#i think the roe v wade stuff like. Idk. everyone in my house is triggered by it everyone in the country is triggered by it and im not saying

[pepprs]

this week has been so fucking horrible. genuinely

#purrs #i think the roe v wade stuff like. Idk. everyone in my house is triggered by it everyone in the country is triggered by it and im not saying #TRIGGEREDDDD like how ppl will yank that word out and be cruel with it im saying it is triggering and putting even heavier weight on trauma #informed dynamics and shit that are already hard to bear. btw my mom told her story to a fucking cnn reporter and now im scared we’ll have a #anti aborti/on protestors at our house lmao. but anyway. everyone is triggered in my house right now. and now no one in my house has counsel #counseling. so when other shit happens outside of the house onto which i project dynamics that happen inside the house (everywhere. #constantly.) i am utterly unable to deal with them and the only thing i can focus on is trying to be quiet and not start sobbing #hysterically. which did just happen btw just not to me and i want to sob like that too. the weight of all this despair and the weight of #having nowhere to put the despair. not to mention redacted redacted redacted unrelated dynamic that ngl has made me a little bit sewerslidal #this week on multiple occasions. i always forget how bad summer is im always like yeah i can work with another clinical intern! and i don’t #regret it while it happens but then they leave and summer comes and redacted redacted dynamic happens THAT I THOUGHT WAS NEVER GONNA HAPPEN #AGAIN BUT ITS HAPPENING DESPITE MY FUCKING PROMOTION AND IT MAKES ME WANT TO *** UNIRONICALLY! happens and im like oh god. right. summer is #a nightmare. so what im trying to say is.. there is a lot going on all at once and it is hard to live a) at all b) in this house and i dont #know what to do about that except finish cleaning the dishes and try to find some nice work clothes and maybe collage if i have time. lole #abortion tw #pregnancy tw #suicide tw #delete later #ask to tag #like the e VISCERAL feeling of wanting to not exist. VISCERAL. ive felt that every day since this happened and im scared. lol #and again i love working with clinical interns and i love the place i go to for counseling it’s just the fucking 3 month hiatus (and the 1 w #week hiatus in february during one of the genuine lowest points of my entire life) is um….. very bad. i understand why they have to do it b #but it is not good and every time we’re in the final few weeks of sessions and my counselor asks if i’ll be ok imwlike yeah totally! school #will be out and i can do it! and then they go and things happen in the ways that things happen and im like oh right the agony. forgot about #that and forgot how it is so much worse to survive it without counseling! lole 🥰