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forhereyesonlyyy · 9 months

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your love. // stayc, pse. // one-shot.

in which you visit your girlfriend sieun after months of not being around each other, and you both find it hard to control repressed emotions after sieun goes overboard during your moment alone.

word count: 8.4k.

author’s note: my first stayc one-shot!!! i gotta be honest with ya'll i started writing this during asap era but towards the end i kind of lost motivation to continue so that's why it's a bit dragged on because i kinda just started saying anything sihdskfh BUT!!! THIS IS A WORK MADE WITH LOVE!!! i absolutely adore my stayc and girls and i cannot wait for teenfresh GIVE ME THE SONG OF THE LATE SUMMER MY GIRLS!!! p.s. i'm sorry this is sooooo long like omg...

tags: wlw, established relationship, angst, hurt/comfort, fluff towards the end, sieun fucks up, seeun the bestest best friend evver it's true.

warnings: suggestive at one point.

You got the genius idea when you were in your bathroom, staring blankly back at your reflection as you lazily brushed your teeth. You’ve been counting, as lame as that sounds, and in preparation for her upcoming comeback with her group, Sieun has been gone for months too long for you to endure. You missed her badly, but it wasn’t like she has been ignoring you or only talked to you once in a blue moon. No, Sieun always made sure that she texted you or call you during her downtime and in return, when you aren’t drowning in schoolwork, you send her some pictures of your face just to make sure that she doesn’t forget what you look like.

Sieun sends you some photos and even videos as well, and some late-night calls really makes you feel a lot less lonely. But of course you will always want more than that. You don’t even want to think about how long it has been since you last hugged or kissed or simply just looked at your dear girlfriend. And so, that one night, while you were brushing your already incredibly spotless teeth, you decided to surprise Sieun while she’s filming the music video with her members for the lead single of their latest album.

Sieun had told you a week before that they would start filming soon, and that day was today. That time was now, actually. You had arrived at the studio where the filming was taking place, and you’ve already informed some nearby staff about your galaxy brain surprise plan. Now you were just hoping that none of the louder girls spot you and make a scene. As much as you loved the members, you hoped that things would roll smoothly just this once.

You spot Sieun’s gorgeous strawberry blonde hair from a distance, and she was sitting on a chair chatting with a stylist. In front of her sat Sumin and Yoon, and against all of your wishes, Yoon had made eye contact with you and Sumin, sweet as ever, smiled so big upon seeing you. You immediately put your index finger over your lips for damage control and thankfully the two girls recognized the message and pretended you didn’t exist.

You continue making your way behind your sitting girlfriend but then you come to a halt when she suddenly raises her phone. You quickly hid behind a particularly tall staff member, who tried his best to not crack up as you did so. You peeked over the staff’s shoulder and of course, Sieun was indeed taking a picture of herself. Once she was finished, she brought the phone back down to her lap and finally, you make your move.

Just before you could put your chin on your girlfriend’s shoulder, you suddenly remember that you are only supposed to be Park Sieun’s good friend (Y/N). Scrapping every single one of your plan to surprise Sieun with a kiss or a hug, you stood frozen on your spot with a new plan. Sieun raises her phone for another picture and since you were literally right behind her chair, you were in the camera as well. You put up a peace sign and on the picture Sieun took, it really just looked like you photobombed her.

It took Sieun a few seconds but then she finally spots you on the picture and quickly turns around, then she confirms that yes, you are actually there.

“(Y/N), oh my God!” Sieun stands up from her chair and runs to engulf you in a tight hug. You felt your heart swell upon feeling your girlfriend’s warmth and if it weren’t for all the people around the two of you, you probably would have broke down in tears because you were not one to control your emotions well. Especially right in front of Sieun, the most important person in your life. You hold back on the hug and made it look as platonic as you could, but then Sieun leans back, keeping her arms around your neck, and ever so slightly her clear eyes shifted from your own down to your lips. You look at her, and you knew that if this embrace lasts for even one more second, you would risk ruining her life forever. So you stepped back, forcing an awkward grin on your lips.

“When did you get here?” Sieun asked. Her tone was shaky and unsure, it seems like she realized her own mistake. She had no idea how much it ate you up inside that you couldn’t even talk to each other publicly without fearing that everything will fall apart.

“Just ten minutes ago. I would’ve arrived earlier but I stopped by the nearest coffee shop and got you and the girls some pastries,” You paused. You didn’t know how strict the company was with the members’ diet, but now that you were here, you realized that you... didn’t really care. Even idols should enjoy food without worrying about gaining some pounds! Come on now, it’s even in your song, STAYC! “You can eat it on your break, or take it home. Just please, I don’t know, eat.” You said.

