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laurensprentiss · 3 years

Text

Jouska [Hotch x Reader]

Chapter 2:

Warnings: Mentions of firearms, stalking. *Tension*

Word Count: 1,843

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“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.” - Oscar Wilde

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You curse yourself as you walk down the concrete path, leading the way for Hotch to follow behind you. Spring in Virginia is unreliable and you suddenly find yourself cold and underdressed in your skirt and turtleneck. The cold is harsh as you hug your arms close to your body, your teeth chattering slightly. Your father advised that maybe it would be best if you and Agent Hotchner got to know one another better, and where better than right here on your father’s sprawling estate, where he could make sure you were safe.

You hear rustling behind you as Hotch catches up. “Here, ma’am. Let me.” You do a double take to see Hotch shrugging off his suit blazer, his shoulders broad and arms strong, gun holstered on his hip. You hold out your arms as he slips the oversized blazer through your arms from behind you, unconsciously rubbing your arm as he does. You steal a quick glance up at him as he stands over you, to find he’s already watching you intently, his gaze flickering to your lips again. You smile and look away.

“Aren’t you cold?” You worry, as he shrugs.

He chuckles and rubs a hand over his beard. “I tend to run a little hot anyway. Besides, my mother would kill me if she knew I hadn’t offered a lady my jacket in the cold.” He finds himself staring at you unwittingly, taken by the sight of his too-big blazer wrapped around your body.

You raise your eyebrows in amusement and laugh. “Ah, so he's a gentleman?” You tease. You cross the blazer over your body and bury your face in the collar, inhaling his scent, something citrusy and musk. It’s warm. Comforting. You feel butterflies in your stomach as you look back up at him and nudge him.

“Thank you. You’re sweet.” You smile.

You both find your stride as you start to walk together, down the concrete steps and towards the grounds. “So. FBI huh? My father tells me you’re a profiler too?” You inquire as you look up at him.

His dimples peek through as he smiles gently, his hands in his pockets now, more relaxed. “Ah not quite. I’m training to be a profiler and I had the requisite training to be on a security detail, so here I am.” He explains. “Your father told me you were supposed to head off to Yale this summer? What’s your major?”

“Poli-Sci.” You lament. “Family tradition, but I’d love to do something like criminology or psychology.” He nods his understanding as you continue. “Ultimately, I know Dad wants me to do whatever makes me happy, but the thought of breaking tradition? It’s scary, you know?”

“Yeah-“ He stops himself. You look up at him as he shakes his head. “Never mind.” You raise your eyebrows and ask for him to go on but he declines by saying it would be breaking protocol.

You stop walking and stare at him a moment and he breaks. “Look it’s okay, I know the feeling. My father, he was a lawyer. His father too. But if you know your heart’s somewhere else, maybe it’s best to go with that.”

“Wow.” You nod and resume walking. “So you’re a gentleman, and a fountain of wisdom. Got it.” You chuckle.

You fall into a comfortable silence, stealing glances at each other, his stride in keeping with yours, bodies just close enough to touch. You pass a row of kept maple trees and down to an old black gazebo where you remember spending your childhood, sheltering yourself from the rain, or playing hostess with your late mother. You perch yourself on the ledge, swinging your legs as Hotch maintains a distance from you.

“Hey, so-“

“-I” He apologises and signals for you to go first.

You wince slightly as you take a breath. “I was just going to say, that I suppose we should talk about the elephant in the room?” His face steels and his chest rises, his mouth open.

“The- I’m sorry. The what?” He enquires.

“I take it my father showed you the pictures the stalker took of me?” You watch his shoulders drop and his face relax as he realises.

“Yes ma’am-”

“Please. No ‘ma’am’. I feel like my grandmother. Just call me by my name.” You joke.

“Sorry.” He sheepishly rubs the back of his neck. “But to answer your question, yes, I did see the photographs, your father showed me the file. I also saw the uh-”

He pauses, not knowing quite how to continue. “-The notes.” He walks closer to where you’re sat on the ledge, the both of you almost the same height this way as he continues. You watch him try to find the words. “I don’t want to alarm you unnecessarily, but you know this is serious? I mean the notes in and of themselves are a huge issue but given the fact that you’re someone in the public eye, it’s-”

“- I know. It’s why I’ve been living here, which makes it hard because I have an internship and an apartment in Georgetown.” You explain that you love being closer to home, and to your father but not having your independence makes you feel as though you’re suffocating. “But I’m going to be moving back.” You explain.

Aaron stares at you in surprise and immediately advises against it, walking closer to you until you’re face to face to list the reasons why he thinks it’s a bad idea. You understand the gravity of the situation but you can’t help but stare at the way his lips move when he speaks, and how his arms and shoulders seem so strong, his dress shirt fitted just perfectly. How his hair looks so soft and how he still towers over you, his scent all around you. You realise he’s stopped talking and is just staring at you, waiting for you to respond, his hand holding the ledge next to you, encasing you in.

Your breath catches and you swallow, looking up at him with wide eyes as you realise his gaze is fixed on yours, his eyes soft and glancing at your lips. His tongue darts out to wet his lips and you can feel heat rising on the back of your neck, your heartbeat pronounced. You swallow again, taking a deep breath and losing your nerve. You hop off the ledge and walk around him, needing some distance. “Look, you make fair points, but seeing as I have permanent security until we catch this son of a bitch, I don’t think it’s too outlandish. I’ve discussed it with my dad, too.” You reason. Hotch is still frozen in place.

You continue, “-Besides, me being locked away here, isn’t going to help catch him. He knows he can’t get to me here. But giving him a chance to think he can get to me might work! And I don’t want to put my entire life on hold because of some psycho who thinks I owe him something. If he gets too close, you can catch him, right? Set some sort of trap or something?” He turns now, watching as you dart around the gazebo reasoning that it could be safe.

He explains that he needs to clear it with his superiors and the Ambassador before he can allow it to happen, but that ultimately, he will try his best to make sure your needs and wants are met. You nod in understanding. “Look, the last I want to do is to put you in an uncomfortable situation, but you get where I’m coming from, right, Agent Hotchner?”

He has a strange feeling in his chest when he hears his name come from your mouth but he plays it off, promising he’ll discuss it with Barnes and your father today. You thank him as you slide past him to get to the steps of the gazebo and return back to the house. You walk back down the path you came from, in a comfortable but buzzing silence, the both of you trying to make sense of the moment you shared back there, as you steal a glance at his face, his brows furrowed and his jaw hard. He catches you, his eyes on yours as he asks, “You okay?”

You take a beat. “Yeah.” You nod. “Yeah, I think I am.” You reply as you bury your nose in the collar of his blazer.

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You’ve been waiting in the foyer outside of your father’s office for around 40 minutes when the door finally opens. The past 40 minutes had consisted of heated discussions in angry whispers taking place on the other side. Hotch, McCall, Barnes and your father were discussing the matter of whether it would be feasible for you to return to your own apartment, when you had made your opinion more than known. Your father’s assistant calls you in and closes the door behind you as you watch Agents Hotcher and McCall rise from their seats. You hold your breath.

