#i feel like the thing where its 'heres some cool women! now heres Some Guy' is probably something ppl like but i play only for thr failwome

[eggtomatosoup]

,

#also sultifera navis is a fun event i love flavor text and dialogue but i think i liked the old seaborn designs better... i get the gold #bc the ship. is gold. or smth... and change is good i like it bc theyre constant evolving and stuff but like. the uh #spiky ones... a little silly.. idk... #also i think the endspeaker design is fun but kind of wish we spent less time chasing it. ... it looks a little too silly for my mental #image of all these epicfish supersoldiers being unable to grab it.... idk. #alfonso and garcia great tho. and i liked it a lot overall... just cant beat the 'flower' aesthetic in UT for me #and the nourished runners or whatever theyre calles... those guys peak design to me #also amaia is sick as hell love when a girlboss is winning.... #specter is so fun in this event but like l.umen and ulpenis or whatever his name is mean Nothing to me im sorry... #i feel like the thing where its 'heres some cool women! now heres Some Guy' is probably something ppl like but i play only for thr failwome #n. like. uhhh the mylna.r and sui sisters having the oldest brother and stuff... i hope proj.moon doesnt do that i hope every arbiter is a #goth freaklet. tangent aside uh #i need to sleep goodnight

[thissccounthatesfascists]

TL asleep? cool.

(long post, strap in)

i wanna talk about colin's wet dream. that was the most demisexual shit i have EVER seen. there's not even any sex. its just a romanticized, elevated version of their first kiss. its colin's subconscious wanting to replay the moment he fell in love with his best friend in the Most way possible.

lets break it down:

we got the same location of their first kiss. Complete with mood lighting and a fog machine. It’s giving pride and prejudice 2005

Penelope comes out (looking gorgeous, of course) to their rendezvous spot, which has been previously agreed on.

colin thanks her for meeting him, she doesn't know why he's asked her to come

he confesses his feelings for her

she reciprocates (this is the important part of this to me. ) her wanting him, makes him want her more (do you see where the demisexual colin energy is coming from? do you understand?)

they make out

he kisses her neck as she pants his name over and over (see my point above re: her wanting him makes him want her more)

he wakes up, absolutely shook

this is an idealized reimagining for colin: during their first kiss he was basically in shock, his new personality chokes on the reality and vulnerability of the moment

in the book he talks about how he tries to think of something witty to say but finds that no words are necessary, and there's no combination of witty banter or suave bravado that could help in that moment. the rake persona that he has put on up to this point absolutely fails him. but here, in this dream, words are crucial, the declarations of love are why its sexy! (demi colin is canon idc idc)

and its so important that this wet dream, the idealized version of this scenario happens like this. because we've also seen colin having sex with sex workers (and luke newton has talked about this) but his energy in those scenes is very detached, very focused on him and his pleasure with zero connection to the women he's with. he has two different threesomes (if you can even call the second one that, he's barely even looking at them) with four different women and we know nothing about these girls. they don't even get names. they don't matter, and its simply not. as. good. as the feeling of kissing pen. there is no connection

which is, i think, why he taps out during the threesome in ep4. he tries to go back to the devil-may-care attitude toward sex and intimacy that he had before kissing pen, he tries to return to that mask he put on of "the rake" and it just doesn't work! he feels nothing! in fact he feels disdain for the position he's in and the choices he's made!

the threesome in ep4 mirrors the outburst he has later at the club really well. like he's so frustrated with this position he's put himself in, the men he's surrounded himself with. he literally says "none of you are gentlemen!" "you're actually gross and disrespectful!"

a line that i love is :

"... it is tiring, is it not? The necessity imposed on us to remain cavalier about the one thing in life that holds genuine meaning. Do you not find it lonely?"

and they laugh! in! his! face! because these are men that feel perfectly fine sleeping with strangers and bragging about their "conquests" to their buddies

but that is not who colin is! he's still very young. and his experience with marina (who tried to seduce him and it didn't work, imo bc he just didn't feel that passion, that love that makes his relationship with penelope so different) has left him jaded, but not nearly as jaded as he wants to believe. even if he wants to be casual about romance and sex, he just isn't. this man proposed to marina after knowing her for what? a couple weeks? He is an All or Nothing type of guy. He has that Bridgerton 'when i fall in love i will only ever talk about my spouse' Gene

Now: some costuming details that i love:

Her hair:

(i know this is a stretch but go with me here) her hair is in slightly tighter curls than we've seen this season, which to me seems like a nod to colin liking (or at least not minding) her hair the way it was in previous seasons and maybe not caring as much as we might think about her transformation. but its still down and flowy and in line with her new style

let's talk about this! dress! (it has genuinely been keeping me up at night)

the sleeves seem much more similar to the silhouettes of her costumes in previous seasons, not necessarily in shape but in style

the sleeves are bulkier, compared to this season's costumes, which while they might have been the same size and shape, they are made of much lighter material, giving the silhouette a softer, more mature feeling.

compare it to this dress from s3 ep2: it looks very similar with the sleeve shape and the floral appliqués, but in the dress in the image above, the appliqués are much more obvious, closer to penelope's style under her mother's tastes

the point i'm trying to make here will be made more clear in a sec. what I am NOT trying to say that colin prefers her in her little girl dresses with loud designs, bright colors, and silly hairdos. he just associates those bigger, brighter, louder style choices with penelope.

And he has always liked Penelope. Even when he didn’t take her seriously as a potential partner, he always saw her as an equal. He never made fun of her silly dresses and questionable hair choices.

This has nothing to do with Colin but i feel like i should point it out:

there is something to be said about how her muted pastel color palette along with the more demure style that she has adopted shows that she is trying to Show Up with this social season, but as a wallflower, she is shy. she's always hated those brightly colored dresses her mother put her in, because no matter how close to the wall she clung, she was always visible. she was always vulnerable to ridicule.

but i don't think colin knows or realizes this because why would he think critically about the specific style changes she's made. and he probably doesn't really make the connection of the influence her mother has on her clothing. and around him, pen has never seemed all that shy. she's been confident and witty. if you pair her personality that shines around colin with her louder outfits, it seems more congruous

(take the scene from season 2 where we get the line "My purpose shall set me free") this is a side of penelope that no one, not even eloise!, sees

what his subconscious knows is that he associates pen with vibrant, textured, and often 3-dimensional outfits, and his subconscious creates a dress that fits her new style, with a little more of that featherington flair thrown in.

the fucking tie in front: i feel like this is a very clear reference/ foreshadowing to the mirror scene

for those of you who haven't read the book, the mirror scene doesn't actually happen, but colin tells penelope about a fantasy he has about touching her in front of a mirror

this is a pretty small offhand comment made while they're having sex for the first time but amongst book fans the scene has become pretty fleshed out i think, with fanfics especially

because the idea that it touches on is colin fantasizing about penelope seeing herself the way he does, as sexy and desirable (he seriously cares about her pleasure so much its sickening, I'm actually sick)

and although Book Colin doesn't mention it, the idea of him undressing her in front of a mirror has become a popular story set-up

i think the tie in the front sort of plays on the time period sensibilities of propriety: this is a time where in "good" society an unmarried man and woman would never touch skin to skin, its why all the women wear gloves most of the time. its why the scenes in season 1 between daphne and simon play on the excitement of removing the gloves: its a taboo thing

this is unrelated to this post but i need an explanation as to why pen isn't wearing gloves in a lot of her scenes this season, like the scandal that that would cause??? I'm assuming its representative of her growing into her sexuality; and bridgerton is a fantasy, not a historical nonfiction, but like some consistency would be nice guys bc i was so confused abt all the skin-on-skin contact happening. even with Francesca and Lord Samadani WHEN HE KISSES HER BARE HAND I WAS SO UNCOMFORTABLE FOR HER. especially because of all the glove-related tension in s1. but i digress.

so the tie in front is sort of a dare. even though its clearly an addition, and untying wouldn't actually remove her dress, its her (colin's subconscious version of her anyway) way of saying: "you could untie this, you could undress me if you wanted to" "i love you" "i want you"

and i think that's beautiful. this season is great and i will die on this hill.

If you've made it this far, congrats! you're just as feral as me! come and gnaw on the drywall with me while i post fanfics inspired by this season: https://archiveofourown.org/works/55988977/chapters/142190584

chapters 1+2 of my new fic are up

photos are from : https://www.cap-that.com/bridgerton/302/index.php?image=bridgerton3x02_1502.jpg

#colin bridgerton #bridgerton #bridgerton spoilers #penelope featherington coded #polin #bridgerton season 3 #bridgerton s3 #bridgerton meta #costume design #demisexuality #demisexual representation #demisexual colin bridgerton #bridgerton season 3 analysis #romancing mister bridgerton #romancing mr. bridgerton #adaptation analysis #some historical context analysis as a treat for me specifically

[linderosse]

I LOVE YOUR WIELDERS OF WISDOM COMIC!!!! i think its wonderful and so absolutely necessary (if u will excuse my feminism)... the art style is GORGEOUS and im just so grateful someone is giving love to all the zeldas <33

sorry that this is anon but. i dislike being perceived lmao

Thank you so much!!

And heck yeah on the representation front! I’m doing my best to write a variety of interesting characters that will help me tell the stories I want to tell. To me, the fact that they’re mostly women is both incidental and vitally important at the same time.

Tetra was my first Zelda, and I always loved her pirate captain badassery and no-nonsense attitude. I was a bit of a ‘tomboy’ (used in the non-insulting sense, simply referring to a girl who liked traditionally boyish hobbies/clothing) growing up, so I identified with Tetra real hard <3. Heckin’ loved her practical, forthright nature— and the way the games don’t hesitate to show her wackier side and how her actions sometimes get her in trouble— and how she gets out of it, with or without help.

And of course, girls can also be girly and get things done! Love the more traditionally feminine Zeldas as well; shirking feminine mannerisms definitely isn’t a requirement for a well-written female character. You can have a character wear a tiara, battle in a dress, and still be cool. Heck, you can have ’em don a soft gown, not fight at all, and still be an awesome character: maybe she genuinely wants good for the world, or maybe she controls the board with gentle magic and soft “feminine” persuasion to achieve her goals, turning foes into friends— or her pawns.

And characters don’t always have to succeed! Sometimes persuasion fails. Sometimes they argue with someone they know is right. Sometimes her sword falters. But that’s fine! That’s what makes for a good, realistic, fun character— that’s how humans are.

(continued under the cut)

See, I feel like some popular media is trending towards forcing women to be *exclusively* badass, almost flawless in their physical skill yet boyish in their mannerisms.

