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joesmemes · 1 year

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THINGS SAID IN THE GROUP CHAT SENTENCE STARTERS

Assembled by @sheenathehyena.

I gave you a beach house now be normal

It's just so fucking ridiculous it circles back around to being poignant

I'm fine but what an inconsiderate toolbox

the fucking white boi who is trying to "find himself" that you meet all of once at the beginning

Yeah you want me to shoot my baby batter all over you cover you with almost - children

YOUR PLANET'S HOPE IS SONIC THE HEDGEHOG'S TRANS ASSHOLE

Not sure how to feel about talking to actual fucking yakuza members for entertainment purposes

On a scale of Balan Wonderworld to Silent Hill, how are you dealing with your trauma?

Roses are red, violets are blue, singular they is older than singular you

Concerned Ape noises

You ever think about the fact that [name] really said "the birds work for the bourgeoisie" & they were right

My patience for slipping over improperly spilled blood has run out.

If you can see the bones of your whipped pupil, you failed.

You know the healer's oath: Only do moderate harm to those who cross you.

Man I don't know if lack of shame is a blessing or a curse.

Parsooth m'lady but would you be so kind as to partake of the exquisite past time of role playing?

So they aren't DENYING the piss kink

uhm you need to be more of a doormat…..your boundaries are making me uncomfy 😦

That's HARLEQUIN NOVEL descriptors of sex

where is my mouse arrow? where is it holy fuck

fetishize urself ig

It's always people with feet fetishes or fat fetishes that be so open about it

Look at this unhinged mother fucker

Fuck you I hope your pice of shit family burn in a dumpster fire

Sorry you had to overshare about a tough time with some random chick in school but it's not relavent to my cat at all.

We're at a sword store and it's full of exactly what you'd expect.

Nobody was reading Lemony Snicket going "teehee they made Count Olaf bitch sauce"

Wikipedia I love you but your donation pleas sound like a lying teenager begging for money online

There's no right way to look at the guy that tossed his baby off a cliff and say "I think he needs to look cool for a minute there" is all I'm saying

Okay, wonderful. GREAT, take them all. Please leave immediately

one time I ran a server and I was being weird so I changed literally everyone's nickname to Frank

AKGHDLK I'm gonna SOB they asked if they could share their ticklefics

heavy meals always make me HONK MIMIMIMIMI

I found a fucking book of Mormon lmafo

lemme go take a dump and ill set it up

THREE. THREE TIMES. HE'S BEEN ARRESTED FOR INSIDER TRADEING THREE FUCKING TIMES.

tell her it was you who farted, establish dominance

I have been hoarding vidya games for the three of us to play like a dragon

Nearly had a heart attack because I was poopin and saw blood but realized it was my period

Ok we need to get a big cardboard box and a vaguely feminine scarecrow dressed as a boyfriendless girl

Puts my head in your lap like a cat

Some Filipinos wanna buy your titty mousepads

the chris chan trials are about to be the depp vs heard trial for people who had unrestricted internet access at a young age

Now u will screenshot us talking shit and put it in the callout 😭

GUYS I NEED PROOF THAT [name] IS GAY TO STICK IT TO A 19 YEAR OLD ALT RIGHT IDIOT

🙂 our fursona is gonna b friends with sonic

I both love and hate [name]’s writing. How they go from ancient purple prose to “oh shit oh fuck”

i guess you could say…. this was a triumph

#rp meme #sentence starters #inbox meme #roleplay memes #resources #rp meme blog #starter set #starters

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gellavonhamster · 4 years

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a room for one night

gen || R the Duchess of Winnipeg, Lemony Snicket, Bertrand Baudelaire, Kit Snicket || ships mentioned and/or implied: R/Beatrice, Lemony/Beatrice, Bertrand/Beatrice, Kit/Beatrice, Bertrand/Lemony || pre-canon

ao3 link eng || ao3 link rus

inspired by @beatricebidelaire‘s post that I can’t find now (tumblr search function, am I right?) but the idea was the following: two volunteers, the “there was only one bed” trope, but all they do at night is talk about Beatrice

“Should I sleep on the floor after all, perhaps? Lemony suggested.

R gave him a bewildered look. “I feel like we’ve slept in the same bed before often enough for you not to worry about propriety, haven’t we?”

“That’s not what I meant,” Lemony raised the edge of a dull bed sheet covered in light blue polka dots, and tapped on the base of the bed. “I meant the beer crates.”

They checked in the hostel early in the morning, left their belongings, and went out to explore the surroundings – not only and not so much out of tourist curiosity as to find the restaurant where they would have to spy on a couple of persons of interest to VFD tomorrow, select the table it would be the most convenient to spy from, and evaluate the escape routes just in case. After that they simply had to go to a café for root beer floats, and then they made the mistake of visiting a museum whose size they severely underestimated. The room had been checked for wiretapping and other unpleasant surprises of that sort earlier by another volunteer who was passing through the town but could not stay for long and perform the task that was ultimately assigned to Lemony and R. What that volunteer had not mentioned in their report was that the room had a sloped ceiling, so low in places that it was possible to bump one’s head by accident, as well as that the bed was essentially a mattress placed upon several beer crates put together. Though they were not happy about the ceiling, the bed, which they had a good look at only in the evening as they were preparing for sleep, only made them laugh.

“Ah, that’s what you’re talking about. Come on, if they keep this bed in a double room, it means it won’t collapse under anyone. And I assume that many have tried…”

“Your Grace.”

“I mean, this is a double room…”

“Your Grace,” Lemony repeated, shaking his head. Despite his deliberately disapproving voice, he was smiling. “Sometimes I cannot believe you belong to the cream of society.”

“That’s because you do not spend enough time among all that cream. It is sour at best,” R climbed under the blanket. Her legs were aching a little after wandering the town and the museum, and the dubious bed felt like a paradisiacal cloud to her. “Hey, what’s with the face? Are you all right?”

“Yes. No,” Lemony hesitated. “May I ask you something?”

R tensed up.

“Go ahead,” she consented. She had suspicions regarding what was bothering her friend, and she was not sure she wanted to talk about that.

“Do you hate me?”

R reached out and touched his forehead. Lemony frowned.

“What are you doing?”

Stalling for time, she thought, but what she said out loud, naturally, was a whole different thing.

“Checking if you have fever, since you seem to be raving.”

“R, I am being serious,” Lemony pushed her hand away softly. Both of them were lying on their sides, face to face, and in the mellow light of the night lamp Ramona could see it clearly that he was talking completely seriously indeed – she could read it in his eyes and on his lips. “I am not asking you for politeness; I am asking for an honest answer. If my company is oppressive to you, I will get a separate room, and tomorrow we can organize work so that our paths would cross as seldom as possible.”