“Well, it appears you can be quite persuasive, young lady.” You rush to his side before he can even finish his sentence, throwing your arms around his shoulders and kissing his cheek. He laughs as he continues, “There are, however, measures that myself and the team will be putting in place to make sure you’re safe while you’re away.” His eyes look tired and worried. “Effective immediately, Agents Hotchner and McCall will be teaching you self-defence and how to safely hold and discharge a firearm. I want you to be in a position to defend yourself, should you need to.”

You feel worry and a twinge of guilt as you realise you are all your father has left in this world. The thought of your father having to think about how you’re to defend yourself from somebody who has made his intentions this clear, fills you with sadness. You hold his hands in yours and squeeze reassuringly. “Thank you, Dad. I know this isn’t easy, but I’m going to be fine. Okay?”

He takes a deep breath and cups your face in his hands, placing a kiss on your forehead. “I know, sweetheart. I know.”

You turn to face Agents Hotchner and McCall to thank them too. You share a knowing smile with Hotch, knowing that while you were indeed persuasive, it was Hotch that would have sealed the deal and that it would have been his idea to implement the self-defence and firearm safety. Your father walks you all out of your office and you turn to reassure him again. He informs you that Agent McCall will be staying for a while longer to finalise the details of the security schedule and that Hotch would drive you to your apartment.

“Well, I guess we should start packing?” Hotch asks as you both walk out of your father’s office.

“Who says I’m not already packed?”

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Tags: @andromedasstarship @oreogutz

#Hotch #Aaron hotchner #Hotch x reader #hotch x you #Hotch fluff #hotch smut #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #cm fic rec #thomas gibson

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aperrywilliams · 4 years

Text

The Resident Genius (Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader)

(Not my gif!)

Masterlist

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Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader x BAU

Summary: Reader joins Spencer in his last day in the BAU.

Word Count: 3497.

Warnings: None. Melancholy? Could be a category for this.

A/N: Today is Monday. I don’t want to work. I’m thinking in retirement. That’s all.

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“Are you ok?” (Y/N) asked me squeezing lightly my arm while the elevator lifted us to the 6th floor.

“Yeah. A little bit nervous, but I’m fine,” I replied giving her a little smile. She took my hand intertwining our fingers. “Thank you” I muttered.

“Why is that?” she asked smiling.

“You didn’t need to be here right now. You haven't come here for a while”. I shrugged.

“I didn’t let you do this alone. You did the same with me some years ago. I’m your wife, remember?”

“I remind it every day I wake up next to you. And I realize me how lucky I have been all this years for that” I told her with a smile.

“You have become cheesy over the years, you know?,” affirmed (Y/N) giggling.

“And you love that, don’t you?,” I pointed out.

“Yes, my cheesy and loved Dr. Reid,” whispered (Y/N) kissing my cheek.

“I love you”

“I love you too, baby” she replied.

The elevator doors opened and we walked to the glass doors of the bullpen. Opening them made the environment feel like any other day at work. Agents moving from one desk to another, from one office to another. Some reviewing files, others making phone calls, others discussing an ongoing case. My routine for the last 40 years.

With (Y/N) we go up the stairs to the offices sector, coming at the door of my office. Oh yeah, Dr. Spencer Reid finally managed to have an office for himself when he completed 30 years of service at the BAU.

It wasn't a big deal to me either. I was used to my desk. The desk which witnessed so many conversations with my team mates. Where I could perform my magic tricks by experimenting with the laws of chemistry and physics, where I spent hours and hours reading reports. The same desk that housed hundreds of coffee mugs on it. Desk from where I could peek at (Y/N) without her noticing. The same desk that witnessed our sneaky kisses with (Y/N) when everyone had already gone home and we were the only ones working in the bullpen. Desk where I knelt to ask her to marry me. The same desk where I was sitting when (Y/N) told me she was pregnant the first time.

"Are you going to step inside?". (Y/N) asked when she saw I stood in front of the door without opening it.

"Yes. Sure. I got distracted. Sorry". After I put a feet on the office, the first thing I saw were empty boxes ready to be filled with my things. Which were not few. It was enough to see the shelf full of books, some of which I had from my first years at the BAU.

“I think these boxes won’t be enough. I had forgotten how many books you had in the office” (Y/N) commented laughing.

"And we still haven't discussed where I'll put them at home..." I stated clearing my throat.

“Now I think is good Emily doesn't live with us anymore. You could use that room for a 'new' library,” (Y/N) suggested.

"It’s possible. Although Abby surely wanted to take that room for her...".

"I'm sure you can reach an agreement" (Y/N) replied giving me a kiss in my forehead.

“Yeah, I think we will”

“Okay, start packing. I'll make you a coffee in the meantime" she said starting to move to the coffee machine placed in one of the shelves.

"You are the best, you know?". I answered, taking her by the waist, bringing her close to my body and lifting her chin to look at those eyes that keep driving me crazy as if it were the first day I met her.

"I know. But… are you going to stare at me forever or will you dare to kiss me?". We both started laughing. That verbatim phrase left her lips for the first time after our first date. I leaned down to meet her lips with mine. Almost 30 years of marriage and kissing (Y/N) still makes me erupt butterflies from my stomach. The power of this woman over me is indescribable.

Our kiss was disrupted when someone opened the office door.

"Dr. Spencer Reid on his last day of work. I thought I was going to see him busily packing his books and not in a make-out session with his wife."

"Wow, I didn't expect my boss to find me this way". I commented laughing.

Jack Hotchner had become the BAU’s Unit Chief 5 years ago, following in his father's path. Easier to smile than Aaron, Jack maintained the same rigor leading the BAU, proving to be a natural leader. Respected and loved by his colleagues, no one questioned his rules, not even the impulsive Hank Morgan, who joined the BAU 3 years ago.

“I think you will need help Reid. I doubt you can finish packing by yourself before lunch” Jack affirmed.

"Hey, maybe I’m old and never have been very athletic, but at least I can take care of my books" I protested.

"If you say so Reid... if you say so..." said Jack teasing me.

“I would help him. But I know him and I know that just touching one of his relics he will go crazy. So I just make the coffee and thus avoid problems" stated (Y/N) laughing.

“You know him better than anyone (Y/L/N). When you left the BAU a few years ago, Dr. Reid became a grouch in the office because no one else understood his ways,” said Jack.

"Could you at least consider me here when you talk about me?" I protested again as Jack and (Y/N) laughed.

“I'd better leave you, so Dr. Reid can start his task. I'll be back for you at lunch,” Jack declared.

"Jack... is it necessary?... I mean, I can say goodbye to each one of you here... it’s not necessary to have a large lunch meeting with everyone..."

“I won't hear complaints about that now Reid. I'll be back for you at lunch time,” said Jack before closing the door.

"The boss has spoken" (Y/N) recited looking at me and shrugging.

"You know that I don't like these activities with so many people... and even less if I have to give a speech..."

