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angelofthequeers · 4 years

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Hold Me By Both Hands: Chapter 49

Disclaimer: I don’t own ML.

Thank you SO much to everyone that’s stuck with this fic and read it to the very end!

@smolplantmum tagged as requested :)

Chapter 48 | AO3 link

“Selfish! Selfish!”

“Don’t you love me anymore, Adrien? Don’t you love your mother? All it takes is a wish –”

Cold, numb, frozen, not Adrien, not Chat Noir, no one, he’s no one, can’t feel, can’t see, can’t breathe, help, help, someone help –

Adrien gasps and jolts when the underground garden vanishes before his eyes and is instead replaced with a dark room, with unsynced breathing and warm weight all around him. Oh. Oh. Right. He’s not trapped underground with Hawkmoth and his dying zompire mother, her skin grey and black and wizened in the nightmare that haunts him every night. He’s in Marinette’s room, in the middle of a gigantic blanket pile on the floor, with Marinette snoring into his hair, Luka clinging to his left arm for dear life, and Kagami appearing to have an arm slung around Marinette’s waist, from what he can make out in the darkness.

He’s safe. He’s safe. But every time he closes his eyes, he can’t escape: from the comatose mother who couldn’t be revived due to the degree of Miraculous damage from the Peacock, whose funeral had apparently been earlier that week, though he remembers absolutely none of it; from the father who’d been sentenced to life in prison only yesterday in possibly the quickest trial ever held, the universe stripping him of both parents in the span of two weeks, and even Nathalie, who’s taken up damage control for the company but who’s never at the mansion anymore; from the chill, the freezing cold emptiness that plagues him when he least expects it, remnants of the akumatisation that he can’t remember. Have the last two weeks even happened? Or has he just been stuck in one, long, disjointed dream, to wake up before he becomes Phantom and to realise that he has to go through this all over again?

“Are you okay, Mr Adrien?” whispers a small voice. Something small snuggles into the crook of his neck, and Adrien’s breath catches in his chest until he reaches up to feel the softness of fairy wings and realises that it’s Nooroo.

“Sorry I woke you,” Adrien murmurs. Thank god none of the others had awoken, because they’ve been jerked awake enough times lately from his nightmares and there’s no sense in them being as miserably bone-tired as he’s been since Hawkmoth’s defeat.

“You didn’t wake me,” Nooroo says. “I can feel your emotional pain, so I’ve been staying awake to keep watch over you.”

“You don’t have to –”

“I do, Mr Adrien. I’m…I’m the reason why…”

Adrien shakes his head. Careful not to wake his partners, he untangles himself from Marinette and Luka’s grips and then tiptoes over to Marinette’s bed to climb out onto the balcony through the hatch. The Parisian night air is cool but not freezing, thank god, because staying in the cold for too long now makes Adrien’s heart race for reasons he can only assume are akuma-related.

“It wasn’t your fault, Nooroo,” Adrien finally says once Nooroo’s snuggling in under his shirt. There’s a flash of black and green out of the corner of his eye and then Plagg’s joining them, wriggling in on Adrien’s other side and purring against Adrien’s collar. Adrien slumps in his seat and hugs his knees to his chest, shivering when the cool breeze brushes over his bare feet.

“But it was my akuma, Mr Adrien. If it wasn’t for me –”

“Could you help it? Could you stop Father from transforming and akumatising people?”

“N-No…I tried to sway him, to push him away from evil, but he wouldn’t listen. And we kwamis are bound to obey our masters.”

“Then how is it your fault?” Adrien reaches up to cup Nooroo with one hand, then hugs Plagg with his other hand so that his own kwami isn’t left out. “You did all you could. He’s the one who chose to do that. He’s the one who went that far to get Mother back instead of moving on like a normal person. He’s…I feel like the worst son ever for even thinking this, but I’m glad he’s gone. I’m glad I don’t ever have to see him again. And then I remind myself that he was doing the best he could –”

“Nah,” Plagg says. “He really wasn’t. If he was, he wouldn’t’ve grabbed Nooroo in the first place. And you’re not a bad person for feeling that way, kid. He akumatised you. You can play pretend all you want, but you know how violating it is to be akumatised like that. The Butterfly’s meant to empower you, not do…that. And every other friend of yours can back you up, except for Pigtails and Guitar Boy, and Hawkdick didn’t go tormenting everyone else like he did with you.”

“Plagg –”

“Adrien. Kid.” Plagg wriggles free of Adrien’s hand so that he can float up in front of Adrien’s face, his bright green eyes holding Adrien’s gaze captive. “There’s nothing wrong with admitting you need help. You tried to deal with Lila’s touchy crap by yourself and look where that got you till you listened to your friends. I get your dad’s a massive pile of dicks and taught you that you can’t speak up when you don’t like something or when you need help, but he was wrong. You got those amazing partners down there and you got friends that’ll have your back through thick and thin. Lean on ‘em, kid. They’re there to take some of the weight.”

