#i wonder how many amvs are still around

[pink-wisp]

listening to Honolulu's Alt Station and the songs they played Numb by Linkin Park. SO many AMVs flashed before my eyes, i felt like I was rick rolled??? then they played We Didn't Start The Fire by Fall Out Boy and my joints started to ache.

#chattywisp #i wonder how many amvs are still around

[rist-ix]

The sparxshipping teasing from Iginio got me wondering.... if we ever did get canon sparxshipping explored, whether in a reboot or new adaptation, how would you like it for it to be done?

I'm gonna try to answer both of these in one post cause they overlap a little, but first of all thank you!

Buckle up fellas I'm bringing discourse.

This is gonna be a bit of an unpopular opinion I think, and it’s that I don’t want sparxshipping to be canon at all.

Feel free to get the pitchforks, but until then imma talk. I have villainships that I think not only add something to the overall plot, they kind of define it too. Reylo for examples, with its themes of redemption, masks and compassion, or Darklina and how important their relationship is to the war and Grisha oppression, or Lotor and Allura with its symbolism of breaking the cycle of abuse, making peace, reclaiming a heritage thought lost and so on.

To put it very briskly: an established Sparxshipping relationship adds nothing to the plot. It would have to be a plot of its own, and while there are tons of fascinating plot threads you could weave back into Domino, Bloom's family and the war before the Fall, it is simply, plainly, and rightfully so not the story Winx Club is telling.

Winx Club, at its core, is about the girls and their friendship. That is the show I love, and that is the show I am invested in. Fanfiction is a separate thing, I’ll get into that later. But canon, commercially produced and globally aired Winx Club is what we are talking about now. And the one defining truth of Winx Club is that it’s about the Winx. Their boyfriends are the side note, the Kens to their Barbies, to cement them as the cool popular teenagers younger kids are supposed to see them as. If Bloom and Valtor had a lasting serious relationship, Valtor would inevitably have to be shoved into that category as well, and that would ruin the entire appeal of him.

To boil it down even more: if sparxshipping were canon, either Winx Club would have to shift away from its intrinsic premise and formula, or Valtor would have to be diminished beyond recognition. So my longstanding opinion has always been: don’t make sparxshipping canon. Just don’t.

What I, personally, would do if I were ever to gain access to the mythical and likely overcrowded writing room at Rainbow SpA, is this:

Tease the fuck out of it.

Lean into their fucked up little hate-obsession. Every time they share the screen they have to be radiating unresolved sexual tension. Their chemistry has to be so off-the-charts it sparks a million fanfics before the season even ends. If there aren’t so many crappy amv's set to angsty Taylor swift songs it brings down the YouTube servers by midnight you have failed. Because canon is bound to certain limits, but fanfiction is NOT. The goal of any show should be to create something that will awaken an inescapable need to build on it, to continue where it left off, or to wonder but-what-if? To make people text incoherent keysmashes to their fandom buddies with shaky hands in the middle of the night and be unable to sleep until they’ve confirmed their buddy has seen it too.

I would want to see Bloom go fully I-have-lost-sight-of-everything-but-revenge until her friends manage to pull her back, I would want them to fight so vehemently the structures around them collapse and they don’t even notice. They should be in situations where they are UNDENIABLY going to die if they fight on and they still do it, they literally CANNOT stop, they don’t care to. To the point that everyone around them is seriously concerned and talking about their terrifying obsession with each other, more or less out in the open. And after a season full of epic fight scenes, high stake conflicts and frankly obscene tension between them, I would want Bloom to kill him.

Straight up.

Give her that moment of calm self assurance, at peace and perfectly in control, while Valtor tries to gaslight-gatekeep-girlboss his way out of this, contrasting the way her support network and genuine, unconditional friendships strengthen her while Valtor, who is always sabotaging everyone around him, is forced to confront his own powerlessness in the face of the power that created him. His manipulation attempts have nothing to latch on to. They have one last exchange where Valtor is visibly furious at her denial of him / his own failure — to really drive home that this is Bloom's triumph — but the last words they exchange are cordial. Maybe a comment at her growth, or a warning about his mothers, or another way to foreshadow future threats — if he couldn’t defeat her, no one should. He ends on a high note, but he does end, and it’s at Bloom's hands. She retakes the corrupted spark into the Flame she is guarding, and that is that.

And then, and this is important. He fucking haunts her for the entire next story arc. The next season, the next two seasons maybe, because she has learned a fuck ton of things from him and it is really, really difficult to move on knowing everything she does, knowing everything he implied or hinted at, or simply knowing so many really, really cruel ways to get her way now, which isn’t who she wants to be, but it would be easy, quick and effective for the greater good, right?

Boom, character conflict for the next season established, lots of potential for future flashbacks or visions, Valtor stays on his high horse of forever-the-juiciest-fucking-villain-of-the-franchise and the story can move on.

The End

Cue three decades of mind-blowing fanfiction. We all say Thank you Rainbow and cry ourselves to sleep thinking about what could have been.

#sparxshipping #asks #the ugly truth is that a perfect piece of media that gives everyone what they want is not a piece of media that inspires a lot of fan works #fandom to me is so much more fun there is that gap. that whole of teased-but-unexplored potential #with enough canon material to sustain it and go of #but even more questions and what ifs and theories and fuck it I’ll do it myself #you feel me?

[weepylucifer]

Just got done watching the entire new hbomberguy video and like,, yeaj

One thing i thought about that he only briefly touched on was, with this uncertain social status of youtubers as content creators, i am so sure that many youtube video essayists plagiarize bc they're truly convinced that that's just how the youtube format/platform... Works. When i was a kid who was discovering the internet, i remember, youtube was crawling with AMVs that were just... slideshows of uncredited fanart set to music. i don't think anyone asked for the art to be sourced back then, or even wondered if the artists knew their drawings were in AMVs. some platforms still work that way. Look at when we got all the reddit refugees here and their little r/169 or whatever tag was full of uncredited art and memes, like what they'd post on their subreddit, and they genuinely didn't know that this is Not Nice To Do Here. Genuinely i can see the mental leap to "why not also use other people's essays, articles and videos for my thing? After all, those are available for free on the internet!" Of course it all gets a lot trickier when youtubers want to graduate from "just nerdy amateurs goofing around in their free time for their 15 followers" to serious content creators who make money from their channels, while still freely using other people's creations, bc that is where the rammies come in

#hbomberguy #posts by me #when you larp as an academic convincingly enough you'll have to be expecting to be held to academic standards. i guess

[voiddemon]

can i ask what is kinyarn 😭

I think it's about time I explained Kin-Yarn to the new generation instead of jokingly brushing it off and making people do their own research.

Please note I will be spelling Kin-Yarn with the hyphen, as god (me) intended. Kinyarn is still hella valid and the more commonly used name. I also wont be going into my interpretations too much since it's complicated and long i do not actually ship it i promise.

Kin-Yarn is the greatest Kirby ship of all time. It's the ship between Yin-Yarn from Kirby's Epic Yarn, and Kine the fish from hell. There isn't anything canon for it, these characters have never and will never interact in HAL's eyes. However we, the fans, know better.

After reading my thesis I'd strongly recommend checking out all of the content the long dead kin-yarn fandom has to offer. Most of it is like, really old, since those around for Kin-Yarn's inception have either left tumblr, moved onto new and cooler fandoms, or don't think it's that funny anymore. (It isn't because it's a fandom in-joke from two years ago.) Thankfully there are many great relics of the past, of the days when new Kin-Yarn content showed up every like five posts on your dash. AO3 has most of the Kin-Yarn fanfiction that's been written, but some of it is hidden away within blog archives and dusty links to google docs. Kin-Yarn videos also exist, including some (two) AMVs and the classic Kin-Yarn ASMR made by yours truly. The Kin-yarn/Kinyarn tag on tumblr.com also has a lot of posts so just go through that.

I. HUMBLE BEGINNINGS

Kin-Yarn was made at some point in October 2020. Out there on the internet there is a site called FanficMaker. It's a pretty basic website. I don't know exactly how the creators found the material to make this, but there is a okay-ish sized pool of sets.

These sets are fairly generic stories, with the program plugging in the names of characters you input into specific slots. There's a surprising amount of variation between these sets, but after you play with the site too long you start seeing the same ones over and over.

So Voiddemon a few years ago found this website, and decided to make some fanfiction and upload it to tumblr.com. On one occasion, the website generated the sentence "It was Yin-Yarns gay wedding party..." It didn't say who he was marrying, but I found it funny and uploaded it to tumblr.com. On a separate day, in a separate prompt, I put Kine in and it gave me a similar result. "Meanwhile, Susies mind was wondered back to the past. It was Kines gay wedding party..." I also found this funny because. Kine. And uploaded it to tumblr.com.

Here are the two screenshots together <3

I will now introduce Ninikins (Who has since changed their username and moved on from the Kirby fandom), who suggested that the two of them were getting married to each other. Everyone in my circle online at the time found the idea hilarious because.

From here everyone went crazy and just started. Kin-yarning all over the place.

II. Fan Interpretations

Memetaknight, creator of the greatest Kin-yarn fanfiction of all time Yiracle (It's my favorite :shrug:) created a Kin-Yarn Essay. Today it is a great time capsule that brings us into the culture around Kin-yarn in the past. It's just over two years old now so happy birthday Kin-Yarn essay. It delves into the two primary interpretations around the ship. I'll just quote the most important bits of it since I'm lazy you can go check my sources ok.

"A common Kin-Yarn characterization is to ship either both brothers with Kine (as a V shape relationship), or just one of the brothers with Kine... This interpretation has many specific tropes... but it has one extremely interesting idea that is unique to it. In the spirit of Kirby’s Epic Yarn’s final battle... it has been theorized that something similar could apply to Kin-Yarn, in which the brothers would catfish Kine .. Kine, either on purpose or on accident."

"The other interpretation sees the yarn body previously mentioned as a third entity... which is referred as Yin-Yarn separate from the needle brothers. This characterization idea arises from the fact Yin-Yarn is referred as a singular character"

There is a third interpretation that stems from the two of these, which is that both the Yarn Body or puppet is in love with Kine and so is at least one of the knitting needles.

