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#i really feel like an outsider and feel like this is not my place either i rlly don't know why i can't feel welcome anywhere
Will Graham X Reader: Nightcap
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Summary: Will needs a little help going to sleep after a nightmare.
Warnings: not proof read, smut, cowgirl, oral (f & m receiving), penetration ( p in v), pet names (baby), cursing, nightmares, cum eating, no use of y/n.
Word count: 1,8 K
He’s sweating through his sheets.
Even in his hazy state he can feel the cold sweat that covers his body. He tries to wake himself up but his body refuses. He’s staring at the stag before him. The animal itself isn't threatening. It's the feelings that come with it that cause Will to shake in bed. He feels something grab onto his shoulder and turns to look at what was touching him. His eyes find you, your mouth is open wide as if you were screaming but no sound comes out. He calls out your name just as his body sinks into the ground. 
Will snapped up from his bed, his heart hammering in his chest. His wet clothes cling to his body uncomfortably. He’s been in this situation before, the only difference is that this time he’s not alone. You're here with him. He feels bad for waking you up but he's glad he’s not alone. The palm of your hand warms his arm, causing him to stare at it. 
“You okay?”
“Yeah. Nightmares.”
“Are they always that bad?”
Will stops staring at your hand on him opting to look at your face. You're looking at him like a wounded animal and he hates it. But he supposes it's better than looking at him like he’s crazy.
“Not always but yeah most of them are…”
“Intense?”
“That's a word for it.”
Of course the only night he has someone sleep over he has one of the worst nightmares he’s had in months. He must have been quite loud for you to be able to hear him from another room.
“Sorry for waking you.”
“You didn’t. I couldn’t sleep. I was on my way to get a cup of water when I heard you. You sounded scared so I thought maybe I should check on you.”
Your relationship with Will was odd. You weren’t exactly friends but you weren’t just coworkers either. You’d been helping him organize information for his next class and hadn’t realized how late it had gotten. Will hated the thought of you driving in the dark because of him so he offered you a place to crash.
It was the first time you’d truly seen Will. You helped him cook dinner and the two of you had shared a bottle of wine. You talked until your eyes started to feel heavy. Will showed you to your bed and bid you goodnight. It all felt very intimate. You weren’t sleeping in his bed but this was the closest you’d been to each other outside of work. Will didn’t really know how to behave around you. He’d flush when you said anything remotely flirty to him and he would often find himself observing you as you worked. He was fascinated by you but instead of telling you that he bottled his desire deep inside himself. 
“Do you have more sheets?”
“Yeah in the closet.”
You moved over to the closet, searching for a fresh set of sheets. Will rose from the bed beginning to tug on the soaked sheets. He bundled the fabric in his hands before throwing it into the hamper. You made your way to him, handing him the clean sheets. The two of you worked together making the bed quickly. You pat Will's pillow lightly before moving away from the bed. 
“There. Good as new!”
“Thank you.”
“Don’t mention it.”
Silence fell over the room. You started at the bed wondering if anyone had ever had the pleasure of sharing the space with Will. Will watched you deep in thought. He used the opportunity to observe you. Your body was covered by one of his shirts. It was an old piece of clothing, worn down by time but you made it work. An overwhelming need to move closer towards you consumed him all of a sudden. He decided to act on it. He inched himself towards you slowly, not wanting to break your train of thought.
You didn’t notice him move. When you turned to look at him, expecting him to still be far from you, you bumped into him accidentally. The palms of your hands came in contact with his chest. Will looked down at where your body touched his. Before he could do anything you pulled away, creating some distance between you two. You let out a small laugh, stuttering a bit as you spoke.
“I’m gonna get out of your hair. Goodnight.”
You spun on your heels rolling your eyes at yourself. How could such a small amount of contact flustered you so much? Will reached out to you, his hand grabbing onto your arm. You felt the tug on your arm making you stop and turn. 
“Stay.”
“We have work tomorrow. You need to sleep, Will.”
“I won't be able to fall asleep anytime soon. Stay with me. We can talk until we feel tired again.”
You knew you should say no but the way Will was looking at you:  eyes glossy due to lack of sleep, hair tousled due to his abrupt awakening, lips slightly parted as he waited for your response, made it impossible. So you stayed. 
What's the worst that could happen?
Things escalated quickly. You’d gone from talking about work, to intensely making out, to Will begging to eat you out in a matter of minutes.
And you let him.
Your hands curled into Will's curls as his tongue moved over your clit. His hands grab onto your thighs as you squirm beneath him. 
“Will ah i can’t-”
“Come on just one more. You can do it baby.”
