#oc natasha stakh

[natasha-in-space]

Mystic Messenger cuddling headcanons

The whole gang's here! I wanted to do this for a while now, and it was super fun to write out my thoughts on each of them in detail ^^

Yoosung

He has no particular preference when it comes to being the big spoon or the little spoon. It all depends on your mood when you two finally collapse into each other's arms at the end of the day. Whoever needs more comfort will get it! When it comes to his favorite position though, he definitely has a huge weakness for cuddling while facing each other and sharing long meaningful conversations for hours on end. His grip on you is not too strong or too weak - it's the perfect balance to make you feel safe and loved within his arms. Yoosung is prone to light snoring if he's in a very deep sleep, but it barely bothers you. You even find it cute! And you definitely did not record your boyfriend's snoring on more than one occasion- He's not picky and can fall asleep pretty much anywhere. Being a college student has taught him the importance of getting enough sleep, and he has no problems in doing that, aside from getting too immersed in his hobbies throughout the evening. Still, he has you to always remind him when he's getting too carried away, and cuddles with you will always be far more enjoyable than any tasks keeping him away.

Zen

He's mostly the big spoon because he really enjoys providing you with a feeling of safety and comfort you might need. Having you happily snuggled up inside his arms makes him feel so happy and content at the end of the day, and your cuddles are something that he definitely looks forward to throughout his exhausting rehearsals. His favorite position would be him happily napping on his back with a moisturizing mask plastered on his face, while you are laying sprawled out on his chest with your cheek pressed up against his collarbone. You're like a living weighed blanket, only ten times better because of how cute you are! Zen's ideal bed would consist of one thick blanket and a shared pillow. Though, he's not a picky guy at all, and if you have other preferences, he's more than willing to work it out with you as you go.

Jaehee

Deep down, she's actually a huge softie, and when it comes to cuddling? Yeah, she's definitely a little spoon. It takes her a while to get comfortable enough with her feelings toward you, since she never actually felt this connected to someone throughout her lifetime. She can still get just a tiny bit flustered whenever you hold her in your arms, so she'll press her face into your chest and hope that you won't hear just how fast her heart is beating right now. It's adorable, really. Jaehee has struggled with sleep for so long, and she'll make sure to let you know of every possible problem that could arise from you two sharing a bed. She may or may not overanalyze the tiniest of inconveniences in the process, but with your encouragement, you two will quickly figure everything out. She has nightmares occasionally, however, you'll never know about them, unless you're someone who is a very light sleeper. The only signs of Jaehee having a nightmare is her suddenly jolting awake in the middle of the night with quick shallow breaths escaping past her lips. She would never try and disturb your sleep because of her own troubles, but she might get out of bed to make herself a relaxing cup of tea if the nightmare was especially stressful. If you do wake up and ask her about it, she won't try to hide anything from you. She trusts you enough to share her unpleasant experiences and rely on you in times of need. She just needs a little nudge from time to time.

Jumin

Jumin can and will go both ways when it comes to cuddling. Being the big spoon? He adores the feeling of having you nestled up all comfortable in his arms. Being the little spoon? He never knew just how nice it is to have someone lovingly stroke your cheeks and kiss your forehead at the end of the day. He has no particular preference in that regard. Just being close to you is more than enough to please this man's soft heart. The thing he absolutely adores though, is the feeling of your legs crossed over each other. It's like you become one living being, and there's nothing more magical and comforting than that. Jumin will read you to bed every once in a while! This may come as a surprise to you, but he really likes to read and analyze classic fairytales. The process of reading something aloud relaxes him, and the sound of his voice lulls you to sleep. It's the perfect compromise. If you'd like it, he would love to start a book club of sorts with you. You'll compile a list of books you'd like to read, and he will gradually go through them all as the days go by. Reading is not a race, and sharing something like this with his loved one makes him really happy. Jumin is a huge softie when it comes to you, so expect lots of gentle touches and tender kisses both when you're falling asleep and waking up the next morning. Elizabeth does get a bit jealous from time to time, but she quickly calms down once you lay her down on the bed with you two and give her the attention she deserves. It's a small family of three, and you wouldn't have it any other way.

Saeyoung

Saeyoung mostly plays the role of the big spoon in your relationship, but there are occasional exceptions to that. He's a very affectionate guy, so it's not a surprise at all that he simply adores cuddling in all its forms. He's very similar to a needy cat in that regard. Sprawling out on your lap while you're trying to get some work done and he wants some attention from you? Been there, done that. Randomly hugging you from behind and staying like that for like half an hour waddling after you, as you go through your tasks? Well, he does that almost every day. Having you sit on his lap while he tinkers away at his new toys? Be prepared for some neck kisses and sweet nothings being whispered into your ears, because he loves seeing you blush and squirm at his antics. Still, this totally goes both ways for you two, so it's not an unusual sight to see him flushing as red as a ripe tomato at something you've said or done. You two are a silly couple who love each other to the moon and back, and everyone can see that clear as day. Saeyoung likes to hold you close as you lay on the bed facing each other. It's not rare for you two to talk for hours on end, bouncing from one topic to the next. When it comes to sleeping itself, he's not picky at all, but he prefers it when he can get two pillows and a light blanket to cover himself with. If you need a thick one, you two might need to look into getting two blankets for each of you, because he will sweat like crazy, especially with you nestled up next to him. This man is naturally very warm, so don't overheat him too much!

Jihyun

This man is a little spoon through and through. He needs to be held and kissed till he absolutely melts into your embrace. His touch is so incredibly gentle, sometimes it's hard to tell that he's even there, which amazes you up to this day. Jihyun is not used to being held and pampered, so it's a work in progress with him. It doesn't mean that he does not like your affections - quite the opposite, actually - but he can get overwhelmed sometimes and not know what to do for a minute or two. He's never even been hugged properly, so cuddling? It's a huge step, especially when it comes to him receiving the affection, rather than the other way around. He's so used to being the giver in his other relationships, that it's hard to allow himself to be the receiver this time around. Good and healthy communication is key, and he's more than willing to work on himself, both for your and his own happiness! Still, he suffers from nightmares quite often. His many regrets in life can weigh heavy on his shoulders even as many years pass you by, and sometimes, they follow him into his dreams as well. He may wake up gasping for air, anxiously looking over his body, only to tell you a while later, that he had a nightmare of the very fire that killed his mother. Or, he might call out someone's name in pure desperation and anguish, as his hand reaches forward to stop someone he can't see. He feels very bad whenever he wakes you because of his own troubles, but having you near him brings him so much peace, that it's practically impossible to push you away. Instead, you two go out for a short walk in the park, enjoying the quiet beauty of nature around you, and finding comfort in your hands, tightly laced together as you walk.

Ray

He wants to be the big spoon for you, but deep down? He's definitely the little spoon, no doubt about that. It's hard to get him to fall asleep next to you, but once you manage to convince him to do it... the longing to do that again will keep gnawing at him ever since. Ray is extremely nervous that he'll mess something up, so it'll be better for you to coax him throughout the process the first time around. Make sure to reassure him that he's not doing anything wrong! As long as you keep smiling at him and babbling away with no care in the world, he will gradually relax. You'll even notice him smiling softly in the corners of your eyes, because he finds you so incredibly adorable as you talk about this and that. He's way too embarrassed to admit it, but his all-time favorite position would be to lay there facing each other, with your arms gently wrapped around his torso to keep him safe and sound beside you. Especially when you eventually fall asleep and he can admire your beauty up close without any fear of you finding him staring this intently weird or unpleasant. He may or may not kiss your cheek while you're snoozing away. The other thing he loves is doing your hair before you go to bed. If you have long or medium-length hair? He'll brush it and braid it for you. You have short hair? He will make sure to put on any hair care products you use and give your hair a quick brush. His fingers are trained to take good care of his Saviour's hair, so you definitely don't have to worry about him pulling on your hair or messing something up. He'll even research your hair type in his free time, to make sure you get the best care possible! Whenever he's not having nightmares, he looks so incredibly peaceful and almost childlike in his sleep, it makes you wish you'd do this more often for him. His breathing is so light, you kinda get scared whether he's breathing or not, however silly this may sound. Ray is similar to a cat in a very deep sleep in that regard.

Suit Saeran

Uhhh... That's a hard one to crack for sure. This Saeran really needs to get held and pampered, but he'll rather break up into atoms than admit it outright. There are really only two scenarios when you'll get lucky enough to cuddle with him. The first one is if you've done it with Ray before. Saeran can and probably will try to 'replicate' the experience to toy with you and ridicule Ray's childish desires. So, that's how you will find yourself laying in your bed with your face pressed up against his chest. You will not get the privilege of seeing his face, and that is definitely not because of how warm his cheeks got from being this close to you. It's an awkward and confusing experience for both of you. Saeran is genuinely doing his best to keep up the act of total indifference, but he fails miserably, to his utter dismay and confusion. His hands are trembling as he tugs at your clothes, his voice sounds way too gruff and shaky for his liking, and his heart is beating so fast it's embarrassing. He does try to convince both you and himself, that it is because of disgust, but... it's not very convincing. Best case scenario: he'll eventually leave you laying on the bed in a hurry, and you won't hear from him for a few hours. Worst case scenario: you say something he really doesn't like, and that sets him off. He'll shove you off and scream at you for being so frustrating, for acting so arrogant, for messing with his head. He'll slam the door shut, and you'll hear his heavy footsteps slowly getting further away. Second scenario: you'll coax him to lay with you after his apology. He'll be very reluctant to do so at first, but if you'll gently squeeze his hand and reassure him that you do genuinely want him to stay with you, he just might cave into your request. He'll be extremely skittish and surprisingly tender with you this time around, and you will have to be the one initiating the contact. He's just afraid of hurting you again. This form of intimacy is so incredibly foreign to him, and it's hard to imagine that these hands of his can be the source of comfort to somebody in this way. You'll lay there, facing each other and gazing into each other's eyes. Saeran looks so incredibly exhausted, and all you want to do is hold him close and keep him safe inside your arms. And if you do pull him closer? If you start carefully caressing his hair and whispering sweet nothings into his ears? You'll eventually feel him start to shake slightly against you as silent sobs overtake his thin form. But, you will not let go of him this time. And judging by his tight hold on you? He doesn't want you to do that either.

GE Saeran

He's mostly the little spoon, but he doesn't mind being the big spoon every once in a while. Saeran is tremendously affectionate toward you, so daily cuddles are a total must! Casual cuddling is also important to you two. If you're sitting next to each other? You'll be cuddling, doesn't matter where you are. It's nothing explicit, he just loves being physically close to you and feeling your warmth flood his body. Prefers cuddling while facing each other. Having your arms hold onto him so securely, while you're talking about your day is pure heaven to him. Your voice has always been a huge comfort to him, which is why it's not rare for him to ask you to talk about whatever you want. He'll listen. Be it your special interests, how you're feeling at the moment, or what happened during your day - it will make him smile regardless of the topic. You could tell him the most boring story ever and he'll absolutely adore it because it's something important to you, and that means that he'll be fully engaged instantly. After all, he knows from experience how hard it can be, when nobody's interested in what you have to say, however small it may be. Unfortunately, nightmares are a common occurrence for you two. The difference is, with time, he'll stop waking up from them all together. He'll just get up the next morning as if nothing ever happened, although he's completely open to talking about it with you, if you'll bring it up with him. Instead of waking him from his slumber, you'll reach out for his hand, quietly assuring him that he's okay and that he's safe. He might not hear you, but your presence does bring him peace. His nightmares will get rarer with time, thanks to therapy and his own progress in life. It's a work in progress, but he's got a sturdy support system by his side to help him get through the hurdles as they go!

Unknown

Okay so, he's definitely not the cuddliest guy around. But, surprisingly, it's not impossible to get him to snuggle with you! Just don't say that that's what you two are doing right now. That's the rule. See, the room he works in is cold. And not just cold, it's borderline freezing cold. Your only saving grace is being plopped up onto his lap, which gives you the opportunity to try and cuddle up to him in search of warmth. Unknown is not that warm in temperature, but he's not freezing either, except for his fingers which are super cold to the touch. If you do that carefully enough to not disturb him from his precious work, you might get lucky enough to stay snuggled up next to your boss for the time being. For all his teasing, he's pretty oblivious when it comes to societal norms. If he knew that by having you pressed up against his chest, with him placing his chin onto your shoulder for a better view of his workspace, you're basically cuddling? Yeah, he wouldn't put up with that. But hey, he has no idea, and in his worldview, he's keeping an eye on you, so that you won't do anything stupid. What you don't know won't kill you. And... it's nice to have something, or someone, to help him ground himself whenever he gets so lost in his routine, it's hard to distinguish reality from fiction. He never mentions the reason behind his fingers absentmindedly finding themselves fiddling with your hair or drawing invisible patterns on the skin of your thighs. He just... likes it. There are a lot of things that you two never speak about. It's a two-sided blade, really. The other times when you'll be 'cuddling' is whenever any one of you is suffering particularly badly from the effects of the elixir. Oftentimes, it's hard to remember what exactly happened to you under the haze of the drug, which is why it's so easy to allow yourself to be just a little bit braver. You'll hold him close, rubbing his back and promising him that everything will be alright, as he feverishly clings to you in futile attempts to numb the pain. And Unknown will begrudgingly tuck you into bed whenever you're the one suffering through the same pain in return. Against his indifferent demeanor, he will stay by your side until you fall asleep, checking up on your temperature and making sure that nothing goes terribly wrong. You'll awake the next day with a wet towel draped over your forehead and a glass of water resting on the bedside table.

SE Saeran

It will take him a while to feel comfortable enough to try full-on cuddling with you. It's nothing against you, Saeran really enjoys being close to you, but he's just... It's scary letting someone share such an intimate experience with you. You'll sit side by side and you'll hold hands most of the time. Occasionally, he will carefully lay his head onto your shoulder, if he's feeling especially peaceful and content in the moment. It's the silent sort of closeness where no words are needed to understand each other. You know he loves you, and you don't need him to break his boundaries to prove that. When he does feel ready to share this new level of intimacy with you, he's going to be a little bit stiff. He'll be laying on his back with his arm carefully wrapped around your waist, while you tentatively nestle yourself close to his side, pressing your cheek to his chest and feeling his heart drum away right beside your ear. You'll rest like this for about half an hour, before you decide to pull apart and make sure that everything is okay. You'll see the tiniest of smiles stretch out the corners of his lips, but it radiates with so much warmth, you can't help but get a little bit choked up. It'll still take you two a lot of time before you finally decide to try sleeping together in a single bed, though. His nightmares cause more than enough harm to him alone, and the last thing Saeran wants is to hurt you, even if he does it on accident. You two make sure to speak about these things openly and come to a shared decision. Nevertheless, short naps on the couch are more than okay, which is why it's not unusual to find you two huddled up under a fluffy blanket in the middle of the day. He's not a heavy sleeper, but not a light one either. It really depends on his mood before he falls asleep. Saeran is the most vulnerable when he's asleep, so it's a huge representation of his utmost trust in you if he allows you to be near him in those moments.

Rika

Deep inside, she's a huge cuddle bug, she just needs a little encouragement to be open with her desires! Healthy and open communication is key, and she's more than willing to put in the work in order to make your relationship prosper. She has her good days and her bad days, which is why it's so important for you two to always keep in contact regarding your mood. Rika is doing her best in therapy, but the road to recovery is a bumpy one. She really enjoys being both on the receiving and giving end when it comes to cuddling, so she's not picky at all. It should be noted though, that it's pretty hard for her to be the big spoon because of her small size, but she's more stubborn than she might seem to you at the first glance. She will make it work one way or another! Rika adores it whenever you let her rest her head on your lap. Feeling your fingers gently running through her hair and being able to look up at you any time she wants is pure bliss to her. You look just like an angel in her eyes, and if you'll lean over to place a quick kiss on the tip of her nose? She'll turn into a blushy puddle in an instant. Sadly for her, she looks way too adorable whenever she tries to hide her burning face inside her blonde locks, which is why you'll never stop trying to sweep her off her feet. She's extremely doting on her partner, so expect a lot of kisses. In fact, her kisses are pretty much your new alarm clock, since she's an early bird at heart. The other thing she loves is having long meaningful conversations while cuddling. She tends to get carried away with her thoughts, but you're always more than happy to listen and make your own additions to her line of thought. Rika is pretty picky when it comes to how she wants to make her bed, and her preferences consist of two pillows and a thin blanket. She gets overheated easily under a thick blanket, which is why you might need to speak about that in advance.

