#i havent practiced or done any of my craft in nearly seven months

[chasingcoyotes]

I'm so tired of being depressed. it's never really been managed and every year it gets worse and worse. this is probably some of the most depressed I've been in my entire life. it feel so stupid saying I'm depressed, I feel pathetic. I feel like it's just attention seeking or that I'm not actually but I can't pretend I'm not anymore. it doesn't feel valid because I have a mostly good family

#im just so so tired. i dont want to get out of bed. i cant paint. i cant draw. i cant write or journal more than once every three or four #weeks. i dont want to go out. i dont want to be home. i dont want to open my eyes #i havent practiced or done any of my craft in nearly seven months #if not more. i feel worthless. i feel like a failure. all i do is worry about money. #im tired of having to cut corners and watch my family struggle year by year getting poorer and poorer #im tired of this disgusting rundown shithole rental. i want a home. #i want to go to college but i know i will never be able to. i cant afford it and my family needs me home #ill never work a job i love. ill never have a home. ill never truly be happy. ill always be scared. ill always feel lonely #even when im surrounded by people. #im so tired #i want to go home but i dont even know where that is anymore