“Spencer… baby, I know. But they are your colleagues, several of them children of your best friends. They have known you for years. You are even godfather to some of them. The least they want to do is say goodbye to you in this job that has been your life for almost 40 years”.

(Y/N) was right. A lifetime at the BAU. Just thinking about it I felt tears well up in my eyes. I knew it was the natural passage of time, but I didn't know yet if I was ready to leave this life behind.

"I know. It's just… thinking I won't be working in this place again makes me anxious. What am I going to do now (Y/N)? "

"Isn't it Dr. Spencer Reid, who is always enthusiastic about knowledge and new things, who asks me that?" (Y/N) teased me.

"Don't make fun of me (Y/N), you know I don't have the same energy as before..."

"Maybe not. But I know you. That brain of yours will handle it. Besides, I think you owe me some nights where we can go to bed early and many mornings to stay in bed until after noon, don't you think?”

"Yes. It’s true" I replied with a smirk.

“Spencer, you have to take things in a different perspective. And to enjoy what you have achieved in this years of full effort. For example, seeing your children doing what make them happy. Learning from his father”.

"Stop right there (Y/N)... I don't want to cry... yet, please." (Y/N) grinned and pulled me into a tight hug.

“For many years you were the resident genius of this place. It’s time you leave that place to new resident geniuses”, she sentenced, sealing her words with a kiss on my cheek.

We start packing. Indeed the boxes weren’t enough. (Y/N) had to go get some more from the basement. The few pictures on the wall were also packed up. As well as the photographs that were on my desk: one of my mother, another of (Y/N) with me on our wedding day, another of Emily, Theo and Abby, my children. One last from the BAU team with Hotch, Rossi, Prentiss, Morgan and JJ.

The morning went quickly. It was a little after 1:00 p.m. when Jack got back to the office.

“I see you are almost ready. The remained things we can take it later. We can ask some of the boys for help,” said Jack, looking around the almost empty office.

“I think that help will needed to load the car. I didn't think it would be so many boxes after all” I complained.

"No problem. Now come on, it's time for lunch”.

Leaving the office and walking down the hall to the conference room, one last time, was more difficult than I thought. (Y/N) noticed it immediately and took my hand, squeezing it gently to encourage me. I looked at her and when she saw my anxiety she approached my ear and whispered 'I'm so proud of you Spencer, I love you so much. We are in this together, don't forget it.' I nodded, gulped, squeezed her hand, and I continued walking.

Stepping inside the room, my surprise was greater than I expected. Not only did I see my colleagues, in fact, I saw the children of my friends, my godchildren, some of my friends and my own children. Everyone lining up to give me a hug.

The first was SSA Hank Spencer Morgan:

“Uncle Spencer, we're going to miss you here. You have been a great example for everyone”.

"Thanks Hank. I’m leaving comfortable knowing you are here and knowing you’re a great contribution to this team”.

Then it was his father's turn, Derek Morgan:

“My man! At last you are leaving this place. I didn't think you were going to last so many years. I thought I was going to die and you would still be rambling at the BAU. Come on!. It's time to enjoy life with (Y/N). Start thinking about a second honeymoon" he sentenced, elbowing me in the ribs.

"Completely considered" I replied laughing and giving him a squeeze on the shoulder.

Then it was SSA Michael LaMontagne's turn: “Uncle Spence, it was an honor to have worked with you at the BAU. I have learned a lot from you in life, not only here. We’ll continue to see each other for sure”.

“Of course we do, Michael. I'm sure you’ll continue to do an excellent job here. I have no doubt about it”.

Behind Michael was Henry LaMontagne. The first baby I held in my arms– almost panicking: “Uncle Spencer. The BAU owes you a lot. I am proud to be your godson and thankfully for you to be part of our life. Much success in this new stage of your life”.

"If the BAU owes me, I also owe the BAU, so I think we are at hand." I replied.

By now tears were falling from my eyes. A motherly smile spread to the next person in line: JJ. She came over and I buried my face in her shoulder.

"Hey, you should be happy. You will stop drinking this horrible coffee" she said while hugging me. "Spence. We both know that this place became an important part of our lives. But you have to let it go. We deserve it".

"I know. I'll just have to get used to the idea. You know, no longer bad sleeping habits, decent food, those things… I don’t know if I’m ready for that”. I replied wiping my tears with my fingers.

SSA Chloe Simmons was next to hug me:

"Dr. Reid, really thank you very much for all the teachings you have given us over the years. My dad always spoke with great appreciation of you. I'm sure he would have loved to be here now”.

“Thanks Chloe, Matt was a great man. Very smart and much more athletic and stocky than me, of course. Surely he must be happy that you have decided to join the BAU”.

Who was next in line? Former BAU chief and now former FBI director Emily Prentiss:

“Finally Spencer!, just like Morgan, I thought I would disappear from this world and you would still be working at the BAU. Come here my favorite genius”, Prentiss said while she pulled me into a hug that could have left me breathless. It’s true Prentiss no longer had the same youthful strength as before, but she would always be a tough girl. I reciprocated the hug as strongly as possible.

“Sooner or later it had to happen. I hope you have already forgiven me for how badly I treated you the first months of your arrival". I said laughing.

"You fool. Your memory is clearly better than mine. I already forgot” she replied laughing too.

Then it was Jack Hotchner's turn:

“Thank you very much Spencer for everything. For all the years you spent at the BAU. This place owes you a lot and there is nothing we can do to even make up for even a part of your dedication here."

"Thanks Jack. I can only say that Aaron would be tremendously proud to see you in the man you have become."

At the end of the line were my children. The first to hug me was Emily, now SSA Dr. Emily Reid:

"Dad. I'm so proud of you. I just wanted to thank you because despite this job and how demanding it is, you managed to be with us in our childhood and growth. You’ll always be an example for us and I only hope to live up to what you have been for the BAU”.

"My little pumpkin. Now you are Dr. Reid of the BAU. Have no doubt you’ll do an excellent job here. Better than mine even, because you have your mother's DNA and teachings. I'm proud of you. I love you so much. I wish you the best for the future. You deserve it". The hug we gave each other could have been eternal. My little one, my daughter, the first fruit of my love with (Y/N).

Then came Theo. My little man. The image of (Y/N). The same kindness, the same audacity, the same dedication to others. Not for nothing did he become a primary school teacher. His vocation fills me with delight and seeing him happy is my greatest happiness.

"Dad, congratulations! You managed to overcome the adversities of life and you have reached this point where now you can see everything you have achieved. You can be with mom and enjoy this new time with her. I have always admired the love you have for each other. Patience and dedication towards each other. Thank you for showing us that and teaching us to be better persons, both through the good and the bad”.

“Thank you Theo. My little man. You know you’ll always be our little one, right? With your mother we love you very much and we are happy to see the person you have become”. We both embraced and when we parted I kissed his forehead, just like I did when he was a child.

Abby came later. Without saying anything, she hung around my neck, burying her head on my chest. She was crying. I couldn't help it either and started crying too.

