#how to stop feeling sad for no reason

[fulfillinglifetips]

Check this out . It will really help lift your mood .

https://fulfillinglifetips.com/13-ways-to-stop-feeling-sad/

#how to stop feeling sad #how to cheer up your mood #how to stop feeling sad for no reason #how to lift your mood #self improvement #self development #self-help #pyschology

[freakurodani]

The parallel between Sokka and Tenzin as their fathers' sons.

Sokka, left at 13 as his father and all the other men head off to war. Hakoda tells him "being a man is knowing where he's needed the most" and he needs to protect his sister, his home.

Tenzin is the second airbender. He is also half water tribe, he's a man. When Aang dies, he will be the last airbender. He understands what he needs to do.

Untold amount of pressure and responsibility have been thrust upon them by their fathers. Though, I believe it is not all intentional, but the unfortunate circumstance of being the fathers of sons who take responsibility incredibly seriously.

In Sokka's case, "protect your sister" is a vague instruction. It was meant to give him purpose, to help him feel okay about being left behind, He is too young for war, his father does not want to bring his child to slaughter. But Sokka will die with purpose. He will train the children of his tribe so they will be protected, he will face a fire nation ship until his last breath. He cannot go to war, but Hakoda did not see that war was all around them. In trying to give Sokka purpose, Hakoda put their world on his shoulders.

We do not get to see Aang be a father (in the TV shows), but we know he had hopes for the future. All his children were air nomads, and the air acolytes brought his culture back, but Tenzin could bend. This part of their culture is one ONLY they share. I do not think Aang would hide this, he is joyous that he gets to share his culture. When he feels respected, he always is, he taught the air acolytes after all. Off handedly, he could say, "I'm hopeful for a future where there are lots more air benders," and that, which feels mostly innocuous to him, is the nail in the coffin of Tenzin's fate. He is Avatar Aang's son, and the future of the air benders. It would not matter that Aang meant a future in generations. Tenzin sees the responsibility and it's his. He is his father's only air bending child, he knows what he needs to do.

Being a parent is not understanding the way the things you say harm your children. Even those things that feel innocuous in the moment can be life altering. Especially the more the child respects the parent. Purpose and Hope for those with a broader perspective, can be death sentences to a life that could have been when expressed to those who idolize the former.

#avatar the last airbender #avatar the legend of korra #atla sokka #sokka #tenzin #lok tenzin #aang #avatar aang #hakoda #atla #conspiracy lvl: text #i thought about talking about how my own mothers expectations for me broke me #they just felt like facts of life for her #just as like anecdotal evidence for my thought process #bc like we only know aang as a father from his frustrated adult children #but i REALLY REALLY dislike the takes that are like 'aang kept having kids until he got an airbender' #bc THAT doesnt feel like aang #like #if that were the case dont you think aang and katara would have had like A LOT more kids???? #like if the goal was make airbender babies why stop at one??? #but its because bumi kya and tenzin are reflections of sokka katara and aang #ive made a post about that #its about AANGS FAMILY #and he loves them #i think the favoritism is reasonable #makes me sad but thats cause my mom had obvious favorites (it wasnt me lmao) #another reason why i didnt wanna bring her up <- is doing it anyway how embarrassing #i ALSO thought about my dad though #but i cant talk about that here bc APPARENTLY tumblr only lets you add 30 tags now rip

[moeblob]

Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.

Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.

