#feel super bad for saeyoung though just wait till unknown catches the drift and it won't be pretty

[natasha-in-space]

Nothing but Deception

Saeyoung & cmc Natasha Stakh;

Somewhat of a prelude to the Fractured Heart piece I wrote a while ago, but can be read separately without loosing anything crucial to the story! This time, I wanted to explore such a complicated situation from Saeyoung's perspective as he finally gains control of his mind after days spent in a drugged haze.

This scenario takes place after the 3rd Bad Ending of 707 Route, in which Saeyoung is taken hostage by Unknown after a failed attempt to get him out of Mint Eye.

Ch. 1, Ch. 2 (you are here!)

A violent coughing fit put an abrupt end to the peaceful silence enveloping the tiny living space in which both Saeyoung and Natasha have resided for a few days now, thus quickly waking them both up from their slumber, albeit with completely differing experiences. The redhead let out a painful groan, instinctively clutching onto the nearest surface as a searing migraine wreaked havoc on his disoriented mind. He tried to open his tired eyes to assess his surroundings, only to heavily regret his decision soon after. God... Everything in his line of sight was spinning. Fighting through the pain and exhaustion trapping his entire body in invisible shackles, he managed to clumsily raise himself up on one of his hands, quickly finding that it took practically all of his strength just to keep his balance, regardless of a simplicity of such a light movement. Still, once he gave himself a minute to catch his breath and calm his racing thoughts, it took him only a couple of seconds to acknowledge who was the person studying him with apprehension in their eyes of an unnaturally mint hue from a few feet away.

In a hoarse voice, he called out Natasha's name a few times, still finding it hard to distinguish reality from illusion, thus repeating his actions in order to make sure that he did, in fact, do exactly what he desired to.

Damn... He has no idea just how long he's been here already. It feels like it's been centuries as his mind was completely overcome by a drugged haze, too thick even for him to fight through, despite all the training he had faced back in the agency. So, why... Why is he suddenly feeling like himself again? In here? He vaguely remembered that he had already crossed paths with her many times before, and yet... Usually, Saeran was there, making it impossible to have a normal conversation.

He doesn't understand a single thing about this!

"Are you okay...?" He tilted his head slightly towards the young woman, hoping - no - praying that she won't view him as a threat and force yet another doze of a vile mint liquid down his throat while he's still too weak to put up a fight even if he tries.

She was still obviously feeling quite drowsy, judging my her groggy gaze and sluggish body language, which made him come to the conclusion that this clarity of mind of his was definitely not planned on her part. Well... He can't remember any useful info about her unique position in this place, except for the fact that she was almost always by Saeran's side. He doubted she'd tell him anything crucial, though. Finally, she replied to his question, allowing him to hear her voice clearly.

"Hm?" Much to his surprise, she merely yawned and rubbed at her eyes, as if there was absolutely nothing strange about this situation they were currently in. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be okay?"

Saeyoung could only stare silently as she slowly sat up in her bed with a satisfied groan falling from her lips, stretching out her limbs in the most casual way possible. The sheer contrast of her nonchalant behavior in these dire circumstances only made him feel more and more desperate, as the pieces of the puzzle were slowly coming together, all while the former control of his own thoughts was gradually returning to him the longer he stayed awake.

She was... She was one of them, wasn't she...?

"Hm... Wait a bit."

He watched silently, studying her from afar, as Natasha lazily reached out for her phone laying on the bland nightstand nearby. Not much was visible from his position on the couch, but he did manage to sneak in a small glance at what seemed to be a messenger app of sorts. Although, it was hard to call it a proper messenger, since there was only one user for her to contact, and he didn't need to think hard in order to guess their identity.

But, if she's close with Saeran, then why is she treating him so calmly? While she definitely wasn't rushing to help him, there was no ill will or hatred in her eyes as well. It was difficult to read her intentions, and he didn't know whether or not he should trust her at all.

