#ch . mera — asks & replies.

[withoutabsolution]

oc tags: rogues.

#ch . herah — asks & replies. #ch . herah — images. #ch . herah — psyche. #ch . herah — aesthetic. #ch . herah — desires. #ch . mera — asks & replies. #ch . mera — images. #ch . mera — psyche. #ch . mera — aesthetic. #ch . mera — desires. #ch . prudenzia — asks & replies. #ch . prudenzia — images. #ch . prudenzia — psyche. #ch . prudenzia — aesthetic. #ch . prudenzia — desires. #ch . yismay — asks & replies. #ch . yismay — images. #ch . yismay — psyche. #ch . yismay — aesthetic. #ch . yismay — desires.

[mrsarnasdelicious]

Restful Respite - dark crystal polyship fic

We’re not getting a Season 2, so I’ll make it up myself.

This is unbeta'd and I commit my wordcrimes without apologies.

Ch 1: The Council Ch 2: Puncture Wounds Ch 3: Expeditions

Ch 4: The Stripping of Ha’rar

Gurjin returns the following afternoon. Rian runs to him. “That is about time!” He throws his arms around Gurjin’s neck. “I have missed you too.” Gurjin wraps one arm around the Stonewood’s waist. Rian noses the underside of the Drenchen’s jaw. Gurjin laughs heartily and spins Rian around. “You are not leaving my side again, you hear.” Rian says. Gurjin chuckles and his ears perk up. “I hear you, my love.” He says, nuzzling Rian’s fragrant hair. More gelfling approach to welcome Gurjin home. “Where are the warriors?” Naia asks. “On their way here from Sami Thickett. I traveled ahead.” Gurjin gently puts Rian down and turns to his sister. “How is mother?” Naia hugs her brother, sounding more gentle. “Tough as nails, just like you know her.” Gurjin happily hugs his twin back. “And pa?” Naia steps back, but her hands she keeps on Gurjin’s shoulders. Gurjin snorts and shakes his head. “He got gored by a Nebri Bull again. Ma’s got him on bedrest.” He replies. Naia shakes her head as well.

Other gelfling greet Gurjin and hug him.

“Oh yeah. I got a few things I needed to give to you.” Gurjin reaches into the bag at his hip. “Rian, ma says this whintleroot helps against the nightmares. Eat a little before bed, she says.” He hands Rian the first of two stachells. “Thank you.” Rian mutters. “You know mother cares for you.” Gurjin says. The second satchell he gives to Naia. “Mother embowed these stones with her Vilyaya. Give them to Elder Cadia in his tea. You do need to support it with your own Vilyaya, but it will restore his mind.” He says. “Elder Cadia is still here?” Rian asks. He has been far too busy with the council to pay much mind to who exactly lives in Stone-in-the-Wood outside his close personal circle. “Maudra Ethri says he has to stay on land until his mind is whole again.” Onica informs him. “We had best get to it quickly.” Naia tells the Sifan gelf. She takes Onica by the arm and draws her along. “And this is for you.” Gurjin hands Brea a letter. “The Drenchen wrote me a letter?” Brea whispers, beyond impressed. Gurjin begins to laugh. “No, I was handed this letter by Maudra Mera. She says a friend of yours asked her to write it to you.” He replies. Brea plucks the letter from Gurjin’s fingers. She examines the wax seal, now recognizing the symbol of the Spriton Maudra. She breaks the seal and begins to read.

Dearest Princess Brea,

We are joyous to share the fact of our betrothal with you and yours. We are to be wed in Sami Thickett after the pass of two unum. We would like to invite you and one other guest of your choice.

Best Regards And hoping you are well,

Juni and Denys Brea squeals and promptly throws her arms around Gurjin’s neck. Gurjin wraps one arm around her waist to keep her steady. “What was in that letter?” Rian asks. “Juni is marrying her Spriton boy.” Brea answers with a wide smile on her face. She lets Gurjin go and he her. “They will wed in two unum and I am invited.” She cheers happily. “That is wonderful.” Gurjin says.

Naia and Onica find Elder Cadia. He is in the Librarian’s cottage. To both the gelf’s surprise, Maurix is there as well. Cadia is asking a lot of very simple questions. The Librarian seems to be on the verge of tears. Maurix gives both women a frown. “What do you want?” He asks sharply. “Gurjin brought something for Elder Cadia.” Says Naia. “Another useless potion.” The Librarian snaps. “My mother’s Vilyaya.” Naia bites back. “Sit down dear.” Says the Librarian. He pushes Cadia down in a chair. “Paladin, we need hot water for tea.” Onica says. Maurix nods and retrieves a cup and the kettle from the stove. Naia tosses the stones, which are glowing with Laesid’s Vilyaya into the cup and pours the hot water on them. Onica grabs some tea leafs from a satchel on her belt and throws them in the cup. “Don’t burn yourself pa.” Maurix says. Elder Cadia blows on his tea. Naia walks aroun Cadia and places her hands on his head. Green Vilyaya pours from her fingers into his red curls.

It is not a visible change, but one they can feel. Cadia takes a deep breath in. “I would prefer it is we don’t talk about this ever again.” He says. “With all due respect, but you brought it upon yourself. Poisoning a Princess, what were you thinking!.” The Librarian all but yells at the Sifan Elder. “I wished only to protect her from her path.” Cadia weakly protests. Onica slaps him across the face with a flat hand. “Brea’s path leads us into danger, but also into liberty.” She snaps at him. “You are lucky she swapped your cups. You could have been locked up for life, had she lost her wits.” Maurix points out. Cadia’s ears droop. The Paladin turns to Onica. “And you were just a complicid, you put the root in her tea, did you not?” He says sharply. “How do you know?” Onica narrows her eyes. “Because I know my pa, if he can commandeer someone else to do it for him, he will.” Maurix says. “No I d-” Cadia begins to protest. “Yes you do!” The Librarian cuts him off. Maurix rolls his eyes. “Pa, Father, I have to go. I have patrol.” He says. “You go do your duty, my boy.” The Librarian gives the Paladin a small smile. Maurix leaves the cottage, seemingly in a bit of a hurry. “I did not know you had a son, Elder Cadia.” Onica says, a small smirk on her lips. “Cadia wasn’t very involved in raising boy.” The Librarian says in a snide tone. “Come on, that is our queue to leave.” Naia catches Onica with the arm and pulls her out of the cottage.

“So, what did I miss?” Gurjin asks. “The Paladin’s scouted out Ha’rar.” Rian sits down on the Stone Throne. Gurjin takes his place on his right. They are the only ones in the council chamber. “What did they find?” Gurjin asks. “Nothing, Ha’rar was as they left it.” Rian replies. “All neat and deserted huh?” Gurjin snortles. “Yep, all ready for the stripping.” Rian nods. “The Drenchen are eager to help.” Gurjin puts his hands over Rian’s own. “How was the Great Smerth?” Rian asks. “Every able bodied gelfling of age gelfling age is being trained to fight. If there will be war, the Drenchen will be ready to defend Thra.” Gurjin says. “That is good to hear. What of Sami Thickett?” Rian scribbles down a little note on what Gurjin tells him. “They are sowing more crops, to supply the warriors with. Those of fighting age are trained to be able to defend the lands when time comes. The Vapran warriors are selecting the strongest of the fighting aged to become defenders of the people.” Gurjin replies. “Very good, any news from the Dousan or the Sifan, that you know of?” Rian asks gently. “Maudra Mera says Maudra Seethi has offered the Wellsprings as a safe haven for the young and the infirm.” Gurjin answers. “That is wonderful!” Rian exclaims.

Rek’yr finds Brea sitting by the fountain, the letter clutched to her chest. “Is there something the matter, sweet princess?” He sits down beside her. Brea turns her eyes to him and send him a radiant smile. “Well won’t you look at that, good news, I presume?” The Sandmaster cooes. “It is a letter from Juni, whom I met in the Order of Lesser Service. She writes me she is getting wed soon.” Brea says. Rek’yr smiles indulgently at the Vapran Princess. “That is wonderful, when is the happy couple planning on getting married?” He asks. “Two unum from now. And we are invited!” Brea says, smiling from ear to ear. “What us are you referring to?” Rek’yr asks, one ear held playfully lopsided. Brea giggles, recognising the Sandmaster’s flirtation. She gently pinches his ear between his thumb and forefinger. Rek’yr chuckles softly in response. “Us, you and I. Juni invited me and wrote I am allowed to bring one extra guest of my own choice.” Brea says in reply to his question. Rek’yr makes a small humming noise in understanding. “I am honoured to have been chosen.” He says gently. “I wouldn’t pick anyone else.” Brea says softly. She scoots a little closer to the Dousan and leans into his side. Rek’yr nuzzles his chin into her hair. He breathes in her scent and smiles peacefully.

Late the following afternoon the Drenchen and three score of Spirton arrive at Stone-in-the-Wood. Rian greets them personally and leads them to the clearing. There Gurjin and Kylan are overseeing the preparations of a grand feast. The last before the expedition to Ha’rar. Several Drenchen go over to Gurjin and Naia and greet them as though they haven’t seen the twins in many thrine. Some of the Spriton go to Kylan, greeting them in a more polite and calm way.

“Looky here, a Prince feeding his people.” A Drenchen warrior, standing about as high as Gurjin, greets his fellow clansman. Gurjin turns to him, a wide smirk showing of his serrated tusks and fangs. “Djesid, you sly snake.” He laughs heartily. They clasp each other by the elbow and wallop their heads together. Then they erupt in loud laughter. The two evidently are familiar with one another. “I didn’t know you were among the ranks, I am glad you joined.” Gurjin says. “Can’t exactly stay in the Smerth forever. I sure as sog got tired of body guarding your sisters.” The other Drenchen gelling says. That makes Gurjin laugh again. “They can be pains in the arse, I’ll admit, but they are still my sisters, show some respect.” He says, good natured. “With all due and such, but I am doing your job for you. Had you not gone to that castle, you would have been chasing those two gelfs around the Smerth.” Djesid says teasingly. “I know I do it better, no need to whine about it.” Gurjin gives him a slap on the back. The two gellings laugh together.

Soon enough the feast is ready and every resident of Stone-in-the-Wood sits down. Seladon formally welcomes the Drenchen and the Spriton and opens the feet with a short but old song.

The Drenchen mingle well and the mood is higher than it has been in a fortnight. Kylan plays jolly tunes on his firca and the Drenchen bring out several lutes and drums. They sing bawdy songs that make most Vapran fluster, darkening even their cheeks. And once most of the food has been eaten, they hop up on the tables and start dancing a very upbeat and quick dance. Soon enough, Naia and Gurjin are on the table as well, dancing and singing with those who are doubtlessly their childhood friends. Kylan and Rian seem unphased by the whole dancing on the table thing, but they are the only non Drenchens to react in this way. Brea and the Grottan’s enjoy the spectacle. But the Vapran and Rek’yr seem rather scanadlized. The Stonewoods and the Spriton laugh and share in the bawdiness, albeit a bit less overt.

Rian steals Gurjin away to his cottage as early as he dares, which is a good while past midnight. But he just can’t keep himself away from the Drenchen Prince anymore. He’s been pawing at Gurjin’s crotch for ten minutes before being swept up. Gurjin carries Rian off to the cottage, while the Stonewood noses the underside of his jaw.

It is of course an understatement to say Gurjin tears Rian’s clothes off. “I am going to eat you whole.” The Drenchen dumps the very naked Stonewood on the bed. He then undresses himself. Rian jumps up from the bed, only to kneel down before Gurjin. “Have you missed me that much?” Gurjin purrs. Rather than answering, Rian works Gurjin into his mouth.

The following morning, a big procession is gathered to go to Ha’rar.

All other gelfling are gathered to see them off. Rian and Seladon stand by the landstrider drawn carriage, which if for Brea and Rek’yr. “You had best take good care of her, Sandmaster. I will personally have your cock-n-bollocks, on a spike.” Rian says to the Dousan. “Naturally, Young Lord. If I cannot safeguard the princess, I might as well surrender myself to Thra now.” Rek’yr replies. “Don’t be so silly, it is not like there is anything amiss in Ha’rar.” Brea tells both gelling. “But what if the Skeksis plan to ambush them?” Seladon says. She is clutching at Maurix’ arm so hard her knuckles are starting to get white. “That is why the Drenchen I asked Gurjin to gather are all warriors. And the Spriton who came from Sami Thickett are also very skilled in battle.” Rian says gently to Seladon. “Your sister is in very good hands, my lady. You must have some faith in her.” Maurix tells Seladon. But her ears are pressed closely against her skull and she is not letting up. Brea embraces her older sister firmly. “We will be back as soon as we can.” She says softly.

Gurjin is speaking to the Drenchen. “Listen here y’all.” His voice is loud and full of the authority his parents have brought him up with. “You will do as the farmers and the Spritons tell ya. This ain’t about pride, this is about getting that harvest done nice, quick and efficient, ye hear?” He says. “Aye sir!” The Drenchen chorus. “Good, now get a move on.” Naia, who is standing beside her twin, of course has to have the word. “Aye ma’am!” The Drenchen chorus. Gurjin watches the Drenchen head down the path that will leave them to Ha’rar, come are pulling carts and others are brandishing spears. He grabs Djesid by the shoulder. “I have a special assignment for you, my friend.” He says. “Lay it on me.” Djesid replies. “You guard the Princess and the Sandmaster, they will be far too occupied with each other.” Gurjin instructs the other Drenchen. “Beg pardon, room for one more on that mission.” A small Spriton gelf jumps out of the nearest tree. Both Gurjin and Djesid startle a little. “And who might you be?” Naia asks. She turns her ears a bit towards the Spriton. “I’m Eeryn. I won’t get in the way.” The Spriton gelf gives a mocking little bow. The three Drenchen give her a curious look. “If you don’t mind, I won’t either.” Gurjin shrugs. Djesid gives the Spriton an up and down. “Sure, just don’t get in my way.” He says. “I told you I wouldn’t.” Eeryn hops back into the tree. “Two guards for the Princess and her Swashbuckler.” Gurjin says. “All set!” He calls out to Rian. The Stonewood gives a minute nod, more to himself than to Gurjin, really.

“Alright, save travels!” Rian calls out. Brea and Rek’yr sit down in the carriage. The coachman, a middleaged Stonewood, spurs on the landstriders and off they are. The Drenchen, Spriton and the farmers follow behind. They are starting their journey to Ha’rar.

Brea is leaned out of the carriage window to save at Seladon, Rian, Kylan and the twins. She waves at them until they are out of sight. Then she sits back down and leans into the cushions. “I hope Seladon won’t be angry with Rian for long.” She says. “She is worried for you, Princess and with right, Thra is no longer the safe place you knew it to be.” Rek’yr leans over to take her hands between his. Brea feels her ears heat up a bit. She sends Rek’yr a coy little smile. Rek’yr smiles warmly back at her. “I understand, but, I have you, right? You will protect me!” Brea says. Rek’yr laughs gently in response. “Of course, I will always protect you.” He cooes. Brea beams at him. She gives him an absolutely enamoured look.

Lore lumbers after the carriage. The Spriton and the Vapran stay well away from him, but the Drenchen seem not to mind the stone guardian.

The journey by foot takes much longer than by landstrider. The colum, halfway through the five day journey, visits a small Stonewood village. Brea is glad to be able to stretch her legs. The Stonewoods prove very hospitable. The Spritons mingle almost seamlessly with the villagers. Hey aid in prepping the feast and setting up the tents for the Drenchen and the farmers. At night the Stonewoods join the Drenchen warriors, the Vapran farmers and the Spriton at the bonfire. There sits Rek’yr, telling Dousan myths.

Brea notices that the Sandmaster doesn’t only talk with his tongue and lips. The Dousan gelling talks also with his hands. It is incredible to behold. Every gesture is a word and emphasises it. Rek’yr’s audience is absolutely captivated by the way he tells his tales. Brea most of all.She couldn’t be more enamoured with the Dousan, even if she tried. Rek’yr ceases his telling, giving the spotlight to a sturdy Drenchen gelf. She begins to tell a song about the Great Smerth. The crowd listens just as eagerly to her. But Brea’s attention waves. She leans against Rek’yr and heaves a small sigh. Rek’yr wraps one arm around her shoulder. He presses a kiss to her forehead.

The Princess and the Sandmaster have gotten to know each other over the past two days. Being confined to a carriage together sure caused them to talk about their respective journeys in life. Brea cannot deny that she is in love with Rek’yr. She is well aware that Rek’yr is a few Thrine older than her, but the difference is not too big. The Dousan is not as old as he makes it seem. He is, in fact, exactly what Brea is looking for. A gelling full of adventure, romance and knowledge of Thra. And the sentiment is mutual. It is obvious to see. It is in the way Rek’yr looks at Brea. It is in the tone of voice he employs while talking to her. He brushes a stray strand of silver hair behind her ear and smiles warmly. There is a fluster on Brea’s ears.

Rek’yr accompanies Brea to the small cottage she is staying at for the night. By the doorstep he stops. “I bid thee a good night, my Princess.” He says softly. He bends to kiss her knuckles. Brea smiles down on him softly. “And I you, Rek’yr.” She cooes. She wishes he would act less the gentleman and would come with her inside, but her princessly upbringing prevents her from inviting him in. They haven’t yet danced, it would not be right! Brea stands on the doorstep of her cottage until Rek’yr is out of sight. He has gone into one of the tents, where the Drenchen warriors sleep. She heaves a deep sigh and closes the door. Oh how dearly she wishes she could open it back up and holler for Rek’yr to return to her. She doesn’t feel like being alone.

In a large tree, growing right beside the cottage, sits a small Spriton woman. She is fiddling with an end of reed. It slips from her fingers. And it plonks right on top a Drenchen’s head. Djesid looks up. “What are you doing up there?” He grunts. “Making sure the Princess is well protected. Or didn’t you see the Sandmaster leave?” Eeryn sneers. Djesid rolls his eyes. “That is why I am here.” He says. “You have a long march ahead of you yet, shouldn’t you sleep?” Eeryn jumps from the tree to retrieve her reed pipe. Djesid holds the pipe out of her reach. “This type of reed grows in Sog. What are you doing with it?” He asks. “It is a blow pipe, numbnuts.” Eeryn climbs, swift and agile as can be, back into the tree and fishes her pipe from Djesid’s fingers. “Go to bed, Drenchen.” She tells him. “The Princess is perfectly safe.” She leans against the tree’s trunk. “You need to march tomorrow too.” Djesid protests. Eeryn shakes her head, but makes no reply.

