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flickeringart · 3 years

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Basic personality natal chart reading (example)

This is a short analysis based on personal planetary placements by sign and aspect in your natal chart. It’s by no means a complete analysis of your chart; it’s a summary of the personal planets and how they express themselves through you. Planets represent autonomous principals of the unconscious. They exist independently of your will since they are your will. They are not you, but they are you in all the ways that you are yourself. If you can detach enough from them, you’ll see them more clearly. This short reading can hopefully provide some aid in self-analysis, an aid in self-observation.

Sun in Aquarius

The overall goal of your life is to develop your ethical, cerebral and visionary abilities. The faith in progression and future possibilities for yourself and others should be what carries you through, what you’re here to express, articulate and radiate. There’s potential for great understanding of human beings and an acceptance of all the facets that are part of the human experiences. The reason for your inclusive stance is your proclivity to see yourself as one of many, like a person jut like everybody else. However, this is not to imply that you trivialize the importance of people’s uniqueness – you have the ability to treasure yourself and others for being unique. The collective human family lies close to your heart. Other people probably feel comfortable with you, knowing that you’ll be able to understand their point of view – or at least attempt to, because you learn about yourself through others. You would have the inclination to think of yourself as part of a movement because you put an emphasis the common goal and the common cause – even if it’s secretly done for purely self-centered reasons. You’re self-investment is intellectual, which is why it’s not presented or perceived as purely selfish. What you go through as an individual is thought of in the context of a larger structural blueprint – it’s viewed in terms of a collective experience. You would tend to bring your individual desires and inclinations to the mental realm, to advocate for their legitimacy in terms of a societal presence. More than likely you accept and respect other people because you would want to the same thing in return. What you want for yourself you advocate for in social contexts. There’s openness to your identity, but you tend to be quite fixed once you’ve made up your mind – certain things are fundamentally inarguable to you. People will likely appreciate you for this, but they might find that you’re too fixed in your values as to make appropriate assessments of situations that involve personal emotion. Sometimes, you can take equality and respect to the point where it could turn toxic. Your strong idealistic identity might not be able to accept the raw reality as anything that has value – it might not fit into the image of rightness that you have established as a vision for yourself. People will love you for your strong intellectual investment in common goals – it will make others feel seen and supported. On the other hand it could make others feel like it’s purely about the progression of thought and not about them as individual beings, that it’s purely about the mental abstraction of their problems or dilemmas.

You’re conscious identity is quite tied up with your idea of redemption. You’d find that you put faith in yourself to embody the sublime and transcendent. You’re likely to be an incurable romantic with your goal of life being nothing less than the most rose-colored movie ideal. There’s something sacred about the frailty of life and you would be quite invested in the dream of perfection where everyone is sharing in mutual bliss. Beware of your tendency to fall into the roll of the victim, the savior or the martyr. Your lean towards unconditional empathy for yourself and others might not do you any favors in this world where self-preservation is so important. Empathy is a great, but if it’s not paired with healthy boundaries it’s draining and depleting. You might be reflective of other people and prone to absorb a lot of their emotional content – having resistance to embody concrete boundaries of self in terms of preference, opinion and stance. However, the tension of not being able to declare your self-centered needs and letting others set the tone might not work out – you’ll find yourself switching to being incredibly stubborn and demanding, surprising others with a strong and willful emotional temperament, unwilling to compromise. You have a tendency to end up in dynamics with others where you’re playing the reasonable and passive role in certain situations, while dealing with emotionally dramatic, moody and selfish people on the “outside”. The outside in this case is just you disowning and projecting your own emotionally dominant nature.

You are a quite bold, expansive and enthusiastic and explorative person – out to have fun and enjoy variety. However, this side of your would could also be projected, making others seem very exuberant and energetic in your presence while you have a hard time accommodating for these traits without loosing hold of yourself. You would have to adjust yourself in order to let lose and be carefree. Last but not least I would say that you’re identity has a great capacity for perseverance if you tap into it, a perceptive ability that enables you to see beyond the surface level of experience. Exploring the depths of existence, the murkier and darker parts would excite and stimulate you.

Moon in Leo

You’re feelings want to be on display. You need attention to thrive whether you’re conscious of it or not. You tend to take remarks and comments from others personally – there’s little detachment from outside opinions. You’re default setting is to approve of yourself and display your emotions proudly. Uncompromising approval of yourself not only makes you very stubborn, it also establishes a sense of authority. “My emotions should be catered to” could be an inner attitude – there’s likely something demanding about your presence. Feelings of inferiority and incompetence hits particularly hard, which might cause you to puff up even more, hold your head even higher and turn snarky. You’re likely to hold on to feeling states for long periods until you feel that they have been “recognized “ and “validated” enough. When your needs are met you can be extremely loving – especially with the people that you consider to be part of your close circle. When you’re safe and comfortable you radiate confidence. In fact, that is what you do most of the time, even during your weaker moments. You have the great advantage of being able to own your feelings, to make them part of your life’s journey, to treat them like jewels – precious and personal even if they occasionally turn dark. You are playing the starring role in your life, there’s no question about it. There’s a sense of integrity and self-respect that is characteristic of your emotional nature. You would feel like you deserve the best and would be deeply upset if life disappoints. The mundane doesn’t satisfy you on an emotional level, you crave more than just carrying out the necessary routines of life and having a comfortable living situation. Life must have some drama to it in one way or another – you have to live in honor of love. That means that your daily activities and living situation must be imbued with the meaning of love. Everything you do is done in an attitude of granting yourself the very best of the experience. You’re emotional nature motivates you to act and accomplish things. Asserting your needs comes naturally and you generally stick to your set path because you are sure of what you feel should happen. You have great force and conviction backing your feeling nature. There’s a proclivity to want to dominate and manipulate others to cater to your needs, to be dependent on pleasing and satisfying to you. There’s an intensity and perseverance to your emotional nature, you are sure of your ability to cope in difficult situations without breaking apart emotionally. However, you might need to carefully adjust the way you communicate your needs, there’s an inconsistency in how well you are able to understand yourself mentally – and how well you communicate your feelings with others. Some insight and careful adjustment in how you think about yourself might be needed as to establish more a more accurate mental representation of your needs. The same goes for your idea of happiness – it might not completely rhyme with what you actually need to be fulfilled. Consider these things carefully. On another note, there might be a tendency to detach from emotions, to crave change and novelty, which might backfire quite badly. When you get too intensely caught in feeling things you would be inclined to want to change environment, move about and uproot. This might take a toll on your security needs and make you unpredictable in relationships. People might fear that you’ll get up and leave when things get too personal. You could even have this experience with others relative to your own emotions – people usually can’t handle the personal nature of your emotional expression and want to bolt or intellectualize the experience.

