#because my medications put me at a higher risk since its like caffeine in crack

[themisthemenace]

I'm gonna cry. But first I vent in the tags.

#so me and boyfriend g were talking and just chilling before he started talking about how sometimes hes scare that he'll go #back to the way he was and said that hes scared he'll lose me or i'll leave him one day #so i told him not to worry about that and let me over think like that and he said why #so i told him about how im always scared that one of us or my other partner or one of my friends #could just die out of the blue #i blame my father killing himself for why u think likt this #like thank you timothy for blowing your brains onto the ceiling #4 year old me will never recover from your death #anyways #boyfriend g was like what are you scared is going to happen #and i said first im scared that one of us will get sick and die #i blame that on one of my great uncles slowly withering away in a hospital before my 5 year old self #boyfriend g said ha im probably gonna be the one who gets sick and dies #and i said no not really #i might be the one who dies first #and i told him about how im alway paranoid that im gonna have a heart attack #because my medications put me at a higher risk since its like caffeine in crack #and i love my energy drinks #and because of thise two factors im alway hyper aware of my heart beat #and I'm always scared that a period cramp is a heart attack bc thats what they feel like in women #and my poor boyfriend g had a panic attack #right then and there #i couldn't even help him #im such a bad girlfriend #and now he's not talking to me #i want to die #why did i say anything #i know that this kind of stuff scares him #i shouldn't have said anything