#but there is just a very tiny but extremely loud minority who are vicious and fucking relentless

[tchaikovskaya]

🫠

#like ok I know I’m being self centered and borderline self obsessive and narcissistic for taking so much time to dwell on this but #what is it about ME that makes people so crazy like I know of other accts w more followers than I have and afaik theirs aren’t as rab #*rabid as mine are lmfaooooooo #like I know that so many of you are so incredibly kind and so lovely and honestly that’s why I’m still here #but there is just a very tiny but extremely loud minority who are vicious and fucking relentless #I won’t go into detail but yeah it even bleeds into my life irl and them making a point to intimidate me #in the real physical 3D world not online like my daily actual life #and I just don’t know what it is like idk why idk what it is that I do or have done #(not to be problématique but) it’s not even like I post thirst traps or pics of myself at ALL #IIRC I haven’t for like over 4 yrs now lmao. it’s not an issue of me intentionally drawing attn it’s just me Existing on here??? #idk I just am so upset by it if I think too hard about it. idk.

[genderisareligion]

I'm reading your recently asks and honestly, I can't help but think how post-modernism was so detrimental to prevent black women from developing their class consciousness around sex and race together. It's pretty clear how what support TRA ideology isn't only homophobia and misogyny but also racism, specially the misogynoir against black women. However, instead of us, black radical women, create tools to fight our erasure and the tokenization of our particular experiences, we just counterattack TRAs bs and that's it!

We need to recover all the knowledge women before us gave us and together with other black women, develop new insights. For example, femininity is often dismissed as a tool of oppression not only because ppl don't actually believe in sexism but also because they misinterpret black women's criticisms towards the prominent white lenses women's oppression are often discussed. So, if Black women and white women have differences, femininity can also be different to both and that's a very wrong way to see the whole thing. Femininity isn't only about look pretty, femininity is the social place of the oppressed, it's not a surprised how effeminate men are targeted of violence and how MOCs deal with their feelings of being “emasculated” trying to replicate the white patriarchal family, the prime example of masculinity and femininity(Some black radical feminists like Celestine Ware made very good analysis of this phenomenon).

Because femininity(instead of female emancipation) is viewed as desirable to black women reclaim their humanity in liberal perspectives(and unfortunately, they're very abundant among black women and I think we don't discuss it enough because we have this established idea that these things are “white women bs”, not a larger liberal tendency that is present in many movements, even socialism), we can't discuss let alone fight against misogynoir and the worst part of this is that now, our experiences have been stolen by upper class white men.

I agree that we need to gather together more somehow. Black radfems could really use another collective like this for example

And you're right about "femininity (instead of female emancipation) being viewed as desirable to black women reclaim their humanity." Unfortunately because of choice feminism/postmodern individualism it can be a self enforced prison sometimes among black women, holding ourselves and each other to impossible beauty standards and calling that liberation. I agree that we don't talk about it enough.

It's hard when these days you can be considered "self hating" or accused of having "internalized misogynoir" if you critique weave/makeup/plastic surgery culture too much (as if those things are inherently "us"). It's hard when a lot of the times the goal of embracing femininity as "praxis" is the for the roundabout or just straight up approval of black men, and heterosexual black women make up the majority of us and of course they feel pressured to keep up the look when the retaliation for not doing so is vicious misogyny and sometimes violence. It's hard when everywhere I look in the media rich and famous (out of touch) black women are encouraging younger women without their privileges and advantages to rely on external validation (often from men) which can be extremely dangerous given our rates of victimization

I don't think it's a hopeless situation though, even if sometimes it feels like I'm in a tiny minority these days because black gender believing liberals are so loud. But I know other black women who are disillusioned by femininity and our lack of sex class consciousness.

And it helps to read these anons of course 🖤 Whoever y'all are dropping these analysis bombs on me please continue lol

#shadow.txt #ask.txt

[silentiumlitwicks]

2 3 9 12 20 39

you sent two asks so there all in this one

2. what was life like in the early days of realising you were more-than-one?