Mercury in Capricorn

Your way of communicating and interacting is deliberate and concentrated. You might not be excessively chatty or scattered; you choose your words because you are aware of their importance. There’s something very smooth and polite in your way of interacting, it’s predictable which would make others feel secure. You wouldn’t say things that could get you into trouble or cause disruption unnecessarily. That being said, you might come off as overly self-conscious in your exchange with unfamiliar people. It might make communication strained and awkward because everything is so calculated and thought through. Truth is, mental interaction with the environment takes focus for you, it’s not a matter of play -it’s something that has to be worked on. Your mental faculties are a bit slow, but this doesn’t mean that you lack of intelligence. It takes longer time for you to process things than some people but when you have, you’re completely sure of your knowledge and ability. Everything you do on a mental level is acquired rather than given. Speed and effectiveness in receiving and responding to things might develop over time. The challenge is to have patience in you learning process and in your communication with others. You want things to be done right which is quite admirable and responsible, however it might cause restriction of creativity and expression. You might have difficulty trusting yourself to understand things and to interpret things the right way. There’s likely a lot of second-guessing going on, causing you to work harder on establishing the reality of your conceptualizations. You would prefer to converse with people in contexts that you are familiar with, where you’re sure of the pattern of communication. People who are too quick, creative and individualistic in their way of interacting might make you uncomfortable. You would definitely stick to crowds where there’s not too much ambiguity present, where it’s possible to talk things over in concrete terms. You would dislike having to “think for yourself” or “just say what comes to mind”. There’s no spontaneity to you way of interacting, you’re always calculating the appropriate response. On another note, you’re intellect is positively stimulated by art and beauty. You might benefit from communicating artistically, through any medium or venue that appeals – it could be through clothing, through interior decorating or anything that concerns style and taste. You have a mind that thrives in refined and aesthetically pleasing spaces. You seek to consume and react to beauty intellectually. You would find yourself mentally preoccupied with perfecting yourself and your environment – it would keep your mind pleasantly busy. However, there might not be a genuine exchange and adaptability in your interactions – you could frequently end up provoking anger and frustration in people. You could have a hard time finding common ground with others and they with you. There’s a lot a frustration present in interaction and learning – you don’t want to take things in, you want to assert and proclaim your knowledge. You’ll learn what you want; the rest is dumped along the wayside. There’s great energy to be stirred through learning and interacting– you will feel anger and frustration creep up or it will creep up in others in your environment. It’s likely that you’ll find that your emotions need to be adjusted to allow yourself to think clearly – you might have a hard time interacting when moods take over which threaten to drown out any communicative exchange. You can become unreachable to others, full of emotions and anger. Adjustment is required.

Venus in Pisces

You have a very ethereal aesthetic that is imbued with emotional undertones. You are drawn to the seemingly transcendent, symbols of the eternal and bittersweet. You have an attraction for that which lies in the background rather than in the foreground. People in the background fascinate you, catches your attention, draws you in. I’m not referring to the kind of people who have a loud presence, I’m referring to the one’s who have a soft energy, the ones who are seemingly non-existing, living in their own dream. Your preferences lie in the direction of passivity, of blending and merging. Being an emotional sponge is appealing to you, remaining open and undifferentiated. You might be good at intuitively assessing people, of appealing to their heart and drawing out their compassion and sensitivity. It’s likely that you have a sentimental streak and are able to sympathize with just about anyone in a social setting. In terms of style and taste you prefer softer colors since you wouldn’t want to stand out too much. However, you would want to draw attention to yourself through displaying receptivity. You’re social trump card is to be able to display genuine innocence which effectively lets you off the hook in most situations. You wouldn’t think there to be a need for you to be loved for your individuality, you would instead prefer someone to love you because they decided to not care about particularities. You would want someone who would love you no matter what, someone who could be one with you completely and not interact with you as a separate entity. Since your emotional needs, as already discussed, are very much centered around getting attention for your uniqueness and strong sense of self, it might take some adjustment to accommodate for your emotions and your preferences in terms of taste as to not cancel one or the other out. You might find that you like things that are mystic, withering or dissolving somehow, whether it’s a person, a book, a piece of clothing or something else that catches your eye. You’re not looking for the ordinary; if anything, you’re looking for the transcendent in the ordinary. Your mind lends itself well to experiencing the beauty you crave. You’re drawn to people’s minds and their way of thinking – the intellect seduces you. There’s a potential skill with words that would prove rewarding if activated and used. Reading, writing or speaking could prove stimulating and exciting. There’s great pleasure to be had from these activities. On a more serious note, you might find yourself attracted to intensity and it could scare you. There’s potential for attracting quite emotionally consuming relationships that have friction to them. You might not be able to admit that you crave the feeling of living on the edge of destruction a little bit and project the role of the “culprit” onto another person, making them play out primitive possessive tendencies while you reject them but secretly love them for it. In general you might find that you’re unable to love any other way than through great passion – or be loved by another in any other way. Your desires are similar to that of an animal, you have to get what you want or else you will suffer terribly. This all-consuming primitive love experience is what you crave, but it is commonly viewed as compulsive, inappropriate and too raw to risk acting out. In any case it’s wise to be conscious of it – and do with it as you please.

Mars in Taurus

You’re quite serene in stable carrying out activities. There’s a calmness and certainty to your way of taking on the world. There’s great stamina but likely difficulty of starting up smaller tasks – you thrive on long term planning – it’s through a steady and sure input of energy that you see your projects, visions and tasks to completion. The daily grind is what you’re the best at, keeping on track and not stopping for anything without having too much investment placed on the goal. Movement and routine itself is what you’re good at – putting one foot in front of the other will surely get you to where you need to go. You’re probably more of a doer rather than a thinker when it comes to getting your way. There’s a simplicity to this way of being which makes a lot of things easier – working out, cooking food or anything that doesn’t require too much thought is sometimes better done without too much technicalities and methods in the way. However, it’s easy to see how this could be to one’s disadvantage. To get the result one wants, there’s more planning and more facets to the process than just putting in the minutes or hours. It’s not always about the fact that one is doing something, it’s how it’s done that makes all the difference. You would tend to be very settled in activity, a bit too comfortable in your set tracks that you might miss the short cut to your goal. But you wouldn’t really mind because you’re made for the long distance run... or walk. You would tend to be persistent and be able to stick to set plans and work tasks. You have the ability to concentrate on something and get it done, although it might take a while. Time might not be a big issue for you; you are patient and willing to stick things out. In a nutshell, you’re at your best when you can make use of your stubborn will and consistent drive. You don’t get fired up easily, but if you’re poked one too many times you can flare up and stay in a flushed state for a while. Or, you turn quiet and “angsty” in your blocked state. You’re likely not fond of the discomfort and disharmony of anger and would much prefer to get out of it. Physical activity might really help to get the discordant energy out of your system. Something simple that doesn’t require too much thought would be perfect. Chances are that you are the most challenged in a fast paced environment with a lot going on at the same time. You require a set routine, a fixed working schedule because you thrive when you’re settled in your ways. Having to constantly adapt, change, reevaluate and rearrange in your daily activities doesn’t sit well with you. You’re motivated by constancy, security, comfort and predictability. These are your strengths and assets. You have great self-control and sense of responsibility as well as an ability to sometimes honor your restless spark that breaks patterns and protocol. It’s not done in a disruptive way; it indicates an ability to implement new insight. You can let your emotions guide you and let them stem from affect and instinct. This is easier for you than letting your intellect dictate your actions – it usually gets in the way and causes frustration to build. You might get frustrated trying to further your will through communication – somehow the method of interacting doesn’t work well with the method of assertion. You’d be easily irritated with other people, ending up in arguments when you can’t get your will to across through communication. When you talk and engage socially, there might be a real issue to get things across in a way that doesn’t conflict with your personal way of doing things. You have a frustrated power behind your words, a force to channel into your writing or speaking.

(Chart calculated at astrotheme.com)

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sabineelectricheart · 3 years

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Overnight Clairvoyance

Summary: Estella has been having strange dreams about her best friend and they are making her confused and anxious. Is pulling back really the answer? How does Sam feel about all that?

Rating: K+ - Suitable for more mature childen, 9 years and older, with minor action violence without serious injury. May contain mild coarse language. Should not contain any adult themes.

Words: 2100

Notes: Friends to lovers. What not to love about that?

Estella shot up from her large bed, her chest heaving, as she tries to anchor herself back into awoken reality.

The sunny day was quiet and tranquil, as it often is in the valley. Her bedroom was on the second floor, and so even the animal and labour noises typical of country living went mostly unheard.