“But…” Adrien blinks rapidly to try and quell the stinging in his eyes, but it just causes the tears to well up faster. “If I admit I need help…Plagg, I won’t ever stop asking. What if it gets too much? What if they can’t handle me? I don’t think I could bear to lose them.”

“They won’t, Mr Adrien,” Nooroo says, still snuggling against Adrien. “I’ve felt their emotions since I bonded with Master Luka. They all care so much for you and all they want to do is help. And you’ll be there to help them in return when they need help. That’s what makes you partners and best friends.”

“Okay, but even if I said you were right – which you’re not – it’s, like, one in the morning,” Adrien says. “I can’t wake them up just for my angst.”

“Why not? You’d insist they wake you if the roles were reversed,” Plagg drawls. “And the fact that you’re calling trauma angst really says a lot about your daddy dearest.” Then he phases through the floor before Adrien can even begin to process that.

“Plagg!” Adrien hisses. “No – don’t you dare – I swear –” He groans and crosses his arms. “Stupid cat. Sometimes, I wish he’d just do what I tell him to do.”

“Trust me, you don’t want that at all,” Nooroo whispers. It only takes a moment of frowning down at the kwami for Adrien to realise the implications of what he’d just said.

“Oh, no, no!” Adrien reaches up to cup Nooroo again. “No, Nooroo, I don’t mean – it’s just something I say when I’m frustrated. God, I’d never…I could never treat him like that.”

“I know, Mr Adrien. I suppose I was just…reminded of unpleasant memories.”

“Adrien?” The hatch door creaks open and a mess of black hair pokes out, accompanied by bleary grey eyes, and holy crap, how can Marinette be so beautiful even when she’s half-asleep? “Plagg said you needed us?”

“I don’t need you,” Adrien snaps. “Wait, no, I didn’t mean – goddammit, Plagg!”

Marinette’s face softens and she holds out a hand. “Come back to bed, kitty,” she says. “Even if you don’t need us, it’s okay to want us.”

“But –”

“Adrien Agreste, if you’re trying to be a martyr, I give Marinette full permission to throw you off the balcony,” calls Kagami’s voice from inside the room. Adrien can’t hold back his snort at that, and that’s the opening that Marinette needs to climb half-out of her room and latch onto his ankle.

“I’ll stay here all night if I have to,” she says. A pair of arms rise out of the hatch to slip around her waist.

“Tell us when to start pulling,” Luka’s voice says. “We’ll get this cat on a leash one way or another.”

A burst of laughter splutters out of Adrien. He fails to hold back another one, then he’s devolving into such a hysterical fit of laughter that he slides out of his seat and ends up on his back on the cool concrete. Somewhere in the middle of his breakdown, his laughter turns to choked sobs, then the dam bursts and tears start streaming down his cheeks for the first time since before his mother had disappeared.

“Shh,” murmurs a voice, enveloping him in warmth, along with arms and skin and rustling clothes all around him. “It’s okay, Adrien. Let it out.”

He’s not sure which one of his partners had said that. Maybe it doesn’t matter. Not when they’re all there for him, each one supporting him all the same but bringing different warmth, different light waves, to him. Luka’s a vivid indigo, somehow both freezing and scorching at the same time, but not the kind of freezing that threatens to pitch him into unwanted flashbacks. Kagami’s a warm gold, fiery and brilliant but also subdued enough to dim herself when needed, to avoid overload. And Marinette’s a deep scarlet, hot and full of passion, throwing herself into life with everything she has no matter her guise, much more a crackling wildfire than a hurricane now that he knows her so much better. And maybe that’s why he loves them so much.

“We can’t thank you enough, Chloé,” Luka says once they’ve left Le Grand Paris to head back to Marinette’s place, with the Gorilla driving closely behind them. “I’m sure Adrien’s aunt is a wonderful person –”

“No need for pleasantries,” Chloé scoffs. “Wonderful person or not, no way is Adrichat going to live with that aunt and cousin of his. As if anyone’s going to let Chat Noir move to England, especially when I’m the daughter of the mayor of Paris…”

Honestly, most of what Chloé’s saying is going in one ear and out the other for Marinette. All she can focus on is the disturbing mix of both overwhelming emotion and suffocating numbness radiating off Adrien, easily detectable even without the empathetic abilities that Luka has or the little purple brooch that’s fastened to his jacket, disguised among other pins. But Marinette doesn’t have a clue what to do. How are you supposed to help someone who’s mourning their mother for a second time and whose father tortured them and now won’t ever see them again?

“The Gorilla’s cool,” Adrien says with a weak smile. “He knows I’ll be at Marinette’s or Luka’s or Kagami’s a lot of the time.”