Sieun takes the box of pastries from your hands, and the brief touch of your fingers was enough to tug at your heartstrings. Your girlfriend turns to put away the pastries, and you take the time to look around the set. J was in the middle of filming her individual scenes, and Seeun and Isa were fooling around with a camera off to the side. It was most likely content for their fans. Looking back at Yoon and Sumin, they were focused on glossing over the delicious food you bought for them and argued about who gets which donut. From near them, Sieun gestures you to come over and so you did.

You sat on the chair across the three girls and hugged your backpack close to your chest. You had another gift, but it was for Sieun and you wanted to give it to her when you two were given a moment of privacy, if ever.

“(Y/N)! You didn’t have to waste your money and get these for us! You should’ve treated yourself instead.” Sumin says. Yoon mutters some words, but you couldn’t understand her since she was munching on a croissant.

You waved your hand, “It’s alright, I don’t mind. Sieun told me you girls have been working really hard for this comeback so I just thought that I could give you all a little something.”

Yoon swallows and wipes the corners of her mouth with a tissue, “Well, I’m glad you did because I have been craving sweet stuff for months! You should come more often! Sieun-unnie, tell (Y/N) to come more often.” The second youngest insists, nudging the second eldest’s shoulder.

Sieun only laughs at the younger girl’s orders, but you know in her heart that it’s what she wants too. There are times where the two of you can spend some solid time together whether it may be outside on a park or just at the comfort of your home. But unfortunately, most of the time, your schedules just don’t work out. When Sieun has a day off, you’re busy with assignments and school-related stuff. Sometimes, Sieun would visit you but even then you would be so distracted that you barely even look at her.

And of course, when you’re not doing much, Sieun is practicing and taking dancing and vocal lessons. You were convinced that the universe was doing its best to tear the two of you apart and there was a time that you almost succumbed to giving up, but you pulled through because you trusted Sieun, and it would break you to just leave her when you know that this was just a small obstacle that the two of you can jump over. Maybe even smash through.

You glanced down on your half-open backpack, and inside there was a red rectangular box with a pink bow tied to it. You chew on your bottom lip, now second guessing your choice. Was a necklace too predictable? You were pretty sure that you have bought Sieun lots of jewelry before, what if she thinks that you put no effort into searching for the perfect gift at all? That was literally your worst nightmare.

While staring holes through the red box, a pair of arms wrapped around your neck from behind and you turn around to see who it was.

“Aw, babe, is that for me? How sweet of you.” Seeun jokes, looking at the content inside your backpack. You rolled your eyes and closed your backpack before gently pushing Seeun away. Having mothers who are friends, you and Seeun were just as close despite having a two-year age difference. Seeun was just a fun person to be around and that was exactly why she was your best friend. You hadn’t known her for a while until your mothers introduced the two of you.

Seeun was the reason you even got to know Sieun on a personal standpoint. You had only seen Sieun on tv until one day, you stopped by their company building for a quick visit and tour from Seeun herself when Sieun happened to be practicing diligently with Sumin, and it all started from there.

“Sure. I would totally give my girlfriend her surprise gift in front of everyone.” You replied sarcastically. Seeun giggles and hugs you again, saying something about how glad she was that you came to visit her and everyone else.

(While you were catching up with Seeun, Sieun was quietly twiddling her thumbs beside Sumin. But of course you don’t see that because you were too busy laughing with your friend. Sieun hated feeling like this, especially towards one of her girls. But she missed you too much, and making her watch you get touchy and chatty with someone else was a lot to ask for.)

After that, Sieun was asked to make her way to the set since it was her turn to film for her individual scenes. You smile at her and mouthed some words of encouragement. Sieun smiles back briefly before going to where the director had told her to stand.

While you certainly enjoyed seeing Sieun in action, whether it may be singing or dancing or acting, you found it quite unfortunate that you couldn’t get to talk much. You loved Seeun, she was your best friend and she makes you laugh like crazy but you just miss Sieun so much. You hoped that sometime this day the two of you will be given a moment to talk. Even a minute would be enough. You just needed to feel connected to her again.

To avoid being a downer for the rest of your visit, you decided to bond with the other members of STAYC. Besides Sieun and Seeun, Isa was the third closest person to you. Not only was she extremely kind towards you, but her overall good-natured aura was almost magnetic. You always find yourself clinging to her because she made you feel good inside. Sieun does not get jealous over that because everyone knew Isa had that effect. Even Sieun herself gets drawn to her.

“She’s great, isn’t she?” Isa asked, watching Sieun work diligently with the camera. You smiled proudly at your girlfriend as the whole directing crew whooped to encourage her. You hadn’t realized that you didn’t reply to Isa as Sieun had completely captivated you. Looking at your smile and the way your eyes were quite literally glued to Sieun, Isa finds herself grinning.

“Do you like her?”

The question completely caught you off guard. You nearly snapped your neck when you turned your head to look at the older girl because from the way she said it, Isa sounded like she knew.