The following morning Rek’yr walks past the tree to Brea’s cozy little cottage. He does not notice the Spriton gelf on the thick branch. Eeryn has stayed awake all this time. The Dousan raps his knuckles on the door. “Princess, it is time to break our fast.” He calls out. “I’m coming!” Brea calls out. She can be heard hurrying to the door. The door opens and reveals Brea, with her dress on backwards, struggling to put on her boots. Rek’yr chuckles softly and shakes his head. “I will wait, now dress properly.” He cooes to her. Brea sheepishly closes the door again. Only to erupt two minutes later, with her dress on the right way and her boots laced up. “My humblest apologies, my Princess. I did not mean to embarrass you.” Rek’yr says. He offers Brea his arm. Brea takes it with a happy lil smile. “It is quite alright.” She says.

Soon enough the colum is on its way to Ha’rar again. And no one seems to notice the Spriton napping on the back of the carriage.

Upon arriving in Ha’rar, the Drenchen set to exploring the city. They enter every house and take everything of value and anything edible that isn’t yet spoiled.

Rek’yr helps Brea out of the carriage. “Where to, Princess?” He asks. “The Citadel first, I am aching for a bath, even if I will have to draw the water myself.” Brea replies. Rek’yr chuckles softly. “Now now Princess, I wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself.” He cooes at her. “I can draw water on my own just fine. I do it in Stone-in-the-Wood all the time.” Brea pouts at the Sandmaster. They calmly make their way to the Citadel. “It is exactly as we left it..” Brea mutters. “It looks magnificent.” Rek’yr says. “Would you like to see my chambers?” Brea asks. “Of course.” Rek’yr nods. “I hope you will like them. They are likely very different from what you are used to.” Brea says. “I am sure they are, I am used to a tent.” Rek’yr replies. Brea opens the doors to the citadel. And everything is indeed as they left it. “No one here…” Brea sighs. “Of course not, the Vapran are all in Stone-in-the-Wood or in Sami Thickett.” Rek’yr says. “Yeah, I know, but I am so used to see these halls brimming with servants and paladin. And now it is just you and I.” Brea’s ears droop. “Just and I.” Rek’yr agrees, caressing her cheek with his knuckles.

The two barely notice a Drenchen following diligently in their shadow, like he was ordered to. Brea takes her bath. Of course she didn’t have to draw her own water. Rek’yr, who had eventually spotted Djesid, send the Drenchen to do that for her. Both Sandmaster and Warrior stand outside her chambers. They can hear Brea talk to herself, but cannot make out what she is saying. Which is maybe for the better, because she is monologuing to herself, about Rek’yr. She washes the grime from the road from her body and rinses it out of her hair. She goes on and on to herself on how amazing she finds Rek’yr. She is in a gale of giggles by the time she reaches for her fluffy towel. She dries off and puts on one of her numerous clean dresses. And of course she puts the bone necklace back on.

Once she erupts from her chambers, Rek’yr looks upon her as though she is the most beautiful creature in all of Thra. “That is a lovely dress, my Princess.” He cooes. “Yeah, matches the necklace.” Djesid snortles. “Thank you, Rek’yr gave it to me, for protection.” Brea doesn’t let the Drenchen get to her. “Bones don’t protect in times like this, Princess, he had best do it himself.” Djesid says, in a slightly derisive tone. Brea ignores Djesid’s comment and takes Rek’yr by the arm. She leads him to the throneroom. A few Drenchen, a Vapran Paladin and a Spriton are awaiting her orders there. Djesid follows after in a leisurely fashion. Brea claps in her hands to call for attention. The gelfling in the throne room come to her. “Paladin, can you tell the Farmers they can find themselves a good place to sleep in the servants chambers.” She says gently to the Paladin. “Of course Princess.” The Paladin bows and hurries off. “You, sir, can invite the Spriton to stay in the Paladin’s barracks.” Brea tells the Spriton gelling. “Naturally ma’am.” The Spriton quickly makes off. “And what of the Drenchen?” Djesid asks. The other Drenchen warriors come over as well. “There is room enough in the barracks for you too.” Brea replies.

“And what of me, Princess?” Rek’yr asks with a wicked little smile. Brea catches on to it, but she elects to not acknowledge it. “You can have my sister Tavra’s chambers. Come, I will show you there.” She cooes coyly. “As you wish, my dearest.” Rek’yr purrs. Brea gently tugs the Dousan along to what were once Tavra’s chambers. But when she opens the doors, she feels choked off. Her grip on the doorknob is so hard her knuckles turn white. Rek’yr puts his hand over hers. “Brea, my love? What is the matter?” He asks softly. Suddenly, Brea begins to sob. “Tavra is dead! She is dead and she will come back.” Brea weeps. Rek’yr gently peels her hand from the doorknob and pulls her close. Brea leans into his embrace. “Thra will rest her soul, she will add her memories and her voice to the song. She will live on in it and in your heart.” Rek’yr cooes. Brea continues to weep, quiets down a little bit. Rek’yr continues to hold her. “How about we sit down for a moment.” The Sandmaster cooes. He opens the door of Tavra’s chambers and gently guides her to the sofa. They sit down, but Rek’yr continues to hold her. He starts to softly sing. It is a Dousan lullaby, speaking of the love of Thra and the memories of loved one’s long past. It is very comforting to Brea.

After a good while Rek’yr and Brea erupt from Tavra’s chambers. Brea’s calmed down and has washed her face. “Everything alright?” Djesid asked. The Drenchen stands just outside the doors. “I’m fine, don’t worry.” Brea gives him a watery smile. Then her stomach growls. “But I am hungry.” She mutters. Both Djesid and Rek’yr laugh. “Come, we will get dinner started.” Rek’yr says. The Sandmaster seeks out the Spriton and summons them to the throne room. There Brea is waiting to show them to the kitchens. The Spriton are more than happy to start cooking. They get their hands on anything the kitchen has to offer, throwing away everything that has perished already while they are at it. In mere minutes, the kitchen is filled with laughter and song.

Soon enough everyone has a seat in the grand ballroom, at tables and on chairs dragged from every corner of the citadel. Brea can’t help but wonder if her mother would have approved. But seeing how Ha’rar is to be abandoned anyway, she tries not to let the slight disarray it causes bother her. She sits beside Rek’yr at the head of the largest table and silently eats the wonderful meal the Spritons have whipped up. Rek’yr is deep in discussion with two Drenchen women. They are speaking about healing herbs and the Dousan is eager to learn from them. Brea listens in with half an ear. But she also picks up on the farmers discussing what they should pick up from their homes to bring back to Stone-in-the-Wood or to their wives and children at Sami Thickett. And she overhears the Spritons discussing what crops they think the Vapran grow and which to harvest first. Most of the Drenchen warriors are exchanging bawdy jokes.

After dinner, the Spriton wash up the dishes and everyone retires to their beds.

Brea lingers on the doorstep of her chambers. Rek’yr turns to her at the door to Tavra’s room. He sees the way she dilly dallies. “Princess, is there something I can do?” He asks. He comes over to her. Gently he strokes her cheek. Brea closes her eyes and leans into his ministration. Rek’yr leans over and presses his lips to her forehead. “It is just so strange to be back in the citadel.” Brea mutters. “I thought that if I returned, it would be with my friends, to … to be at peace.” She says softly. “And now you are here, without them, to prepare for a war.” Rek’yr answers. He calmly pets Brea’s hair. “Y-yes.” Brea admits. “I am so sorry, dearest, that it is not what you had in mind.” Rek’yr cooes. “If you need me, I am across the hall.” He says. Brea nods. She stands on her toes and presses a kiss to his cheek. “Good night, my sandmaster.” She says softly. “Best of dreams, my Princess.” Rek’yr replies, his voice a warm rumble.

Brea retires to her chambers as soon as Rek’yr has closed the door of Tavra’s rooms behind himself. She heaves a deep sigh. “I probably won’t sleep a wink.” She mutters. She sigs through her wardrobe to pull out a nightshift and changes into it. She crawls between the cold and slightly dusty sheets. And she nods off in a matter of minutes.

The following morning, Rek’yr wakes Brea up with a rap of his knuckles on her door. Brea vaults out of bed and rushes to the door. “Yes?” She yanks it open. Rek’yr chuckles huskily at her. “That is a lovely night dress, Princess.” He purrs. His voice is a deeper purr, even sexier than usual. The Dousan’s morning voice makes Brea weak in the knees. All she can do is give a little yelp and shove the door shut again. “I’ll wait without, take your time getting dressed.” Rek’yr says. Brea sits down at the floor, leaned against the door. The fact that Rek’yr just saw her in her nightgown strikes her. He saw her nipples strain against the sheer white fabric, prickled by the cold morning air. He saw what her nightgown could not hide. And that was very impropper. “Brea, are you alright?” Rek’yr calls out to her. “Y-yes.” Brea replies. She gets up, determined to not let this get the better of her. She pulls a brand new dress from her wardrobe. A dress Tavra had gotten for her only days before the last tithing. She puts it on and sits down at her vanity table. She makes sure her hair looks regal enough and then heads back to the door.

Rek’yr is waiting for her. “I am sorry for my indecency.” Brea says. She employs the tone proper for a Princess caught sneaking tarts from the kitchen. It is all she knows to do in order to preserve her dignity in the eyes of her Sandmaster. “I barely noticed it.” Rek’yr says. Brea presses her ears against her skull. She suspects her suitor of a lie. “By the way your pace hurried to the door, I figured you were not yet dresses. I was careful to only look upon your face.” Rek’yr seems to guess her thoughts. Brea’s ears perk up a little again. Rek’yr chuckles gently and offers her his arm. “Come now, do not tell me you think I would lie to you.” Rek’yr cooes while Brea takes his arm. Brea’s ears droop a little. “I don’t think you lie… I just..” She bites her lip, not sure how to word it. Rek’yr patiently waits for her to find the right words. “I don’t want you to think of me as indecent or lewd.” Brea mutters. “I would never.” Rek’yr cooes gently at her.

After everyone has broken their fast, the farmers and the Drenchen head out to the farmlands around Ha’rar. The Spritons head out as well, but they don’t adhere to the same teams as the farmers and the warriors. They will help wherever they find they are needed. The farmer’s instruct the Drenchen on how to harvest the crop. The swamp dwellers pay close attention, to the mountain gelfling’s surprise. They careful copy the farmerś way of pulling roots from the ground, cutting vegetables from their stem, collecting grain and wheat and cutting the edible flowers the right way. Despite the Drenchen’s build for combat, they turn out to be very dextrous and careful where needed. And they heed advice very well.

Brea heads to the library. Rek’yr is at her arm and Djesid and Eeryn follow a few leaps behind. Eeryn more unseen than Djesid. Drenchen and Spriton keep watch outside the library. Rek’yr finds himself a seat. Brea leans over to press a kiss to his cheek and then dashes off. She talks busily to herself and dashes from side to side. She seems very happy to be reunited with the books, which amuses Rek’yr. Brea pulls a small piece of parchment from a satchell on her belt. On this parchment she has written down all the books she is sure she needs to take back to Stone-in-the-Wood. And of course nothing is where she thought she remembered it to be. In no time she is running to a fro, while Rek’yr watches her go about her search. The first book she finds is the big triangular tone on the Skeksis. She retrieves it to the Dousan. “What have we here?” He asks her. “The most important book in the whole library.” Brea hands him the black bound book. Rek’yr gently strokes the leather cover, exploring every detail of it with the tips of his fingers. Brea looks on, mildly fascinated by how gentle Rek’yr is with the book. She feels her heart swell. Rek’yr opens the book. Brea looks upon him, how handsome his face is in his concentration. She heaves a soft dreamy sigh. Rek’yr looks up from the book and sends her a gentle smile. Brea can’t help a giggle and whirls around. She walks off to find the next book. Rek’yr’s focus shifts back to the book.

Brea flutters back and forth. Books keep piling up around Rek’yr. “We can’t take all of them, love.” Rek’yr says. “I know, I know.” Brea brushes him off and retrieves four more books. Rek’yr leans back in his seat and looks at her. “Can you please come here and sort out which one’s to take, before you decide all of them ought to come to Stone-in-the-Wood.” He says. Brea comes over to him. Gently Rek’yr pulls her into his lap. He lifts a hand to stroke her face. But before he can, Brea laces her fingers with his. “I am only selecting what books we can really use and I am already halfway.” She says. “Very well, it is as you say.” Rek’yr brings their intertwined hands to his lips and kisses her knuckles. Brea giggles softly. She gets up from Rek’yr’s lap and stretched her wings. She flutters back to to the higher shelves of the library and resumes her task. She starts singing a song she remembers her mother singing when she was a childling. Rek’yr closes his eyes and listens to her singing. It makes him feel comfortable and at peace.

It is well in the afternoon when Brea judges she has parted the useful book from the useless.

“You ought to eat something.” Rek’yr says. Brea sits down upon a second chair, which stands along Rek’yr’s in between the piles of books. “Oh I would love to, I feel like I am starving.” She says. “Shall I retrieve you anything?” Rek’yr rises. “Oh please.” Brea replies. Rek’yr bends towards her and presses a kiss onto her forehead, before he leaves the library.

He is swift to return. He brings a large jug of fruit juice and steaming hot buns. Brea is patiently waiting for him. In her lap she has a small book. Rek’yr sit down beside her. He pours her a glass of juice. “Here, stay hydrated.” He says. Brea looks up from her book. She giggles at him. “Now what is funny?” Rek’yr asks. “A desert dweller telling me to stay hydrated.” Brea titters. Rek’yr chuckles. “What are you reading?” The Dousan asks. Brea’s ear flush. “Oh .. it is nothing.” She closes the small book. Rek’yr shakes his head. “I don’t believe that.” He says. He gently takes the book and leafs through it. “Brea, this is a children’s book.” There is no mockery in Rek’yr’s voice. He only sounds genuinely puzzled. His ears turn towards Brea all the way. Brea’s ears flush. “It’s the fairytales Seladon used to read me, when I was just a childling.” She mutters. “Mother never had time for it. So Seladon read me, she did separate voices and everything.” Brea sighs a soft sigh. Rek’yr smiles widely at her. “That is lovely.” Rek’yr puts the book on top of the big triangular lexicon. “We will take this one.” He says gently. “Truly?” Brea asks, her eyes shimmering. Rek’yr nods. “Of course.” He purrs. Brea jumps up from her seat and throws herself at Rek’yr. His chair proves firmer, as it stays upright when she flings herself into his lap. Rek’yr laughs heartily and puts his arms around her waist. Brea rains butterfly kisses on his face. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” She all but cheers.

Brea and Rek’yr take their lunch while reading through the books Brea selected.

They are barely half way when the door of the library creaks open. “Princess, m’lord, the Spriton say dinner is ready.” Djesid peaks in. Rek’yr groans softly and puts down the book he has been leafing through. “That is about time, too.” He says. He rises from his chair. “Brea, my love.” He cooes to draw the Vapran Princess’ attention. Brea only reluctantly looks up from the book she is reading. “Tis dinner time, we will continue this task upon the morrow.” Says Rek’yr. Brea sigh softly. She puts her book away and rises. Rek’yr offers her his arm. Brea smiles sweetly at him. He leads her from the library. They follow Djesid to the castle. Eeryn follows behind, unseen, hopping from roof to roof.

At dinner, it turns out only half the Drenchen have shown up and barely any of the farmers. All of the Spirton and the few Paladin that ventured along are there tho.

“Where are the farmers and the warriors?” Brea asks. A stout Drenchen gelf clears her throat. Brea looks to her. “A lot of the farmers decided to spend the night at their old homes. They invited us to stay over. Some took em up on that offer.” The Drenchen says. Brea’s lips twist up in a wide smile. “That is amazing news.” She says. “The lines between the clans are blurring, the age of resistance is truly coming into blood.” Rek’yr purrs. The Drenchen spontaneously begin to cheer. During dinner, the Drenchen and Spriton talk about the harvest. Brea finds her fingers itch to take notes, so she can report to Seladon. But she has no parchment with her, nor any ink. She tries her best to commit everything to her memory, but is quite sure she will not manage to repeat half of it.

Brea tries to stifle a jawn. Rek’yr gets up from his seat. “I think it is time to go to bed.” He says. He helps Brea to her feet. “I am not tired yet.” Brea mutters. Rek’yr can’t help a laugh. “Now say that again, with more conviction.” He cooes. Brea’s ears droop a little. “You’re right…” She mutters. “Very well, to bed you go.” Rek’yr twines his fingers with Brea’s. Brea’s ears flush a gentle pink. Rek’yr leads Brea from the dining hall, to her chambers. “We had a productive day, all of us.” Brea says. “Why yes indeed, I believe we did.” Rek’yr agrees. He opens the door of her chambers for her. “We deserved a rest.” Brea’s ears droop. She seems a bit awkward. “Yes, we did.” Rek’yr nods. He feels there is something going on in Brea’s head, but he can’t put his finger on what it is just yet. Brea flutters her wings and brushes her hair behind her ear. “I … erm … would you like to come in, just for a few more minutes.” She mumbles. “Yes, of course.” Rek’yr nods. He follows Brea into her chambers. He looks around, taking in the place where the Princess that holds his heart grew up in. “Is there anything in here that you wish to take to Stone-in-the-Wood?” He asks. Brea makes a thoughtful sound. “You.” She then answers. Rek’yr laughs joyfully. “Very well, to Stone-in-the-Wood you may take me.” The Sandmaster puts his hands on Brea’s hips.

“S-say, Rek’yr, would you close your eyes for me, just for a minute.” Brea asks softly. “Naturally, what for?” Rek’yr asks playfully. Brea’s ears turn bright red. “J-just a little surprise.” She stammers. “Alright, alright.” Rek’yr purrs. He closes his eyes and his ears turn upwards. Brea feels her heart hammer in her chest. But she is determined to do this. She puts her hands on Rek’yr’s biceps. Very carefully she stands on her tippy toes. “Brea…?” Rek’yr all but singsongs. “Hush.” Brea replies. Rek’yr sort of frowns, but remains silent. Brea takes heart. She presses her lips against Rek’yr’s own in a very experimental way. Rek’yr’s grip on her hips tightens a little, but that is all that shows the Dousan’s surprise. He ever so gently kisses her back.

#the dark crystal #the dark crytsal: age of resistance #Brea x Rek'yr

[ramayantika]

Ch-3: Almost fainting at a painting

Haanji namaste. Sorry for this ekdum weird chapter name par dimag mein acha naam aaya nahi. Also Saanjh, if you are reading this, khana hai iss chapter mein.

CH-1 CH-2

Anika was back to health within a day. Nobody made any comments or asked any questions about the veena episode, but Anika's head was bubbling with many questions, yet she kept silent about it. 

Later she concluded that it happened due to her being deeply invested into the story. She had always been attached to stories, especially to the ones which involved tragic romances, stories from bygone eras, and epic heroes and heroines. 

However, all her questions were pushed to the back of her head when Sonalika announced that they were to leave for Bhubaneswar within the next two days. 

'Chal, Anika, now focus on the project and not on their incomplete love story,' she muttered to herself when she heard Sonalika.