Vanderwood

They're a self-certified big spoon, and it'll take you a while to convince them to try out playing the role of the little spoon for the sake of the experiment. And once they try it? There's no going back from that. They're a relatively silent cuddler, but you don't need words to convey the peaceful atmosphere that accompanies your cuddles. They'll place their chin on the top of your head and hold you close to their chest, drawing small circles on your back with their thumbs. In contrast to their bulky build, they're actually very tender with their touches. It's like they're afraid that they'll break you somehow if they press on you just a little too hard. Vanderwood loves to intertwine their legs with yours whenever you guys are snuggling. It makes them feel safe and connected to you on a deeply personal level. They often suffer from nightmares of their time in the agency, or of something horrible happening to you, so you'll need to be prepared for that. They might lash out the moment they awake since they're so used to seeing danger at every corner, but they'll never hurt you. It does upset them quite a bit whenever they see that frightened look on your face, but they won't push you away if you ask to stay with them. You'll make a warm cup of tea and talk about it once they're calm. Or, you won't. You never push them to talk about something they don't want to share. After all, you can only guess the horrors they've seen throughout their years in the agency. Some things are best left unsaid, and you'll stay by their side on every step of the way.

Bonus round!

Natasha

She's a little spoon at heart but prefers playing the role of the big spoon at first. She does have the tendency to care for her partner's needs before her own, and the notion of letting someone comfort her scares her a little. Some reassurance is definitely needed before she feels comfortable enough to relax in her partner's arms. Oddly enough, Natasha won't get that flustered when cuddling. Moreover, quite often she doesn't even realize that you two are actually cuddling till you verbally point it out to her. And that's the moment when her face will start to burn up with embarrassment as she stutters away in weak attempts to rationalize her behavior. She's a bit of a mess in that way. Will hug a pillow in her sleep, at all times. She won't fall asleep if she's not holding something close to her chest, her partner included. Natasha is an extremely deep sleeper. It gets so bad sometimes, that you have to actively shake her awake, and even that will take you some time before it works. It takes her a long time to fully wake up, so dealing with a very sleepy and drowsy Natasha in the morning is a routine at this point. She prefers sleeping under a thick blanket, but it's only because she gets cold very easily. As long as you keep her warm, she will fall asleep with no problems.

Chaewon

She's a big spoon, and there's no negotiation about that. And to her excuse, most of the time, it's hard for her to play the role of the little spoon even if she tries. Her big height, as well as her muscular build pretty much settle her as the one giving the cuddles in any relationship, and she's not complaining about that anyways. She likes the notion of providing someone with the feeling of safety and comfort in such a tender way. There's no need to put her life on the line, grit her teeth through the pain or tear down someone both physically and emotionally against her better judgment. She can just... hold someone, and that's more than enough for them. Sometimes, it's still hard to believe for her that something so simple could exist. When she gets further into a relationship, she'll start being way bolder with her affections. Her partner will have to be prepared to play the role of a huge teddy bear for Chaewon. She can and will pick you up, spin you around and carry you bridal style wherever she goes with relative ease. The other thing she loves is using her partner's lap as a pillow. She's quite similar to a sly cat in that way. It's not unusual for her to plop down onto your lap and raise an eyebrow at you expectantly. You already know what she wants! She does struggle with nightmares quite often, but she'll try desperately to hide them from her partner. After all, it's only dreams, they're not real. She's super stubborn, so you'll need to sit her down and lecture her about the importance of healthy communication before she grumpily agrees to talk about it with you. She's willing to learn, it just takes her some time.

#mystic messenger #mysmes #mysme #mm #mystic messenger headcanons #yoosung kim #zen ryu #jaehee kang #jumin han #saeyoung choi #jihyun kim #saeran choi #ray choi #suit saeran #ge saeran #unknown choi #se saeran #rika kim #mm vanderwood #oc natasha stakh #oc chaewon lee (reiko) #yes i will compare everyone to cats #they're all cats #just in different ways #okay maybe some of them are bunnies too

[natasha-in-space]

I'd like to think that the first time Saeran gets to put up a Christmas tree, he'd go way overboard with decorations. There are so many neat colorful stuff to put on, he just doesn't know when to quit! Saeyoung and Natasha won't stand between his fun. In the end, their Christmas tree will probably end up a mess. But, it's a very colorful mess made with lots of laughs and smiles!

Ref. by @K_Lemyo on Twitter!

#mystic messenger #mysmes #mysme #mm #saeran choi #choi saeran #ge saeran #saeran x oc #oc natasha stakh #saeran x natasha #i was supposed to finish a new icon for today but.... #also the quality got wrecked #grinch has stolen it away

[natasha-in-space]

Oh hey a new cursed alignment chart just dropped, neat! Featuring my cmc's as a bonus

#mystic messenger #mysmes #mysme #mm #yoosung kim #zen ryu #jaehee kang #jumin han #saeyoung choi #jihyun kim #saeran choi #rika kim #mm vanderwood #oc natasha stakh #oc chaewon lee (reiko) #ray choi #suit saeran #ge saeran #unknown choi #se saeran #decided to add my cmc's cause why not :p #and yes i will make fun of jihyun and his unnecessary long paragraphs but i am doing it with love ♡

[natasha-in-space]

Picrew link

"A... cake?" Natasha's expression was the epitome of confusion as she blinked repeatedly at the shiny plate placed on her desk, with a slice of what seemed to be a fresh-prepared cake resting on top of it. When Saeran suddenly disappeared for hours on end, she was not expecting to see this once he came back. What kind of trick was this exactly...?

Though, her boss's proud and puffed up appearance indicated that he was more than pleased with himself. Who knows why. Either way, she could only guess that it was going to be at her expense. As it usually was.

Saeran snickered, moving the plate closer to his perplexed assistant. While he usually hated that dumb, doe-eyed look on her face, making her feel all stupid was exactly what he was hoping for right now. He marveled at the opportunity to rob her of any sense of control. At least, that's how he viewed this whole exchange. "Don't give me that look. I know you're probably desperate to take a bite. Trust me, it's just as delicious as it looks. Strawberries are your favorite, are they not?"

Natasha's nose scrunched up slightly as her thoughts raced to make sense of this entire predicament. What was happening? Did they even have time on their hands for... whatever this was? She's pretty sure they had a deadline approaching just hours away... Then again, Saeran's methods were far different from Ray's carefully organized work flow. And he probably wouldn't appreciate her criticizing his work ethic.

She opened her mouth to say something, only to be interrupted by an insufferable groan as Saeran grabbed the plate back into his hand and separated a rather generous piece of cake with a fork, quickly thrusting it to her mouth. When she didn't respond right away, he raised a brow and pushed the sweet treat against her lips, but not going any further than that. She could smell the sweet vanilla mixed in with the strawberry, definitely making her mouth water a little. It sure looked and smelled tasty.

"Go ahead, then. Open wide. You did such a good job with your studies yesterday, I would be a terrible boss not to praise my little pet for being good."

...Alright, now she's sure this is a trick. He wasn't being very subtle about it.

She was unsure if Saeran just didn't want to put in the effort needed for a believable performance or if he really believed this would work on her. Either way, it's not like she was about to call him out on that. As far as she could see, he was in a good mood for once, and she would rather keep it that way. Whatever it may have in store for her.

So, Natasha sighed and leaned in to take the fork into her mouth. Only to have it snatched away from her in an instant. She just watched as Saeran put the piece of cake into his own mouth and exploded in a fit of roaring laughter that bounced off the bare walls of the Intelligence room. He laughed so hard, he even put an arm over his stomach, an action that probably wasn't fully conscious as his body shook in response to the waves of amusement he seemed to find in this whole exchange. She's pretty sure she never saw him laugh this hard before, especially over something so... to be completely frank, rather stupid.

Throughout it all, Natasha remained silent, feeling both puzzled and intrigued. Saeran sure was a mystery. She's pretty sure that the laughter was genuine. Did he seriously find it this funny? It was almost kind of... cute. In a very peculiar way. She was starting to understand why he looked so proud and energized when he entered. Did he plan this whole thing in advance? Now if that isn't excessive, she doesn't know what is.

It appeared that Saeran would have a good time playing pranks. Though, he probably didn't know about that activity in the first place. And she wasn't about to tell him. Who knows what kind of things she would have to deal with if she does.

"Oh, you should've seen your face! God- You looked so dumb!" Saeran cackled and started to bang his hand against the table a little. Natasha found it hard to suppress her own laughter when she saw the unusual sight, having to bite her lip to prevent anything from slipping. Saeran looked so proud of himself, that she is sure he was blissfully unaware of just how silly this all looked from the outside perspective. If he did, he wouldn't be acting this way in the first place.

"You got me, boss... How could you do this?" She found herself playing along, even though she couldn't control the light smile on her face as her eyes kept following the hacker. There was some amusement to be found in this strange situation. One she wouldn't voice outloud, but would indulge in nonetheless.

Saeran seemed totally oblivious to the 'victim' of his prank having a good time. After a bout of laughter, he released a final loud 'Ha!' before settling down and crossing his arms over his chest cockily. He leaned his hip against the desk in a way that radiated arrogance.

"You must be a real airhead if you think I would ever bake a cake just for you! This should be a nice lesson for you, assistant. Be grateful I am willing to give you such a heads-on approach."

Natasha blinked. Stumped.

Wait-

Did he...

Did Saeran make this cake? To perform this 'prank' on her? Is that why he was gone for hours? Was he out there, baking a whole entire cake, just for a joke?

"...You are something else boss" She murmured after a brief pause, shaking her head slightly.

"I sure am."

He was unaware of what she meant by that, wasn't he? By the looks of his confident smirk, he thought she was impressed by him or something. And, in a way, she was.

Just not in the way he would be pleased with, probably.

Still, in spite of it all, it was... nice to see this more silly and lighthearted side of Saeran. Even if it was in such a bizarre manner. She didn't mind being the cause of his laughter occasionally. Maybe she'll put up with some silly pranks in the future.

...And, his smile appeared somewhat cute for a brief moment when he was consumed by his own enjoyment and didn't care about appearing intimidating. A small glimpse into the human side of him that he seemed so set on denying. She kind of wished to see that more often.

Turns out, Saeran is a very talented baker.

#mystic messenger #mysmes #mysme #mm #saeran choi #choi saeran #suit saeran #saeran x oc #saeran x cmc #suit saeran x oc #suit saeran x cmc #oc natasha stakh #saeran x natasha #suit saeran x natasha #I WROTE THIS ON THE BUS AFTER PLAYING AROUND IN PICREW #suit is so silly fr #like i know he thinks he's mean #but in some of his calls #he's just so silly #natasha plays along because he looks so proud of himself #and also because she's a sweetheart #will play along with any prank tbh (saeyoung takes advantage of this more often than he should 😔)

[natasha-in-space]

Random Mystic Messenger headcanons that live in my head rent-free

Some are angsty, some are cute - it's a mixed bag

- Zen enjoys doing skincare with you. It's a shared process. He lets you put sheet masks on him and, more than anything, he adores the feeling of being pampered by you. You two have a separate case just for your skincare products. His job makes it difficult sometimes to spend time with you, so knowing that, at the end of the day, he'll undoubtedly get to enjoy your company keeps him motivated throughout his practice. It's his favourite time of the day.

- More than anything else, Yoosung wants to feel content. All the days spent in front of his computer or cooped up listening to a boring lecture he doesn't care about eat away at him slowly but surely. His back aches from spending hours in a sitting position and he often collapses into his bed, feeling utterly useless and drained. Deep down, he knows that he's just burned out, but these ugly thoughts are just too loud to overcome with common sense. He feels like he goes through life blindly like he's in a thick fog clouding his vision and slowing down his movement. He fears disappointing his family if he speaks up about the way he feels and the crushing expectations put on him for being a star student in his school years are just the cherry on top of the cake. More than anything, he wants to breathe freely, without feeling like he's slowly being crushed under the heavy weight of his grief.

- Jaehee has shockingly good leadership skills! If push comes to shove, she can somehow manage to make even the oddest group of people come together to complete a task. When she gets in the zone, she has this natural charisma emanating from her, and you can't help but feel deep respect for her abilities. She just believes she's in no position to take the leading role most of the time, and it's only when you share your amazement for her skills with her does she first starts to reassess her own image of herself.

- Jumin's kisses are the gentlest touch you have ever felt in your entire life. Most of the time, he's so afraid that he's dreaming when he gets to kiss you like this. He's so terrified that he'll wake up in his bed all alone the next morning, only to realize that you were not real. He's incredibly tender when he presses his lips to yours, his thumb caressing the soft skin of your cheek to reassure himself that you're indeed right here, next to him. It's like he's wordlessly begging you to stay by his side, too afraid to speak those vulnerable words out loud.

- Saeyoung adores it when you let him rest his head on your lap. The feeling of your fingers lazily combing through his hair, as the warmth of your soft thighs beneath his cheek lulls him to sleep is heavenly to him. He feels so loved and safe pressed up against you like this that he actually cried the first time you did this for him. Whenever he gets nightmares, you offer him to rest his head on your lap as you hum soft lullabies to ease his worries.

- Jihyun is a huge fan of classical music. It's to the point where he barely listens to anything else. You'll have to introduce him to other genres of music yourself cause he's so stuck in his ways. This man is an old soul through and through. Though, it's not so bad when he sweeps you into a sweet waltz in the middle of a kitchen. He can create a fairytale like setting with such ease that it takes your breath away.

- Ray is a highly empathetic person without even realizing it. That's why he tries to avoid big crowds whenever he can. He feels so incredibly overwhelmed with all these different emotions clouding his mind and he has no idea where they're even coming from. It scares him and he feels like there's something inherently wrong with him. Still, that's why he can just know when you're feeling unwell. He comes into your room and instantly reads your mood without even having to ask. He can also tell whenever Rika's feeling disheartened, but she brushes him off whenever he offers to comfort her most of the time.

- Deep down, what Suit Saeran longs for the most is to be accepted even if he's not the strongest. He's not at all as confident as he presents himself to be. He can't get a single night of restful sleep without nightmares of his past haunting him. If you, somehow, get him to sleep next to you, he'll bury his face into your hair or back, crushing you in his arms. He'll never let you see his face. His mother is something he fears and hates the most, he despises the fact that she keeps torturing him even now when he tries so incredibly hard to be stronger. He feels so insecure whenever he berates you, tries everything that comes to mind to put you down, and you just look him straight in the eye and refuse to break. He wants you to cry, to get angry, to do something. Prove to him that you're that weakling he wants you to be, prove to him that you're not a good person. Because if you are a genuinely good person that just wants to help him from the bottom of their heart... what in the world is he doing? And what does it mean for him? He's desperately trying to keep his facade of animosity together, but you can see the terrified boy begging to be acknowledged underneath. He realizes he can never let you go when you see this weak side of him and still refuse to give up on him. That's the moment he realizes that he'll do whatever it takes to ensure your safety.

- GE Saeran's kisses convey all of his feelings for you. He doesn't hide anything from you, and you can perfectly feel it through his touch. He tends to break away from you to whisper soft 'I love you's onto your skin over and over again. There's no more darkness clouding his mind. Everything feels perfect, like this is where he was always meant to be. He pulls away, breathless, and smiles. He loves you. He loves you so much.

- VAE Ray's favorite time of the day is around 2-3 pm when everything is still warm under the sun and all you want is to curl up in your room for an afternoon nap. Especially in late Spring or early Autumn, when it's not too hot or too cold. His scars are still quite sensitive to harsh weather, so he has to spend a lot of time indoors whenever the temperatures get too high or low for his comfort. He finds respite in short naps he can enjoy tucked in next to you on those days. Nightmares rarely bother him during the day, so he enjoys this peaceful slumber he gets to experience, while feeling your scent surrounding him in a cocoon of safety more than anything else.

- Unknown actually loves emoticons. That is, once you taught him how to use them properly. He has a bunch of them saved up in his notes so he does not need to go searching for the ones he needs. It's surprisingly hilarious cause he loves using them whenever you get on his nerves and he just does not want to waste his precious energy on typing out his responses. You just get a single: '(⁠눈⁠‸⁠눈⁠)', and that's how you know you're in trouble. Uses happy ones as a threat. You never knew seeing a notification of '◉⁠‿⁠◉' on your phone could make shivers crawl up your spine, but Unknown somehow manages to do exactly that.

- SE Saeran loves going out shopping with you. He rarely ventures outside for something like this alone, but with you, it's different. He can focus on your company next to him, and the world around him does not feel as overwhelmingly suffocating as it usually does. He still has a lot to learn about the modern world and that's what these trips to the convenience stores are meant for. You never once judged him for not knowing something basic or feeling confused by mundane details of day-to-day life. He's free to ask away and learn about the world around him, and that's exactly what he does. It's nothing big, and he does not want to do anything super exciting that will exhaust him at the end of the day. Simply taking a walk hand in hand through the local stores in your own pace is more than enough for him.

- Rika has incredible reflexes. Something could fall off the balcony while she's taking a walk through the garden with you, and she'll catch it without even taking her eyes off you for a second. It's practically impossible to catch her by surprise. She's so used to paying attention to every little detail in the environment around her that it became an autopilot for her. While it amazes you at first, you can't help but wonder what kind of life she must have lived to develop such high awareness of possible dangers both to herself and those around her. Your heart clenches in your chest at the thought.

