#good people aren't always good parents

[tiredqueermushroom]

Post CR3 Episode 30 Thoughts: The Calloways and Intention/Impact

So I was right in my previous post that Birdie and Ollie are both irresponsible idiots. They willingly left their child daughter in the care of a known hag called the Fatestitcher and are then surprised when it's implied that Ira; you know child kidnapper/experimenter may have struck a deal with said HAG.

Trading away portions of their daughter's life/time. Her childhood in exchange for materials. Birdie and Ollie left Fearne when she was 8 years old, she's now 112 that is over 100 years of Fearne's life gone. And when their daughter brought up the years lost, they continued to brush it off until their daughter pieced together in like an hour of knowing Ira. They had 6 years to suspect something was fishy, 6 years to ask Ira what exactly they were building. 6 years of complete and utter irresponsibility.

Now I'm gonna talk about Intention vs Impact. Some may argue that Birdie and Ollie aren't bad parents because they ment well, that they risked 6 years of their lives, they had to work with morally dubious people all for they sake of their daughter. To keep Fearne safe. I have no doubt that they both love Fearne with all they have, but love isn't the only thing that makes you a good parent. They ment well, therefore they're good parents. The ends justify the means.

Now let's look at the impact of their actions. Fearne is a complete stranger to her parents, Fearne is so emotionally constipated that at the reveal of her being traded all she had to say was "Well that puts a wrinkles on things." Fearne has lost over 100 years and lived 100 years without her parents, that she can never get back.

They risked Fearne's childhood and lost. They should have never played with Fearne's life like that, they robbed her of her autonomy. Even if it was accidental. They knew Morri was a hag. They knew she was a Fatestitcher. Yet the played with Fearne's life, and yes, it was for Fearne's safety but was her safety really worth this?

I've seen people compare Birdie and Veth. Yes they both left their children in the care of others, for that child's safety and in Veth's case to give her time to reevaluate whether being a stay at home mum was what she wanted to return to. The difference is intention and impact.

Veth's intention: Keep Luc safe and have time for some introspection.

Impact: Luc was kept safe with his father and veth created a life where she runs a summer camp and takes care of her son.

Birdie's intention: Keep Fearne safe while she and Ollie further investigate Rudius.

Impact: Fearne has over 100 years stolen from her by a known hag and they may have unintentionally helped build a device that does something and accidental trading their daughter to said fatestitching hag.

It doesn't matter what their intentions were anymore because the impact has irreversibly changed Fearne's life, a life they accidental traded away.

#critical role #critical role spoilers #cr spoilers #birdie calloway #ollie calloway #ira wendagoth #fearne calloway #brief mentions of veth brenatto #long post #cr meta #charcter analysis #its all about impact #the road to hell is paved with good intentions #good people aren't always good parents #at what point do you stop and weight the cost #they love fearne but are so dumb #fearne needs some hugs #morrigan the fatestitcher #my meta

[keepthetension]

i actually gave up earlier because yt was so laggy, but there was one more missing bit in part 4, prem walking to the cafe where he finds ten sleeping

i don't know why it was cut, because it's nice to see just how affected prem is by their big moment the previous night

and i like that dy is calling prem because dy needs support, but he's immediately concerned as soon as prem says he's not doing okay. i like how these pals support each other! (really wish we'd seen metha and ten giving fire the support he needed this episode, but you can't have everything i guess)

unrelated: anyone else fighting for their lives on yt lately? on firefox with adblock plus and HOLY SHIT it's SO FUCKING BUGGY and the algo recommends SO MUCH MORE unfiltered hot garbage :/

<prev ep 07 missing bit 💚

#cooking crush the series #cooking crush #cooking crush missing bits #idk i wasn't quite feeling it this week? maybe it is simply The Depression but something just felt kinda off #i think it genuinely bugs me that fire had to deal with his big feelings alone? the friend group dynamic is a big part of what i like here #like ofc it's realistic! people aren't always available! just feels unbalanced. and dy having to take care of drunk fire is kinda weak #plus so much of what made me curious about the show was the parent/child dynamics and what it means to be a Good Child #fire is very much a Good Child! but being gay does not a Good Child make! would've been nice to see him work through this with his FRIENDS #but i expected too much for a side character's storyline i suppose #not saying the show sucks ass like i'm still enjoying it and still along for the ride! #i just have some Feelings i guess #OMG ALSO ten's dad WILL slap him but won't take his phone away lollllllll like what a week for bl parenting

[devondespresso]

just needed to say but its 100% ok to write characters out-of-character.

if you craft a version of a character that is completely different from the canon character its not necessarily bad writing and that fact alone doesn't make you a bad writer in any capacity.

its ok to use a preexisting character as a starting place to write your own characters even if you're not changing names or changing a lot about them. I've read and adored a bunch of fics where the characters are definitely not like they are in canon and if i saw that version of the character in the show id be so confused. but I'm decidedly not watching the show, im reading your fic and im completely immersed in your version of the character.

