#devils claw i have absolutely no fucking clue what's going on. would love to know some day

[doctorgerth]

Hihi!! I had this NSFW idea sitting around & I doubt I’ll ever write it so I’d love to see where you take it! Eustass Kid has a piece of smooth metal he’s made to fit perfectly inside his Fem!S/O so perfectly that when he’s using his DF abilities he can hit every sweet spot and essentially fuck you senseless, what if one day he decides to have a bit of fun with it inside his S/O during an alliance meeting? ((I apologize I am a heathen 😳))

Very interesting concept, I had a lot of fun exploring it 👀👀 I hope this is kind of what you had in mind? Thanks for this awesome request, Minx! Hope you’re doing well and that you enjoy this 💕 (also, big thanks to @thenotsofantasticlifestory for beta reading for me, you da best!)

description: Attending alliance meetings is pretty boring. Thankfully, Kid knows just how to make them a little more exciting. 

warnings: 18+ content / explicit sexual content / dom!Kid / slight degradation / sex toy / public play / female reader

Keep it In (Eustass Kid)

Word Count: 1.8k

“Mmm, Kid-”

A loud banging on the door interrupted the moment, making the two of you pause. Kid groaned in exaggerated exasperation and dropped his head into the crook of your neck, refusing to budge as if simply ignoring the intruder would make the knocking stop. 

It was your third attempt at using the new sex toy Kid had created to add a little spice to your sexy times, and though it was well evident by now that it clearly performed its job well, Kid claimed it was still in the testing stages. You didn’t mind of course, as you were always left more than satisfied when you served as Kid’s test subject. 

“Important meeting, Kid. We gotta go.” Killer’s voice called out, followed by more incessant knocking. The both of you knew you wouldn’t be able to finish before Killer would relent. 

“That’s okay babe, we can finish la-”

“Keep it in.” He ordered abruptly as he rose off of you to dress himself.

“Uh, what?” 

“You heard me.” He smirked as he tossed your clothes in your direction, “Keep it in and come join me for this meeting. I’m sure as hell not leaving you here to take care of yourself without me.” 

“Kid, this is an alliance meeting...”

“Exactly, I need some form of entertainment. Besides, I wanna test the noise level.”

Such bullshit and you knew it. You could read it all over his face.

“Be a good girl for me and I’ll take care of you once the stupid meeting is over.”

And that’s how you found yourself in this current situation: enduring a tedious alliance meeting next to your lover, who was currently, and unbeknownst to everyone else, teasing you maliciously with that cursed sex toy and his devil fruit abilities. He had started off easy, which was quite surprising as Kid almost never went easy on you, but it seemed he wanted to take his time in toying with you. Which only made you sweat with worry, wondering just how long the meeting would last.

Besides fidgeting in your seat awkwardly, you had managed to hold yourself together for the first five minutes. The small vibrations were actually quite pleasant as the vibrator thrummed gently within you. It didn’t take too much longer for Kid to grow bored with this pace, however, as he decided to amp up the settings by using the slightest movements of his metallic fingers in order to increase the intensity every time he nearly fell asleep due to Basil Hawkins’ monotonous voice. Killer knew well that Kid was hardly paying attention, only piping in when something interested him, so of course he took the reins for the sake of the meeting. It was probably best as Kid was not very civil when it came to alliance meetings, and he seemed quite occupied with other thoughts as he fiddled with his fingers.

Another flick of his metallic digits and suddenly the toy was steadily vibrating inside you. It was still a rather low setting, but it was enough to make your body jerk at the sudden change of pace. Kid eyed you with utter mischief in his eyes, a smile so wicked you nearly wanted to reach over and smack him. Your hands were clasped tightly together at your lap, and you bit your lip to suppress any whimpers that dared to escape as the toy continuously vibrated against all the right spots. You had to give him credit, it really did fit perfectly inside of you. 

“(Name), are you alright?” Killer’s head turned in your direction, and suddenly everyone’s eyes were on you. This only made the knot in your stomach tighten, thus making you all the more sensitive to the toy’s vibrations. You gnawed on your lip and nodded vigorously, “Just fine.” 

Killer’s head turned towards Kid and you could read Killer well enough to know that he was peering at his captain in an accusatory manner; the latter only shrugging nonchalantly, as if he didn’t have a damn clue. Oh, you’d make sure to torment him when you got the ch-

As he twitched his fingers yet again, your hands flew to the table, catching everyone’s attention once more. You coughed awkwardly to attempt to cover up your moans and thankfully they talked over you and continued on. You shot daggers at Kid who only winked at you in response. He leaned back in his chair, placing his feet up onto the table, and puffed out that beautiful, burly chest you so loved to mark and claw at. That same chest you were clawing at not too long ago, with the faintest red lines still visible on his pale skin. And all you could think about was touching that chest again, riding him madly until your legs gave out, having his dick fill you up instead of this damned toy. It felt amazing, but you needed him. You knew that’s exactly what that smug bastard had in mind when daring you to keep the vibrator in. Guess you’d find out later if it was worth it. 

The taste of blood hit your taste buds and you realized you were worrying your bottom lip to the point of tearing. You needed something else to hold onto. As the vibrations increased in intensity, your hands quickly reached over to Kid’s thigh. His eyes widened for just a second before peering over at you. He dropped his legs, placing them under the table, and allowing you to claw into him. And then another flick of his fingers sent you. 

You strangled a gasp, making it come out as a deep exhale as your claws dug deeper into his skin. He gritted his teeth, clearly enjoying your sharp grip, and grabbed at your hand. The feeling of his skin against yours was overwhelming. You held onto it tightly, squeezing for dear life as Kid continued to increase the speed of the vibrator. You wanted nothing more than to bring that hand to give your clit the attention it so desperately needed, to bring you to that peak that was just within your reach. You wanted him all over you, caressing you, groping you. You needed contact and it took everything within you to not jump his bones right there on the table. 

He brought your hand over, placing your palm against his hardening cock. You weren’t sure if his hard-on was supposed to make you feel better or worse. It thrilled you to know that Kid was getting off on this, but damn, how demeaning would it be for everyone to know that you two were currently feeling each other up? To the crew, Kid being handsy with you was a regular occurrence. But there was something incredibly dirty about what you two were doing under the table in the company of strangers; even worse, potential allies. Killer would surely give you two an earful if he found out.

Nevertheless, you grabbed on, making sure to be as gentle as possible, and it throbbed to life. Rubbing him out discreetly served as a reliable temporary distraction, despite the small tremors that shook your body every now and then. You pretended to not notice the way everyone at the table would flicker their attention towards the two of you. And you could’ve sworn you noticed a tint of red in Apoo’s cheeks as he quickly averted his eyes when you caught him staring. 

A strange part of you wanted them to stare. Something deep within you wanted them to know exactly what you two were doing to each other. The thrill of getting caught turned you on immensely, causing your panties to dampen more and more at the idea. Squeezing your legs together only drove you more wild, that knot tightening by the second in your abdomen, begging to come undone. You moved your hand to his thigh once more so as to not hurt him as the vibrator was turned up to what you believed to be the highest setting. You squeezed your eyes shut, letting them roll back as a little bit of drool tickled out of the corner of your mouth.

Kid noticed you were close and leaned into you, burying into your damp hair, “You gonna come for me? You’d better be quiet, or they’ll catch us. Then I’ll have to punish you.”