- Vanderwood listens to a ton of rock and heavy metal. Iron Maiden, AC/DC, Aerosmith... Those are their go-to. They're very protective of their interests, so if they're willing to share their earbuds with you? Consider that one of the highest signs of their trust in you. It's so cute how they're glancing your way from time to time, as if to check whether or not you're enjoying the music. They'll gladly listen to your favorites as well. Music is something that helps them a lot whenever everything gets too hard to bear, so it's way more personal than it may seem at first glance.

Bonus round for my oc's!

- Natasha took a very long time to talk as a child. Her mother even considered taking her to the hospital cause she was getting highly concerned for her daughter, but, thankfully, things never turned for the worst in that regard. She was two years old when she spoke her first words and it was 'gobble gobble', cause she was watching a programme about turkeys at the time. She was running around gobbling like a tiny turkey for a good week or so after that.

- Chaewon's favorite fruit is pomegranate because she thought that the top part looked like a beautiful crown as a child. She even tried wearing it on her head once only to fail miserably. Rika's the only one who knows about this childhood story of hers and ever since learning it, she started brewing pomegranate tea whenever they have their meetings in her quarters.

#mystic messenger #mysmes #mysme #mm #mystic messenger headcanons #yoosung kim #zen ryu #jaehee kang #jumin han #saeyoung choi #jihyun kim #saeran choi #rika kim #mm vanderwood #oc natasha stakh #oc chaewon lee (reiko)

[natasha-in-space]

That one trend, but it's with Natasha, because she's a cutiepie and I wanted to draw her all soft and smiling! As a side note, I really should get my hands on GE Saeran emojis...

#oc natasha stakh #i wonder how obvious it is that i struggled as hell with her hair lmao #idk WHY but long straight hair have me biting my knuckles every time #which is so weird bc #rika's hair should be objectively harder to draw but no #i actually always sketch it at first try #like i can't get the sense of volume on straight hair 😭 #anyway #i do like how her eyes turned out!

[natasha-in-space]

Left To Wonder

VAE!Ray/cmc Natasha Stakh;

A glimpse into the aftermath of Ray's first unfortunate awakening, where Natasha and Seven are left to pick up the pieces. A bitter truth about his relationship with his twin is a burden too heavy to carry, and the redheaded hacker is left torn and angry by the end of it. At the same time, Natasha is battling her own demons, finding herself overwhelmed by all the implications of their situation, once her friend wakes up again.

Ch.1, Ch. 2 (you are here!)

-A day earlier.-

As Natasha sat in the hospital lobby, thousands of thoughts racing through her mind, she couldn't help but let out the heaviest sigh she possibly could.

15 minutes. She was absent from Ray's side only for 15 minutes. 15 measly minutes, and it was during those specific 15 minutes of her being away, did he decide to wake up for the first time. Well, it's not like he decided that himself, but... It was still frustrating. She huffed, rubbing at her eyes in an irritated manner.

Annoyance pierced her mind like small needles digging into her skin. She sat faithfully next to him, talked to him and held his hand all this time, but when it came to the most important moment of all, she was not there when he needed her most. What was the point of that round-the-clock watch of hers, then? Now, all these grueling days of continuous sitting at his bedside seemed utterly meaningless to her. Honestly, it was pretty stupid of her to feel this annoyed at something so insignificant, but... Perhaps, she was just tired. Which wouldn't be a surprising explanation at all. She was exhausted.

Natasha groaned into her hands. Ray's reaction was her fault. She should have told Seven about all the nuances... She swore to herself, that she would be there for Ray when he woke up for the first time, since she didn’t want him to feel alone again, but...

In the end, he had to be injected with a sedative, forcefully plunging him into the peaceful world of unconsciousness for his own good. She heard about all the fuss only when she witnessed an entire team of doctors and nurses already rushing into his ward, with Seven being pushed out the door. She exhaled, rolling her head back onto the back of the chair, staring at the painfully bright lights of the hospital.

...God, she couldn't imagine how scared he was. How terrified and alone he felt. In the end, all her efforts to be with him were completely futile. Hell, she even spent her nights in his room, how is any of this fair!?

She observed Seven, who appeared to be praying, holding a silver cross in his hands. Her jaw clenched.

If God existed, he had a cruel sense of humor.

𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭ ࣭𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂

Seven eventually let go of the cross, now left staring absent-mindedly at the floor. This is not what... he expected. No, not at all. He slumped in his chair, clasping his head in his hands, inadvertently parodying the same pose Natasha was in moments earlier. Something he seemed to do often these days. Or, maybe they were both just very stressed. Probably the latter. The more he thought about what just happened, the more his heart sank, a sickening sense of dread enveloping his insides.

He had a bad feeling about this.

"I don't get it. He was so scared of... me? What was that all about? I mean... Yes, of course he would be scared but- Why was he looking at me with like... that?"

Remembering Saeran's terrified look... As if he was being threatened by some horrifying creature, a look he knew so well and vowed to rid him of. But... He didn't even do anything! All he did was sit next to him and call him by his name. Then, why was he so afraid of him...?

He looked at Natasha, as if she was the one who was supposed to know everything there was to know about his brother. And he... He kind of hated it. He had absolutely no other information. From anyone. Even from those who should have been responsible for him... He just... Didn't know who else to turn to at this point. Feeling so helpless was one of the things he hated most of all.

But, for now, he had no other hope except for her.

𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭ ࣭𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂

Natasha gulped, dropping her gaze to the floor with guilt, unable to bear the disheartened expression on Seven's face. She should have told him everything from the very beginning, instead of delaying it, waiting for some miracle, or until somebody else would do it for her. Although, then again, it's not like she knew that much. No, she knew practically nothing.

She hummed quietly, kicking off her shoes from her feet, pulling her knees up to her chest, and wrapping her arms around them. Her head turned towards the bustling hallway of the hospital, her mind focusing on the med personnel in white coats going in and out of the wards, paying no mind to their hushed dialogue. Her heart sank as she watched them, today's unfortunate events replaying in her head for the countless time. She wanted to be there when Ray woke up... Sure, her presence hardly would have magically removed all his fear and stress upon his first awakening, but-

Ugh...

The strangest thing is, some tiniest part of her felt... somewhat jealous that Seven was the one who saw him awake first. It seemed so stupid and absurd to her, however, she couldn't do anything about these unwanted feelings of hers. She'd be lying if she said she hadn't pictured their 'reunion' in her own head many times. Maybe, as a small source of comfort in this stressful time. But, then again, these daydreams of hers were hardly believable, and she knew that. Even if Ray had some... 'feelings' for her, her being next to him wouldn't make his awakening that joyful or happy. But, she just wanted... to lighten his burden, at least a little. Let him know that he was not alone, and that someone was nearby. That... she would protect him.

She got distracted.

Natasha turned away from the ward doors and gazed at the redhaired hacker sitting next to her. She had to take a breath before beginning her explanation. This wasn't going to be pleasant. "Seven... I may not know much, but... He spent almost his entire life there, as far as I understand. I was his assistant for about a year, and... the 'outside world' in their ideology is a terrible, cruel place where everyone wants to destroy you."

She shivered, turning her eyes back to the floor, sorting through so many unpleasant memories of her time in that cursed place that disguised itself as a castle of hopes and dreams. In hindsight, she should have known that any castle, however bright and welcoming, had a dungeon hidden beneath its grand beauty.

"I... tried to ask him to come with me once we escaped... maybe even ask the RFA for help, since I realized that none of you were bad people... and he almost listened to me, but... the Savi- I mean, Rika intervened and reminded him that, if he ever left, he would get locked up somewhere like an animal, never to see the sky or flowers, or... something like that." Natasha swallowed the lump in her throat before continuing. "He's... afraid of this world. And-"

"What are you..." Seven's voice was quiet, but that didn't deter her from catching onto every tremble in his tone as he stared at her in a mix of disbelief and horror.

A small noise of discomfort, similar to a whine, slipped from her lips as she then hid her head in her knees, speaking the rest of her words in a muffled voice. Maybe, she didn't want to know his reaction to what she was about to say. Because she knew this would hurt him, greatly, and she did not want to be a witness to that. Not again. 

"...He sees you as an enemy. He hates you and V in particular, and I'm not sure why. He-" Natasha shuddered, remembering the terrible sight of what Ray has done to Jihyun in the basement. She saw him be threatening, or even scary before, but... not like this. Not outright malicious and violent. In that cell, she saw a side of him she didn’t want to accept. And it was that exact event that pushed her to help Jihyun escape, leaving behind her former boss in the process. "...I said he was a good man, and i didn't lie about that, but- He... He tortured Jihyun, right in front of my eyes... I know it was an order from Rika, but he- he was so... ruthless with him. And I think... he would have done the same to you, if you were in Jihyun's place. I don't know why, I know almost nothing about his past, except that it was terrible, and... I can’t explain anything else to you, I’m sorry.”

She raised her head, biting on her lower lip.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is... Maybe- Next time he wakes up... you should leave the room. He... knows me, and we were close, so... maybe, that will make him a little more comfortable." Natasha fidgeted, knowing full well how that probably sounded to him. "...And if he's relatively calm, I'll call you in."

This would result in a bad outcome. She already knew that. The way Ray talked about Seven... If they would ever get along well with each other, then... She could only imagine it after a long period of time. But, maybe, if he saw how Seven was truly worried about him... And how painful it was for Seven to see him in pain... Maybe? Ray was a kind soul at heart, no matter how absurd this may sound after all the horrible events of these past few months of her stay in Magenta. She believed... Or, she wanted to believe that he was capable of forgiving Seven, no matter what could have happened between them.

...Jihyun knew. Natasha was certain of it. But he was still in intensive care, and Jumin strictly forbade Seven to approach his best friend after he saw his... 'unstable' state of mind, once the truth of who was Ray came out. And that was probably for the best. Rika probably knew, too... She was the one that 'saved' Ray, after all. But Rika is far from a reliable source of information. Especially now. Either way... She won't talk to anyone until Ray wakes up again, and this time she will be there.

And if she had to avoid leaving even to use the restroom to achieve this, so be it. It sounded absurd. She almost smiled at herself. At how irrational that sounded.

Almost.

𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭ ࣭𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂

"As an... enemy?" Seven narrowed his eyes at Natasha with a look of hurt crossing over his features. "What kind of nonsense did she even say to him?!"

He clenched his hands in fists. "Why did she do this to him? Did she lie to me that she loved him!? How long? Was it from the beginning? Did V knew? Is that why he wouldn't let me catch the hacker? I-"

"I don't know, Seven. It's true that I worked with him, but I... there's... a very limiting amount of information I could have access to." The young woman murmured, her lips pursed into a thin line. It was obvious that she had a hard time speaking about this. "I'm sorry I didn't say anything earlier, I just- I don't know... I guess I thought everything would work out on its own somehow."

He couldn't believe what was happening even after a few days have passed. He was so angry, and confused, and scared, and every day his hatred for everyone responsible became stronger. His own hatred would have frightened him, if he wouldn't get more and more sickening information of how his brother was mistreated every single day. He hated Rika, he hated V, and he wanted revenge for what happened to Saeran, and he did not hide it from anyone. The crushing sense of utter betrayal was almost too much to bear. Those two hurt his family enough to deserve punishment. No, not even punishment... He truly despised them with all his guts for what they did. Or, in V's case, for what he didn't do. Justice was nothing but a meaningless word to him now; it was simply about his own desires, his raging emotions, which he no longer controlled at all. He didn't care about justice. He just wanted to make them pay.

And yet... he hated himself most of all.

So... Saeran hated him, is that right? It felt like physical pain inside his soul. Debilitating and exhausting. Like a knife twisting itself slowly and mercilessly into his heart, draining the life out of him. Every new day that he learned more and more, it would only become an ever greater burden to bear, weighting on him heavier than anything he had to stomach in his miserable life so far. And God, did he have to stomach a lot. It pained him to imagine the absolute hell his brother went through, and he was unlikely to come to terms with it so soon, if ever. Saeran hated him... He was afraid of him... What did that insane woman even tell him? He doesn't know anything. And that frustrated to no end. Some part of him wanted to scream, to blow up at Natasha, to grab her by the shoulders, shake her and demand answers, but... He knew she wasn't to blame for any of this. She was a victim who just happened to get caught up in this mess. 

And, despite having every right to get angry and leave them all behind, she stayed in this hospital: refusing to leave Saeran's side, visiting Jihyun on the daily, even bringing him food, ignoring his insistent refusals to eat. Most importantly of all, if it wasn't for her... God, he didn't even want to imagine what would have happened to Saeran if she didn't decide to go against him and leave back then. He shouldn't be angry with her.

So, he decided to leave before doing or saying something he would regret.

"...Yeah, you're probably right."

His own voice sounded a lot less emotional than he actually was on the inside... His chest hurt. The pain was getting stronger by the minute. It was unbearably painful to realize that he could evoke such negative emotions in Saeran just by his presence alone. He huffed. Perhaps this was too much for him again. Part of him still believed that Saeran or... Ray? That he would be able to recognize him and forgive him, by some stupid miracle. He understood that he still saw him as that quiet, kind, but frightened child he knew him as before, and that Saeran had already matured. Raised by Rika's lies and even more pain. Although now, taking everything into account, he began to feel more and more empty and hopeless about the whole situation. Why try to find out anything when he would receive test results after test results with a huge list of drugs in Saeran's system, when he would get told about how badly his brother's health has been neglected for years on end, and when his own family would look up at him with such a terrified expression.

With a colder look to his eyes, he stood up and headed out, still hanging his head low. After all these days, this was the first time he went out without there being an urgent need for it, even if it was only for a short time. Leaving Saeran now... He couldn't. He didn’t know what to do now and how to live on at all. What was the point of him continuing his work for the agency. But he had to finish it if he didn't want to put others in danger. He should never have forgotten this. That's not to mention the danger of Saeran being him, having his blood examined. What other choice did he have, though? It's not like he could take him out of the hospital when he was in such a critical condition. Damn it, his head was boiling again, no matter how hard he would try to concentrate and distract himself-

He felt the urge to break something.

𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭ ࣭𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂

Natasha sighed, watching Seven leave with a gloomy expression on her face. Ugh... What happened between these two? She had the idea of ​​going over to have a proper talk with Jihyun once he recovers enough for such a heavy conversation, but... Something told her that this would be a very long talk, for which she did not have the strength right now. Moreover, she felt guilty about hiding the truth from Seven. He looked very distressed... Even with her not knowing absolutely anything about the situation, she could understand that Ray was someone very important to him. Family is complicated, but... it shouldn't be this complicated, right?

However, at this moment, she should use what she has at her disposal. So, after a few more moments, she got up from her seat and wandered aimlessly towards the local cafeteria, typing out a short message to the redhaired hacker along the way that read: 'I'll bring you something to eat. I hope you feel better... If it means anything, I'm ready to listen.'

She had the impression that, if she didn't bring him any food, he would refuse to eat at all. Or, rather, just forget about it.

This situation was filled with nothing but sadness and secrets.

-Present time.-

Natasha was prepared for the next time Ray woke up. She put down her book, which she had been reading for the last hour or so, smiling a little towards the young man on the hospital bed. "Good morning!"

She tried her best to carry a positive and bright attitude with her, since Ray was so gloomy and unhappy... almost always, in fact. A sheepish laugh filled the room as she rubbed the back of her neck in an embarrassed manner.

"Yesterday you looked so upset and nervous, so I decided to give you a small gift to cheer you up a little." She pointed to a small vase placed onto his bedside table, a bouquet of various flowers placed in it in a somewhat clumsy manner. "Apparently, the clinic has a small botanical garden for patients to visit, and the personnel allowed me to bring you some flowers from it if I helped them out a little. I tried to choose the brightest ones with good meanings, so that they would brighten up your day a little."

The moment Ray woke up again, he rushed to find her with his blurry gaze. Although, before he could get all emotional over her apparently not disappearing or leaving like he expected her to, she successfully managed to distract his attention. That's good.

"For me...?"

A more genuine laugh slipped from her lips. "Well... Except for forget-me-nots. I just love forget-me-nots, and I haven't looked up their meaning. So, uh, don't pay any mind if they actually mean something bad. Other than that, I brought you some daisies, pink carnations, and white camellias! I can hand them over to you, if you want."

𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭ ࣭𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂

He already could barely hold back his tears, realizing just how kind Natasha was being to him... Again and again... His heart began to flutter in a painfully familiar way, both scaring and overjoying him. He gave her flowers countless of times, but never got the chance to receive any himself. Not like he ever thought he would. Now he simply didn't know how to react to such a heartfelt gesture. This was just too much... Way more than he deserved, especially from her.

"You even chose the meanings... For me... I- Thank you... They are so beautiful."

God, they were great. They went together so gracefully and their meanings... Oh, even her smile was so... sweet and lovely to look at. Like a mirage that would fade from his line of vision with a single blink. Ray never deserved to even stand next to her, much less receive something so meaningful from her! The former hacker started fidgeting with the sheets nervously, but he still hoped that his words would reflect the gratitude he felt.

"Thank you very much. They are truly wonderful. I... I don't know what to say, I'm sorry. It's so much... for me..." He lowered his head, feeling guilty for reacting this way to her gesture. He couldn't even thank her properly... Not like his body could move in a way he wanted it to, anyways.