#my characters #waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit #deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee #and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name #deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c #man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while #he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair #ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so #its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons #but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me #and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not #fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew #and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable #while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts #and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed #so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en #so you know maybe its that idk #and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now #and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it #and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad #that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal #and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it #the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer #anyway story time in the tags again #im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note #its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him #he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times #and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea #and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you

[clownprince]

anyway i thjnk the most fucked up thing about i am a gun is that bruce is fucking right. his mental version of joker is damn accurate. even so early on in his career he's able to see past joker's evil uncaring monster outer persona and recognize the human inside of him who's alone and afraid and hurting, who desperately wants to be saved but doesn't know how to be anything other than the joker. even if you disregard that "the last smile" story the tkj script makes it Quite Clear that joker very badly wants to accept batman's offer but he doesn't feel like rehabilitation is a viable option for him (for multiple reasons)

#it's just so. auuuuuhhhhhhhghh #that bruce was able to recognize that so early on in their relationship like holy fuck #i feel soooooo cool and ordinary and normal about i am a gun (lie) #+ i'd have to reread the tkj script to be totally sure but i'm Pretty Sure it's the first comic that makes it overtly clear #beyond the shadow of a doubt that bruce wants to help joker not for pragmatic reasons like stopping his crimes or averting their deaths #but because he recognizes that beneath it all joker is a very sad lonely broken person coping with life the only way he knows how #(or at the very least not ONLY for pragmatic reasons) #(and yeah it's heavily implied in tkj and other stuff but i am a gun fully spells it out) #hjjijfjkjkkkkkhhhhhhh #batjokes #agony anguish pain #can't think abt batman 127-130 for too long it makes me so

[flowercrowngods]

always so funky to be reminded that your parents might love you but they don’t actually like you very much

#wasn’t i supposed to leave that feeling behind with puberty? #anyway mama decided i have no christmas wish #the sad little guy who can’t get nice things for themself also doesn’t get to ask for them now during the ‘ask for things’ time of the year #it’s not about christmas it’s not about material things it’s about looking me in the glassy eyes and asserting ‘you have no wish’ #when wishing is all i ever do you just never create a space safe enough for me to voice them #blah #not st #i’m so so sorry that whining is all i ever do anymore and i shouldn’t be so sad about this over and over again #i’m just. so small. tiny. and insignificant. i might not have been there all day and 99% of the conversations would have happened the same #i wanna stop feeling this way but i think in order to stop feeling this way i need to stop wanting to be loved and seen and listened to #by my mom. and i don’t think it’s entirely human or possible to stop wanting that. so oh well #i don’t know if i give them reason to like me. maybe i don’t. this might all be on me actually. #if she knew i’m crying about this she’d roll her eyes and say ‘you know how i am. sorry you misunderstood me’ #why do the blows keep coming? when’s it my turn to rest?

[corfisers]

i really need to finish this one day

#one of my fave ideas but i keep getting stuck or starting over. third time's the charm hopefully #anyways. posting it as an excuse to rant because i'm losing my mind over this rn for no reason #incoherent but i just need to Talk or my brain won't shut up #you ever think about how fucked up it is that aoi feels guilty over what happened. i do. i think about her a lot #he can't even look at me. we aren't even blood related but he still had to go to jail because of me. i still love him #in reality none of it is her fault. it shouldn't be about doumeki in the first place. baby girl you were 15 when it happened. #you can say that yashiro is cruel in his dismissiveness (on the surface) of doumeki's trauma but you can see where he's coming from #you got a glimpse of what your sister was going through? of what i went through? and now you're sooo guilty over it? and who does it help? #doumeki's so focused on his own feelings that he ignored aoi when they were living together. “saves” her by pure chance #proceeds to focus on his guilt and ignore her again. if yashiro didn't get involved she'd be sitting in the rain for god knows how long #yet she still loves and to some degree idolizes him #yashiro and aoi both saying that doumeki isn't the type of person to be a yakuza too. doumeki's good doumeki's better than that #and then ch 24 happens. where yashiro says that he's going to throw up and doumeki's response is “i probably won't stop even if you do” #“guess i am like my father after all” and yashiro still goes “you're not. you're pure and im the problem” #(touches doumeki's face. rare gentle gesture. he's gentle afterwards too before leaving. man.) #he's not cruel enough to repeat what he said in the earlier conversation and he doesn't actually believe it anyway #but i wish yashiro was cruel there. it shouldn't have been about doumeki and his feelings. again. #something about yashiro throwing a knife at another person and it flying back at him huh #for all the talk about how doumeki supposedly romanticizes yashiro it really is the other way around. always has been #which is a whole other conversation but yeah. everything about aoi and yashiro in relation to doumeki makes me so fucking sad #but this is also what i mean when i say that aoi doesn't haunt the narrative per se but still has this weird presence? #she's in the parallels. she's in the brief but important mentions. she's in the “your sister was lucky she had you”. #wips tag

