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nar-nia · 2 years

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hi, Nina,

wow, it feels like ages since i came on here - i guess i was busy with life, dealing with some personal stuff and the stress over the fact that i'm starting college in like a week or so - and i'm scared of all the new things, im kinda overthinking “what if my major is not it, what if i don't make any friends etc”,,,but anyway i was coming around here in the meantime tho to reread some of ur fics to make myself feel calm <33

i guess since its september,, its means ur back!!! and so am i!!!! im so happy, ngl i missed u <3

i just read 12;33 and my gosh,, where is my hee lmao, it was so cute <3 now im feeling all mushy on the inside!!! what a cute way to comeback <3 amazing as always <3

i hope u are doing great,, please take breaks so the busy life doesn't tire you out and i hope the covid is not so bad for u!!! please take care, ily

ps. have u seen how gorgeous hee looked in all the concert pics and vids from seoul concert,, my bb <33 like look at this *heart eyes*

-happy to be back, ur beloved anonie

beloved anonie, i missed youuu <33

i am finally back!! I wanted to come back right at the start of september but life said no so it took a while, but now i'm actually back and planning to be more active.

I hope your situation will get better soon and i'm sending all my love <33 but i think it's kinda fun that you're stressed because you're starting college and i'm stressed because i just finished it (if i pass with my thesis, fingers are crossed!).

but since i'm sort of an expert now: i promise you will be fine. College can be scary, especially in the first few weeks, but i know you will do well <33 there are always things that seem complicated or scary but i have no doubt that you will do great. and that you will find lots of new friends, you're such a sweet and nice person. I made my friends because i asked if there was any homework on the very first day 💀 everyone is nervous and that makes it way easier to find friends than usual.

and I'm sure your major will be great! (What are you majoring in 👀) there will always be classes that are more boring than others but as long as you're interested in the overall topic of your major you can get through it <33 and if you end up hating it you can still think about changing it completely, i did that too and i couldn't be happier. I had so many people dropping out of college in the first few weeks of the first year, i was surprised 😅

but to end this long rant: i'm sure you will do great and you will find new friends, they will meet you and they will love you <33 and i hope you have a great time and can enjoy the student life a bit in between exams and all that (pro tip: try not to procrastinate 💀)

but now to hee: ugh. i love him so much, it's only getting worse with every pic and video i see. he's driving me insane. So can i really be blamed for imagining he's bringing me soup and cuddling me when i have covid? No 🤧 i love him. Aah and i'm glad that you liked my story! It's really short but i need to get back into writing first before i can write longer ones 🥲

and last but not least: thank youuu <33 life is finally becoming less hectic and i thankfully have no covud symptoms anymore, i'm just so bored 😩 i didn't really have any symptoms to begin with, my voice was just gone for three days? But i'm really grateful that it was just this.

i really missed you and i'm happy that we're both back. please take care and i hope life gets more relaxing for you too! love you <33

#beloved anon 💖#my loves ❤️#talk that talk 📣

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misterbitches · 3 years

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i wish more than anything he could have had this. i love you man

i really fucking do

my love for nirvana and immense respect for kurt isn't something i ever expected. after being a huge fan of jonghyun too as a musician, a person who had things to say, a human being. the people around him. i fucking hate that kurt is gone and i was like...2. i got into hole when i was like 25 really heavily and refused to listen to nirvana. didnt' care about these white boys. but there's a reason why people love this band and why they loved kurt. i get mad sometimes at his death—selfishness—and then i make jokes to deal and cope. we all do with everything. it's just that and this is from a cis person...but i know so many trans people or people on the gender spectrum who have read his journals see him as someone struggling with gender. and after years of thinking and becoming such a huge fan i think that was honestly the truth. i think at this point we're all pretty sure he was gender queer or struggling with identity.

his aversion for oppression, his stand with the marginalized, not accepting racism, homophobia, transphobia BECAUSE THAT IS THE HEART OF DIY (spurred by my black people cos ofc it is and we do everything) and i wish that he could have beeen better.