Ramona rolled her eyes.

“Fine,” she spoke. “You want honesty? Here’s your honesty. No, I do not hate you. I love you, you fool,” and she wasn’t lying, wasn’t trying to spare his feelings. Lemony was her best friend from their very childhood. Despite his peculiar personality, it was easy for her to love him – it was a genuine, virtually familial attachment that was not complicated by anything superfluous.

“And Beatrice?”

He was watching her so intently and sadly that she couldn’t bear it and closed her eyes. She was silent. He kept waiting.

“I love her too,” she said finally. If her love for Lemony was simple and straightforward, then her love for Beatrice was disconcerting, at times uplifting, at times stupefying, and only one thing was clear: while there was friendship in it (in R’s opinion, no real love was possible without friendship at all), there was certainly nothing familial about it. “As if you do not know that.”

“I do,” Lemony confirmed. She opened her eyes again and looked at him. Of course he knew everything and even more. In the area of romantic feelings towards Beatrice Baudelaire he was no less of an expert than she.

R sighed.

“You know I would not come between you, now that she has finally made up her mind and chosen you,” she said firmly, to him and to that small nasty part of her soul that kept wondering why Lemony Snicket should get what she had been dreaming of. “I cherish both of you too much. That may come as a shock to you, but crushes come and go,” shit, she promised to be honest, but when one is not completely sure if what one says is true, that does not count as a lie, does it? “But friends like the two of you are hard to come by. Are you going to ask me if I am happy for you? No, I am not happy that the girl I liked chose you,” that was a good word, ‘like’, it made everything less significant. “But I am happy that the two of my closest friends are together, and doing fine. Well, as fine as it can be for the most dramatic people I know.”

“Hmm,” was all that Lemony said. He covered her hand with his. “I believe that you wouldn’t lie to me, and I want you to know that I am sincerely sorry that it all turned out like this. If I can do anything for you…”

“You can,” R propped herself up on one elbow. She was eager to be done with this conversation as soon as possible. The more they discussed that, the more she thought about Beatrice, and so the more difficult it was to let her go. And she had already decided that she would let her go – it could not go one like this anymore. She deserved better. All of them deserved better. Maybe Lemony and Beatrice enjoyed drama, but she preferred comedy. “Stop trying to set me up with every girl we meet that I say is cute. Or at least stop using literary quotes for that purpose, I am begging you.”

Now it was Lemony’s turn to roll his eyes.

“Ramona, please, I’ve already apologized…”

“We still have to face that receptionist in the morning, you know.”

“What’s wrong with quotes?”

“They perplex normal people. Some things exist for VFD internal use only,” R put her head on the pillow again and winked at him. “Now let us go to sleep already, shall we?”

***

“Do you think I should cut my hair?” Kit asked.

Bertrand looked up from the book, the preface to which was supposed to contain an encrypted message, and shifted his gaze to his friend. She was combing her hair by a rather dirty oval mirror. Usually Kit put her hair in a bun or a ponytail, and occasionally Bertrand (and many other people, in all likelihood) forgot how long and voluminous it was – a heavy brown waterfall.

“If you are tired of your current hairstyle, then by all means you should,” he observed. “What is important is your own opinion on that.”

“I see. I don’t even know what I expected,” Kit put the comb down on the only nightstand present in the sparsely furnished motel room, and started plaiting her hair for the night. “Bertrand and his famed diplomacy…”

Bertrand put the book aside.

“We can do without diplomacy,” he said in a tired voice, took his glasses off and rubbed the bridge of his nose. He and Kit had driven for four hours today, and tomorrow they had to drive as much. The heat was unimaginable, the air conditioner in the taxi kept acting up, they had already eaten all the food they had with them, and the only kind of food one could come by in that part of the Hinterlands were crappy hot dogs and candy sold at gas stations. “I remember Olaf used to shower your hair with compliments all the time, and I get your wish to do something to spite him, but if you’re going to cut it every time the two of you split up, you’ll go broke splurging on hairdresser’s services.”

“This is not ‘every’ time,” Kit threw her plait over her shoulder. “There will be no next time. And that has nothing to do with him. As to hairdressers, I can cut my own hair just fine. Now, if you like – I got scissors in my bag…”

“I think you should get some sleep and think about this in the morning.”

The bed creaked when Kit climbed onto her half of it. As the old guy at the reception explained to them, there were no single rooms in the motel. “You can have one room with no trouble,” he told them in a conspiratorial voice. “Not a soul for many miles around! No one will know.” That amused them: it wasn’t often that they got mistaken for a couple. Bertrand was under the impression that the two of them, in their glasses of the same shape and even often with a similar facial expression, must rather resemble relatives – if not siblings, then cousins. “Easy, B,” he heard Jacques Snicket’s voice in his head. “This is my twin sister, not yours.” Bertrand grinned.

“Olaf isn’t the only one who likes your hair, you know,” he pointed out. “For example, Beatrice said that they are, and I quote, ‘gorgeous’. She’s even a little bit jealous.”

“Is that so?” Kit said. It was as if something in her face changed when he mentioned Beatrice, but that might have also been just a trick of the light in the dusk – the floor lamp by the bed, the nervously blinking neon sign outside. “I see you and her have grown quite close lately.”

“We are working on a new production together.”

Kit was right, of course. He and Beatrice had been working at the same theatre for years, but they only really bonded lately, when the actor who was to play her lover had to leave on VFD business and his part in the play was given to Bertrand. Frankly speaking, he didn’t like Beatrice much until recently. He used to think her too loud and careless and pretentious, yet now the closer they got, the more he became convinced it was just another role that Beatrice used to protect her real self from fake friends, bootlickers, and the press. There was something extremely flattering in being allowed behind that façade, allowed to see the less kempt but at the same time more cosy space that it was hiding. Bertrand hoped to justify her confidence and not to lose her friendship – which was precisely why he knew well that at a certain point, they have to cease growing closer to each other.

“I am not saying anything of that sort,” Kit remarked. “It is logical that the actors playing a pair of sweethearts spend a lot of time together – it is necessary to practice… and so on.”

Bertrand turned off the floor lamp. It crossed his mind immediately that he shouldn’t have done that at that moment. It might have looked as if he didn’t want Kit to see his face or, for instance, to notice he was blushing. Not that he was actually blushing, of course.

