Tumgik
#i made a typo in the tags and i was about to delete it and retype it
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Can we talk about the timing of The Hunger Games movies being taken off of Netflix? Not to sound like a crazy conspiracy theorist, but there have been A Lot of comparisons between modern media and The Hunger games and it seems there are several governments that fear unrest and revolution…
Idk man it just seems kinda on the nose :/
Anyway. Do your rewatch before the end of the month (May 2024, for possible future people). Maybe it’ll spark something.
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sakura-nyah · 1 year
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Hi Nyah! Hope ur doing well <3 Here's a request since I haven't asked in a while! Can you write HCs for Kaz reassuring his S/O who is afraid of him leaving/feels kinda unlovable? Sorry if it's angsty, my mental health has been iffy lately and I could use a bit of comfort, hehe..Hope you had a good trip btw! ^_^ -🌱
I don't mind the angst at all, 🌱Kaz Anon! I'm happy to write this for you! My mind was going crazy with things to think about during this!
Do take care of yourself tho, 🌱Kaz Anon if possible. I understand the feeling of mental health being iffy and what I do to fix it is mainly listen to music. Its my best way of helping me feel better with anything. Of course, don't listen to sad music if you're sad! That can be bad on yourself! But if needed, I'm here for you. You can message me any time! Yet if you're uncomfortable with that, you can send me Anon asks just venting about your problems. Of course, I would not post them. I'd delete the asks after reading them since its all personal things!
The Headcanons are under the Read More <3!! This got a tad bit long but hopefully they're to your liking! If not, just tell me and I'll redo the Headcanons! I don't mind at all!
Kazuichi Soda reassuring his S/O who is afraid of him leaving and feels is unlovable.
✿ When your feelings appeared to you about your fear, it didn't take Kazuichi long at all to notice something was troubling you. Even if you had your feelings hidden so well to the point even you eventually forgot about them, Kazuichi would still have sensed something because he's so in tune with everything about you.
✿ He'll talk to you right away. He's worried about what is wrong and what is causing it. He wants you feeling your best and this boy will do anything in his power to make you feel your best.
✿ Now, even though he will talk to you right away, he'll actually lead a conversation into the direction of talking about what's troubling you. Instantly talking to you about your troubles could catch you off guard and make you panic. He doesn't want that at all.
✿ Kazuichi will sit down with you, lay down with you, whatever you're most comfortable with, and stay silent for a few moments. He's making sure you're comfortable before he begins the conversation. His voice is so gentle as he speaks.
✿ "I wanted to ask, how have you been feeling?"
✿ I said he was in tune with everything about you but at this moment, somehow his senses have never been so alert. He's worried about triggering you.
✿ He'll wait for your response. Nothing in the world matters right now except for you. However long you take, he'll wait. He will, however, throw in some more words as a hopeful comfort while he waits for your response.
✿ "If you ever felt sad or anything, you could tell me, ya know? I care about you and knowing there's a chance you're hurting, it makes me feel bad. I want to help. When we fell in love, I promised myself to always help you. That includes everything.. Why?"
✿ He originally was waiting for you to answer but hes on a roll now that he wants to finish. Something in him knew this is what you needed to hear.
✿ He hopes his voice carries the passion he has for you.
✿ "Because I love you."
✿ Kazuichi never sounded so serious about any statement he has ever made to you or to anyone. He looked at you. If you looked back and into his eyes, you could see the love in them.
✿ "A couple is called a couple because it means two, right? We're a couple. You can't have one without the other. We're in this together."
✿ He's holding your hand now. His grasp is gentle but strong. If you don't like to be touched, this one time he will step over that boundary. Not because he is trying to make you uncomfortable or hurt you, but because his touch will hopefully show his love to you.
✿ "I'm with you with any pain you could have. Happy pain, sad pain, angry pain. I'm with you because I love you. Like what people say! I love you to the moon and back!"
✿ He's smiling now, trying to hold back a laugh.
✿ "But my moon is so far away that you can't even see it!"
✿ His face softens and his voice becomes a whisper, only for you to hear. Theres no one else around at this moment but still, his words right now are for you only.
✿ "I love you, Y/N."
✿ He didn't know how you felt, yet he still said these words. He said them because he knew being as truthful as possible (even tho he wouldn't lie to you, unless he was doing something such as holding a surprise birthday party for you) is what is best. You're not in the best of states and so he's giving you his rawest emotions and words.
✿ If you end up shaking, crying, doing both, or something else because your emotions are coming forward, if you let him, his arms are around you in an instant. His hold will be strong but not hurtful. He will be your wall. Right now, nothing will get to you as you're in his arms. Nothing can overpower Kazuichi when he's holding you. This time, if you prefer to not be touched he'll let your hand go and speak instead, saying small words such as "You're alright. You're alright. I'm not leaving. Let it out."
✿ Hopefully you'll talk to him about how you were feeling and what was troubling you. He's happy that you're opening up to him. He's proud of you. So proud. He'll actually remind you randomly how proud he is for you opening up to him. He'll also remind you how much he loves you. He'll do this for days and days and days.
✿ What he said were words of true love and emotion. You didn't even have to say anything and his first thoughts were to remind you how loved you were. He can't leave you. You're the other 1 to his 1+1 =2. You're the other half to his couple. You put color and light into his life. You put an emotion in him that's stronger than happiness. Nothing can ever top it. Nothing will ever be better. Nothing will ever change his love for you. Nothing.
✿ Because of the feelings you had, Kazuichi has decided with himself to have a daily and nightly check up with you and how you're feeling, physically and emotionally (He once said "That's rad!" when you told him you were feeling good and now it stuck. He's saying rad at everything.). He'll be there for you for however long as you need, whenever you need, about whatever is troubling you. The love he has for you is just...its incredible. Its so beautiful. People say perfect doesn't exist but try telling him that and he will argue forever on why that's false and that there's someone in his life to prove that perfect does exist.
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roseworth · 2 years
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someone hold me back im thinking about purchasing adobe again
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virgincels · 5 months
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WASTE ME 3
ft. leon s. kennedy x gn!reader
tags. rape/non-con, painal, vomit like a lot of it, emotional abuse
a/n. so messy n rushed cuz i deleted it like 5 times n rewrote it over n over 😭 sorry it’s so flat from leon’s side but omg rbs n feedback appreciated :3 unedited so ignore typos please :3 leon is um. idk I think I changed his character drastically from the last parts but whatever!!! if u see me using shit from old fics ignore it ong
tumblr has started to remove fics that use tw non-con, tw incest and any nsfw tags in general. for this reason, as i’d like my fic to appear in the tags so i can have the same reach as other authors, please understand that this fic contains dark content under the cut. reading this comes at your own risk.
one / two
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“Can you put that away? I can’t concentrate.” Leon’s hands tighten their grip on the wheel, agitation creeps into his voice as you push the visor back into its place, then very promptly - when you think he’s not looking - pull it back down for the umpteenth time to give yourself a once over. “Cut it out.”
“Sorry.” You say quickly, as if the words have been festering in your mouth for a while now.
“Hey, you don’t have to come.” You do, you have to or I'm in deep shit. I bet a couple hundred on this. A date, that is. In all the years he’s known his friends, not once has he brought a date to their annual New Year’s party. “We’re not too far from your house, I can turn the car around.”
“No,” You shake your head, “No, I want to come with you.”
Leon isn’t sure if he wants you to come with him, if he’s ready for the barrage of questions and insults, namely from Claire. He’s taking you ‘cause there’s no one else, and to be quite frank, he considered hiring an escort before he even thought of you. The thing is, you’ve gotten too comfortable around him. Using pet names, babe and baby, so Leon tried to put some distance between the two of you. ‘Cause that made him queasy. You’re not dating. He’s thirty-seven years old, there’s no room in his life to date, you don’t date at that age. You fuck and get it over with.
“I don’t know what you’re nervous about,” Leon hums, he turns the radio down, “You look nice.” He expects you to fawn over him, throw yourself into his lap ‘cause he said you don’t look bad. That’s what you’re like, right? Doesn’t take a whole lot to get your tail wagging.
“Don’t say that.” The tone in which you speak is new, Leon hasn’t heard that before. Not been on the receiving end of any mood swings you’re bound to have. You have the emotional capacity of a toddler - no form of regulation over any of your thoughts and feelings, words slip past your lips like you’ve got the shits. Verbally speaking.
“What?” He asks, dumbfounded by the total switch.
“I don’t like it… I don’t like when you say things like that, it feels like you're lying.” And he’s not. That might be the first time he’s ever told you the truth so directly.
“I’m not, why would I lie about that?” Oh, so all of a sudden you’ve managed to grasp the concept of self respect? Talking back to him and shit. You know, Leon’s kinda proud of you. One of you had to break free from the binds of your swaddling cloth sooner or later. One of you has to cut ties, and it sure as hell won’t be him. It’s not that you’ve grown on him, instead you’ve torn open his flesh and slipped between the cracks in his ribs. Nestled into his chest cavity and made it your home. Or he’s just real lonely.
“I’m not stupid, Leon.”
“I never said you were stupid.”
“You’re looking at me like I’m stupid.”
“What? No, I’m not. I’m looking straight ahead, ‘cause I’m driving?”
“Yeah? Well, keep looking at the road.” You huff through your nostrils, and it’s absurd, the shit you come up with. All it does is show your age. He’s fucking a kid, one that can’t even drink yet.
Leon does just that, neither of you utter a word for the remainder of the journey. When he gets out, you catch up with him, take his arm in yours as if it belongs to you, he’d rather you take his heart. So all the tenderness would be zapped from his system. Leon’s love comes in the shape of your casket, it comes with the engravings on your tombstone, empty and cadaverous. It’s not enough for you, you don’t know that, but he does. Leon’s a weeping sore of a man, the kind that won’t go away, not with over-the-counter pills, not the type that gets drained, not even antibiotics could help him. You’re licking his wounds and getting nothing from it, nothing but a mouthful of infectious pus.
“Leon— Oh.” The smile on Claire’s face drops as quick as it came, her forehead creases, and he’d like to tell her pretty girls shouldn’t frown so hard, they’ll get wrinkles, but she’d have his head. Tell him that it’s a natural progression, and that he’s looking a little rough these days, he should try keto. Leon has been on keto most his life if dick counts as meat.
He wraps an arm around your shoulder, draws you closer, smiling with all his teeth to show Claire that he really likes you when he really doesn’t. Well, he does, it’s just complicated. “Claire.” Leon greets with a nod of his head, he introduces you despite the uneasiness, then guides you to sit on an unoccupied seat beside Rebecca, his hand on your lower back.
From the corner of his eye, Leon watches you shift in your seat as Claire asks him if this is a thing now - cherry picking. If he’s going through a midlife crisis, and that she knows a guy who knows a girl who knows a good shrink, one that keeps real quiet. Then their conversation gets derailed and she begins to talk about Simone de Beauvoir, wrote a book called The Second Sex apparently, Claire reveres it, and Leon is confused on how they got to here.
Hunnigan argues that The Second Sex others women of colour very brashly, and it’s not quite argumentative because Hunnigan talks factually, like everything she says is right, and it usually is. It’s impressive how often she teeters on a condescending edge. She says Claire should read more on intersectionality, and Claire nods, bats her lashes ‘cause she listens to pretty ladies well. The only intersection Leon knows of is a road junction— he wonders how you’re doing with Rebecca, so he excuses himself from the conversation. Hunnigan tells him that he wasn’t included in the first place.
When he catches sight of you, you’re sitting alone, picking at whatever piece of food you can get, leg bouncing so hard the table does too. Chris grabs his arm and drags his arm towards Jill, and then it’s Sherry, who is always a joy, and then Ashley, and her dad who Leon, for some reason, thought was in a wheelchair. He gets to you a full forty minutes later.
“Woah, slow down, are you okay?” Leon takes your wrist in his, wonders how to word this correctly, without you taking any offence. “You’re eating a lot.” Shit. Not the best opener.
“I am not.” There’s a droplet of sweat trickling down the column of your neck, he wipes it with his thumb. “Am I? Did you notice? Oh my gosh, you so did. Did anyone else notice? Why did you take so long? I didn’t know what to do, Leon. Was I supposed to say anything? Was I meant to come with you?”
“Listen, calm down, god, no— just, I told you to sit here, didn’t I?”
“Yeah,” You nod, tremors making your hands unsteady as you take his. “I think I should go.”
“What?” Leon’s face twists, “I gotta stay, Sherry wants me to stay, I haven’t seen her in a long time.”
You bristle at this, shoulders slumping, “No, I don’t need you to drop me, I can just get a cab back, I just feel a little out of place, Leon. Like, I know no one even knows my name, but I just feel like they’re all looking at me and talking about me and I feel so stupid.”
He gets it, truly. “You should stay.” Leon’s fingers intertwine with yours, though it’s nothing gentle, it’s to keep you under lock and key. A threat of sorts.
“Leon, I don’t really, like, I’m just sitting here eating on my own, I look like a freak.” You said it, not him.
“You could try to engage, y’know?” And it’s so hypocritical for him to say, ‘cause Leon needs a drink or five before he can even stomach talking to the older Redfield. Not that Chris is a bad guy, he’s just so intensely stupid sometimes.
“Leon,” You take your hand back, and it’s the first time you’ve denied him of anything, “I don’t think they really care if I’m here or not, I’m going home.” It’s not a question, not Leon, may I go home now, pretty please? It’s an assertion, you’re firm in your wants, and he hates it. You’re stepping out of line.
So Leon does what he does best, he fucks it up. Back to square one with your blood caked beneath his fingernails and your tears salty on his tongue. ‘Cause it doesn’t matter what you want, it hasn’t mattered before so why would it matter now? He cradles the back of your head when it knocks against the bathroom stall, tips it forward so he can kiss you sweetly. And you’re a sucker for it, hands fisting at the fabric of his dress shirt like a baby. When you’re bare, he kneels down, spreads you apart, and you’re so wet there’s slick dripping down your ass crack. Embarrassing how fast you get it on for him, and Leon’s here with a semi you could barely class as a semi. Though that’s more of a Leon problem.
The nip to your clit makes you gasp, you tangle your fingers in his hair, and he likes that. Leon presses his nose to it, laps at the slick to clean you up, but he’s only getting you messier. He spreads your ass to lick deeper into your hole, then his hand leaves so his middle and forefinger can keep your cushioned lips open, teeth scraping over your slippery folds. Leon’s mouth is moving on autopilot, his brain is working overtime, what’s he gonna do? How can he make you stay? Right, right, right, that’s gotta be it. When Leon pulls away with a pop! you whine, he’s always kind enough to let you cum. Not this time.
“Hold on, kid,” Leon murmurs, spins you around and you brace yourself against the walls of the cubicle automatically. They seem paper thin. He keeps a hand on your hip, the other unbuckling his belt with a clink as he lowers his jeans to slip out his cock that hardens only at the thought of taking you this way. You flail when he pushes into your tighter hole. The puffy rim is wet with your arousal, not wet enough to take cock. He wasn’t even merciful enough to spit on it.
“No, no, oh god, Leon, no, I’m gonna die, Leon, you’ll kill me.” Your bones crack out of place with how hard you struggle against him, limbs angled oddly, and he hates it. No doesn’t sound right coming from you. It’s a tough one, breaching your asshole, getting past the dryness.
You clench so hard, try to push him out, he kisses the nape of your neck, the tackiness of sweat salty on his lips. “Stop runnin’ from it, I’ve got you.”
“Please— Please, please, Leon,” Your cheek is squashed against the cubicle door, nails scratching at it till they crack and split. He reaches round to cover your mouth, you’re getting too loud. There’s snot and tears and spit covering his palm, but it’s alright. Worth it.
“Hey, hey, hey, c’mon do it for me. You can do it for me, can’t you? You’re not a baby.” Leon’s teeth tug on your earlobe, he manages to bury himself to the hilt in your ass. A miracle really, ‘cause he can barely move an inch back or forth.
You’re gasping for breath, knees buckling despite him supporting your weight. The pain must be bad, he knows what it’s like, that sickeningly raw pain. Feels like it’s in your guts, stirring up all the acid, tangling your intestines. But he got over it, and you got over it once upon a time. So you can do it, he knows you can.
For a minute, he thinks you stop breathing, you slump over and he struggles to hold you up, then he gets ahold of you. You’re dry heaving, retching as you claw at the cubicle, he draws his hips back and you whimper brokenly into his palm. There’s an abundance of resistance, but Leon’s strong enough to push past it, his strokes are shallow - can’t find it in himself to fuck you hard and deep. Well, Leon would, but it’s too much effort.
There’s no letting up, you’re stubborn today, his free hand reaches round to tweak your nipple, then it trails down your body, cups your cunt and parts your fold to thumb your swollen clit. It does little to lessen the ache, the burn, but Leon hopes you’ll loosen up. “Hey, you got it, jus’ focus on my fingers, okay?”
“Okay, Leon,” You get out through ragged breaths, chest rising up and down unevenly as you try to regain some sort of consciousness, he's raped you into delirium. Leon grits his teeth, that word is harsh on his ears still. “Okay… I’ll try, I’ll try… I’m trying—“
“I know you are,” Leon talks you through it, talks you through rape unlike the first time, so that must mean something, give him some kind of credit. “I know it hurts, it’ll get better, yeah? I promise.”
“I can’t breathe— Leon, I can’t-“ Your hands press down on your stomach, then your chest, heart beating wildly, to the point where he thinks he can hear it.
“You can breathe, ‘cause you’re talking to me right now, aren’t you?” He asks, “Remember what you said to me? You said I could do this.”
“I know… I know, Leon, I’m really sorry— God, it hurts so bad.” Another sob is muffled into his wet palm.
“I know, but you said you would do it for me, didn’t you?”
“Yes, Leon, I’m sorry, I did— I did.” You shiver, head jerking to the side as he pulls back, then slams his hips back into you - so hard your knees knock against the cubicle. The pressure on your clit alleviates nothing it seems, even when he presses a little harder, you continue to kick and squirm.
“Just a little more, yeah?” Leon tells you, he kisses your shoulder for good measure, starts up a rhythmic pace that rewards him with a squeaky yelp each time he thrusts. You’re uncomfortably tight, and it’s pretty dry, but Leon makes do, most nights his fist is drier.
Sweat prickles at your delicate skin, and your body goes rigid when he cums, he jams himself so far into you Leon fears he might have trouble pulling out. Dick might come off clean. He smooths a hand down your spine, “You’re okay.” Leon says, and it’s more of an order than anything else.
He takes your clothes from where they’re hung on the single hook, he might be a serial rapist, but he’s a gentleman. Serial might be a stretch, Leon’s not quite at that point yet, and he doesn’t intend to be. But he might be your serial rapist, ‘cause it’s happened multiple times and all.
Your gait is off, more so than last time, taking shuddering breaths as you clutch at his arm. Leon doesn’t know what to say, he leads you out the back, ‘cause Claire will look him in the eye and know what he’s done. Step by step, you wobble towards the door to the passenger seat, crumpling against it as you fumble with the handle.
“Let me do it,” Leon grows impatient, steps forward, you jump out of your skin, snapping out of your haze as you manage to open the door. Your teeth are chattering, and you’re clammy, ribs rattling noisily when you cough. He wonders if he’s really done it now, fucked over his chance with you of all people.
Every time there’s a bump in the road, you wince visibly, nails digging into the leather of his seat to try and conceal any noise leakage. “Leon?”
He stops at a red light, turns to you in surprise, didn’t think you were capable of speaking right now. “Yeah?”
“Do you think she’s cute? The one who dresses like Jackie O?” Of course it’s some insecure shit like that, the first thing you say to break the silence post-rape is a question about whether or not he likes a girl.
“Ashley’s pretty.” Leon answers, face that launched a thousand ships - or a thousand Molotov cocktails, right at him actually, by the hands of religious zealots. He thinks that if it weren’t for a lot of things, they could’ve worked out, and maybe he wouldn’t have resorted to getting drunk and raping college kids in alleys.
“Leon, I think I’m gonna throw up.” Your voice is low, shaky, rolling down the window and letting the chill hit your warm face.
“I can pull over.” Leon offers, he can’t bother to go through with dry cleaning. Rather it come out on the side of the road than his carpets.
“No, never mind, I’m fine.” You go quiet again, then, “What about the big guy, do you like him?”
“What?” He looks like he’s constipated, the idea of Chris and him is an interesting one that’s never crossed his mind. Sure, he’s objectively attractive, but he’s so hardheaded it pisses Leon off. “No, well, yeah, I like him ‘cause he’s my friend.”
“Yeah, that’s what I’m asking.” You lie, and he knows you’re lying, because you’re you, and he knows you. Predictable little thing. “Okay, so, what about the girl you were talking to at the beginning when we came in. Ponytail, red jacket.”
“God, no, Claire’s just my friend.”
“Yeah, I know, Leon. I’m asking if, like, you like her. As a friend. I just want to know more about you.” Liar, he indulges you anyway. He owes you one, and maybe money for hospital bills.
“She’s my best friend,” Leon claims, she might not think of him that way, but Leon certainly thinks of Claire that way. “Of course I like her, I love her.”
“Then who was the lady with glasses? The tall one?” You peer at him hesitantly, the dark obscures much of your face from him, but he sees your wide eyes.
“Hunnigan? Yeah, she’s hot, I don’t want her though.” Too brash, his tongue slipped. It’s more that she doesn’t want him. Leon wouldn’t tell you that though. He’s patient for you, lets you ask questions that reek of insecurity before he’s pulling up on his drive.
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“I don’t want to take them off,” You’re quick to stop his wandering hands, eyes going foggy and faraway when he tries to get you out of your underwear, “Please, Leon.” There’s blood smeared on the backs of your thighs that Leon pretends not to notice.
And because he’s so kind, and reeling with guilt from the whole public bathroom sodomy situation, Leon abides. “You sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure, I’ll just get you off.” You insist, squeezing his half-hearted boner, thumbing the tip, cupping his balls, all the stuff he’s taught you to do. He might not get it up, ‘cause he’s had a drink, and ‘cause he’s still spent from earlier. Rape is no joke, shit takes a lot of effort, fucking a dry hole is not as pleasing as bootcamp made it seem.
Your mouth is warm on his cock, you lick along the vein on his underside, kiss the tip sweetly like you love him - it’s not like ‘cause you do love him. The head rests weighty on your tongue, you take half of him easily. You’re not the best at sucking dick, so he doesn’t expect much from you, expectations already reduced to zero, but Leon tilts his head back with a groan when you begin to bob your head. Look at that, you’ve gotten better.
Really, he should’ve known, seen all the signs. The tell-tale bulge in your throat, something foreign, not his dick ‘cause shits not the big. You felt sick in the car, he’d seen you gag over the toilet bowl after he came inside you. Leon’s reflexes are good, but not good enough. When you finally make it to the balls, eyes wet with unshed tears as he pushes your limits, nose in his crotch— you go to raise your head, he makes the mistake of pushing you back down. Biggest mistake of his life. And Leon has made a lot of mistakes.
He’s had monster after monster spew their god knows what on him. Been knee-deep in sewers, he’s been pissed on by military men for fuck’s sake. Somehow, this tops it off. You sicking up hors d'oeuvres on his lap. Vomit on his dick is the worst feeling Leon’s felt in quite a while. He’d rather break his ribs again and again and again and again. Over and over. Have them caved in by a metal pipe.
You lurch backwards, vomit caked around your mouth, coating his cock, dripping down your chin. God, he might add to the mess, but Leon’s got a strong enough stomach to hold it. Happy New Year! God Bless America. Isn’t this just the dream?
“Oh my god,” You gasp, wipe at your mouth drearily with your bare arm, breathing picking up as you stagger away from him, “God, no, no, no.”
He blinks at you, and you stare at him shell-shocked. Leon inhales, counts to ten, he's been through worse. He has. Honest. What’s a little puke on his cock going to do?
“I’m sorry, Leon, I’m so sorry, oh my gosh, Leon, I’m so sorry, what do I do?” You fumble and use his blanket to wipe him clean, doing a shit job as he anticipated. “I can do it, I can do it, I can get you off, I’m sorry, please, let me make it up to you, Leon.” Then you’re clocking in for your shift, sloppy and hurried all at once as you suck him off, only for a moment- then a wave of nausea hits and a second bout of puke is spewed on his lap, waterlogging his sheets as it trickles down his thighs. Fuck, it’s fucking gross. Made the place into a biohazard.
“Hey, c’mon—“
“No, no, Leon,” You retch, spit bubbling in the back of your throat as you shake your head in wild refusal, “I can do it, please, please,” He feels you swallow around him, tight little throat that’s only got space for vomit and not his cock, ‘cause it’s pushed out of your mouth as you gag and drip liquified party food. Your head pops back up, dabbing at the stickiness that covers the bottom half of your face to no avail.
“Kid.” Leon grabs you by your hair, straightens you up so you’re facing him, drool pooling in your mouth, tongue heavy as you’re racked with full body shivers to warn you of more. This time you make it to the bathroom, courtesy of Leon, there’s vomit tracked down his hall, on the rug Sherry bought him to brighten up his boring bedroom. “Let it all out,” He’s trying his best to be comforting, rubbing your back as your head hangs limp in the toilet bowl till there’s nothing but bile and spit.
Leon lets you shower first, ‘cause y’know, he loves sitting around soaked in barf. Really lets it marinate. He watches your figure through the foggy glass, barely able to keep yourself up, leaning against the wall when you have to wash anything from the waist below. God, he fucked you up. Maybe the vomit bath is more than deserved. He feels it crust over on his dick and itches.
“Are you okay now?” Leon mumbles, his body takes on your curled up shape, knows you could use the comfort.