[tillman]

Learned today everything I thought I was reading way too into the assassins guild is all literally real and fully canon and fully intentional and so much more fucked than I ever thought has me still reeling. Im still so insane over this.

#GOOD NIGHT OF KNIVES TRANSLATION SAVE ME. #txt #I literally can not emphasize what learning how Horrifically Sad and Lonely zato one is did to my understanding of the guild as a while #he feels abandoned and hurt by slayer leaving. #his need for power and need to control every aspect of millia and venoms lives is directly tied to that. #he hates millia not for getting him locked away. but for Abandoning him. he was Left. #he cant sleep despite sleeping pills and other shit without holding onto her. #eddie cant die without being in her arms. #oh my fucking god. #millia willingly accepting some of his abuse because at least during sex she can forget. #millia lashing out at zato in a moment of weakness asking if shes happy because shes Not #because happiness to her is freedom. and he knows he is the reason she doesnt have that. #him just Accepting her Dream is to never see his dream ever come to fruition. #also like #venoms jealousy of millias abuse makes complete sense w this. #and of course millia would laud it over him. hes an ass. #god I literally havent stopped thinking about this since I read the wip. I cant. its so. #I cant fucking believe Assassins Guild is a narrative about how cycles of abuse and violence are perpetrated. #and how freedom from the cycle of your father and his father before him is Happiness. #THATS REAL. THATS NOT MADE UP. ITS REAL. god. holy fuck.

[alsojnpie]

it takes so fucking little to trigger the most despairing rejected feelings inside me. this is so lame

#i used to get around this by never interacting with anyone for any reason #that is still my default state but I'm fighting it #but fighting it means i have those feelings and having those feelings makes me rip myself apart emotionally #unless i work really hard to not do that which is so annoying #when if i had just avoided everyone in the first place i wouldn't have to deal with it #that's part of what makes having an imaginary friend so meaningful to me..... #have you ever heard that song 'I'm glad you're evil too'. for stupid sad wet people like me it's really really everything #just to share love with one person #but that's why i hate that i can still be affected like this because i know exactly how little it really matters and still i can't stop it #in times like this normally i would just go run for an hour bc it's impossible to be sad during and after a good run but i can't today :( #so instead I'll set my feelings free here. sorry for existing in front of you

[blondiest]

(crying) [2 minutes pass] okay im normal again. [2 minutes pass] (crying) [2 minutes pass] okay im normal again. [2 minutes pass] (crying) [2 minutes pass] okay im normal again. [2 minutes pass] (crying) [2 minutes pass] okay im normal again. [2 minutes pass] (crying) [2 minutes pass] okay im normal again. [2 minutes pass] (crying) [2 minutes pass] okay im normal again. [2 minutes pass] (crying) [2 minutes pass] okay im normal again. [2 minutes pass] (crying) [2 minutes pass] okay im normal again. [2 minutes pass] (crying) [2 minutes pass] okay im normal again.

