#i'm just. so sad. and angry. and tired.

[lloydfrontera]

do you know how fucking mad i am at the fact that the webcomic gave us lloyd giving javier his own mana in an attempt to save his life and javier overcoming literal dimensional differences in order to be able to accept it into his body effectively foreshadowing how far he's willing to go just to be able to protect lloyd,,,, but they did it all with a fucking 'haha lloyd is ugly' joke. do you.

this could've been one of the best scenes in the entire thing. it could've been such a pivotal point for their character development. it could've been one of the most earnest moments in the story. but it's made into a joke because they just need to draw the ugliest faces possible to make a cheap joke that has been made a hundred times already. i'm not being funny i'm genuinely mad at the wasted potential lmao

the tone of the scene was changed from the webnovel so much it's almost unrecognizable. and not in a good way. like. why would you cheapen the emotional core of your own story like this. do you trust your own plot and characters so little to keep your readers engaged with the story that you feel the need to make everything in a joke. is that it. was the original story not funny enough to keep your attention so you think no one will care if you turn what's meant to be an earnest and heartwarming scene into a joke you've made hundreds of time before.

i'm not. mad. about the changes themselves (mostly). like i said this particular scene had so much potential to compliment the original story and foreshadow the ending that i'm actually upset that the tone and art made it so i can't in good faith say i like it.

they just. shot themselves in the foot by trying to make the scene funny. all the tension and emotional built up is wasted when the webcomic makes fun of itself. it cannot take itself seriously so i can't either.

like. it was going so well. i loved the built up with the scene where they talk about javier's parents and you see that they're still emotionally guarded with each other, they don't quite feel close enough to the other to call themselves friends even when we know that they care deeply for each other. i liked that they changed it so lloyd had the opportunity to save javier the way he wasn't able to in the novel. i even liked the development with lloyd's mana being so different from javier's that he struggles with accepting it, cause it was a chance to call forward to a very important event in the future.

the scene where they're reaching for each other as they realize that yes, they're friends and god help them they will save their friend no matter what?? gorgeous i loved it so much, it wasn't 'We'll be together forever, just like we've always been. Casually. As natural as breathing air.' yeah but it was perfectly okay on it's own too.

and then they do this.

like. what.

all that emotional built up, all that tension, all of it,,, for this?? this????

what's the point of making your audience feel emotionally engaged with the story if you're just gonna make the art equivalent of a fart noise. a well executed yet still completely out of place fart noise lmao

it doesn't feel funny, it just makes me feel like i wasted my time being emotionally invested in something that isn't interested in delivering. it's like watching someone setting up dominoes to topple them in a gorgeous pattern only for them to put on clown shoes and start kicking them all over the place without rhyme or reason. like yeah they're in their right but then what was the point of all that work in the first place.

and yeah maybe it's my fault for expecting something earnest and heartfelt from a webcomic that has shown multiples times that it's not interested on that but like. is it really too much to expect for an adaptation to, well, adapt the original source in a way that doesn't feel like it's making fun of it??

#i talk a lot <3 #tged #the greatest estate developer #lloyd frontera #javier asrahan #i'm just. so sad. and angry. and tired. #this is not fun anymore asjdhkjasa

[fisheito]

collab #2 with @xenole i was given a chibi yakumo and i.. i...... turned it into thiS

#I AM SO SORRY I DREW YAKUMO AGAIN ADFSJEIADKS LOOK OK so xenole gives me the tiny crying yakumo. #says DO WHATEVER YOU WANT and THUS i get to thinking #my immediate thought was #i'm going to make oli breast boobily while comforting him #bc i was determined to draw xenole's fave this time. i swore it to myself. i WILL stop being so self indulgent #but the chibi on chibi comforting scene didn't sit right with me. it was too straightforward. not something i would draw normally #it was hhhh as u say.... not on brand.? it did not inspire me. idea benched.... #so days pass and i'm still pondering ideas on what to do to the sad spaghetti. #configurations of clan members danced in my head. some defending yaku. some comforting. some bullying #the ideas usually involved at least oli or kuya bc once again. xenole bias #then while i'm in the shower i got frustrated with my lack of ideas and thought #i'll jujst eat.him. just. chew on him. i'm tired of him #AND THE IMAGE OF KUYA EATING YAKUMO FOR BREAKFAST POPPED INTO MY MIND #originally it was going to be kuya eating yakuflakes and oli giving him serious side eye but then the brain went #WHAT IF IT'S YAKUMO WATCHING KUYA EAT YAKUMO. THAT IS FUNNY. IT MUMST HAPPEEN #BUT I REFUSED at first. i was angry at myself. this is not a competition to see how you can STILL sHOVE YAKUMO into a drawing. #plus the composition would shrink xenole's chibi down! i would take over so much space by comparison! THE DISRESPECT! TO THE COLLAB PROCESS #but once i get fixated on smth...well. i ended up doing the idea and just praying xenole wouldnt eviscerate me for it #i'm sorry my liege. my grip on the reins was weak. the goofy clown horses went stampeding #so idk now it's the two of em having a peaceful breakfast in kuya's cabin but only kuya is at peace and yakumo's this close to a breakdown #i feel like there should be something in the space between them. a speech bubble or something . something mean is being said #yakuya #nu carnival yakumo #nu carnival kuya

