#i still feel sick that my nice shirt from the 70s got a tiny hole burned into it bc of fire sparks that i didnt know were around

[piplupod]

i think what upsets me most, besides the fact that this means no more accordion unless i somehow miraculously get it fixed, is that despite my best efforts to be careful and not mess up, i still managed to make a mistake and fuck it up. despite understanding and appreciating how expensive and valuable and fragile this instrument is, despite my best efforts to keep it safe and in good condition, i still managed to mess up and damage it.

like ... I just mess up. I have something nice, something of value, and I cannot seem to keep it safe and taken care of. things end up ruined. shirts get holes, dresses get stains, electronics get battery acid leaking or cracked, dishes get broken, book pages get torn or bent, trinkets get chipped, instruments are bonked and rattled. i am so terrified of handling anything that things most often just stay sitting in lidded bins so they are safe from carpet beetles and dust and dirt and food and me.

i just feel awful, i dont understand why I can't just keep things safe and in good condition ?? why is this so impossible for me, especially when i care so much ??

#i think this is partially why i dont allow myself any good art supplies #I got a set of charcoals several years ago and I've barely touched them bc im terrified of fucking them up #but if i get smth from the dollar store? that stuff is getting used immediately #bc its cheap and its not very good quality #im not afraid of using things up. im afraid of ruining them #im such a careful person too but i just. always end up fucking up some time #idk what is wrong w me #this sounds so melodramatic but god im tired #i still feel sick that my nice shirt from the 70s got a tiny hole burned into it bc of fire sparks that i didnt know were around #like i just. cannot have nice things idk. i have the absolute worst luck it seems like. or maybe i just am not careful enough #idk how to be any more careful though honestly fhfkdl #like i either keep things stored away safely sealed up or i am exceedingly careful in handling them #and do everything i can think of and find out to make sure nothing happens #and yet ! #i just feel like a massive idiot for this idk fhfmkl silly me to think i could be trusted w this instrument #there are some websites and videos teaching ppl how to fix accordions but... its complex #but i either attempt a fix myself or never play it again bc getting a professional is too expensive #so ... i guess I'll have to take the dive and tinker w it if i want even a chance at playing again #im just terrified I'll break it even further #also i dont think i have access to everything I'll need for fixing it depending on whats gone wrong #so idk if it'll even be possible even if its doable like. i need Tools and leather and felt #i have spare leather scraps but no felt :| #and no special pliers fjfkdl #argh argh im so upset w myself for this #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

[blushedaesthetic]

Hey my friend pls do them all!!! Love u

Thank u!! Love u too! This is gonna be so long omg. Here we go.