“Don’t worry,” he said. “Your brother’s relationship is under no threat. I am not the kind of person who could do that.” He almost added “Not to him”, but stopped short. He wanted to believe that he was not the type to ruin someone else’s happiness in any case, but there was something especially important in not ruining Lemony Snicket’s happiness. For a long time, their interaction used to come down to the debates of varying degree of seriousness, the non-committal (at least at first sight) discussions at the get-togethers, and Bertrand’s sincere frustration that Snicket seemed to dislike him. It was only lately that a careful friendship had come into being between them. When Bertrand tried to analyze that friendship, he ended up overwhelmed with the same feeling of awkwardness that resulted from his attempts to analyze his growing closeness with Beatrice, so he just allowed that friendship to grow, trying not to think of anything too hard. Anything but one thing: Lemony Snicket certainly was on the list of people he never ever wanted to cause any pain.

“I know,” Kit replied. He couldn’t see her face: he was lying on his back, and she was on her side. But he could guess that she was smiling, and that her smile was far from being carefree. He couldn’t guess why, and he wasn’t sure he should. “Have you set the alarm?”

“For six, as agreed. Will you be able to drive at that unearthly hour?”

“You insult me,” now she must have been smiling from the bottom of her heart. “I could have driven all night without stopping for sleep. We’re in this doghole solely because I had pity on you, B. Appreciate it.”

“I do appreciate,” he turned over to his side too. The thin curtains provided no protection from the handfuls of pink and green light that the neon sign was throwing at their window. Bertrand could make out the stripes on Kit’s pyjamas and the thick plait on her pillow, reminiscent of one of Monty’s snakes in the twilight. He remembered Kit’s words about the scissors in the bag. “So, have you changed your mind about cutting your hair?”

“I have,” she answered, and he seemed to hear something strange in her voice and didn’t wish her good night, because he didn’t know what she, in turn, could hear in his.

#asoue #a series of unfortunate events #duchess of winnipeg #lemony snicket #bertrand baudelaire #kit snicket #gella talks snicketverse #snicketverse #my fic #beatrice x r #and other ships i don't have separate tags for #people talk and nothing happens: a classic fic by me #how soon am i gonna regret trying to write kit? we'll see #talk talk talk

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chaninfused · 3 years

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You're definitely not the only one!!! 💀 there are few exceptions where the movie adaption has turned put pretty good actually (lotr for example) but something is ALWAYS butchered up in conparison to when you read it. The original medium is a book, so everything in this book is exactly how the content creator wanted it to be and when you as the reader love the worlds and characters and plot they have created alone with words and sentences, when you have built your own picture of everything, of COURSE the imagination of someone else (additionally restricted by the medium film cause while movies obviously grant other possibilities than books, e.g. music, the story wasn't made for it) is not equivalent to the world one has created by themselves. Also this might just be me but 99% of all times the actors do NOT fit the visual of the characters I have thought of and this - at least for me - takes a big part of the fun (for examply Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice or the cast in Emma). ALSO when the script cuts minor (or even major scenes ugh) and they sometimes even have the sheer audacity to change the story and add their own plot??? ALSO when the whole atmosphere of the movie is so very different from what I felt while reading because of the director's personal interpretation (here I'm thinking about Polanski's take on Oliver Twist which was so dark and gruesome because of his own ghetto experiences) hjvtr I'm quite sorry, this became a whole rant but it's a topic that often annoys me deeply 😭🤣💀

no, no, no please rant because this is one of, if not the, biggest pet peeves of mine and it makes me so frustrated every. time. >:(

the thing is, something will have to change, as you said, and that tips the balance more often than not. I understand that directors have the creative freedom and blah blah but PLEASE just call the thing a spin-off if you’re gonna change so much 🤦‍♀️ I hate it. I hate it so much 😭

[big rant ahead whoops 🤪]

I’m a huge fan of a series of unfortunate events, the books obviously, and oh my god, when I tell you the netflix series made me angry, I’m not exaggerating. the opening sequence was good, I’ll give them that, but other than that, everything about the show made me upset (my sister was a huge fan of it, which is why I was forced to watch it and grumble about how this and that were different in the books 🥴). characters that were supposed to be dead were alive, side characters in the books suddenly became crucial acting characters in the plot, original events were altered or entirely removed, new events were added, the original sequence of events was put in a blender and then laid out- and I can go on and on about how the series largely differs from the actual books, but that’s not the worst part. a series of unfortunate events was fun to read because of the series of unfortunate events that occur relentlessly (you can guess where the title came from wink wonk 🤪) but also because of the narrator. the books are narrated by the author, lemony snicket (that is not his real name, lemony is also a character in the series), and his narration added so much to the books. the style, the rhyme, the metaphors, and the references, reading a series of unfortunate events was an experience because you don’t find that kind of narration everywhere. that, unfortunately, was not present in the tv series and it took away so much from the story. it made the series bland :/

and yes, visual representations! let’s talk about that. what’s with directors ignoring character descriptions 😐 it’s fine if your actor isn’t an exact replica of the character, but it’s questionable when the actor doesn’t even fit most of character’s main physical traits 💀 it shows how half of the people responsible for making these adaptations don’t even read the books. and yes I’m talking about the casting for agatha in the school for good and evil and I’m not sorry about it. the girl has been described one way throughout the series and illustrated as such on the covers only for the casting director to pick the exact opposite 👁👄👁 why? I feel personally violated because these are characters I grew up with. next thing I know they’ll make reena white 💀 it’s like all this time, the descriptions in the books were telling you something and based on that you created this character in your head then bam! your entire world is a lie. and it’s even worse when they put these inaccurate actors’ characters on the covers of the books...just don’t do it. it’s cringeworthy, and it has to stop. please. you can ruin things on the screen but leave the goddamn books alone, I’m literally begging 🤲

OH AND ALSO? THE CHEAP AND POOR REPRESENTATION OF CLOTHING. IF YOU WANT TO ADAPT FANTASY THEN YOU BETTER BE READY TO MAKE CLOTHES THAT DON’T LOOK LIKE COSTUMES FROM DAISO. FULL STOP.

another thing that bothers me so much is the media’s need to create romance and sexualize things, it’s a thirst at this point. through books, delicate and complex relationships are portrayed in a way a screen can’t show you in limited time, amid crammed events. there is a certain beauty in the way some characters interact that’s easy, so easy, to mess up on screen. the unnecessary sexualization just destroys it. the random romance ruins it. there’s almost no respect for these relationships. take kaz and inej from six of crows as an example. the two have traumas that hold them back and they try to overcome them throughout the duology for each other. in the end, they don’t kiss, they don’t [censored], but the intimacy between them is illustrated through kaz cleaning inej’s wounds with his bare hands, through inej letting him do that for her, through kaz not holding her back and instead using his resources to aid her dreams, through inej knowing that kaz will come for her whenever and wherever, through them being vulnerable with each other. it’s something so fragile, beautiful, and pure and I know, I just know, they will be having a heated make out scene in the second episode of that future netflix series, and it makes me so upset.

