#but i could be reading delusion

[no-vamos]

Hey tumblr it’s been a while (it’s been less than a week)

stuff has happened (it has not happened)

So first of all

HE TALKED TO ME FIRST (on thursday)

So i’m head of our school’s art club and we’re working on a mural that’s located outside the choir room and in the hallway that the school xc team usually hangs out in and we had an after school club meeting for working on said mural

now i’m there drawing on the wall with the three other kids who were at the after school work time that day

and it’s like 3:40 and he was at band practice and then was hanging out with his friends in the hall and then

suddenly

he walks over to where i’m vaguely standing (not really i’m pretty sure i was up on the step stool but i got off so i could go talk to him)

and he’s like

“is this the first time you have worked on the wall this year”

and i’m like “yea it’s our first meeting working on it. why do you ask?”

“well it hadn’t changed and i was wondering if it was going to. have you worked on it at all in the last three months?”

and i’m like “well when/how were we going to. we haven’t been at school!”

“well i don’t know.”

i’m pretty sure there was more to the conversation (i think i asked him another question but i don’t remember it rn) and just

yea the conversation was really not a conversation

but!! he talked to me!! he technically initiated it with me!!!! He reciprocated my teasing!!!!

i’m just so enamored by him it’s kinda a problem

and THEN

on fridayyyyy choir was doing the chapel and he was on the stage singing with the volunteer ensemble and it really does not mean thatt much but it means a lot to me bc the confidence to be on stage singing is important to me

anyways i was playing the piano and ya know made a few mistakes bc i literally got the music the day before

but back in the choir room

i was making a vague comment about how i have played better before (close to him mind you he was like right next to me and i was basically saying it to him anyways)

and he goes

“You did well. you did better than i could have.”

and i’m like “well have you ever had lessons before? i’m sure you would’ve done just as well if i showed you where to put your fingers.”

and he’s like “i’ve had about 6 months of lessons in the last five years”

and because i’m a fucking dumbass i was like huh and he had to repeat himself

and i was like lol and then asked him to explain bc i still didn’t fucking understand

and then i started fiddling on the piano a bit and the conversation died out

but he like a) complimented me b) shared information about himself c) maintained eye contact with me d) we held conversation about a shared interest/topic (he’s a percussionist in band) (it’s also kinda funny bc i was watching him rehearse once and he’s the one that plays the cymbals in this one song and he’s so like serious about it it’s so cute)

like istg it’s a sign

or i want it to be a sign lmao

but then the plot thickens

bc i got all dressed up and shit today for church like i looked cute like i was planning on holding conversation and asking him about what he thinks about and making positive conversation

and then he wasn’t fucking at church today

i’m totally not mildly disappointed or upset i definitely am

it’s fine i’m trying not to get too emotionally invested in him bc it’s not gonna work out

realistically i know i’m not made for the relationships that happen in high school and he’s shown no true romantic inclinations towards me or any sign that he can function in a relationship

also i’m a senior and he’s a junior and i’m going to go out of state for college (although i just submitted my apps today and i am also applying to my state college so if i go there he might also end up there)

idk tho

he’s a nice delusionship bc genuinely

we would be so cute

he is so cute

i just wanna interact with him more so i can get more of a read on his character bc if he’s too passive it might not work or if he’s too arrogant that might undermine me and just idk too many unknowns and if i get too emotionally invested i will end up getting really hurt

there’s also the issue of me being unable to shoot my shot and just accept rejection bc it’s not like we’re not somewhat friends and have decently overlapping social circles and just that could make things

awkward

idk yea

#do i like him or is he just nice to me #do i like him or the idea of him #do i like him or do i just want to be his friend #do i like him or is he tall #but #i like him #a lot actually #crush thoughts #there are signs #but i could be reading delusion #i could be very wrong #and that would be really bad

[krtri]

for your consideration

#disco elysium #harry du bois #trant heidelstam #kartarart #listen……………………. i should be permitted some delusion #i think they could be so annoying together #jean bursts a blood vessel if he has to be in the same room as them for more than 20 minutes #they read before bed and they have two twin beds that they never push together #the necktie is called erudite necktie +1 conceptualization -2 authority #trantharry

[sysig]

Delusions (Patreon)

"Could I have your hand, sir?" Max didn't move, which Dexter was, sadly, getting used to.

