#every couple of centuries

[suispiria]

I really could talk about it for hours kaladin was a doctor in training forced to join the military by the village’s rich guy that had a grudge against his family then he’s wrongly convicted to a life sentence because another rich guy wanted what he won in battle THEN it turns out the life sentence consists of slave labor of the suicide mission kind where they’re sent to the frontlines having to carry huge planks of wood and they’re unarmed human shields and bridges for the army and it only stops because his crew develops superpowers and the king’s council turns them into a super task force and this is all framed as a good thing . Insanity

#shallan developed DID due to the trauma of being used as an assassin by her rich dad when she was little but now she’s married to the king #of the world’s son so I guess it’s ok #dalinar is the World’s Top War Criminal but turns out he’s absolved by the very convenient reveal that the upper class’ warmongering ways #were caused by a mist that made everyone extremely blood thirsty #and now he has basically unlimited powers given to him for being an extremely honorable man (who burned his wife to death during battle but #it’s all good he was possessed) #OH and then they reveal that the anthropomorphic ants are the ones in the right because humans destroyed their prev world and then colonized #their world and lobotomized and enslaved them for millennia but the humans still have a valid reason to continue their war against the #creatures that are still free because an evil god takes advantage of their righteous anger to make them want to exterminate humans once #every couple of centuries #like can you tell this guy has 0 clarity in his intentions . I want him dead

[boonsandwhatever]

Because yes.

#adventure time #fionna and cake #adventure time fionna and cake #marshall lee #prince gumball #simon petrikov #ice king #every single character from this show will be stuck in my head until it releases and probably for a couple billion centuries after that #my art

[princessstevemunson]

Constantly thinking about this fic I read where Klaus Hargreeves goes to Eddie Munson’s afterlife and thinks it’s the worst one he’s visited. I’m sorry a basement to play D&D in is worse than an endless Walmart??? (This something Klaus actually thinks) I work at Walmart that would be my personal hell.

#It’s actually a wonderful fic #I reread it every couple of months #it’s a tua stranger things crossover #it’s also a steddie fic sort of #eddie munson #klaus hargreeves #klaus introduces Eddie to the concept of pronouns (in a 21st century context) and it’s great

[waffliesinyoface]

the reason mokou can use fire isnt because she's part phoenix or whatever, it's entirely because she got in a fight with kaguya at one point and kaguya went "you want to kiss me so bad it makes you look stupid" and mokou spontaneously combusted in sheer rage. she has since learned to weaponize it

#touhou #this is like 50% shitpost but 50% real #i have seen people legitimately arguing that she like. bonded her soul to a phoenix. to do fire stuff #solely because one of her spell cards mentions phoenixes #which is. no. thats not how that works. #that was her being dramatic; like every other goddamn touhou character #anyways. i firmly believe that she has simply mastered the Art of Spontaneous Self Combustion and thats why she can do. That. #''how do you master something like that'' well its real simple. #you live by yourself in the woods for a couple centuries with nothing better to do

[scrambled-eggsed]

No but really when i was 9 years old and read the secrets of the immortal nicholas flamel for the first time and the flamels/flemings were introduced. And nick is this unkept guy in jeans and a tshirt, while perry is this beautiful and sharp woman, wearing a quality dress in comparison to her husband's faded clothes. And their love is so unique and filled with adoration. THAT was my butch awakening

#the secrets of the immortal nicholas flamel #sinf #perenelle flamel #nicholas flamel #i miss this so very literally #i cannot begin to explain how much i projected onto Nicholas. and perenelle.............. #that was GENUINELY when it started i think #insane. unbelievable #i recently found out there are shorts stories by the author in the world of the books and im rereading the series before i get the #collection #and still every time perenelle is MENTIONED. #i canmot deal with this #i am simply too gay. there arent many occasions where this is the case but my god #also i am pretty sure perenelle was the forst in the long line of my crushes on. well. that archetype #this series is still like 40% of my personality. without exaggerating #also i am forever willing to rant about nicholas and perenelle literally give me the smallest excuse and I'll write you an essay #like both as a dynamic between characters and as a couple. UNMATCHED #the aging and the magic and the CENTURIES together and the way they balance each other and match each other perfectly #i might cry

[see-arcane]

Somewhere in the Bureau of Increasingly Less Faithful Dracula Adaptations

Directors 1-60: Look, Mina clearly needs to be the sexy vampire bait-heroine in the next every one. She’s her era’s modern woman! She’ll appeal to all the wistful nerd chicks in the audience when we have her drop that Victorian snore Jonathan and pair her with Dracula!

