#connection or anything like that and my brain just cant do it anymore. tine spent with my sister was ALWAYS awkward and uncomfortable

[be-good-to-bugs]

all i ever wanna do is sleep but my body wont even let me have at least a normal amount

#the bin #i havent had almost any energy in so goddamn long. its hard for me to even do my daydreaming because i just dont hqve the energy to stand up #i hate feeling so exhausted all the time. its so much worse since i also feel so depressed always too #nothing makes me feel better :( i spend every second feeling like garbage. #i hate that nobody has ever taken me seriously when i talk about how bad it feels. they dont understand how absolutely horrible it is to #just not have any friends whatsoever. they dont believe it feels that bad. #im trying so hard to feel better but i cant. i havent fekt this incapable of happiness for such a prolonged time ever #im trying to draw stuff to make myself happy but it isnt working at all. i think my room being cluttered is part 9f the problem but even if #i were to fix it i doubt it woule help much if at all. i feel like i reached the point where ive spent too long not have any social #connection or anything like that and my brain just cant do it anymore. tine spent with my sister was ALWAYS awkward and uncomfortable #and there was a lot of issues but it was still something. that something is gone and now i talk to nobody at all #this kinda happened to me several years ago when she left for a few months and i didnt talk to thevrest of my family much #im glad im done with our relationship. at this point i cant even pretend to be friendly when i see her. she just keeps doing shitty stuff #even within the past month. everytime i see her i find out about more shitty stuff. i hate her so much. the sound of her voice makes me #wanna rip my hair out. i never wanna ever speak to her again. i have to. and i will. but god. if s #i dont know what ill do to meet people once im moved but i hope i can figure it out quickly. i cant do THIS anymore. i will literally die