"Sir?" Max jerked, then turned and stared at him, lost and blank. "Your hand, please."

Max's hand lifted shakily, and he laid it gently in Dexter's upturned palm. Dexter gave a quick and quiet "thank you," then turned it over in his own hand, observing him closely.

Too closely - his knuckles were rough and his fingernails were dull and cracked in places. His once-soft, not-a-day-in-his-life-subjected-to-hard-labour hands were now, already, toughened and split and scarred in places, especially the heel of his palm. He turned it over again, this time to stop looking so intensely. He had only wanted to give it a cursory glance to begin with.

"Do you know what I see, sir?" he asked as conversationally as he could manage, running his fingers along Max's abused flesh. He seemed to be at least half paying attention, his eye gazing down between them, and he'd occasionally twitch, encouragingly Dexter thought. He seemed to want to curl around him, then stopped and shook, his hand squeezing into a fist. Dexter coaxed him back out, encouraged him to hold himself lightly.

"What do you see?" He was almost startled by Max actually continuing their conversation, that happened so rarely now, shaking and quiet as it was. He took a deep breath, was he really going to do this?

"I see a hand, with five fingers." Max remained quiet, though his brow curled, and a guarded look came into his eye, though he still wasn't looking at Dexter. He felt a pang of guilt, but he had to try. "What do you see?"

Max's eye unfocused and began to water. He looked up, but not enough to reach Dexter's gaze in return, instead staring through his chest, and he felt just as hollow and empty as he must look to him.

"Do you take me for a fool, DAX?" Quiet and as close to angry as he'd heard since they'd been here.

No, not angry.

Betrayed.

He swallowed down the stinging lump at the back of his throat. He had to put on a brave face, had to keep his composure if he wanted Max to get better. That was the only thing he wanted, more than anything.

"Of course not, sir. Genuinely, what do you see?"

Max pulled his hand away and turned his body, his bandaged side facing Dexter. Shutting him out, pointedly. Dexter's empty hand curled into a fist, he was no better.

"Please, don't..." Max took a shallow, shuddering breath, and several beats before he spoke again, even quieter. "Don't ridicule me." Dexter could hear his breath catch, and he wanted nothing more than for this all to just stop.

"Sir, I didn't-"

"I've had enough of that." He shook his head stiffly, the action strange and wrong, like he had forgotten how. He stilled, his head turned even further away. "More than enough."

#Doodles #SCII #Helix #ZEX #Dexter Favin #And a drabble-fic under the cut #I ended up writing that the night after I read - I was a bit too inspired while busy so it's a little on the unfocused side haha #I would've cleaned it but I worry it wouldn't make it out of that stage! Please enjoy it for now <3 #This set is mostly periphery ideas - inspired by events rather than directly shown ♪ I suppose the first two kinda count tho #But they're more directly of the little scene I wrote ouò Poor ZEX </3 #And Dex! He's usually so capable! But he's stretching himself so thin ahh it's hard to watch in the best way #Of course he doesn't want to give ''Max'' over to just anyone - anyone at all really - both of their trusts have bottomed out #But how much could he reasonably care for him in that state? When he's still being actively haunted and most importantly - Not Max #He needs helps he needs support he needs to sleep and shower but a second with his eyes off Max and - then what? He'll immolate from fear #It's hard to imagine him crying but pushed to this extreme? To the thought of losing Max utterly and completely? Hhhhh #I do also just love him being possessive even outside of how terrible the situation is - he's always had his glimpses but this situation #Brings out the worst in him <3 In terrible ways #Really his method is just setting ''Max'' up nearby and prompting him over the sound of the shower like that's not nerve-wracking at all #Like he already doesn't answer half the time if that #As for the mini fic I was really interested in Dex's line about indulging ''Max's'' delusions #Apart from the fact that they're not delusions - not that anyone believes him outside of the Institute - what it means to indulge is weird #I saw one example of how to handle delusions that stuck with me - how not to deny them outright while also not reinforcing them #Since it's not actually helpful to be told ''That isn't Really happening to you'' when to you - to ZEX - it really is! How invalidating #And so rather to take the approach of ''I don't see/feel/hear what you are - I can't find any evidence of it myself'' and extrapolating #Dex taking the approach of ''What reality are you experiencing right now?'' and trying to build from there! #Unfortunately ZEX has already been treated like....well like all that - he's not in the mood for games even well-intentioned ones #He /knows/ he's in a human body. He can feel that and see that and understands that. It doesn't change who - what he /is/ #The idea of a completely broken ZEX is so sad to me :( He's so strong and prideful and vivacious - Max really is another him </3 #It's not the same but he was saved from death! To fall into torture... But even despite that I want to see him succeed! As much as he can #Even in that small and shaking way I want to see him be hateful and spiteful - angry. Powerful <3 Fighting ♥