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most? from the dinning table - harry styles, old school - urban cone, feel it still - portugal. the man, gyalchester - drake, violet - hippo campus, avoiding glances - the manatees2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? - harry styles or josh dun3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. - “The night grew ever colder, Aragorn and Gimli slept fit-”4: What do you think about most? - money and sex 5: What does your latest text message from someone else say? - uhhh it’s too personal but it’s from monet 6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on? - without 7: What’s your strangest talent? - I have none 8: Girls are beautiful and i love them ; Boys are also beautiful but not 4 me 9: Ever had a poem or song written about you? - no10: When is the last time you played the air guitar? - uhhh yesterday 11: Do you have any strange phobias? - holes lol12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? - yeah to make my nephew laugh13: What’s your religion? - agnostic 14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? - walking around or just laying in the grass 15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? - depends 16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? - 1d and top17: What was the last lie you told? - I don’t remember tbh18: Do you believe in karma? - yes19: What does your URL mean? - blushed pink is my aesthetic 20: What is your greatest weakness - I can be really manipulative and fake and selfish; your greatest strength - when i care about someone i’ll do whatever i can for them21: Who is your celebrity crush? - harry styles and emma watson22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping? - yes23: How do you vent your anger? - isolate myself or hit stuff 24: Do you have a collection of anything? - makeup and tiny things 25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? - phone26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become? - eh27: What’s a sound you hate - forks scratching plates; sound you love - harry’s voice and monets giggle 28: What’s your biggest “what if”? - what if I had stayed 10 minutes longer after my second top show and got to meet josh dun 29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? - yes to both30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? - lamp Do the same with your left arm. - coffee table 31: Smell the air. What do you smell? -raspberry vinaigrette 32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to? - funerals and hospitals 33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast? - east coast 34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? - harry styles or taehyung 35: To you, what is the meaning of life? - beats me; live fast die young lol36: Define Art. - anything that impacts you emotionally 37: Do you believe in luck? - eh38: What’s the weather like right now? - warm and calm39: What time is it? - 2:25 am40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? - yes and no41: What was the last book you read? - me before you42: Do you like the smell of gasoline? - yesss43: Do you have any nicknames? - no44: What was the last film you saw? - keith lol45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? - busted jaw, cuts, and road rash when I wrecked my four wheeler  46: Have you ever caught a butterfly? - yea47: Do you have any obsessions right now? - naruto48: What’s your sexual orientation? - gay as fuck 49: Ever had a rumour spread about you? - yes 50: Do you believe in magic? - no :(51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? - yes but i hide it cause in fake 52: What is your astrological sign? - libra 53: Do you save money or spend it? - spend it even when i don’t have it 54: What’s the last thing you purchased? - chicken strip basket from dairy queen55: Love or lust? - love56: In a relationship? - yes!57: How many relationships have you had? - just one 58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue? - no59: Where were you yesterday? - camping with monet60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? - monets shirt 61: Are you wearing socks right now? - no62: What’s your favourite animal? - polar bear or pugs63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? - um I’m just nice??64: Where is your best friend? - at home 65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr. - samraclaus, noshmonet, all my friends 66: What is your heritage? - scottish, irish, english, and native american 67: What were you doing last night at 12AM? - talking to monet or I think68: What do you think is Satan’s last name? - trump69: Biggest turn ons? - smelling good, being funny, soft skin, and being a good kisser70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? - I think so71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? - ummm??? obviously the dog???? what kind of question is this????72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? wow um I probably wouldn’t tell anyone so they wouldn’t worry b) What do you do with your remaining days? - spend time with people I love and spend all the money in my savings on things for them c) Would you be afraid? - afraid of what happens after 73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love. - trust. I couldn’t love someone truly if I didn’t trust them so74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? - pimp juice by nelly lol 75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? - 928676: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? - trust, love, mutual respect and communication77: How can I win your heart? - don’t take yourself too seriously, be kind, and validate me 78: Can insanity bring on more creativity? - definitely 79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? - choosing to surround myself with the people I love80: What size shoes do you wear? - 81/2 81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone? - the entire bee movie script  82: What is your favourite word? - fuck83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. - ache (yikes)84: What is a saying you say a lot? - pain is weakness leaving the body 85: What’s the last song you listened to? - new york by urban cone86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours? - pastel pink87: What is your current desktop picture? - harry styles 88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? - donald trump89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on? - anything regarding how I really feel 90: Turn offs? - bad breath, pretentious, rude to waiters, being a boy 91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? - the power to turn anything I want into hundred dollar bills92: where are your parents from? - mom is from ny and dad is from indiana 93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? - when my mom left my dad for awhile when I was little or when my dad took too many pain pills and told me I was gonna go to hell  94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? - amber liu95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? - somewhere with a beach96: Do you have any relatives in jail? - not currently but I’m not sure tbh. They go in and out lol97: Have you ever thrown up in the car? - yes after I saw 1d at otra I got sick in my dads truck98: Ever been on a plane? - nope99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say - being yourself is scary, especially in the world today, but be proud of who you are and always live to spread love not hate. Also fuck trump for leaving the paris accord you’re an idiot and a dick who’s gonna destroy the planet for money!!

#asks #long post