Once she was done typing out her message, she chuckled with clear amusement flickering behind her minty eyes and then turned her full attention back to Saeyoung, much to his discomfort. "Are you feeling better now? If that's so, you can go wash away all that sweat and dirt, and then I might take you out on a walk to our kitchen. I'll cook something normal for you to eat for once. How does that sound?"

She was obviously in a fairly good mood, and he quickly found himself feeling completely dumbfounded by her suggestions. It didn't make sense to him whatsoever, and it wasn't like anything he had encountered here before. She wasn't disgusted by him or actively trying to harm him, but, all at the same time, she was treating this whole situation as if he was on a vacation or something!

It made him start to feel frustrated.

"Why..." Why is this woman so damn calm and cheerful about this!? Sure, he was probably on a way higher dose of drugs than she had to experience in her time here, but still, this place... It was terrible, vile, cruel! He needed to get Saeran out of here as soon as possible, not walk around and cook breakfast as if it's a normal Tuesday! "We need to get out of this place."

Actually, he really should act as soon as possible while he's still somewhat conscious. But, the bitter truth is... In order for him to start planning on the escape route, he first needed to find a computer, or at least a phone.

She merely blinked, staring at him with a dumbfounded expression slowly creeping its way onto her previously obliviously cheerful face, before it shifted into something more somber.

"...Oh."

It seems that his clear sense of mind was made obvious to her only now, judging by the vague understanding filling her gaze. She quickly darted her eyes back to the phone screen, as if trying to avoid any sort of eye contact with him. He easily could pinpoint evident conflict happening within her thoughts. Though, it was a conflict he could not make sense of. At least she wasn't actively trying to rat him out... by the looks of it. He didn't know if she's just the type of person who's very bad at hiding their emotions, or she feels comfortable enough in his presence to be so open for some reason.

But, maybe, there is some hope for him at last.

Before he could think of a single word, he was interrupted by a heavy sigh falling from her lips. "Look... I can help you get out of here. I guess. But... It's going to be you, and only you . And if you decide to do something that would cause any harm to this place then we'll have to get you back, and I won't be able to help you. But, um... I'd rather just go and cook us breakfast now."

She was trying to avoid this conversation all together, he could see it clear as day. Help him get out of here...? So, does that mean that she's not with this organization by her free will? But then why is she actively warning him against causing harm to this place? Her actions contradicted her words so evidently, that it was making his head spin. Or, maybe it was just the drug. He didn't know.

But, it seems that they were both feeling pretty confused about their own separate circumstances, which is pretty ironic in and of itself.

She awkwardly scratched at the back of her neck, still avoiding looking him straight in the eye and quickly getting up from her place on the bed. Her voice was filled with heavy uncertainty, however hard she tried to seem friendly and unbothered. "Well... You can pretend to be still under the influence of the elixir. At least I would advise you to do that. I don't know just how busy your... brother will be today, so you might have to be taken under surveillance while I'm at work."

At the mere mention of Saeran, before he could stop himself, the words were flying off the tip of his tongue. "There's nothing to advise me about! I'll take Saeran and go. If you're willing to help me get out for some reason, then you can come with us as well. We... we need to get out here."

He ran a hand over his face. Along with the pain, small fragments of memories flashed through his mind. Natasha was... smiling? Whether it was a true event that really happened or a mere fragment of his confused imagination was hard to tell, but the thought unnerved him quite a bit.

Judging from her reaction... It looked like she was happier when he was under the influence of the drug. Although... It was probably too early to make any concrete assumptions on her character like that. But still... Why is she acting so strangely?

Perhaps he should try a softer approach. After all, she was a victim of this cult too... he might be able to lure her onto his side if he appeals to her somehow? She seemed much softer in nature than other 'believers' he had come across, so, perhaps, he could appeal to her kinder side if he plays his cards right.

So, this time, he tried to make his voice sound gentler, carefully leaning towards her and addressing her by name. "Natasha, this place is no good for anyone, you... do understand that, right?"

This was a test. He needed to find out just how far gone she was before he would plan on his further stragedy.