[bisonaari]

Something that I really love in this fandom is that I never have to bother checking if yall are trans friendly, I know you are 💚💚💚

#one of my moots on my main just reblogged some terfy shit and it makes me so sad and angry #i'm so glad I have all of you here #i don't think she knows it's terfy shit i know her #but i'm too tired to explain it to her #urgh

[radmista]

Sowing seeds of discontent and disharmony by hanging up on my parents birthday phone call the second my mom asked if I gained weight. Hope that sits badly on their minds while they think about how that's the first call I've engaged with them in 2 months and it was for the dogs birthday. Dad scrambling to text me for my mom that she didn't mean it. Like fuck I told her I've been having a rough month and day. She couldn't keep it to herself that badly. Fucks sake

#was already not in a great place mentally but i entertained the call and was actually feeling okay talking to them giving them an update #she just hits me with that. and I'm not normally sensitive about my weight even when my mom harped on me for gaining some a few years back #i genuinely normally don't care bc I'm happy with myself. but i know ive lost weight because I've been on icu and we don't have time to eat #im so fucking mad and im even more mad I'm crying about it #bc what the fuck #i was actually feeling like momentarily safe talking to them and being vulnerable about working on my next life stages #and she just ruined the call. i wanted to talk to my mom and dad more. i do miss talking to them about some things. #i was happy to get to see my family all together even if it was for the dogs birthday. and people were smiling and shit #and ik theyre gonna say i ruined it by being sensitive but jfc #it was literally the 2nd thing my mom said to me on the call after we sang happy birthday #why couldn't she just shut up. why couldn't she have said anything else. why did i let it bother me so much i hung up #I'm just fucking tired and sad and now feeling even lonlier than ever #i just wanted a nice moment with my family god fucking damn is that too hard to ask for #and im even more angry and sad now that i cant call them back bc my mom will get on me about smth else we were previously talking about #that phone call was supposed to be a neutral zone just for the birthday song. and i was going to ride it out but fucking hell #why didnt i just put up with it so i could have talked to my family #and no calling them back isnt an option. they haven't apologized and it would be an un neutral call #which gives them space to harass me about work and shit

[satanistsparklingunicorn]

Just finished Gideon the Ninth with a lot of expectation and I'm really disappointed :((((((

#not in an angry way even #i'm just sad #I thought this was going to be the peak lesbian couple #and it wasn't #I'm just so tired of the same tropes being used over and over again in lesbian media #and this one was different #it seemed so promissing 😭😭😭😭😭 #but it was just executed badly #and i'm really sad about it #maybe its success will encourage other authors to play with not-so-wholesome lesbians? #i hope! #the locked tomb #gideon the ninth

[chaoticstabby]

You know what, fuck it, I'm sad and I'm angry and I want to scream at the world so here goes.

We had a chance. We had the biggest chance. To create lasting change, to exorcise the ghost of one of the worst periods of our history. We had a chance to move forward, finally, and we... didn't. The fear won out. The self-righteousness of the right, the fucking "red scare" yet again, because if a Constitution guarantees rights for people that have been ignored and left out and stepped over for literal centuries it's communism, right?

Almost fifty years ago my country was torn apart because a bunch of gringos decided we were a threat, because they saw us as their playground, as their property, because how dare you bring communism into their backyard? And for seventeen years it was the common people of Chile who suffered from it. Who disappeared, who were tortured, and killed. And they slapped that fucking Constitution to make their shit stick, they wrote it in our blood and said "you'll never be free of us".