"I'm sorry dad. I didn't want to cry because I knew it would make you cry too. But they are tears of joy, to see everyone in this room loves and appreciates you. You’re the best in the world dad, even if you are a nerd and sometimes you are more strict than mom”. We both started laughing.

“Thank you my little baby. It makes me so happy to have you still with me. To see how you grow up every day and find your own way. Sorry if I'm a little more strict than mom sometimes. I'll try to relax a bit, I promise." Abby squeezed me hard and before releasing me she gave me a kiss on the cheek.

As if all the tears I had shed up to that moment and the lump in my throat from the emotions of the moment were not enough, I had to give a speech. At least say something. (Y/N) came to my side and took my hand. She knew perfectly well this was the part that made me nervous, even at my age. They were all silently looking at me. I cleared my throat and started to speak.

"I must start by saying that with all the hugs that I gave today, I’m ready with the hugs that I had not given in these 40 years...".

Collective laughter. Of course, we were talking about Dr. Spencer Reid, the man averse to displays of affection who appreciated them over the years and only reserved them for the most important people in his life.

"Having said that. And knowing that you expect a speech in the least eloquent from me, I must be sincere and confess that everything I say in from now may make very little logical sense in some parts, because it responds rather to the most emotional and chaotic part of my person. Part that (Y/N) knows well and who I know is chuckling without even looking at her…"

I could hear the giggles of (Y/N).

“Am I rambling already? I'm sure you expected no less from me. As well. I'm not going to tell you the story of how I got to the BAU because you already know that. Nor am I going to tell you how each one of these 40 years working here was, because almost half of you also know it and the other half are living it right now..."

Again, collective laughter.

“Apparently with age I managed to find my comical side, because when I was young nobody laughed at my jokes. I don't blame you either, they were nerdy jokes, I wouldn't have laughed in your place either. Anyway. I don't want to diverge from the main issue..."

Silence. Full attention to me. To my words. It was like a conference, but the most important of my life.

“I want to thank each of you for being here today. I'm sure you had more important things to do today. Even my wife, whom I had to bribe to help me pack my office stuff. No, seriously. Thank you very much. Today is a weird day. I’m happy to see all of you, but I’m also sad because I have to leave and I’ll no longer work at the BAU anymore...

This place saw me grow up. Here I made mistakes, here I could made a difference too. Here I fell in love with a great woman. Here I made great friends. Here I started a family…

I just want to tell you that this place has been full of excellent people, not only good professionals, but good people, with a good heart, committed to the objective of this work, although sometimes the personal costs have been higher…

I think it's fair to mention them now, because I had the honor of meeting them and working with them. Everyone made me part of their life and so they are part of mine: Jason Guideon, David Rossi, Aaron Hotchner, Penelope García, Elle Greenaway, Jordan Todd, Jennifer Jareau, Derek Morgan, Emily Prentiss, (Y/N) (Y/L/N), Ashley Seaver, Alex Blake, Kate Callahan, Luke Alvez, Tara Lewis, Matt Simmons, Stephen Walker… I could go on. There are so many people. There are so many stories..."

I couldn't stop my tears. The rest of the audience either. It was a chorus of sobs, some more muffled, others more expressive. I had to stop for a moment. I took a deep breath and composed myself again. (Y/N) wrapped her arms around my torso, resting her head on my back. I could feel her tears running through my shirt.

“Well, I don't want this to be a sad moment. I want to leave this place thinking I tried to do things right. That I did all I could to be a contribution to this team. Now, as (Y/N) told me a few hours ago, it's time for the new resident geniuses. The BAU stays in you, this great family continues with you. You must work together, support each other, grow up, make mistakes, learn from your faults, listen to each other. You must be a team. I will always miss you guys, and if you ever need an old nerd who likes to ramble and talk about everything, who knows strange things and a lot of statistics, you know where to find me”.

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#spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x fem!reader #BAU #criminal minds #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fluff #normalize melancholy tag

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ladywinchester1967 · 6 years

Text

I Wanna Do Bad Things With You: Part II

Pairing: Endverse!Dean x Blair (formerly known as Female Character) x Negan

Characters: Endverse!Dean, Dwight, Daryl Dixon, Rick Grimes, Negan, Blair (OFC)

Warnings: Oh my god; where to start? Daddy!Kink, language, SMUT, oral (female receiving), Dom!Blair, Sub!Dean, Dom!Negan, unprotected sex (wrap it up ya’ll!), spanking with a belt, biting, dirty talk, angst, a little bit of Jealous!Dean....I think that’s it.

A/N: Back by popular demand; here is the second installment in this former One Shot. I’m not sure how many parts this will end up having however. Guess we’ll just see where the wind takes me!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“So that’s how we got out.” She explained to Daryl.

With brown hair that hung in his blue eyes and a surly demeanor, Daryl Dixon wasn’t one to hold back he when was pissed.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Blair!” Daryl yelled, raking a hand through his hair.

“I gave him what he wanted to save my life and Dean’s, what was I supposed to do?! Lay down and die?!” she asked him

“Not fucking have sex with him, that’s for god damn sure!” Daryl yelled at her “You’re not a whore and you shouldn’t be treated like one! I ought to gut that pretty boy for even thinking of letting you say yes!”

“Daryl, STOP!” She yelled back “What’s done is done okay?! Negan got what he wanted and he let us go.”

Daryl was shaking with anger. He and Blair had gone to high school together and hooked up a couple of times since the Walker epidemic started, but it was never anything serious between them. He still looked out for her with the same ferociousness he always had.

“So, now what?” Daryl asked.

The conditions she’d set out for Negan came flooding back to her.

“OKAY!” She yelled “I’ll do it!”

Negan smirked as Lucille stopped inches from Dean’s head.

“Atta girl,” Negan said “I knew you’d see things my way.” He whistled, Simon and Dwight jerked Dean up on to his feet and she said

“We’ll discuss terms,” she told Negan, her eyes searching his “I’m sure we can come to an arrangement that’ll fit both of us.”

Negan sneered and threw an arm around her shoulders.

“Right this way baby girl.” He said and they went into the other room.

“When he calls, I go. No questions asked.” She told Daryl “Dean and one of the Saviors will escort me and I’m to stay as long as he tells me to.”

“Are you one of his wives now?” Daryl asked and she shook her head.

“No, I told him I wouldn’t do that shit.” She told him. “I can keep seeing my patients, I made sure of that.”

“So you’re his beck and call girl?” Daryl asked and Blair shrugged.

“I guess so,” she said “in exchange, he’ll call off the Saviors from Alexandria and he’ll take what we give him. I pointed out even if we don’t have his as much, he won’t miss it. He still has the Kingdom, the Scavengers and Hilltop giving him stuff.”

Daryl huffed, he was still not happy.

“That way we can figure out a way to get rid of him and bring down the Saviors once and for all.” Blair told him.

“So let me get this straight,” Daryl said “in exchange for pussy on demand he’s gonna give us all that?”

“That’s an over simplification, but yes,” she told him “he’s gaining a doctor PLUS another set of hands.”