In response, she shifted nervously from one foot to another, clearly getting more and more jittery the harder he pushed her. Still, there was no anger, only discomfort. "Well... Yes, I understand what you're trying to say, but... I don't want to leave. Look, I agree that you're better off escaping and never coming back, because... Uh, I guess, I shouldn't go into details about your situation and why you're just suffering by staying in here."

Another shaky sigh followed suit, she almost looked... somewhat guilty standing there all hunched over and unsure of herself.

"But me...? I... I like it here. We all like it here. While yes... Maybe this place is far beyond the comprehension of the outside world, but... We're happy here. And... Saeran is too. S-Sort of." That last phrase was clearly out of place, making her stumble over her next jumble of words, almost mumbling to herself as if trying to fix her own mess-up in wording and changing the subject all together. "W-Well, I can probably distract him... Just enough for you to leave, that is. And I could tell you about the structure of the building and where all the exits are. Um... I might even lead you there myself, but I can't promise anything on that..."

Hearing her speak so absentmindedly about both Saeran's and her own dangerous situation, Saeyoung didn't even realize how frighteningly quickly he succumbed to the irritation persistently gnawing at his temples like a vicious parasite, clutching his hands into tight fists and inadvertently scowling at her in a moment of pure and righteous anger. "He is not happy here! No one is happy here! Why don't you understand that?!"

He almost sprang to his feet, completely ignoring the protests of his sluggish and tired limbs, before he caught himself halfway through the action, realizing his grave mistake straight away from just one look on the young woman's face in front of him.

Well... It took him only a couple of seconds to realize that this wasn't what he was planning on doing or saying whatsoever. It wasn't at all like him act out so... sporadically, even despite his dire circumstances. No, this outburst was just outward strange, unpleasant and... If he was to be completely honest with himself, kind of frightening to go through. It's like he lost complete control over his own mind and body for a few fleeting moments, and he did not like what that possibility entailed whatsoever. Moreover, his headache only got worse from his own shouting, making the hacker feel even worse, both physically and mentally.

He could only exhale uneasily, casting his eyes to the ground and gritting his teeth to mask his growing anxiety. God, he hoped this outburst of his wouldn't ruin all the hope he had left. "N-No, I'm sorry... I didn't mean that. But this place is no 'paradise'. Cruelty and violence has no place in true heaven where everyone is happy, surely you understand that if you think that I'm suffering."

His mood was definitely changing way to sporadically and quickly for his liking, a change that was not a welcome one. Even he could feel that his behavior seemed unnatural, only to add to the growing pit of despair deep in his empty stomach. It wasn't hard to guess the reason behind this sudden change in behavior, but it didn't make it any easier to cope with it in the moment. After all, he had no idea for how much longer he'll have to stay here and choke on the bitter mint liquid until there's nothing left of his autonomy whatsoever.

No, he has to put himself together. He didn't care what would happen to him, but he needed to get Saeran out of this wretched place, whether he wanted to or not. Even if it will cost him his own life in the process.

It's the least thing he could do to fix this mess.

Judging by the anxious look on Natasha's face, his sudden shouting more scared than angered her, much to his huge relief. In fact, she seemed to be feeling rather lost, uncertain on how exactly should she respond to such a violent reaction coming from him. Was she, perhaps, not expecting him to act out like this?

"Uh..." At last, she merely let out a shallow sigh, casting her gaze somewhere on the wall behind him, a distant look clouding her light mint eyes. "Even if you might think so because of your bad experience here, there's no unnecessary cruelty when it comes to my fellow believers. W-Well... I'm just too softhearted for my own good, so my personal opinion might be too biased to bring up."

Didn't sound so encouraging to him.

Regardless, she continued, ignoring the painfully clear contradictions in her speech like they weren't even there. She pinched a bridge of her nose, shutting her eyes for a few moments, seemingly trying to compose herself. "Ugh, look Luciel: I can't help you right now anyway. Just go wash up and wait here while I make breakfast for all of us. And then... And then I don't know. Whatever happens will happen. If you want, you can pretend to be under the elixir in front of Unknown and the believers. I won't snitch on you, if that's what you are afraid of. And... I'll help you escape. But neither of us want to leave, so... Just think about it. While I do want to help you, I will also do what I must to protect our paradise. I hope you won't take my word lightly on that."