Often in Kin-Yarn works, it is unclear which one of these the creator interprets the ship as, since artwork and fics include all three characters (The puppet and the two needles) with no clear distinction between them. A distinction being drawn is more commonly in artwork, due to the nature of the medium.

III. Love and Marriage

For the most part, Kin-Yarn is portrayed as a perfect relationship. With Kine and Yin-Yarn being madly in love. The nature of one being a hero and another being a villain is not often explored, but when it is explored the most common interpretation is Kine accepts Yin-Yarn despite his past wrongdoings. Oftentimes Yin-Yarn will reform and become good for Kine.

they also have sex

III A. Who are Prince Fluff's Parents?

Prince Fluff (Also from Kirby's Epic Yarn) has no stated or seen parents within the series. Originally KEY was called "Keito no Fluff", and featured Prince Fluff himself as the protagonist. He was supposed to be searching for his mother, but this was removed from KEY so he has. No parents.

A semi-common headcanon within the Kirby fandom is that Prince Fluff was created by Yin-Yarn, which is what originally spawned this interpretation. A few perceptive Kin-Yarnians noticed that Kine and Prince Fluff have the same exact color scheme. Like it's kind of uncanny actually Kine is just a little desaturated.

This caused the creation of the Yamily Tree, an. absurdly large family tree but it's kinda bloated and not that funny anymore. Here's the condensed version

Usually Prince Fluff is not actually biologically related to Kine. Since that has horrifying implications. Instead it implies that after Kine and Yin-Yarn are married, they adopt Prince Fluff (Which he usually isn't happy with).

III B. KINE'S DIVORCES

Ok so Kine Kirby is married to Mine canonically. However we haven't seen her in a very long time, and in Kirby Clash Kine is sleeping on a bench. Leading to the idea that he and Mine got a divorce. This is accepted by everyone who ships Kin-Yarn because Kine cheating on his wife isn't a laughing matter, but Kine leaving his wife for Yin-Yarn is. (Usually the interpretation is Mine leaving Kine)

Even though Kin-Yarn is interpreted as perfect most times, other interpretations are that after they get married the relationship becomes volatile. At the core the two still love each other, but due to one reason or another they've grown apart. This is best shown in the Kin-Yarn Fanfiction named after the ships national anthem, "The One That Got Away" on AO3 by HeavyLobster77.

This is very popular both for the drama and because it's very funny.

IV. Historical Kin-Yarn Events & Holidays

-The Great Kin-Yarn Porn Scare of 1969 Someone uploaded an explicit Kin-Yarn fic on AO3 tagged as explicit with very SUS tags. It wasn't real though and the fic is just among us.

-Kin-Yarn Discord There's a Kin-Yarn discord out there that's dead as hellll and I'm. Not sharing a link good luck finding it

-Kin-Yarn WORLD TOUR I blazed a Kin-Yarn post when tumblr Blaze first came out. Spending real money to force people to look upon Kin-Yarn was a powerful move.

-Feared Anon creating the best AUs of all time Kinederella (Technically theres no real au just funny images)

-Kin-Yarn Blog Wars ok i cannot find many of the blogs but for a bit everyone made blogs dedicated to loving or hating kin-yarn. Also KinYarn-Archives was created at some point around this time I think.

-Kin-Yarn BANNED from the Shipping Wiki Tumblr user Kaissauce tried to create a page on the shipping Wikipedia, but it was deleted by the mods lmao. Here's what the page originally looked like.

-Urban Dictionary somehow it got on fucking urban dictionary. this was my doing but it should never have been allowed to happen.

-Kin-Yarn: The Movie Released on July 29th 2021

no comment needed we've all seen it

-Kin-Yarn Day Kin-Yarn day is a national holiday beloved and celebrated by all, on February 14th. No other holiday is celebrated that day <3

V. Conclusion

idk how to end this thing. love wins and it shouldn't. do your own research

#kin-yarn #kinyarn #long post #i gave up with it i am tired :pensive: #here u go anon

[starrbar]

Tagged by @tannoytalks!

To play, tag 9 people you want to get to know better or catch up with, and then answer the following questions:

Four Ships:

(Possible spoilers for the media each ship is from)

—–- Singed + Silco (Arcane): I'm actually so new to this ship, but my brain suddenly decided to hyperfixate on Singed, and Silco was already one of my favorites too, so just... dubiously united villain couple hello??

The fan fics I've read of them so far are delicious as fuck, and the artwork I've seen is juuuust amazing. Wholesome stuff, dark stuff. I love it all.

And I love the idea of Powder occasionally interacting with Singed, and like he's not really her dad (he's Viktor's heh), but he's still a second wise adult figure in her life, and he uses his thorough understanding of what makes Silco tick to help Powder with communicating with him (or hiding certain little things from him huehue).

Singed is the only character that Silco is never once seen so much as manipulating, let alone intimidating or threatening. I like to think Silco knows that Singed is kind of in a league of his own, and that if he tried to boss him around in the wrong way, Singed could very easily end him in his sleep. Or worse. :3

Though I don't think they hold any animosity towards each other. I don't see it as a very tense relationship. If anything, I like to imagine that they care about each other in some sort of way. Sure, it's partially because Silco provides the space, funds, and test subjects while Singed provides vital medical help and, well, Shimmer. But I'm a sap, so maybe there's a slight bit more there, I dunno!

—–- Misaka + Kuroko (A Certain Scientific Railgun): Listen. Surgically remove Kuroko's... egh, Problem. And you have an utterly gorgeous relationship.

OR, at the very least, actually do something with her obsessive nature! Tell a real story with it. I literally went through a similar (not sexual) thing in real life, and I have told the story of how I overcame it. I would ADORE seeing Kuroko remain problematic, but then grow past it, and learn to respect Misaka fully.

But if noooot... there's always the option to just get rid of it entirely because holy shit is Kuroko's admiration and trust in Misaka beautiful. The way Kuroko lays down her life her, appears in an instant to aid her, forces herself not to pester her for days and weeks despite agonizing over whether Misaka is okay... The way she takes pride and comfort in doing those things for her, how she calls out her name lovingly while fighting for her. It touches my heart so much, man.

And Misaka, despite how often Kuroko annoys her, knows she can rely on her and be vulnerable around her. She values Kuroko's thoughts and cares how she feels about her, past all that Level 5 "Ace of Tokiwadai" stuff. She's protective of all her friends, of course, but I always imagine that she holds herself double responsible for Kuroko's safety. She's who she thinks of first, every time. Misaka recognizes when Kuroko is pushing herself too hard, and she softens in such a genuine, nurturing way to assure her that she can rest easy.

The level of dedication these two have for each other is wonderful, and how could I not ship them?

—–- Aizawa + Toshinori (My Hero Academia): Honestly, I like a lot of MHA ships, but this was my first OTP for that series, and it's simply because despite having a very prickly start, their relationship grows into this very gentle mutual respect and protectiveness of one another, and it's just... so cute! And it hurts me so much.

I've read a lot of fics, written a lot of roleplays, seen a lot of art, and watched a lot of AMVs. I feel such a deep heart-throbbing when I see them together. Caring, protecting, sacrificing, mourning, fighting, regretting, saving, comforting....

Sometimes I don't even know how to describe it, but I have cried over these two so many times. I want them to be happy. I want to see them suffer on the way there. I want them to recognize their own inner demons when they look into the other's eyes, and then commit to being better because of each other. I've seen them through every AU I could think of within—god, however many years I was in love with them. And I can still remember why.

—–- Rouxls Kaard + Spade King (Deltarune): So I find both of these characters unfairly attractive in many fanarts, and they are one of my favorite mutually toxic relationships.

I credit one of my friends and his amazing unfinished series about them for the way I now envision them and how they interact. Spade could likely be called abusive simply due to his violent nature and power over Rouxls (both physical and social), but Rouxls is a manipulative, lying little weasel who is using Spade as much as Spade is using him.

Neither one of them have a damn clue how to treat another person right, though they both try and succeed (more often than not) with Lancer. Perhaps it's his innocence in all this, but unlike their terrible, broken relationship with each other, their relationships with Lancer are actually strong and outwardly loving.

Spade isn't nearly as aggressive with him as everyone else, he does what he thinks will make his son happy, and while he may sometimes be clipped, he isn't dismissive. Meanwhile, Rouxls tells himself Lancer is not his son and shouldn't be his responsibility, but dammit he loves the kid anyway! Lancer's smile brightens his day, and Rouxls will even risk getting himself in trouble with the king in order to give Lancer happiness. He puts off his own wants for him, does what he can to comfort him when he's sad, and frets QUITE heavily about his safety (albeit that one has a double-motive—obviously the king would kill his dumb ass if Lancer got hurt under his watch, but that's beside the point, he sayeth!)

Anyway yeah, Dad and Lesser Dad plz.

I can't overstate how much I love seeing fiction depict complex, nuanced relationships with plenty of toxic elements to examine. It's a way to relate some of their traits to my past mistakes, or even my current flaws. It helps me understand myself better. Also it's hot! x3

And really wholesome if the characters manage to actually improve themselves and start showing real affection and care for each other.

Last Song:

Gomenne Gomenne by Kikuo (My favorite versions are sung by Teto and Kyo V3)

Currently Reading:

Started reading Singed-centric fan fiction, including an adorable fic where Powder shows him her Minecraft world, a dark one where he tortures a test subject, and a delightfully tense one where Silco demands to be burned.

Last Movie:

Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves.

It was actually a genuinely awesome time and I didn't expect it to keep my attention like it did. Great mix of funny and serious! I enjoyed it a lot!

Craving:

Need Singed torture fics or roleplays,,,, I'm offering up my Kib for the slaughter lmao.

Tagging @blackheart-biohazards @thatwordybirb @beeelzybuth @fedorarapture @technicolorgrayscale @perchling @roxalew @50kal179 @spicytree67 (Only if y'all want, ofc!!)

#starrspeaks #tagging meme #singed x silco #sinco #misaka x kuroko #mikokuro #aizawa x all might #erasermight #allhead #rouxls kaard x spade king #kingkaard #lots of shipping haha #arcane #a certain scientific railgun #my hero academia #deltarune

[sophfandoms53]

Anon from before, I can’t keep talking because I don’t have anything else to add expect maybe Striker got other things he cared about besides his family taken away from that terrible day too. I don’t know I don’t have any else to add sorry. 😫 Although I will ask, what do you think of the song “In My Sights”?