The mattress in his room has been stripped bare, sheets put on a double spin in the washing machine. For now, the two of you lay close in the guest room that’s been unused since he moved in. “I’m okay.” You whisper, placing your hand over his when he wraps his arm around you. He thinks you’ve fallen asleep going by how still you are. “Leon?”
He wonders if it’s worth pretending to be asleep, can’t lie that he forgives you for that, then any ounce of initial hostility ebbs away and he feels white, hot guilt. “Yeah?”
“Before I met you, I would think of all this stupid shit, like I wanted to get ran over so people would care about me, or they’d feel bad for me, and then I stopped thinkin’ like that when we started dating.” You’re not dating him. Leon’s unsure on how to make that explicitly clear. “But, then, I started thinking like that again. ‘Cause I thought I wanted you to rape me ‘cause I thought you liked me, I wouldn’t mind if you liked me, I would let you do anything to me. I thought that you’d feel bad and take care of me after but you don’t, you just act like it didn’t happen.”
Leon closes his eyes, lashes fluttering on the skin of your back, the light tickle is slight enough as to not alarm you. He listens to you, but he doesn’t know what to think, what to say, it’s a lot.
“I only want you to rape me if you like me, but you hate me.” And that’s so far from the truth, Leon doesn’t hate you, and he doesn’t love you, but he does want you. For reasons he can’t explain himself. “I just, I don’t want you to rape me ‘cause you hate me, I want you to hold my hand after and sometimes I want you to kiss me.”
“So if I start liking you, I can do it?” Grown fucking man and he can’t say rape out loud. Leon wonders why it comes so naturally to you, how you can talk so openly about topics he can’t stomach despite being the perpetrator of said topic.
“Yeah, I just want you to like me, Leon.” You don’t beg, it’s pleading, thumb stroking over his knuckles.
“I’ll try.” Leon gives his oath, he’s a bad person he thinks. Not ‘cause of his mom, not ‘cause of dad, not ‘cause of all the shit back in Raccoon City, not ‘cause of bootcamp— none of it. It’s ’cause he feels like it, and he does it to you on purpose, and Leon knows that, but he can’t fix it. “I’ll try.” He repeats to himself, knowing very well his attempt will fall flat.
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ncteez · 1 year
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The perks of being that guy (l.jh.)
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Taking note of the strangers you see day to day isn’t something you’d normally do. The only reason today is different is because the guy who made small talk as he rang you up for your intimate items was the same guy who showed up catering for your family reunion. 
or the one where jihoon is a dildo salesman, a caterer, a self-titled mechanic, and also your ride home. he is not an expert in any of his jobs, but he sure is an expert in wit and, well, other things. 
ao3 | m.list | reblog to give woozi a lil kiss 
minors dni!! 
WORDCOUNT― 14k
PAIRING― jihoon x afab reader 
CONTENT― strangers to lovers like immediately, long fluffy hair jihoon!!!!,  you buy a monster sized dildo, blatant talking of masturbation and toys, smut, cliche blooming an attachment to someone after (1) fuckening. 
NOTE― a present for u all because i hit a milestone of 5000 followers!! this was only supposed to be like 5k words but i guess i was in love with him this whole time. anyway, this is not proof read bc i think u guys know by now that im not about that life, so if you find a typo– don’t tell me i will delete everything out of embarrassment. 
smut tags under cut:: 
smut tags― it’s kind of fluffy im so sorry i just have feelings for him, average cock size jihoon!!!! he is very much a service top, making out, hand holding, caressing, grinding, finger fucking, titty worship,  unprotected sex (just wrap it guys, im too lazy to write a condom scene), sweet talking as a form of dirty talk, missionary bc i refuse to not write smut where he wants to look directly at you, back scratches (sexual) ~
~
Never have you been put in the position to make small talk about the sex toys you place on a counter to purchase. Then again, you guess it’s part of the job description that most people ignore or aren’t privy to actually doing. 
Never have you been informed of the wide variety of lubricants, additional toy-cleaners, or the bigger and smaller alternatives to your chosen toy. You don’t show discomfort though, because it’s not uncomfortable. Sex is normal, masturbation is more normal, and the man in front of you appears to be normal too.
“There’s twelve different color variants if you prefer something less fleshy.” The man says, standing at the counter with some sort of a permanent pout on his lips. 
“I’m fine with my choice, if you could just ring me up now I can get out of your hair.” You respond, glancing at the time on your phone and wondering how you got stuck with the only employee who actually does his job here.
“Are you sure you don’t want any lubricant…?” The man adds, gazing at the size of your toy and then looking you up and down as if you clearly wouldn’t be able to handle it without said lube purchase. 
The man with no name tag appears to be blissfully unaware of his invasiveness with that question as you tilt your head with a raised brow. Shocked at the very question, it’s actually quite laughable that he’s so monotone with the offensive comment. You imagine he’s done this for so long, he must be a manager trying to get the day over with, going through the steps in a bored mood with little to no regard as to how he must sound to strangers buying their first or twentieth dildo. 
With your assumption that he doesn’t exactly care about the level of wet your vagina is when you use this toy, you respond.
“I think I know what I can take and I already have lube, but thanks.”
He nods, not even sparing you much of a glance before giving you a total and bagging your item.
Now, despite Jihoon’s lack of interest toward the purchase of toys he finds it comical that he’s grown numb to the very fact that he knows everyone in this town’s kinks after they step out of the shop’s door. Someone’s gotta do this job and keep those secrets and he likes to think he fits the bill perfectly. 
Lively as he may be outside of this shop, each job comes with a personality and this one calls for one of disinterest in your product but interest in the sale. He’s not one to lie to himself though, many times a pretty girl has marched in and bought toys far bigger than any man and he does tend to let his mind wander about it from time to time. When he first started this job, bright eyed and bushy-tailed, he found it hard to navigate a single sale without a flush of rosy tints crossing his cheeks and ears. Now, he’s become a veteran at keeping his dick locked in place if he were to feel some type of way about a purchase and the one purchasing. 
Shy as he was when he started, it’s all lost now as he handles dicks and dongs, pocket pussies and anal plugs, even whips and chains. 
Shy. That’s definitely a word and surprisingly one that can describe him when he’s not on schedule within these walls of alien dicks and lime flavored lube to match the grotesque green color. At his other job, because he works two, he takes the praise of being the charming yet, timid man who shows up with pans of food for events. 
The guests seem to love him, and many times during weddings and company parties he has been offered phone numbers or asked for one simply because he appears to be that of a friendly face with a kind sense of being. 
It’s a stark contrast of jobs, and somehow he’s managed to dodge knowing many of the people coming into his night job to shop for ways to fuck themselves. The rare time it had happened, he was thankful to have another person in the shop to ring them up. Keeping up with two jobs is hard, and keeping up with two personalities is even harder.
~
You hadn't thought of that guy from the sex shop even once until he showed his face at your family reunion. 
He noticed you before you managed to realize it was him though. Stealing looks in your direction as you chat with little cousins and elder aunts and uncles, mostly to double check in his brain if you’re really the girl who showed up and nonchalantly bought the newest dildo in stock. The fleshy colored one with rotating beads and a g-spot stimulator button. Upon your eyes meeting his though, he could tell it was you simply by your furrowed brow as you recognized him. 
Jihoon couldn’t help but smirk. He knew that eventually someone at an event would recognize him as their local sex-shop manager, he’s actually shocked it doesn’t happen more often. At least it’s you though, a woman who looks near his age and clearly has a very healthy relationship with her sexuality. So much so that you weren’t shy or nervous in buying the toy from him, because it’s very true that many people feel too vulnerable when buying those kinds of items. 
His smirk doesn’t go unnoticed by you before you look away from him and focus your attention back to your family. And by the time he’s prepared the food and is standing aside to help explain  or describe what ingredients the dishes have, you’re walking up with your empty plate and an awkward glance. 
He follows you down the line, seemingly more interested in you than anyone else. You could argue it’s just an attempt to make you feel embarrassed though.
“Do I know you from somewhere?” You ask, a knowing look telling him that you’re already very aware of that ‘somewhere’ you know him from. 
His pursed lips and snide hidden laugh at you is one thing, but the way he whispers to you over a pan of potato casserole is another. 
“I think you know who I am.” He says, crossing his arms as he leans back again with a flicker of a grin. 
You leave it at that, looking him in the eye curiously and for some reason, smiling back at the strange second encounter with a man who appears to have a name tag now.
“Thanks, Jihoon. See you around.” 
You’re heading away from the table of food and now toward your saved spot at the table of family that you missed the most. Your same-age cousins, the ones you grew up with and made mud pies for your parents with during summer evenings. 
“What was that about?” One of them leans over to ask, glancing to the man who is still overseeing the table of food and maintaining perfect temperatures. 
“Huh? He was just telling me what was in the potatoes.” 
She takes your answer as truth without issue, and the conversation falls away and into something else. College life, job life, family life. 
~
Okay so you’re trying to hear yourself out here. Are you somehow curious and interested in speaking with Jihoon? Yeah. Do you know why? Also yes. For one, he just sold you a fucking interesting sex toy last weekend in the most uncomfortable way possible, and now he’s here at your family reunion to remind you of what you do in your apartment when you’re alone. 
His personality seemed different this time too. He wasn’t monotone, he was snide with you about knowing who you are. He probably thinks it’s funny that he ended up at your family reunion over any other event.
So yeah, maybe you find yourself going up to the table for seconds even though you’re no longer hungry. Maybe you definitely wait until no one else is at the table and he appears to be tidying up the space and wiping up spills. 
“How many jobs do you have?” You ask in a sarcastic tone when you reach him, the table between the two of you creating a comfortable distance to poke and prod.
He jumps only slightly at your presence because he didn’t notice you walking up. Then he’s smiling again, looking at you up and down. 
“Plenty. How much lube do you have left?” He answers before shooting back his own question and getting right to the point. 
You freeze in shock at his question, reminding yourself that his monotone voice from the late dildo purchase is no more and he now comes across as vibrant and charming to you. You check him out for a moment, taking mental notes of what may not be to like about him. Unfortunately, you’re not finding much to take note of. 
“I can’t imagine you have much left, that thing was a fucking monster.” He pauses to cover his mouth, forgetting that he’s supposed to be timid and gentle during his day job. He’s not supposed to be himself.
You find yourself laughing at his panic though, leaning over the table and holding out your empty plate. Mostly just to get in closer to him. 
“Why are you so interested in my ‘fucking monster”’ dildos anyway?” You narrow your eyes. 
He pauses, his panic easing after taking note of your easy personality and banter towards him. 
“I think anyone would be interested, with all things considered.” He checks you out again. “Correction, they should be worried.” 
“You’re different from before,” you comment, both of you now blatantly staring down each other. “I like this version of you more.” 
Something inside of him feels giddy at that. Not to be cliche but he wonders if this is what it’s like to instantly have a crush on someone. Again, he’s not one to lie to himself. You’re pretty and you appear to be confident. Confident enough to discuss this at your own family reunion at least.
“Maybe I’ll see you again sometime then.” He puts a hand forward, inviting you to shake it but you simply stare down at it. 
“Yeah, maybe you will.” You smile, slapping his hand as if you’re low fiving him. 
Honestly, he might actually see you within the next day or two because he was kind of right to ask about how much lube you have left, but it’s not like you’d answer that truthfully if at all. You might be running out after just two uses. He was right again about it being a fucking monster, because well, yeah. Maybe you’ll pop in and shop for bulk lube instead of rejecting his up-sale. 
~
Unfortunately for you, upon the reunion coming to an end, you get into your car and of course it doesn’t start. Your head slamming into the steering wheel with a sigh that’s probably loud enough for the entire town to hear.
The last thing you need is your father driving you home, because he will lecture you about your car and how it’s got to be some fault of your own for it to not start. And you know, yeah maybe it was your fault. Why were your lights turned on during a sunny sunday afternoon? Fuck if you know. Why were they left on for the entire nine hours you spent at your parent’s house? You refuse to ask yourself questions.
Just as you prepare to head back inside, taking the walk of shame ten minutes after saying your goodbyes, a savior appears.
That savior is none other than Jihoon walking up with his stiff button down shirt partially unbuttoned, hair now disheveled as he must have ruffled it up after the day of work. He watched you from his catering van for just a few minutes before finally getting out to offer his expertise. 
“The battery is dead.” He smiles, slapping both palms on your hood and leaning to look at you through the windshield. 
“Smart man, can you un-dead my battery before my dad comes out?”
Jihoon shakes his head apologetically. 
“I already checked the van for the cables, could be a write up on my part for not checking before leaving. We are supposed to have all sorts of shit to prevent breakdowns on a job. Not today though, apparently.” He scratches the back of his neck as he walks to your opened car door. 
“If you can hang tight for like ten minutes I can swing by after dropping the van off.”
Your eyes plead with him. You’d prefer this, yes. If he’s willing to help, you’re willing to accept.
“You sure I’m too out of the way for you to do that?”
He shakes his head nonchalantly, waving you off as he leans into your car to pull your keys out of the ignition. He smells like food, obviously he does, but there’s a scent of something else on him that’s far more attractive. The dull scent of cologne that matches him all too well. 
“Don’t try to turn it on anymore if you don’t want your dad coming out.” He laughs. “I’m sure he would help you but if you’d rather I help you, I am more than happy to do it.”
He’s teasing. His little crush pushes him to want to help you, but he’s gonna play it off as casually as possible. 
“I’ll hang out here. My dad would lecture the fuck out of me.”
Jihoon nods, backing away and heading back to his van to fulfill his offer.
On another note, you’re shocked that your father didn’t hear the commotion, and even more shocked that he didn’t step outside once since the reunion ended. He must have been tired, and you know him, he sleeps like a rock even if he hits the sack at 7pm without even cleaning up the yard. 
~
“Oh, it’s dead dead.” Jihoon looks at you apologetically, peeking his head out from the side of your hood and through your window. 
“Define dead dead.” You comment, taking your keys out of the ignition with a huff. 
“Like, you need a new battery. This one is done for.”
You sigh loudly, knowing that now you’ll have to go ask your parents for a ride home. Know that your dad is going to add more to his lectures with each day your car is sitting in their driveway. This is so fucking annoying. At least you work from home though, so it’s not like you’re gonna lose your job over this or anything. 
Jihoon unhooks the cables and turns off his car, then stands there and watches you for a moment. You look frustrated and annoyed, and it’s very much like him to offer more help. Of course it is. 
“Would it be too forward to ask if you need a ride home?” 
You look at him confused, tilting your head and studying his body language much like before. You’re not one to decline someone making your life a little bit easier, and he is interesting to talk to. You nod slowly, then pause.
“You’ve worked all day, don’t waste your off-time helping me out.”
“I’m already wasting my off time on you though, might as well let me drive you home too?”
You stare at him. 
“Okay.”
The awkward silence sets in shortly after you seat yourself in his car. You fill that silence with small sarcastic comments about his car though, and soon it becomes easy to be in the space with him.
“Where did this sticker come from?” You ask, poking your finger into a sticker with its edges rolled from the summer heat, probably.
“Ex girlfriend, i couldn’t get it off without it leaving a residue so I’m just letting the sun do its job and melt it off.”
“Oh, harsh.” You laugh, wanting to prod further. “Why’d you break up?”
Jihoon pauses, you can tell by the way his foot lets up from the gas momentarily that he wasn’t expecting you to ask that. Then again, he’s said some weird shit to you too, so you figure it’s not an end-all question. 
“Was that too forward to ask?” 
“Not at all, just wasn’t expecting it,” He shakes his head with a small smile, nearly reaching his hand from the wheel to pat your leg in reassurance. He holds back, wondering why the fuck that urge felt so normal for him to do. “It’s been like a year, so I’m over it and stuff. She just thought I worked too much and didn’t spend enough time with her.”
“Ouch, even harsher.” You smile in reassurance to him, also feeling it normal to want to do that for some reason. “Her loss, I mean, discounted dildos and food? Huge loss.”
He laughs at your comments, briefly looking over at you once he stops at a red light. Your eyes are shining with life, with interest even. At that moment, he feels something between the two of you. Which is quite strange considering this is your first time officially meeting him outside of his working hours. He can’t help the way his face softens though, it happens against his will, honestly, it does. 
“You’re kind of cute,” You blurt, breaking eye contact with him and shifting in your seat. “and fun to hang out with.” 
“Hang out?” He laughs at you, eyes now adjusting back to the road and lowering his speed just to have a bit more time with you. “This is hardly a hang-out, but if you’re interested, I’m more than willing to check my schedule to see when I’m free next.”
You feel confidence raise up in your chest, bubbling to be free in the form of a question likely too bold to actually consider.
“You’re free right now…” You comment quietly, glancing at him. 
“Hm?” He asks, tightening his grip on the steering wheel and feeling your eyes on him. He heard you, but he wouldn’t mind hearing you repeat it.
“I said, you’re free right now.” You repeat, this time with more confidence. “Would it be too forward to ask if –”
“Nothing is too forward to ask, I literally sold you a dildo.” 
You pause in shock, all thoughts leaving your head.
“Damn, alright,” You laugh, feeling kind of warm inside at how his forwardness matches your own. “If you’re free right now, we could hang out right now.” 
How lucky for both of you. He’s actually not catering tomorrow and only has to be at work at the good ol’ sex shop in the evening. 
“Alright,” He nods, glancing over to you. “Kind of fucked up we are hanging out after I met your entire family and still haven’t gotten a name from you yet though, wouldn’t you think?” 
Oh fuck, he’s right. 
“I’m sure you heard the kids yelling it all day. Don’t be dramatic.”
He laughs, already in love with the idea of spending more time with you. 
“Where to then, y/n?” 
~
If your parents were to ask why you’re walking through your apartment building with the caterer following behind you, you’d have no excuse. Then again, as an adult, you don’t think you need one. It’s strange despite how open and casual you are with making friends though, because you never just invite strangers to your place for friendship. Not at least without hanging out a few times. 
You guess it’s not super awkward because it’s true that he already knows things about you that your family doesn’t. Such as, the things you penetrate yourself with when you’re alone. It’s a major ice breaker, and something that makes the friendship with him come easy even after barely talking to the guy.
The few words you have shared have been easy and fun, so it’s only natural that if your instinct is to want to be around him a little longer, you’d invite him in right? You weren’t really expecting him to accept your answer to his question. 
“Where to then?” 
You thought for a moment when he asked that. You don’t go to clubs or bars anymore, most places would have been closing within the hour, and it’s not like you didn’t eat to peak fullness during the family reunion so having a late dinner with him was out of the question too. You answered him so easily, and he accepted in a way that seemed just as natural to him. 
“We could just hang out at my place, I’ve got plenty of streaming services, a gaming system, and wine.”
“Sounds good.” 
It was so easy to become friends with him, and now with him following you up to your apartment, the typical awkwardness that should come with this type of thing isn’t swarming your mind at all. He’s even making small talk about the building itself after parking in your parking spot. 
“This building is way nicer than mine, you got a door code and everything just to get in.”
“Wasn’t always like this. Being a single woman in a city like this calls for safety measures though.”
A little box in his head checks out. He didn’t even have to ask if you’re single, because he already assumed you were with the way you so easily invited him over. 
By the time you get to your door with him, he’s polite when he walks in and takes off his shoes. Polite in the way he looks around and studies your space, even polite in the way he walks into the living room and invites himself onto your couch and grabs your remote. 
“I was going to say make yourself comfortable but–”
“Well, would you prefer I sit on your floor?” He shoots back with a sarcastic tone in his voice. “Would you prefer I start digging through your cabinets for snacks? Would you prefer–”
“You’re so much more talkative when I’m not trying to buy something from you.” You comment with a laugh, dipping into the kitchen for two glasses and that cheap bottle of wine. 
“Speaking of, do you actually use that thing and like it? I mean, I see some weird purchases but that specific one is super popular with the fetish groups.”
For the first time, you feel heat rise to your cheeks. You should have known that the sex toy would be a point of conversation, considering the first time you ever met was buying it. 
“Yes, I use it. I’m surprised you find it shocking considering it’s literally your job to know what people like in terms of getting off.”
He smiles at that, because you’re damn right he knows. Most of the time he would prefer not to know, but he always did wonder if, on the off chance, he ended up hooking up with a customer he’d have some prior knowledge of how they like it based on toys alone. 
“You know, no one buys toys on a Monday at nine in the morning.” 
“I buy toys at nine in the morning on a Monday,” You chuckle, carrying the two glasses and wine into the living room and plopping down next to him. “Why does that matter? I’m sure you make your quotas even on the slow days considering how hard you were trying to up-sell me.”
He shrugs as he watches you pour him a glass. 
“It’s easy to up-sell when you know people’s kinks after a few purchases. I do that to everyone just to gauge what they need so if they come back I can make more offers.”
“A true salesman.” You laugh with a pitied voice. “What would you say my kink is?”
He studies you, looking you up and down without shame and thinking hard about your single purchase. 
“Well, considering that specific item is, again, usually looked at by a specific type of person or couple, I’d say–”
“Wrong.” You interrupt before he even tries to make a guess. “I don’t have a kink, I just have a sex drive.”
You take a sip at his silence of being beaten to the punch, and then he takes his own thoughtful sip. 
“Okay then, What do you think my kink is?” He asks slyly, cup still against his lips as he sips again. 
“Wha–” You narrow your eyes. “Hell if I know, you probably don’t even have sex after being in a hyper-sexualized space like that for hours on end.”
“Wrong.” He pokes his tongue into his cheek and looks away from you with another casual chuckle.
“Are you telling me you have a pocket pussy or like, a buttplug or something?”
“Three pocket pussies, actually.”
You don’t know why you’re shocked. For some reason his sex toys becoming the focus makes you feel more shy than your own being the focus. 
“I bet you named them.”
“Pocket 1, Butthole 1, and Jessica.”
“Jessca?!” 
He nods in a matter-of-fact tone with a proud smile. 
You feel comfortable around him, never having a friend who openly talks to you about these things without any type of awkwardness. It’s the fact that he’s a man too. Usually they think with their dicks and he seems to have no qualms in admitting that it’s something he may do from time to time too. 
You imagine he needs this type of personality to work such a job though, being casual about sex can be so difficult for your average joe because for some reason, it is embarrassing. It’s hard to talk about even to sex-shop employees. You like to think he’s probably someone who makes others feel comfortable about their sexual habits though, because you feel comfortable. 
“I’m lying by the way.” He cuts through your thoughts, “I only have two.” 
You nod energetically. 
“Jesse and James.” 
“Oh my god, how did you know that?” 
You narrow your eyes again. He’s gotta be a fucking nerd to get the reference, even if everyone knows what pokemon is. 
“So the pussy is Jesse, and the asshole is James.” 
He nods slowly, acting surprised before smirking yet again. 
“Actually, I only have one but I’ve experimented with other things that come through the door. Might as well, right?”
“And yet, you’re shocked about my single dildo purchase without knowing of my other items of interest? I could have just been trying something new too, y’know.”
Another sip of wine, and another glance away from him.
“No one buys that as a first time experience.” He shoots back.
“Okay, enough about my dildo, I actually have a question about something you might have in stock but I’ve kind of been too embarrassed to ask until now.”
He nods, his personality shifting only slightly into that as the manager of the sex-shop.
“Shoot.”
“Do you guys have like,” you pause, unsure of why you’re even trying to ask. Again, it’s not like masturbation is embarrassing, nor is the purchasing of toys. Asking for a specific item is a bit too intimate to you though, so you usually just buy those things online. “Okay hear me out.”
“Tentacles? Furry buttplugs with tails attached? Bondage rope? Paddles?”
“No…” You pause at his spewing of different types of toys. “I know you have all of that.”
He pauses, unsure of what could be so embarrassing. 
“Do you guys have sex dolls for women? You know, like, just a dude torso with a normal length and girth?”
Jihoon fucking snorts. How mundane. Unfortunately for you though, Nope. 
“Nah, the owner tries to cater more towards men and fetish stuff. We’ve got women sex dolls but he’s never really even mentioned just like…a dildo attached to some sort of form that is shaped like a person.”
You shrug. 
“Guess sticking it to the wall is all I can do for now then. But like,” You pause, realizing that you’re actually going into detail at this point, which might be a little uncomfortable for him? Maybe? “It’s really annoying to have it sticking to the floor, and you’re like, riding it and it just pops off and stabs your thigh slipping out mid-orgasm.”
He snorts again, this time unable to stop laughing at the image of whatever orgasm instilled the frustration in you to even mention that happening. He tries to stifle his laughter with the last sip of his wine before choking it down and pushing his glass at you for more. 
“Noted,” He snorts, nodding his head and almost hiding his face from you. “I’ll tell the boss we need male sex dolls so the women don’t get thigh fucked mid-orgasm.”
You glare. 
“Dude, no, because it actually hurt.”
“Maybe you should slow down next time so the full force of your…” he pauses, realizing how sexual the image in his head is of you right now. 
“Okay, wait. I’m sorry, is this conversation too much right now?” You ask, looking him up and down and giving him a new glass of wine. “You’re blushing.”
He tries to play it off. 
“As if you could make me blush.” He laughs at you, downing half of his glass in one go. “To make up for our lack of product though, and if you don’t tell anyone, I’ll give you a discount on your next purchase just for embarrassing yourself like that just now.”
“Oh, I was supposed to be embarrassed?” You counter, laughing along with him as you actually start to look at him.
You noticed that he was handsome before. Normally employees of shops like those are nonchalant normal people, or strange old men who try to impose their kinks onto you. Jihoon though. Jihoon. Hmm, how to explain him?