Really bad i was desperately trying to repress it more than before i knew what it was. i lost a lot of time because everyone who was present was desperate to interact with the world freely and there’s just weeks that i don’t have any memory of even though it was nothing i wasn’t used to, being aware of it made it a lot worse. com6ing to terms with the fact this started when i was 5 was hard too because i never accepted it until after i was aware of what it really was when i was 16

3. Describe the funniest thing you’ve seen happen between two alters.

Definitely Back when Teribot formed and roxy and terezi were fighting like children and terezi went out of her way and taught teribot to say yiff and think her purpose was to collect a database on the different crunches dry leaves make so Roxy and terezi got in a fight with dildos, i still don’t think they get along. 

but the cranberry sauce thing between me and terezi is a close second followed by “Terezi im gay” “shut the fuck up scourj im trying to die”

9. Describe what happened when an unusual fronter had a day in the limelight.

i wanted to go with the day Guzma wrote an essay about planned parenthood being important and listening to africa for 10 hours straight but. I really have to go with that week with lapis because i cant pin it down all to one day but its all important.

Im really sorry but when she roasted you for 3 days straight about your constant avoidance and everything wrong in our relationship, kept us emotionally stable and passed all our exams all while realizing she stems from our fear of drowning/ being submerged in water because of tortuous shit my bio sister did when i was young. i really envy her ability to remain calm even when she knows it would be ok to be emotional over it and complete important tasks.

12. Do you have any introjects (fictives/factives)? How are they similar to their source? How do they differ?

When it comes down to actual honest to god fictives? not just alters adopting an id because they can’t make their own image? 

Only Joey,Centi,Nebby, and Marceline!

I used to say Amethyst Otherdot and Terezi but they really aren’t, they’re just their face claims!

the four above are the only ones who truly genuinely believe that’s who they are and they couldn’t be anything else if they tried, they all seem heavily connected to their “canon” except nebby with a  weird exception of learning to talk. remember “lucio is a god”? yeah nebby 

Nebby used to not speak and only make sounds when fronting.

uh no factives though.

15. Describe some of the kids!

Rylyn: always going though That 10 year old edgy/emo phase always listening to punk and metal and literally wearing a MCR shirt in the headspace. would probably ask you your blood type and try to steal your social security information

Beth: the meek shy abide by all rules kid. Constantly tattling about something rylyn did to any adult alter that will listen. She enjoys quiet and reading scientific articles and sometimes anthropology.

Sora: really loud and creative, super expressive and active. loves climbing no matter what she climbs is. Very protective of her twin alter Selene.

Selene: Sora’s Mute twin who communicates through doodling and body language. she may be quiet but she is just as active and rambunctious as her sister.

Scourj+Anarcy: two more twin alters that i don't remember when they split or why. they're what happen if you let 7 year olds watch stuff like supernatural, CSI, and law and order. They do not get along with each other unless their trying to burn a crudely made effigy (do not ask)

Jo: the clingy one, extremely picky with food and the most likely to throw a fit if they don't get what they want.

Vinny: the hyperactive fast talker. she made herself a peridot oc to use as her identity. definitely the the original character do not steal kid with the questionable technicolor cat ocs. let kids have their fun though, it hurts no one.

Lucio: named himself after lucio from overwatch, just a really sweet kindhearted kid who wants to do anything he can to try to improve the world.

18. Elegant, suave, refined. Who did I just describe? 

I'm not entirely sure? i think maybe Dianne or Bea (blessed pearl) neither of them front much or interact with me often so im not really sure but everyone else is a disaster.

20. Angry, spitfire, vicious. Who did I just describe?

Ruby to the core she really stems from an inability to express anger properly without it turning into sadness or apathy. she lets it out but tries hard not to be destructive. She used to be pretty ruthless to other people and had to spend some time barred from the front until she could learn to know when to stop on her own.

22. Free-spirited, active, protective. Who did I just describe?

Marceline, she does what she wants within reason without a care about what someone else thinks. mostly reliable when something bad is happening and does what she can to keep us from harm, unsure if active means like constantly moving or fronting a lot but both fit, she really loves going for walks to clear her mind and listen to jams.

33. Describe what switching fronts feels like.

sometimes a sudden cutoff and everything goes black the body has a like minor spasm  followed by a few seconds to a minute of staring and blinking before who ever switched in is fully there.

39. What’s something you’ve managed to create as a team?

i honestly only can think of Me terzi and mae’s vent pages in a notebook full of doodles about what's bothering and fucking with us 

there is an old like system wide pic that never got finished that me, cal, and terezi started.

that's really it because my memory is bad and we haven't communicated well since the move.... 

WAIT FUCK THE TINY MS PAINT PIXELS OF EVERYONE 

they're not done but we all work on it

#seabornsystem #system ask #system stuff