“Or at my hotel,” Chloé supplies.

“Yeah, that. He doesn’t really care where I am so long as, well…he knows I’m okay, I guess. Physically,” Adrien adds just as Luka opens his mouth. “Thanks for helping him get custody, Chlo.”

“Hmph. Of course.” Chloé flips her ponytail. “I’ve known him for as long as I’ve known you. I wouldn’t trust anyone else to take care of you, Adrichat.”

“Sometimes, I wonder if Gorilla and Nathalie are the only two adults who ever cared about me.” Adrien’s shoulders slump. “Mother can’t have cared that much if – if she kept using the Peacock –”

“Hey.” Marinette stops and grabs Adrien’s hand. Kagami grabs his other hand and Luka, being the tallest, just wraps all three of them in a hug on the spot. There’s a little huff from Chloé, but she doesn’t complain about being left out like she might have just a few months ago.

“You don’t have to forgive her,” Luka says. “You don’t ever have to be okay with what happened.”

“Just so long as you don’t try to be a martyr and push us away,” Kagami says. “You’re so annoyingly self-sacrificing.”

“Yep, that’s Adrikins to a tee,” Chloé drawls. “Okay, like, can I have my best friend back?”

After a few moments, Marinette, Luka, and Kagami release Adrien to let him gulp in shuddering breaths. Chloé jumps onto his back, just like when she used to tackle and cling to him, except that this time, Adrien’s arms fly back to grab Chloé and hold her securely as she wraps her legs around his waist and clings to him like a monkey.

“Are you…giving her a piggyback?” Marinette splutters. Chloé flips her off.

“Buzz off, Dupain-Cheng. Adrien and I used to do this all the time as kids.”

“I just don’t think any of us imagined that Chloé Bourgeois would enjoy piggyback rides,” Kagami drawls. Chloé pokes her tongue out in response.

“If I never see my mother again and cop her “ridiculously childish” lectures, it’ll be too soon,” Chloé says. “Thank god she fucked off back to New York. I’ve never felt this light in years, and I didn’t even realise till now.”

“Last time I gave Chlo a piggyback was when we were nine,” Adrien says, nearly tripping over a crack in the sidewalk. Chloé shrieks and tightens her arms and legs so much that he chokes until she loosens her grip. “Then she sniffed at me and said that only babies did that, but she was a young lady.”

“Are you sure that you’re –” Marinette begins.

“The only reason I won’t deck you if you finish that sentence is because you’re Ladybug,” Chloé says without even looking at Marinette. Marinette’s pretty sure that it’s more to do with not wanting to upset Adrien by attempting to murder one of his girlfriends, but she manages to hold her tongue. Just.

“Please don’t kill my lady,” Adrien jokes, but the twitch of his lips is weak. Marinette and Chloé exchange looks, then come to an unspoken truce.

“Look, Adrikins, you’re not gonna be alone, alright?” Chloé says with an uncharacteristically soft look. “It’s not just me and your fucked-up father anymore.”

“You were nowhere near as bad as him,” Adrien says. Chloé just shrugs.

“Well, you’ve also got those three. And you’ve also got the Ladyblogger and DJ Tupac. I’m not gonna pretend I know how you’re feeling, but I do know what it’s like to have a parent put you through hell. As if I’d let you be alone.”

Adrien’s lips twitch and he stops outside the bakery and sets Chloé down so that he can hug her. “Thanks, Chlo,” he murmurs into her hair.

“Yeah, yeah, okay, enough with the mush!” Chloé protests, though she contradicts herself by moving her hands to his back to hug him. “I so don’t have time for this. Unlike you, I have places to be.”

“Really? Like where?” Kagami says. Chloé raises a perfect eyebrow.

“I…may be hanging out with Kubdel,” she mutters. Kagami tilts her head with an innocent smile.

“I didn’t hear you. Could you speak up?”

“I’m hanging out with Alix Kubdel because I’ve been thinking about her since the Sanguisuga thing, okay?” Chloé shrieks. With a huff, she crosses her arms and stalks off.

“Did I do something wrong?” Kagami says as Marinette holds the bakery doors open so that they can slip inside and head on upstairs. “I was only trying to tease her as a friend.”

“I guess it just wasn’t the right time?” Marinette says. Kagami sighs and looks down.

“I wish I could “read the room” better, as most people say. Now I have to go and apologise to her.”

“You can’t exactly help not being able to read the atmosphere sometimes.” Marinette waits until they’re in her bedroom to grab one of Kagami’s hands and squeeze, and Adrien takes her other arm and pulls her close. “What matters is that you realised you messed up and you need to apologise.”

“What Mari said.” Adrien leans down to kiss the top of Kagami’s head. Her cheeks pinken and she leans into his touch with a soft smile. “It did make me want to laugh, if that makes you feel better.”

