#i like to imagine that joe continues to give wonderful relationship advice

[cobaltfluff]

two types of parenting...

#sk8 the infinity #art tag #i like to imagine that joe continues to give wonderful relationship advice #cherry tries his best #but it's based on his own experiences #and very biased #possibly may not even be helpful #dw the kids will be fine uwu #they probs just had an argument over who did the cooler trick or sth #i am SO excited for the ova and s2 #i just remember every so often #and i return to life from my days of pain

[tomfooleryprime]

Everyone talks about how Trump’s supporters will never abandon him, no matter how often he demonstrates his terrible leadership skills, or regardless of whether most people who work for him end up humiliated, fired, indicted, or quitting because he has the temperament of a spoiled brat whose life has amounted to little more than a string of lawsuits, failed businesses, questionable associates, and mediocre children suckling on the teat of nepotism.

It doesn’t matter that he hasn’t actually fulfilled most of his major campaign promises—he never built the wall, deported all undocumented immigrants, repealed Obamacare, put Hillary in prison, brought back manufacturing jobs on a large scale, or eliminated the federal debt. What matters to his supporters is that they feel like he’s accomplished things, and what you make people feel is often more important than what you actually do for them.

So much of the momentum of Trumpism has nothing to do with achieving discrete conservative goals—it revolves around a culture of shock value, trolling, antagonizing, and “othering” anyone who criticizes them or their president. As far as I can tell, they suppose the real problems in our country stem from people who hate Trump and constantly try to undermine his policies or invent lies about him. I would assert they have the cause and effect relationship backwards—protests, violence, and unrest aren’t the problem eating away at our social contract—they’re a symptom that the social contract is being eroded. But never mind.

Picture a thought experiment where his supporters get exactly what they claim they want. Imagine every Democrat in Congress, every member of the Hollywood elite, and every Jewish billionaire dropped dead tomorrow, or perhaps the majority of Americans who dislike Trump suddenly abandon their entire worldview and understanding of the Constitution and give into the demands of the minority of America who adores him. However it happens, the opposition disappears.

And then they build a “great big beautiful” wall to keep all the immigrants out. They put prayer in schools and outlaw homosexuality and ban abortion and abolish gun laws and cut social programs and save the white suburbs and measure their economic success solely by the stock market, as if they could eat the Dow or live in the NASDAQ. Will they be happy? Will America be great?

I doubt it. Trumpism isn’t a traditional political theory that proposes ideas on how to best preserve the social contract and promote national unity, instead it peddles the concept that liberal elites long ago shattered the social contract by asking us to respect people’s pronouns and implying that maybe not all cops are fair to minorities, and unity can only be restored when all of Trump’s enemies are vanquished. Trumpism requires comic book-esque villains to shape a narrative, a deliberate “us versus them” mentality.

It’s rudimentary, but it’s the backbone of storytelling. What’s more, there will always be enemies. Even if all the BLM protesters or socialists or secularists or feminists evaporated into thin air, they would invent a new enemy to malign. They would have to.

Ever wonder why Batman never defeats the Joker or why a supposedly all-powerful God never settles the score with Satan? Because that would be the end of the plot and you can’t sell comic books or church if you don’t keep the storyline open or at least leave room for a new antagonist.

Similarly, you can’t sell Trumpism without Antifa, migrant caravans, and wildly out-of-context AOC or Greta Thunberg quotes. And so give them an imaginary country completely devoid of never-Trumpers, and the whole movement would disintegrate, either because they would get bored and finally notice the emperor isn't wearing any clothes, or they would turn on each other for lack of an appropriate subject to burn in effigy.

For all the talk of what Trump supporters claim they stand for, the cornerstone of their movement is really best summed up by what they stand against, as evidenced by the “fuck your feelings” t-shirts and the “liberal tears” coffee mugs. Without any obvious enemies to scapegoat, outrage, and oppose, I imagine a good many MAGA believers would find a theoretical Trumpland a pretty far cry from the utopia they yearn for.

Some might argue the Democrats are "just as bad" and all they’ve done these past four years is disparage and try to tear down a president that God himself ordained. Side note—ever notice how Republicans get elected through God’s guiding hand, but any time a Democrat sits in the Oval, it has Satan’s fingerprints all over it?

Anyway, trust me, I’ve spent a lot of time agonizing over the reality that we won’t be a country at peace for a long time. Maybe not ever again. And it’s almost entirely because Trump thrives on sowing discord. Even if Joe Biden wins in November, the MAGA cult won’t just graciously accept defeat and take the advice they gave never-Trumpers in 2016, which was to “suck it up and deal with it, crybabies” because after all "he's the president whether or not you voted for him."

But the thing is, without Trump, Democrats actually DO have a platform, contrary to what right-wing cable news pundits would imply. Most of its objectives have nothing to do with sticking it to Donald Trump, but focus on reducing poverty, improving access to healthcare, and advocating for civil rights.https://www.demconvention.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/2020-07-31-Democratic-Party-Platform-For-Distribution.pdf

Meanwhile, perhaps nothing supports my argument that all Trump supporters care about is "owning the libs" and generally just doing the opposite of whatever Democrats want than the fact that their 2020 platform is a single page long and literally says “The RNC enthusiastically supports President Trump and continues to reject the policy positions of the Obama-Biden Administration, as well as those espoused by the Democratic National Committee today.” https://prod-cdn-static.gop.com/docs/Resolution_Platform_2020.pdf

#Trump #Donald Trump #maga #velvet divorce #political theory #democrats #election 2020 #2020 election #republican platform #us vs them #trump vs biden

[three-drink-amy]

All the Shine of a Thousand Spotlights

masterlist - AO3

Chapter Seven - It’s Bad Luck to Say Good Luck on Opening Night

Next week was previews. Jamie knew how important they were, mainly because Claire never let them forget it. Reviewers and hand-picked guests would come to see the show before it opened. If they got shitty reviews, they wouldn’t be open for long. That was how it worked. Or at least, that was how Claire and John assured them it worked. The members of the cast who’d done this multiple times started to get quieter in the days approaching previews. The set was filled with an eerie silence during breaks between scenes. 

Jamie used that time to make sure his performance was in tip-top shape. It was now up to him to perfect things as best he could. Occasionally, he’d ask Joe for advice, or sometimes Louise. And both of them were very eager to listen and tell him how to do what he wanted to. He used to go to Claire, but then she’d started avoiding him. 

But as previews approached, the other actors sequestered themselves during down time. Jamie wanted someone to talk to. Ideally, he wanted to talk to Claire, but he couldn’t. He spent the few minutes they had during their long-awaited break thinking of her. There wasn’t much more he could tweak on his performance that he hadn’t already tried before. There was no one else to talk to. And so his mind went to Claire. 

It happened pretty much constantly. She was always on his mind, one way or another. It had only grown worse as production carried on. He spent every day with her, in awe of her, wanting to be with her. But they couldn’t. The night they’d spent in her office had been really nice. It had felt so natural to be around her, to talk with her for hours. But since that night, he’d barely spoken to her, outside of her giving directions and him asking questions. 

The night he’d gone to the bar with the cast, he’d been the one to throw out the suggestion of which bar. Someone had said to yell out a bar and he called out the first one that came to mind. Of course it was where he’d met Claire. She was the only thing that was ever on his mind. He’d gone ahead with Laoghaire to grab a table, cursing everyone else for sticking them together on a mission. When he looked up and saw Claire looking back at him, he almost thought he was imagining it. But she held her stare until Laoghaire demanded his attention. He could tell what she thought, that he was there on a date or something with Laoghaire. There would have been no easy explanation of why he ran over to her, desperate to explain what the situation really was. So he’d stayed put. When Laoghaire headed over to her, he made his best effort to show Claire it wasn’t something romantic. He’d wanted her to stay so badly. Watching her walk away with a crushed look on her face had killed him. 

It had also confused him. She’d been the one keeping her distance from him. Granted, once she started, he’d followed suit. He could take a hint. But the look she gave him at the bar, the air between them as he asked her to stay, it seemed like it was something more. He wanted to chase after her, to make her tell him what she was thinking. Instead, he turned when he heard his name being called and sulked over to where the group was starting to form. 

That night, he laid awake in bed, contemplating every step of his relationship to Claire. The night they’d met, it was pure fire, pure passion. It came back to him in flashes, often at the wrong time. The way it felt to brush her knee in the bar, to see her react. The way she whispered in his ear, asking him to take her home. The sounds she’d made as he pressed her to the wall of his stairs. The taste of her. The feel of her. The way she looked with her hair spread out across the pillow as he watched her sleep. Things had obviously taken an awkward turn from auditions. But for a while, he felt like they were maybe at least friends. They’d talk occasionally, but always in a friendly manner. And that night in her office was the most comfortable he’d been since he’d auditioned for the play. 

She’d drawn back though. And now he didn’t know what they were. Perhaps nothing more than an actor and his director. When he was hesitantly accepting the role, that was the relationship he’d wanted for them. After spending weeks with her and getting to know her better, it wasn’t the relationship he wanted for them anymore. He wanted more. She was his boss, though, and he’d respect that, no matter how much it crushed him. Claire Beauchamp was off limits, and he was fairly sure it was his own doing. 

So, now, it was almost previews and his mind was running in a million different circles. He felt like he had whiplash from how fast his mind would snap between thoughts of Claire and trying to focus on his performance. His head fell back against the wall where he sat, looking through the script one more time. Perhaps if he stared at it hard enough, he could unleash the secrets it held. Or maybe he was just losing his mind. 

“Everybody!” Claire yelled from the stage. Without any hesitance, Jamie jumped up and strode quickly back to the stage. 

He knew Laoghaire and Louise had been going over a scene on the stage. He wondered if they’d done something to set Claire off this way. The cast collected on stage, looking nervously toward their director. Jamie spotted John lingering off Stage Right, watching her curiously. 