Like, as a random example: Peach in the Mario movie. Movie Peach no longer giggles and blows kisses, because that would be too girly. And Movie Peach is a perfect platformer and politician, because female empowerment. Same thing with Galadriel in RoP (and it’s honestly a bit different and way worse with RoP Galadriel, because her mother-name is Nerwen which translates to man-maiden and she is canonically a tomboy, but they write it so badly in RoP that not even the rest of the characters in the show respect her for her over-the-top ‘female badassery.’) And as a huge, longtime fan of both the Mario series and the Silmarillion, it kinda hurt to see those Mary Sue-esque, somewhat shallow depictions of what should be complex characters.

Now, the thing is: one or two perfect characters like that are just fine! The problem lies in the fact that many of these shows have only a few female characters to begin with, and they’re all like that. Peach is kinda alright, but Galadriel’s major flaws are barely even shown because the writing has to try to make her look badass even when she’s making objectively terrible decisions.

Because here’s the thing— depicting only perfect women and minimizing flaws isn’t supporting female empowerment. Girls have flaws too, folks. Popular media relying only on the immaculate femme fatale badass just makes for a more cliche story, and imposes higher standards on young girls who look up to these characters. And the forced boyishness forces standards as well.

Why can’t Peach flutter her eyelashes, giggle, and still knock bad guys on their asses? Or, better yet, why can’t Peach flutter her eyelashes, giggle, knock bad guys on their asses, help Mario out, also get helped by Mario, and maybe admit that it took practice for her to get to where she is now?

That’s how she used to be in the middle Mario era, like Super Mario RPG, Thousand Year Door, and Super Paper Mario. Peach was feminine and still relatable to a young tomboy like myself.

I’ve rambled on for far too long, but anyways, that’s what I’m gonna try to do here with the Wisdomverse: tell stories of a bunch of different types of people, where each of them has their own take on what it means to be Zelda.

I can’t promise I’ll be perfect at writing this either, honestly. Perhaps I’ll fall into some of the same traps— I’m sure it’s hard to avoid them.

And perhaps my thoughts on this will evolve over time as well, and I’ll later have an even better understanding of how to write the characters I want to write.

Either way, I’ll certainly do my best!

Tl;dr: I got really sidetracked, but thank you for the kind message! Glad to hear you’re enjoying Wielders of Wisdom; hope to keep building my characters into interesting and at least somewhat complex women as things progress :)

#wielders of wisdom #linked universe #tetra #princess peach #galadriel #lin responds #wisdomverse #wis tetra #paper mario #rings of power #lu wielders of wisdom #lin rambles #lin writes #lin thinks #lu tetra #lu wisdomverse #loz #zelda

[sadquickchristmassnowman]

hey so i’m new to the community fandom and i really love trobed. i was wondering what was your trobed centric episode masterlist like? or if it’s possible, is there a way to send me the post? sorry i’m new to tumblr so i’m still learning how this app works. if you see this, thanks :)

hi, welcome! I've found that community tumblr is probably my favorite fandom space I've ever been involved in, and I hope you've had a good experience so far. I totally get the New App Learning Curve thing, I'm historically very shit at learning how to use new apps, even though I'm "young" (20), but I eventually got it and you will too, Trust 👍👍👍

anyway, Yes one of the first things I did on here after joining was make a trobed-centric episode masterlist for someone who was asking lmfao. since it was one of the First things I did there's some formatting and other things I'd do differently now, and I've actually been looking for an excuse to go ahead and get that done, so. here we go.

the trobed-centric episode masterlist (revamped)

1x05: advanced criminal law

plot B

abed takes the "friends mess with each other" rule too far; he creates a whole fake language and spends a lot of money on trying to convince troy that he is an alien

"from now on, abed, friends don't mess with each other"

(this is the first time they do their signature handshake)

1/5 gayness, pretty platonic

1x10: environmental science

plot B

it's the "somewhere out there" episode what more do I need to say

3/5 gayness, something's happening fs

1x11: the politics of human sexuality

plot C

abed keeps beating troy in athletic competitions, making troy feel threatened. he eventually admits that abed is the better athlete and they make up

2/5 gayness, pretty platonic but it has its moments

1x22: the art of discourse

plot C

troy and abed work to complete abed's list of quintessential freshman year of college experiences list

2/5 gayness, they repeatedly put completing the list above looking cool in front of women

1x25: pascal's triangle revisited

plot C

troy is moving out of his dad's house and wants to move in with abed, but abed says no because he's afraid being that close and spending that much time together will result in constant annoyance, and will destroy their friendship

troy realizes that "too much of a good thing can be bad" and instead agrees to move in with pierce

1/5 gayness

2x02: accounting for lawyers

part of plot A

jeff gets sucked back into his old life as he reconnects with alan, a coworker from his old law firm. troy, abed, and annie try to gather proof that jeff's friend is the one who got him fired in the first place

more trobedison centric, and is actually the first episode where the three of them are established as a Trio™

"all I heard was suck" "YOU CHLOROFORMED THE JANITOR" "I usually have one foot out of reality and even I'm freaking out right now"

1/5 gayness, pretty platonic. they're the sillies ever I love trobedison

2x06: epidemiology

part of plot A

it's the zombie episode, come ON

trobed have coordinating costumes but troy bails during the party because he doesn't want to look lame and nerdy in front of women, which hurts abed's feelings

abed sacrifices himself to save troy once they are the last two standing during the "rabies pathogen" breakout

"I love you" "I know" (oh my GODDD sedate me)

5/5 gayness. you get it.

2x09: conspiracy theories and interior design

plot B

the original blanket fort 💯💯💯

2/5 gayness, just guys bein silly (and in love???)

2x15: early 21st century romanticism

plot B

troy and abed fall for the same girl and decide to take her to the valentine's dance together, after which she can decide which one of them she wants to date

she picks troy, but troy gets upset that she didn't pick abed (because why wouldn't she pick abed, he's so cool) and breaks it off almost immediately

I"happy valentine's day" "it is now"

5/5 gayness jesus christ this one is INSANE

2x18: custody law and eastern european diplomacy

plot B

britta likes troy and abed's new friend, lukka, who she finds out is a literal war criminal. she keeps this information from troy and abed because she doesn't want to ruin their friendship with him, but they find out eventually

2/5 gayness they're attached at the hip in this one

2x19: critical film studies

random moments

this episode is more focused on jeff and abed, but there's a lot of classic Troy Gets Jealous™ moments so I decided to include it. plus the end tag is them randomly having dinner together at the fancy restaurant (a date 😔)

basically troy is afraid that jeff is a cooler friend to abed than him

3/5 gayness even though they barely interact, troy is so silly

2x20: competitive wine tasting

part of plot B

I almost didn't include this one, and it's not even on my original list, but whatever

troy pretends to be traumatized, originally to seem less shallow in his acting class, but he keeps it going in order to attract britta. he tells abed about it and abed Does Not Like That At All

"troy. nothing good can come of this"

I wouldn't call abed being jealous a Rare Occurrence but he generally conceals it way better than troy does

2/5 gayness, could be interpreted as abed just worried about relationships forming under false pretense, but to Me he's jealous

2x22: applied anthropology and culinary arts

plot C

pierce buys the rights to troy and abed's handshake (a la Indecent Proposal) which "corrupts" it

"pierce tainted our special handshake with his blood money and now we can't get the magic baaaack :((((("

eventually they do indeed get the magic back

3/5 gayness idk there's something about the way they interact in this one that is inexplicably gay to me lmao

3x01: biology 101

plot C plus random moments

"speaking of figuring things out, me and abed have an announcement" "..." "troy and I are living together :D"

cougartown gets moved to midseason, then cougarton abbey ends after 6 episodes, abed's routine keeps getting thrown off, and troy is just extremely supportive and protective throughout

4/5 gayness troy loves him a lot!!!!!!

3x03: remedial chaos theory

random moments

(I know this ep is listed as 3x04 on streaming services but in canon it takes place here and on the dvds it's listed as 3x03. there's a joke about it in the episode too if you didn't know. anyway)

"troy and abed's new apartment!!!" "bienvenido a la casa chez trobed!" "wanna stay up all night talking in our bunk beds?"

all their pictures on the wall and their matching suits lol

the end tag "evil troy and evil abed" & troy's soft "what's wrong :("

3/5 gayness they're lowkey married your honor

3x05: horror fiction in seven spooky steps

random moments

troy's whole story he tells where they Literally become attached at the hip

"my partner"

troy dancing while abed's humming daybreak

2/5 gayness

3x06: advanced gay

plot B

troy deciding whether he wants to do plumbing or air conditioning and deciding all he really wants to do is watch tv with abed

gay symbolism? gay symbolism? gay symbolism?

4/5 gayness mostly for the conversation at the hawthorne wipes gathering. I could write an essay on just that

3x07: studies in modern movement

plot A

annie moves in with troy and abed. very trobedison centric

"kiss me woodsman troy!"

3/5 gayness once again casually in love they're soulmates your honor

3x09: foosball and nocturnal vigilantism

plot B

annie breaks abed's $200 special edition dark knight dvd set on accident, trobedison shenanigans ensue yippee!!!

"awww is that the grappling hook I got you for christmas???"