and I get it, it’s exciting for some to see their favorite characters on screen and be able to share this with the wider non-reader audience but 😔 I just think it’s sad and frankly offensive to the readers when this so called adaptation is nothing like the books. and yes, movies will never do the books justice, which is why I never watch them if I’m a fan of the books. I don’t want to have them ruined by someone’s quick cash grab project 🤐

#aaaa im just >:( every time i hear that one of my fav series is becoming a show or a movie #it makes me feel like a downer or a boomer sometimes but honestly #i didn't spend all that time and money and patience reading and following up w a series to have it ruined by some cheap netflix project #i didn't form bonds with these characters and grow attached to them only to have idk who ruin all things sacred 🤐#and that's on adaptions of books. pls start making ur own movie ideas and leave the books alone juice ayo #farashat 🦋#sundooq 💌

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badlydrawndrawnings · 4 years

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atwq book four thoughts

guess who somehow got a lot of free time yesterday and made the bold decision to finish reading the last atwq book? me!

guees who feels like they jinxed qwerty’s fate from the previous book of being arrested, but alive, even though i bet daniel handler planned it from the start? still me!

guess who is rather upset netflix accidentally gave a clue/spoiler on the identity of hangfire?

also me.

okay, so first off, to get something out of the way. i love this book. i really do. it had me on suspense every chapter.

theodora figured out qwerty was in vfd (...when did she figure out? not long after sharon reveal herself as a fake vfd member? or during the period she and lemony weren’t speaking to each other?), and god she really was willing to take the blame on being qwerty’s killer. did she think maybe she once again screw up, but this time there was no going back because the screw up got someone killed? after all she seem to selfishly went to break qwerty out for a good evaluation. maybe she thought if things went different, he would still be alive. and given the schism happened, vfd while not divided yet, this is like a sign on how another librarian’s death in the long, long future, will be blame on an innocent party and things go to hell again in the pursuit of justice and truth.

also, ghede and gifford also knew of the coup as well? or at least knew the sbg was doing something and they’re like let them do this shit and we can watch it’s gonna benefit us in the long run’. also, holy shit olaf name drop take two with beatrice herself! i didn’t think while knowing each other young mean they actually hanged out with one another to think they’re possibility friends. this puts the opera night even worse. beatrice must have knew olaf’s parents. with my headcanon of olaf parents being caring parents to olaf and used their connections to get their son back earlier than others, this is just awful.

getting back on track from the mess that is vfd there’s a murder on a train (agatha christie ahoy!). i admit several weeks ago i made the decision to watch snowpiercer and train to busan so i couldn’t really take the murder on the orient express shout out clearly and kept on thinking of the wild willy wonka and the chocolate factory/snow piercer theory. and zombies in south korea.

all the damn sbts kids just thought it great to share the one brain cell to be on the same train (pip and squeak just follow in their taxi; cleo and jake had to travel through time in the dilemma to catch up with them). ornette got her time to shine with her artistic/sculpting skills and there’s some light on the subject of the lost family (of course it’s a fire that took ornette’s mom life. fires seems to be a way to kill a lot of parents). i was right to call her gung-ho working with lemony, she just agreed to make fake bb statues for moxie and kellar and was like ‘oh shit the two are sharing a brain cell. hangfire could figure something is up what have i done’ and had to make something else to give to lemony. i uh..wonder if seth has a reason to draw her baseball cap all...fuzzy. just a weird question.

kellar’s sister lizzie shows up. i’m going to be honest. she has the bad luck of appearing last and under two disguises that went over my head (she sure fooled me!). i do have some thoughts that surround her and the haines family, but that needs me to re-read the last two books to make sure i’m not imagining something . will say lizzie is much younger and shorter than i thought given her first illustration. i hope maybe a re-read will make me get some new insight on her. also, hi sally murphy. i’m glad lizzie got out with maybe your help (i mean, why else would she want to high tail it out of there).

the identity of qwerty’s killer was something i should have seen coming due to how the mitchum parents are more subdue. i want to slap stew’s parents. they spend all their time bickering they only got their shit together to see how their ‘precious’ son is really a bully and killer and working with the villian under their damn noses. i almost feel sorry for them because shit stew more or less blackmail his parents into covering the crime but at the same time...this call could have been avoid if you pay attention to how your son isn’t the angel you think he is..and you two are still fighting with one another please get your priorities straight i beg you. i admit i almost want to slap stew but i don’t slap kids, and i think if i exist in the snicket world i would get murder first by him.

qwerty’s death and the fact he’s a vfd member just hurt me so bad and i’m still kind of grieving over him. for one, i felt like i should have seen qwerty being part of vfd coming. he’s a sub-librarian. while not a sub-sub-librarian, the fact is qwerty is such so damn helpful to lemony i should have seen he was just doing his best to help lemony because theodora wasn’t honestly...wasn’t doing a good job at a chaperone. but he couldn’t blow away his cover because he wasn’t supposed to interfere in the apprenticeship and honestly he was just happy to be a sub-librarian helping children find what they would love reading.

but qwerty isn’t the only death in this book. i got to copy-paste something from an old atwq post in feburary 8, something i made as a joke, because oh boy, this part is the one negative i have honestly.

he tried to pretend to be her father! i know his voice mimicry is basically akin to juni cortez’s mimicry, but this is just cruel had ellington been there.

about a week later, i made the decision to rewatch netflix asoue. now, the first time i watch season two [edit lmao i actually don’t remember if it was season two i think i hated season two so much i could have blur two and three together i got to rewatch the show again definitely. edit two: okay, i’m certain it was season two i’m 98% certain it was was a pause and read easter egg that’s why i couldn’t remember what season exactly damn easter eggs] i honestly was like ‘so they gave nero a last name. coolio. feint isn’t a surname i was expecting but this is the netflix show this probably isn’t canon to the books’.

on the rewatch, after the austere academy part two ended, i realized something is...off, with nero now. he’s mocking people. and his voice, while not mimicking them, is like...it’s like nero could have inherit mimicry from someone but it never went through. or maybe he did got it but it’s not at its full potential without the proper teaching of someone with the skill...like a father, perhaps?

so the kronk meme is playing in my mind, but it’s the edit of him saying ‘oh no, it’s all coming together’. and given patrick warburton also voice kronk, it felt more like lemony snicket decided to materialize right behind me, be an asshole, and thought it funny to do a commentary on my possible realization hangfire, in the netflix show at least, couldn’t keep his dick in his pants and bore a bastard son in an adulterous affair and ellington has a half brother in the world she doesn’t know about and i hope she never learns about.

