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inevitably-johnlocked · 4 years

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Weird q..but i really dont understand why most fans hate season 4, especially the last episode. Why? I think it gave us a deeper look on both sherlock and mycroft! I felt it tells a lot about mycroft how he had to step in and take control of things ever since he was a kid himself. Also he is not a robot or a killer. Also redbeard thing. It was an appropriate deep psychological trauma (cause most shows usually disappoint in that area). I am not trying to impose my opinion. Just want to understand

Hey Nonny!

It’s all good, and I totally respect your opinion and how you enjoyed S4! It’s totally okay! I know that there are quite a few who got a lot of of S4, and who genuinely enjoyed it.

Sadly, I am not one of those people, and I’ll try to be as diplomatic a possible in my response, but PLEASE know that I don’t think you’re “terrible” or “stupid” for liking S4 because I DO get passionate sometimes in my responses, and I’m just merely speaking as someone who studied the series very closely for quite a long time before S4 aired, and as someone who knows Day-One-ers (ie., people who watched Sherlock on its day one airdate) who also are a large majority of the people who did not like S4. This is just me simply stating why I didn’t like it, but it’s different for everyone.

Stating what I DO like: The acting and cinematography of the first two episodes were brilliant for what they had to work with, and I’ve never faulted any of the actors for the flaws of S4. And for TFP, they did the best with what they had to work with.

That’s… pretty much all I really liked about S4.

Now, here’s my problems with S4:

Nothing made a LICK of sense to the narrative that they were telling in Seasons prior.

This series was always based a bit in reality, and suddenly everything became comic-book rules: X-Men villains, shitty “redemption” arc, destroying favourite characters just for drama, ludicrous physics, explosions that only destroyed one small room in an apt where in previous episodes one explosion destroyed an entire block, etc.

Sherlock was OOC.

Mary was being built up to be a fantastic villain? Ah, nope, here’s the lacklustre twist where tee hee Mary’s just an assassin with a heart of gold that still emotionally abuses Sherlock and John and just won’t fucking stay dead.

And speaking of this, the DVD’s make NO LOGICAL SENSE unless she was planning to kill herself

AND she tries to make her death equatable to Sherlock’s??

Everyone was RIDICULOUSLY out of character in TFP, I’m so sorry: Mycroft is a bumbling coward for the most part, Sherlock disregards John when he gives the Vatican Cameos warning, the Holmes Parents are assholes because Mycroft COULDN’T SOLVE A PROBLEM WHEN HE WAS 12?? ARE YOU SERIOUS???? And that creepy Moriarty / Eurus thing, and LITERALLY they’re implying that EVERYTHING HAPPENED BECAUSE EURUS DIDN’T GET A HUG. Like, I’m so sorry, but that’s lazy writing.

And don’t even get me started on the ridiculousness of the entire character of Eurus. She LITERALLY had X-Men powers, and like… just nothing made sense. Her involvement in the entirety of S4 MADE NO SENSE. Why go back to prison if you can get out?? WHAT IS THE POINT?? AND I repeat: She did all this because she didn’t get a hug. Yes. I’m oversimplifying, but at the base level, that’s what it was, because she wanted Sherlock’s attention. Welcome to the club, kid, stand in line, everyone on the SHOW wants his attention.

The ENTIRE plot of the first 2 seasons got wiped out all because it wasn’t Moriarty who was interested in Sherlock, but Eurus?? What… What about Carl Powers?? Like…. the ENTIRETY of season one and TGG makes no sense now, because of that one 5 minute scene where Eurus “enlists” Moriarty. I… ugh.

The SUDDEN tonal switch from kind-of Sherlock to James Bond, for some fucking reason.

And on that note, how terribly lazy and cheap TFP looks in comparison to the other two episodes. The whole episode looks like it was filmed in a small house with 4 identical rooms.

EVERYTHING that was etablished in 2 episodes prior were COMPLETELY forgotten when Mary was “shot”.

The complete character assassination of one loyal blogger John H Watson in favour of Mary for some fucked up reason, even though AT HIS OWN WEDDING HE COULDN’T STAND BEING AROUND MARY. I’m sorry, but I don’t believe for one damned second that John would EVER forgive Mary for murdering his best friend after seeing what it did to him. That’s not love from her, and that’s NOT John’s character EVER in the ENTIRETY of the series.

And speaking of character assassinations, Molly’s character being devolved to S1E1 Molly, where instead of giving her agency like they were doing with her the ENTIRE series, so much so that Sherlock picked up on her dominance enough to give her a big role in his mind palace in HLV and TAB, only to make her a sad little self-insert Mary Sue pining for the main character, and in turn made Sherlock a TERRIBLE human being for MAKING HER say what she did. It’s gross.

AND speaking of Molly’s character, they’ve been setting up Mollstrade since as early as ASiB, but I guess that plot line got shafted. Look I LOVE Hopkins, and I am ANGRY they didn’t give her more than 3 fucking lines in the entirety of ONE episode after HEAVILY promoting her actress and character, but they essentially reduced her to a piece of ass for Lestrade to chase. AND THAT’S NOT HIS CHARACTER EITHER. EW GROSS.

The constant plot holes being gaped wide open, and the Chekov’s gun moments where they bring up shit but do nothing with it!!

TD-12? Nope, just a lame reference to a story we like.

John got shot at the end of TLD with a VERY REAL FUCKING GUN? Nope, it was a dart gun.

John not suddenly knowing how to be a doctor.

The TGG one I mentioned up above.

What was in the letter? And who was Anyone??

Moriarty essentially being erased as anything other than a hired thug and had no part whatsoever in Sherlock’s history.

Eurus… Just all of her character is asinine.

Everyone in T6T suddenly not knowing John’s the blogger, which is in direct contradiction to literally the entire series.

The AGRA plotline was ridiculous, in the end.

Baby? What baby? It was only there when convenient.

They dropped whatever plotline they were going to do for Mycroft: He was being set up as either dying, or the villain.

Redbeard. I’m sorry, I disagree with you on that. Mofftiss is trying to tell me that a little boy fell down a well and went missing, and that WASN’T the first place searchers / the police wouldn’t have looked? Sorry, no. And then. AND THEN his parents just… go along with this thing where Sherlock shuts down and they DON’T get him therapy? Yes, I agree the mind is a funny thing, and we can be traumatised into forgetting or dissociating from traumatic events. I GET IT. But… like I don’t believe the Holmes are so heartless as to just never grieve or have memories around about their supposedly dead daughter. It’s another OCC thing for me.

John’s cheating.

Disappearing and reappearing characters, like this scene, and the entirety of the aquarium scene.

Mary and John being terrible parents

OH GOD THIS FUCKING SCENE. That bomb SHOULD HAVE DESTROYED THE ENTIRE BUILDING.