Two days later, she was standing in front of the glorious mansion of the Routrays that stretched over the majestic green Udayagiri hills. Her mouth opened in wonder, as her eyes took in the grand view that blessed her eyes. Sonalika looked at Anika's face and tugged her hand playfully.

"Muh toh band karo didi. Aage aur bahut hai." She walked inside the gates when two men in suits arrived and took their luggage.

They sat in the reception area which according to Anika looked like a normal reception area of a hotel. It looked like a guest hall fit for royals. The entire floor was sprawled with maroon sofas with sofa covers embroidered in traditional designs. There was a beautiful chandelier over her head and for a second, she wondered about the probability of the chandelier falling on her.

After ten minutes, a lady in a neatly draped maroon saree arrived with a bright smile on her face, holding a tray with two mocktails.

Sonalika got up instantly, a cheerful look on her face, exclaimed, "Ah Nandini, such a pleasure to see you. How have you been?"

Nandini replied while offering the tray to Anika. "I have been well my child, just that the sun this year has been too harsh." She moved her eyes towards her arms. "Look, how much have I tanned this time! This will take a month of haldi besan to go away."

Sonalika took her drink from her and sat on the sofa. "So, Anika, she is Nandini. She works here at the palace and I have known her since childhood." With a teasing grin, she added, "And don't be fooled by her youthful appearance. God knows how doesn't she age." She then gestured towards Anika. "And she is Anika, my school friend. She is doing a history project so she will be with us for a month.

Nandini's ears perked up and Anika observed a glint in her eyes, which quickly went away. "Well, I hope your stay here is comfortable and since you are my Sona's friend, which makes you my child as well, you can always reach out to me if you need anything," she said in a friendly tone. "And call me Nandini only." She passed one last smile at the girls and took the tray away and walked away.

Anika, amused at the lady, turned towards Sonalika. "Bro, how old is she? You said that you knew her since your childhood.'

" Thirty nine, I guess. No older than forty though."

"She looks like she is in her late twenties, no way can she be thirty nine."

"Yeah when we grow old, I will ask her to share her anti-ageing secrets."

***

"This sword belongs to Gajendra Deva Routray and is of twenty kilos," Nandini stated, as Anika's eyes grew wide in shock.

"Kshatriyon mein itni power kahan se aati thi haan," said Anika, meeting a pair of amused eyes. "Mera toh 1kg atta lane mein hi halat tight hojati hai."

Nandini suppressed a chuckle and walked ahead towards a narrow doorway. "Enough of the weapons now. Come here in the gallery, I will show you the real paintings of the royals."

Anika's eyes lit up and Nandini had caught her eyes very well. She opened the door of the gallery and stepped aside to make way for the girls.

Anika stepped inside, and looked around the gallery. "Does the gallery have paintings of every member of the royal Family?"

This time Sonalika spoke. "We have almost everyone over here. My family is there, look!" She pointed ahead to the wall.

Sonalika was a baby in that painting. Dressed in a green lehenga and eyes laden with kajal, she looked absolutely cute in that painting. Since they were the ones born in the modern era, they could have simply got their photos framed, but they wanted to have their photos painted just like their ancestors so they got themselves painted and framed it in the gallery.

"Now come on Anika, let me introduce you to everyone." Nandini now stood beside her, leading the way.

"Wait! First show her the painting of Kavindra. We were talking about him and his story some nights before. This girl," Sonalika gestured towards Anika, "ended up dreaming about him, you know. Who knows by some weird magic of the universe, she could have seen the real him?"

Nandini's voice suddenly turned grave. "She saw the prince in her dream? So early?"

"So early?" Anika interjected. "What does that mean?"

"N-nothing. Come on, move ahead, my child." Nandini grabbed one end of her pallu and wrapped some part of it over her finger.

Sonalika did not pay attention to any of that. She was excited to check if by coincidence, her friend had seen the prince or not.

A sudden gasp brought Sonalika to focus around her surroundings. Anika's hands were over her face as if shielding herself away from something. She quickly went towards her friend and made her sit down on the floor.

"Are you okay, Anika? First you fell ill back home and now suddenly over here. All good?"

"I saw- fire. Sparks everywhere. A huge flame just blew over my face." Anika kept rubbing her face as she spoke. Sonalika turned towards Nandini and said, "Get a glass of water for her please. I think she is really unwell."

Nandini hurriedly walked outside. Sonalika rubbed Anika's back gently as she slowly began to compose herself. She took deep breaths and rubbed her temples frequently. Finally gaining some strength to speak, she asked, "Sona, please can you get crocin from my bag? That might help this headache."

Sonalika quickly left to fetch Anika's tablets. Alone, Anika made another attempt to look at the painting of the prince. It felt puzzling that just after hearing his story, everything felt weird around her.

'First, a dream then a vision and I unknowingly play music from the same vision and now I see a fireball over my face. Was I related to this prince in my past life,' she muttered in annoyance. 'Jabse malum chala hai iske bare mein tabse sab ulta sidha hi ho raha hai.'

True she was annoyed, but one glance at the prince's painting, everything faded away. The first time, her eyes landed over him, she saw fire around her and felt tremendously hot. That vision and fiery sensation lasted merely a few seconds, but were enough to fatigue the mind.

The prince in the painting stood elegantly, a small smile on his lips, unlike the other royals who looked stoic, with no smile or any expression on their faces. His small smile for no reason made Anika feel peace. Her headache lessened a bit. Kavindra was dressed in a white kurta that reached to his shins. His right hand held a white lotus while the other hand rested over a long white stool that was very well carved and designed with precious jewels. The painting had a lot of white in it. The prince himself was decked in white.

His face was to the front which again was unlike the other paintings where everyone looked to their side or to the corners.

"He must have been a rebel it seems," said Anika with a smile.

The painter had done a very commendable job. Looking at the prince, she felt as if she was at ease. The tender look of the prince reminded her of the gentle rain that falls at nights. Even from a painting, Anika could feel that the prince must have been a very approachable and a friendly being.

"Anika, here's your glass of water." Anika jumped a little on hearing Nandini's voice beside her.

"When did you come in?" She asked, taking the glass from her.

"Umm.. just now?"

"Ani, take your tablet. I even got your purse with me." Sonalika barged inside the gallery.

Anika quickly swallowed the tablet and looked at Sonalika. "I guess, Sona, your Kavindra is affecting me. First the vision and now this."

"The vision?" Both Nandini and Sonalika asked, their eyebrows raised in question.

Anika gulped her water slowly while trying to figure out an acceptable answer for both the women. "Vision? Did I say vision?" Nandini nodded at her.

"Oh, hehe, it was related to the project. I have a vision plan for my project. Nothing much." Sonalika passed a dubious look, but stayed silent.

Nandini casted one final look at Kavindra. Nobody noticed her smile at the painting. Nobody noticed her finger movements under the edge of her pallu that was tied to her finger.

"I think food will solve everything now. You girls come to the dining room within fifteen minutes while I set up the Royal Odia cuisine," Nandini said. Her index finger was still moving in circles under her pallu but none of the girls noticed it.

She then walked away, leaving Sonalika and Anika in the gallery. Sonalika glanced at the painting once again and then at her friend.

What was going on with her friend? This wasn't a case of being too involved or obsessed in a princely story. Something else was at play.

***

Nandini and other staff members pulled out chairs for both Sonalika and Anika. The chairs were too cushiony for Anika, who felt that she could even sink in them while eating.

An old lady around her fifties arrived with a large bowl of some brown coloured sweet dish and placed it on the table. "Eita hela ama Rasabali." (This is our Rasabali.)

The round reddish brown sweet was coated in thick flavoured milk, garnished with nuts and kesar that made Anika lick her lips. Another helper began serving the sweets to the girls while other mouth watering dishes arrived.

There was machha ghanta, a deliciously tempting fish curry served with hot steamed rice. A small bowl sized serving arrived for Kanika, a traditionally prepared sweet pulao that was also a part of the chappan bhog offered to the favourite deity of Odisha, Lord Jagganatha.

Two tiny white bowls were brought in that contained aambo khatta (mango khatta). Anika dipped her finger into it and licked it. The taste made her smile.

Sonalika, smiled and said, "Ruk jaa aur bhi hai."

"Aur kitna hai bhai? Itna toh aaram se ho jayega," Anika said, after breaking out from the rich taste of her khatta.

A pot arrived with steaming Pilaf. The golden brown colour of the rice mixed with the aroma of spices made Anika want to gorge on the meals already, but she waited patiently for all the dishes to arrive.

Finally, her wait was over when she was served two large Pahala Rasagulla. Sonalika immediately popped that white delicacy in her mouth and closed her eyes. Anika on the hand squeezed the white ball to see how much chasni they were giving out.

Nandini after ensuring that all the dishes were served began to speak. "Now, a good meal will take all your tiredness away Anika along with causing a riot in your tastebuds. Call me once after you are done with your meals. I will escort you to your rooms."

Every helper and all the staff members soon left away to let the girls enjoy their lunch. One of the windows was left open letting some cool breeze pass inside the hall.

Anika was about to stuff her rasgulla in her mouth when a sudden gust of wind passed by her. The wind tickled her neck and blew some stray hair strands by her ears. Immediately she looked back towards the window.

Nothing.

The trees outside were still as a statue. Not a leaf moved an inch. It was quite peculiar here. She gulped her rasgulla and asked Sonalika, "Sona, did you feel the wind?"

"Wind?"

"Yes, abhi ekdum zorr se hawa andar aaya na." What on earth is going around me? Anika wondered.

"I think you really need a good rest. Jaldi khana khatam kar. Nandini will show you the roomroom and you get some rest." Sonalika's face soon turned to a frown as worry etched her face. Things were going very wrong and strange after she told her story about that prince.

"Anika," Sona turned a glance at her friend's hair, "why is there a black burnt rose on your hair?"

She shook her head and the rose fell on the table beside her plate. Her fingers ran over the coarse petals of the rose. Some of the petals even crumbled into small black bits under her fingers.

Somewhere in the dark ruins of the once glorious palace, a finger plucked a string of a partially burnt veena.

******

Tagging: @navaratna @inexhaustible-sources-of-magic @ma-douce-souffrance @Nandini where did you go I even made you a character in here 😭

And the khane ka photo

Rosogolla as we odias say

Khatta

Kanika

Rasabali (you must have this once at least)

The fish curry!

Pilaf

#samridhi writes #fics

[let-me-love-you-loki]

Waking Up in Vegas--Ch. 44

Chapter 44: You Made It So Sweet

Mera, Morning, 10:32 AM

           I took a deep breath and looked around the concrete courtyard of the University of Nevada’s Las Vegas campus. It was dotted with squares of landscaping made of pale sandy soil planted with small plants, shrubs, and a few trees. Benches and bike racks sat along the sides of the courtyard beneath white-stoned buildings. Straight ahead was a causeway of concrete split in half by bright green grass and a canopy of trees.

           The sun was blinding overhead as Dean and I walked the length of the campus. His fingers were threaded with mine as we passed from the heat of the courtyard beneath the shade of the causeway. I smiled as I breathed in the scent of damp tree leaves.

           “Is it strange that I’m nervous?” I asked, looking up into the canopy of trees. “I’m in my thirties. I already have a degree. But I feel like a green freshman.”

           Dean withdrew his hand and tucked his arm around my shoulder, pulling me close. He dropped a kiss on top of my head. “You’re finally getting to do something for you,” he said quietly.

           My heart skipped a beat at the idea that he was right. I was finally doing something that I’d wanted to do for so long. This was what had been denied to me for most of my adult life. This feeling is what I’d given up to live the life Seth wanted. I’d resented him for it for longer than I could remember, but being with Dean had given me the ability to let go of it.

           “They gave me a choice of classes,” I said, hearing the awe in my voice. “I’m taking some online, and some of them here. I can still work and travel with you.”

           He stopped and turned me toward him. His blue eyes were beautiful and earnest, and I could see the dimple hidden beneath his beard when he smiled lopsidedly. “If that’s what you want, then nothing else would make me happier. If you want to stay home and focus on school, then that will make me happy, too.”

           Dean kissed my forehead and took me by the hand, leading me back down the causeway beneath the trees. We were quiet for a while, meandering across the center of the campus. I gave myself time to come to grips with the fact that this was real. That I was finally getting to live the dream I’d always wanted.

           I dropped my head against his shoulder and smiled. “Thank you, Dean. For everything. For this.”

           My husband didn’t say anything. Instead, he smiled softly. “I never thought I’d be good enough for a woman like you—college degree, forgotten more than I’ll ever know—and yet here I am… surprised to find every day that I’m worthy of you.”

           “You were always worthy of anything and everything you wanted, Dean. And I’ve known it since the day I met you.”

Seth, Afternoon, 1:08 PM

           Roman sat across the table in catering, watching me with a furrowed brow. “She’s coming back to work tonight. Are you going to be able to keep your shit together?”

           I sat back in my chair, feeling strangely hollow at the news. I’d spent my entire time off at my parents’ place in Iowa, reliving more of the past than I’d wanted to. Those memories had leached out every ounce of feeling out of me. I honestly didn’t know how I was functioning.

           “I don’t intend on having to visit the trainer’s room.”

           He leaned forward and put his elbows on the table. “You have a title defense tonight. Don’t fuck it up. Vince is already pissed with you two after that fight in the hallway.”

           It didn’t matter to Roman who threw that first punch, only that the three of us had gotten reamed for it. Dean and me for fighting and Roman for not breaking it up—even though he hadn’t even been in the building.

           “I’m good, Ro,” I assured him, not surprised by the fact that my voice sounded robotic. I felt that way. “I’m good.”

           He started to say something, but stopped mid-sound. He was looking over my shoulder. I didn’t need to look to know who it was, but I turned around anyway. There was no surprise that it was Mera and Dean. They walked as they always did, side-by-side and moving as if they revolved around each other. My mind conjured up memories when we had been like that, but they drifted away like mist in the wind. I was so numb that I couldn’t hang on, even as it ripped into what was left of my heart.

           “Sup, boys?” Dean said calmly. We’d hardly spoken since we’d been chewed out by Vince except for that disastrous call while she was in the hospital. The fact that he was acting like nothing happened was messing with my head.

           “Not much,” Roman responded as he pulled out the chair at his side. “Come sit with me, Mera.”

           She smiled and sank down into the offered seat, dropping a backpack on the floor by her feet. Dean sat on her other side. He watched me for a moment then turned his full attention to her. Mera practically glowed under his gaze.

           “What’s the word on your last night?” Roman asked, side-eyeing me even as he spoke.

           “There won’t be one.” Mera’s grin got bigger and she looked between the three of us. “I went by the campus last week. I’m taking a mix of online and on-campus classes. You’re still stuck with me.”

           “We’d be lost without you,” I said, surprised at my own sincerity.

           She blushed a little, but my heart was so raw that there was no skipped beat or racing pulse. “Thank you,” she said as if she really meant it.

           The fact that I was so desperately numb stopped any happiness I might have had about that statement. They kept talking, but I drifted away into something like a white-noise trance. By the time I pulled out of it, Mera and Dean were gone.

           “What’s wrong with you?” Roman’s words pulled me back to reality. “Not that I’m complaining about you not getting into another fight.”

           I sat back and sighed, running my hand over my face. “This is… acceptance, I guess? Depression? Both? I don’t know what. I just know that I’m… empty. I’ve got nothing left, Roman.”

           He looked at me for a while, not sure what he was thinking. I couldn’t remember being this sad or this lost. It sent me out of control, and I didn’t know how to handle it.

           “Seth?” His voice was filled with worry when he said my name. “This isn’t okay, man. It’s like you only have three settings for her—obsessed, indifferent, or despondent. This isn’t what I meant when I said get your shit together.”

           I sighed. “I haven’t had my shit together in a long time.”

Mera, Afternoon, 1:15 PM

           “Go on,” Dean soothed from his spot on the edge of my trainer’s table. He reached out and brushed his fingers against my upper arm. “I can see it in your eyes.”

           My heart thumped in my chest. I could feel it my pulse skimming along at my wrists and the base of my throat. “What do you mean?” I didn’t want to look at him, even though I knew what he meant.

           “You saw him just like I did, Mera. And I know you’re worried about him.” He drew me close so that I stood between his knees. Then his fingers threaded with mine. His lips ghosted over my brow. “I never thought I’d prefer him being jealous and insane to whatever it is he was just now.”

           “Is it strange that I still care?” My head dropped against his shoulder. I breathed deep of the scent of my husband. No matter how far away we were from Las Vegas, I could always smell the sweetness and heat of the desert air. It was calming in a way that nothing else ever could be.

           “No,” Dean replied quietly. He kissed the top of my head. “It would be strange if you didn’t. You have a heart that’s too good to hate anyone, no matter how much they’ve hurt you.” He nuzzled his nose against my hair. “Now go on. Go talk to him.”

           I smiled at him and kissed his cheek. “Thank you,” I whispered.

           He squeezed my fingers and let me walk away. It never ceased to amaze me at how much Dean loved me. It was present each and every time he let me go, that he gave me the freedom to choose, and that he trusted me to come back to him on my own.

           Seth hadn’t moved from where he’d been in catering. Roman was gone, but Seth was still there, staring into space. I slipped into the seat beside him and, even then, he didn’t move.

           It wasn’t until I bumped my shoulder into his that he looked around. I’d known him long enough to see the pain in his deep brown eyes. My heart ached for the boy I’d known and for the man I’d loved most of my life.

           “Hey,” I said quietly, looking sideways at him “Are you okay?”

           Seth shrugged, but didn’t say anything. I turned in the chair so I could face him and rested my chin on his shoulder. “Talk to me, Bee. Please?”

           “You haven’t called me that in years, Mera,” he said, hardly loud enough to be heard. Still, he tilted his head and rested his cheek against my hair.

           “I’m worried about you,” I replied.

           “I thought you stopped caring about me.”

           “Seth…” I blinked away tears. “I never stopped caring about Colby. I never stopped and I never will. That’s the person I knew, the boy I grew up with, and the man I loved. Colby was my best friend for most of my life.”

           “We used to be more than that.” His voice was hollow, but I could still hear the pain. “There used to be a time when it was you and me against the world. Now… now it’s you and Dean. And I’m just here.”

           “Look at me.” The words came out stronger than I wanted, but they had the desired effect. Seth turned his head, and the look on his face broke my heart. “You’re only alone if you want to be, Colby.”

           “There’s no one else for me but you, Mera. I’ve known it my whole life. But it scared me.” He spoke quietly. I reached for his hand and held it between my own. “I was an ass. And I hurt you… Christ, did I hurt you. I’m sorry, Mera. I’m so sorry.”

           I didn’t stop the tears when they came this time. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted to hear from you, Colby.”

           His brown eyes blurred. “It’s too late, isn’t it?”

           “Not for you to be the man I know you can be.” I squeezed his hand. “Not for you to be my best friend again. And not for you and Dean to patch things up.”

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[rabba-ve]

Ch 6: Raat Ko Ek Din Dhalna Hi Hai

Newest chapter of Tu Safar Mera!