Directors 61-99: Please, Mina’s old news. The real spotlight belongs to the original man harem juggler, Lucy. Everyone knows from the movies and shows that she 1) Is the hot one, 2) Brings all the dudes to the yard, and 3) Has plenty of potential for unfulfilled bisexy goings-on with Mina and Dracula. (Cannot stress enough that the Mina stuff stay unfulfilled, though.) If anyone’s the Babe-for-Bloodsuckers damsel protagonist, it’s Lucy!

Director 100: ...Shouldn’t it be Jonathan? 

Directors 1-99: what

Director 100: I mean, in both Dracula and the cut prologue, “Dracula’s Guest,” Jonathan Harker gets sought out by the most lusty/bloodlusting vampires, period. In “Dracula’s Guest,” he gets approached by a vampire woman in a tomb, then an entire graveyard full of eager vampires in a storm, all of whom he was only shielded from because Dracula was stalking him in his giant wolf form and literally laid on top of him as protection while he howled to get the villagers’ attention. Then he left after tasting Jonathan’s neck. 

When Jonathan finally gets to the castle in the novel itself, Dracula destroys his personal space and imprisons him outright, full gothic heroine style, and at one point undresses and redresses Jonathan while he’s unconscious--after rescuing him from the three vampire girlfriends who hypnotize and try to take turns preying on the guy, which they and the Count go out of their way to call ‘kissing’ him. With the latter setup being only the first of multiple attempts from the ladies. 

Point being, if anybody should get acknowledged as the resident vampire magnet and damsel in distress with unwanted toothy intimacy issues in a new adaptation, it should be Jonathan Harker. 

Directors 1-99: ...

Director 100: ...

Directors 1-99: We always figured him and Dracula were just good friends

#Frustrated? Who's frustrated?? Not me! -- lied every person to ever read the fucking novel #we could wring a whole movie out of filling in Jonathan's written AND unwritten time with Dracula at the start of the story #it's really its own genre compared to the gothic-adventure vibe of the rest of the novel #but I know we're never going to get it #any more than we'll ever get Mina and Jonathan being the power couple #or Mina and Lucy getting to drop the subtext #or even Lucy and her suitors daring to love each other in whole #there is SO MUCH to be mined in a modern cinematic take without the restraints of chokehold subtext for the whole cast #but I won't hold my breath #-curses in dusty old literature fan- #anyway #spoilers #(that are over a century old but there you go) #dracula #jonathan harker #mina murray #mina harker #lucy westenra #dracula's guest

[softquietsteadylove]

Be Mine

Thena woke to the feeling of something fluttering against her cheek. It wasn't Gil's hair, or his hand, or his shirt against her cheek as she laid her head on his chest. She blinked, finally opening her eyes against the Australian sun. She was covered in rose petals. The whole bed was. They didn't even grow roses in the garden.

The Warrior Eternal sat up, looking around the room. There were bushels of plenty of other flowers around, from sunflowers to azaleas. When Gil had time to do this, she had...well, perhaps she had some idea. The night before had been...

Thena stood from the bed, slipping Gil's shirt on, which he kindly laid out for her every morning. She knew he had heard her get up, by this point, but she padded through the house silently, following the trail of flower petals towards the haven of the kitchen.

They weren't scattered sparsely--every step she took was more rose petal than wooden floorboard. The smell was light, telling that they had been spread out much earlier. "Gil?"

"In here, Sweetheart!"

A soft smile came to her at the pet name. He was feeling particularly good this morning, if he was using cute terms of endearment for fun. She didn't mind it.

It had taken her by slight surprise when he first started using them. It was just here and there, but one day she had asked him about the 'Sweetheart's and the 'Darling's. He had apologised and promised not to. She was the one who insisted that if he wanted to, then she wouldn't stop him.

Gil was already plating up a beautiful breakfast with a wide smile on his face. He looked at her like there was no sun in the sky at all--just her. "Hey."

"Hey," she smiled, still but accepting as he came over and greeted her with a kiss. He really was feeling particularly elated this morning. "What's all this?"

"Well," he grinned at her as he pulled out her chair for her and pushed her in and everything. "It's February 14th, my love."

Oh, yes. Western civilisation had concocted some holiday or another for the day around the 15th century?--or was it the 14th? Either way, she never bothered to keep track of all these newer holidays. "I see."

"So, I was wondering," Gil turned, pulling out yet another bundle of flowers, this time white lilies stuffed into the water pitcher. He presented them to her on one knee, just as handsome and charming and lovable as the first moment she laid her eyes on him in deep space. "Will you be my valentine?"