What… who was this girl on the plane? What? Like I know WHO, but if she’s supposed to be Eurus talking to Sherlock, why don’t we see Eurus… talking to Sherlock? I … Ugh.

NORBURY.

The glass SUPER SECRET GOVERNMENT ROOM THAT NO ONE SHOULD SEE INTO in T6T.

Sloppy camera work that some believe was intentional, but if it wasn’t, jesus c’mon.

The RIDICULOUS amount of 4th Wall Breaking. Like… even the actors didn’t give a shit.

Essentially, everything on this list here and in this blog tag here.

And everything mentioned on these three posts:

T6T: 10 Revealing Things That Haunt You Late at Night

TLD: 10 Revealing Things That Haunt You Late at Night

TFP: 10 Revealing Things That Haunt You Late at Night

There’s SO much more I can go into, but please go through my “something’s fucky” tag in that last link.

Notice how probably 90% of that has NOTHING to do with “johnlock not becoming canon” because the Johnlockers get MONSTROUS accusations as to THAT being why we didn’t like S4, even though it was, like critically panned by the GENERAL AUDIENCE who have NO investment in the series other than “I liked it in the past”.

Two of my fave YouTubers have interesting (not perfect, but still good) takes coming at the series as casual viewers:

‘The Day Sherlock Died’ by The Closer Look

‘Sherlock is Garbage, and Here’s Why’ by hbomberguy

So it’s NOT just Johnlockers. I’ve talked to Sher1011ies at 221B con who didn’t like S4 either, because most of them realized how shitty Molly was treated in the last episode. So yeah, a big middle finger to those who think I dislike S4 because of “no Johnlock”. No, I disliked it because I need my stories to make logical narrative sense. I disliked it because I love John and they ruined his character all for the sake of drama and because Moffat has a “hurting Ben” kink. I disliked it because Mary should NOT have been “redeemed” because she was an abuser. I disliked it because Moriarty was turned into a cartoon villain, even though he was already overused in the series. I disliked it because the core of the show – the FRIENDSHIP of Sherlock and John, and their solving mysteries together – did not exist at all. I disliked it because John got sidelined. I disliked it because TFP was a ridiculous episode that, if you replace ANY of the characters, it wouldn’t make a difference, because it didn’t feel like an episode of Sherlock. I disliked it because everyone was OOC.

Anyway. Sorry. One too many accusations my way over the past 1100+ days LOL.

As for your assessment of TFP, I’m going to have to respectfully disagree with you. There was no growth and actually it implies something far more sinister: That the Holmes are and were terrible parents that gave no shits about their daughter, their traumatized son, and expected their eldest to essentially be a parent. It implies that Mycroft, at 12 years old, orchestrated the ENTIRE Sherrinford thing… Look I can suspend my disbelief, but there’s limits, and this is one of them. A LITERAL CHILD. Perhaps Uncle Rudy had a hand in it somehow, but then why not shit on Uncle Rudy? Why is Mycroft blamed for it all?

Look, I don’t doubt Sherlock had a traumatic experience regarding “Redbeard”. But then why play into the fact that he was a dog? Why bring another character into the series just to have a gotcha moment? Because Mofftiss wanted a “Shyamalan twist”, that’s why. They threw EVERYTHING away for a twist ending either because they GENUINELY thought it was good, or they got tired of doing Sherlock. ALL of TFP is LITERALLY a really bad plot twist because reasons. TFP makes no sense to the ENTIRE narrative structure of the previous 12 episodes. It erased EVERYTHING from the previous episodes, and coated it with a gross closing by a character no one wanted in the series, and then tried to convince us that it’s a new beginning – “a journey they had to go through” – but it SOLVED NOTHING.

Anyway. I have big feels about S4, and the only way I can enjoy it is to watch it subtextually, but even then, I cannot sit through TFP without cringing.

That said, Lovelies, please do not attack Nonny for enjoying S4! I know you guys won’t, but Nonny came out with an olive branch and they just want to understand why the fandom is passionate about S4′s… whatever it was. We can have a civil discussion about it, and point out – without attacking – why S4 is universally panned. It’s okay to like things no one else does, and Nonny was respectful to me in this ask!

So with that, feel free, lovelies, to express why YOU didn’t enjoy the series, or why you did! I’m interested in both “sides” / pov’s whatever :)

#steph replies #long post #sherlock s4 #s4 shitposting #mofftiss #something's fucky #the mary problem #my thoughts #my meta #shitposting steph #sorry gang if you like the season #it's easier for me to enjoy it if i tinhat

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traincat · 6 years

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i just found out about the gwen and norman babies and i’m just wondering what the fuck

“What the fuck” is a pretty accurate summary, but okay, so. Story time, because while this ask refers to the developments of a story called Sins Past (Amazing Spider-Man #509-#514), in which it was revealed that Gwen Stacy had twins fathered by Norman Osborn, to grasp the full story here we’ve got to go back to a little bit to before the death of Gwen Stacy.

In Amazing Spider-Man #93, after George Stacy’s death, his brother Arthur invites Gwen to come stay with his family in England. (This is notably where The Amazing Spider-Man 2 gets its “Gwen moving to England” storyline.) Peter had been planning to propose to her, but freezes up under the knowledge that Gwen blames Spider-Man for her father’s death:

Gwen takes it as a rejection, and leaves to go stay with her aunt and uncle in England. One thing I don’t think gets touched on enough with Gwen is that she’s very empathic, and good at picking up on all of Peter’s feelings and cues – it’s just that she doesn’t have the full context to interpret them. This also isn’t the first time Peter’s been in this situation; after he graduated high school, knowing that Ned Leeds had proposed to Betty Brant, Peter also had planned to propose to her, somewhat secure in the knowledge that Betty would’ve chosen him over Ned. (She would’ve, and in fact when Betty’s marriage to Ned began falling apart much later, she and Peter briefly engaged in an affair.) But when Betty says she could never love a man who was an adventurer, “a man who risks his life each day”, Peter realizes that as Spider-Man it wouldn’t be fair to propose to her and storms out.

(He notably did not take into consideration that he was a high school graduate with a freelance job who still lived with his aunt in the “to propose or not to propose” dilemma. Typical.)

Gwen would return to New York in Amazing Spider-Man #98 – a whole five issues later. Coincidentally, this also marked the return of the Green Goblin, Norman’s memories of Peter’s secret identity as Spider-Man having returned. The Green Goblin was briefly stopped when Peter used the sight of Harry – who was suffering from a drug overdose – to shock Norman out of the Green Goblin persona. With Norman once again unaware that his son’s best friend and roommate was Spider-Man, Harry on the mend, and Gwen back from England, everything was coming up Parker and, though no specific details had been ironed out, Peter and Gwen were set to marry. (I think it’s important to note with PeterGwen how serious they were, and that they were planning to get married.)

But, famously, that didn’t last – Norman did remember, during a particularly nasty overdose of Harry’s, and he kidnapped and killed Gwen in Amazing Spider-Man #121.