Daryl groaned and walked away and she walked behind him.

“Daryl!” She called after him

“Not fucking now!” Daryl shouted back and kept walking.

Later that day, they heard the familiar engines of the military trucks the Saviors drove roll up to the gates of Alexandria. Blair stood with Dean as the engines cut off and they heard a familiar tune being whistled. They watched as a shadow shaped like Negan appeared just outside the gate.

CLANG CLANG CLANG came the sound of barbed wire hitting the gate.

“Little pig, little pig!” Negan shouted “Let me in!”

Aaron unlocked and pulled back the gate as Negan sauntered through it, Simon and a few other Saviors in tow. Negan scanned the residents of Alexandria until his eyes rested on Blair and a smug smile came across his face.

“THERE she is!” He said and walked over to her. Dean released her with a squeeze of her hand as Negan reached her, wrapping her into a kiss.

“Been thinking about your hot little ass all night,” Negan said and tilted her face up to his “Now Rick, I’ve come to collect what’s mine for a little while.”

“Yeah, that’s not gonna happen.” Rick Grimes, the leader of Alexandria said, his thick southern drawl seething with anger “You can’t have her if she doesn’t want to go.”

“Rick,” Blair cautioned “I want to go. Negan and I had a deal and I’m going to up hold my end.”

Another grin crossed Negan’s face.

“So you’re hot, smart AND loyal?!” Negan asked “well god damn, I may not let you outta my sight there sweetheart!”

“Dean’s coming with remember?” She reminded Negan, who nodded.

“Yes, Pretty Boy gets to come too.” He said and clapped a hand over her ass “pack your shit, we leave in ten.”

Blair and Dean exchanged a silent conversation as they packed a few days worth of clothes. Once they were packed, Simon escorted them down to the truck where Negan was waiting. A wide grin stretched across Negan’s lips as she approached.

“You ready to go there sweetheart?” Negan asked and she nodded.

“I have my things,” she told him “and some medical supplies so I can keep seeing my patients, just like you said I could remember?”

He clapped his free hand over her ass again, making her squeak.

Dean did his best not to visibly roll his eyes or groan out loud. He knew what Blair was doing, trying to keep Negan happy while tempting him with her body.

“Yeah, I remember hotness.” He said “You and Pretty Boy get in the truck.”

When they returned to the Sanctuary, Blair was shown to her room by Dwight. It had a bed and a dresser along with a lounge chair and not much else.

“Negan will send for you, when he’s ready.” Dwight said “Dean, this way.”

“No,” Blair said “Dean stays with me.”

Dwight visibly twitched

“But Negan said-”

“I don’t give a good god damn WHAT Negan said,” Blair told Dwight “Negan and I made an agreement. Dean stays with me. Period. Negan has a problem with that, he can take it up with me.”

Dwight backed away and shut the door behind him and Dean’s lips curled into a smile.

“Have I mentioned that I love that you don’t take shit from anyone?” He asked as he dropped his bag.

“I didn’t before the shit hit the fan,” she told Dean as she set her bag in the chair “and I don’t plan on doing it now.”

“Mhh, remind me not to get on your bad side.” He said and wrapped her into his arms, kissing her deeply.

“What do you want Dean Winchester?” She asked as she kissed him, a grin playing on her mouth.

“Oh, I think you know what I want,” he said between kisses as he took her hand and placed it on his throat “what I like.”

“Yeah, you do like that don’t you?” She asked as she gently squeezed his throat “You like when I order you around?”

“Yes ma’am,” he answered “I like making you happy.”

“Mh, you wanna make me happy Dean?” She asked him, squeezing him harder.

“Yes ma’am, please.” He begged quietly as he squeezed her hips “Let me make you happy.”

She backed up into the bed and sat down.

“On your knees Dean.”

He did as he was told, running his hands up and down her thighs.

“Think you can be a good boy for me?” She asked him.

“Yes,” he answered breathlessly “I’ll be a good boy for you.”

She kissed him

“Make me come with your mouth Dean,” She told him “you can use your tongue.”

“Yes ma’am,” he said “I will.”

She reached for her boots and he gently pushed her hand away.

“Let me, please.” He told her.

“You like unwrapping your presents don’t you?” She asked him and he nodded. He quickly untied her boots and took off her socks, setting them aside. She raised her hips and he pulled down her leggings and took them off. He left her panties on as she spread her legs open for him. She took off her jacket and tank top, leaving her in her bra and panties. He smiled as he bit his lip

“So beautiful,” he said and kissed down her belly as she laid down “I love your body so much Blair.”

She squirmed under his touch and his kisses as he reached with waistband of her panties and took it into his teeth, dragging it down. Once they were off he spread her legs wide and smiled.

“So beautiful,” he said with a moan “so fucking beautiful all spread out.”

“Stop talking,” she commanded “and fuck me with that tongue of yours.”

“Yes ma’am.” He answered and dove in. He hooked his arms around her thighs and licked a thick stripe from hole to clit, making her moan.

“Ohhhhhh fuck!” She cried as she gripped his hair “That’s a-OH GOD-that’s a good boy!”

He slipped his tongue down, lapping the tip over her entrance. “There,” she moaned as she rocked her hips against his tongue “oh just like that Dean.”

He licked through her folds, lapping up every sweet drop of her juices that he could get. He gripped his hair hard as his lips sealed over her clit and gave it a hard suck, making her jump.

“Ohhhh,” she moaned “oh like that! Oh god Dean, like that!”

He pushed his tongue into her, his mouth enveloping the rest of her as she tugged on his hair. Her body begging for relief from the swelling heat in her lower belly. She couldn’t form words, all that came out were cries and whimpers as she held tightly to his hair, her hips rocking furiously against his face. He tightened his grip on her thighs; her scent, her heat, her juices enveloping him as he flicked his tongue over her clit, making a pornographic moan fall from her mouth.

“I’m gonna- god-I’m gonna come, make me come Dean, make me come hard!”

He sucked hard on her clit, his teeth barely grazing the over stimulated mound. She snapped her legs closed around his head and rocked shamelessly into his face as she threw back her head, screaming as she came. Her legs were shaking as they fell open, releasing him from her grasp as she breathed hard. She half laid on her side as he made eye contact with her. He was grinning like a fool as he wiped her juices off his face and licked the remnants off his fingers.

“You good sweetheart?” He asked and she nodded

“I’m not done with you yet,” she told him and made the “come here” motion with two fingers.

He crawled up her body and they kissed as she reached for his belt.

“Fuck me with that delicious cock Dean,” she told him “I want that deep in me.”

“Yes ma’am,” he said as he stood up. He was unbuckling his belt just as the door crashed open, making her scream.

Negan stood in the door way, a grin on his face.

“Well don’t stop on my account,” he told them as he slammed the door shut and pushed her bag from the chair on to the floor “wanna see what kind of good show you two put on.”

Blair and Dean exchanged glances and removed the rest of their clothing. Dean got between Blair’s legs again, this time on his knees as he yanked her up into his lap.

“Mhhh, you know I like it when you manhandle me.” She told him against his mouth.