3/5 gayness for the same reasons as before

3x10: regional holiday music

part of plot A

literally putting this on here just because of the christmas infiltration rap (and baby boomer santa)

3/5 gayness it's glee club what can you do

3x11: contemporary impressionists

plot A

(once again, I know this episode is listed as 3x12 on streaming services, but in canon it's supposed to chronologically be here, and is listed as 3x11 on the dvds)

the study group helps abed pay off his debts to a celebrity impersonator website by playing characters at a bar mitzvah (after troy scolds them for trying to ground abed in reality)

they have an argument at the end ugh

3/5 gayness troy loves abed a lot and abed doesn't realize that he's doing something wrong

3x12: urban matrimony and the sandwich arts

plot C

(see the above disclaimer about episode order)

troy and abed decide to be normal for shirley's wedding rehearsal

troy and abed being normal 🤝

4/5 gayness they blow off a girl to be weird again

3x13: digital exploration of interior design

plot C

blanket fort: redux (oh god)

vice dean laybourne escalates what started as a minor disagreement in order to drive a wedge between troy and abed. it works

5/5 gayness, if a sitcom doesn't have the two codependent fanonical gays go through an unnecessarily dramatic "break up" then I don’t want it

3x14: pillows and blankets

plot A

🎶troy and abed are in conflict🎶 *cries*

pillow fort vs. blanket fort

they eventually make up but not before they hurt each others' feelings a Lot

5/5 gayness the dramatics jesus christ

3x16: virtual systems analysis

random moments

so this episode is more focused on abed and annie, and troy and abed actually don't Technically interact with each other very much at all, but. you know

abed kinda freaks out when troy and britta go on a date because it "messes with the fabric of the group" (🤨 I know what you are)

troy calls annie to "check on abed" boy you are on a date with a woman

4/5 gayness just from subtext you get it

3x17: basic lupine urology

random moments

troy and abed play detective as they try to figure out who sabotaged the group's biology project

"we can't both do the zinger"

4/5 gayness no explanation

3x19: curriculum unavailable

random moments

the study group is expelled from greendale and abed gets arrested for spying on campus, so he's supposed to have a psychological evaluation

troy is just very protective of him in this episode, plus the flashback clip where he and Annie are comforting him as he's freaking out about daylight savings

"our adventures are VERY manly"

4/5 gayness

3x21: the first chang dynasty

random moments

oof baboof with you two! (all the plumber shenanigans are hilarious)

mostly putting this one on here for the goodbye scene at the end of the episode, though. god

"he said, 'I know you hate when people do this in movies.' sorry I got emotional"

3x22: introduction to finality

plot B

abed "goes crazy" without troy (who's off at a/c repair school)

when troy comes back he prioritizes abed over britta (who he supposedly has romantic feelings for)

"I miss abed so much" "you're afraid you'll go crazy without troy"

4/5 gayness one could say they're a little codependent

4x03: conventions of space and time

plot A

troy gets jealous of (read: goes "psycho girlfriend on") abed's new inspector spacetime superfan friend toby

britta, even as troy's literal girlfriend, calls abed troy's boyfriend and supports troy through the whole thing

"for the first time in my long history of being locked inside things, I knew someone would come" let me just put my head through my wall really quick

5/5 gayness even though troy has a whole gf. that's how gay this episode is

4x11: basic human anatomy

plot A

troy and abed pretend to switch bodies, like in freaky friday, in order to help troy process his feelings about his relationship with britta

5/5 gayness holy SHIT y'all. I could write thousands of words on this episode. it is so hard to justify troy's actions in this one without reading him as a closeted gay person not lying

5x03: basic intergluteal numismatics

random moments

including this one because of how abed comforts troy and pushes him around in a wheelchair for the entire episode

3/5 gayness it's the casual married-ness again smh

5x04: cooperative polygraphy

random moments

this is another one I didn't include on my original list but I decided fuck it

the bit uncovering the actual origin of their patented handshake is so funny "I can't even look at you right now" "then you should know I'm crying"

also just the. look on abed's face when troy agrees to go on the trip at the end. "cool. cool cool cool." "that's a lie" UGHHHHH

4/5 gayness again. so typical

5x05: geothermal escapism

plot A

do I need to say a word

ouch ouch ouch OUCH

5/5 gayness especially the deleted dialogue from the last scene (I've posted it before but lmk if you don't know what I'm talking about. disclaimer it makes me want to launch myself off the empire state building)

alright. there it is folks. I was going to make another subsection of other random iconic trobed moments and cite the episodes they're from but basically every single episode has at least one, so that list would be Way too long to qualify as a supplement to this one lmao. however! if you have a Trobed Moment™ stuck in your head (or any Moment for that matter) and you can't remember which episode it's from feel free to ask me, I'm confident that my internal community database will be able to Remind You. anyway. hope this was helpful. bye

#did this instead of my heaps of missing homework assignments #I completely overbooked myself this semester but It's Fine haha #anyway #community #nbc community #community nbc #abed nadir #troy barnes #trobed #troy and abed #community tv #community encyclopedia

[squarebracket-trickster]

Sorry guys, rant incoming. I considered deleting this but I put too much effort in.

"girlboss" "girl dinner" "girl math" "boy math" "gen z are making fun of us for wearing x" "here's how to dress like gen z:" "girlies" "girl's night" "boy's night" "me and the boys" "90s kid"

"I don't feel like an adult" "I'm 34 and I can tell you, I still don't feel like an adult either." "My parents seemed like real adults when they were my age." "I still feel like a teenager."

Maybe you'd feel more like an adult if you started calling yourself one. Maybe you'd feel more like an adult if you stopped trying to dress like a teenager. Maybe you should move your bed out from the wall and get a wallet. Maybe find a calendar app that works for you.

You are an adult. Even if you live with your parents. Even if you do part-time shift work at minimum wage. Even if you haven't graduated college. Even if you are single. These are adult things to do. Because you are doing them. And you are an adult. Start treating yourself like an adult. Fake it 'till you make it if you have to.

In other, writing-related, news:

That trend on TikTok of 20-40 something women authors (and writers yet to be published) promoting their books like,

"Omg! I can't believe I've sold X number of copies!! I never thought I would!" "Ahhhh imagine publishing your book and all your dreams come true and now you get to meet famous authors and work with big names in the industry!!" "Would you read a book where [proceeds to list a bunch of oversaturated tropes that tell me nothing about the actual plot]?"

It reeks of infantilization. If you didn't believe anyone would want to read your book, why should I? You made it on the NYT bestseller list! Stop acting like a mega-fan who got to meet a celebrity. You are their peer! "Would you read a book--" What if I wouldn't? Why does it matter to you what I think of your book? And for the love of god stop hiding behind tropes you know are already popular. "Here is my book: This is what it is about." Have some goddamn confidence.

It is fine to mention in passing "this idea was really far-fetched so I didn't know if it would appeal" or "I was struggling with self-esteem when I wrote this". It's fine to fan a little bit. It's fine to discuss the tropes in your book. But why are you building your brand as an author off of your inferiority complex? You are using your poor self-esteem as a marketing tactic to seem "humble" and "relatable" but it's coming across as unprofessional and desperate for reassurance. You are an adult. You are competent. The more you act like it the more you will believe it.

And of course, I haven't seen a man promote his book this way...

On another note, do any of the 20-40 something women writers who do "write with me" videos on TikTok actually enjoy writing or are they just doing it for the aesthetic?

They all have gorgeous minimalism writing spaces full of white and pink and a macbook beneath a window. Their makeup is done and they are conventionally pretty to start with. But their entire video is just them talking about how little progress they made, how many pages they deleted, how often they got distracted, how frustrated they are. And like, yeah. We all have those days. But what about the good lines you can't wait to share? The days when the words just flow? The cool stuff you learned while researching? Why don't you ever make videos about that?

Is this some other attempt to seem "relatable" by only talking about the "bad" side of writing? Because again, it's coming across as lacking confidence at best and, at worst, that you don't actually know how to write. And that is not the brand you want as an author.

Again, its always women. Why must women market their self-esteem issues in order to sell their art? Why must we be perpetually awestruck children (girlies, book girls) in over our heads?

#also why do I get the sense these women are selling a lifestyle more than they are actually promoting their own books? #I feel like someone more qualified than me could link this to modelling good christian gender roles #and cultural conformity or something #it isn't lost on me how much of this is about trying to seem humble #and how much validation is tied to protestant success and hard work ideas #is this where the indoctrination starts? #give us 'role models' as influencers #also Alex Aster of Lightlark fame is the WORST for this #her content makes me physically sick to watch #and again interesting that it is pretty widely agreed on at this point that she is an industry plant #interesting that the industry plant is leaning so heavy on the humility and infantilization of women tactics #as though appealing to protestant christians is a major concern of the industry #what's that about? is it just sales? or is it related to those evangelical groups trying get books banned? #how much influence does conservative christian america have within the trad pub industry? #maybe I am really reaching here idk #I don't have any sources #it's just speculation I am open to be proven wrong

[agendergorgon]

Alien Vs Predator Vs Gender TW for SA discussed as it relates to stupid sci fi franchises that we've been stuck with since the 80s.

--- --- ---

Alien Vs Predator is a weird crossover/comparison to me because Alien is about cyclical stories of abuse and predation and control where corporations and governments and a monster with a penis for a head (and a second, smaller penis for a tongue (and a third, larger penis for a tail for when they really need to penetrate someone in front of horrified onlookers)) conspire to control the bodies of women and Predator is a series of films that ask you if you're a bad enough dude to beat up a big sassy lad in fishnets and a skirt with a vagina dentata for a mouth.

In Predator a big guy killed your mates for fun and now he's here to have an epic 1v1 with you bro because you got 1 hit in on him after he soloed everybody else. Whatever horror there is is from some sort of sexless macho man slasher with something to prove having to face a big sassy lad who is better at the masculine criteria of being an untouchable 80s action hero.

In Prometheus a lady has something slipped in her drink and later finds out she was impregnated against her will. Alien (franchise) is a very different kind of fear of a big strong dude stalking you and your friends.

No Predator is worried about the psychosexual or SA themes of the Xenomorph, they think its cool and they want to kill it and look cool killing it. In Predator (2018) a big cool predator kills a bunch of dudes and then a bigger predator comes and kills him. Predator (franchise) is to me the male fear of a bigger stronger dude. In AVP (2004) a lady has to step up and become the protagonist of a Predator film, by tag teaming a bunch of Aliens with the help of a The Predator. There are nods to the sexual violence of the Alien films, like a lady comparing the to a condom ("I'd rather have one and not need it then need it and not have one.") who then needs said gun to avoid having her face hugged. But the action hero lead ends up feeling like another action dude in the same vain as (in descending order of macho cred and strangely also ascending order of film recency) Arnold Schwarzenegger, Danny Glover, Adrian Brody or whoever that dude in Predator (2018) that my brain kept telling me looked like Matt Damon was, just also happening to be a woman, vs Prey being a film that actually makes something of the added friction of being a woman in a Predator film. In AVPR (2007) our lead lad is a pizza boy who watches everyone around him die and has to rise to the circumstances like an Alien film protagonist... but doesn't face any of the same sexual violence. This dude gets bullied, fuck it, make the bullies call him faggot all movie, give him some horrific shower room trauma, there are ways to make this boy go through an Alien story. Holy shit, put a trans lad in an Alien film and the psychosexual horror of the facehugger/chestburster etc ratchets even further as far as the properties of this thing robbing you of control of your body, without resorting to whatever the fuck the writers were thinking with the maternity ward scene (don't google it if you don't know). I think a lot of Alien and Predator stuff is dragged down by the Predator's inclusion, forced to multiply the Aliens so more can get killed at every opportunity and give humans and Predators alike a chance to prove they're really cool. I think Predator and Alien are both about being afraid of a big dude, but the Predator is a big dude that makes you feel inadequate, unable to match up, and ends in the idea that you're cool, you win, you beat him. A Predator protagonist wins. They retire. They don't get another film. An Alien protagonist survives, and thinks she might be safe, and then wakes to find she's in another film, and that she gets to lose everything. She gets to be cut up and taken apart by a man who views her as his property or plaything. I grew up with these films, one's I was shown when I was way too young for it and laughed at gore and glowing green blood going everywhere. I read comics and played games and allsorts and I never thought enough about it until I was going through the wrong puberty and wishing I could look like Ripley and be anything other than the wankers in any Predator film without knowing any words to describe that feeling other than faggot. I worked stuff out and when my family stuffed me back in the closet so they didn't have to have awkward conversations with family friends I watched Alien Resurrection because that stupid film informs half my dress sense. I bitch to friends constantly that I wish I could find fishnets as thick as the ones in Predator so mine won't keep snapping all the time. I think about these films more than I think I do, and in the stupidest ways, and I know I'm going to see them until the end of time because franchises never die. But one of these series is about trying to survive as a woman, and the other is about trying to prove you're not a faggot, and I already made my choice there.