using characters as a vessel to make your own story based on your own experiences is not in any way inferior to writing fix-its of canon or adhering exclusively to canon characterizations. not everyone will enjoy it or read it because no tropes or ways of writing will appeal to everyone, but there will always be someone that enjoys your work and appreciates what you do.

writing is fucking difficult no matter which angle you choose to take. and theres no trope or plot or personal experience that you can't write for any character because there are no laws of writing that say you have to stick to your source material.

its still a good idea to tag if you're characters don't adhere to canon characterizations just because like any trope your reader wants to be able to know what they'll be reading beforehand (and it'll help clarify that the mischaracterization is not an accident you forgot to edit but just how you chose to write this character)

basically your writings are still good and valid even if it wouldn't happen in the show. in some cases "they wouldn't do that in the show" is a damn compliment.

#i wrote this with steddie in mind but it applies to most anything methinks #because i canon characterization for steve and fanon don't always line up but that's not a problem #i love that we like exploring different possibilities for his character from what his parents are like to his relationship with the party #and this applies to smut too it doesnt fucking matter how you wanna write it cause we havent seen them have gay sax so its not like we know #and even if we did it doesn't matter! write them however you want dammit #and especially when writing about serious stuff like if you're projecting your experience with eds or chronic pain or abuse or depression #onto a character who doesn't explicitly have that experience #sharing your experience realistically does more good for you and the readers than trying to make the character canon-compliant #and not to say everyone has to like the thongs you write. no writing will make everyone happy. even the most critical acclaimed works dont #make everyone happy (there are people who don't like arcane for crying out loud and thats the most exceptional/adored show I've ever seen) #steddie tumblr #because those are the only fic i read these days #and we have a lot of different popular tropes that aren't canon compliant and i want you guys to know you're epic and cool #fic writing #writing rambles #writing rant #writing positivity #devon thinks sometimes

[non-un-topo]

Have to thank my partner for realizing before I did that talking about kids with people makes me extremely dysphoric --- whereas I thought I just had a problem and hated children or something lol

#you can't really start a sentence with 'i don't hate children--' though. #do i... like them..? ehh they're fine on their own. i just don't like to be around them for very long. they freak me out. #but mostly it's parents who freak me out. or people who aren't parents yet but kids are all they talk about #(cough) my sister-in-law. #it's not ALL she talks about but she does happen to bring children up an awful lot around me. and uhh i have bad news for her. #anyway i feel like the worst person on earth but my gut reaction when i hear people talking about kids is to just get pissed off #or roll my eyes or want to leave the conversation STAT. like my flight instinct takes over. #so it was my partner who figured out that these conversations activate my dysphoria like a nuclear bomb. #dysphoria has manifested in the form of irritation for me this year. same with depression. i just feel angry and annoyed all the time #plus a bit of despair. and it gets more intense with every passing month. #my sister has decided to work in childcare and is doing a placement. she also updates me on every single thing she does in a day - #- down to how many times she shits. i wish i was kidding. #so i get a constant feed of what these random children did in a day (yesterday a girl showed my sister her poop lol) #and it would be funny and fine if it didn't make me want to jump out of my gd skin. #happens all the time at school too. #'whaaaaaaaat you don't want BAABIIEEES?? but you'd make such a good mom!!!' #ahaha No i would not thank you. jesus christ please no thank you. please. #i'm a father figure to a few of my friends and it's the best feeling in the world. that's all i need. #conversations like that always trap me. i feel like a fucking rabbit. stuck with all the aunties in the kitchen. #so i have to be a dick and not offer to clear the plates because none of the men are clearing the plates. #just........ Gender. UGH!!

[hikeyzz]

i wasn't expecting this aspect of recovery and surgery anddddd ngl it's kindaaa triggering in a way i didn't expect either fck

#tw body dysmorphia #i'm gonna talk about it in the tags so pls don't read on if discussing bodies and body dysmorphia can be triggering for you #tw for comments about weight too #i'll add a bunch of extra words in here so that it blocks out the following tags and you don't have to see anythinggg #gonna add the tw at the beginning so you know immediatelyyy #i think we're good now #i lost weight after surgery and not in an 'i weighed myself' way but in an 'its visible to me and the people around me' way #i noticed it first and then my parent noticed it and he doesn't know not to point it out #he thinks it's a compliment #and he has brought it up a few times #like hey your pants aren't fitting the same #hey your face looks sooo much thinner #... thanks dude #like actually no thank you but ugh #i understand it's okay for my weight to fluctuate #i just wasn't trying and this isn't like something to praise #it means i was malnourished in recovery to the point i lost a noticeable amount of weight #i also lost a ton of muscle like i am always shaky and weak now #and thats gonna happen after surgery its expected and i will be back to where i was in a couple weeks in terms of strength and endurance #but again its not something to praise #and people don't get that #and don't understand how triggering it can be when your body changes significantly in ways you didn't anticipate #i loved my body and my curves and obvi i still have them #but yeah i look different than i did a month ago and again i wasn't anticipating it so i do feel sorta uncomfortable in my body now #and like how am i supposed to talk about that?? #when most people around me would be grateful for unintentional weight loss #ugh idk i'll talk to my therapist about it on wednesday #hikey