Claire sighed grandly, looking at everyone in front of her. “People, previews are next week.” Silence followed her statement. She paced in front of them. “It looks good, but it doesn’t look great and that’s what we fucking need.” 

Laoghaire was her first victim. “For the love of God, Laoghaire, you could convey some emotion in your face while you’re performing. It wouldn’t kill you.” 

Louise was next. “Louise, you need to tighten up the second act, particularly scene five. That is the most important scene for you and if you don’t nail it, the rest of the actors are going to fall flat.” 

She turned to the rest of the cast. “And for those of you who are in scenes but don’t speak in that scene, it is alright to react! You don’t have to stand there like a statue until the next time you speak. Humans move, they listen to conversations, their faces display what they’re thinking. You’re allowed to do that as an actor. I genuinely thought a lot of this would be fixed by now — that you’d realize it on your own. I suppose not.” 

A few more scared souls got called out by name. Jamie waited, anxious for when it was his turn. He glanced over at Joe and noticed the amused look on his face. Joe’s eyes caught Jamie’s and he gave him a look that said “I’ve been waiting for this.” Jamie felt his face start to match Joe’s. 

“And Jamie and Joe,” she called, glaring at the two of them. “You may not have been called out by name this time, but you can wipe those smug grins off your faces. The two of you are far from perfect. You’re just not doing anything at present to warrant my wrath.” Jamie felt his face go slack, perhaps a bit of shock replacing the amusement. He nodded slightly in return. 

“People, previews are what determines it all. It makes people buy tickets. And tickets mean money. And money means we run longer. We don’t want to be dead on Opening Night. Pretend you’re professional actors and get your fucking acts together. You’ve all been in a show before right?” No one replied. “Well it’s time to start acting like it. Get back to work. Act II, Scene VI.” 

They all scuttled around and got in places. Jamie sat in the chair across the stage from where Claire stood. He watched her as lighting was setting up the scene. He saw the tension and exhaustion on her face. More than anything, he wanted to wrap her up in his arms and remind her of how great she was, of how the show was going to be fine. He wanted to be able to comfort her. While he couldn’t comfort her with his arms or his words, he could comfort her with his performance. If he nailed it all — every line, cue, or movement — maybe that could make her feel relief.

* * *

Previews had, thankfully, gone rather well. I checked a few reviews online and we’d gotten high praise. John and I had shared a relieved smile the first day we walked into the theater after reviews came out. It was a handful of reviewers, enough to entice people to buy tickets and to encourage other critics to come see the show. John picked the people who were allowed to come to previews and he never failed to pick the right people. This was part of why I continued to work with him. 

We had a few days to tweak what needed it, but then it was Opening Night. I entered the theater, preparing myself for the chaos that always accompanied the first night of a show. I took a pitstop in my office to take a breather before standing in front of the cast and crew. I didn’t want anyone to know that I was just as nervous as they were. 

Most of the cast was in makeup or getting into their costumes when I found them. Jamie turned toward me, throwing me off with his dazzling smile. I returned a half-hearted one. When everyone was ready, we congregated backstage. I stood before them, ready to give one more pep talk. 

“It’s Opening Night, people,” I told them, needlessly. “We made it. You all know exactly what you need to do today and I have no doubt that you’ll pull it off. You’re all the people we wanted in these roles and on this stage. I trust in each and every one of you to go out there and put on one hell of a show. You can do this!” 

An echo of “Yeahs” and “Thanks” came from the group before me. I nodded to them, urging them to take one more moment to themselves before we found our places in ten minutes time. 

I walked off toward the stage, grabbing my headset, and communicating with the crew. A tap on my shoulder made me turn around. Uncle Lamb stood before me with the brightest smile on his face. I immediately wrapped him in a tight hug. Suddenly, it all felt right again. “You’re here,” I said stupidly. 

He gave me a look. “Of course I’m here. It’s your Opening Night. Where else would I be?” 

“Thank you,” I told him taking his hand. “I love you, Lamb.” We didn’t say it often, but I always meant it. 

He squeezed my hand back. “I love you, too, my dear sweet Claire. I’ve heard very promising things and I know you’re going to knock ‘em dead!” 

I felt tears brimming in my eyes. “Thank you.” I saw the house lights blinking. “You should go take your seat.” 

Lamb nodded to me once, flashing me another big smile. “Break a leg, Darling.” 

I watched him walk back out to the house, no doubt sitting in the front row like he always did. I knew I owed my career to him, but his support of me sometimes still blew me away. 

Pulling myself together, I watched as the actors found their places. I was backstage, finishing up checking with a crewman when I spotted Jamie. He was shaking out his hands, seemingly deep in his mind. I was almost hesitant to approach him, lest I shake him from whatever process he was in. 

He looked up and saw me. I took a few more steps toward him, still staying an appropriate distance away. “Break a leg,” I told him. 

Smiling at me, he nodded. “Thank ye, Sassenach.” 

I couldn’t fight my responding smile, so much as I wanted to. The name only came out occasionally, and not since the night in my office. I stared at him for a moment. A bit longer than I should have. All my feelings from the past few months welled up inside me, making me feel almost out of control. I reached forward, grabbing his hand. “You’ll be great.” 

Jamie looked at our hands before looking up at me. “Thank you.” 

The moment ended and I let go of him, walking past him to continue making sure things were running on schedule backstage. I stepped up next to John. He looked over at me with a comforting smile. No one had been around as I’d had my moment with Jamie. But John’s smile comforted my hurting heart all the same. “We did it,” he whispered to me as the house lights started to dim. “Well, really, you did it.” 

I smiled, knocking my shoulder into his. “Thanks, John. I couldn’t have done it without you.” I cupped my hand around the headset and spoke into it. “Okay, curtain up. Lights on. Enter Jamie.” 

* * *

The show had gone spectacularly. I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face as I met with fellow Broadway directors who’d stepped out to see the show or friends who’d come to support me. It had all come together beautifully. My favorite part of a show had landed just the way I wanted it to. I spotted various members of the cast heading out as I walked around backstage. I’d heard Louise was hosting some after party. I was fairly certain I hadn’t seen Jamie leave yet though. 

I knocked once on his dressing room door before I heard the call to come in. My smile was still on my face as I walked in, surprised by new people joining Jamie. He was out of costume, standing there with four other people. 

“Claire!” he greeted, a large smile on his face. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you,” I said, quickly turning to leave. 

“No, wait!” I turned back to see him, an arm stretched out. “Ye’re no’ interrupting. This is my family.” I looked around and suddenly I saw it. The older woman with the stark red hair, same as his. The smaller brunette woman next to him with the same eyes. The older man with a similar build. “Everyone, this is Claire...my director,” he quickly added. 

Before I had a moment to move past the sting from that title (even though I bloody was his director), his mother threw her arms around me, clutching me tightly to her. “It’s so lovely to meet ye, Claire!”

“Mam, for the love of God!” 

She pulled back and looked at me, a bashful look on her face. “Sorry. I’m a hugger. I just wanted to say thank ye for all ye’ve done for my son. Giving him this part and this huge opportunity.” 

My eyes glanced over to see Jamie looking embarrassed. A smile widened on my face. “Well, I promise you, I didn’t do all that much. He earned every bit of it. We couldn’t have cast him if he hadn’t been perfect for the role. And I mean, you saw it. You can see how great he is.” My last statement was more or less said to him. His eyes held mine. 

“Well, either way, we’re verra appreciative,” his father said, reaching out to shake my hand. 

“I’m just happy you all could come in from Scotland,” I replied. “That’s so wonderful.” 

“Och, well we couldna have missed the lad making his big break,” a younger man with light hair said, holding out his hand to me. “Ian Murray, Jamie’s brother-in-law. And best friend.” 

I laughed at the addition. “It’s a pleasure to meet all of you. Will you be able to stay long?” 

“Oh aye,” his sister replied. “We’re making a trip of it. Spending a whole week here.” 

“That’s lovely!” 

“Aye, we’ll be back to see a few more showings for Jamie,” his mother told me. “Of course, we did want to check out other shows while we’re here in New York.” 

“Yeah, Mam got us tickets to see Hamilton,” his sister said excitedly. 

I laughed as I watched Jamie’s face fall. “You’re fecking kidding me.” 

“No. I dinna ken how she did it and she willna tell us.” 

Both Fraser children turned to look at their mother. She just shrugged, a smug grin on her face. I liked her already. 

“Well, I won’t keep any more of your time. Jamie, I just wanted to tell you what a great job you did. It was lovely to meet all of you,” I said, trying to back out of the dressing room. 

“Claire,” Jamie called, stopping me again. “Are ye going to the after party, then?” 

I shook my head. “No, I don’t think so. It’s not usually my scene.” 

“But ye should!” Jamie insisted. “Tis as much for ye as it is for us.” 

I stared at him, noting the desperation on his face. It confused me. The situation we were in was his doing. I reminded myself that I didn’t even know if he felt a fraction of what I did. “Well, we’ll see.” I looked back at his family. “I hope you have a great time here in New York. It was so nice to meet you.” And I turned and walked from the room before Jamie could stop me a third time. 

* * *

Jamie sighed, sinking back against the counter as the door closed behind Claire. His family was silent around him. He felt their eyes on him, though. If they weren’t there, he’d have had half a mind to chase after Claire. 

“Okay, I’ll be the one to ask,” Jenny said, breaking the silence. “So, what’s going on between you and yer director?” 

His head shot over to look at his sister. “Excuse me?” 

“Oh, we could all see it, Jamie. Tis quite clear something is,” Ian told him. 

He stared at Ian and Jenny’s knowing faces, confusion filling him. “There’s nothing,” he told them honestly. At that point in time, nothing was happening. 

“Son, I hate to say it, but Jenny and Ian are right. It does seem like there’s at least something there.” 

“Da!” Jamie replied. “Ye really believe them over me?” 