He’d said he needed to destress a bit before going to sleep again and what better way to take his mind off things than absolutely ravaging you with his tongue. He’d already made you cum twice but he needed to feel you spill your juices one more time. Just a bit more and he’d be satisfied. He’d said that but it was a lie. From the second he’d felt your lips on his he knew he’d never get enough of the taste of you. He was clawing so harshly at your legs you were sure you’d have scratch marks tomorrow. The thought of having a reminder of him on your body, even if for a little while, exited you. Your hips rose from the bed as you reached your third orgasm. Will kept licking at you until you had to physically push his face off you. He laid his head on your thigh, staring up at you like a puppy. A warm smile spread over Will's face as he watched your chest rise and fall. He would have never imagined he’d find himself in this situation.  You let out a content sigh, finally opening your eyes to look at him. He was looking up at you like a god. It was then that you noticed he was waiting for you to tell him what you wanted. You placed your hand on his face, thumb stroking his cheek as you called out his name. 
“Yes beautiful?”
“Come give me a kiss.”
You felt the weight on your legs dissipate as he rose from the bed. He crawled over your body, arms flexing as he moved. Once he’d gotten face to face with you he leant down slowly to place a kiss on your lips. You held his face, pulling him closer to deepen the kiss. Your legs wound around Wills hips as you made out. He let out a small grunt when you accidentally grazed his hard on. Using all of your body weight you managed to flip your positions around so that you were on top of Will. You grinned down at him, hands splayed against his chest as you rocked your hips slowly.
“My turn.”
You inched your body down his. Will's breath hitched as you gave his hipbone a kiss. His hands gripped at the fresh sheets as you continued to tease him over his boxers. It was only when he let out a breathy “please” that you decided to indulge him. You tugged his boxers down, freeing his dick. You held him in your hand enjoying the weight for a moment before beginning to stroke him. The Will Graham you were currently seeing was nothing like the one you were used to. You’d never seen Will's body so relaxed. Your lips ghosted the tip of his dick causing him to whine.
“You want my mouth Will?”
“Shit baby please.”
He sounded so pretty for you. How could you deny him? As soon as your lips wrapped around his dick Will swore he’d never be able to forget the feeling. You boobed your head, tongue moving over the veins of his dick. Will tugged at your hair roughly, not being able to control his strength due to the pleasure you were giving him. Tears fell from your eyes as you gagged around his dick. He felt the droplets fall on his thighs causing him to raise his head from the people to look at you. A deep moan made its way out of Will as he began to buck his hips. Your grip on his legs tightened as he fucked into your throat. He was getting closer and closer to the edge. You waited eagerly for him to blow his load but then all of a sudden he was tugging you off of him. 
“ Will what’s wro-”
“Sorry baby can’t take it any longer.”
Will roughly tugged you onto him. He positioned himself at your entrance and before you could even process what was going on he sunk into you. You moaned out his name as he filled you up. On instinct you started bouncing on his dick. 
“That’s it baby. Ride me.”
“Jesus Will…you feel so good.”
His hands guided your movements forcing you to move faster and faster as he desperately tried to find release. 
“Fuck i’m gonna cum”
“Give to me Will.”
“Ah shit!”
Wills hips bucked up one last time spilling his load into your. YOu continued grinding on him as he came down from his high. Your hands moved to remove the curls that stuck to his forehead. Will gave you a sleepy smile as you caressed him. You leaned down to give him a kiss. His arms wrapped around your body holding you to him. You closed your eyes hearing the small snores that started to slip out of Will. You nuzzled your body closer to him.
“Good night Will.”
When Will woke up the next morning he found your frame nuzzled into his side, his arm slung over your waist. He placed a kiss on your temple before closing his eyes again. Sleep washed over him quickly. 
He waited from the nightmares to come.
They never did.
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Finding Each Other-Chapter 3
Fandom: Superman, Batman, Shazam, and Wonder Woman
Characters: Bruce Wayne, Clark Kent, Lois Lane, Dick Grayson, Diana Prince, Billy Batson, Jason Todd, Tim Drake, Kara Zor El, Damian Wayne, Cassandra Cain, Alfred Pennyworth, Lex Luthor, Jonathan Kent, Connor Kent
Summary: Clark Kent always knew he wanted a family. He just always thought it would be traditional like his parents. Little did he know that destiny had something different in store for him.
Chapter 1, Chapter 2
Clark followed B and Dick out to a white Rolls-Royce. B went to the passenger door and opened it for Clark and said, “After you.” 
Clark blushed and said, “You really didn’t have to do that.”
B smirked and said, “But I insist.”
Dick giggled as he got into the back seat of the car and said, “You guys are funny.”