(given barrymore feint is just a cameo of barry sonnenfeld, i guess the bullshit gene i talked about in another post regarding a theory who netflix!h is should be renamed the feint gene.)

so reading the third book, and especially this book, i kept a close eye on any mentions to ellington’s dad and hangfire’s behavior. i kept on saying in my mind ‘please don’t be who i think you are’. and bam. armstrong feint is hangfire. i feel like if netflix didn’t have the need to make an atwq reference in nero’s surname, and if i was smart enough to have the book clues smack me in the face (i feel there are clues somewhere, and hangfire dropped all pretenses and just being ‘himself’ in book two was one), i wouldn’t be so angry and upset by this reveal. i more or less got spoil and put the pieces together due to an adaptation, and i should have known better than to do a re-watch while reading atwq. i should have consider the possibility of easter eggs to atwq.

anyway, lemony snicket thought it great to kill hangfire by feeding him to a copy bombinating beast (the tadpoles!!). with ellington right freaking there. with most of his sbts friends there to witness. moxie can’t even look lemony in the eye anymore (no more best friends anymore). everything happened just like that and after finishing the book and taking a walk around the living room, i have to say hangfire is a good villain. he achieved his goal of getting the bombinating beast, even if it’s a copy. he’s a very competent villain who succeed in almost every book in some way or form. he played everyone like a puppet and was a threat that is more akin to tmwabbnh and twwhbnb’s level of villainy. kudos to you hangfire i’m impressed.

hangfire totally got it coming too. however, i do feel...hurt in his death, if only for ellington’s sake. during the walk because i realize ellington reminded me of a character from a different fandom i’m in. there’s some differences that i won’t get into (it’s...complicated for the other fandom), but they’re cut from almost the same cloth: teenage girls with shitty fathers who are using them for their own selfish goals. thoughts for ellington and her future formed faster for me than for the other atwq kids as a result:

post-canon!ellington (a few days later when she finally gets her stuff figure out), has a simple list. 1: avoiding anyone with a vfd tattoo or give shady lemon vibes -ellington split asap after she and kit broke out and have 100% certainly no one is after them, but not before stealing some things from kit, one being notes of vfd volunteers (she thinks). 2: find a new place to live. 3: figure out a new name that isn’t an anagram, because the inhumane society once they heard the news, is probably going to try to get her if they get wind she is hangfire’s daughter and possible ‘successor’. ellington wants nothing to do with the bombinating beast. she never wants to see the statue or anything similar, or hear the words again.

adult!ellington (under a fake name of course), while accepting all that happened, hasn’t forgive lemony snicket. yes, her dad was a villain. yes, she finally understand her dad isn’t the kind naturalist and man, and used her for the biggest ‘what’ event of her life that is also a very selfish goal. many times in the past though, ellington wonders if she missed any signs of her dad’s descend to who he eventually became, or if he hid it very well to where he was wearing two masks all this time, one hiding his true nature. ellington even wonders at one point, dad was going convince her to willingly work with him without the fake kidnapping and had to change his plans to something crueler.

ellington will never know for sure. this is why ellington can’t forgive lemony and will say it to face if they ever meet again. what ellington hates the most out of her father’s death is that she can never tell dad all of her feelings about his wrong doings. she can ask all the questions burning at the back of her mind, or yell her frustrations how terrible a father he is for faking his kidnapping and getting her to do his dirty work, getting her to use her loyalty of family to do things she would never do under normal circumstances. she ask questions and yells at the only photo left of armstrong feint...

and in the end, she knows he’ll never answer, and it hurts to deal with the unknown. adult!ellington doesn’t do the yelling and questioning to the photo as much. partly because she did ‘settle’ on what might be an possible answer, but mostly because the photo is pretty faded to where it’s less ‘armstrong feint’ and more ‘hangfire’. once in awhile though, she slips up like old times.

adult!ellington with her new life (she travels a lot, pays in cash most of the time, and has no set resident; she still love coffee) tends to think of the past, especially when it came to what she had with lemony snicket. did lemony like her? was she just a question in need of solving? ellington admits to possibly liking him, but it was so long ago maybe she just thinks she liked him to have a ‘positive’ memory of the boy she haven’t seen in years that she kind of wants to see again, if only to yell at him for robbing her of something important. his name lands on her radar a lot, twice from the daily punctilio. the first one was learning of lemony snicket’s crimes, and it was an accident.

the second time, she learn of his death, though she read the daily punctilio on purpose in hopes of a name drop. adult!ellington ended up finding some children’s book, and made the mistake of going to the back of it and find a photo of lemony snicket. not really though. lemony is hiding his face (ellington hates it) and she buys it to know what it’s about. it spiral to where she bought the next two books because she wants to know if the baudelaires orphans are real (and because lemony doesn’t seem the same anymore from his writings). ellington settles on real when she pulls out kit snicket’s notes she stolen and cross references names, and even travels to the locations to them to make sure. after the third book publication, the series goes on ‘hiatus’ due to the daily punctilio and their announcement. ellington doubts he’s dead, but couldn’t help attend the funeral. ellington is certain lemony snicket is alive, because she convinced she saw him at his own funeral.

#atwq #all the wrong questions #why is this night different from all other nights #ellington feint #hangfire #asoue #a series of unfortunate events #netflix asoue #asoue netflix #lemony snicket #spoilers #this is a text post

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yurtletheturtlehenderson · 5 years

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ASoUE Series ->NEED TO KNOW

If any of you are familiar with my Stranger Things Rewrite, this series is going to work like that. Everything you know about the Series of Unfortunate Events will stay the same, except you the reader are along for the journey! This is a Klaus x Reader story!!

And that's why there's only one difference in this story. Because this is a Klaus x Reader story, you will meet and join the Baudelaires during the Miserable Mill. Now please hear me out. For those of you who have seen and/or read Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events the three children are genuinely adopted from home to home by guardian to guardian, and if the reader was introduced any sooner than the miserable mill than she would have been adopted with them seeing as she needs to stay with them for this story to work. So basically, I don't feel comfortable writing a Klaus x reader [even if they aren't siblings and they just met] where she is genuinely adopted in the traditional sense with them.