Three years ago we said "fuck that". We took to the streets, we screamed and raged because thirty years is too much, it's too long, and we've suffered enough under a system that is fundamentally unjust. That favors the rich and leaves the rest of us out to rot. To die waiting for a doctor's appointment. To be crippled by debt for the rest of our lives because we decided we wanted to study. We fought, for fuck's sake, we fought, for months and years, because we deserve better than this shit. And we got the military thrown on us, and the cops, we lived under curfew, people were wrongfully arrested, the lost their eyes, they were tortured and killed, and we kept going because at least we were seeing change, right? We were going to vote on whether or not to have a new constitution, and then we voted yes and we kept going because this was a chance, this was unprecedented, this was... this was our moment. And for what? For fear to win, again? We had the opportunity for lasting change and we're just going to let it pass like that? Because, no matter what they may say right now, the reality is that the right is gonna fight back with everything it's got to make sure we don't get a new constitution. They're gonna pull out every single fucking argument to say that that was it, it's over now, no do-overs.

The new proposal wasn't perfect. I'll be the first to admit it, but for fuck's sake, at least if we'd voted it in we could've made changes, we could've perfected it, and it would've been so much easier than with the current one. But we didn't. And now we get to live with the consequences.

It shouldn't be over, I know that, and I still want to fight for a new constitution, for change, but for fuck's sake I'm so tired. I'm sad. I look at my parents, and how they lived all of those horrors in their youth and I can't help but feel like this country failed them, them and everyone who still remembers what the dictatorship was like, who still lives with the scars. I look at my siblings, at myself, and I wonder how we're supposed to have hope for a better future if this is our present. There's so many people in this country who were just slapped in the face and told that nothing is ever gonna change and we're fools for thinking otherwise.

Fuck, I don't know where we go from here. It still feels like a bad dream I'm waiting to wake up from. And this'll probably end up lost in the sea of the internet, with no one to know or care, but it had to be said. Fuck, we deserved better. We deserve better.

#random thoughts #chile #gooood i'm so angry and sad and tired #fuck i just want to rage at the world because this is fucking unfair #we had a chance and we blew it #we blew it #i've got no hope left right now #maybe tomorrow will be better #but for now i'm just gonna be sad #tw death mention #tw torture mention #tw police brutality #tw eye injury

[werewolf4vampire]

i'm so sick of this shit man

#'this shit' just. being my life i guess #i'm so sad and tired and lonely and tired and sad and angry and lonely and tired... #darryl speaks

[backfromtwitterforw]

A bit of doomposting,

One day later :

Yesterday I said I wouldn't talk about QSMP anymore, and while my feelings about it are still the same, I'm not closing the door about posting about QSMP forever. It will take a lot of time for me to not feel sad, angry and bitter about Pomme and Dapper. I think I will hold Q responsable of not taking care of his own company and winning awards for this without having a clue about what was happening for quite a while too.

But

This server brought so much joy, made me know so many cool ccs, allowed me to be in an awesome community, and for almost whole year, it has been a blast (I'd say almost because being a french ghostie, there was so many occasions were it was more stressful than exciting). Maybe one day, if the problems are settled and the feeling of loss regarding Pomme and Dapper are lightened, maybe I'll post about QSMP again. Until then, I'll watch BBH, cry in a bittersweet way over every memories of our sunshines and enjoy our lovely community, just perhaps a bit more quietly.

So yeah, my feelings are still all over the place right now, but I'm more in a wait and see position than in a definitive boycott or anything like that.

#qsmp #qsmp admins #personnal #sorry for the rambling #as i said before #tumblr is my safe space and i'll use it #i'm still so sad and angry right now #and i'm so tired too #i just #i miss them so much #but i'm glad they can interact on twt and in chat #that makes me so happy #discourse #<- not really but a bit

[uselessnbee]

sometimes i feel so petty i want to make a big post about all the times Will and El weren't that great towards Mike just to ..you know.. balance it out a bit