“S-Sieun?” You ended up blurting out. Well, now you looked like a fool. Every member’s eyes were on you, although Yoon did look quite funny since she was still eating some bread. Isa tilts her head innocently. She has no idea what she has just done, bless her heart.

“Yes. You look like you’re her biggest fan. I bet she’s your favorite member.” Isa said. Upon realizing that you might have overreacted, you then mentally slap yourself for getting all jittery and nervous. Because of course Isa wouldn’t guess it that easily. You like to think that you and Sieun have been pretty successful with the whole secret dating thing. The two of you have been official since before STAYC even debuted, albeit just a few months! And not one person has even got a hint that you and Sieun were closer than you like to show to others.

Seeun shakes her head, “That’s impossible! I’m your best friend, therefore I should be your favorite member.”

“No. Me and (Y/N) have the same exact interests. If she were just a regular fan and not our friend, I bet she would like me a lot.” J argued, and so STAYC scream over on top of each other to debate which member you like the most. Only if they knew... but they really shouldn’t.

(From the distance, Sieun watches you grin from ear to ear watching the members fight for your affection. This time, she wasn’t feeling jealous. She felt her heart growing heavy. Not with envy, but rather... love.)

When the mess managed to pass and the girls got serious since they still had some work to do, you asked a staff member to point where the washroom was and thanked them when they provided you with some directions. You must’ve eaten something bad before leaving your house since you were in a hurry. Bringing your bag along, you started following the directions the staff member gave you but then a hand tugs on your sleeve, stopping you from making another step.

“Leaving already?” Sieun asked, retracting her hand slowly. Some of the girls were already changing their outfits, while the others were going over the choreography as they were going to film the group dance clip.

“Oh, no. I was just about to go to the washroom. Well... then I was going to come back and say goodbye because my mom wants my help with some groceries,” You replied. Sieun nods, and then she goes quiet. It seems like she couldn’t get the words out of her throat. You understood why to some extent, maybe, but you did wonder why Sieun would feel nervous around you of all people. “Are you okay? Do you need something?” You asked, concerned.

Sieun shakes her head, then she cautiously looks around. You imitate her actions, trying to understand why she was suddenly like this. Sieun suddenly pushes you into an unknown corner where not even one person would dare to look at or walk by, and then she grabs your face with her hands and kisses you softly.

This was certainly new. The two of you agreed to not even be five meters close whenever you’re around just to avoid speculations, except for ‘platonic’ hugs, but here Sieun was, kissing you in public! Not that you were complaining, your mind was too hazed and all you wanted to do was kiss your girlfriend, so you do exactly that.

You’ve nearly forgotten what Sieun’s lips tasted like. The familiar cherry-flavored chapstick she wore all the time comes back to you, and you couldn’t help but pull her closer just so you can never forget about it ever again. Sieun puts her hands on your shoulders, and you feel her clutch your sweater. It almost felt like she was angry, maybe she was. Maybe she was mad about how things had to be this way, how things had to be so unfair to the both of you.

But of course, you would always be there to remind her that it’s all going to be worth it. Because at the end of the day, you have each other and the harder things get, the more the two of you hold on and the more you never wanna let go. You will always end up like this: in each other’s arms and sharing your love for one another through kisses, or maybe something as simple as a look.

Sieun was the first to break the kiss, she wraps her arms around your neck and presses her forehead against yours, “You have no idea how much I missed you.” She whispered. It sounded like she was on the verge of crying and it broke your heart.

“That’s why I’m here. I just couldn’t wait until the next time you sneak out of your dorm to come to my house.” You confessed, laughing. Sieun had told you through text about how much she feels bad whenever she lies to her members just to see you and plus, you realized that it has been her that was making an effort to see you most often than the other way around so this genius surprise plan of yours was partly made so that you could give her a break.

“I’m glad you did, I couldn’t wait either... I actually wanted to surprise you after today’s filming was done,” Sieun leans further back to look into your eyes. You raised an eyebrow. Of course that was to be expected from Sieun, but you didn’t think she would do it on a work day! “Yeah, I was going to go straight to your house and bother you until you get sick of me.” Sieun joked.

“Now I wish I just stayed put then, I would love for you to try and get me to get rid of you which, spoiler alert, would never ever happen, just saying.” You replied. You leaned forward and planted a quick kiss on top of your girlfriend’s nose.

Sieun hums, “How are you so sure?” She asked, genuinely curious. You couldn’t even believe that she was asking such a question.

“I always want to be with you,” You answered. You kiss Sieun’s lips, but it was short and quick much to her dismay. You laughed a little, and then you hugged her tightly. “I love you.”

