#i think shit like this as if im not a dirty rotten coward

[sad-writers]

3:06 AM

I am bleeding out of my heart constantly constantly and I am staining everything and everyone 

And I keep bleeding and keep wondering why everyone is always greeting me with a wince, angling themselves to avoid the worst of my mess, and leaving pulling wet and ruined shirts away from their bodies 

and I keep wondering why I always feel a little empty on the inside 

And I have to keep reminding myself it’s because you’re bleeding yoire bleeding you’re bleeding and there’s a special place where it all goes which is down the drain when they wash the red from their hands and you cant forget that you are just too much. You’re bleeding out of your heart all the time and you’re ruining everyone’s clothes 

And I’m trying I swear. I’m trying to pull away from hugs faster and make only the lightest touches. Im trying to stay inside in my room where the only things I can ruin are my own sheets, and certainly no one cares if I stain those. I’m still marred by my own impermanence and unimportance and I just get desperate sometimes and you're always cold when your insides keep seeping out of your like they also just can't wait to get away

I guess nothing was meant to stay by my side

n.

#no beta we die like men #a cutie from the notes app 2nite #idk #i just feel like i am not fit for any person and all i ever do is make things worse with an overwhelming and unwelcome presence #sigh #maybe im just tired #maybe im just insane #maybe maybe #lololol #if i clawed at the wrists of every person who tried to leave me and made them bleed as deeply as i do #do you think theyd stay then? #wow ok why do i think evil things sometimes girl wtf #that was psycho and you know it #UGH #and you know what #i think shit like this as if im not a dirty rotten coward #who leaves bloody footprints in her wake as she runs away so she doesn't have to see herself in the reflection of anyones eyes #like bruh #can i like colleen ballinger apology song myself back into feeling loved #do i even know what that feels like? #do i want to know? #what if it goes away #what if im never loved again #UGHHHHH ok tags over I have CLEARLY been awake too long and have too many regrets for a 140 character limit