Read on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/753062598-tu-safar-mera-ch-6-raat-ko-ek-din-dhalna-hi-hai

Or below the cut. Enjoy!

"Bhai, ready to go?" Akash asked.

Arnav exchanged a look with Khushi.

"Nahi, main aaj office nahi jaa raha hoon. Aur tum bhi nahi jaa rahe ho," [I am not going to the office today and neither are you.] he replied. Turning to the rest of the family, he said, "Mujhe aur Khushi ko aap sab se kuch zaroori baat karni hai." [Khushi and I need to say something important to all of you.]

Everyone was wary and on guard due to Arnav's tone. "Kaa hua Arnav bitwa?" [What happened Arnav?] Nani asked to break the tense silence.

Not wanting to reply just yet, Arnav herded everyone to the living room. Khushi kneeled in front of Anjali and held her hands. She and Arnav had decided early this morning that their priority would be to make sure that Anjali made it through this. She needed to remember that they were here to support her and had her best interests at heart.

"Di, hame maaf kar dijiye hame yeh baat apse chupani nahi chahiye thi. Hum nahi chahte the ki hamari wajah se aapki zindagi barbaad ho." [Di, I am sorry. I shouldn't have hidden this from you. I didn't want to ruin your life.] Khushi said.

Shyam looked increasingly distressed. Arnav walked over to stand behind the sofa he was sitting on. Mami couldn't handle the tension.

"Kahe itna strecthiya karat ho? Jaldi jaldi batao ki kaa baat hai. Hamka beauty parlor jaeka padi. Hurry peleej!"

[Why are you stretching this? Tell us quickly. I have to go to the beauty parlor. Hurry please!]

Khushi looked at Arnav. He nodded at her to begin.

Khushi began from the day Shyam rescued her from the goons. The truth was long and difficult but Khushi left out no details, eyes on Anjali the whole time.

"Aapko yaad hai, satyanaryan ki puja ke din, aapne pehli baar hame apne pati se milwaya tha? Uss hi din humne unse saare rishte tod diye aur Buaji ke ghar se bahar nikaal diya. Hum agle din hi aapko sab sach sach batane aaye the par aapka mangalsutra toot gaya. Aap itne ghabraye hue the ki hum darr gaye. Aapko uss halat mein dekh kar hame laga ke yeh sadma aap bardasht nahi kar paoge. Aur hum aapko aisa dukh kaise de sakte the?"

[Do you remember, you introduced me to your husband on the day of satyanarayan puja. The same day we broke all ties with him and threw him out of Buaji's house. The next day, I had come to tell you the truth but your mangalsutra broke. Seeing you panic at that scared me. I didn't think you will be able to handle this shock. How could I hurt you this way?]

Shyam fidgeted in his seat. Arnav laid a firm hand on his shoulder, preventing any ideas of escape. Anjali looked at them, the two men she trusted with her life. But she couldn't find anything to say.

Increasingly uncomfortbale by her silence, Shyam said, "Hame aise gande mazaak bilkul pasand nahi, Khushiji."

[Khushiji, I hate such sick jokes.]

Khushi stood up, eyes blazing. "Yeh mazaak nahi hai! Hum sab sach keh rahe hai. Di, iss aadmi ne aapko dhoka diya hai."

[This is not a joke! I am telling you the truth. Di, this man has deceived you.]

Shyam rushed at Khushi, shaking her by the shoulders. "Khushiji aap itna kaise gir sakti ho?" [Khushiji, how could you be so cheap?] Arnav was fuming. But he was beaten to the punch (perhaps literally) by Payal.

"Bas!" [Enough!] she shouted, pushing Shyam away. She put herself between him and Khushi. "Bahut keh liya aapne aur bahut sun liya humne! Khushi jhooth nahi bol rahi hai. Giri hui voh nahi, gire hue aap hai. Aap yeh bhool rahe hai ki aapki sachai hum bhi jante hai. Jab Di ki pregnancy ki khabar aai toh hame laga ki aap sudhar jayenge, ya Khushi ki shaadi ke baad use akela chod denge par aap toh kutte ki dum hai! Hamari behen ne aapki vajah se bahut kuch sehen kiya hai par aur nahi.

[You've said enough and we've heard enough! Khushi isn't lying. You are the cheap one, not her! Don't forget that I also know your true colours. When we heard the news of Di's pregnancy, we thought you would change or that you might leave Khushi alone after her marriage but a leopard never changes its spots! My sister has suffered a lot because of you but no more.]

Akash looked at his wife in surprise. "Tumne yeh baat hame pehle kyun nahi batayi? Mujhe batana zaroori nahi samjha?" [Why didn't you tell us this earlier? Didn't you think I deserved to know?] Before Payal could defend herself, Shyam spoke up.

"Kyunki yeh manghadan kahaani hai! Rani sahiba," [Because this is a made up story! Rani Sahiba,] He kneeled in front of Anjali, just as Khushi had earlier.

"Aap inn pe bilkul vishwas mat karna. Dono behne hame barbaad karne pe tuli hui hai. Hum jaante bhi nahi kyun." [Don't believe them. These sisters want to destroy me. I don't even know why.]

He turned back to look at the sisters. "Hamne kya bigaada hai aapka? Hamesha izzat se pesh aate hai, aur aap humpe aise ghatiya ilzaam laga rahe hain!?" [What have I ever done to you? I have always treated you with respect and you are accusing me of such terrible things.]

"Di, please inn ki baat mat suniye. Khushi aur hum sach keh rahe hai." [Di, please don't listen to him. Khushi and I are telling the truth.] Payal said.

Shyam ignored Payal and continued:

"Hum aapko sach batate hai. Hum iss ghar ki izzat ke khatir, saale sahab ki khatir chup rahe. Par ab hamare paas koi chaara nahi hai. Pehle din se hi Khushiji humpe dore daal rahi thi. Apni maryada ko bhoolke. Aap choti hai, Khushiji. Aapki umar mein man kachcha hota hai. Isilye humne zyaada kuch kaha nahi. Magar jab humne badhava nahi diya, inhone saale sahab ko phasaya. Yeh bahut hi giri hui aur badchalan ladki—"

[I am going to tell you the truth now. For the sake of this family and Arnav, I didn't reveal this earlier. But now I don't have any other choice. Khushi has been eyeing me since day one, disregarding her boundaries. You are young Khushiji. At this age, your mind gives in to temptation so I didn't say much. But after I brushed her off, she trapped Arnav. She is a cheap and characterless—]

Arnav grabbed Shyam's collar and slapped him (A well-deserved and long overdue slap). "Yeh meri Di ko dhoka dene ke liye." [This is for cheating on my Di.] Another slap echoed through the house. "And this is for tormenting my wife."

Khushi was moved at seeing Arnav come to her defense.

"Yeh dono insaan mere zindagi main sabse zyaada important hai, aur tumne inn dono ko dukh pohachane ka gunah kiya hai."

[They are the two most important people in my life and you have committed the crime of hurting both of them.]

He addressed Anjali: "Mein iski ghatiya harkaton ke baare mein pehle se jaanta tha, Di. Mujhe bhi Akash aur Payal ki shaadi ke din pata chala. Main chup tha kyunki main nahi chahta tha ki iss baat se aap par ya aapke hone wale bache pe bura asar ho. Itna hi nahi, iske intentions pehle se hi galat the. Aur woh achha damaad banna sab dikhawa tha. He only married you for the money. Uss ne dhoke se meri will badal di aur hamari puri property apne naam karne ki koshish ki. Mere private investigator ne saare saboot bhej diye hai. Akash, call the police. Mujhe yeh aadmi hamare ghar se bahar chaiye!"

[I already knew about his despicable deeds, Di. I learned about it on the day of Akash and Payal's wedding. I didn't say anything because I didn't want it to negatively affect you or the baby. His intentions were always bad. Even his perfect son-in-law act was just for show. He only married you for the money. He even tried to change my will and takeover our property. The private investigator has sent me the proof. Akash, call the police. I want this man out of our house!]

Akash and NK dragged Shyam to hand him over to the security at the door.

"Ek minute." [One minute.] Anjali stopped them. "Aaj ke bad agar aap phir hamare ya hamare parivaar ke paas aye toh humse bura koi nahi hoga." [If I see you anywhere near me or my family ever again, I won't spare you.] She broke her mangalsutra and threw it at Shyam's feet; the metallic clack of the gold on the marble tiles filled the room as the black beads scattered on the floor. She pushed him out and slammed the door.

In the next moment, she found herself engulfed in a hug from her entire family. Arnav was closest and she let him support her. She still had this. A wonderful brother. A loving family. They would give her the strength she needed to rebuild her life.

"Ab damadji ko bye bye to godbharai ko no hello hi?" [Bye bye to son-in-law so no hello hi to baby shower?] Mami asked in an attempt to lighten the mood. Only Anjali smiled.

"Godbharai hogi, Mami. Hum uss insaan ke liye aansu nahi bahayenge."

[Baby shower will happen Mami. I am not going to waste tears on him.]

"Are you sure, Di?" Arnav asked.

"Hum theek hai, Chhote," [I am fine, Chhote.] she replied. Her family had seen enough pain. It was time for celebrations.

#tu safar mera #chapter 6 #arshi ff #ipkknd ff #arnav #khushi #arnav singh raizada #ipkkndff #arshiff #iss pyaar ko kya naam doon #iss pyaar ko kya naam doon? #ipkknd1 #arshi #we wrote a thing #also on wattpad

[let-me-love-you-loki]

Waking Up in Vegas-Ch. 41

Chapter 41: Wouldn’t Dive In

Dean, Morning, 10:43 AM

           “You’re out of the woods,” the doctor said from the end of Mera’s bed. He smiled at her and tucked his hands in the pockets of his white coat. “We’re going to finish you on the drip you’ve got, and then we’re going to get you out of here and back home.”

           The knot in my chest loosened just a little. I sagged into the chair by her bed and let out a breath. She looked so much better. Her eyes were bright and amber. She had more normal color in her face, and the rash that came with her disease had faded from her cheeks. For the first time in over a week, she looked like herself.

           “Thank you,” Mera replied, giving the doctor a faint smile. He promised to send a nurse down with discharge papers and instructions and left. When the door shut behind him, Mera sank back against the pillows and closed her eyes.

           “It’ll be nice for you to sleep in your own bed again,” I said, leaning forward and propping my elbows on my knees.

           My wife turned her head toward me, her eyes going slightly golden in the light. “I want to go home so much, Dean. I want to go back to when you didn’t have to worry about me.”

           I took her hand, threading our fingers together. “Mera Ambrose, I will worry about you every day for the rest of my life. Because you are my wife, and I love you more than anything in this world.”

           Tears glittered on her lashes, but she blinked them away. “Don’t make me cry, Dean,” she whispered. “They’ll think I’m sick again.”

           “Alright,” I said, kissing the back of her hand. “Relax and let that IV finish, then we’ll spring you out of this place.”

           Mera smiled—maybe the first genuine, wide, beautiful smile in days—and my heart bounced against my sternum. For an instant, she was the woman I’d first seen that day in FCW. She was the one I’d watched and adored and loved from afar until she finally fell perfectly into my arms. I’d vowed to spend my life making her feel safe and happy.

Mera, Afternoon, 1:08 PM

           It felt strange to be in regular clothes again. I’d been in a hospital gown for ten days, and I was suddenly desperate to be back in my own house. Dean had taken my bag and gone to pick up the car. A nurse helped me into a chair and wheeled me down to the entrance of the hospital. When he pulled up at the curb in the truck, Dean hopped down from the cab and came around to help me up.

           I shouldn’t have been, but I was amazed by how gentle he was. His hands on my back and my arm were tender but firm. He guided me with sure, slow steps and bore most of my weight as I climbed up into the cab of the truck. He stood up on the runner and buckled my seatbelt.

           “Ready to go home, sweet wife?” he queried, brushing wayward strands of hair from my forehead. His lips ghosted over my forehead.

           I nodded. “Take me home, Dean.”

           The drive from the hospital was quiet. He kept one hand on the wheel. With the other, he held my hand as if it would be the last time. His ring-worn fingers entwined with mine, thumb stroking the back of my hand. Every now and then, he would draw my it up to his mouth and ghost a kiss on my flesh.

           I had a lot of time to think on that ride home. I thought about what my life had been like until that day almost a year ago. Before that night, I’d lived my life for someone else. No matter how hard I thought, no matter how desperately I tried to remember, I had no memories of a time before Colby Lopez. I knew there had to be. But he was as ubiquitous in my life as my own family. I’d very much become the person I was because of the person I’d been with him.

           For him.

           Teenagers think they know what love is. And maybe some of them do, but I couldn’t say for sure if I had. I’d never dated anyone else. Never spent time with people who weren’t Colby and his core group of friends. I was hard pressed to remember the name of a single friend who had just been mine. Everything… everything was tied up in Colby… in the boy who would eventually become Seth Rollins.

           Part of me wondered if I could ever separate my sense of self from the life that had been chosen for me. I couldn’t lay it all at his feet—I’d made the choice to give up my spot at Iowa State. I’d made the choice to study athletic training so I could get a job to be with him. I’d gotten in that car, traveled, stayed in cheap motels, scrounged change for the dollar menu right beside him. No, I couldn’t say that everything was his fault. But I couldn’t say that he gave me a fair chance at a life of my own either.

           And now… I was so close to having just that. A life of my own choosing. Dean, who had never pushed me, never asked for more than I could give, never took more than what I was willing to share. He’d taken me as I was, broken and uncertain, and given me permission to be who I wanted to be. I wouldn’t delude myself and say things were perfect, but I felt freer in my marriage to Dean than I had in the twenty years I spent tied to Colby.

           It was like the first breath of clear air after being trapped in a dank room. To be with Dean was to finally be with myself. With the real me.

           The me that I’d never gotten to know.

Seth, Afternoon, 2:41 PM

           I sat in my car for what felt like years. The garage door had long since come down, and yet I couldn’t bring myself to go inside. I was just there… driver’s door open, one foot on the concrete, hands gripping the wheel so hard that my fingers had gone numb. My head was back against the headrest, eyes staring at nothing.

           After seeing Mera in Las Vegas—fragile, sick, and exhausted—the very thought of going into my own house made me sick. The moment I turned down the street I was bombarded with memories of when this house had been a home. When Mera Reynolds had lived and breathed and loved and laughed and existed with me within these walls. I could remember the way her amber eyes turned to brass when she laughed as I carried her over the threshold the first day. I could hear her laugh from the Christmas when I put mistletoe in every doorway, when I went up on the roof to hang the lights and the ladder fell.

           I remembered the first time we stood on the sidewalk in front of this house. I remembered how happy she’d been when I told her it was ours. She’d wanted to turn one of the spare bedrooms into an office. She wanted to use it to work from, to store her supplies. To study.

           She’d wanted to go back to school, to go enroll at St. Ambrose University in the city, to finally get certified as a psychologist.

           My heart felt like stone in my chest. I blinked, swallowing hard as I remembered what came next.

           Just like with Iowa State, I’d talked her out of it.

           Because I wanted her with me. I wanted her to travel with me, to become a road AT on top of working the televised events.

           Because I couldn’t see past the fact that what I wanted had never had anything to do with Mera being happy. It was about me being the center around which her life revolved.

Dean, Afternoon, 3:22 PM

           Mera sat on in the overstuffed armchair in the living room, a blanket draped over her legs. The first thing she’d done when we got home was take a shower. Then she’d put on her favorite lounge clothes and curled up in the living room. I couldn’t explain how the sight made me feel—the calm and peace and pure and simple elation that pulsed through my veins every time my heart thumped in my chest.

           “Do you want anything?” I asked, stretched out on the sofa with the remote in hand. I was surfing channels, trying to find something to watch.

           I looked over at her, my breath punching out of my body when I saw her smile. There was life and light in her again. She was my Mera, my wife, my best friend again. It felt like the world had been spinning off kilter for the last ten days and only now it had righted itself.

           “I would kill for some sweet and sour chicken and fried dumplings,” she said, snuggling beneath the blanket. “How much do you love me?”

           Laughing, I sat up. I could feel my face light up with a smile… the one that I kept just for her. “Enough to crawl on my hands and knees through broken glass and burning coals to bring you deep fried Chinese food.”

           I watched Mera smile. Her eyes glittered golden. There was health and life in her face again. And God knew, I had no words for how good it was to have her back again.

           “They deliver, you know,” she replied, reaching for me. I moved to her, crouching by the side of her chair as she stroked her fingers over my jaw. For a moment, she was quiet, her eyes bouncing as she looked me over. Her smile softened. “Thank you, Dean.”

           “For what, sweet wife?”

           She leaned over to press a kiss against my cheek. “I know that you know Seth came to see me. I could see it in your face when you came in after he left. Thank you for not making a big deal of it. Thank you for letting me have that.”

           I wanted to tell her how angry I’d been about it. I wanted to tell her that I hated how he could still weasel into her life. I wanted to tell her that I couldn’t stand the thought of him being close enough to her to hurt her again. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. I wouldn’t.

           Instead, I squeezed her fingers and kissed her knuckles. “You are your own woman, Mera. As much as I want to keep you from any kind of hurt or harm, I know that you are strong enough to know your own mind. I trust you. More than I’ve trusted anyone in my life.”

           A single tear rolled down her cheek. “Thank you for that, too.”

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#waking up in vegas #wuiv #dean ambrose #dean ambrose fanfiction #wwe #wwe fanfiction #seth rollins #seth rollins fanfiction #mera reynolds #dean x mera #ofc #oc #multi-chapter #real person fanfiction

[let-me-love-you-loki]

Waking Up in Vegas--Ch. 45

A/N: This is the last full chapter. The next thing will be an epilogue closing the story out. Thank you for taking this journey with me, Mera, Dean, and Seth!

Chapter 45: Until I Woke Up

Seth, Afternoon, 1:23 PM

           I looked at Mera, trying to wrap my head around what she’d just said. That hollowness inside me seemed to respond to her words. It relaxed just a little. My fingers wrapped around hers and squeezed.

           I laughed sadly. “I don’t think I know who that person is anymore, Mera,”

           She leaned her head against my shoulder. It made me think of the years that I’d taken her for granted. The years that I’d ruined because I couldn’t be who she needed me to be. I squeezed my eyes shut to hold back the tears. God, I was ready to break down. Those moments of emptiness and hollow were breaking away, smashing beneath the feeling of Mera being there. It was as if the weight of her forgiveness… her understanding crushed my belief that I’d stopped feeling anything about it.

           “He’s still in there,” she said putting her hand on my chest. The heat of her palm burned through the fabric of my shirt. I could feel it burning and blistering against my flesh. “I know it, because I know the real you.”