You attempted to shoo him away, focusing on that white hot heat that was beginning to envelop you, but your body felt numb, overstimulated and overworked despite not even climaxing yet. Trying to fight the delicious pleasure of the vibrations proved to be inefficacious as the more you put up a fight, the more intensely it seemed to stimulate you. Paired with everyone’s wandering eyes and the thrill of getting caught, you were driven absolutely mad with desire and satisfaction. 

As your fingers dug into Kid’s thigh, most definitely breaking the skin even through his pants, your entire body shook violently as you came. Stars filled your eyes, the brightest you had ever seen, and caused your entire body to tingle all over. Kid took you under his arm, playing off the moment as you two being playful and everyone seemed to buy it as they ignored the two of you. Perhaps they really had been the whole time. 

Meanwhile, your abused pussy continued to spasm as the toy remained vibrating inside of you. You whimpered into his chest and thankfully, Kid relented quickly. He stopped the vibrator all together, giving you a chance to finally inhale some much needed air. You breathed in deeply as you came down from your high, embracing his gentle hold on you.

“You dirty slut, I’m gonna fuck you senseless once we get back to the room.” He whispered as he nuzzled his nose against your cheek, quickly biting your earlobe before pulling away.

You couldn’t even wait for the meeting to end. As you noticed the members were in deep conversation, you made it a point to sneak quietly from the table and towards your bedroom. Kid laughed to himself as he watched you waddle away, trying to keep your juices from running down your legs. 

As soon as you closed the door, you stripped yourself of your soaked panties and bottoms, discarding them haphazardly into the dirty clothes basket in the corner of the room. Your sweat-soaked shirt and bra came off next, and you stood just like that in the room for a moment; completely bare as you embraced the cool air against your heated skin. Pulling out the vibrator, you quickly realized just how sensitive you still were, hissing as the intense waves of your previous orgasm made your pussy throb in memory. Your ears perked as you heard Kid’s heavy boots echoing down the hallway, and you prepared yourself to really give him a piece of your mind.

But as soon as the door opened, he looked at you with lecherous adoration, almost like he was proud. “You put on quite a show back there. Good girl.”

A million butterflies fluttered in your stomach and no matter how sensitive you still were, your cunt ached madly for him, “Get on the bed, you asshole. And fuck me right.” 

“Way ahead of you.” He smirked as he tossed you backwards onto the bed, resuming to his position atop you, continuing where you two left off. 

#doctorgerth #one piece #one piece scenario #op scenario #scenario #ns.fw #filth #smut #eustass kid #kid #kid x reader #reader insert #female reader #jinxxyminxxy

[spockandawe]

OH RIGHT, I also have to follow up on The Healer Demands Payment!

Because oh my god, you guys

This is the most fun I’ve had with a cnovel in EONS (by eons, I mean like. a week. I'm an impatient binch). I was just poking idly around on novelupdates, and I tripped across an absolute GEM, and I need to scream about it. Which I already did once before, so I’ll try not to rehash things too-too badly, but I hit the end of the translation and blew through into MTL, because how was I supposed to stop? I’m still not caught up with MTL (not that it matters, since the story is ongoing), but I trust this author to take me good places, and I’m about 99% positive the author is deliberately playing with genre-based storytelling conventions, if a little more subtly than svsss. 

I’m going to get into more spoilers as I go along than I did last time, all things revealed fairly early, but if you’d rather read it cold (a++, do recommend, but not critical for reading pleasure), hit up that post instead of this one. But these first couple paragraphs aren’t super revealing.

The premise!! Meng Qi is a healer. Her first time living her life, she tried to charitably do good and heal the people around her in need. However, like every time she tried to treat a guy, circumstances were such that everyone thought she looked suspicious, credit was given to her shijie, Lu Qingran, and then all the guys went off to moon over Lu Qingran. Meng Qi does her own thing for a while, and even picks up a shizun who she adores, and who is her research partner developing all kinds of revolutionary new medical techniques. When she eventually died (I still don’t know how, but it definitely looks like Lu Qingran was swooning into the arms of the man who did it), Meng Qi was told that Lu Qingran was beloved by the heavens. Then... Meng Qi woke up, age 17 or 18, just as she entered her sect, but with all the theoretical knowledge that she accumulated in her past life.

When our story begins, the first of Lu Qingran’s love interests has just entered the scene. He staggers back to the sect, carrying Lu Qingran, badly poisoned after encountering a magic beast in the woods. Meng Qi knows how to treat him. But she’s also aware that yeah, after she did this last time, she slaved away from a week, and passed out in exhaustion, just in time for Lu Qingran to wake up and say she saw ~someone~ in their sect’s uniform in the forest just before the beast attacked. Meng Qi is all set to be locked in jail for three months until someone gets around, finally, to clearing her name. Meanwhile, clown prime, Chu Fengtian, is busy mooning over Lu Qingran and ignoring all the work she did to save him.

Yeah! She’s not super interested!!!!!!!!!

So she thinks about this for a little while, and decides that the best way to extract herself from any kind of karmic entanglements is to make sure any work she does is just a pure, simple exchange of goods. So... she says she can treat him, and she charges him money. A lot of money.

He’s angry and embarrassed and has to sign an official IOU, her sect is upset with her, but her sect also knows that treating this poison is beyond their capabilities, so they’re like ‘yeah, whatever, humiliate yourself, i guess!’ She doesn’t, because she is a good and clever girl, and as Chu Fengtian’s humiliation fades, he seems to.... gradually realize that Lu Qingran shouldn’t be the object he orbits. Meng Qi charges him money for everything she does for him, all the different pills and such, and he’s, uh. He’s starting to get into it, and I am living.

I won’t lie, whenever I talk about this book I’ve been framing it as accidental findom harem acquisition, and I’m not wrong.

Now, at this point, Meng Qi kind of has a grasp on what Events ought to be transpiring, and is managing along. That gradually fades as the plot progresses, but it’s an early element. She acquires an injured baby tiger she wants to heal, who, uh, is definitely actually a member of a royal demon clan trapped in beast mode (and baby mode). To treat this tiger, she needs expensive-ass medicine. And now, our girl has additional motivation to extort the men around her (mostly) for everything they have. She also accidentally runs into another of Lu Qingran’s eventual love interests, Qin Xiumo, recovering from the aftermath of a failed heavenly tribulation, and in a really bad way. She... can treat him. If he pays :3c

(Lu Qingran almost steals credit for Meng Qi’s work, again, and this is the point where I start to wonder if there’s some kind of.... legit gravitational field around her that’s altering people’s perceptions, because this is a terribly consistent pattern. The Dreamer In The Spring Boudoir had a toxic white lotus of its own, but what she was able to do isn’t the same as Lu Qingran, and the way people eventually break free of orbit around Lu Qingran and realize that things are Strange is fascinating)

And now here is where I was like OHHHHHHH.

Because the moment Chu Fengtian gets Qin Xiumo alone, he’s like ‘right, you and me, we both remember our last lives, right? we remember how lu qingran got us killed? and how meng qi got caught up in that all trying to help us and died too? let’s NOT do that again’

MULTIPLE REINCARNATORS WITH MEMORIES OF THEIR LIVES

And here, I have to copy over this one bit again, because it made me go yeeeee out loud

“Meng Qi.” Qin Xiumo smiled. “You should always remember one thing.” He turned to look at Meng Qi. “If someone betrays and wrongs you in the future, don’t try to talk reason, just kill them.” He paused for a moment, then slowly said, “I know you can do it. As long as you don’t feel soft-hearted.

