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bigasswritingmagnet · 3 days

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But I Don't WANT to be a General

Fandom: Girl Genius Rating: G Summary: The town is unfrozen, and the rest of the generals are back. Dimo would like this to mean HE does not have to be a general any more.

It does not.

[Inspired by adiduk's very excellent fic, The General. They were not involved in the writing of this fic, which is not intended as a sequel.]

AO3 link!

Dimo had been summoned to the Jӓgerbüro.

People were always surprised to hear the generals did not meet in the Jӓgerhall, as if it wasn’t incredibly obvious what it would be like trying to have a serious discussion and sign paperwork while the Jӓger pack was drinking and carousing a floor below you.

The temptation to join in would be unbearable.

Instead, the generals did their business in the Jӓgerbüro: a small, heavily-reinforced building directly at the foot of the road up to the castle. While the Jӓgers were gone, it had been turned into a souvenir shop. Currently, it was in the process of being very rapidly un-turned into a souvenir shop. The expeditiousness of the project was assisted by General Goomblast, who had hurled all the shelves of knickknacks out of the windows the second he set foot inside.

With the desperate, delusional hope of a man heading to the gallows telling himself there will be a last-minute pardon, Dimo considered the generals perhaps wanted a debrief of the last two years before releasing him back into the relatively worry-free status of a low-level officer.

Oh, to let the words “supply lines” go back to being something that happened to someone else.

The shattered windows had been boarded up, which made the front room seem gloomy and oppressive. The büro’s former tenants were packing up their merchandice with speed, if not efficiency. They barely spared Dimo a glance before pointing towards the large, black, metal door that led to the meeting room proper.

Dimo took a breath and knocked on the door, waited for the call of Vut hyu vant?, braced himself, and went inside.

Dimo had actually been in here a handful of times, back when he was new in the ranks and ran messages for the generals. It was more or less as he remembered it—decorations and furniture selected for the ability to survive both the ravages of time and being thrown at a wall, the heavy curtains to muffle sound, the safety lanterns that would put themselves out if they were knocked over during a discussion.

The generals were arranged around the long, dark table, watching him intently.

Dimo was somewhat surprised to see that Higgs had joined them. His position being what it was, it was rare for him to risk attracting attention by appearing in the company of the other generals. But here he was, tipping his chair back on two legs and puffing on his pipe, leaving only three chairs empty instead of the usual—

Wait.

Wait, wait, wait—

Three empty chairs, one for Øsk, out of respect; one for Zadipok, still missing; and one for--

Higgs raised an eyebrow at him.

Oh no.

“But Hy vasn’t even trying to be de general!” he burst out, practically wailing. “Hy vus just making sure tings happened!”

“Ho yus,” Goomblast said, gravely. “Dots how it gets hyu. Vun minute, hyu is just doing vut needs to be done, and den suddenly, boom, hyu has a chair und everyvun is saluting hyu.”

Gkika shook her head.

“Terrible ting, de forst time dey salutes hyu.”

Khrizhan rose and put a friendly hand on Dimo’s shoulder. Gently but firmly, he began to steer Dimo towards one of the chairs. Dimo tried to dig his heels in, but Khrizhan was twice his size in nearly every direction, and so he simply slid along the floor towards the chair and its aura of inescapable responsibility.

“But—!”

Khrizhan picked Dimo up by the shoulders, lifted him up, and sat him down on the chair next to Koppelslav.

“But—!”

“Dots vut being a general is,” Zog said, not unkindly. “Hyu see vut has to be done, and hyu feel hyu has to do it.”

“Hy didn’t heff to do it,” Dimo insisted, fighting the urge to whine. “Hy vus just de vun who got dere forst! Could heff been anybody!”

“So why didn’t you wait for one them to do it?” Higgs asked.

Dimo opened his mouth to answer, and then abruptly closed it again. Why hadn’t he waited? There were plenty of other officers who’d made it out of Mechanicsburg—hell, Maxim had made it out. But Dimo hadn’t left it to one of them, because…because…

Because it hadn’t even occurred to him not to do it. It needed to be done. He could do it. So he had.

Dimo's shoulders slumped and he glared at Higgs. Instead of bursting into flames, the man's mouth quirked up at the corner ever so slightly. Koppelslav slapped Dimo on the back so genially it nearly knocked him right back out of the chair.

“Velcome aboard, brudder,” he said, grinning. “Dun vurry, hyu vill get over it in a few decades.”

Dimo groaned.

“Hokay,” Zog said, growing more serious. “Now ve gotta actually do tings. Forst thing forst, ve need to get an inventory of de veapons und supplies—”

Dimo rifled through his stack of papers and handed a few to him.

“Oh,” Zog said. “Den Hy guess ve gotta get a list of who ken still fight—”

Dimo passed him another sheaf of papers.

“List of de repairs ve still gotta make?” Gkika suggested. The papers made a thwap sound as Dimo tossed them onto the center of the table. Everyone stared at it.

“Vut supplies ve got in de caves and who’s moving it to de town,” Dimo said, and threw down the next report.