           It happened before I could get control of myself. The heat burned like a pain behind my eyes. The tears came, a rush of them pouring out of me like they hadn’t in years. I turned in my seat and threw my arms around her. For half a second, she seemed to recoil. Then she sank into my hold, wrapping her arms around me. Mera cradled my head against her shoulder.

           “It’s going to be okay, Colby.”

           The sound of her saying my name—the name she hadn’t called me since I had broken everything we’d built together—it was almost too much. I clung to her harder, clutching her against me as I sobbed into her honey gold hair.

           “Mera,” I whispered, sniffling. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

           “Bee,” she soothed. “Stop. It’s over, it’s done. It’s forgiven. It’s forgiven.”

Dean, Afternoon, 1:30 PM

           I saw them at the table. For an instant, that beast in my chest roared in jealousy at seeing the two of them holding onto each other. But one look at my wife made it calm into sleep once again. Even from where I stood, I could see the softened curve of her face. The way that her entire being looked… lighter.

           My feet took me on a detour through catering. I grabbed a tray and piled it high with just about anything and everything that Seth and Mera liked. Even that super sweet lemonade that they liked. I took my time carrying everything over to the table where they sat. I stopped and talked to Jimmy and Jey, to Mustafa Ali, and Alexa Bliss, trying to give them the time they needed.

           “How is she?” Alexa asked as I leaned on the table. She, Becky, and Natalia were sitting together talking about the upcoming women’s tag tournament.

           “She’s doing good,” I said with a proud smile. “We went by the campus last week. She’s really excited.”

           I glanced toward her, focusing in on the way that she seemed somehow freer than before. Whatever the two of them had talked about, it seemed to stitch together some of the wounds that their past had left on her. Sometime soon, she would be whole.

           “Have they sorted themselves out?” Becky asked, gesturing toward where they sat. When I looked at her, I could see the real reason behind her question. Oh Christ, that’s going to be interesting.

           I gave her a sideways smile. “I think they’re about to. If you’ll excuse me, ladies…”

           Mera met my eyes as I moved toward the table. She smiled softly, and her amber eyes sparkled even with her tears. I sat the tray quietly on the table and moved a chair around to sit facing Seth.

           “Bee…” she said gently, giving Seth another firm squeeze. He clung on for a long moment before he took a deep breath and sat up. His face was red, eyes glassy and bloodshot.

           I plopped a cup of lemonade in front of each of them. “You look like hell, Rollins,” I teased. “You need a drink.”

           Seth’s eyes shot up, fear spilling over his face. Mera slid her arm around his shoulder and settled her chin on his shoulder. I grinned at her, happy to see her look so at ease.

           “You guys okay?” I asked, handing over plates piled high with their favorites. My wife beamed at me, and I felt my own smile get bigger.

Mera, Afternoon, 1:46 PM

           Seth looked across the table at Dean, not quite sure what to say. I gave his shoulder a squeeze. “It’s okay, Bee,” I whispered.

           Dean raised a brow, making him look slightly comical. “Bee?”

           I grinned. “Bear and Bee.” I rolled my eyes and laughed. “Huge Winnie the Pooh person when I was kid. I was Pooh Bear, he’s Bee.”

           Laughter rolled over the table. Dean’s blue eyes went bright cornflower. “Can I be Eeyore?”

           I pressed my lips together, trying not to snort. I glanced sideways at Seth, who was looking at me with an openness that I hadn’t seen since… I couldn’t remember how long. I waited, praying silently that the two of them could figure it out. That they could put this whole thing behind them and be the friends they’d been for so many years.

           Seth took a deep drink of the lemonade in front of him. He looked at it twice, making a surprised face. “This is… right?” he said to me.

           I shrugged. “He knows how it goes. He’s had practice.”

           For a second, I thought I’d gone too far. A flicker of that haunted sadness slipped into his brown eyes. Then it was gone, and he smiled like the old Colby. He bumped his forehead against mine.

           “You’re happy, Bear? Really?”

           “Very much,” I replied, staring at him like we’d used to. “But I’d be happier if you and I can be friends again.”

           Seth took a deep breath and cradled the back of my head with his hand. For a moment, he sat there without moving. Then he pressed a kiss to my forehead and smiled softly. “I’ve missed you, Bear.”

           It felt like I’d taken a truly deep breath for the first time in a long time. The smile that spread over my face was the first completely free one in years. The two halves of me finally merged together, making me finally… at long last… whole again.

           “And you,” Seth said, putting his elbow on the table and pointing at Dean. “You, are much more of a Tigger.”

           Dean’s eyes got big and round as he leaned back in his chair. He poked himself in the chest. “Me? Me? Tigger!”

           I looked between the two of them, silently marveling at how they so quickly fell into their old selves. Almost as if the past year hadn’t happened at all.

           “I don’t know, Bee,” I said meeting my husband’s eyes. “He seems more like Rabbit to me. Such a party pooper.”

           “I am not!” Dean exclaimed.

           My heart swelled happily as I squeezed Seth around the shoulder again before dropping a kiss on his hair. I stood and rounded the table, kissing Dean on the cheek. “I’m going to go check the hall. See if anyone needs me. You two get… reacquainted.”

Seth, Afternoon, 2:09 PM

           I watched Mera walk away, something familiar settling in my chest. It was a sense of comfort like I hadn’t felt in years. It was the feeling of having my friend back. Of not having to be this person who I thought everyone wanted me to be. I could breathe and, just for the moment, be the version of myself that I actually liked.

           For a while, Dean and I sat in silence. There was still something awkward about it, made sharper by the absence of Mera. I missed her, but I realized just then how much I missed Dean. We’d come up in the WWE together, and it felt wrong to not be on the same side. To not be true friends.

           “Hey, listen, I’m sorry,” I started, finding it hard to look at him. “I’m sorry for the things I said. For how I acted.”

      ��    Dean smiled. A real, genuine smile. “Seth… I get it. You and Mera,” he said, pointing between me and the seat she’d recently vacated, “there’s something there that I’ll never be able to touch. It took me a while to figure that part out, but if it makes her happy, I can live with it. She’s missed you.”

           I groaned and tapped my knuckles on the table. “Nah, I was an asshole to her. She deserves better. She deserves you. Took me a while to figure that one out.” I stopped and glanced across the room. Mera was sitting at the table with Alexa, Natty, and Becky. The four of them laughed, and I couldn’t help but remember how Mera had worked every crowd in high school. She could be friends with anyone. “But she’s happy. Happier than I’ve seen her in a long time. “

           “Hey, she’s missed Colby, honey or whatever the fuck she calls you.” The words came out gruff, but with a hint of a smile. “Part of that happy is because you two are talking again.”

           I watched over his shoulder. Mera leaned across the table and whispered something to Becky. She covered her face with her hand, aquamarine nail polish against fiery red hair. Mera glanced back at us, and I grinned.

           “And she’s gone right back to the girl I grew up with.” Dean turned around, spoon hanging from his mouth, and waved at the girls. I groaned and dropped my head.

           “Which girl was that?” Dean asked distractedly.

           I barely had time to whisper, “The kind who hates to see anyone lonely,” before Mera reappeared at the table side, her arm around Becky.

           “Hey, Bee, I need to ask you a huge favor.” Her amber eyes glittered and she smiled brighter than a million suns. “Apparently Becks here was supposed to ride with Alexa after the show, but they’re short a car. Lexi is riding with Braun. Can you be a super awesome best friend and give Becks a ride? Dean and I would, but we have to go back to Vegas tonight.”

           I looked Mera over. She was the girl who had been every bright thing in my life for as long as I could remember. I’d basked in her devotion like sunshine for so long. But I’d consumed everything about her that had once been beautiful and bright, tossing her out like a dead and dying star. I suppose I’d learned my lesson… stars were fragile things without something to feed their flames. And I’d spent far too long taking from Mera Reynolds, and not nearly enough time giving.

           She looked at me hopefully, raising her brows and subtly flicking her gaze at Becky. Across the table, Dean was doing his best to keep a straight face.

           “Sure, Bear,” I replied, smiling just a little. “I can give Becky a lift. I’ll meet you in the parking lot at eleven thirty?”

           “Thanks, Rollins,” Becky said, one corner of her lips curled up. She shared a look with Mera and sauntered off toward the locker rooms.

           Mera grinned, her smile beaming like some new and bright thing just burst into the cosmos. Dean was right. For the first time in a very, very long time, Mera Reynolds looked whole and happy.

           Well… Mera Ambrose.

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[let-me-love-you-loki]

Waking Up in Vegas--Ch. 43

Chapter 43: Gravity Hurts

Seth, Early Morning, 4:18 AM

           I could hear my childhood home settling in the early hours of morning. My mom had put me in what had once been my brother’s bedroom, but I couldn’t sleep for long. In all, I think I went to bed at one and woke up at a little after two. Once I was awake, there was no going back to sleep. Instead, I slipped down into the basement and paced along the wall. My fingers traced along the cinderblock, making streaks in the dust as I went back and forth.

           Over the years, my old bedroom had been converted back into a storage space. Boxes were stacked in the space where my bed had once been. Christmas ornaments were stored beneath the stairs where I’d once hung my clothes. The bathroom was still functional at least.

           I pushed a few boxes aside with my foot and sank down onto the cold concrete. The floor had once been carpeted, but it’d been torn up soon after I moved out. I looked down; my eyes drawn to the white-painted signature in the corner. Mera E. Reynolds.

           I set my palm against the words and felt a sudden painful sensation deep in my chest. It was like a white-hot knife had been stuck between my ribs and twisted. The serrated edge sliced through muscle, sinew, vessel, nerve, and bone. Blood pooled within me, drowning my lungs, weighing down my body and soul. It felt as if I’d been torn in two and sloppily sewn back together. It was like I was hemorrhaging everything that made me who I was.

           Something crossed my vision, and I glanced up. Even though it was faint and shimmering, I knew her without thinking. There was no mistaking her honey-gold hair and bright amber eyes. She glimmered around the edges and smiled. For a moment, she burned like a supernova. It was Mera as I’d known her in high school. She was beautiful and bright and breathtaking.

           She was the girl I’d fallen in love with. The one who smiled when she saw me and laughed when I snatched her up in my arms. I saw her as she had been when I walked side-by-side with her on the blacktop every night. As she had been when we drove to Moline and sat on the side of the Mississippi.

           Everything about her was painted by the perfection of my memory.

           I blinked and the apparition was gone. It didn’t matter to me if I was going insane. The sight of her as she’d been in our happiest moments thrust me back into the heart of the misery that had been drowning me for days.

           My stomach turned, and I thought for a moment that I was going to vomit. For one of the first times in my life, I had an overwhelming and bone-deep craving for alcohol. I wanted to get drunk. So completely drunk that I forgot who I was, who I’d been, and what I���d lost.

Mera, Morning, 9:03 AM

           “What are you thinking?” I asked, looking up at Dean. We were together on the sofa, and I was stretched out with my head in his lap. His fingers massaged gently through my hair, stroking through the strands from scalp to end. Like a cat, I purred and snuggled closer.

           Dean let out a faint groan and smiled at me. His eyes were such a beautiful blue that it made my heart ache. “I’m wondering what life is going to be like when you quit your AT job.”

           My next breath caught in my throat. Memories—wrapped in old fears—came rushing up at me. “Do you want me to stay?”

           “Of course, I want you to stay, sweet wife,” he replied playfully. “But more than that, I want you to be happy. It doesn’t matter to me whether you’re on the road with me or if you’re here going to school. Whatever you being happy means, that’s what I want for you.”

           He grinned and ran his fingers against my cheek. I felt his touch linger over the bridge of my nose where the lupus rash bloomed, knowing he was remembering those days when I’d been in the hospital. My body warmed at the concern he showed, at the delicate way that he worried and loved and cared for me.

           “I might be able to manage both,” I murmured.

           Dean laughed, and it made my soul light up. “If it’s what you want. That’s your choice, Mera. Just yours.”

           The feeling that settled in my chest was the same as when he first mentioned me going back to school. It was the sensation of falling and flying at the same time. Of light and warmth and open space.

           It was freedom.

           The ability to make my own choices, independent of anyone else’s needs and desires, without the pressure and push from anyone and anything. I’d never felt that before, not truly.

           “If I wanted to do both?” I prodded.

           He took my hand and squeezed. “Then I’m right behind you or beside you. Wherever you need me to be.”

           I sat up, my heart aching and my head spinning. My gaze skimmed over his shaggy chestnut hair, those cornflower blue eyes, the gingery brown beard, and the way his lips curved, and dimples popped on his cheeks. For a moment, I couldn’t understand how it had taken so long for me to come to this place, to be beside him as his wife. I’d been so blinded by grief that I hadn’t given myself permission to see him as the good man that he was.

           As the man who loved me without strings, without expectations, without borders and barriers.

Dean, Morning, 9:31 AM

           By God, she’s beautiful. The words flitted through my mind with ease. They were as familiar as my heartbeat. I didn’t even have to look at her. Each time I thought of her, I was overwhelmed by her beauty and her strength. My wife smiled and everything disappeared. She laughed and it was the best drug in the world.

           She struggled, she hurt, she battled her own body, and came out stronger than before. And I felt weak in the presence of her heart and soul. The woman that she was… there weren’t enough words to describe how much I adored her and how her entire being—heart, soul, mind, body—made her the most exquisite creature on the planet.

           When she looked at me like she was just then, it stopped the breath in my chest. It made my heart beat slower and faster all at once. That beast in my chest rumbled in contentment at her appraisal.

           “What’re you looking at, darlin’?” My fingers brushed against the side of her thigh and up to her hip.

           Those coral lips curved in a bashful smile. Her amber eyes burned so bright that I could hardly meet her gaze. Her honey hair draped over her shoulder, teasing me, begging to be wrapped around my fingers.

           “I’m looking at you,” she replied sweetly. Mera ran her fingers through my hair and settled her palm against my cheek. “And wondering how I could take so long to see you. How it took Drew getting me smashing drunk to have the courage to tell you that I did… that I saw you. That I wanted you to be with me.”

           Something warm slipped into my body. It was like emerging into the bright sunlight after a long darkness. It pushed happiness through my blood.

           “I wish I hadn’t waited so long.” Words she said often. Words that made my heart ache for her… for us.

           I took her by the waist and lifted her into my lap. She sat straddled on my thighs. “Whatever it took to get us here, we’re here,” I said warmly. “It doesn’t matter to me that it took years for you to let me hold you in my arms. What matters is that you let me now. You agreed to be my wife. You took my name. You let me see everything about you. Flaws and fears and all those things that make you so desperately beautiful to me.”

           She blinked and a tear rolled down her cheek. I wiped it away with my thumb. “I intend to love you enough in the time we have together that it’ll make up for the years we missed.”

           Mera pressed her palms against my chest. I rested my hands on the tops of her thighs. Another tear beaded on her lashes. “The time we have together?”

           I felt my lips twitch in a small smile as I leaned forward and kissed her gently. “I will be by your side for as long as you want me to be, Mera Ambrose. And if the time comes when you want to be free—of this life, of us—I’ll step aside, still loving you, still your husband in my heart, and still your friend.”

           She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tightly. Her body was warm and soft as I held her against my chest. The scent of black cherry wrapped around me. “I want you to be at my side until the day I die,” she whispered against my neck. “Every day of the rest of my life, I want to walk it with you.”

           I kissed the side of her head and hugged her as tightly as I could. I reveled in the scent of her skin and her hair. In the heat of her body and the beat of her heart. In the words that floated between us, a promise somehow stronger than the vows we’d spoken in the chapel by the road a year ago.

           “Until my last breath,” I murmured. “I’m yours.”

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[let-me-love-you-loki]

Waking Up in Vegas-Ch. 42

Chapter 42: Wouldn’t Bow Down

Dean, Evening, 6:48 PM

           The calendar had turned, the days had gone by so quickly. A year had passed since that night in the desert air. Since I’d been given my deepest wish.

           One year ago, today, Mera Reynolds married me.

           She had been through so much in those 365 days. It was as if we had lived an entire lifetime in them. A lifetime that was filled with joy and sorrow and travail and terror and strength. Days when I’d seen her at her best and her worst.  

           And I knew that I loved her more today than I had the day I met her all those years ago. Just as I knew I would love her more tomorrow than I did today. Because I learned something new and loved something new every moment.

            I’d spent weeks trying to find something that was worthy of her, of showing her how much having her as mine made me feel. As hard as I tried, I could never really find the words to tell her how much she meant to me. And God knew, she meant more to me than my own life.

Mera, Evening, 6:48 PM

           It was hard to imagine that only a year had passed. It seemed like so much longer and yet no time at all. Being with Dean was being with my best friend. Every moment was sweet, even when it was bitter, when it was desperate, when it was dark and seemed like we’d never make it through. Having him with me was more than I could ever have hoped for after everything that I’d endured.

           For so long, I’d thought Seth had broken me. Dean had proven me so wrong.

           I couldn’t imagine what my life would be like without him now. He had given me so much, and I wanted nothing more than to show him how completely he had changed me and how much I loved him for it. There were so many things that I loved about Dean Ambrose that it was impossible to count them. But I wanted to spend the rest of my life trying.

           “Mera?” Dean’s voice floated up the stairs of our Las Vegas home. I smiled and slipped out of our bedroom and down the hall. He stood at the foot of the stairs in a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie, his gingery hair mussed and his cornflower eyes bright.

           I loved him so much. The magnitude of it hit me in that moment. It almost took my breath away. “Hey,” I murmured from the top step, leaning against the banister. “What are you all dressed up for?”

           He grinned, showing off his dimples. “Takin’ a beautiful woman to dinner on the patio,” he replied. “If she’s willing.”

           My hand found his, twining our fingers together. “She is.” I started to step down, then stopped and raised my brows. “Unless it’s breakfast sandwiches?”

           Dean laughed. It was a rich, beautiful sound that vibrated through me and wrapped me in warmth and peace. “No,” he said tugging me toward him. He slipped his arms around me and pressed his lips against my forehead. “It’s her favorite from the Red Rock Café.”

           Before I could respond, my stomach grumbled. It made him laugh again, and I just couldn’t help but laugh with him. He kissed me then, his lips still curved in a smile. He tightened his hold and swept me up off my feet. I squealed and thumped him playfully on the chest before hooking my legs around him to keep from falling.

           I couldn’t remember being this happy. And I had Dean to thank for it.

Dean, Evening, 7:00 PM

           I’d strung up lights around the patio. I’d cleared out the local craft store’s supply of floating candles, so the pool glittered with them. It wasn’t what she deserved… it was so far from it that it was laughable. But she had begged for something small. Something with just the two of us.

           Mera let out a little gasp when I sat her on her feet on the patio. The desert air was calm and warm. The stars were hidden behind faint grey clouds that promised a hint of rain. I watched the love of my life watch the flickering lights floating in the pool, jostled around by a faint breeze. She pressed her hands against her mouth, tears glistening on her lashes.

           The beast in my chest purred with contentment. She was happy. She was safe. And she was loved more than she could ever know.