[blujayonthewing]

I've kind of joked about melliwyk being taken by surprise by her own alignment shift but honestly I think if you could have told her at the beginning of the campaign that she was chaotic neutral she'd have been rather troubled by that

#obligatory waving aside of the Issues of the dnd morality matrix to begin with I'm not interested in that right now #I think most people who aren't outright evil perceive themselves to be good people at the end of the day #there are always Perfectly Good Reasons for doing things that hurt others (or for failing to consider that you might) #or for overlooking or outright rejecting people in need #melliwyk's never been a Bad Person but she spent years answering to no one and collaborating with no one #after even more years in a research environment that actively encouraged and rewarded putting her work before anything or anyone else #you're friendly at the shops. you're nice to children. you write your parents when you remember #you don't want-- in the abstract-- for bad things to happen to innocent people #but when you read research papers involving unethical experiments it doesn't even occur to you to think about the test subjects as people #you like your new traveling companions well enough but that doesn't mean you wouldn't put your work before any of their wellbeing #it makes SENSE. it's JUSTIFIABLE. it doesn't mean you're not a Good Person..... right? #my OCs #melliwyk

[slippery-minghus]

thinking about joining a local jiu jitsu class.... i'm SO not athletic and have always had a pretty negative relationship with sports, ambivalent at best, but i WANT TO feel good in my body and maybe even learn how to use it a little better? maybe even get a little stronger?

there's a free "see if it's for you" class i can do tomorrow and the guy was super nice.... so maybe. just maybe an autistic fat queer like myself can go out in the world and get a hobby that involves moving my body. maybe

#i'm excited in the way that comes with things i never follow through on #because fuck what if i don't like it? what if it's hard to integrate into my limited routine even if i do? so i never ever try #but it's a new year and i'm going to be fucking 30 in a month...... and i'm BORED #i'm BORED AS HELL with my life right now!!! #i want to get out and DO THINGS but how the hell do i find things? where do i go? what do i do? #i'm walking distance from this gym (and the bros i've seen leaving are always super nice) #which is a major factor in accessibility for me - i never go to gyms i have to drive to #and it's kinda expensive but.... i can afford it?? #i'd been doing electrolysis for months last year and THAT was definitely more per month than this and i always made ends meet anyway #and i'll have my new HSA for the year that can pay for the first few sessions when i pick back up with it in march #fuck #i'm just so tired of not having enough energy to do the things i want #and there's a good chance making my body stronger will fucking help with that?? #and if these people are even halfway nice enough and i can get in the groove of a routine.... well. maybe i CAN make a change #fucking hell #i need to remind myself a lot that a big part of unmasking and being authentically me is choosing to live and act by my values #and i VALUE being brave and trying new things- not bc i'm forced to. and now that i'm an adult i'll be allowed to quit if i don't like it #my parents aren't forcing me into this. and i'm old enough to make my own choices and stop running from things that remind me of theirs #my strategy has always been Avoid Things My Parents Would've Made Me Do but they're not fucking here?? and trying a physical activity isn't #saying that they were right to push me like that as a kid. i'm old enough to try it on my own terms now. #and that it's a sport doesn't mean its to punish me for having the body and mind that i have. NO it's to grow them. #and i can try and maybe even enjoy and keep with this new thing and not have it become a jail sentence for daring to express interest in it #i can try something else if i don't like it (not a jail sentence) and i can stick with it if i DO like it (also not a jail sentence!!!) #this is not basketball-softball-swimming-gymnastics-band-choir—all of the things i was curious to try as a kid and was forced to keep at #for years as 'punishment' for having expressed curiousity and then finding out it wasn't for me #(and SO much of it wasn't for me bc i was treated exactly the same as i was everywhere else as a kid: shamed and ignored! #NEVER welcomed and taught!!!) well it's DIFFERENT NOW. bc i'm fucking almost 30 DAMMIT #and i'm not in that shithole town anymore where every single person had a chip on their shoulder. like. there's something WRONG in that town #real people are so much nicer. #narrating my life

[irascible-iridescent]

You don't actually need to even acknowledge the society's opinion on your life like at all

#as somebody said society's opinion is like a ghost everyone is afraid of it nobody saw it #its good that people talk about justice but sometimes you just need to chill #like I would see a post about how virgins are shamed for not wanting sex and I think to myself how many ppl I met who would shame me #and its either I have never met a person who would treat me like that or #I have met somebody who was rude or mean to me on purpose or by chance #if it was just bc they said smth weirdly or didn't think that it will hurt me i forget about it #if this person wanted to hurt me by saying a mean thing about my life style I think to myself how important is this person to me #and like its always complete NOBODY who means NOTHING to me so I just move on #yeah sometimes your friend or your parents can say smth mean but you can tell them to not be rude to you #and if they don't want to stop being mean to you then you should just re-evaluate them and disregard their opinion #bc if person WANTS to hurt you it just means they aren't worth your time or a thought #just leave them be and move on #im just so tired of defending myself and my life all the time now Im just Yeah I live like that so what #its hard work to free yourself but its worth it