#it's always here's all the times Mike hurt Will and El's feelings and never here's all the times Will and El hurt Mike's feelings #it's so unfair like i saw people hating Mike over fucking MILKSHAKES because they just had to find a reason to hate him it's so stupid #if i went on here and started hating on Will and El for not laughing at Mike's vomit green joke cause it made him sad yall would call me #absolutely crazy and delusional like be fucking for real Mike just breathes wrong in Will's or El's direction and he's the devil himself #but Will and El could literally call Mike a slur to his face and yall would be like hE dESeRvEd iT tHeY DiDnT dO aNyThiNG wRoNG like fr #there are so many small times when Mike tried to get Will's attention like the vomit green joke or the they're conspiring against me moment #and everyone always just laughs how Mike is a loser trying to get their attention but they always just ignore him or whatever but if it was #reversed? if it was Will trying to get Mike's attention only for Mike to either ignore him or yell in his face how it's stupid to be #concerned about something so small? oh yall would go ballistic suddenly yall wouldn't care how small these things are suddenly you would #want Mike fucking dead but when it's the other way around it's just funny and embarassing for Mike? and not just small things like this #when we point out how El invalidated his feelings and dismissed his bullying everyone is like oh she didn't mean that she meant it like #this she meant it like that she said it because of this and that and the situation is like this so this is why she said that #and blah blah blah she didn't do anything wrong but when it comes to Mike suddenly it doesnt matter if he meant it differently or if it was #the situation and messy feelings making him say something hurtful no he's just an asshole oh i am cursing you all #i hope you step on lego every day and your favorite snack is always sold out in every shop i hope every cat you try to call will ignore you #or hiss at you i am so tired of the double standards when it comes to Mike and willel i am so angry #mike wheeler #mike wheeler protection squad #blue's 'mike's extreme defender' ramblings #i got a little carried away in the tags but i'm not sorry i said what i said #and idc if i get hate for it cause i'm right anyways

[kosmicpowers]

Hello fellow white ppl. Here is a song from a minority. Your challenge is acting normal about it for five minutes.

Tryna look for the good shit and I keep getting a buncha racist memes. Like literally looking up Chinese Rock music and this shit crops up.. Put down the -1000000 social credit score Bing Chilling vids and apologize to Hei Bao. Apologize to Hedgehogs. Apologize to Xie Tianxiao (and the rest of Cold Blooded Animals)

#(like if it were just a satire of the government okay but could you not treat Chinese people like helpless government brainwashed zombies.) #even the memed on songs are bangers. #like if you have not cried to the og Xue Hua Piao Piao... you have no soul. #Chinese people literally out here with a beautiful culture and incredible media and you just like “loool stupid commie dog eaters” #i am so fuckin sorry you're so ignorant and sad. #it's three am here and I'm tired and depressed and angry.

[katierosefun]

writing the same original characters for six or seven years now is so fascinating and exciting because i know them better now because we’ve grown up together and also it’s exciting to draw new relationships and flesh out new relationships and understand just how they’re all connected and i am actively standing in front of my doc like this

#caroline talks #me at all hours btw #when i move into my new place #i’m gonna buy a cork board and a white board #one for school #and the other specifically for writing #so i can stand in front of it like the insane person I truly am #i can't express how much i love my original characters #in that i realized that one of my original characters just has a weird energy for everyone #and i've also been unpacking some stuff in the original characters #and i'm just like 'oh wow! the reason why i didn't know u as well when i was 16 was because 16 year old me would NOT have been able #to deal with ALL OF THESE ISSUES!!!' #ie. every single one of my original characters has some. really questionable coping mechanisms #me tired: can you guys just behave yourselves #my original characters: :))) we're all so sad and so angry right now! we are going to actively make ourselves worse #me: of course you are.

[thelibraryiscool]

maybe i need to turn my monolgues (rants to myself in my room) into dialogues (expressing my annoyance)

#otherwise i end up misdirecting my frustration at #innocent bystanders who really didn't do the annoying thing #but then again. i hate to upset people #so here we are progressively more peeved #i hate feeling annoyed it goes against the temperament #that i try to cultivate #and then i wonder if i'm being unreasonable #but i am just. tired in this instance #the truth probably is somewhere in the middle #allie talks #i went from sad to angry in one shower who knew

[daz4i]

i am so angry about being alive it's not even funny anymore

#what's the point in any of this 😐 i will literally never be okay. i never have been okay. I've had debilitating anxiety since birth #it's not going to go away it's literally getting worse as i grow older and so is my depression #hate to hear ppl say it gets better when I've been gradually getting worse since i was like 13 #which is extremely funny. bc when i was 13 is when most of my suicide attempts took place #at least i was active and took initiative back then 🙄 i only became too tired to keep trying since #i don't want to kill myself i just want to be dead. I'm tired. I'm angry. I'm always feeling awful. nothing is worth it #even when i feel good it's like 1% of how bad i always feel. and it's not like there's much good to go around anyway #i don't understand now people don't constantly feel like losing their mind over how shit life is truly #there's this line in nlh actually. where yozo asks how come ppl don't constantly want to kill themselves. and yeah felt #i can barely distract myself anymore bc nothing is stimulating enough esp when I'm alone #and i don't. care enough. about anything. to want to stay alive. like i said nothing is worth it. idc if ppl would be sad sorry #i don't even know what I'm saying anymore man. idk why I'm doing so bad rn. it's been a tough week ig. #nothing actually happened but everything is just. less than average. a little worse than neutral. just enough to be grating #i don't want to kill myself but i wish i could #wish i wasn't a coward wish i didn't fear permanent damage or hospitals or even just pain i have no control over #nothing happened but everything sucks. existence is disappointing. i would like to stop #vent #suicide // #negative // #ask to tag #i genuinely don't know what to do now. i can't distract myself. i probably shouldn't fall asleep when I'm like that #(at least if i don't want to have nightmares like i did all week and for tomorrow to be even worse) #tbh i doubt i even COULD fall asleep like that lol my brain's working too fast as usual 😐 #sigh. sorry for the vent. trying to clear some of the dirt off my psyche