It wasn’t the first time you said that, of course not. But it has felt so long since you voiced it out, so much that it feels like it’s the first time, but that was okay. The first time you said those three words, you heart was beating out of your chest and you voice was shaking from nervousness, having been overwhelmed by your own emotions at the time.

Back then, you were in over your head trying to figure out if Sieun felt the same about you because you really were hopelessly in love. And even though she did say it back before and has since been saying the words first sometimes, you were nervous at her reply. Will she just smile at you? Will she leave? Will she just kiss you and then leave? Do you still feel the same?

“I love you so much more.”

Your heart bends, breaks, and heals all at once at your love’s response. It was something that only Sieun could make you feel.

“Good.” You kiss her again. Again, and again until Sieun couldn’t help but laugh. You missed seeing her beautiful smile with your own eyes, and hearing her laugh over the phone didn’t give you the same butterflies as it would face-to-face. How you wished the two of you could just have a whole week— no, that would be too short. You wished that you could be with Sieun for a whole summer because what better way to spend your favorite season than being with your favorite person?! Obviously you had to stop being a brat about your situation and eat it up, but you were Sieun’s biggest fan and you simply had nothing to blame but... the timing of it all.

You briefly glance behind Sieun and your heart nearly drops to your stomach when you spot Yoon’s tall figure passing by, looking confused. With all your heart, you prayed to the Gods that the second youngest wouldn’t dare to enter your little corner. Mostly because you didn’t want anything to cut your moment with Sieun shorter than it has to be.

“Jayoon is going to talk, and they’re all going to start looking for you,” You said. Sieun hums, not seeming to care at all. Her left cheek was pressed against your right shoulder, her lips just barely grazing against your neck, making you shiver. Right. When Sieun misses you too much, she tends to get drunk with... impulse. You weren’t any different, but at least you had more restraint to not commit to doing monkey business in public! “What’s going to be your excuse?” You asked, trying to take your mind off of the trail of kisses Sieun was leaving up your neck.

“What are you trying to do?” Sieun asked, her breath tickling that funny spot behind your ear that she knows pushes you closer to giving in to her.

You hear footsteps getting closer and you start panicking, “One more second away from the set and I swear we get closer to basically telling everyone we’re gonna get married and have three kids, one named after Chaeyoung.”

“Hm. I guess we better do this quickly, then.” Sieun’s hands somehow finds a way to slip under your sweater, and you flinch backwards, both angry and shocked at how your girlfriend was being so careless at the moment.

You try to let her off easy, “Babe, if you can wait four long months then surely you can hold on for a few hours more.” You said. Sieun narrows her eyes, and you just knew that this was going to be bigger than it has to be. But you felt the need to remind Sieun just what she was trying to risk for something so... invaluable. At least that was how you saw it.

“(Y/N), you’re going to have to learn to just take the chance because what if we never get it again? I’m going to start promotions with the girls soon and, as you always seem to be, you’re going to be drilled with schoolwork and when you are, I don’t even feel like there’s a relationship to be lost!” Sieun spat. Again, you couldn’t believe what you were hearing from your girlfriend, but this time for a very different reason.

You grit your teeth, trying to clear your head and avoid saying anything that might make this tiny flame a devastating inferno, “I’m just saying that this isn’t the time nor the place to do this kind of thing, Sieun. I mean... I’m sure it would take some darn good eyes to spot us but what should we do if that happens? Have you ever thought of a way to deal with the consequences? Think about what you’re going to lose! We can’t keep getting away with a ‘near miss’, you know that.” You said.

“You know, one thing I realized about you while we were apart is you are way too invested in making sure that I keep being a singer. That’s sweet, honey, but I have to ask: are you in this for me or my career?” Sieun’s words had tore a hole in your heart, almost literally.

“How could you say that? I—” You briefly paused and kept your voice down to avoid drawing any attention. “I love you.”

(Sieun hears the sincerity in your tone and it eats her up inside.)

“You’ve worked your whole life to get to this point, I don’t want you to throw it all away for something that is worth nothing, or for someone like me,” You take your girlfriend’s hands with yours and you hold them tightly. As if you never want to let go. “We can do whatever you want when you visit me later, okay?” You hoped that this would be enough to stop all the bad feelings and the arguing, but you knew in your heart that the two of you would have to talk about it again in a more civic and mature way.

Sieun slowly pulls her hands away, and God were you so scared of what her next words implied, “There are a lot of things in my life that I can willingly and wholeheartedly throw away my dream for, one of those things is you, (Y/N). You say you love me, but I guess not to the same extent that I love you.”

Something inside you ticks off and once again, you grit your teeth to control your temper. Civil and mature conversation. Civil and mature conversation. Come on, (Y/N), that’s what we’re going for here.

While you were yelling at yourself about keeping calm, Sieun had already started walking back to the set. She apologized to the director and had told everybody that she took it upon herself to show you where the bathroom was. You were left standing alone in that dark corner in utter disbelief. You would have started crying if it weren’t for the fact that you had to leave in approximately five minutes.