           “Don’t cry,” I whispered, drawing her back into my arms.

           “Oh, Dean,” Mera cooed, tucking her head beneath my chin. “You didn’t have to do so much.”

           I laughed and kissed her hair. “I hardly did anything at all.”

           She looked up and smiled, the tears still sliding down her cheeks. “You’ve done everything. Everything and more.”

           Her amber eyes were like polished glass, bright and shining and more beautiful than anything I’d ever seen. That honey gold hair of hers was bound up, strands of it shifting against her cheeks and her neck. My heart squeezed hard. I couldn’t believe that she was mine. That she loved me. That she’d chosen me out of everyone else.

           “I’d do anything for you, Mera. You know that, don’t you?” I heard the break in my voice, but I didn’t care. For her, for this woman, I would be as vulnerable as she wanted. There was no need for walls and pretending with Mera. She had me—she knew me—heart, body, and soul.

           Mera cradled my face in her hands and leaned up on her toes to kiss me. It made my heart race in my chest. It stole the air from my lungs. It infused my soul with a light that I’d never understood or dared to want before her.

           “I know, my sweet husband,” she murmured. “I know”

Seth, Night, 9:56 PM

           A year. It had been a year. There were times when I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t make myself understand that it was over. That Mera Reynolds was lost to me entirely now. She’d made her choice that night on the Strip.

           She’d chosen Dean.

           She was Mera Ambrose now.

           I ached all over. It was like the worst beating and the worst sickness I’d ever had, both rolled into one. Breathing was more than I could manage. Every time I tried, it felt as if my ribs were cracking. I was nauseated. I couldn’t eat. All thoughts of training or competing were driven from my mind as I thought about how everything had turned out.

           Being in my house in Davenport was more than I could manage lately. I’d left it with a bag and crashed at my mom’s place for a few days. It was almost as painful to go down those steps into the basement where I’d once slept and relive the memories of when Mera had been there.

           Everything in my life had been painted with the brush of Mera Reynolds, and now that I’d lost her there was no escaping her. It was a pain so deep and so complete that I knew I would feel it for the rest of my life.

           “Feel like talking?” I looked up from where I sat on the basement steps and saw my mom leaning against the doorframe. There was a sad light in her eyes as she sank down a little way above me. “You’ve been moping down here for hours now.”

           I took a deep breath and put my head in my hands. My eyes landed on her name, carefully painted in white in the corner. “She’s everywhere.”

           “I know,” my mom said, her hand settling on my shoulder. “You two were joined at the hip for so long.”

           I had a flash of memory. Mera and I walking hand in hand along the railroad tracks, backpacks slung over our shoulders as we tried to burn daylight before going home. We’d been in middle school and had the great idea that getting home late meant we’d have to do less homework before bed.

           “It hurts, doesn’t it?” Mom asked.

           “She’s like a ghost. Everything reminds me of her. I can see her in the places she’s been.” I looked around my room, sighing heavily. “I remember the two of us sitting on my bed and talking about her college applications. I remember walking up and down the road under the streetlights at night. I remember her face and the sound of her laugh when I took her to the house after I’d bought it. It feels like my soul has been torn to pieces.”

           My mom stayed quiet, letting me talk. Things spilled out of me that I didn’t even know I could feel. It was a purge of the anger, the shame, the guilt, the longing—every emotion that I’d buried deep within me for so long. It drove me mad to say that I hated her for what she’d done, for leaving me, for marrying my best friend, for staying with my best friend.

           And yet, as soon as I said the words, I realized how thoroughly they were a lie. Perhaps the biggest lie I’d ever told.

           I didn’t hate Mera. I didn’t even hate Dean. No, they had done nothing wrong. As much as I wanted to rail at Dean for pining over her for our entire friendship, I couldn’t. He’d never interfered, never done anything that was dishonest or hurtful. And as much as I wanted to say that Mera had broken some kind of promise, I couldn’t. She’d waited for a long time after I’d destroyed her. Waited for me to come back, to see sense, to remember that it was supposed to be Mera and Colby against the world. And when I hadn’t, she’d moved on.

           No, I didn’t hate them. They didn’t deserve it.

           The real, honest, painful truth was this…  

           I hated myself.

Mera, Night, 9:10 PM

           We sat with our feet in the water. Most of the candles had guttered out, but the paraffin flowers still floated along the pool’s surface, rocking on the eddies caused by our swishing. I settled my head on Dean’s shoulder. It was quiet and calm.

           It was all I’d ever wanted.

           My fingers threaded with his. I closed my eyes and breathed in the scent of the desert. I smiled.

           “I got accepted to the University of Nevada,” I said quietly.

           I felt the joy that radiated off my husband. His fingers squeezed mine tightly. There was pride in his voice when he spoke. “I never had any doubt, Mera Ambrose.”

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[let-me-love-you-loki]

Waking Up in Vegas-Ch. 40

Chapter 40: … What I Know Now

Mera, Afternoon, 3:31 PM

           My chest ached in a way that I’d never felt before. Part of it was the pneumonia and infection that clogged my lungs with fluid. But part of it was from the sudden desperate terror that flooded through me. I knew that if Dean walked in with Seth here it wouldn’t end well. They wouldn’t handle this like adults. Dean would put Seth into the hospital, and Seth would get Dean arrested.

           “Please…” I gasped, clawing at the sheets to keep from reaching for the nurse call button. “Just… g—go…”

           Seth watched me with those deep chocolate eyes of his that reminded me of the days when he was just Colby. When things had been simpler. When I could believe that he would always be my friend—my best friend—and that we would be together like we planned.

           Those days were over. They had been for longer than I could count. I choked—on fear, on pain, on the sheer lack of oxygen forcing its way into my body. The world went fuzzy around the edges.

           “Bear?” he asked, his voice breaking on the word. I gasped, desperate for a solid breath. It was even harder to breathe as I tried to fight back the tears that threatened to choke me. I squeezed my eyes shut, coughing hard.

           Seth held the pail beneath my chin as I coughed and hacked, spitting up phlegm and vomit. He didn’t flinch. He just waited, pushing my hair back out of the way.

Seth, Afternoon, 3:32 PM

            I’d forgotten how bad it could be. She struggled to breathe. She was pale—all except that rash over her nose and cheeks—and clammy. For a split second, I had a sudden flash of terror. I couldn’t remember it ever being like this.

           If I lost her…

           She’s not mine to lose. The words spiked into my brain and ripped into my chest. I lost her a long time ago.

           “Mera,” I said, my voice somehow faint and stricken. My eyes burned. I knew I was crying. I could feel the tears as they ran down my face and into my beard.

           And honestly, I couldn’t find the real reason for the tears. I didn’t know if it was because she sat in a hospital bed desperate to breathe or if it was because she was so far gone from me that there was no going back.

           All I knew was that, in that moment, it felt like my heart had been ripped out from between my ribs.

           “Colby…” Her voice, so scared, stabbed me in the gut. That word… that name. She hadn’t called me that for years. Her fingers pulled along the blanket, reaching for my hand. I pressed my hand against hers.

           She blinked, tears building on her lashes. A monitor by her side started to beep loudly.

           I squeezed her fingers with mine.

           “Relax, Bear,” I said softly. “I’m going to leave before Dean comes back. Just relax and get better.”

           I turned my hat backwards and leaned over the rail, pressing a lingering kiss to her forehead. “Please.”

Dean, Afternoon, 4:18 PM

           The nurses had changed since I’d left. But the one at the desk was one I’d gotten to know in the last few days.

           “Everything okay, Cheri?” I asked, leaning against the counter that ran around the nurse’s station.

           She was an older woman who had a kind smile. I felt better knowing she was taking care of Mera. “She had a rough patch while you were out. We had to give her something to calm her.”

           Shit. “What happened?”

           Cheri reached out and patted my hand. “Got a little emotional and had some breathing issues. Probably happened when her brother visited.”

           “Brother?” I repeated, feeling stupid and slow. That thing in my chest roared angrily. “Dark hair, beard?”

           “That’s the one. Crying when he left, poor thing.”

           I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. How the fuck had he found out where she was? The only person who knew she was here was Roman.

           “Shit,” I swore under my breath. I scrubbed a hand over my hair and down my face. Cheri looked startled, but I forced a smile and walked a few steps down the hall. I dug my phone out of my pocket and dialed Roman’s number.

           He picked up on the third ring, but didn’t get a chance to say anything.

           “What the fuck, uce?” I snarled, my forehead against the wall. “Did you tell Rollins where she was?”

           Roman growled at me. Under normal circumstances, I’d realize that it was his don’t screw with me growl. But just then, I didn’t give a shit. I was livid and absolutely desperate to get my hands on Seth Rollins and rip his head off.

           “I didn’t. And you know I never would,” he snapped. “Get your head out of your ass, Ambrose.”

           “Then how did he find her? Because he was here.”

           The other end of the line went quiet for way too long. Just when I was ready to hang up, Roman spoke up again. “I get that you’re pissed off, and Seth was a dick to her, but you’ve got to get a grip on yourself. It’s time for you to let the leash out a little.”

           I knocked on the wall with my fist. God knew I wanted to put my fist through the drywall. I wanted to rip the entire world down to keep her safe. To keep her from feeling one instant of pain or fear or harm.

           But I couldn’t. Not when her entire body was fighting against me.

           “She’s…”

           “Strong as hell. And smart. That’s why you fell in love with Mera in the first place,” Roman replied smoothly. “Let her be who she is… And just take care of her.”

           He hung up and I slipped into Mera’s room. The head of her bed had been lifted up. Her honey hair had been braided over her shoulder. She looked peaceful for the first time since she’d gotten sick. The monitors were quiet. For the moment, she was okay.

           That was all I could hope for.

Mera, Afternoon, 4:21 PM

           I didn’t know where I was, but I knew for certain that I was dreaming. My head felt heavy, fuzzy. It was disorienting.

           I glanced around, finally recognizing the room around me. I knew the walls—cinderblock painted black and graffitied with band logos, song lyrics, and a swirling vortex that had Portal to RVD spray painted in orange above it—as well as I knew my own mind.

           There was a faint light filtering down the stairs into the basement bedroom. I could see his clothes hanging on the pipe beneath the steps. His worn through paperbacks were piled in the corner next to a boom box and a stack of CDs. Nintendo on a shelf under the television next to a row of games. Digital clock on the bedside table, and the mattress and box spring on the floor against the wall. Colby sat on the end of the bed, grinning at me.

           I’d forgotten the goatee and seventies hair he’d had in high school. His hair was tied back, sweat still clear on his face and along his throat. He was flushed, with his big doe eyes on me.

           “Hey, Bee,” I said, crossing the room just as I’d done a thousand times before. Colby reached out and tugged me down into his lap. He wrapped his arms around me and pressed a kiss against my throat. “How was class?”

           He brushed my hair back behind my ears and tipped his head up to look at me. “I’m exhausted. And I stink, Bear.”

           I wrinkled my nose and nodded before leaning down to press my lips against his. He kissed me like I was precious. Like I was perfect and the center of his world.

           “You need a shower,” I said playfully.

           Colby laughed and raised his brows. “Want to join me?” He gestured toward the bathroom.

           I blushed and looked away. He kissed the tip of my nose and sat me on the mattress beside him. “I won’t be long,” he said as he stood up. “And then you can tell me everything about U of Iowa.”

           He disappeared into the bathroom, the grin on his face the one I’d known my entire childhood.

           The one that would always make me feel butterflies in my stomach and like I was the center of the universe. He would always be my Colby. My best friend. And the person I wanted to see everything with when we were grown-ups.

           The one I would love for the rest of my life.

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[let-me-love-you-loki]

Waking Up in Vegas--Ch. 39

Chapter 39: Wish I Knew Then…

Mera, Afternoon, 2:34 PM

           “Dean?” My voice sounded raw and weak. I could still sense the crackle in my chest when I tried to breathe. I could hear the wheeze in the air when I exhaled. “Dean?”

           It took most of my energy to say his name. The rest of it bled out of me when I tried to sit up and look around. My hospital room was empty. The television hummed quietly. Soft squeaks and thumps filtered in from the hallway just beyond the almost closed door. But Dean wasn’t there. Not in his chair. Not by the window,

           He was gone.

           For a moment, I thought I would panic. But I didn’t have the energy. I could barely make myself settle back against the pillows before I coughed so hard and so long that I thought I was vomiting. I gagged and spit up everything I could in the pail by the bed.

           Crying, desperate to get a real breath, I pushed the button for the nurse.

Seth, Afternoon, 2:36 PM

           Roman didn’t know what he was talking about. He didn’t have any business telling me what I could and couldn’t do. Mera was in the hospital. She was sick. She needed me.

           She’d always needed me.

           The problem was that there were too many hospitals in Las Vegas. I’d never had to visit one, so I had no clue where to start. I didn’t even know if they would tell me anything if I called. For all I knew, Dean had put a no info order on her, and I’d never find her.

           I paced the sidewalk in front of the hotel, desperate to do something. Anything. I thought about trying to call her again, but I was pretty sure that Dean still had her phone. That wouldn’t do any good.

           “Fuck it,” I swore, digging my cell out of my pocket and opening Google. I did a quick search of hospitals in the city and started calling.

Dean, Afternoon, 2:40 PM

           Mera’d finally fallen into something like a restful sleep. She wasn’t struggling as hard to breathe and her face had relaxed. I hated leaving, but I was starving, and I felt disgusting. I stopped by the nurse’s station on the way out and told them I’d be back in a few hours. The charge nurse who’d been taking care of Mera smiled, patted my hand, and promised to take good care of her while I was gone.

           I stuffed my hands in my pockets as I walked back out to the truck. My heart ached behind my ribs. Every step was more difficult than the last, as if I were trudging through quick drying cement. It felt like I had left my soul behind me in that hospital bed.

           I took a breath and felt my heart splinter. All I could see in my mind was Mera, pale, struggling to breathe, looking small against the stark white of hospital sheets. I wanted to see her like she’d been. I wanted to have a moment of her bright and happy and healthy to give me hope that she would be like that again.

           My fingers shook as I pulled out my phone and opened my photos. There was no shortage of images and video clips of my wife. I swept through them all. There was only one that would make the beast in my chest relax its vicious hold on my heart.

           There she is… I thought, feeling my ribs loosen. It was from that first night—her honey gold hair blowing in the breeze, lights from the Bellagio fountain playing over her face underneath the stars—and it was one of the most beautiful things I’d ever seen. She was happy, healthy, beautiful, and smiling, leaning on the railing beside the pool. Seeing her there, that first night together, whole and finally, finally mine…

           I sucked in a breath, sniffing back tears that I hadn’t expected. The sight of her stitched my heart together again. I felt, for the first time in days, that she was going to be okay and that someday soon I would take her back home.

Mera, Afternoon, 3:15 PM

           The door slipped open, pulling me out of my almost-sleep. I turned toward the sound, expecting to see Dean. Instead, it was the last person I’d ever expected to see.

           Seth pushed the door carefully closed behind him, crossing the room with his hands stuffed in the pockets of his sweatpants. He watched me like a wounded animal as he closed in.

           “How are you feeling, Bear?” he queried as he stopped at the side of my bed.

           Bear… Even my thoughts were wheezy. I hadn’t heard that name in a long time. A really long time.

           “What are you doing here, Seth?” I whispered, those six words pulling more out of me than a marathon. I gasped for breath, drawing heavy through my nose on the oxygen. “How did you find me?”

           He put one hand on the railing of my bed and sighed. “Roman told me. And then I called every hospital in the city until I found you. I was sure Dean would have put you on information lockdown.”

           My heart turned over in my chest, pushing every last ounce of air out of me. I felt sick. My lungs ached as I coughed hard, tearing my throat to into hamburger as I coughed up thick brown and bloody phlegm. Seth grabbed the pail beside the bed and held it beneath my chin.

           “It’s been a while since you’ve been this sick, Bear,” he said soothingly, pushing my hair back off my face. He didn’t even flinch at the absolute grossness of my illness. When he was sure I was done, he put the pail down and held up a cup of ice water, settling the straw against my lips.

           I sipped slowly, then leaned back against the pillows. When I finally got my breath back, I wheezed, “Stop… calling… me… that.”

           Seth put the cup back on the bedside table and rested one hand on the mattress by my head. He looked at me with those deep, desperate brown eyes, and I noticed that they were bloodshot and swollen. Had he been crying? About me?

           “You used to like it,” Seth replied quietly. He tilted his head to the side and gave a small smile. “You used to call me Bee.”

           My heart squeezed traitorously. I remembered those days. Middle school. High school. Dances and cookouts and camping trips and stolen moments walking in the dark down Main Street or along the train tracks. We’d been inseparable then, so much that our parents had never had the heart to try to keep us apart. Bee and Bear we’d been—because I’d told him once we were like Pooh and his honey—one never far from the other.

           I wanted to cry. My body ached, I struggled to breathe, I was exhausted, and the memories and emotions were too much for me. I blinked and looked away from him. “That… was before… every… everything.”

Seth, Afternoon, 3:22 PM

           The last time I’d seen Mera like this… it had been right after high school. We were eighteen, maybe nineteen. On the road five out of every seven days with wrestling school and indie shows. We put so many miles on my old car that it broke down twice on the road.

           And we fought. We stood in the driveway of my mom’s house and screamed at each other. I’d busted my ass for shots at indie shows. I’d spent every dime of my savings on training, driving five hours round trip to Chicago and back three or four times a week. The only thing I’d ever wanted was to be a professional wrestler, and it was so close I could taste it. But I couldn’t do it without her. I needed Mera to be there.

           But she wanted to go to college. She wanted dorms and classes. She wanted Iowa State and their psychology department. She wanted a medical degree and a practice in Davenport.

           We shouted and screamed at one another until my mom and Brandon came out of the house. My mom pulled Mera down to the end of the driveway, and I could see her crying and gasping for breath in my mother’s arms. But I was so angry… hurt… why didn’t she understand? I couldn’t do anything without her. I had to have her beside me. Bee was useless without Bear.

           She didn’t say goodbye when she went home. And she didn’t answer my messages or my calls. It wasn’t until I called her parents that I found out she was in the hospital. She’d had a flare overnight that had turned into something worse.

           “Do you remember that huge fight we had that summer?” I asked, feeling as if I was trapped back in that moment. “That was the beginning of the end, wasn’t it?”

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[let-me-love-you-loki]

Waking Up in Vegas-Ch. 38

Chapter 38: Ain’t Always What You See

Seth, Morning, 8:30 AM

           I looked back at Roman, wiping the tears angrily from my face. “Why aren’t they coming?” My voice was gruff and raw. I hated it.

           “Some personal stuff,” he replied, not even looking at me.

           My jaw snapped shut, an ache running through the bone as I ground my teeth together. “Why aren’t they coming, Roman?”

           He dropped his phone onto his chest and sighed. “Mera’s in the hospital.”

           “WHAT?!”