#alien franchise #predator franchise

[fuutaprotectionsquad]

Yknow I feel like I should have a main post where I share my Milgram opinions/verdicts (thought of this bc i was writing my sister's opinion on the milgram characters). So I'll go character by character.

Will anyone read this? I don't know but its here

Haruka: I relate to him a bit (shitty mother, intrusive homicidal thoughts, neurodivergence). I def feel bad for him but hes still really guilty in my mind. I just think the whole killing for attention thing is a really dangerous mindset you can't just get out of, especially if you're being told you're not in the wrong. And it definitely seems like he doesn't actually feel bad for the girl he killed, just feels bad because people are mad at him for it. Idk. But I enjoy his dynamic with Muu a lot, even tho its toxic i just think its really interesting. But I wish him the best and he deserves a hug. His songs are mid tho (/hj i like them)

Yuno: I love her personality and I think shes so fun, but I honestly don't think about her a lot compared to the others. But I love her and specifically enjoy her dynamics with (obv mostly in fan content) Kazui, Mahiru and Fuuta. Her and Fuuta are such a good platonic ship (romantic is fun too). Innocent vote, obv. I like her songs, but Tear Drop moreso than Umbilical.

Fuuta: Oh my god I wonder what I think of him. In all seriousness he's a major hyperfixation of mine at like every given moment. I adore him and i think he deserves better and to be innocent. Like he feels so guilty for what he did and he didn't know any better, everyone around him was encouraging his behavior and praising him for it. But then it got too far and all his friends abandoned him and blamed him like. Poor fuuta :( and he's like 100% right when he says him and es are exactly the same. On another note, major fan of 0309 (romantically, but either way works), and also love his dynamic with Haruka, Yuno, Mahiru, Amane and Es. His songs are both in my top three (backdraft being #1)

Muu: Tied for my fav character(? Fuuta might beat her idk) I love her personality and vibe and everything just ❤️❤️ queen shit. And her queen bee design is gorgeous. Typically my favs are men but shes one of the first women ive hyperfixated on this much. Again, love her dynamic with Haruka, not from a like. healthy relationships could make the characters better standpoint, but from a story perspective its interesting. But yeah guilty. As for her songs, INMF is my #2 and i like After Pain

Shidou: Honestly I used to be kinda indifferent about him and just found him to be boring but then I rewatched his voice dramas and read some fics and I like him more now. I feel really bad for him bc he went through a really shitty situation which he felt he had the power to change and was stuck in a shitty moral dilemma bc of it. And in the end he did shitty things to save those he loved and it didn't even matter. He feels so guilty and doesn't deserve it. Innocent <3. Also romantic 0507 ftw (0506 is cool too). Him and Amane are silly too. As for his songs i like them, but they're not my fav

Mahiru: i like her, but im not too like. invested in her ig. But i feel bad for her :( she just wants to feel love and like. clearly she did something wrong but she didn't know she was. She never intended to hurt anyone. So innocent. Unless we find out she like. did something really fucking bad then maybe guilty. But in I Love You it implies it was a mutual toxicity so it probably wasn't something super terrible? But anyway. I love her with like all the characters cuz shes just so fun to see interact w others, but specifically with Yuno, Fuuta, Shidou, Amane and Mikoto.

Kazui: Hes so fun i love him. Like all he wants is to be honest and be himself but he feels pressured to lie and then finally he tells the truth and his wife fucking kills herself like- jeez- poor guy. Like following the gay theory, i get why she mightve done it (imagine being told the romance you built your entire life around for like 20 years was all a lie, and that your husband never actually loved you and just pretended to and every time you kissed or something he was just pretending like. that sucks poor hinako) but its so awful that he had to go thru that. But anyway innocent, kazui come out we accept you. And stan 0507. Song wise cat is easily #4 but. half is ok ig

Amane: Yknow i love amane but I also hate her and i think part of that might be the fandom? idk. I feel sorry for her bc she grew up in such a shitty situation but also i think shes beyond the point where we can uninstill those ideologies. Like shes 12, not 5. And amane says it herself that she has as much of a free will as everyone else and that her decision to kill/stay in this environment should be valued. Not that i think she should remain in this abusive situation, but she's not just some innocent kid whose being manipulated, she knows what she's doing. Hence, guilty. I don't think either vote will change her or anything so im voting with my honest opinion. As for dynamics, i love seeing her interact with all the other prisoners, but especially Shidou and Fuuta.

Mikoto: I love mikoto a lot but im so on the fence about his verdict. Ive been voting him innocent but theres still a part of me thats like. debating it. Bc he shouldn't have to be punished for John's actions, and it sucks that that's the situation hes in, but its that or more murders are left to occur. The main reason i say innocent is under the idea that John could go dormant or just stop fronting as much if we reduce mikoto's stress (like he says will happen i think). But hes so complex and fun i love mikoto. Specifically i love romantic 0309 but also his dynamic w the smoking group and mahiru. Also i love his songs.

Kotoko: I love her but also fuck her for hurting fuuta (and mahiru too but mainly fuuta). She annoys me bc she was so quick to almost murder several people based on a preliminary verdict that was made using little information. Like she knew this wasn't a concrete verdict, but attacked them anyway. I get her ideology of "kill people who evade justice to protect the weak" but only when they've actually done bad things (ie. the guy kidnapping the little girl). But when she doesn't know what they did and knows the person accusing them doesn't either???? Like bruh. But i like her character shes fun. I like seeing how she interacts with es and everyone she attacked. And songs, harrow is okay and i really like deep cover.

Whew im done.

#this has been in my drafts for a hot bit so im posting it #milgram #haruka sakurai #yuno kashiki #fuuta kajiyama #muu kusunoki #shidou kirisaki #mahiru shiina #kazui mukuhara #amane momose #mikoto kayano #kotoko yuzuriha

[moreofem]

Can we get a blurb where carmy really wants to watch this old cooking show with you. You’re cuddling on the couch but his hands are dangerously close to your 🐱 and he is oblivious to your discomfort until he notices and gives you want you need

UUURRHRHDHEVEFKEBELEHFKFHEJDCEHEUEUBFNZJEIRBEEJEDUEJDOSKWKFIDD YES WE CAN ALL HAVE A BLURB

Hands hands hands hands hands hands hands

“We are now in Italy, on the lookout for Mrs Ricci, a 70 year old woman who makes the best Carbonara in Rome. Follow me.”

You sighed against Carmen’s chest as you watched the host - some random guy from some cooking show Carmy used to watch when he was younger, greet an old Italian lady.

It was calm today. The restaurant was closed for the week, for a rare holiday break, so you had Carmen all for yourself, and vice versa. The restaurant was sometimes draining you both, even though now, after three years of Carmen owning it, things moved smoothly. The two of you were now on the couch, eating overly sweet ice cream and rubbing each other’s arms and legs. Carmen’s hands were resting on your thighs, massaging the supple skin that he loved so much, and as you drifted in and out of a bit of sleep, you felt his hands drift higher. You looked up at him, but he seemed utterly concentrated in whatever cutting technique the old lady was demonstrating.

You sighed and sat back deeper into his embrace, trying to ignore the feeling of his tattooed hands tracing your own inked thighs. After a few minutes though, you couldn’t help but let your thoughts wander.

What if he just pulled the sleep shorts to the side, exposing your pussy to the cool air of the AC, slipped his fingers into his mouth then into you? And you’d fall back against his chest and grab your breast and-

He pressed his fingers into your thighs, still concentrating on his show. Fuck. You just wanted him to do something. Anything. You didn’t care if it was him putting his thigh between your legs or tweaking your nipples, you needed something. You started squirming, the heat and pulsing between your thighs becoming more annoying, especially since your boyfriend of many years, who was supposed to know you better than anybody, wasn’t even able to see your discomfort. Pfff. Men. You rolled your eyes and swatted his hands off of you, fake pouting. He didn’t even say anything! Just fucking grabbed your waist (which you let him do) and continued to watch his stupid fucking show.

You groaned and wiggled again, making him kiss your temple and shush you. “Tsk baby, stop moving please”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Cause”

“…Kay”

You groaned again, and moved your pelvis, trying to get his hands to move lower, to their previous position. When that didn’t work, you grabbed Carmy’s hands, and slapped them on your inner thighs, dangerously close to your pussy.

“C’mon Carmy…”

“What?”

“Oh my fucking god. Just touch me, okay?”

“Touch what?”

He had a look of oblivion on his face, and you knew that he hadn’t been receptive to your struggling or whatever pheromones horny women secrete. You softened your voice and grabbed his right hand. Guiding it up your thigh, you placed it on top of your covered mound.

“I want you to touch this… Touch me right here…”

He started grinning, Cheshire-like canines baring themselves to you.

“Ooohh… my baby is needy huh?”

You internally cheered, but kept an innocent face and nodded

“I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring you, honey, is that what you need? Need me to touch your pretty pussy huh?”

You spread your legs as Carmen put his hands in your raggedy, lose shorts and pet the curls on top of your pussy, making you sigh in anticipation. His other hand was slowly making its way up your stomach, and he started massaging your breast over your shirt. Slowly, he dipped two fingers lower, teasing your folds, feeling a light sheen of wetness coat his fingers. He shivered and hummed, feeling his own cock stir to life. “Gonna make you feel so good baby, so so good.”

You smiled and got even more comfortable, letting him finger you softly under the low light of the tv. The hand on your breast was circling your clit as he pumped two of his strong fingers in and out at a slow pace, making you so soppy you could hear it.

“Do you hear how wet this pussy is? Fuck baby, this is like heaven; pussy that gets wet just for me… oh she likes that huh? Likes when I talk dirty like that?”