“I believe what I see,” Brian retorted. “And there certainly seemed like something was going on.” 

Jamie’s eyes closed as he shook his head. “That’s no’ possible. We…” he trailed off, not sure how to finish it. 

Jenny leaned her shoulder against him. “Why are ye so sure that there’s nothing?” 

“It’s no’ that I think there’s nothing. It’s that there can be nothing. And besides, I dinna think she feels that way. No’ for me,” Jamie spoke vaguely. 

“Here’s what I saw,” Jenny told him. “I saw a big Broadway director come here just to tell ye how great a job ye did. I tend to doubt she goes around to everyone in the cast and crew to do that. Would ye all agree?” Three other heads nodded in agreement. “Then, not only did she do that, but she stayed and talked with yer family, telling them how perfect ye were for the part. And flashing ye little looks the whole time. There’s something there, whether ye believe us or not. My theory is that she has feelings for ye.” She turned and looked at Jamie. “Now, are ye really going to stand here and tell us that nothing’s happened between ye two?” 

Jamie found the chair in the room and sank down into it. “No,” he said in a small voice. “But it’s more complicated than that.” 

Eight eyes stared back at him, urging him to tell the story. 

“Man, just tell us,” Ian finally prodded. 

Jamie nodded. “Alright, so the night before my audition for the show, I was… a bit nervous. So, I went out to a bar to get a drink and take the edge off. While I was there, I met Claire, but I didna ken who she was.” 

“So, what, ye flirted a bit and now that ye work together, ye want more?” Jenny asked. 

Jamie grimaced a bit. “No’ quite.” He glanced at his parents, wishing they didn’t have to hear this part. “We, uh, spent the night together,” he told them all, looking at his hands. 

“Nice!” Ian cheered. Jenny glared at him. As did Jamie. “Sorry. Please continue.” 

“So, she had used a fake name because she wanted some anonymity. And I had no clue who she was. But then the next day at my audition...there she was. I was angry and confused and feeling all sorts of things. I didna want the part. I mean, I desperately wanted the part, but no’ like that. I didna want anyone to think that I’d done anything unseemly to get it,” Jamie promised them. “So I was ready to turn it down until Claire convinced me to take it.” 

“She convinced you to take it?” his mother asked. Jamie nodded. 

“How?” Jenny pressed. 

Jamie sighed, remembering that night all those months ago that he’d gotten that call from Claire. “She offered to step down as director if I would take the role. They apparently really wanted me to have the part and she didn’t want to stand in my way or something.” 

Jenny’s head whipped around as she looked at each other member of his family. “I’m sorry, she volunteered to give up her own position so that you would take this part?” Jamie nodded. “Holy shit, Jamie, ye’re a blind idiot.” 

“What?” he asked, a bit offended. 

“She clearly has some sort of feelings for ye! She offered to give up everything so that ye could have this part. Jamie, that’s no’ something ye do for no reason!” Jamie started to shake his head and Jenny groaned. She knelt down in front of his chair, meeting his eyeline. “Okay, so after ye spent the night together, did ye make plans to see each other again before ye ran into each other at auditions?” 

“No’ solid plans. We agreed that we should, but –” 

“Did ye develop feelings for her while ye worked together on this play?” Jenny continued. Jamie’s silence spoke volumes and he knew it. He looked away from his sister and she knew. “What makes ye think that she couldn’t be feeling the exact same thing?” 

“Because she stopped talking to me. She pulled back.” 

Jenny rolled her eyes. “Probably because she cared for ye and it was getting too hard, ye daft fool!” 

Jamie sighed, looking around at his family. “Ye really think that Claire has some sort of feelings for me?” 

They all gave a resounding “Yes.” 

“Well, what do I do?” 

“Christ, Jamie, I thought ye had more sense than this,” Jenny groaned. “Go after her!” 

He stood up, ready to do so, before he looked at his family. “Well, what about all of ye?” 

“We’re adults, my boy, I think we can get back to our hotel on our own,” his mother told him with a pat to his cheek. “This seems more important.” 

“Go get her, lad!” Ian called. 

Jamie nodded to them once, thanking them quickly before he sprinted from the dressing room, looking around frantically before he left the theater at large. Pulling out his phone, he took a risk. 

“Hello?” 

“John, I need to ask ye something.” 

“What’s up?” 

“Where does Claire live?” 

John paused. “I’m sorry, what?” 

Jamie cringed as he lingered outside the theater. “Look, my mom has some silly notion of sending Claire flowers for my career or something,” he offered as means of a lame explanation, “but I dinna ken her address.” 

“Oh,” John replied. Jamie wasn’t sure how much he bought it. “Do you have a pen?” 

“Shit, no.” 

John laughed. “Okay, I’ll text it to you.” 

“Thank ye. Sooner the better, please!” 

They hung up and Jamie bounced on his feet until John’s text came through. The minute he had her address, he was plugging it into Uber, hoping a ride was close by. The closest ride was three minutes away. 

It was the longest three minutes of Jamie’s life. He talked himself in and out of this plan too many times to count. Knowing that Claire might have feelings for him didn’t really change anything. But seeing her with his family, seemingly so at ease, unlocked something in him. He hoped he wasn’t about to make a fool of himself to her, but damn it, he had to try something. The agony of being so close and not being able to do anything about it was too much. He had to tell her. 

The Uber finally arrived and Jamie mentally urged him to drive faster and faster. After far too long for his liking, they finally arrived at Claire’s building. Looking up, Jamie felt a bit of intimidation. It was a nice place. Even if she said she didn’t, she really must have thought his place was trash. Shaking his observations off, he ran forward to press for her unit. There was no response. He tried again. Still no response. After five more tries, he started to think that maybe she wasn’t home. He’d come so far only to end here. Looking at the other buttons, he had an idea. After four other buttons, someone buzzed him in. 

Pumping his fist in the air, he ran forward to get the door before it locked again. He found her floor and then her door. Taking a moment to calm his nerves, Jamie lifted his hand to knock. 

There was still no answer. 

She hadn’t been at the theater. He’d looked. There was no way he’d beaten her home. Shaking his head, he decided to wait for her. He’d made it this far; he wasn’t giving up yet. 

* * *

I could hear the music pouring from Louise’s brownstone from the street. I pitied her neighbors tonight. Also, probably her husband. 

I didn’t usually like to go to after parties. For whatever reason, I thought it made me lose some of my authority. If they saw me dancing like a fool and drinking like a sailor, they’d respect me less. It could have just been a weird theory I’d come up with, but either way, I didn’t usually go. Of course it was Jamie-fucking-Fraser who finally convinced me to attend. 

What did I think was going to happen? Would I get drunk and finally tell him all that I felt? Doubtful. It was pointless to be there. But I wanted to be around him, so there I was, wading into the sea of cast, crew, and others just to see one person. The party was already in full swing by the time I’d arrived. 

Louise was the first person to see me. “Claire!” she screeched. “You made it!” She pushed a drink in my hand like we were teenagers at a high school party. 

“What is this?” I asked, gesturing with my cup. 

“Oh, just a red wine. We didn’t want to break the stemware.” I laughed loudly before taking a drink. “What made you come? You usually don’t.” 

I shrugged, aiming for nonchalance. “I don’t know. Jamie kind of convinced me I should come. Seemed kind of like a good time, I suppose.” 

Louise looked confused. “That’s odd. He’s not even here.” 

I looked around the crowded room. “He’s not?” 

Louise shook her head. “No. He seemed psyched about it when I saw him earlier. He told me he was going to send his family back to their hotel and be here. But he never showed up.” 

“Weird,” I replied, hoping she couldn’t see the wheels turning in my mind. If Jamie wasn’t here, I didn’t really want to stay. I wondered how long I needed to pretend to party before I snuck out and headed home. 

I talked to Joe very briefly as I drank the cup of wine I’d been given. When I finished the cup, I gestured like I was going to get more. He nodded, turning to his wife. Walking from Joe, I threw my cup in the trash and walked out the door. An overwhelming sense of disappointment flowed through me. 

I didn’t know what I was expecting. Nothing was going to change between me and Jamie tonight. All the reasons I’d withdrawn remained true. But there had been a small seed of hope in me, even if I didn’t know why. 

Rolling my eyes, I planned to go home and drown my sorrows in whatever bottle was nearest to me. The further I got from the loud party, home sounded even better.

Next chapter

#outlander #outlander fanfiction #outlander fanfic #my writing #all the shine of a thousand spotlights

[mst3kproject]

616: Racket Girls

This one's bad.  Racket Girls may not have the towering reputation of things like Red Zone Cuba or Attack of the The Eye Creatures, but it's just as awful, and has a shamelessly exploitative sliminess to it that is the equal of anything in The Brain that Wouldn't Die.  This was one of the few odd episodes I hadn’t actually seen before watching it for this blog, and I will never watch it again.  Fuck this movie.

After a short that actually offers some pretty good advice presented in an only slightly creepy format, we start the movie with some wrestling.  I complained about the wrestling in Samson vs the Vampire Women, but while those scenes were way too long and contributed very little if anything to the plot, they were at least presented in some kind of context.  We already knew that Samson was a wrestler, so we were theoretically meeting our hero there.  In Racket Girls it's just bam, wrestling, featuring women we know nothing about.  It continues through the opening credits and consumes the first six minutes of this seventy minute movie.

Real life sports events come with a lot of features that you just can't replicate in a movie like this.  For starters, we usually know beforehand who's participating and which one we want to win.  This scene features A Blonde and A Brunette, and they're already at it when the movie starts running – we haven't even been introduced to them.  A movie also has a hard time reproducing the atmosphere of crowd enthusiasm that makes things like sports matches and concerts so much more enjoyable in real life than they are on a screen, large or small, and this one doesn't even try beyond dubbing some faint cheering into the background.  There is nothing interesting or dynamic about the way the scene is shot – just a couple of cameras above and far back from the action, watching passively.  It looks like the scene is being filmed for the six o'clock news.