NOOO YOU’RE FINEEEE

It gave me like a bunch of ideas to think about and I will never turn down any Striker thoughts so thank you for that🫶

There’s already been some theories about Striker losing what would’ve been his bar based on all the cluttered stuff he has around his lair, so that’s something to think about, and it connects back to his line to Blitz in HMF about how not many imps start businesses on their own yk.

Part of my backstory for Striker that I hope to share properly soon but my anxiety hates me LMAO has to do with him losing his wife and daughter (this man is so girl-dad shaped i promise) alongside his family that day and that little idea has become an entire google doc and timeline😭 I’ve had a lot fun with it and I wanna share ittttt, especially his wife I made bc I absolutely adore her sm she’s one of my favorite OC’s I’ve made bc I designed her to be this direct contrast to Striker in like every where, even down to her name, and i just ughhhh I love her and I love them. I even have an entire fic of them already done too.

AS FOR IN MY SIGHTS WELL UH….

Spotify wrapped aboutta have my neck this year LMAOO

rt i can write an essay about how fucking good I think In My Sights is and how it absolutely captures EVERYTHING about Striker’s character and story thus far. Every time I listen to it (which is often clearly) I ALWAYS find something new to appreciate.

And omgggg Ed’s vocals make me meltttttt.

I’ve never really talked about Striker’s voice change on here before but I truly don’t mind it and I actually adjusted to Ed’s performance rather quickly. As iconic as Norman’s was, I just feel Ed fits Striker’s character a lot better and we’ve been able to see more sides of him through Ed’s performance. Ed is such a wonderful voice talent and it saddens me people don’t appreciate his Striker enough because they’re still stuck on Norman. There’s so much range in Ed’s performance and I rlly enjoy him a lot.

I was always begging to hear how Ed would sing for Striker once he took over the character bc Sweet Victory was Norman’s little song (this song is so stupid i love it so) and he ate that up so ofc I was like Ed needs to sing too duh. I already knew he could sing bc I was a Hunicast viewer and heard that man sing as Alastor. So I wondered if he could do the same given Striker’s country accent and lower tone.

SO WHEN I TELL YOU MY JAW DROPPED WHEN HE HIT THOSE HIGH NOTES AT THE END OF THE SONG😭

Thoroughly impressed fr.

Just a fun little song that gives insight (lol) on our cowboy that I can dissect like every lyric of even if it’s not canon.

Although now that we got shorts coming out…. In My Sights AMV when???? Jk that probably won’t happen but i can be a little delusional during the drought okay LMAOO

#hi anon i keep giving you essays I apologize #i’ve supressed so many striker thoughts from here #and now I’m getting it all out LMAOO #cowboy means a lot to me can you tell #helluva boss #helluva boss striker #striker helluva boss #in my sights #helluva boss in my sights

[spottedenchants]

Let's try a weird one and see if I've double up on it too XD

Joshua by Simon Curtis for Caleb.

now this is some PRIME amv potential for Caleb's self-loathing and longing...

many words, so see under the cut for Thoughts :3

I'm so tired of people always saying that I'm a good person, 'cause I'm not It's like, if they could only see what was in my head

So our intro is Caleb's standing conclusion of his character and backstory c. ep 18 when he tells Beau and Nott the story of how he killed his mother and father:

"But you didn't know what you were doing--"

"So what?"

"You were brainwashed."

"So what?!"

"Programmed."

"Doesn't matter, I should have-- I'm a disgusting person. It doesn't matter."

[Instrumental]

Backstory time! Titles over pleasant shots of Bren and his parents and Frumpkin :3

Little boy's coming to his own He's gotta make them big decisions 'cause he's grown He's gonna get a rude awakening if he don't realize Who really loves him, who lies

This bit could covers the beginning of the Caleb origins comic pretty well, I think. First line, a smiley Bren heading into Rexxentrum, getting settled. Second line: excelling in his classes and getting picked by Trent alongside Astrid and Wulf. Third line is the haircutting and 'endurance training' with residuum. Fourth line starts with blumendrei cuddling up in the tower and then the 'lies' hits with Trent's grin as he sees them the next morning.

Do you ever stop to wonder if they love you When you look into the mirror do you see the truth Or do the voices in your head still got you confused Do they make you wanna say

More Caleb origins. First line: blumendrei teamwork torture and bath. Second line: blumendrei going home (good end) and then 'do you see the truth' goes with Trent's Modify Memory. Third line: back to Blumenthal, murder time. Fourth line: fire, screams, yowling.

I-I'm not who you think I am I-I-I-I-I'm not who you think I am I-I-I-I-I'm not who you think I am

1: Bonk -> in the Sanatorium 2: Aging/beard growing 3: Mind cleared + escape -> Trevor Albrecht

Who I am Who I am Who I am

1: Eren Angermeier 2: Colin Krämer 3: Philip Sommer

I'm not a good boy

In jail (Max Degenhardt) -> Caleb Widogast

Wonder if you ever stop and think About whatever happened to me Did you ever maybe think that I was victimized By those who said they loved me, they lied

Line 1: Trauma response in the manticore cave -> Molly's slap + forehead kiss. Line 2: Party's on the road! Line 3: Victory Pit Trent sighting + High Richter house Fjord sword moment. Line 4: Nott saying her fake name is Bren.

Do you ever stop to wonder if I love you When you look into the mirror do you see the truth Or do the voices in your head still got you confused Do they make you wanna say

Line one is totally this moment: "You should just go. You have told too much. I am going to go. It's time to go. He sits there for a solid five minutes. Then two hours. Wait for everyone to wake up."

I-I'm not who you think I am I-I-I-I-I'm not who you think I am I-I-I-I-I'm not who you think I am Who I am Who I am Who I am I'm not a good boy

Pirate arc montage maybe? (<- is in desperate need of a rewatch)

Ooh, do you know that you broke me down-down-down Ooh, and I'm letting it go, I'm breaking it down-down-down-down

Would be fun to flash forward and back here

1: "You made vulnerability look so easy" 2: "Light them up, pretty."

Ooh, forever I know you've broken it down-down-down-down Ooh, I just want you to know you can turn it around

this time back and forward

1: "Your people were doing experiments and trying to find out and harness the power of-- What? It's your people! It's the people that you know and trained with." 2: "Maybe if I could talk plainly with you and see one inch of change, then I wouldn't believe we're all damned."

[Instrumental]

This bit from ep 49:

"I'm not a very good person."

"Well, I don't think our actions define who we are all the time. Good people do bad things sometimes. Even bad people do good things. I think you're a good person."

And then Fjord and Jester with the one-two punch of:

"Also, I don't think a very bad person would care about us."

"I don't think a very bad person would care that he was very bad."

I-I'm not who you think I am

Cut to Caleb offering the beacon and Essek being all 😒

I-I-I-I-I'm not who you think I am I-I-I-I-I'm not who you think I am Who I am Who I am Who I am I'm not a good boy

Xhorhas arc + traveler con mayhaps

I-I'm not who you think I am I-I-I-I-I'm not who you think I am I-I-I-I-I'm not who you think I am Who I am Who I am Who I am I'm not a good boy

aeor montage

and then the outro getting staggered like so:

"You're a good person."

This isn't about you It's about me

"(sighs) I... could be."

#this made me face how much of a blur the campaign is becoming in my memory xD #i wanna read i wanna write i wanna watch i have work and obligations ahhhhhhhhhh #need to figure out that balance thing xD #we'll get there #for now there is this :D #valakiir #chanswers #caleb widogast #songgg... i have not updated my caleb songs in a while so idk if i have anything new but! #how about Evil by Antony Left #the sound's a little more contemplative when put next to this one i think? #like that 'the fire has exhausted itself and the shell it burned through echos what the rage was about' feeling

[novelmonger]

Happy Birthday, A.

It hit me like a sucker punch to the gut when I realized what day it was today. Has it been two years? Has it been longer? I'm trying to make myself stop counting. Funny thing is, no matter how hard I try to do that or how well I succeed, I can't stop thinking about you every single day.

I've been meaning to write you another letter in a bottle, but haven't gotten around to it until now. Sorry about that.

I don't cry about it anymore. I can't even remember when the last time was that I cried about the hole in my heart. I'm trying to stop counting that too, I guess. But I can't ignore it, because there are so many things, every day, that bring you to mind. Things that remind me of you. Things I wish I could tell you.

I watched the Death Note musical, and all I could think about the whole time was how we would have dissected every moment of it together. I talked about it some with a couple other Death Note fans, but they didn't understand L like you did. For us to see eye-to-eye, I would have had to explain years upon years of reasoning and headcanoning. I never had to do that with you, because we lived through that together.

Did you go see TMNT: Mutant Mayhem this summer? I thought of you the whole time I was watching it. I thought of how much you would love the animation, the way the turtles actually acted like real teenagers. I imagined how we would go watch it on the same day, then get on and talk about it after.

I ran across the name John Freeman in my work. Every time I read the name, I felt an ache somewhere deep inside me, thinking of how much you all would have laughed. The quotes we would share, the far-fetched stories we would come up with for how he ended up in my line of work.

Around Christmastime, Bokksu made an advent calendar, did you see? Did you and your siblings get it and go through it? When I saw the announcement, it felt like I was looking into another dimension, a parallel world where we were still friends. We would have each gotten one this year and gone through them together. I know that with 100% certainty. Even though I'm here, in this reality where it didn't happen. Where all that happened was me staring at the email for far too long, then closing it and trying not to think about it anymore.

I made my first AMV. You would have been so proud of me. You would have clapped, maybe given me some constructive criticism. Maybe I would have been inspired to make another AMV, this one for your birthday. Instead, all I'm doing is writing this letter you'll never read.

The other day, "Near" came on, and as always seems to happen anymore, I had to stop everything I was doing and just stare into space, listening to it. It still sounds like the ache in my heart. When you're at the end, that's when you want the most to keep on going. "I want to live in this world a little bit longer."

Even though we don't talk anymore, I can never escape you. Over the years, I've learned that in a way, I can live without you. I wasn't sure I could before everything fell apart. That was why I clung so tightly, until my fingers were bruised and bloody. But in another way, I can't live without you, because your fingerprints are on every area of my life. I wonder if that would bother you if you knew. I wonder if it's the same for you. And if that bothers you.