However, the tranquillity of her environment did not translate to a tranquillity to her heart. The auburn-haired girl had been having another dream, a blissful and happy one, but then she awoke feeling nothing but dread.

This was nothing new. She had been having these dreams for months, now, to the point she is close to take on the doctor’s offer to talk to a psychologist. They depicted a future of a happy and blissful relationship, days passed by with lazy, languid kisses and longing and loving stares. The dreams were everything anyone could ever want out of a romantic relationship.

If it was just the general situation, Estella would have been perfectly fine about those oneiric trips every other night. The problem, however, laid with who starred in these fantasies.

Sam had been her best friend since early childhood. A long time ago, before her father passed away and his had been shipped away to war, his family had been tenants at the farm, and so Estella had been encouraged to spend time with the hyper blond boy around the property.

Over time, the relationship blossomed, even after Kent enlisted and was sent beyond the Gem Sea, after Jodi moved with the children into town. They had seen all of each other’s important milestones, they had been there for each other through everything, good and bad. She had always thought of Sam as a brother, just like she did Vincent.

That was, until the dreams began.

Suddenly his very presence made her stomach erupt with fireworks and roses bloom on her cheeks. Every smile he sent her made the girl nervous and every bit of contact made goosebumps arise on her otherwise soft skin.

It did not help at all that her friendship with Sam had always been touchy. From a young age, the two of them would hold hands or hug often. Many nights the two of them could be found cuddling on the large living room couch downstairs, her head on his chest, his arm wrapped around her waist, and her legs tangled together.

It had never bothered her before, despite many, many, many innuendos from her granddad, but suddenly every touch made her skin burn.

It was not as if they never had fallen in love before! Both of them had their own romantic adventures with other people, and they have always been honest about those, without any drama or jealousy. Why that insanity now?!

Estella knew it was horribly cliche, this whole thing about falling in love with her best friend, but the dreams made it an inevitability. She could not escape her fantasies of a domestic life with Sam, but there was too much at stake for her to ever reveal her feelings.

She could not even think about the possibility of him rejecting her without shuddering. At the very least, their friend group would shatter. She knew people would take sides and most of their friends would pick the lovable doof Sam over entitled princess Estella. Then, she would be forced to hang out with Haley, or worse, her own mother.

It was also not too difficult to conclude that, if Sam did not feel the same for her, she would lose him forever. She could not bear the thought of a life completely devoid of him. She would rather suffer the curse of eternal friendzone than the anguish of a ruined relationship, not to mention the fact that she would lose her relationship with Jodi, Kent and Vincent. They were like her second family and she could never hazard the possibility of ruining that.

So, Estella tried to pull back slightly, hoping that the distance would help rid her of those blasted feelings. Of course, the girl did not disappear completely from town, she was not able to stand the idea of that. She just… Stopped touching him as much and she spent more time in the farm than at the town square with him.

The auburn-haired girl could not tell if he noticed or not, but she dearly hoped that it all went on under the radar and he believed that everything was fine.

Estella looked around her room, realizing that the birds were not chirping on the trees near her window, and so it must already be well into the day. She spared a glance at the alarm clock on her bedside table and realized it was almost noon, which was very surprising, as she often rose at no later than seven o’clock.

She groaned as she realized that she was supposed to meet Sam nearly an hour ago. She hoped he would not be too angry that she overslept.

The farm owner’s granddaughter sighed and got up, her feet padding towards her dresser. She took a glance at herself in the mirror, grimacing at the messiness of her long and soft hair. She smiled, though, when she realized that, in last night’s sleep-induced haze, she had pulled one of Sam’s jumpers over her head.

She took a deep breath, inhaling the remnants of his scent on the sweater. He had forgotten the article of clothing at her house almost a season ago, when he trekked through snow for a movie night, but was driven back home on her mother’s garish pink convertible. The stupid infatuation was picking up steam by them, and so she hid it under her bed, wishing she could keep it for herself.

Luckily, Sam never seemed to notice he was down a sweater. Jodi must have thought he had ripped it irreversibly on a skateboard accident, as it often happens.

Her deep thoughts were interrupted by a sharp knock at the door. She frowned and smoothed down her hair, unsure of who it could be.

She walked over and opened the door, only to be met by Sam barrelling through the doorframe.

“Sam?” Estella squeaked, surprise overtaking her. “How did you get up here?”

Sam ran a hand through his blond, stupidly spiky hair and turned to face her. “You really think that your family could stop me from checking on you?”

It was a lie, of course. He was deathly afraid of her mother, and had a profound reverence towards her grandfather. If either of them had told him he could not come up, he would never try to disobey.

“So… I’m wagering that they are out.” The girl jabbed, playfully.

“I saw your mother going out with the car, and your granddad is usually out on the fields at this hour.” He said with a flaunt, his commentary clearly intended to be a joke but the frown on his face ruining the effect.

She laughed softly, though the sound was hollow. She wrung her hands, preparing the apology that was about to spill from her lips.

“Listen, Sam…” Estella started, avoiding his gaze.

“What did I do wrong?” He asked suddenly, interrupting her in a most abrupt manner.

She froze, unsure of what to say. It seems that her hopes of counting on her friend’s overall detachment were about to be dashed.

“Because I think that you’ve been avoiding me and now, you’re not showing up for our plans, and I don’t know what I did!” He said quickly, the words spilling from his lips desperately.

She shuffled awkwardly in her place, next to the dresser.

“I didn’t mean to not show up this morning…” The girl said, meekly, trying to diffuse the situation.

Sam furrowed his thick eyebrows.

“So, you did remember that we had plans?” The boy questioned.

She looked up at him with an apologetic look.

“Of course, I remembered.” She said. “I just overslept.”

Sam let out a sigh of relief, his shoulders slumping.

“I feel quite dumb now!” He joked with a laugh. “I overreacted quite a bit, don’t you think?”

Estella gave him a forced smile, knowing that, while he had been wrong about her ditching plans, she had, in fact, been actively trying to avoid him.

Sam flopped dramatically onto her bed, kicking off his shoes in the process.

“Please hold me. It’s been a day!” He said with a playful grin on his face, his arms outstretched to welcome her into his embrace.

She laughed and made her way towards him.

“Sam, it’s not even noon yet.” The auburn-haired replied with a smile. “Wouldn’t you prefer to at least have lunch beforehand?”

Despite her token resistance, Estella clamoured into bed next to him, feeling the warmth of his strong arms around her needy body.

“What about our plans?” She asked softly. “I thought we’d go to the community centre.”

Sam let out a non-committal noise and pulled his totally-platonic friend closer.

“We can always go next weekend. I want to hang out just you and me.” He said, earnestly. “I’ve missed spending time with my girl.”

His careless words sent a jolt of electricity up her spine. She snuggled closer into his chest, pretending for a moment that maybe he wanted her the way that she wanted him.

*_*_*_*_*

Several hours later, Estella woke up, still curled up next to Sam. At some point, the two of them had fallen asleep in her bed. She looked up to look at his sleeping face, admiring how his eyelashes fluttered against his skin. She reached up and poked his cheek, causing him to stir slightly.

“Wake up, sleepyhead.” She said softly in his ear.

He groaned, stretching out his legs and his back. He reached up a hand and rubbed his droopy eyes. He seemed dazed and half asleep, not fully aware of what was going on. He looked at her face and she saw a gentle smile grace his lips.

“I think that you might be my soulmate…” He murmured softly, his eyes half-lidded and his voice groggy.

Estella felt her face fall in shock.

“What?” She whispered out numbly.

Sam seemed to wake up fully then, shooting up to sit in the bed. He put his head in his hands.