to me it seems like his pain with his crohns (or wahtever he had) lead to his intense struggle with drugs because that's pretty common when needing pain management. on top of that, his family's history of MI. on top of that, his life being hounded and not being prepared for it (this i think is the idea of white privilege at work and wasn't naive of him necessarily, but...it's just something he thought wouldnt happen to him. that's whiteness at work as who they were as a diy fucking anti pop anti capital punk band. sonic youth said 'we didnt sell out, we made them buy in') and his rship with courtney. he said without court he might be gay or bi.

i won't read his journals, it's too fucking much for me and i dont feel allowed or maybe i will when i can handle it, but i know reading about them and him and hearing the way he changed his songs and his abhorrence for bravado, for men that talk about women as disposable and sex objects, for not being able to enjoy a punk band, for the whiteness and maleness. krist novoselic was a 6'7 fucking bassist and dave grohl is a sizeable dude with hideous tattoos. back then, no one said a fucking bad thing about them. come as you are.

we know that suicide is a state we get into. when you go to a psych ward you see that it's actually calm and an ebb/flow. it is extremely fucking boring. the thing is we don't know if these feelings last forever. we can't go back and time and history cannot change. it was his decision, like jonghyun's, to end his life. but i know there could have been longer. if they got help. i try not to resent courtney especially not now with people being irresponsible and unearthing the FBI report on him. he killed himself but it was definitely emotionally sparred by her and she should have told people what happened weeks before his death.

but no one failed him per se. his suicide note is full of hope and it kills me to see. he should have been able to be whoever he wanted. been a son, been a daughter, been anything.

whenever i hear the changed lyrics or see him in a dress or hear distress i dont know. i wish we didnt lose him but i also know that no one wants to go back to that time. it wasn't necessarily great but it wasn't all bad. and i wish commodity didn't destroy legacy. i wish we werent's so obsessed with the death and gore instead of the liveliness and hilarity of this band and of kurt. and i wish we could talk about him more and the idea that maybe there's so much going on with it; i have many critiques for things they have done, things kurt has done as well.

i'm talking in circles but i genuinely just get bummed. every day he is still dead. but this dude man......i love him a lot. i'm so glad nirvana gave what they did to the world. getting to know kurt so long after the fact is fucking hard sometimes. it is frustrating. but focusing on the positives too or trying to understand another perspective has given me a lot of insight. and i always try and remember that it wasn't just one thing, that nirvana were a band, it wasn't just him, and he could have been better but it just didn't work out that way. it's not solely about his internal pain and the narrative of a tortured artist is suffocating.

he wanted to be a star, make this insane pop song, and when he got it he didnt realize it became everything he hated. he was already struggling and all this shit hit a point. i have mad respect for them still. dave grohl said billie eilish is the kurt of her gen (about 2 yrs ago) and that drives me up a wall for various reasons. antiblackness and class. fuck that. these dudes were poor as fuck trucking it through washington with other bands and the basis is blacness and black art they were trying to fight and make it and give a shit man. it didnt turn out the way they could handle but they were not PRIMIING themselvs for musical stardom. no artist who cares would do that. but if you get the recognition you want because who doesn't, it comes at a price too.

this is why i critique commodity and capital so intensely. i participate, and i will have to as an artist. i don't have a desire to be poor because i've lived a life that gave me space to see what i want to do. i have class privilege (and a lot of debt) and i am grateful. but it isnt like i dont want peopl eto know. it's just that i know that i can't give in and accept and demand nothing and then decide to hoard it to myself. taht money that goes in funnels out and is not for me to keep. there is no trickling down. dont paly yrself.

artists like kurt and in a sense like MF Doom (rapper who only came out to be seen when he wanted to) or DMX even it's like....man u came out fucking fighting to be heard you know. do your thing. make your shit. be amazing. esp black people. DMX had a fucking face for a camera. hopefully i'm gonna watch belly at my best friend's house on the 28th.

i wish everyone who deserves to stay can stay until their body releases them in the most pleasant way as possible. jessica walter's death made me sad, but she was older and i'm so happy she got to live. same with cicely tyson. at the same time, the young deaths over drugs, suicide, accidents....id on't really get it. why is kissinger alive but these people can't stay? how did this come a somber tale of death instead of just i fucking love kurt cobain lmao

he's def one of those ppl that im like u rock. him, robeson, seberg to an extent. hm who else. wong kar wai, jenkins, joe (thai filmmaker whose name i cant spell.) all those people who are running forward on their own and beating their chest. yea i like that. an award is just another award. what matters is possibility and action.