Clark blushed harder as B chuckled as he went to the driver’s side and got in. The distance between the museum and Bruce home was short. They were only in the car for ten minutes chatting some more about Atlantis when Clark just stared at the scene before him with his mouth wide open. Bruce had initially stopped at a gate. Once he put in a code, it opened to the most beautiful scenery that Clark had ever seen. It was a mansion. The biggest mansion that Clark had ever seen. He wouldn’t be surprised if it had over 100 ones inside. While the outside had a dark gothic look, it was counterbalanced by the assortment of beautiful flowers on the outside as well. The flowers did make the mansion appear less threatening. 
B smirked and said, “You seemed surprised.”
Clark chuckled and said, “Well, I have never seen a mansion so big so far.”
B chuckled and said, “That is refreshing to know.”
Clark looked at B confused and asked, “How so?”
B smiled and said, “I am used to people either trying to play it cool when they come here or being self-important. However, you are different. You seemed to be very much in awe of the place.”
Clark chuckled and said, “It is not hard too. Not only is the size incredible, but the gothic feel combined with the flowers, make it appear welcoming.”
B chuckled and said, “That would be my mother’s doing. When she moved here, she hated the place because it reminded her of the TV show Dark Shadows.”
Clark chuckled and said, “That is a show I haven’t heard of in a long while.”
B looked at him startled and asked, “So you are familiar?” 
Clark smiled and said, “I used to watch the old episodes with my Pa. It had everything I liked in fantasy: vampires, witches, love, and death. It was quite thrilling.”
B looked at Clark impressed and said, “I haven’t met that many people my age that have seen it before.” 
Clark sighed and said, “I am not surprised. It is from a while ago. I wished the movie they did recently did it justice.”
B sighed and said, “I couldn’t agree more.” B shook his head with a wistful smile and said, “My mother used to joke that she thought that Barnabas Collins haunted the grounds and would come out to get her.”
Clark raised an eyebrow and asked, “Really?”
B nodded while smiling and said, “My dad thought it was funny at first, but seeing how scared out of her mind she was decided to redirect her focus to something positive. He suggested gardening which she took to like drinking water. She planted so many flowers of different colors to liven up the place.” B’s face fell a bit before wiping off a tear from her eyes and said, “I wish you could have met her. She was a very lovely and gentle soul.” 
Clark didn’t know what to say to that but decided to gently squeeze B’s hand who smiled back in appreciation. As they continued up the driveway, they finally got up to the front of the mansion after a couple of minutes. When Clark looked up, the front door was open with a man already standing there in a three-piece black suit. He seemed like an older gentleman either in his late 60s or early 70s. Dick instantly got out of the car and ran ahead of them to the older gentleman and instantly embraced him in a hug. 
The man smiled and said, “Master Dick, it is nice to see you too. I take it you and your dad had a good time?”
Dick looked up at the older gentleman, smiled, and said, “We had the best time, Alfie! We learned about Atlantis and I got cool stuff from the gift shop.” Dick instantly opened the bag and showed the older gentleman its contents. 
The older gentleman chuckled and said, “I see you are adding more to your Superman collection.”
Dick smiled and said, “Yup.” Dick looked back to Clark and B coming up right behind him on the stairs and then directed the older gentleman’s direction to Clark and said, “Oh! We made a new friend tonight too, Clark. He has a lot of awesome ideas about Atlantis.”
The older gentleman smiled at Clark and said, “I see.” He raised his hand to shake Clark’s and said, “My name is Alfred Pennyworth. It is nice to meet you.”
Clark shook Alfred’s hand and said, “It is nice to meet you.”
B smiled and said, “Alfred is my adopted father after my parents died.”
Clark smiled and said, “You raised a fine young man.”
Alfred chuckled and said, “Heavens know that it was a struggle, but I believe everything turned out good in the end.”
B chuckled and said, “Alfred is putting it mildly. I was a little hell raiser.”
Clark smirked and said, “I still can’t imagine that.”
Alfred smirked and said, “He used to get into a lot of mischief growing up. However, I wouldn’t trade it for anything for the world.”
B smiled softly and said, “Thanks, Alfred.”
Alfred placed a gentle hand on B and smiled. Clark's heart warmed at the sight of the love between the two. 
Alfred cleared his throat and said, “Well, let’s not keep you all outside.”
As they entered the foyer, Alfred asked, “Shall I get you guys anything?”
B shook his head and said, “I was just going to make us sandwiches. I thought we could have chips and ice cream with it for dessert.”
Alfred nodded and said, “Very well. I will be upstairs in my room reading if you need anything.”
Alfred proceeded to head up to the staircase a couple of feet in front of him while B and Dick started to head down the hall to the right with Clark following right behind them. After walking for a couple of minutes, they entered a brightly lit kitchen. B went to the fridge while Clark and Dick sat at the kitchen island. 