[polaroidcats]

I've been (helping) taking care of my grandma who's bed-ridden and has dementia for over 3 years now, which has obviously very strongly influenced my whole ~pandemic experience~ and made me lose hope in lots of people, but I still get surprised at how insensitive people are sometimes.

Yesteray I met up with friends who I don't see that regularly, and they asked how my grandma was (and like, they're nice people, they were trying to show an interest in my life and they didn't mean to be rude) and then basically just asked me if there were any estimates as to how long she would live, implying heavily that it might be a good thing for her to die.

And I just... can't. Obviously dementia fucking sucks and not being able to move around freely sucks but I fucking hate the casual attitude of "oh well I guess that's not a life worth living then" when they have NO FUCKING CLUE what my grandma's life actually looks like, the joy she still gets to experience even though she's in a shitty situation. It makes me so upset and mad and frustrated when people see people with dementia not as full/real people anymore, it's the same as with a lot of other disabilities where people are just classified as lesser human beings and I just fucking hate those eugenic attitudes so so so much. And after 3 fucking years of me advocating to everyone I know about how yes, people with dementia suffer and it is a shitty disease but they still fucking deserve to live their lives with dignity and deserve to do the things they love if it's still possible and they are still worthy of just basic human respect. I'm just so tired and angry.

#rant #dementia #disability #aging #death #ramblings #i'm so fucking tired of having to explain this shit to people #and also of being so angry all the time #but if i'm not angry i'll just be sad #so i'd rather stay angry in the hopes of using that anger to help facilitate some changes in the world

[aberooski]

I'm seriously hanging on by a thread right now I might just go drop dead 😭

#work has just been really overwhelming today I'm going to crack #I hate people #I almost broke down in front of the usher manager today because our radio died while we were falling behind becaus3 #one of the theatres got out slightly late and set us back for like 45 minutes because everything was gettinf out one on top of the other #on complete opposite ends of the theater #amd it's not a small building guys #and I was already angry because there was a huge spill in a theater earlier I had to get a mop for and it was a pain in the ass #then we started falling behind and when we fall behind I get really stressed so I jad to ask the usher manager for help to catch up when we #were switching radios and even with his help we didn't catch back up until JUST NOW because we're on a 30 minute set break #and I've jusy been stressing and running around the theater and I want to go home and cry and drop dead #I'm so hot and tired and drained amd my legs have been sore for DAYS and this is NOT helping and I hate it here and I qant a real job #like I'm fucking 24 years old this shouldn't be the best I can do but trying to find anything else to get out of here has been IMPOSSIBLE #and I just feel so hopeless and helpless and trapped and miserable #I'm so angry and sad and tired and in pain and miserable all the time now #and it's awful and I hate it I don't wanna be that wah anymlre #I can't even type oh my god #I'm dying #abby's having a crisis

[storiedhistories]

Am I still pretty much on hiatus? Yup. But right now, I need to write something to get the feelings out, SO.

Like this post for a positive paternal starter from one of the many dads I have! That would be: Adama, The Doctor, Goliath, Macbeth, Tom Dupain, Hades, Hank, Kratos, Thor, or Joel.

#✦ General || Starter Call / please specify muse! ✦ The start of something new #[negative tag rant incoming] #[I don't know why I try with my dad sometimes] #['differences of opinion' are for things like 'Apples are better than oranges' not fucking human rights] #[I shouldn't have to BEG my parents to see me as a person and to not actively work against my continued existence] #[sorry; I try not to mention too much when I know this is an escape for a lot of people; I'm just so tired and hurt and sad and ANGRY] #[so time for positive dad interactions]