So with all that in mind, let’s talk Sins Past itself. This got long. More under the cut.

Alright, so, all that said and done – in Sins Past, the story is flipped on its head. In Amazing Spider-Man #509, Peter receives a letter from Gwen, allegedly written while she was in Paris, indicating that when she died she did so with some kind of secret. The letter arrives incomplete, the secret unrevealed.

Furthermore, two mysterious (and super-powered) shadowy figures are trying to kill Peter, but that’s just like, a Wednesday for him. Along the way, and with a stunning admission from Mary Jane, it’s revealed that the two shadowy would-be assassins are Gwen’s twin children, and that their father is Norman Osborn.

Yeah.

The twins – Sarah and Gabriel Stacy – are aging preternaturally fast because of the Goblin serum Norman had dosed himself with. They were also born after only seven months – but the infants weren’t premature. It’s revealed that that’s why Gwen left for Europe, not, in fact, to stay with her father’s family, but to secretly have her children.

Yeah.

The twins were brought up in France by Norman, kept isolated from the world, and raised as trained fighters who believed that Peter was their father, and that he had abandoned them and killed their mother. So now they’re here to kill him.

Yeah.

So we’ll pause here to take some questions.

1) “What? Why? What?”

So initially, writerJ. Michael Straczynski wanted Sarah and Gabriel to be Peter’s children with Gwen. This was nixed by Marvel, under the belief that having two adult children would age the character too much. I mean, they’re actually like, seven years old, but okay. Denying Peter the status of fatherhood because it would “age him” too much is a frustrating pattern in Spider-Man canon: Norman notably orchestrated the murder of Peter and MJ’s baby several years before. Instead of chucking the story out of the window altogether, which you know, would have been my first pick, it was reworked so that Norman was the father of Gwen’s children, because that was so much better than Peter discovering he had children with one of the people he loved most in the world. Comics are here to be a frustrating experience for everyone.

2) “So Gwen cheated on Peter?”

This is a frustrating take on the situation I’ve seen on more than one anti-Gwen post, painting Gwen as the villain of the piece for sleeping with Norman, instead of as a vulnerable young woman taken advantage of by the father of one of her best friends, a disturbingly realistic scenario before you ever even add in the fact that Norman is a literal supervillain. When Gwen recounts her one sexual encounter with Norman to Mary Jane, she herself seems confused about how and why she ended up in the situation. While I don’t think the intent was to have the encounter be out and out nonconsensual, there’s more than enough room to wonder.

This is a very emotional time for the cast of Spider-Man; George Stacy is dead. Gwen blames Spider-Man and Peter is dealing with that and the way he is dealing with it is making Gwen doubt his love for her. Both Harry and Norman are falling apart in very different ways. Sometimes, things happen and situations arise and there’s no planning involved; “naive young woman is seduced by the darkness inside of an older man” is a tired trope, but a prevalent one. In any event, even if Gwen did deliberately cheat on Peter (which, no matter how you read the issue of consent in Sins Past, is clearly not what Gwen describes to Mary Jane), she was taken advantage of by an older man in a position of power over her, and after she had his children he turned around, killed her, and raised and abused her children to believe that the man Gwen wanted to raise them had abandoned them and murdered Gwen. So there’s no version of events here in which Gwen Stacy is the bad guy, and using that argument to prop up one of Peter’s other love interests as a better person than her is a bad take. There are no “good people” here: these are fictional characters who have been handled by many different creators over the years. They cannot make their own choices.

3) “Wait, J. Michael Straczynski? Isn’t that the guy whose Spider-Man comics you’re always telling people to read?”

Haha yeah it sure is!! It can be rough recommending a whole run, because the longer they get, the greater the chance there is of there being that one story in there you reaaaaally don’t think is for everyone, which is Sins Past. And this is tough, because as much as I don’t think Sins Past should be in continuity, JMS’ amazing voices for both Peter and Mary Jane never falters.

There are a lot of different kinds of bad stories in mainstream superhero comics: bad plot, bad characterization; good plot, bad characterization; bad plot, good characterization – and those are just some of the possible bad story combinations. I think Sins Past is a bad plot that’s very disrespectful to a female character whose legacy was already her brutal death at the hands of a supervillain. Reframing that death so that, instead of merely being at the wrong place at the wrong time and paying the ultimate price, Norman purposefully hunted down Gwen before she could tell Peter about her twins, doesn’t help. As a fan of Gwen, I don’t like her part in this story and I personally don’t think it should exist (as the story it currently is, and I’ll touch on that later) in continuity. I think it should be explicitly retconned out in a way that brooks no argument. (JMS himself has said he wished to retcon it out, but wasn’t allowed.)

That being said, have I read this like eight times? You bet. I think the art is stunning, I think JMS’ is really an incredible talent when it comes to writing Peter, who can be, to put it simply, a difficult character to get. I find the PeterMJ scenes are beautiful, as are Peter’s melancholy-tinged memories of Gwen. Also, I love comic book garbage. Skrulls? Clones? Robots? A character’s long lost children, artificially aged to adulthood and back to kill their supposed father? Oh my God, that’s so stupid. I want twenty of it.

So my feelings here are really mixed. I don’t like the rewrite of Gwen’s history. I don’t like that this is in serious continuity (and I’ll touch on that in a moment). Additionally, I don’t think the timeline really works – I’ve never felt Gwen was abroad for quite that long, even with the sped up pregnancy, and when she does come back, there’s quite a lot of time for her to tell Peter, which was something Sins Past had made clear she’d intended to do. But whatever, retcons are retcons, they rarely if ever are perfect fits. I do like the characterization of Peter and Mary Jane, and I like it a lot. If I had to pick a story that in my own opinion perfectly highlights how Peter experiences every single strong emotion, it would be this one, which is unfortunate because, well, everything else about this. It is unfortunately totally believable to me that Norman would have slept with Gwen and then killed her, but tbh if I was picking a member of Peter’s social circle who would willingly sleep with Norman, it’d be Flash, who briefly worked for Norman and was quite enamored by him – before he waterboarded Flash with whiskey, strapped him into a semi-truck, and made him crash into Midtown High, landing him in a coma. Oh, and then, way later, also murdering him. Norman’s gonna Norman.

Like I said: mixed feelings.

3) “Wait, but is it in continuity when it’s almost never brought up again, and nobody, not Peter or Mary Jane or Norman, mentions it even when it would make sense to and also nobody wants this in continuity anymore?”