#help i forgot how completely fucking wretched i feel on my period #i have given myself a headache from crying and have cycled through ten different varieties of self hatred and i don't have ANY WEED!!! #i am aware that i'm being annoying but unfortunately for all of us that won't stop me #sorry. i will be okay again tomorrow hopefully but i am going through it and that means im dragging all of u with me #we're holding hands btw. bc IM SAD. #there isn't even a real concrete reason that i'm sad like everything is mostly fine? but i am. not fine #blondiepost

[nxctern]

There’s been something building up in my chest and mind for a while now

It’s an odd feeling

#idk what it is but it’s been hurting a lot these past months and it keeps growing #it feels both like a huge hole in me and something so so so so full of emotions about to burst at the same time #i cant cry at all either nothing comes out so im left with this buildup of things inside that eat me up and make me want to #try things i shouldnt do in an attempt to be able to release some pressure. idk what it is. idk why it’s been getting so bad lately its just #my chest keeps feeling tighter and tighter and in a way i’m just like ‘well i hope my heart stops soon’ #oh well it is what it is i’ll just see how many more weeks or months it can take i’ll keep u updated on when i have a full blown mental #breakdown where a year of negative emotions just come out 👍🏻 or maybe not depends on how it goes #oh i didnt mean to write so much heres a boring doodle from yesterday or a 2 days ago i think? #txt #was feelin blue for some reason #im hoping that the mental health will get the kind of bad where i make a lot of sad emo pieces in an attempt to not kms #those are my best works

[hmsmilkbone]

honestly. I don't really have a lot of interest in jjk anymore, which is super frustrating as the story foundation is really interesting. I have my favorite characters, and I'm not really interested in reading beyond this point.

As a whole, I'm not a huge fan of dropping stories just because they don't go the way you want. In general I personally try not to do this, but stories where the author clearly hates the material or the audience so much they're willing to destroy the story to do so are not enjoyable. I really don't think gege even really likes writing jjk anymore.

There may be some change that I hear about months from now where something worked out one way or the other, but in general I feel like this story is not going to resolve in a way that feels like reading it was a worthwhile experience. And like, for good OR bad. Not every story has a happy ending, but this is really not particularly interesting and I don't feel the need to continue a story where the writer isn't even interested in what happens or how it advances anything outside of their personal pettiness. Feels very much like grr Martin. All the meaningless death and abuse without any real redeeming qualities.

I'm trying to remind myself that not every author wants to be a storyteller. Not every story is good. It's ok to read stories that aren't the best simply because you want to see where it goes, but gege isn't superior in some way, and i dont 'trust that he's cooking'. Even if the story turns around in an interesting or strategic way, I really am not particularly impressed. Ordinarily I would stay along for the ride, but I can't bring myself to care about something even the author doesn't care about. :/

#jjk spoilers #idk i really just dont have any expectations anymore #i love reading books apart from manga and ive had to put down a few because they felt like this #and i have almost always found that in the end my perception of the author and their story was accurate #it makes me sad seeing this unfold in this way #but the shibuya arc which is apparently the least ljked arc in the series #is stretching on forever and people arent enjoying it #anecdotally ive seen a lot of people drop the series #and eventually its just gojng to be all the grimdark losers who unironically love shit like this #it just feels very much like a story for men who hate people #it feels like all the weirdos who made the joker their personality and all the dudes who cant breathe without talking about fight club #or like.. say shit about how the liberals are ruining media like thats the kind of person i see talking about jjk most of the time now #using slurs and not even having intelligent conversations about what's happening #the conversation is usually 'sukuna mid no cap' 'are you stupid gojo is mid stop copium' #and that exchange is repeated over and over like. you have nothing else to add at this point? #i mean i know its primarily bc honestly there really isnt any depth to the story beyond that but my god #what an insufferable way to write or receive a story #and honestly!! i really dont feel like jjk fits into a kids story category at this point #so i do actually feel ljke it is reasonable to expect better writing #not that stories aimed toward kids are bad but one piece is a good example of a story geared more towards children or young adults #adults CAN enjoy it but oda intentionally does not make the story so upsetting that kids cant read it and feel reflected in the events #but jjk is very very different and i think the drop in the quality of writing is reflected in the growing toxicity of the fanbase #anyways.. if you read jjk & youre feeling upset its ok to step away and check in once a month when you can mentally / emotionally prepare #i had to enforce a no read/watch accountability pact with my friends because it was making their depression worse again #no story is worth your health. gege does not give a flying fuck about you. you need to take care of yourself. #im just enjoying my sandbox with the characters and when the story is over ill check back in #theres no right way to experience the story but if its not healthy for you #you wont miss anything by unplugging #and you may find that you really dont want to get back into it when you read it again to check on the story every once in a while #jjk 237