As for me, I kind of like it despite the pain. I've both lost you, and I haven't. Schroedinger's pain.

Would you laugh at that joke? I don't know anymore.

I know I've changed in the time since we last spoke, and I'm sure you have too. But I hope your laugh hasn't changed. I hope your enthusiasm for the stories you love hasn't lessened at all. I hope you're still writing, still gaming, still watching things that have no right to be as good as they are and pulling every ounce of beauty out of them to share with the world.

I hope you had a good birthday today. I wish I could have helped you celebrate, I wish my presence wouldn't have been a damper on the whole day. Believe it or not, all I want is for you to be happy.

I hope you've moved on and made new friends. I hope you've discovered new movies, new shows, new games. I hope you've gotten new ideas for stories of your own, and that you're making really good progress in writing them. I hope that, if you do think of me as often as I think of you, that the good memories outweigh the bad.

Maybe that's just me being selfish, but that's the way it is for me.

I love you.

[koolkat9]

Happy Hetalia day or the 16th anniversary at least everyone!

God damn I've been in the fandom for five long years. It feels a lot longer than that honestly.

I'm not sure what to do to celebrate so why not tell my fandom story.

So I got into it Hetalia at 13 after watching a top 10 Christmas episodes in Anime video. For awhile I thought this was from the channel Anime America, but I’ve recently discovered it was actually a WatchMojo video lol. Basically I got most of my anime recommendations from videos like that. A couple months later and I finally got around to watching Hetalia. I almost quit the series three episodes in because I watched the dub and some of the jokes made me...uncomfy... at times. But for one reason or another I returned to it a few days later and then it just...stuck with me. 

For awhile I just consumed content for the series in private. I watched AMVs, those ship videos with (often uncredited) fanart and a song fitting the ship in the background, read all the GerIta fics I could find, downloaded like all of the character songs. I even got Pinterest behind my parents’ back just to look at fanart xD (don’t lie to your parents kids. Don’t worry I stayed safe and just looked at fanart). 

Of course I read Auf Wiedersehen Sweet Heart. It was probably one of the first few Hetalia fanfics I read). I haven’t read it since I was 13 but I remember it being well written and it made me realize just how good fanfiction could be.

Somewhere in that exploration of content beyond the anime, I found Kyokoon’s channel through Dreamtalia and discovered the world of hetagames. Honestly, at the time I found Dreamtalia, my obsession with Hetalia was waning. Like I still liked the series, but I almost completely stopped consuming fan content unless it came across my dash. I got into it at a good time when the game was pretty much complete save for some unfinished screenshots and I got to the point where I was watching it unfold weekly. I remember the day I was supposed to leave for my end of the year school trip (which would last a few days), I got up extra early to watch the new episode of the lp because it was close to the end and thus they were leaving it off at a bunch of cliff hangers and I had to find out what happened next. Eventually I joined Kyo’s discord server, introducing me to discord for the first time. In conclusion, Dreamtalia played a huge role in my early fandom experience and later on down the line it would play an even bigger role in my current experience. 

So, once again, I consumed all the fan content I could find, mainly being Gerita. Through Dreamtalia, I found other hetalia youtubers.  Hetafacts was probably  the other channel that I frequented the most as I loved their theories so much. I ended up making Kaitlyn (a secretary/self-insert oc) and I even made a fanfic of her. My art style started to become inspired by Hetalia. I got my first fictional crush on England, read my first reader x character fanfictions. Things were going great!

Then IT happened. Dreamtalia came back, finally complete with all screenshots and everything. I of course, loving the game watched the new lp. As I’ve explained before: hand-holding buddies happened and I got pulled into GerEng, the world of multishipping and rarepair hell. Not long after, I read the book “Fangirl” and have the strong urge to write fanfiction. Having just gotten into GerEng and loving Arthur I decided to start off writing for them. A year or so later I joined tumblr to share fanart and get in touch with other fans. I joined a bunch of discord servers and eventually made my own. I made my own ask blog after being inspired by asking-gereng and ask-aph-fruk (which I have scrolled through multiple times because I still love both blogs to death). 

Through Hetalia I was able to find my passion for writing (which I’m now hoping to pursue as career), my love of history and make many wonderful, talented online friends. Though the series itself and the fandom is controversial, I’ve been lucky and have had nothing but good experiences within the fandom and it’s changed my life for the better. It’s one of my greatest comforts and I can’t imagine a life without it. 

#hetalia #hws #rambles #hetalia fandom #dreamtalia

[sunsrefuge]

It might be too much BUT if you feel like it, all the playlist asks for Phoenix? :>

That's not too much at all, it's honestly what I was hoping for!! ^^ These are likely going to include me picking out lyrics as well so this may get long! <3 It got very long, oh gosh, don't worry about reading all of it if it's too much kajshdaus

I had a lot of fun with this though!! thanks so much for the ask!! <3

Backstory: Just Breathe by The Unlikely Candidates

I have no memories, just feelings lingering.

She's amnesiac, so her starting point definitely feels senseless in a way! This song is very calm and mellow imo, and the lines "Just close your eyes, / And have some fun" remind me of her pull to make everything fun so it feels bearable. ^^ Also, near the end of the song;

Can I learn to live again? (I'm staring into the abyss, I can't take my eyes off it.) Still one unanswered question, (I'm staring into the abyss, I can't take my eyes off it.) And I will fall onto the street, Against a wall, the bridge I keep. Just breathe.

It does really well at making just breathe into a mantra to keep yourself calm, and keep yourself going! Also, the abyss mention... stares at the end of EoD

Personality: Hard Times by Paramore (Minor flashing lights warning for the video! Mainly affective in the second half.)

(Hard times,) Gonna make you wonder why you even try. (Hard times,) Gonna take you down and laugh when you cry. (These lives,) And I still don't know how I even survive. (Hard times, hard times,) And I gotta get to rock bottom!

Fun bonus information; Hayley Williams is also Phoenix's voice claim! ^^ But when it comes to her work as the Commander, she's definitely prone to working herself to the bone to make sure everything's done right and to perfection. It also has more of her 'free fall' themes lol

Tell my friends, I'm coming down, We'll kick it, when I hit the ground.

She's gotta have everything under control, and even if things going wrong makes her spiral a bit, she maintains her upbeat persona no matter what! I can't wait to watch it break asdkjSHJ

Angst: Every Second by The Vocal Few

Okay, this is like, the harbinger of her playlist! It's been the first or second song since I started her playlist about four and a half years ago!! <3 It's very integral to her vibe as a Commannder!

I never dreamed this life for me, But I am not afraid. At 35,000 feet, I make my peace with fate. If my work here’s complete, Before we hit the ground; May we sing the truth that sets us free, 'Cause every second counts!

This makes me think heavily about the entrance to Dragonfall! I really like dramatic flight scenes, (thanks Avatar & HTTYD! ^^) so I do like to think that her and Aurene had some flight trouble when coming back out of the Mists with all those falling pieces around them! This is another song that constantly puts AMVs in my head - just a cut from her playing around with her Griffon in the Highlands during the chorus, to free falling out of the Mists and over the ocean in Dragonfall during the bridge that follows... It's so so good I really should learn how to animate aksjdhau

There are just SO many themes in this song that hit so well for her!! There's also a part about a flight attendant;

Oh flight attendant, could you tell me the story of how You gave up trying to control your fate and rescue yourself? So calm and patient, you greet death every day with a smile. If today he takes you, would you say that your life was worthwhile? And just smile?

It's just... the vibes are fuckin' immaculate <3 I feel like it really highlights how she's seen so many people die around her, that she's both accepted that death is her eventual fate, but she also has this complex of continuing to fight against it because the Commander never fails.

Comfort: If I Ever Leave This World Alive by Flogging Molly

I think it's ironic that it's a little morbid, but stuff like this is what would actually comfort Phoenix in her Commander AU's!

If I ever leave this world alive, I'll take on all the sadness that I left behind. If I ever leave this world alive, The madness that you feel will soon subside. So in a word, don't shed a tear, I'll be here when it all gets weird, If I ever leave this world alive.

It's primarily the comfort that she'll still be able to do something when she's gone, if she ever is. The idea of being helpless in death really scares her, to the point that I'm sure even if she does die... she'll be back somehow lmao. -- Also! fun fact that part of why this is on here is because she's got a slight Irish accent! :D Her accent is far more prominent in AU's where she gets to grow up with her family though <3

Love Life: Walking The Wire by Imagine Dragons

I'm so excited about this one!! Okay, so, in my personal AU Phoenix has yet to find love, but!! I asked my bestie if I could mention one of our joint AU's and they said yes!! :D So this is about her and Lochlan (who belongs to @mavelleofdawn) !! <3

Do you feel the same when I'm away from you? Do you know the line that I'd walk for you?

Important context for this; by the time they meet, it's Icebrood Saga! So Phoenix is already a Sylvari, and Lochlan is a Duke of the Court! So 'do you know the line that I'd walk for you?' is very prominent on both sides!! ^^ Also, kinda funny because he lowkey shows up because it'd be such an achievement to turn the Sylvari Champion / Commander from a Dreamer to the Nightmare... he's gonna find out that that won't work though, since she's technically not even connected to the Dream akjshduskjs

Oh, I'll take your hand when thunder roars. And I'll hold you close, I'll stay the course. I promise you from up above, That we'll take what comes, take what comes... Love.

also the bridge of this song is just, so so soft it drives me insane. I just think that they're really fun and really cute and these two fill me with so much joy aksjdhaubkdjs

Fight Scene: All Eyes On You by Smash Into Pieces

Now the whole world's watching every move, Take your shot, don't act a fool. All you've got and all you'll ever need... Is one bullet in the chamber. Breathe easy, take your aim, boy. Ain't nobody gonna save you, So what you gonna do? (All eyes on you.)

This song is on her playlist for the sole reason of fight scenes!! ^^ It got added to her playlist during Icebrood Saga, where I had a stint of canonly swapping her to Deadeye, but it's definitely sticking around because I think I'm just gonna have her multiclass after her (second) experience with death! This song has a lot of urgency, and feels a little chaotic at points, and by god I've imagined so so many AMVs of her to this song... <3 Also. I think that Revenants deserve a gun.