Qin Xiumo took a step towards Meng Qi. The mountain wind stirred his black robe, but he kept staring at her eyes. With a low whisper, he softly spoke every word. “Including me…if one day I betray you, bring you harm, just kill me without hesitation.”

Okay now

So

Here’s the funny thing

Because Meng Qi was not treated well by any of these love interests before, she’s totally willing to be pleasant with them, but like........... respect? what respect? the two boys out themselves to each other immediately, but they have no clue that meng qi remembers anything, and it’s hilarious. Also they start immediately getting into baby slapfights over who she’s charging more for certain services. Is it that she doesn’t care about you and only wants to talk money with you, or is it that hey, why did she charge you ten times as much for the same service??? The answer is yes. Also, Qin Xiumo offers to repay her with his body almost right away and she’s like No Thank You, and the moment their financial obligations are repaid, she’s like OKAY BYE, and it’s great.

Virtually every major character who’s been added to the party or exists on the outskirts of the party has won me over. Xue Junwen? A treasure. Su Junmo? A++++ gossipy fox bastard, would die for him. Sikong Xing? WONDERFUL fox lesbian, also a treasure, deserves the best girlfriend in the world. Pei Mufeng? BEST BOY, needs to tell me ALL his secrets!!!! Ji Wujiong? Absolute Bastard, my favorite lad, absolute treasure of a terrible man. I love him. And Meng Qi’s mysterious once-shizun is also floating around now, and is WILDLY jealous of who this ““shizun”” that she respects from her past could be.

The story has this balance I really, really like, where all of the major women who have shown up have either been absolutely delightful creatures or fascinating I-can’t-tell-if-they-know-they’re-toxic antagonists, and all the men have been SOME variety of clown. It’s so good.

And I’m speculating so hard about everything that’s happening!!! Why do three human lads appear to remember a past with Meng Qi, while at least two demons who were very involved with her definitely don’t? Meng Qi is getting SUPER good at arrays, but the narrative makes a point about how a ton of knowledge about arrays was lost in both the human and demon realms. So........ tell me more about the devil realm? Why have you told me so little about the devil realm, I’m getting suspicious! What the FUCK did all that internal damage to both Ji Wujiong and Yun Qingyan?? Are those wounds on Ji Wujiong’s face perhaps........... tiger claws? Do they have anything to do with a baby tiger’s injured paw that wouldn’t close until Meng Qi saved up for a ton of medicines? HOW MUCH DOES PEI MUFENG REMEMBER, and did he promise to go to the starfallen sea because of his PAST LIFE remembrances of meng qi? Why is he immune to propaganda lu qingran?

And also, last time I posted, I mentioned the strict stages of cultivation as my biggest downside in the novel. That’s still probably the case, but now, I’m invested. The conceit that Meng Qi’s theoretical knowledge far outstrips her cultivation is a fascinating one, and the story leans into it real, real good. Especially once Ji Wujiong got involved and started teaching her about arrays, and she wasn��t just leaning on rote lessons from the past to get by, it got so interesting. And some of the cultivation trappings that never really clicked for me are much more interesting in the context of a medical cultivation novel, like, I have never once cared what a spiritual sea is, but once it turns out that Ji Wujiong’s internal damage involves damage to his spiritual sea? Yes?? Tell me more?????

I’m genuinely shocked and delighted that I’m so invested in this book, because I only expected it to be a light, casual read from the start. I was looking for something to kill the time, not something to distract me while I’m supposed to be working, but I love it so much. I’m in the middle of wrapping up a story arc and pausing for air before I press on through the mtl, but I’m already planning to loop back to the beginning and read again and look for hints as soon as I finish. This is so GOOD. It was such a surprise how fun it was, but I love it so much!!

#the healer demands payment #cnovel rec #should be a tag i start using #let's see if i remember to go back and apply it #long post/

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #288

“i never believed the devil was real, but god couldn’t make someone filthy as you”