[wonderfulxhappiness]

sometimes i look at things i write and i go "huh. my mental illness is showing"

#vent in tags #<- just to be safe idk what counts tbh lmao #GIRL WHY DID I CRY ABOUT SOMEONE CALLING A SONG FROM TWEWY MID FOR AN ENTIRE DAY?????? #why do i keep comparing myself to a houseplant that dies when things go A Little Wrong?????????? #hm. maybe i do need to get myself evaluated... #i need to get my eyes checked and go see a psych but i! am incapable! yay! <- knows getting a diagnosis can and probably will make my life #much harder #pls at least let me see if my eyes r fucked or if i am. pls. #optometrists aren't that expensive but it's bad to go alone i think :( #im glad people worry about me but at the same time it makes me wanna die bc like...... no..... #i should not be burdening others with my issues... ya'll have your own lives and issues.... #bleh. subjecting myself to the mortifying ordeal of being known sucks #i think its kinda funny that my internet friends always know more about me than my own parents... #but it's not like my parents ever take an interest in me anyway lmao #when i said i wanted to study jp i only got a very sarcastic 'good luck' like... i was at least hoping they might offer to buy me something #to study off of... but they like never take an interest in me anyway lmao #they weren't even here for my birthday. and made plans over new years without me knowing #i only learned when i asked to go see my family for new years bc they hold a celebration and this might be the last time i can go #for like... 4 years. and i don't think i can take myself bc the route is over very windy mountain roads :( #and i... do not trust myself that much in the car... and it hurts me to drive even the 10 mins to and from school sometimes... #my knee and ankle get stiff and my hip starts to hurt... its bad :( #it sucks tho i miss my family i'm lucky if i see them once a year... but its not like the adults give a shit. #sighhhhhhhhhhh. ugh. my life isn't even that bad by a lot of standards so i feel shitty for whining about it #like yeah my parents don't really care about me but at least they feed me and haven't hit me since i was little? #idk man. i should stop talking i think.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

it's not about that you "have" to get to exercise your autonomy. b/c like, yes you do, but not in the way that "if i don't get to do that Now i will explode & evaporate (& die)" which is what people keep leveraging to be like "so you don't have any valid argument for getting to act out your own choices"

therein is another issue of "why do you need a 'valid argument' to get Exceptions as ruled by this person to exist autonomously, unpunished" like why's this person an authority who gets to punish you. nonrhetorically, why do you have to appeal to their maybe possibly deciding to Let you be a person. should you "have" to.

and if you don't get that Permission that you supposedly "have" to get, you also will not immediately explode and die if you do that unpermitted thing, but shocking how "you don't Haaaave to" is only invoked re: things you want to do for yourself, and not what they want you to do for them....because it's Not Really About "Literally literally Haaaaving to"

the alignment between people getting on one for years about asexuality, and while doing so maxing out the saturation on their bullshit on any & everything, b/c you're just getting into anti autonomy, so ofc you're also just stoking & expressing "arguments" against autonomy that are deployed in plenty of other contexts, including against other queer identities....and that particular resonance with biphobia & transphobia, and how either groups are theoretically thwarting the Truest Gays because how will we have a valid argument against the truest cishets agenda if we can't convince them we haaaaaave to be like this instead of that no, we won't explode & die if we have to be repressed or at least closeted another day, and another, and you won't explode after another, either, etc. rather than thee point of "asexuality autonomy = queer autonomy = Your queer autonomy = Anyone's Autonomy" and "why do we 'have' to Convince anyone to go 'oh alriiiight' abt one's choices about how they express their identity, what decisions they make about having sex"....it's about anyone having the power to preclude & restrict others' autonomy & constrain their existence between one kind of more imminent, immediate harm/death & a more drawn out one where you exist as a resource for others' use but at least you aren't Literally dead today. so what if someone's saying "well i don't think your gender/sexuality stuff is Real" so long as they can't get in the way of other people living that out anyways. so what if someone's supposedly like "well, but everyone could be bi" (which they don't. just like ppl were never 'pretending' to be asexual to nefariously stand around in the queer space that never rigorously vetted everyone anyways? Making Up A Guy To Get Mad At) to supposedly argue that if all of you are bi you can just restrict yourself to the Cishet Appearing manifestations (which they don't) where what's that even matter if this [guy to get mad at] can't make that anyone else's problem? if he can, why can he. should he be able to. that's the problem, not "have we all tried the constant biphobia wherein they're always thwarting & sabotaging the rest of us?? like how trans people are keeping us from being legitimate?? with the opportunity for some trans people to also try declaring other noncis people Not Legitimately Trans?? well the cishet agenda loves asexuals, actually, they want everyone to never have sex ever (they don't want that, and that's not what being asexual is)"