With his messy hair that covers his eyes every time he whips his head toward you in a laugh, with his wide smile and pretty eyes. He may not be the tallest man you’ve ever looked at like this but damn is he thick. Like his thighs. Damn, the thighs. Even him now  compared to him when he was catering for your family, he’s so much more handsome.
His shoulders are broad, and he’s just… You don’t even know how to explain to yourself the attraction you have toward him at this moment. Handsome is one thing, and you would have continued calling him that if it weren’t for the fact that he’s laughing with you on your couch about a ruined orgasm. 
“You know, Jihoon,” You start, looking into your glass and swirling the liquid inside, then you look up again and make eye contact. “I’m really not usually this forward but like,”
His brain stops for a moment at the serious tone in your voice, his expression softens and you can tell he’s listening. 
“I know masturbation and stuff is normal, and like, you see and talk about these things all the time but I never really talk about it to other people, they always get weird about it.”
“Yeah, I guess that’s true. I can’t say this is the most normal hang out I've ever had. Usually we talk about our favorite movies or books or something.”
You wave him off. 
“Yeah, that’s a good point. We could talk about our favorite movies but I find myself, um–” You stop for a second. 
“Is talking about it making you realize that it’s uncomfortable?” 
“No, the opposite actually.” You laugh, now actually feeling embarrassed. “I keep thinking about you mentioning the other things you’ve bought and experimented with.”
“Oh? You’re curious?” He laughs, now feeling a bit shy himself because he’s pretty sure that’s you asking him to put images in your head. “I mean I could go into detail but it actually might be too-telling right now.”
You nod, unsure of why you even suggested.
“Maybe next time?” You change the subject with a smile, one that does seem slightly disappointed. 
“There’s a next time?” He smiles, setting his glass down on your table and shifting toward you.
“I don’t see why not? I’m having fun, plus you offered me a discount.”
He nods, looking around the room and checking the time. 
“I should probably head out then? We’ve both had a long day.” 
You nod back to him, feeling a bit sad. 
“When are you free next?” You ask, grabbing your phone in a way that seems a bit too excited. “Can you give me your number?”
He obliges, exchanging phone numbers and promising to contact you with his next free day or night to hang out. 
Just as he goes to leave though, for some reason both of you feel as though the satisfaction of this hang out wasn’t reaching full potential. 
“Hey, um,” He stops before he puts his shoes back on. “Would it be too forward to say I’m not tired and wouldn’t mind–”
“Staying for a bit longer?” You finish his sentence for him, patting the couch as if that was also on your mind.
He doesn’t even respond, and instead makes his way back onto the couch where the cushion is still warm, unable to help that fluttering feeling in his chest.
~
It's almost midnight by the time he offers to leave again, and yet, he stays at your clear disappointment of the offer. Another hour later, the two of you are sitting contently and pretending to watch some shitty tv show in comfortable silence.
“We should say something.” He blurts, mid episode.
“What do you mean?”
He turns toward you. 
“We should talk about this.” He motions at the space between the two of you. 
You’re silent while you try to build up the confidence to meet him half-way again. 
“You can correct me if you’re not interested but I actually really would like it if you kissed me or something.” He adds as you continue to process what he seems to be getting at.
You’re taken aback by his forwardness, and instantly you knew he didn’t communicate this earlier for your own sake. Thankfully, you’ve tried to make it easy for him to read you and he ate it up like his favorite book. The content feeling between the two of you was buzzing up to this point. Very loudly in your brain where you were thinking of how to kiss him before the night is up. Even as just a “thank you” if he were to turn away from it. 
“Oh yeah?” You ask, tilting your head and seeing him scoot closer. “Kiss you, or something?”
He nods his head, looking at you without much issue and searching for a reaction. 
“Are you interested in me like that, in any way?” He asks, looking for confirmation.
“Oh, most definitely.”
The smile that spreads across his face is one that you can argue will be unforgettable. It’s an expression you hope to bring to every person in your life, one that seems to express nothing but relief, excitement, and maybe even a hint of bashfulness.
“You thought I'd invite you inside without being interested?” You smile at him, feeling a little bit fuzzy in the head at the admittance. 
“I thought you were just being nice, or like, just interested in friendship,” He rambles on, stopping himself short to give more context to that statement. “I mean, it would be fine if this was all for friendship and I'm happy with that too but I can admit to coming into your apartment with maybe, uh, a small crush.” 
“I can admit to inviting you in with a small crush, maybe.” 
“Maybe.”
“Are we being too forward?” You ask, emphasizing the repetitive way that word seems to appear. “Even though you’re in my apartment at one in the morning and both of us are giving any and every excuse to keep you here?”
He smiles this time in a way that appears to be self-soothing, and you can imagine you are too. It’s always nerve-wracking to walk on eggshells with another person, the threat of wondering if you'll fall alone or fall with them into a new version of partnership. 
You don’t think about the lack of knowing him past a purchase, a quick conversation at a family reunion, or the past several hours he’s huddled up with you on this couch. You simply don’t think it’s strange at this point. After all, you’ve met people online and invited them over without much more than a name, age, and quick conversation about what they want sexually. How is this worse? How is this strange? 
“You’re right. Maybe we should stop being so polite when the reality of it is that I’ve been imagining what you’ve done with that toy since the day you bought it.” 
Okay, maybe that was too forward but all is lost now as your image of him changes drastically within the mere seconds it took him to say that, not in a bad way either. Again, of course he’s comfortable admitting it, the dude stares at dicks and holes all day. But now he’s staring at you, and talking directly to you.
Your silence makes him shift a bit, shaking his head apologetically. 
“Found the boundary, got it.” He shames himself with a timid voice, looking away from you and back to the tv with a hint of embarrassment. “I’m not lying though.” He adds after a few more minutes of your silence.
“Not much of a boundary if I admit that I was blatantly asking you earlier what you’ve done to experiment with your toys.”
“Aha! So I was right in thinking you were straight up asking for mind-porn of me?!” He feels instantly comfortable again, turning his entire body toward you as he folds up one of his legs to sit on with a little bounce. 
“Maybe, but what do you mean you’ve been imagining since I bought it? You barely made eye contact with me that day.”
“Oh, I was checking you out the whole time you shopped. Imagine my face when I knew exactly what toy you were reaching for.”
You shove him by the shoulder with a laugh, realizing that this is the first bodily contact you’ve ever had with him, but he actually leans into your shove rather than out of it. Meaning, he barely budges. 
“If I looked you in the eye at the register, you would have thought I was some pervert.” 
“You are a pervert. You said it had, what? Twelve other colors?” 
He shrugs with a pained smile at how cringe he must have sounded to you. 
“You seemed more like a sparkly pink girl rather than a normal flesh tone girl. Then again, this was before I knew you were looking for a literal male sex doll for probably super normal pretend-sex.”
You shove him again, your laugh coming out more forced now at the way he jokes with you. Once again, he doesn’t budge. In fact, he’s leaning in closer. 
“Now hold on, you didn’t mention anything about one having glitter in it.” You joke, wiggling your brows. 
“You trying to fuck a man or a magic unicorn?” He laughs yet again, all of it coming out more forced as the two of you drag out information just to hear the dirty words in a voice you’re only just realizing you like far too much. 
“A man.” You respond, this time not laughing, looking him dead in the eye and trying to pretend you don’t notice how close the two of you have gotten. “Why else would I go for more human skin tones?”
“Fuck if I know, I haven’t met a single man who has vibration settings or rolling beads though.” 
You snort. 
“Shame…but also, why do you think I’m on the hunt for the most mundane sex toy a woman can buy now? The rolling beads almost had me passing out.” 
“Was it too much?” He asks seriously, hoping to god it was. 
“A little bit, yeah.”
“I can imagine you want something to feel real after that.”
For some reason, his words hit you straight in the gut. Your stomach drops as your attraction heightens, and suddenly you’re just staring at him as you respond. 
“I can imagine so, yeah.” 
He stares back, almost no space between the two of you as the banter only brought you both mentally and physically as close as possible without becoming twisted together. 
“When was the last time you felt something real?” He asks against his better judgment, wondering if you’re on the same page with him. Wondering if all this banter was leading to somewhere or nowhere. Because he could have sworn admitting to wanting you to kiss him, and you’ve yet to do so. 
“A month and a half.” You respond dryly, suddenly needing something to drink. 
He glances down at your neck when you swallow around your words, then stares at your lips before breathing in a sigh. One that was supposed to relieve the tension in this moment, but only building it more because he knows you see him do it. He knows you see him wet his bottom lip too.
“Are you going to kiss me, or are you planning to wait another month and a half to get what you want?” He continues on his streak of boldness as if to distract you from noticing the sexual tension, feeling his heart skip beats at the intensity of the moment. 
“It’s not like we have anything better to do.” You start, leaning in and still looking straight into his eyes.
“Are you suggesting that I’m boring?” He narrows his eyes as he feels your breath against his lips, still sweet from the wine that did close to nothing in terms of altering the brain. The two of you are totally planted into reality, if anything, a little drunk on the other. 
“Not at all.” You adjust your words from earlier, there, just hovering over his lips. “I’m just saying that nothing is more interesting than kissing you right now.”
Oh, the fluttering in his belly is so fucking intense right now. No eighteen inch alien tentacle dildo on a shelf could scare him as much as you do at this moment. Intimidatingly outspoken and aware of your wants and needs. His eyelashes flutter just like his stomach does, closing them slowly until he can feel your lips on his. 
Your stomach, on the other hand, has been doing flips since the first instance he admitted to wanting to stay. All of the tension, all of the comfortable silence, all of the glances, the smiles, the laughing, all of it was leading up to this. The moment your lips hit his, they feel much like you imagined they would. 
Soft, plush, warm. The thin lipped grins he’s given you all fucking day now laying flat against your own lips, no longer grinning, now just wanting. And he’s gentle, so fucking gentle with it. Never has a man asked you to kiss him. Usually they close the gap to try and swoon you. It appears you’re both being swooned by each other at the moment though, and his soft kiss only pulls back momentarily before he leans forward, closer.
The third touch, save for you shoving him, his lips on yours, and now…his hand on your cheek. Caressing so gently as he deepens the kiss with ease. The heat rises up and through your skin at the simple touch. You think he must feel it with the way he chuckles into the kiss and starts peppering them against your lips over and over again. A split second between each lay of his lips, and then another solid kiss. One where you finally start moving yours too.
It’s slow and languid in the way he kisses you like this, barely even darting his tongue out but focusing more on your cheek against his palm. He can feel your jaw move as you kiss and can’t help but love what’s happening, and when you’re the one to lick against his lower lip, he falls in so easily. 
That little movement from you, that little feeling of your tongue experimentally prodding his lips open releases the last bit of tension holding him back. He pulls back to look at you and you’re not backing down even slightly. 
“Does this feel more real for you?” He asks in a snide way, swiping your bottom lip with his thumb of the glistening saliva before tilting his head with a smile. 
You very nearly roll your eyes at him for that. And by very nearly, you do roll your eyes at him and can’t help but smile yet again. 
“I’ll take that as a yes,” He says, palm still against your cheek, tips of his fingers toying with the baby hairs on your hair-line. “because I can imagine that the toy couldn’t ki-”
You shoot forward to kiss him again, only just realizing how awkward the positioning is considering neither of you were probably expecting more than a first kiss. 
He laughs into it, knowing you were silencing him of something that could arguably be the most cringe-worthy thing he can say after kissing you. His laughs start to stifle though, as you press forward and somehow manage to have his back against the seat of the couch and you planting yourself on top of him. 
“Can you shut up about the toy now? I thought we got past that,” You argue as you pull back, your cheek already missing the feeling of his palm against it. “You can’t just act like this and then say some dumb shit like that.”
You’re joking, he knows it. If anything, you’re complimenting him right now and he eats it the fuck up as he stares up at you. 
“Was I wrong though? Can it do this for you?” 
You take a moment to look at him, realizing that this is the man who you just kissed. With his hair a mess and fanned out onto the cushions, strands falling in front of his eyes, but mostly swept back and exposing the entirety of his forehead to you. 
You reach forward and brush a strand from his eyes. 
“Actually, say what you want.” You correct yourself and manage to ignore his question.
“Why the sudden change of heart?” He half-chuckles as he brings his hands up to set against your waist, hoping you don’t pull out of the intimate position the two of you are in. 
“I don’t know, I was just looking at you and thought it was stupid for me to try to argue with you right now.”
“Why’s that?” He prods for more compliments, feeling himself twitch at the way you look hovering over him. 
“Are you trying to argue right now?” You tilt your head, adjusting yourself now to sit directly on his thighs and lay forward, both hands cushioning your chin on his chest as you straddle him. 
“Would it be so wrong to admit that you’re fun when you argue with me?” 
You can feel him breathe under you, nearly rocking you further and further into whatever headspace Jihoon seems to put you in. It’s too comfortable, and it almost feels as though you’ve been with him for years now. You barely know him, yet you’re lying on him as if you got married two years ago. Insane how this works. How the heart works, or the brain, or whatever drives the arousal you’re feeling right now. 
“Will you argue if I ask to show you my room?” You start, lifting back up and away from his chest, now scooting forward a bit. You don’t dare sit on it yet, but you very much would like to if he were to suggest not moving at all from this couch. “My bed.”
He stutters and quickly quiets his excited words, replacing his voice with a nod and a sharp inhale.
“Hah! Telling me to argue and instantly buckling the second I mention my bed.” You laugh, pulling yourself up and sauntering out of his view.
He stares at the ceiling for a moment, in a daze over just how much he likes you. He wonders, would you be shocked to know he hasn’t had sex in much longer compared to you? One and a half months for you? That’s nothing to him. He’s been besties with his right hand for at least six months by now. Trust him when he says that it truly was difficult to not turn into a hormonal idiot when he saw you in the shop that day. 
Finally, he shakes himself out of the spaced out horny brain staring at your ceiling and stands to his feet. He’s quick to adjust the bulge in his jeans, uncomfortably shaking his leg before looking toward where you walked off to.
“Um.” He stops realizing you were watching him, looking directly at the spot he just adjusted. “I mean,” He tries to start again, adjusting again as he feels it slowly move out from its tucked place. “Listen,”
“No, I get it.” You say, snickering at his embarrassment as if he somehow doesn’t know you were suggesting at least some foreplay by moving to your room.
“Of course you do,” He drops his head, now blatantly shoving his hands down his pants to adjust before looking back up and taking a step forward. “You’re the one who sat on me like that.”
“Please, I didn’t even sit on it.” 
“Didn’t need to.” He shrugs, now coming up to you and waiting for you to guide him through your space and into your room. 
Once the two of you get there, him not even attempting to hide that he is very aroused at this moment, you’re very quick to turn to face him once he comes inside. 
“We are on the same page, right?” You ask, looking at his lips and the way they still look so kissable. 
“As far as I know, with all things considered.” He responds, looking down at himself and how pathetic he must seem in getting so aroused by nothing more than a kiss and a position change. 
You smile, reaching for his hand and watching him tumble forward to you. Now standing mere inches in front of you. 
“Do you want to see it?” You ask, a cheeky smirk on your face as you turn away from him and run to your bedside table. 
He had no idea what the fuck you were referring to until he saw it. There, in all of its non-human glory. Jihoon tics his tongue, curiously straining his neck out to peek at what else is in your drawer as he walks closer. 
You make no attempt to close the drawer and instead pull out another one, and another one, another one.
“If you keep pulling out toys I’ll start to think you were lying in saying you wanted to feel something more, um–”
“Real?” You say, turning from your presented line-up of toys to look at him. 
He nods, gazing over the toys, four dildos all far bigger than he is. 
“I can admit that men can’t vibrate, nor do they have those little rotating beats but,” You chuckle at the conversation, scooping the toys up quicker than you laid them out and tossing them back into the drawer. “They’re not warm, or attached to someone that can kiss me. They’re also not witty.”
You study his expression.
“They don’t make me laugh before getting me off.” You continue, wondering if you may actually be too forward about this now. 
He’s rendered a bit speechless, which is rare for him in any given situation. He always has a quick response, not at this moment though as he looks at you. He wonders if you pity that obvious act of self-doubt upon seeing your toys. 
“They’re not attached to you.” You add, this time stifling your chuckle, because it’s a pretty funny conversation if you look at it from the outside but you can imagine he must be feeling some type of way to be so quiet.
He thinks hard about it, knowing damn well where this was leading and pushing for it himself. Hearing you now though, so confidently say these things, all doubt erases from his mind. 
“Before we do anything,” he starts, his shaky voice coming out more confident as he continues. “Is this just a hook-up to you or are you feeling the way I’m feeling right now?”
You look at him with a question in your eyes. He was kind of shocked that you didn’t finish for him this time, actually. 
“Like, you know if we do this, I’m going to be calling to take you out to dinner at some point unless you say you don’t want me to, right?”
You hadn’t thought of anything past him since you’ve gotten here. You didn’t think about anything more than hanging out with him, and now, kissing him, and maybe you know, feeling him. For some reason though, despite the lack of sex you’ve had lately, him saying that only arouses you more. It’s been so long since you’ve intended to sleep with someone and have them want to stick around after. Some of the people you’ve been with didn’t even ask for your number. Is this what adult relationships are actually like? 
“As in, you’d want to see where this goes in the–”
“Future, yes. I’m not just going to fuck you and pretend I didn’t when I see you again.”
Shockingly, that’s a first for you and you like the feeling it gives you. Plus, him implying that he’s about to, or very willing to, fuck you sends a wave of fondness through you.
“Alright. Let’s not call it a hook up then.” You say, the playful arousal from before stifling out at the idea of being intimate with someone who is making you aware that you’ll see him again, now being replaced with…feelings? Arousal with feelings?
“What should we call it?” 
“A date?” You say back immediately, sitting on your bed and finally closing your bedside drawer. 
“Oh, you fuck on the first date?” 
You laugh at how quickly his wit comes back, especially with the way he crowds up and stands in front of you. 
“With you? I guess I do.” You smile wide for him, feeling the tension bleed away and replace itself again with the arousal of him standing and looking down at you. 
“How did we not meet earlier?” He asks, leaning down a bit as if to kiss you.
“Fuck if I know, I bought all of those toys at your shop.”
“Ah, right. Nine in the morning on a Monday. I don’t usually work mornings.”
“Guess I got lucky last time then.”
“I guess you did.” He adds like a period to a sentence, finally kissing you again and making no effort to hide the fact that he’s attempting to lay you down much like you did to him before. 
You let him, falling back on your bed and feeling him nudge your legs to spread. Again, you let him, feeling your heart begin to race with excitement in the way he kisses you now versus how he did it earlier. 
There is clear intent behind it this time, as he positions himself between your legs. Your heart only races faster when one of his hands slides down your shoulder and he tangles his fingers with yours. It’s all very intimate to be coming from a man you officially met today, but you really do feel lucky. 
Lucky that he works two jobs, lucky that your family throws lame ass reunions every five years, lucky that you had your lights on during a sunny sunday afternoon, lucky that your battery died. 
It’s so normal already to smile into the kiss and feel giddy inside. Never have you smiled into a kiss save for laughing when a leg cramp happens mid-fuck. You can’t believe how much you’ve smiled and laughed today, and you can’t believe he’s making you react this way just by holding your fucking hand and kissing you this way. 
He laughs when you react though, probably feeling at ease on your bed with you under him, squeezing his fingers tightly each time he licks against your tongue. And when he pulls back to breathe, you just look at him and the way his fringe hangs. He looks so pretty at this angle, even when he’s moving slowly, even when his other hand remains planted beside your head to hold his weight from falling onto you. 
It’s not been since highschool that you’ve laid with someone simply making out, fully clothed, giggling. You’re unsure of how he’s pulled this out of you, because usually when a man is on top of you, you’re already trying to get his clothes off. But this? This is something that you want to last. You want it to be slower than a usual fuck, because you like when he’s here with you. Whether on top of you or not, there was a reason he’s stayed this late already and you already know it wasn’t solely to fuck you.
“Did you expect to be on top of me someday?” You ask between kisses, and he takes that as an invitation to laugh against your neck and tickle your cheek with his messy hair. 
“Expect it? No,” He starts, leaving a kiss just under your ear before lowering his lips to the collar of your shirt and kissing there too. “Hoped I could, though.” 
Your heart swells up at that. You realized he must have meant it when he admitted to having a small crush on you. Only now do you realize that curiosity that brought you back up to the food-table during the reunion may have been the start of a crush on your end too. 
You don’t say anything more after that and instead fall into the feeling of his lips kissing alone your collar. For some reason the sensation of his lips pushing the fabric out of the way so he can kiss new exposed skin makes you feel incredibly wanted. Maybe it’s the pace, or maybe it’s just because you really really like him, and want him to want you. 
“Do you want to take it off?” You ask after a few more of his kisses, wanting to control yourself but also very much wanting to feel his lips everywhere else too. 
You can feel him nod in the form of his hair tickling your cheek more. But he doesn’t move from that spot at first, continuing to kiss you the same way and in the same places. You let him, up until he finally sighs and pulls back. 
Looking at him now, even compared to a few moments ago, he looks so fucking pretty. His eyes are now soft, you can almost see the lines from where he’s smiled for you all day at the creases of them. His lips, looking more kissable than they did the past two times you thought they looked as kissable as they ever could. His eyebrows, showing no signs of tension.
You’re staring and you’re not intending to hide it. Even as he lifts your shirt from your waist and starts to pull it up. You barely budge as you stare, and stare, until you can’t because he’s trying to pull your shirt over you head.
“If you’d stop staring for two seconds maybe I could get this off of you, yeah?” He laughs, finally pulling it off when you arch your back and then prop yourself up slightly with your hands. “There.”
He sighs when he says it, going silent and almost frozen at the image of your nearly-naked torso. You watch him stare now, a smirk forming all too quickly.
“Now look who’s staring.” You chuckle, noting that his eyes still don’t leave the newly exposed skin or the fabric of your bra.
“Yeah, I am.” He admits, wetting his lower lip again and then flicking his eyes to you. “Am I not supposed to?”
Suddenly, that eye contact makes you feel shy. You’re more naked than he is, despite mostly being dressed still.
“You know,” you start, avoiding his intense eye contact just to get the words out. “If we just take all of our clothes off now, it would probably be easier.”
He lets out a breathy chuckle at you but nods, already lifting his shirt off and going for his zipper and button.
“There’s no rush, but if you’d prefer we do,” He scoots back and away from you, standing to his feet to shove his jeans down his legs. “I don’t mind.”
You watch him undress and lose all ability to act on your own for a solid thirty seconds before you finally start panic-shimming the rest of your clothing off. Save for bra and panties, and he, now standing there clad in only a pair of form-fitting briefs. 
You’re glad he isn’t as shy as you at this moment though, or rather, he appears to be entirely infatuated with your body and doesn’t look away from it for even a moment to feel embarrassed himself at standing on the side of your bed nearly nude. 
“No rush?” You ask, when he finally trails his eyes up to you and takes his position between your legs from earlier. Except now, you can see his biceps and the way they flex, now, you can feel the immense amount of warmth radiating from him. Now, his hair is even more of a mess.
“I can try,” He says quietly, balancing on on hand and lowering his lips to yours once more, trying to ignore how dangerously close his length is to bumping against your pussy. “No promises now, though.”
You laugh, wondering where he lost his self control within that short span of time where you got undressed. He cuts your laugh off mid-way though, now kissing you again and moving his hand up and down your waist. It tickles and causes goosebumps to form all over you, to the point that you can’t help but sigh into his kiss. 
He continues, still holding his hips back from grinding against you, kissing you as good as he can until trailing back to your neck again. 
It’s not until you run your fingers through his hair that he sighs himself. That relief and heavenly feeling of your fingers scraping the back of his neck— Such a simple touch can literally send him straight to hell at this point and he wouldn’t care a single bit as long as it’s from you and your hands. 
He lowers himself more, just to prevent his hips from intruding into this moment only to lock his lips onto the mound of your breast, other hand lowering so he can lay down and push your bra to the side a bit. 
The cold air that hits your nipple is short-lived when you feel him immediately suck it into his mouth with a deep breath. You continue to scratch through his hair, now using your other hand to nearly hug his head in place as you feel the sensations shoot straight between your legs. Each flick of his tongue sends signals to your brain to go! go! go! But much like him, you hold back, even though your legs still manage to squeeze his body between yours in an attempt to find the friction he isn’t yet offering. 
He continues this for a few minutes, and then works his fingers under the bra on the other side of your chest before switching his lips to that one. Perking them up so perfectly that he can graze his teeth against either nipple and feel your legs react to it. All of it is turning him on beyond belief, it’s dangerously attractive to him now too, to know that you have several toys that could have already gotten you off by now, but you choose this. You choose his lips playing with your tits, and your legs doing an amazing job of showing him your lack of control. 
His lips continue their work, up until he’s trailing further and further down, making your sighs hitch higher and higher in pitch. He kisses your ribs, just above your belly button, then just below your belly button before leaning back.
There, he looks directly at the seat of your panties and smiles at the wet spot there. He plants a kiss right there before climbing back up and caressing your cheek again. 
“You’re wet.” He comments in a huskier voice than he normally uses toward you, balancing yet again on his other arm.
Before you can actually respond, his hand on your cheek disappears and is instantly cupping your entire pussy.
You hitch out a sigh and look at him with a smile.
“Obviously.” You say back, rolling your eyes playfully before unintentionally bucking your hips into the pressure his palm offers against your clit. 
“Cute too.” He adds, lifting his palm to run his fingers up the wet spot on your panties before pressing in slightly. 
You can feel them stick to you uncomfortably, but it still feels so fucking good. Any amount of touching from him feels good though. 