Hhhh yeah it unfortunately is, and I’ll outline why, because it would have been so easy to take it out of continuity. So Sins Past takes place shortly before One More Day, wherein Aunt May was shot following the events of Civil War, during which Peter had revealed his identity on national television and the Spider-Man cat was out of the bag. In One More Day, Peter’s offered a choice by Mephisto: his marriage for his aunt’s life. Ultimately, unable to live with himself if he says no, Peter agrees. The marriage (although notably not the long term committed relationship – in the altered timeline, Peter and Mary Jane were still together from the date of their wedding to just after Civil War) was erased from the timeline, Aunt May was saved, and Peter’s identity was once again hidden from the world and from many of the people who had already know, like Felicia Hardy, the Fantastic Four, and most notably from Aunt May. There were also some additional changes made: most notably, Harry Osborn, who died in Spectacular Spider-Man #200, the best issue of all time, was alive. Clearly, the changes to the narrative’s web, if you will, extended beyond the framework of just Peter and Mary Jane’s marriage. Like I said: basically nobody talks about this story. It shows up on lists of the worst comic book plots of all time all the time. The characters almost never bring up Gabriel or Sarah – there is a sequel story called Sins Remembered: Sarah’s Story (The Spectacular Spider-Man vol 2 issues #23-26), written by Samm Barnes, where Sarah sends for Peter’s help in Paris and he does his level best to be her dad.

But of course all is not as it seems blah blah. I won’t say it’s the worst comic I’ve ever read.

It would have been easy, then, to retcon Gabriel and Sarah out with Brand New Day, since nobody ever talks about them or wants this story to be in continuity, including its original writer. Right?

Wrong. In the American Son miniseries, which is post-Brand New Day, Gabriel Stacy makes a prominent reappearance, although Sarah’s whereabouts are unknown.

I’ll be honest: I personally don’t consider this series of events to be canon. I never mention or include it. As far as I’m concerned, it’s extra-canon material, not to be counted. But that’s just me personally as a reader. If I was asked whether or not this was actually canon, in that it was published and not retconned back out – the answer is yes, the twins exist in canon. Not my personal canon, but the actual canon.

But we could fix that.

4) “Well, Traincat,” said nobody, “how WOULD you fix Gabriel and Sarah Stacy so that the twins could be kept in continuity without everyone screaming?”

Great question, me! I would fix it with the greatest out Spider-Man storytelling has ever given us: clones. It’s very notable that Sarah looks exactly like Gwen…

Gabriel was specifically drawn with a strong resemblance to Peter. Look at that. The Osborn hair doesn’t spare people that way. The answer then, becomes simple: keep the story. Keep Gabriel and Sarah. But have them be revealed as two of the Jackal’s Peter and Gwen clones. It’s a better explanation for why Gabriel and Sarah would be adults than “the goblin serum did it”, and planting the twins, who could fully believe they were who they said they were with the use of artificial memories, in Peter’s path as a form of psychological torment fits with many of villains – presenting Spider-Man with the children of his lost love, fathered by one of his greatest enemies, as a form of torture. As for Mary Jane’s recount of when she found out, well – the same thing: implanted memories. There are more than enough characters on the Marvel landscape who are capable of that. It’d be pretty easy to pull off, since Marvel seems stubbornly set on keeping Gabriel and Sarah on the playing field, and honestly, it makes a lot more sense. Clones! (Let me pull it off, Marvel!!)

One final note: Sins Past outright alleges that Gwen and Peter never had sex, because Peter knows from the start in the story that they couldn’t be his children. To which I would like to say: lol yeah right.

So that’s (probably more than you wanted to know about) Sins Past!

#traincat talks comics #long post/#*replies

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anothergirlrecovering · 6 years