When was the last time you drove or travelled for over an hour? Where did you go? Around a month back, I rode with Mom and my sister to my mom’s doc appointment. When you get old, are you going to let your hair go gray or dye it instead? Haha, I don’t see my desire to dye my hair wild colors ever fading. What genre was the last book you read? Was it any good? Fantasy. It was very good. Did you ever wear braces on your teeth? Yes. What’s your favorite condiment to have with sausages or hot dogs (or the vegetarian equivalent)? I just have ketchup and mustard. Which fictional character can you relate to the most? Is this a character from film, TV or a book? I dunno, there’s just so many to dig through. I’ve never felt a *strong* connection to any. Do you groom your eyebrows? If so, how? Not really anymore. Do you own any photo albums? Are they dedicated to special occasions or just a random selection of photos? We have old ones stored in a cabinet somewhere. I haven’t looked at them in a long time, but I think they’re loosely bound by time periods. What’s your favorite meal of the day - breakfast, lunch, or dinner? Breakfast, for sure. Who was the last person you texted? How do you know that person? Sara. She’s my best friend. What was the reason behind the last time you shouted or raised your voice? It wasn’t severe at all, but I raised my voice to tell Roman to stop clawing at the carpet. Are you a citizen of more than one country? Would you ever use that advantage to move abroad? No. Have you ever read any of John Green’s books? If so, which one is your favorite? I barely started The Fault in Our Stars, and that’s it. I’m quite sure I would if I actually read them, though. Are you a protective person? UM ONLY JUST SLIGHTLY. Have you ever experienced an earthquake? No. There’s been very, very mild ones here, and the one “big” one (which, mind you, was only big enough to make the pool water barely tremble) that’s happened in my lifetime I wasn’t even home for; I was hours away at the zoo. According to Facebook outrage much more recently, my area experienced a teeny-tiny one, but I sure didn’t feel it. Are you a fan of penguins? Omg yes, such darlings. So intelligent, too. I particularly love emperor penguins. Has anyone ever sang to you? Yes. Are you a good painter? I’ve been told so. Before buying a car, do you usually test drive it? I’ve never been in this position. When was the last time you met someone for the first time? Ummm I dunno. Maybe Nicole’s ex? Have you ever cooked with crab or lobster? Could you ever bring yourself to kill a live lobster/crab? No and no. I hate the taste of both. Squishy and just… ew. Which fast food restaurant do you go to the most? What do you tend to order when you go there? Being the cheapest, probably McDonald’s? I usually get a double cheeseburger and small or medium fry. Does it bother you when dogs jump up at you? Does it bother you less if it’s a smaller dog? Nah. I mean their claws can hurt, but it’s all worth a dog’s love, haha. What kind of animal did you touch last? Was this animal one of your pets? I pet my cat Roman last. How would you describe your sense of humor? Have you ever offended someone when you were only joking? Seeing as I don’t even find myself funny, idk how to answer that. I don’t believe I’ve ever offended anyone with a joke. When was the last time you cried - what caused it? It was literally last night when I was really deeply thinking about stuff I’ve been running from. What’s your favorite flavor of potato chip? You can’t beat the original ruffled kind, imo. Do you prefer fruit or vegetable juice? What kind of flavors do you like? I love fruit juice, but you’ll never see me even try vegetable juice. I enjoy lots of fruit ones: mango (my favorite), pineapple, strawberry, watermelon, orange, apple… Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? How did you meet this person? If you mean via a call and not texting, that would be my psychiatrist. I met him during my partial hospitalization. He helped save my life. Who was your first celebrity crush? Which celebrity do you like now? Jesse McCartney /swoons. Now I’m a l l about Mark Fischbach like jesus fucking Christ lord- Do you usually sleep with your closet door open or closed? It’s closed. What’s your favorite love movie? The Notebook. Afraid of heights? Kinda, yeah. Do you take a vitamin daily? Not daily, no, but I have to take Vitamin D once a week. Wal-Mart, Target, or K-Mart? Wal-Mart. Is K-Mart even still around? Cheetos Or Fritos? Cheetos; I don’t really like the latter. Are you patient? N O P E, not unless it’s really called for. Which are better black or green olives? I hate olives. Black aren’t as awful, though. Who was your high school crush? Ha, Jason surpassed “crush” by a lighyear. Have you ever had your computer or e-mail hacked? Did anything bad happen as a result? No to both, but I’ve had my Facebook hacked. Nothing too bad happened. Do you prefer the company of people or animals? Animals, for sure. I need human company sometimes too, though. When was the last time you went to the beach? What did you do there? A few years ago when Colleen and I were still friends. The water felt fucking incredible, so I swam a lot, and then I just chilled with her, her husband, and their then-infant son under the umbrella. I still got insane sun poisoning, though. What kind of milk do you prefer to drink (if you drink it at all)? 1-2%. Skim is gross and whole is too thick. When was the last time you wore some kind of fancy dress? That witchy photoshoot I mentioned in I think the last survey. Do you enjoy dressing up (ie. in suits or smart clothing)? When was the last time you did so? Ugh, no. Too much effort and usually not very comfortable. See above answer for the second part. What’s worse - being overdressed or underdressed? I think the latter would embarrass me more. What do you think would be the worst thing about being stuck in solitary confinement? Being alone with only your head for “sound.” And if you’re in solitary, odds are your head isn’t in a good place, so it just makes it worse. How old were you when you learned to tie your shoelaces? Idk, but I know I learned it the “wrong” way first from Dad. It always annoyed Mom because they weren’t tight enough, apparently. Do you enjoy decorating for the holidays? For the most part, honestly not really. I love SEEING places decorated, but hate doing it myself. So much effort for sometimes not even a month’s worth of enjoyment. Would you rather go into a restaurant or just go via the drive-thru? I prefer the drive-thru. Do you like having your teeth cleaned at the dentist? Yeah, even if there may be a bit of pain here and there. It feels nice afterwards. Have you ever had a gun drawn on you before? YIKES, NO. When was the last time you went to a petting zoo? I probably haven’t since I was a baby. How old were you when you first started using Tumblr? Have you had the same blog all that time? Idr, but I know I was waaaay late to the party. I’ve had the same since the start, though. Are you a fan of Reddit? What are some of your favorite subreddits? I’ve never used it. Have you ever watched those YouTube videos of people popping their own spots or zits? Do you find them gross or fascinating? EW EW EW EW NO. They gross me the FUCK out. What’s a food you hated as a kid but love now? How about vice versa? Hmmm… I only know vice-versa, really. I loved peas as a baby, but now it’s a “fuck no” from me, man. Do you prefer socks, shoes or going bare foot? Bare feet, at least where it makes sense. Are you currently in the second story of a building? No; my house doesn't have a second floor. Who was the last music artist you listened to a song by? Ozzy. Have you ever written or drew something on a dollar bill? No. What was your favorite childhood game to play with your friends? We played lots of things, but I guess "Categories" in the pool probably wins. Basically the person on one end of the pool had to guess somebody on the other side's favorite in a certain topic, and if they guessed it right, you raced the other person to the opposite side. Whoever got there fastest was the next guesser. Where did you get your favorite pet from? My favorite pet of all time, my old dog Teddy, we got as a puppy from a friend of a friend. Her cocker spaniel had a massive litter and adopted the babies out. Have you ever called animal control on anyone? Not me personally, no. I think my mom did when our childhood neighbor's two rottweilers got loose and killed at least one of our kittens of the time; she was livid because it wasn't the first time they got out and attacked our cats, and of course us kids were absolutely devastated. I think they got off with a warning. Do you prefer wearing hoodies to coats? Yeah, especially slightly oversized. Is there anything written on the shirt you are wearing? No, it's just a black tank top. Have you ever been to another continent? No. Do you ever go out of your way to avoid someone? Not really. What was your last voicemail about? I don't even have a voicemail set up, so. Are you currently wearing a belt?I haven't worn belts since high school. How much was gas the last time you looked? I think $1.99. Is there someone who would support you no matter what? My mom, probably. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?I REALLY don't want to think about this one. Do you still get carded when you try and buy things you’re old enough to? I very rarely order one, but I don't really get carded for drinks at restaurants anymore. Do you know anyone fluent in a really uncommon language? Not that I know of. Do you kiss on the first date? This would depend on a lot of things. Odds are though, no. When was the last time you slept on something other than a bed? I've got no clue. How do you feel about the last person you shared a kiss with? I love her. Describe your current mood: Hopeless. Confused. Aimless. Exasperated. Just depressed. Do you think we were put on this earth for a reason? I mean, somewhat, but also not really. I don't believe life exists by chance, so whoever/whatever made that decision obviously had some reason - but not for each person in particular, I believe. I highly doubt something/someone thought out extravagant stories for every single thing that lives. I believe we give ourselves a reason. What is something you have done this year you’re proud of? Absolutely nothing, off the top of my head. What were you doing 10 years ago? I woulda been 14, almost 15... so starting high school. I was in school with actual goals and confidence I'd do great in life, despite my depression being in full swing. Did you ever have a MySpace? Yup... Still remember Natasha Bedingfield's "Pocketful of Sunshine" was the song on my meerkat-slathered page too, haha. Do you think breaks are toxic in a relationship? I don't believe in breaks, period. You don't turn love on and off. Do you have a YouTube channel? If no, would you create one? If yes, what’s your content? Yeah, but it's not one that seriously produces content. Its primary purpose is just to like, favorite, and rarely comment on stuff while having recommendations catered to my interests. I used to make GMV/AMV-type things and mostly Meerkat Manor tributes, as well as various MEP parts because BOY could I only accomplish very short videos. I no longer have "professional" video editing software (I'd always pirated it before, anyway...) nor the necessary motivation and patience to make them anymore. Are you a math person? Heeeeeeeell no. Have you been ghosted before? Would you ghost someone? No to both. When do you think things will be normal again? Who the fuck knows. It'll probably be a couple years, at least. Do you watch anime? If I'm watching television, yeah, I like some animes. Do you like TikTok? Never used it. Do you ever miss Vine? YO Vine was fuckin FUNNY If you're in school, are you doing it on Zoom or in class? I'm not in school, so. But if I was and in-person classes were expected, guess who the fuck isn't going with how serious I am about social distancing. Lives come before education. Would you ever have a pet rat? I've had a handful, but I don't think I will again. Their cages require so much cleaning, and they need more socialization than I'm able to provide. I fucking adore them, though. Favorite memory with your best friend? It's weird, we've "seen" each other for only like, a month's collective time, and I'm not sure of my answer because there's so many. Have you ever dated someone more than twice your age? No. Have you ever “dined and dashed”? No, I never could. Have you ever been cut off by a bartender because you were too drunk? No. Have you ever borrowed money from your mom & lied about why you needed it? I don't think so. Have you ever dated someone just because they had money? Fuck no. Have you ever lied to your spouse about the money you spent shopping? N/A, but I wouldn't. Have you ever flirted with a cop to get out of a ticket? No. Have you ever lied during a job interview? Me? Social? People person? Well duh, of course I am. Have you ever switched tags on an item to pay less for it? No, that's awful. Have you taken any pics of yourself that you wouldn't want your parents to see? Actually no. Did you ever get fired and tell someone you were laid off? No. Have you ever turned in a school paper that someone else wrote for you? Absolutely not. I liked writing papers anyway and am very serious about creative honesty. Do you feel accepted by your BF/GF’s family? N/A If you were an employer, would you hire someone with your exact work ethic? Well, what's the job? Have you ever trashed your ex’s car after an argument? No. The only thing I ever did to his car was decorate it for his birthday lmao. Have you ever done something because of peer pressure you are ashamed of? I don't think so, no. Have you ever been embarrassed to introduce your parents to anyone? No. Would you leave a note on a car claiming responsibility if you damaged it? Yes. The guilt otherwise would be unbearable. Have you ever used someone's handicapped parking pass to get a parking spot? Ew, no. Have you ever held back a well-deserved compliment because you were jealous? I wouldn't put me past it lately. For yourself, would you rather have a perfect body or high IQ? I hate my body so fuckin much that I'll take the first, please. Have you ever used a false ID? Nope. Are you embarrassed to tell people your job? I'm embarrassed to admit I don't HAVE a job. If you ran over an animal would you keep driving? Oh my god no, I'd have to stop to break the fuck down. Ever lie about you (or your kids') age to get a discount? Ha, I'm sure my parents would sometimes at restaurants when I was young. Do you really care about saving the planet for future generations? A LOT. Have you gotten close to anyone recently? Not really. Do you remember the first conversation you had with the person you have feelings for? No, but I can assure you it probably wasn't nice lmao. Have you ever gotten a D or F on your report card? Not until college. If you had twins, would you give them rhyming names? No. What are you listening to? "Radio" by Rammstein is on atm. Have you ever fallen into a mud puddle? Maybe as a kid. But that might'a been on purpose, lol. Are you scared of spiders? To a degree. Like, I want a few tarantulas but will scream and jump five feet the moment I see a huge spider beside me unexpectantly. I think they are very, very fascinating and important, but I also prefer to give them distance. Unless I have a camera in hand, haha. Do you think that crying is a form of weakness? Absolutely not. Have you ever slept on a couch with someone? Yeah. Last person to call you? Some number from Mississippi??????????? Ever feel like you have been replaced? Oh yes.