[xunkun]

okay so its not very clear what exactly happened during the resurrection sunday live, and all we know is that koga and adonis probably didnt see what rei and kaoru were doing and that kaoru was whining like a bitch

kaoru says his, very famous, line, so we assume rei mightve actually bit kaoru

BUT maybe it was lightly and/or not too deep to not draw blood, since he does need to make the bloodsucking look real but also he already had the blood from adonis

and if that is true, then kaoru, while may not have the opportunity to be used as the sacrifice in public again, could still be able to provide blood for rei in another ritual potentially. like how adonis did.

which means reikao bloodsucking!!! *loud cheering*

#im delusion #al #reikao #there is a very severe reikao fic drought on ao3 right now #im dying #i could contribute but i want to read something thats not written by me #reikao bloodsucking in es year three #fingers crossed #vex pleads the 19th article of udhr

[astranauticus]

not sure if this counts as an AU but.. thinking about the Per Aspera crew as horror game bosses like.. you are wandering through a forested mountain range and you know somethings wrong because the forest shouldn't be this eerily silent, this devoid of life, and then you hear the crash of falling trees and there is a hand that is half your size glowing golden in the night and it is grabbing you and its claws are digging into your flesh and you see the spines running down the golden arm that is far too long as it lifts you over a crater in mountain, over a coiled, serpentine thing with a visage that is not of this world, and if you look closely you can see the shape of a child curled at the centre of the thing, golden hair reflecting the glow of the creature and if you listen closely you can hear her sobbing, 'Don't hurt me, I don't want to do this'. you are sailing through the astral sea when you see an ephemeral, resplendent spelljammer cutting through the starry waters and you rejoice because you have been lost on the seas for so so long, so you board the ship looking for help, supplies, anything, and you are greeted by a blue fire genasi (you wonder, do those even exist? but you can't get off the ship now because where else will you go?) and she tells you she is the captain of this ship but as far as you can tell there is no crew on board, and if she is not appearing right behind you from a trapdoor you've never noticed she is always in the engine room 'fixing the ship' even though the ship seems to be sailing perfectly fine ('Where are we going?' you ask her once and she doesn't even turn to look at you, 'Don't worry about it') and if you are ever so unlucky as to damage the ship in any way, you begin to catch flashes of red and orange out of the corner of your eye, a fire genasi wearing the woman's face who whispers at you with hollow, angry eyes 'Don't you fucking dare hurt my ship'. you are sailing through the astral sea when you see a rotting, decaying spelljammer, so badly damaged it's barely moving although you have to wonder how it's even staying afloat at all, and out of some morbid curiosity you climb on board and the deck of the ship is in no better shape than the hull, the marks of hard-fought battle - scars in the wood from sharp blades and arcane energies, stains of blood and oil splattered about - still fresh but you know time doesn't pass on the astral sea so who knows how long ago this all took place, and as you climb below decks you start to notice the writings on the walls, pieces of parchment nailed to every surface and connected with fraying, rotting threads, or words etched directly into the wood, the deep gouges barely readable, and you start to hear the creaking and clanking of rusted machinery slowly moving about and you turn a corner to see a figure standing in a room facing the wall, slowly scratching yet more of that unintelligible writing into the bones of the ship, and it turns as the rusted dented mechanite stares at you with eyes ablaze and he asks 'Who are you? Where is my crew?' as sparks of arcane lightning begins to arc through the room. you are running through a feywild forest and you know, even without the figure chasing you, that you have made a horrible mistake, you should have known better, should have been more careful, should have kept your impulses in check, and now you are being chased through an unfamiliar forest and the figure, the Hunter pursuing you knows this realm like the back of his hand, knows every tree and shrub and vine that is slithering up to grasp at your ankles, and you glance back desperately to catch any glimpse of your pursuer but there is no pursuer, he has hidden himself with some arcane trick or some innate power or just the knowledge that this realm is his home, and you hear his voice even though you cannot see him as he cries out 'You should not have hurt my family. Prepare to face the Hunter of Hundkiln'

sorry no Vhas yet maybe I'll update with one for him once we get more of his whole deal