“And you’re teasing me.” You argue, looking away from his playful smirk as he plays with the wet fabric against his fingers. 
“Just ask. I’m not teasing you if you're not telling me what you want.” 
You shoot your eyes back to him, a mixture of curiosity and shock in your eyes. It’s true though, you are a little shocked. Most men really just do what they want, and so do you. Never have you been asked what you want. 
Your eyes trail down as far as they can, what his hand is doing is mostly hidden between your legs but you focus entirely on the way his arms flex as his fingers travel up and down your panties. 
“You want me to ask?” You question, hips bucking up again unintentionally. 
“Not so much ask, but like, tell me what you want.”
He nods to himself as he says it, licking his bottom lip and pressing the fabric of your panties in yet again. 
It’s not that he doesn’t want to do what he wants right now though, definitely not. He just figures you know your body far better than he does, and he’d rather not make assumptions and embarrass himself when you could just ask him or better, guide him. Who is he to assume you want his fingers right now anyway?
“I’ve never…” You start, swallowing your words as your brain goes back to focusing on his fingers momentarily. “I haven’t–”
He knows what you’re trying to say, so he attempts to make it a bit easier for you. 
“Do you want me to pull your panties to the side?” 
You sigh with a nod, looking at him and allowing him to guide you through telling him what you want.
“Do you want me to touch you?” 
You nod again, pushing your head back against the mattress out of frustration that you, for some reason, can’t find the confidence to just tell him. 
He listens to your body though, more than your weak nods and frustrated sighs. The way your legs shake when he asks, the way you react to the air hitting your folds when he does push your panties to the side. He can’t bare to look down yet though, because he knows for a fact that if he were to pull back and look at you in full, he’d no longer be asking you what you want. He’d be embarrassing for sure. 
You can feel his fingers now sliding through your folds though, bare pussy out and on display but not yet being looked at, only being felt. And arguably, all you can do right now is feel too, as he leans forward to kiss you in this silent moment. 
His fingers continue to explore as he kisses you, collecting all of your arousal and swirling it around your clit before sliding back down and prodding at your entrance. You make a sound at that, kissing his a little harder than before when he lets out a hum.
“Hm?” He hums against your lips, and you nod to him. 
There, he dips a finger in only slightly. Your arms reach around his neck at the feeling and pull him closer to you. To the point that you can feel him struggle to angle his hands right to slide in deeper, but you pay no mind to it. At least not until you kiss the fucking daylights out of him.
That, you do. Kissing him with full-force and making a show of how turned on you are for him. He feels it though, with or without your kiss bruising him. The wetness on the tip of his finger only becomes wetter, and when you release your grip around his neck, he still doesn’t leave the kiss.
He goes back to gently kissing you, focusing more on your fingers than what his tongue is doing. He slides that same finger in all the way now, feeling your walls clench almost instantly and beg for more. Chuckling at the feeling, he fucks his finger into you experimentally before pulling them out and adjusting two fingers at your entrance. 
“Hm?” He hums again, and you nod again.
So, two fingers slide in and you’re releasing a soft moan against his lips. Already out of breath from focusing so hard on how he feels when he touches you. Your lips fall slack just to catch that lost breath, and he doesn’t argue, going right back to that spot on your neck to kiss as he picks up rhythm with his fingers. Effectively fucking you open with them. 
You hate to say you didn’t pay much attention to his hands until now. Having not noticed how deep just those two digits reach inside of you, and good fucking lord does he know how to use them too. Curling them up at just the right moment to have you legs shaking. 
Never have your legs fucking shook for a man. This only happens with the g-spot stimulating toys. God, you open your eyes to look at the ceiling in thought, and it has you wondering if he even knows he’s doing it. 
“Keep doing that–” you urge him, and he hums at you finally at least trying to tell him what you want. 
He finally lifts from your neck to look at you, now placing his weight back on that one free arm that had been toying with the ends of your hair this entire time, and he’s fucking floored. Even if he pictured you before with those toys, none of those images came close to this. And it’s just his fingers? No where near the size of your toys, no where near as expensive, or warm…or alive.
Oh. You want to feel someone who wants you. 
“I’ll do anything you want.” He says, doing exactly as you asked except a little faster now, still hitting that spot inside of you so perfectly that you’re moaning out now. 
He tunes in entirely to the sounds you’re making, the faces you’re making, and the way your pussy clenches around just those two fingers. He is aching at this point, pulling back from hovering over you to sit now between your legs, fingers still keeping pace, and sliding his other hand down his briefs. 
You don’t notice at first, too enthralled by the feeling of his curling fingers inside of you, but when you do–
“God,” You moan, rolling your eyes at the image of him out of breath, both hands working to pleasure both of you. “Come here.”
He listens, already pulling his hand away from himself but keeping his fingers in you, in a daze as he takes his original position of hovering over you.
“No, I mean, come here.” You say, looking at him as you reach between your bodies and pull his fingers out of you, then reach to grab between his legs. 
He immediately moans at the feeling, his hips pressing harshly into your grip with a whine as he takes a deep breath and closes his eyes just to feel it. 
“Take it out?” You continue, slowly becoming more and more comfortable telling him what you want. 
Just watching him do what you ask is insanely hot. The way he pulls his cock out seems so natural to him, you suddenly imagine what he must look like all alone while getting himself off. Thankfully though, he’s not all alone right now, he’s with you, and you intend to be getting him off. 
You look at him, between his legs, and then back at him once more before grabbing it again and practically pulling his hips to you by the cock. He groans all the same at it though, and only holds his breath when he feels your legs spread further and essentially press his cock between your folds and hold it there from the head. 
“Grind.” You say, still holding your hand in place to keep the pressure against him, which also puts pressure against your clit when he does grind up.
You both shiver at it, and he still looks down at you, fucking smiling through his sighs of relief regarding the new sensations you’re offering. 
“You’re actually fucking perfect.” He compliments, fucking his hips up and coating his cock with the dripping of your core. 
Out of everything he’s ever said to you up to this point, out of everything he’s fucking done to you, that’s the one thing that has you spiralling into a world of fucking fire. It makes you feel so warm, especially with the head of his cock bumping your clit. He has barely gotten any friction and he is still calling you perfect? Sign you the fuck up, forever, actually. 
“Don’t be stupid,” You start, waving him off between moans and gripping his shoulders.
He grinds up harder at your words though, now propping himself up on his elbows and grabbing your face on both sides. 
“You, don’t be stupid.” He says clearly, pointing his thrusts directly at your clit and moaning only slightly as he looks at you.
You swear, at that moment he could see your entire life. Everything about you. Everything you love and hate. The way he doesn’t look through you but at you? 
“You’re actually insane.” You laugh, crumbling to his pointed gaze and thrusts, your legs automatically shooting up to wrap around his waist. 
He seems proud of being called insane right now. Mostly because he can come up with at least fifty reasons as to why this is anything but insanity, but he remains quiet at the feeling of your legs squeezing around him. 
Such a girl was looking for mundane sex toys to have normal sex with? Lucky you, this is his fucking favorite. Plain ‘ol missionary? Check. Legs squeezing around him, almost pulling him in? Check. Looking directly at the face of the person he wants to make feel good? Check. 
You barely notice his lack of control by this point, the closeness alone feels like you’re already having sex but you realize you’re entirely empty still. This is fine though, until it’s not.
When does it not become fine? When his confident moans turn to soft sighs, and you notice his arms shaking a bit to hold his weight above you, and when his eyes go dead staring at you. You can tell he’s focused entirely on the feeling between the two of you, doing nothing more than aggressive yet…weak grinds? 
“Jihoon,” You say, slightly out of breath. 
“Hm?” He responds half-heartedly, releasing his weight from one elbow and dropping his head between your neck and shoulder.
“Fuck me.”
It’s like you can feel the switch in his head go from losing sanity to gaining it back in an instant at those words. He felt like he was pleasuring himself against you for so long, with so much friction between your hand and his abdomen consistently pressing into it. He could have come from this, if you wanted him to anyway. It would have been an intense orgasm after working up for so long, but now? 
He doesn’t even say anything, he doesn’t even move his head from between your neck and shoulder. Instead, you feel him expertly adjust his hips and press in without much trouble. He finds exactly where he belongs so fucking fast that is has you spinning and clenching immediately. 
“Fuck,” He drones out with a long sigh, slowly sinking his cock into you. “You’re throbbing.” 
You chuckle, because yeah. You definitely are, but so is he. You can feel his thick length spreading you open inch by inch, until he’s fully planted into and twitching. Then he doesn’t move again.
“This alone could do me in,” He chuckles against your neck, breathing in a deep sigh and attaching his teeth to your lower ear lobe. “Honestly, I can't believe I didn’t already come just from having my fingers in you.”
You’re both flattered and shocked by this comment, before you can even think to respond he’s talking again.
“You’re so tight, so wet.” He soothes himself through the feeling of your walls clenching around him, not yet wanting to move and just wanting to feel what your body does to him on its own. “It’s so hard not to move right now.
“Please,” You manage to get out, struggling to focus on just one thing with the way he’s talking and the way he sits so perfectly inside of you. “Please, move.”
And he does, instantly. Pulling out and sliding back in so easily that the slapping sound is muted entirely by the matching moan you both release. You can feel his voice vibrating against your neck, and you can imagine he might be able to feel yours through your literal pussy, because it feels like every sound, touch, and sensation is sent straight there for him to enjoy. 
It doesn’t stop either. Both of you shamelessly moaning at the feeling of him snapping his hips into you at perfect speed, with a perfect voice, and a perfect hand moving up to grip your chest. 
He’s practically blanketing you with his body, your legs holding him in this spot, his hair still finding a way to tickle your cheek with each thrust in. It’s so fucking much. It’s so good, and so…comfortable.
You’re comfortable. So comfortable you don’t even feel the need to rub your clit, you don’t want to chase the orgasm, you just want to feel him. And apparently, so does he. 
When he lifts his head, kissing the bottom of your chin and then your lower lip, still the two of you are groaning at each deep thrust in, but he manages to talk through it, somehow.
“Don’t stop,” he says, despite you barely doing anything. “Keep doing that.” He continues as his thrusts pick up pace. 
Only now do you realize that you were doing something. Without noticing, your hands were nearly tearing his back apart. Not literally, but your nails may have dug in a few times. Normally, once you notice doing that, you would stop because normally men don’t want the trace of another woman on him. Jihoon though, he’s in love with seeing remnants of you tomorrow.
Obsessed with the sting of it, loving the idea of going to his night-job tomorrow and staring at all of the toys that don’t offer you a back to hold onto like this. 
You do as he asks much like he does for you, gripping him so tightly that your nails have no choice but to leave half-moon shapes on his skin. Each thrust drags your fingers up, down, up down, and with each thrust it somehow feels deeper, harder, hotter.
When he releases your chest from his other hand and puts it back to your cheek, caressing much like he has each time he’s focused on kissing you, you think you’re a fucking goner. 
As expected, he kisses you at that moment and thrusts once, hard, before holding himself there.
“I’m really close,” He whispers apologetically between kisses, “tell me how to get you there with me.”
You smile when he kisses you again instead of letting you answer, but you fall into it much like he does and you opt to grab that hand on your cheek and guide it to your clit. 
Instantly, he’s rubbing harsh and sloppy circles around it, and you reward him for the perfect work of his fingers yet again with your fingernails digging into his back. He softly moans at that, and you swallow it up all too easily. 
Tensing your muscles, his fingers on your clit work you up so quickly that you go barely warn him of your oncoming orgasm, even as his cock sits leaking and heavy inside of you. You don’t even know how to tell him, all you can do is frantically moan out shortly.
“I’m–” 
Instantly his hips are back at work, barely even thrusting but instead remaining buried into you for the most part. He pulls out an inch and slams back in, wanting your orgasm to get him off more than his own movements. And fuck, it does.
The way you clench when you reach your high, slack lips against his own, he releases at what he could argue is the best possible time. Your tenses muscles work him up perfectly, gently massaging his cock as he releases in full without too much overstimulation. 
And you. You have never gotten off with a man staying mostly still inside of you. Actually, you’ve only gotten off that way with toys because nothing beats getting off while completely filly. Jihoon really is something, or, someone. 
The two of you released together, and his lips fell slack just like yours did. The kissing turned to that of desperate, orgasm-fogged moans into the other’s mouth. For some reason, it was incredibly hot to you that you both reacted that way. So insanely drunk on the other that nothing felt embarrassing.
Even the way his fingers moved on your clit through your orgasm, he somehow knew when to go and when to stop. 
Even now, as your orgasm tapers off, you are so blissfully aware that you want to immediately fall asleep even with him inside of you. Jihoon is polite though, and gently pulls out with a small apology of the mess. 
When he looks at you, looking so sleepy under him, maybe it translates to him too and he instantly yawns but tries to be strong for both of you.
“We should clean up.”
~
There wasn’t even a question in your head when he slept over that night. He didn’t even hint at leaving. Nor did he hint the morning after as you groggily opened your computer for your daily work. 
He did hint that he would miss you when he eventually had to go to his own house and get ready for a day at the sex-shop. 
He also hinted a few times at feeling like, when he looked at you, you weren’t a brand new person in his life. Part of you wonders if that’s because maybe you want to be permanent in his life from now on.
Later that night, he came back. Bright eyes and a stinging back.
For some reason, you feel it’s safe to say that neither of you can stand being apart for too long. So yeah, maybe this is what a normal relationship is like. If, you know, you were in a relationship with him.
Ironically enough, only a few days later that relationship is established in the form of a new car battery and a bottle of lube that he bought for you. 
Not that you need it. (The lube.)
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freimeka · 10 months
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am i the only one who's about to explode by thinking of a bodyguard ghost??? like he's... extremely on another level please help me !! i actually hate this and might delete this pls forgive any mistakes ans typos it's 3am . i feel like i forgot some tws and tags but oh well idc
★ obv bodyguard!ghost + pwp + just unholy thoughts + descriptions of masturbating + very brief mention of idk just a heated argument + ghost is kinda voyeur here
You have no idea how the two of you ended up like this. You clearly remember that you were screaming at Ghost's face. The reason was something completely dumb...like, he probably insulted one of your friends and you just exploded. You've been feeling on the edge because of him for the last week now—you cannot even count the times that your hand, completely out of your control, has traveled down on your body once you were alone to touch yourself.
As you think of him.
That fucker.
Ghost can easily get under your skin without even trying, it's like a love-hate relationship. You've known him for many long years—he has always been right there, next to you whenever you turn your head around to see him. He's protected you, spoiled you maybe even more than your parents did. Well, there have also been countless times that he annoyed you so much that you just wanted to slap him across his face but you just let them pass. You're used to Ghost, and he's used to you.
You should be mad at him now, your body should be on fire just by how angry you're at him but... your hand keeps traveling down on your body. You get comfortable on your bed, letting your body meet with the soft mattress as your legs immediately spread apart as if on autopilot mode. One of your hands easily travels underneath your shirt to touch your perked nipples, your fingertips pinching them just to feel a bit more. Your other hand slips past your soaked panties, and you realize that you're embarrassingly wet—with every move of your fingers you can hear a slick sound that's faint, yet loud enough to echo in your empty room.
You throw your head back when your trembling fingers start to rub circles against your clit, gathering the wetness and spreading it all over to make it easier for you to move your fingers in circles. Your eyes are shut, and you feel yourself taking short and erratic breaths as your fingers keep rubbing circles. No matter how you do or what you do, the mere idea of being stretched by Ghost's cock just doesn't leave your mind. Your fingers don't feel thick enough, they don't reach the parts that you want them to reach—and that's getting frustrating. You're usually so careful about being quiet in order not to get caught, but the feeling is overwhelming; you think that you might cry. That's why a soft, yet a bit louder than ever whine falls from your lips. You don't think that it's dangerous because everyone except Ghost is outside, your parents work long hours and that's why Ghost has become a babysitter as well as a bodyguard—that's what he says, but you know that he's trying to annoy you.
Since you two have argued like fifteen minutes ago, and his mad and hoarse voice somehow made you wet, Ghost must be outside on the balcony. He's probably smoking.
Right?
You feel your bed being crushed down under someone else's weight, and you want to open your eyes but the scent is all too familiar. And you feel like you're about to explode from embarrassment. Ghost rests his hands on your bare thighs, his fingers grazing the soft skin with such gentleness that you struggle to hold back a whimper. It's a small touch— it's obvious that he's testing the waters first.
"You're making it hard to be around you," you hear him whispering, his voice is dangerously low. You finally decide to open your eyes, to see him without his damn mask and he's already looking up at you. However, he breaks the eye contact as soon as you look back at him—he's now looking at your thighs, his lips touch your inner thigh as he speaks. "But you're also making it hard not to be around you."
You can't believe he's admitting it.
"Please—Ghost, I—," you barely whisper, your voice is shaky as your fingertips burn to feel Ghost's soft hair. "I'm... I just," it's impossible for you to explain yourself, but then again you don't have to do it since everything's pretty clear. Ghost is breathing so heavily against the skin of your inner thigh, and he's not done—for fuck's sakez he's not even started yet. Ghost's hands skillfully reach down to your sides, and he drags you against him to make you feel just how much he wants you. You hear the sounds of fabric as your body is pulled down on the bed, you're almost at the edge of the bed now while Ghost is kneeling down in front of you. He doesn't speak for a while, and you feel yourself get even more stressed. It's obvious that he has no problems with what you've been doing, but damn it, say something.
"You're perfect," he hisses, he sounds almost out of breath as he whispers against your skin. You feel him pulling your panties up, letting the already soaked fabric cover your wet pussy again. "You're so perfect."
And that's probably all you need to hear, you're way too gone, too overwhelmed to care about the consequences. You can worry about them later, but you know that this is mutual, and he wants you as much as you want him. He kisses you, it's a gentle peck on the lips first. But then, he gets harder and harder, pushing you back against the bed and holding onto your hips tighter— and you realize that he's making you think about only how badly you want him inside you. The way his big, calloused hands are touching your bare thighs, the way his kisses are getting more and more intense... He's getting you to feel hot enough to make you melt in his presence.
"I was waiting for the fun part to come," he breathes out, "But you take damn too long."
There's a moment of silence.
"I can help you with that."
You make a sound like a whine, like a soft cry of pleasure—all of those anxious thoughts that say you've embarrassed yourself are gone in a minute. Your body aches, you can feel your heartbeat getting faster just by the thought of Ghost finally filling you up to the brim.
He leans in, his broad shoulders are enough to make you disappear under his body as he presses his lips against yours desperately. There's something almost feral in the way he kisses you, as if he's even more impatient than you are. As if he's been waiting for this to happen for a long time.
Ghost's breath grows more and more desperate as the two of you kiss; his tongue licking into your mouth as your teeth bite into his bottom lip, your bodies are pressed against each other as much as they can. The feeling of him rubbing circles against your clit through the fabric of your panties drives you crazy and you feel your breath being stolen from your lungs. You need to feel him, somehow; it doesn't matter if he pushes his fingers or decides that he can pound into you, you just need him. Not through the damn panties, you need to get rid of them.
He's kissing you fiercely now, his tongue tasting your lips and then sliding inside your mouth greedily. His hands are working on your trembling body, touching your pussy through the fabric; you feel like crying, he should take it off.
"This feels so good," Ghost says, his voice is deep and it feels like he's speaking in your head. "Doesn't it? Don't you think that I can do a better job of filling up that cunt?" Ghost asks, and you know that he's taunting you—but you can't stay under that now, can you?
"Take them off," you breathlessly whimper, it's something like both a beg and a demand—Ghost can take whatever suits him. "Please, just take them off."
Ghost lets out a groan, and it's clear that hearing what you just ask him to do is driving him insane. If he was desperate to kiss you before, he's desperate to make you bury your face into the damn pillow and pound into you until your pussy remembers the shape of his dick.
"You're so wet," he chuckles deep in his throat, staring down at you for a moment as if he's trying to gather himself before he gives you what you want.
"I should keep your panties with me, you know," he lets out a deep sigh as his fingers hook around your panties and pull them down slowly but surely. As he keeps talking to you, his voice lowers. "You're not the only desperate one here."
He finally pushes a finger in, letting your walls stretch slightly to the feeling of his thick index finger—but you still feel like that's not thick enough. You're greedy when it comes to him. Your moans turn into whines as he adds the second, and the thirs finger without any prior warning. He's moving his hand quite fast now, causing your legs to tremble as your fingers wrap around his thick biceps—all you can do is cry out, whines and whimpers and string of curses fall from your lips as Ghost toys with you. Your body tenses up when his hand starts to move a bit faster, his fingers curling inside you until he finds a spot that will have you begging for more. He succeeds, and it causes your walls to get tighter around his fingers.
"Do that again for me," he mumbles against your mouth, breathlessly. "Do that again for me when I'm inside you, baby."
"It would be such a disgrace if I never tried to make you feel good," he whispers. His breath is hot against your neck. "But look at you... what happened to that fierce girl? All I'm seeing is an obedient little girl, my sweet girl, who's already getting dumb without being filled up properly."
"Oh, I hate you," you reply, your voice is low and filled with desperation as you wet your lips with your tongue. The more Ghost makes you wait, the more you feel like crying.
"Of course, you do," he replies, his voice is full of sarcasm. "That's why you're dying to get your pussy filled by me, correct? You're lucky that you're not the only one who does this," as Ghost speaks, you feel him moving around—and soon after the sound of his belt coming undone is heard. He doesn't even bother to get rid of his clothes properly, he just pushes his trousers down before he pushes your shirt above just a bit to indicate that he wants you to take it off.
Who are you to say no?
Your trembling fingers grab the hem of your t-shirt and you take it off with one swift motion, letting the piece of clothing fall to the floor.
You're way beyond gone at this point, your mind is empty, so no words come out from your mouth. You feel Ghost pulling you closer to himself on the bed. He's resting his knees on the edge of the bed as leverage while holding you by your thighs and making you spread your legs as much as you can. He's always wanted to touch you, fill you up, and the way you're looking at him through your heavy-lidded eyes is making it even harder for him to resist you.
"You know," he murmurs, "I would imagine us all over the place— my room, the backseat of cars or a damn parking lot, some closet, bending you over any surface that I find as soon as we step back in the house." His voice is thick with lust, it's like he's ready to devour you, consume you until there's nothing left of you. "I imagined you in my lap, your legs open for me, and..."
Ghost doesn't finish his sentence and instead, he finally gives you what you've been craving all along. He's big and thick, and the moment you feel the tip of his cock pushing inside you let out a soft yelp—Ghost is slow until he's fully in you, and just as you think that he'll give you some time to adjust to his size, he mercilessly thrusting. Sharp and powerful, almost abusing your cunt as his big hands spread your pussy even more just for his hungry gaze.
"I always felt like I was going to explode." You can hear him grunting, letting out low and deep sounds of pleasure as he mercilessly fucks into you. Your body moves up and down on the bed, putting on a show for Ghost that'll just drive him insane with how you look. He leans in, and his tongue licks hot stripes all over your chest before he takes one of your nipples in his mouth. His tongue flicks around it, his teeth gently and teasingly bite into it just to see your reaction. Every time you're slightly overwhelmed and sensitive, your walls clamp around his cock, making Ghost let out a string of curses as his grip on you tightens more and more.
He wraps his arms around your waist, gently rolling over to let you lie on top of him—his body presses into the mattress. You find yourself sitting on top of his body, his arms wrapped around you and his face in between your breasts. "Ride me," he whispers. "I wanna come inside you like this," and he's so, so cruel—how can he talk to you like that when he knows you're so, so, so sensitive. You whine, your arms tightly wrap around his neck as you start to do as you're told; but you're so close, so, so, so close that your movements become sloppier and messier.
"Can't," you gulp. "I can't, Ghost—," your words are breathless and low, your vision is blurry as you come all over his cock without even having the chance of letting him know. But that's Ghost, and Ghost knows you very well. He knows you better than you know yourself. "Yes, sweetheart," he whispers against your chest. "Go ahead, show me how you do it. I promise I'll make you feel even better than this."
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vodika-vibes · 1 month
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It's My Choice
Summary: Echo is in recovery at a GAR medical facility on Coruscant after being assumed KIA. You want to see him, more than anything, and you hope he knows that he's your choice.
Pairing: ARC Trooper Echo x F!Reader
Word Count: 1190
Warnings: reader is described as having hair long enough to style, and as a supermodel.
Tagging: @trixie2023 @n0vqni @imabeautifulbutterfly
A/N: So I had an idea, and I decided to run with it. It might not flow well, simply because I'm very sick and have been for the last two days, but I'm happy with it. (Also, pardon any typos/grammar errors, I typed this while not wearing my eyes.)
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You lean back in the hard, uncomfortable chair of the GAR medical facility, your gaze drifting to the ceiling as you wait for an update on Echo. The chairs really are terrible, but then the clones were never meant to have worried family you suppose.
Jokes on them. Echo has you.
You allow the back of your head to thump against the wall behind you and you stretch your legs out in front of you and cross your ankles.
You've been here for almost 12 hours now.
Fives contacted you as soon as the Resolute landed on Coruscant and informed you that Echo was alive and was being treated for his injuries here. He mentioned that you didn't have to come, but clearly he's lost his damned mind.
As if you'd be anywhere else.
Of course, you probably should have taken the time to make sure that you fixed your hair and washed the extreme make-up off…and changed out of the six inch stilettos you had been forced into for work today.
But, whatever. Echo's alive. Nothing else matters.
Even if your agent has been blowing up your com for the last six hours. And even if General Skywalker has been side-eyeing you like he thinks you're trespassing. 
Your comma chimes again, and you absently lift it over your head to read the message. And then promptly deleted it. Your agent will just have to deal.