Promising.

When the actual story starts, it does the same thing that annoyed me so much in The Unearthly, where it introduces us to somebody who is set up as if she's going to be our protagonist, and then does very little with her.  In Racket Girls our non-heroine is Peaches Page (no, it's not her real name – according to IMDB that was Margaret Evans), a naive but ambitious young woman who wants to be a wrestling champion.  She signs a contract with an agent named Umberto Scalli, and he introduces her to the rest of his establishment – too bad for Page and her dream, it's all just a front to launder money for the mob!

As the new person coming into this situation, it seems obvious that Page will be the character we follow and learn with for the rest of the movie – and for a while this appears to be born out, as we see quite a bit of her training.  We expect that Page will discover the shady goings-on behind the scene and try to do something about it, but Racket Girls is too busy sucking to do anything so obvious or effective!  Page's training, as it turns out, is nothing but eye candy.  We're shown extended sequences of her jogging, jumping rope, and getting massages from other women, none of which has any point besides giving us something to ogle.  At the climax, Page isn't even involved!  The movie has no interest in any part of her that doesn't bounce.

I have a nasty feeling that this was a case of life imitating art. Scalli assures Page that he will make her a star, but all he actually does is take advantage of her.  Racket Girls was Margaret Evans' first and last film role, although she did continue to wrestle under her stage name – I can imagine director Robert Dertano telling Evans that the film will be her big break into Hollywood, only to give her character nothing to do but jump rope and change clothes.  The irony's rich enough to give you heartburn.

All this leering male gaze does stand in curious contrast to the wrestling scenes, which, as I noted above, are distant and documentary-like, showing us women wrestling in the same detatched way as a movie might show us men working at desks or horses grazing in a field.  This obviously isn't a statement, since Dertano was happy to exploit Page elsewhere.  I think it's just that he and cinematographer William Thompson had no idea how to make the scene interesting even on a sexual level.

The actual main character of Racket Girls, as far as I'm able to tell, is Umberto Scalli.  As a movie character with a name that Italian, you know he's got to be a mobster.  He's been pocketing money that belongs to his bosses, and now they want it back, but he can't afford to pay them.  Somehow he's got to find the cash by their deadline, or he'll end up sleeping with the fishes.

This, too, could be a perfectly serviceable movie.  We could watch Scalli's increasing panic as the mob and the cops both breathe down his neck, as he realizes his employees are stealing from him, and as his racetrack bets let him down again and again.  A criminal who thinks he's on top of the world, only to find reality closing in, could be a main character in a comedy or a tragedy – but much like Page's story, Scalli's never really seems to get started.  Rather than presenting a narrative, the movie gives us bits and pieces of plot that don't seem to connect with each other.

What is the significance of Jackie and her swanky apartment?  Is she the reason Scalli has no money, or is that just Munck the book-keeper trying to win his trust by turning her in?  As far as I can tell, the incident never comes to anything but Jackie losing her job.  What's going on with the racehorses?  Why did Joe kill a horse and what does that have to do with anything in the actual plot?  Is the name Puncture Proof supposed to imply anything?  Who the hell are the Leopard Lady and the Panther Woman and why do we care about their wrestling match?  It feels as if the parts of a story are present but they expect me to assemble it myself, like the movie came from IKEA.

All the wrestling matches in the movie are exactly like the opening one.  They have no narrative, they have no sex appeal, we don't know the participants, and we don't care.

Finally, after all these disconnected goings-on, Scalli concludes that the only way he can get the money he needs is by loading a wrestling match.  He asks two wrestlers, Clara and Rita, to help him with this.  We met these two earlier, in a brief locker room scene in which they complained about what a jerk Scalli is, but we certainly don't know them well enough to care about their principles.  Both refuse to help Scalli cheat and stalk out on him, which leaves his fate hanging on the thread of chance but really means nothing to us.

I don't understand why Peaches Page is not herself a part of this climax.  The movie tells us that Page believes she's climbing the ladder to stardom and Scalli is wooing her with expensive gifts and taking her to fancy parties.  The other women try to warn her that Scalli is bad news but she's got too many stars in her eyes to listen.  Surely the climax of the film should see her realizing she's been lied to and used, deciding fame and fortune aren't worth it, and winning her final match even as she knows it will ruin the man she thought she loved!  That would not necessarily have been a good movie, but it would at least have been the movie promised to us in the opening scenes!

Not only do we not get an end to Page's arc, the movie wastes all the time it should have spent giving us the middle!  Page's rise to fame and her budding relationship with Scalli are things that go on in the background.  We're told about them, but what we actually see is all this stuff going on around Scalli, which may or may not have anything to do with the money he owes to the mob! In the end, the movie is just scenes of wrestling, scenes of bouncing breasts, and scenes of bad actors playing nasty, greedy jerks.  It never comes together into an actual story.  It's repetitive, it does not develop, it gives us nobody to focus on, and as a result we're just bored.  I spent most of the movie wondering what happened to Peaches Page and why we were shown so much of her when she turned out to be irrelevant.

Racket Girls is pretty much incompetent back-to-front, and it's not even incompetent in funny or interesting ways, like Starcrash or Manos: the Hands of Fate manage to be. It's just a movie made by a guy who didn't know how to tell a story, filmed by a guy who had no idea how to shoot a scene, and starring a bunch of people who didn't know how to act.  As a result, there's nothing in it worth seeing.  It's dull and frustrating to the point where it actually makes me angry by missing so many of the opportunities it sets up.  Watching it without Mike and the bots was a deeply unpleasant experience.  I hereby banish this one to hang out with The Starfighters and Invasion of the Neptune Men in the great Cornfield of Crap, and I hope it stays there!

#mst3k #reviews #racket girls #fuck this movie #50s

[dfnews]

Season 7 or 8, I'm not sure - Episode 1 First Aired: February 26, 2018

Episode Recap of "In Love in Switzerland"

From TV Guide: "In the Season premiere, Joy and Austin finally get to enjoy some alone time in Switzerland after saying "I do." Meanwhile, Joe and Kendra get their engagement photos taken; and the siblings help Jinger and Jeremy move into their new house." The house moving is the next episode.

I’m back! My recap season of life has returned and I pledge to make my recaps shorter so I can have a life. I always say that but then find too much stuff to comment on.

1. The season begins a few days after Joy’s wedding way back in May 2017. They show the clip of their first kiss and I swear they faked it. I can see no lip on lip action. This may be a precursor to Gideon’s faked home birth episode. Yeah, I know, I’m speculating. But some conspiracy is obviously going on there. Jessa, Jinger, and pulled off the show Jill, talk about how barriers break down after you say, "I do". Barriers that shouldn’t have been up in the first place except for the saving yourself for marriage if that is your choice. Barriers don’t make for a great understanding of who you are marrying. As for Jill, Derick is a liar. Pulling your family off the show means just that. That’s what you said and it isn’t what you did. You are a lying hypocrite.

2. TLC again airs the honeymoon suite that has occurred in all of the previous marriages to much my horror and snark. Why must they show off the deflowering room? Joy is happy to have thirty minutes to read the Bible with Austin before flying off to Switzerland on TLC’s dime. She is most likely already pregnant at this point.  Austin has always wanted to go to the Swiss Alps and marrying Joy made that dream come true. They debate who is going to be the better skier and I hope they both break legs. Yep, I’m already bored and need a wake me up. They drive up to the airport and abandon their car out front for a tow truck to take care of for them. I guess they were too distracted by the thought of sweet Swiss sex to care about their car.  Austin talks about being able to navigate their own lives without any outside guidance all while a crew from TLC films his every move. You’re not on your own yet, buddy.

3. 24 hours later, they are finally in Geneva, Switzerland and are very tired and horny. After solving both those problems they go out for lunch at a fondue place. The waiters tease them with a French menu but then later give them a menu in English. Joy is then bewildered by sparkling water. She calls it water with gas. As bewildering as water is for Joy, the cheese fondue is mind blowing. Austin checks out the other diners using his phone to figure out how to eat cheese fondue. The waiter instructs them on how to fundue but Austin does it wrong and burns his mouth. I wonder who instructed them on how to fundue in the honeymoon suite that first night. Dip it in and swirl it around. Suffer some serious burns if done wrong.  End up with an after taste of morning sickness if done without thinking. Too much fondueing  leads to weight gain and sleepless nights. Who knew cheese was so dangerous. Too much fondue can also lead to yodeling. Joy is set up by TLC and some local yodelers to try her old yodeling skills in the restaurant. Talking head Duggars try their yodeling skills as well. You can tell they have all seen The Sound of Music. They all do the yodel from that movie. Jessa and Ben are interviewed separately here. I wonder why. They don’t show much but Joy does pretty well with her yodeling skills. Austin just continued to stuff his mouth with cheese.

4. Joeken are taking their engagement photos back in Arkansas. Jinger wasn’t available to take them so another ATI trained photographer, Elizabeth Shoemaker, is in charge. Elizabeth is a long-time Duggar friend and Gothardite who is now wearing jeans!  Joy is amazed by sparkling water and I am amazed by Gothardite women who are breaking free from legalistic rules. Joeken brought Kendra’s younger sister, Lauren, to chaperone because Kendra says the desire to jump each others bones is too strong for them to be trusted alone. When will these kids develop some self-control? The photographer tells Joe to put his hand on Kendra’s waist and Joe seeks the approval of Lauren. What is wrong with these young adults? They are so emotionally stunted. Joeken are now allowing a few more sidehugs, hand holding, and I love yous, throughout their engagement days but holding out on kissing, sex, and really getting to know each other for after the wedding. Joe says the wedding is for the girl and for her to look back on and remember. I guess the honeymoon night is for the guy. The producers ask the talking head Duggars which Duggar guy is next for a relationship. There isn’t a lot of confidence in John. John just needs to run off and elope and stop with his families’ silly games.