#rolling with difficulty #asto speaks #well i lied only kyana's and finbar's really work as video game bossfights #dani's is more... horror short story? vr-la's is horror comic #bc dani's much more psychological and the environmental storytelling of vr-la's one would be pretty interesting.. probably #in hindsight vr-la's reads like it could be a magnus archive entry LMAO #contrary to whatever you may think (especially if youre in the discord) i dont actually like most horror #like i've only listened to abt ~10 episodes of tma bc it started fucking up my sleep thats how much of a wuss i am #like i dont actually *enjoy* horror but idk i had so much fun writing this. for some reason #hell i dont even enjoy *writing* most of the time #all the others are kinda based on a specific scenario like kyana's is if she never left the cenobium and suvi snapped before she did #(if you've watched/read jjk0 video game bossfight suvi is very much just orimoto rika) #vr-la's and finbar's are pretty self evident #dani's is kinda.. inspired by alfonso of the stultifera navis making this my second rwd brainworm that's just an arknights reference #captains that are cursed to haunt their empty ships plagued with has beens and could have beens #(her one is the only one absolutely not meant to be read as literal btw its a very 'that house has been empty for 40 years' kinda vibe) #found it kinda funny that dani's and vrla's start in very similar ways bc they both kinda have that i am the ship and the ship is me thing #dani's vibe in this is just more illusions and delusions and vrla's is more decaying forgotten grief #a ghost of a mechanite haunting a corpse of a ship

[shibaraki]

what do you mean it’s jan 18th and I haven’t finished writing anything yet

#panic setting in even though I said I would be spending more time on fewer projects this year LOL #I have so many small wips I could finish but I’ve been bit by the reading bug this month I can’t stop reading 🥲 #I’m sorry I love and miss u guys #maybe I post more the glass delusion this weekend

[second-second]

I am so happy seeing everyone's fan designs for skirk, they all look so gorgeous. I think hoyo is just too cowardly to make a female character (playble ofc bc there is jeht) with muscles and scars, so it fell onto the fans hands and, honestly? It is in good hands. She looks stunning. We were robed of this in the official design.

#tbh i have many takes on skirk #and sice childe is my blorbo #i have had opinions abt her ever since i read his voicelines #and i was a bit disapointed in her design #after going trough the stages of grief for what skirk could have been #i have chosen to acept her #and live in a very well crafted delusion in which cannon skirk is not cannon #and the skirk in my head is actually the only real one #glad we are all on the same page #genshin #skirk

[arthur-r]

(stupid vent in the tags i’m maybe struggling a lot. not feeling particularly real or handling my life and relationships maturely at all)

