#i cant just burn out so quickly when theyve been putting up with their soul crushing jobs for decades

[mihai-florescu]

*gripping the sink refusing to look in the mirror* no, like, it's ok, it's fine, i'm just in my war shu era in my war leo era in my kaname era in my-

#guess who couldnt do the assignment today either #sigh #i can at least try to fry some tofu and make some rice. that can be enough #no it cant and i dread the inevitable weekly call with my parents #i have nothing to tell them. nothing good at least and theres no point in telling them anything else #i can blame it on the weather getting chilly and damp. i can lie and say i got a cold. #theyll ask about my classes and i have no idea what ill tell them. havent opened the assignments havent read anything #this is worse than the semester long project from last fall (regarded by everyone as the worst from a mental health pov- #our class had ever had) where i started out strong butned out halfway through and pushed through the last 3 weeks to get a really good #feedback from the teachers #that worked. somehow. but i started out strong then. i dont have that now + the other outside factors are making it worse #while i didnt have motivation for school i had it for anything else. i went out i was doing basic tasks successfully i was socializing #well i cant do all of that now and i cant tell my parents cuz i just dont feel comfortable talking to them #i cant just burn out so quickly when theyve been putting up with their soul crushing jobs for decades #they think im doing great meanwhile my assigned study coach is just asking if i can at least come to classes and go on walks #and i cant i cant even do the most basic of requirements. id rather die than go out in the rain #i cant even sleep anymore ive just been taking short naps and laying awake at night shivering #i am starting to regret lying about my mental state to my parents every time they asked but i really didnt want them to start That #conversation and inevitably blame me for being weak #but now whatever ends up happening will come as a shock to them:/ #vent