Thirst Trap Fancam?

Okay, I am doing this one more as a joke rather than seriously, but for Phoenix... Probably Die For You by The Weeknd! It's got a good beat and lyrics and there's something about this part that vibes:

I would die for you, I would lie for you, Keep it real with you, I would kill for you, my baby.

Does it vibe mainly because her partner is a Duke of the Nightmare Court?? discuss! /hj

#turns out. I wasnt kidding when i say Essays kasjdhausd #thank you for much for the ask!! <3 #my fav gorl <3<3<3 #i used to do song dissections for fun like. Constantly. #so i could answer these All Day akjsdhsu #c:Phoenix Rosemary #song stuff

[kyrodo]

When I saw this entire train coming at me wanting to "sure show me" something when it came to my allergies or anything else that could be debunked, and I watched that train grind to a halt, I got an immense amount of satisfaction out of it myself. A spiteful and sickening kind of satisfaction but boy did my rants pay off in a way that in most cases it wouldn't have. I don't appreciate being cyber bullied. I do not appreciate the intent or the attempt even though it failed so spectacularly. But especially back then when amvs and music still served as nightmare fuel for me, I got what I could out of it. I got what laughable amounts of therapy I could out of it. I got to showcase my antics with Red. It ended up being me having you right where I wanted you. If you were going to try to hurt me by force I was not going to make it easy for you.

You also threw around some interesting subtext during that time that aged horribly. Things like having me pay rent. Which I'm sure by this point you've conveniently forgotten. Because anybody who would stoop that low is the type where being the type to do such things doesn't bother them. And everyone who took part in that and failed to bring it up is not clear of fault. You sacrificed your very humanity for your revenge and if there's any chance that still bothers you, I will never let you live that down.

When you watched my heart break in real time when things were finally over, did it bother you even the slightest bit or did all you get was some sick kind of self-satisfaction? Did you pat yourselves on the back for a job well done? I'm sure you're very fucking proud of your work.

How does it feel to be the pettiest ex in fucking history? You've outdone yourselves. You've outdone yourselves in ways that would be life changing for anyone with even a sliver of a conscience. And I will hammer that home as many times as I need to. I learned so much from our encounter, but given your shitty behavior all throughout I doubt you learned a fucking thing. You're so good at deflecting, you're so good at gaslighting, you're so good at covering your asses that I deeply wonder if you ever feel bad about anything.

[sunnyhoneyshimmermagic]

I can say without a doubt that while the strip clearly starts running out of steam around 2015, and to me, March-April 2016 was when it began being bad, there were still enough decent arcs and strips from 2016 to 2020 where I wouldn't call it TOTALLY terrible, more like an on and off period.

2021 to today is where it loses all control. I genuinely struggle to even remember the arcs I liked during this time. It's all so repeated, and what's "new" is almost always something refreshingly bad.

Examples:

That may 1st 2022 sunday where a girl actually likes Nate for once so Kim threatens to tear her arms off and NO ONE CARES.

Nate and Kim checking a haunted house, a 2-3 week arc where the big joke besides ha ha kim is a bitch is it was Chad playing the oboe.

Countless and I mean countless arcs of Nate having an idea but instead of us actually getting to see it fail it's his friends all making the same jokes you've seen 1000000 times, and none of which feel like they are being said by anyone else, all his friends turned into damn Francis.

Too many school arcs, Peirce has got to branch out from there. Even Gina arcs are less fun because you know now that no matter what, Godfrey and Gina will win.

Nate in general has really lost his old winning chances. I think he won some sport arc at one point, that's about it.

The knitting arc, 3 whole weeks for the most predictable result imaginable with nary a twist.

Nate sharing a locker with molly only the locker has none of the fun random stuff of the past and Molly is just Francis.

All the characters do is argue now.

Nate trying to stop eating Cheeze doodles, that totally didn't happen in a similar arc (it wasn't a bad arc but you get my point).

Hey, Chad, instead of being the fun and bright spot you are, how about just making food jokes?

EVERY. SINGLE. GIRL. BEING. SUCH. A. BITCH. Two girls just walk up to Nate randomly and start laughing at him. HE WASN'T EVEN DOING ANYTHING.

The arc where Nate and Francis break up, talked about it before, you know the drill.

Dee Dee is just... An egomanaical bitch. None of her once sweet nature, nor her realness with Nate are there. Now she's just girl Francis most of the time, and when it's time for some drama, she's become a real jerk. Oh, but wait, only Nate can get called out on that, carry on.

Oh, a golf/dog for christmas/Artur/Ailurophobia/school picture/sports/kim arc, gee, I wonder if there will be any variety at all, outside of Gram joining in on the golf once.

To me, the biggest change from the old days is the lack of adventure and story telling. Outside of the pretty decent school budget arc (and I guess the Nigel arc but I think that could have been less mean and more interesting), we just don't do story anymore. There are no totally different arcs you've never seen before (and if their are they're Nate in love with a tiktok star), no adventures, no quests, no big moments, barely any cliffhangers. Now it's just "here's a joke you've seen 100000 times with barely any twist, I bet it's funnier this time!".

And no, I don't care for the excuse "but it's hard to think up jokes after all this time." No it's not. I'm an inexperienced fanfic writer who hasn't even begun film school and has zero credits to his name, and I can come up with tons of original arcs!

In short... Dear lord are these last few years terrible. I literally went through 2023 at one point to get something for the AMV and I was like "wait this happened? wait, this was an arc?"

#big nate

[sixtynineinchnails]

I’ve seen a lot of disc horse happening on here about hyperfixations on Harry Potter and whether or not people should be forced to stop liking the series altogether. and once again people are taking the argument to the extremes and whipping each other into a rage.

I have ADHD. I have hyperfixations. Sometimes those fixations are on problematic or outright bigoted/awful media. I cannot control what my brain latches onto besides not being exposed to it in the first place, and some media (Harry Potter especially) is hard to avoid. I can’t just stop fixating. and yes, for a long time I did fixate on Harry Potter. it has taken a lot of time for that fixation to fade, and I’ve had to come to terms with a lot about the thing I once cared about so dearly.

that being said: you can have a hyperfixation without supporting the original text or creator.

want to watch the films/read the books? get them from a local library, buy them secondhand, or pirate them.

want to buy merch? buy from small businesses (not trademarked stuff) or buy secondhand.

want to wear Harry Potter merch? wear it around the house.

want to create fan content (fanart, fanfic, amvs, edits, etc)? do it. create it. maybe send it to a friend. do not post it.

want to talk about it? talk to a friend, family member, mutual, therapist, etc. don’t make posts about it.

I think sometimes we forget what it’s like to live in a world where we aren’t constantly sharing our interests with others online. but considering how many people have been hurt by jkr and her content, I think it’s fair in this case to say: fixate, let your brain cope with life however it has to, and if Harry Potter is what’s keep you going right now that’s alright. just don’t post about it. participating in online fandom is keeping her relevant, thus supporting her. she has made this clear herself. she’s aware of how fandom influences her platform.

and if you’re currently fixated on Harry Potter please remember to view it with a critical eye. I understand how hard it can be to see the flaws in something you’re so attached to. but in this case it’s not just the author. the media itself does contain a lot of problematic stuff (racism, slavery apologism, anti-semitism, fatphobia, appropriation of indigenous cultures, as well as a wealth of other things. if you’re wondering about any of this, feel free to comment or dm me any time and I can expand on these to the best of my knowledge).

that being said: if you’re currently on the side of the argument begging people to stop engaging with all Harry Potter media altogether: I get it too. I’m trans. I deeply despise what jkr has said and done, her wealth and influence, the movement she stands for, and the swath of wreckage she’s using her power to cause. I also agree that the text itself is deeply problematic and at best should be viewed with a highly critical eye and at worst should be taken out back and burned. if everyone could just stop engaging with Harry Potter media and fandom, that would be sure be nice.

unfortunately I don’t think that’s possible this time. Harry Potter still has a massive following around the globe who will never see the reasons to disconnect from it. telling neurodivergent kids online to simply stop hyperfixating is pointless and doing more harm than good. forcing people to feel incredibly guilty for their fixations isn’t exactly fair.

we all agree jkr is harmful and needs to have her platform removed. we all agree that the only power we have is by keeping the media relevant, or letting it go. it seems the level to which we need to disengage is the part where contentions arise, and extreme, black and white viewpoints and the terminally online nature of our lives and interests is warping our perspective.

if you truly don’t want to support jkr, you cannot keep posting Harry Potter content talking about how much you like it, regardless of whether or not you give her money or tag it “fuck jkr”. she’s already a billionaire. this is beyond giving her clout. this is about decreasing the relevance and platform of the author and her content, while creating a safer community for people who’ve been hurt by jkr and her content.

and if you truly want to get people to join your boycott, you have to understand that not everyone will be able to disengage the same way as you and the fact that they’re trying does count for something. the only way this will do anything at all is through unity.

TLDR: if you’re currently hyperfixated on Harry Potter that doesn’t make you a bad person, just please engage with the media in private and remember to view it critically. if you’re currently getting upset at people for their fixations, please consider helping to educate rather than lose your cool at internet strangers.

—

jkr apologists, terfs, Harry Potter defenders, etc: before you tell me to touch some grass and get over it, consider why you’re sitting there reading posts about things that you don’t agree with. you can just ignore this post and just keep scrolling. or better yet how about we both log off for a bit and go have a cup of tea instead

#oh jeez this became such a long post that was not the intention #and yes I am aware that I am also terminally online. I’m literally posting about internet discourse at 3:30am. this post is @ myself too #anyways. please be kinder to each other #fuck jkr #harry potter #hyperfixation #jk rowling #long post

[rovelae]

Behind the Scenes of “Hologram”

           Today marks exactly one year since I posted arguably my most popular fic. “Hologram” is a postgame Saiouma one-shot about escapism, loneliness, and running away from the past. I put a lot of myself into this fic and I’m blown away by all the love it’s received, not only on AO3 but in Discord servers and other social media. All that excitement made me keep thinking about it, so I thought I’d share a (very self-indulgent) behind-the-scenes of sorts about how I wrote it, as well as what I think of the story.

