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masonscig · 3 years

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i know i’ve posted this a lot before, but i actually think my time in this fandom and on this blog is pretty much done :/ (rambling and feelings under the cut ew)

i’ve finally gotten to a place where i should be happy and i’m anything but :/ i have a job at a place that’s good for me on paper, i finally moved in with my boyfriend, i am financially comfortable and physically in a place where i feel safer and more comfortable. i’ve had nearly two months to adjust and i don’t feel any less depressed than i’ve been for literal years (and it’s my fault)

i feel like i’m lost and i’m stuck and the only things that distracted me are now like. nothing to me anymore and that’s so stupid to act like a literal tumblr account is a burden but at this point? it really feels like it lmao. i feel like i don’t fit in here and i shouldn’t be here and the friendships i’ve made might mean more to me than they actually are (and this is no one’s fault but my own). i miss writing and being creative and engaging with people and making friends and feeling good about myself i guess

it’s so frustrating because i spent the past two ish years throwing myself into choices, litg, and interactive fiction fandom to combat irl shit (which, surprise, i’ve never recovered from) and that same place is a place i dread logging onto because i don’t feel like i’m a part of anything anymore

idk! this shouldn’t be this long but i don’t have a therapist and i’m tired of being exhausted and unhappy all the time. (so instead of being a normal person who’d.. idk.. reengage with things and try to make friends and create again, i’m just leaving)

i also shouldn’t be upset that people are moving on and having fun without me while i’m struggling, bc again that’s completely on me, but i am! and i don’t think i should make it everyone’s problem so i’m just gonna go for now

#ok dump dump dump dump dump trying to make the tags long so you can completely avoid this post if you don't wanna see it #something something life sucks and i'm self sabotaging like usual blah blah blah #something something seasonal depression in full fucking force like just as bad if not worse than when i was in college #okay anyways if you're still here here's my tag ramble lmao #it doesn't even make sense i'm just flinging my feelings at everyone because i don't know how to handle them #/////// stupid tag ramble //////#idk something about going home for the ho lidays really makes you really fucking depressed huh #i should be happy!!!! i should be working towards being happy!!!! instead i feel isolated and miserable and friendless and unwanted #i have literally cried every day for the past like 4 days and i never do this and i shouldn't be operating this way #i really just needed a place to vent because there's only so many times you can complain about being a lonely fucking loser #like it's crazy because i knew this day would come but i didn't think the THREE main fandoms i indulged in would all burn out at the –#same time lmfao like who could've fucking prepared for all of their fixations to die unnaturally and simultaneously #i just !!!!! really wish i was fucking normal and functioned like a well adjusted adult. wish i was anyone but myself !!!!!!!#there's lots i'm not getting into in this post but. it's for the best honestly #i'm already cringing at this post but. oh well! i'm a loser it's normal for me to look stupid #is this a cry for help? hmm. probably but i won't read too far into LMAO #i'll be scheduling drafts and commissions but i'm logging out for the forseeable future #if you've read this far i'm sorry if i've never replied to you or if i haven't talked to you in a while #gonna queue this so i'm not here when i hit post lmfao #// mental health #jade.txt

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butyouvealwaysbeenthecaretaker · 3 years

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@wild-at-mind Well that's horribly depressing.

It is. I think, though, it’s important not to be naive to it or allow it to lead us to despair.

My perception of Labour party strategy, basically, is that they have 100% bought in to the Sensible Guardian Columnist idea that all they have to do is get rid of Corbyn and the left, and they’ll win easily.

but this political center doesn’t really exist except in their very, very small bubbles. That’s why anti-Brexit, the Lib Dems, Change UK, all did negligibly in the 2019 election. They’d very much like it to exist, they think it ought to exist.

(as well as people who are ideologically center, there’s also more cynical ideas like - members of the party infrastructure just want to keep their jobs first and foremost, rather than winning or changing anything; or, in returning to a model of being funded by business interests and trying to please newspapers, the explicit goal is to maintain a status quo in which nothing can be changed; the theory that anti-Brexit campaigning only really existed as a stick to beat Labour with, exemplified by an anti-Brexit MP whipping to support a Brexit deal the moment he’s in power.)

Like, a lot of people who are now in the Labour leadership are the same people who (in one way or another) deliberately set out to lose in the last five years; I cannot relate to a person like that, I do not believe that any politics they have could have any value.

So there’s a lot of decisions happening like:

trying to alienate the left, because the left are very childish and not realistic (but 3/4 of the current fee-paying Labour members joined under Corbyn, and he’s the only Labour leader in my lifetime to increase vote-share and capture new seats)

BAME people overwhelmingly vote for Labour, but current Labour strategy is pro-police, anti-migrant, and courting the racist vote

Young people overwhelmingly vote Labour (26% think Starmer is a better leader, compared to 56% Corbyn), but current Labour strategy has no policies for them

A lot of shenanigans at the local Labour Party community organising level, most of which are tedious but sum up to - ordinary members having less voice, votes being rigged, leadership positions being chosen by people at head office, i.e. a sort of centrally managed plan rather than an organic ground-up approach

Not supporting Trade Unions

In every case, what’s happening is the Labour party saying to their actual current members and voters: “we do not want your vote”, in the hope that they’ll sweep the board with other people.

But its a stupid strategy because - in my lifetime, centerist Labour have successfully lost Scotland, the north of England and north Wales. There are plenty of other parties for people to vote for, including not voting at all. / Labour’s brexit policy was a major factor in them losing the election. Starmer was in charge of that policy, so his ability to read the national mood is super questionable. / A landslide of Lib Dem voters ready to swap to Labour does not exist. / And as for Tories, well, you’re never going to out-Tory the Tories.

Starmer’s Labour has completely failed to like, read the room; because they’re so fixated on the fact that the student left are the problem, they haven’t considered realistic factors like - where the electorate lives (urban vs rural), the generational divide, a billionaire controlled media, the collapse of traditional trade unions, etc, and they haven’t noticed that the student left are increasingly people in their mid 30s.

So yeah, in short - it’s really important not to be naive to this, and think “what can I do with my money and time in the next four years that gets us closer to a kinder world”, because the current leadership of the Labour party would rather have a Tory government than a Left Wing one.

Momentum just released a strategy document which is quite good, although they’re still focused on the idea of pushing Labour leftward which - isn’t a bad hope, but I think probably an overly optimistic one. If you’re interested in parliamentary stuff, that’s the place to start. I’m a fan of a good strategy document, of organisations being objective about where they are, where they need to go next.

But like, the Acorn union for example will send you to form a line of defense in front of houses where union members are going to be evicted to prevent the bailiffs getting through; the Good Law Project is taking on transphobic court rulings; British Gas and the Royal College of Nursing are preparing to strike; Uber workers have been classed as employees, not contractors, after a court case; the local food banks are feeding people, trans heathcare mutual aid funds, this excellent HJ Giles longread on trans organising outside the system, the BLM UK fund which just distributed cash among micro-causes and community groups (iirc there’s a Black group currently fundraising to do judicial challenges on deaths in custody? which is an excellent strategy); and so on. Those are all non-parliamentary movements, that are making practical change happen, and they’re all providing much more effective & principled opposition than the Labour party now and for the forseeable future.

It’s a very all we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us mood. That starts with being realistic about what this iteration of the Labour party will and won’t be standing for, & finding ways to fight for the gaps ourselves. There is absolutely reason to hope.

#uk politics #the leftie tag

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