I say "genuinely adopted" because those were the last instances where they were adopted in the normal sense. [Spoiler warning for The Ersatz Elevator!!]>>>> And the only other time they are "adopted" into a home, it was all a plot from the beginning, by Count Olaf and his greedy girlfriend who adopted as many rich orphans as possible. <<<<[Spoiler over!]

Anyways, you the reader are an orphan. You lived in Paltryville with your guardians and two siblings [I only added siblings because it fits the VFD theme of three kids. They won't be in the story and you can pick their names so I don't accidentally put your name] Until one day, the entire town of Paltryville mysteriously burned down, you being the only survivor of your family which left you an orphan. You lived in the classiest part of Paltryville, your parents having practically inherited the town from your ancestors, leaving you with an enormous fortune that you did not have access to until you came of age.

However, unlike the Baudelaires, no one came to get you to relocate you. So you had to fend for yourself. Knowing of Lucky Smells Lumbermill and their live-in dorms that miraculously survived the fire, you decided to go to the mill and beg for a job and a bed. Much to your surprise, you didn't have to beg, they let you in despite you being only a child. Nevertheless, you took it and that's how you got along.

Now, as for your talent. It seems every member of VFD, children, in particular, have a talent and I have brainstormed this and discussed it with my friend who has been helping me and I think I have it figured out. Running. Sorry if you're not athletically inclined, I'm not either, I have asthma but this is what we came up with. Who knows, maybe I'll come up with something else and I'll work it in there but for now, it's running. You love to run, it helps you blow off steam. You are good at it.

This will come in handy on many occasions throughout the series. Anyways. I know this has been a super long thing that must seem boring to read but I know that you guys would have questions if you didn't have this so I hope this was helpful. Again, this will be lengthy, I'm going to have several parts for the miserable mill so that this stretches into a book, but book 2 and 3 [aka season 2 and 3] will be back on track and feature every episode.

Thank you for reading this and I hope you enjoy!

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thecloserkin · 5 years

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fic rec: We Are All We Have by inkstainedwretch

fandom: A Series of Unfortunate Events

pairing: Violet Baudelaire/Klaus Baudelaire

word count: 10k, oneshot

Is it canon: Yes

Is it explicit: Yes

Is it endgame: Yes

Bottom Line: stunning, beautiful, perfect, cleared my skin & watered my crops

It starts back in the attic of Olaf’s house, where Violet begs Klaus to kiss her so Count Olaf won’t be her first kiss. I have no shame when it come to the “I want my brother to be my first” trope— let the record reflect that I think it should be mandatory to include it in every single incest fic. She wants to counter the nonconsensual vileness of Olaf’s touch with the memory of someone she loves holding her, and there isn’t anyone she loves or trusts as much as Klaus.

Her tears, to her unbearable shame, were not for the plight of her poor sister Sunny, tied up and hanging in a cage that looked structurally unsound and incredibly drafty. They were not for Klaus … They were, in fact, for herself.

If this isn’t Peak Violet lol noticing the cage is structurally unsound. She actually feels guilty that she’s crying for herself—can you imagine? She berates herself for being selfish, for agonizing only 50% over her siblings’ mortal peril and the other 50% over how her first kiss—the thing that every girl fantasizes about from the age of, like, four—is going to be with a serial murderer who if you read between the lines is clearly depicted as sexually repulsive?? (Neil Patrick Harris playing Count Olaf in the Netflix series kind of throws a wrench in the “sexually repulsive” part of the equation, however.) So that’s how it starts, Klaus kisses her to help a sister out. Only problem is, FEELINGS are precipitated. Klaus does what he does best, which is rationalize. It’s all hormones, he decides:

There were very few people he came into regular contact with, at least now, that he found pleasing to look at. Nevertheless, he felt a bit sick, sometimes, because Violet would catch him looking, and their eyes would meet for one terrifying moment, and then she would look away first.

Klaus and Violet are such a seamless team that they can exchange thoughts with a glance, which means it’s not like he can hide it when he’s checking out her slammin’ body. This is the part where they’re obviously hot for each other and repressing it. God how do these kids even manage to function when there is SO. MUCH. UST. Here is when it hits him like a thunderclap that he’s in love with her—Klaus being Klaus, of course he frames it as the difference between “children’s cartoons” vs. “encyclopedia entries that begin with the letter I”

He didn’t dare think about how long it had been since he’d truly walked on solid ground.

Because if he loves Violet that way, the wrongdirtybad way, then he has to reevaluate everything he believes in. Meanwhile the two of them have been co-parenting for so long that:

Klaus wondered if Sunny would remember their parents, when she was older. Some base, sinful part of his mind wondered if she would remember no mother but Violet, no father but himself.

He jerks awake from a nightmare and she’s immediately there to comfort him, and he’s pressing kisses into her hair and then they’re kissing for real OH MY GOD i’m shrieking incoherently. You know what else I am 1000% here for? MASTURBATING IN THE DARK WHEN YOU THINK THE OTHER PERSON IS ASLEEP. Wow this fic actually makes Klaus’s near-sightedness germane to the plot, insomuch as he wishes he could see Violet’s face better as she’s having an orgasm. You know when else Klaus’s nearsightedness was germane to the plot? The Miserable Mill, which is possibly the shippiest of the 13 books. Here, I dare you to read this passage and tell me it does not deadass nail Lemony Snicket’s authorial tone, at once confiding and sardonic:

The elephant in question is nearly always a figurative one, and usually takes the form of something visual, such as a person with a very bad haircut or a cast around one leg. The elephant is not talked about out of politeness, or perhaps out of concern for the cast-wearing person’s feelings. Klaus and Violet, however, were dealing with a very different elephant, one that was not made of a single thing, a single event. In fact, it would be better to say that they were not forgetting a single elephant in the room, but a whole herd of smaller, miniature elephants, that ran and trumpeted and played fun, tiny elephant games all across the room. The elephants, in this case, were having a great deal more fun than Klaus and Violet were. They were made of thoughts, feelings, and strongest of all, memories. One for the warmth in Violet’s chest each time Klaus smiled at her, one for each time Klaus had awoken from a nightmare to find Violet at his bedside, one for how well they fit together in the trundle bed that had been wheeled into the closet, Sunny tucked between them.

Jesus Christ if they would just bone already everything would be hunky dory. Jk it wouldn’t. The three of them are currently living in Justice Strauss’s closet while the paperwork goes through for Violet’s emancipation.