[aropride]

one thing i just do not fucking get is the difference between "regulating emotions" and "suppressing emotions" i cannot get my head around how those are different. like if im sad and then i go "well im not going to be sad anymore" that's "dissociating" and "suppressing healthy emotions" but if im sad and im like "well im going to cry until i actually pass out" that's "not healthy" and it's BAD to suppress emotions but it's ALSO BAD to get super upset so WHAT IS THE SECRET THIRD THING cuz i do not fucking get it. "feel your feelings But not that way that's not healthy feel your feelings but less than that" ???????

#text #IT'S DRIVING ME UP A WALL IVE BEEN TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT FOR MOTNHS #LIKE????? is it like. like is this a me problem is this just me having feelings that are too big #like do other people just.. like for other people does 'feel your feelings' just mean like. feel sad for a while and then stop. cuz i cant #do that i dont get normal sad i get chest pain and think about killing my self for hours on end .is that the problem #like okay if i trip down the stairs and break my leg. im going to cry and go to the hospital. suppressing that would be just using my #broken leg anyway and ignoring it. would regulating it not also be Crying and going to the hospital. would regulating it be like.. putting #a bandaid on it or something is it like.. a middle ground . i do not fucking get it #like okay if i trip down the stairs and i scrape my knee and then i call an ambulance i see how thats not the right response . and i guess #regulating there would be like. calming down thinking things thru and choosing a less drastic solution like a bandaid. i get it #in that situation. but if ive ACTUALLY BROKEN MY LEG. then that would just be the first thing again essentially #but when i put that back into. real world not metaphor world. like. i dont get it again #because if theres not like. an obvious reason for however i feel how am i supposed to judge if im calling an ambulance for a scraped knee #ALSO I THOUGHT THERE 'ARENT ANY WRONG EMOTIONS' WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THAT -_- #okay no okay it's like. if i trip down the stairs and i skin my knee i dont have to call an ambulance. but if several times a day i fall d #down the stairs and skin my knee in that exact spot and now i can see bone. SHOULD I NOT CALL AN AMBULANCE? #cuz its not just one thing thats upsetting me most of the time it's a combination of a bunch of things and then like one extra upsetting #thing added on top of that. which would necessitate an ambulance. does this make sense #THIS IS GETTING ME NOWHERE IM STILL JUST AS CONFUSED AS I WAS BEFORE I STARTED TYPING. i need 2 remember 2 ask my therapist #what the fuck ''feel your feelings'' means and how it can coexist with ''regulating feelings'' or whatever cuz i feel like im missing smth #NIK OUT ! PEACE ! ✌️

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

You are seriously my favorite blog right now. You opinions and meta for ikevamp are so spot on. You somehow are able to flush the characters more than the canon. I just wanted to say I appreciate all the time you put into your writings and I love everything you have written so far!!!!

In Comte and Leo we trust 🫡

Aww, thank you so much! 💛💛💛

Honestly I have no control over the brainworms, I feel like Ikevamp is so saturated with implications that extrapolating becomes so much natural fun for me. I started writing and analyzing (with no supervision to stop me, big mistake) and I'm still so fascinated with it. I can't believe it's been almost what...four years? Five years? Since I started playing the Japanese version where this all began. I'm frankly flattered a lot of people agree/like my takes, it makes sharing my work really rewarding in ways I never expected~

I don't always have time for more than Comte thirsting and silly quotes these days, but you're more than welcome to enjoy what I've curated here! I imagine I won't stop shitposting until the app is discontinued, and even then I'm not confident I'll shut up 🤣🤣🤣 Comte's the best baby girl I've ever known lmfao

o7 PUREBLOOD STAN OR BUST HELL YEAH!