           This essay will contain spoilers for the whole fic, so if you’d like to read it first, you can find it here. Of course, if the tags scare you off, that’s valid, but you might want to skip this post too since I’ll be quoting it throughout (so, just to be safe, expect the warnings I’ve posted on AO3 to apply here too).

           If you’re a Lorde fan you’ll recognize the lyrics in the fic summary – “Nothing’s wrong when nothing’s true,” from “Buzzcut Season.” The inspiration for this fic came to me while I was on my way to an early shift at work, and I needed a good song in my head to give me the will to live for the next eight hours. Not sure why I chose that song in particular, but maybe part of it is because I like imagining stories to go along with the songs I listen to, like AMVs playing in my head, and I’d never been able to pin down exactly what this song reminded me of.

           The mood of the music is really what compelled me – there’s something lonely about it, and the lyrics sound like the singer’s trying to convince herself that everything’s okay even when all evidence points otherwise. There are “explosions on TV”, and “The men up on the news / They try to tell us all that we will lose,” but “we live beside the pool / Where everything is good.” Despite everything going wrong, despite the notes of fear creeping into the pre-chorus, the character will “play along… in a hologram with you” and “never go home again.”

           From there, it was an easy jump to “postgame Saiou” and that was that.

             There’s a cloud of seagulls hovering in the air around him, and a dozen or so more standing just out of reach, staring him down with beady black eyes. Kokichi takes a slice of bread from the loaf he’s holding and tosses it to one of the birds, watches it catch it and stumble under the weight, watches its head bob as it tries to swallow the whole thing at once. It gets remarkably far before four other birds descend on it, shrieking wildly.

           “Mine, mine, mine,” he mumbles into his folded arms, wondering if Shuichi would get the reference.

           He really wishes Shuichi was here.

           Kokichi upends the rest of the loaf of bread onto the sidewalk and laughs at the resulting chaos until his chest aches.

             To start off, I wanted to create the same lonely mood from “Buzzcut Season” in Kokichi’s simulation. He’s not exactly trapped there, but he’s refusing to leave, because as long as he’s on the fake Jabberwock Island, he can pretend the killing game never happened. The trade-off to that escapism is that the only people he can talk to are the NPCs, who aren’t complex enough to be remotely interesting to him, and Usami, who… well, tries her best, but is more of an informational / moderation program and can’t offer him what a therapist could.

           The only thing Kokichi has to look forward to is Shuichi, who he’s convinced is an extremely lifelike computer program rather than the real thing, because the real Shuichi would definitely hate him for everything that happened during the killing game. He’s so locked into this line of logic that he doesn’t let himself consider that Shuichi has forgiven him – he doesn’t even have a good answer for why the Future Foundation wouldn’t just keep the supposed Shuichi AI on indefinitely, believing it’s their way of baiting him into leaving the simulation.

           It’s not a healthy or sustainable lifestyle in the slightest, but Kokichi stubbornly refuses to do anything but wander the islands aimlessly, passing the time with ice cream and feeding seagulls until the next time he can see Shuichi.

             He dreams that DICE is here in the simulation with him, smiling and carefree as they explore the weird music venue. One of them has gotten the karaoke machine working, and another found a box of kazoos and maracas in the back room. Kokichi already pities anyone unfortunate enough to walk by the building tonight.

           “Not going to sing, Joker?” one of his DICE asks (over the sound of their youngest member shrieking through seven kazoos at once), sitting on the bench next to him.

           “Some games are more fun to watch than play,” he answers, leaning back on his hands and sighing.

           “Like a killing game.”

           The warm dream-atmosphere turns cold then, and Kokichi’s head snaps over to look at him—but his brother is gone and Kaito’s looking back at him instead, blood in his teeth and face ashen pale.

           “You... we don’t have to do this, man,” Kaito says, but it’s a lie and they both know it, and he doesn’t want to look behind him because he knows the machine’s looming over him with its unyielding steel and slow slow slow descent—

           “You’re not real,” he snaps at dream-Kaito, who doesn’t respond except to lift him up again. “Nothing’s real, none of—PUT ME DOWN! LET GO OF ME! DON’T PUT ME BACK IN THERE!”

           “Death is more mercy than you deserve,” Kaito says, and Kokichi claws and bites and kicks his way out of Kaito’s grasp like a wild animal, only to end up in front of a prison cell full of—

           DICE, his beloved DICE, trapped and hurt and afraid, bloodied and beaten and helpless.

           “Why didn’t you save us, boss?” says his second-in-command, clutching the bars with bleeding hands. “Why didn’t you do more? Now we’re all dead and it’s because of you.”

             Moments like this are my reference to Buzzcut Season’s pre-chorus, where the not-okay starts to creep into the illusion. Despite Kokichi’s valiant efforts to forget, he’s still dealing with the aftermath of seeing his family hurt and in danger, watching his friends die, orchestrating the deaths of two of them, being killed himself— and then being told every bit of it was made up to entertain an audience who sees nothing wrong with that picture. Running away is not the way to heal from trauma, and one day soon it’s all bound to come crashing down around him.

             “Do you know what this … island paradise represents, Kokichi?” [Hinata] asks, and Kokichi’s really not in the mood for a lecture but he continues anyway. “Jabberwock Island … was the setting for the fiftieth season of Danganronpa. The golden anniversary, they called it. It was my season.”

           Kokichi hunches over, hugging his arms over his torso and stifiling a scream. He does not want to think about this right now—

           “They wanted it to be the best season of all, which, unfortunately for us, meant it was also the bloodiest,” Hinata says. “Twice as many participants, deadly traps hidden across each of the islands— they even changed the way the motives worked, like when they told Fuyuhiko to cut out his own eye so Peko could have a quick death instead of suffering for days.”

           “Do I look like your therapist, porcupine-head?” Kokichi hisses. A sharp pain is pounding into his skull, and there’s a bitter, metallic taste at the back of his throat. A taste like poison and blood.

           “There was so much going on that the simulation malfunctioned,” Hinata says. “When people died, their Ultimate talents downloaded themselves into me. I’m told that the stress of so many personality grafts came close to liquefying my frontal lobe. I’m lucky I woke up at all… especially considering more than half of the others didn’t.”

           “Why are you telling me this?” Kokichi grates out through the static building in his head. If he opens his eyes, will he see the beach or the dull chrome of the machine closing in on him?

           “Because I know how much you want to forget about what happened,” Hinata says. “Believe me, I get it.”

           ….

           “These things that happened to us… we can’t erase them, no matter how much we want to. Some things have to be remembered.”

             I’d mostly like to leave Hajime’s season up to interpretation, but there are a couple things I wanted to say about it. I imagine Danganronpa is like the Hunger Games in that it’d go all out for big anniversaries. So, there were twice as many participants for the Jabberwock Island beatdown that was probably subtitled “Bloodbath Bay” or something equally appealing. The game’s formula changed from a focus on the mystery and the trials to “look at all these kids massacring each other a la Lord of the Flies,” and since the VR system wasn’t equipped to handle that many people and their deaths, it malfunctioned, giving Hajime way too many Ultimate talents and putting half the cast into comas from which they never woke up.

           Viewers either absolutely loved or absolutely hated this season, depending on whether they were DR fans because of the “blood n’ guts” factor or the “mystery and psychological thriller” aspect. Team Danganronpa faced quite a bit of backlash for actually causing the real-life deaths of half its participants, but were able to weasel their way out of serious legal repercussions because of the waivers the participants had signed beforehand (plus a lot of bribery and falling back on their longstanding popularity). So, the cast of Season 50 failed to end the killing game, but helped provide great evidence for the “Danganronpa is morally wrong” argument.

           Hajime works as a victim liaison for the Future Foundation and has been trying to take down Danganronpa since he got out of it. He’s like that in a few of my fics, actually; I like the idea of Hajime acting as a big brother of sorts to the V3 cast. It’s especially entertaining to imagine his interactions with Kokichi— though maybe not so much in Hologram, since to Kokichi he’s a representation of the past he’s trying so desperately to forget and the future he refuses to acknowledge.

             “SHUT UP!” He launches himself at Hinata, his hands wrapping around the other man’s throat as he uses his momentum to slam him to the ground. “SHUT! UP!”

           “Ko— ghk—” Hinata coughs, eyes wide with surprise, but aside from moving his hands up to grip Kokichi’s wrists, he doesn’t seem all that worried about fighting back.

           The thought only fuels Kokichi’s rage until he’s choking Hinata so hard his knuckles are white. “If you want me out of this simulation so badly, you can kill me,” he snarls. “I’m never waking up! I’m never leaving, do you UNDERSTAND ME?”

           Hinata grimaces, the outline of his avatar flickering, but he still doesn’t struggle, and Kokichi hates him all the more for it, despises him with a seething malice that festers low in his stomach. He wonders distantly if he’d actually kill this man in real life. Or if he’d be able to stop himself, feeling like this.

             Kokichi’s breakdown here is more out of fear than anger. Like I mentioned, Kokichi sees Hajime as another piece of what’s hurt him, and no matter how Hajime tries to help, Kokichi will always remember Danganronpa whenever he sees him.

             Warm yellow-orange light casts a relaxed, cozy glow over the dining hall. It’s an ambience compounded by the flickering candles on the table, which seems overly idyllic, but Kokichi will let it slide because of the adorable way Shuichi flushed when he noticed them as they sat down. Well, if he’s being honest, everything about Shuichi right now is adorable, from the way his hair keeps falling into his eyes to the way he’s nervously fiddling wth his chopsticks. Kokichi wishes he could keep staring at him forever.

           Ah, not… not in a weird way, though, just… because Shuichi’s beautiful, and when Kokichi looks at him he can forget everything bad that’s ever happened, can create some new and brighter world to exist in.

             This is an idea I wish I’d had room to explore a bit more in the story— that is, just how far Kokichi will go to pretend everything’s fine. I thought about making him border on delusional, like having him talk to people who aren’t there or forget what’s actually happening around him because he’s so lost in his fiction-within-a-fiction. It would have creeped Shuichi out a whole lot.

