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partnersatfazbear · 3 years

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One Year

It’s been a year since I was ran out of my old fandom and went further into FNAF. Not exactly a year for this blog, but it’s a milestone for me.

I say it a lot, but let me express my deep gratitude. I have only received love and support, at worst good criticism, here, and for that I can’t thank everyone enough. For about a week in my old fandom I feared for my life and my online prescence in general. If you’ve ever been wrongfully cancelled, you know what it’s like. Not saying I didn’t make any mistakes, but I think a bunch of antis got their knickers in a twist and couldn’t look past blinders to consider any opinion that wasn’t their own. For something very minor in the fandom as a whole. I was bullied a lot in middle/high school, to the point I was stalked, robbed, and exiled. This brought back a lot of those feelings for me. I expected these horrible people to come after me and spread lies about me. Once you’re accused of things, you can’t really defend yourself. If you’ve been following the Youtube art drama stuff, this thing is happening on a real world scale [to other people, not myself]. That scares me because I’ve had it happen online and offline and I think people need to take bullying and cancel culture more seriously. I think if I had just been a fan, even recently, this wouldn’t have bothered me; but the fact that I had been a huge fan since 1999 and created this group I built up... yeah it hurts to have everything you work for torn out from under you. Having said that, maybe that’s what drew me to FNAF in the first place. There’s a lot of pain, but there’s always hope at the end. Even if there’s no justice, there’s peace.

I was worried coming into this fandom with a “toxic ship”. I find William and Henry the most interesting characters in the FNAF universe and I feel they can be interpreted many ways. I’ve seen people make William a bumbling idiot (like me) to a dead-on psychopath ( @mariagrafton has an absolutely poetic and frightening take on him which I indulge on occasion). I’ve seen all the different styles of fan art of them (shout out to the ones that draw them as POC, although I am not of this group its cool to see different interpretations as a fellow artist). To be blunt, these characters canonically are toxic, but they don’t have to be and people have done amazing interpretations, AUs, ect. There’s almost always new content to find.

I don’t know if I ever said so, but I followed FNAF since Sister Location. I got into the series through MatPat’s videos (and although I don’t find his recent theories half-decent, some of his old ones hold up well and I still enjoy his content). I watched Markiplier so I could see someone play the entire series and now my wife has a lifelong obscession and uses his content like meditation lol We eventually found Dawko, Fuhnaff, JonnyBlox, FusionZGamer, and many other Youtubers in the community and I love them for doing their best to be positive when there’s so much bad.

Being able to have inspiration for so much art, including a comic on haitus, has really helped improve my art. I never would have been able to had I not started drawing Spring Bonnie.

I have a tradition in my house to watch FNAF VR / HW every Halloween. I remember sitting in our shithole roach infested apartment watching GT Live go through the corn maze and just what a fun update the Curse of Dreadbear DLC is.

The last few months have been difficult. I can’t find employment. I can’t get freelance art commissions. I moved to a home and a new city. I’ve struggled with my health both physically and mentally. I lost my grandfather. It’s been a rough year. But you guys have helped me through it.

I wish I had something drawn to celebrate or had finished my fic, but I’m not there yet. Maybe later today I can. To give back to you guys.

Send me asks, requests, or whatever. I love to draw the ship this blog is focused on or even the other characters / animtronics! I’d love to make an effort to get to know everyone better.

I’m really tired--I actually had anxiety over the entire situation from last year and it kept me up most of the night, and I don’t know what else to say.

#one year #anniversary #vent #rant #bullying #trigger warning #thank you #you're all amazing people #fnaf

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