           The word roared out of me. I felt it rip through my throat, and I swear that blood dripped down into my stomach. My heart slammed into my ribs and squeezed through the bone, shredding into ribbons. Getting shot in the stomach would probably have hurt less.

           “Where? Why?” I paced the hotel room, searching for my phone, my wallet. “Where?”

           Roman swung his legs over the side of the bed. “I don’t know, and I’m not asking. It’s not any of our business.”

           “Yes, it—”

           “No,” Roman replied firmly, the pure power in his voice enough to stop me dead in my tracks. “It isn’t. You are going to get your egotistical bullshit under control, and you are going to leave them to deal with this themselves.”

           “Mera—”

           “Is Dean’s wife now. And you’re going to have to deal with it.” He stood up, towering over me. I felt myself buck up, spoiling for a fight. “If you can’t be a grown ass man and keep your shit to yourself, then maybe the Shield is over. Because I’ll be damned if your childishness is going to screw us over as a team.”

           Roman shoved me in the shoulder and walked out, slamming the door behind him.

Mera, Late Morning, 11:14 AM

           Everything was hazy, like floating in one of those sensory deprivation pools. I didn’t know which way was up or down. The world existed, but reality was murky. The nurse had given me something for the pain. It made my limbs feel heavy. If only it could make it easier to breathe.

           “Hey, darlin’,” Dean said from my side. I turned my head to look at him, surprised that I could do it without too much pain. “Feel any better?”

           His fingers curled against mine, waiting for whatever sign I could give. My fingers twitched, tapping against his palm. It wasn’t quite the signal we’d devised, but it was enough for him. He smiled.

           “Good, good,” he murmured, leaning down to kiss my wrist. “The doctor came in while you were asleep…”

           I’d been asleep? When had that happened?

           “… and he had some of your test results back. He said things are looking better. Whatever they’re giving you is working.”

           “Dean.” My voice came out in a broken rustle, barely audible above the pop and crackle of every breath I took. “Go… home…”

           He pressed a kiss to my wrist again. “You can go home soon, sweet wife. As soon as the doctor says it’s okay, I’ll take you home.”

           I shook my head, turning it away from him as a cough tore my lungs in two. “No… you… go… home.”

           “I’m not leaving you,” my husband responded vehemently. “I’m here as long as you are.”

Dean, Late Morning, 11:19 AM

           Mera looked better than she had earlier in the morning. The wings of the rash across her cheeks had paled some. She moved a little easier, as if some of the pain had slipped away. Her face had relaxed a little. Perhaps I was trying to ease my own terror at seeing her in the hospital, but I thought that her breathing came a little easier.

           “Rest, Mera,” I said quietly, reaching up to brush the hair off her face. Though the rash had faded, her complexion beneath was pale. There was a sheen of sweat on her skin. I kept my fingers against her wrist, soothing my own fear by counting the pulse beating in her veins. “I’m not going anywhere until you can go home.”

           I watched her for a moment as she tried and failed to take a deep breath. The snap-crackle-pop-wheeze of her lungs ensured that all I felt was terror at the next few days. It was true what I’d told her, that the doctor thought she was getting better. But I hadn’t told her that he was concerned about the fluid that still gathered in her lungs. About the way that her blood still had trouble carrying what little oxygen her drowning lungs could take in.

           Drowning… it wasn’t the word that the doctor had used, but it was close enough. Mera’s lungs were heavy with fluid that shouldn’t be there. She couldn’t breathe. I waited—dreaded—the moment when I looked at her and saw her fingers and toes turning blue, the purple tint rising around her lips. It was a nightmare that I was desperate to awaken from, but one that had an all-too-real chance of happening.

           I felt helpless. There was nothing I could do. I had no choice but to watch her suffer and to wait, hoping and praying to a God that had never once listened to me that—just this once—I could have the thing I wanted. That she would be okay.

           My heart had been lodged somewhere near my knees since the first moment she’d struggled to breathe. I knew that it wouldn’t be anywhere near where it was supposed to be until we walked out of this hospital with a clean bill of health for her.

           It was quiet for a while as she tried to sleep, to rest. I kept my fingertips against the inside of her wrist, filled with terror that the moment might come where I no longer felt it. The background noise of monitors and her labored breathing was interrupted by a ringtone that I recognized as Mera’s. I leaned as far back in the chair as I could to grab her overnight bag. Her phone was sticking out of the front pocket, screen lighting up with a number I recognized.

           I knew it was a bad idea. That beast in my chest roared at my stupidity, it roared its frustration in my helplessness in the face of Mera’s illness. But I answered.

           “Hello,” I said, trying not to let my anger and desperation spill over into my voice.

           “Where is she?” Seth’s voice was surprisingly frantic on the other end. He sounded like he’d swallowed broken glass.

           “What do you want?” I replied, trying to keep my voice down despite the rage spilling through me. What fucking right did he have?

           If I hadn’t known better, I would have thought he was on the verge of tears. “Where is she, Dean?”

           I looked back at Mera, feeling something squeeze my breath out of my body. She looked calm for the time being. Her chest rose and fell, even if her breaths were shallow and crackling. It killed me to walk away from her, but I did. I walked to the bathroom and drew the door almost closed.

           “Now isn’t the time for this, Seth,” I hissed. “I don’t have time for your bullshit.”

           The other end of the line went quiet for a moment. Then… “Where. Is. She?” The words came out in a snarl. Just the sound of it slammed into me, burning through the rage and igniting it like gasoline.

           “You don’t have a single goddamn right to know that,” I snapped. It was a battle to hold myself in check. My fingers curled into a fist and I was desperate to slam my fist into the wall. “You gave up that right a long motherfucking time ago. And I swear to God, if you even think of trying to start shit while she is like this—bring the cops because they’re going to have to drag me off your ass. You do not get the right to stick your nose in our business now.”

           “Goddamnit, just tell me where the fuck she is, Dean. I…” His voice cracked again, but this time it sounded like he was actually crying. “I just need to know she’s okay.”

           “Why do you care?” I growled, gripping the phone in my hand until I was afraid it would shatter. I swiped my thumb over the end call button.

           God help me if he showed up.

           I’d kill him.

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Waking Up in Vegas--Ch 34

Chapter 34: Talking About the Future Like We Had a Clue

Mera, Afternoon, Thirteen Years Before

           I watched the clouds floating by overhead, laying sprawled out on the summer grass. The scent of the Mississippi hung in air thick with the buzzing of bees. It was a normal afternoon, a moment home from the hectic life of an independent wrestler. Colby was asleep, his head in my lap. He snored softly as I ran my fingers through his hair.

           We’d been on the road for weeks—going from one town and promotion to the next—without a moment to breathe in between. There were long nights of waiting ringside and in locker rooms while he competed, driving through exhaustion, studying by flashlight and hoping like hell I didn’t get carsick. I was glad to be out of that car of his. Money was something we didn’t have a lot of, so it wasn’t uncommon for the two of us to sleep in it. Hotels—even the cheap fleabag motels—were often out of the question for us.

           Colby smiled in his sleep, his right arm coming up to rest on his brow. My fingertips outlined the tattoo on the inside of his wrist. The fragment of a slip of paper, curled as if it had been on fire, the word Forever in a curling script. It was simple. A design he’d chosen when he was seventeen. One whose twin was etched on my skin as well.

           I smiled down at him, knowing that the future was going to be hard, but it was us against the world. As long as we were together there was nothing we couldn’t handle.

Mera, Morning, 9:13 AM

           If I tried very hard, I could still see the outline of the tattoo on the inside of my right wrist. It had been a stupid thing to do at seventeen. At the time, it had been wild and reckless and romantic. We were young and thought we had the world in our hands. And, for a while, we did.

           Then it all came crashing down in a heap of lies and resentment.

           I’d spent two grand getting it removed after we broke up. My adult self could have strangled the stupid teenager I’d been for the pain and expense of cleaning up her mess. Of course… my adult self was more than occupied with the time it took to mend a broken heart. Colby had spun a different story of the tattoo he’d kept. It was no longer about the relationship that we’d had, the future we’d planned out for ourselves. No, it was a bold statement of his straight-edge lifestyle as a teen.

           It would have been a lie to say it wasn’t a blow when I heard the story. I remembered the day we went to get them together. But it seemed he’d forgotten.

           “Mera?” The voice cut straight through the cloud of confusion and lingering hurt. It pulled me to the surface of thoughts that had tried to drown me. Dean brushed the backs of his fingers along my cheek. He captured my chin between his finger and thumb. “What’s wrong?”

           My husband sat up in the bed beside me. His chestnut hair was mussed and tangled. His cornflower blue eyes were hazy with sleep. He watched me, worry furrowing his brow.

           “Ghosts,” I replied.

 Dean, Morning, 9:15 AM

           Mera hardly slept. She’d tossed and turned most of the night, her face twisted in a mask of hurt. I’d lain awake at her side, wiping away the tears that rolled down her cheeks, snatching her in my arms and cradling her against my chest. I hated every moment of her pain.  Everything in me wanted to take it away from her, to give her the chance to have peace. At least for a while.

           I watched her fingers absently trace over her right wrist. Part of me wanted to ask about the faint white scars. But I knew it wasn’t the right time. And God knew, there was a great big part of me that was afraid of the answer.

           Ghosts. A particular ghost. One that didn’t stay in the past.

           “What do you need from me?” I asked. In that instant, with the confusion and melancholy that rolled off my wife like waves, I knew that wants weren’t much of a concern. But whatever she needed from me… I’d do everything I could to make sure she got what she needed.

           She closed her eyes and wilted right in front of me. Mera collapsed into my embrace, her face buried against my neck. I gripped her tight and hoped that it could say what my words couldn’t… that I wouldn’t leave her. That I couldn’t leave her if I tried.

 Mera, Afternoon, 1:18 PM

           I knew now why Dean loved living in Las Vegas. Sure, there was no shortage of things to do on the Strip, but it was the wide-open sky and the desert air that made it a place that changed me. At night, it was a brilliant inky black dotted with stars faded in the city lights. During the day, it was a high, bright blue that reminded me of Dean’s eyes. Storms made the clouds sit low in the sky like soaked cotton.

           That day it was clear and periwinkle. There wasn’t a cloud to be seen. I leaned my head out the window as Dean drove out into the desert. He was going in the direction of Red Rock Canyon, but I couldn’t say that was his destination.

           “Dean?” I said after a long quiet.

           “Yes, my sweet wife,” he replied, reaching over to curl his fingers around mine. His touch was gentle and grounding.

           “Where are you taking me?”

           He glanced at me, his head turning for a split second. I couldn’t see his eyes from behind his dark sunglasses, but I knew that his eyes were a beautiful forget-me-not blue. He grinned with the corner of his mouth. “I’m taking you somewhere special, darlin’. Trust me.”

           My heart skipped a beat every time he called me darlin’. It was an immediate reminder of that night that started this wonderful, wild new life of mine. It made me think of fountains and stars and late-night breakfasts and music that no one could hear. My gaze dropped to my wedding band as I thought about that night.

           It had been months since then. Months that had shown me the depth of Dean Ambrose’s love and devotion. There had been so many moments of ugly reality when a lesser man would have walked away. Yet he stayed. He stayed and supported me and rescued me from even the little terrors of life. How he had the strength, I’d never understand. But I would be desperately grateful for it and desperately in love with him until the day I died.

           “I love you.” The words came smoothly, unbidden. But I knew they were burned into my bones.

           Dean’s fingers squeezed mine as he pulled off the side of the road and put the car in park. He turned in his seat and leaned in to press a kiss to my lips. It was lingering and gentle and yet enough to set my blood on fire in my veins.

           When he pulled back, I took my time drinking in the way he looked. There was something remarkably soft about him in that instant. He was every version of himself that I’d ever known all rolled into one. His smile was goofy, eyes intense, entire being focused on having me within arm’s reach. My heart skipped a beat at the knowledge that I was the center of his attention.

           That I had been since the day we met.

 Dean, Afternoon, 1:28 PM

           She had this look in her eyes… the one she got when she was so deep in her own thoughts that she forgot the rest of the world existed. I’d seen her like this more times than I could count, but the sheer beauty of it slammed into my chest like a blow each and every time. The ache in her eyes vanished. She softened in a way that made me wonder what she’d look like if she were ever able to fall into something completely, unbothered and unafraid of whether anyone would be there to catch her on the other side.

           “I love you,” she’d said.

           Goddamn, I’d never get tired of hearing her say those words. Of knowing that they belonged to me. Those three little words from her were better than the sweetest whiskey. Better than any adrenaline rush could ever be. They were a drug all their own, made doubly potent by the look in her amber eyes.

           I was grinning like a fool, and I knew it. I got that way when it came to her. Foolish. Reckless. Stupid. Desperately in love. Determined to do whatever it took to help her be happy.

           “I love you, too,” I said, stroking my fingers along the curve of her cheek. She blinked and looked up, drawn from her thoughts by the sound of my voice.

           Mera smiled at me. It was a punch through my chest that knocked the wind out of me. She hooked her fingers around the chain of the dog tags around my neck and pulled me close. I licked my lips, filing away another moment when she made use of that necklace to get me against her.

           When she looked at me like that, I felt ten feet tall. I could take on the world. I was a man worthy of someone like her. It didn’t matter that I never finished high school. Or that I’d spent my entire adult life in one fight or another, scraping the bottom of the barrel to get from one day to the next. No, when she watched me with those eyes and touched me with those fingers, I was everything that everyone said I’d never be.

           Mera made me a better man. I didn’t know what stood on the other side of the next day, but I knew that whoever or wherever I was, I wanted her by my side. I wanted to see her on the top of the mountain of her life.

           “Why are you always looking at me like that?” she asked, dragging my attention back to the present.

           “Because you’re the best thing that’s ever happened in my life. And I’m thinking about how I get to spend the rest it with you.”

           She blushed and looked away. I caught sight of her fingers sliding along the inside of her wrist. It was an absentminded sort of thing. But I knew enough about the trauma that lived deep within her that it wasn’t without meaning. I didn’t have to think too hard to know that had something to do with Seth Rollins.

           “This,” I said, gesturing my finger back and forth between us, “is the one thing in this world that I will fight to keep. I can lose that house, this truck, that business… none of that matters to me like you do. And even if that happens, I will bust my ass to get it back for you because you deserve everything.”

           I watched some unnamed emotion slip across her face. She looked down at her wrist again. “You’ve been worryin’ that spot all day, Mera. What is it?”

 Mera, Afternoon, 1:35 PM

           Leave it to Dean to notice even the smallest things I did. It was as if he was always watching. As if it made him happy just to look at me.

           My heart jumped into my throat. This moment was good. It was peaceful. I didn’t want to drag the past into it. Even if that past would never be able to leave me.

           “All that’s left of a tattoo I had removed years ago.” I knew Dean would understand. That he would figure it out without me having to say the words. But it was time that I stopped locking those memories away. “When we were seventeen, Seth and I got matching tattoos. You know the one on the inside of his wrist? I had one just like it. It was supposed to be this kind of promise to each other. That we would be together forever. He changed his mind about what it meant. And I got mine removed.”

           I glanced up at him, wondering what was going through his mind. He was watching me carefully, pain behind his blue eyes. I shrugged.

           “I was a stupid kid who thought she was in love. Getting matching tattoos sounded like a good idea then.”

           Dean’s fingers skimmed over mine. He curled them around my wrist and pulled it up to his mouth. I watched him rake his eyes over the faded white scars before kissing the skin gently. My heart melted in my chest.

           “When we’ve been married for five years,” he said plainly, brimming with confidence that it would come to pass, “we’ll go and get tattoos together. Whatever you want. They don’t have to have anything to do with each other. We’ll make a new memory for you. For us.”

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[let-me-love-you-loki]

Waking Up in Vegas--Ch. 33

Chapter 33: You’re Starting to Trickle Back In

Mera, Early Morning, 12:28 AM

           I sat in a private waiting room with Seth, who was settled on a bed with a thin mattress. They’d put him on his stomach, lying flat. He had his hands tucked beneath his pillow with his face turned toward me.

           “Chris will be here any minute,” I said almost as much to myself as to him. “And the doctors are getting your scan prepped. You’ll be right as rain soon.”

           Seth’s eyes were half-closed but there was a tightness around his mouth that let me know he was in pain. My heart ached for him. We hadn’t really got along for a while, but that didn’t mean I wanted him to be hurting. There was some part of him that was Colby, my oldest friend.

           “Mera,” he groaned softly. His brow furrowed deeply. I remembered that face from his time rehabbing his knee. “I should have listened to you. A long time ago.”

           I pulled my chair up to the side of his bed. My fingers pressed against the mattress, inches away from him. There had been a time when I would have brushed his hair out of the way and promised that everything would be okay. But that wasn’t something that happened anymore.

           “It doesn’t matter,” I soothed. “You’ve got a broken rib or two. A few weeks off and you’ll be back to your old self.”

           He opened his eyes, their dark brown glassed over with pain. “I’m thirty-three, Mera, and I feel like I’m sixty. I’ve got a bum knee and my back aches more often than it doesn’t.”

           I sighed, trying to fight the urge to touch him to calm him down. “As long as you do what the doctors say, then you’re going to be fine. If you ever do anything I say again, listen to the doctors. Take time off if they tell you to. A title is not worth your well-being, Seth.”

           He squeezed his eyes shut again, turning his face into the pillow. “I’ve worked my whole life for this, Mera.”

           “No one knows better than me,” I snapped, glad when the door opened and Chris Amann slipped into the door. I stood up, pushing my chair back against the wall. For a moment, I glanced back at Seth, wanting to say something, but instead I grabbed my purse and left.

Dean, Early Morning, 12:35 AM

           I hated hospitals. And I hated that I was out here in the waiting room while Mera was back there with Seth. My leg bounced with nerves. I wanted to find my wife and get her far away from Seth Rollins.

           Maybe I was being paranoid. It wouldn’t be the first time. But I hated the way that Seth was able to dig into her. I knew they had a past, and that it was that past that lead her to me, and that it would always give him a window into her life. I was convinced that he’d do whatever it took to keep his hooks in her.

           A door whooshed open and Mera stepped through, a frustrated frown on her face. She looked exhausted. I leapt to my feet, wanting to take her away from here.

           “Are you hungry?” I asked quietly, reaching out to take her hand.

           She looked at me with those worn amber eyes, and it looked like her entire body relaxed. I felt the tension bleed out of her into the floor. She stepped closer, and I wrapped my arms around her. I hugged her tightly, nuzzling my nose against her hair. “Let’s get out of here.”

Mera, Early Morning, 1:13 AM

           Dean leaned against the SUV and pulled me against his chest. His arms wound around me, one hand at the base of my spine, the other cradling my skull. I nuzzled my cheek against his shirt, breathing in the scent of him. Calm settled into my body, warm enough to make the tension melt from my limbs.

