#i am HUMILIATED and ASHAMED

[theflyingfeeling]

I hate it here sm

#i have a scheduled phone call with my employment agency person later this afternoon #and i already know i'm going to cry #not because of the phone call per se but just the fact that i have to do business with them in the first place #i don't care if someone else is unemployed or why they are unemployed. it is not my place to judge anyone for not working #but for me myself and i personally? it is so humiliating. the ultimate personal failure #i am so ashamed for not being good enough to have a job #even if i know i'm not being fair on myself bc the reason my contract will not be renewed isn't bc i wasn't doing my job well enoug #it's just that they literally don't have work for me to do when the other person returns 🤷‍♀️ #in any case i find it so unfair from the universe that i was working so hard all winter and then the reward i get is full-time unemployment #again!!!!!!! #there's so much more that i could say about this but i don't need y'all to know just how pathetic i really am

[uncanny-tranny]

The biggest saving grace I feel I've done is to get into death positivity, to learn to appreciate death. It's definitely not going to help for many, but I have found that not stigmatizing my own interest and desire for death has greatly helped. Being able to interact with death not as a punishment, but as a way to express humanity has been truly what has made me feel more human. I no longer want to feel ashamed of this aspect of myself, and it's made me want to live. Death has done unto me life.

#death positive #death tw #death mention tw #suicide mention tw #ask to tag (genuine) #i have been trying to interact with more death positivity. it's helped not only my own thoughts but also grief... #...and grief is something i know intimately that i do not process and deal with 'normally' #i am CERTAINLY not saying that you should adopt these ideas for yourself but rather i am sharing what has worked for me... #...my hope is that i can help motivate others to find what works for THEM... #...to not feel SHAME over it. the shame is the enemy. the fear and self-loathing and self-hatred are the enemies... #...i used to feel so ashamed and humiliated about this aspect of me because of how... out there it was... #...but i genuinely cannot live the way the world does and i have TRIED #i don't want ANYbody EVER feeling that way. not if i can even try to help y'know? #i am really grateful to the people who have posted about death and the process because it has really been an important topic #death is nuanced and complicated and it isn't fair a lot of times - it's absolutely fair to not *like* death

[chloelouygo]

Why is showing someone else your writing the most mortifying embarrassing ordeal known to man 🥲

#i just showed amara my whumpril piece for today about my OCs and ive never felt so ashamed to show off art omg #like i have never showed my parents my digital art #and i will never show anyone else my cringe writing lmao #just... why is being percieved so embarrassing omg #i guess it's because im baring my soul and my desires in writing and that's humiliating somehow to admit that i have FEELINGS and EMOTIONS #like it was well received but ewwww im so cringefail so embarrassing ewwwwww im hiding my face in shame #i am somewhat kidding of course and i know if i ever shared any writing on here that it'd be taken very kindly #but still im so embarrassed aaaaaa #do not perceive me 🫣 #so embarrassed to admit to my gf of 6 years that i have feelings like what the FUCK wym she knows about my ocs ewwww so embarrassing

[bunnihearted]

the thing is if i have romantic feelings for someone i can have them for such a long time it just wont go away nd i also cant even be interested in anyone else :(((

#the reason this isnt great is bc i've never been in a relationship lol which is a testimony on my feelings sksksk #nd i also feel deeply ashamed nd humiliated bc i know this is just *me* that feels this way #it's normal to be able to be interested in multiple ppl at the same time etc but for me? i just cant :(( #nd my brain can stay stuck on someone for years :((( #it's just all around not great #i mean it would be gr8 if i had a partner bc im prob capable of being w someone for years lmao #but now idk :(( #it's just embarrassing nd humiliating what a pathetic lovesick little puppy i am #i esp feel ashamed when i know that my feelings are more intense than the other's T-T like ooof im so pathetic im sorry 🙏

[moongothic]

