#i didnt mean to make dakota so pathetic | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dakotafoxandtheobstacles · 7 years

Text

9/25/17

My roommates just left for the night. it must be nice to have somewhere to go. god i hate being alone. I know that I spent the entire summer alone but fuck. i don’t wanna be alone anymore. not even the dog is here. I got a 99 on one quiz but i think i failed the other one i took today. my paper is garbage i just know it. i cant expect cleo to be there for me right now because she might be breaking up with her boyfriend of three years (in a week) right now. but i thought q would have said something but she just ignored it im pretty sure. she could have said something. ill get over it. just like i do everything else. i cant figure out why i cant just tell q how i feel. i can do it with pretty much everyone else. I texted alan. hes the other person that i cant say how i feel to unless im drunk. ive decided to fucking drink. lets start the clock ladies and gents. 9:36. Sober. we dont have much left so i didnt take that much. but i might as well have taken the bottle. i hate being alone. people know that. but i also suck at reaching out. i dont know why when i started this blog i picked the name dakota fox. that name is fucking awesome. i put on a sad music playlist on spotify lmao. thats pussy as fuck. I really should learn how to reach out better. but im garbage lol. i have to wake up at 6 am tomorrow because i have pt at 7. and i have to be lonely until then. im sure as fuck cleo isnt coming back. q might. who the fuck knows when tho. who fucking cares. this sad music playlist is boring im just gonna put on indie radio. its so fucking hot. the sun beats down every day and im breaking out like crazy. i have no idea why but im legit fucking gross. i legitmately hate myself. im not gonna do anything about it tonight tho. by that i mean im not gonna hurt myself. i have to wait like at least a little bit before i consider doing it again. bc cleo or kayla would 100 percent call my mom and i am not for that. i would never talk to either of them again but still. they would do it. this vodka isn’t as good as it was. im still gonna drink it. why am i so fucking pathetic. like honestly. why cant i just know how to be alone and not have a near mental break down everytime i am. idk. i think alan is actually done with me. i honestly dont blame him. id be done with me too if i could be. but i have thought about it a lot. while i could totally kill myself logistically, it wouldnt make sense and i dont think i would go through with it just because i know that statistically someone cares about me and whoever they are i dont wanna hurt them. im gonna put some ice in my drink this shit is nasty. maybe it being cold will make it taste better. but who knows. i guess it made it a little better but not a lot. im feeling a little tipsy. but i could definitely still function. i saw my ex two best friends today. they didnt say hi to me and i didnt say hi to them. i dont even know what happened to us. i have no idea what i did. idk. im getting bored of writing so im just gonna stop.

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