"Hey, no need to apologize. I wanted to do this." Natasha smiled, making his heart squeeze in his chest.

As usual, he was useless.

𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭ ࣭𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂

The former assistant sat down on a chair near his bed and smiled. "Besides, it's the least I can do, don't worry. I don't expect anything in return. I'm sure it's not very nice to be locked up in a room like this all the time. Even I don't like visiting doctors, let alone staying in a hospital, I can't imagine how this feels like for you. How are you feeling? Does anything hurt?"

With a hint of worry in her eyes, she tilted her head to the side and assessed his condition. She had little experience with visiting hospitals... But even if she did have the universal experience of getting stuck in the hospital due to a broken leg or a stupid injury, it still hardly would have prepared her for something like this.

She never thought she would see Ray like this, that she would see any person she knew like this. But, in the end... Jihyun is still recovering from his surgery and, thankfully, seemed to be recovering well, and Ray... It hurt to even look at Ray.

She understood that she should rejoice in the simple fact of him even being alive and not suffering anything worse than this, but... Even the doctors could not say anything for sure yet, since they were never able to examine him after he woke up. She had no idea how to bring this entire topic up to him. Like a dozen of other topics, each more unpleasant than the last. So much had happened in such a short period of time that even she felt overwhelmed, and she had no idea what it was like to be in his shoes. This is only his third awakening so far, and if the first one turned out to be a disaster, then in the second one, he hardly had enough strength for a normal conversation, and she didn’t have time to tell him... anything, really.

How was she supposed to bring up such heavy topics when it's clearly not the time for it? He almost died! How can she explain what happened to Mint Eye? What his new reality entailed for him? About everything that awaited him in the hospital? About his injuries? About Rika? About everything that happened between her and Jihyun during this time? And... about Seven...? It's simply... too much! She didn't want to talk about any of this! It's... just not fair, not fair at all. But, then again, none of this was fair from the very beginning. Everything always happened too fast, too cruelly and too unfairly, and Natasha couldn't do anything about it. Only adjust to it.

The majority of his body was covered by bandages and compressions, with some areas being more dense than others. She did not know the details of his burns and injuries... But even a fool would see that everything was quite serious. The dressings on his head, covering one half of his face, involuntarily would bring to mind the worst of thoughts, but... it seemed like, by some miracle, he did not lose his eye. Ugh, she really should find out more about his condition.

She sighed, biting her lip and squeezing her hands in her lap, as if she wanted to say something. She had no idea what words were stuck on the tip of her tongue. There was simply too much she wanted to say and not enough time to say it all.

"Ray I-"

She stopped mid-sentence. Her gaze became fixed on the modest bouquet she had brought him, and then on his left hand, where the white bandages that were now painfully familiar covered his skin. Suddenly, she found a huge lump forming in the middle of her throat, restricting her ability to breathe. Everything seemed to fall back onto her shoulders again in a second.

"Natasha...?" Ray's voice sounded muffled through the rising white noise filling her senses.

The horrifying news of what Rika had done to Jihyun, the general panic that set in right after, the alarming messages she got from Ray, the disgusting twisting in her stomach as she raced along the rough mountain roads, praying to all the Gods there were for her not crash the car on the way. The deafening roar of the explosion and the cursed stench of smoke, which now always would make her hands tremble whenever she smelled something burning. The way this very same acrid smoke penetrated her lungs, burned her nose and throat, as it seemed to her that she would simply suffocate and die right then and there, unable to save or help anyone. The sight of Ray, bloodied, burned, and barely breathing in her lap - something that now remained forever ingrained into her memory, haunting her nightmares ever since. Nightmares where he... where everything ends very differently and way more tragically. The way his blood was all over her clothes and her hands as she desperately tried to keep the pressure on one of his worst wounds on their way to the hospital.

And how... how that long wait felt. Not knowing what answer awaited her. Not knowing anything.

This time, Natasha couldn't put on a strong facade like she did for him last time. It was not possible for her to smile and calm him.

Instead, large, ugly tears rolled down her cheeks without any signs of stopping, and, with one hoarse pitiful sob, Natasha bent over in her chair, lowering her head in front of him and letting the salty drops fall onto the white sheets, leaving behind tiny spots of gray.

"I'm really- Really sorry."

Her voice sounded quiet and weak. Vulnerable. She understood that her stupid tears would not solve anything, that she needed to be his pillar of support right now, that she needed to explain to him as much as possible and help with all his burdens, but... She just... couldn't. She was weak. She was not at all as strong as Jihyun, Jumin and the rest of RFA saw her as.

She took a shuddering, shaky breath, one that burned her lungs in a painfully similar way they burned on that cursed day. She was like a little child trying to hold back her tears, but only failing in the process. Incoherent words rolled out of her mouth like a waterfall.

"I never- I didn't think- Ray..." It seems that only now had she fully realized what could have happened, and what it truly meant for her to be able to call him by his name like that. Ugh... She was a complete disaster. She clung to his name, refusing to let go, like it was a mantra.

Ray seemed to open his mouth to try and say something, but nothing came out. Or, maybe she simply didn't hear it. Neither option would surprise her.

"Ray, Ray, Ray..."

He was still alive. He was here. He was okay. It was just a name. And yet, it felt like something much bigger now. Proof that he was real, and not just a dream or a hallucination.

Another trembling sob wrecked her body, and Natasha clutched a small piece of the blanket in her hands, as if trying to ground herself with it. "I'm just- I-I'm so glad you're alive. I'm so glad I get to see you again."

In a state of emotional turmoil, harsh words almost came out.

What motivated you to do such a thing? What were you thinking?

Fortunately, she had enough self-control to resist those impulsive thoughts. Instead, she sniffled, continuing to let fresh tears fall from her eyes.

Ah... This was the first time she cried since the whole thing happened. She just realized it now. Maybe that's why she was feeling so overwhelmed?

"I... I... I missed you too, you know."

You're so stupid.

"Don't go anywhere. Not... not like that, do you hear me? Stay. Stay with me and don't do anything- to yourself. Please..."

The last words she spoke caused scary images to appear before her eyes, which is why she immediately closed them, not wanting to see any of them. Not wanting to even think about them. What did he think about back then, in the last seconds before the bomb went off...? Was he scared? Or had he already become so resigned to this outcome that he was waiting for it? She didn't want to know.

As she thought about it, a lump of bile rose violently in her throat.

Why did everything... have to end up like this...?

𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭ ࣭𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂

Ray's expression slowly shifted from concern to something akin to panic as he saw tears appear in her eyes. He never saw her cry before... Not in front of him. It made his whole body grow cold with dread. He didn't understand what happened. What did he do to cause such a reaction in her? Usually he tried not to move a single muscle to avoid the pain, but, now, he automatically put his hand on the top of her head. The pain from this movement did return, but in a dulled out form, as he was focusing on something else right now. And yet her last words gave him a hint, making him feel sick to his stomach from the memory. He didn't expect... that someone would care about him like that. But, now he noticed how pale her face was, her eyes, which had completely lost their former dazzling shine of emerald green he loved so much, her usually neatly brushed out hair now tied in a messy bun that did not look comfortable at all. All this was the result of stress, shock and many hours spent here, next to him. It's... his fault. Her pain was his fault.

“What happened, Natasha? Don’t... Don’t cry, I beg you. Is it because of me? Don't. Don't cry for me, please."

At that time, he believed that no one needed him. She left with V, Mint Eye was destroyed, he was left all alone. He didn't think... that she would return to him. If it weren't for her, he wouldn't have woken up again. This thought gave rise to an unpleasant feeling in his chest. Although... He still wasn't sure of anything. He had little understanding of all the consequences his final decision would bring him. What would happen to him now, what was to come. He didn't have time to think about it, and he deliberately avoided the topic as if nothing had happened. But he wouldn't be able to deny it for long: he changed when he made up his mind back in Magenta, and he changed when he woke up again.

Don't go?

What would have happened to her if she didn’t make it? Natasha was with him all this time, every day, she sat here and waited for him to wake up. He put her through hell, and he didn't even know how much damage he caused her on that fateful day. What if he died in her arms. What would have happened to her then? How would he hurt her? Would she blame herself for his death? Crushing guilt filled his entire being. He was so selfish... These questions were too difficult for him to answer.

"Forgive me, I didn't mean to... hurt you." He looked down blankly. "Do you consider me that important to you? I made you go through so much. You should hate me by now... Why do you suffer so much for me?"

Both of them had a lot to discuss.

#mystic messenger #mysmes #mysme #mm #saeran choi #vae ray #vae saeran #vae ray x cmc #saeran x cmc #vae ray x oc #saeran x oc #oc natasha stakh #vae ray x natasha #saeran x natasha #will add an ao3 link once i post the series there 💀 #anyways WOOO big project done i am happy #idk if the constant switching of pov is interesting to read so i might drop it in the later chapters??? i don't know??? we'll see #self indulged cmc writing go!!

[natasha-in-space]

My laptop got unplugged before I could save my progress... Guess this will remain a sketch forever now, sob

Anyway, a scene from a rp I did with a friend recently. Ray often ends up taking Natasha's doze of elixir if she gets in trouble with the Savior. She does not appreciate him putting his safety on the line like that. He hates the idea of her getting hurt in turn. They end up having an emotional argument instead of working.

#mystic messenger #mysmes #mysme #mm #saeran choi #ray choi #mystic messenger ray #ray x oc #saeran x oc #oc natasha stakh #ray x natasha #saeran x natasha #they are my skrunklies #fun fact this does not happen from the start #she does take the elixir a few times since becoming his assistant - but stops once he comes to care for her deeper #and she does not feel bad enough to try to stop him at first either #ray's journey is from obsession to love while natasha's is from self-preservation to selflessness

[natasha-in-space]

So. Warriors AU for Saeyoung and his MC.

*pulls up a chair* 😻

Ohohoho, you have come to the right place for that particular brainrot! I had my own warrior cats au for mm for several years now, I just never really shared it 'cause it's super self-indulgent and I suck at writing cats interacting with each other organically. So! Gonna share the basics of my storyline, and how it could go, as well as introduce you to our lovable cast in their kitty forms.

I honestly see the story playing out similarly to the very first arc of warriors cats, as in, mc is an outsider that gets thrust into the clanlife and has to figure themselves out as they adjust to this change. It also allows for the reader to really immerse themselves into the story without feeling confused since you're experiencing this new world together with the protagonist! If we're talking romance with Saeyoung-kitty, a kittypet mc is a very neat idea! It gives a very fun contrast to these two as they slowly get to know each other throughout the story. Saeyoung had a rough life... the scars on his fluffy red pelt are a good proof of that. But mc? They've lived their entire life up until this point being loved and pampered by their two-legs. Still, they've always dreamed of something more... like a prophesy they had to fulfill. And the kindness their two-legs have given them became the reason behind mc's determination to see good in every cat they meet.

Similarly to the casual story in mm, mc gets lured into the forest by a mysterious white tomcat... promising them a life of excitement and adventure. But, as they walk further and further into the dense forest, it becomes harder and harder to make out their surroundings, and it doesn't take long for the unknown cat to seemingly disappear into the darkness like a ghost (which is rather impressive considering his white pelt). Mc is left scared and lost, surrounded by unfamiliar scents and sounds. It's hard to know your way around the forest! Warrior apprentices take moons to learn that skill. They stumble through the forest underbrush, meowing for the white tomcat to come back, but oh no! It looks like they stumbled right into a fox den! It's a good thing their horrified yowl attracts the attention of the nearby patrol. A flash of red flashes before mc's eyes and suddenly there's another cat! They throw themselves fiercely at the fox, clawing at its muzzle until it gives up and scatters away, yapping and tucking its tail in between its legs. And wouldn't you know, that's none other than Saeyoung! Long story short, that's how mc ends up in Sunclan (RFA). While it's rare to accept a kittypet into a clan... they do need more warriors in their ranks to keep themselves safe and fed. Besides, it seems like their leader is rather adamant on mc becoming their newest member. I wonder why...?

With that small intro into the story out of the way, here is our entire gang and their respective descriptions! I already have saved up cats I use for them in clangen, so I will use them as an example of their appearance. If any of you are interested in playing with your own warriors cats clans, check out an amazing fanmade game project by @/officialclangen!

Saeyoung:

Saeyoung is the deputy of Sunclan named Swiftclaw, honoring his high skill in battle and his deep loyalty to his clan. Oddly enough, while every cat in the clan respects him deeply, he doesn't seem that eager to become leader one day. In fact, he tends to keep a very low profile at gatherings, sitting tucked away in the shadows and grooming his pelt, as if he's trying to hide his appearance from other cats as much as possible. Rumors say that the only reason Swiftclaw has become deputy of Sunclan in the first place is because of a grave secret he and his leader share. What is that secret, you may ask? Who knows. Swiftclaw is a mysterious cat without any known blood relatives, although he considers his leader to be his adoptive father.

Yoosung:

Yoosung is a young medicine cat named Cloverberry after his boundless energy and willingness to help every cat in need. He had to become a full medicine cat without fully completing his training once his former mentor, who had also been his beloved cousin, mysteriously disappeared. Cloverberry is a bit clumsy on his paws, but he is determined to keep his clan safe and healthy. It's what his mentor would have wanted for them... So, despite his grudge against their apathetic leader, he does his best to honor his mentor's legacy and tend to every cat in need with all the care they deserve. He's one of the first cats to fully accept mc into the clan and he's eager to help them adjust, as well as teach them about the nature of Starclan.

Zen:

Zen is a beautiful tomcat named Echoblossom, honoring his charisma and determination. He's a well-trained warrior who has joined Sunclan after escaping from his cruel two-legs in his former home. Despite being a kittypet, his skills in hunting and battle are undeniable and he has earned himself a respectable reputation both among his classmates as well as in other clans. He has been suggested for the role of the deputy once, but he denied it, stating that he couldn't imagine anyone protecting their clan better than Swiftclaw. Echoblossom is warm and friendly towards mc once they join the clan, since they both come from a past of kittypet life, although their experiences are quite different. He's a charismatic and flirty tomcat who can easily fool any opponent with a sway of his tail and a quiet purr that will leave his rival utterly flabbergasted.

Jaehee:

Jaehee is a diligent warrior named Featherbreeze after her coolheadedness in the face of danger and her responsible approach to her duties. She's often the voice of reason amidst a recent conflict and she keeps a close eye on the state of the camp, making sure that everything's in order. It'll take her some time to warm up to mc, as she doesn't believe that a coddled kittypet like them will even survive the next Leaf Bare, but once she sees how much more livelier her clanmates have become with their arrival... she'll keep an open mind. She's also the one tasked with mentoring mc through their adjustment to their new clan life, as she's a naturally great teacher and has a very patient attitude. Don't let her quiet demeanor fool you, though. She's one of the fiercest warriors in battle, and once took on a badger solo!

Jumin:

Jumin is a respectable mediator named Crowfur, honoring his intelligence and devotion to his clan. In case this sounds confusing, mediator is a fairly new role cats can take up in the clans in the newest arcs! Mediators are tasked with solving disagreements, disputes and unjust situations between other cats, regardless whether these are happening between their own clanmates, or with other clans. In other words, mediator is a role that takes responsibility on keeping the clan just and peaceful. Although, the last few moons, Crowfur took on a far more important role in his clan. Ever since the disappearance of their former medicine cat, who has also been their leader's beloved mate, Crowfur acts as a temporary leader figure in the clan, both because he wants their leader to grieve in peace and because he doesn't want to see his clan in disarray. He's a very responsible and coolheaded cat who will ensure his clan's safety no matter what. While he may come off as cold, he's fiercely loyal and is willing to lend a paw to any cat who, in his eyes, needs to be reassured.

Jihyun:

Jihyun is the current leader of Sunclan named Miststar after his caring nature and close connection to Starclan. Formerly, he was known as a just and kind leader who was always involved in his clanmate's affairs and kept a good peace between other clans, no matter how tough the seasons would get. However, after the disappearance of his beloved mate and an unfortunate accident that left his eyesight forever damaged, he's been spending most of his time either curled up in his den or wandering the territory where no one can guess where he is. This left Sunclan feeling distant and disappointed in their leader, although there are many cats who still keep their faith in Miststar and his abilities. Miststar was formerly a kittypet, just like mc and Echoblossom, which is why he is so willing to give a chance to other cats who want to escape from their former lives. Not much is known about this cat, and those who are still close to him, refuse to share any of his secrets. There are rumors that Miststar had made enemies with a vicious group of rogues who are planning on attacking the clans... But, that sounds like nothing but mousedung, right? And are those burn marks on his pawpads? What could have caused those to appear?