Thena smiled impossibly wide, a featherlight laugh floating up and out of her. The dust in the air turned into sparkles and she shook her head at him. "We have been out here - married! - for centuries. Are you truly asking?"

"Yes!" he insisted, because Gil liked doing things like this. He liked making romantic dinners just as much as he liked making dinners on hard days, and perfectly ordinary days. He liked picking flowers for her and he liked telling her she was more beautiful than every star in the sky. He scooted closer, pushing the lilies into her hands and resting his on her bare knee. "So?--what do you say?"

Thena set the lilies down so she could use both hands. She held his cheeks, tilting him up so she could kiss him with all she had. She could kiss him like they didn't need air, because they didn't (not as much as a silly human, at least). She could kiss him like she never had to let go--like it was just the two of them in the whole world.

Gil let her pull back, both of them smiling against each other's lips. His hands ran over her back, over the linen of his shirt. He settled his cheek against her palm, where it rightfully belonged. "That's a yes?"

"Yes," she laughed, kissing him again for good measure. She sighed at the taste of his delicious food already on his tongue. "What a terrible wife I am, forgetting such an occasion."

"Oh, come on," Gil rolled his eyes, blushing at her way of pointing out how sweet she thought it was that he did things like this.

Thena feigned a woeful, maidenly sigh. "What ever shall I do for my poor, beloved husband?"

"Mm, I don't think anyone would feel bad for me," he pointed out as he sat next to her, waving his fork up and down at her, "when my wife is this beautiful."

Thena took her time dismissing his sweet talk. She poked her fluffy eggs before taking a bite, "you mean after last night?"

Gilgamesh blushed.

"I could shower you with all the flowery compliments you gift me," she suggested, also in a playful mood after such a sweet gesture (and after that kiss).

"I told you, Sunshine," he freely claimed one of her hands for himself as he shovelled a bite of eggs into his mouth. "When I say 'em, they're true."

Thena's eyes drifted down to her fork in her hand, allowing his flattery just for the special occasion. Gil would describe her smile as small and shy, which she would argue it wasn't. The Warrior Eternal had no shyness to her.

Gil happily leaned forward as his wife held up a bite for him on her fork. He would always accept any small gesture of hers, because they were her way of expressing all the things he put into words. They were her form of flowery compliments and flirtations and pet names. And he loved every one of them.

Thena finished her bite and stood, kissing him on the temple before leaving the table. "Finish your breakfast. Then come find me."

Gil blinked as she pulled her hand out of his. He could complain about it, but he was curious as she started waving a blade around--her way of sweeping up the petals from the floor. "Baby?"

"Leave the dishes, my Sweet," she called back, maybe caught up in his sappiness. She picked up the pile of collected petals on her way to the bathroom.

Gil heard the tap for the bathtub squeak on. He tossed back the rest of his food and all but threw the plates into the sink to be taken care of later. He loved cuddling her in the bath, and she knew it. "I'm on my way!"

#Thenamesh #Happy Valentine's Day! #Listen #I have been single my whole life #this is how I celebrate #Gilgamesh is 100% #a guy who asks his wife to be his valentine every year #and she says yes every year of course #he loves this stuff #he loves asking her to be his valentine #hanging up mistletoe and asking for a kiss #Gil is a sap #they have been married for centuries #and I once wrote the line #eternity would never be enough time with her #because it's true #we love and support a married couple out in the desert #who do romantic things for each other #Thena has put the rose petals in the bath water #and she's going to hold Gil in the hot water #and run her fingers through his hair #and let him sleep on her chest #and then they're going to trade positions #and they will both nap like that #and that's how valentine's is spent

[marymekpop]

if this is love.. if this is what it feels like.. then i think i’m in love

#20th century girl #korean movie #kim yoo jung #byun woo seok #kmovie #look #i know i'm sooo late on this #but i finally mADE IT #this couple and movie probs has to be one of my fav from this year in general #so everything about this movie was great (well mostly askdfjd) #bws is such a babe #and ive seen this movie 4 TIMES already but i love it more and more with every watch #took a break from my recap on this movie by creating this gif set #yes YES #im doing it #im recapping this movie soon to be posted on my blog #shameless plug for those of ya who wanna read my thoughts on this movie #i can rewatch this movie so many more times #truly so magical and bittersweet #i love love love this cp so so much #like they own my entire heart #wut would i do without them #you bet your ass im rewatching this movie on new years eve AND new years again #im so serious

[mimiatmidnight]