           Unfortunately, there wasn’t much room for that past the plot I’d already nailed down, so I focused on his loneliness and escapism instead. I do touch on it later in this scene, though— the couple paragraphs where he slips into fantasizing about being a phantom thief having a surreptitious meeting with his detective under the not-so-subtle supervision of his DICE. There would have been a lot more of that if I’d gone with the ‘delusion’ stylistic choice, to the point where even the readers would be confused about what’s real. Maybe I’ll look into writing something similar in a future story.

             Eventually, Shuichi sets down his bowl and looks away with a little sigh, and Kokichi clenches his teeth because that’s the sigh he does when it’s time for that conversation.

           “Um… Kokichi?”

           Kokichi’s only response is to exhale the breath he’d been holding in a quiet hiss.

           “I-I know you don’t want to, but… but I really need to talk to you about something,” Shuichi says. “Please?”

           “My Mr. Detective can talk about whatever he’d like!” Kokichi says with a lilt to his tone that makes it sound more sarcastic than he wants it to. He takes the last bite of curry and wishes that it burns hot enough to hurt.

           “It’s about Kaito.”

             This more serious part of the date scene is meant to reflect the little bridge in “Buzzcut Season”:

“Cola with the burnt-out taste

I’m the one you tell your fears to

There’ll never be enough of us.”

           It’s a part of the song that sounds especially bittersweet to me, a bit of self-awareness between the insistence that everything’s okay.

           Really all I think I managed was to reference it when Kokichi’s internal dialogue comments on his drink being “so sweet it tastes burnt” and then later not tasting like anything. But hopefully the mood’s still there.

             “Tell him… that I have nothing against him,” he says.

           “That’s … not a lie?” Shuichi presses.

           Kokichi shakes his head idly, still not raising his gaze. “I wanted to wreck the killing game and he wanted to save his friend. We both got what we wanted. I’d say the end more than justifies the means.”

           Was that a lie?

           (I don’t want to die Shuichi I’m sorry I’m sorry save me Shuichi please I’m sorry ithurtsmakeitstop—)

           His fingers tighten into clawlike shapes, nails digging sharply into his forearms.

             I really don’t think Kokichi would have anything against Kaito, even if here he’s not being completely honest with how much he’s affected by what happened. It wouldn’t make sense to him to hate Kaito for something he himself proposed, but I think there’d still be a subconscious barrier between them. Too much history.

             “Don’t go, Shuichi, I’m so sorry, I— that was so dumb, what I said, please don’t be sad anymore.” He’s not sure if he can’t breathe because of the exertion of running or because of the hysteria boiling over in his head. “Please don’t go, I didn’t mean to hurt you— please don’t leave, Shuichi, I’m so sorry.”

           “Oh, Kokichi….” Shuichi’s tone is strange, soft and pitying, like he sees something Kokichi doesn’t, and he shakes his head slowly as more tears follow the paths of the others.

           Kokichi goes to his knees, ready to grovel if that’s what it takes, but Shuichi follows him down, closing his other hand over Kokichi’s, and then they’re both crying and he doesn’t know why, and all he can do is repeat a mantra of I’m sorry and hold on as tight as he can.

           It’s horrible. Shuichi’s horrible. Shuichi’s wonderful, and kind and lovely and perfect and Kokichi hates him, Kokichi adores him, and it doesn’t matter because Shuichi’s not actually here but Kokichi doesn’t want to be alone, just let me pretend some more, please, please let me have this—

           “I’ll… I’ll stay,” Shuichi says at last. “I can stay a while longer.”

           You shouldn’t, Kokichi wants to say, but his mouth won’t obey him. You shouldn’t stay if you don’t want to. I don’t deserve having you here. I’m not worth your mercy.

           But there on the bridge, crying tears of relief, he soaks up as much mercy as he can get and hopes it’s enough to drown him.

             I wanted to create a contrast between them that highlights just how the isolation and trauma Kokichi’s experiencing has affected him. He has an almost unhealthy reliance on Shuichi as “the only thing that makes this world bearable,” and panics when faced with the prospect of being alone again so soon. Part of why Shuichi’s crying is because he’s realized the extent of Kokichi’s desperation. It’s not that he thinks Kokichi’s apology is insincere, but that he’s hardly heard him apologize for anything before, so Kokichi going this far has him realizing how bad things really are.

             The door rumbles and slides open when they approach, revealing the bright light of the log-out point that took Shuichi away every time, that would wake Kokichi up in his real body if he walked into it. Shuichi stops just a step away from it, biting his lip as if searching for something to say, but before he can find it, Kokichi reaches out to tug at his sleeve.

           “Shuichi?” he says, distant as the waves on the beach that he can still hear if he listens closely enough. Shuichi turns back toward him. “Before you go, can I be selfish one more time?”

           “Huh…?”

           Shuichi doesn’t move when Kokichi steps closer, reaches up to ghost his fingertips over Shuichi’s jaw and around the back of his neck. He lets Kokichi tilt his head downward, lets him hover inches away, close enough to feel their breath mingle in the night air. Kokichi pauses there to give him the chance to pull away. He doesn’t.

           So Kokichi closes his eyes and the distance between them.

             That last line is a ZEUGMA! It’s a literary device where one word refers to two more in a different way. A popular example is the hyenas’ line “Our teeth and ambitions are bared” from The Lion King. It’s my favorite grammatical trick and I’d love to see more of it in fanfic.

             Slowly, he slides his hand down to Shuichi’s shoulder, using it as leverage to push himself away. That hurts even more. He can’t seem to open his eyes, and he feels so weakened, breathless, fragile. Cracked open, hollowed out.

           When he finally does open his eyes, Shuichi’s are wide with some mix of astonishment and a dozen other emotions. Kokichi bows his head, taking a deep breath to ground himself. “Sorry,” he whispers. “I just wanted to know.”

           “Kokichi,” Shuichi breathes, like a bullet through his heart.

           “Goodbye, Shuichi,” Kokichi says, and shoves him into the light.

           Shuichi’s little yelp of surprise cuts off abruptly as he falls through the door, vanishing into the glow, and all too soon, Kokichi’s alone again in a dream that suddenly seems far too vast. Alone, with the faintest taste of Shuichi’s lips still lingering on his own.

           And he thinks, It was enough just to know you.

           It’s a lie.

             Nothing to say here except that this is my favorite scene and I’m so happy with how it turned out.

             Fake sun rises over fake ocean, fake seagulls glide through fake sky while fake wind tousles fake palm fronds. Kokichi lies on his stomach in the fake grass and talks to his fake family in the fake notebook. Gives them fake names and runs through everything he remembers about them. Apologizes, over and over, wishes he could hug each of them goodbye one last time. Wonders if it would be more painful to die or to never have existed at all.

           He leaves the notebook of his memories on the seat of one of the Ferris wheel cars on the fourth island, because one time he promised them they’d steal the London Eye together.

           He buys a can of fake soda from the fake convenience store on the first island and sits on the fake beach watching the fake waves. Wonders when he’d hit the end of the simulation if he started swimming, or if he’d drown first.

           White sand, blue sea, bluer sky. Washed out, like an amateur watercolor painting.

           He opens the soda can and raises it to his mouth, but … even the thought of drinking it makes him sick to his stomach. He sets it down in the sand and flicks it over, watching the bubbly liquid run down and sink into the sand. The color’s all wrong, like blood streaked against a metal floor.

           He walks the fake streets of the fifth island, passing fake skyscrapers and fake commuters and their fake conversations, until he finally stops outside the factory he’s never been able to bring himself to go into. Smells like oil, and metal and machines and he can hear the sounds and he’s immediately back in the hangar, dizzy on adrenaline and desperation and leaning heavily on Kaito so he doesn’t keel over and die then and there. Kaito says something about how maybe he should sit down for a minute, and Kokichi didn’t agree back then but he does now, goes down on all fours and dry heaves.

           When his vision solidifies and he can stop gasping for breath, he sits up and presses his back against the factory wall, covering his ears and hiding his face in his knees. Tries to convince himself not to imagine Shuichi’s there with him, holding his hand again, promising everything’s going to be okay.

           “I’ve got you. No one’s going to hurt you anymore,” or maybe, “Breathe with me, it’ll be over soon. You’re safe now.”

           I love you.

           He laughs until there’s nothing left in his lungs. He called these little daydreams obsession, before, but now they just seem sick and insane.

             I wanted to indicate throughout this scene that Kokichi’s gotten substantially worse. Instead of halfheartedly interacting with the NPCs or finding something to spend time doing, he’s aimlessly wandering the islands, focused on how fake all of it is. Not even talking to his sketches of DICE can make him feel better. The suicidal ideation starts to slip in even if he doesn’t realize it— a fixation on wondering what death is like, purposefully triggering himself by walking by the factory….

           The thing I want to talk about most though is the italicized I love you. I left it outside of quotation marks and dialogue tags on purpose because I wanted it to be ambiguous as to who’s saying it. If it’s Kokichi’s line, it’s sudden and almost out of place, like he couldn’t hold back from thinking it anymore. But it could be Shuichi saying it, too. Since it’s outside quotation marks, unlike the previous dream-Shuichi lines, it’s more vague, almost a whisper in Kokichi’s thoughts— like he can barely bring himself to imagine it and even feels guilty doing so, because there’s no way it could possibly be real.

           Which do you think?

           Eh, I don’t have an answer. When I hear it in my head, they say it at the same time.

             “How did you know?” he finally croaks.

           Shuichi’s breathing still sounds shaky, too. “Because you said ‘goodbye,’” he says.

           Kokichi finally looks up at him in a silent question.

           “You never say goodbye,” Shuichi says, rubbing his sleeve over his eyes. “It’s always….”

           “‘See you later,’” Kokichi finishes for him. Despite himself, a tiny huff of astonished laughter escapes him. “I didn’t even know, not until a couple of hours ago. And you figured it all out from one word?”

           Shuichi bites his lip at that. “You kissed me,” he says.

           Kokichi’s stomach twists and he looks away. “I said I was sorry—”

           “No.” Shuichi squeezes his hand into a fist and lets it fall to thump against Kokichi’s chest, like he’s trying to knock some sense into him. “It was so honest, and vulnerable, and… and I know how much you hate showing how you really feel.” Another tiny sob catches in his throat. “And so it felt like … like something you’d do if you weren’t going to s-see me again.”