Rika:

Rika is the leader of an outsider clan by the name of 'Moonclan'. Although she calls herself a leader, she hasn't been granted her 9 lives by Starclan, and her clan is not considered as an accepted part of the rest of the clans. She named herself Duskstar, promising to the inky sky above that her rule will bring an end to the scorching sun that only hurts the lives of countless of innocent cats. Formerly a medicine cat of another clan, she has been tormented all of her life by being rejected by Starclan. Despite her willingness to help those in need, Starclan denied her time and time again, refusing to communicate with her and not granting her any visions a proper medicine cat is supposed to experience. She's been ostracized from her former clan for her refusal to give up her medicine cat position, and that's how she first met Miststar... a cat she eventually fell in love with. She became a well-loved medicine cat in Sunclan despite her inability to communicate with Starclan. Still, her resentment for the starry cats above continued to grow overtime, until it started to harm her relationship with Miststar. She was envious of him. He was blessed by Starclan from kithood, often telling her stories of his wonderful endeavors with their ancestors. It wasn't fair. Nobody knows what happened between these two mates... However, Duskstar holds no love for Miststar any longer. Her goal is to free the clans from the cruel paws of Starclan and the rules they install onto every kit being born inside any of the clans. Moonclan consists of rogues, former kittypets, abandoned kits, ostracized warriors and loners - those who are rejected and shunned by Starclan as undeserving of their blessings, just like Duskstar once was. But, while her goal is righteous... is truly the right thing to do?

Saeran (Unknown):

Saeran is the second cat in command of Moonclan, a small scrawny tomcat named Tatteredheart, a name given to him by Duskstar herself to always remind him of the way his destiny wronged him. He's a battered and heavily scarred tomcat who's fiercely loyal to his leader. He's the one that leads mc into Sunclan's territory and he is going to keep an eye on them throughout their stay. Tatteredheart will visit mc in late hours of the night, learning about any important affairs inside of the clan and instructing them on what to do next. It's easy to convince an oblivious kittypet with a heart of gold that they're doing a good thing, and it's not like he's lying to them! But, he has a personal grudge against Swiftclaw and Miststar... and he is not going to be pleased to find that his pawn seems to be courting that traitorous deputy of Sunclan. But, why does he hate Swiftclaw this much? And where did he get all of these horrible scars? Mc will have to find that out themselves. A horrible secret is brewing right underneath their nose, they just have to put the clues together and find it.

Vanderwood:

Vanderwood is a battlescarred rogue named Boulder. They seem to be very well acquainted with Swiftclaw for some reason, to the point where the deputy of Sunclan won't mind them strolling through the territory of his clan and snacking on a squirrel or two. These two will meet up occasionally where none of the other clanmates are there to see them... But, nobody knows why. Boulder is a very skilled and smart fighter, though, and their claws will definitely come in handy once the peaceful clan life that Sunclan has established for itself will inevitably be put in danger. (Couldn't put a pic for them 'cause of tumblr's limit for pics but Vandy is a large dark brown tabby!) 

Bonus round for my oc's, 'cause hey, if I'm going all in, why hold back!? :D

Natasha:

Natasha is a former loner named Flowerpelt. She takes on a role that is similar to a traditional medicine cat in Moonclan, although she does her best to follow the strict rules of Duskstar and not mention a thing about Starclan or medicine cats. She is someone who lacks skills or determination in battle, but is quick on her paws and observant enough to notice any cat limping or hissing in pain after an intense sparring session. Her knowledge in herbs is completely self-taught, and she has no concrete knowledge on the traditional clan life, or why is it as bad as Duskstar says... Although, secretly, she wishes things could be more peaceful, so that no cat had to be hurt, even if it's for the greater good. Especially as she applies a new compression made up of bindwind onto Tatteredheart's flank, purring softly to ease his pain. She could be a good ally for mc, should they ever meet.

Chaewon:

Chaewon is a fierce battlescarred cat named Smokefur, a name she chose for herself after successfully defeating a fox solo to prove herself. She's a former rogue who has met Duskstar back when she was still Sunclan's medicine cat. She's an experienced and vicious battle cat who's loyal to Duskstar almost to a fault. She's often the one cat tasked with dirty work like punishing traitors or training new recruits. While it may seem like there's nothing to her but sharp claws and fangs, it's only once the night falls and the rest of their members are tucked neatly in their respective nests, when Smokefur can be seen curled up protectively around Duskstar, licking her golden fur clean and purring so loud almost her whole body vibrates.

#mystic messenger #mysmes #mysme #mm #yoosung kim #zen ryu #jaehee kang #jumin han #saeyoung choi #jihyun kim #saeran choi #rika kim #mm vanderwood #oc natasha stakh #oc chaewon lee #i am a huge warriors nerd so this was bound to happen eventually jftjftht #also yes starclan is evil #both because i hate starclan in canon warrior cats and because i find it interesting #they rejected rika because she was 'not supposed' to become a medicine cat and she sort of messed up their plans #'cause the wanted for another cat to take her place #and yes rika is also wrong #i love when there's no completely right side in the story #rika's intentions are good but she becomes more and more obsessed and cruel as time goes by #by that point all she cares about is her idea of justice #and yes i know some of these pelt colors don't make sense IT'S FOR FUN #oh and medicine cats can have mates in my story 'cause that rule is dumb and i hate it #warrior code is dumb overall

[natasha-in-space]

"I wonder what kind of flower is that... It's so pretty!"

Natasha couldn't help but giggle as she saw Saeran's golden eyes widen in pure wonder. It seems like his insatiable curiosity would only grow with time. Or, rather, there was no more fear stopping his curiosity from coming through. "Hm, I don't know! How about we ask grandpa Alan? He knows all sorts of stuff! And, it is his garden after all."

Saeyoung looked up from the hefty astronomy encyclopedia he was engrossed in before, quickly jumping into conversation at the mention of the witty old man all three of them now collectively called their 'grandpa', by his own insistence, of course. "He knows all about stars, animals and flowers? Is there anything he doesn't know?"

"Well... Uh... I guess he doesn't know how to cook! Or maybe he just doesn't like it... But, I never saw him cook anything before." Natasha noted, tapping her chin in thought. Now that they were talking about this, she's pretty sure that grandpa Alan doesn't even own an oven. How weird is that? There's no greater joy than serving a delicious meal you made with your own two hands. At least, that's how it was for her.

"Still, this flower is strange... I never saw one with such bright colors." Saeran's voice was barely audible as he mumbled to no one in particular but himself, all of his attention focused solely on the oddly shaped flower swaying playfully in the wind, almost like it was finding his confusion endearing. He didn't even notice Natasha shuffling closer from the other corner of the tiny garden as she too now studied the aforementioned small plant. Looks like he was completely lost in his own little world. Not like her or Saeyoung minded that in any way. Both of them were happy to see the timid boy feel comfortable enough to indulge in his interests.

"...Maybe it's... magical?" The girl suggested, a silly little smile slowly making its way onto her face as she awaited for a response of some kind from the redheaded boy. It was unclear whether she was joking or not, but, judging by the way her fingers would occasionally drum against the sides of the plastic water can she held in her arms, this was her idea of playful banter. Though, Saeyoung was the only one that caught on her plans, snickering under his breath.

Her sense of humor was pretty odd.

Still, this was the perfect opportunity for something he was planning on doing for a while now. Reaching stealthily into the small backpack laying haphazardly to the side, he pulled out a small polaroid camera he snuck in from the thrift store all three of them visited about a week ago. He's been tinkering away at it for days now, determined to make it work again, no matter how long it'll take him. And so, lifting the fragile little camera into his hands, he snapped a picture of Saeran and Natasha, quickly making them both turn their heads to the sudden shutter sound.

"Hyun? Is that a... camera?" Saeran blinked, obviously a bit confused by what just happened. Though, his older twin was far too giddy by the mere fact of it finally working as he saw a small picture starting to print out. So he did fix it!

"Yeah! The one I found back in the thrift shop, remember?" Saeyoung's grin was practically reaching his ears now as he glanced up at his closest friends, eager to see their respective reactions.

"I thought it was broken!" Natasha exclaimed, her eyes growing wide.

A rather smug look crossed over Saeyoung's freckled features as he fixed his glasses in a sophisticated manner before giving out a reply. "It was broken, but I fixed it! Look, it even prints out pictures as soon as you take them. It's called a polaroid camera. Now we have something for us to look back on in the future when we're all grown up!"

He was obviously feeling quite proud of his achievement, showing off the printed picture once it was done. It was only when all three of them looked at the image more closely did they notice a small bird perched up proudly right on the top of Natasha's head. How long was it sitting there? Either way, it made both of the twins giggle as she quickly got all embarrassed over not noticing such an odd thing before.

It was an afternoon filled with laughs and smiles.

----

"Is this...?"

Natasha mumbled, carefully lifting up a worn out photo she recognized as soon as she saw it, tucked in the corner of a fairytale book. It was a bit crumbled and scratched in some places, but it was obvious that it took a lot of care and patience to keep it in such a relatively good condition.

Saeyoung's eyes widened as soon as he saw her holding the book in one hand and the photo in another. No words were needed as they stared back at one another. This was a moment from the past neither of these former childhood friends ever forgot. And, seeing it like this... was the perfect proof of him genuinely caring for Saeran, regardless of what the 'Savior' has told him.

Natasha swallowed dryly, her hands trembling as she carefully placed the book onto the nearest table. Her voice was barely above a whisper.

"...You never forgot about us, isn't that right?"

[Ref. used by @ANIFORCE_PUSAN on Twitter!]

#mystic messenger #mysmes #mysme #mm #saeran choi #saeyoung choi #oc natasha stakh #saeran x cmc #saeran x oc #cheritz's theme for this year's birthdays got me cooking up a childhood friends au for all of my cmc's and nobody can stop me >:) #anyway uhhh #happy late birthday to the choi twins??? #it's not really birthday themed but it is inspired by the cg so #i guess that counts! #also i didn't proofread this one so sorry if there are any mistakes #it's not really a full blown drabble so yeah :)

[natasha-in-space]

Girly pop <3

#oc natasha stakh #she's rotating in my head every day #i swear i will figure out how clothing folds work one of these days

[natasha-in-space]

What? Character moodboards in 2023? More likely than you'd think! Had a sporadic decision to spruce up some moodboards for my characters, so might as well share them for funsies :)

I love how Natasha's moodboard gives off this comfy autumn vibes. Green and yellow are very much her colors. Very cozy and comforting. I'd like to share a cup of coffee with her. Autumn is actually her favorite season thanks to all the warm foods you can cook up, so the occasion is very much fitting! Also, fun fact: those pics of the nature scenery are ones I took myself! It's nice to live so close by to a park. Picrew link.

And Chaewon's... Oh, Chaewon, I love you and your dark edgy vibes. I really do. I certainly wouldn't want to get on her bad side. Black and blue (or in this case mint) just go so well together, I can't help but love it. While I wanted to keep these moodboard separate from their stories, Chaewon's life gets so intertwined with all that is Mint Eye, that it would be a disservice to overlook it. Aren't you tired of being nice? Don't you just want to go ape shit? Picrew link.

Who knows, maybe I'll make these for other mm characters when I feel like it? 👀 It would be fun to make moodboards for their relationships with their partners as well. We'll see, we'll see!

#oc natasha stakh #oc chaewon lee #i only recently realized how nice it is to have my oc info stacked on my blog #i can just type in a tag whenever i feel uninspired #so there will definitely be more of these to come! #i love my silly little characters

[natasha-in-space]

Charmed

Butler!SE Saeran/princess!cmc Natasha Stakh;

Saeran is a devoted butler to the young princess Natalie, the only way for him to escape his father's clutches and live a somewhat free life. He was resolved to this being his new normal, having no choice but to do what is expected of him, or face ruthless consequences. What he wasn't expecting is to eventually find himself feeling more affection for the very same princess he is meant to serve, than is allowed.

AO3 link.

Picrews used for the banner: Saeran, Natasha

Becoming a butler for the royal family is not something Saeran had done by choice. In fact, the mere thought of dedicating his entire existence to serving someone who was inherently superior to him in every way made him feel sick to his stomach. It was a rather cruel irony, really. One he had to eventually come to terms with, whether he wanted to or not. And that is the simple fact that his form of 'freedom' looked like yet another rope tied around his throat, just looser than the last one.

Despite all of his efforts, at the end of the day, he is unable to escape from his own flesh and blood.

He would never wish upon anyone to be born a bastard. His life has been already preplanned for him even before he took his first breath. Simply because of the identity of his parents. His father, to be more exact. A man with enough power under his fingertips to rid himself of anyone he deemed unfit to be associated with his image. For reasons both big and small. He and his brother had to survive in a state of fear, hunger, and isolation for as long as he can remember. Living out their childhood years in fear of being pursued and killed at any corner. Their mother's constant violent outbursts and heavy drinking was only yet another morbid detail to add to this messed up painting that was their life.

And, although Saeran didn't want to admit it, deep inside, he knew Saeyoung was the only reason he was even still alive. Getting them both jobs under the royal family of a neighboring kingdom was also his brother's achievement, not his own. What frustrated Saeran most of all is all the secrecy around this 'sweet' deal. A part of him still felt bitter and hurt over Saeyoung not trusting him enough to just tell him what this deal really meant for them both. And while his older twin had the strength and resilience to become a knight... all he was good for is serving as a butler. To the young princess, to be exact.

Saeyoung would never let him get his hands on a blade, anyways.

Not the life he would have dreamed of, but... Saeran has learned not to dream anymore a long time ago.

The young man briskly makes his way through the luxurious hallways of the castle on his way to princess Natalie's bedroom in the early morning. As always, he already ensured his sharp suit looked pristine by thoroughly checking over his appearance in the long full-body mirror that was so graciously placed in his bed chambers. He would always make sure he looked acceptable to be seen before even thinking of stepping foot outside. The only thing that is out of order is his collar, which was left just slightly loose. Not enough to notice at first glance, but just enough for him to rid himself of the constant pressure against his throat that would make his fingers itch to tug the cursed tie away.

He doesn't particularly like having his clothes restrict his breathing... And these suits were rather stuffy as it is. The brushing of his red unruly locks was done somewhat hastily but gracefully nonetheless. His dark circles under his eyes were a flaw impossible to remove, though.

He is required to look presentable as a butler for a member of royalty, after all.

Finally, he reaches his destination and takes a deep breath before knocking rhythmically on the princess' door. Though, he is quickly left feeling puzzled by the lack of an answer this time around. Despite him standing by the door for a couple more minutes patiently, she never openes it to greet him like she usually would.

There is a mix of annoyance and concern filling his chest. On the one hand, he grew slightly worried about the princess. What if something had happened to her? God knows members of the royal family were always a sought-after target for all kinds of immoral things. He should know, even if he's not technically royalty. More like a dirty roach that refuses to die, no matter how much his father had tried over the years. On the other hand, however, he had a pretty good idea on what was likely going on here. And he was not particularly fond of it. Saeran sheds a heavy sigh.

He would rather not have her hurt in any way, but he thought he had taught her better than that at this point. If his guess is indeed correct, it was definitely for someone of the royal family. Then again, Natalie - or, Natasha as she has asked him to call her behind closed doors, much to his own bewilderment - was never that becoming of a conventional member of the royal family.

Although he has a gruff huff falling from his lips, Saeran still enters her bedroom without any further warning. He doesn't feel at all surprised when what he sees is a big lump huddled on the bed, hidden under the fluffy covers and not caring about a single thing happening around it. With a roll of his eyes, he slams the door shut, a bit louder than necessary, in order to wake the unlucky princess when he approached her bed.

"...You're supposed to be awake by this time, you know?"

"-Wah!"

The aforementioned princess instantly jolts upright with a startled squeak in response to the loud slam of the door, looking around with panicked and disoriented eyes. If there was any doubt in Saeran's mind before now, it has disappeared by now. She was obviously sound asleep. Once she sees that Saeran was the source of her sudden awakening, though, she lets out a huge breath of relief and falls back onto the bed, groaning from her jerky movements just now.

"I, uh... overslept. A little." She mumbles groggily, sounding almost like a guilty child who just got caught stealing from the cookie jar.

Saeran can only roll his eyes for the second time this morning, crossing his arms over his chest. Sometimes he seriously wonders how in the world had she managed to survive in the ruthless world of royalty up until now. Nothing about her screams of pompous nobility, except for her extravagant surroundings. Whether this is a good thing, or a bad thing, he isn't so sure.

"You overslept? Overslept, huh...? How very, very unbecoming of you." He says sternly. "What if it was the Queen who had entered your chambers instead of me? You'd be punished for sure."

He walks on over towards the princess, still laying under her fluffy blankets on the bed, getting ever closer to her as he spoke. "Am I not guiding you properly? I told you yesterday to be sure to wake up early in the morning. To dress and be ready. You have an important day ahead of you. And what do you do instead?"

It is a rather peculiar scene. A butler scolding his princess. Though, their dynamic was almost backwards. In a way, Saeran never thought much of the fact that he could behave like this towards the one he was meant to serve, and not worry about getting punished. In fact, in the last six months of his service to her, Natasha had never once used her inherent position of power over him.

Maybe that's why he is so open with her.

"It's not like I can control it! Not my fault I sleep like a log..." Natasha whines, rubbing the sleep from her eyes as she sits back up in bed, her long hair cascading messily down her back and shoulders. "Usually Mrs. Brown wakes me up... But, she left on a trip with my father yesterday, so I have to wake up on my own. And I found this very interesting book last night, and I swear intended to go to sleep right after reading a couple of chapters, but..."

