#i wish i had desensitized him to car rides and vet visits when he was a kitten

[depresseddepot]

to avoid thinking about my cat's surgery I've been painting and I am so fucking bad at mixing colors lmao

#im bad at matching colors too #like usually im painting from some random picture i find online but this time im really trying to focus on what im doing #(to avoid thinking about the surgery) #and i am so so bad at color matching lmao #i even used a color match site so i could see what the color of an area REALLY is but even when i do that my colors are wrong #theyre like...the right tone but theyre all too dark #and lightening them with white makes the tone go off #is this color theory? /gen lol I've heard people say you need to learn color theory but i never knew what it was #anyway. for my next trick i will think obsessively about my wip. (to avoid thinking about the surgery) #okay i cant avoid it any longer. i am so fucking glad his surgery is tomorroe #hes having knee surgery and his knee has started CLICKING while he walks #im so nervous i feel like i could go into cardiac arrest but frankly i wish it had been yesterday or the day before #i wish we had taken him to the vet last thursday. i wish i had trusted my gut sooner instead of letting my mom talk me out of it #i wish i hadn't let him walk around with a torn ligament for over a fucking week #i wish we had the vet do xrays on his knees when he was a kitten so we could have prevented all of this #i wish i had a shorter bedframe so he didn't have to jump so high. i wish i could sleep on the floor so i could sleep with him in his cage #i wish i had desensitized him to car rides and vet visits when he was a kitten #i wish we knew who abused him and threw him onto the highway so i could kill them #i wish we had put him on anxiety medication earlier #i wish i was a trained veterinarian so i could do my own exams on him instead of taking him to a place he's terrified of #i wish i was confident enough to give him the injection he needs without fucking it up #god i fucking hope everything goes okay #pretending to laugh about how he'll have a nakey chicken leg isn't even working anymore #wip save me. save me wip