A door at the end of the hall opens, and you tilt your head to the side, before you sit up straight as Fives steps into the hall and walks over to you.
He takes in your carefully styled hair —artfully tousled, your stylist called it— the dark make-up, and the impossibly high stilettos and he huffs out a laugh, “You come here right from a shoot?”
“Echo’s more important than any photo shoot. Besides, I had already finished when you called.” You reply as you kick your heels off and scramble to your feet, “Can I see him?”
Fives smiles at you, “Yeah. Follow me.” He waits for you to scoop your heels, and your bag, off the ground before he starts walking, “I should warn you…he looks bad.” Fives says quietly as he stops next to the door.
You lift your chin and glare at him, “Contrary to what you, and apparently everyone else, believes. I'm not dating Echo because of his pretty face.”
“Okay, okay. Sheathe your claws, kitten. I just wanted to warn you.” Some of the offended tension drains from your shoulders, you didn’t mean to snap at him, but it wouldn’t be the first time someone made an assumption about you and your choice to have a relationship with Echo.
Fives opens the door and moves to the side to let you into the room, and your breath catches when you see him.
Like Fives said, he looks bad. Thin, too thin by far, and so pale. The prosthetics and cybernetics are new, but honestly, you’re only bothered by them because you’re sure that they must have hurt.
“Echo,” You step into the room, and set your heels and your bag in a chair, before you move closer to his side. There are tears in your eyes, but they’re happy tears, “Welcome home.”
Echo blinks at you, twice, and then he slowly slides up in the hospital bed, “Cyar’ika…when…how did you know I was here?”
“Fives commed me and told me. I’ve been sitting out there for hours.” You look around and then huff out a sigh, before dumping your stuff on the floor and moving the chair next to the bed. You lightly take his prosthetic in your hand, a scomp, rather than a hand.
You hope that it was his choice, rather than one made for him. 
He tenses, but he doesn’t pull away from you, “You didn’t have to.”
You smile at him, “Echo. You’re here, and you’re alive. Where else would I be?”
His gaze flickers across your face, and then over to the heels lying on the floor, “Well, judging by the height of those heels, a photoshoot.”
“Not half as important as you.” You reply dismissively.
He shifts and slowly sits up, properly, before reaching out and pressing his flesh hand against your cheek, “Cyar’ika…” Echo hesitates, and then flashes a wry, self-deprecating smile, “I don’t think I’m pretty enough for you.”
You bite your tongue to stem your immediate, and loud, disagreement. Instead you reach up and press your hand over his, rubbing your cheek against his hand. “Why would you say that?”
“Why-? Cyare. Look at me!”
“I am looking.”
“Then I shouldn’t have to explain-”
“Would you like to know what I see when I look at you, Echo?”
“Not really.” You tilt your head, and he sighs, “Tell me.”
“The man who, after meeting me, an actual supermodel, invited me to go to a bookstore with him.” Echo flushes, and it’s obvious due to how pale he is, “A man who overheard me mentioning to my agent that I was worried that I wasn’t going to be able to meet my favorite author and made sure that I arrived on time.” Your smile widens, “A man who learned who my favorite author was, simply so he could read the books too, so he’d have something to talk about with me.”
Echo averts his gaze, “We talked all night.” He murmurs.
“We did. And I got in so much trouble the next morning because I had dark circles under my eyes, and you got in trouble because you were late to formation…but we did the exact same thing three nights later.”
Echo laughs softly, “I thought Rex’s head was going to explode.” He admits.
You release his scomp hand and reach up to press your hand against his cheek, “I see the man I fell in love with. The man who looks at me and sees more than the dumb supermodel that everyone expects me to be.” You scan his face, almost anxiously, “And I’m hoping he still loves me.”
He looks at you, something soft in his gaze, “You still want me-?”
“Always. Forever. Until the stars go cold.”
“Your agent is not going to approve.” Echo warns as he lightly tugs you off the chair and onto the edge of the bed.
“I cannot emphasize enough how little I care about my agent’s opinion.” You admit quietly, “If I have to choose, I know who my choice will be.”
Echo exhales slowly, and slowly tugs you in until your forehead lightly bumps against his, “I love you.” He whispers, “I never stopped loving you. Even when I could barely remember anything, I still remembered your smile and the smell of your lotion and the feel of your skin under my fingers.”
“Charmer.” You whisper.
“Mean every word.” Echo whispers right back, and then he tugs you once more and catches your lips in a kiss that’s soft and loving enough that it nearly brings you to tears.
You have your Echo back. He might look a little different, but he’s here and it’s all you’ve ever wanted.
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whoslai · 1 year
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Off The Menu - Lee Heeseung (Chapter 4)
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genre: angst, fluff, slow-ish burn, eventual smut!! (you’re responsible for what you consume, read at your own risk)
warnings: phone sex, unprotected sex, implied sexual images, arguments, slight manipulation, stalker-ish tendencies (lowkey warranted tho) ⚠️
send me an ask if you’d like to be tagged! thank you to all my new followers, you guys are amazing for supporting me. please interact and give me as much feedback as you’d like (don’t be an ass tho, no need to spread negativity.
not proof read, sorry for any typos in advance.
word count: 15.8k (sry…)
link to series masterlist or whatever
next chapter
Chapter 4: “You’re mine.”
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Driving back to the campus was harder than driving to LA; You couldn't shake off the feeling that something was off between Heeseung and this girl named Hana. You knew that Heeseung wasn’t loyal to you, but you couldn't help feeling jealous and insecure about their relationship.
When you arrived at your school, you found yourself distracted and unable to focus on purchasing a flight back home for winter break. You kept checking your phone, hoping that Heeseung would call or text you, but there was no sign of him.
As the day wore on, you found yourself becoming increasingly anxious and worried. You couldn't help but wonder what Heeseung was doing and who he was talking to. You tried to focus on your many chores, but your mind kept drifting back to Heeseung and Hana.
Eventually, you successfully bought a flight on Sunday morning, but you still couldn't take Heeseung’s absence anymore. So, you decided to take matters into your own hands; You pulled out your laptop and searched for Heeseung on social media. After many failed attempts at finding his account, you came across it. He had a few posts here and there, not much of a social media presence. Quite a few followers, quite a few following. You made your way through his comments and his following, but couldn’t find her. Soon, you were looking through each post like count, and stumbled across an account.
hanabanana_04
Okay, basic bitch username, born in 2004. Your eyes shifted down to the singular mutual you both shared; Namika, a girl in your organic chemistry class. Should you text Namika and ask about Hana? Surely if you asked, you’d raise red flags around yourself, you didn’t want to seem obsessive but you couldn’t shake the feeling of uncertainty.
You decided to take a deep breath and text Namika. You wanted to approach the conversation with sensitivity and respect, so you carefully crafted a message that expressed your curiosity without coming across as obsessive.
“hey namika, hope you’re well. just reaching out to see if you know a girl named hana?” - You
You sent the message and waited nervously for a response. You wondered if Namika would think you were being nosy or invasive, but you couldn't shake off the feeling of uncertainty about Heeseung and Hana.
After a few minutes, Namika responded.
“Hey Y/N, yes, I know a Hana Birkinson. Is she the one you’re referring to?” - Namika
You felt relieved that Namika responded positively and that she knew Hana. You replied back to her message, trying to keep the conversation casual.
“i suppose so. u know her well?” - You
Namika replied back quickly, and you could sense her curiosity about why you were asking about Hana.
“Yeah, we grew up together down in Malibu. Why?” - Namika
You paused for a moment, trying to decide if you should be honest with Namika about your concerns regarding Hana's relationship with Heeseung. After considering your options, you decided to open up to her.
“hm, do you know if she is single?” - You
She read your text, beginning to type back but then quickly deleted it.
“It would be easier if we talked in person. Are you still on campus? Could you meet me in the dining hall?” - Namika
You nodded to yourself, “yes, that works.” - You
You felt a mix of curiosity and nervousness as you agreed to meet Namika in person to discuss Hana. You quickly gathered your things and made your way to the dining hall, trying to keep your thoughts in check.
When you arrived, you saw Namika sitting at a table in the corner, and you made your way over to her.
"Hey, Namika. Thanks for meeting me," you said, trying to keep your voice steady.
"No problem, Y/N. So, what's going on? Why are you asking about Hana?" Namika asked, looking at you with concern.
“Well, there’s this guy — “ You began, but were soon cut off.
“Heeseung, I’m guessing. You liked a guy down in Malibu named Heeseung.” She smiled, looking up at you.
You were surprised that Namika had guessed so quickly, but you nodded in confirmation.
“Yes, Heeseung. I met him down in Malibu — “ You were cut off again.
She sighed, “At Moonshadows @ Malibu where he’s a night shift waiter. Do you like him?”
“Well, I mean…we are kind of seeing each other right now.” You told her, “It’s a bit hard to explain.”
Namika looked at you with a mix of surprise and concern. "Seeing each other? What do you mean? Are you two in a relationship?" she asked, her tone indicating that she was worried about the situation.
You took a deep breath and tried to explain the complicated dynamic between you and Heeseung. "It's not really a relationship per se. We've been talking and hanging out, but it's been a little confusing. I don't really know what we are," you admitted, feeling a little embarrassed.
Namika listened attentively, and you could sense her understanding and empathy. “Well, there’s not much to say about Hana besides the fact that she used to be entangled with him.”
“As in…past tense?” You asked.
“Maybe you should talk to her about it. I’m sure she’d be understanding, she’s pretty cool.” She said, “Here, I’ll give you her number.”
You felt a mix of relief and apprehension at the thought of talking to Hana about her past with Heeseung. Part of you wanted to know more about their relationship, but another part of you was afraid of what you might find out.
"Thanks, Namika. I appreciate your help and support," you said, taking Hana's number from her. You decided to take some time to think things through before reaching out to Hana. You knew that you needed to be honest with her about your feelings for Heeseung and your concerns about their past, but you also didn't want to cause any unnecessary drama.
You thanked Namika and made your way back to your dorm room. As you sat down at your desk, you couldn't help but think about Heeseung and Hana and the complicated dynamic between them. You knew that you needed to talk to someone about your feelings, but you also knew that you needed to take some time to process everything before making any decisions. While you were relieved they weren’t dating or anything, you were upset and afraid; Why was Heeseung connected to another girl that was your age? Why did he lie about her being a friend from work?
You decided to take a break from thinking about Heeseung and Hana and focused on something else. You pulled out your laptop and started working on a paper that was due next week. As you typed away, you felt your mind start to clear, and you could feel yourself becoming more focused.
After a few hours, you finished the paper and decided to take a break. You checked your phone and saw that you had a message from Heeseung.
“Hey Y/N, do you want to call now?” - heeseung <3
You hesitated for a moment, unsure of whether you wanted to talk to Heeseung right now. You still had a lot of questions and concerns about his relationship with Hana, and you didn't know if you were ready to confront him about it.
But part of you also wanted to hear his voice and talk to him about how you were feeling. You missed him and wanted to know what he was up to.
After some pondering, you finally decided to call him.
Hey, Heeseung. How's it going?" you said, trying to keep your tone casual.
“Ahh, Y/N, it’s better now that I’m hearing your voice. Are you enjoying your break?” He asked.
You felt a small smile tug at the corners of your mouth at Heeseung's words. Despite the complicated situation between you, you still enjoyed talking to him. "Yeah, it's nice to have a break from classes and relax for a bit," you replied, trying to keep the conversation light.
Heeseung agreed, and the two of you talked for a while, catching up on each other's lives. But as the conversation continued, you couldn't help but feel a little uneasy. You wanted to ask him about Hana, but you didn't know how to bring it up without sounding accusatory.
Eventually, you decided to take a deep breath and be honest with him. "Heeseung, can I ask you something?" you said, your voice a little shaky.
He sighed, “Of course you can. What’s up?”
“Who is Hana?” You asked, being upfront with him.
There was a brief moment of silence on the other end of the line, and you could feel your heart racing as you waited for Heeseung's response.
“Hmmm…Hana. Sounds familiar.” He said, “What does she look like?”
You felt a pang of disappointment at Heeseung's response. It seemed like he was trying to avoid the question.
“She’s around my age, brown hair, brown eyes, pretty. Ringing any bells?” You asked him.
“Oh, Hana Birkinson…I know her, she works at the restaurant with me. Why?” He asked.
You felt relieved to hear that Heeseung was telling the truth about working with Hana at the restaurant. You had been worried that he was hiding something from you.
"Okay, that's good to know. I just heard some rumors about you and Hana, and I wanted to make sure there wasn't anything going on between you two," you explained, your voice sounding a little more relaxed.
Heeseung let out a small chuckle. "No, Y/N. Hana and I are just coworkers. I promise."
You felt a weight lift off your shoulders at his words. "Okay, I believe you. I'm sorry for doubting you," you said, feeling a little embarrassed.
“Did someone tell you something about Hana and I?” he asked.
“Well, a friend told me that you two had some weird entanglement or something. Whatever that means…” You trailed off.
He was quiet for a bit, then he said, “Well, we weren’t always just coworkers.”
You felt your heart sink at his words. It seemed like your worst fears were coming true. "What do you mean, Heeseung?" you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.
Heeseung let out a sigh. "Hana and I used to mess around. It was a while ago, right as I began working with her at the restaurant. We broke up because things just weren't working out between us."
You felt a mix of emotions swirling inside you - anger, hurt, betrayal. You couldn't believe that Heeseung had kept something like this from you! "Why didn't you tell me before?" you asked, your voice sounding a little more forceful than you intended.
“Does it matter I used to fuck Hana?” He asked, his voice calm and collected, completely the opposite of your own.
“It matters because…” You trailed off, glancing at the ground.
“Because..? Because because because?” He said in a taunting manner, “Because you don’t want to become someone I just used to fuck. Someone like Hana. Right?”
You felt a surge of anger at Heeseung's words. How dare he try to twist the situation and make it seem like you were just jealous or insecure! "No, Heeseung. It's not about that. It's about honesty and trust. You lied to me about your past with Hana, and that's not okay," you replied, trying to keep your voice steady.
“Did I lie though? Didn’t I say she was a friend from work?” He asked, “Correct me if I’m wrong.”
You took a deep breath, feeling frustrated with Heeseung's attempts to downplay the situation. "Yes, you said she was just a friend from work, but you didn't tell me that you had a past with her. You deliberately kept that information from me, and that's not being honest." you explained.”
He sighed, “Is there anything else you want to talk about?”
“You can’t just evade the conversation like that. Who is Hana and what did you two have going on…why was she calling you…and are you and her still in contact like before?” You asked him, “Just answer my questions, Heeseung. Please.”
He took a deep breath before beginning, “Hana is nothing but a friend, a coworker. Like I said, we weren’t anything more than what I said we were. She was most likely calling me because we work together, again, like I said. We’re still in contact, considering the fact that we work together.”
You listened to Heeseung's explanation, feeling a mix of emotions. On one hand, you were relieved that he was being honest with you about his past with Hana. But on the other hand, you still felt hurt knowing that he was most likely in a cycle of hooking up with girls. You probably meant nothing to him. “Well, what are we then? Do we have the same situation as you and Hana did?”
“No, you’re not Hana. Therefore, you aren’t in the same position as her.” He said. “Can we stop talking about Hana? I’m over it. I don’t like talking about the past.”
It seemed like he didn't want to talk about his past with Hana or the implications it had for your relationship. "Heeseung, I understand that you don't want to dwell on the past. But we need to talk about this if we want to move forward in our relationship," you said, your voice sounding a little strained.
You heard him shuffling around on the other end before he said, “Okay. I apologize.”
You took a deep breath, “Thank you for the apology. Now…um…can you do me a favor?”
“What is it?” He asked.
“Can you block Hana?” You asked him, “From social media, her number, everything. Block her.”
A small laugh came from his end of the phone before he said, “Hm, sure. Is there anything else you want to talk about before I go to work?”
“You have work tonight?” You asked him, falling back onto your bed.
“I do,” he said. “I have work on most nights.”
“Well…can you do something for me before you go to work?” You asked him.
“Like?”
You took a deep breath and said, “Well, considering I leave out on Sunday to go back home for a month…do you think you could…you know.”
“You have to tell me what you want.” He remarked. You felt a little bit nervous about asking Heeseung for a favor, but you knew that it was important to communicate your needs and wants.
“I’ve always wanted to try something…intimate over the phone and I would have asked you earlier this week but I’m just now gaining the confidence to ask.” You admitted all in one breath.
You felt a rush of nervousness and anticipation as you waited for Heeseung's response. After a moment of silence, he spoke up. "Are you talking about phone sex, Y/N?" he asked, his voice sounding a little bit surprised.
You felt your cheeks flush with embarrassment, but you knew that you had to be honest with him. "Yes, that's what I meant," you said, your voice sounding a little bit hesitant.
Heeseung paused for a moment before responding. “I’ve never tried it before.” He paused again. “Do you want to try it right now?”
“I do…because I can’t do much of anything when I’m home. Do you have time before work? Like 15-20 minutes?” You asked him.
“I have time.” He chuckled.
You were a little bit nervous but also excited at the prospect of trying phone sex with Heeseung. "Okay, let's give it a try," you said, your voice sounding a little bit more confident.
Heeseung chuckled again, his voice sounding warm. "Alright, let’s see…" he said. “Are you in your room alone?”
“I am..” You said, glancing up at the locked door to your bedroom, “My roommate already went home.”
Heeseung's voice sounded a little bit husky as he responded. "Good. I want you to make yourself comfortable and close your eyes," he said, his voice sounding a little bit more commanding.
You did as he asked, feeling afraid but also excited. You heard him take a deep breath before continuing. "Now, I want you to imagine that I'm there with you. I'm standing behind you, my hands on your shoulders. Can you feel my touch?" he asked, his voice low and sensual.
You closed your eyes, feeling a shiver run down your spine as you imagined Heeseung's hands on your shoulders. "Yes, I can feel it," you said, your voice sounding a little bit breathless.
He hummed, “Are you touching yourself yet?”
“No…” You choked, taken aback from his words. “I can…if you do it too.”
“Ah, right.” He said. You heard him place his phone down and go silent. You took that opportunity to slip your hand into your shorts, slowly beginning to touch yourself, imagining that Heeseung was there with you, touching you and exploring your body. His voice rang from the phone again. “Y/N, are you still there?" Heeseung's voice came through the phone, sounding a little bit husky.
You took a deep breath, feeling a little bit embarrassed but also aroused by the situation. "Yes, I'm still here," you said, your voice sounding a little bit breathless. “Can you…turn your camera on?”
He was quiet for a good minute or two before saying, “Only if you turn yours on.”
You quickly pressed the FT button and let it ring, waiting for him to answer. Once he finally did, you saw him glancing down at you before you interrupted the silence, “Turn it around so I can see what you’re doing.”
Heeseung hesitated for a moment before turning his camera around to show you himself. You nodded to yourself, “Okay…keep talking, please.”
You set your phone down beside you as you listened to the many things he said. From instructing you to quicken the pace of your fingers to causing you to reminisce on the very few but pleasure packed nights you’d spent with him. As Heeseung continued to talk, his voice became more and more intimate, guiding you and encouraging you every step of the way. You felt a sense of connection and trust with him, knowing that he was there for you and that he wanted to make you feel good.
The conversation drew to a close, you felt a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment. You laid there, covering your face as you came down from your intense high.
“I don’t think I can go to work now. My pants are a mess.” He sighed out.
You laughed softly, feeling a little bit of amusement and satisfaction at the thought of Heeseung being unable to focus on work after your intense phone sex session. "Then maybe you can come to campus and see me before I leave." you said, your voice sounding a little bit breathless.
“You and these long drives you try to get me to do.” He said, “You do realize that it’s rush hour in Cali, right?”
“But I’m worth it, right?” You asked him, hoping for a yes.
Heeseung chuckled. "Of course you're worth it, Y/N. I would drive through rush hour traffic and across the country to see you," he said.
You smiled, "I’m happy to hear that." you said. “I’ll text you the address. Bring me something. I want to be surprised.”
Heeseung laughed, his voice sounding soft. "Sure, Y/N. I'll bring you something special," he said.
You felt a sense of excitement and anticipation at the thought of Heeseung bringing you a surprise. "Great, I can't wait to see what you come up with," you said.
Heeseung hummed. "Me too, Y/N. I'll see you soon," he said.
You both said your goodbyes before ending the call, feeling a little bit more connected and satisfied with your experience. You knew that phone sex wasn't a replacement for physical intimacy, but it was a way to explore your desires and fantasies with each other. You took a deep breath, feeling grateful for the moment you both had just shared.
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Time passed as you waited on Heeseung to arrive. With it already being late when you called him, you hoped he’d just decide to stay the night when he arrived. Not in your roommate's bed but on your own. You craved closeness with him.
As the minutes ticked by, you grew more and more impatient, wondering when he would finally arrive. But soon enough, your phone vibrated and you saw a text from him.
“The building door is locked.” - heeseung <3
You nodded to yourself, right. You forgot they locked the exterior doors during breaks. You made your way down the steps to the entrance and saw him standing on the other side of the door.
Once you let him in, he rubbed the top of your head, “Are you the only one still on campus?”
“I think that…some people are still here but not a lot. But, we do have my room to ourselves ~~” You told him, smiling at his small affections.
Heeseung smiled back at you, his eyes sparkling with anticipation. "Sounds perfect," he said.
You took his hand and led him up the stairs to your room, feeling a sense of intimacy and closeness building between you. You took his hand and led him up the stairs to your room, locking the door behind you both. You flipped the light on, “I’m currently gathering all my clothes because…I intend to stay for the entire break. I’m going to miss you.”
Heeseung's smile widened at your words, and he pulled you into his grasp by your waist. "I'm going to miss you too, Y/N," he said softly. "But I'm also looking forward to spending time with you tonight.”
“Are you staying over?” You asked him, resting your arms on his shoulders.
He smiled, nudging the tip of his nose against your own, “You’re going to get me fired.”
“Fired? How so?” You asked him.
“I’ve been distracted because of you and your many, many requests; Such a needy baby.”
You laughed softly, feeling a sense of playfulness and affection in his words. "Well, I can't help it if I want to spend time with you," you said, tracing circles in his hair.
Heeseung chuckled, his eyes sparkling with amusement. Without speaking, he leaned in to catch your lips in a soft kiss. As you both kissed, you felt a sense of warmth and tenderness building between you both. You knew that spending time together would be a chance for you both to deepen your relationship and explore your desires and fantasies with each other. All you wanted was to have him to yourself. Forget Hana, forget any other girl he may have had a history with. You wanted his focus on you and you only. You were willing to do anything to keep him distracted.
“Did you block Hana?” You asked him, breaking away from the kiss.
“Not yet.” He replied, looking down at you.
“You said you’d do it.” You told him, feeling jealousy rise up inside of.
“I’m not 100% convinced. Maybe you should make me want to block her.” He coaxed.
You looked up at Heeseung, feeling a mix of surprise and frustration. "What do you mean, make you want to block her?" you asked, not sure if you understood him correctly.
"I mean, show me that you're worth blocking her for," Heeseung said, a mischievous glint in his eye. "Convince me that you’re worth prioritizing over any other distractions."
You felt a mix of emotions - part of you was flattered that he was communicating that he’d be willing to prioritize you, but another part of you was annoyed that he was making you compete for his attention. "I don't want to have to compete with that bitch.” you said, feeling a bit defensive.
"I'm not asking you to compete," Heeseung said, his expression softening. "I just want to see how far you’re willing to go."
“You’re making it like a competition.” You told him, “This is real life. I don’t like this cat and mouse thing. I don’t want to play games.”
“This isn’t a game, Y/N…” He sighed, “I just want to see how bad you want me. Unless…you don’t want me as much as you say you do.”
Frustration was all you felt. You wanted to express and show him how much he meant to you, but you couldn’t help but feel defensive. Hana was a threat, and you didn’t like that he was making it a joke. Again, downplaying your feelings.
“I want you.” You told him, “I really do.”
“Show me.” He said.
You glanced to the side and then back up at him, taking your hands down from his shoulders and stood still, “Show you?”
“That’s what I said, isn’t it?” he asked.
You nodded, “Okay, what’s something you and Hana never tried?”
He squinted his eyes at me, “Where are you going with this?”
You took a deep breath, trying to keep your frustration in check. "I'm just trying to show you how much I care about you," you said. "And I want to do something special for you that Hana never did."
Heeseung looked at you. "Okay, I'm listening. What do you have in mind?"
“Just get down on the bed…on your back.” You told him, reaching over to your nightstand to place your phone down. Heeseung hesitated for a moment, but then he complied, lying down on his back on the bed. You climbed on top of him, straddling him and looking down at him with a mischievous grin.
"I want to try something new," you said, your voice low and sultry. "Something that Hana never did with you."
Heeseung's eyes widened with anticipation as you leaned in to kiss him. Your hands roamed over his chest, feeling the muscles underneath his shirt. You could feel the heat between you growing, and you knew that you were about to take things to the next level.
Slowly, you reached down to unbuckle his belt and unzip his pants. Heeseung's breath caught in his throat as you lowered your hand down to his boxers, feeling his hardness through the fabric. His dick throbbed in your grasp, signaling that he was more turned on than he was showing.
First, you wrapped your hand around the base of his length, stroking up and down slowly to help him get harder. Once you felt as though he was ready, you leaned in to whisper in his ear, "Are you ready?" Heeseung nodded, his eyes locked on yours.
You untied your shorts, tossing them to the ground as you pulled your panties to the side. Slowly but surely, you lowered yourself down, taking him inside of you, and you both gasped at the sensation. Being on top of him was different from him being on top of you. You hadn’t felt him this deep before, it was almost as if you felt his tip nearly penetrating your stomach.