Saeran sighs. From what he has learned so far, Mrs. Brown was Princess Natalie's personal maid from her young age, serving her with the utmost devotion a servant could possess within them. In fact, castle rumors have it that the princess considers Mrs. Brown to be more of a mother figure than the Queen herself. It was probably not so surprising, considering that Mrs. Brown was there by her side as she grew up throughout the years, while her mother was always too preoccupied with her royal duties.

He thinks there are definitely some drawbacks to being royalty. He refuses to let her slack off like that, though. It is his duty to keep the princess in check. Especially over something like this. So, he keeps it up with his scolding tone.

"You still don't wake alone?" There is a hint of irritation in his tone when he says it. "Even so, why are you still in your nightgown? Don't you ever get ready in the morning? Or do you need someone to do it for you?"

He continues to move closer. As he does, he notices how messy her hair looked... Princess Natalie's luscious dark hair reached all the way down to her waist in length, but it was usually put up into a proper hairstyle fit for a princess. Right now, though, she looks almost like an average young woman who just woke up in her bed with bedhair and all. And, paradoxically, he can't help but note how pretty she looked in spite of it. Or maybe because of it. He finds this to be more authentic than anything he has seen from her yet.

His heart rate increases slightly.

"Didn't I tell you to dress... like... proper royalty is supposed to do?"

"I just woke up!" Natasha huffs at him a little. And, admittedly, she has a point. He is starting to talk nonsense, for whatever reason.

That only makes him double down on his approach, though.

"Still!" Saeran says. "Do you know what would happen if anyone else saw you in this... state?"

He looks around, feeling oddly upset about the idea. It was a serious source of frustration for him. Or maybe that's what he'd like to think.

"It's improper, unbecoming-"

He pauses his rant abruptly, but his attention is piqued by her sleepy green eyes staring back up at him in a mix of confusion and slight irritability. He leans closer to examine them. Now that he thinks about it, he never saw Natasha be genuinely angry before. She would grow frustrated at his scoldings, yes, but instead of screaming at him or using her authority over him, she would just pout and huff. Like they were not a mere a servant and a princess. Like they were actual equals who could allow themselves to be direct and honest with each other.

Honesty was something he lacked in his life.

"...You look adorable." He mumbles without any thought. His musings don't make him any less upset, but... he can't help admiring her.

He doesn't even realize he actually said his inner thoughts outloud. Not until he sees her reaction.

She blinks, clearly astonished by his sudden comment. It probably seemed pretty obvious that he didn't even intend to say that outloud. Which is exactly the case.

"Uh... Thank... you...?" She replies rather clumsily, clearly unsure of how to respond to that. Curse their shared ineptness at dealing with compliments.

Saeran quickly comprehends what he actually just said after witnessing her reaction. He feels embarrassed. He quickly looks away to collect himself, clearing his throat and ignoring the heat rushing to his cheeks.

Better act like nothing happened.

"So... do you have a specific gown in mind for today?" In an effort to stay on track, he asks. "The Queen will be here in 10 minutes. You still haven't even started getting ready."

He is still embarrassed by what he said, which is exactly why he is so eager to change the focus of the conversation as soon as possible.

Her eyes quickly go wide, and all signs of sleep disappear almost in an instant.

"In ten minutes!? Why didn't you say so from the start!?"

Natasha almost leaps out of bed, with the utmost grace of a young doe, hastily opening her closet doors and grabbing the very first gown she touches. It seems like the notion of being chewed out by her mother first thing in the morning quickly rids her of her morning sleepiness. He should keep that in mind for future... incidents.

Particularly as this is definitely not the first time this has happened.

Saeran's eyebrows raise slightly when she reacts so abruptly to his comment. He can't help but admire her speed, though, as he observes her quickly looking for a gown to wear.

"That's what I was trying-" As she finds a dress for today, he stops speaking. His eyes widen ever so slightly as he takes in the dress and its... details. "Uh... not that gown. That won't do."

His words come out in an awkward gruff mumble, and his heart suddenly beats faster in his chest, for a reason completely unknown to him. Just a natural response to her peculiar choice in garments. Nothing else.

Natasha only groans, though, seemingly not noticing his rather stunted response whatsoever. "I don't have time to sort through my wardrobe. Whatever gown I grabbed will have to do."

And so, she simply dashes into her closet, not even giving him a chance to call out after her or respond. He is supposed to help her get dressed, since they were in such a predicament... But, it seems like she was just fine with doing so on her own. In fact, she works rather quickly to change out of her nightgown and slip into the dress she has grabbed. Saeran was content to just sigh and focus his antsy energy on making her bed while she changes. With a huff, she soon darts out of the closet after approximately five or so minutes, much to his amazement. Even though he can clearly observe several flaws he'll have to fix for her later. His eye was always better trained to notice these small but important details, after all.

He looks down at her figure, inspecting the gown as it sits upon her now. The dress is crafted from fine silk, in sleek shades of blue and black, accentuated by a silver trim. The fabric hugs her petite body in all the right ways, its cut allowing for subtle movements without compromising modesty. Though it is still a modest design, the fit and fabric gives it a somewhat seductive air nonetheless. But, at the moment, she is obviously far too focused on avoiding her mother's annoying lectures to care. Without noticing his rather blatant staring, she hurriedly grabs a comb and attempts to reshape her hair.

It appears that she was not performing well. Her hair is far too long and thick for it to accommodate such jerk and rash movements.

Saeran finds himself quietly chuckling and shaking his head. Did she lack all knowledge on how to take care of herself properly? How ungraceful of her. For some reason, he finds it appealing to observe, though.

He likes her ungraceful and fumbling like this.

Saeran observes her getting ready for a few self-indulgent moments. He has to admit that she looked really pretty. Not that he'd ever tell her that. At least, he hopes so, considering that earlier incident of him just blurting out his inner thoughts to her without any filter put in place.

He looks away, but he can't help sneaking a look at her waist while she is fixing the dress and trying on some loose ribbons. How she looks at this moment is making him feel... funny... and he feels very much embarrassed about it.

"I can help you get your hair looking proper..." He mumbles softly, his voice quiet and barely audible.

"Oh, please do." Natasha responds, putting her hands on the table while sighing. He is able to observe that she is already feeling quite tired. Which isn't all that surprising, since she just jumped out of bed so quickly and had to get ready in such a hurry. Moving so rashly without giving her body a chance to fully wake up is not good for her well-being. He supposes that the thought of dealing with another lecture on proper etiquette from her mother is much more intimidating for her, though.

Saeran sighes as he observes her exhaustion. Without a doubt, this princess was a different sort of breed entirely.

He walkes on slowly towards her and starts combing through her long locks of hair, making careful adjustments here and there. Despite his gruff tone, his touch is oddly light and careful. Not a single tug can be felt, and his fingers effortlessly work through each individual knot with the grace only the finest of servants could brag about. Then again, he was considered one of the most valued staff in the castle due to his skills alone. Believe it or not, he is more than capable of maintaining the proper appearance of a perfect butler.

He is able to breathe freely when he is alone with princess Natalie behind closed doors, however. Maybe a part of him is taking care of her by his own volition at this point in time... He isn't so sure anymore.

"How did you get it this messy? You're like a bird's nest." He mumbles, attempting to avoid looking at her exposed neck while working on her hair. He is putting in a lot of effort. Maybe a bit too much.

Why does it appear so smooth and soft, anyway?

"I slept." Natasha replies clearly. Well, he can't really say much about that.

"...Of course you did." Saeran murmurs.

After verifying that her hair is smooth and free of any more knots, he carefully braids it into a bubble braid. He doesn't want to completely put her hair up like it usually is today, for some reason. He likes it better like this. It fit her better. When completed, he takes a small step back and keeps adjusting her hair here and there, making sure that it looks flawless, as well as fixing up some flaws on her gown.

Despite all that, he is careful not to accidentally brush his fingers against the bare skin of her neck or collarbones.

Natasha breaths out a huge sigh of relief once she knows she looks presentable enough, so that her mother won't have anything to nag her about when she inevitably comes in. "Oh thank God. I thought I was a goner."

Saeran tries not to laugh.

"Now," He utters, clearing his throat. "Don't ever let me see you in such an... unbecoming state again."

He tries to conceal his flustered state by clearing his throat again. Is it just him or is the air in here a bit stuffy today? He should really open up the windows once all is done.

"Go on, the Queen will arrive soon." He speaks while stepping away from her.

"Like you wake up all preppy and suited up. Then again, with how snooty you are, I will not be surprised to know that you sleep with your dress shoes still on and in full three piece suit." Natasha snorts and rolls her eyes at him in the mirror.

Saeran's breath catches in his throat. His scoldings are met with a cheeky response from her that he was not expecting. This was certainly getting improper. But that's not what is on his mind right now.

"-Shut up," No matter how hard he tries, his face flushes red again as he mumbles. "That's not how I sleep. I just-"

He gets cut off while trying to gather his bearings.

God, she got him well.

"...Don't be insolent. Get ready for the Queen. Understand?"

The merry smile now tugging at the corners of her lips suggests that his reply did not help much with his predicament.

"What? Don't like the taste of your own medicine, hm?" Natasha chuckles at his reaction, shaking her head. It is definitely fortunate that she doesn't tease him any more, instead choosing to sit on the bed and rest her head. All that panicked preparation probably left her feeling a bit woozy, especially since she literally just woke up mere minutes ago. So, he can't really blame her for wanting to take a breather for a moment or two.

Her snickers cause Saeran to narrow his eyes, though. He doesn't like being the one who gets put on the spot like that.

"Shut up," He mumbles again and moves closer to her side. He observes her sitting on her bed and then sighs, his shoulders lowering as he visibly relaxed. "Don't get too comfortable. I still need you to be ready by the time the Queen arrives."

"I will, I will." Natasha waves her hand in a dismissive manner. "I just need to rest my head for a moment, I feel all woozy after jumping straight out of bed and getting myself in check in less than ten minutes."

Saeran sighs again, his eyes fixed on her face.

"Just... don't fall asleep." He mumbles. He doesn't want to hear her snore... or, more importantly, he doesn't want to hear how cute her snores must have sounded.

...He seriously needs to clear his head.

"Who do you take me for? I don't fall asleep so haphazardly." Natasha puffs out her cheeks, seemingly feeling a bit insulted. She is not taking it seriously, of course, he can see that clear as day. Moreover, it's not like she can blame him for thinking that in the first place. She is a big disorganized mess without him there to keep her in check. And she is pretty self-aware, compared to most of her relatives. "-And you said she was going to be here in ten minutes! Who did I dress up as quickly as a racing horse for?"

"Well... The Queen didn't mention what time she'd be coming, only that she will eventually be here. And I'm glad you got dressed quickly... Because..." Saeran halts himself from saying it. He is unable to express his liking for the look of her figure, especially with the dress she is wearing.

Thankfully, the princess is far too caught off-guard by his sneaky trick to pay any mind to his wandering looks.

"What!? So I could get dressed in my own pace without any worry!? Why'd you trick me like that!?" Natasha huffs and gazes at him with clear irritation. Though, it still looks more amusing than scary. He doesn't feel any fear in her presence.

"Because... Because I'm your butler." Saeran has a slightly teasing tone in that last part, just to poke a little fun at her. "And I have to make sure that you are awake and prepared at all times, you know?”

With a smug gaze, he leans closer to her and looks at her eyes.

"Even if it meant lying to you…"

Her face is filled with an annoyed expression. She straightens her back, seemingly trying to appear like a figure of authority to him. It doesn't work. "Lying to your princess is a serious offense, Mr. Choi."

Saeran smiles, feeling pretty confident all of the sudden. He doesn't even notice that he is genuinely smiling right now. How long has it been since he showed a true smile to someone?

"But, what can the princess do about it?"

He shifts his gaze from her eyes to her lips.

"Nothing," He murmurs, almost under his breath.

He sees her eyes widen, hears her breath hitch ever so slightly, feels the air around them thicken in a way that is oddly unfamiliar to him, yet so alluring. Seconds feel like hours, and his heart is suddenly pounding so hard, he can hear it echoing in his temples.

The unmistakable sound of a door being open breaks apart the silent moment, as they both jolt apart so quickly, it's almost like they got burned by one another. Saeran is quickly thrust back into reality once he sees the Queen's firm gaze boring into him, and he wastes no time backing a proper distance away and bowing his head. His movements shakier than usual.

He doesn't know whether the Queen actually saw... whatever that was, and whether or not it will result in some consequences on his behalf. She doesn't give out any clues. Merely excusing him out of the room and turning her attention towards her daughter.

As Saeran walks through the halls, almost in a daze, a single thought keeps circling around in his head.

...What was that?

#mystic messenger #mysmes #mysme #mm #saeran choi #choi saeran #se saeran #saeran x oc #saeran x cmc #se saeran x oc #se saeran x cmc #oc natasha stakh #saeran x natasha #WOO it's done #will i turn this into a series? #no idea! #but i do want them to smooch #this is genuinely super self indulgent and i has a blast writing it #posting this at a horrible time but jftfgfh #it's fine i'll just reblog it later lmao

[natasha-in-space]

Old Melody Sang Anew

SE!Saeran/cmc Natasha Stakh;

One song has the ability to evoke the strongest of memories, and when words fail, a simple melody can convey much more than even the most elaborated speech ever could.

Eyes are considered to be the window to the soul, according to a saying. Saeran wasn't very confident about that. What's so special about the way someone looks at you? Rotten people are easy to discern, regardless of their eyes. On the other hand, once your heart is overcome with overwhelming longing to feel wanted by someone you hold dear, your own eyes will easily deceive you, making you see things that are simply not there. In the end, you will only find yourself thrown away like the blind fool you really are, left to pick up the pieces of your shattered trust.

He'd rather avoid looking into people's eyes. It hasn't done any good for him thus far. He can't remember what's it like to be looked upon with anything but negative intentions. Be it his mother's soul crushing resentment towards him, as she would sneer down at him, like he was some disgusting cockroach for her to stomp upon... or Savior's - no, Rika's - cold, unmoving stare, which so stupidly fooled him into seeing some false warmth in there that was never were. Or maybe he was the reason that warmth went away.

He did his best to ignore those kinds of thoughts these days, though.

Whenever he gazed into someone's eyes for answers, which he foolishly kept on longing for, he got hurt time and time again. So, he learned to look for truth in other methods.

He didn't need to look someone in the eye to figure out their intentions towards him. Saeran concentrated on his other senses, not just sight alone. Particularly, the sound of one's voice as they conversed with him about the matter at hand. A person's voice can reveal much more about them than you would initially think. It's simple to learn how to listen. With time, he realized that he didn't even need to see the person in order to picture them in his own mind. He could do so just by hearing their voice alone. He couldn't trust his tired eyes anymore... They were trained to see only danger and betrayal, even in some places where he was supposed to be safe and sound. But, maybe, he could trust his hearing to keep him safe a bit more reliably.

A muffled sound of singing made him stop on his way back to his bedroom, as he was eager to lock himself away before his brother would wake up from his nap and bother him again. He had already heard Natasha singing quietly to a mellow song in a language he couldn't possibly understand several times, tucked away in her tiny room in the Saeyoung's bunker they both called home now.

He never had the chance to learn any other languages except for the small bits and pieces he needed to get his work done as efficiently as possible. And it wasn't at all unusual for him to make some seemingly outlandish mistakes even in his native tongue every once in a while. There was so much he didn't get to learn about this world and how it operates... Which is yet another heavy thought to ponder over, added to a huge list of similar ones.

Regardless, the soft sound of his former assistant's singing reached his weary ears through the door and brought up some distant memories for him. He didn't mean to listen in to her private moment like that, no. Even though she never minded any violation of her personal space, however disrespectful and outlandish it was. Still, he wanted to be better than that now. Just as she needed to learn how to create healthy boundaries for herself.

It just... brought up some old memories for him. So, he shuffled quietly, pressing the palm of his hand against the door and focusing on the foreign words he couldn't possibly understand even if he tried. A wave of recollection washed over him and he let out a soft sigh before closing his eyes.

She always had a talent for singing, though she never shared it with anyone unless she felt like it. Unknown was the only person she felt comfortable enough to hum her soft melodies to, and it was strange. Neither of them really brought it up to each other ever again, but he remembers all of those unspoken moments of shared fondness between them all too well. There is a good reason why he slowly but surely came to trust her more and more as time passed them by.

Though, God only knows why she cared for him so much, even though he put her through so much. It was impossible for him to comprehend her. Why she would gently shush his delirious mumblings as the elixir mercilessly burned its way into his body and mind, making him so utterly helpless and defenceless, even after all those years spent chugging this bitter mint liquid. Why she would pull his frail body off the cold floor and put his head onto her lap, promising him that everything is going to be okay, and that the pain will soon go away.