“Only if it’s allowed.” he said reluctantly.

“It’s allowed my good boy.” She told him as they kissed. He slammed home inside her, making them both grunt.

“Oh, god you feel good,” she told him “that big cock buried so deep in me.”

They kissed furiously as they heard Negan’s belt clink open.

“You like when I make you scream?” He asked as they began to move

“I fucking love it,” she told him and kissed him “you’re such a good boy. Always making me come!” She pulled back and said “use your mouth and play with my nipples.”

“Yes ma’am.” He said obediently as she leaned back and dipped his head down. He captured her left nipple in his mouth, swirling his tongue around it and gave it a hard suck.

She closed her eyes and whined as he did this to the right nipple. She could hear rustling of clothes from the chair, she was aware of what Negan was doing but she wasn’t about to stop Dean. She heard footsteps and then Negan’s rough, gravely voice.

“You gonna let me in on this?” He asked.

She opened her eyes and he was naked, his erection nearly pulsating.

“That depends,” Blair told him “can you be a good boy like Dean?”

His shoulders, arms and legs tensed; he hated the idea of submitting to her.

“If you can’t behave then you have to wait.” She firmly told Negan as Dean’s tongue flicked over her nipple, making her cry out “Only good boys get to come, right Dean?”

“Yes ma’am.” He said as he kissed up her neck and then bit her pulse point, making her writhe.

“Can you be a good boy for me Negan?” She asked.

He shook his head, no. He was a dominant through and through; sure the sex was phenomenal with her, but there was no way he’d give up control like that. Frankly he was surprised Dean did.

“Then you have to wait.” She told Negan and winked at him as Dean drilled into her, making her whine. “Oh, that’s it! Fuck!” She cried as her hips met his and she let out a scream, coming hard around him as he groaned, emptying into her with a strangled cry of her name. They caught their breath and kissed as Dean pulled out of her.

He left to get to the bathroom to clean up as she sat up on her knees.

“What do you want to do to me Negan?” She asked.

“Do you taking spankings sweetheart?” He asked, cupping her face.

She nodded

“Yes sir,” she answered “I taking spankings.”

His thumb ran over her cheek and he grinned

“See, I think I like” he told her “Daddy better, especially coming out of your mouth.”

She gave him a sweet smile and answered

“Yes Daddy,” She told him “I taking spankings.”

“You do?” He asked “You LIKE being spanked?”

She nodded, her thighs squeezing together. This was a bigger turn on than she had anticipated.

“I LOVE to be spanked Daddy.” She told him and he groaned, gripping her hair.

He let his bottom lip slowly slide out from his teeth and he asked

“You gonna let me spank you?”

She squirmed hard

“I’d love for you to spank me Daddy.” she told him.

He kissed her roughly and said

“I’m gonna spank that pretty ass until it’s red, you hear me?”

“Yes Daddy.” She answered

Dean came out of the bathroom, tugging up his underwear as Negan sat down on the bed, taking Blair over his knee.

“She been bad again?” Dean asked, playing along.

“You’re a bad girl for him too?” Negan asked and she nodded.

“I’m a very bad girl.” she told Negan

“That’s the only way she learns,” Dean said as he crossed his arms over his chest “she's a brat.”

Blair wriggled in anticipation, Dean knew this kind of stuff riled her up.

“Looks like someone likes getting spanked a little too much.” Negan said

Dean nodded

“It’ll get her to listen,” Dean said “for a minute.”

“Hand me that belt.” Negan said to Dean, pointing to the belt in his pants. Dean handed it to Negan and he folded the belt in half.

“Two pops little lady,” Negan said “understand?”

“Yes Daddy.” She said as he placed a hand on her lower back. With a swish and a POP the leather cracked across the meat of her ass, sending a wave of pleasure screaming through her body. The hit was the perfect balance of pleasure and pain.

“Oh god!” She cried out

He hit her again, having the same effect, her pussy nearly drenching his leg.

“HOE-LEE SHIT!” Negan said with a grin “you love getting your ass paddled don’t you?!”

“Yes Daddy!” She yelled and Negan pulled her up right.

“Bend over for Daddy pretty girl.” Negan snarled.

She did as she was told, holding her weight on her forearms. He ran his hands gently over her backside and then he pushed his hardened cock into her, making both of them cry out.

“Oh, DADDY!” She yelled and he grabbed her hair as he fucked her hard.

“Oh that’s fucking RIGHT!” Negan yelled “Scream for your Daddy!”

She wailed as he pounded into her, his hips snapping into her rear at a furious pace. His grip tightened on her hair and her hip as his teeth sank into her shoulder. She screamed loudly and came hard, he finished right behind her. She had clenched him so tightly that it was impossible for him to hold on; he emptied into her with a final tug on her hair. She collapsed on to the bed as Negan pulled out of her, breathing hard.

“Jesus fuck,” he said under his breath as he watched her pant “either you have a seriously high sex drive or you like getting the shit fucked out of you on the daily.”

She laughed as Dean walked over to her bag.

“The first one,” she said as she caught her breath “always have.”

“God damn,” he swore as Dean dug through her bag, producing a bottle of lotion and walking over to her “have I mentioned what a lucky son of a bitch you are?” Negan asked Dean as Negan pulled up his pants and underwear.

“Not today.” Dean said with a shrug as he sat down on the bed and she rolled on to her stomach. He rubbed some lotion on to her sore behind and then handed her a fresh pair of underwear.

“Thank you.” She told him with a grateful smile.

“What was that?” Negan asked

“After care,” Dean said as he tossed the lotion back into her bag “that’s what we do, we take care of one another.”

“So, you’re her sub?” Negan asked as they climbed into bed together and Dean shook his head.

“We’re switches,” Blair told Negan as she tugged her bra on and Dean wrapped an arm around her waist “I don’t always want to be a submissive, and he doesn’t want to always be a dominant, so we switch off depending on our moods.”

Dean nodded and kissed her shoulder

“You have to take care of her,” Dean said, staring at Negan “she gets her ass paddled, you have to do the aftercare. Trust me, that shit stings if you don’t.”

“How’d you find that out?” Negan asked, his eyebrows shooting up.

Dean cringed

“The hard way,” he said “I’d never thought about after care, until she showed me how important it was.”

“To prove a point,” she reminded him “you said “it’s a spanking what’s the big deal?” so I spanked him and didn’t give him any after care.”

“My ass stung for like a week.” He said, shuttering at the memory “So she hasn’t gotten anything without after care.”

“So, after I fuck the shit out of you,” Negan said to Blair “what should I do?”

“Make sure I’m okay,” she said “get me water.”

“And cuddle.” Dean said “She really likes that.”

“So do you, you big softy.” Blair teased Dean

“Shut up.” he chided and kissed her cheek.

“Cuddle huh?” Negan asked, clicking his tongue as he watched them. Painful memories that he kept locked away seemed to resurface quicker than he could bottle them back up.

“Get it to-fucking-gether.” He said angrily to himself as Blair looked at him.