#survey #surveys #quiz #questions #lyrics: ''slutgarden'' by marilyn manson

[bigskydreaming]

The Ric Grayson AND Talon storylines both end at the same time, and in the same way:

Great Grandpa Creeper Cobb successfully manipulates Ric into position to be brainwashed and become the Talon that Willie the Weenie has always wanted him to be.....this happens for like, two issues.

Then Grandpa Get Ye To A Graveyard Already fucks up....he accidentally brings Talon Ric within sighting distance of the Court’s latest crop of prospective Talon recruits, including a wee baby ten year old orphan being trained to be a future Talon.

And the essential corn kernel of Dick Grayson’s essence, deep down in his psyche, just fucking POPS like its Orville Redenbacher and someone just nuked it in the microwave.

And the real Dick Grayson comes SHRIEKING to the forefront of Talon!Ric’s brain, nothing subtle about it, and the next thing his Rancid Relative knows, he’s being fucking impaled by his great grandson’s blades as said great grandson, who is SUPPOSED to be docilely brainwashed, wtf, is already halfway across the room, diving into the mass of other Talons like they’re a collection of bowling pins and he’s a wrecking ball straight out of a Miley Cyrus music video, but instead of the caterwauling lyrics “I never hit so haaaaaaaard in love,” Dick’s accompanied by a soundtrack of him screaming:

“I WILL PROTECT YOU SMOL CHILD!!!”

As said smol child is just standing there, staring, like....dude, wut?

And then Dick finishes absolutely DESTROYING everything undead and nefarious in sight like he’s the Tasmanian Devil on meth, and he turns to said smol child and begins the process of Smothering, as his hands flutter all up and down checking for injuries but not touching, like: 

“Did they hurt you are you alright you’re safe now cough once for I’m all good or punch me in the no-no’s if I’m making you feel unsafe, I will make sure you are totally safe from here on out, you are my baby now, I have decided, but like, only if you want to be.”

And smol child is decidedly overwhelmed but Man-Who-Speaks-Like-He-Has-Pixie-Sticks-In-Place-Of-Blood-Vessels seems harmless, if weird, and is definitely preferable to the weird Bird Men who kidnapped him off the streets and tried to teach him how to kill people and make death threats out of nursery rhymes. And he doesn’t have a lot of experience in OTHER subterranean lairs to compare this one too, but he’s decidedly not a fan, so when Dick asks if he would like him to take him to see Batman and Batgirl and Robin and other superheroes who can also reassure him there will be no more homework on How To Torture People Good, he’s like....”yeah I guess. If you want.”

And so Dick scoops him up with glee and takes off through the tunnels, yelling back over his shoulder: “Bye Greatly-Gross-Grandpa, hate you lots, don’t call, don’t write, you’re officially off my Christmas card list, hasta la neeeeeeeeeever.”

Thereupon swiftly grappling across the Bludhaven rooftops, yelling PARKOUR! just because he can and its fun, and its weirdly relaxing for his wee passenger, because look, this dude may be weird as fuck, but he’s clearly got the moves to protect him from the Undead Legions of Ornithologists and he seems too....fun to be evil, like not in the Joker kinda way like he’s seen on TV in previous foster homes where its like, jeez dude, try hard much, but more like an adult who just quit a soul-crushing cubicle-dwelling corporate-craphole job and has suddenly been reminded that the sky is blue, flowers smell good, and there IS a Santa Claus, Virginia.

Thus by the time they arrive at Wayne Manor, with no attempt made to hide where they’re going from his wee passenger’s eyes - Dick has already decided he’s keeping the kid, pending said kid’s approval but look, kids like him and he’s determined to bring his A game to the pitch meeting, so he likes his chances - said wee passenger disembarks in the Batcave but stays close by, clinging to Dick’s side in an ever so slight way that allows for plausible deniability later, once he gets his bearings and also his bravado back.

“Dick?!” Comes the chorus of voices from the rest of the family, who are all there already, by great coincidence and in great defiance of the crapfests in their own individual titles, but also who the fuck cares. And Dick puffs out his chest, cuz he’s putting on a good show for his new kiddo, first impressions are important...

“Tis I, fam! The one true Dick Grayson has returned! Huzzah!”

Look, being completely oblivious to his Greatest Dork Energy coinciding with his Times He Most Attempts To Be Impressive, is like, Peak Dick Grayson characterization, you can trust me, I’m a doctor. 

And Tim’s like, “Why are you dressed like a Talon?”

And Dick’s like, “Isn’t the better question why AREN’T you dressed like a Talon?”

Which makes no sense but shhh, I’m running out of steam here, don’t question the atmosphere, just let it be.

And Bruce is like, “Who’s your friend?”

With like...designs and agendas already in mind, because said wee Talon-to-be is cute and adorable and bravely trying to act like he is not at all intimidated by his surroundings and is in total control of what’s going on like, he meant to be here, this is all according to plan, yes, excellent, everything is progressing nicely....