#Moon posting #There's a lot to be said about FF7's themes and Cloud's character arc and how a lot of it ties into toxic masculinity #And like. The scene in VIIR where you play as Aerith when Cloud comes out of the bar in a dress and he's absolutely MORTIFIED by his get up #That fucking out-of-body horror and distress Cloud is going through even though there isn't anything for him to be ashamed of? #How humiliated he felt and how the compliments on how he was looking didn't make him feel any better? #That was me when my mom forced me to wear a skirt to my grandma's funeral back when I was in high school #(The last god forsaken time I wore a fucking skirt) (And even at that point I hadn't worn those things for YEARS) #That scene with Cloud? Yeah. Big ''I'm in this picture and I don't like it''-energy. #So this whole thing of Cloud wanting to live up to a horrible twisted idea of masculinity (a Shinra Soldier(/Sephiroth)) #And realizing that he never can but(/and?) doesn't have to. That his masculinity is already good enough. That's wonderful. #Also Cloud is just kinda gender leave me alone #Sure wish I had a PS5 because I sure would like to play Rebirth but I am not dropping 700€ to play a single fucking game #Already feel bad enough about getting a Switch last year just for TOTK #Can't even watch my fave Tubers play it because I wanna experience it on my own too #Woe is me

[testostaround]

It would be so hot if we said, "if I'm looking at you, you have to stop" a sudden cue that means you hold still, pressed into me just as you were, as long as I hold eye contact. And you're pinned, overwhelmed and unable to pull away, until I close my eyes again and can't see you anymore.

#Something about being caught and unable to get away from the pleasure you're getting even though you're “supposed” to jump away and be #ashamed. you know? Forced to show how your body responds to the thing you're not supposed to enjoy #And then also it being agreed not really a genuine safeword (although that's where this fantasy started). you're responsible for #your humiliation as much as I am. Stopping yourself stuck and overestimated because I told you to but not because I made you. #Participating in your own denial

[olliecoded]

i'm just so . gross

#i am so ashamed of myself! every part of me! i think about myself and i'm just HUMILIATED!! #what EVER. normal normal normal #i feel like i need to beat my head into a wall or throw up or tear my skin off. or something. okay #hello world

[ouchhq]

seeing my therapist for the first time since before christmas in a couple of days 🫥

#sh mention tw #i am here in bed just thinking of how i can break it to her that i had a terrible few weeks and i did some /bad/ things to myself because as #much as i know it takes time to talk about certain things i know that i am getting worse very fast and im scared of and for myself and i e #feel like i really should talk about the sh but man. is it difficult #i feel so ashamed of myself for it. i tried to talk about it many times already and every time i do my throat closes and i start tearing up #and i just cant get the words out #i feel like a coward for not being able to do it. its just so humiliating. i always think of the act and how insane and innatural it is and #i dont want my therapist to picture it #but im getting worse and that is definitely my main problem and has been for a while so i guess its also no use to keep avoiding the subject #im literally trying to convince myself here hah #jesus…… how fucked up is this

[ozlices]

im like sincerely so sorry bc my most shameful flaw is that envy is one of my favorite characters in the entirety of fma which is like. listen it's genuinely irredeemable but she knew exactly what she was doing when she made envy the pinnacle of gender envy bc my non-binary ass is NOT immune to feeling the gender envy to the highest degree for that little freak