5. Joystin take a chocolate making class. This is the typical honeymoon activity for these people. In the class they meet a couple who have been married for eleven years and have five kids and their advice to Joystin is to have a lot of kids. Seriously?!! Did Jim Bob arrange this ahead of time? They are in the same cooking class as a Swiss couple with five kids which they admit is a lot in Switzerland? Talk about coincidence. The brainwashing continues out of Arkansas. Joy says God won’t give you more kids than you can handle which is sad when some are only blessed with two or three or even none. They must think God thinks those women are incompetent. Does Joy know about those big families who abuse and neglect their kids? The Turpins, the Willises, the Rodriguezes, and so many more, including her own parents? Michelle couldn’t handle all her kids, she has admitted this, without depending on her own little village to raise her children. Don’t these people ever think beyond the silly little catch phrases they are taught?

6. Hang gliding time. A lot of death jokes happen here. I think they’re all freakin' insane! At least when Josh and Anna went parasailing on their honeymoon they had the water to fall into. Joy lands by belly flopping on baby Gideon. I’m sure hang gliding is pretty safe and controlled but just watching it gave me a panic attack. I’m rewinding back to chocolate class to ease my nerves.

7. JinJer finally show up on the show to play a safer sport. It’s tennis time for these two. I have taken tennis classes myself so my nerves are calming down until the producers make it a big point of showing Jeremy and then Jinger exiting their car in modern day clothing that doesn’t fit into the Duggar tin box. Jinger in a short skort and a sleeveless top and Jeremy is wearing what looks like a bathing suit that doesn’t quite match his shirt. What happened to his vane style? They are both competitive and sweaty. The producers spring a strange question on the Duggar talking heads as the tennis scene is playing. They ask, “What seed are you in the Duggar family?” Seed is a tennis term which of course they are clueless about. They all look terribly confused which I don’t blame them. They all watch football, not tennis. The producers know the family lacks diversity and are clueless about most things. Jessa claims to be a watermelon seed and Jed is the seed of Jim Bob and Michelle which is sadly accurate. My seed in tennis is the bench warmer as Jeremy's was in soccer. Jeremy beats Jinger and I imagine Jinger taking secret tennis lessons from a pro and you know how that usually ends up. Next season on Counting On: Jinger courts the tennis pro and Jeremy seeds himself.

8. Back to the honeymoon of cheese, chocolate and terror.  Joystin are now heading to Zermatt to go skiing but first they must buy tickets for the train. They hold up the ticket line by trying to buy a ticket in German but fail. They get yelled by some guy in German…I think. They flirt on the train and kiss through some tunnels. How Freudian. They worry about there being no snow on the glacier. Just wait a few years. Climate change is working on that. They finally find snow and hope a magically arranged by TLC ski instructor would pop up out of thin air but I guess TLC decided watching them flail and fall would be more fun. They actually both do pretty well except for not knowing how to stop. Joy later stands on the mountain barefoot because that is her natural state of being and her boots were too damn tight.

9. The episode ends with them packing up to go home which is a lie because they were out of the country for two or three weeks and ended up in Israel for awhile.  Anyway, besides the lie, it was a nice travelogue episode. I hope to go to Switzerland someday so it was nice to see the scenery. You won’t catch me hang gliding though. Hell no! Chocolate making and eating is my thing!

[alexsmitposts]

Cheating Scandal in Admission to Elite American Universities is Telltale Sign of Decay in Higher Education One only needs to give a few lessons about how to apply to US universities – you teach students about the admission policies, motivational letters, etc. However, it is also necessary to make an attempt to get across to them the simple truth that they are most probably wasting their time and money applying to the so-called elite universities, unless they have super-rich parents or sugar daddies (gender notwithstanding). As a graduate of a US academic program, I would advise them that it is better to aim for the average universities, as the quality of education there is just as good, if not better; they are also far more likely to get accepted at one of these. But this advice applies mostly to the above-average students dreaming the Great American Dream, as the best of the tribe would not pay heed to my advice, howsoever logical it might be. As a teacher, what is most discouraging and disheartening to know is that deserving students cannot obtain the places they deserve, just because they are not from families through whom they can call the Clintons and the Obamas family friends. But what is especially discouraging is when foreign students, and those from working class families, who have brains and can actually get accepted, fail to get accepted to their dream Universities. What is even more disheartening is that, when deserving students have asked me over the years how the kids of the rich, famous and the powerful have always managed to enroll in the elite universities, I have had no answer. But I now have. It should always have been obvious – they scam their way in. When, in March, Federal prosecutors in the US charged nearly 50 parents, including celebrities and others in higher education, some of the who’s who among the “rich and famous”, with taking part in a massive cheating scandal designed to get their less than “so bright” children into elite universities, I understood why deserving students I knew were missing out on university seats that should rightfully have been theirs. While a lot many of us will rejoice that the perpetrators have been booked, as someone who understands how the underground power structure of the world works, I know very well that this is just the tip of an iceberg, and something that has been going on for a long time. In reality, elite universities are often just a country club for the brats of the rich. They are full of legacy admissions. One only has to think of George W. Bush, and how he got accepted into Yale and then somehow managed to graduate. The latest scandal even involved paying bribes to a so-called charity, and then using the bribe as a tax write off, a trick your Average Joe would never be able to get away with. I am close to Berea College in Kentucky, which is technically an elite college based on academics, as you had to be poor with lots of brains to get accepted. It is perhaps the only college in America that will not even consider your application if you come from a higher income class and are not in financial need. Back in my day, it had a 12 percent admission rate. You also had to work at least 10 hours a week to earn your keep at various college-based jobs and industries. But I would add the caveat that my characterization of corruption, and better choices of where to attend an American university, is more applicable to undergraduate education. The top universities are still the “go-tos” for masters and PhDs, I would say—those where you get the most bang for the buck. In this context, where academics are key, the admissions process is generally a legitimate one. I still wouldn’t discourage undergrads from applying to Harvard, Yale, Stanford, and such-like, because they often get better financial aid packages as well as perhaps more useful connections in terms of internships or work later on. Many such universities have blind admission policies, which means they don’t look at your financial status when examining your candidature. If they find you eligible, and if you don’t have the money, they will find it for you. But for those who fail to get into the American Ivy League, I sincerely advise them to look into other places where the educational experience is just as rich, if not even fuller. What I always try to instill in my students is a sense that education is a way of self-formation, of growth, of something that will make them inherently valuable. I think many of them appreciate that approach. As one of my former students wrote, “My life experience has been so different. I’m quite spoilt, and I continue to be spoilt. Can you imagine the Virginia taxpayer is footing the bill so that I do things I love – read and write? God bless them. I often wonder how and when I’ll give back to so many to whom I owe so much.” But – no offence – that’s a stupid sentiment to have. My friend, albeit well-intentioned, is overlooking how little he is involved in the entire scheme of the world. He is like a slave worrying about the dire condition of other worse off slaves. The true problem is that his only choices are “reading and writing”, and the State of Virginia pays him to remain ineffectual. The “God bless them” statement in his email is to me the ultimate affirmation of his own superiority and his own self-deception. It appears that he thinks his reading and writing are authentic experiences, rather than empty distraction for faux intellectuals. Once hooked by such ideas, foreign students often have a tendency to look down on those less fortunate. Thinking of my own college experience – who wouldn��t want a unique, fantastic education like that, especially if it was on a full scholarship? But you must find the money for most colleges, unless you fit their selection requirements: academically strong, motivated, and committed to the Appalachian region. I was deeply privileged, blessed, and just plain lucky to have managed to get funded. That’s a key element in the mix, needless to say. Another colleague recently shared with me about the status of higher education in the USA, “As part of my Ph.D. studies here in the US, I am participating in a small seminar course on the state of the university and academia in general. It has been very eye-opening. I always knew I wouldn’t want to be a part of the cut-throat publish-or-perish world, but I didn’t realize how, for example, disciplines, sub-disciplines, and tenure committees are as a rule highly specialized and rigid in their expectations – to the extent that, as a professor awaiting tenure, one is actively discouraged from engaging with the world through, say, op-eds in newspapers or blogging or other such public activities.” If you believe me, it is all about your field, and publishing in certain important journals and getting one or two academic books out (which should, in turn, be published by certain key university presses). It all seems a bit much to me. I think I just want to return to the classroom and teach, tenure be damned. But ask me again in a few years, I suppose. That is why plagiarism, even self-plagiarism, is so common amongst university professors – publish or perish.  I took a graduate course on the economics of education, and how programs are funded, and universities ranked, based on publications, even volumes of books in libraries. All that goes into the national and world rankings. The other side of the coin is former USSR countries, where little or no research is being conducted. Lecturers are using the same notes year on year and are paid peanuts—no outside research, no office hours and little student interaction in or outside of the classroom. Special Relationship But how is it in Europe, and specifically the UK, the country the US long had a “Special Relationship” with? That may be the next great scandal waiting to happen, as foreign students push out native Brits, who cannot afford to go to university anymore because tuition fees were tripled by the previous coalition government, despite one of the coalition parties, the Liberal Democrats, having won a lot of votes on a public promise that it would abolish tuition fees. Those Brits who can afford to go are now focused on diplomas rather than the once-dominant social aspects of university, for obvious reasons, But their parents have watched in horror as the value of their degrees is progressively eroded, to the point where being well connected is a greater guarantee of a job and a future, exactly what opening up higher education to all was supposed to prevent. Of course, tongue in cheek, such a cheating and bribery scandal could never happen at a British university, as Brits already know not to apply where they are not welcome due to their social class. But like Americans, Brits are also a bit naive at times, especially when it comes to white privilege and the Golden Rule -he who has the Gold makes the rules. Unlike Americans, Brits make a distinction between how you talk to a dustman and how you talk to an elected politician. As they don’t see the problem this causes, as it does in other countries, cheating by those who can becomes a way of life, as universities such as Exeter – described in guides as having a “high twit factor” –  amply demonstrate. But keep in mind that the American system is completely different. You can’t get access to Cambridge, for instance, by means of sports achievements. There is no such system there. The entrance requirements for new undergrads are strict, and 87% of the students selected for each year are either from the UK or have lived in the country for most of their lives (it’s really difficult to get accepted as a foreigner on an UG course). The problem is that if you have two candidates, both brilliant, one coming from a state school in a non -prestigious place and the other from an elite school, in all probability they will take the rich kid – or they will send the rich kid to the most exclusive college, e.g. the likes of St John’s or Brasenose, and the poor one to a second-rate college. Why? The UK is effectively run by an aristocracy which still owns 1/3 of the land and has most of the financial power. This class is very well represented in the academic world – to put it simply, it can’t get rid of itself. When it comes to post-grad, MD or MSc etc, the criteria are completely different. There is much more flexibility. But say a rich Chinese or Arab entrepreneur tells the college: if you take my son, I will give you a donation of 25 mln pounds. You know what the college will do, and there are many examples – all those chairs of Islamic Studies, funded by and named after Arab businessmen and sheikhs, haven’t appeared out of academic curiosity or considerations of balance. Who would say no? Another thing to investigate is that there’s quite a rich history of the sons and daughters of people who studied at Oxford or Cambridge, politicians and businessmen, ascending to degree courses by some sort of hereditary right. Is it possible, for instance, that the son of a couple of former Pakistani prime ministers is so gifted that he was able to pass the severe tests again? Was that in his DNA? I’ve never heard of any serious investigation of how so many of these cases occur. They might be more credible through the private school route, where donors buy privilege routinely, but not amongst comparative arrivistes who think privilege can subvert democracy, though not without foundation. . So there you have it – even what makes America Great is not what it used to be, and elite universities are proving themselves to be rotten to the core. But I see hope, as at least the new generation is starting to realize, not only on the international level, that the financial payoff from an expensive American degree is not what it is billed as. But is any degree worth it for that matter?