Once you’d adjusted to his size, you rocked back and forth on top of him, you could feel the intensity building between you. Heeseung's hands gripped your hips tightly, and he moaned softly as you moved faster and faster.
You caught your lip between your teeth to hold back any loud moans, but he just felt too good. You felt every curve, every vein, every twitch.
Lost in the pleasure, you found yourself tearing your shirt off along with your bra, allowing him to see every part of your body from above.
Throwing your head back, you repositioned yourself and held onto his legs, resting back a bit.
His thumb reached up to rub your clit in small circles, helping you reach your peak sooner.
Finally, you both came together. His hands gripped your hips even tighter than before as he emptied out inside of you. Cum spilled out of you onto the bed sheets and his thighs, but you didn’t stop. As exhausted as you felt, you were marking him as your own. You didn’t want another thought of Hana ever coming across his mind. You were determined to make sure he was your first and last.
“Y/N…” His voice quivered as he looked up at you, sweat beading on his face. “What…what are you doing?”
You didn’t answer him, lifting yourself off of him as you got down and licked all of his cum from his thighs, making sure to not leave a drop.
With a final breath, you sat up and he grabbed your arms, pulling you to rest onto his chest. “You’re trying to kill me.”
“I wasn’t.” You smiled, nestling your head on his chest. “I just want to make sure I’m the only one on your mind.”
He took a deep breath, “You’re kind of nasty.”
“I am?” You asked him.
“Super nasty.” He kissed you once before fixing his shorts, “I like it.”
“Yay,” You tiredly cheered, “You're mine. I hope you know that.”
“Mmm.” He hummed, shifting over to wrap his arms around you, “I’m tired, I need to sleep.”
“Say it. Say you’re mine.” You said, sitting up a bit.
His eyes glazed over your face as he said, "I'm yours, Y/N," Heeseung said, his voice filled with sincerity and affection. "I'm all yours, and I wouldn't have it any other way."
You smiled, feeling a sense of warmth and happiness. "I'm yours too, Heeseung," you said, leaning in to kiss him softly.
Your eyes began to shut as you leaned against his touch, and soon, you were asleep.
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You woke up in your dorm room, feeling warm and comfortable wrapped in Heeseung's embrace. As you tried to sneak out of bed without waking him, he stirred and opened his eyes.
"Good morning," you said, giving him a small smile.
"Morning," he said, his voice still heavy with sleep. "What's for breakfast?"
You shrugged. "I was just going to grab something from the cafeteria. Want to come with?"
"Sure," he said, stretching his arms. "Let me grab my stuff."
After breakfast, you spent the day hanging out, exploring the city and doing some shopping. You enjoyed each other's company, but you both knew that this was just a casual arrangement. There were no promises of commitment or love between you two, just a mutual attraction and occasional intimacy.
You both made your way back to the dorm, but you sensed a bit of tension between you two. The last store you went to…you saw him glancing around, looking a bit uncomfortable. There wasn’t anything you’d said or done to him prior to going to the store, but you saw how quiet he’d been.
You locked the door to your dorm behind you, glancing at him who paid you no mine and looked down at his phone.
“Hey, are you okay?” You asked him.
Heeseung looked up from his phone, his expression guarded. "Yeah, I'm fine," he said, his voice a little.
"You sure?" you asked, sensing that something was bothering him.
Heeseung hesitated for a moment before speaking. "I just...I don't know," he said, his voice trailing off. "I’m just thinking."
"About?" you asked, concerned in your voice.
“My boss texted me and said she wants to talk in person. I’ve been trying to get promoted to manager and I think…that this might be it.” He said.
You could see the tension in Heeseung's face as he spoke about his boss's message. "That's great news!" you said, trying to sound enthusiastic. "I’m sure you’ve been working hard for this."
Heeseung nodded, but you could tell that he was still worried. "I just hope I'm not getting my hopes up for nothing," he said. "I really want this promotion."
"I believe in you," you said, giving him a reassuring smile. "You're smart and talented, and you deserve this. Just go in there and show them what you're capable of."
Heeseung smiled back at you, looking a little more confident. "Thanks," he said. "I appreciate your support."
You both settled down on the bed, with Heeseung leaning against the wall and you sitting next to him. You talked about your day, trying to lighten the mood.
As you talked, you both started to relax and unwind. You shared stories about your friends and families, and laughed at some of the silly things that had happened to you recently. Heeseung told you about a funny encounter he had with one of his coworkers, and you couldn't help but giggle at the image in your head. You shared a few of your own stories, and before you knew it, you had both forgotten about the tension from earlier.
As the night wore on, you both found yourself getting a little sleepy. You snuggled up next to Heeseung, feeling his warmth and his steady breaths against your neck.
“I literally have to be out of here by 7 am.” You told him.
He nodded, “Maybe I should go home, yeah? Because I’m not getting up that early. I can tell you that right now.”
You nodded in agreement. "Yeah, that's probably a good idea. I don't want you to be late for work or anything."
Heeseung got up from the bed, grabbing his things and getting dressed. You watched him as he moved about the room, feeling a sense of fondness for him. You knew that your time together was limited, but you didn't want to dwell on that. You were just happy to have these moments with him, to share your intimacy and your connection.
“Before you leave,” You exclaimed, getting up from your bed, “Did you block Hana?”
He smiled a little, glancing down at his phone, “Not yet.”
“Do it before you leave. I can’t be hours away from you knowing that she still has contact with you.” You told him.
“Y/N, I work with her. It would be unprofessional to block her. She’s been covering my shifts when I spend time with you.” He admitted. “What am I to do if you suddenly call me up and I have no one to cover my shift because she’s mad I blocked her?”
You shrugged, “Not our problem. If I have to, I’ll get a job there and cover your shifts.”
He smiled, shook his head and pushed you, “You’re cute. But no really, I’m not blocking her.”
“I thought I convinced you.” You whined, holding your hand out, “At least let me remove her from your social media.”
“My social media?” He asked, “How do you know she follows me on instagram?”
“Uh…” You awkwardly laughed, “Whatttt?” Did I say that? Pff.”
His eyes widened as a smile crept on his face, “Were you stalking my social media? Trying to find Hana?”
You felt your cheeks heat up as you realized what you had just revealed. "Uh, no, of course not," you said, trying to play it cool. "I just happened to come across her profile when I was scrolling through your followers."
Heeseung chuckled, seeing through your lie. "Sure, sure," he said, teasingly. "But in all seriousness, I don't think blocking Hana is the right solution. We work together, and we need to maintain a professional relationship. Plus, I don't want any unnecessary drama."
“Just unfollow her and I’ll let it go.” You told him, crossing your arms.
He picked up his phone, standing beside you so you could see his screen. He clicked on her profile, removing her as a follower and unfollowed her. Then, he clicked the three dots and blocked her instagram profile, looking up at you after he was done.
“Happy?” He asked.
You nodded, feeling a sense of relief wash over you. "Thank you," you said. "I appreciate it."
Heeseung smiled at you, looking a little amused. "You're welcome," he said. "But you know that blocking her on Instagram doesn't mean we won't have to work together, right?"
You nodded, realizing that he had a point. "I know," you said. "But at least I won't have to see her liking your posts or commenting on your pictures."
“You don’t even follow me.” He scoffed, “You’re totally stalking me. So weird.”
You shoved him, grabbing your phone and following him on instagram, “There. I followed you.”
Heeseung laughed, shaking his head. "Finally," he said, teasingly. "I was wondering when you were going to follow me."
You rolled your eyes, but couldn't help but smile. "Shut up," you said, playfully pushing him away.
Heeseung chuckled, pulling you into a hug. "You're cute when you're jealous," he said, teasingly.
You blushed a little, feeling a mix of embarrassment and affection. "I'm not jealous," you protested, even though you knew it wasn't entirely true.
Heeseung just chuckled again, holding you close. "It's okay," he said. "I like it when you get a little possessive. It's cute."
You rolled your eyes again, but couldn't help but smile. You knew that Heeseung was just teasing you, but part of you also felt a sense of warmth and happiness at his words. You enjoyed the playful banter between you two, and you appreciated the way he made you feel.
As he got ready to leave, you hugged him tightly. "Take care of yourself," you said. "And good luck with your promotion."
"I'll let you know how it goes." He said, slipping his phone back into his pocket. “Call me while you're back home.”
“And if I don’t?” You teased me.
Heeseung grinned at you. "Then I'll have to assume that you're too busy with another man." he said, playfully.
You laughed, shaking your head. "As if," you said, playfully shoving him. "You know I only have eyes for you."
Heeseung smiled, leaning in to give you a kiss. "Good.” he said. As he headed out the door, you watched him go, feeling a mix of emotions. You were happy to have spent time with him, but you also felt a little sad that he was leaving. But you knew that you would see him again soon, and that thought brought a sense of comfort and reassurance.
As you settled down to sleep, you thought about the moments you shared with Heeseung, gratitude and contentment washing over you. The connection with him was special, and you were grateful for the intimacy and the closeness that you shared. And as you drifted off to sleep, you held onto the memory of his smile and his touch, peace and comfort forming in your heart.
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The next morning, you woke up early, feeling a mix of excitement and sadness. You were leaving your dorm to go back home for winter break, which meant that you had to say goodbye to Heeseung the night before. You got dressed quickly, trying not to make too much noise so as not to wake up your roommate, and grabbed your bags before heading out the door.
As you drove to the airport, you thought about the moments you shared with Heeseung, feeling a mix of emotions. You were sad to leave him behind, but you were also looking forward to spending time with your family and friends. You couldn't help but smile as you thought about the way he made you feel, and the connection that you shared.
You boarded your flight, you held onto the memory of his smile and his touch, feeling a sense of comfort and reassurance in your heart. You knew that you would see him again soon, and that thought brought a sense of peace and contentment. You promised yourself that you would take care of yourself, and that you would call him as soon as you got home. You knew that he was waiting for your call, and that thought brought a smile to your face.
The plane took off, you closed your eyes and leaned back in your seat, feeling a sense of excitement and anticipation for what lay ahead. You knew that your time with Heeseung was special, and you were grateful for the moments you shared together. You were looking forward to the adventures that awaited you back home, and to spending time with your loved ones. And as you drifted off to sleep, you held onto the memories of your time with Heeseung, feeling a sense of contentment and gratitude in your heart. You knew that no matter where life took you, he would always hold a special place in your heart. And you promised yourself that you would make the most of your time at home, and that you would come back to school with new stories and experiences to share with Heeseung.
You were greeted by your mother at the airport with a big smile on her face. You hurried over to her and she walked with you to get your backs, making conversation in an attempt to catch up on life as you’d been gone for so long.
Your first day back was spent at your mother’s home with multiple family members coming to visit. As the day wore on, you got to talk to cousins, aunts, uncles, and so forth. All your family had made their way into town for Christmas, and it was nice.
Once night came, you found yourself in your old room with your sister, both of you sat on your bed as you scrolled through your phone, telling her all about Heeseung.
“So…you met him at a restaurant….slept with him the first night…and now you’re hooked, aren’t you?” She laughed, pushing your shoulder.
You rolled your eyes, feeling a little embarrassed. "It's not like that," you protested. "We just really connected, you know? And he's different from anyone I've ever met."
Your sister raised an eyebrow, looking skeptical. "Uh huh," she said. "And what about school? You still have to focus on your studies, you know. Mom spent a lot of money sending you off to California.”
You sighed, knowing that she had a point. "I know," you said. "But we're both busy with life, and we're going to make it work. We're just taking it one day at a time."
Your sister nodded, looking a little more understanding. "Okay," she said. "Just don't forget to prioritize your goals, okay? And don't get too caught up in this guy. Has he even made it exclusive yet?”
“Well, not exactly….” You smiled, covering your face from embarrassment.
Your sister let out a small laugh. "I knew it," she said. "You're jumping into things too quickly. You need to slow down and think things through."
You nodded, feeling a little chastened. "I know," you said. "I'm not trying to rush anything, but it just feels right, you know? And he's been really respectful of my feelings.” You trailed off a bit. “I told him I’d call him when I got here but I forgot. Cali is like…3 hours behind us, so I’m not too worried..I’m sure he’s awake.”
“Okay…? So?” She questioned.
You tapped your lip, and then closed the door to your bedroom, locking it behind you. “As an adult, I am making this decision and I won’t allow you to change my mind.”
“You’re 19.” She laughed.
“Okay, and you’re only 20. Can’t tell me what's right and wrong anymore.” You crossed your arms, “I’m going to send him some pics.”
“Like…nudes?” She asked.
You nodded, “Yes, cute ones though. Nothing too revealing. No face either. Can you help me?”
“Hm, help my little sister take nudes for a guy she’s not even dating…no!” She smiled, “Not doing that.”
“Please~” You begged, plopping down on your bed, “I’ll owe you, I swear.”
“When you say nude, do you mean you’re going to show yourself? Like completely?” She asked.
“Just a little tease. Something to get him going. I heard guys really like that shit.” You shrugged, “Plus, we already had phone sex the other day. Is it really that different?”
“Well, you’re right.” She sighed, “I'll help you…on one condition.”
“What?” You asked.
“Come out with me and my friends later tonight. I want you to meet them.” She said.
“Alright, deal.” You said, nodding.
She got up, wiping her hands off, “Okay, let’s start. How do you want to pose for the pics?”
You smiled, feeling grateful that your sister was willing to help you out. "Thanks," you said. "I appreciate it." You thought for a moment, considering how you wanted to pose for the pictures. "I was thinking maybe just some suggestive shots, nothing too revealing," you said. "Maybe a little bit of cleavage or something."
Your sister nodded, looking thoughtful. "Okay, we can work with that," she said. "Let's try a few different poses and see what works best."
You spent the next hour taking pictures with your sister's help, trying out different poses and angles. From completely bare top shots to mirror shots, eventually you found the ones that felt the most comfortable and flattering. You were a little nervous, but also excited at the thought of sending the pictures to Heeseung. You knew that he would appreciate the gesture, and you were looking forward to seeing his reaction.
Once you had taken enough pictures, you sent them to Heeseung, feeling a little bit nervous as you waited for his response. You attached a short message to the images.
“made it home lol.” - You.
Your sister peaked over your shoulder, bursting into laughter, “Made it home LOL!”
You looked at her, confused at what was funny. “What’s wrong?”
“That’s the cringiest text I’ve ever seen. You couldn’t have said — thinking of you — or something? Girl.”
You smiled, “Die.”
Your sister talked about how she met some people at her state school and how they were gonna come to pick you both up. “So it’s Jake and Sunoo. I met Jake at one of the football games because me and Sunoo were just getting food at the concession stands and Jake was back behind the register burning popcorn, clicked right away.”
“Why are we hanging out with guys? Is this your failed attempt at setting me up on a double date?” You asked her.
“No, not at all. Sunoo has a girlfriend,...but Jake doesn’t~” She cooed. “I’ve been trying to get you to come back home and go on a date with Jake since June, dude.”
You laughed, feeling a little surprised. "Wait, seriously?" you asked. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?"
Your sister shrugged, looking a little embarrassed. "I don't know," she said. "I guess I didn't want to pressure you. But he's really sweet, and I think you guys would hit it off."
You considered her words, feeling a little hesitant. "I have Heeseung though.”
“No you don’t! Y’all aren’t dating, you can’t cut off all other options because of Heeseung.” She said.
You raised an eyebrow, feeling a little defensive. "I'm not cutting off all other options," you said. "But I really like Heeseung, and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize what we have."
Your sister nodded, looking understanding. "I get that," she said. "But at the same time, you have to keep your options open. You never know what could happen."
You sighed, feeling a little conflicted. "I know," you said. "But it's not like I'm actively looking for someone else. I just want to focus on my relationship with Heeseung."
“What relationship? This lil fling y’all have going on? Like hello? Y/N, you’re too fine to be tripping offa dude who wants to keep y’all sex sessions a secret. You’re better than this.” She groaned, falling back onto your bed.
You bristled a little at your sister's words, feeling defensive. "It's not like that," you protested. "Heeseung and I have a connection, and we're taking things slow. It's not just about sex."
“Not just about sex but everytime you guys hang out, you’re meeting up to have sex….” She slowly nodded. “Makes 100% sense.”
“Okay…” You awkwardly laughed, “Can I be honest with you?”
“Always.”
You sighed, “There was this girl Heeseung used to mess with, Hana. They still work together, and he claims that they don’t communicate like that anymore but when we were at a hotel together, she was blowing his phone up.”
Your sister’s jaw dropped, “Pause, rewind. HOTEL? Together?? You and him? Y/N, dick can’t be that good that you’re literally staying in hotels just to sleep with him.”
“You completely missed the point.” You sighed, sitting back against the wall.
“All I got from what you said is that him and Hana still be banging on the low. Anytime a man is getting called by a girl multiple times in a row…? She missing her man. That’s it.” She said. “Which is why I say you should meet Jake! A better, non-toxic cute guy!”
You sighed, rubbing your eyes. “I’ll meet him. No promises that we won’t click. I’m very picky about my men.”
Your sister grinned, looking pleased. "That's all I ask," she said. "I just want you to be happy, and if Jake isn't the one, that's okay. But you never know, he might surprise you."
You nodded, feeling a little more open to the idea of meeting Jake. "Okay," you said. "I'll keep an open mind."
As the night wore on, you found yourself feeling a little more relaxed and optimistic about your love life. You knew that things with Heeseung were complicated, but you also knew that you deserve someone who was willing to be open and honest with you. And as you thought about meeting Jake, you felt a sense of excitement and anticipation for the possibilities that lay ahead. Maybe he would be the one, or maybe he would just be a good friend. Either way, you were ready to take a chance and see where things went.
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You and your sister made your way out around 10 ish when Sunoo had texted that they were outside. You grabbed your purse and followed your sister out the door, feeling a little nervous and excited at the prospect of meeting your sister's friends. As you stepped outside, you saw two guys waiting for you in a car. One of them had light brown hair and a friendly smile, while the other had dark hair and a more reserved demeanor.
You both got in and they turned to you guys in the backseat. Your sister began. "Hey guys," your sister said, walking up to them. "This is my sister, Y/N."
The brown-haired guy stepped forward, extending his hand. "Hey, I'm Jake," he said. "Nice to meet you.”
You shook his hand, feeling a little shy. "Nice to meet you too," you said.
The other, Sunoo, gave you a small smile, “I like your earrings.”
You smiled, feeling a little more at ease. "Thank you," you said. "I got them from a thrift store."
Sunoo nodded, looking impressed. "Nice," he said. "I love thrift shopping too."
As the car drove on, you found yourself chatting and laughing with Jake and Sunoo, feeling more and more comfortable around them. They were both easy to talk to, and you found yourself drawn to their friendly personalities and sense of humor.
You all got out at a movie theater and walked in together, stopping at the box office to decide on a movie. Once it was chosen, Sunoo offered to pay for the tickets if the rest of you all paid for the food, so of course you’d agreed.
Sunoo walked off with the tickets and said he’d keep the seats warm while he waited. You, Jake, and your sister got in line for some food, but the peaceful sound of bustling crowds was quickly short when your sister nudged you, signaling towards Jake. You shrugged in response, unsure of what she wanted you to do.
You looked at her, feeling a little confused. "What's up?" you asked.
Your sister grinned mischievously. "So, Y/N was just telling me that she's single," she said, looking at Jake. "And I was thinking, you're single too, right?"
Jake chuckled, looking a little embarrassed. "Uh, yeah," he said. "I guess I am."
Your sister nodded, looking pleased. "Well, Y/N is a catch," she said. "And she's looking for someone who's kind and funny and doesn't take themselves too seriously. Sound like anyone you know?"
Jake grinned, looking at you. "I think I might know someone like that," he said.
You blushed, feeling a little embarrassed by your sister's forwardness, but also feeling a sense of excitement and curiosity about the possibility of dating Jake. He was cute and funny, and you enjoyed spending time with him. But at the same time, you didn't want to rush into anything, especially not with Heeseung back in California.
Jake stepped forward to ask for the popcorn, and you pulled your sister to the side. "I don't know about this," you said. "I just met him."
Your sister looked at you, understanding the hesitation in your voice. "I know it's a lot to take in," she said. "And I'm not saying you have to jump into anything right away. But I think Jake is a really great guy, and I think you two could have something special if you give it a chance. Just take things slow and see where they go."
You nodded, feeling a little more reassured. "Okay," you said. "I'll keep an open mind."
As you all settled into your seats and the movie began, you found yourself snacking on popcorn and enjoying the film. Of course, you’d occasionally see Jake glancing at you from the side , but nothing too major. He wasn’t too good at hiding his gazes, but it was cute.
The movie came to an end and the lights came up, you felt a sense of contentment and satisfaction with the way the night had gone. You had made new friends and potentially opened up a new fling. If Heeseung could have a fling with Hana, then you could have a fling with Jake. Surely it wouldn’t take much emotional capacity to mess around for a boy for a few weeks. Might as well, especially considering Heeseung had yet to respond to your pictures.
You thanked Sunoo for the tickets and your sister, again, urged you to walk beside Jake as her and Sunoo walked out first. Begrudgingly, you agreed.
“Hey,” He said, catching sight of you walking beside him. “What did you think of the movie?”
“If I had to rate it out of ten, I’d give it a 6.” You told him. “Minus 4 because they used cringy ass words. Nobody in real life says shit like “darn it”. Like come on, let’s be for real.”
Jake chuckled. "Yeah, I get what you mean. But overall, I thought it was a pretty good movie. The storyline was interesting, and the characters were relatable."
You nodded in agreement, feeling a sense of ease and comfort around Jake. The two of you walked in comfortable silence for a few moments, enjoying the cool night air and the sound of the crowd around you.
“So…are you and your sister going home after this or…?” He asked.
You looked up at Jake, feeling a little flustered by the question. "Um, I'm not sure yet," you said, trying to play it cool. "We might grab a drink or something. Whatever my sister wants to do, I’ll do. Plus, Sunoo is driving, not me.”
“That’s right…why’d I forget we rode together?” He laughed, hitting himself on the forehead.
You laughed along with Jake, feeling a sense of ease and comfort around him. As the two of you settled into a comfortable rhythm of conversation, you found yourself enjoying his company more and more.
Once you were all in the car, Jake offered to sit in the back with you so that your sister could charge her phone in the front. Sunoo drove around with the windows down and music blasting, and you all just enjoyed the cool air.
Jake leaned over a bit, “So, where do you go to school?”
“I go all the way to UCSB, over in Santa Barbara, Cali.” You told him.
“Oh jeez, that’s some way from West Virginia.” He awkwardly laughed. “How’s California? I’ve never been before.”
You smiled at Jake's question, happy to share your experiences with him. "California's great," you said. "The weather is amazing, the beaches are beautiful, and there's always something to do. It's definitely a different vibe from West Virginia, but I love it."
Jake nodded, seeming interested in what you had to say. "Yeah, I bet it's a lot different from where I'm from," he said. "I've lived in West Virginia my whole life, so I'm used to a slower pace of life, I guess. But it's nice to get out and see new places."
“Jake, I’ve literally lived in Virginia all my life too. I only go to California for school.” You told him, squinting your eyes a bit before bursting into a laughing fit at his stupidity.
Jake blushed in embarrassment, realizing his mistake. "Oh, right, sorry about that," he said, laughing along with you. "I guess I got a little mixed up there. But it's still cool that you get to experience a different part of the country for school."
You nodded, still chuckling a bit. "Yeah, it's definitely been an adventure," you said. "But I'm grateful for the opportunity to learn and grow in a new environment."
He smiled a bit, awkwardly rubbing his neck.
You shook your head, “You’re so stupid, oh my goodness.”
He smiled, “Bro, I…don’t know what was going through my head.”
“Obviously nothing!” You laughed, teasing him.
Sunoo pulled into a small arcade, turning his car off, “I have a card with like 700 points on it. If I don’t use it by tomorrow, they’ll expire. I must spend them ASAP….now, come on. Everyone inside.”
You glanced at Jake, before complying to Sunoo’s requests.
As you walked into the arcade, you couldn't help but feel a rush of excitement. The bright lights and sounds of the games filled the air, and you felt like a kid again. Sunoo led the way, heading straight for the ticket redemption counter.
"So, I'm thinking we should split up into teams and compete for the most tickets," Sunoo suggested, holding up his card. "Who's with me?"
Your sister raised her hand, “I’m with you.”
“There’s only one card though.” Jake said.
“We’ll take turns. Sunoo and I for 30 minutes, then you two get the card.” Your sister nodded.
You all agreed to the plan, and Sunoo set a timer for 30 minutes. He and your sister headed off to play some games, while you and Jake decided to explore the arcade.
As you walked around, you couldn't help but notice how much Jake made lame jokes. He was cute, but his jokes were fueled by teen boy humor. Not wanting to come off as a bitch, you let it roll off your shoulders until he pointed at balls inside of the basketball game, “Big balls. I can relate.”
You gagged, “Jake, you are genuinely so lame.”
He fake scoffed, “Ouch.”
“You act like a 15 year old virgin.” You told him, rolling your eyes.
“That’s pretty specific, don’t you think? 15 years old? And a virgin? Can’t relate to that one.” He sighed, shrugging his shoulders.
You laughed, “Well, you sure act like one.”
“The 15 year old or the virgin?” He asked you.
“Mmm…a virgin.” You told him. You knew damn well you only had one body, but you still felt like you’d had enough experience to recognize when someone didn’t.
“That’s false.” He said, sitting down on an empty bench.