As B looked through the fridge, he said, “Clark, if you could have any sandwich right now, what would it be?”
Clark looked up thoughtfully and said, “A roast beef sandwich on white bread.”
B nodded and said, “Coming right up. Did you have any preferences for toppings?”
Clark smiled and said, “If you have mayo, cheddar cheese, and lettuce, that would be awesome! If not, the roast beef and bread will be fine.”
B chuckled and said, “Don’t worry, I got you covered. The best parts of the sandwich are the toppings. I tend to be more into honey mustard fan myself when it comes to toppings.”
B brought over all the ingredients to the kitchen island. 
B looked up at Dick and asked, “I assume that you are wanting your usual?”
Dick nodded enthusiastically and asked, “Can I have the sour cream and onion chips too?” 
B nodded and said, “They should be in the pantry. Do you mind getting them out and the BBQ flavored chips and…” B turned to Clark and asked, “Was there a particular flavor of chips you preferred?”
Clark smiled and said, “I am actually a big fan of sour creme and onion, especially the ones from Pringles.”
Dick smiled and said, “Those are my favorite too even though Lay’s sour creme and onion is a close second.”
Clark nodded and said, “I couldn’t agree with you more.”
Dick beamed and said, “I’ll go get the chips. I’ll be right back.”
Read the rest on AO3
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maenjiro · 7 months
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cookiE and cream 𖦹 headcanons
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ft. wakasa x afab!reader
synop + cw: wakasa and his oral fixation aka pussy drunk wakasa is the best wakasa. oral (reader receiving) and everything that may come with that
a/n: hmu if this is any good
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old news but this man has THE oral fixation
so he dives in, he takes without asking. anywhere, anytime no matter what.
the gym, mostly the changing rooms otherwise he knows his friend would give him shit for it also he really is trying to be more mindful of other people but again, he has no shame when he's hungry
his house, your house, any place you can have some alone time
he makes you wet with all the shit he’s saying about eating you out
might not even be something extremely dirty but he’s so straight forward he can make you pretty flustered.
gets all frantic when he needs his mouth on you but you're wasting time talking
might pin you against the wall and just get on his knees
lift one of your legs on his shoulder to have more access, closes his eyes and the first moan he lets out is pure bliss
your legs shaking will never be enough for him to stop
or on the bed when he's on top of you, this bitch would lower his head down to kiss you and stop abruptly smirking “whoops, wrong lips”
next thing you know he has your legs on his shoulder and is worshipping your cunt
the rare times he's not in a frenzy to have his tongue make circular motion between your folds he will spread them with his fingers and smile at the sight
low breathy moan against your pussy
moves his tongue like he's starving, he is pussy drunk and he shows it
makes sure his tongue is keeping you all wet and hot
he's messy yet very precise, he knows where to lick and how much pressure will make you see stars
also will prod at your hole with his thumb and keep teasing you around your entrance with feathery touch that will make you clench around nothing (the bastard will smirk against you)
soo i bet he has some tooth rotting nicknames for you and i swear i know he would non ironically call you oreo... and you would tell him to stop calling you that
and he looks at you almost offended “not when i have your legs spread open for me and i’m about to lick your cr-” either you cover your face with the pillow or push his head against your core
endless cycle of him sucking on your clit and poking it with his tongue
overstimulates you and he doesn't even do that on purpose he just loses tracks of time (will make you cum at least three times i'm sorry but i don't make the rules, he does)
you can't even pull away cause his grip on your legs is tight, holding onto your thighs for dear life not to spiral
i wouldn't be surprised if he ended up falling asleep between your thighs
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sysig · 6 months
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It always seems like such a good idea in the moment (Patreon)
The first four are in reference to a great idea I had of - since I’ve finished my lower-limit page number testing for making books; shorter fics take up less page space, and just increasing the font size isn’t as handsome! - simply making a mini book! All it would take would be to halve the pages again, right? Just cut them right down the middle! Easy peasy!
As I’m sure you can tell by the second, no. Not easy peasy. Difficult painful un-fun >:(
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Obviously I still did it tho! What do you take me for, someone who could have the idea of an even tinier book and then not do something about it?? No It’s also the only one so far to have a paper bookmark rather than a ribbon!
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All told it’s a bit smaller than your average manga (I love the monochrome covers on these under their dust jackets haha <3) - you can see even with effectively doubling up the pages by halving their size, it was still very small-spined!
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A quick shot while it was still being made hehe ♪ It’s Out! Paired here - and the earlier one, just without its dust jacket haha - with my Zarla SC2 collection (ft. Family, Negotiations are Going...Well, and With No Obligation) - I absolutely kicked myself after the fact for not including Out as the run-up to everything, I was really trying to make a full collection in probably-chronological order! Out would’ve been a perfect start! And it only would’ve taken like four pages!!