Thwap.

“List of de dead.”

Thwap.

“List of all de guys who surrendered,”

Thwap.

“Vut shtuff ve took off of dem,”

Thwap.

“And vere ve keepink dem and vy hyu all looking at me like dat?” Dimo demanded, his voice rising dangerously close to hysterics. “Dis is vut ve vas talking about! Generals do de tings dat need to be done and Hy did dem! Dis isn’t even evryting Hy got, dis is just vut Hy could put togedder before de meeting!”

They stared at him. Even Higgs was surprised, his pipe drooping in shock.

Gkika burst out laughing.

“Vot?” Dimo demanded, anger starting to rise. “Vot’s so funny?”

“Hyu poor ting,” she cried, wiping at her eyes. “No vunder hyu dun vanna be a general!”

Koppelslav snatched the still very thick stack of papers from Dimo’s hand and began to flip through them, eyes going wider and wider.

“Look at dis, he efen got de damn budget balanced; ve haffen’t managed dot since Øsk died—expense reports? Hyu got dem to do expense reports? For two years?” He stared at Dimo in disbelief. “Red fire, boy, how hyu still got hyu brains between hyu ears?”

“Wh—Hy—It…vus vot needed to be done?” Dimo said, hesitantly. He was not entirely sure what everyone was so worked up about. He looked to Higgs on his left, desperate for some kind of hint.

Higgs had relaxed back in his chair again. He took the pipe out of his mouth and said, quite calmly:

“You’ve been doing the work of seven generals for two and a half years.”

The table had gone quiet again. Dimo looked at the stack of reports. He looked at Higgs.

“So…Hy von’t haff to do all of dot by myself?”

Koppelslav threw his hands in the air, waving the reports wildly.

“Ve don’t even do all of dis!” he shouted.

“Yah, ve gon haff to teach hyu how to delegate,” Goomblast said.

Dimo stared at them. Then, with a sound that was somewhere between a sigh and a sob of relief, he slumped forward onto the table and threw his arms over his head.

“Vut did hyu tink ve vas going to be doink all day?” Gkika asked. She’d stopped laughing, but she sounded like she’d start up again any moment.

“Hy don’t know!” Dimo shouted, waving his hands without lifting his suddenly very heavy head. “Hy didn’t know vut I vas supposed to be doink! Dere vusn’t anyvun for me to ask!”

Silence.

A faint rustle of clothing and creaking of chairs.

Dimo cautiously raised his head and saw the other generals had all turned to glare at Higgs. The man shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

“I was undercover,” he said, defensively.

To Dimo’s shock, Khrizhan slapped Higgs on the back of the head. Higgs only just managed to catch his hat before it fell off, and scowled at Khrizhan, who scowled back.

“Hyu could haff at least told him how to do it!”

“Ya,” Goomblast said, gesturing with some of the papers. “All dot going tru de reports for de important shtoff, dots officer vurk. Hyu tell dem vut hyu need to know, and dots vut dey give hyu.”

Dimo turned in his seat, one arm on the table and the other hand on his hip, and glared at Higgs.

“I was undercover!” Higgs insisted again, although this time guilt was beginning to leak in around the edges.

“Hokay,” Gkika said. “New plan. How about hyu just vatch us do de generaling ting for a vile, and ve give hyu a break from de paperverk?”

“He vill vatch us?” Koppelslav exclaimed. “Ve should be vatching him! He got dem to fill out expense reports!”

“Vot is vit hyu and de expense reports?” Zog demanded.

Koppelslav slammed his fist down on the table.

“Øsk hyused to stand offer dem vit a brandink iron und he couldn’t get dem to fill doze in on time! How in de hell did hyu do it?”

Dimo rubbed his face. He was starting to feel light-headed.

“Um…Effry time dey vuz late I vent and said tank hyu for understanding dot de money is tight and Hy appreciated dem being villing to pay for tings demselves.”

Gkika grinned.

“Ho, dots mean,” she said, with great approval.

Khrizhan had not allowed himself to be distracted by the turn in conversation. His eyes were still fixed on Higgs.

“Hyu could heff at least—” Khrizhan began.

“I didn’t. Have. Time.”

“Vut time hyu need? Hyu write a letter, hallo Dimo, by der vay, hyu dun need to be trackink de petty cash durink a crisis.”

“Hy don’t?” Dimo said, weakly.

Khrizhan gestured angrily, silently, and emphatically at Dimo.

“Ve supposed to be verking togedder,” Goomblast said. “Hyu supposed to help de new guy!”

Revenge unfolded in front of Dimo’s eyes like a beautiful, beautiful flower.

“Hyu know who gots a lot off opinions about teaching people tings properly,” he said sternly, “is dat Miss Zeetha of hyors.”

Five heads snapped around, fixing on their fellow general—sharks smelling blood in the water.

“Hyor Miss Zeetha?” Khrizhan said, oozing evil delight.

Higgs had gone very still. His eyes were very wide. His face was very slowly turning very, very red.