“You can always get in on this side,” she said and patted the right side of the mattress that was empty beside her “plenty of room.”

Negan shook his head, he wasn’t prepared for emotional shit. That’s what he had wives for.

“You two enjoy.” He said as he zipped up and buttoned his pants “See you at dinner.”

Blair yawned and nodded sleepily as she laced her fingers through Dean’s.

“We’ll be there.” Dean told Negan.

With that, Negan left their room, closing the door behind him. Part of him was sickened to the core, watching them be so lovey dovey and mushy. The other was jealous; purely jealous. They seemed to have it down; each other’s quirks and needs, and how to meet them. He hadn’t had that connection with another person since his wife died. He raked a hand through his hair as he walked down the hallway, letting himself imagine what it would be like to have Blair fall asleep in his arms.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

You guys okay?? Anyone need a sports drink?! Lmao!

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f-xholecourt · 7 years

Text

even underneath the waves, i’ll be holding on to you

aftg zombie au, “i want to go back for you”. warning: very long basically, what would happen if neil and andrew were separated during an apocalypic situation.

The news says it first.

The world is ending and everything has gone to shit.

Nowhere is safe and nothing is okay anymore.

Nothing was ever okay, but they make it sound new, like this is something nobody expected to happen. Not here, never here.

It started with a virus. It was like the flu in every other way; the fever that kept people bedridden for days, the sickness and the headaches. It was like the flu in every other way but one: it slowly ate away at people’s insides, made living people into nothing but hollow hosts. Nobody would have expected a kindergarten teacher from the West to lash out her students but it was even worse when she bit one, and then he bit his mother three weeks later and she bit her boss. Like that, the vicious cycle continued. Everywhere there was panic, there was a disaster, there was death.

That’s when they started containing it to specific states. Texas and Louisiana were closed off with high walls, chain link fences and barbed wire tops that buzzed and hummed with electricity. Nobody got in, and nobody came out. Anyone who wasn’t infected before the walls went up, they were by the time they were boxed in. They died there, death by association. By then it was too late, it had spread every state within weeks, so the fight was useless. People had brought it into their lives and it made itself right at home underneath their skin, nestled between their organs, eating away at entire generations and still never satisfied.

And so the news says it first.

The world is ending and everything has gone to shit. The security measures, the walls, they’re all coming tumbling down. Without the manpower to keep them secure, the rabid have slipped through and it’s been said that they don’t feel, anymore. That the people are the hosts and the virus does the thinking. No matter how many bullets one person spends trying to take ten of them down, it just doesn’t work anymore. They’re thinking of sealing the states again, and so wherever you are, that’s where you stay.

Nowhere is safe and nothing is okay anymore. Neil has never been safe. He’s always been running, panting, holding a hand to his waist until the knot in his side subsides so he can keep going. Maybe that’s why this is so easy, hearing it. Having it announced to the world that America is crumbling, it’s a sinking ship and the dead are the only survivors. That’s always been his world, his father’s world, the Moriyama’s world.

But then comes that nag at chest, the tightening of his lungs. After agreeing to give over eighty percent of his future earnings to the Moriyama’s various charities, after agreeing to pay his debts he was allowed to start filling the grave his father had dug for him. And Andrew took another shovel and started filling it with him, never speaking but acknowledging. Together they buried Nathaniel Wesninski six feet under, and Neil hasn’t looked back since.

Now there’s this. And maybe it would be easier if the reporter wasn’t shaking or if she could just stop stuttering and get her act together, but all she does is alert Neil to the fact his chest is constricting and his fingers are shaking because this means it’s time to start running, it’s time to pack his duffel and his money and his cigarettes and it’s time to leave before it’s too late. Time to leave Palmetto State University behind and find somewhere where he can survive again.

It’s not so easy this time. This time Nathaniel is Neil, and Neil has friends, family, a life he can’t leave behind without wanting to scream at the hand he’s been dealt. Neil put his roots down and the Palmetto State Foxes, with their distasteful orange banners and patchwork lives each put in a hand to cover them with soil. He can’t leave without them, he can’t leave without Andrew. He made a promise, and maybe he didn’t say it out loud and maybe Andrew will hold him to that when the time comes but he said, “I want to go back for you” and Andrew called his bluff. He can’t leave without him.

So he doesn’t. He won’t, but Neil is unfortunate enough that Andrew went to Columbia with Aaron, Nicky and Kevin to sort some ‘business’ with Roland, despite the warnings that came heavy with leaving the state. If you leave and the gates close, you’re never getting back in. They don’t care whether your children are on the other side, whether you didn’t get to say goodbye to your parents or even if the hoard of raving puppets on loose strings is coming right for you. Whatever you leave behind, you’re never going to see it again. That’s what scares Neil the most. He and Andrew are no longer tied together by deals but by…He still doesn’t know what to call it. Convenience, mutual respect, the feeling that this, this thing between them is something nobody else will ever be able to live up to?

Whatever it is, it means that Neil belongs to Andrew and Andrew belongs to Neil. No doubts, no questions, no hesitation. Andrew listens to Neil because he’s the only person that matters and Neil ignores the “I hate you”s because he’s the only person that knows the truth. If they separate, they’re wounded, weaker, they’ll die without one another. Maybe not Andrew because he did just fine before Neil but Neil would never be able to successfully stand on his own two feet after leaning on Andrew for so long. He needs him, he wants him and he can’t leave without him.

As if he’s somewhere, reading Neil’s thoughts, his phone lights up and Andrew’s name is on the screen. He doesn’t spare another second in getting it to his ear, and the sound of Andrew’s voice is enough to calm the sea of emotions and thoughts swirling in his head. He doesn’t even have to say anything for Andrew to know what he’s feeling.

“You’re panicking,” Andrew says, voice steady.

“I’m not.” Neil is quick to defend himself, but even he notices the tremor in his voice. There’s no denying the panic because it’s set too far into his bones and he can’t scrape it out. “Turn it off,” Andrew says, giving Neil steps to take at a time. He grabs the remote and silences the TV, images still pouring across it. “It’s off.” And before Andrew can give him more orders, “Where are you?” He can hear the traffic and the static of the radio and can hear Nicky talking, but not well enough to understand what he’s saying. Neil hopes they’re on their way back. Prays for it, even.

“Unimportant. What are you doing?” Andrew asks evenly.

“It’s important to me, where are you?” It’s less of a question and more of a demand, and both metaphorically and physically Neil is on the edge of his seat.

“Traffic’s too heavy.” Andrew sighs, finally.

“I’ll come to you.” Neil says, firmly. “No, you won’t. Stay with Renee.” It sounds more like a plea than an order. Neil ignores it.

“You never handed me over to Renee, remember? We talked about this, I’m your problem.” You talked, I didn’t listen. “What’s the traffic like coming into Columbia?” Talking to Andrew makes Neil feel stronger like maybe he can do this after all. The running won’t pull him back but propel him forward, towards Andrew.