“Fuck.” He grumbled. “I didn’t mean to say that.”

She sat up, brushing hair away from her face, and removed her hands from his face.

“Sam, honey.” She breathed, trying to keep her voice even. “Why would you say something like that?”

He looked at his lap, avoiding her gaze.

“I’ve been having these dreams, you know?” He began to explain. “Where you and I are, I don’t know, together, I guess. Happily married, boyfriend and girlfriend, something like that.”

It took everything in her not to gasp at his words. It was just like her own.

“Everything that happens in the dreams is just so perfect, and I know that you’re so perfect, even in the real world. If I could have a Stardrop here and now, I know that it’d show those dreams becoming reality. I really, really want to be with you, and this is my heart’s fondest desire.” He said softly.

Estella sat on the bed in shocked silence, unsure of what to say. How was that possible? That they had both been dreaming of one another?

“And now you’re turning so quiet, and I’m pretty sure that I just messed everything up, but I think that I love you.” The blond boy admitted. “I know I’ve always been shit at sorting out my own feelings, but something about these dreams seems too real for them to mean nothing.”

His voice was filled with nothing but sincerity, his eyes downcast as he took her silence as a rejection.

“I’ve been dreaming of you, too.” Estella finally admitted.

He looked up at his crush with a wide-eyed expression, a shocked smile spreading across his face.

“You have?” He questioned breathily.

The girl nodded shyly.

“I have. And I think you might be right.” She said softly. “I really do think we might be soulmates.”

Sam let out an airy laugh before tackling her into a bear hug. He was feeling so damn excited that he could swim to the Fern Islands and back. She giggled as he pressed a quick kiss to her cheek and tickled her side.

“Sam!” Estella shrieked in excitement, slapping his shoulder playfully to make him stop teasing her.

“Hey, get used to it!” He said playfully. “I am your soulmate, after all.”

*_*_*_*_*

Stardew Valley Masterlist

#stardew valley #sam

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sickjoonie · 5 years

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recover - 1/4

summary: the stomach flu makes the strongest man weak. when hoseok comes down with it, the members are all there to be his strength.

a/n: this updates every wednesday! i’ve been working on this one for a while :D i needed a good hoseok sickfic

hoseok knew something was off.

they had a long day of going over songs, promotions, and finalizing the songs for the next album. they were all tired and hungry. dinner had been put off in favor of work.

hoseok still felt that something was wrong, beyond him merely being tired. he felt detached and achy. there was no specific place that hurt, no place that he could ask jimin to massage to work out the pain. every movement he made was met with stiffness. they hadn’t had any dance practices and yet his body felt like he had performed a full concert.

he felt dizzy and lightheaded, beyond exhaustion. something else was causing it; his brain was too foggy to process what.

the members were all gathered around the dinner table, shoulders slumped forward in exhaustion. seokjin had promised them a home cooked meal in reward for how hard they had worked. home cooked meals were a rarity these days, so needless to say, everyone was excited.

well, mostly. hoseok was too busy staring at the table to process the idea of food. to the others, he would look drunk.

when food finally was served, the response and energy was immediate. everyone else perked up at the smell and sight of food. the silence was replaced with praises from the members to seokjin. greedy, hungry hands reached to serve themselves food.

hoseok made no move to get food. his stomach felt as funny as the rest of his body. putting food in it didn’t seem like the best idea. he wasn’t nauseous; his body simply recognized that food was there and politely declined it.

seokjin sat down next to hoseok, noticing how pale and unresponsive he was. silently, he got some food for hoseok and placed it in front of him. the younger looked up at him, his face one of doubt and discomfort.

“you need to get your energy back, hobi,” seokjin said. “a little bit of food won’t hurt.”

hoseok sighed. seokjin was right. maybe this weird feeling was simply hunger and hoseok only needed to eat to get it to go away.

his tongue felt heavy as he nibbled on the food. his appetite remained non existent, even with the delicious food in his mouth. he ate slowly, thoughts muggy against the dizziness that came in waves.

hoseok knew seokjin was watching him and worrying over him. he couldn’t find it in himself to care; at least if he passed out, seokjin would be there for him. seokjin’s hand came up to rest on his back. it was warm and comforting and hoseok tried to focus on that sensation rather than the twisting of his stomach as he finished off what little food he had. he was done before anyone else, choosing to remain slouched with an empty stare while the rest finished up.

eventually, everyone began cleaning up their meals. seokjin called yoongi over, wordlessly gesturing to hoseok. it didn’t take perfect vision to see that hoseok wasn’t doing good. yoongi nodded and moved to talk to hoseok while seokjin went to make sure no one (namjoon) destroyed the kitchen.

“hobi ah?”

yoongi’s rough voice brought hoseok back to reality. he blindly reached out for yoongi, craving warmth and attention. anything to bring him some relief. yoongi grasped his hand in response. his hand felt almost too warm against hoseok’s. hoseok struggled to get a firm grasp on it.

“i don’t feel good,” hoseok mumbled.

yoongi smiled softly in sympathy. “let’s get you to the couch, okay? you can make it there.”

hoseok nodded numbly all while doubting yoongi. with how stiff his body was he wouldn’t be surprised if he couldn’t. still, he let yoongi help him up onto shaky, weak legs. it was unlike what he was used to as a dancer; he relied on his legs to ground him.

yoongi slowly escorted him to the living room. namjoon was in there already, watching the TV mindlessly. he got up when he saw hoseok and helped yoongi lower him onto the couch.

“i’ll grab some blankets,” namjoon offered before heading off to hoseok’s bedroom.

yoongi pressed his hand against hoseok’s forehead, then cheeks. hoseok groaned, knowing the result was going to be good. the fever would explain why he felt so out of it.

he was fucked.

“some fever you got there, huh,” yoongi murmured, stroking hoseok’s cheeks with an affection he reserved for only certain times such as this. his hand moved to play with his hair, scratching at his scalp.

hoseok was set with never moving again. he let yoongi play with his greasy hair, not even bothering to feel self conscious about it. namjoon reentered the room with an armful of blankets. he and yoongi helped cover hoseok, leaving a few at his feet in case he needed extra.

seokjin walked in from finishing the dishes, holding a wet rag and a bucket. he shooed the other two away, knowing how much hoseok disliked extra attention when he was sick. hoseok was their sunshine and though he knew it was okay to ask for help, he preferred the company of only one at a time. typically, it was seokjin who cared for him. he was the eldest and naturally, hoseok felt comforted by his presence.

“what hurts?” seokjin kneeled next to the couch, placing the wash cloth on hoseok’s forehead.

hoseok’s eyes fluttered close at the cool sensation. he was so, so tired. his head was spinning on and off in a vicious cycle and his stomach wasn’t enjoying dinner. “head, tummy.”

seokjin nodded, expecting just that. “if dinner settles, i’ll get you some medicine for that fever.”

hoseok hoped dinner settled. he didn’t particularly feel like throwing up at 2AM.

“get some sleep, hobi,” seokjin whispered. he leaned down and kissed hoseok’s cheeks, an affection that hoseok so often did to everyone else.

he didn’t need to be told twice. sleep hooked him like a fish and slowly reeled him in until he was blissfully gone from the world.

the first few seconds when he opened his eyes was pure, obvious bliss.

then his stomach made itself known. he groaned and curled inwards. dinner was not choosing to settle, unfortunately.

“hobi hyung?”

jimin’s sweet voice cut through the fog of sleep and sickness. he whimpered, hands moving to grasp at his stomach.

“jiminie… my tummy really hurts.”

jimin’s eyes widened. he gently helped hoseok sit up, placing the bucket in his lap.