#mine #i feel less ashamed for being hornee abt shin tsukimi do u understand. how humiliating that is. #literally dont even perceive me this is my greatest sin ok AT LEAST IM SELF AWARE #THEY LITERALLY DO ALL THE MOST HEINOUS SHIT IN THE ENTIRE SERIES NEXT TO KIMBLEE #AND THEY /BOTH/ GET OFF ON IT TOO WHICH MAKES IT WORSE #BUT THEYRE JUST SO PAINFULLY GENDER IM TOO WEAK TO RESIST #i want their voice. i want it so bad it's so painful i hate them so much. but i also adore them. and hate myself for that #she was targeting ME SPECIFICALLY when she made them frfrfrfr #fma #i hesitate to even put this in a tag but i feel like other trans ppl will get it. right. u get it right or am i just a lonesome fool #also. js. i hate kimblee. i fucking DESPISE kimblee actually. worst piece of shit ever in the whole series. #i actually got mad bc i forgot just how long he lasts in the series. FAR TOO LONG IF U ASK ME. #& also. i. feel like. i should get points too bc envy is rly the only absolute irredeemable piece of shit i actually enjoy #bc usually. i am a sheep. & i HATE them. but. i am also a sheep. to gender envy. sooooo. unsurprising exception. #but like otherwise unless u wanna count like my man dracula from castlevania which i feel like is not comparable bc he was VALID #envy is the only villain i actually truly like. any other 'villain' i like is more... morally grey. or. understandable. u know. u get it. #anyway. dont ever perceive me for this im ashamed #& also no the irony of having the mention of jealousy/envy as a my most strict boundary & yet having the literal embodiment of envy #as one of my fav characters in my favorite anime of all time is not lost on me. i am a walking contradiction we all know this #at least they're not THE favorite. u can take a very predictable guess on who that title goes to

[stargazeraldroth]

How am I supposed to go from being ridiculed and judged for asking for help with my assignments/lessons in primary school to casually asking for help in college?? Am I supposed to act like my teachers and classmates didn’t screw me up in the head or

#college things #primary school things #no seriously #we were getting screamed at and made teachers disappointed if we did so much as ask for a simpler explanation or a repeat #and you expect me to casually ask my professors questions about my assignments??? #emailing them is out of the question #they're gonna think I'm an idiot #which I am but no one needs to know that #it's so humiliating #shoutout to all the teachers and classmates who made me feel like a failure for not understanding everything right away #school trauma #I literally struggled to post ANONYMOUSLY on a discussion board once because I felt so stupid for asking a question #it doesn't help that I'm neurodivergent #and have a math disability #like it got so bad to the point where I was offended by people offering me help #because I was being indirectly told that needing help with your education is bad and that I should be ashamed #not to mention having the determine which classmates are nice and which ones will ruin your image if you ask for help #part of why I prefer working alone because I can't deal with that embarrassment #also yes this post helped me realize that school did in fact traumatize me in at least one way

[uncanny-tranny]

Maybe it's just me, but part of why I never really felt completely secure in being public about my own artistic endeavors was how... being proud of yourself in any capacity for any reason is almost a faux pas, if that makes sense.

I've noticed how it's almost expected to perform the air of humility, but is that humility? Is it humility to say, "Oh, I'm sorry for clogging your feed with my awful art" or anything to the effect of self-deprecation?

I think that's why I so often gravitate toward those who make "bad art." There's a sense of freedom that is only achieved with the level of hubris that being unashamed in the number of people who hate your art. I wonder, though, how many people don't hate the art as much as they hate that they can't chastise the artist into humility, into recognizing how "terrible" an artist they "actually" are?

#art #i have clinical enough anxiety to not need people to expect self-deprecation from me when i do anything... #i always find it fascinating and almost freeing to see an artist make their own shit and be PROUD of that work #i unironically need to watch the room because that's the type of energy that i need so desperately #i do genuinely wonder if the largest critics of some of the 'worst' pieces of art do just tend to hate that the artist is openly prideful... #...that it isn't necessarily the art itself that completely enrages them but that they don't have the weapon of shame and humiliation... #...to put the artist 'back in their place' (the bottom)? #maybe i've been overanalyzing people's intention but i do wonder #i'm not saying you aren't allowed to dislike art (i dislike SO much art)... #...what i am saying is not all hatred of art is created equal and not all of it is something that is really as bad as it's portrayed #i need to emphasize that you are allowed to dislike art for whatever reason. there's some art i don't like for pretty petty reasons... #...but i don't think that requires me demanding artists to be ashamed and self-deprecate whenever they dare show their pieces #i think so many people are conditioned into self-hatred that anybody who shows any level of self-respect is off-putting though #like that's something i've really noticed a lot #and i think this is an aspect of the trend towards seeing self-hatred as neutral and even good

[faultsofyouth]