Which as everyone knows, are the three key essential traits Bruce looks for in prospective adoptees....

So Dick snarls and later blames it on residual Talon-ness, they’re very territorial bird...assassin....people....anyway, the adrenaline is still high and also he has swiftly become attached because whether kiddo knows it or not, Dick 100% credits him with the brainwash-breaking and thus when factored in with the cuteness quotient, what we have here is an instant recipe for Protectiveness slash Possessiveness that would be creepy and inappropriate if this wasn’t pure crack. 

But crack it is, and thus Dick curls a protective arm around the kiddo like the lap-bar on a particularly turbulent roller coaster and applies G-Force sufficient to keep even Superman from prying him out of his hands - but in a gentle, non- ’crushing kinda way that might hurt the kiddo,’ even though physics doesn’t work like that, except look, these are CRACK PHYSICS, they can and they do work like that. 

And he’s all, “I already adopted him, so back off, Bruce, I’ll cut you. But also hi dad, I missed you. In spirit I mean, like I had amnesia and then I was brainwashed so technically its probably a reach to say I missed anyone but just roll with it. Also I can haz hugs now, please?”

And then Damian apparates in front of Dick amid a cloud of Disapproval that’s really just a cover for OMG-I-Was-Without-You-And-It-Was-Terrible-And-I’m-So-Glad-You’re-Back-But-Also-Who-Is-This-Interloper-And-Why-Is-He-Stealing-My-Hug.

“Tt. Grayson. Your absence was...less than desirable. See to it that this doesn’t happen again. Also what is that and why is it here.”

“Aww, Dami, I’m sorry. I promise to install a “please have the nearest available psychic reboot my brain in case of future brain damage slash amnesia” clause in my living will, and soon as I get a free second, I’ll break the fourth wall and blackmail the DC editorial staff into declaring me off-limits for all death, brainwashing and/or kidnapping plots for at least the next four major crossover events. I have naughty pictures. They’ll cave.”

“Hmph,” Dami says. He resumes staring pointedly at the kiddo, who juts his chin defiantly and stares back while clinging more tightly to Dick, because he may have very little clue what’s going on, but he’s a quick one and has at least picked up on the fact that Dick wants him and this other kid wants Dick. Which combined with the rescuing and the kicking of bad guy ass means Dick is probably Quality and In Demand and Of Value, and thus he might as well stake a claim now and worry about whether or not to act on that or skedaddle later, once he’s got more intel. He’s a natural Bat, this one, but then, that’s probably why he was in Toddler Talon Boot Camp, he scored high on whatever weird aptitude tests they used to scope out talent, and by talent we mean murder-skills.

“Dami,” Dick admonishes then, “This isn’t an it, he’s a person, and he was recently traumatized so promise me you’ll be on your best behavior or at least your ‘engaging in shenanigans with Jon’ behavior. And he’s not competition, you’re my Dames and my little bro, and he’s potentially your nephew, which is a whole separate category and no threat to you and your baby bro status at all, so retract the claws. If anything, the real danger is Pops adopting him and thus supplanting you as the official Baby Bird of our generation, so make like an ally and help me get that dangerous “I’m gonna adopt this kid so hard” gleam out of Bruce’s eye before it gets any gleamier. We’re still only halfway through my tearful reunion and having to cut Dad before we even get to cake would be a major mood-killer, but I’ll do it, I swear. Also, get your Baby Bird behind over here and hug me already, I have two arms.”

Damian rolled his eyes but obediently disappeared and reappeared nestled against Dick’s other side in the blink of an eye. The proper application of ninja skills has always been the pursuance of hugs and cuddles. Thus sayeth the crack.

“Hey, I do get cake, right?” Dick asked suddenly, looking around dangerously. “I was amnesiac and also brainwashed, I deserve cake, TELL me there’s gonna be cake.”

“Well that answers whether or not we should be worried about this being an attempted infiltration or not,” Jason says, strolling over casually. “No impostor or brainwashing script-writer could ever duplicate the Essence de Dick so perfectly. Hey squirt. Welcome to the madhouse. I’m Jason, what’s your name?”

“Oh right,” Dick realized, cocking his head. “Hey, what is your name?”

“Really, Dick?” Tim sighed, fondly exasperated. “I realize you like to jump from A straight to Z whenever possible, but steps B through Y aren’t usually just mere suggestions.”

“It hadn’t come up yet,” Dick defended himself.

“Yes, why would it have,” Duke mused from where he was leaning over and snapping his fingers in front of Bruce’s eyes, in a futile attempt at tearing his gaze away from the viable adoption candidate within 20 meters from him. It was probably best that they get this adoption thing inked out and signed off on as soon as possible - it was the only thing that was definitively going to get that “Argh, I’ve spotted treasure ahoy” look out of Bruce’s eyes. And Alfred had been very clear :Bruce was forbidden to adopt any more kids himself until he got a better handle on juggling the six he already had. Which. The past year had...probably not met Alfred’s standards on, so it didn’t seem likely he’d be waiving that requirement any time soon. 

(And nobody wanted to get in between the Unstoppable Force that was Bruce’s ‘must adopt all the orphans’ and the Immovable Object that was Alfred’s ‘must maintain at least a reasonable fascimile of order in this household, even if it is a total sham, appearances matter.’)

“Hey!” Dick protested. “I’ve been busy, okay? There was fighting and then there was parkouring and now we’re reunifying, and it wasn’t like I was just calling him ‘that kid’ in my head, I was calling him ‘my kiddo’ which is a perfectly reasonable identifier and thus more specific detail just....hadn’t been relevant yet!”

“So uh, bee tee dubs, what is your name, buddy?” Dick asked, looking down. His kiddo looked back up at him for a long, measuring moment, and then he shrugged.

“I’ll tell you in exchange for some cake. You said something about there being cake, but I don’t see any.”

Dick got misty-eyed at that. “See? He already prioritizes like me. This was destiny! Also, you heard my kiddo, do we not deserve cake? It has been a very long day, there was murder and mayhem and more. Also, my creeper great grandpa was there being icksome, and you know how much that weirds me out.”

“Come along, Master Dick,” Alfred said then, appearing out of nowhere thanks to his Bat-Butler Magic. “And your young charge as well. I already have your favorite baking in the oven and it should be done shortly. Lemon meringue with raspberry layers.”

“That’s disgusting and I will not participate in any ceremony that treats that as part of a celebration instead of just a weird kind of laxative,” Jason said loftily, though it escaped no one’s notice that he was the first to the stairs.

“Shut your facehole, its delicious and amazing and you will like it or I will kick your ass,” Dick said, equally loftily.

“Boys,” Bruce said with a long-suffering sigh, as the threat of brotherly bloodshed was enough to finally shake him out of his orphan-induced stupor.

“At MARIO KART. I will kick his ass at MARIO KART, ugh, jeez, B, why do you always assume the worst of us?”

“Precedent,” Tim said dryly.

“Who the hell asked the Oompa Loompa Brigade to weigh in with all ninety of his pounds?” Jason called back from the top of the stairs. 

Cass came up on Dick’s left, where the kiddo was one half of the sandwich made by him and Damian on Dick’s other side. She smiled down at him when he directed his still very wide-eyed gaze at her, landing on her after his latest sweep of the cavern and all its contained chaos, as if trying to take it all in - most likely in the hopes that if he could manage that, somehow the last 72 hours of his life might suddenly make sense. He really was adorable.