Before all of this (though what “all of this” was, he wasn’t sure), she hadn’t ever hesitated to sit close to him, to rest a hand on his leg from time to time, lean on his shoulder as they read a book together. She was hesitating now because the meaning behind the action would be different, now. She was afraid to be too close to him, because now it was wrong, and if they tried to make it normal, it meant they were wrong.

“I don’t,” he took another deep, deep breath, “I don’t think this is going to go away.”

“I love you,” she said, sighed it despondently against his shoulder, as though she were confessing some terrible crime.

After all the shit the universe has put these two cinnamon rolls through, it’s plain enough that their love is the purest thing about them!!! It’s the world that’s broken, not Violet and Klaus. Also, how poignant is that line “I don’t think this is going to go away”? Because you can be sure they’ve tried everything to make it go away, and have been singularly unsuccessful.

“I’m so glad it’s you,” she sighed, and then she gave a surprised cry that turned into a soft, almost pleading moan.

Yessss they finally have sex. Plus, Count Olaf dies offstage:

He’d been dead for a while – “A harpoon gun, really?”, and Jacquelyn had pictures that Klaus didn’t look at but Violet did, because she had to know, and Klaus trusted her eyes.

So as soon as Jacquelyn and Justice Strauss wander away from the dinner table Sunny casually asks her siblings when they’re planning to get married. Dead silence. Sunny is a perceptive child, and the after-sex glow must have lit Violet and Klaus up like beacons. The two of them are stammering nonsense like “it’s illegal” and Sunny’s rejoinder is along the lines of, “Olaf’s machinations were perfectly legal so maybe we shouldn’t repose too much confidence in what is clearly a rotten edifice.” PREACH SUNNY. This is exactly how I headcanon Sunny would react to her siblings consummating their relationship tbh: eminently sensibly. Her #1 priority is not losing either one of them. Klaus/Violet being romantically involved would accomplish that objective admirably. Anyway Justice Strauss comes through with the paperwork and Klaus reads it three times to ensure it’s all right and tight, legally speaking, which it is. Man it’s nice to see an adult not let them down for once in their lives. Now they’re free to move to a new town where no one knows they’re related, where they can start over as a family. Their only regret (other than saying goodbye to their friends) is having to bury all their burning questions about their parents’ past:

Klaus wants so, so badly to uncover the secrets of the spyglass, of VFD and everything their parents never told them, but Violet looks at him with sad, sad eyes and says, “I don’t think this is going to go away”.

#violet x klaus #fic rec #Baudelairecest #tw: incest

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erraticsketchings · 5 years

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A Fortunate Ending

Fandom: A Series of Unfortunate Events (Netflix)

Summary: I decided to write a happier ending for the series to give myself some closure and that happier ending mostly consisted of Lemony Snicket encountering the Baudelaires on Briny Beach when they land for the 4th time and finding a new family.

I have spent many years of my life in the pursuit of certain tales that would haunt the mind and chill the soul. The knowledge of the unfortunate events surrounding the three incredibly intelligent children of my now lost love have been my burden to carry. Many an hour of my life has been spent bent over a desk reliving the terrors they had to endure after their parents were lost in a terrible fire. The story was bleak, the kind of story to make you lose all hope in finding anyone alive at the end much less happy. Yes, the Baudelaire orphans lived an utterly arduous life but, as is sometimes likely to happen when one is smart but without luck for a long period of time, there did finally come a time where the tides turned, a term here meaning a reversal of fortune. For example when a man loses his job only to win the lottery the next day, or when a boat on the sea carrying four orphans suddenly changes course leading them toward a beach where a certain former volunteer happened to be watching.

On that fateful day, I was retracing the then cold case of the Baudelaires for the third time looking to turn up new information. I had arrived on Briny Beach with low spirits and little hope, only to find a new hope floating just on the horizon. The stories I am about to retell to you are not like my works in the past. By reading this you will not be stripped of joy or left so distraught that you cannot go on, no, these stories are quite the opposite. These are stories of new beginnings, of found families, and of safe havens among outcasts. This is once again the story of the Baudelaires and the newly adopted Snicket, but this time they are saved, adopted by a man who had lost the rest of his family in the same conflict they had. The one who happened to find them out on that beach years after they had disappeared from the world.

When the four first washed up on the gloomy shore I was reluctant to approach them. I simply watched as the orphans I had studied for years unloaded onto the grey sand for, I came to find out, the fourth time.

Their boat was tattered and seemed to be leaking ever so slightly.

“We are lucky that The Beatrice made it this far yet, it feels like a bad omen to end up back on this beach again,” Violet commented as she helped little Beatrice, now an energetic toddler, onto the beach. This was the first time I saw my niece. Klaus, who was making sure the boat would not drift back into the sea, answered her.

“At this point, I’m fairly certain that our luck can't get any worse. I wouldn't worry about the implications.” Violet looked at Klaus sadly in agreement and softly set Beatrice on the ground so she and the others could unload what little supplies they had left after their lengthy trip.

It was at this point that I was discovered when the now fluent Sonny climbed out of the boat to sit with Beatrice and spotted me across the beach. She began to silently signal her siblings before I realized I had been found. Though I was still standing a whales length away from them I could see all four heads turn to face me as they took notice of the stranger watching them from afar. At this point, it would have been customary for me to introduce myself, as one should always do when you are found out for watching others who may not know who you are, lest they take you for some kind of threat to their health, but before I could think of the words the eldest Baudelaire approached me and found her own words.

“Are you Lemony Snicket?” She asked the question cautiously and made a point of stopping just out of my reach while her siblings waited safely by The Beatrice.

“I am.” The answer did not seem to bring any relief to Violet’s stiff features.

“Sonny recognized you from a picture of VFD before the schism. Our parents wrote about you in a book once too, you were a trusted friend. Is this still true?” It was agonizing to hear the apprehension in her voice but knowing her history it was not surprising. When a child goes through what the Baudelaire's went through they have every reason not to trust random men on beaches, even if they are old confidants of their parents. I understood this because I knew all that they had lost each time they trusted a volunteer, but I wanted to do what I could to make up for what they had lost. My dearest Beatrice would have wanted them to be safe, so I did the best I could to show I was trustworthy. She had asked if it was still true that I was a trusted friend, I told the truth and hoped for the best.

“It is.” I answered, “I understand that you have been through a lot of grief since your parents perished in that fire and have been double-crossed many times by those your parents once trusted, but I can promise you that there are not enough sugar bowls in the world to make me turn away from your parents and that dedication passes on to you Violet, and all your siblings. I have been trying to find you since you disappeared at the last safe place. I have followed everything that has happened to you. I want to help you Baudelaires. ” Violet said nothing, only looked back and nodded to Klaus who led the rest of the children to join the conversation. When they had arrived Violet conveyed to the others that I was indeed who they assumed me to be.