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Lynn 88

Lynn emailed me and said that she was stuck at a railroad crossing so she was going to be late. I walked across the parking lot and use the bathroom there and her door was still locked so I just stayed outside until she arrived. When she got there she apologize and I was like it’s fine I use the bathroom across the parking lot and she was like oh really can you do that and I was like I mean no one said anything and she was like OK will that’s good to now. She told me to go in and I sat down and she fiddled with the lock and said that it hasn’t been working right and then she went in her office and got my chart out and invited me in. She was like you were out of town last week right? And I was like yeah I went and saw Hamilton and she was like oh that’s right how was it and I was like it was really good but honestly listen I felt like it was kind of overrated for what it was and she was like you know my husband said the exact same thing and I was like well I mean like it was a good show but I would never have seen it if I hadn’t known what it was and thought oh my god this is the best show ever and totally deserves several hundred dollar tickets. She said her has been absolutely hated it because he was like this was literally just three hours of people standing around and wrapping. I Aster if he had listened to the music had of time and she said no and she thinks that would have helped because she was like it’s different if you know all the music and I was like yeah thankfully my friends had said it would help to listen to the music I had of time so I made sure I did and I looked up all the lyrics in the plot so that I would definitely know what was going on but even then there were a few parts that I was like what are they saying. She said yeah she definitely understood and I was like in I didn’t really like the Aaron burr that we had but I watched a bootleg so I saw the real deal online and she was like OK that’s good and I said that I would be going to New York in September and that yesterday was my birthday and my brother’s girlfriend texted me about it and she asked me if I would want to see pretty woman for my birthday. Lynn was like oh my gosh I really want to see that to you! She said she’s going next week with her daughter to bring her to school and she is trying to figure out what she will see but she really wants to see carousel since it is closing but she also wants to see pretty woman and she was like I think I might see a few of them and I was like and come from away? And she was like I don’t know it’s up there as one of the maybes and I was like I know I know you’re not sold on it but I really want you to see it that way you can tell me if you end up liking it because I really loved it and she was like I know, but she said she would see how much time she has and what tickets available and the costs for them. I said that made sense and she was like pretty woman is a classic and I love the movie and you know it’s a stereo typical prostitute love story and I was like don’t ruin it for me actually haven’t seen the movie yet but my husband and I will watch it this weekend. She was like really and I was like yeah I’ve been super movie deprive my whole life and she was like OK and then she asked what else has been going on and I was like well the other good thing was that I semi-impulsively but not really impulsively bought a piano keyboard. I was like I had a really bad sinus infection for like the last two weeks and she was like really my daughter had a really bad virus and she said that there’s a virus going around and it’s mostly her throat and was like yeah I had a fever but it was definitely a sinus infection and she was like yeah my daughter had a fever too and she said they thought it was mono because it was kind of on and off for a little bit but she was feeling pretty terrible and now she’s feeling better and I was like yeah I don’t know maybe it was the virus that caused the sinus infection and she was like yeah you sound terrible and I was like I mean thanks and she was like well I’m being honest and I was like yeah so anyway so I bought a keyboard and I was like listen of this and don’t judge me because I totally have had laryngitis so pretend that’s not a thing and I played or the beginning of she used to be mine that I recorded myself playing and singing and she was like oh that’s so good and she was like you’ve seen waitress right? And I was like yeah and I don’t actually know how to play the piano but I want to learn and that seems like an easier one to get the hang of Sam there was that and I was like otherwise there really hasn’t been anything going on just because I’ve been mainly sick and not doing anything. I was like but also my dad irritated me yesterday because on my birthday he asked if I was going to have cheat meals since I said I was going to take it manage of all the birthday freebies at restaurants and it just made me mad because it’s like he knows my history and he knows that I’m definitely not on a diet or anything so it was super unnecessary and also that I was thinking after our session a lot about my childhood phobia and just how I realized that I know Lynn has always said that I have some OCD traits but thinking back on childhood I was like you know I really realized that I had contamination OCD that kind of went comorbid with the phobia as a result of the phobia assume and I explained I had all of these checking behaviors and rituals like always checking where the garbage was in the exits were so that way I wouldn’t know where to go if I was going to throw up and the constantly checking in and making sure other people aren’t sick or things like that and I said I just hadn’t really thought about it and I told her about how my husband got violently ill and threw up on his birthday and I had a panic attack and cried and kicked him out of the bathroom and it really bothers me because I’m obviously not over it and I would like to be over it for my future children. She brought up the OCD aspect and was like if it’s more of the OCD stuff we can treat that and she asked if I did the specific OCD protocol with people with EMD are and I said actually hadn’t and she said it’s about reducing the urges to do compulsions and I said oh and I explained that while I definitely had a lot of those rituals and compulsions throughout childhood and adolescence and even as if I got in college, I feel like it’s a lot better and I don’t have those rituals anymore but I think actually what stop that was that because of my own purging I’m no longer scared of myself I’m annoying so it doesn’t feel like OCD is a problem anymore and she was like oh OK. She asked what I thought the issue was that I was feeling stuck I feel like we ended up having a conversation about the whole phobia situation that we’ve had many times before where she was basically like there’s no way to test whether or not you are over this and what is it that you are feeling stuck on and I was like honestly I don’t really know and then I got anxious and I was like this is literally what is Sony got nasty with me about was the fact that she kept pressing me and I was like I really don’t know and I wish that I did and I was like maybe that feeling trapped feeling because I was in the bathroom and cornered but I could’ve easily step aside so I don’t think it’s that but maybe it was the anticipation aspect because I knew that it might happen again versus a year ago for my birthday somebody threw up at the baseball game and I didn’t have any time to anticipate it it just happened and she was like yeah I don’t know. She was like I mean it’s possible that panic attacks just happened and I was like no they don’t and she was like yes they do and I was like if it was an isolated incident sure like at the acupuncturist I was thinking about my car accident I can get on board with that, but this was super specific tied to a specific phobia and Lynn was like panic attacks just happen man and I was like random ones sure and she was like symptoms they just happen and she said how last year her and her daughter were in New York City and they got locked out of her apartment and she had this huge panic attack and she said that her daughter had to calm her down then she was like I don’t know what happened but obviously there was some psychological shit going on which I couldn’t help but laugh but I was like OK but that totally makes sense that it was just like a random panic attack I’m on wasn’t exactly random and it’s hard to test because it’s not like I’m around people throwing up all the time and she was like yeah and it’s not like I can really just send you into a children’s hospital and I was like yeah I mean being around bunch of chemo patients I guess that’s why it’s so hard to treat. And then she did the home this may be as good as it gets and then I got sad and I was like OK but I just don’t wanted to be this way and she was like I mean it may be one of those things where your husband deals with the kids when they’re sick all that but I don’t want them to feel like I just didn’t want to be around them and she was like well it could be different when you have kids and I was like but it probably won’t like realistically I see the people in the Facebook groups and they have kids and their phobia doesn’t just go away and she was like well you still don’t know until you have them and I was like I don’t want to be that mom who has to be like sorry kids mommy is just too scared to sit with you and she was like vomit is uncomfortable for everybody I don’t have happy memories with my kids comforting them in the bathroom and I was like OK but you still comfort of them and she was like but it wasn’t a good time and I was like but I don’t want them to feel terribly alone and abandoned like I did and what if my husband isn’t there and she was like well you won’t know until you have them and could be different. and she asked what my goals would be around it and I was like I just want to be normal and she was like well that’s not a goal and I was like you know what I mean though and she’s like well what do you want and I was like to be able to just deal with it like a normal person like I’m not even that grossed out by Vomit I could totally handle it but it’s like I just want to be able to be around people vomiting without going into this huge panic attack and crying or having to