Ah well, it was still quite a learning experience - I probably wouldn’t make another standalone of under 4k-ish just for formatting reasons but I did get some good ideas of how to do so if I wanted to! Although, my next project is going to be even more of a formatting nightmare........I’ll get there when I get there! Lol
#Doodles#The impulsive thoughts are always the funnest! But then it's all a matter of actually putting them into reality...#Ahh well like I said under the cut it was a learning experience! And I really wanted a physical copy of Out haha ♪#I don't think I've ever mentioned it - not even in my pre-fic notes :0 - but Out was another one of my inspirations for Drinking Game#I mean - the drinking lol obviously but I hadn't considered what VUX drinking would be like before reading it :)#I wanted to pair it with both physical copies hehe ♫ I'm happy I attempted it! And I have a better foundation to build on in the future!#I ended up using the scrap leftover from making such a small cover as the bookmark haha - and I picked the covers so they'd almost-match :)#They go together! But not quite! Just enough!#The sting of creation has worn off - it's actually been a while since I've made a quick book! - so the itch is starting to come back haha#Well - almost lol - the formatting is still........but I do want to do it! Especially now that I've got a hand-in-hand hobby to go with it#All that later ♪ For now snakes!#And also spiders I am also the same when spiders#I've been escorting a lot of spiders outside lately and pretty much all of them fall under the moniker of ''darling'' to me lol#Still no luck on finding a jumping spider :( But I also haven't got an enclosure set up yet either#There's this one booth that always has such adorable and pretty jumping spider enclosures ahhh I might have to break and get one someday#Same place where I got to hold the snake in fact! :D She was a love <3 Beautiful full-grown female cornsnake if memory serves#She was rather wiggly - she was tired and fussy and didn't feel like being handled by a stranger but she was so polite about it#A real delight to handle <3 And I got to see her babies! So cute and tiny!#The rest is more SCII fic stuff haha ♪ Rereading the Pirate fic was a lot of fun :) Intentionally avoiding Vargas fic(s) does make me a bit#Well I really like Vargas still lol it is candy to my brain so any gesture even remotely in that direction is very exciting haha#I'm perfectly happy with the rest for now tho! I have plenty of things to read and make! >:3c#Heck there's still a SCII fic I haven't read yet that I want to!! I just have to get all my previous SCII thoughts out of my head first haha#I will tho >:3c Always always ♪♫#SCII
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femmesandhoney · 1 month
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If it's not too intrusive can I ask how you deal w your pmdd ?
I dont have it but my PMS is fucking brutal I was depressed fucking felt like paralyzed in bed due to anxiety, didnt go to classes,then like a few days later i got my period and then everything made sense.
But i just cant like lose a week of my life like this every month. How do you deal with it?
i went on birth control for it but got off of it after a year bc i decided i disliked the effects of birth control, but that did help my symptoms tons and i wouldn't lie to anyone who wanted to go on it bc it did help me, i made a choice to get off of it unrelated to my pmdd.
managing symptoms can be difficult, often my first "response" is to recognize when my emotions are being affected by my pmdd. usually i can tell pretty quickly bc one day i'll walk up and everything makes me rage at the drop of a hat and then get very sad or agitated just as quick, my emotional regulation just being absolutely dogshit to concern anyone around me if they happen to be on the receiving end of my aggression or if they could jump inside my head and see how it was playing out. after so many years knowing i have pmdd, im able to recognize how a lot of that emotional instability isn't "me" and that im being affected by an "outside" force (oncoming period and hormones dropping). i usually do my best to stay mindful of my reactions then and try and do stuff that calms me down and gets my mind away from what had ruptured my emotional state. usually this occurs right in the morning when i get up, so its a fairly quick light bulb moment for me.
and im definitely used to like a shit ton of negative self talk that over the years ive gotten a better hand on, so when those real lows come around, im much better at talking myself out of those low states, but my pmdd doesn't manifest as strongly or too long with huge depressive states. usually, i just try to find other things to distract me when i feel that low, like chatting with friends, family, watching a movie, going on a walk, eating good food, no matter how small can help shift my mood to a more positive direction. when we're down, our brains are really good at thinking about other sad shit, bc our brain sucks like that, so getting ahead of that curve and trying to intentionally distract yourself with better things can generally help. but again, do not feel bad if that doesn't work for you, bc long depressive states aren't what i normally deal with and my advice is general here.
in terms of anxiety and similar emotions, i feel you deeply there. i manage that similar to how i manage any form of anxiety, which is just to do whatever it is that my anxiety thinks i cannot do, as thats the quickest way to rewrite that pathway in ur brain. it can seem very daunting, but it really does help and you can take baby steps all the while. and usually i end up feeling better after i go to whatever it was i was terrified to go to, which when we're feeling terrible af can sometimes make our day a bit better.
i would also say, sometimes i don't do anything during my pmdd time either bc it really does feel like shit even when ive tried combating it and being mindful of myself, some days really do just suck and i wanna lay in bed and hermit away. i don't think you should beat yourself up about that if some months that happens. its gonna happen again even after we have some successes, pmdd can be very unpredictable and sometimes our environment and our day to day lives just affect it even more and cause some months to be worse than others, and that doesn't mean you're lazy or not trying hard enough or anything like that.