using the "you can't Know through Direct Perception or extrasensory phenomena what someone else's Thoughts And Feelings are" both ways; wherein their assertion of their intentions, true or not, gets to be treated as an assertion of Reality, meanwhile b/c Your intentions/thoughts/feelings can't be directly observed, you're just lying or exaggerating or misremembering or failing to Express yourself correctly b/c they would've surely interpreted it correctly otherwise, or [anything else] re: your inner experiences that you can't "prove" are one way or another, so this other person gets to always decide for themself what they must be (why?) and if they just so happen to decide they Must be in alignment with what they want (good) or unacceptably, evilly, incorrectly Against Them, they also get to flex their control over the entire situation via their Authority / control over resources / the person's lack of other options b/c of isolation & that, say, breaking away from a family, job, marriage or just deemed correctly romantic relationship, is punished by the larger system of How Things Are, through a lack of resources that makes you more vulnerable in general as well as vulnerable to further punishment in how you might try to respond to that situation, through the general stance that maintaining cohesion of a Unit like the nuclear family, the "romantic" "man"/"woman" couple, is good, so breaking from it is deviant........anyways it's like. if you're like "well i'm having sex b/c i want to" and someone is like "well i say YOURE LYING" like, what? "isn't there someone you forgot to ask" shit. why should that get to affect things. whether you're like "oh no. what if they could say 'you're lying...b/c how do i knowwww you're not BI. where you could want to have sex with someone BESIDES this one person rn?? or ACE??? if you Don't have sex rn and you Don't explode and die 5 min later we will Know you Could Be Asexual" like, this isn't how it works anyways obviously but theoretically if it did: we would not be like "oh sorry guess that's what matters" unless what mattered was some people's being lower on a hierarchy and at the quite literal disposal of those with more power than them. what would the crisis be of someone going "well i think. every gay person? is bi" or someone going "you've just told me your name is gloria but i think your name is actually tetris...." or "i'm so embarrassed i wish everyone but me was dead" if none of these things can hinder the existence of people having sex w/autonomy for all involved or people getting to tell you their name or all other people being alive

the banger quote on my imdb page was saying "no, i don't 'Have' to, but i'm going to" to an authoritarian in my life, concluding several minutes' "negotiation" of [i 'have' to hang up on this call now b/c the movie i'm standing in this movie theater to see is about to start. no i won't explode and die if i don't. i also won't explode and die if i don't keep "talking" to you (being Talked At / lectured & upbraided from afar)] funny how that works. i also Know this was a checkmate b/c that person gave up on responding (or, technically, switched to The Silent Treatment, which worked even worse via phone than in person) and i did hang up rather than miss the movie i showed up for and then they had to resort to Other Methods: telling someone willing to take on the enabling cop mode that i had Essentially said Go Fuck Yourself. like well that's right, and the fact that it's a "go fuck yourself" to get to say "i am going to end the call b/c i choose to do something else" and then actually do so is a real testament to this relationship. and if one had said "i can't keep talking, i have to go" and someone's like "sldfj you mean thou MAY not keep talking" teehee i don't know, CAN you have the peas????? it's like this obviously doesn't matter. i can choose to do shit and choose to not do shit without exploding and dying right this very second, except for taking 5 sec to eat a deadly bomb with a timer set for 5 sec. This Is Not The Point. why is autonomy off-limits to Anyone.