run away and like when I think of having kids I don’t wanna do to them what my mom did to me and kick them out of the bathroom or pull over the car and me get out because I’m scared and so she started asking about my anxieties about having kids and she asked if I’m anxious to have kids and I was like I mean isn’t everyone and she was like well when are you planning on having them and I was like I don’t know it kind of just depends more on my husband because I would like to have them sooner than later because I don’t want to be like 39 and not able to play outside with my kids because I’m already out of shape and she was like wait how old are you and I was like 28 years ago and I was like so I mean is there anxiety sure but I don’t know and she was like well when does your husband want them and I was like I don’t know he kind of changes his story a little bit about when and so I don’t really know and she was like well when do you want them and I was like sooner than later and she was like are you ready to have them now and I was like I mean is anyone ever actually ready and I tried to explain and I was like I mean I want them and I don’t really see a real good reason to keep waiting and then I get anxious that if I wait too long I’m gonna have the bad eggs left and Lynn was like I don’t think that’s how that works and I was like well you never know what if I’m getting rid of all the good eggs now and she was like yeah that’s definitely not how that works because if you have a viable pregnancy it means that I was healthy enough to take and I was like I mean yeah I know that it’s kind of a rational but I still worry because what if I end up passing along the eggs that have the bad genetics and I know it’s irrational and she brought up if I have an anxiety about whether or not I will be able to get pregnant and I was like not really because my periods are pretty regular and I’m not on birth control and haven’t been so I don’t see any reason why I should have a hard time with it in theory but I know something that does make me anxious when thinking about pregnancy is just the Wiecking aspect and not being sure how exactly I will handle so much weight gain and you know if it was just all in my stomach that would be easy but if it’s all over I think that’s going to be a struggle. She was like oh yeah well I think when you are pregnant I’m going to need to refer you to an eating disorder therapist because that’s just completely outside of my realm and all of the stress chemicals and not eating at all that would affect the baby in the pregnancy and so she would want me to see somebody who really knows how to address that and I just didn’t even say anything so I was like I’m not pregnant it’s not worth arguing with her about why she shouldn’t do that because ultimately as long as I’m actually following through the meal plan which like I said not worth explaining but I’ve already planned that I would see a dietitian to make sure that I’m staying nutritionally OK but I therapist is just gonna be like remind yourself of the fact that you are growing a baby and I really don’t think that I would do anything like restricting because I would be too anxious to do anything to hurt my baby. Only thing that I could see happening is that I can definitely see myself struggling with becoming really rigid around following the meal plan with the dietitian sense but other than that, now I think it will be fine but whatever so just an address that in Lynn was like so maybe this anxiety about the vomiting really isn’t anxiety but the vomiting as much as it is anxiety about being a mom and she was like what do you think of that and I was like I mean maybe because I’m definitely anxious that I’m going to screw up my kid like my mom did to me and she was like so maybe that’s it and she went back-and-forth on the whole we could try continuing to tackle the whole phobia thing or keep working on the other issues that may be connected Then maybe we just have the wrong negative belief and I was like I mean maybe and she pulled it up and said that the positive believe was I’m OK as I am and that we had gotten the negative leave down to a one but we were not able to do that positively can she likes when you think of that now though I’m OK as I am doesn’t seem like you would be fitting does it and I was like now I mean I guess what would be more fitting would be wanting to feel like I can handle it or I can get through it or stay present or something like that. She said that made more sense and again when with the whole like what do you want to work on and I was like I don’t know and she was like well what do you think is the biggest issue and she started talking and I honestly checked out and I asked her what she said twice and I apologize and she was like basically just what are you want to work on and what bothers you and was like I mean I guess the whole feeling that I don’t matter is really probably be cool or I would think like unless I’m sick or has something wrong with me because Lynn had also brought up do I think the phobia thing was just a response because we’ve been working on me getting better and I’m afraid that if I get better then I don’t need her anymore and I was like honestly no because there was literally no thoughts about it and it was like an immediate reflexive response to go into an automatic panic attack and she had said OK but so I was like I really just don’t even know why I just feel like I don’t matter so she was like oh we have some time so grab the toppers. I noticed that I was like I just feel like there are so many things wrong with me and they’re always have been and part of me feels like I don’t know just worried that I don’t matter because there are 1 million things wrong with me and I have so many weird anxieties and corks end but then I noticed that part of me feels really mad because I look back and I’m like reminded of how recently my mom I said something about I don’t know how mom could have a kid in the not want them and she was like yeah I don’t now but it made me mad in the moment because I was like you basically acted like you didn’t really want me but of course she would never admit that and I think about how she was like I didn’t know I was supposed to spend time with you and it’s like how the fuck did you not know that? And I noticed that it made me mad because it was like I think back now to being a little kid with all these problems and when I think of all of my intensive children that I’ve worked with yeah they are always the difficult kids but if parents actually invest and spend time with their kids or get them the help that they need it’s like they become totally different children and they get better and they become so much easier to be around and part of it makes me mad because it’s like if my mom would have gotten me help or spend time with me maybe I wouldn’t have so many problems now and also maybe I would’ve been an easier kid to where she would’ve actually wanted to be around me. I noticed that it’s sucked that I wasn’t just an easy kid off the bat that made my mom want to be around me and I noticed that honestly makes me feel mad and Lynn was in like notice that anger and I was like OK and I noticed that I feel like I’m not supposed to feel mad and anger is an emotion that I’m not comfortable with And you know I used to always fight with my dad but with my mom there was no fighting because it was instantly if I got mad she sent me to my room or told me that he needed to get over it and stop being dramatic or ridiculous or bad and I never saw her expressed anger over literally anything like I can’t remember a single time when she was mad and I just has always felt like it wasn’t safe to express anger with her and I think that’s why even now I feel so uncomfortable for me to feel mad at her and she was like noticed that and I noticed that I was such an angry teenager but at some point I turned the anger on myself and like when I think back I can remember I always had anxiety and I always wished I could be different but I don’t remember feeling like everything was literally my fault until 12 grade because I can remember in 11th grade when my friend Christi had been taking out her anger with her ex-boyfriend on me and I remember being mad at her for it but I don’t remember feeling like it was all my fault and if I can just be better then it wouldn’t be happening and so I guess at some point I must have switched from being mad at other people to just blaming myself and being mad at myself and feeling like everything was my own fault. She told me to notice that and I noticed that I wasn’t really sure why I changed it on myself but I remembered just getting so angry and cutting myself and Lynn brought up the whole control issue and she was like could it be perhaps that it was your way to control it and I was like I mean yeah and she asked if I had any idea why and I said I thought I guess just that everything just sort of build up all at once and it felt like there’s only so many times that it could be everybody else before I should probably admit that I’m the problem and at some point the pattern that I was the common denominator so I would guess that’s where came from. She suggested the that was your way to control everything again and I said yeah probably. I jokingly said control my favorite issue and she smiled and said she knew and said we would keep working on all of this. She was looking at scheduling and was like we already have an appointment for next week right and I was like no you said you’d be gone and she was like well I will be going on Thursday and I was like what the heck but she was like I’ll be here on Monday and Tuesday if you want to come in then and I was like I already have clients scheduled so I can’t and she’s like that’s OK we already have the following weeks schedule and I was like yeah so can we do that next week scheduling that way I will know my schedule for that week and she laughed and I was like I’m sorry but since I won’t be here next week to schedule the two weeks out I need to do it now for my schedule and she was like that’s fine I understand. I was like OK and so we scheduled and I went to pay but then I was like wait did you figure out my deductible and she was like no I’m going to figure that out this weekend so if your next session but I’m just not gonna collect any payment and I was like OK that works. She told me safe travels and I headed out.