Tbh i havent been enjoying twitter this much since Liz died

That tweet that was like "This is the first interesting thing Kate has ever done in her life" >>>>>

#humanity really needs a crumbling monarchy every couple of centuries or so to keep us going

[cruelsister-moved2]

at the end of the day like it's not lesbians' job to resolve contradictions for you!! if you don't know how to square loving men with genuine unflinching opposition of the patriarchy, there are literally GENERATIONS of straight and bi feminist women who have been discussing this. but instead, for some reason, this is lesbians' responsibility, so our criticisms of men are met with unique discomfort, because they aren't underpinned by the assurance of partnership with a man to prove that we acknowledge men's humanity (as if lesbians don't have male friends, family members, children, students, comrades, etc + as if there aren't millions of heterosexual women who genuinely despise their partners).

when I relate a criticism of the patriarchy, and of men, it's not MY job to explain how that squares with the domestic harmony you and jakey share. I'm not persecuting that harmony when I don't have an answer for you:I don't have those answers because, as a lesbian, I don't need them, and frankly I don't envy you the task. there are people with these answers, but expecting lesbians to both have them + spoonfeed them to you every single time we open our mouths is starting to feel like a double standard when the vast majority of straight women don't have them either 😭

#tbc I don't think there's anything somehow unfeminist about like dating a guy #but I do think it's insanely naive to think that centuries of domestic inequality will be overcome just bc ur bf is a nice dude #just ignoring it is the number 1 way to make it remain a problem #and it's a social problem like I've seen a couple where the guy is literally responsible for like 90% of childcare #but the school still calls his wife every time there's an issue #anyway I think so much bs springs from this insecurity and like. yeah that's a hard one chief idfk. good luck!! #and sometimes even reaches the point where u can admit these struggles with other straight and bi women bc they're seen as inevitable #but if acknowledged by a lesbian it feels threatening bc suddenly it isn't Just The Way Things Are and u don't know how to deal w that #which is literally. not my problem

[uselesslilium]

Some vampire!Shu x human!Mika, for your vampire AU needs.

#the gamble of a lifetime #vampire au #shu is the most obnoxiously picky blood-drinker #he meets maybe one human every couple of centuries whose blood actually tastes good to him #so he knows he's gotta lock that shit down and make it last #enter mika: exceptionally tasty street urchin about to start living the dream #my art tag

[pennamepersona]

sure hope someone taught griffin mcelroy the word translucent in the past 6 years

#taz #taz balance #taz stolen century #every single time i relisten to the parts where he talks about lucretia's shield #and i hear this man say 'semi-opaque' #i lose a couple more hours off the end of my life #my man wrote an incredible story and truly painted the word pictures of all time #but fuck me he does not know vocab words

[syn4k]

unrelated but does anyone know how to multiply and divide radicals. specifically ones both inside and outside of the exponent and with variables i understand zero of what's going on here

#ray's tag #Ray how the fuck are you being so calm about this?? -exy #our power gets knocked out by some upstart “storm of the century” once every couple of months but i NEVER get motivation to do schoolwork #-ray #I think a tree fell down outside. -exy #yeah the city guys will get it -ray

[lux-scriptum]

if Elliot grew out his hair it'd be all over

#elliot with long hair would be a short phase for him i think #only a couple years every few centuries #his hair is v curly and i imagine it takes enough effort to take care of at the length that it is #but for sure it'd be a sex thing #he's a simple man ok #he's either doing something for his restaurant he's doing it to look pretty or he's doing it for The Sex #elliot

[sunsage]

Took some quick screenshots of Monkey King’s Room of Stuff just to show how bad his hoarding situation is. Like my man you gotta clean this place up, it’s dire.

#don't mind the logo i havent downloaded the episodes without it yet #he probably tries to clean it up every couple of centuries but gets distracted playing with his old stuff five minutes in #@(^ooc^)@

[fruitsyrups]

I'm looking back through my art tag because I was wondering when the last time I posted art was (march) and now I'm like. Hmmm. Been a while since I've really drawn any finns and jakes!!! Especially Jake.

#i have a couple really good requests in my inbox that i need to get around to sometjme in the next century #i think ive said that before #let it be known that i am a terrible little phrase reuser. wait you know that thing with how apparently theres people who buy clothes and #only wear them one time (weird as hell btw)??? imagine that but with sentences. or words. you can say every word in the world only once #do you think that would encourage people to learn other languages more often so they have more words to use? #or maybe everyone would just have to learn sign language #finding loopholes in my own hypothetical situations