You crossed your arms and sat beside him, “What’s your body count?”
He rubbed his chin, and then held his hands out, counting. Once he got to 15, you stopped him, “You’re full of shit.”
“Okay, maybe 3 or 4. Why are you asking me this, again?” He asked.
“You know, if I’m being honest…I recently lost mine and I’m kind of curious to see how experienced other people are.” You admitted to him.
He slowly nodded, “Ah, right, okay. Well, congratulations for losing yours!”
You groaned, “It wasn’t with my boyfriend though.”
“Wait, what?” He asked, “Did you cheat on your boyfriend or something?”
“No, I mean like…the guy I lost it to? He’s not my boyfriend. He’s just a friend…or whatever.” You told him.
“Oh, okay…does that upset you? That you two aren’t dating?” He asked.
You shook your head, purely lying. “I don’t need him. Plus, his body count is probably like 10+, I doubt that he even thinks about me like he says he does.”
“Ah, you two aren’t in contact anymore?” He asked.
“We’ll be in contact when I get a text back from him but he only texts late at night, and it’s only like 8 in California right now. I can expect a text from him at like 5 am Virginia time.” You sighed.
Jake looked at you sympathetically, "I'm sorry to hear that. It sounds like a complicated situation."
You shrugged, "It is what it is. I knew going into it that it wasn't going to be anything serious. I just needed to get it out of my system."
Jake nodded, "I get it. Sometimes you just need to do what's best for you."
You smiled, feeling grateful for Jake's understanding. "Thanks, Jake. You’re really sweet.” You looked over his face, taking in how…hot he was. Yes, Heeseung was hotter. Heeseung would forever remain to be the one in your heart, but you didn’t mind having Jake on your mind at the time being. Heeseung hadn’t even bothered to respond to your suggestive photos, flirting with Jake would be your payback.
But then again, Heeseung was probably at work. You were sick for thinking about these things. How desperate were you? Thinking about Jake not even 24 hours after you were just riding on top of Heeseung? Sick.
"So, what do you plan to do later tonight?"
You took a deep breath and tried to clear your mind. "Sorry, I got a bit distracted there. What did you say?" you asked him.
Jake smiled, "No worries. I was just asking what your plans were for the rest of the night."
You shrugged, "I don't really have any plans. Just going to head back home, I guess."
Jake nodded, "Well, do you want some company? “
“Uh,” You bit your lip. “What do you mean?”
Jake chuckled, seeing your confusion. "I mean, do you want me to come over and hang out with you for a while? If not, I understand.”
“No, my mom might actually kill me. I may be 19 but I’ll forever be 12 in my mom’s mind.” You playfully told him, pretending like you weren’t just undressing him with your mind a second ago.
Jake laughed, "Yeah, I get it. Moms can be like that sometimes."
You smiled, feeling grateful for Jake's understanding. "Thanks for being cool about it."
Jake nodded, "Of course. Maybe we can plan something for another time. You’re here for how long?”
“A month!” You told him.
"Yeah, that sounds good. We'll figure something out." He said.
When the 30 minutes were up, you awkwardly played games with him. You’d come to realize that you didn’t like guys like Jake; Timid, shy, overly funny. He didn’t make you feel what Heeseung made you feel. You weren’t necessarily trying too hard to develop anything for him, but it would be nice to have a distraction from Heeseung. Especially while there was no telling what he was doing back in Cali.
At the end of the hurrah, your sister took pics of you all and then dropped you both at home.
You glanced down at your phone and STILL had no text back from Heeseung. At this point, you wondered if he purposefully didn’t respond to you. Like, you were fucking fed up with him! Why did you have to wait for him to respond but as soon as he texts you, you call him? You don’t wait hours to reach out, you don’t wait.
You told your sister that you’d be inside in a second and called Heeseung. It rang for a bit, and you found yourself pacing down the sidewalk, biting your lip in frustration. After what felt like an eternity, Heeseung finally picked up the phone. "Hey, what's up?" he said casually.
"What's up? Are you fucking kidding me?" you snapped. "I've been waiting for hours for you to respond to my text. Do you have any idea how frustrating that is?"
There was a moment of silence on the other end of the line. “I’ve been busy with work.” he said. “Plus, it’s not that big of a deal. I always answer when you call.”
"Not that big of a deal? Heeseung, it’s a big deal. It’s a really big deal! Communication is important, Heeseung. I feel like I'm always the one reaching out to you, and you only respond when it's convenient for you. That's not fair." You said, tears stinging at your eyes.
“Okay, for sure, but like I said, I’ve been at work. I got promoted, by the way. Officially the new manager of Moonshadows @ Malibu.” He said.
You took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself down. "Congratulations on the promotion," you said, trying to sound sincere. "But that still doesn't excuse the fact that you couldn't take a few seconds to respond to my text. Did you even bother to open it? Do you know how much effort I put into finding sexy photos to send you? All because I want to make YOU happy while I’m on break?”
Heeseung's voice softened on the other end of the line. “Y/N, I get that you’re upset but…a sexy photo? Like? Do you know what time it was that you sent that?”
“It was like 6 my time.” You told him.
“It was 3 pm. 3 o’clock when you sent me a photo of you with your tongue out, boobs out, and all that WHILE I was at work. I couldn’t respond, that’s that.” he sternly stated.
You felt your face flush with embarrassment as Heeseung pointed out the time you sent the photo. "I didn't realize it was that early," you said, feeling foolish. "I was just trying to do something nice for you, and I guess I didn't think it through."
"I appreciate the effort, I really do," Heeseung said. "But you have to understand that I can't always respond to messages right away, especially when I'm at work. It's not fair to expect me to drop everything and respond to a message like that."
You felt sad at his words. He was right; He was a true adult with a true job. You were just the dumb college girl with no real concept of how the real world worked. How couldn’t you remember that it was so early for him? How could you just forget? Why would you send him the photo while knowing he was at work? What’s wrong with you?
You hung up the phone without another word, you couldn't help but feel embarrassed and disappointed in yourself. You had wanted to do something nice for Heeseung, but instead, you had made him feel pressured and uncomfortable while he was at work.
Walking back up to your room, you felt down. You replayed the conversation over and over in your head. You couldn't believe that you had been so thoughtless and insensitive. You’d even called him at an indecent hour. Genuinely, you were sick of yourself. Sick of how needy you were becoming.
Your phone vibrated, and you glanced down at it. You saw a text from Heeseung.
“Are you heading to sleep soon?” - heeseung <3
You didn’t reply back to him, simply tossing your phone to the side.
But you lay in bed that night, you couldn't shake the feeling of disappointment in yourself. You knew you had to apologize to Heeseung and make things right. You picked up your phone and typed out a message to him.
"heeseung, i’m sorry for the way i acted earlier. i wasn't thinking about your schedule, and i shouldn't have sent you that photo while you were at work. i hope you can forgive me." - You.
You hit send and waited nervously for his response. A few minutes later, your phone buzzed with a notification.
“Y/N, sweetheart, it’s okay. I’m not mad. I just want you to remember that I have a job, and I’m often not free throughout the day. Okay? Just keep that in mind.” - heeseung <3
You couldn’t take his text seriously. You were simply just embarrassed. You even went out of your way to change his contact name from heeseung <3 to just Heeseung. You didn’t know how you’d come back from this. He didn’t even acknowledge the photo, didn’t compliment you, nothing.
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After changing Heeseung's contact name, you spent the next day feeling distant and disconnected from him. You couldn't help but feel hurt and disappointed by his lack of response to the photo you had sent him.
But as the hours went on, you realized that you couldn't keep these feelings bottled up inside. You knew you had to talk to Heeseung and express your concerns.
After 2 days, you mustered up the courage to call him. "Hey, Heeseung," you said when he answered. "Sorry I haven’t reached out…”
“It’s fine.” He said.
“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something, is now a good time?” You asked him.
“I guess so.” He said, “What is it?”
“You guess? Yes or no? I don’t want you to guess, I just want you to tell me if now is a good time or not.” You said, already feeling annoyed at his short responses.
“Yes, now is fine. What is it that you want to say?” He asked.
"I've been feeling a little insecure lately," you admitted. "I sent you a photo a few days ago, and you didn't really respond to it. I just wanted to know if everything was okay and if you're still interested in me."
Heeseung paused for a moment before responding. “Y/N, seriously? Like are you really asking me this?”
“What do you mean?” You asked him. “I am asking you because I…want to know if you still like me.”
A loud groan came from him on the other end of the call.
Heeseung's groan made you feel even more insecure and hurt. You couldn't believe he was reacting this way. "What's wrong?" you asked, feeling your voice shake a little. “Why can’t you tell me if you like me or not? Why haven’t you expressed any of your feelings towards me? We keep having sex and going on dates, but not once did you tell me how much I meant to you…all you do is turn the conversation around on me!”
"Why do I have to verbally express whether I like you or not?" Heeseung asked, his tone still slightly curt. "I didn’t know you were requiring me to wear my heart on my sleeve.”
The tears you’d been trying to hold back finally escaped, streaming down your face as you cried. "It's not about wearing your heart on your sleeve, Heeseung," you sniffed, trying to calm your sobs. "It's about being honest! I need to know where I stand with you. Please just tell me, Heeseung, please.”
Heeseung's tone softened as he heard the tears in your voice. "I'm sorry, Y/N," he said. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
You wiped your tears. "I just need to know how you feel about me, Heeseung," you said, your voice still shaky. "I need to know if you see a future with me, or if this is just a casual thing for you."
Heeseung let out a sigh. "You’re really great, Y/N.” he said. "I enjoy spending time with you. But I don't know what the future holds, and I don't want to make any promises I can't keep."
His words hit you like a pile of bricks. The once sad feeling you felt was soon replaced with anger as you spat back, “Maybe I should fuck someone else then, yeah? I should just find someone else because you don’t care about me. You don’t even care that I’m crying right now.”
Heeseung's expression turned to shock as he heard your words. "Y/N, that's not fair," he said firmly.
You began again. “You know what’s weird? Why don’t I know anything about you? Why do I only know your first name? Why are you allowed to know everything about me but as soon as I ask you a question, you end the conversation? Are you trying to manipulate me? Is this a game to you?
He sighed again. “Y/N, I'm sorry that you feel that way," he said. "It's not my intention to manipulate you or play games. I’m just not good with these emotional things.
“That doesn’t excuse anything, Heeseung.” You told him.
“I am aware —” he paused. “ — But I’m uncomfortable having this conversation while I’m in the midst of checking into work. I will call you later.”
You scoffed, “No, you can’t hang up on me. I’m more important than your stupid job.”
“Y/N, I’m going to hang up and I’m going to call you once I’ve settled in at home. Goodbye.” He said, hanging up.
You felt a sense of anger and frustration as Heeseung hung up on you. You couldn't believe that he was prioritizing his job over your relationship. AGAIN! But you waited. You weren’t going to tell him not to go to work, that's a bit too far.
Trying to spend time with family while anxiously waiting for Heeseungs call might have been the most painful thing you’ve ever been through.
You couldn’t even focus during game night, and your cousins even pointed it out. All you could do was sit, stare, and occasionally look down at your phone.
Therefore, when he finally reached out, you jumped up to excuse yourself and went to your room to answer him.
“Heeseung, you finally called.” You sighed, feeling slight contentment at his presence over the phone.
“Hello to you too, Y/N.” He said. “I’ve had time to think about what you said and I’m going to be 100% honest with you, no games, nothing. Okay?”
“Okay.”
He took a deep breath, “I think you’re a really sweet girl, Y/N. I think that you have something special about you and I genuinely enjoy being around you. Of course, there’s been some hiccups with the Hana situation and the photo, but I overall think that if we can both agree to trust each other and not jumó to conclusions, we’ll both be better off. Things work best that way if you just trust my word and don’t get all in your head.”
As you listened to Heeseung's words, you felt a mix of emotions. On the one hand, you appreciated his honesty and his willingness to be open with you. On the other hand, you felt frustrated that he was asking you to trust him blindly without questioning his actions or intentions.
"Heeseung, I appreciate your honesty," you said. "But trust is something that needs to be earned. I can't just blindly trust you without any evidence or reassurance."
"I understand that," Heeseung said. "And I'm willing to work on earning your trust. But I also need you to be willing to give me the benefit of the doubt sometimes. I'm not perfect, but I'm trying my best."
"I want to trust you, Heeseung," you said. "I really do…but I also need to know that you're willing to be open and honest with me, and to address any concerns or issues that I bring up."
"I am," Heeseung said. "Let's take things one step at a time and see where things go."
You felt a sense of relief and hope at his words. Despite the challenges and hiccups in the relationship, you felt like there was still a chance to build something strong and meaningful with Heeseung.
“Okay, thank you. I really needed to hear that.” You took a deep breath, finally feeling relieved. after many painful days.
“Now, about your ‘sexy photo’…you still want me to comment on it?” He asked.
“Mhm, yes please.” You told him, closing your bedroom door.
“Hm, let’s see.” He said, as you heard tapping on his screen. “First off, you’re so beautiful.. I think you with your tongue out MIGHT be my favorite.”
As Heeseung commented on your photo, you felt a sense of playfulness and flirtation between the two of you. It was a moment of lightness and humor amidst the tension and stress of the past few days.
"Thank you," you said, feeling a smile spread across your face. "I'm glad you liked them."
Heeseung sighed. "I'm sorry for not responding to your previous photos. I could have handled it better. I was just busy with work, that’s all it was.”
"It's okay," you said. "I understand. I just wanted to make sure you saw them. I worked hard on them for you.”
"I did," he said. "And I appreciate them. But let's not make a habit of sending sexy photos, okay? I think it’s more fun to wait and see it in person, you know?"
“But, I won’t be back in California for a month. What are you going to do while I’m gone?” You asked.
"I'll miss you, of course," Heeseung said, voice emitting from the other end of the call. "But I'll keep myself busy with work and other things…"
You felt a sense of disappointment at his response. “Other things, like what? Other women? Or Hana?”
"No, of course not," Heeseung laughed. "I'm not interested in anyone else. We agreed to keep things casual, remember?"
“I thought you said that…we just had to keep it a secret?” You asked him. “Keeping it casual isn’t the same as keeping it private.”
"Ah, yeah, my mistake. A secret." Heeseung replied. “Let’s just take it slow, Y/N.”
You let out a sigh of relief, feeling reassured by his words. "Okay, I understand. I just don't want to lose you while I'm away."
"You won't," Heeseung said softly. "I'll be here when you get back. And who knows, maybe we can take things to the next level when you come back?"
A smile spread across your face at the prospect. "When you say next level…what do you mean exactly? Because you know, I’ve never had a boyfriend before and I’ve already expressed through my actions how I feel towards you…right?”
“Have you?” He asked.
“Yeah…?” You questioned.
“I think I'd rather you tell me than you show me.” He sighed.
“Actions speak louder than words though.” you told him. “Get with the times, Heeseung.”
He faked a sad sigh, “I guess I’ll never know. Not until you tell me.”
You smiled at his playful response. "Okay, fine. You are a wonderful, amazing, great man.”
"I know, I know." Heeseung said. "I’m the best.”
You rolled your eyes, “I’m hanging up now.”
“Y/N? Hanging up on me?” He gasped.”That’s a first. Tryna be like me? Ending the conversation?”
You groaned.“Heeseung, literally shut up. Like actually.”
The conversation persisted throughout the night, your sister eventually came up to say her good night and left you alone to talk to Heeseung.
The clock ticked on closer and closer to later at night, until you both admitted that you were getting sleepy.
“Heeseung, can I ask you a serious question?” You asked him, yawning.
“Mhm.” He hummed.
“When we hang out, do you usually have the expectation of sex?” You asked him. “If you do, it’s okay. I just want to know.”
He was silent on the other end of the phone.
After a moment of silence, Heeseung finally spoke up. "No, Y/N," he said. "I don't have any expectations when we hang out. I just enjoy spending time with you, whether it's laying in your dorm or going out to a cafe."
You let out a sigh of relief, feeling grateful for his honesty. "Okay, good to know," you said. "A little birdy keeps telling me that you expect certain things out of me. I don’t regret anything, of course. I just wanted clarification. It helps me figure out things.”
"Yeah?" Heeseung said. "What's going on in that pretty little head of yours?”
You felt a warmth spread through your chest at his words. "Well, I just want to make sure that we're both on the same page," you said. "I don't want there to be any misunderstandings between us. And honestly, I appreciate your honesty. It makes me feel more sure."
"And just so you know, I don't expect anything from you, Y/N." he said. “I hate that I’m on the verge of falling asleep as I say this but, I’ll just say it; You don’t have to overthink anything with me. If you ever want to talk, I hope I’ve made it so that you feel comfortable enough to just ask me. Okay? Don’t ask anyone else. Ask me. Ask the source.”
You smiled, feeling a sense of relief wash over you. "That means a lot," you said. "Thank you."
"Of course, sweet girl." Heeseung sighed with a chuckle. “Isn’t it super late for you? Virginia is like 3 hours ahead of Cali.”
You nodded to yourself, “It’s late, yes. But it’s okay. I like talking to you.”
"Of course, my sweet Y/N," Heeseung said with a soft smile. “I love talking to you too."
You felt a warmth spread through your chest at his words, feeling grateful for his kind and caring nature. "You love it?," you asked. "I’ve never heard you say that before. Love.”
"Oh, Y/N. I’m sleepy" Heeseung said with a gentle tone. "I’m gonna go, okay? Make sure you get some rest tonight. You deserve it."
You felt a sense of comfort wash over you at his words, feeling safe and loved in his presence. "I will," you said with a smile. "Goodnight.”
You smiled, feeling a sense of happiness knowing that you had someone like Heeseung in your life. Despite the distance between you, you knew that your connection was strong enough to withstand it, and that made you feel hopeful for the future. As you ended the call and settled into bed, you felt grateful for Heeseung's presence in your life. You fell asleep with a smile on your face, feeling loved and cared for.
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The next week was about the same as your first few days there; Meeting up with family, small parties, preparing for christmas. Heeseung still continued to only answer his phone at night, which was frustrating, to say the least. Yet, you tried understanding that he had just been promoted so he was probably even more busy now.
When Christmas came, you woke up to a sweet text from him. To sum it up, he basically said:
“I have a surprise waiting for you when you get back, sweet girl. Counting down the days.” - heeseung <3
That was honestly enough to make you book a flight back home 4 days sooner than what you had intended to. You were unsure of what he had in store for you, but you were eager to get back to him. Hearing him wasn’t enough anymore, you wanted to see him. You wanted to feel him. Not his body, but him. The past lustful thoughts that once controlled you barely even existed anymore. Sure, you guys were keeping it ‘casual’, but he never verbally said that you weren’t allowed to like him, have feelings for him, etc.
But at this point, could they even be considered just “feelings”? You didn’t just feel butterflies when you heard his voice, you felt…calm. At peace. Warm. The names he’d call you brought a small to your face, opened the door for a pang in your heart, all of the above.
The more you found yourself thinking about him, the less patient you found yourself being. You were just counting down the days till you could leave and see him again.
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Finally, it was time. As you packed your bags and prepared to head back home, your mind was filled with excitement and anticipation. You couldn't wait to see what Heeseung had in store for you, and the thought of being in his arms again brought a smile to your face. Despite the distance and the challenges that came with it, you knew that your connection with Heeseung was strong enough to withstand it all.
First the airport, then the airplane, then back to the dorm, then to unpack. You had to finish settling in before you could even worry about how you’d find a way to see Heeseung, unsure of if he was working or not. You’d given yourself a week to just enjoy the last few days of break on campus and away from your family as you wanted to be in your own space…with Heeseung, of course.
Once settled in, you texted Heeseung.
“i made it back!! when can i see you?” - You.
Your heart was beating fast with anticipation.
But then the unexpected happened; He replied as soon as your message was delivered.
“Now. 29501 Elms Ave. #23. Code is 893993. See you soon, sweet girl.” - heeseung <3
He had you coming to his place? As in, where he lived?? Where he rested his head at night and ate his breakfast in the mornings?
You felt a mix of excitement and nervousness wash over you as you read Heeseung's message. He wanted you to come over to his place, and while you were thrilled at the prospect of seeing him, you couldn't help but feel a bit nervous.
Taking a deep breath, you gathered your things and made your way to Heeseung's apartment. As you arrived at the complex and entered the code he had given you, your heart was beating fast with anticipation. This was it. You were about to see Heeseung again, and this time, it would be in his own space.
As you made your way to his door and knocked, your nerves were on edge. But as soon as Heeseung opened the door and pulled you into a tight embrace, all of your worries melted away.
The moment you saw him, you felt a sense of calm wash over you. He looked just as handsome as ever, with a warm smile on his face and his arms open wide for you.
"Hey there, beautiful," Heeseung said as he pulled you into a tight embrace. "I've missed you."
You smiled back, feeling a sense of comfort wash over you. "Me too," you said. "I've missed you so much."
Heeseung chuckled, pulling back to look at you. "But now that you're here, let's make the most of it."
As he led you into his apartment, you couldn't help but feel a sense of awe wash over you. This was where Heeseung lived, where he spent his days and nights. And now, you were here with him.
From the colors, to the furniture, to the small plate left on the countertop. You admired it all. Everything reflected his personality, him as an individual.
Heeseung led you to his living room and settled onto the couch, pulling you close to him. As you snuggled up against him, you felt a sense of contentment wash over you. This was where you belonged, in his arms.
You felt a sense of warmth spread through you as his arms strokes your hair, feeling his strong arms around you. You both basked in the silence.
It was something so intimate about just sitting there, holding each other. Dating or not, this was all you needed. Someone to hold, someone to feel, someone like him, someone like Heeseung, or just Heeseung period.
"So, what's the surprise you have for me?" You asked, looking up at him with a small smile.
Heeseung chuckled. "Patience, Y/N," he said. "All in good time. But first, let's catch up. How was your trip?"
As You settled onto the couch and began to chat, you felt a sense of happiness wash over you. Despite the distance and the challenges that came with it, you knew that your connection with Heeseung was strong enough to withstand it all. You talked for hours, sharing stories and laughing together, and it felt like no time had passed since you last saw each other.
Eventually, Heeseung stood up and held out his hand. "Okay, Y/N," he said with a smile. "Are you ready for your surprise?"
You nodded eagerly, feeling a sense of excitement build within you. Heeseung led you to his bedroom, where he had set up a cozy little nook with blankets and pillows.
"Ta-da!" Heeseung said with a grin. "I thought we could have a little movie night together. Just the two of us."
You felt a surge of awe wash over you as you looked at him with a happy frown. “Aw, Heeseung. This is so cute. You did this? For me?”
“Yeah.” He laughed. For the first time, you saw a flustered look on his face. A small blush covered his cheeks as he continued. “I knew you’d like it.”
“I love it. I absolutely adore everything you’ve done for me today. I really do.” You told him, holding his hand as you gave him a small kiss, “What movie did you have in mind?”
Settling onto the blankets after you found a movie, the warmth of Heeseung's body next to you, it was perfect. As the movie began to play, you couldn't help but steal glances at him, feeling a sense of contentment wash over you.
The night wore on and the movie ended, Heeseung turned to you with a sleepy gaze. "Y/N," he said, taking your hand in his again
“Yes?” You asked, looking up at him.
He kept his eyes down on you, a sense of what appeared to be longing behind his eyes. “Lately, I’ve been thinking about what I told you a few weeks ago.”
“There’s a lot you’ve told me in the past few weeks, Heeseung.” You smiled, slightly nudging him.
“I know, I know.” he sighed. “But one thing in particular has been on my mind lately, amongst other things.”
“What is it?”
He sighed, wrapping his arm around you, pulling you closer, “I think that I want to gear away from our ‘casual’ title. What do you think?”
As Heeseung spoke, his words sinking in slowly, you felt a mix of surprise and joy wash over you. He wanted to move away from the casual label and be something more, and it was something you had been wanting too. But the suddenness of it all still caught you off guard, and you couldn't help but feel a sense of vulnerability wash over you.
You looked up at Heeseung, you saw a sense of longing and hope in his eyes that made your heart ache. He was putting himself out there, taking a risk, and you knew how much that meant.
Tears welled up in your eyes as you took a deep breath, feeling the weight of his words sink in. "Heeseung," you said softly, your voice trembling with emotion. "I would love that. I've been wanting that too, but I didn't want to push you."
You hugged him back, feeling a sense of contentment wash over you. This was what you had been waiting for, what you had been wanting. And now, it is finally happening.
As you settled back onto the blankets, feeling the warmth of Heeseung's body next to yours, you knew that your connection was there after all. And despite the challenges that came with distance and uncertainty, you knew that you had found something special with Heeseung. And that made you feel hopeful for the future as you knew you could grow as a person with him, experiencing things in life, learning from him, and much more.
You snuggled up against him, feeling the comfort of his embrace. Heeseung has done many things; From making you go psycho over an ex fling to having you drive back and forth to Malibu. But you’d go back and do it all over again.
Tears streamed down your face as you looked up at him, feeling a sense of overwhelming emotion wash over you. "Heeseung," you whispered, your voice choking with tears. "I'm so grateful for you. I’m sorry for how crazy I acted about Hana…I promise I’ll be better now…that she’s blocked.”
Heeseung smiled softly, brushing away your tears with his thumb. "Mhm" he hummed. "Forget Hana.”
You leaned in to kiss him, feeling a sense of passion and desire built within you. This was it, the beginning of a new chapter in your relationship, and you couldn't wait to see where it would lead.
Of course, you still had a lot you had to do; You had to ex out every woman that felt as though she could be in his life, had to find a way to get him to be closer to your school or vice versa, AND you most certainly had to get Hana fired from Moonshadows @ Malibu. Heeseung was now yours. Nobody else could have him. You’d do what you had to do to keep it that way.