“Mr. Snicket, these are my siblings,” Violet started to introduce them but I stopped her.

“No need, I know who you are. Violet, the eldest Baudelaire who has a knack for inventing, Klaus, the middle child and researcher of the family, and of course Sonny, the youngest with a talent for the culinary arts.” They stood a little straighter at hearing their titles as my focus fell on Beatrice. “but this one, I don't recall in my research”

The pride the Baudelaires had experienced the moment before evaporated before my eyes, as most good things for them did at that time, and was instead replaced by the suffocating memory of sadness from their past and a realization of a harsh truth they would have to convey. Perhaps you have been privileged enough to have lived a life where you have never had to tell someone that someone they cared for is dead, and if you have I cannot explain to you what goes through your head but it was all going through the Baudelaires heads that day. The day they told me, Kit, thought lost to the ocean, had indeed lived to see land and have her baby, only to be taken by the carelessness of the man she had once loved.

“I see,” I remarked, pensively, when they had finished reciting the dreadful truth. Klaus was the first to attempt to comfort me, as decent people do.

“We’re very sorry for your loss Mr. Snicket-”

“Please, call me Lemony”

“Of course...Lemony, we did everything we could for Kit but by the time she had Beatrice, it was too late to save her.” A very deep sadness settled on that beach as often happened when the Baudelaires visited it. Earlier in my writings, I explained how I could not describe what it felt like to lose someone if you have never experienced it, there is a similar experience when you have lost someone and find someone else who knows how that feels. There is a deep understanding between these types of people, like that of the bond between two longtime friends or a parent and their child, an instant and complete understanding of each other that goes far beyond any comfort you could receive from another. This was a connection that the Baudelaires had made with Beatrice and it was one that they, in this moment, made with me. This, I suspect, is why I was not refused when I implored, a word here meaning to piteously beg for something one desperately needs, them to let me hold Beatrice.

She was still small but already clearly intelligent and extremely affectionate. She smiled at me and for the first time that day there was a ray of sunshine on that cloudy beach. Her eyes sparkled like her mothers and like our mothers before her, a sight that was of great comfort to me. Carefully I set her onto the sand and put my attention back on the Baudelaires. I was suddenly very aware of the tears gathering in my eyes. I composed myself long enough to extend a proposal.

“Baudelaires, long ago now I offered to take you away to safety in that taxi cab.” I motioned to the cab I had arrived in that was parked near the trolly stop, “I extend the same offer to you now and I beg you to take it. I still can only offer a life on the run but I can promise you safety from any villains who may still be out there. I once knew your mother very well, what kind of a friend would I be to her if I did not do what I could for her children”

“You would be better off than the others” Klaus answered grimly, “you would still be alive”

The edge on his voice cut through the conversation carrying all of the guilt Klaus had likely been holding onto since the carnival where he and his sisters had been forced to watch a woman who had helped them, plummet to her death into a tiger pit. The same guilt came across Violet's face and even Sonny seemed upset.

“We’re bad luck,” Sonny confessed.

“Well then,” I bent down to match her eye level and smiled, “you four and I have that in common. We will be in great company” The words did little to convince them. I stood to face them all again and saw how deeply their faces were weighed down by their past. I wanted to help but wasn't sure how to convince them to let me. I was contemplating words when, once again, Violet filled the silence.

“ We will come with you” Klaus shot her a confused and alarmed glance which she met with a look that seemed to say wait and finished with a qualifier. “We will go with you, to lunch, or something of the like. If you truly wish us to come with you, we need to know who you are first. I want to trust you Lemony, but you can understand our situation I'm sure.” I did, and I agreed.

And so, it was decided, over greasy diner food and root beer floats, that I was to be given the chance. As I have stated and proved, over the years I have learned a great amount about the Baudelaires but nothing compared to being able to converse with them. It is a strange feeling when you meet someone for the first time, or nearly, and know everything about them, but they know nothing of you. At first, I took special steps to tell them everything I felt they should know. VFD was dead now, there was no point in keeping anything from them anymore, but, as I found out, that's not what they really wanted to know about.

“With all due respect Lemony,” Klaus interrupted. “We would really rather hear about you..” My bewilderment must have shown, for Violet was quick to support her brother's point.

“What Klaus means is, we have had many guardians to watch over us in the past, not all of them kind, and we want to know what type you are. It is very kind of you to offer to take us in, and it would be very helpful to have someone to watch out for us, but at the same time, I am 18 now and therefore should be able to protect my siblings on my own if need be. If we don't know that we can trust you we may choose to go elsewhere alone and continue to find our own safe life.” Violet was very formal and she had been very formal the whole time that I had been talking to her. There was a guard up somewhere in her soul and it was preventing me from making a good impression.

As if I was not in the conversation Sonny began to argue with Violet's reasoning.

“But we cannot go back” By this, she was, of course, referring to going back to a normal life., to rejoin the world as normal citizens. They had been through so much (and technically were wanted for so many crimes) that it would be next to impossible for them to go back to being normal people. Even if they managed to settle themselves there was always the threat of rival volunteers seeking them out. They, like me, had no choice but to keep running. What it came down to was just whether they would do it with me or not.

Violet pondered on this for a moment. It was a very miserable ponder. Eventually, after she didn't speak Klaus directly addressed me and asked if he and his sisters could have a moment to talk alone. I conceded to his very reasonable request and went to pay for the meal. What the orphans spoke of they have never told me. Parts of the discussion have come out over the years, there were mentions of their parent's trust in me and of lost guardians but I never truly did figure out what it was that Sonny said that day that made her siblings stop and fall deep into thought. I watched from the counter as her words seeped into their brains and tilted the odds in my favor. I don't know if the comment was something complex like a known story from my past where I had been a savior or if it was something as simple as the idea that my brothers taxi would be a great perk, all I know is when I came back to the table the contemplative energy from before was gone. The four (though Beatrice was so small I doubt she had much input) had made a decision.

From that day forward I became the unofficial, official guardian of the Baudelaires. By this, I mean that there was no legal paperwork tying me to any of them, no bank man to put them in my care, but there was an agreement amongst those involved that we would stay together. Now, as the children are not children anymore, we are not always together but as we are all still on the run, we find ourselves together often enough. When one has very few friends in the world it is always nice to know there is someone that you can trust out there.

#asoue #a series of unfortunate events #lemony snicket #the baudelaires

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