“…A little, yes. We should –”

Whatever Kagami’s going to say is cut off by a colossal roar from outside that shakes the building and nearly sends them crashing to the floor. What the heck? An akuma? But that’s not possible! Luka and Nooroo are right here!

“It’s…a lava monster?” Luka says once all four of them have scrambled up onto Marinette’s balcony and are leaning over the railing to find the source of the sound a few streets away. “But how? I haven’t even tried to create any champions!”

“Oh.” Nooroo’s wings droop as he’s joined by Tikki, Plagg, and Longg. “It’s not an akuma. It’s a sentimonster.”

Marinette’s mouth dries until it’s more arid than a desert. “A sentimonster?” she croaks. “But that’s – the Peacock creates sentimonsters, and it’s not broken anymore since Master Fu got back from Tibet –”

“Indeed,” Longg sighs. “It seems that whoever has stolen Duusu and Roaar is Hawkmoth’s ally after all. It’s possible that we will also encounter a Tiger wielder, if this Peacock has an ally of their own.”

“Just when I thought it was all over,” Adrien groans.

“Are you sure you’re up for this?” Marinette takes his hand and runs her thumb over the back of it.

“I mean, I was kind of expecting it. I guess I’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop since the Peacock and Tiger were stolen. But we’ve got something that the Peacock and Tiger wielders don’t have.” Adrien takes Marinette and Kagami’s hands, and Luka grabs Marinette’s free hand. “We’ve got each other.”

“That,” Marinette says, “was the cheesiest thing I’ve ever heard, and I’m so exposing you in the group chat tonight.”

“But milady!” Adrien pouts. Marinette absolutely refuses to acknowledge the way her stomach flips and shivers at those kitty eyes, because there’s no way in hell she’s handing Adrien that victory. “I thought you loved me!”

“Oh my god, can you guys hurry the hell up?” Honeybee’s standing on the roof behind them with crossed arms, tapping her foot, as the four of them whirl around. “That thing’s not gonna ice itself! Shut up!” she splutters when Adrien grins at her for her joke.

“Ladybug! Chat Noir!” A slim figure with magenta-tipped brown hair and a tight magenta suit lands on the building next to the lava sentimonster. From this distance, the only details Marinette can make out are that her long hair is bunched near the end and her angular face is framed by two thick locks of brown hair. “Come out and give your Miraculouses up, or Mayura’s sentimonster and I, Felina, will destroy Paris! Where are you, Adrien?”

Adrien immediately throws himself to the ground in case the magenta girl – Felina, obviously the wielder of the Tiger Miraculous – happens to look his way.

“Looks like it’s time to introduce Morpho to the world, then,” Luka sighs. “Not that anyone will trust me. I’m pretty sure the sight of an akuma’s going to make them run the other way.”

“We did mention in our press conference that the Butterfly was in good hands now instead of evil,” Marinette says. “But yeah, I think Hawkmoth’s wounds are too deep to heal overnight. It can’t hurt to try, though.”

“We should transform before Honeybee Venoms us and throws us at the sentimonster,” Kagami says. Honeybee’s eye twitches.

“Don’t give me ideas. I’ll meet you losers there.”

Marinette grins at her partners as Honeybee leaps away. “Ready, guys?”

“But of course, bugaboo,” Adrien says from the balcony ground. “Plagg, claws out!”

“Always. Longg, bring the storm!”

“I’ll always have your backs. Nooroo, wings rise!”

Marinette’s grin widens at the sight of Chat Noir, Ryuuko, and Morpho before her. Morpho’s outfit is less formal and stuffy than Hawkmoth’s had been; his rich purple blazer is open over a button-down shirt that’s silver with black butterflies and artfully undone a few buttons down from his throat. The sleeves of both his blazer and shirt are rolled to his elbows and the lapels flare out like butterfly wings, and he also has a pair of black fingerless gloves and silver boots that rise halfway up his calves, over his tight indigo pants. His teal tips have turned the same rich purple as his blazer and, in contrast to his distressed formal outfit, his mask looks airy and delicate, with silver butterfly wings arching from the sides of his face, a silver butterfly body and antennae over his nose and forehead, and pale purple detailing that blends with the silver. The Butterfly Miraculous, now with four thin lilac spikes like wings, rests on his left breast.

“Not bad, Morpho,” Chat Noir says with his usual roguish wink. “I don’t know why you didn’t let us see this until now.”

“I was trying to get used to the fact that I had the same magic jewel as the major supervillain,” Morpho says dryly. “And it’s only the second time I’ve transformed.”

“Well, it suits you. A lot,” Marinette says. “It’s perfect for kicking sentimonster butt. Speaking of which…Tikki, spots on!”

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