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wishingprince · 2 months
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Three more repotted babies - and status pics of the original ones.
Hoping everyone turns out okay. The heart succulent was originally buried up to that line in the soil of his tiny pot so I replanted him above that and I’m hoping he ends up a lot happier for it. The tower succulent seemed to be one of the only ones who wasn’t super irritated with the original pot - but his soil was DISGUSTING so I’m happy he’s freed and I hope to see him settle in too. And then the tradescantia’s leaves were starting to spot a little? I was trying to mist it to keep it moist but according to Google I should be keeping the soil moist not the leaves and that’s what’s been spotting her. So no more of that I was being a dummy.
Happy that long red boy seems to be doing good. I mean he survived for a year in a way too small Winco pot because I was an ignorant idiot so I sorta figured he’d be able to handle repotting - he thrives on spite and now he has a lot more than spite going for him.
The white flower succulent - ugh I accidentally dropped him when I was repotting him - I was so worried about not packing him in that I didn’t give him enough support and he tumbled out and according to his leaves he’s now probably in shock and super stressed. I’m gonna leave him alone and see how things go over the next few weeks but ugh I get emotional every time I look at him, I feel so awful that I dropped him and I hope he lives.
Ugh I love them so much. I still need to repot my poor violet and pink panther. Gotta get some soil for them this weekend. Then it’s no more newbies until I can keep these ones thriving for a while.
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toastsnaffler · 4 months
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my flatmate asking me the day before "do u want to hang out w me and [old friend] everyone else cancelled so I can invite u now" is not the heartfelt offer she thinks it is :^/
#what am i sloppy seconds. fuck off man#i like them both but im not in the place to socialise rn + also it just feels kinda mean. theyve had these plans for weeks#and i wasnt invited bc some of their other friends (who ive never met) didnt want me there which is fair enough ig#even tho their friends complained abt someone else bringing her bf but they both blocked the veto for that. pretty sure ik them-#better than some guy but whatever. i dont rly like their friends anyway bc they only ever have bad things to say abt them#like damn they sound like they have the emotional range of toddlers plus theyre all into shit like genshin. so i wasnt fazed abt it#hope they have a nice time etc but wow sure now theyve cancelled the day before u can invite me as a replacement. yeah thatll do wonders#for the social and self esteem issues i have around being single use and disposable and always on the outside etc yippee#the thing is if i go theyll just talk to each other anyway and leave me to be the fly on the wall like they always do. they dont want#me there they just want an audience i literally have nothing else to contribute i dont think they even like me that much so!#anyway complaint over. genuinely i hope they have a nice time im just annoyed at being treated like that + probably projecting a bit too#its not like i could go if i wanted to anyway bc i have shit to sort out + mail to wait for. maybe next time invite me from the start huh#we had another old friend visit last weekend but those plans were really made without me too and i was just added bc i Live Here so its#kind of unavoidable. but oh well whatever it was nice to see them either way#im too depressed rn to fix my social life or even rely on existing coping strategies in social situations so im having to temporarily#cut it back bc i get too trigger sensitive + dont want to hurt myself or others bc of an arbitrary emotional overreaction#its usually one of the first things to go when im Going Thru It not in a self isolating way but more bc its one of the hardest things#for me to maintain + im pretty self sufficient so its not absolutely crucial. like of course i love my friends but socialising is a#want not a need yknow. eating/sleeping/exercising/hygiene are all more fundamental parts of the engine so i gotta prioritise them#and it sucks but ill survive. anyway sorry for venting on everyones dash so early in the morning i woke up grumpy 👎#i need to get breakfast and then go out. ughhhhhhh okay.#.vent
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dbphantom · 11 months
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I figured it out
You haven't done shit
I figured it out
#Ignore the chimney. Please.#Originally was just going to put Lewis's room above the garage but I figured it either has skylights or a seperate attic room so that's#definitely Lawrence and Laura's room [the parents' room]#In my layout for the cartoon I had the kitchen on the other side so the garage door was in the kitchen. I make a lot of reference to this#I am going to go back and fix them I swear... Lol#Also I put Lenny's room on the first floor in the back there bc the garden is basically his#I figure he works with plants he likes that sort of thing#I think Lenny is the black sheep of the family in that he hates going out into the ocean and would rather stay on land#Which you know >w> might come into play later#Luke's room is basically a second guest room since he is a history professor at the college in the next town over#But they still keep it furnished and stuff in case he happens to stop by. Which he never does but still#I know the girls houses don't match the og show's designs (except mostly Rikki's) but like... We have 0 idea what his house looks like#This is the best we got! I'm using it!!#We saw Charlotte's house which is so weird to me. Not because I dislike her. I love Charlotte. But because Lewis has been here since s1#We've seen Zane's and Miriam's houses. But specifically we never see Lewis's. It is weird to me#It's just like Bella. How tf do we see Will's boat shed but not Bella's house????#It just feels off to me. Bella is already an underdeveloped character. Seeing her room even once wouldve really helped establish who she is#Maybe that was the point. They didn't even know who she was meant to be outside the plot :/#Like she could've left some stuff in moving boxes and we could've been like 'she doesn't expect to stay here long no point in unpacking'#She could have photos of all the different places she's been but none of any friends or herself smiling. Just landscapes.#Cutting back to Cleo's room where she has all her photos of her friends framed and stuff#But no! We just see Will's stupid boat shed instead#Smh#Okay I'm sorry I'm not gonna rant abt how they did Bella a huge disservice this time I'm sorry I will NOT#Cruddy rambles