Why did she spend hours on that freezing floor, not leaving him even for a moment as he came down from his feverish turmoil? What made her sing her quiet lullabies to him and caress his head with such a gentle touch that was completely foreign to someone like him, who had never been given such unconditional comfort? Why did she merely smile at him and act as if nothing ever happened just to keep his stupid pride intact, once he would regain his strength once more?

What motivated her to go through all that trouble for someone like him? Perhaps that's something he's been trying to find the answer to up to this day. Neither of them used any labels to their relationship, and both of them had trouble expressing their feelings outloud. He knew that they cared for each other deeply, and that was enough. Actions speak louder than words... But, paradoxically, choosing the right words to convey your true feelings is much more terrifying than acting on them.

There was no definitive word to describe their connection from them. At the very least, not yet.

Still, her voice was always earnest towards him. While Natasha was definitely on the quieter side, whenever she did tell him something from her heart, it was true, regardless of the way her voice trembled from the fear of being turned away. A fear he knew all to well. Perhaps, that's why he grew softer on her eventually. They were so different, yet so similar all the same. Perhaps he saw something in her that he wanted to keep safe. He didn't really know. Getting in touch with his own feelings and emotions was something he was only starting to learn how to do, thanks to his weekly therapy sessions his brother so graciously provided. It was both confusing and terrifying at times.

Even so, knowing that Natasha was in the same situation as him was helpful. Their struggles were the same; the only difference was in the way they expressed themselves to the cruel world around them. While he grew a hard outer shell with deadly spikes to keep the danger away, she instead chose to accept it as something she had to bear in order to survive. Neither of their methods were healthy in hindsight. He found it almost impossible to trust those around him, while Natasha refused to accept any genuine care from anyone. She stubbornly tried to get through the hurdles of life all by herself, even if it meant putting herself at risk or hurting those she loved.

At times, their approaches clashed, resulting in both major and minor conflicts. He hated the way she closed herself off from him whenever things got hard for her, making all of the worst of his inner demons and insecurities come to life. And he knew how much it hurt her to see him snap from fear disguised as anger at those closest to him, once his anxiety got the better of him. They were both still recovering and learning to live freely. When you haven't learned what it means to communicate in the first place, it's hard to start doing so in a healthy way with even those closest to you. Saeyoung faced his own struggles as well. So, they all took it one step at a time, each in their own unique way.

Oh...

Saeran's breath shook as the small voice on the other side of the door ended its song and began a new one. He slowly opened his eyes and stared blankly at the wooden surface of the door that separated him from her.

'You're okay...

You're alright'

He is intimately familiar with this one.

His body moved before he could even think through what in the world he was doing, and soon, he found himself quietly slipping into her room, padding down so cautiously, he wouldn't be at all surprised if he'd scare the living soul out of her once she would inevitably notice him standing there, not saying a word. Some part of him felt guilty for intruding onto her personal space like that, but... He chewed on his bottom lip as one simple thought formed inside of his mind.

He missed the opportunity to inquire about the meaning of the song she hummed frequently to him, and only to him. It's possible that a portion of him was too frightened to ask. He may not know what those words truly mean, but the gentlest sound of her voice conveyed everything and more that he needed to know, language barrier be damned.

'I'll never ever leave your side

Our song is this one.

I will stay...'

'And I will fight

There she was, her back turned so conveniently to him as she continued her lullaby with that soft voice of hers. She was too engrossed in doodling something in her worn out notebook to turn around and notice him. Her tendency to get lost in her own little world was almost detrimental to her safety at times. Sneaking up on her was as easy as pie. It even somewhat worried him, just how low her guard really was. But for some reason, he wanted to sneak a glance at her face right now as she sang. He was never given the chance to do that when she hummed this short song to him. Be it from him turning away from her, or his vision being too bleary to focus on anything in sight. For some reason... He wanted to see her eyes.

With you...'

Unfortunately for him, the first step he took was a clumsy one, forcing a loose floorboard to creak under his foot, albeit so quietly that it was barely audible. The young woman jumped in her cozy bed and let out a high-pitched yeep in alarm because of that hushed sound alone. Jerking around to his direction, she met his gaze with a pair of green eyes the size of dinner plates.

This is embarrassing to say the least.

When she realized who was standing in front of her, he saw her shoulders sag with relief as she exhaled shakily and laughed away her own embarrassment. She put her hand on her chest, presumably in order to calm her heart that was racing from the scare he unintentionally gave her. "Oh! It's just you, Saeran... Not going to lie, I got scared for a second there, haha. I'd die of embarrassment if Saeyoung heard me sing like that."

Saeran was at a loss for words, strangely enough. The fragile moment of unspoken vulnerability was abruptly ended with the first notes of the song he knew well. These feelings of his were too abstract and inconclusive for him to put them into the right words. It frustrated him. He turned his gaze to the ground, feeling dejected and slightly annoyed. He felt... dissatisfied for some odd reason that he couldn't understand. His hands were aching to do something that his brain couldn't possibly comprehend.

"No, I... Sorry. I didn't mean to intrude. It's just..." Despite opening his mouth to speak, no words came out. What exact words did he intend to use? Was he even ready to bring up this song to her and all of those memories associated with it? And what was he expecting to get from her in return? It was a confusing and overwhelming situation. Frustrated, he huffed, putting his hands in his pockets, and turning his head away from her. "-Never mind. It's nothing important. I just needed to ask if you've eaten yet."

So much for looking into her eyes and being honest.

A moment of silence followed, filling his entire chest with a suffocating feeling that he desperately wanted to get rid of. He felt weak and defenseless - something he hated feeling most of all. Though, before he could make some sort of stupid excuse to leave as soon as possible, she spoke up again.

"Did you... hear me sing? Is that why you came in?" She sounded just as unsure as him, though there were no signs of fear in her voice, even though it was hushed.

His fingernails dug into the skin of his palms, his shoulders tensing silently with apprehension. Nonetheless, he felt somewhat relieved that she was the first to discuss this with him. Now, it didn't feel so strange starting the conversation about the topic. And yet, he was hesitant, cautious. "...Yes."

Saeran knew he sounded dry and rough, even though he didn't necessarily want to come off this way to her. It was incredibly frustrating to see his body and mind act on their own accord before he could make a sound decision, as old habits die hard. Especially when there was no reason for him to put his guard up like that. He knows he's safe around her. Despite his own desires, his body would go into autopilot mode.

She hummed, shifting on the bed by the sound of it. He didn't look at her, instead relying solely on his hearing to understand her reaction. "Then I guess we connected. I actually... thought of you as I sang it. Brings up some memories, right?"

He swallowed. The fact that she hit the nail on the head was both comforting and frightening to him. Was he in the right mindset to open up this can of worms with her at this moment? Either way, he managed to sneak a single glance on her face as she sat there, seemingly resuming her wonky doodles at the far end of the bed. It made him feel relieved to know that she couldn't see just how much of a mess he really was despite his stoic facade.

Though, it's not like she hadn't already learned that about him.

She proceeded, disregarding his lack of conversation. "I think... The last time I sang this one was still back at Mint Eye. Honestly, it doesn't feel real to realize that it's now been years since we got out... Feels like just yesterday I was sorting through a ton of paperwork and lying through my teeth to keep us both safe. And yet, here we are. Life sure is a strange thing."

He noticed a hint of sadness in her whispered words. It seems like she didn't mind his dry responses as much as he expected. He could empathize with the notion she was trying to bring up, though. Sometimes, it felt like his ugly past was the only palpable portion of his life, ready to swallow him whole in its pitch dark waters the minute he puts his guard down. Moving on is not something he could see himself doing any time soon, if he were to be completely honest with himself.

It... almost didn't feel right for him to move on. After the horrible things he's done to both those he considered enemies and those he now holds dear, how can? And, despite his therapist reassuring him time and time again that he did, in fact, deserve to live a happy life... It wasn't so easy to accept.

Not when someone's life has come to an abrupt end at your hands.

He took a few steps forward, now standing in the middle of the room rather than at the far end of it. Only a line of green fairy lights adorning her walls could provide soft lighting in her dimly lit room. She never liked bright places, preferring to stay in the shade. Either way, it made him more comfortable to know that he could allow himself to be a bit more open without worrying about his inner feelings being too easy to see with one single glance. "Does it... bother you?"

This time, he focused his gaze on her, peering deeply into her features as she carried on with her routine, without noticing his blatant staring. Natasha paused, licking her lips and lowering her gaze on some specific area of her messy bedsheets. This moment of uncertainty didn't last for long, though. She merely shrugged her shoulders, before coming up with her reply. "Not really... Like I said, life is a strange thing... And, honestly? I don't know where I'd be if I didn't meet you all of those years ago. This might sound insane, but I... don't regret anything I did, including coming to Magenta and becoming your assistant. I'm happy I met you. You changed my life, Saeran. Despite all the danger and pain we had to endure... it all meant a lot to me. Still means a lot to me. It's like... It was fate for us to meet? Though, I never really believed in fate..."

Just... nerve-wracking.

He was unsure of how to respond to something like that. He could feel a tight knot forming in the pit of his stomach, but this was... a different kind of feeling he couldn't really put his finger on. It was not unpleasant or suffocating.

"In that case, you have really low standards." He stated bluntly, not even processing his own words properly before they flew off the tip of his tongue. What the hell is he even saying-?

This was dangerous.

Natasha didn't seem to mind, laughing and putting her notebook away to fully focus on him. He felt unable to look away for the second time today as he locked firmly onto her green eyes, twinkling with a promise of kindness he knew too well.

"You're not the first person to tell me that, you know! Maybe I do. And I can firmly say that my 'low standards' kept me pretty satisfied so far. You're the closest friend I ever had, and I am not planning on changing that." The way she smiled at him was so nonchalant, it left him completely baffled. Still, he... he was selfish.

He didn't want to let her go, despite the cruel voice at the back of his head insisting and repeating over and over again that he didn't deserve someone like her. That he should cut all ties keeping her attached to him in order for her to truly be free and happy like he knew she deserves to be. Truly, he was a weak human being, regardless of how desperately he wanted to appear strong and independent to the outside world. But, maybe...

Is it possible that this wasn't a weakness this time around?

His fears still got the better of him every once in a while, however... Natasha wasn't indifferent towards him. His affections were not used for her own gain, and she was more than willing to offer genuine warmth and comfort whenever he needed it. It's an odd realization to come to, but... Perhaps, they shared a mutual attachment to each other, without any need for holding any sort of power over one's head. Admittedly, Saeran wasn't used to this.

In fact, it's quite the opposite.

"...Can you... sing that song for me again? I want to... hear it. Properly." Saeran was clueless about where this sudden surge of boldness came from. All he knew was that he wanted to hear that song he knew so well without any pain wrecking havoc on his body and mind, whether it was physical or emotional. He wanted to hear it as a free man, and he wanted to see her fully as she sang it, for the very first time.

Natasha's peaceful features showed a brief moment of surprise, but she quickly replaced it with a small smile and called him over with a simple wave of her hand. She needed no words to express what she wanted from him. This was a ritual they both knew all too well.

He stooped on the bed by her side, inhaling her sweet scent and letting out a soft sigh. He detected the aroma of freshly brewed black tea and apple pie this time. Both were something she cooked up just recently in that huge kitchen his brother never put to any good use. Food scents followed her wherever she went, a stark reminder of her love for cooking and all that's associated with it. He found it amusing how she always carried a snack or two around, just in case someone needed it.

Frequently, it was she who required it the most, though.

She didn't begin singing immediately. Instead, she simply hummed the melody without any words. Perhaps, she wanted to make him feel more comfortable, so that he wouldn't get too emotional or overwhelmed with the surge of memories, both good and bad. Or maybe, she was setting herself up in this way. Although, didn't have any reason to feel anxious in this situation. It's a certainty that he won't complain about her voice.

'You're okay

Finally, she began to sing, gently rocking back and forth to the slow melody.

You're alright

I'll never ever leave your side

I will stay...'

'...And I will fight

Altering from the normal pace of words he was used to, she prolonged the last few words, casting him a gentle smile as these lyrics that were so familiar to him left her lips. This time, he met her gaze head on, not turning away, and saw her face as clear as day in all its intricate detail. Oddly enough, she didn't look away from him as well, continuing on to sing without breaking eye contact.

With you'

'You're okay

With hesitation, he pressed his cold fingertips against the warm skin of her hand, with their direct eye contact making his seemingly simple gesture much more vulnerable. Still, despite his natural desire to look away, to put on a mask of indifference to keep his tender heart safe, Saeran persevered through his doubts and fears, taking a shaky breath and refocusing on his hearing alone, rather than his other senses that were trying to put up a wall between them.

You're alright

I'll stay here through the darkest night'

'All the way, I will fight

With care, her delicate fingers intertwined with his rough ones, squeezing them with a sturdy yet measured grip. She always treated him like he was as fragile as a flower, regardless of how intimidating he tried to appear to her. Weirdly enough, the thought made him smile with the corners of his lips, albeit faintly. Natasha's smile grew wider in return. It felt... nice. To share such a comfortable moment without sharing any words. He held his breath, knowing that the song would soon come to an end.

With you'

As the last note grew quieter and quieter, settling deeper within his chest, he slowly lowered his head to her, as if he was attempting to catch even the slightest sounds that were slipping off her lips so effortlessly. Eventually, he had to close his eyes to avoid making things too awkward for him. Natasha didn't seem to mind his strange gesture, following him in tow, until their foreheads bumped against each other ever so gently.

"Do you... want to know what this song is about? I can translate it for you. If you want to."

Saeran breathed quietly as her soft hair tickled his cheeks. For a while, neither of them spoke. This time, Natasha was the one who broke the comfortable silence.

His heart fluttered when he heard her proposition and what it could mean. Part of him was afraid. Part of him was excited. While another part felt somewhat lost on what to do. Either way, he found himself humming in agreement and gently squeezing her hand.

"Yes. I want to know."

#mystic messenger #mysmes #mysme #mm #saeran choi #se saeran #se saeran x cmc #saeran x cmc #oc natasha stakh #saeran x natasha #been having se saeran brainrot recently so here's the result of that #btw the song natasha sings is 'rider's lullaby' from centaurworld!

[natasha-in-space]

✧What can be more romantic than witnessing the beauty of northern lights together as one?✧

Inspired by @monmonizip on Twitter

#mystic messenger #mysmes #mysme #mm #saeran choi #ge saeran #saeran x mc #oc natasha stakh #kinda inspired by that rfa trip folder #also excuse my wonky spelling my handwriting is almost as bad as jihyun's and i am not ashamed to admit it #these past few days have been hectic for me so why not doodle your blorbos to make yourself smile :) #can u tell i enjoy drawing flowers

[natasha-in-space]

Looking at the Stars

Suit!Saeran/cmc Natasha Stakh;

If there's something she did love about living at Magenta, it's the ability to enjoy the perfect view at the clear sky above, especially during the night hours. She never would have guessed that this same exact sky would help her see the strength within her that she has been blind to all this time. And that Saeran would be the one that pushed her to seek it out.

"Quit ogling at the sky, and listen to what I'm telling you!"

A small yelp resonated throughout the peaceful quiet of a lush garden, spooking a couple of stray mice that were quick to skitter beneath the nearest bush in search of safety. Nighttime at Magenta was the perfect opportunity for every tired believer that has worked earnestly throughout their day to take a deep breath and appreciate this little opening to spend some time all by themselves without any new duties weighing heavy on their shoulders, be it by taking a relaxed stroll through the beautiful corridors of their home, or visiting the observatory to watch the night sky their Savior praised to them so much.

Unfortunately, you don't get such pleasant luxuries when your role is being the personal assistant of none other than the head of the intelligence unit. Natasha was just as busy as Saeran, which meant that she was busy throughout every second of her day. Day and night often blended together into one dizzying concoction of piles upon piles of documents and symbols shining on countless of monitors. While it did somewhat help to know that your partner is pretty much just as busy as you are in this ordeal, and they're not slacking off in the slightest, it would be a bitter lie on Natasha's part to say that she did not envy most of her fellow believers when it came to a healthy work schedule, if you could even call it that. Saeran and his assistant were very much alike in their worn-out appearance: deep bags under their eyes and all.

Granted, even if she did suddenly have the opportunity to enjoy a proper break all on her own for once, it wouldn't feel right for her to push all of her current responsibilities onto her boss, even if she was sure he could handle it on his own just fine. She may not be the smartest or the quickest assistant in this building... But she is, for sure, one of the most dedicated ones, regardless of whether she enjoyed the job she was assigned with or not. If she was tasked with something, she would fight tooth and nail to do it and do it well.

Natasha may not be the best, but she's a hard worker, and she's willing to get her hands dirty if needed. Perhaps, that is why she's still in this privileged position, regardless of some stupid mistakes she causes them from time to time. She didn't know, and frankly, she was too ashamed to ask. As always, she simply went with the flow, too scared to make any choices, not only for herself but also for Ray and Saeran.

Though, today was a bit different from their usual busy routine.

Rubbing at her reddened cheek that was pinched between Saeran's cold fingers just a few moments prior, she raised her eyes at her boss's annoyed expression. At least he didn't snap at her with yet another insult about her being a total airhead or something. It seems like he was in a pretty good mood today, from what she could tell from him so far.