“i’m going to get seokjin hyung, okay?” jimin nearly sprinted out of the room, worried about hoseok getting sick while he was gone.

hoseok groaned again as his stomach turned. he was sweaty and sticky and absolutely miserable. whatever he had caught was really kicking his ass. all he wanted was to be back in that state of ignorant sleep where the pain couldn’t touch him.

he gave a queasy burp, pressing a fist to his lips and closing his eyes. he knew what was coming next and he didn’t want it.

footsteps walked up to him from next to him. he felt a hand press against his back, beginning to rub small circles. hoseok didn’t have to open his eyes to know it was seokjin.

he burped again, his stomach lurching with the movement. he opened his eyes and shakily grabbed the bucket, pulling it closer. his stomach hurt so badly, he wanted nothing more to puke and get rid of some of the ache. the nausea licked like a fire at the back of his throat.

the hand still rubbed his back, now stroking it up and down along the spine.

hoseok burped again, then keeled over the bucket and heaved. it didn’t take long before he was vomiting, eyes burning from the force of it all.

“you’re okay, hoseok ah. it’s gonna be okay,” seokjin’s voice cut through the vomiting.

it dragged out for far too long until he was dry heaving, stomach muscles sore and throat burning from the acid.

finally, his stomach settled some and he collapsed against the back of the couch, eyes fluttering closed. his hands rested on his stomach and he moaned.

“hyung…” hoseok whimpered.

“i’m gonna get you some water and rinse this out, okay?”

hoseok gave a small nod, feeling too weak to protest. his stomach was already starting to turn again and he was worried that seokjin wouldn’t make it back before the second round came.

he tried breathing deeply, swallowing harshly against the nausea. the fever burned like a wildfire. the heat added with the nausea was overwhelming, leaving him gasping for cool air.

he curled further around his stomach as it cramped, grasping at it until his knuckles were white. the blanket that had been thrown over him fell to the side with the movement.

his stomach gave a loud growl, the contents of it shifting and waiting to come out. hoseok knows seokjin won’t be back in time.

he presses a hand to his mouth and silently prays to any deity out there to let his stomach’s contents stay put until he makes it to the bathroom.

he’s too weak to run, instead weakly stumbling along. the movement sends goosebumps up his arms and the blood drains from his head, making him woozy and chilled and facing another problem alongside his stomach. he’s lightheaded; the process of getting to the bathroom has been severely slowed down.

hoseok is making staggering steps through the hallway, the bathroom still quite the distance away, when namjoon appears in front of him.

“hoseok ah? you alright?”

hoseok wants to say no. he wants to tell namjoon to move or to carry him to the bathroom.

what he does instead is stagger in place. a rush of dizziness hits him and the nausea comes full scale. it’s ugly, the kind of ugly that he only knows when it hits him.

he burps loudly, leans over, and proceeds to lose his stomach contents once more on namjoon and himself. it’s messy and disgusting and hoseok kind of wants to die.

if he was namjoon, he would be losing his stomach at the moment as well. thankfully, namjoon lacks his overly sensitive stomach.

namjoon has jumped back in surprised, but that doesn’t save him from the damage. hoseok can hear someone calling his name in the background, but he isn’t focused on that. he coughs and retches and he really wants to die.

when his body lets up, the lightheadedness returns. he stumbles and begins to fall, only to be caught by warm, familiar hands.

“easy there, hobi.” namjoon steadied him, keeping him from falling into his own vomit.

“namjoon ah,” hoseok groaned. he could feel guilt creeping underneath his skin as he saw the mess at his feet and on namjoon. “i-i don’t feel good.”

“i know, i know,” namjoon’s words are soft like he knows how close to breaking hoseok is, “let’s get you to the bathroom so we can clean up, okay?”

hoseok weakly nods, feeling two steps away from passing out. he lets namjoon take his weight and he found himself being lifted off the ground, carried to the bathroom. his eyes involuntarily slip shut, too heavy to keep open any longer. they stayed shut even as namjoon placed him on the toilet.

he heard the sound of water turning on. namjoon was filling up the bathtub, knowing that hoseok was too weak to stand in the shower. hoseok was currently swaying on the toilet, eyes shut. his usual happy, energetic personality had been reduced to a sleepy and confused haze.

hoseok fell into a daze, dancing along the line of sleep and losing touch with his senses. a hand gently touching his shoulder brought him out of it.

“let’s get you in the bath, okay? do you think you can undress?”

hoseok shakily shrugged, slowly peaking his eyes open and reaching out for namjoon to help. namjoon pulled off his shirt and helped hoseok take off his pants and boxers. the few steps to the bathtub felt like a marathon.

hoseok sunk into the warm water, too achy to relax into it. namjoon gathered up hoseok’s ruined clothes.

“i’m going to throw these in the washer, do you think you’ll be okay for a couple minutes?”

hoseok only shrugged. he felt like he could pass out at any minute, so he didn’t trust his judgment. maybe he did need someone to watch over him, even if he was an adult. he just felt so, so weak.

namjoon frowned at hoseok’s lack of response. he was going to need help.

hoseok saw namjoon step out of the room and shout something. a minute later, the door opened back up again and jimin walked in. he walked over and crouched next to the bathtub, cooing at how sickly hoseok looked.

jimin brushed hoseok’s hair out of his face, feeling his fever. this only made him coo more, eyes filled with worry. “you poor baby. don’t worry, i’m gonna take care of you, hyung.”

the thing about jimin was whenever he took care of someone, he babied the fuck out of them. he used nicknames and gave kisses and cuddled them to sleep. it was best not to fight it, if you wanted to keep your dignity intact.

jimin got to work washing up hoseok, who easily complied, to weak to fight or insist on doing it himself. hoseok sighed when jimin washed his hair, taking time to massage his scalp. it helped with the headache and was the first relief he had besides sleep.

“you always like your hair being played with when you’re sick,” jimin teased.

hoseok weakly smiled. “feels nice.”

namjoon came back into the bathroom while jimin was finishing rinsing out hoseok’s hair, carrying soft pajamas for hoseok. “i’m gonna leave these on the toilet for hoseok, is that okay?” he asked jimin.

jimin nodded. “i think seokjin hyung is setting his bed up for him, i was gonna take him there once he gets changed.”

namjoon set the clothes on the toilet. “i’ll help seokjin hyung, then.”

jimin turned back to hoseok, whose eyes were slowly drooping.

“no sleeping yet, hobi hyung. let’s get you dried off and dressed first, okay?”

hoseok nodded, then winced. his stomach was starting to ache again, deep cramps slowly beginning to pick up rhythm. he let jimin help him up and dry him off with a towel. once he had his pajamas on, he hunched over, placing a hand on his belly.

jimin looked at him, concerned. “are you going to be sick?”

hoseok shook his head. “my tummy just really hurts.”

jimin rubbed hoseok’s back in sympathy. “maybe laying down will help. i heard seokjin has your bed all made up for you.”

hoseok nodded eagerly. laying down sounded heavenly.

jimin helped guide him to their room where sure enough, seokjin had prepared his bed. there were extra pillows and blankets, some medicine on the nightstand, and a trashcan next to the bed, just in case. hoseok melted into the sheets, curling up tight and nuzzling into the pillow.

jimin tucked him in and sat on the edge of the bed, playing with hoseok’s hair. as nice as it felt, it didn’t distract from the deep pain radiating from his belly.