           “I want to go home,” I whispered against his chest. Tears burned behind my eyes. “I want to go home, Dean.”

           “Then we’ll go home,” he replied, ghosting his lips over my forehead.

           He opened the passenger door and settled me inside. A moment later, he was in the car with his phone against his ear.

           An hour later, we were boarding a red eye to Las Vegas.

Dean, Early Morning, 3:49 AM

           I left our bags in the truck. They didn’t matter. Mera had slept fitfully on the flight, turned over away from me so I couldn’t see her crying. The sound of her sniffling tore my heart in two, yet it made something buried deep in my chest roar with indignation. I wanted to rage at Seth, but taking care of my wife was far more important.

           She lolled her head against my shoulder as I carried her in from the truck. I’d caught sight of her in the stark yellow porch light. Her face was blotchy, eyes red and swollen. But it didn’t matter. She would always be the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.

           I settled her on our bed, then went to the chest to dig out a pair of her favorite shorts and one of my shirts. When I turned back around, I saw that she had sat up on the edge of the bed, slumped toward her pillows, honey gold hair spilling everywhere in a haze of sleepy tangles. She let out a quiet mmph of noise as I came toward her with the clothes.

           Gently, I tugged her sweatshirt over her head, sending her loose curls in every direction. She worked the button and zipper of her jeans free and wiggled them down her legs. Her t-shirt followed a moment later.

           I couldn’t help but skip my gaze over the lines and curves of her body. It never ceased to amaze me that she was mine. That I could hold her against me, kiss her, make her laugh, make her smile whenever I liked.

           Mera pushed the shorts away and snatched the tee from my fingers. Before I could blink, she’d tossed her bra to the end of the bed and slipped into my shirt. My brain went fuzzy for a moment. She was adorable in her dizzy sleepiness as she tucked herself beneath the blankets.

           I stripped quickly and slipped into bed beside her. The moment she felt my weight against the mattress, she turned into me, settling her head against my shoulder. I adjusted the pillow beneath my head and curled my arm around her, tugging her close to my side.

           “I’m sorry,” she murmured against my chest. “I’m sorry.”

           My heart contracted. “For what, Mera?” Tears dripped against my skin.

           My wife hugged me tightly, her shoulders shaking with her silent sobs. I ached for her. But I was enraged that I couldn’t stop the way she felt, that I couldn’t soothe the pain that she kept inside. All I could do was hold her.

           And love her with everything within me.

           “Sweet wife,” I whispered against her hair, holding her tightly. My fingers brushed against her cheek, wiping away the tears. “There’s nothing you should be sorry for, my sweet, sweet wife. You’re here, you’re safe, and I love you more than the breath in my body. I don’t care about before, Mera. I only care about now.”

           I tilted her chin up gently, stroking the bow of her lips. “You are my now, Mera. And I hope that you’ll be my forever.”

           She blinked; her amber eyes glassy with tears as she looked up at me. “Please,” she whimpered. “Please don’t doubt me.”

           Sitting up, I pulled her into my lap and cradled her face with my palms. “I don’t doubt you. God knows I never have, not even when you weren’t mine to doubt. I know it isn’t easy, and I wish that you didn’t have to feel so torn. You are my wife, and all I want is for you to be happy.”

           She fixed me with those eyes of hers, and all I could see was how sad and broken she seemed. I wished more than anything that I could soothe her, to make sure that she knew how completely she was loved and adored.

           “Dean…” Her voice sounded small and afraid when she said my name. “He was so horrible to me. He broke my heart and replaced me like I was nothing. How can anyone… how can you… you’re a good man… you deserve better than broken and confused…”

           I let her talk, let her exorcise the fears that had somehow worked their way to the surface of her heart. My fingers brushed through her tangled hair, soothing along the skin of her neck, brushing along the underside of her jaw. She sobbed her way through long line of terrors and anxieties, each rooted in the idea that there was something fundamentally wrong with her.

           When she final finished her confessions, I smoothed her hair back from her tearstained face. She looked away, something like shame stamped across her face. The beast in my chest whined in agony at the sight.

Mera, Early Morning, 3:45 AM

           I couldn’t look at him. And I couldn’t explain why I’d said everything that I had. There was something about the conversation with Seth in the hospital that had dragged my deepest fears from somewhere within.

           “You can’t…” I hiccoughed. “You shouldn’t…” I looked down at my wedding band, thought about that night on the Vegas Strip,

           Dean slid his fingers along the line of my jaw and tilted my face, forcing me to look at him. His eyes were a deep cerulean in the dim light. “Mera, you are worth so much more than you know. And everything that happened… everything he did to you? He did it. There’s nothing wrong with you.” He smiled sadly, eyes searching my face. “And I should love you, and I can love you, and I do love you. I’ve loved you since the second that I saw you. And I’m going to love you until the day that I die.”

           My eyes burned as new tears slipped down my cheeks. “I don’t want you to live your life with this hanging over your head, Dean.”

           He shook his head and drew me closer. “I’d live my life with a sword over my head if it meant that I lived it with you.”

_________

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Waking Up in Vegas--Ch. 35

Chapter 35: I’ll Take Your Bad Days with Your Good

Mera, Early Evening, 6:58 PM

           I leaned against the padded table in my trainer’s room, pain shooting through my knees and my hips. My head throbbed as if my blood pressure was thundering through the roof. I couldn’t look up. Just a faint hint of light felt like spikes straight into my eyes. I felt hot all over, and I didn’t have to look in the mirror to know that I had a rash spreading over my nose and across my cheeks.

           Everything hurt. I just wanted to sleep. To lie down and ease the pressure on every joint in my body. Tears gathered on my lashes as I tried to keep myself together. I’d given myself my steroid shot hoping that it would stave off the flare up I knew was only going to get worse. The last thing I wanted was to take my immunosuppressant because it would knock me on my ass for days.

           The knock on the door was too loud in my ears. I winced as it squeaked open, noise from the hallway spilling into the room. Seth stood there in sweatpants and t-shirt with his hair tucked under a backwards-turned baseball cap. He walked slowly, clearly favoring his side, trying not to jar it too much. I could hear the rattle in his breath from the broken ribs.

           “Hey,” he said quietly, shuffling into the room. “Can you tape me up?”

           I swallowed down the yelp of pain and discomfort when I pushed away from the table. I forced a smile. “Sure. Hop up on the table.”

           As he hobbled past me to the table, his arm brushed into my elbow. There was no stopping the squeak of surprised pain that erupted out of me. Seth looked around, his dark eyes alighting on the rash spreading over my cheeks. His brows furrowed, turning down, his own pain seemingly forgotten in the wake of mine.

           I bit my lip as I walked briskly over to my trunk and pulled out my kinesiotape. By the time I turned around, Seth was sitting on the edge of the padded table watching me with concern.

Seth, Early Evening, 7:03 PM

           That red, blotchy rash that spread over her face like wings. I recognized it the moment I saw it. I recognized that look in her eyes, the one that came from pain that was so deep seated that there was no getting rid of it. But it was more than pain… it was a desperate anger at the fact that her body was turning against her.

           I remembered the first time she’d gotten sick. We were sixteen in the heat of a Midwest summer. My friends and I were putting on one of our shows in the front yard of my mom’s house. Mera was on the steps with the videocamera like always. One moment she was filming. The next she was crumpled up on the sidewalk after falling down the last three steps. I couldn’t even remember what I was doing or who had been in that makeshift match with me. All I remembered was the sight of Mera curled up on the sidewalk, trembling and whimpering, blood oozing out of scrapes on her shins and palms, the patch of what we’d thought was sunburn on her face glowing a bright, hot, violent red.

           My mom called her parents and then the ambulance. I remembered the terror that shut down every thought. Mera… my Mera… she was in so much pain she was sobbing on the ground. And my Mera never cried. The ache that ripped through my chest at the thought of it nearly doubled me over.

           I remembered sleeping in a chair in her hospital room. I remembered watching her face slowly relax as the medicine began to relieve her pain. I remembered how the swelling started to disappear, how that bright rash across her nose faded to almost nothing.

           And I remembered how she had to learn to give herself shots and how the bruises would show up on her thighs every time. How she had to take medicine that exhausted her, that meant she caught every cold and flu and stomach bug that swept through Davenport.

           “Have you done your shot yet?” I asked quietly, knowing that she had to be in the midst of a migraine that would put me out of commission for weeks. If I knew Mera, she had been fighting through it for hours. Maybe even days.

           Mera looked back at me, something like surprise in her eyes. “Yes,” she replied in a hoarse voice. She walked slowly, almost limping. I couldn’t imagine the kind of pain she was in, or why she would come to work when it nearly killed her to move.

           “Are you still on that pill cocktail?”

           She nodded carefully, keeping her eyes closed. I thought for a moment that she was going to either tip over or vomit.

           “Why are you here? If anyone is sick, you’re going to get it.” I heard the worry in my own voice, and it surprised me. For so long I’d convinced myself that I didn’t care about what happened to her. That she meant… means… nothing beyond being my trainer.

           “I haven’t taken it,” she whispered, bracing herself on the padded table at my side. “I’ll do it after the show tonight.”

           My hand lifted and reached out to touch her, but I thought better of it. I remembered how much the touch of a blanket made her miserable when she was in the middle of a flare up. I curled my fingers against my palm, clenching it against the desperate need in me to comfort her.

           I watched her try to pull a strip free from the roll of tape in her hand. Every grasp of her fingers brought a fresh wince in her brow. I took it, careful not to touch her.

           “Does he know?”

           Mera sighed and nodded briefly before tears rushed down her cheeks.

Dean, Early Afternoon, 7:14 PM

           Plate in hand, I wove through the backstage maze to the medical hallway. I’d tried to convince her to stay in the hotel. There were plenty of other people on the med staff who could take care of us in her absence. But she wouldn’t hear of it. She insisted on coming to work. If no one else needed her, Seth was back on the show tonight. He’d need to be taped up, and she insisted that none of the others could do it how he needed.

           The bottle in my jacket pocket rattled. It was the medicine that suppressed her immune system, made it harder for the lupus to trigger her pain and symptoms. She didn’t want to take it because of how it made her feel at work. I’d tried, desperately, over and over again, to stay at the hotel. Or at least take her medicine if she was determined to come to work.

           “What… the… fuck, Ambrose!?”

           I looked up to see Seth stalking down the hallway toward me, his face red, looking like he was spoiling for a fight. The second he was within arm’s reach he slammed his fist into my jaw. I stumbled back against a row of trunks, sloshing Mera’s double sweet lemonade everywhere. Stars popped in my vision.

           Growling, I slammed the half-empty cup and the plate down on the trunk. “Jesus fucking Christ. What was that for?”

           Seth stepped forward, crowding into my space and getting up in my face. “Why is she here?”

           I stared him down, feeling my entire body coil. My fingers itched themselves into fists. Adrenaline spiked into my limbs. One word… one word and I’d knock him so hard on his ass that he’d have another set of broken ribs.

           “Because she’s a grown motherfucking woman,” I snarled back, shoving him hard in the shoulders.

           He bucked up, shoving me back. “Have you seen her?” He jabbed his finger behind him, pointing down the medical hall. “You don’t have a fucking clue at what Mera’s going through. About how much pain she’s in!”

           “Keep her name out of your fucking mouth, Rollins.” God knew, I was desperate to punch him straight in the face. In his busted ribs. I wanted nothing more than to slam his ass into the ground. And maybe bounce his head off the concrete once or twice. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

           “Goddammit, Ambrose.” He shoved me again, knocking me straight into the wall. “I’ve slept in the hospital while she was in pain! I’ve seen the bruises from the shots… every week for almost fifteen years! Have you? Huh? Have you?!”

           Seth roared the last question at me, up in my face, eyes wild. My blood thundered in my ears. That beast in my chest was roaring murder. I couldn’t ignore it any longer. I planted my palm on the center of his chest and shoved him back.

           “You don’t get to worry,” I shouted, my knuckles landing hard in his stomach. “You don’t get to think about her.” Another blow landed hard on his kidney. “You don’t get to act concerned.”

           I raised my fist, cocking it back, fully planning on knocking him out completely. Seth coughed, wheezing as he tried to stand up. “I was there,” he spat.

           My hips pivoted, shoving every ounce of my rage into the blow. My fist slammed hard into his ribs, slamming him back against the wall. He doubled over, mouth open as he tried to suck in breath. I shook out my hand, knuckles busted open and bleeding.

           “I’m here now,” I bit out. Fighting the urge to kick him, I turned on my heel and stormed down the hallway. I snatched the first stagehand I came across. “You might want to get a medic for Rollins.”

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[let-me-love-you-loki]

Waking Up in Vegas--Ch. 31

Chapter 31: Don’t Ever Look Back

Mera, Evening, 6:29 PM

           My trainer’s room was an insane revolving door before Raw. Ali had to be checked out, Cesaro’s shoulder needed to be taped up, Roman was having trouble with the arch of his foot, and Ricochet had been tossed around like a rag doll by Drew McIntyre at a house show and had to be approved by the entire medical team before he could compete. One after the other, they came in and went out. Each one of them made small talk, asking about adjusting to life in Vegas. Roman smiled and wrapped me in a warm hug before he left.

           “You’ve made Dean really happy, Mera. Thank you,” he said in that deep, rumbling voice of his. “When he busted up his elbow, he was so depressed. I was scared for a while, you know. This business is what he loves, and when he couldn’t do it, he didn’t know what to do with himself. Coming back was tough on him, but you’ve been a godsend.”

           I smiled, feeling a blush rise high on my cheeks. “Dean has been better to me than I deserve,” I replied, washing my hands at the sink. When I turned around, I leaned back against the counter as I dried my hands. “It might have started a little unconventionally, but this thing with Dean has been the absolute best thing that’s ever happened to me. I never thought I’d find someone who loved me for me. Who wanted me to be happy and to get what I wanted out of life.”

Roman slid from the table, a sigh of relief as his aching foot hit the floor. “God, you’re a miracle worker,” he mumbled. “Promise me something, Mera. When you head out for that psychology degree, do what you can to get us an AT who will take care of us like you do.”

           He grinned at me, holding out his fist for a bump, as he walked out the door. I let out a little chuckle as I went about cleaning up the table for the next inevitable superstar to pop in.

 Seth, Evening, 6:30 PM

           I already wanted to night to be over. I wanted to be out of the arena and in my hotel room in the next town, even though I knew I wouldn’t be sleeping. God knew I hadn’t really slept in weeks. The road was my only haven right now. I hated being in my own house. The ghost of Mera was everywhere—around every corner and in every single piece of fucking furniture or dish or plate or picture on the wall. She was everywhere. And I was miserable.

           Stomping down the hallway, doing everything I could to avoid everyone, I found myself right outside the trainer’s room. Jesus fucking Christ, I thought, is the universe just trying to fuck me over?

           I heard her voice on the other side of the door, wrapped up in conversation with Roman. They were laughing about something. As the door cracked open, I heard the tail end of their conversation.

           It was Roman. “When you head out for that psychology degree, do what you can to get us an AT who will take care of us like you do.”

           My heart lurched to a stop in my chest. One thought kept looping through my head. She’s leaving. She’s leaving. Mera’s leaving. She’s leaving.

           Roman swept out of the room and past me like I wasn’t even there. Maybe I wasn’t. I couldn’t tell anymore. All I could think was that I was about to vomit or black out or something. Was I sweating? What the fuck was wrong with me?

 Dean, Evening, 6:45 PM

           I filled a plate from catering for Mera—grilled chicken, meatballs, those little cookies that she loved so much—and headed out to find her. I balanced two cups in my other hand, one ice water, the other filled to the brim with extra-sweet lemonade. How she drank it was beyond me. I took a sip of it one time, and it made my teeth itch, even though I was relatively certain that teeth didn’t actually itch.

           There were only two people in the entire building who drank the stuff. Mera.

           And Seth.

           I shrugged off the nagging reminder of Mera’s connection to my tag-team partner and dodged around rolling crates and backstage staff to get to the medical corridor. Roman was just turning the corner when I showed up. He smiled, brows raising when he saw the pile of food and precariously carried drinks.

           “Need a hand?” he asked, the words half of a chuckle. He took the lemonade and sniffed it. “Jesus, how do they drink this stuff?”

           “You got me,” I replied with a laugh. “But it makes her happy, so that’s what matters, I guess.”

           Roman nodded thoughtfully. “Is she really leaving?”

           I shrugged, not quite knowing the answer myself. “I don’t know. She’s been looking at schools and stuff. There’s a whole notebook full of info on the dinner table. I think she’s taking her time on purpose.”

           “You think she’s changed her mind?”

           “Nah. I think she’s still worrying about everyone else. It’s how she is, you know.” I thought about the way that she cared desperately for each of the Superstars. Mera spent every second—from the moment she walked into the arena to the moment she walked out the doors at the end of the night—worrying about the athletes under her care. God knew she lugged books from city to city just in case she needed them. “No matter how much she wants to go back to school, she feels guilty about leaving the people who need her.”

           Roman looked away, his focus on the floor. “I’ll be honest. I don’t want to see her go. She’s the best AT we’ve ever had, and the other guys are amazing.”

           I knocked my heel against the door, hoping that I wasn’t interrupting anyone. “Mer, it’s me. Gotcha something to eat.”

 Seth, Evening, 7:00 PM

           “How’s your back? Scale of one to ten?”

           Mera watched me as I sat slowly on the edge of her padded table. I’d wedged my way into the room by complaining about my back. Management had made a standing order that I had to be checked out whenever I had pain. It wasn’t unusual.

           It just wasn’t necessary.

           I couldn’t get the thought out of my head… Mera was leaving. She was disappearing, and there was nothing I could do about it.

           It’s Dean’s fault, I thought acidly. If it wasn’t for him, she’d be staying.

           “Five-ish,” I said, picking a number that would keep me in the trainer’s room for a good amount of time but not enough to get me disqualified from competing. I’d come from a five to a two with a TENS in an hour before. I wasn’t worried.

           I saw her nod out of the corner of my eye. She moved across the room to a rolling case, pulling out a matte black box that held the TENS unit she carried with her to every event. I watched her fingers as she popped the box open and pulled out the connected black pods.

           My heart lurched in my chest, suddenly thrust back into a memory of Mera’s gentle fingers wrapping my surgically repaired knee. I could see the bright amber of her eyes and the curl of her hair over her shoulder as she propped my leg on a pillow, balanced ice against my limb. She kept watch. She helped me train. She was there at the performance center, red-faced and terrified, when I did my first pedigree after the surgery. She was there the night I raced back into the ring, making my presence known for the first time in months.

           She’d been there for so much.

           And now she would be gone.

           I tugged my shirt over my head, balling it up in my fist. My gut twisted as she rubbed her hands together, warming them just before setting them against my lower back. She poked and prodded until I remembered to wince.

           When she settled the TENS unit against my back, I had to fight hard to keep from leaning into her.

           What the fuck is wrong with me?

________________________________________________

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