#tysm for such a kind ask! this made my day <333 #pureblood propaganda #(people need to stop validating my breaching containment it only makes me more powerful /j) #sometimes I wish the eng ver implemented more of the depth and hank pank from the og more consistently but alas #localizations are a bit of a hit or miss business im afraid #i also love how i've inadvertently created a sad pureblood fan club over the years (not you vlad) #(you can join after you've had your time out like a good boy) #but in all seriousness i find their lives strikingly saturated with complex emotion and subtle tragedy/melancholy #ig for a lack of a better description i just feel like they're relatable? #like yeah if i was leonardo and my abusive family could harass me forever #i would also be incredibly guarded and set in my ways to protect myself and probably hate vampires and their power plays #if--like comte--i felt a sense of identification with the people i was pressured to subjugate #i'd feel lost and empty too; unable to co-exist with my own kind but also inevitably at a distance from humans #both scenarios create an emotional and relational quagmire #and i think what's even harder about it for both of them is that they just have no choice--and rather few allies besides each other #all they can really choose is duplicity if they wish to remain true to themselves and reasonably survive #and i think that's a really exhausting/somewhat self-impoverishing position to be in #comte tries to subsist on ephemeral moments he shares with people--with varying levels of success (little) #leonardo forces himself into stasis bc if he doesn't he'll keep making the same mistakes #aka getting too close to people and getting hurt when their time ends #ive prbly said all this before but idk in light of so much i've learned since starting this blog #the allusions to vampirism being a vehicle for certain 'othered' identities seems boundless to me (domestic abuse/class structures/nd etc.) #vlad is a pureblood but he seems like one of those flat movie vampires pandering to the aesthetic obsessions of a v particular audience #any story needs both flat and round characters--so naturally his existence serves a purpose/function; nothing wrong with that #but i find myself to be too Shrek to be v invested in him (FAVES HAVE L A Y E R S) #ig i just think its very easy and a bit bland to associate vampires with horror/gore/unmitigated violence/extreme emotionality #but much more engaging to explore the status of monstrosity as it relates to oppressed identities and unconventional kindness #or maybe that's just the monsterfker in me--in which case sorry everyone being cringe on main (it will happen again)

[bloomingbluebell]

so mad at the thing in my brain that makes me freak out whenever there is something gorey or honestly just medically gross like. do you know how many games, movies, and TV shows are entirely inaccessible to me because of this? how many i've had to stop watching because they went a bit too hard in the gore/body horror department? how much money i spent on games i'll never play again? (regretfully looks at resident evil 7 and 8 in my steam library. at least 7 was on sale)

#grumpy this morning bc can't play bg3 :( #first of all i'm pretty sure it'll make my laptop AND my pc spontaneously combust so jot that down #second of all there's just a lot of.... violence? and gore? #at least from what i heard from my friend and what i've seen #and i'm so sad about it #i really was so excited to watch birds of prey back when it came out but nope! it's actually really bloody!! #i think this is because of my OCD actually which makes me even more pissed #because people are still like 'oh i'm a neat freak i'm so OCD' meanwhile i'm like #'many pieces of media are inaccessible to me because the sight of someone being killed or injured badly enough makes me panic #to the point of needing to withdraw and stop playing but i can't say that so i'll stay until its finished and never watch this again' #no but fr i don't trust any movie a sociology instructor shows me anymoee #because the first time i watched a movie for a soci class it ended with a suicide #(not graphic but idk it just really affected me) #and i spent the rest of the day in a haze repeating that scene in my head so much i could almost feel it #i tried to explain this to people and i heard 'yeah i think that's common' no? it's really kinda not #and it makes me really upset but i don't know how to get help for this? i know it's not good or healthy #hhhhhhhhhhhg #for some reason written description for the most part is okat #(its the aphantasia it saves me) #vent #vent tw