Before he could utter a single word to argue, she quickly went out into the corridor without even waiting for his answer. He could hear the audible sound of a mechanical lock being put in place, thus making this tiny room his new prison, albeit a way more comfortable one when compared to the damp jail cell he was being kept in before. And while he probably could escape out of here with ease if he put his mind to it... Was there really any point in doing that when he has no valuable info or equipment on him whatsoever?

All he could do was just sit there, feeling an entire hurricane of various emotions flowing through him as he replayed this worryingly short dialogue between him and Natasha over and over in his own head, searching for answers that just weren't there, no matter how hard he tried to look for them. She was just as confusing to him as Saeran in her contradicting behavior, but maybe, that was the entire point from the very beginning. He had no idea what they had to go through in this hellish place, and the mere thought of it made him feel sick to his stomach. At least, she seemed like a truly kindhearted soul, even if her motives were a bit twisted. He could only hope she was good to his brother, whatever that even meant in this disgusting cult. Thinking it all over again, such a reaction coming from her was to be expected, and he should be happy enough that she didn't throw him in the basement, at least.

----

"You should eat at least something, it's highly unlikely that you'll escape anywhere today and the effects of the elixir won't't hit you as hard on a full stomach, trust me on that. There's no drugs in there, if that's what you are so afraid of."

Saeyoung flinched, swiftly lifting his paranoid gaze back up at a young woman sitting just a few feet away from him. They didn't say a single word to each other ever since she came back into the room with a tray of steaming food in her hands. And while it was temting to sink his teeth into something other than some bland piece of bread his brother would usually throw his way, it's true that he was cautious to put anything into his system at the moment. He just got rid of the debilitating effects of that drug and he didn't want to risk it. Though, Natasha didn't seem to mind as she casually put a piece of ham in her mouth.

"I don't want to fight with you, okay? Like I said, you can leave here safely and I'll help you. This place is not for everyone. But... It does bug me that you're trying to force your way on us. I like it here. And it... It upsets me that you want to take this happiness away from me, from all of us. We are all happy and like one big family in here. I don't agree with some things... But it's the only place where I feel like I belong. I hope you'll understand that."

He scowled, although this time around, his anger wasn't directed at her specifically. "No, I won't understand, sorry. This place is just using and exploiting your pain, just like it did with Saeran. It's cruel and vile. Saeran he... He's too unstable to see right from wrong right now. And since you're not trying to pour that drug down my throat right at this very second, surely you see what I mean, even if you try to deny it to yourself."

He attempted to put all the hope he had left into his pleading gaze as he looked straight into her eyes, searching - no - begging for a glimer of understanding. He truly didn't want to escape out of here alone. Besides, Saeran could have easily prepared a plan B for this exact scenario as well. And... Saeyoung didn't want for his brother to get hurt even further because of his escape. He was under Saeran's 'care'... Who knows what will happen to him if he, by some miracle, manages to escape? And even if he'll come back as soon as possible with a backup plan... The mere thought of Saeran suffering even further because of his actions sickened him to his very core.

He needed to escape, and he needed to do it with Saeran by his side, or die trying.

"Please, Natasha..." He sounded weak and vulnerable, his voice breaking into a hushed plea. If there really was a God, he only wished for him to grant him this one miracle to save his brother's life. Nothing else mattered anymore. Nothing else has ever mattered to him more than Saeran's well-being. He couldn't allow himself to fail him like that again. "Surely you realize that this isn't a life worth living...?"

She held his gaze for a few fleeting moments, before deciding to break the eye contact all together with a single tired sigh, choosing instead to stare down at her plate with a blank expression slowly making its way onto her face, while she absentmindedly picked at it with her fork. "Luciel... I... I don't want to talk about this, okay? It may seem wrong and crazy to you, but... I like it here, alright? I don't want to argue about this."