#i love i LOVE how i can write out three fucking pages of how well and normal my life is going and then just fall apart #is this directly correlated to whether i take my anxiety medication? certainly but the side effects are SHIT and its not mandatory anymore #(realizing the amount of my shit relationship that i spent fucking drugged up by myself is SHIT!! i wasn’t a real human being i was so #fucking out of it all the time and he DIDNT FUCKING CARE and i’m upset. that being said i’m anxious as shit now without my meds) #anyway i’m meeting up with two people tomorrow and they’re both the most fucked up sorts of relationships where they’ve been almost my #entire life at certain points of time but are also people who have made me FUCKING UNCOMFORTABLE but with no ill will just fucked situation #problem is one is just an asshole but the other is an incredible person with delusions attached. i think. i’m struggling #i was so fucking healthy two days ago and i thought its a good idea to say hi when i’m in town. but no actually i’m fucked in the head #i feel like he’s either going to kill me or fall in love with me. he’s ten years older than me. and has done NOTHING WRONG IM JUST INSANE #should i not show up?? this is a normal fucking person this is a normal person and i want to say hi. already sent him a long fucking email #so we’re a little late to lose this relationship. and it’s FUCKING NORMAL. normal fucking person. mentor figure positive fucking role model #what the fuck is wrong with me!!!! i’m so fucking normal i just get insane. i’m being like my nemesis actually. ex-bandmate who fucked me u #and didn’t fucking care about anyone and saw me as a character i’m doing her fucking thing. im talking about a normal man who cares about m #a normal amount. ​and interacts with me in a NORMAL FUCKING WAY. who SAVED MY FUCKING LIFE. what is WRONG WITH ME #aside from that…. i’m just feeling sick and awful. my little sister is really struggling and so am i. and i talk so much and never listen #and i could have fucking sworn that i was doing well. fucking LAST NIGHT i wrote all about how fucking stable i am. how i’m going to be oka #AND I AM. i just feel like shit. and i don’t know what’s wrong with me. i’m going on testosterone TOMORROW if all goes well. why can’t i #just fucking focus on that?!!?!?!?? and i’m dysphoric as shit it’s half of what’s wrong with me right now. maybe t will just fucking fix me #but what the fuck. what the fuck. i dont know. all of a sudden i’m in a bad place. i just want to be okay. #i hope everyone is well and i’m sorry for venting. i would almost not post this but i don’t feel real #i don’t know. sending love…. let me know if you need anything please. be well 💛 #friends only #vent cw #like if read #delete later #ask to tag

[dutybcrne]

Was Kaeya and Diluc’s whole Confrontation before or after he left the Knights? Bc if it took place AFTER…

It wouldn’t have been fire from Diluc’s Vision that hurt Kaeya, now would it?

#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. ); #//Bc according to the manhwa; Luc left his Vision as his resignation #//And allogenes without their Visons can’t use their respective elements #//So then #//It would have been the DELUSION’s fire that hurt Kae. Not DILUC’s #//Idk; good concept; I’m pretty sure Kae’s Vision story contradicts it tho #//But then it WOULD make sense why Luc was so quick to draw his blade and fight him over his truth #//Instead of hearing him out and trusting him; considering how close they were said to have been #//‘like twins’ they were said to be #//I do like this idea ngl #//WAIT WAIT #//THAT WOULD ALSO EXPLAIN WHY KAE WAS SO QUICK TO BLAME LUC FOR COLLEI’S FIRE CRIMES #//BC HE RECOGNIZED THE DELUSION’S FIRE #//I don’t think he actually SAW Crepus use it #//So either he could be operating on what he read in Luc’s discarded account of the incident #//Or he somehow SAW the flames firsthand to suspect Luc of all people FIRST #//Bc when he threw the accusations; Luc didn’t have his Vision back yet; so WHY accuse him of a fire crime otherwise #//Idk maybe I’m thinking too hard abt nothing lmao #//But it’s still a good plot bunny! #//Prolly also would make sense why Kae still wants to stick around him and not hold a grudge over the Confrontation either #//Bc Luc wouldn’t have been in his right mind; having the Delusion on him. the thing could have seriously messed with his emotional state #hc; kaeya #hc; diluc #//Canon between my muses on here; can vary for respective counterparts

[spacevixenmusic]

Heavenly Delusion, ep 2

#heavenly delusion #tengoku daimakyou #kiruko #I'm just gonna post this gif and wait to see how long it takes someone to Well Actually me about it #CAUSE SEE IN THE ORIGINAL MANGA IT TURNS OUT SHE-- #yeah yeah buddy if I wanted spoilers I could just read the wiki #I strongly suspect this will be part of some Genetic Clone or Her Brain Was Reprogrammed By A Government Agency bullshit plot #but you know exactly what this reads as on a surface level

[masqueradeoftheguilty]

i am holding diluc so gently. i am so sorry people take the worst possible interpretation of your vague lore to try and say you're not a powerful character

#'erm actually diluc is just a guy and isnt all that strong and-' delete tiktok and look at his lore again. ta. #at the moment hes an unknown variable bcs we only over see him using his delusion to restrain and not to fight in the manga #we dont know the details on how the harbingers got him. we dont know how he manifested his delusion in a proper fight #well. we see him restraining barnabas's beast form with a huge magic circle. no sweat off his back. #anyway ily mr tartaggles but i have to read another thread about how diluc couldn't beat you or another harbinger in a fight im gonna scream #(pssst. diluc totally could. he would just have to do it Fast before childe gets into the flow of things) #(foul legacy may be stronger than him but diluc doesnt hold punches. you cant rely on the foul legacy strength #if you arent given the chance to release it lmao. and thats normal vision diluc. his delusion is currently an unknown) #WHICH IS THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT OF THISPOST SJDKSLSL #step right up! || 🪄.txt

[bytebun]

.