“There isn’t any.” Andrew takes a long time in admitting. People are trying to get further into the country, away from the edges. Neil can understand, they all have something worth running towards. Hope. “Good, then I won’t be long.” “You’re hellbent on making life difficult.” “Only yours.” And Neil spends a new lingering moments listening to Andrew’s breathing and the way it changes before Andrew hangs up. He’s relieved, too, after speaking to Neil and know that Neil knows Andrew is waiting for him, he wastes no time.

His duffel consists of three main items; his binder, with everything he amounts to carefully tucked away inside it; his cigarettes, three packets of them because Andrew keeps stealing them; and only four different outfits. He measures that he can shove some shoes and his coat into his car, the one he’d bought to celebrate living and having ‘Neil Josten’ printed on something government issued. He walks around their room and picks things up as he goes; his phone charger, three lighters, two books and four pens and when he springs into the hallway, Renee is standing outside the door with her hand raised as though she was about to knock.

“You really are going.” She says softly.

“Yes,” Neil replies as he locks the door, checks it twice for good measure. Not that it matters, he’ll probably never see this building ever again once he drives through the gates. “Andrew asked you to change my mind.” “Yes.” Renee smiles. She knew before she came that she wouldn’t be able to. “But I’m just here to say goodbye.” “Oh,” and suddenly Neil feels empty again. “And to give you these.” Knives. Neil knows even through the fabric of the scarf they’re wrapped in. Renee has very little she’d ever want to give away, but knives are precious, a symbol of her past and her strength. “Thank you.” Neil says. “I hope I never have to use them.” He knows he will. “I do too.” And so does Renee. Neil shares with her one of his most honest, saddest smiles and a lasting goodbye before he heads for the stairs. He doesn’t risk an emotional goodbye with the others, he’ll see them again. He has to. Even if they close the state lines and he can’t get back through, they’ll find a way. They always do.

Getting himself on the road with that frame of mind is easy. Neil rubs his temples to stop a brewing headache, rests his elbow on the window and drives with one hand on the steering wheel. The sky is smiling, bright and cloudless and serene despite the state of the earth below it and Neil wishes it was raining, storming, anything that would reflect his mood. The closer he gets to the gates, the closer the billboards seem, broadcasting known symptoms of the illness, where you can get help, reminding people about the curfew and what happens to those to disobey the new law. Newsflash: they get shot on sight. If an officer, for so much as a fleeting second, thinks you're a Hollow, you’re dead. No repercussions for killing a civilian.

Those are the laws and they’re handed to Neil again on a pamphlet he gets at the border. His ID is checked, but they’re not really strict on who they let where anymore, the only thing they’re interested in is his health, and so every civilian bust carry a recent medical exam, dated within six months or less. When they’re satisfied, they let Neil go and he crumples the pamphlet and throws it out of the window, adding it to the pile that has built at the roadside. A lot of people are tired of seeing it advertised everywhere. A lot of people, for once, share Neil’s same sentiment. Everyone had thought, with the human race being wiped out by something other than global warming, people could pull together and share support, but all they got were locked doors and boarded windows, surgical masks and limited interaction with even neighbours people had known for since diapers.

It got worse when the media let it slip that the virus was man-made, and was to be used in warfare. Then the riots began and the President couldn’t handle the pressure and handed the position to his Vice. Life bit him in the ass when he got sick three months later and hollowed out within four weeks. Neil got a special kick out of that one, as well as the news that Ichirou had fallen ill and before he could be stopped, left the country. Some part of Neil hoped he spread it to whatever poisonous people he kept around him, or that he died and he’d never have to see him again.

That’s the only death he can picture himself being satisfied with. Every other thought is paired with dread. It could be Allison, Dan, Matt, Kevin…It could be any of them and Neil wouldn’t be able to take it. It could be Andrew and the world would shatter. Nothing would matter after that.

Self-preservation would mean nothing if the person he’s been preserving himself for isn’t around to berate him for it. Like he’s going to do when Neil pulls up. He’ll ask him, “Yes or no?” And Neil will say yes, it will always be yes, and Andrew will fist his hoodie where it dips at the neck and pull him closer, asking “What the fuck are you doing?” before either Neil explains, or Nicky tries to cut in and save him the trouble.

As it works out, it’s the former. The minute Neil pulls his car to a stop, Andrew is pushing himself off of the wall with both brows raised as if to say wow, you’re brave and Nicky’s too interested to stop him. As soon as Neil closes his car door, he’s not one second on the pavement before he’s being backed up against it, a quiet and subtle question falling from Andrew’s lips and an answer hurriedly fumbling through Neil’s as they go. “What the fuck are you doing?” Predictable, to Neil, as always. Neil stays quiet for a minute, lets the anger dissipate between them before he reaches to pinch the hem of Andrew’s shirt between his fingers, just to feel that he’s there, that he’s real. “I said I’d come back for you.” Neil swallows, and Andrew’s fist does find its home in Neil’s hoodie.

“They’re going to close the state lines,” Andrew says, grip tightening, but he doesn’t really care. He wants to think Neil does. “You’ll never be able to go back there.” “I don’t care.” And he does care, but he’s selfish when it comes to what he wants. What he wants is Andrew, and he’ll be unhappy on either side of the gate, but at least here, this could be home. Andrew’s jaw works, as if sensing this thought, and Neil tips his head forward, just shy of touching Andrew’s, waiting for him to make the move. He does, without hesitation, and in another second they’re kissing.

The panic seeps out of Neil’s bones with the certain and unwavering strength of Andrew keeping him up, the unquestionable weight of Andrew’s lips against his own. Neil hears Nicky gasp as if he’s witnessing something he shouldn’t and understands why because the kiss is rough; with it Andrew is making sure Neil understands that he’s pissed at the lack of concern for his safety, his recklessness, and the fact that now he has to babysit him, as if there isn’t enough going on. He’s making sure Neil knows that he wants him here, and he’d have fought tooth and nail to get over those gates if they’d closed. In his own way, Andrew is saying that he’d have felt as lost as Neil would have without him. It’s desperation mixed with a hidden vulnerability, and Nicky shouldn’t be seeing it— maybe that’s why he makes himself scarce and heads inside.

“You are an idiot,” Andrew says when he pulls back, fingers uncurling but keeping the fabric of Neil’s hoodie between them. Comfort.

“Self-destruction is an art that I’ve perfected.” Neil returns and Andrew gives a short laugh, “I’m good at it, but even then I wouldn’t call this that.” “What would you call it?” “Surviving.” And it is. Neil, Andrew, Kevin, Nicky and Aaron are going to survive on this side of the gate even if it kills Neil to keep them all alive. He’ll think like Nathaniel if he has to, but he won’t run like him anymore, not without the others quick on his heels, not if they don’t want him to. Neil kisses Andrew again, turning all of his thoughts into a silent conversation, unspoken promises of If you have my back, I’ve got yours.

#aftg #aftg fic #andreil #andriel fic #philipshay #philukas #allisonrenyold #tagging u guys bc this might be something that interests u?#idk #it's now 4 am and i'm exhausted but this was so worth it #writing*

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