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damnprecious · 1 year
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apartment hunting be like 'that flat is in an inconvenient neighborhood, that building is right next to a massive construction site, that kitchen hasn't been updated since like the 70s and the stove looks like a fire hazard, this apartment has a super inconvenient layout, this hasn't got enough storage, a minimum one year contract...'
#noopa rambles#frigging studio apartments having stupid layouts#esp the trend with new apartments to have the kitchen just along the living space wall is killing me#it makes furnishing the rest of the apartment such a pain#fucking hate that moving seems like a smart option atm#bc there's gonna be construction that will last for years right outside my window soonish#I'll have some time to find a place before it starts#I really don't want to live right next to a construction site for years when I work from home#if I didn't work from home it wouldn't be an issue#ofc I could wait and see just how loud the construction will be when they start doing the demo first#kinda still wanna move cities but the city I wanna move to is so much more expensive#I'd either need a roommate or live far from downtown#which would be super annoying for a side job commute and I'd like a side job#and I don't exactly know anyone I could ask to be a roommate#and let's be real I also wouldn't want to ruin friendships by existing as a roommate#I feel like I'd be a disaster as a roommate#I really like my current flat the layout is sooo good and the location is excellent#I'm lowkey just considering finding a flat in the same group of apartments but a few buildings down#so that there'd be at least a block and two-three buildings between me and the construction#but idk if that'd still do enough to protect from the noise so it might just be pointless to move half a block#but this location is just so good man!!!
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rotturn · 1 year
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every day on this trip is worse
#i can not stand my sister at all i truly can't#she's been yelling and arguing for 10 minutes because she has her hair straightner but mum doesnt have a plug converter#and she keeps yelling ab how her fringe is fucked when it looks literally the same as it has this entire trip#and is yelling ab how its mums fault as if she couldn't have bought this shit herself before we left#i am just. so over this#any fun that would come from being on an international trip is immediately taken away by my mum and sister constantly getting angry#and either yelling or getting passive aggressive and making me feel horrible its just so tiring#bc i feel like such a fucking asshole for not enjoying an international trip that i will never get the opportunity for again#like this cost so much money and it feels awful to say i dont want it or that its not fun or whatever#but i am constantly dissociating and trying not to cry and ive had meltdowns and panic attacks almost every day but im not allowed to show#them bc my sister tells me to calm down and not be so dramatic and everything is a sensory nightmare#and i have a very specific diet at home and its not available outside of nz and there arent really any worthy substitutes and even if there#are i wont know bc i dont speak the languages so im just living on shitty little protien drinks and hot chocolate which makes me feel worse#and on top of it all im sick and i havent had any chance to rest bc my sister wont stop ab going places and doing thingd#and gets pissy if i dont want to#and its just so fucking difficult i knew that being stuck w them for 2 months would suck but its been 1 week and i cant do this anymore#i have no other option but i seriously don't know what to do i don't know how to handle this im at my limit#travelling is stressful and anxiety inducing and its hard enough doing it once on my own#let alone every 2 or 3 days w family that rushes and runs late and has 10000 bags that never fucking fit on the trains#and its always me left standing in the aisle blocking peoples path with nowhere to go bc my sisters giant suitcase wont fit anywhere#i hate this so much and its making me hate all the cities and countries we go to bc i dont get to experience the places i only get#to experience fucking breakdowns and im constantly drinking water bc im constantly dehydrated from either crying or panicked breathing#its a mess and i hate it and i want to go home I haven't felt comfortable or safe since i left home and i wont feel either until i go back#but that isnt until the last couple days of january so i just have to keep dealing with things getting worse by the day#negative cw#rant cw#ask to tag cw
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fucktheroyals · 2 years
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i swear to god im turning into an old person. if I suddenly disappear and you never hear from me again (doubtful) it'll be because I'm craving the ability to do things that are not normal anymore. like sending letters. I want a pen pal, I think the idea is extremely romantic.