Was ranting to my ex about this stupid humiliating scenario I've found myself in at school because I tried to have a heart to heart with my misogynist professor about sexual harassment, and ex asked me how this even happened, so I told him it all started because my professor told a female classmate that women are harder to work with than men are, and then my ex was like "...but he probably had a scientific explanation for why he thought that way" 🙉

#my posts #and then he Quickly backtracked like i domt Agree with him 🥺 are u mad at me #like lmfaoooo. im so tired #i dont know why i keep trying to explain misogyny to men when i know they will Never get it #even if i go step by step like 'he didnt say that because he was telling a story about a time he had trouble working with women' #'he said that in response to a lady's story about her coworkers' 'he was expressing a personal Bias and not an emotion or a hypothesis' #it doesnt fucking matter because men will never be able to catch up. they never hear an explanation about misogyny #and then go '💡now i understand'. i always just put my cards on the table trying to make them understand and then i get humiliated. #every. single. time. #i am full of so much embarrassment and shame and yes This particular situation is one i am hung up on #because its fresh and its embarrassing and i go to school and see my male professors all the time #but really its all of it. im so embarrassed and ashamed of all of it. my whole life. i dont know how to get over it

[mantomhive]

when I was 14 or 15 I went to my therapy appointment and was like ‘yeah I had a pretty decent week actually, I got an Edgar Allan Poe bobble head figure’ and my therapist was like ‘OH my goddd he would have HATED that you know that’s so sad hahaha’

ok hater WHO CARESSS let me have my moment!!!!!! I haven’t been happy about anything in months let’s remember why we are both in this room!!!!!

#i felt so embarrassed after that like 'oh no.... i am a fool and this dead victorian poet man would be ashamed how silly of me :(' #that lady was whack and i didn't realize it until recently #i still have the bobblehead though lol #i am proud to humiliate the memory of edgar allan poe and that is character development #diary of lord edge

[artificialllovers]

Going to be honest with y’all, I do not enjoy the gift of life enough for this continuous loop of hope and failure and shame to feel like it’s worth it

#knowing that there are ppl who believe in me makes me feel even worse tbh because I never prove myself worthy of that faith #how many times am I going to have goals and aspirations only to be forced to throw them away due to my own ineptitude? #and then I get online and whine and pretend like I’m not basically just talking to myself #but I am just talking to myself I’m always just talking to myself because I can’t stand to be like this in front of other ppl #I’m so tired and ashamed and I’m SICK of being alone but I’m too terrified and humiliated to not be alone #this is so stupid #like who is ‘y’all’? there’s no one there

[depresseddepot]

trying to teach myself that I don't need to feel embarassed or humiliated about feeling embarrassed or humiliated.

#no thats not a typo lol i said what i said #everytime i get embarrassed i get EMBARRASSED about being embarrassed and it turns into like #this awful cycle of embarrassment turning into panic and anxiety that just gets worse and worse #like. i am not exaggerating by saying this but everytime i feel embarrassed i instantly become suicidal #like it is a very fucked up circle and it happens every single time #is that what spiralling is??????? i thought that only referred to anxiety in general but idk #anyway. im making sourdough tomorrow and it will turn out badly #and i will be hopeful regardless #i have told a lot of people i am making sourdough tomorrow #so tomorrow when the bread turns out wrong i will not be ashamed of having been hopeful of something #i will not think i was stupid for thinking i could succeed at something im unfamiliar with #i will still be embarrassed bc i am not at all at that stage yet #but maybe. MAYBE. i can stop myself from feeling humiliated. #i will not be embarrassed about being embarrassed #if i say them enough maybe it will be true lol

[dayydreams-s]

.

#this is so humiliating #i am ashamed to admit this but i’ve never been able to articulate an email #everytime i’ve sent one i get help 🧍🏻‍♀️ #i blame it on dropping out so long ago it’s like i forgot how to grammar correctly and properly #my djats record came slightly damaged like two days ago and i still haven’t sent an email #but like i don’t wanna just get a refund i want a new one