#my delusions of summiting mountains r being fueled by being incredibly sick and reading too many Reddit posts #I think there’s a direct correlation btwn getting sick and hyperfixating on something new and inconvenient #which might be my brains attempt at making me feel better. like mashing the reward chemical button over and over again #there’s nooooo way I can afford to be a mountaineer. I don’t even have a car. #[idiot voice] but if you do a scramble you don’t even need any gear. if you need crampons you can just borrow them — #shut up. how am I gonna get to a stupid mountain. I am so frail like a swooning Victorian maiden and incapable of navigating #[idiot voice] this guy says if you can do a 5.11 rock climb you could totally free solo a 5.6 outdoors #um. well. #there are things you can do that you really shouldn’t. #bytebun rambles #sick and twisted to desire beyond ones means

[fictionadventurer]

This time of year, I keep thinking about the time that I found a book of Christmas sci fi and fantasy stories by Connie Willis and I started reading the Kindle preview because I'm always looking for those kinds of Christmas stories, but then in the intro she said she hated the ending of It's a Wonderful Life and I stopped reading right there because I could never trust anything she wrote about Christmas ever again.

#random thought of the day #i'm sure connie willis is a lovely person but unfortunately when you're this gravely wrong i can't trust your opinion #the only other author i hold such a petty grudge against is sherwood smith #(grudge is not the right word; what's a word for disliking their wrong opinions?) #anyway in her intro to her northanger abbey fanfic she complained that the second half was far worse than the first #and i just shrugged it off until i finished my reread of northanger abbey and then was like 'what on earth were you talking about?' #she thinks that the book needs fixing because of the scene where henry corrects catherine's delusion #as if he's just the big mean man taking catherine to task for how dumb she is #did she even read the book?? #it specifically said that he was gentle with her!! #he corrects her but with compassion and understanding for how she could be mistaken #it's just maddening #anyway i said it was a random thought and i'm living up to that

[knnave]

anyway i hc arlecchino to be rather lean in like. an athletic way (kinda like a track runner or swimmer) underneath her outfit and there is just not a single nick or scar on her flash but then you travel down her arms and the skin gets scorched and blackened leading all the way down to her claws uwu

#i think i read somewhere that her arms/hands are like that because of her delusion #but that could very well be speculation and untrue but imma incorporate that into my portrayal until hyv sues me #;sir this is my emotional support fatui harbinger. (ooc)

[oofuri2003]

Asa higuchi thought this was so important she had them bring it up twice. Why

#like even kanou is in on it #anyway i love that i could read a bunch of nonsense into this that isnt the intended reading but is the more fun ver #aka the heres how abemiha will win ver. delusion is so fun #I'll prob write that up eventually for kicjs

[femmesandhoney]

idk who else to tell this but since you're like the only openly spiritual radfem i know. i had a fight with somebody like a couple days ago and now i'm watching a relationships typa tarot vid that randomly got recommended to me and all of a sudden not only does this gal describe the exact situation. but she also mentions a couple of very specific insults that "this person could've used against you" which they actually did. losing my mind rn what da hell

i personally do not believe or put stock into most random tarot readings that are posted for the masses, especially since those things will follow an algorithm and do it's best to find the content it thinks you want to see. also i'm insane and do believe our phones listens to us because the amount of shit my tik tok especially picks up that i've NEVER interacted with is too fucking weird to be coincidence okay anyways. i will say i do think the universe does love a good coincidence or two to make us aware of something, but just try to remember with a grain of salt that the internet is wholly first and foremost an algorithm.

#trust sometimes i get sucked into those vids bc they're so addicting to watch lol but they're also often VAGUE for a reason sweetie just #remember that and try not to feed any delusions you may have about the situation with your friend #and i'm big into tarot myself but if i need a personal reading i go to a specific woman i trust offline #depending on how specific the insults actually were it could definitely be a cheeky thing from your spirit team but without knowing the #specifics i will just forewarn you lol