[technicallymedia]

Meet Aileen Connolly: an interview with Technical.ly’s Business Coordinator

[It seems like] you’ve been to every restaurant in the city. If you opened one yourself, what kind would it be? What would it specialize in? Atmosphere? Does it serve brunch? Bottomless  or BYOB?

If I opened a restaurant it would definitely specialize in Italian food, it ever so slightly trumps my obsession w Mexican food. the prize item on the menu would be an eggplant parm with the most thinly sliced eggplant you could possibly imagine, that's SFG [so f-ing good] it could pass for a dish with meat. atmosphere is industrial, candle-lit, and def BYOB because I am a huge proponent of philly's BYO scene.

~never thought about that before lolz~

What percentage of philadelphia's population do you know personally?

Roughly 40% on a good day, 50% if i'm at the right event.

We want the secrets to your wardrobe. Best shopping?

I shared this in the ladies channel a few weeks ago and gave away some of my secrets a little early...but I’m a big fan of nordstrom rack, bloomie's outlet, zara, anthro, madewell, H&M if you look carefully. I used to purchase fast fashion way too often so I cut back my shopping a ton and only buy something if I LOVE it now. sometimes that means I see something, like it a lot, make myself leave the store, and if I can't stop thinking about it I go back. that's how I found my fave piece of clothing, an alpaca/cashmere blend sweater that you'll catch me in on days when I wanna feel like a bosssss.

Best day of work at Technically Media so far?

Definitely all team day. I had never experienced anything like that in my professional career thus far, and with me being about 3 months in at TM, it was a great day where I got to meet some out of market folks and experience our team in a different way. 2nd best was when i closed my first presenting sponsor for PTW17 because i felt like i was really coming into my own here.

If you produce sons, will they go to St. Joes Prep?

My dad went to archmere but has a very real obsession with the prep and likely has already started a savings account for my nonexistent children to attend so that he can start attending....grandfathers club meetings. probably not a thing now but he would totally start that club.

How did you meet Shamus?

Shamus and I met while helping a mutual friend move out of her apt when we were in our junior year of college...he caught my eye while i was laying around pretending to pick up hangers and he was doing all the heavy lifting. cue a few text messages sent between friends on our flip phones [lol 2010], a facebook message that said 'hey'...an arranged going out night and there you have it

Cont… Spanish language?

spanish, or italian - i took 8 years of spanish, 4 years of italian, 6 years of latin and 3 of portuguese! i love words and languages.

How good are you at personal finance planning and if so what advice do you have?

I actually heavily rely on Shamus's finance know-how for saving and planning. he's better with numbers than i am in that way. i guess a minor in econ will do that for you. we're in the process of moving right now so we've been talking about this a lot and....spreadsheets are everything!!!

Living with your disdain of ketchup, what do you dip your french fries in?

I just can't stomach ketchup. i'll do honey mustard, or i love a good chipotle mayo. garlic aioli if you can get it

What is Aileen doing in 10 years?

In ten years i've advanced in my career to manage people and support their career growth; i'd also like to have my own consulting business on the side. i own a home, and i likely have a few tots crawlin' around

Why sales at a media company? what about the industry compels you to continue working for news organizations rather than idk, more lucrative industries

I started in media because of my love of language, and i find it a really rewarding industry to be able to work in and contribute to. while i'm all about #deals and greatly want success in my career, i feel like i can really get behind the purpose of sales as a means to supporting media/journalism especially in niche communities

Favorite word in Spanish?

I've never been able to decide on a single word in Spanish, but my favorite phrase is from my time in granada: Dale limosna mujer, que no hay en la vida nada como la pena de ser ciego en Granada

What are you most looking forward to about being a wife and what will you miss most about your life, pre-engagement.

I'm most looking forward to starting a new phase of our relationship together. we've been together for 7 years and there's something exciting and scary and exhilarating about something new, about the fact that marriage is [if all goes according to plan] permanent!!!! what i'll miss most is already happening rn, living w my roommates.

What superlative DID you get or SHOULD you have gotten in high school yearbook?

We didn't do superlatives at the mater, but i feel like if i had to think of one for myself it would be, most low-key sarcastic.

What are you already great at in sales? And what do you most want to keep developing?

i'm great at follow through and keeping myself on track to follow up with people so they don't forget us - even one final email when you ahvent heard from someone can result in closing. i want to get better at thinking outside of the box/off the shelf to really help our partners in a customized way if we don't already offer what they might need

Think in the future, when you're a grizzled ol' sales hand and you're giving advice to some youngster entering the game. What's your first piece of wisdom?

first piece of wisdom: always always always listen first. you never get anywhere by talking about yourself

What's your perfect Sunday?

Perfect sunday: wake up around 930 or so, sit and have a cup of really good coffee with a pastry from la boulangerie. take my nephews to the park and maybe watch a little finding nemo. give 'em back. boozy afternoon brunch with my gal pals. hang out at home and do a little reading, which i dont do enough. make dinner with shamus and open a nice bottle of red before GOT!

What's your signature dance move and karaoke song? And what song do you want played when you're introduced to the world as Mrs Shamus?

Signature dance move is def all in the vein of mom dancing....there are way too many photos of me finger pointing - also, i randomly really love no letting go by wayne wonder so that might very well be our intro song lol. karaoke - like a prayer

If there was a highlight reel of your work at TM so far. What's something that would be in it?

It would probably start off with a slow pan of me singing karaoke at all team day. then shoot to me on nonstop PTW calls in Jan/Feb, going into a scene where it's just me in hubspot moving deals across the board

What's something we do well at TM? What's a GROW, something we can strive to do better?

I think we do a really good job of communicating as a team. something that could be a grow would be using our networks more on the business side to find new connects and help TM grow!

What’s your favorite thing to cook?

I did a cooking class at this tiny little byo in East Falls last year and came out of it w my 2 fave recipes: an eggplant rollatini and a vanilla bean panna cotta w homemade raspberry drizzle

Is there a certain aha moment when clients really see how much we can help them?

I love seeing clients at events and hearing their positive feedback in person which often leads to them saying, what's next? what else can we do? i think it's always a risk for anyone to sign up to sponsor an event and when we can deliver IRL it's such a great feeling

What is your fave thing about being an aunt?

Fave thing is feeling this crazy amount of love for these tiny humans and watching this little person start to form a personality. giving them back is also a good feeling. #notready

What movie title best describes your life?

The Princess Diaries

What’s an answer to a question that you wanted someone to ask, but they didn’t?

answer is: Parasailing 200 feet off the ground in southern Spain

#aileen connolly #sales

[bellabooks]