“aish, you got a nasty stomach bug,” jimin commented, seeing hoseok wince in pain.

hoseok groaned. “i think my stomach is trying to kill itself. it hurts so bad, jimin ah.”

jimin sighed, concern growing. hoseok rarely got sick, but it appeared that whatever he caught was going to stick around for a while. “do you want me to rub your tummy?”

hoseok nodded, moving the blankets so jimin could access his stomach. he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to get lost in the feeling of jimin’s soft hands kneading his aching stomach.

he battled with his drowsiness, trying to finally drift off and forget about his stomach. it was a ruthless battle, but eventually, hoseok managed to sink into a light sleep.

jimin watched hoseok, concern rooted deep in his bones. how bad was this sickness going to be?

#finn writes #recover #sick!hoseok #vomiting #bts sickfic #bts emeto #emeto

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uncommonsensetherapy · 4 years

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reinventing selfishness

A yogi by lifestyle, my intentions are to replicate the healing effects yoga has had on my body to as many people as possible. Through yoga I learned mindful awareness, a state of internal bliss as well as unifying understanding to be the keys to clearing chaotic connections within our body. Here I merely hope to offer awareness to the etymology of the word selfish to help us build healthier connections with our body, mind and soul that clear duality around the term.

I have been thinking about this article for well over three years, letting life guide me through what I needed to be able to write it at the depth my heart felt it - knowing deep inside that we as a culture need to reinvent the way we look at selfishness. So many good people suffer inside because of this word - selfish -that they learned defines their inherent capacity to receive love at a very early age. Many religions and parenting styles teach that we must shame children in order for them to be responsible for their actions. On the contrary, others go radically in the other direction, glorifying ego in a way that makes it seem dirty.

As people, we seem to be stuck in a pendulum swing between ego-abolition and ego-aggrandizement, failing to see the healthy, happy medium in-between the divide. While the battles of life destroy the middle ground, it seems many of us have either forgotten that it’s still there or given up hope that it will ever be a stable, nourishing ground to grow harmonious community and people within.

We know in yoga that we must be calm in order for the souls of this plane to harmonize with their environment in a stable way. The ancient texts speak up-and-down on chaos and its inevitability to cause reactions within us if we do not train ourselves on mindfully responding instead. Unfortunately, this requires us to be very selfish - so full of ourselves that we spend much time with ourselves learning who we are, why we are, and what we are in the raw.

As a yoga professional for seven years, I cannot tell you how many times I have heard that yoga is for rich white women with nothing better to do. I also cannot tell you how deeply scarring that was to hear every single time - not because I believe it, but because I understand all perspectives of it and how dastardly it is for us to throw shade on what so many people have found in this practice, let alone the enlightenment it sheds throughout the world.

I want you to be selfish - so selfish you learn to stay with your heart in every, single moment and make every, single person uncomfortable with it triggered because of how jealous they are you’re willing to choose yourself. My deepest heart hopes you become so selfish you choose faith over your religion - faith that whatever you believe in believes in you, speaks with you, and loves you so much that it would never want you or anyone else to stay in pain. If you become so selfish you learn to heal yourself from the inside-out, I support it, 100%.

The Etymology of Selfish

The term selfish was coined by the Presbyterians in the 1630s during a time of conservative proliferation but didn’t find its way into the mainstream until atheist Richard Dawkins wrote his book “The Selfish Gene” in 1976, which talked about biological inheritance and genes within us that cause beings of life to be selfish, or largely desire personal replication. Dawkins writes: let us understand what our own selfish genes are up to, because we may then at least have the chance to upset their designs.

Now I should state I have no intention on shading either religion nor anti-religion, rather intend to gently shade the chaos arguments against anything cause so we can focus on the light that becoming aware of both helps shed on what’s going on at a larger level - beyond the politics, let’s say.

Looking at the man behind the words before we abolition or aggrandize his offering, Richard Dawkins lives his life to proliferate his ideals while stating this - believing science to be a better source of understanding for the world over religion when it comes to understanding life. No shade! That’s great - I hope he lives to light up the world for perspectives like his that heal within that belief.

What’s ironic to me here is that Mr. Dawkins fails to see that even science proves you must see from the perspective of the observer to understand what they are going through before denying their claims. Science also understands the placebo effect to be a real thing - our beliefs healing us. What if some people can heal themselves with their mind and others can’t? Are the gullible ones more or less fortunate? Who says what’s really healing them? And does it matter if in the end both sides are being healed as they desire?

If we live in a world of multiple perspectives - here discussing a world of believers and of knowers - the world must be created to support both for both to live harmoniously together, period. There cannot be a right and a wrong way of doing things rather a way to go right into knowledge and a way to go left into belief. The reality is, if both are present, both are available to be explored by the people thus most people will have a mix of both components within themselves. There’s enough diversity to feed the masses healthy food if health ever becomes the priority over diversity.

Analyzing Our Own Selfishness

How do videos like the one below make you to feel inside, for better or worse?

If you struggle with the word selfish, you may be irritated, bothered, or otherwise triggered in a negative way by these kind of social posts. This exploration of oneself may make no sense to you so much it feels like nonsense, but is it? Or is it merely a modern expression of our genetics?

Our biology influences us to replicate - to spread our influence. While it used to be more physically-oriented - wanting to have power over large populations and create large families - it’s grown more viral in our day-and-age with our awareness of these urges. Now we tend to post our replications and feel like we are doing a good job when people view it and especially when they like it.

What if, as a selfish individual soul, this person believes she came here to explore the body? To empower others to love themselves - as they are - even if who they are wants to feel more beautiful with a digital filter? To spread the influence of self love in this unique way? What if that’s what we are all doing? What if those of us who aren’t sharing aren’t because they don’t care? Is everyone not doing exactly what they selfishly believe best to be loving?

Ayurveda helped me to understand that what each of us needs to be healthy is very, very different and won’t look the same for everyone. Thinking of touch alone - a vata (or anxious) person craves pressured touch while a pitta (or angsty) person cares less about pressure specifically and more about the intention from where the touch is coming from. A kapha (or lethargic) person prefers it gentle. For each of these states, these preferences are most healing.

An Ayurvedic Take on Selfishness

I am selfishly passionate about Ayurveda because it helps me be selfish enough to prioritize taking care of myself, which has been revolutionary in my healing. As someone who fought most of my life to not be selfish, I came to realize the biggest thing it did was create a very unhealthy connection with my own body as well as other bodies taking care of themselves.

How could he/she be so selfish, spending so much of their time on themselves? I won’t be like that! I will only give myself what I need. Unfortunately, we like to think we only need food, shelter and water, but what we also need is warmth. We need to feel warm inside our bodies to want to go inside our bodies, and, unfortunately, running away from or resisting being selfish only causes us to go fiery or cold, which in Ayurveda we know turns us aggressive, anxious, exhausted and/or detached.

On the other hand, just accepting we are all selfish is liable to turn us a bit greedy. We call these imbalanced states vata, pitta, and kapha in Ayurveda and they are the primary focus of healing momentary imbalances or dis-eases in the body. So is there a healthy way for us to live with our selfish gene? Of course.

It all comes back to awareness, bliss and understanding. The Ayurvedic approach helps us to understanding by connecting us with our primary imbalances - are we more manic and anxious about life than feels healthy? More intense and aggressive? More passive and greedy? Do any of these words trigger us from wanting to identify with them? Do we feel all of them?

Through Ayurveda we understand mania and anxiety tend to be our primary imbalances in modern times but that most of us are imbalanced in all ways. Unless we are consciously choosing our health, modern life throws us off-balance just by living in the circus. We are all selfish, and it’s honestly a good thing. We are all also different, so we have to be selfish in order to understand those differences and mindfully acclimate them into our environments.

I could talk for days on Ayurveda and it’s wonderful, countless benefits. Here’s a three and a half hour training powerpoint I use to teach yoga teachers, check it out to learn more about Ayurveda and how it helps us to become mindfully selfish people who can balance our knowledge and our beliefs within. There’s all kinds of links at the bottom for you to take quizzes to learn your imbalances, how to heal them, and what it all basically means / where it came from.