You didn’t give yourself a chance to think about what had just happened with Sieun, you were saving that for midnight. Before you could leave the studio, however, you managed to slip the red rectangular box inside Sieun’s bag undetected and finally, you headed home.

Sieun did not visit you.

Not that you really care, not after what went down in the studio. Still, it couldn't be helped that you feel hollow inside your heart. It was the first time Sieun did not visit you when she said that she would. Regardless of whether or not the two of you got into a heated argument, Sieun does not let it last for longer than an hour and takes it upon herself to fix burned bridges.

You thought about apologizing first, but you were afraid that you would be distracting Sieun from her work and you didn't want to make things worse for your relationship. So, you stayed quiet for the whole afternoon. Literally. Even your mother noticed that you weren't talking much, but she didn't say anything about it, which you were thankful for.

You got a message from Seeun an hour after you left. She talked about how everyone was sad that you were only there for such a short time. You didn't give her a reply, mostly because you didn't have the energy to do so. After you helped your mother arrange the groceries, you spent the next few hours sitting on the living room couch and watching endless reruns of old dramas. Occasionally you would open the single novel sitting on top of the coffee table, but you would always find yourself looking back on your phone, hoping that Sieun would at least tell you that she got home safely with the girls.

So far into the evening, nothing.

You sighed, hugging your knees close to your chest. You stared at the tv screen and nearly gagged at the sight of a couple kissing in the most awkward way possible. How typical. You groaned since you reached another ending of an episode and you still haven't moved from your spot due to lack of motivation.

At some point, you spaced out. You started thinking of ways to make it up to Sieun when you inevitably see her again, and you had several scenarios in your head playing out that you didn't notice that your front door had been unlocked and opened. Instinctively, you grabbed the remote and prepared yourself to throw it at the unfortunate burglar that has broken into your home.

“(Y/N)...”

You blink and you realized that it was not a burglar that has broken into your home. Instead, it was the very same girl you had been thinking about the whole day, always. Well, she didn't break into the house. You had completely forgotten about the spare key you allowed Sieun to have. It's been a while since she visited, that's why.

“Sieun...?” You were going to sleep crying about how messy things were between you and your girlfriend, but the she shows up in your house at nearly ten in the evening without warning and you find yourself quite a mess inside your head. There she stood on the other end of the couch, disheveled and exhausted. Possibly from running. You clutched on to the blanket covering your legs, you wanted to wrap it around your girlfriend’s figure to keep her warm, but there were a million questions circling your brain that you couldn’t move from your seat.

Why didn’t she call you? She should be resting and preparing herself for the second day of filming, why is she here? Did she actually run from the dormitory to your house? Is she insane?!

Sieun exhales deeply and sits down on the spot beside you. Without a word, she slowly leans her head on your shoulder and rests it there, her hand finding its own way to yours. You release the tension from your shoulders and relaxed, leaning back. You tried to keep yourself focused on the drama in front of you, just to give Sieun a moment to collect herself and finally talk, but a shining object on your peripheral vision has forced you to turn your head and look down at your girlfriend.

To your surprise, Park Sieun was wearing the necklace you had bought for her.

“I’m shocked to see you didn’t throw it away,” You joked. Sieun was wearing some sweats, a shirt, and a jacket. It was obvious that she was getting ready to settle down for the night and put everything that happened in the afternoon somewhere inside her brain where she didn’t have to think about it until later, but something gave her the energy to just come to you. Until she speaks about it, you won’t ask, but boy was the curiosity killing you. “Most people wouldn’t even want to look at anything that reminds them of their lovers after a quarrel.” You muttered.

“It’s from you. I would never throw away any of your gifts over a stupid fight.” Sieun looks up, and from where you were looking, you could see a better view of the necklace. It looked amazing on her, just as you imagined.

The piece of jewel resting between Sieun’s collarbones was that of a sun because, as cheesy as it sounds, you considered Park Sieun as the one who lights your way. And maybe you were just hopelessly in love with her, but whenever she comes into your vision, everything just seems brighter. Other than that, Park Sieun is a small girl who was fed a boatload of talent as she was growing up. You’ve seen what she can do, and you had no doubt that she is one of the most promising idols in the industry. Just as the sun is one of the brightest stars in the galaxy.

You hear Sieun release a shaky breath and despite the entertaining scene playing in the television, her eyes dwelled up with tears. It felt like your heart was being trampled under someone’s feet and you had no choice but to watch.

“(Y/N), I’m really sor—”

You turn the television off and stood up, abruptly interrupting Sieun. That was on purpose, you were not going to have the talk in a living room couch where your mother could easily walk down and overhear. There was nothing for either of you to worry about since your mother knew of your relationship and was respectful and supportive, but you felt that this was something that should stay between you and Sieun.