Well, Saeran's good mood still did not mean much in regards to his demeanor towards her, but dealing with a teasing Saeran was definitely way better than dealing with a pissed-off Saeran with his extreme mood swings that would exhaust them both by the time his screaming fits would subside. She hummed, pressing her lips together in an apprehensive apology, careful not to make any wrong move and set him off on accident. "Sorry... I, uh, I blacked out."

Well, that sure sounds stupid - her inner voice whispered in her ears, making her cheeks flush with further embarrassment. It's not her fault his rant sounded like total gibberish! While her thoughts played out in one language, Saeran's words were being said in another. Coupled with her tendency to get lost in her own head at times, it's no wonder she just stood there, utterly oblivious to the world around her, like a newborn chic.

He scoffed, clearly, a bit offended by her lack of engagement, turning away from her with both of his arms crossed tightly against his chest. If she didn't know any better, she would assume that she just hurt his feelings or something. His sharp stature resembled one of a sulky kid. "Whatever. Thanks to you, I lost my motivation to continue, so I hope you're happy, assistant."

She couldn't help but cringe at his sickly-sweet tone of voice, quite definitely hiding a bitter poison just underneath this deceiving surface of honey. Still, she could not afford to look away. Not after she just got caught practically ignoring him on the spot. If there's something Saeran hated, it's to be ignored by someone when he was speaking to them directly. Thankfully, he didn't seem to be in the mood for tormenting her any further for today. Instead, he plopped down onto the nearest bench, quite literally dragging her along with him by the wrist.

To be completely honest, it's a miracle she didn't fall flat on her face right then and there. Abruptly losing her balance, all she could do was stumble along, frantically waving her free arm up in the air and twisting her torso just enough for her to collapse on the side of the bench, bumping her forehead onto its wooden railing in the process. No way would she allow herself to fall right onto his lap like that! He would never allow something so intruding! So, some sacrifices had to be made.

It wasn't at all surprising to her to hear her wicked boss practically explode with cackling laughter, only making her cheeks burn up further. Ugh... Now she didn't want to raise her head from this bench at all...

"Are you seriously that ungraceful? Ray shouldn't have called you a 'princess', he should have called you a 'simpleton'!"

"You're the one who pulled me down." She didn't even think twice before opening her mouth to speak. It's rare for her to talk back to him in any way, but this was just too humiliating for her to keep listening to quietly.

"A proper lady would have enough dignity in her to understand how to fall with grace, you know. Though, I doubt someone like you would know anything about grace." This comment of his was clearly way more vicious in nature than the previous one he made. While just before he was only poking fun at her display in his own strange way, this time, he was obviously aiming to hurt her with his words. Natasha bit onto her lip, pushing down the immediate response that bubbled up to the surface at his insult. This is exactly why she shouldn't have talked back to him from the very beginning. She should know by now that she's not going to win here.

Saeran knew what to say to make it hurt.

Still, something inside of her refused to back down and accept this. Was it anger? Annoyance? Stubbornness? She didn't know. But, as she shifted in her place to sit up properly, yet another dry remark left her lips in a quiet yet perfectly clear murmur. "Like you know anything about being a proper lady."

Some part of her was terrified to lift her gaze onto his face. She was acting way out of line here, and his good mood was very unlikely to save her from some proper discipline that was waiting for her just around the corner. Just as the thought crossed her mind, a boney hand clasped itself atop of her head, making her face him by force. It wasn't painful, not yet, at least. She should be thankful enough for not having her hair pulled or being pushed right onto the ground for acting so boldly. Shutting her eyes tightly, she waited for her punishment, in whatever form it may come.

Although... Why is she imagining such cruel and awful things inside of her mind? While it's true that Saeran had a very nasty way of getting under her skin with his sharp tongue, it's not like he pushed her around much physically. Aside from some rare exceptions during an especially heated moment, he barely laid a hand on her. So, why is she so used to expecting something so horrible to come her way? And why is she accepting this outcome so easily without even trying to avoid it? Was Saeran really as cruel and sadistic as her imagination painted him out to be?

Natasha didn't know the answer to these questions. Or, maybe, she simply didn't see it, even when her answer was right in front of her nose, burning holes through her skull with his intense glare, even if she couldn't meet his heated gaze behind her shut eyelids. With bated breath, she kept quiet as a mouse, refusing to utter a single word to him.

"You have such a smart mouth sometimes, yet you refuse to even look at me. Pathetic." Saeran sneered right in her face, only making her desire to shrink in on herself even more appealing. She hated being confronted like this, and she hated not having any leeway for her to escape to. Perhaps, she simply didn't like being faced with her cowardly nature so adamantly. Truth is, he was right. It was so much like her to say something meaningful in the moment, only to backtrack out of fear and pretend like it never even happened. Either way, all she could do was clench her jaw tightly, and hope, that he would leave her alone soon enough. "If you're saying something to me, I expect you to own up to it, not tremble and whimper like a rabbit. Now, tell me loud and clear: are you doubting my knowledge?"

Much to her disappointment, he didn't leave her alone. What is she supposed to do now? Surely he would get bored of her silence eventually, right? But, the tightening of his firm hold on her hair told her more than any verbal warning ever could. Wincing - not out of pain or fear, but out of shame - she cracked one of her eyes open, glancing up into the burning pools of bright mint instantly pulling her in, like a pair of beautiful whirlpools right in the middle of the calm ocean. His eyes were so much brighter and livelier than hers ever were. Despite all of his anger and ferocity, his eyes were shining with life as he fought through every hurdle this cruel place threw at him. It was a different kind of shine than Ray's eyes had, even though they shared one body. While Ray's tired stare sparkled with an uncertain hopefulness she came to cherish so much, Saeran's stern gaze was one of passion and strive. Truly, she admired him for that. She admired them both for their resilience in this scary situation, whether they even realized just how suffocating this environment really was, or not.

Some small part of her felt like she was only pulling them down. Some part of her wished someone much more genuine and brave would take her place by their side. Someone who wouldn't be too scared to open up their heart to them and motivate them to seek out the path that they truly deserve, instead of staying stuck in here because it's all they know. Maybe, that's why she's so invested in their recent search for a new 'tester' for their Savior's mission.

Although, the idea of her being replaced by someone much brighter than her did sting a little. Not like her feelings mattered. Life was too ruthless for you to care about your feelings being hurt. All she had to do was bow her head low, go with the flow, and try to keep those closest to her safe, without risking her own skin in the process.

Much easier said than done.

Natasha sighed, lowering her eyes onto her sweaty palms rubbing nervously against each other. She should just get this over with. So, against her better judgment, she gave up on trying to prove her point or defending herself. Her voice came out as a meek whisper, barely audible even to her own ears. "I'm not. I'm sorry. What I said was really out of line and uncalled for. I'm sure you know better than me when it comes to these things."

God, she sounds absolutely pathetic. Maybe he really does have a better idea of being graceful than her.

Saeran huffed, moving away from her so abruptly, she almost lost her balance for the second time for today. Glancing up at his face, she could see that he was not at all not pleased with her answer. Was she not sincere enough in his point of view? Or was her apology too short? Maybe she'll just need to repeat her words louder for him to feel satisfied?

"Don't apologize to someone when you don't really mean it. It's annoying and very arrogant of you." She blinked, processing his statement that was so different from what she was expecting to hear from him right about now. He looked almost... disappointed with her answer. What was he expecting of her, if not total obedience? Truly, Saeran was almost as confusing as her own mind sometimes.

"I, uh... I'm... sorry?"

He rolled his eyes at that, quite literally ignoring her second awkward apology like he didn't even hear it. Instead, he lifted his head up to the sky, leaning his back onto the bench in a rather relaxed motion, before changing the subject altogether. "What were you even looking at, anyway? Since it's clearly more important to you than your boss's words. Do enlighten me, assistant."

Her heart skipped a beat at his strange demand, a small lump slowly forming itself right in the middle of her throat. Why is he asking her this? Surely he doesn't actually care about anything she might have thought about. But... It's not like she can lie and pretend like it was nothing now. She doesn't even really want to do that, for some odd reason. Trying to ignore the butterflies fluttering about deep in the pit of her stomach, she too returned her attention back to the starry sky unraveling itself high above them. It didn't take long for her to find the object of her wandering thoughts.

After all, it was very hard to miss it once you knew where to look.

"I was... Well, do you... see that one star? Right over there?" Unsurely, she scooted just a little bit closer to raise her hand up high and point her finger in the approximate direction of one particular sparkling dot she was talking about. Seeing as her partner kept quiet without interrupting her timid explanation, she continued, gaining more confidence in her voice the longer she spoke. "That's Sirius. It's one of the stars located in the belt of Orion. See how all these little stars are sort of clumped together there? That's the belt. Sirius is usually one of the easiest stars to find since it's so bright."

"Seems like a bunch of useless gibberish to me," Saeran said that, yet his cool gaze did not stray from the star she was informing him about. For some reason, just this small detail was enough to make the corners of her mouth lift slightly upwards, although she did not comment on this obvious contradiction of his. Was he, perhaps, too embarrassed to admit his interest in front of her?

For the first time in a while, Natasha found herself free from all the doubts and fears that were usually floating around inside of her head. There was no worry about the future, or regret about the past in her worn-out heart. There was only the present, and this lighthearted moment between them, even if there was a ton of things still left unsaid. She chuckled under her breath, lowering down her hand to absentmindedly kick off her shoes and put both of her legs up onto the bench, hugging her knees and resting her chin atop of them.

"Maybe. I just... you don't see the night sky so clearly in the city. It's all hidden away from the light pollution or heavy smoke. But, since Sirius is so bright, it can even be seen in the city at times. I know a lot about other constellations as well. It was my grand-" She caught herself before she could finish her sentence. Swallowing down some of the unwanted emotions coming back onto the surface, she then continued, correcting her mistake. "It was my neighbor who taught me all about it. He was such a lovely old man... His family was all living in the big city, so he was all alone in his tiny apartment for most of the time. Kind of like me. He was always so excited to talk about all the things he loved... and I was happy to listen. He even asked me to call him 'grandpa Alan', though we weren't related whatsoever. I guess he was lonely since he had no one to talk to face-to-face like that. He could talk about the stars and space for hours on end. He told me... that Sirius became a very special star in his heart because it reminded him of me. I never understood him. After all, Sirius is one of the brightest stars out there... That doesn't sound like me at all."

The light laughter that bubbled up in her chest was a bittersweet one. Natasha had to blink away a couple of stray tears as she kept her eyes locked on the bright star shining above the rest. "But, he was a stubborn man. Told me I was just too young to understand. I wish... I wish he could see this night sky. He would surely love it so much."

It wasn't until she caught Saeran staring down at her that she realized that she got too carried away with all this reminiscing. Feeling embarrassed of dumping all of this information onto him seemingly out of nowhere, when he didn't even ask her to, she quickly wiped her eyes with the sleeves of her blouse, hoping he wouldn't tease her too much for this.

"But, uh, that was all in the past, so- Not like it matters now. My life as your assistant and our Savior's believer is much more meaningful."

Her words were way too rushed and disingenuous for him to fall for that, she could tell that clear as day. All she could do now was shift in her place and brace for any impact that could come her way, be it in the form of mockery, laughter, or even anger.

Saeran kept unusually quiet as they sat there in tense silence, each of them left to their own individual thoughts. Natasha was way too scared to sneak a glance at him, but it did make her anxious to just sit there and wait. Finally, she could hear the faint rustling of fabric, as he too adjusted his posture for convenience.

"I guess that answers where you got your annoying stubbornness from."

"Huh-?" That sounded so out of nowhere for her that she didn't even have time to think before her head snapped back into his direction so abruptly, she almost gave herself a whiplash. Did she even hear him right? "What's that supposed to mean?"

She didn't intend to sound demanding or annoyed. She was simply confused. Her? Stubborn? That didn't sound like her at all. She wasn't stubborn... in fact, she was the total opposite of stubbornness. Just how many times in her life did she back out of something that could potentially better her life out of nothing but fear of failure? How many times did she lie to someone, simply because she was too scared of opening up her heart and being hurt? How many times did she give up on something she knew in her heart was the right thing to do, for no other reason than the fear of confrontation?

She wasn't stubborn, she was a coward.

So, why is Saeran saying this to her? She could understand Ray viewing her as something much greater than she could ever be, but Saeran? This simply didn't seem right.

The young man met her shocked stare head-on, simply raising a brow in a rather cool-headed manner. Looking back on this very moment, it's funny how their roles could switch so abruptly. Now, she was the one boiling over with emotions she couldn't possibly understand, while Saeran was the stoic figure that was the source of all this confusion. Either way, right now, Natasha was just too tuned in to this conversation to care. It wasn't long before he gave her his answer, nonchalantly rolling his eyes beforehand, like this was something as obvious as the color of the sky to him.

"What? Did you think you were a perfect princess who could do no wrong or something? Don't give me that look - you look stupid." He grumbled, lightly poking her leg with his knee as if this simple gesture would change her face like flipping channels on the television. Either way, before she could retort anything back to him, he continued his line of thought, albeit making it known, just how annoying it was to explain this to her with his gruff voice. "But, I guess you are stupid to not see the obvious. Look, I don't know a damn about this 'neighbor' of yours, but you are just as stubborn and weird as him."

"But- But I'm not stubborn!" She couldn't remember the last time she ever raised her voice like that. But, for some reason, she just couldn't let this go. No, she refused to accept this so easily. So, with her hands balled up into shaky fists, she leaned into his direction, keeping her eyes locked firmly onto his. "I don't have any true passions as he did - I don't even know anything useful! And I'm- I'm definitely not stubborn. Stubborn people are headstrong and determined. I'm not like that. So don't... don't compare us like that. He's- He's much greater than I could ever hope to become. I don't care what you think about me, just please don't view him as someone who's similar to me."

Once again, she had no filter. Why is she being so open with Saeran of all people? Even Ray did not know this much about her personal feelings on the matter.

This was dangerous.

"You really are a complete airhead. Can't you see you're only proving my point here? And that's how you always are. Annoying, whiney, and stubborn as a mule. How are you refusing to listen to me right now different from him refusing to listen to you before? I tell you that you're my toy, yet you refuse to act as one, though you like to pretend like you're a broken princess beyond repair. I don't know what your game is but don't try to act like you're my perfect servant when we both know that's not the case. You may act all sad and loyal, but you're a bad liar. If that's not stubbornness, I don't know what is. I despise that about you."

Natasha opened her mouth to say something - anything - only to close it. She was at a loss for words. No, rather, she wanted to rebuke his ridiculous conclusions. But, she couldn't. Maybe, that's because he was right. Maybe, she really was stubborn. Is that why it's so hard to accept his words as truth?

"...If you despise me that much, why haven't you thrown me away by now?" Truly, she didn't know where this bold question came from. Her question wasn't one said out of pain or sadness. Only curiosity. For some reason, she just couldn't take his last statement seriously. It didn't sound genuine.

No... It did sound genuine. It just didn't sound... hateful. How strange.

"..."

Saeran did not answer. This time, it was him turning his head away from her as she waited patiently for his response. Cursing under his breath, he barked back a curt answer that did not bring any satisfaction to her growing interest. "Well, I don't have time to search for a replacement! Plus, I would never hear the end of it from that weakling. If you're gone... It would get too annoying, so be grateful!"

She blinked, unsure of how to respond to something that. For some reason, her heart skipped a beat for the second time today, making her chest feel light and warm from within. It was so strange to feel like this from such a cross statement. But, even if she didn't figure out her answer quite yet, her heart could feel it. Saeran... He didn't hate her. Not really. Maybe... Maybe he even cared about her, in his own Saeran way.

But, that's an idea she was quick to brush off before her thoughts could wander off into the direction that was completely forbidden in their situation.

So, she merely smiled shyly, placing her chin back onto her knees to make him more comfortable. "Okay."

Nothing was said between the two of them after that. And, as Natasha raised her eyes back onto the night sky above, sneaking a glance at the star she cherished so dearly, she couldn't help but gasp at the sight. Sirius was shining brighter than ever before, sparkling down at her, like a tiny sun.

Was Alan happy with the way things were now? Maybe... he too could feel his true nature Saeran was trying to conceal from everybody. Maybe he was happy they found each other, against all odds.

Such a thought made her smile wider, whispering a silent 'thank you' in her native tongue.

After this night, she will try to stop hiding in fear. After this night, she will follow her heart, even if she's scared. After this night, she will embrace her stubbornness, instead of denying it.

#mystic messenger #mysmes #mysme #mm #saeran choi #suit saeran #saeran x cmc #suit saeran x cmc #saeran x oc #suit saeran x oc #oc natasha stakh #had a tough week so i treated myself to writing smth about my blorbos #might or might not one day actually create a cohesive series with their story jftjftht #also hope suit is not ooc here #it's hard writing him being nice but like #in his own suit saeran way that feels authentic #i hope i managed to do that #but this one is written from natasha's perspective so her perception of him is a bit biased