#but very very little esp compared to when i was first discovering my gender identity

[piracyandpumpturns]

every day i ask myself “am i genderqueer or do i simply not percieve gender in relation to myself”

#i have such little physical dysphoria #although i used to have way more #and sometimes i wonder if it’s because i simply dont naturally percieve physical features as associated with a certain identity #because back when i had a ton of dysphoria about my body i was still thinking of gender a concept everyone was a part of #and that i couldnt be exempt from; that i had to choose my place within the set layout instead of carve a place that fits me uniquely #rather than how i view it now #which is as an optional form of self-definition that just doesnt really apply to me #or like someone in the recording studio as a song is being made #not quite outside of it but not really a part of it in an important way #gender is something that exists that isn’t important in my life the way it used to be #and as it gets less important i get less and less dysphoria #still not none and i doubt it ever will be (without physical transition) #but very very little esp compared to when i was first discovering my gender identity #and another thing #and i cant figure out if my dysphoria is due to how i know my body is percieved #or if it’s actual personal feelings about my body that i would have regardless of society & gender expectations #THAT is my daily struggle #who am i and does the answer even matter anyway #gay kid posting gay shit #gender stuff