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the-chosen-half-of-one · 7 years

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Really Long The Empty Grave Ramblings Lockwood and Co.:

Lockwood and Co. The empty grave spoilers, long incoherent commentary and rambling/babbling ahead, you have been warned... - - - "I'll treasure the memory on my deathbed" Oh Kipps, I laugh before I realize... What if his deathbed's in this book? "Holly got out some chocolate, began offering it around" She's like the Remus Lupin of the crew right there, 'Eat! you'll feel better.' I expected wax, but The wax figure actually coming to life actually freaked me out I imagine the skull saying "how's it going?" Like Isabella says "whatcha doing?" In Phineas and Ferb except more sarcastic. And when he says "eep, he's a big one!" ... There's Steve Irwin Lockwood's art skills have a Supernatural gif "I know your feminine wiles!" Oh my god, skull Oh my god just imagine George wearing a sequinned tasseled dress in a theatre show... Try getting that image out of your mind... When Lockwood turns to George and says how they can take anything La Belle Dame throws at them, it sounds like they're secretly gay for each other I knew Lockwood was showing Lucy his family's graves, but when he got there, there was just something in my eye, not tears, nope, nope, nope, just some dirt making my eyes misty Oh my god no, a space for Lockwood's grave, nope, nope, nope The empty grave isn't just referring to Fittes'... Let's hope it stays empty... The Lockwood's weren't even killed by ghosts, that's almost sadder I wonder if it was staged... This whole scene in the graveyard has an eerie but nice calm The skull is so just Lucy's sassy friend who likes discussing boys with her and embarrassing her: "ooh, I smell something burning... Oh wait, it's your pants! Your pants are on fire, you massive liar! You so weren't on a case!" Oh my God, the slow atrocious wink😘😜 Well, it was very overgrown. I bet it was. The figure rising from the mounds of garbage in the alleyway. "Hello, Flo" *Me chanting* George and Flo! George and Flo! No, Mr. Gale, really, I should have kicked YOU. Holly with her comeback. She's not the mom friend, she's the teacher friend. "Could you show [the papers] to me?" "I could. It would certainly be possible" The way they seem to think Barnes is trustworthy makes me worry he's not... Kipps! Kipps! Humble Kipps. My Kipps! Drinking game: take a sip every time someone says Charley Budd "[The scream] was higher and shriller than Holly's, so we knew that it was Kipps." Let's split up gang! No let's not, that's how problems start! Oh god no fortunes! Nuh uh! No you don't! Don't do this! "He will go into the dark" "He will sacrifice his life for you" I don't think so witchy! Nope! Lies! Shh! *worry* *sobbing* That moment with George telling her to really look at the ghost is grea- wait what if he's the one who dies... George is the strongest of them all! Lockwood no!!! Trapeze artist Lucy Carlyle at your service!!! "Hey, Luce..." Slap! Bearded lady has got a thing for Kipps😝 Anthony Death Wish Lockwood *sobbing* I hope Barnes is a good guy... Aw, he cares! Like a concerned grumpy ol grandpa. Lucy/Skull are totally a thing, they're an item I wonder if the silver Fittes uniform is like the feather cape or something Rupert can see the ghost... So ectoplasm can maybe do more than just keep you young and Penelope's not the only one with the secret... George???!!! Oh my god don't be dead don't be dead don't be dead Ok I know it's a bad time and my gosh poor George but internally chanting George and Flo! George and Flo! "Who's up for a spot of burglary?" Whoa an actual age for Kipps! His "advanced" age of 22 They have cloaks like the capes! I knew it! Fittes totally stole the Lockwood's research! This just makes me more sure their death wasn't an accident! Deranged seniors on stilts, I thought it was an automaton for a moment, but nope just old man Wolverine I can't take them seriously I just see elderly cosplaying as tinfoil robots with bulbous goggles and handmade weaponry I knew it! I knew it! It wasn't no accident! Oh my God, poor Lockwood! I want to punch the Orpheus Society in the face and get them in an "accident" gaah I'm so mad! Skully doesn't want to leave! Portal in Jessica's room... Means free the skull! Free the skull! *about the ectoplasm* "does she bathe in it? Does she eat it, what?" Just imagine Fittes having a nice peanut butter and ectoplasm sandwich... Hot potato pass it on pass it on pass it on hot potato pass it on, you've been ghost-touched There's so many hidden dirty jokes in this book No! Bad plot forwarding! Stop ruining my locklyle moment!!! He was giving her a necklace symbolizing undying devotion!! Come on goons, you couldn't wait 3 more seconds???!!! This is some Home Alone type stuff going on People keep liking my "who was going to die theory" I posted months ago and Kipps was just stabbed and I'm worried... Kipps says he's fine which is exactly what people say when they're not fine... Oh God, now they're trapped in the spirit world, how did I not see that coming??? And now they've got the ghost of Winkman to worry about... And they're totally dead and I almost always forget the skull's not very old. And no Gale don't take our skully!! ... She's actually physically stopping them from moving on... That's so awful... My god I think Kipps is dead or near death which is why he has so much energy in the spirit world. Flo's better than Lockwood with a rapier, she was an agent, now she's a survivor... So much character development in this book! More of the skull's spirit! Yay!... More affirmation of Kipps' not aliveness... Not yay... I wonder if ectoplasm has healing properties too... Am I getting desperate??? Tell me your name skull tell me!!! *me desperately yelling at him* I'm not crying. Who's crying? Just some dust in my eye. *begins sobbing over Kipps* They called him the body. I'm dying now. "It was only at the very end that I realized he was dying" "What do you mean dying? I bloody well hope not!" Oh my god if you heard my gasp of relief you'd think I won the lottery, that was beautiful. That was a roller coaster, that was my heart being ripped out and shoved back in. "You've got to take her by surprise, right? Well nothing would be more surprising than you stripping naked now, daubing charcoal on your cheeks-I'm not specifying which ones- and rushing out of the elevator, whooping and leaping like a mad thing..." Does this quote even need a comment? It's 'you and I' Marissa, geez, this is all I have now, correcting the grammar of fictional villains... Is Ezekiel controlling her... No that makes no sense. Does it? Oh God is his source in the cabinet?... Wait what... What's actually going on??? The body in the cabinet is Marissa?? I'm freaked... Is she a ghost? What is this? ... I'm with skull on this one "I didn't expect that." Is this possession?? Oh my god it was actually her granddaughter, that's sick... She killed her own granddaughter... Well I bet this is worse than we all thought.., and her daughter... *me chanting* free the skull! Free the skull! Dang it Lucy! Put some elbow grease into it!!! Hmm... I guess not. Lockwood no... Nope nope nope... Like Lockwood yes, perfect timing, but Lockwood no! Skull!!!!!!!!! Aw, he does care No, I knew safety was too good to be true! Really, a cluster bomb?? Really??? We were so close... The skull... The skull is the one who died... The one who sacrificed himself for her... The dead guy is the one who sacrificed his life... I don't know if I'm sad, impressed, surprised or all 3... I'm seeing the destruction in slow motion "Some of us have standards you know" oh Flo... That made me smile. Biker jacket Barnes! Phew Skully's okay for now. Unless... He finally decided to move on. Give the people the truth!!!! Lockwood in a macho leather jacket like Barnes, haha no. Lucy don't you see the Locklyle happening before your eyes??? Hope for skully! Lil green glint... Wait I just realized we never did learn his name did we? Locklyle! Locklyle! Locklyle! This book was too good! ... Now what do I do?????

#Lockwood and co.#The Empty Grave #TEG #Lockwood and company #Lockwood and co #Lucy Carlyle #Anthony Lockwood #skull in the jar #george cubbins #quill Kipps #Holly munroe #Flo bones #L&C #Lockwood & Co.#teg spoilers

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wordshappensometimes · 7 years

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Desperate Measures (Soulmate AU)

Summary: Soulmate AU, you and everyone you know has the first thing their soulmate will ever say to them tattooed to their wrist. But what happens when your tattoo bares one of the most generic, unoriginal greetings in the book?

A/N: No particular fandom here, but I wrote it so that you could insert/imagine whatever paring you’d want. I’ve had this idea for ages and finally finished the story i started a few months back. Soulmate AU’s give me so many questions I needed to imagine a least a few answers for my self... so many possibilities. (if you have other soulmate AU prompts send em my way!)

Words: 1,536

Warnings: some swearing, memories of an instance of abuse/fight

You sat in the busy cafe, minding only your coffee, your book, and your own business. It was more crowded than usual for a Tuesday, but as long as you were able to find a table for yourself you were fine with the extra hustle and bustle. You’d just finished your coffee when you felt a pair of eyes on you from across the room. You shifted slightly in your seat and endeavored to focus on your reading- the plot was just starting to get good and you were hardly sure you’d be able to put the book down until you finished it.