#authoritarian parent whose silent treatments fail: anti crossdressing household law will get everyone to stop inconveniently Being People #spoilers: i continue to be a real life person; nonbinary; autistic; i continue to not engage in a relationship w/that parent b/c #Their choice was to have that relationship be the authority & the property. so the response to that: not being in that situation. #creating that kind of relationship & then being like ''why don't i get the Benefits of a different kind of relationship that is defined by #everyone being recognized as people and having actual positive experiences and legitimately Wanting to interact :('' #the autonomy to Not do something b/c you don't want to = the autonomy to Totally do something b/c you do want to #hence the idea of the True / Ideal Homosexual being ''but i Must Only have gay sex or i'll explode & die'' vs ''i feel like having gay sex' #yeah we ''could'' all be forced into binary genders & nuclear family units & be miserable & isolated but not literally explode. #but why should we. why would we. why can't we Not do that #hence as well that queer autonomy=everyone's autonomy. ppl who id as cishet? don't need to be Forced into that or into Awful Marriage Asap #but they do if we wanna isolate everyone / eliminate broader social support networks / restrict the autonomy to do anything else #asexuality handshake bisexuality. parallel to aromanticism handshake polyamory #and the backup to ''well but you won't literally die'' is to preclude Choice entirely by diverting the focus from [questioning ur choices] #to [questioning whether you have the capacity to make choices] as an extension. lens on ableism / disability justice is in Everything #not in like a ''huh. who'd've thought that overlapped'' Fun Fact way but in [you don't Understand that issue fully if you don't see ableism #someone's always getting to justify their authority by their Superior Ability vs others' Inferior/Absent Ability #saw that zany ''radical queer theory based on vibes is now that asexuals aren't queer'' streak definitely manifest ableism #a good ol fashioned ''asexuals won't consider What's Wrong With Them / try harder to seek some conversion therapy'' great stuff gang #or even more useless declarations of ''haha but most people Aren't ace. it's not Normal to not want to have sex. checkmate?'' #and what is your conclusion to that logic? ended up in ''ace ppl. are cringe!! & maybe not real!!!'' aaand what do we do with that? #what praytell do you suggest change based on that. how has that exclusionist analysis served queer lives. how is it continuing to do so. #versus like and who cares if everyone Could possibly all be labeled bi if what is In Practice anyways is ppl getting to have sex or Not how #they want to anyways. recognizing that Any trans person's existence is a testament to Everyone's autonomy #any ''threat'' to children is always guaranteed abt the Threat to [parents' control to decide Who & What a child gets to be] #that is; ''protecting'' children is abt the child being the property of parents. gotta protect That by withholding all info about trans ppl #even existing from kids b/c Property can't decide their identities for themselves so Children can't be allowed to either #their even knowing that some people Do get to exist autonomously is; indeed; that ''threat'' to the [child is property] order #and Language as Possibility. it's the 2010s & you can only go ''that's me i'm nonbinary'' when you learn abt the word ''nonbinary'' #even though you can then know you always knew but you didn't have the word so you had to keep on using other; more inaccurate words.... #discovering the tree trunk of [word: Autistic] that roots all these branches of ppl talking abt Experiences & now Realizing Things....

[moinsbienquekaworu]

Oh my god is today Thanksgiving??

#damn i completely forgot this was a thing #we've adopted so many american holidays but i'm so happy we haven't taken that one #like we already have family time at the end of the year. that's called christmas. #and if a real actual person asked me to my face what i'm grateful & thankful for i think i would bite #(not because there aren't things i'm technically thankful for. there are many and i think about it.) #(but it just come organically y'know? like my parents will do something and i'll be like. damn they really did a good job raising us.) #(and i'll tell them) #but the specific phrasing is soooo christian to me and being asked that question just makes me think of like #when adults tell you you should finish your plate/do your homework because 'there's little orphans in africa who don't have that chance!' #it feels like people are expecting things and using it as a 'things could always be worse' #and i Do Not Need to feel even more invalidated in my negative feelings because 'some people have it worse' #also it has this weird undertone of like. you Should Be Grateful you exist. ?? the weird like. christian sentiment?? #how do i say this. when i hear people say how important they think it is to take a moment to reflect on what you are thankful for it just. #it's really this 'you could have it worse you should be happy you're even here' vibe?? #also a weird performativity #like the hashtag influencer vibe of 'i'm so grateful for x y and z look at me announcing i'm better than you!!' #i too am glad my parents were good and they had enough money to raise us and they want to see me succeed. #i'm glad for my computer and my opportunities #but like. i do not need to performatively announce it to the world??? #i'll tell my parents i'm happy they did x thing a specific way. but just announcing it?? that's useless #anyway. tonight we will eat Soup and i won't have to see my extended family. THAT'S what i'm thankful for lol #wow i have a ramble tag now

[brainfilehasstoppedworking]

Teacher: If you don't get anything in to your boss on time, guess what? You'll be fired!

Me: Crazy. Guess who's staying unemployed for the rest of her adulthood?

#sam's talky talks #Haha. I hate it here #Actually. Recently I've been thinking about adulthood as well. But more of just...am I gonna be stable enough– #–to provide for myself? What if my job is shitty? What if I stayed unemployed for the rest of my life? #What the fuck am I going to do? #I mean. Shit. That's scary. And I'm so bad at communicating with people because I get anxious and shy #I suck at getting shit done so throw some job opportunities out the window. I'm so bad at writing stories I can't cut it as a writer #I...my mom was right. I'm never going to succeed in life. I'm just too busy stuck in my little world #I'll never be able to help anyone. I'll never be the amazing daughter she always wanted. I'm gonna be like those 30 years olds– #–who still live in their mother's basements haha... #I bet by that time I'm 20 my mom is gonna be sick of me. She'll probably want to throw me out by then because I'm such a disappointment #It's always what I've been anyways ya know? #Shit. I'm probably never going to finish high school. Never go to college. I can see myself being a drop out more than anything #Disappointing huh? It's all I've known. I'm surprised my parents haven't caught that yet #My dad and step-mom have so much hope and expectations for me I can't breathe #<- I mean. They don't want me to be an A+ student. But they really seem to want me to do amazing #You know. My dad jokes about how I should be getting A's. That B's and C's aren't good enough. And that kinda hurts #That hurts a lot. Because I've never been a good student. Just average #I'm venting and rambling in tags. Haha #Ignore me please. This is nonsensical that this point

[a-soft-fluffy-nerd]

TL;DR: Steam just made library sharing so much fucking easier and so much fucking better. Instead of login-trading, it's just a simple goddamn invite.