“Don’t worry,” she beamed at him, reaching out to pat him comfortingly on his shoulder, right above where Dick’s arm was still curled around it like a warm blanket - albeit one with the tensile hold of a python. “They’re all crazy, but only in the good ways.”

Duke scoffed as he slipped ahead of them and started taking the stairs two at a time. “It’s funny how you say that like you’re some kind of exception to the rule.”

“Bold words, little brother,” Cass called after him. He only shouted back from the top in a booming voice, his words echoing down the narrow stone stairway dramatically.

“Am I not Batclan?”

“Oooh, is that a new thing we’re doing?” Dick asked excitedly. “Somebody catch me up, I demand context. I smell a story there.”

“It was Jason’s fault,” Tim said automatically. Dick nodded.

“Sure, that tracks. Continue.”

Bruce trailed after his brood of batlings and birdlets, sidling over to where Barbara was waiting for the elevator. The latter having hung back to watch the commotion with the air of one taking notes for repurposing in the form of future blackmail material. Her ever extending network of spies and informants made so much more sense, suddenly.

He cleared his throat while they listened to the hum of the elevator’s machinery as it descended to their level.

“I wasn’t really thinking of adopting the boy,” he said. Not at all sullenly, nor with a trace of defensiveness to be found.

“Of course you weren’t, Bruce,” Barbara said. She patted his arm fondly, with all the conviction of a kindergarten teacher whose student was attempting to claim innocence on the matter of a paint disaster perfectly matching the paint stains on his hands.

“I wasn’t,” Bruce muttered as she preceded him into the elevator. 

Why did nobody ever believe him?

[sedonawinter]

FAVORITE FOLKLORE LYRICS:

the 1:

“We never painted by the numbers, baby, but we were making it count. You know the greatest loves of all time are over now.”

cardigan:

“Marked me like a bloodstain, I knew you. Tried to change the ending. Peter losing Wendy.”

the last great american dynasty:

“There goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen. She had a marvelous time ruining everything”

exile:

“I think I've seen this film before and I didn't like the ending. I'm not your problem anymore so who am I offending now?”

my tears ricochet:

“I didn't have it in myself to go with grace and you're the hero flying around saving face. And if I'm dead to you why are you at the wake?”

mirrorball:

“I've never been a natural. All I do is try, try, try. I'm still on that trapeze. I'm still trying everything to keep you looking at me.”

seven:

“Please picture me in the weeds. Before I learned civility I used to scream ferociously any time I wanted.”

august:

“Lost in the memory. August slipped away into a moment in time ‘cause it was never mine. And I can see us twisted in bedsheets. August slipped away.”

this is me trying:

“Pulled the car off the road to the lookout. Could've followed my fears all the way down and maybe I don't quite know what to say. But I'm here in your doorway.”

illicit affairs:

“Don't call me kid. Don't call me baby.

Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me. You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else.”

invisible string:

“Time, mystical time. Cutting me open, then healing me fine. Were there clues I didn't see? And isn't it just so pretty to think all along there was some invisible string tying you to me?”

mad woman:

“Every time you call me crazy

I get more crazy what about that? And when you say I seem angry, I get more angry.”

AND

“What a shame she went mad. No one likes a mad woman. You made her like that. And you'll poke that bear till her claws come out and you find something to wrap your noose around”

AND

“They say "move on" but you know I won't. And women like hunting witches, too, doing your dirtiest work for you. It's obvious that wanting me dead has really brought you two together.”

epiphany:

“Only twenty minutes to sleep but you dream of some epiphany. Just one single glimpse of relief to make some sense of what you've seen.”

betty:

“I was walking home on broken cobblestones, just thinking of you when she pulled up like a figment of my worst intentions.”

peace:

“But I'm a fire and I'll keep your brittle heart warm if your cascade ocean wave blues come. All these people think love's for show but I would die for you in secret. The devil's in the details but you got a friend in me.”

hoax:

“This has frozen my ground, stood on the cliffside screaming, "Give me a reason". Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in. Don't want no other shade of blue but you. No other sadness in the world would do.”

This album was so fucking special and I didn’t know how badly I needed it. 🧡 She absolutely nailed it.

#folklore #taylor swift #d

[sholiofic]

Jack gets amnesia post-s2, maybe an AU version of Song Remains The Same, but take it however you want. Peggy/Daniel + Jack as friendship or full OT3. I just rewatched s1 and imagining s1 Jack waking up to find Peggy and Daniel all emotional over him would be... somewhere between weird and a recipe for lots of ansgty defensive lashing out.

Jack felt like he was struggling through gray molasses, fighting his way toward the light. When he finally managed to open his eyes, everything hurt, including breathing.

For a single panicked instant he thought he was back in the war, he’d taken a hit – but no, the memories came down on him in a cold wave that helped clear some of the cobwebs from his brain. The Navy Cross. The lies. The job at the SSR.

Had he been hurt in the line of duty, then? Everything was strangely hazy. He couldn’t even remember exactly what day it was. Or what month. Just his luck to get shot – or something – after working under Dooley for … a month? Two months?

He blinked blearily at a block of sunshine on the white wall. Definitely in a hospital. Slowly the sound of a rhythmic clicking, that he couldn’t quite place, penetrated his haze. It was coming from beside him – mechanical equipment, he thought at first, but it started and stopped unevenly, and then there was a quiet murmur of, “Oh, bollocks.”

It took him two tries to turn his head to the side; his own weakness astounded and annoyed him. And what he saw then was … the SSR’s glorified secretary?

What the heck.

He just stared at her for a minute, halfway convinced that this was a dream, especially since Marge Carter had her head bent over a snarl of pastel-colored yarn and her face screwed up in a look of frustration.

“How does Rose make it look so easy?” she muttered, trying to untangle the yarn and only snarling it further. 

Well, this was flattering, Jack thought. Maybe Dooley sent her over to keep him company during his convalescence from whatever the hell happened to him.

He cleared his throat.

Carter jerked and looked up, and then an astonishing look came over the face that he’d only ever seen in a handful of expressions, mostly various shades of annoyance and frosty ice queen. Now, out of nowhere, she looked soft, and she looked warm, and she was looking at him like that.

“Jack,” she said, and her voice was warm too. “You’re back with us. How are you feeling?”

Jack stared at her. Definitely a dream, he thought. Or … was this that thing he’d heard about, where nurses during the war fell for their patients? Women were charmed by injured men, he’d heard (though if Carter was that type, you’d think she would’ve fallen hook, line, and sinker for department sad-sack Sousa, and that was never gonna happen).

“Can I bring you anything?” Carter asked. As she spoke, she was busy stuffing things back into the handbag in her lap. Was that a pistol? It got a ball of yarn stuffed on top of it before Jack could get a good look. “A drink of water, perhaps?”

So that was what was going on. Carter went doe-eyed for wounded birds. He was almost disappointed; it should have been flattering to have her getting all dewy at him, but instead he thought that he’d liked her better frosty.

But Jack was nothing if not a smooth operator, and anyway, having a cute dame waiting on him wasn’t the worst thing that could happen to him. He managed to put on the best approximation he could of his usual flirty grin, despite the steel bands around his chest – never let them see you falter. “Water’d be grand, if you don’t mind, sweetheart.”

Carter stopped in the act of trying to cram yarn and needles into her bulging handbag, and gave him a quick, sharp look. “What did you just call me?”