“Oh-ho-ho!” Goomblast crowed. If his smile got any wider, the corners of his mouth would meet at the back of his head.

“Shuddup,” Higgs said, now blushing so hard Dimo could practically feel the heat radiating off of him.

“Dot’s de green haired gorl who fights vit Mizz Agatha,” Gkika said, her eyes shining. “Ooh, und he vus so vorried ven she got hurt in de kestle!” She lowered her voice, conspiratorially, her eyes not leaving Higg’s face. “He dun take her to de hospital, hyu know; he brought her shtraight to me.”

“She was dying,” Higgs said, slouching in his chair, arms crossed defensively over his chest.

“Is dot de vun vit de two svords?” Zog asked. “Verr nice, soch a pretty young ting—”

“Shuddup,” Higgs said as he sank even further in his chair. He shot Dimo a murderous look. Dimo grinned, tipping his chair back on two legs and settling in to watch the show.

Maybe being a general wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.

#girl genius #dimo girl genius #i figured i should hurry up and post this before canon catches up #I want them to make him a general permanently and I want him to be really upset about it I want it SO MUCH

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inbarfink · 3 months

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It’s really fascinating to compare the way Agatha handles the Heterodyne Legacy compared to her father and uncle. Because these are the two known generations of ‘Heroic’ Heterodynes after a long, long legacy of the Heterodyne family being known primarily as Evil Bastards - but they have such a totally opposite relationship with that villainous legacy.

Bill and Barry grew up deep inside that Evil Heterodyne Legacy and know all about how truly rotten it really is. Their father was an Old Heterodyne to the bone and an Extremely Reprehensible Human Being. Like, not just Cartoon Evil Overlord stuff - according to the Novels, he forced Bill and Barry’s mom to marry him by threatening her family. And he tried to kill them because they weren’t evil enough to his tastes.

And when their mom killed him to protect her sons, the Castle killed her in retaliation. The very manifestation of the Heterodyne Legacy has cost them their beloved mother who just saved their life. And all of this in addition to the fact a non-evil Heterodyne was really an unthinkable concept when the Boys started - meaning they had to work extra hard to distance themselves from their family if they wanted anyone outside of Mechanicsburg to trust them.

And Heterodyne Boys worked very very hard to prove to the world that they’re not monsters. Both to fight off against the constant suspicions that they were monsters, and because they most likely wanted as little to do with their father’s legacy as Spark-ly possible. For them the Heterodyne Legacy was mostly kind of a Curse, the thing that tormented their mother and killed her and almost killed them, the thing that makes people wary of them.

And as such, they distanced themselves from anything that’s even remotely to do with that old legacy of monsters, from anything evil or scary or messy or ugly. Much to the chagrin of the Castle, the House of Heterodyne’s many other monsters, the Jager Horde Mechanicsburg��s proud Evil Minion population and many others who felt abandoned by them for the sake of PR.

Then there’s Agatha Heterodyne. And it’s not just that Agatha grew up in a post-Heterodyne-Boys world where the general populace associates the family name less with evil barbarous mad kings and more with good-natured heroism. Where even those who remember the Old Heterodynes are at least willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. Where even those who would like her to be like the Old Heterodynes are at least willing to give her some wiggle room to express herself....

It is all of that, but more importantly Agatha didn’t grow up as a Heterodyne at all.

She grew up as Agatha Clay, with the Spark-Suppressing Locket that dulled her mind and made her a miserable klutzy mess who couldn’t do anything right. She grew up hating the constant feeling of being powerless.

And discovering that she’s a Heterodyne came up… pretty close to realizing she’s a Spark, and both of these revelations gave her a certain kind of Power that she never got to have before. She is now both a powerful Spark and a powerful political player in this grand Europa political chess board.

And as much as she has the same heroic values and upbringing as the Boys did (courtesy of Barry and the Construct Duo), not growing up so up-close-and-personal with the worst consequences of the Old Heterodyne’s evil means she’s not as immediately repulsed by it like the Boys were.

She encountered all of these old monstrous pieces of the Heterodyne Legacy - the Jagers, the Castle, Mechanicsburg, even just the fear her name can put into people’s hearts - not as the Evil Legacy Forced Upon Her. But stuff that was taken away from her, and she had to earn back. And in a world stacked so heavily against her, so determined to rob her of her agency and newfound sense of power, these things represent the assertion and security of her power.

For the Heterodyne Boys, the worst thing they could ever imagine being was monsters - like their father and the rest of their family was. For Agatha Heterodyne, the worst thing she could imagine is being powerless again. She would take being seen as a monster a thousand times over being condescended and ignored ever again.

Being seen as a monster isn’t actually all that bad at all, she discovered.

All of these things together make Agatha not quite the second generation of Actually Heroic Heterodyne or just another link in the Old Heterodyne Legacy - but another new kind of Heterodyne altogether. One that can both retain a moral code and embrace the family’s monstreness at the same time.

#girl genius #agatha heterodyne #webcomics #webcomic #webcomix

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