Let’s tell messy stories: Sitting down with “The Leslie” creator Kate Johnson

I’m sitting next to Kate Johnson in a pair of Eames chairs in my apartment, where we’ve already been filming for a few hours. We’re doing the interview now before she jets off to the next stop in her list of appointments, and though we’re keeping an eye on the clock, there’s no loss of energy or enthusiasm. She shifts in her seat as I set up the mic, and there’s that axiom about the twenty-eight year old creator of The Leslie that’s once again ringing true: she rarely sits still. On set, Johnson juggles hats like chainsaws, checking framing from behind the camera with director of photography Joe Van Auken, then turning for a quick rehearsal and a note or two on dialogue delivery with a scene partner before finally shifting into her role as the titular character. Even when the eight hour days have wrapped, the grind continues, with equipment pick-ups, location arrangements, and even handmade cast gifts all integrated into Johnson’s routine. This seemingly endless commitment is reflected not only in the act of filmmaking itself, but also in Johnson’s writing: The Leslie is an amalgamation of slapstick comedy and tense drama, a search for identity amidst a wash of awkward moments that Johnson never strays away from. It’s one of my favorite aspects of the show, and it’s where we kicked off our discussion. Maddie Ardillo: One of the things that I think can be tough when you’re telling stories about marginalized groups is that you have this tendency to want to make them really beautiful and really sweet as opposed to wanting to explore things like awkward moments or things like bad break ups or bad sexual experiences. Kate Johnson: Yeah, I think so. MA: But when you have something sort of smaller like this where it’s not like, “Okay, well we need make a million dollars with this or else it won’t offset itself,” I feel like you can explore that a little more? KJ: Yeah. So I was coming out, I was starting to date — well, I was trying to date, not starting to date, I was TRYING to date, and I was getting all of this advice from my very wonderful, supportive straight friends and I was like, “You are just only hitting the mark, because even though you’re being supportive you don’t understand, which is fine, you just haven’t had that experience. You think you understand, but you don’t.” And I was talking to my best friend, who is queer, and she made some joke along the lines of, “You’re kind of like Jenny Schechter: you were in a relationship with a man, you’re a writer, you move to LA, you come out,” and I said very quickly, “Well, now all I have to do is write a story about my friends to complete the circle.” And the second I said it, I was like, “Oh, no, that’s exactly what I should do.” It’s such a quiet small little moment, but that’s why I put that L Word joke in the first episode. MA: Right. KJ: But when the episodes started coming out, I began to see this thing where — and I’ve been active online in fandom, because that’s where a lot of us have found our communities, we don’t have queerness around us so we turn to things online to find it — where I put it out, it’s airing, and I slowly begin to see these responses of, “Oh my god, I relate to this character so much, oh my god, this is me, oh my god, I’ve done that before.” For myself it was such a moment, because a lot of the time (especially with queerness) you feel alone a lot of the time, even when you have a really great support system around you, and I realized that this is everybody, that we’re all trying to figure this out, we all don’t know what we’re doing. To see, “Oh, this is actually a story of how my life is,” where it’s like I’m just trying to date and get along and I also have to deal with this added weight of no one really understands my experience. They’re trying to give advice and they think they know but they don’t… I think what it comes down to is so often we don’t have queer people telling queer stories, but also that when you get to be on a bigger scale you have those factors budget and needing to make a return, so you get the (as much as I love) Imagine Me & You and I Can’t Think Straight. It’s the same story of the woman in a relationship who meets a gay woman, there’s conflict, they want to be together but can she come out, blah blah. It’s that story we see all the time, whereas if you just give someone who’s queer the opportunity to tell their story, you’re going to get a much more authentic take on life. MA: I do want to touch on what you said about people finding themselves in fiction, because I think a lot of the discussion right now is about executives and actors and showrunners and where their place is in fandom, about should they even be there at all, and what’s interesting about web series is — well, it’s online already. KJ: It’s online already, and I think one of the interesting things is, well, our generation. We are the next generation of storytellers, we are the next generation of Hollywood, we are the first generation of online fan culture, so we’re seeing this shift — we were the people online, on Tumblr, on Livejournal, on Fanfiction.net, all those spaces, and now we are suddenly the content creators. So already there’s a blending of a line, right?  But we’re still at that moment where a lot of the higher executives or people who are creating this stuff, they weren’t those people, and if you’re not versed in it, if you don’t spend the time… Myself, I’m always shocked when I hear things, because how do you not get that that’s not an okay thing to say, because that’s just the culture that I’m so immersed in, and so many of us are, and I feel like it’s a really it’s a fine line to sort of walk and cross. It does get blurred in web series because a lot of the time your content creators are fans — that’s why we do it, we’re saying I’m not getting an opportunity elsewhere or I want to practice my craft or I just want to tell this story but I’m also the person on the message board, you know, I’m the person on Tumblr freaking out with everyone else.   MA: So let’s talk about Leslie in Season 1 a little bit, because I think that even in the queer community there’s a lot of hunt for like labels, and there’s some moments where Leslie’s either struggling or expressing a struggle with the idea behind labels. The Scorpio scene felt very metaphorical for me personally, because I’ve had a lot of moments with people where they’re like, “Oh you’re not X way, that’s going to completely flavor my entire view of you.” KJ: So the whole snapback episode for me was about how we pair identity with visual presentation. When I first started coming out, I did two things: I went and I bought a beanie, and I went and I bought a snapback. Did not like the snapback, but I liked the beanie for a while, would wear it all the time, and I have this very vivid memory — I was waiting for my roommate, we were going to go to Starbucks and get coffee, and I was wearing a button down plaid shirt, and I had on boyfriend cut jeans, and I had the beanie on, and I was sitting on the couch, and I had my legs spread like this and I was texting, and my roommate came downstairs and out of the corner of my eye I saw her stop, and she looked at me and she went, “You look so gay right now.” MA: Straight roommate? KJ: Straight roommate, yeah. It was a moment where — I don’t want to say it made me feel icky, but it kind of made me feel icky, because it was this moment of clarity, and I suddenly looked at everything I’d been doing for the last couple of months, and realized that ever since I started coming out I’ve started doing these things to present more gay, and I realized that I was doing things that made me uncomfortable. I’m not the most feminine person, but I tend to dress more feminine. I like my femininity, I like expressing my femininity, and so I realized I was doing these things because I felt like I needed to so people could “get it.” That was where Leslie’s sort of struggle with the snapback came from — I don’t know why I bought the snapback, I mean I know why I bought it, but I have never worn it — I wore it once and I hated it, I felt so uncomfortable, I felt like people were staring at me. Originally, I was going to do this bit a little more on the nose, and there was going to be this pop out with Leslie dressed as different types of stereotypical lesbians, but I just wanted to make it about this one item so that’s sort of where that struggle came from. We do these things to make ourselves known. I always keep my fingernails short — one, I do like having my fingernails short, it is a preference thing, but I do always feel myself a lot of the time, especially when I’m meeting new people, thinking that I need to make my fingernails shorter. It’s like a small thing to send out into the universe, “Kate’s gay.”   MA: Regarding relationships, and we talked a little about authentic and awkward stories earlier — but I don’t think there’s one straightforward, clean, “these two people have a healthy relationship” relationship on the show. I think the closest we get is Luke and Leslie’s friendship. KJ: Yeah, isn’t that such a great little friendship? MA: Yeah, that’s actually one of my favorite things about it. There’s so many shows on TV where the “men and women can’t be friends” argument plays out because they almost always go the romantic route eventually. KJ: That moment with Chris on the steps outside in episode nine was one of my favorite ones to film. It was just so quiet and sweet and we’ve been loud and crazy and all over the place, and suddenly we’re pulling back and having this nice little genuine moment, which then sort of leads into episode ten but like sitting outside with him and having that moment where we are two different people, but we’re going through the same thing, it was really lovely. A lot of what I wanted with Paulie and Luke’s relationship was building a foil for Leslie — she’s trying and she’s trying and she’s trying, and then you have Paulie and Luke that essentially have a relationship that Paulie’s in constant denial about, and she doesn’t handle it well, and that becomes a point of frustration for Leslie, because she’s like, “You don’t get how easy it is in like even the broadest spectrum of queer dating vs. heteronormative dating — you do not understand how difficult it is sometimes just to find someone.” MA: We see that at the bar with her, with these multiple girls that end up disappointing her. KJ: Yeah, exactly.     MA: What can you tell us about the direction of Leslie’s journey in Season 2? What inspired you for Season 2 in the way that a lot of your personal experiences inspired you for Season 1? KJ: I don’t know that I pulled on a lot of personal experience in Season 2. The first step was I think that this is a season about dealing with consequence. There’s two choices that have been made, essentially, that Luke has decided he’s going to stay with Paulie even though he’s been getting hurt, and Leslie’s decided to sleep with Jen based on that sort of “I see him still doing it and he’s okay” because you can’t help but hold onto a little bit of hope. For me, it’s those two conversations with Luke that are really what makes Leslie decide to act on Jen coming onto her. I don’t think that if they hadn’t had that conversation in the finale that Leslie and Jen would have slept together. So it was about that and dealing with the consequence of, “I’ve just slept with one of my best friends, she was super into it and now she’s freaking out and she’s literally left, and this person that I actually genuinely do like has witnessed the aftermath and very clearly understands what happens.” So, okay, consequences, and how do we deal with all of this, where does this put us, where does this put our personal relationships. Season 2 a lot for me was pulling back on plot and focusing on what’s happening with these people. Particularly in the first couple of episodes, a lot doesn’t actually happen, and we just sort of are dealing with the repercussions of the moment. And then as I began to work through how I wanted to tell the story, it took me like four different iterations of what was happening until I really sat down and asked myself what do I really want this season to be about, which is Leslie and Alex, because we want them to be together. So how do I build around that, what is the story I want to tell about Leslie and Alex, and what else is happening around it. So to me at the end of the day what I found — and again taking Paulie and Luke and making them this foil for what’s happening with Leslie, and what happened with Jen and what happened with Alex — what does it mean to have friends that you have slept with or want to sleep or you want to date or you’re into, and what does it mean to be friends with someone that you have been more with or who you want to be more with, and how does that affect your personal relationships.   MA: Anything special you can tell us about Season 2 that people don’t already know? KJ: I’m really excited. I think it’s bigger and better, and more fun than Season 1 in a lot of ways. We have a few new characters that we meet and see, some new locations, we go out into the world. It was really interesting because I’m pulling back on the story, but we’re going out in the world more so it feels bigger but it’s also more pulled back and more focused, which is kind of cool and was exciting to do. I don’t know, I’m always scared that I’m going to give something away — MA: You could tell us the other locations without context? KJ: Oh, a bar and a sex shop. MA: Fantastic.   MA: So what’s the thing that pushes you forward? Because a lot of us want to make stuff for the internet, stuff of a high quality or that has a message that we think is important, and we don’t because there’s a lot of things that hold us back. Is there something in particular for you that when you have those moments you’re like, “Well, this is why.” KJ: I think for me what it came down to really, and something that’s very hard for me to do because I’m a fearful person, was letting go of fear and telling myself that I need to do it. At the end of the day, one thing is letting go of fear, and the other is just being as prepared as possible, writing checklist after checklist after checklist and giving yourself time. We only filmed on weekends. Part of the reason is budget and time and the other part is that I need time in between two days of filming to take care of life stuff. If it takes you ten weeks, it takes you ten weeks, but for me in terms of especially creating your own content and putting it out there and saying, “This is my voice and this is the story I want to tell and you should listen to it,” you have to let go of fear. When I was first writing this show I was like, “Leslie is me, her experience is based on mine, but she’s not. She’s sort of me, but she’s not me.” And it wasn’t until I wrote a monologue, the monologue of Leslie getting to the end of Tinder at the beginning of episode nine, where she reaches the end of Tinder and she doesn’t know what to do and she thinks she’s come out too late. I didn’t know you could reach the end of Tinder! And it’s a horrifying thing, because it’s just your own picture staring back at you with a pulse trying to find more people — MA: That’s really dark and horrifying when you put it like that. KJ: And I was like, “This is it, I can’t even meet someone online. I came out too late, I knew I was queer and gay in college, but I was so terrified that I didn’t come out, and now I’m in my later twenties, I’m never going to find someone because I came out too late.” I had all these thoughts, and that’s when I gave Leslie that moment and that ramble that she goes on where I made her really sound like me. I took it into my writing group and I read those pages, and they all agreed that this is the show, this is the moment, this is what this show feels like. Suddenly they understood this show and what this is. So it was like, “Okay I need to let go of the fact that I’m making this story about me and I need to make it about me. I need to give her the weird awkward unfortunate thing that I go through.” And then it’s that next step of you finished writing it, are you going to make it? And then it got to this point of you’re either going to do it or you don’t.   MA: Okay, last thing — why do you think people don’t write things like that, the painfully awkward moments? So much of what I see feels so sanitized, and there’s a lot of moments in this show that I really relate to, not just surface level or I could empathize to, but actually have been there — there’s some mainstream TV that I feel I relate to, but it doesn’t feel quite as nail on the head. KJ: I don’t know. I think part of it is sort of maybe again letting go of fear, and just being able to really look at the world around you. I think we sort of we get into this in terms of storytelling, that stories work for a reason and there’s a formula, and for those of us who have gone to school and have studied it, you’re taught that formula where you have so many pages and then your inciting incident, and then so many more and then your Act One, etc. There’s something really beautiful about a well crafted story that we all respond to, the Casablanca, out in the rain in front of the plane, “We’ll always have Paris,” — that’s so beautiful, but it’s so not real. It’s very romanticized and that’s what we respond to, because it’s not reality. MA: Very Hollywood. KJ: Right. But for me I think what I like to pull from in terms of storytelling is reality, and this is going to come from a place of very much privilege, but reality can be just as fantastical, can be just as horrifying and weird and ridiculous, you know — the best moments in my life are the moments where you’re like, “This couldn’t have happened any better if I wrote it.” I think that’s the important thing for writers and artists and actors: we’re telling the stories of our world and our world is so weird and so horrifying and so great, it’s all there. It’s like Nora Ephron’s thing where everything is copy — if you just look at the world around us, you have dialogue, you have a story. The inspiration and the world and everything, it’s all around us. I think sometimes we like the romanticized Hollywood version because that’s nice and that’s fun, but — MA: It’s neat, but life isn’t neat. KJ: It’s very neat, and clean, but life isn’t neat, and no one is perfect, and we’re all messy. So let’s tell messy stories. MA: Let’s tell messy stories. The Leslie Season 2, end of 2017, early 2018? KJ: Yeah, and on that note — I was hanging out with my friends yesterday and they were asking questions about Season 2 and one of them, Ashley, she was like “so the hashtag is #LeslieIsComing.” MA: I love that. KJ: I was rolling over laughing, it’s perfect.   You can follow Kate Johnson herself on Twitter @keighteejay, and The Leslie official account @TheLeslieSeries   http://dlvr.it/Pcd7J3