RATHER BE DEAD THAN COOL

#a thot

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mikeshanlon · 4 years

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the last time i sent a message so long that i had to SUBMIT it, the year was 2013.. anyway.. i have yet to come to you and tell you how much i love ribs but since you delivered today after working so hard for so long, i figured i’d send you this and finally tell you.. oh my fucking god i love ribs. my friend and i have a book club and by “club” i mean the two of us read a book and then cry over it together and you should know we wholeheartedly treat ribs like one of those great books. in fact, we cry more over ribs than any other ones. we found it the day you posted the november chapter and have been waiting (not so patiently) for december. i mean every single day we texted each other and were like haha.. so, ribs? and anytime you even so much as referenced it in your tags, we sent the post to one another and had breakdowns. and we re read it SO many times that i swear to god when i was watching You on netflix today and one of the characters said “por que no los dos”.. i lost my fucking mind. had to pause and calm down. october chapter stans rise, ig. i wish i took screenshots back when we first read it because it was an absolutely wild time in our lives but i got a few from today when you posted and here are some highlights i think you should see.

by the way how magical was it that i was GROCERY SHOPPING at that moment… just like in that clown movie fanfiction…

we proceeded to listen to that song on repeat to torture ourselves. but like it really does fit perfectly to the end of december, was that your inspiration or did the song get made specifically for the ribs soundtrack? because oh my god. another song which every time we listen to it we cry thinking about ribs.. it fits so perfectly.. is Yours by greyson chance. his whole album is fantastic but if you ever feel like having a good cry, you should give that one a listen. very ribs reddie.

which reminds me she also said if richie and eddie end up not going to college together that she’d kill herself which.. i’m not sure where you’re going with it but if you DO choose to go in that direction… you SHOULD split them up to spite her!

and there are so many quotes in this chapter that i could send that made me have to scream but the way you pieced together the Eddie plummeted over the edge of the precipice, and now he’s unraveling. bro what the fuck, it’s been hours and i still can’t get over this. and that fucking song richie was playing in the car that i KNOW is the one he hums and thats why eddie knows it.. please be quiet i am breaking down.

(and thank you for writing ribs. your writing never fails to amaze us. it makes us feel it all.)

---

(hello this is emma aka mikeshanlon i didnt want to trust tumblr’s tags working so i am adding my response onto your submission).

oh my god im likeeltnelrknlgnklergnlrgn i actually cried reading this and had to go make myself some tea to calm down and Process this bc wow. insane????? i can’t believe y’all enjoy my writing enough to talk about it together and get so excited for updates, and reread.. i’m sorry y’all had to wait forever LRRNGLRNGK. also that you enjoy ribs enough send me this lovely message. like THANK you so so much for sending me these omg. i loved reading your reactions so much y’all are hella funny and reading you screaming abt shit like eddie wanting to kiss him sent me LNLKRGRGr.

also wow those songs.... y’alls minds. i hadn’t heard either but adding those to the playlist... especially waking up slow now Y’ALL got me torturing myself RLGNRG. like hold awn... it’s not supposed to come back and hurt me too LRGKNNGR jk.

speaking of songs, i totally blanked and forgot to mention in the notes of ao3 (so i’ll fix that in a second), but the song richie sang in the car was lover’s spit by broken social scene! so.............. do with that what you will if you listen to ribs by lorde...... like..... you’re right,,,, LKNGRKLRGRG.

seriously im so overwhelmed and full with love and so many feelings from this message, thank you so much for reading and you’re kind words and support, it’s so AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (me writing thousands of words but not being able to articulate my emotions scream). when i read that last line of u quoting back bill’s thing to me please i screeched at my phone........please feel free to send any of your other reactions or songs or whatever bc i am so curious and grateful for this omg.... ah okay thank you so much i hope you have a great rest of your week. <3 <3 <3

#submission #ribs #save #the grocery store kismet of it all....#like i literally was crying out here LKNRGLKNRG #keeryjoseph #im like.... ooh okay gOD WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS INSANEEEEE

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