“Yeah, yeah, you fucking know it, stop talking and make me cum Carmen”

A huff. “Brat”

His skilled fingers tweaked and rubbed and slapped until he grabbed your throat, kissing you at an awkward, desperate angle that made you clench around him, gripping him like a vice. He moaned in your mouth, forced your jaw to stay open, and before you could say anything, a dollop of spit landed on your tongue. The climax that was raking through your body was intense, a lone tear streaming down your face as his fingers never stopped fucking you.

“C’mon ride these fingers, make them wet, wanna smell you all day… that’s a good girl, so good for me… yeahhh”

When he pulled his fingers out, you swore you’d come again when he put them in his mouth, savoring your juices like the sweetest thing on earth. You shook your head in disbelief and settled into his chest a little bit more, feeling finally satisfied.

———

Ok ok 😩😩

#carmen berzatto #carmen berzatto smut #carmen berzatto concepts #carmen berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto blurb #the bear #anon asks #thots 😈

[aidansplaguewind]

curious why you don’t like bdsm? i want to change my mind

First, this is going to be long.

That's kind of an odd question because the way you ask it is as though it's something literally everyone is into. Like saying, "I'm curious why you don't like sex."

It just doesn't do anything for me. It doesn't turn me on. It doesn't make horny. And, I try not to kink shame here so keep in mind you DID ask why I don't like it. As in ME, personally. And when someone asks, I tell the truth and the whole truth.

It's always seemed a little ridiculous and silly to me. I mean, I do like to draw out orgasms as long as possible/orgasm denial to a point, which is one particular thing that can sometimes be considered BDSM but I don't know why because to me that DOES seem like something everyone should do. The longer the delay, the more powerful it is. I don't like quick orgams. I mean, I don't DISLIKE them, they're ok, but good God are they nowhere close to what they can be if you delay them. I don't know why anyone would wanna settle for that when they could have so much MORE! It's one of the reasons I prefer my own fingers or non vibrating toys to vibrating toys. Because they make you cum too fast and it's not as strong.

I don't get why people DO like BDSM. For one, I have a big issue with being tied up and shit. I was abused as a kid and I've yet to meet anyone I trust enough to let them have that control over me. Cuz who knows what they'd do, right? And I wouldn't be able to stop them. And if you reverse it to where I was in charge....nah. I'm cool with my guy being on the bottom and letting me lead in that sense of submissiveness but I'm just not terribly turned on by completely dominating a man. It's just not my thing.

And just the terminology, Dom and sub...just no. I know cringe is a fading word now but that shit legitimately makes me cringe. It sounds so fucking corny.

I have no desire to engage in a kind of sex where a possible handbook or contract may be needed. Where guidelines have to be set, where there is a list of rules. It feels so unsexy, unromantic and unreal. Not spontaneous at all.

I'm sure you've figured out by now that I am NOT a fan of Fifty Shades of Grey. And, while I'm sure not everyone who engages in BDSM signs a contract, if you're doing it safely to protect both parties then there are usually always rules. Because people can actually get hurt engaging in bdsm.

And that's another thing, I don’t get any satisfaction out of causing people pain. Nor do I get any from pain. My life has been painful enough on its own. I want my sex to be fucking pure pleasure. Mind blowing pleasure.

And to be honest with you, there is nothing you or anyone can say to convince me that a Dom male can be trusted and is someone who doesn't enjoy harming others. NOTHING you can say. Met too many men in my life. I don’t want a man like that. Men that like having that much control are gross. Period. They can't be trusted. Controlling men are a huge turn off for me. Fucking HUGE turn off.

Personally, I feel like anyone who NEEDS that much control, male or female, has some much deeper issues at play.

For people out there that think sex is always boring without BDSM, then you haven’t had good sex yet my friend. Sex can still be plenty kinky, nasty, and all that without bdsm.

But the simplest answer to your question is that nothing about BDSM makes me wet, so why WOULD I like it?

What I'd like to know, is out of all the people on Tumblr who say they're into it, how many have actually participated in it outside of reading fanfic about it? And the reason I ask this is that, something in fan fic might get you hot but the reality can be SO much different.

There are things I've read about Petyr doing in fanfic that have turned me on but if he tried doing that shit to me in reality it would scare the shit out of me. One thing in particular that I know many women get hot for but I won't say the word on here because I didn’t put a trigger warning.

So, if you haven’t ever actually done it, think about what I just said.

#anon

[stitchwraith-stingers]

i read in the flesh, so you dont have to

its no secret that in the flesh is one of the only things fnaf fans know about fazbear frights and its imfamous for its story (which i dont blame people to be disgusted about)

but have you ever wondered what it was plot-wise but you couldnt have been bothered to read the summary on the wiki, couldnt find the book on your own to read or you just didnt want read the main reason people hate it? no? well too bad

as your local faz fright fan i decided to reread it and make a (incoherent) post made in 4 hours talking about it just because, small screenshots included (trying to not focus enterly on that)

(DONT MAKE "hahaha springtrap matpat mpreg" JOKES ON THIS POST I WILL KILL YOU)

(cw for pregnancy mention and matt being an ass to women in general)

everything under cut

now the story just starts out with matt, our protag, telling us all about how hard game making is for a page or two, theres nothing interesting of note moving on

now right after this hes playing his game, springtraps revenge, a VR game which is just a maze with puzzles where you have to escape springtrap, and 1. i got jumpscared by him describing springtrap as hannabel lecter and 2. the fact that springtrap is described as 'a child of his rage' which i just find hilarious in a ironic way

now in the game hes in a maze and he has to escape using 4 doors, and because its randomized he doesnt know which door would have the 1-in-4 chance of killing him, and long story short he looses! twice

he gets angry enough so that he throws his vr headset after the fact and when his coworker named jamie wanted to walk in to tell him hi he snaps at her

and immediatly after this we get afew paragrapths talking about matt and his previous wife, hannah

it starts off as cute, them both meeting in chemistry class in highschool, matt then started to have gotten bored of being married as it seemed to be the same thing every day, hannah having wanted kids and matt not wanting to

now he has the audacity to say that her being pregnant that she would loose her petite figure and that she had called him shallow and threw a glass of water on his face (HONESTLY very deserved)

and he had met some woman named brianna as a friend which had led to them divorcing after their annervary because of hannah seeing brianna in a bikini on his computer (hi matt, i dont believe you about you and brianna just being friends. at all. btw.)

women wronged by matt count: 1

(also i need to say this right now before anyone kills me: matt is written to be an asshole on purpose, i know that very well and it shows up how he treats people, i know its also in his perspective which is why everyone is described as it is, i know other protags have been assholes one way or another as most of my faves have been, i just dont like matt myself but if ur like one of the 3 matt fans ur cool with me and im not saying you cant like him just saying this so people dont tell me how dumb i am)

"Women were crazy, Matt had decided. And not worth the effort." GOOD RIDDANCE YOU ARE BITCHLESS

and now because of how lonely and frustrated he feels he uses his VR game as a way to deal with it, but with an actual quote "It was the cruelest of ironies that the game—much like his relationships —seemed to have turned against him."

ok but these quotes sound kinda metal. moving on

having been mad that springtrap killed him for the 3rd time this book he decides to change up the coding, so that springtrap can just, walk around forever in the maze and spedup the gameframe by 1000 so is like extra sad i guess, matt talks about himself like a god controlling a rabbit which i found kinda funny, (the voice of woody) YOU! ARE! SOME! GUY!

now here we meet the next important side-character called jason, hes matts roommate he seems friendly and they seem to be on good terms so far

he and jason watch TV and he thinks about how it was like in collage, "no complicated female emotions" having takeouts and TV and video games all day, however as time went by those feelings of being carefree are wearing off,

but thats unrelated as theyre watching the TV show he thinks about how violent it is and fantisizing how he wants to kill springtrap, which is hilarious to me.. “i saw him kill me in the vr game!!!” girl… what were YOU doing progamming him 👀 /ref

now a tiny timeskip, matt is back at his job and he is testing the VR game again, he is excited to see springtrap run around in circles like a lost child or whatever and gets a surprise

gonna be honest i think thats kinda metal how it sounds (if we ignore how the story is gonna continue for a moment) why is this the 3rd time i see disembowlment in a series i like.... 3rd penny.... werid it happened thrice

tldr springtrap has been making a clone of himself very so often and killing himself which is funny out of context because all it has as a game mechanic is to chase you and kill you, and the rabbit is now gone and apparently not in the code and considering matt has a deadline he is screwed and he goes in the vr game and just finds him . disembowled and gets an electrical shock

ANYWAYS. NOT IMPORTANT ITS TIME TO INVOLVE MORE WOMEN

jason has been setting up matt for a double date with two girls: eve and meghan, and matt is not happy that eve is his date (which im gonna assume its a blind date? not specified)

and the first thing he does is look at this girl, go "wow she fucking sucks" and starts thinking about the woman on his roommates date

"matt couldnt figure out why she didnt sound ehtusiastic" i am going to killl you........ and then kill you again

anyways they both take their own cars to the resturant, eve and matt just have a talk thats like "you work on fnaf? my brother loves fnaf" "what do you do" "IT, jason thought itd be nice of us to know" "tech is the last thing i want to think about when im home" "me too"

this made me giggle. moving on

matt and meghan get the same food while jason and eve get spaghetti and matt is just like "yknow what, maybe i should have gotten the hotter one"

so matt is like "cant have a goodtime without money" and eve is like "thats not true :>" and matt in his mind is like "what the hell, how could she do this to me"

now for the rest of the date matt just goes on and only talks about himself, eve and jason both go to the bathroom and this is where he starts to try to impress meghan

matt is that "you not rockin with me ?! im gonna kill myself" image personified

women wronged by matt count: 3

and now this is where the pregnancy symptons come in, feeling quesy, he drinks coffee and has toast and is sick, deciding to go to work untill lunchtime and nothing had worked at this point at all, nothing too interesting to point out here

obvously now matt is irritated again, given how he cannot fix the damn thing, gary, a unimportant guy you wont see him again after this, comes up to him and asks "heyyy watcha doing!!!!!!" meanwhile matt is trying not to throw up

(oh and also gary is described as having ken-doll like hair which is hilarious to me, love it when they give the most random descriptions to characters who will never appear again)

while hes waiting for gus to make his food he looks over at a totally-not-pacmac refrence from a arcade machine nearby and is like "oh i could have reprogrammed springtrap in, how couldnt have i thought of that" and how this time he 'wont antagonise the rabbit' which i find funny cuz in the game he IS the antag but i cant be bad

WE INTERUPPT YOUR BROADCAST OF MISOGENYSTIC GUY GETTING HIS WORK FUCKED OVER TO BRING YOU: GENE!!!!!!!!!