#selfish #selfie #self centered #ayurveda #dosha #vata #pitta #kapha

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topicprinter · 7 years

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I grew up watching a show called Ali G. It’s undoubtedly one of the greatest masterpieces of the early 2000s. If you haven’t seen it you’re either 13 years old, over 65, or have terrible taste in TV. Seriously it’s that good of a show.The show involved a guy interviewing a bunch of intellectuals and acting like a complete dumbass during it. Guests even included a young Donald Trump [1], to who Ali pitched the idea of an ice cream glove. Needless to say The Don didn’t invest.Ali would dress like a moron, mispronounce the simplest of words, and say the most absurd roll-on-the-floor-funny things. If you’re not familiar with the show go to Youtube and watch a few clips. [3]Here’s the crazy thing. 90% of interviewees came away thinking Ali was the moron. The idiots couldn’t identify the clear-as-daylight joke being played, nor could they see the fun side of it all. They were so rigid and detached from reality they took everything literally. In turn they came of looking like complete morons..The Dumbest People Always Think They’re The Smartest.Despite the interviewees coming off as stick-up-the-ass stiffs to anyone who watched them, rest assured they came away believing they were smarter than ever. After all meeting such a buffoon like Ali only reinforced how smart and intellectually superior they were.In short they were blind to reality.This is exactly how 90% of the entrepreneur community is. Complete morons. Yet they can’t see it. Let me explain.The whole theme of the entrepreneur sphere is work work work. Focus focus focus. Sacrifice everything. Work 18 hour days, work 7 days a week, work holidays. Don’t buy coffees – instead save the $3 and invest it. Discussions about whether being married or having girlfriends affects success. Don’t take vacations. Sleep 3 hours a day…. And so on.Basically live a life like shit.Don’t get me wrong, I get the premise. The thought being work hard and sacrifice a good time now, for a phenomenal time in the future. I understand the theory completely.The problem with this is two-fold.First, less than 2% of budding entrepreneurs ever become even financially well-off. By this I mean having enough money and savings to live out the last 15 years of their lives without working. The success rate is rock bottom.Second, it’s nothing short of insanity to work away the best years of your life. Time can’t be replaced my friend. It’s about the only thing that can’t. If you’ve ever look back on periods of your life and thought you should’ve used them better – or ever felt old – then guess what this horrid mentality will bite you in the dick later on. This high-work mediocre-pay setup is the ultimate waste of life..Don’t Work Away The Best Years Of Your Life. But Also Don’t Give Up On Earning Money.The world is beautiful baby. Friends, people and lovers are what makes life worth living. There’s fun in the simplest of things. Splashing about in a beautiful clearwater ocean, “wasting” a lazy Sunday afternoon watching a dumb comedy eating pizza, getting drunk and acting like clowns with your friends. That’s what life’s about.NEVER sacrifice all of that just for money. But at the same time understand pizzas, vacations, and hauling your drunk asses into taxis cost money. And the more money you have the more you’ll be able to enjoy the world.Money matters my friend. Anyone saying otherwise is deluded (or wishes it were true so they could be at ease with their lack of money).I’ve always hated the saying “Money can’t buy you happiness”[3]. That’s asking too much from money. But there’s no doubt money helps support happiness if you used smartly – whereas poverty doesn’t..So… What Should You Do?.I didn’t write this article to give you a step-by-step solution. It’s simply a reminder to balance what matters in your life.I quit my office job three years ago because it was killing my soul. I was working something I hated, and giving up my health, relationships and livelihood to do it. I was missing out on the world and what really mattered to me. It’s why I left to work for myself.Admittedly I much preferred working for myself, but it was still at the expense of everything else. I was working every day and barely did or met anyone else. At least before I had my weekends.My bliss came from learning to cut down my hours, by learning to charge a shitload more.In 2014 I was charging between £20-30 an hour – and worked around 45 billable hours [4]. It brought me around £3600 a month. It was mayhem. I felt burnt out. It was shit.Compare this with last year where I worked 19 billable hours total per week. I charged between £100 to £205 per hour and got all the work done from Mon to Wed, giving me four days off to do what I wanted. I brought in close £11,000 a month, and had the time to do more of what I loved. As a result my friendships and relationships with my wife and family have deepened, not to mention I look and feel great.This year I’ve got 4 hours billed at £280 an hour a piece (that’s £4480 guaranteed a month). And I’m hoping to pick up 4 or 5 hours more. And I’m going to get all my work done and dusted on a Monday, and take the other 6 days off to do whatever I want. I’m expecting to earn £8,500 a month.It’s less but who gives a fuck when I get 6 days off. It’s more than plenty to cover expenses, live a life of relative luxury, and put away a big chunk so I can retire hopefully in my 40s (I’m currently 30 years old).For me learning the skill of charging more for what I do has single-handedly transformed my life..The Art Of Charging (Lots) More Money Per Hour.Not everyone is comfortable with charging more money. They either feel secretly guilty to charge so much more than they currently are, or think it’s not possible to get anyone to pay them the kind of fees I’ve talked about.The guilt is a personal issue. Some people mentally can’t bring themselves around to charging a higher fee – even if they have someone who’s willing to pay them. They just wouldn’t be able to quote the fee. If that’s you, I can’t help with that. Either you feel guilty or you don’t. If you do I doubt it’s possible to charge the “super-fees” I’m talking about.If you’re ok with charging the money, but don’t think it’s possible to charge that much – then my friend you are wrong. I understand the thinking, but it’s absolute rubbish.Most people think you need to be an expert to charge mega bucks. They think it takes years of qualifications, experience or you need to have some sort of “reputation” before they have the right to charge even double the average. This is utter crap. You’re self-employed. Nobody chooses this but you.For the record I work in the UK, in an industry where the national average is £22/hour for what I do. You’ll barely see anyone charge even £35/hour. For some reason £30/hour is considered the top-end.As mentioned I have charged £205/hour for what I do. In October I have 4 hours confirmed at £280/hour. Grab a calculator, that’s over 12 times the national average. And remember I only have 3 years of the supposedly sacred “experience” under my belt.Don’t make any mistake about the quality of my work. I’m good at what I do. Truth is most people in any field are shit at what they do. The “average” market rate reflects crap work. If you’re not shit at what you do you should be charging more.There’s always someone willing to spend big money to find the right person. Believe me people piss away big money on dumber things all the time… (Just think of low income people queuing up in their thousands to buy the newest iPhone).Anyway that’s enough for now. Hopefully this little ramble has opened your eyes to the dumbness of working your life away, and more importantly to that you can and should charge more (assuming you can actually do what you claim to).SIDE RAMBLE POINTS FROM POST ABOVE[1] I’m not pro-trump nor am I anti-trump like much of the fundamental left-winged corners of internet and by no means want to be associated with that crap on either side. I respect any man who’s made something of himself – but have absolutely no care for politics. Saying that watch Ali Pitch to Trump here – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkuOuxRD1Bc[2] Who knows, maybe this birthed Dragons Den (or Shark Tank for you American readers)[3] Trust me it’s better than the poor ball-less excuses for comedies like Big Bang Theory and How I Met Your Mum[4] A tired cliché spewed by many including my mum. Did I mention we grew up kinda poor for a while? (Now I think about it, she seemed to say it less once my dad made some more money. Hmmm…)[5] I say billable hours, because I worked outside of that preparing stuff. I estimate it was around 15 hours, so likely worked 60-odd hour weeks. It was a piece of shit time..If you want to learn what I've learnedIf you liked the post and found it helpful or insightful in some way then please upvote and leave a comment. It takes a buttload of time and effort to churn out one of these articles. You pour your heart into it, and a comment means the world to a writer. Otherwise it's like writing for a brick wall.I'm also in the process of writing my new ebook The 10 Dark Laws of Charging (and Getting) Monster-Fees.You can grab it by heading over to my site The High Fee Club and entering the asked details in the sidebar (or bottom of page if viewing on mobile).I warn you in advance that I will ask for your email. That's completely your choice. Remember, I'm not sticking a gun to your head.The book contains the methods and strategies which have worked for me. Every word in the book comes from personal experience. The material inside isn't always pretty, but it works. You won't see me regurgitating material I know nothing about. It's 100% Free but I do ask for your email address. (Simply enter your details into the website sidebar - or at the bottom of the page if you're viewing it on a mobile device)By all means feel free to ask any questions. I'm out and about the whole day so won't be back for a good few hours, but I'd love to answer any cool questions once I'm back.