You turn around to face your girlfriend. Tears had already started streaming down her beautiful bare face, and you gently wipe them away with your thumbs. You then took Sieun’s hand and nodded your head to the stairs, “Let’s go up. I’ll get the bath ready.”

As warm as the water kept you, goosebumps still managed to show themselves on your skin as Sieun started discarding her clothes to the side. You keep your eyes on the faucet, distracting yourself by making scenarios of droplets of water talking to each other in very high-pitched voices in your head. This makes you smile and laugh, but then Sieun joins you in the bathtub and suddenly the droplets of water started screaming in panic. Some even fainted and evaporated, how dark.

Sieun sits in the space between your legs and she hugs her own close to her chest. You rest your chin on her shoulder and wrapped your arms around her waist, holding her tight. She had pulled her hair up in the neat bun, exposing her smooth neck. You felt like kissing her.

Should you start talking? You invited Sieun to join you in the bathroom in hopes of talking in a more private space, but now you were actually in a loss for words.

“What I tried doing earlier,” Sieun speaks. You hum in response, taking one of her hands from under the water and intertwining your fingers. “It was wrong. Not because we were at... risk of being caught, but because I was pressuring you to do something against your will. It doesn’t matter if I missed you like crazy, it was terrible of me to do. I’m—” Sieun turns her head, and her eyes soften at the sight of your gentle look.

“I’m sorry.” She whispers.

“It’s okay,” You replied. You know Sieun would never force you into anything you didn’t want to do in her right mind, she promised you herself as soon as the two of you made things official. “But I understand.” You continued.

“There’s no excuse as to why I would—”

“Let me finish, babe,” You thought about all the times Sieun had to watch you do anything but sit down and talk with her on a day where the two of you were supposed to spend some quality time together after weeks of being apart. And then you thought about the times where you were too reluctant to go on a date outside with Sieun and wasted a free day due to fear of having everything fall apart for her. I’ve been quite the coward. “I think I was being too critical about hiding the fact that we’re dating. You’re the one who makes the most effort to make meetings happen... but I get too scared and before I realize, you’re leaving again and we’ve done nothing.”

“(Y/N)—”

“And then I have the nerve to blame you and your work and the industry when it was me who was slowly ruining this relationship all along. I— How are you not sick of me?” You absolutely hated how you let every good opportunity slip away, how you might have made Sieun feel that she wasn’t in a relationship, how you were never the ‘good lover’ you always wanted to believe you were. You wanted to change, but how will you ever get rid of the feeling that follows whenever you do something even remotely romantic with Sieun in public?

The feeling that you will ruin Sieun’s life, as well as your best friend’s, and that everyone will hate you for it. That Sieun will hate you for it.

“You were protecting me. I appreciate what you do for me and I always will,” Sieun cups your cheeks and leaves soft kisses all over your face. Your heart swells with sadness and the remaining bits of frustration over your past actions, but Sieun’s presence keeps those emotions at bay and eventually your heart was as light as a feather. “I would never hate you for doing what you think is the best for us. You’re my everything, (Y/N).”

Sieun kisses you, and while it was less intense than the one you shared earlier, it holds the same passion and feeling. It was a bit awkward considering that there wasn’t a lot of space for either of you to work in, but you didn’t care about that. All you wanted to do was cherish this moment and never let go of it just yet. There were a lot of things that Sieun made you feel. There was probably no way you can express them all verbally, but you hoped that this kiss would be enough to give Sieun a hint of your true feelings for her.

There wasn’t a limit when it comes to how much you should love a person, and it would be impossible to measure anyway because you knew that every passing second, you love for Sieun grows so much that it could beat the size of the universe.

“We don’t have to hide a lot anymore,” Sieun says after a while, leaning her back into your chest. You blinked, what does that mean? “The girls know.”

Your blood runs cold, “T-They...?”

Sieun nods, “Even the staff.” What the hell? I guess we weren’t as slick as we thought.

Sieun sighs blissfully and relaxes in your embrace. You raised an eyebrow, “You seem awfully calm about all of this.” You said. You thought that Sieun would be as nervous as you are right now. Hell, you were even preparing a whole speech in your head just in case there comes a time where you would have to defend your relationship against the world.

“Yeah, it’s good that they know.” Sieun says, and the content smile plastered on her face was enough to make you believe her words.

[A few hours earlier...]

“Rest well, girls. You’ll have a long day tomorrow.”

The members of STAYC thank their manager and bowed politely before making their way inside their dormitory. Immediately, Yoon and Seeun flop down on the couch, groaning about how their legs could not work anymore. Sumin heads straight to the kitchen, already thinking of what to make for dinner. J joins Yoon and Seeun on the couch, comforting them while also teasing them about their ever-deteriorating stamina.