All the resemblance of her cheery mood that was present at the beginning was now replaced only by a clear discomfort that was practically oozing off of her in waves, whether it was intentional or not. Saeyoung could see her glancing anxiously at her phone, her fingers twitching as they held on to the utensil in her hand, her lips pursing into a thin line, as if she was debating over something within her own mind, unsure on what to do. Much to his relief, though, in the end, she turned her head away from the phone all together, her brows furrowing into a rather sour expression.

Regardless of that small win, though, he was definitely getting more and more exasperated as his attempts to reason with her were shut down one by one. He groaned in frustration, running a hand through his hair in an effort to calm his racing thoughts, one even worse than the last. "Ugh... But when you first came here, didn't they give you that drug too? Even in small doses, I doubt that it's a pleasant experience to go through. All this 'elixir' does - is hurt you and makes your mind easier to bend and break to their liking. If I'm wrong, why do you advice me to pretend that I'm still drugged? Is this really how people supposed help each other in an ideal world? Lie to each other because you'll get punished if you go against their wishes? That's not freedom, it's prison."

It was getting harder and harder to hide his growing annoyance with her contradictions when so much was at stake here. Still, it's not like him to give into anger so easily when he knows perfectly well that it is not safe to do so. Sure, anger wasn't anything bizarre to Saeyoung - quite the opposite, actually - but it's the way that he expressed it that was bothering him. Could this increased irritability of his be a side effect of the elixir...? And if that is indeed the case here, what else is there to expect in the future?

God, he wanted Natasha to believe him more than anything. He genuinely thought she was on his side once he realized that she was actively trying to protect him. Everything and everyone was against him in this place, and the notion of having even just one single ally in this hell? It was just enough to make him hope that there is a happy ending to this tragedy that can be achieved if he'd just try hard enough.

He knew... That she took care of him all this time.

He remembers just enough to make sense of a few phrases and her caring touch when it was the only possible consolation after hours of both physical and mental torture in the basement. He really thought that she was just scared to act on her own... That once he proposes to her the idea of escaping this shithole with him and Saeran, she would take it without any hesitation. Now, though, the thought of a successful escape, especially with Saeran, seemed more unattainable than ever before. While, yes, she, without a doubt, was treating him with sincere kindness and respect, that is not nearly enough for the desirable outcome.

It seems now he has found yet another way that this place manages to corrupt even the gentlest of souls.

But, he has no right to give up... No matter how hopeless everything around him is, he has to keep fighting. Lowering his head in defeat, he picked up some of the warm food with his fork, without much enthusiasm in his movements despite the hunger laying heavy on his bruised limbs. "So, you still won't believe me, no matter what I say...? Is that what you're trying to convey?"

Yet another quiet sigh was his only response, however this time, the young woman put away her fork all together, clearly loosing her appetite, much like he did. Looks like they really were in painfully similar situations, only on different sides of this invisible battle. “I don’t know. At least today, I definitely won’t decide to go with you anywhere. And it already makes me feel pretty bad to realize that I'll have to betray Unknown's trust, even if I know that I'm doing the right thing. As an assistant, I'm not supposed to make such drastic decisions on my own. Although it shouldn't matter to you anyway. And listen: I don't want to argue about this with you. You have every right to hate this place, just as I have every right to love it. I'm telling you to leave Magenta and never come back if you despise so much... Why force us to go with you?"

He couldn't find the words to respond to that. All that was left is a tense silence as they both tried their best to stay afloat in a raging sea of conflicting thoughts and emotions that could swallow them whole if they are to loose their composure even for a single moment.

If only she could realize just how similar they really are in this mess, and see him as an ally and not as a burden to get rid of.

#mystic messenger #mysmes #mysme #mm #saeyoung choi #oc natasha stakh #unknown's version of natasha is certainly frustrating to deal with #is there a happy ending to this? #who knows :) #had a lot of fun writing this tbh i love playing around with dark scenarios like this #feel super bad for saeyoung though just wait till unknown catches the drift and it won't be pretty