#/r/entrepreneur #reddit

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rohanpremsatsang-blog · 7 years

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Awakening: Ownership

Ownership - Rohan

Podcast Transcript May 22 2016

Speaker: Rohan

So one of the biggest things I see that separate, identified people, on the path to finding truth of themselves, the truth of the one-self, is ownership. So what exactly does that mean - ownership? Ownership means seeing things as they are, as if mistakes, or wrong path, wrong words, wrong ideas, wrong intention, wrong thought are, are almost like they’re somebody else’s…. that level of detachment where... Yes, I did that. I see the error in that, with no bias. The bias we have for ourselves is one of the elements, of the invisible prison bars, we keep ourselves in. It’s the cell room bars, the prison cell bars. So it’s very common for me to see people glaze over, their erroneous ways or actions. They jump over it. It’s a mechanism there that, deludes that person, to protect them, from the reality of what they’re up to. And this mechanism observes sometimes, and then consciously jumps over and quite often subconsciously, not even seen, it just happens so fast and there’s no recognition. It’s a form of self-preservation, I-dentity preservation. It ensures, the next time the same circumstance arises, the same action will be taken, which ensures the seeker will stay trapped ongoing. It’s mathematical, there’s no grey area here. So until ownership, which is honesty, true honesty, is taken as a practice, which requires self-observation. What I like to do when I’m communicating with people, I watch them incredibly closely, to see if they’re reacting to anything I’m doing or saying. And then I can see, what’s going on for them, and if there’s something in me that’s false. It’s in me or it’s in them? Which one? And you become a student in this way, a student of life, to find the truth of life. It also brings your attention very sharp into the moment, which is a mindfulness practice, a presence.

5.45 You don’t miss things anymore, it’s harder to jump over things because there’s an intent there, to be completely honest in the moment, moment to moment. And to see if falseness is arising within yourself or within others, now it doesn’t mean you have correct others. No, if people want to believe who they are, then that’s their right to believe who they are, or who they think they are. If you don’t have an agreement with another, to find falseness within each other, it’s best not to. Being a White Knight, or a Saviour, generally, without permission, causes more harm than good. So finding ownership, unbiased ownership, total ownership, of everything we do from thought to action, as an unbiased observer, is a very powerful way to find liberation, and dissolve prison bars of the mind. It is powerful because if you take total ownership and total honesty of everything happening around you, you become your own teacher. You don’t need somebody like me, or others to continuously give you information or information’s, all information’s ultimately rubbish. What’s looking through my eyes is looking through your eyes, is looking through a cat, a dog, a rabbit, a grasshopper, even a bed bug. The same consciousness looking through everything, is everything. So with total honesty, we are ultimately giving permission, to our high consciousness, the self-I consciousness, ultimate consciousness, to do its work of dissolving the false. Now, of course, choosing to do this is a practice, because we choose to have ownership and total honesty, doesn’t mean from this moment on we will do this, or we will know what it is. We may think we are being totally honest, but subconsciously, there’s other forces at play, that are preventing it from being total honesty. But that’s not the point. The point is, if we stop the process, sincerely start the process, with as much honesty as possible in that moment, Each moment, the moment…. we have begun. And with pure intent behind this, ongoing, we had the opportunity to succeed in dissolving the false. If it’s not started, we have NO chance. So there is not an option here really. If you want liberation, this isn’t optional. Honesty, ownership, unbiased, is not optional. It’s not negotiable. It is... truth is unbiased. It is uninterested in country, cultural, family, personal limitations and bias. Completely uninterested. Look around, that’s easy to see. Look at perceived injustices to see. There are no injustices, there just is.

(12:20)Constant rebalancing of the equation, to zero - mathematical. It’s just the way are not of a high enough consciousness day-to-day life to see the immensity of the formula, we’re involved in. And that’s not an accident either. Everything is exactly how it is supposed to be, always. No matter how inconvenient, apparently disgusting, tragic, sad, happy, you know, goes the other way too, complete bliss is exactly how it’s supposed to be in that moment, as is the deepest suffering, and tragedy. We have a preference where everything is going right, once again a bias, when everything is wonderful then that’s how it’s supposed to be. And the moment, sadness or a more intense emotion, perceived negative energy moves through our system. That’s not how it’s supposed to be, that’s not okay…I’m supposed to be in happiness or comfort. This also is a bias. This is not ownership. This is not owning the sadness arising. I see this regularly, and the stuff that’s been hidden within them in their subconscious starts to rise, they have a great time with the happiness of being around the energy, that comes from me being nothing. They love that but when the stuff from subconscious start rising, they have a great resistance to it, and it’s non-ownership, it’s a bias. So I constantly teach the same person over and over. Well, why is it okay for you to be happy, but it’s not okay for you to be sad? Have you looked to see? Can you embrace sadness like you embrace happiness? Can you be the silent witness of both?

The truth from our experience is, if you develop this practice of ownership, of whatever is arising, unbiased, much like I’m talking about with the unbiased being in the world, observing our actions. This goes deeper into observing what is arising within us, it deepens into our insides. So from watching the outside world and how we are in it, we develop a practice that takes us all the way inwards, and can take us all the way home.

It’s a practice, its one that’s very powerful... probably, the most powerful because it can be done all day and most of the evening. It can be done all day. No matter what we’re doing. Many have busy lives. The workplace is perfect for this. Driving, how are we on the road, are we being honest? Our thoughts, are they honest? Can we own negativity? Own that it came through our minds? And we can let it go. We don’t ignore it, pretend we didn’t have the thought and just let it go. We observe what was there. We don’t run it, just dishonesty, ignorance. So this honesty starts with practice of this ownership. We can, as I say, use it for emotions that arise within us as we go further down this path as courageous warriors of truth. This ownership allows us to own our feelings, and a lot of the stuff that arises when we’re further out in the world, was not our thinking anyway. It is coming from our subconscious into the conscious. So as we evolve deeper into our practices, we don’t move, and the thoughts can actually stop arising, as we start releasing the subconscious energies trapped in our nervous system, the body’s nervous system. So this is a practice we can start immediately, and practice it, it’s a practice. It’s like anything we do, it takes time. Like anything we do, it has a start point. And the starting of this practice is the starting of an undoing. And ultimately ends in a not doing, which means not reacting, not doing - sadness, grief, happiness, joy - no difference.

It starts now. It starts with your attention, intention, and attention on going on truth, honesty, ownership. It starts now if hasn’t really started. It starts now. There’s a good chance that you’ve already started doing this practice, just to be listening to these words this long, which maybe incredibly dull to some people, or everybody. Matters not to me. I’m happy either way. The point is you may have started this. If you started, continue deepen, deepen, more honesty. If this is new information, start now. I wish you success if you choose to take this on.

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