Read this. Really. It's a good read. Because it shows that, full-stop, Valve isn't just doubling down on their stance to make sure that people can and should be able to share their copies of digital goods as easily as they can physical ones, but they're making it better and easier than ever.

But you know how Steam allowed you to, with either friends or family, link accounts with another person to be able to establish an ability to share game libraries with one another? The general gist of Steam Family Sharing was that, with a limit of five people plus you (six in total) on a limit of ten computers total could share account access to willingly mix your libraries. You could play theirs. They could play yours.

This was a huge boon. It was meant to emulate sharing a physical copy of a game. A way to allow children to play games their parents or siblings had bought without having to fork over double the cash to buy it a second game. But it had some major limitations and drawbacks, and was archaic to use.

If a person did not share the same computer, you had to manually log into that computer to give it and the accounts on it access. This wouldn't be a problem if both accounts were used on the same computer, but many households (and astronomically more family and friend groups) had multiple computers, all used by different people.

If that computer, at any point, was hard reset to any point before the sharing occurred, you lost access. And had to do the whole process again. This was also an issue with computer transfers. The whole kit and kaboodle needed to be redone on upgrades. On top of that, the old computer is now just dead weight that you may not realize you have to manually revoke access to.

Putting your account information on another person's computer opens up security issues. They could, intentionally or accidentally, land themselves on your account if the login information was stored. Which could easily lead to purchases or bans you did not want to happen.

If anyone was, at any point, playing any game on their own library, you had no access to their games. Even if it was a totally different game, you had to wait your turn as if waiting for their computer to be freed up to sit at. (Admittedly this is kind of like the "mom said it's my turn on the xbox" meme, but hey, kinda archaic.)

You could not choose whose library you accessed a game from. Not at all. It always prioritized the first library it gained access from, DLC access and multiplayer be damned. If another friend you were accepting games from had more DLC? Too bad.

And yet here we are. Steam Families Beta fixes EVERYTHING about the above issues. By just going through Settings > Interface > client Beta Participation and clicking onto Steam Families Beta? You get:

No more login sharing. No more computer links. You can now choose which person's library you borrowed from. And you can play any other game from someone's library, even while they're in-game. It just needs to be a different game than what they're playing.

Pick five people. Invite them to your family. And now everyone has access to everyone's library. My goddamn library went from 150-ish to almost a goddamn thousand in ten minutes of setup.

Account sharing and password sharing are dirty words that "lose" billions of dollars. Netflix, Hulu, Amazon, Max. They aren't game storefronts, but they still allow you to access massive libraries and scream like you murdered their firstborns for daring to share your password with your mother after you moved out.

Microsoft tried pushing to demonize and undercut used games sales and borrowed copies of physical games. Remember the first attempt to reveal the Xbox One? People forget, but these vultures tried to make an always online console that checked to see if you were the account that owned the game, even if you had a physical disc, and prevent access to the disc's contents if you weren't the original downloader.

Valve walked the fuck up. Valve tapped the mic. And Valve dropped the fucking thing right onto the ground with one feature's revamp.

About the only issues I can see with this are twofold:

If someone sharing your library gets banned from a game's servers... so do you. No one else in the family does, but the both of you do. This is... rather unpleasant, because banhammers can be dropped quite frequently by mistake. I'd urge Valve to rethink this one, but I see the logic: don't cheat and effectively bite the hand feeding you. Still making me side-eye that, though.

If you leave a family you've joined? You have to wait a YEAR to join a new one. It's to prevent people form jumping ship to another group and screwing over who's in the former one in the process, but a YEAR? OUCH.

Problems aside, though... it's probably the biggest fucking power move I have ever seen a media distributor make in the current economic climate. It's the kind of thing that would let so many new games be available in a way that's easier than ever. Just a few clicks to send or accept an invite, and bam. Permanent access to dozens or even hundreds of new games with so much more freedom than earlier drafts of the system.

It's the kind of thing that slaps you in the face with positivity after so many Ls from the games and media industries. And I'm all the fuck for a W like this.

#steam #valve #video games #steam games

[inkskinned]

the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.

three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.

two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.

their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.

one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.

i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.

i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.

and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?

you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.

a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.

someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.