Isa and Sieun were the last to enter. They were silent, and that, Isa thought, was weird in a way.

“What would you all like to have for dinner?” Sumin asks from the kitchen, staring intently at the contents inside the refrigerator as if her desired ingredients would appear if she just stares longer.

“We want—”

A door slams shut, making Yoon flinch and stop talking. Everyone turns their head to the front door and Sieun was nowhere to be found. She had stomped inside her shared room with Isa, J, and Seeun without a word. Isa sighs, contemplating whether she should apprehend Sieun about her behavior or leave her to her thoughts.

Sumin pokes her head out, “Does anybody know what’s going on with her?” She asked. Everybody shrugged, all of them had a different answer they all voiced out.

“Alright. Well, we can’t eat good dinner with a dark cloud above our heads! Yeeun, you’re on grocery duty with me. Chaeyoung, Seeun, and Jayoon, do what you do best and make Sieun smile.” Sumin said, grinning. She and Yeeun leave the dormitory once again, and the rest of the girls were left in the living room feeling clueless.

They all shared a look and then they just knew what to do.

Isa knocks on the door and as expected, Sieun doesn’t answer. Carefully, Isa opens the door and there they found Sieun sitting on her bed, staring at the floor with a dark look on her face. Yoon almost aborted the mission, having been scared of the thought of getting close to Sieun when’s angry, but Seeun keeps her with her and Isa as they tiptoed their way inside the room.

“Hi, unnie.” Seeun said, smiling at the older girl. Sieun looks at her, but doesn’t smile back. Seeun was starting to think that maybe Yoon was right to try and run away from the task. Isa, however, was determined.

The third eldest decided to be frank, “Trouble in paradise?” She asked.

“I just... I think I messed up with— wait, what did you say?” Sieun snaps her head up, now looking at Isa with wide eyes.

“You and (Y/N). You fought, didn’t you?” Isa asks again, making it clear to Sieun that yes, she knows exactly what she is talking about.

Sieun looks at the younger girls and she finds herself in utter disbelief, “You knew?”

Yoon nods, “We’ve all known for a while, actually. Seeun-unnie was the first one, and being Seeun-unnie she accidentally spilled it on us... but it wouldn’t really take a genius to find out about you and (Y/N).” She said. Sieun releases a heavy sigh, then she laughs at herself. All that effort just to find out that the girls have known all along. She didn’t know whether to think it was funny or sad for her, but at least she isn’t being yelled at.

“How...? And when?” Sieun directed the question to Seeun.

Seeun sits on the spot next to the second eldest and tries to remember the exact moment she found out about the not-so-secret relationship, “When we weren’t so busy, (Y/N) came over and played with me and Yeeun for a bit. You were in your room, so you didn’t know that she was here yet. Yeeun and I went to the kitchen to grab some snacks, but then I forgot to ask (Y/N) what she wanted to have. So, I went back to the living room to talk to her and... well,” Seeun grins at the memory. It was one of the moments where her heart felt so full at the sight of your smile. Don’t get her wrong, it wasn’t anything romantic. You were her best friend and if you were happy, she was happy. “She had this big dumb smile on her face while she was staring at her phone and I wondered what could be the cause of that. Turns out that she was going crazy over a cheesy message you sent at the time. I send her the same messages and she just replies with the vomit emoji, but when it was you... I have never seen her so happy.”

Sieun blushes. While she doesn’t remember that exact time, she felt rather reassured after hearing Seeun’s words. “Why didn’t you say anything to me? To us? You know, we were breaking our backs trying to hide it from everybody.” The second eldest sighed.

Seeun thinks hard about it. She knew in her heart that she would’ve confronted the couple about it, not only because she finds pleasure in teasing her tough best friend but mostly because she was over the moon about the two of you finding happiness in one another.

“I don’t know... I guess I felt like I would be intruding— or maybe I thought your hard work would be wasted. Something like that,” Seeun shrugs, giggling about her lack of a clear answer. “But just so you know, I didn’t actually tell the girls about you and (Y/N)! I’m not a snitch! I just... said some small things and they were smart enough to figure it out!” Seeun defends herself, playfully glaring at Yoon.

“No, Jayoon was right. Perhaps we really were a little too obvious about it. Mostly me, probably.” Sieun says, sighing. Not even Seeun visits you in your own home often and you’re practically joined by the hip! And how does Seeun know whenever Sieun was at your place? Well, she could always tell when you’re occupied (you really just don’t respond to the hundred old pictures of Richie she sends), and Sieun always makes sure to make herself look extra pretty on the days she would sneak out to meet up with you.