tldr this gene guy is a hacker and gets a copy of springtraps revenge before the release date and just finds a dead disembowled springtrap which i can only imagine as this fucking screenshot and its sending me

anyway he opens the files and just finds one named "its_a_boy.exe"

did you like gene? you did? too bad, were never gonna see this guy again, say bye to gene junior

back to your usual broadcasting of misogynistic guy getting fucked over at his job

now matt is on his 2nd date with a girl called madison, matt being so hungry, orders some real cooked steak and madison is like i just want a salad please ^_^ and matt asks about what madison eats and is shocked that she spilts a burger when with friends (cuz hes so hungry at this point)

these sentences amused me, moving on

also in this i realised whoever made that one post saying "i need these books to stop using the world belly" was right. who says "Well, you won’t hear it long because it’s going to be in my belly" on a date

belly counter: 1 (for good mesure)

he just, eats the steak for a good few paragrapths, lies about being anemic, madison leaves cuz her cat is sick, hes still so hungry, theres nothing else to note of here, moving on

he wakes up, notices that he has gained afew pounds and goes to throw up

jamie meets matt and matt is like "listen im nausiated alot and starving and gaining more weight do you know any virus like this" and jamie is like "idk but you look yellowish you might have jaundice dude"

and a meeting has started, gary (hi gary again i lied he comes back a 2nd time) is like "so the game is doing well, springtraps programming people have said isnt that well, thats what beta testers said idk" and matt is like "what the hell shut the fuck up ur making it up" "how about you not talk to ur supervisor like that" and he just zooms out of there idk

he goes home to eat, again, he is no longer hungry and: ladies and gentlemen welcome jason again!

GET HIS ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!! DESERVED

right after this based jason moment matt gets a headache, not before getting a beer oh my god i cant believe i forgot about the belly counter

belly counter: 3

anyways next mini arc, matt at this point cant put on most pants, but manages to find some for his next date, with a girl named emma

so he and emma are at a bar, matt noticing immediatly that she is ""chunky"" , leading to this convo

and nvm i cant post anymore images sorry guys ill have to put them in another reblog its so over link to that will be here if you wanna look at them

(1) emma sees him and is rightfully concerne about him leaving this early and matt goes. "you should have posted a image on a dating site not 25 pounds ago" OK. WHAT

and emma just goes . "you know you are a hypocrite right" meanwhile he is like "im leaving goodbye" and has a scene the equivalent of ripping ur pants out in public

(2) lol even

women wronged by matt count: 4

matt goes home, gets changed and tries to take medicine for pain relieve and instead gets more pain, leading to the infamous scene

but wait before that i almost forgot:

belly counter: 6

the infamous scene isnt that, bad? ive seen people act like if its some unspeakable horror

matt goes into the kitchen, grabs a knife, goes on his back and disembowls himself / gives himself a C-section or whatever, almost the same, and fleshtrap is born, or something

(3) i would have expected it to be afew more paragraths if this was the case w how people describe it, its like people going "look guys this CANT be a kids book it has PEOPLE DYING" and its just like this,

(not saying you cant be grossed out im talking about the guys on freddit making the most batshit theories talking about it like its some unspoken thing, thats what i mean)

(4) and it ends here on a, id say pretty nice ending, the investigators are asking what happened to matt with jason, noticing some slimy fur next to him, honestly on its own i like it tbh

and that was the end of in the flesh 👍

MY THOUGHTS:

it was ok, no strong opinions on this honestly, had some banger lines,

and my hot take but the pregnancy thing isnt really a pregnancy? i dont know how to describe it, but it was more like, a whole entity growinh up the whole body and not like, just from the abdomen which would have been described differently, to me atleast thats how i saw it idk i might be wrong

considering it seemed to have been fully grown enough to be able to move on its own and speak, and the fact that it was described as something INSIDE him (5) so idk, idk

and it wasnt even that horrible, they dont mention it often and it isnt that in detail if you ask me, everyone is just like "OHHH THE HORROR YOU GET TO SEE SPRINGTRAP BIRTH" but again if you still cant handle it i cant blame you you do whats best for ur health

honestly i know it does describe fleshtrap as a newborn infant and the whole its_a_boy.exe thing it makes it confusing to me, the best i can describe it in my opinion is like those horror alien movies where a guy gets infected with a parasite and another alien comes out of his ass or something, yknow

(again if you just want to form ur own opinion on that for whatever reason, you can skim the story cuz this isnt like, THE best place, just a summary for anyone curious enough to read like maybe 2k words about this, dont fully trust me this isnt even checked to see if it makes sense as sentences)

tldr: i myself dont imagine it was a pregnancy, but like an alien parasite thing, if it makes sense, i might have gotten confused about what the writers ment, i dont think the scene was THAT bad

in the flesh was a story about a guy who had all his relationships tumble down not only by his frustration with them, but his frustration with the way he programmed his game, leading him to be isolated and depressed after everyone had left him on his own

as for more silly opinions on this story that arent that important

hate matt glad they got the job done of killing him off for me, i hope every girl danced on his grave, i hope jason is living his life and i hope gene junior out there if living his life, why was belly used 6 times and stomach was used like 3 times

stan robert the cliffs and sylvia your the band instead and i need everyone to hear my idea of a hannah/madison/meghan/eve/emma polycule

ok im done wiring this its 23:17 rn and i couldnt be bothered to wait next morning to recheck everything if you see any spelling mistakes no u do not

#calico.exe #tried to get inspired by bonefalls essays cuz theyre so fascinating to read #but its not really an essay just a summary #or a discussion idc #fnaf #fazbear frights #five nights at freddys #ALSO I NEED TO SAY THIS AGAIN I DONT CARE IF YOU LIKE MATT GOOD FOR YOU I JUST DONT #this was kinda fun . i hope everything made sense i might do this for some other stories #im infodumping to myself so that everyone can see and i think thats funny #anyways sorry this is so thrown around and weridly written at times ive been writing this for 4 hours and im SO tired

[bylertruther]

sometimes. people on here will say things where i know if i point-blank asked them "hey, do you like butches, femmes, and people that do not 'look' or 'act' queer?" they'll of course say yes duh. and i know if i asked them, "cool. do you think that an androgynous person or 'very gender nonconforming' (for lack of better phrasing) is more queer than someone that isn't?" they'll say no of course not.

but then you read the things they've said about how queer people present themselves, how they "should" present themselves once they've reached a fully realized state, and how it relates to gender and relationships and its like Hmmmmmmmmmm. i don't think you do like any of those three groups i mentioned actually if that's how you really feel on those issues lmao.

it's the same school of thought behind the perplexingly popular idea that because noah wears athleisure, he couldn't possibly be gay (before he came out, this was the common sentiment; and even now, people act like finn is more queer than noah, just because he "looks and acts" like it according to them). this idea that you have to look and act a certain way to be Actually Queer or Queer Enough, and if you don't, then that's because you've fallen victim to conforming or you just aren't as comfortable with your identity. (what? as if there's a single queer identity to begin with?)

that if you're a queer guy and you behave or look masculine, then you just haven't come out of your shell and accepted yourself or experimented enough. that if you're a queer woman and you're feminine, then the same applies, or you're not as queer as a butch woman, who does exhibit gender nonconformity, for example. and if you're butch or femme (+ other equivalents), or in a relationship with your counterpart, then you're perpetuating heteronormativity, as if that's even possible, and we all know that's so very, awfully, terribly Bad, you're a stain on the community, and you have issues you need to work out.

people don't have to look or act in a particular way to be acceptably queer enough. we don't all gravitate towards certain expressions of gender nonconformity or androgyny just because we're queer, and a failure to do that doesn't suggest that we're uncomfortable with ourselves and our identity. you can continue to be yourself as you were even after realizing you're queer. that's not impossible or a bad thing.

femmes and gay men that are masculine in any capacity are not traitors, confused, or less gay. some people are the way that they are, regardless of their sexuality. we don't all morph into the same person when we realize we're queer. that shouldn't be a difficult concept to understand? that's literally just... being a human and treating queer people as such.

those evil gay people who are in "masc/fem" relationships aren't perpetuating heteronormativity either. just because they exist outside of your realm of understanding, or have the kind of relationship that you wouldn't personally want for yourself, that doesn't mean that they aren't members of your community—which is the queer community, in case you forgot—and don't deserve respect, too.

like. it's just so demoralizing lmao. what's so hard to understand about accepting that people are all different and that just because we may belong to the same community, that doesn't mean that we are all the same and must fall in line? it's so tone-deaf, insulting, and just plain unrealistic. you may not mean it that way, but it is. that rhetoric just is.

feminine gay women exist. masculine gay men exist. sometimes they may experiment with their gender expression once realizing this, but they don't always and they don't have to to be considered queer. butch/fem relationships and other similar relationships are not imitations of heterosexuality, because they're fucking gay, and they do not adhere to traditional heterosexual roles, because, again, they're fucking gay.

your experiences and beliefs are not universal. gay people are not clones of each other. stop invalidating or speaking down on other queer people just because you can't relate to them personally. i know some people don't mean to insinuate these things, but you do. you are. constantly. and the people that fall in those categories you've deemed unacceptable and other, see it.

it's so... exhausting to face that in this space, which is supposed to be a respite from the physical world where that happens, too. and those actions, those beliefs that people share, they also bleed into the physical world and how you interact with other people in your community. it's not just little words that you write and have no meaning. it doesn't start and end with a fictional character. the things that you say matter and sometimes they're very troubling.

people who have been in those "fem/masc" relationships, or that identify with any kind of similar label, have not lived a life that's an imitation of heterosexuality, nor are they any less queer than you just because you haven't been in/participate in relationships like that.

#personally idk about you guys.... #but i LOVE getting invalidated irl and also online by fellow queer ppl just bc i don't 'look' or 'act' gay enough according to them 👍 #anyway. yes my feelings are hurt lmao. of course they are. sometimes people say things innocently and don't realize how it #comes across or what they're implying. it happens. i just wanted to offer a different perspective from someone that has been the #fem in gay relationships. bc quite frankly i don't like the idea that i have to be more androgynous or masculine to be a fully realized gay #nor do i like the idea that my relationships have been less than or would be bad representation if shown to an audience lmao. #same for my gay male friends that are also feminine. and same for my bi male friends that are more masculine. or the butch women i've #dated. i don't think any of them are any less queer or bad representation and i would never think that if they had just #experimented with androgyny then maybe they'd be an elevated version of themselves. #it sounds crazy but when you take those same words that ppl say and apply them to real people... that's what you're saying. #anywayyyyyyyyyy.......... i'll fuck off again

[slashingdisneypasta]

Question for you about the Disney villains! Which do you think have had at least one not-so-straight encounter before? Which haven't? How do they feel about it?