A few minutes later you noticed a young man- probably about your age- moving towards you from where he’d been seated by the window. He slowly made his way through the mass of people grumpily waiting for their mornin’ fix until he arrived at your table. He smiled almost sheepishly at you:

“Hey.”

“Zucchini” you replied.

“W-what?”

“Zucchini?” You asked, raising your eyebrows and smiling hopefully.

The man before you shook his head in confusion. “I-I don’t know what you mean...”

Your expression dropped slightly and you let out a sigh. “Sorry about that, worth a shot.”

The man continued to stare at you like you had 3 heads, so you lifted your sleeve to reveal your left wrist. The elegant cursive font and black ink was known to everyone, even those who hadn’t turned 18 yet, and upon seeing your mark the man immediately understood.

“Ohhh. Damn, that’s gotta be annoying.”

You laughed dryly. “Tell me about it.”

You looked down at your own wrist, examining the word you’d been wearing for 8 years now.

“Hey!”

Why couldn’t your soulmate have been a little more creative with their first words to you? Did they have any idea how many times in a given day people greeted each other with that simple, stupid word?

“Hey!”

You rolled your eyes slightly and looked back up at the guy who’d approached you with a smile.

“Don’t suppose you’ve got ‘zucchini’ written there, do ya?” You chuckled because you already knew the answer.

“Sorry, no such luck.” He pulled up his left sleeve to reveal his soulmate’s first words.

“Do you mind? I’m trying to read.”

You laughed aloud. “Don’t tell me you’ve been going around and bothering every person you see with a book?”

“Kinda seems like I have to, doesn’t it?” He shrugged his shoulders and chuckled.

You shook your head at the absurdity of it all. It was like as soon as everyone turned 18 they had a new mission in life: find their soulmate, figure out what possible context they could have spoken their first words to you in and approach every single person who looked like they might fit the bill. It was a common practice, really, so it didn’t surprise you, but after being dealt the most commonly used, least specific greeting in the book, you’d grown admittedly bitter about the whole thing. And besides, there was no guarantee that’d you’d ever actually meet your soulmate, so all that work could end up being for nothing.

“Well it was nice to meet you... Good luck.” The guy smiled sympathetically before turning to leave.

“Yeah, you too.”

You turned back to your book’s plot, which was progressing quite excitingly, unlike most other things in your life.

After reading for a moment you realized that you had zoned out and hadn’t actually absorbed any of the words you were seeing, so you went back and started the paragraph over again. Your eyes scanned the lines of the page once, twice, three times, but you couldn’t get the words to stick, couldn’t focus... couldn’t stop thinking about the damned ink on your wrist and the path you had thought your life was on not-so-long ago.

You rolled your eyes; how many years were you going to spend regretting this? How many more times were you going to have to relive the same pathetic story?

He’d said “Hey.”

You’d said “Hello there.”

And from the look of shock on his face and the blush rising in his cheeks you knew, you just knew, you’d found your one. Your destined match, your soulmate. He had your words, you had his, it was a match made in the stars.

You slapped your book shut and slouched back in your seat with a huff as the memories came back to you in a rush. God, you were so naive.

And he was everything you had pictured him to be too, the exact kind of guy you’d been attracted to your whole life... not that it counted for much- for most people it was soulmate or bust, why waste time building a life with someone who definitely wasn’t “the one.” But he was perfect, at the very least perfect to look at anyway. Sure things were rough at first, you were strangers to each other; there was a lot of catching up to do and the rest of forever to get ready for.

Bumps in the road were normal. This was normal.

A chill of disgust ran through your body. You slid your book into your purse, got up and made your way towards the cafe exit. Maybe a change of scenery would help get him off of your mind.

As you pushed open the door you remembered how excited everyone had been for you. Your mom cried, your friends threw you a party, you were on top of the world.

As you got to know each other, it didn’t seem like you had a whole lot of shared interests, and your world views couldn’t have been more different, but that happened from time to time with soulmates. You’d heard all sorts of stories of soulmates who started out hating each other until they finally figured out how to make things work.

You were a pessimist, he was blindingly optimistic. This was normal. You recycled with religious ferocity, he tossed his garbage out his car window. Totally normal for soulmates. You loved the beach, he couldn’t stand salt water... or sand. Normal, fine, whatever, you’d vacation somewhere else. You were in one political party, he, of course, was in another. A perfectly normal, though annoying bump in the road. You were a strict monogamist, he said that sleeping around was fine because your soulmate would always be there in the end. That was... not great, but just another bump in the road you told yourself.

You swung your leg over the seat of your bike, strapped on your helmet, and hopped your bike down off the sidewalk onto the street.

But how many problems did soulmates usually have? How many bumps in the road was normal? How many bumps did it take before you’d finally started to question whether he was worth all the time, tears and screaming.

Too damn many.

He thought soulmates should stay together, no matter what, you slammed the door in his face after he threw a bottle at you and never looked back.

You hooked a right onto 5th Ave, feet flying as you furiously pedaled along with traffic, your blood officially boiling from all the emotions that came with these unwelcome memories. Anger, remorse, shame. Oh god, the shame.

You’d wasted far more years than you’d like to count on a supposed soulmate, and while you hadn’t given up completely on the idea that they might be out there somewhere, you certainly weren’t actively looking for them anymore. The best you could do was live your life how you wanted for now and see what happened. But it seemed rather hard (read: impossible) to do that when you could barely manage to stop thinking about him. Shit, what if he was the one? What if you walked away from the only soulmate etched for you in the stars by destiny itself?

You shook your head. No, stop it. You told yourself you’d stop thinking like that. Well it’s not every day that someone walks out on their supposed soulmate. You’re better than this. Am I?

Suddenly the car you’re riding beside edges into the bike lane, forcing you up onto the sidewalk.

“Hey!”

Jumping the curb, you to swipe into a passerby and lose control of your bike. It slides out from under you and knocks into someone else, laying you out flat on the pavement.

You look up from your sprawled position on the ground to see fresh produce spilled all over the sidewalk and an angry pair of hands clutching a ripped grocery bag.

“What the hell?!”

“Oh!” You jump up to your feet, out of breath and absolutely brimming with indignation. “OKay, so it’s fine if I get hit by a goddamn car, but god forbid you drop your precious fucking kale!”

The angry expression before you immediately melts away into amused confusion which turns into laughter.

“And here all this time I thought that’d be yelled at me in a grocery store parking lot or something.”

A hand reaches to pull up a sleeve, but you don’t even need to see it to know. You know, and you know it’s for real this time. Well, sure beats zucchini.

#wordshappensometimes #soulmate au #soulmate alternate universe #fanfiction #fiction #reader insert #au #i personally picture is as Bucky Barnes #but that's just me #Bucky Barnes

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