#writeblr #warm up #this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru #but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist #ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school. #like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it. #was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes. #but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create'' #when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work #part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just #like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent. #speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r #ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week #this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice. #''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism #imagine if we said that about literally any other profession. #''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt? #u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky'' #we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY #''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''

[kethabali]

i literally ran out of tags from ranting on my previous post so let me just continue here lmAOO

#im not ever going to live in a suburban white town #i did that for literally 2 months and i hated it so much i chose living with my parents over that #yes i was a little delusional during that time #was definitely spiraling hardcore #just coming of age things probably #anyways i feel better after letting that all out by ranting even if i'm talking to myself #i guess journaling does help but i forget that always until i do it again #so i have to force myself to do it regularly then i feel good its like meds u dont realize u need it till u dont take it for a day #im gonna be fine its okay #money is fake i have iza and art and the world to explore #and people to fight for #things will be fine #we'll live and die and the next people will come to do the same #because the world isn't ending despite how people online act #we are not doomed not even close #okay somewhat close but not close enough to stop imagining life 50 years from now #can't believe what i really needed was so simple here i was doing anything else and usually things too expensive ugh #hate money so much #🧃 #must find new community all the ones im in now aren't doing it anymore

[slippery-minghus]

oh... just had a sad thought. was skimming reddit for recipe ideas and came across a post with parents discussing tactics for helping their kids with very food aversion-restricted diets get enough nutrition and. i just thought to myself. i really wish i had had the luxury of refusing food i couldn't stand as a child. i still cringe at the thought of my mother's chicken soup. or pork chops. frozen mixed vegetables?? (if the veggies had even just been on the side, it would've been okay!! but mixed into every pasta dish i was allowed to eat? with an added guilt trip about the pasta and veggies being "friends" and that they'll miss each other if i don't eat them both, every time i complained??) (i didn't even dislike vegetables!! she just refused to ask how i wanted to eat them!!)

but i didn't have the luxury of refusing to eat the things i couldn't stand!! at best, i would have gone hungry. at worst, guilt tripped to hell and back, and left alone at the table till i could eat through the tears. and my intake was restricted by my parents' fatphobia enough, i couldn't afford to skip meals. sure i knew when my next meal would be (though snacking was not a Thing in our house) but when i'd be allowed to actually eat enough to feel full? (even though that always meant eating more than the people around me.... but if i'd been allowed to eat til i was full regularly that probably wouldn't have been the case) hell... i wasn't even allowed sweets most of the time. "only on weekends"

it makes me so sad and... aware of the hollowness inside me when i think about how little space there was for me in my own home and childhood.

and i was thinking similar thoughts this morning. about my asthma, and how cruel it was that in high school gym class i was forced to trigger it every single day to avoid both a failing grade and bullying from my teacher. i thought about what i would have said to the principal of the school if i had been in the shoes of one of my parents. how i would have put a stop to it. how much more i would have done beyond the angry letter my dad wrote the school to keep me from failing gym that was more about preserving my GPA than me.

but then i realized—if i had had a parent willing to stand up for me like that... why would they have waited until high school? why wouldn't that have been something done from the start, and kept consistent throughout my k-12 years? why, aside from that letter, was the only thing done for me about it the awful "not allowed to run" sign my mother pinned to my shirt the first day of kindergarten, and the rescue inhaler kept in the nurse's office? (an inhaler that by high school my parents wouldn't even bother signing the waiver for, so i was always afraid of getting in trouble for carrying it in my backpack)

if you ask my parents, i was always their first priority. my mother starts to cry every time she says as much.

but then why. why does all the evidence point to the contrary?

how do i reconcile being wanted and loved but not cared for?

#my parents were never there for me. they never stood up for me #and i've been thinking a lot why i hate it when people thank me for things i did for them #how i hate being openly appreciated and valued #because i was never the type to feel that 'any attention is good attention' #i learned early on that 'any attention is BAD attention' #because if i'm doing something and you notice i'm here and doing it pretty soon you're gonna start pointing out flaws #maybe even making up flaws that don't matter or are something everybody does or aren't even real #but because it's *me* and i've always been held to higher standards than everyone else.... #even if you notice me because i'm doing a good job i am now in danger. the thing i'm doing right will always be met with what i'm NOT doing #and nobody's ever told me they're proud of me and meant it. without strings attached. without pity. without a 'but...' at the end. #because why would they? #if i'm doing something well enough to be noticed then i have still failed. because i have *been* noticed #i resent being taken for granted but... it's a lot safer than being thanked #to be appreciated is to be on the precipice of disappointment #because people set expectations for your behavior. and the moment you make even the most simple and human mistake they lose their minds #*coughs* i wonder how differently i'd feel about that if my parents had had my back even 10% more than they did #i can count on one hand and still have fingers left how many times my dad was genuinely proud of me #one time was because i had developed anorexia and the other time he was drunk #i think there's a third one but i can't even remember it #and my mom will always be 'proud' as long as i'm not dead in a ditch somewhere #what i do or don't do doesn't matter #she was happy as long as i was getting C's. fighting to pull a B+ into an A- wasn't relevant. #my disappointment in myself for having anythinh *below* an A- wasn't relevant. #(my therapist pointed out recently that the 3.8 GPA i graduated high school with was actually really high? like it was actually a good gpa? #which really confuses me because it's still ingrained in me that anything below a 4.0 was failure. #hell. even a 4.0 wasn't great bc AP credits could've bumped it higher) #(their reaction to me saying i was shocked i got into the college i did with my gpa really threw me. #they said with a 3.8 there's no way i way i'd have been rejected. bizzarre.) #personal