#I'm gonna send my friend her package I was gonna send her ages ago with a letter attached at this point#but it's not just that.#to put it shortly I wanna loiter in places and not be able to use my phone as a distraction.#carry and use an actual camera#anyway this is really making me feel like a white old lady searching for the good old times and it feels like i caught some disease#but I just want off this phone#soon#to be honest while I feel really alive recently but I get the feeling that eventually we will only be able to look at screens because...#we will be forced to be indoors for the foreseeable future and I want to get my fill and stop whinning about not doing anything and...#constantly feeling some kind of guilt that I'm not doing things because I don't believe I could do them#at the least I need to get this out of my system#that interview of Mason Alexander Park with Tom Sturridge in the background just starring out the window...#that. my friends. is most definitely the lack of a smartphone at work.#I constantly feel like all I do is look at my cellphone screen and I don't see the world. like I'm not seeing anything outside of it.#like it feels like I think about it or it's still within my realm of thought even when I'm physically not looking at it#I'm going on too long and either this is gonna make sense or it's gonna sound preachy#I'm disillusioned with the smartphone#and to be honest it IS embarrassing. I don't wanna tell my parents I want a flip phone. they're gonna think im nuts!
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mishikaiya · 2 years
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I have had nothing but unrequited romantic feelings for a few people across the last seven years. I have been on Hinge for a few months in an attempt to meet someone with requited feelings. Tonight, I also joined Bumble. I am exhausted.
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ryn-city · 1 month
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transitional-diaries · 2 months
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Going to my first ever pride parade/march/mardi gras tomorrow. Don't really know what to expect from it but hey at least it'll be something I can say I've done
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zoekrystall · 2 months
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Zero idea if it'll help or fade into the background but I downloaded stuff to track things and smacked widgets onto my homescreen to not forget. Initially searched for pain ones (where I downloaded two just for good measure ig) but saw that one is customizable for like anything you want and no purchase stuff for me bc included in that one pass and said sure fuck it. I think at the min I need to track pain bc by my memory do I go mental thinking if it just feels frequent n all or if it actually is and mind goes blank when at the doc (will just be fun translating to ger OTL I learn sm to describe stuff in eng but then it lacks in first language). Alas for whatever reason lil me never thought abt actually writing these things down (prob bc every adult anyways dismissed them to the point of not being sure if the pain was actually there so what was the point. but now. now I'm the adult in my life who calls the shots for their own life even if anxiety makes it hard).
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#a wild lux appears#randomly downloaded stuff when my headache almost made me want to cry again thank fuck for that binaural vid#Btw I will not tackle both languages full on at once they're just both there to not forget either#The group goal will prob be the hardest but at least I now realize I instead of beating myself up I just become avoidant#Which isn't good either but at least knowing what I do helps tackling it ykno#Btw the apps I got are dailyio. manage my pain. and. chronic insights (which is specifically for pain my recommendation since it's made by#one w it and completely free of ads n all. got a lot you can add n visually really nice. just fancy stuff behind paywall)#Zero idea if my stuff is chronic maybe I am since years in my denialism era either way pain is pain and I learned more online from disabled#ppl than from doctors which is just oh so great. but after learning not suprising yikes.#Also reg every adult I remember school trips being nightmares bc I ran out of energy and breath fast and the stops were not even close to#what I needed to recover.#Safe to say I became a v seething child who w reasons hated forced outdoors stuff#Got lots of fun stories which totally don't make me want to combust#This one is like. The tamest I think. Got literally locked out of my room to be foces to go outside#But all that is more stories abt one specific horrendous place I wish(ed) to burn to the ground than physical pain focused talk.#So gon cut it here#Need to shower anyways I just woke up I need v quickly food after it so cya#(just woke up I say. As if I'm not since like three hours awake but just since shortly out of my bed. anyways-)#Also last thing even if a child fakes pain to get out of stuff maybe talk w them as to why they feel the need to do that#Believe kids they know their body etc etc or I will hit you cartoon style w a piano over your head#Fuck wrote one app wrong I meant *daylio
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