Until then, you’d just lay in his arms, breathing in his scent, occasionally wondering how many other girls had smelled him this closely.
That was another thing you had to fix…he had too many followers on instagram. It was time for a detox.
Heeseung was yours and yours only.
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authors note: yall, i don’t know what the hell happened in this chapter. it took me so long to finish this #writers block. OH, if there’s any weird repeated sentences/paragraphs, my bad. i wrote a lot of this late at night.
also, if u saw a random ass spam of letters, that was me face palming on my keyboard, knocked out. thank u, hope u enjoyed the read, honeybuns :)
tag list: @voidbeomgyu @kimochiloveshee @ppeachyttae @jungwo-nnie @0102luvr @heeswif3y @lqveenha @hanienie @furious-eagle @mimimovv @sweetjaemss
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mccbrackets · 8 months
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500 follower special: crossword!!! (notes below)
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As is likely evident, this is a far from complete list of MCC contestants, but I attempted to get a good variety while still keeping the puzzle a semi-reasonable size (players were selected based on how easily I was able to come up with a clue for them lol)
There is a fair bit of variety when it comes to which names are used in the crossword, but there are no numbers or symbols and the puzzle is composed entirely of participants’ names
While obviously I cannot mandate this, I would encourage you guys to try to attempt this without outside research and I would love to see people working together on this
There are quite possibly some typos and/or errors (ex: I forgot to delete the backup clue for #25 so you guys get an extra lol), hopefully nothing that affects the outcome, but please point out if you find anything that looks wrong
I will reblog the first person/people I see get it correct, please reblog or tag me so I can see :)
Edit: shoutout to @decisiondomes for letting me know about an error in the wiki that made it into the crossword. The answer to 5 down is Gumi (vgumiho) when in actuality, Sylvee subbed in in MCCs 2 and 3
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wonderbreadog · 18 days
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[kindly asking exclusionists and anti mspec lesbians ppl to just scroll past this post, please! thank you so much /gen . hate will be deleted and/or blocked tbh i will not give you the time of day]
okay I started writing this really long personal post about my past and about coming to terms with being a butch bi lesbian and how difficult and confusing it was of a journey to even get to this point, especially because I've medically transitioned and am happy with how I present myself (I look like a cis man but am not one, the butch dysphoria was just a thing that I didn't realize I was experiencing) and with how I identify (genderfuck truly is the gender label ever literally none of this is real) but then I realized that I didn't like how it was worded at all so I'm making another one ...
this may not make sense and may have a bunch of typos but its late for me and this is raw and I'm happy and feeling good and want to share. I'm not even adding tags for reach cuz this is a personal post
but hey, damn, being a lesbian was this massive repressed part of my identity that has always been with me but tucked away deep into the depths of my brain where I could not reach it because I THOUGHT I was a bi man (then eventually a bi nonbinary person), but I can't ignore it anymore.
I am a lesbian. a bi lesbian.
I love women SO MUCH. I have always loved women. but I also love nonbinary people. genderqueer people. bigender/trigender/pangender people who have being a woman or being woman adjacent as part of their identities. I love genderfluid people. even MORE people that I can't fit here. and yes, I love men.
I am bi, but also very much a lesbian. and very, very much butch. 100% without a doubt I am butch and always have been.
deep inside of me I guess I always knew a large part of me still held on to being a woman - and it still does. I am not entirely separated from it, I am still very much one, but I am also everything in between and nothing at the same time; however, I am still very disconnected from being a man. I just like to present incredibly masculine and pass for one.
I can't explain it, but I played butterfly soup again with my partner recently and something happened, to put it bluntly. I found it in 2018 during my transition, and it woke something up in me (I just didn't realize it.) playing it again now, and reconnecting with the characters made me realize that man. yeah. yeah, I'm probably a lesbian and this game made me realize that. yeah.
it's difficult because I know not many people will understand my experience and probably won't ever. I'm trying to be okay with that. genuinely though, I just want to be left alone in my little corner of the internet waving my little lesbian flag and hugging myself and giving myself the much needed self love that I deprived myself of for so long.
I have had so much internalized lesbophobia and transphobia brewing inside of me these past 7 years that it's time I heal from it. embrace who I am, you know? I am one of the weirdest people on the planet and I should learn to be okay with that, cuz regardless I have several people who love me and that makes it all okay.
and, honestly, I understand myself more now and I don't need people to tell me that my personal experience was wrong. I have things I've gone through - deeply upsetting things - that I won't talk about. things that don't need to be said. I also won't be going into every intricacy of why the lesbian label fits me so well; unless we are very close, that shouldn't matter to you. I am just someone on the internet that you can ignore. THAT is too personal for this post, and I will not be disclosing those reasons publically (for now, anyway)
so ya, goodnight, I am horrified to post this and see what horrors await me when I wake
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lemme talk about some TTTE OCS!
So this was a long time coming. I tried to post an OC once before but I chickened out and deleted his post. So, here's some lore rundowns for a bunch of my OCs! And by that I mean all of 'em! And my sona, as a bonus! (and details on my personal canon!!!)
(This took me like 3 attempts to write because Tumblr kept eating the part about Wesley when I accidentally hit ctrl+z because I made a typo on Forsythia's basis :sob:)
Putting a break so I don't clog any tags haha
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So, for the third time I am trying to write this (dear god), behold, Wesley the Show Engine (and his tender that I admittedly drew in a rush when I drew it)! Wesley is based on Furness No. 20's original batch of 0-4-0 locomotives, generally based on Furness No. 20 in design but less so in backstory. Canonically, he was made after that batch of locos but his build date is undecided still.
He was made for a Collector, Mr. Titus Lancaster. The two attended engine shows for years, and while Wesley enjoyed it, he was rather isolated from other engines and rolling stock for many years. He admired the railway working life from afar and longed to have it.
Eventually his wish would be granted in both his and his Collector's old age when he donated him to the NWR.
Wesley's a rather interesting character to me in his origins. He's an old engine but very inexperienced with the rails.
Personality-wise, he's kindhearted, hardworking, sincere, passionate, and would rather get along with others, but he can be very gullible (early on) due to his lack of experience, and is imbued with the spirit of Sodor's karmic justice itself. (Read: he's really vengeful at times. If you cross him, he wants to ensure you get your just desserts.)
He's humble and quick to admit to his mistakes and apologize when he messes up (an uncommon trait on the railways LOL), and while he's open-minded, he's also willing to admit he's a bit foolish and unworldly. He mainly works on Edward's Branch Line.
He likes snow and snowploughs (he finds them comfortable in the way a weighted blanket or lead x-ray wear is comfortable), karma, being out and about, any work at all, and bugs.
He dislikes being patronized/infantilized/treated as if he's stupid and incapable, geese (there was an incident), most animals, the sound of babies crying, and almost all trucks. He's open to the idea of there being trucks that aren't troublesome but he doesn't know any yet.
I'd like to highlight a central relationship he has in his stories, that of his relationship with Edward. The two were quick friends and once made eye contact at an engine show YEARS before they properly met (though neither recognized the other). Eventually that friendship became a tendency to want to work together more and more often, and the duo became very close indeed... and then they started being gay as all hell. Gay ol' engines. Good for them! (They get married in a plotline of mine. I'm dead serious. Gay train wedding!!!)
EDIT: Something I forgot to note! While he's also vengeful, he's insists on doing nice things for others who have done nice things for him. Everything is a two-way street. One turn deserves another, good or bad.
For reading all that, here's a Checkpoint Human!Wesley I drew.
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Moving right along, we have a narrow gauge duo!
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I present to you Forsythia the Rambunctious Engine and Nicolas, her coach. Forsythia was based on the 2-4-0T Rheidol/Talybont/Treze de Maio and a fucked up kiddie ride I saw once.
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Yeah, it's a really fucked up kiddie ride.
These two are owned by Ms. Tiffany Lancaster, the niece of Wesley's former Collector (who has passed by the time she obtains these two). They are often loaned to the Skarloey to help out there (until a later event we'll touch on with the next OC).
These two got BWBA'd before I even knew what the hell was going on in BWBA. Except it's much more realistic and boring in execution. Just a lot of boring time on cargo ships with shipping mix-ups! They got to Sodor though, don't worry.
They've got the energy of childhood best friends imo. Also, Forsythia and Wesley consider one another cousins, but like, adoptive cousins specifically.
Forsythia is down to clown and is cheeky and mischievous and a prankster but she is an experienced variety. And she knows when to back off. And she will, if you ask her (and you're not on her list of Those She Is Close Enough To Clown Upon Always And Forever or Those I Hate)! I'd say she's... like... young adult or teenager -coded. She's very energetic and a Large Ham if you know about that trope.
Now, look at Nicolas, her coach. Tell me, when you look at him, do you think he's the serious sort? You'd be wrong there. He's also down to clown! And he's here for the shenanigans as well. He's simply the quiet, observant deadpan to Forsythia's rambunctious large ham.
[EDIT: I never noted that sometimes these two's antics involve collaborating with the Troublesome Trucks. Forsythia's always offended when the inevitable betrayal happens.]
Now for that lore thing I mentioned. I have an adaptation of Toby's Discovery in my AU in which TFC does not manage that part of the railway. Instead he does participate in its restoration but it is ran by none other than Tiffany Lancaster! Forsythia is the Ulfstead Heritage Railway's Engine No. 2! (Engine No. 1 is Bertram; Forsythia would've been No. 1 if some contract things with the Skarloey Railway didn't have to be sorted out first.)
[EDIT: Now that Forsythia and Nicolas are consistently on a railway, they do have a cluster of trucks that won't betray them because of how fun things just tend to be with those two.]
And on that railway, eventually there arrived a BR Class 12 Diesel, but refitted to narrow gauge.
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I present my final OC, Sycorax. Sycorax's arc is very dear to me because it has origins in both a random thought I had, a quote Awdry said in a video I watched, and my own opinions on locomotives and Sodor.
The video I've linked here made me have a realization about older diesels.
https://youtu.Be/h-xesjpiqgo?T=189
I can see where Awdry was coming from on this - he witnessed dieselization firsthand! But boy, I think diesels (and electrics!) have their charm and I'm really fond of them actually. I know it's very different as a modern reader who barely has any exposure to locomotives in person anyways due to the infrastructure of the United States just… Sucking sometimes, but nevertheless, my point stands.
Sycorax's arc starts with them in a most dire place: about to be scrapped. But fate saves them and they're refitted and brought to Sodor, where they find that, despite being the new thing, they're envious of steam engines, seeing their charm and the fact that they'll always be in fashion somewhere… And they feel generic and replaceable.
But eventually they start to realize that diesels become obsolete too. Now this is particularly regarding a dash of TVS canon but I like to think that the diesels of Sodor are there because Sodor, is too, a safe haven for them as well as steam engines. That's why absolute assholes stay around sometimes, it's because they've nowhere else to go. Sycorax realizes their envy is unwarranted, and that Sodor is a safehaven for all types of engines who need it, it's just that, at the time, steam engines needed it most. And they're not replaceable. And this is home now.
[EDIT: Forgot to add that they're the UHR (ulfstead heritage railway) No. 3!]
Thank you for reading all that. As a finale, let me briefly touch on my sona, The Secondman himself.
The Secondman is literally a self-insert/sona guy who's a human studying on modern day Sodor. He volunteers on the railways of the island often. He intends to immigrate there properly once he's done with his schooling. He's essentially is to me what the Thin Clergyman was to Awdry. In-universe, he writes my fanbooks, my silly little shitposts about various Engine Incidents, and a whole bunch of other things. And he's having a good time.
I haven't drawn him. But nevertheless!
Thank you SO MUCH for reading this loredump. I hope you enjoyed.
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seattlewa-hq · 1 year
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An Introduction to the Beta Editor
Hello all! I’ve gotten some feedback that the tutorials on using the new Beta editor and xKit Rewritten has been confusing a few people, so I wanted to make my own! I’ll try to cover everything below, but if something isn’t clear or you need extra help, let me know please! This post is gonna be pretty long, but I sectioned it up so hopefully you can find what you need with ease.
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Step 1. Switching to Beta
You very well may be able to skip this part, because all new blogs are automatically switched to the newer editor. But if you’re still using an older blog, don’t worry, it’s easy! There should be a big purple button in the corner, pretty hard to miss. Should look like this!
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Go ahead and hit “Let’s go!” and, well... let’s go!
Step 2. Getting to Know Beta
The Beta editor is very, very different from what we’re all used to. But really, it’s kind of intuitive in a lot of ways. You have to know a lot less shortcuts. Whenever you highlight your text, you’ll see this little guy pop up:
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Now, from left to right, here’s what we’re looking at: strikethrough, bold, italics, small text, link in text, and colored text. Most of your keyboard shortcuts should still work (I can’t speak for all computers, but the shortcut for small text no longer works for me with the Beta editor), but we also have handy-dandy buttons now, too! We also have the 'Regular' drop down menu, which opens this:
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This one is pretty self explanatory, and it shows what the text will look like if you select that option. 
Step 3. Finer Details
I’m still personally getting used to a lot of the smaller details that come with the Beta editor, but here are some that I’ve learned! Hopefully I’ll be adding to this list when more troubleshooting comes into my realm of knowledge.
Auto-Readmores: For whatever reason, Tumblr has taken to cropping any posts over a certain length by itself? Annoying, but this is something you can toggle on/off in your Dashboard Settings!
Editing Tags: This isn’t something that needs to be fixed, but it was big news to me! Instead of having to delete your tag completely when you’ve made a typo, you can just edit your post and edit the tag! Handy!
Links on Gifs: This isn’t a bad thing, it’s just new, different, and weird. But if you dislike it, there is a way to stop it from happening! It’s just a manual task. When you copy and paste a gif into your reply, you’ll see three little images on it. We’re going to click on the circled one below.
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That’ll open up a link box, with a link to your gif. Just backspace that, hit the ‘Done’ button, and boom! No more link at the bottom of your gif!
Step 4. xKit Rewritten
I know what a lot of people’s main concern is: cropping replies. This is how we get to that point. The first step is going to be to download the newest iteration of xKit. You do not have to uninstall your old one to do this, they coexist on purpose! New xKit and xKit Rewritten have different features, so I’ve found it best to have both and utilize all the features! 
xKit rewritten is a Chrome extension, and it can be found at this link! Just follow the instructions on that page to install it. Once it’s all good and installed, it’ll be found next to your other extensions, or by the URL bar on your browser window. Looks like this!
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Now you have xKit Rewritten!
Step 5. Cropping Replies
Alright, this is where the money is. Just like with regular xKit, you have to toggle on the setting that allows you to cut replies down. Once you click on that purple X icon, you’ll see a drop down with lots of options. I’ve underlined the one we’re looking for right now, "Trim Reblogs."
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Once you toggle that little switch on, you can go ahead and start replying. If you’re replying to a starter, then there is no need to worry about this feature. You have nothing to crop, so don’t worry! But if you’re replying to an active thread, here’s what you’re gonna do. Type out your reply, format it however you want, and then draft it. Then we’re gonna go into our drafts.
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Here’s my thread with three tiers to it! The standard is two replies per post, and that’s what a lot of people like to stick to. So let’s make that happen! If you’ll notice at the bottom of that draft, there’s a scissor icon. I drew an arrow to it in the photo above. We’re gonna click on that.
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And that icon brings this up! You’ll see it says “Select trail items to remove,” and it shows the trails separately. “Trails” are each individual reblog, and of course, we only want two of those, not three. This is really easy to fix! We’re just gonna select that top “trail,” aka the first reply in the thread, and hit the “Trim!” button.
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And once we’ve done that, the first “trail” is gone! You just have the two more recent replies on the post, and you’re good to reblog it!
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The one caveat of this is that you can no longer edit parts of other people’s replies, so you can’t format the posts to your heart’s content like we’re used to. A downside for sure, but so far, this isn’t something there’s a fix for. Hopefully in the future, xKit will figure that out for us!
Step 6. That’s All!
Once you have all that down, you’re a master of the Beta editor and a master of xKit Rewritten! Tumblr staff has mentioned phasing out the Legacy editor all together in the future, so it appears this will be our new reality. It is worth it to mention that the Beta editor is still, well, in beta, so it is subject to change. If it does and we get even more features or work-arounds, I’ll be sure to come back and edit this post! Until then, if you have any questions, please let me know! I am here to help!
xoxo, Kirby
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mebiselfandi · 1 year
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i hope this is not gonna annoy you but i was reading your rant about your writing and i was like😔 because goddd i adore them so much the way you write them characters, dialogues or try to explain how they feel in such situations always make me😞 even when you write smut bc dang do you know how much i reread strawberries and cream (it should be illegal) it just the way you always portray them so beautifully it's crazy (like how did u make c*m eating so sweet i cried and horny everytime i remembered that) also i sent this ask bc i just remember your newest neymessi fic and I'm devastated thinking at the possibility of you deleting that work bc goddd i remember the first time i read it i was crying so hard literally need to weep the tears out so i can read the next paragraph and then after I'm done i was pacinf around my room thinking about the next chapter bc u tagged it as it will be sweeter and how i was just so excited to read that bc if i have to live with the possibility of them just ending like that and not talk it out and have a heavy makeout session after just throw me to the ponds full off crocodiles in florida it would hurts less, you make me so attached to these characters that the possibility of neymar hurting bc leo leaving him after the heart wrenching love confession makes me☹️☹️☹️
i hope you'll find your joy and to not feel pressured to writing again because you have such a talent and i will always be happy to read every works you put, finally just wanted to say so glad to have such a talented writer in this fandom🫶🏼
Hi nonnie👋💕
When I got your ask I was like hm what’s this? Only to be hit straight in the feels with a truckload of bricks. ‘Annoy’ me you say. Something like this could never annoy me. This was legit me reading your ask holding back tears:
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Tbh I was in a massive writing slump since like end of April. Idk what happened. I got a lil sad, then sick, then even more sad, then my birthday came up, then I got burnt out, next thing I knew it was June and my writing skills just switched off. Nothing all of May(except that one fic I barely remember writing while sick and fueled purely by spite). So when I wrote the last Neymessi fic, I was like not doing great at all. But idk I felt like I had to write something and the idea had been swimming in my head. But writing too sad fics when you’re already sad just = feeling shit about your work. Plus I felt so bad about writing, I thought it would be my last fic ever.
But I mean now I’m no longer feeling weird about writing and I can see the fic from an objective pov. I made a ton of typos and used the same words like twice in one sentence and just cringe phrasings. I could’ve done it better. However, I managed to write 4000 words when I thought I couldn’t. So I won’t delete it cause I can be at least proud of that fact. Also I’m not a quitter, if I delete the fic, the knowledge will haunt me forever. But I will be writing the second chap and I have ideas.
Now I feel kinda bad about it cause I know I said chap 2 will be sweeter buuuut I think it might still be sad. But only because I wanna write a 3rd chapter which will be sweeter. However keyword is sweeter…not sweet. Uh it’ll be a bittersweet ending cause either way Leo’s still leaving but I could never bring my heart to be entirely miserable like that. So don’t worry, it’ll end wellness 😌 but chap 2 is mostly just gonna be Leo’s pov and thoughts then chap 3 will be them finally talking after we hear what Leo’s thinking.
Also…about strawberries and cream though I logged into my ao3 for the first time a couple weeks yesterday and I was so shocked? Last I checked it was at 400 now it’s almost doubled😭😭 I’m so shook. But I’m glad you liked strawberries and cream. It’s one of my fave fics I wrote too.
You’re so sweet anon🥹🥹 like not to be like annoying about comments or wtv. But it always helps to know there is someone who likes your story and you aren’t just writing to the air. And to know I made you react so strongly to it is insane to me. But seriously, thank you so much for this, I’m legit gonna think of this message whenever I feel like I can’t write🫶
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toulouseradiosilence · 8 months
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hey not getting up you just like a gentle reminder since u Are a minor but like it's generally Not Normal for people to check every blog they reblog from. if they do, they just check the bio. publicly calling someone out for just having a sexuality can do tons of damage and honestly can get you a lot of hate which I don't want :[
you can keep yourself safe through blocking, deleting things, always adding a banner or note to say don't turn it sexual and things like that but that public callout was a shitty move.
this is genuinely meant to be a kind bit of advice by the way
hello, since you’re anonym I had to write this publicly, which I honestly don’t want since I already deleted the post. I’m not famous so I don’t think the person would receive any hate, or at least one person max (sorry if I’m wrong) I usually only have like 4-10 people who check my blog regularly who are rather quiet/ not confrontational. If my stuff blows up that’s luck or very cool mutuals that reblogs stuff lots.
So, i get what you mean and maybe it was a shitty thing to do, but I think it’s not the best idea to have an 18+ account without tagging 18+ tags, not making your account 18+ (wich is possible) or just genuinely looking not out more, I think that’s shitty. There are minors on this app who don’t want to be confronted with sexual stuff all the time, I’ve already seen enough and I really don’t want to see it on a regular basis. Like, it’d be okay if one person reblogged it and made it sexual(okay but still a bit shitty ofc) but after that about 10 people reblogged it and it felt like I was being dragged in that side of tumblr wich I don’t want. And none of them took caution and added 18+ tags or anything, wich I also think is shitty.
Sorry for writing a whole paragraph but I just want you and other people to understand me and my actions, even tho already took it down.
I just want people on tumblr to be more cautious with the stuff they post on here.❤️
(Sorry for any bad grammar or typos I am still learning and learnt English by myself when I was younger, so I’m not perfect)
ALSO, I just realized they deleted the post! Thank you yall, thank you for being respectful and responsible and sorry for calling you out publicly, next time I’ll also be more careful, I hope we both learnt something out of this❤️
oh, and you said “just having a sexuality”,just realized that. I feel like you don’t know what I meant?? They were talking about fingering, I’m literally lesbian/omnisexual myself and I don’t think talking about sexuality exposing kids to sexual stuff, talking about sex is tho.
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i mainly blog about media interests i have but i actually care a lot about politics and yknow common human decency. i own two cats, and i owned my late finnhorse mare for over a decade. i miss her and still love horses a lot.
i allegedly study cultural anthropology at an university and used to study equine masseusing and art. however im kinda just surviving on disability pension rn. feel free to ask about anything else, i love talking!
right now ive dedicated this blog to t&b ryan goldsmith for funsies but i like various things. more than you could imagine
queue posts once per day and i basically only queue things unless im actively making new posts
i make a bunch of posts that i dont tag at all. good luck finding them bc i sure fucking cant find them. some posts i just end up deleting anyways
i rarely go into any tags bc i have brain fungus but if you wanted to show me a post by sending it to me i would probably love to see it!
i dont usually follow back bc of the aforementioned brain fungus and instead skim through the latest things on the blogs of ppl interacting with me (if you wonder why i reblogged something from you randomly)
even if i dont reply in the case i get really busy irl etc, i still always read everything sent to me, every single reply, tag and ask!
my art tag: #gabriels doodles
wildly varying quality/effort
i do take requests if you want to try your luck in my ask box
my art-only blog, where i only reblog finished-enough art (im so slow at writing captions ill put my art on here one day for real): @limitedhorsepower​
other miscellanous tags & fun facts about me:
#ryanyurikeith
the sun, the sky and the moon with extremely congruent life issues... its so deep and their themes go perfectly together
#gabriels ouroboros kings
barnaby & ryan & keith (side platter of ryan/keith)  
the sternbild royalty (king of heroes x2 and the wandering gravity prince) as antagonists.
theyre all part of ouroboros for different reasons, but more loyal to each other than the organization for various reasons
#gabriels salaryman heroes
ryan/yuri/keith mainly, self-indulgent joke about high school romance tropes in an office building 
more fun facts about me:
as you can see i have a few different T&B AUs that i may post about or just totally forget and never make content for again despite them being perfectly mapped out in my mind but i love to share facts about them
if you ever interact with me here and thought that my answer didnt make sense, it was probably just that my brain (ADHD&co.) actively works against me and i may make really bad typos or straightup forget to type half of the words in a sentence. but hey. i did my best. never be afraid to ask for a clarification though
i also genuinely suffer from being overtly verbose (again... my brain...) and please dont feel pressured to read something if i sent you an extremely long DM reply or made a really long-winded reblog or something. i just communicate like that but i dont mind if you cant read it LMFAO.
my long sentences makes me seem really serious sometimes even when im not but im very friendly i promise!
and let me know if my typing is hard to read, i can switch to proper capitalization and punctuation if needed
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lenievi · 1 year
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was trying the new editor and I feel like they really made a lot of changes to it. Not saying that the posts that are circulating are necessarily incorrect but they don’t really align with the experience I’ve had
if people have issues with how their gifs or images look on desktop when they’re using a theme, the theme might actually just be too old to support the new code or not coded correctly (that’s one possibility, there might be issues I don’t personally consider issues)
I changed the theme to something made in the last two years and you can’t tell the difference, except that now the op’s name is at the top instead of at the bottom (and I don’t consider that distracting) but the formatting and everything is the same. Not even reblogs ruin the theme or formatting
and you literally can’t tell the difference on the dashboard, and you weren’t able to for a very long time tbh
I used to have issues with simple text but even that seems to be fixed (like it used to delete everything and it was hard to edit even before posting, now it’s fine)
it’s possible the mobile app has some issues, idk, I don’t use it, but the change might not be as terrible as I was expecting since the issues I personally had, I managed to fix by changing the theme and all other issues don’t seem to be issues anymore (we’ll see after I try answering the messages in my ask box lol)
what I appreciate about the new editor is the auto save, and that you can fix the typos in your tags
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