… and as soon as the wounded bird picked itself up and managed to get itself back into the air, the kitten-claws came out. Women were so predictable, really. “Did I forget to say please?” he tried, with a half-hearted bat of his eyes, but he had a feeling it came out more pathetic than intended. Every word he managed to get out seemed to take a too-big bite out of what little energy he had. He felt like absolute shit, his chest hurt like something was clawing it from the inside, and he didn’t have the strength to play the flirting game just to get a damn drink of water. He got so goddamn tired of the games sometimes, tired of himself when he played them, just … tired.

Maybe he really had been on death’s door, if he was having thoughts like this. If there was one thing he hated, it was being honest with himself.

“Oh, Jack,” Carter said, and she let out a laugh that was more of a weird little huff, half laugh and half sigh. He genuinely couldn’t tell if he’d upset her or not, but she abandoned her bulging handbag with yarn trailing out of it, and vanished beyond his field of vision, returning a moment later with a tin cup.

Well, if he’d put her in a snit, at least it wasn’t enough of a snit not to get some nursing out of it. Surprisingly decent nursing. She cupped her hand under his head and held the cup to his lips. True, she spilled a little water down his neck as he sipped, but honestly he hadn’t thought Marge had a nurturing bone in her body. Apparently he’d managed to look miserable enough to bring out a little of the woman in her after all.

When she took the cup away, he managed a grin. “You’re a pretty decent little nurse, you know that, Carter?”

“And you’re worrying me exceedingly,” she said, absently moving the knitting out of her chair so she could sit down. “What do you remember?”

“Hoping you’d tell me that.” He raised an arm, painfully weak, to touch his aching chest, and found thick layers of bandages.

Carter took in a quick breath; it sounded almost pained. “Do you remember any of what happened to you, Jack?”

“Not … exactly,” he admitted, but there was only one plausible conclusion to jump to, from those bandages. “I was shot?” Yes. Yes, that felt right.

“Yes,” Carter said, breaking into a grin. “They said …” She took another breath. “They said there could be some memory loss, some possibility of –” There was the briefest hesitation. “– brain damage. Your heart stopped, Jack.”

“Hell,” he muttered, poking at the bandages. No wonder Dooley thought he warranted a pretty dame fetching and carrying at his bedside. Carter wasn’t even looking at him, staring at the wall and blinking rapidly; just the thought of blood had undone her, apparently. For his part, Jack thought he must be the unluckiest sap in the whole SSR, survived the war without a scratch just to come home and get perforated. “Tell me they caught the guy,” he said.

“They … that is to say, we,” Carter said, looking back at him with a little more steel, and there were those kitten-claws coming out again. “We were hoping you could give us more to go on. We’ve no leads, Jack, and the trail’s growing cold. You don’t remember anything at all?”

Oddly, there was something, or at least there seemed to be, coming out of the gray haze of his thoughts – the flash of a muzzle of a gun. But now that she’d been talking to him and muddling him up, he couldn’t tell if it was real or not. “Wish I could help a pretty lady out,” he said, flashing a smile he didn’t really feel. “But it’s all kind of a blank.”

“Jack,” she said, and there the smile again, almost teasing, though with something uncertain underneath it that seemed to surprise him; it didn’t fit. “You’ve been acting quite odd since you woke up. I do hope being shot hasn’t caused you to fall hopelessly in love with me. Daniel would have to have words with you.”

“Daniel?” For a minute all he could think of was a CO he’d had during the war by that name. Major Daniel Franks. Hell of a bastard too.

Her smile, already tentative around the edges, dropped away completely. “Jack, please tell me you remember Daniel.” She sounded really anxious.

Who the hell was she talking about? Oh, wait a minute. Daniel was Sousa’s first name. Jack tried to think if there were any other Daniels at the SSR, but he couldn’t think of any, and his chest hurt and he was exhausted and he just wanted to not be having this confusing conversation with a woman who couldn’t seem to keep a thought in her head for more than a minute at a time.

“Yeah, sure,” he said. “‘Course I remember.” Smiling as he said it, but he’d almost gone on automatic at this point. He just wanted this conversation to be over; he could feel his hands shaking and sweat breaking out on his forehead just from the effort of keeping himself focused on the conversation. Screw waking up to a pretty dame at his bedside; she wasn’t fulfilling her brow-mopping duties at all. Instead she was being weird and prickly, running hot and cold for no apparent reason. Typical dame.

Carter put a hand on his shoulder, but just then, the door opened and – speak of the devil, and also, what the hell – in crutched Sousa. He was moving carefully, carrying a tray with two cups on it, one trailing a teabag.

“Okay, Peg, for starters, records at the hotel are an absolute mess,” he began. “I swear they haven’t got a – What, hey, hello there!”

And he broke out in a beaming grin, while Jack eyed him suspiciously. Why the hell was Sousa playing office coffee boy in his hospital room?

“Daniel,” Carter said gratefully, and oh good, he’d guessed right about the Daniel part. She rose quickly and took the tray. “Thank you. Jack’s awake.”

“Yeah, I got that. How long?” Daniel crutched over, still beaming while Jack continued to give him a nervous look and wonder why the hell Sousa of all people should care if he lived or died.

“Just now,” Peggy said. She set the tray on a table in the corner. “We’ve been having a most interesting conversation, with little enlightenment, however. He doesn’t remember much.”

“Seriously, Peggy, you’re grilling the poor guy the minute he wakes up?” Sousa settled a hand on Jack’s shoulder, and Jack just kept staring while Sousa beamed at him. Dealing with Carter’s wounded-bird womanliness had been a little weird, but he’d had no fucking clue that the same thing happened to guys and frankly he did not like it one bit.

“I was not ‘grilling,’ I was –”

“Interrogating?”

“– having a friendly conversation.”

And now he felt like he’d fallen into an Abbott and Costello routine. Where had all of this patter, this easy banter between the two of them come from? Carter’s eyes sparkled; Sousa was grinning, and he still had his hand on Jack’s shoulder, well beyond the casual pat that should have gone along with visiting an injured coworker in the hospital. This was more like brothers-in-arms, like someone in his unit might have done – and that was a thought that made him try to shove Sousa off.

A ripping pain tore through his chest and his vision whited out for a moment.

He came back to himself with Sousa still gripping his shoulder and Carter crouched on the other side, both of them looking scared to death. Now he just felt like he’d fallen through some kind of a – of a –

– black hole in reality –

… where the hell had that thought come from?

“Jack,” Sousa said with a nervous laugh, “please don’t do that.”

He was too scared and in too much pain to cover anymore, and that was a sign, beyond anything else, of how desperate things were. “Why in the hell are you doing this?” he snapped at them both.

“What?” Sousa said, looking baffled.

Carter’s grip tightened on his other arm. “Jack,” she said, her voice steady and somehow magnetic. “Slow breaths. Stay calm. What’s the year, Jack?”

“1945,” Jack said, staring at her, mesmerized. Distantly he heard Sousa curse softly.

“Very well,” Peggy said, speaking as if to herself, and then her smile firmed and she assumed a more businesslike demeanor. “Very well. Welcome back, Jack. As you no doubt inferred, you’ve been shot, and you’re in Los Angeles.”

“Okay,” Jack said very faintly, staring at her.

“And also,” Peggy added, “it’s 1947.”

#agent carter #jack thompson #peggy carter #daniel sousa #peggysous #yalumesse #long post #writing pre-season-one Jack is SO WEIRD #he's going to flip out so hard when he finds out she knows about the Okinawa thing