at Target, I saw it) and then a larger faux fur blanket on top of that. And there is also usually a cat on me. 

Dream Job: I would like to get paid for writing professional and also own a yarn store and run knitting and crochet classes.

Dream Trip: Rhode Island, going to Lovecraftian places.

Ethnicity: White Canadian with obligatory indigenous mixed in somewhere, as per an old diary my grandmother found. Further back, we were polish jews on one side, and the generic white UK mix otherwise.

Favorite song right now: I honestly have no idea, I’m really kpop trash right now, we don’t need to talk about it.

Put your music library on shuffle. What are the first 6 songs that popped up?:

Flipside - Lana Del Rey

Don’t U Wait No More - Red Velvet

Neverending Circles - Chvrches

Satisfied - Hamilton soundtrack obv

U-Turn - Tegan & Sara

All the Pretty Girls - Kaleo

Grab a book nearest to you and turn to page 23. What is line 17?: Oh my god I’m so fucking lazy rn, you’re making me get up? The only thing I have nearby is the IKEA catalog. 

Who is your celebrity crush?: I just rewatched the beginning of Fear the Walking Dead, so I’m real back into Alycia Debnam-Carey. Punisher got me going on Ben Barnes, the little shitfuck. Otherwise, the usual suspects.

Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?: I do not know how to drive, I am far too gay, but I am required to learn to get around at all in suburban New Jersey, where public transport is terribly limited. So we’re working on it. 

The last book you read?: I re-read Annemor Sundbo’s book about traditional Norwegian mittens. That’s right.

Worst injury you’ve had?: I am sooo lucky that as clumsy as I am, I haven’t had any terrible injuries. I’ve broken both little toes so many times, and a few fingers. Otherwise that’s it, somehow.

Do you have any obsessions right now?: As always with this time of year, I’m frantically knitting and crocheting so I don’t have to be alone with my thoughts. I’ve made a lot of stuff. Really into Korean cooking too, which is time consuming but delicious and healthy.

Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?: I wish I could say that I don’t but I’m a pretty black and white person when it comes to people doing me wrong or treating me poorly or anything like that. I wouldn’t say I hold grudges but I do cut people out of my life when I have to.

aaah who to tag, just everyone do it

#personal #marrieddorks #♥♥♥

[incorrect-shinee-quotes]

okay this is literally so mESSY and unorganized but it’s funny n so you’re all just gonna have to deal with it 

- this is just really domestic ot5 doing their Thing so??? here ya go my dudes - 

(THEY ALL STILL LIVE TOGETHER IN THIS JUST AN FYI)

jesus fuck it’s sO LOUD

they should leave and do something

DONT THEY NEED SOMETHING FROM THE STORE

yes of course they do yes jinki pls let’s leave

yes taem let’s leave these LOUD IDIOTS (idiots meaning minho and key being EXTRA)

(sos help jinki his ears are in pain and he just wants to drink his old man coffee and attend to his old man business but instead he has to leave the couch to go to the store why @ god)

taem and jinki leave to go to the store for URGENT GROCERIES

probably just like…. minho’s fitness whatever the fuck and maybe some lucky charms bc taem is an actual child

they ONLY ARGUE ONCE (three times)

don’t mind them okay they’re gay and In Love but no taemin you cannot buy 4 family sized boxes of cereal that’s too much for a single person

“BUT JINKI”

“taemin i sWEAR TO GOD WE’RE LEAVING”

taemin: :-(

jinki is w e a k for taemin’s pout this is why he should never be the one to go shopping with this boy

jinki: okay you little brat fine you can get TWO BOXES but no more

taemin: :-D

it literally takes them eight years to find the right fitness shit for minho because he buys VERY SPECIFIC THINGS

“couldn’t we just buy not that and sped less money but cover the label”

“taemin no 1. he would kill us both and 2. he’d know immediately he’s not that dense”

ok they got the stuff now they can go everything’s fine they didn’t forget anything

they’re half way home

SOS THEY FORGOT SOMETHING

it was eggs it’s fine

okay everything’s okay now they have everything they’re going home

they’re home and it’s sTILL LOUD

ontae: *opens door*

LOUD SCREECHING

“MINHO YOU SHITFUCK GET THAT AWAY FROM ME ITS D I S G U S T I N G”

god fucking dammit it was so peaceful outside now he has to deal with this

jinki walks into the living room to find minho holding a container of some mysterious fuzzy thing probably food from the back of their fridge in the key’s face

ah. that’s why the screeching

“okay minho get it out of his face and clean it up!! and kibum pls stop yelling”

“OKAY!” minho is in the kitchen now how did he get there so fast

probably his long ass giant legs

key’s absolutely disgusted but it’s fine it’s okay EVERYTHINGS!!! FINE!!!

no it’s not he hasn’t moved in 5 minutes and jinki is concerned

jong walks in and??? what???? is happening?????

jong is confused because?? why is minho doing dishes this is crazy and also why??? does key look like his soul has left his body?????

“what is happening here??” - jong

“jong you were here the entire time how are you unaware of what was happening in your own living room”

WHAT???? taemin has suddenly appeared next to him what in the holy fuck when did he get there??

“i-well you see,,, so okay i was here but also i was doing IMPORTANT WORK in my room and couldn’t hear what they were saying-”

“he was loudly scream-singing the entirety of the moana soundtrack in his room”

minho shut up he was attending to some important!!! business!!!

taemin: ah yes that makes sense

key still hasn’t moved

okay minho r u medusa did you turn him into stone

taemin shut up you idiot

minho is laughing ok that’s enough for taem

no but really though is he okay?? minho really didn’t mean to upset him that much it was just really funny??

guilty giant angel minho going over and patting key’s shoulder tryin to console him

jong: scoffs that’s not how you comfort somebody

taemin: did you just say scoffs

jong is now hugging key and probably leading him to the couch for Official SHINee Group Cuddles

everyone has piled onto the couch and after about 16.5 minutes key has come back to life and smacks minho very hard in the face

okay rude but he deserved it

#this is so dumb why do i love it so much #ALSO!!! FEEL FREE TO SEND PROMPTS OR STORIES I CAN BASE STUFF ON THAT'D BE FUN BC INTERACTION AND MORE CONTENT #please tell me what you think???? #taemin #lee taemin #jinki #lee jinki #key #shinee key #kim kibum #minho #choi minho #jonghyun #kim jonghyun #shinee #shinee fic #??? i guess #bullet fic thing #ace tries