           “Shuichi….” Kokichi trails off as Shuichi muffles his cries in his hand again. He’s so breathtakingly smart. There’s no one else in the world who thinks that way, no one else who could possibly be that attentive and that clever. Not a programmer, not a team of shrinks… how can an AI manage it? How is it that Shuichi always manages to take him by surprise? How can he see straight through him when he least expects it?

           Kokichi’s hand reaches up to Shuichi’s cheek. Reverently traces the path of the tears falling down it.

           “I wish you were real,” he confesses in a whisper.

             Kokichi’s stubborn. So, so stubborn. And he’s not used to being cared about, if the way he does everything by himself is any indication. So it makes sense to me that he’ll refuse to believe anything good can happen to him even in the face of convincing evidence. He’s pretty self-hating for someone so arrogant.

             Kokichi’s weak, deep down to his core, weak for this man. Already knows he’d do anything for him, and the thought is terrifying—that one person could have that much power over him, even if he doesn’t realize it.

           But what if he has realized it? Couldn’t this all be an elaborate ruse, a lie he knew Kokichi would be so desperate to believe that he wouldn’t bother questioning it?

           …Shuichi’s never hurt him, though. Only that one time, when he really deserved it. Shuichi wouldn’t … betray him, even for what he thinks is Kokichi’s own good. They’re… different from each other, that way.

           But still….

           “I’m so scared, Shuichi.” It’s barely a whisper. “I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

           “You won’t be.” It’s so hard to be skeptical, lost in his eyes. “I’ll be right there with you, for as long as you want. I won’t let you feel like this anymore.”

           Promise me, he wants to blurt out. Promise you’ll stay. Promise me you’ll never leave me, Shuichi, he wants to demand, but that’s wrong, that’s manipulative and selfish and everything he doesn’t want to be for Shuichi anymore.

           Shuichi, of course, says it anyway.

           “I promise, Kokichi.”

…        

           “Kiss me again,” he says. “Please?”

           Shuichi leans in close, then pauses, his brow furrowing the way it does when he catches him in a lie.

           “I’ll kiss you again in the real world,” Shuichi says. “Okay?”

           Kokichi shakes his head. “Shuichi, please.” Please, I don’t think I can do this. Please, I don’t want to wake up to a lie. Please, one last kiss for me to remember in case it was all fake.

           Shuichi reaches out to tilt his chin up and Kokichi closes his eyes, savoring every second, burning it into his memory.

           Shuichi’s soft breath ghosts over his lips.

           “Trust me,” he murmurs.        

           Kokichi’s eyes flutter back open, searching his face. Shifting him around on the white board in his head, seeing what categories he fits into this time. Weird, of course. Suspicious, maybe not. Trustworthy?

           Trustworthy….

           “I do trust you,” he realizes.

             Kokichi’s still hesitant to accept all of this— Shuichi kissing him didn’t magically fix everything. He’ll still doubt all the way to the log-out point, but at least now he realizes that this simulation is only hurting him— that if things are to get better they’re going to have to change, too. He’s got a long way to go before he’s all right, but he’s not going to have to face it alone anymore.

             And that’s a wrap!

           Once again, I’m really proud of this story, and I feel like I grew as a writer because of it. There are a few things I would change if I wrote it again, but for all its flaws it’s still my baby and I like how it turned out.

           Thanks again for all your support for “Hologram,” and thanks even more if you actually waded through all this nonsense of a director’s cut. It’s a huge confidence-boost to think that people liked what I wrote, and even wanted to hear what I had to say about it. If there’s any interest, I’d love to review some of my other fics here, or theorize or brainstorm or whatever else  you’re into. (Ask me what Byakuya’s Thing is in my superhero AU, I dare you 😉)

           I do have a WIP in my folder of bits and pieces currently titled “boy finally gets that kiss”, and it’s a post-Hologram scene from Shuichi’s point of view to just sorta… tie it all together, have them talk things over again… and kiss, of course. We’ll see if anything comes out of that.

           Until next time!

#Rov talks #Hologram #Saiouma #Oumasai #Behind the scenes #Director's cut #Fanfic review

[yuuriweek]

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#2021 yuuri week #mod post

[kirbyspits]

A lot of Makorra shippers only moved on because they’re afraid of being called homophobic for not shipping korrasami. I LITERALLY saw someone on Instagram yesterday call a makorra shipper homophobic just for saying korrasami came out of nowhere. Also, Korrasami shippers LOVE to bring up the "popping bottles" backlash to make fun of makorra shippers. I left the tlok fandom in 2014 bc it was so toxic as a teenager, but now i’m 23. I’m no longer afraid of shipping something i always loved.

Ah, yes, I realized I didn’t address the fandom's toxicity in the last ask, but I’ve spoken about it before. I don't talk too much about the past because I was at the edge of the fandom back in 2014/2015. I was aware of fights, but the discussions I saw were moreso on bi-erasure. I saw one post saying it was wrong to ship Makorra. I remember being really confused about why Makorra was actually problematic, but I didn’t appreciate being told who I can ship the only dark-skinned woman protagonist on a major television network with. Why are you forcing me to ignore Mako and Korra’s relationship? Book 1 is practically about Mako and Korra, all other characters be damned. Me preferring the story of one pairing and a popular romance trope, second chances, is not wrong, and no one would know how I view the LGBT+ community based on who I ship in one show.

I ended up leaving the community because I was disappointed with season 4 in general. When Korra was released on Netflix, I figured it was time to rewatch the series again (plus, I’ve been binging all my favorite romance anime). So imagine my shock when I created a new Tumblr and Twitter account to rant and rave about TLOK, and I saw nothing but hate and name-calling in the Makorra tags. I saw people casually throwing around the word “homophobic,” and one person said people who don’t like Korrasami are just misogynistic. 

I just wanted pretty pictures, and people are out here psychoanalyzing shippers! So, I dug through some blogs and to feel more grounded with this fandom I didn’t recognize. After reading through their commentaries and experiences, I actually became more upset at Bryke than the teenagers/children who comment on Makorra posts saying how much better Korrasami is or accuse Makorra shippers of being homophobic. 

Yes, I truly believe these comments are mostly coming from people in their late teens and younger, at least in 2020. I can’t speak on 2014/2015, but since we were younger, the early 20s/late teens, I wonder if our age group was also the loudest. Don’t get me wrong, adults can be horrible people and can get really nasty. However, every time I look up the rudest commenters' profiles, they were teens. When one Korrasami shipper wrote “screw Makorra” on my AMV, I figured I’d have some fun trolling them until I clicked on their profile and saw a child. Needless to say, I ignored them and reflected on how parents are allowing their babies on TikTok while my parents freaked out at the idea of showing my picture on FB growing up. 

*I’m not still mad about that*

Also, while it doesn’t give anyone an excuse to make such a strong accusation, part of me, as a straight person, feels like I can’t get too upset because I also become very aware of my privilege. The space I’m in is a majority of young LGBT+ fans (at least on Twitter where I’ve seen the most toxicity). Some people see TLOK as their safe space and imply why should there be Makorra shippers when they have all these other cis/het shows they can engage with. It doesn’t work like that, of course. TLOK doesn’t only feature Bi characters. They’re POC/Indigenous, women, and Korra has dark skin. That’s a lot of marginalized communities. Makorra/TLOK is my comfort show, not because she’s with a man, but because of the reasons I just listed. Also shipping Korra with Mako doesn’t mean she’s no longer bi. She’d still be attracted to women.

Here’s who I am upset with tho, Bryke. Mostly Bryan. While Makorra shippers called out Korrasami shippers for cyberbullying, the focus seemed to be on Bryan for making it seem like there was something wrong with them for not finding Korrasami’s narrative satisfying. It was especially sad to read bloggers who identified as being part of the LGTB+ community saying Bryan’s hetero-lens dismissed their experience and then having to defend/proving themselves to anonymous messengers. 

Fans saw it as a betrayal. They saw it as the go-head for the rude Korrasami shippers to harass Makorra artists because they “didn’t watch the show correctly.” When the creator, the person you admire, also puts the blame on you, that kind of pain is on another level.

Korrasami shippers played a huge role in kicking Makorra shippers out of the fandom, but we can’t underestimate how much Bryan’s statement is a slap in the face. He used his characters and social justice as a shield for reasonable criticism. Just because we say a story is bad and Asami is grossly underwritten doesn’t mean that we’re against the idea of Korra and Asami being a couple. 

Of course, I’ve seen some very problematic statements from Makorra shippers. After all, homophobia is real. However, aside from the actual bigots, people have no issue with Korrasami. They just wanted a stronger connection between the girls. Many people seem to think Makorra shippers were looking for more romance, but we know we couldn't expect that. We can expect more screentime, musical cues, and more emotional support, which most people can see as platonic, but be romantic if you really want to. Mako’s interactions in book 4 can be seen as platonic, but all of us Makorra shippers saw it to be romantic.

Popping bottles! I completely missed that joke in 2014 and I discovered it this year. I agree it’s pretty annoying, but I become a troll and say I’m popping bottles for my Makorra moments. I don’t get any engagement, but I don’t seem to lose followers for it. Maybe popping bottles represents “straight-baiting?” I don’t get it why it’s so funny after all this time, but we’re Makorra shippers. We’re the joke 🙄

Anyways, to wrap up, lately, there seems to be a bit of a shift on Twitter. When I first created an account. I stayed in my little corner live-tweeting about TLOK and Makorra. I had to stop looking at the Makorra tag because it was so negative. Now, I’m seeing people admit they’re cute, and then saying they’re platonic soulmates. I’ll take it, although, as one commenter said, “that’s boring!” 

Someone led a Makorra Week back in October, and it was really nice! I have feeling people speaking up on the name-calling and reminding people that we’re talking about 2D characters helped. We just want to be left alone and enjoy the scenes we have in the show, art, and fanfiction. 

Keep shipping who you want! Don’t let any stranger shame you for your shipping preferences, especially in fiction! I’m so happy you feel more comfortable shipping these two dorks! You’re not alone! I’ve been a Makorra shipper since 2012, and while I find Korrasami cute (I love Korra, and I love Asami), Makorra is my OTP. I really like them, and I think they were meant for each other.

#kirbyspits answers #come back makorra stans #anti bryke #makorra #tlok fandom