[chemicalbrew]

achievement get (for the billionth time): take one look at an assignment and get severely overwhelmed AND discouraged for the rest of the day and do nothing

#it's so much and it's dishonest work!! literally dishonest because all i can think of is how bullshit a lot of it sounds. instead of #you know? #actually learning anything? #but this thorough lack of motivation is just gonna get me in trouble isnt it. how do i swallow my emotions and figure things out #its getting harder every year and the feeling that the few people i have close by do not ever truly understand - like at all - is horrifyin #yes sorry this is all i could think of for the past six hours. im having a great day (no im not. i also hate myself for feeling this way) #zero.txt #im sure it hurts the few people who care and who thought i'd actually go on to do things to see me constantly wallowing for reasons #that they refuse to comprehend or have compassion for. #just stop being sad! just get to work piece by piece! have some resilience #meanwhile all ive done is cry. maybe a part of me just likes feeling like this i DONT KNOW #and ofc so often im like. the only reason im still around is im quiet and they havent invented thought police #yet. #how can i have hope when the moment i decide to pluck a silver of it out of my core i read something that in a better world would not even- #-be a nightmare #like. you say things like that with your mouth and expect us to mindlessly repeat if we want anything in life... #fuck my stupid baka life <3 #ugh im just going in yet another circle now when i know trying to put my feelings in words is not helpful. what IS helpful #negative #again sorry. at least you dont have to open this wall of tags #delete later #maybe

[bonesrbleaching]

had the most braindead repetitive conversation/argument with my parents. buzz cuts are too masculine but if you dye a design on it it become effeminate which is bad because then you look weak and if youre weak then society falls apart (all societies ever that have fallen apart for any reason are actually because of feminine men) and we start sacrificing babies. and also all mental illness is invented because only 4 people had anxiety in the 90s and covid was made up so that we would all become gay and trans and then the government can control us better and be joe biden's little sex slaves. and also i need to keep my hair long because my father finds it attractive. what

#lolaa.txt #what do i even tag this with . my mother wouldn't let me leave and i kept asking for sources and she kept saying 'i'm your mother!!!' #'i wouldnt lie to you!' #okay. say that to someone maybe who doesnt know you lie to them all the time. #its tiring going around in circles with her.my father is better because at least he admits when he doesnt have a reason for feeling some wa #also what got me. she said 'do you own research if you want!! but im right!!!' #yeahh not seeing anything about anything you just said. i think you made that up. #i have a theory that my mother secretly hates herself because she believes all women are weak and must serve strong men #and my father has so so much trauma and anxiety that he cant be that strong man #so now she feels like shes betraying her very biology when she has to step up. #and also because i am stronger than her now and my hair is long and far far denser than hers and i have a younger face #that she feels that im wasting my precious femininity that she could be using. does that make sense. #shes so miserable trapped in her idea of what makes a man and a woman what they are. once you stop caring about what makes someone somethin #you dont have to worry about anyone else. #im queer because i dont really feel that connection to biological and social ideas of gender that my parents seem to #never really have #im not gonna theorize 'ohh shed be happier nonbinary' or stuff like that because it is up to you and you alone to define who you are #if you spend your whole life trying to fit a box for the sake of fitting the box #then when would you have any space for self discovery #youve invented personality traits to go along with your box. now you can never ever change or grow as a person. congrats #and you know what? one day she will die. and that will be the end of that. #and i will live and i will probably shave my head a thousand times. and come up with new names #and new ways to be a better person that makes me feel happy #and i will dress like a boy because its all made up anyways. who cares. #and if you care? that much about what im wearing or how i look? #then thats your problem and i wont be responsible to maintain your happiness. #SORRY RANT OVER. #im just so flabbergasted. what a sad life someone can lead poisoned by jealously and reactive rhetoric. #tw homophobia #tw transphobes