Here are some that I can think of!:

Captain Hook definitely!! ^^ I mean, logically speaking- Neverland is not flush with adults... especially adults that don't hate him... apart from his crew. My money is on the tattoo guy. Hook is okay with it, but no one is permitted to speak of it.

Chick Hicks. He has woken up in the bed of a dude a couple times... He is definitely attracted to to guys, and he absolutely comes out as Bi-- once he thinks it becomes 'cool', though. When he thinks he can get the right kind of attention out of it.

Cruella De Vil is a WHOLEEEE lesbian. She hates people in general, but at least women look beautiful in fur. She has been known to take lovers for very short periods of time (They're always her models).

Don Karnage is very!! Bisexual. And not in the way Chick is- he will be very out with it all the time. He loves loves loves his crew~~

Dr Facilier. Look, you gotta do what you gotta do.

Gaston has had people have not-so-straight feelings towards him... but I don't think he has experienced anything himself. He doesn't even recognise it when men are attracted to him in that way.

Greasy and Smartass Weasels. Look, some lines have been crossed- they don't talk about it. They're just good pals, right???

Hades. He's tried everything. He's proud of it.

Hans. I can see Hans in brothels... especially the more outlandish ones where even more 'taboo' stuff is accepted... he was unsure about it but he was drawn in one night to try a threesome (A lady and a man), and... you know what? It was great XD

Jafar. I can see him appreciating the male form~ Similarly to Hans, it happens in a threesome with a woman. Now he cant stop noticing men now, too.

Long John Silver has been known to flirt a little with a cute young guy. He hasn't gone further then that, but if the right guy came along he for sure would give it a try.

Maleficent definitely toes a fine line between threatening and flirty with Phillip... its the same with ladies. She's very ambiguous about her sexuality XD Likes to tease them all.

Mother Gothel has also been in threesomes before!! They usually involve a man but if she wants to get off, she will use whoever's around.

PRINCE JOHN!! Prince John Prince John Prince John- (And Sir Hiss). They're too flustered to speak of it 😅

Shan Yu. He has seen some of his men bathing in creaks, and it did something to him!!... and he is open to giving it a try one day, if anyone is willing.

Shere Khan for sure flirts with Bagheera.

Stupid Weasel has seen some things, going to bars and clubs with Greasy... and let me tell ya. He was very intrigued.

Ursula has had sex with women before and she will again. Very simple.

Wheezy Weasel has also seen some (Gay) things and got a boner from it. He was just like 'huh. didn't know we were into that, but alright'.

[itsdappleagain]

Arguably one of the strongest character building episodes in the entire series, The Daisho Caper is fantastically unique in its motivations, gorgeous scenery and animation, and subversion of expectations. I’m so ready for this unique and spectacular episode. LET’S GET IT GOING!!!!

(and yes. im mega late. working on it. notes under the cut as always!)

I love this infodump section so much. It’s really beautiful and super unique in that it starts the episode and also happens in a flashback (almost everything about this episode is unique?? From singing to a rejected redemption arc there are lots of things in this episode that never happen again

LIL BABY CARMEN

AWWW WAIT CARMEN ASKS IF HE CAN TAKE HER TO JAPAN AND YEARS LATER HE GETS TO. DAD MOMENT

And you can see how shadow-san distances himself from her as she gets older

Sleepy carmen <333

Sleepy EVERYONE

SHADOWLOLADLOWLEHEE HOO

That ironic little “heh” carmen does is so. Yeah i dont know i love it

Man hideo got SUMMONED she put one finger on the glass and he teleported

HOW ABOUT SORRY, CARMEN

Hideo is honestly so perceptive he would kill it in miraculous ladybug /j okay but seriously he’s already noticed what she knows and he even recognizes her when. Literally not even the law enforcement agency dedicated to catching her could at one point

“Dark forces” checks out, seeing as shadow-san basically means mr. shadow

I love when they get bitchy with each other

Also HI the animation is SOO PRETTY THIS EPISODE

More than a feeling by boston. Its by boston you guys do you get it its by boston

Also this karaoke scene SLAPS

Not zack pulling down shadowsan’s clothing. Yas bitch show a little slutty shoulder

THEYRE HAVING SO MUCH FUN <333

Zack and ivy: thank you thank you!!!!

Carmen and Shadowsan: okay well now that theyve shut the fuck up we can continue talking i guess

MAN HE SAID SPIES AND ASSASSINS AND HE’S REMEMBERING DEXTER…SPYING AND ASSASSINATION WAS WHAT HE WAS THERE FOR AND HE HAS TO CONFRONT IT NOW

HE CAN’T REALLY BECOME A SAMURAI IN THE EYES OF HIMSELF AND HIS BROTHER UNTIL HE CONFRONTS THAT PIECE OF HIS PAST AND LEARNS TO GROW FROM IT WITH CARMEN. MAN THIS EPISODE

PAPER STAR <333

Wait dokuso says “i called you here” do senior operatives have some caper perms? Can dokuso contact the faculty and be like HEY can i borrow paper star

Not quite sure what the little maneuver in the air was supposed to help avoid because it did. Nothing

HNNG okay i’ve dumped on jo’s DMs about this shot but its SO pretty

Follows the rule of thirds line, the gorgeous lighting, paper star framed in the moon, the perspective and use of space, the petals blowing in the wind, glowing in the light. ACTUAL LITERAL ART

Rip deleted scene where paper star says “sheep dont fly” the first time ig 

Season two and those slide-under-projectile shots

Carmen and chucking painful building materials at evil gay women this season

Carmen loves that little flip over the shoulder move

Also I LOVE that you can just watch Carmen figure out who Suhara is immediately its cool

whats up with the dirt on his face

SO BEGINS THE VILE FACULTY SAGA honestly such a fun plot point from this season they'll literally try out anyone

GOD the bridge and the cherry blossoms and the water have I mentioned how gorgeous this episode is

there's always more to the story with shadowsan

also mmm i love. i love that carmen isnt quite certain, so she says "suhara" very quietly. she's testing it out, and the look on shadowsan's face is all she needs to figure out that she's right

just another little tiny clue that shadowsan knows more than he lets on about her past. why would he be guilty about simply not knowing where she came from? if his cover story was true, he would if anything be carmen's savior from a terrible death or being picked up by some random people or something. just. god really good.

SHADOWSAN IS SO TALL NEXT TO HER SJDGDHS

god that transition with the cherry blossoms was good

i feel so bad for hideo he didn't deserve shadowsangst

btw i want to see a spinoff with the faculty/shadow-san's school and early crime days

man the confrontation scene is so raw. hideo is shaking, holding that sword, but he is fucking ready to fight his brother about keeping the sword. man its good

appreciate the scenery

that reveal of the shot being a puddle is also so good this episode is literally art

i love rewatching this episode for the little details- the camera always stopping before ivy's face, the swords discreetly disappearing as the cart goes by. you don't even notice the first time

i know they kill people and stuff but the hoodlums are kinda sweet. yess kings sing that karaoke

i wonder if the elvis song was a nod to the elvis episode they wanted to do with shadowsan (duane said they had to scrap it and im SOOO MAD)

ivy and zack must just have full charisma stats bc i dont know how they keep getting away with blending in literally everywhere. maam thats a white bitch in a wig

i love the three of them immediately sweating their balls off when shadowsan grabs the sword

EVEN THE IMPACT FRAMES ARE COOL

btw the tattoos in this episode are cool i wish more non yakuza members had them

that app on carmen's phone is a gaydar

how long was paper star just sitting in the packaging just going "ooghhh yeah im like a fucking jack in the box im gonna scare her so bad ooogh"

i love the kitty fans

not sure what carmen was going to do with the fans anyway seeing as she doesnt know how to use them as a weapons but whatever

oh nevermind she. i guess does

i love howw carmen just like. rides paper star

girlie has to stop strapping shit to her back it does not work

another one of my favorite shots in the show the lighting is sooo beautiful

i also like how carmen is looking down, not trying to shake her off, reaching a hand down- she doesn't want paper star to fall to her death, obviously

i was like damn how did that little fall knock both of them out cold but paper star LANDED ON HER NECK

PARTIES OVER ELVIS IS GONE

i love the very minimal music when dokuso and shadowsan are fighting its cool

get poisoned

i think they reused the shadowsan poisoned groaning sound twice in a row

anyway also a nice shot here

it seriously looks like paper star was just lying there and as soon as she heard carmen get up she was like oh chill nap time is over

that climbing the ladder animation was so slick

so wait. they predicted? that paper star would not only be hidden in the sword room but latch onto carmen's ankle and follow her all the way up to that roof. so they could glue her

kill kill kill

the anime glasses on dokuso are awesome

out of context it looks like carmen just murdered shadowsan in a swordfight

god the empty room. and then you pan down and shadowsan is kneeling. good shit

MAN what a fantastic scene. he does exactly what shadowsan asks him to- does not forgive him, because he does not yet see a reason to. but he allows him to correct that mistake. what . god what a good rejection of a redemption shadowsan HASN'T redeemed himself (fully) yet it just makes sense

mmm when he appears from behind her and her spidey senses go off. its good shit

just that emotion on her face. she's sympathetic that his brother didn't accept him back, but happy that he'll still go with them on their journey.

now, this is the only time we get a voiceover from carmen (other than when she's talking to crackle in the pilot) and its such a stark choice. like the only time we ever really get an inner monologue from carmen that lets us know how she feels about it

everything about this episode is just so fantastic and different! cs thrives when it dives into character motivations...but it just doesn't do that very much. there are so many unique choices in the episode- from the untraditional infodump scene to the music to the gorgeous animation/lighting to the voiceover to the rejected redemption scene to the hints at shadowsan's true past with carmen...i could keep going on and on about it forever, but I won't. you've seen the episode. its just. argh. its so good

okay that's all from me. hopefully I can get the rest of my cs weeklies out sooner rather than later- im almost done with finals!!