“Alright, well, now that that’s out of the way, what happened between the two of you in that little corner?” Isa asked, sitting down on the bed across Sieun’s. The second eldest finds herself feeling extremely embarrassed now that she knows that Isa, and probably all of the girls, know where the two of you decided to hide that time. God knows what else they could’ve seen.

“Other than, you know, the kissing.” Yoon commented.

“Please don’t... bring that up.” Sieun shakes her head, flustered. Both Seeun and Yoon sit down on either side of Sieun, making kissing noises to tease her endlessly. Isa sits on the bed across from Sieun's, laughing at the younger girls' antics.

Sieun covers her face with her hands, groaning, "I went... overboard. N-Nothing happened but... fuck, I— I missed her. And she was there, and I just wanted to feel close to her again. It wasn't the right time, I know, but that's not the point. I got mad and I yelled and I said all these horrible things to her and... and now I don't know if I can even face her." She was in complete distraught.

The two of you have fought before, sure. But neither of you have let it gone for this long and let it go this bad. Sieun knows that she has to talk to you, that she has to be the one to apologize because she was the one in the wrong, but she is so, so scared of what you might say to her. A cold and unforgiving look did not suit the sweet eyes Sieun has gotten to love so much but with the state she left you, Sieun thinks that the worst might just happen the next time you two see each other.

You were the best thing that's ever happened to her. All her life she felt that something was missing. Even achieving her greatest dream did not make that hollow feeling go away. Then she met you, and slowly all the pieces of her incomplete puzzle started coming together.

Sieun feels tears building up in her eyes and clutches on her bed tightly, "I don't want lose (Y/N). I can't lose her."

Yoon caresses the older girl's back to comfort her, pouting at Sieun's pitiful sight. Isa only stares, sighing and finding herself thinking of ways to help Sieun. Seeun stands up and grabs Sieun's bag from floor. Sieun doesn't say anything when the younger girl fishes through her bag. She didn't have the strength to do anything at all.

Seeun cracks a proud smile on her pretty face when she successful finds the red box inside Sieun's bag. Everyone in the room perks up at the sight of the unfamiliar object. Seeun gently places the box on Sieun's lap.

"It's from (Y/N), obviously," Seeun takes off the cover and reveals the beautiful sun necklace you've bought for her. The jewel seemed to shine brightly under the light, and Yoon mutters something about it being the prettiest necklace she has ever seen. "(Y/N) is very... simple. Traditional. Not that it's a bad thing. I meant that... her love isn't anything grand, but that's what make her so appealing. She's my best friend so I can say that." Seen clasps the necklace behind Sieun and admired it. You really did have the best taste in jewelry.

"My point is you don't have to make a song, or tell her a poem to fix all this. Just, you know, be there and say sorry," Seeun sits back down beside Sieun, smiling at her. "She's hurting right now too. I think it would help if you were there." Seeun glances at her own phone, frowning at the realization that you haven't replied to her messages at all.

Sieun touches the sun-shaped jewel resting on her collarbone, and it made her think of you — her very own star, shining down on her when everything gets dark. The one person who she knows will always be there when she needs them, the one person who will love her and care for her unconditionally. She couldn't afford to lose you, your love, your very randomly-timed gifts, your smile, your laugh, and that future that Sieun so badly wanted with you.

"I... I need to go." Sieun doesn't even wait for a reply from her members. She sprints out of the room, barely able to grab the keys to your house as she did so, put on her sneakers in record speed before dashing out of the dorms.

The crisp, cold air hits Sieun's face while she races down the street she knows all too well, but she knew a world without you in her life would be colder, and it would hurt more. Sieun held the sun jewel in her hand while she ran, lungs begging for air and legs begging for a stop but she couldn't. She had to see you. And be with you again.

Everything was about you, and for you. It always will be, for Sieun.

Finally, Sieun comes to a stop at your front porch. The curtains were drawn, but she could faintly see the drama being played on the television and the dim light coming from your kitchen. Sieun hoped it wasn't your mother because she would have too much of an explaining to do. Sieun approaches your front door, puts the key inside the lock and turns the doorknob cautiously.

Sieun steps inside the living room and sees you, her girlfriend, all the more ready to attack her with the remote control for the television. She could laugh, but she was too exhausted from all the running she did. And plus, making eye contact with you after everything she did made her so, so weak.

"(Y/N)..." God, she could barely speak your name.

You dropped the remote control on the couch, "Sieun...?" She missed your voice a lot. Sieun releases a deep breath and settles herself beside you, your warmth immediately getting rid of every fear, doubt, and shame in her head. She rested her head on your shoulder and took your hand in hers, intertwining your fingers and holding it tightly. She never wants to let go.

Sieun knew she was a work in progress, but she was willing to do anything for you. Whether it be giving up her dreams, or swallowing her pride, or literally running miles just to see you — for your love was worth having more than any of the stars in the universe, and the universes beyond that.

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