#News #Webseries #Kate Johnson

[thisishowyouletgoandfindyou-blog]

PARENTS

07/01/2014 03:07 pm ET | Updated Feb 23, 2016Why Women Need Their Girlfriends

By Kari Kubiszyn Kampakis

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Years ago, I was at the beach with my family when I noticed a group of ladies nearby who appeared to be in their 50s.

With a quick glance, I knew they were on a girls’ weekend. All the signs were there — coolers and cocktails, beach bags with romance novels, straw hats, umbrellas in the sand — but most telling of all was their laughter. Lots and lots of laughter, the kind that draws attention and curiosity from anyone in earshot.

I loved watching these women enjoy each other’s company. Although they were older than me, and well past my season of life in having babies, I could imagine being in their shoes one day, basking in the glow of old friends who still made me feel young again.

That afternoon, I saw two of them in the elevator. When I commented on how much fun they seemed to have, they smiled and nodded. One replied, “Oh, we do have fun. We’ve kept this beach trip going for 20 years and have been through everything — divorce, death, cancer, unemployment. Don’t ever lose touch with your girlfriends, sweetheart. The older you get, the more you’ll need them.”

The conversation left an impression on me. While I’d always treasured my girlfriends, I’d never thought about needing them more with age. And if I’m being honest, it’s only been in the last year or so that I’ve taken their words to heart.

Because now that I’m in my 40s, I’m seeing how real divorce, death, cancer, unemployment and other major life problems are. I understand what they meant when they emphasized the importance of girlfriends, as my age group faces hardships we couldn’t imagine when we were young and carefree.

Last February, I found the advice these women gave me really validated when my dear friend Emily, whom I met when our daughters became friends, lost her husband Joe in a plane crash. Emily and Joe weren’t just any couple — they were the couple who had been best friends since age 15, whose incredible love story was still going strong. What they had was special. To have it end early and suddenly was unfathomable, unfair and hard to comprehend.

Joe’s death impacted a lot of people hard, and throughout their home there was so much sadness and grieving, so many heavy hearts in one place. In the midst of this tragedy, however, there was also so much LOVE. You could feel the Holy Spirit everywhere, working in Emily and the people surrounding her.

As I left Emily’s house the day after Joe’s death, I sat in my car and reflected on everything I’d witnessed. One thing I kept thinking about were the women in Emily’s life, and how amazing they’d been. It wasn’t just the food being carted in, the affection showered on the family, or the fact that so many people had dropped everything to drive or fly to Birmingham. It was the way Emily’s village came together, how friends from every stage of life were represented (adolescence, college, law school, work and motherhood) and how well everyone knew her.

And because they knew her well, they could do a lot to lighten Emily’s load.

When I arrived at Emily’s house the morning after Joe’s death, for instance, someone asked if I’d write his obituary. I agreed, of course, and was given the names of surviving family members to start with. Since Emily was meeting with her pastor about the funeral, I began the obituary with the help of four friends who’d known Emily and Joe for decades. My intention was to write a rough draft and let Emily fill in the blanks.

But guess what? Emily didn’t have to fill in blanks, because her old friends filled in the blanks for her. Together they recalled pertinent details of Joe’s life: the special dates he planned with his daughters, how he graduated first in his law school class, which law firms he’d worked with, his role as basketball commissioner, his love for their church mission trip to Maine — the list goes on.

As they talked and I typed, I found myself wondering: How many people have friends who could write their husband’s obituary? What does that say about Emily and her relationships?

All over Emily’s house, huddles of women were taking care of business. As I passed a group from her church, I heard them planning the visitation and family luncheon before the funeral. “Emily wouldn’t like that, but she would like this,” they said. “Why don’t we give her option A and option B?” When Emily emerged from her meeting with the pastor an hour later, the legwork was done. She was given an obituary to proofread, options for Saturday and updates from friends handling small matters so Emily could reserve energy for big ones.

Our girlfriends can’t save us, for only God can do that, but girlfriends can help make a tragedy bearable. They can read our mind and our emotions, intuitively recognize what needs to be done — then do it. They can listen, empathize and show compassion. They can be used by God to comfort us and provide a timely shoulder to cry on.

It’s hard to nurture friendships when you’re busy raising kids. Some days, I don’t have the time or energy. But one thing I’ve learned from watching Emily cope with her loss is how having strong relationships in place before a tragedy occurs enables the healing process. While faith keeps you standing, friends and family hold your hand as you slowly move forward. They help you find a new normal.

They meet you for yoga, bring Starbucks to your home, take your kids for ice cream, plan a girls’ beach trip for your Mother’s Day, get your dog groomed, text words of encouragement, continue coming to town to check on you and show love in a million heartfelt ways.

“Don’t ever lose touch with your girlfriends, sweetheart. The older you get, the more you’ll need them.” The women in the elevator that day were spot on. And now when I see a group like them having fun, I realize the laughter is only part of the story, what comes after the complicated grown-up stuff. And while we certainly need the wonderful men in our lives, for they play a crucial role, too, men simply aren’t designed to understand us like one of our own.

Sometimes it takes another woman to intuitively recognize what needs to be done — then do it. Or to sense what needs to be said — then say it. Or to take the thoughts and emotions we don’t voice — and know what to make of them.

Having great friends is largely a matter of being a great friend. The reason Emily’s circle is so strong is that she invests in her people. And in her greatest time of need, she reaped the benefit. I hope this story comes as a friendly reminder of why girlfriends matter in good times and bad, laughter and tears, and through the highs and lows that reveal who’s with us for the long haul, and who’s willing to share in our suffering so that one day, when we’re laughing again on the beach, there will be a history that makes the laughter sound richer and stirs the curiosity of anyone in earshot.

This post originally appeared on karikampakis.com. Find Kari on Facebook or check out her upcoming book, 10 Ultimate Truths Girls Should Know, to be released by Thomas Nelson in November 2014.

Follow Kari Kubiszyn Kampakis on Twitter: www.twitter.com/KariKampakis

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