#carmen sandiego #carmen sandiego 2019 #cs weekly #carmen sandiego weekly #csweekly

[spiked-mall-goth]

can we hear your barbie thoughts?

okay heres just the copy paste from my letterboxd. (whew wee is it LONG)

i was so excited. that one is on me.

movie so so confusing. i thought i was in for like an absurdist comedy, but it was like forced feminist political commentary?? do NOT get me wrong on this one okay, i have seen so many people get torn to SHREDS for saying that they didn't like this movie bc they hate #girlpower. i am not one of those people. but idk abt u guys but i feel like its not that hard a concept to have a good female empowerment movie without just telling us straight in our faces that its female empowerment ALL. THE. TIME.. felt like i was being spoon fed with a forklift. theres this really cool special tactic called… subtlety.. wow its a crazy thing. they spent so much time shoving a message down my throat they.. forgot what it was.??? like they lost track of what they wanted to say like a million times over it was annoying. they said so much to mean so little. messaging so muddled the barbies literally interfered with a fucking government election and got away with it. they didn't want the kens to have any power so they took them away from the pink house and voted without them to put themselves back as the only leaders. the fuck barbie. i feel like the solution in barbieland was not to just fucking reinstall the matriarchy but instead work together as one to create an idyllic society where the barbies and the kens can live side by side without one towering over the other. the kens were not being horridly mistreated b4, but i understand wanting to be treated better. and i could have some mild sympathy for them, but as soon as they took over barbieland they just treated women like shit making them doing everything for them. and yes that is no good, but its interesting to me that the barbies did not take this as a lesson at all?? like they did not look back and really go, 'huh,, maybe you should ALSO have rights bc being seen and treated as inferior is not okay.' no they took it as an opportunity to shove more fucking glitter coated instagram infographic #positivity down my throat. i understand that this was kinda the point, to be like look! this is what its like and the 'just be yourself' solution means nothing in the end! just like the real world! but why would i want that? why would i want a backwards version of a fucking corrupt system that doesn't work? it doesn't work this way; flipping it, well guess what it still doesn't work. this is fucking barbieland, i WANT them to all be happy and equal in the end! i don't want to think about how awful everything is! its a fantasy world, why would you want to model it after the horrible deep sucking never ending vacuum into the black hole that is the real world? its my barbies and kens (and allen) and damnit i think that they should be happy. also side note, how tf did the kens brainwash the barbies??? like the fuck was that? to me that implies that the barbies also had the kens brain washed to be only accessories. like whoevers in power just has control over the other group? this movie makes everyone like a fucking monster.

can u believe i have more to say? turn back now bc i will never stop typing.

ummm kinda hated that random ass woman and her child? and i hate even more that i can refer to them as that. they were horridly bland fucking ONE dimensional characters. no personality, no real development, nothing. just a forced under-devloped mother daughter sub-plot that if my mother had seen would've cried and made me feel like it was my fault for growing up. (normal mom behavior or just me….??)

mattel, you fucking sleazy greased up wet RAT. you canOT,,, okay listen to me… CAN. NOT. make a movie like 'corporations bad! they dont hire women! rampant consumerism bad!!'. baby girl look in the mirror, its not funny, its not being 'self-aware', it makes me feel,, bad. like you can get away with anything bc you actually can. making literal cartoon goons of yourself as some sort of distraction from all of the very real major issues that are happening in the real world corporate mattel company is rancid. you can to be as 'self-aware' as you want but the bottom line is that you just flat out dont care. you won't change anything. trying to be funny about it makes me feel sick. you can't make capitalist consumerism the movie and try to be like 'yeah thats so bad right guys? you guys also hate corporations?! great!'. you cant have your cake and eat it too.

i liked allen. allen sweetheart baby girl darling dear honeybun beloved i'm so sorry the filmmakers hate you. dude literally had like 6 lines. justice for allen.

out of all the 'shameful' barbies i was actually most excited to see the inclusion of video cam barbie!!! i wanted that bitch soooo bad.

laughed a handful of times, as fucking painful as the depression barbie ad was i laughed really loud at the bbc pride and prejudice joke. i thought the godfather joke was also very funny. some of the doll jokes were funny, but its like okay guys this was low hanging fruit to begin with lets not repeat them like ten times over. the n-sync allen joke also got me. i know i laughed a bit in the theater… but as of right now i'm drawing a blank on standout jokes. that says smth huh?

i like the big ken dance number when they went to like abstract reality zone. that was good. now just remake this movie but like that. it needed to be more loose and fun, alter reality for a dance number! do that!! i want some goddamn old hollywood type of just nonsense sequences. the song was not good tho tbh.

costumes and set were… objectively very good! do NOT get me wrong. the team behind it is very talented and they did an awesome job! however. they went for more of a 'generic barbie' look for the barbies costumes and for barbieland. which to me ended up looking more haunting..? idk WHY but the lack of actual dolls just chilling around made the few real dolls stand out like sore thumbs. that and also it felt like edward scissorhands type of suburbia. complete pastel hellscape. the thought of living in a 'perfect' pink pastel world where everything is the same everyday forever and if ur slightly different you literally get banished forever is horrifying. wheres all the girl power huh?? what happened to women helping women??? nope, you look kind odd?? sorry we hate you forever.

the ending was also just a hot hot garbage fire. whhyyyy did barbie decide she no longer wanted to be a barbie……? i feel like i missed that part since we were so focused on ken. oh so its bc she saw just a fuckinh home video slideshow?? yeah okay whatever just roll credits so i can leave now pls. a gynecology joke. really?

feminist movies do need to be made. but why with barbie? she has never been a feminist icon. this isn't her domain. she's just barbie. and trying to attach real life feminist issues to a fucking plastic doll to be bought and sold, to be commodified doesn't sit right with me. shes not meant to be this complex guys, and i feel like they just completely fumbled on that. to me barbie is just there. you play dress up with her, take her on fun adventures, play with your friends, you don't pick up a barbie doll and go 'wow i would just love to have this woman be groped and then come to terms with the real world and its many problems'. thats stupid. i was in for a fun little roadtrip adventure movie with barbie and her friends. and this was just too much.

this movie was not fun and whimsical to me. it was drab, it was horrifying, it was depressing. i wanted to have a brief escape from reality, but instead i was faced with the same atrocities of everyday life but hot pink and glitter coated. which only added to the awful feeling of 'it will be this way forever.' it wasn't a silly movie about being a woman and what that means, it was a faux women power movie made by massive corporations trying to tell us that they are hip and relatable and that you should buy so much merchandise. it was just one big reminder that capitalism will live forever and it will only get worse because everyone just eats it up if its brightly colored.

#spikes inbox #i am a very opinionated person if you cant tell.

[hidefdoritos]

Just rewatched Macklemore x Wanz's "Thrift Shop" music video from 2012. I've got thoughts.

First, Macklemore puts himself in the "white guy who does everything right" role. POC roles are lesser. Second, women are treated like prizes and props.

Third, there's a master's-level dissertation in here about how this song's popularity basically made thrifting a cool and acceptable choice. (I wonder if it influenced the drift into thrifting gentrification but that's its own thing.)

Fourth, I'm super curious how it was received at the time. He ridicules expensive brands and directly says that he doesn't just shop in the men's department. Today, ridiculing brands and cross-department shopping isn't even mainstream. The average American is still loyal to (some) brands and has never shopped for themselves in the other gender department.

Fifth, from the clothing, I would assume the video was made today. Truly. Look at any collection of people and tell me that isn't exactly how we dress now, twelve years down the line. You know those historical photographs where, by sheer chance and individuality, someone's clothing is exactly on point for an entire decade later (she says, like anyone else here is into historical photographs)? That's what this video feels like. It doesn't look like 2012.

Hmm. Lots of things to think.

[ultrahpfan5blog]

Barbenheimer Part 1: My thoughts on Barbie....

So I did Barbie and Oppenheimer in one day with a 50 min break between shows. Definitely quite the experience and a really good cinematic experience at that. First up was Barbie.

Now, first thing's first, as a guy, I am clearly not the target audience for the film. Not that you need to be a guy to enjoy the movie but the social commentary is clearly aimed at women. So keep that in context when it comes to my opinion. When it came to the movie as a whole, I really liked about 75% of the movie and about 25% of it fell flat. Still leveling out to be quite a fun watch, but it does have some obvious flaws. I watched it with a crowd that was buzzing and it was really cool theatrical experience.

The good stuff is really good. Firstly, I have to compliment the production design of the movie. Barbie World is gorgeously created. The colors just pop on screen. Same with the costume design for all the Barbies and the Kens. The humor, when it works, is really funny. The film is consistently light but also digs into deeper issues without descending into heavy drama. Also, clocking in under 2 hours, it is very well paced and does not overstay its welcome. Also, the performances are excellent across the board.

When it comes to issues, the film's humor is a bit hit and miss. When it hits, its terrific, and I do think it hits most of the time, but there are several points where the joke just doesn't land. Also, a few character beats, such as the reconciliation between Gloria and her daughter, feel rather rushed. Additionally, the Mattel employees aren't used very well as characters. The film is very over the top in its depiction of the real world as well as Barbie World, which was a bit weird and took away from the movie a bit. When the real world is just as wacky, it makes Barbie World look more normal. I also didn't quite get the mechanics of how this world works. Stereotypical Barbie faces an existential crisis because of Gloria, but there must be thousands of Stereotypical Barbie out there. So why the connection to just Gloria's doll? Additionally, there are a few times, like with Ken's resolution, where they could have played it straight and that would have made for a deeper and more emotional ending for him, but they choose the jokier route. Also, the film is very blunt. It is not even the 's' of 'subtle' in its depiction of the dynamics between men and women. While this is done on purpose, it does feel like they lay it on a bit too thick at times.

As I mentioned, the performances are terrific across the board. Margot Robbie anchors the film beautifully. She has the balance of looks and acting chops to pull this off. Ryan Gosling steals the show with his comedic timing as Ken. You do feel a sense of sympathy towards him. America Ferrera is very likable as Gloria and she kind of gets the big monologue which is the film's thesis in a way. Will Ferrell is largely wasted here as Mattel CEO, though he does have a couple of good laughs. Ariana Greenblatt is effective as Sasha. Kate McKinnon brings her brand of energy to weird Barbie. A host of other stars like Emma Mackey, Alexandra Shipp, Simu Liue etc... also deliver effective supporting turns as specific Barbies and Kens. Also want to give a special mention to Helen Mirren's narration in the movie. It accounted for arguable the biggest laugh in the whole movie.

Greta Gerwig is 3/3 with her filmography. I wouldn't say this is her best though. Her directing is excellent, but the script isn't as strong as for Lady Bird and Little Women. I think this may be her weakest film of her solo director features, but it is still a solid and fun film which is already on its way to being a monster hit judging by the reaction in the theater, and I feel really happy for her for that. Overall, I would say this is a 7.5/10.

#barbenheimer #barbie #margot robbie #ryan gosling #america ferrera #will ferrell #mattel #ken doll #barbie doll #emma mackey #alexandra shipp #simu liu #kate mckinnon #ariana greenblatt #greta gerwig #helen mirren